An Angel At My Table
by cinnamon twist101
Summary: There are two sides to every story His and Her's. When Edward and Bella make the mistake of blurring the lines between Employer and Employee at the Annual office Christmas party both of their lives change dramatically. Told by both Bella and Edwards POV
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: First off welcome to 'An Angel At My Table,' this story is a collaboration between myself (cinnamon twist 101) and my dearest friend Greenaway. This story has both Bella and Edward's points of view in every chapter. Bella's point of view is written by myself, Edward's point of view is written by Greenaway.**

**This story has been a mammoth effort on both Greenaway and my part, with hundreds of hours spent on Yahoo chat deciding plotlines and writing the character's conversations, so some thank you's are in order. **

**First and foremost to our wonderful husbands who for the most part have been extremely supportive considering we have spent the last four months pretty much ignoring them completely... And to our children, we do love you babies with all our hearts... I would like to personally thank Greenaway for unselfishly giving me her valuable time and for not hating me when I drove her to work so hard she got really sick and couldn't get out of bed for a week....**

**And we would also like to give a special thank you to Mr Robert Pattinson our personal muse, and to Mr Brandon Flowers (of the killers, whose music saw us through some tough times.)**

**A special note from Greenaway: Also, a special thank you to CinnamonTwist101, because without her, there would be no Angel at My Table. It was her original concept that sparked off this mammoth quest and her patience with all my slowness (for lack of a better word) in keeping up with my half. The woman is a machine.....LOL. Thanks Cin, not only did writing with you improve my own skills, I also got a wonderful friend through this story. And Edward says sorry for all the headaches..... LOL**

**WE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO WISH OUR READERS A HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY SEASON!!!!**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway and I own An Angel at my Table, Britney Spears owns if you seek Amy and the Violent Femmes own, Add it Up.**

**WARNING...This story contains ADULT CONTENT AND WE ADVISE AN R18 RATING...**

**So without further ado we give you chapter 1 of 'An Angel At My Table'...**

**CHAPTER 1: Mistake… **

**Bella's POV**

When my eyelids finally fluttered open and I saw the time I groaned audibly and rolled out of bed, of course my alarm clock didn't go off this morning, making me late for my last day of work before we broke for the Christmas break. It shouldn't have surprised me the clock malfunctioned I'd been having the week from hell when it came to computerised gadgets.

Already this week my computer had crashed twice, causing me to lose valuable data I hadn't had the chance to back up.

I sighed heavily, muttering, "Why do I have to repel stupid fuckin technology? It's supposed to make my life easier," as I made my way to the shower. I spent only enough time to wash myself quickly before I was out again and heading to my wardrobe.

I had three deadlines to meet today, including redoing the two hundred page report I'd lost when the computer crashed. If they weren't finished by five o'clock I'd definitely be missing the office Christmas party, which normally wouldn't bother me accept for the fact that I'd had such a suck-ball week I was quite looking forward to letting loose and getting drunk.

I've been working at Cullen Industries since I left school ten years ago, I'd originally worked for Emmett Cullen until I was poached by his younger and drop dead gorgeous brother Edward, whose P.A. I'd been for going on three years. We had a cordial but strictly professional relationship, though I did find myself on occasions wondering what sort of fuck he'd be, by his prowess I'd guess a pretty good one.

While the other P.A.s and I'd imagine most of the other female staff, continuously talked about how they'd love to take a ride on 'Edward, aka, Sex on Legs,' I never joined in their conversations, for one he was my boss and secondly I didn't trust any of them to keep it a secret. No I just admired Edward from afar.

I grabbed my keys and rushed from my apartment, hoping that if I was lucky enough I'd be able to get the next train into the city. I just managed to squeeze into the packed train as the doors were sliding closed; I took a minute to catch my breath and rub my stomach, trying to ease the stitch in my side.

When I finally made it into my office I was forty five minutes late, I knew I'd have to forgo my lunch hour to make up the time and I inwardly cursed my seemingly hideous back luck with all things computerised. I reluctantly by passed my morning caffeine fix and went straight to work on my report; I worked through my lunch hour and finally managed to get it done by four.

I looked up expectantly when I heard Edward's office door open, I couldn't help but sigh quietly when he appeared in the doorway, dressed in charcoal coloured dress pants and a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up the forearms, a midnight blue tie knotted at his throat.

"Oh Isabella you're still here? I thought you'd have joined the others at the party by now." His voice was smooth and velvety, it sounded sexy even though his tone was professional.

"Yes, unfortunately Mr Cullen my computer crashed during the week, so I'm a little behind on my work.

"Oh, well be sure to finish it and leave it on my desk before you join the rest of the staff."

"Of course... Mr Cullen," I tried not to spit his name between my teeth as I clenched my jaw shut. It wasn't my fault the company's crappy computers failed.

I tried to concentrate on my work rather than the raucous noise of my colleagues who were already fully enjoying themselves. I was grateful for the small respite from my technological nightmare, which came in the form of my two sisters, Rosalie and Alice who worked for an associate company of Cullen Industries, who turned up with a dozen tequila shots and half a dozen glasses of champagne on a silver tray.

"Hey Bells, we came to save you from your slave driver Boss." Rose chortled. Alice just giggled while nodding her head in agreement

I rolled my eyes at the pair of them but laughed. "You know I can't drink those yet? I've still got to print and bind this stupid report and two others before I can even contemplate getting intoxicated."

"Oh come on Bells, you might as well catch up to us while your report prints, you've done all the hard work." Alice waved a shot of tequila under my nose, her lips jutted out into a sulking pout and she stared at me mischievously with her dark obsidian eyes.

"Fine, give it to me." I took the shot from her hand, gave Edward's closed door a guilty look, and downed it quickly, relishing the burn of the alcohol as it slid down my throat. I reached for another two and gulped those back as well.

I was feeling pretty good after I had downed all the shots and two glasses of crystal champagne, but the feeling was short lived, I swore loudly, though I wasn't entirely surprised, when the printer malfunctioned and jammed, after printing only twenty pages of the report. Alice and Rose giggled in a sympathetic way; I scowled menacingly as I made my way to the offending machine.

I bashed my fists down on the top of the printer, "Stupid fucking fucktard printer," I shouted…" Rage was bubbling in me and I continued muttering insults and manhandling the printer. The abrupt silence made me stop mid rant; I turned towards Edward's door instinctively and saw him standing there staring at me with arched brows and an extremely annoyed look on his face.

"Excuse me Ms Swan but would you like to tell me why you're destroying Company property?" I scowled to myself but resisted the urge to tell him his tight arse company should supply some decent office equipment but his eyes were narrowing and his frown became deeper as he waited for me to answer him.

"Oh…um…Sorry Mr Cullen but the copier malfunctioned and I was just trying to coax it into working for me." I tried to look innocent, but I think I came across as slightly drunk or insane because Edward was not impressed; his voice cracked whip as it reverberated around the office.

"We have a maintenance team to deal with break downs Ms Swan. I would appreciate if in future you would call them instead of abusing the equipment." I stole a look at Rose and Alice who were trying not to laugh at me as they made a quick getaway.

"Of course Mr Cullen I'll phone them immediately." I picked up the phone but instead of dialling, I watched Edward storm into his office and slam the door. I gave the door the one finger salute before dialling the number for maintenance.

I was just trying to pull the offending paper from the machine when I was grabbed from behind by a massive pair of hands, "Bells, why are you still working? You know you should tell that stuck up prick in there to fuck off and come back and work for me. I miss you; remember how much fun we used to have?" Emmett's booming voice echoed around the small office and nearly deafened me.

"Ssh, he'll hear you. He's already given me a telling off for manhandling office equipment, I don't want to infuriate him any more than I already have. I've only got this report and two others to print and I'll finally be finished, that's if stupid maintenance hurries up and gets here. And of course I remember how much fun work was when you were my boss, but coming back to work for you isn't a possibility, Fucktard wouldn't cope without me, even though he'd never admit it."

Emmett snorted and nodded in agreement, "True he would be lost without you and you're right he'd never admit it, he is a total fucktard." We laughed at Edward's expense and I felt my bad mood lifting. I missed working with Emmett, he was like the big brother I never had but always wanted.

I turned in his embrace and couldn't help but laugh when I saw him clad in a pair of novelty reindeer antlers and glowing red Rudolph nose, "Emmett you look ridiculous."

"I know, the fucktard has already told me half a dozen times." I laughed when Emmett scowled and gave Edward's door a one finger salute.

"Bells if you're waiting on maintenance you've got time to come and indulge in some Christmas cheer with me, god knows you deserve it after surviving another year working for 'Mr up his arse' in there." Emmett wagged his brows at me and I knew straight away what he was getting at.

For the last seven or eight years Emmett and I had been sneaking off during the office Christmas party to do a couple of rails of cocaine each to help us survive the usually tedious event.

I let out an audible half exasperated sigh, "Are you fucking mad? If Edward caught me he'd fire me on the spot."

Emmett chortled, "Relax Bells, there's no way Edward would fire you, no one else would last working for the dick." My retort was lost when Emmett and Edward's brother Jasper walked through the door, wearing a Santa hat and beard; he was carrying a tray of shooters.

"Hi ya Bella, Alice told me Scrooge Mc Duck still had you tied to your desk. Honestly girl you need to tell Edward to pull the carrot out of his arse and lighten up, its Christmas after all... Any way I brought you another round of sanity or insanity, depending on how you look at it." He gave me a warm smile through his beard that lit up his eyes.

"Jesus…are you two conspiring to trying to get me fired? The Grinch is in a bad enough mood already, I don't want to antagonise him any further."

"Yes you do Bella! that's exactly what you should do, antagonising Edward is mine and Emmett's favourite game, has been since we were kids, we're always looking for new recruits to join us."

I laughed loudly at the mental picture of Edward as a child throwing a hissy fit to his mummy cause his big brothers were being mean to him. "Jasper; stop encouraging me," I took a shooter from him; and looked at Edward's closed door with a scowl.

I brought the glass to my lips and tipped the contents into my mouth letting it glide down my throat with a satisfied sigh. The shooters were delicious and I grabbed another one, "salute," I licked the last of the creamy alcohol from my lips and reached for another.

"That a girl Bells; now that Jasper's here he can distract Edward while you and I have a rest room break," I glared at Emmett and he smirked at me.

Jasper let out a low husky laugh, "it's all good Bella, its Christmas after all and I wouldn't want you to miss out on our fun." I knew what he meant at once and I relaxed, obviously Jasper was on the same page as Emmett and I when it came to surviving the office Christmas party.

Before I could even begin to protest Emmett hoisted me over his shoulder and carried me to my private restroom. I was anxious as I locked the door, Emmett prepared our rails and I took the hundred dollar bill off him with shake of my head and bent over the small mirror he had set up on the cistern.

I closed my eyes with a grateful moan as the cocaine travelled through my nasal passages and into the back of my throat.

Emmett checked the coast was clear before we slipped from the bathroom, he kissed my lips softly and gave me a goofy smile, "I'll see you later on Bells."

"Thanks Emm I really appreciate it." I snuck back to my office and cursed inwardly when I saw that maintenance still hadn't showed up, at this rate I'll be lucky to be out of here by the morning.

I gulped down the rest of the tray of shooters that Jazz had left on my desk and moved over to Edward's office door, pressing my ear against the wood hoping to find out if he and Jazz were still in the office.

It was silent and I guessed they'd joined the staff back at the party.

I turned my eyes on my most hated piece office equipment and scowled menacingly at it as I tried to pull the jammed papers from its death grip, but I only succeeded in ripping them in half.

I resisted the urge to absolutely bash the shit out of the stupid thing; I couldn't allow myself to get caught twice in one night. I mumbled a string of obscenities under my breath and grabbed my IPod from my desk draw. I flipped it to a song guaranteed to put a smile on my face.

I turned the volume up and let the shiver of pleasure, courtesy of the alcohol and cocaine, wash over me, I could feel the stress of the week leaving me slowly but surely and I silently thanked Emmett for coming to my rescue.

I began to dance around the office as I sung random lyrics from the song.

_La, la, la, la, la, la  
__La, la, la, la, la, la_

I stopped suddenly and l looked behind me, I had the strangest feeling I was being watched. I couldn't see anyone and shook my head at myself and after a minute went back to dancing, thanks to the cocaine I couldn't stay still and I thought I might as well have some fun on my own while I waited for dumb ass people from maintenance to show up.

"_Oh baby have you seen Amy tonight  
__Is she in the bathroom is she smoking up outside. Oh  
__Oh baby, baby does she take a piece of lime  
__For the drink that I'm ma gonna buy her do you know what she likes. Oh_

_Oh, oh, tell me have you seen her? Because I'm so oh  
__I can't get her off my brain  
__I just want to go to the party she gonna go  
__Can somebody take me home?_

I stopped mid dance, I just couldn't shake that eerie feeling I was being watched. I checked behind me again and still couldn't see anybody. I laughed at myself; maybe the coke was making me paranoid.

_Love me hate me, say what you want about me  
__But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If U Seek Amy  
__Love me hate me, but can't you see what I see  
__All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if U seek Amy_

I ran my hands down my body and shivered involuntarily, as I danced around the room I still felt like I was being spied on. I took a second to check outside my office door, there was no one lurking in the hallway and I convinced myself I was really just being paranoid, I shut the door behind me.

I danced back toward my desk, keeping in time to the bubblegum pop princess' lyrics, that sounded in my ears.

_So tell me if you see her  
__Cause I've been waiting here forever  
__Oh baby if you seek Amy tonight  
__Oh baby we'll do whatever you like  
__Oh baby, baby, baby  
__Oh baby, baby, baby_

_Love me hate me, say what you want about me  
__But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy"_

I had just adjusted my skirt which had ridden up my thigh when a pair of strong toned arms encircled me from behind, one arm moved to yank the earphone from my ear, I stifled my scream when I recognised the smooth velvety voice that whispered in my ear, though I'd never heard it with that husky tone that sounded like pure sex.

"Isabella, my office... Now," my breath hitched in my throat and my heart began to race even faster; the bizarre tingle in my skin from his touch was beginning to increase in voltage and course through my body.

Every single cell inside me was thrumming with electricity reacting to his presence, I was confused at my bodies reaction to him, the way it seemed to be singing for him all of sudden.

It made no sense, we'd worked together for all these years and nothing even remotely like this had happened in the past, he'd never shown me more than professional courtesy, god he'd never even once asked me if I had a nice weekend. He'd certainly never spoken to me or touched me like this before.

Though I'd been with a few men in my life I could honestly say I'd never reacted like this to any ones touch, it was incredible. I could only describe the intensity of it as like grabbing the end of exposed live wires and getting electrocuted, but without the pain.

I stood frozen to the spot, and although my body was on high alert my brain felt hazy and slack in its confusion.

His hands slid to cup my breasts as he stepped closer into me; I could feel his erection pressing into my back as he urged us forward toward his office. His lips nuzzled at the delicate skin of my neck, causing a soft moan to slip from between my lips.

I opened the office door, not wanting him to take his hands off me, my mouth watered when I inhaled the yummy musky sweet fragrance of his skin. The alcohol on his breath was strong and wondered briefly how much he'd had to drink.

He walked us through the door and kicked it shut with his foot, "God I love the way you smell, so exotic, spicy like cinnamon."

I twisted in his embrace, my eyes immediately searching his, he was looking at me with nothing but undisguised lust and longing.

I was assaulted by another surge of want, it rushed through me from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, I could feel the moisture pooling in my panties and it spurred me on.

I brought my mouth to his and when his lips touched mine, my blood boiled in my veins, the moisture leaking from me soaked into my panties and I moaned into his mouth.

His hands slid down my sides pausing at the hem of my skirt, his mouth was demanding against mine and he pulled me deeper into the kiss, another low moan escaped my throat as his hands disappeared beneath my skirt and slid up my thighs. His fingers toyed with the lacy edging of my soaked panties.

Somewhere in the back of my mind a small voice was screaming that I should stop this right now, not only was highly inappropriate, if we got caught I would surely get fired, this type of thing was strictly forbidden between employees, especially a P.A. and her boss, but I couldn't seem to find the resolve or strength to pull myself from his embrace.

His mouth slid up my neck and He sighed against my ear as his fingers slipped under the silky fabric and slid along my wet folds, "God Isabella; you feel like heaven, so soft so warm," His sigh turned into a deep husky growl that had my knees trembling when his fingers disappeared into my core, "fuck… so_ wet_…I wanna fuck you Bella, need to feel myself inside you."

I was surprised to hear him call me Bella; he of all the Cullen's was the only one whoever usually called me by Isabella.

He pulled his lips from my ear as his fingers slid from my core. Hooking his fingers around the delicate tulle fabric, he slid them from my body, my skirt swiftly followed. My hands shook as they undid the last three buttons of his shirt and my breathing hitched when my hands came in contact with the smooth hard plains of his stomach.

Edward's fingers were much surer as they made easy work of my shirt, his eyes roamed over my body as he slid the fabric from my shoulders. His eyes darkened perceptibly when my breasts came free of my bra and his hand instinctively reached out to massage them roughly.

I tugged impatiently at his pants undoing his fly roughly in my haste to feel him naked in my hand, I slid his pants and boxers over his hips and down his thighs, my moan was almost a growl as my fingers closed around his hard cock.

I relished the feeling of it sliding along my cupped palm, my thumb slid over the tip smearing the precum gathered there. I let him slide out of my hand and brought my moist thumb to my mouth, sucking the salty taste that was pure Edward from the pad.

"Fuck Bella; can't wait any longer." He lifted me into his embrace holding our naked bodies firmly against each other as he walked us to his desk; he sat me on the edge and brought his lips to mine in a searing kiss that left me breathless.

I couldn't wait any longer either, to feel him inside me; my dripping core was aching with its need to have him buried deep within my warmth. I reluctantly broke the kiss and lay back across his desk, looking deep into his beautiful green eyes.

"So beautiful Bella; spread out like a feast before me." I was so caught up in his words and by the way he was looking at me that I gasped in surprise when he gripped my ankles and spread my legs.

Our groans resonated around the room as he plunged himself into me in one fluid motion, I couldn't believe how beautiful he was. I'd never really appreciated how much of a perfect specimen of a man he was. His body was toned and well defined, his chest smooth and broad, his stomach hard and perfect. I let my eyes wander in from the V that started below his hip bones, to the line of silky black hair that trailed down from his belly button .

I lifted my gaze back to his, his eyes were deep, dark and lust filled, my hands ghosted over my breasts, I palmed them softly before rolling my nipples between my fingers.

Edward growled and thrust harder burying himself deep within me. His pace was rapidly becoming frenetic as was the voltage of electricity racing through me, I could feel intense pleasure building within me, the electricity was beginning to concentrate in my core and my senses were on pleasure overload.

His name repeatedly fell from my lips in a trembling quiver as my muscles clamped around his cock. I let the force of my orgasm carry me away into the sweetest delirium I had ever experienced.

The first thing I became consciously aware of was the reckless abandon Edward was fucking me with, his fingers were gripped so tightly around my ankles it was almost painful, even though his pace was frenzied his eyes never left mine.

I could feel another orgasm approaching, I grabbed the edges of the desk as my back arched off the table and the violent tremors rocked over me again.

"Bella, so beautiful when you come for me, calling my name, it sounds like heaven, I'm gonna cum for you Bella…in your beautiful tight pussy."

I watched Edward in fascination, I was desperate to see how beautiful he looked when he was caught up in his release, his eyes rolled back in his head and his lids fluttered closed, a low guttural growl hissed through his clenched teeth as his body shuddered with the force of his climax.

I smiled at the magnificent sight of the look of pure ecstasy on his face as all his walls, came tumbling down.

His eyes opened as his shudders subsided; he gave me a dazzling smile one I had never seen him wear before, my breath caught in my throat at the sheer beauty of it. He leaned forward pressing his body against mine with a groan; he brought his lips to mine kissing me sweetly before moving them to my neck.

We were both so caught up in the moment neither of us registered the noise outside the door, but our eyes met in panic when we heard the knock echo around the room. Before either of us had time to move the door flew open.

We both looked around I could feel Edward's heart pounding against my chest and I was sure he could feel mine doing the same against his. My heart sank and a small sob passed my lips as I took in Carlisle furious face, Emmett and Jasper stood either side of him both wearing equally dumbfounded looks.

"Edward, Isabella what is the meaning of this? I want you to both get dressed this instant. Carlisle slammed the door shut and another sob escaped me.

Edward's face had drained of colour, his skin was almost translucent. He withdrew from me without meeting my gaze or saying anything and hurriedly put on his clothes; he left the office without so much as a backward glance.

I got up off the desk and retrieved my clothes from the floor; I didn't bother to wipe away the relentless tears spilling down my cheeks. I stumbled to Edward's bathroom and locked the door behind me; I leaned against the door for a few minutes trying to regain my composure before heading for the ivory coloured marble sink.

I looked in the mirror with a groan, my hair was a complete mess and my mascara had run down my face with my tears. I turned on Edwards shower and climbed under the steaming water, I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to control the fear that shook my body.

I didn't want to ever leave this room and face Carlisle or Edward. As shell shocked as I was at being caught, I could feel the hurt at Edward's treatment of me beginning to gnaw at my insides. I wondered why he had walked out without saying anything and if he realised how degraded by that I felt.

I washed myself with a generous amount of his body wash before stepping from the shower and reaching for one of his huge fluffy towels. I dressed quickly, tying my hair back in a lose knot at the base of my neck, and wiping the remaining make up from my face. My body shook uncontrollably as I stepped out of the bathroom.

I gasped silently when I looked up and was confronted by Carlisle sitting in Edward's chair, Edward stood with his back to me staring out his office window. I dropped my gaze from Carlisle and looked at my feet as I approached the desk. Nobody spoke and the uncomfortable silence spiralled horribly.

Finally Carlisle spoke and I looked up into his stern face, "Edward what do you have to say for yourself?"

Edward kept his back to me and he continued to stare out the window, "I'm really sorry Dad it was just a stupid mistake," I gasped silently, I felt like I'd just been sucker punched, I dropped my gaze back to my feet as heat flooded my face.

I kept my eyes on the floor; I was fighting back my shame and tears at the same time as I tried to get air into my flattened lungs.

When Carlisle spoke again his voice was tinged with anger, "Isabella; as you know Cullen Industries most cardinal rule for employees is not to have office relationships. Especially relationships between an employee and their boss, I therefore have no alternative than to terminate your employment here, effective immediately."

I looked at the ground, "of course Mr Cullen, I'll pack my stuff immediately and leave all my security passes on my desk."

"Thank you Isabella," Carlisle stood up and made his way to the door, "come Edward." Edward turned from the window, his eyes briefly met mine and he gave me an almost pleading look as he followed his father from the room.

I waited until I saw them enter the lift before I made my way out of Edward's office and into my own. I grabbed a box and loaded up all my personal possessions, I took my security clearances from desk draw and took them into Edward's office. I dropped them on the desk and was about to leave when I turned back and took a sheet of Edwards monogrammed stationary from the draw.

I stood with pen poised on paper and took a deep breath.

_Thanks for the support Fucktard, never took you for a coward._

I grabbed my box of belongings and headed for the stairwell, I knew I would have to be even more unlucky than I'd been today to actually meet anybody on the stairs, since no one ever used them unless there was a fire drill.

I walked out onto Lampton Key and headed for the train station. All I wanted to do was get home to my apartment and drown my sorrows with a couple of bottles of Hawkes Bay Merlot.

**Chapter 1: Mistake...**

**EDWARDS POV...**

I woke at five thirty like I did every day and pulled on some sweatpants and a hoodie. I threw my Nikes on, on the way out the door and began my morning jog. The air wasn't cold but it was brisk and it chilled my skin. I could see my breath puff out in front of my face as I ran, changing from smoky white to an iridescent gold as I passed under the street lamps.

I had been running every morning for a while now to release the pent up frustration I felt, and so far, it had proved to be an effective outlet.

I was unhappy with my life. Well, that was an unfair description, but was true nonetheless. I had a great job, a loving family, I was wealthy in my own right, I was doing well by anyone's standards. But something was missing, there was a gaping hole inside me that my success couldn't fill and it ate away at me, a little more every day. I wanted a family, one to call my very own. I wanted a wife and children and the picket fence and everything that went along with it. Hell, I'd even get a dog if I had to.

It had been my desire as I long as I could remember and all achievements in my life had been in preparation for this dream. I had the big house in Thorndon, much too big for a bachelor but not for the family I intended to fill it. I had an apartment in Queenstown, a townhouse in Auckland and my crowning jewel in my real estate portfolio, my house on Waiheke Island.

No one knew I had purchased it; in fact, it was the first property I purchased. I was in Auckland on business and spoke at a seminar held on Waiheke. I passed the property on the way there, and noticed the for sale sign. I called the realtor immediately and offered an extra twenty thousand for a quick settlement, she agreed and the rest as they say is history. I take nobody there when I go; it's like my own place away from the world. It's where I plan to spend my honeymoon and it will be a wedding gift to my wife.

I was nearing home; I had been running for forty-five minutes. I pushed harder, feeling the muscles in my legs go taut as I sped up. I reached my front door, hot and sweaty from pushing myself so hard. It was better than the alternative though, sitting around over thinking everything and eventually turning to my old friend Jack Daniels to help dull the feelings gnawing at me.

I showered and dressed and was out the door with my keys in my hand. I arrived at work at seven-thirty and was not surprised to see Isabella's desk unoccupied, she was efficient and met my standards of a good P.A., but she still wasn't exactly the corporate type. She would never be early, she had a carefree air of freedom about her, and I envied her for it, it was a freedom I wanted so badly for myself.

I went into my office and locked the door behind me, moving to my desk and sinking into the chair. I opened the cabinet behind me and pulled out my Jack Daniels and a glass, pouring a healthy dose and throwing it back quickly. I grimaced as the alcohol burned its way down the back of my throat before settling in my stomach and filling me with pleasant warmth.

I looked down at my desk hoping to see the reports that Isabella had been working on, neatly bound and collated on my desk.

No. No reports. I was unsurprised.

Today was going to be a long day. She seemed to be having a bad week especially with the office network. I had watched her make the most basics of mistakes, ones she would not normally make, and I had desperately wanted to help her, but I didn't. I couldn't, I was her boss and she was my employee. Ergo: no touchy-feely and if I allowed myself to get close to her that's exactly where things would go.

I poured myself another drink, thoughts like that weren't going to help my day get any better.

Isabella arrived late and it irritated me to no end. It was ridiculous, but I knew everyone was going to break for vacation shortly and I wouldn't see her for at least a few weeks and that annoyed me. What would she do, who would she see? Did she have a boyfriend somewhere? I had never heard her mention one and Emmett never said anything so I didn't think so, but still, I didn't know for sure. I groaned and slammed my head down onto my desk. I knew I needed to get my shit together and fast; people would start to notice soon.

I pretty much hid in my office all day, drowning my sorrows. It was lucky for me that I could handle my liquor extremely well, and that eclipse mints are like little, minty-fresh A-bombs for your breath. By four the office was full of cheers and loud voices. Everybody had gone into Christmas party mode, I supposed.

I opened my office door and was surprised to see Isabella still sitting at her desk, looking at me with a strange expression on her face. She sighed and it was just so fucking sexy, I had to hold myself back. The alcohol was fucking with my brain. I had to keep this professional for both of our sakes.

"Oh Isabella you're still here? I thought you'd have joined the others at the party by now." There, I sounded neither horny nor drunk. Perfect.

"Yes, unfortunately Mr Cullen my computer crashed during the week, so I'm a little behind on my work." she answered sending the computer a death glare. I was surprised she wasn't finished yet and I was a bit annoyed, she was normally better than this.

"Oh, well be sure to finish it and leave it on my desk before join the rest of the staff." I said, basically instructing her to keep her ass in that chair until they were finished. Jesus, she had had all fucking week.

"Of course Mr Cullen," She practically hissed at me. I flinched internally at the venom in her voice, but my pants grew a little snug at the sight. She was so fucking hot even when she was angry.

I retreated to my office with my dirty thoughts, and continued to drown my sorrows until I was interrupted by the sound of Bella attacking the office equipment. I was surprised it had taken her this long to break; she had been at war with the computer system all week.

I wiped the smile off my face and arranged my features into what I hoped was 'professional and business like' and not 'Pissed out of His Tree and Pervy', before I opened the door. I saw Bella's Sisters Rose and Alice giggling at Bella, both clearly as drunk as I felt, but they stopped their laughter once they spotted me.

"Stupid fucking fucktard printer" She yelled while she hit at the printer. Jesus, why didn't she just call fucking IT maintenance?

"Excuse me Ms Swan; but would you like to tell me why you're destroying company property?" I asked, annoyed that she was constantly interrupting me, taunting me with her fucking presence.

She gave me some excuse that I only half listened to, before I told her to call the IT people. I went back into my office, angry at myself, angry at Bella, my father, the world, god I was even fucking angry it was Christmas that's how much of a miserable prick I was. I looked at my now empty bottle of Jack and tossed it in the rubbish can. I searched around in my cabinet until I found the other bottle hidden in the back.

I opened it and poured myself a glass, Merry fucking Christmas indeed.

Jasper walked into my office without knocking and I looked up in annoyance. Today had been nothing but a series of annoyances and I was ready to cut loose and get really fucked up.

"Merry Christmas Edward, have you been a good boy this year?" he asked in a sing-song voice.

"I'm not in the fucking mood Jasper, what do you want?" I growled

"I was just coming to spread some Christmas cheer, brother dear! Hey, that rhymes!"

I narrowed my eyes at him dangerously; I was in no mood for his drunken shit. He must have noticed the look on my face, because he quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a little bag with white powder in it.

"Feel like having a white Christmas Down Under?" He asked with a grin

"Down Under is Australia fuckwit, and that sounds fucking freaky and gay, you sicko." I said as I reached into my drawer and pulled out a little wooden box, intricately carved with gold plating. I motioned for Jasper to sit and opened the box, pulling out a mirror, razor blade and a rolled hundred dollar bill.

Jasper tossed me the bag and I tapped some onto the mirror cutting two lines each. Jasper held out his hand for the bill, but I took it and inhaled a line first.

"You fucking greedy bastard! I know who'll be getting a lump of coal in his stocking this year." he grumbled. I rolled my eyes, and tossed him the money. He took his hit, blinking rapidly as he sat back up.

I turned around and grabbed a glass off the shelf and poured him a Jack. He took it gratefully and looked at me in contemplation. Oh no, this was about to be one of his heart to heart, soul to soul trips he got on while high.

"You need to ease up on Bella, you don't treat her fairly."

Bella, that was unexpected. Well, he was obviously high it shouldn't be too hard to distract him.

"Have you seen the stupid shit Emmett's got on his head? I swear he was deprived oxygen as a baby." I tried. The last thing I wanted to do was have a conversation with him about Bella.

"Ok, bro. I get it, you aren't ready to talk about it yet, and that's cool. Just remember that I'm here when you are." He stood up and downed the rest of his drink, putting the glass back on my desk.

"Go to the party Edward. Let Bella go to the party, hell go to the party together." he looked at my slyly. "I know you want to."

"Fuck off Jasper, Bella can leave when she finishes those reports and I can't leave until she does, so if you want to help, go tell Emmett to stop distracting my P.A. and piss off!"

"You know that Killer's song 'Don't Shoot Me Santa'? That's going to be you this year, you miserable shit."

I picked up a stapler and made to throw it at him and he ducked out the door.

I wasn't trying to purposely ruin Bella's Christmas, but this melancholy in me was too great to be contained and it spilled out tainting those around me. If I was a better man, I'd be able to suck this up and deal with it, but instead I acted like a sulky child. I needed to clear my head, and music always seemed to have the power to calm me, so I pulled my IPod out of my desk and put the ear buds in.

The coke was creating a buzz in my head and I felt a tremor race through my body. I smiled and closed my eyes, just enjoying the sensations, the energy building in my stomach and exploding outward. I could feel my fingertips like they were exposed live wires. I opened my eyes and took a drink while scrolling through my play lists till I found my Violent Femmes selection. I pressed play and let the music filter through me.

_Day after day, I will walk and I will play _

_But the day after today, I will stop and I will start. _

That's exactly how I felt, like I was just a damn puppet in someone else's world, not free to make my own choices, Carlisle had already made all those for me. When was I going to get to 'play'? Rules, Carlisle's rules, all I seemed to fucking do was follow the rules.

Well, I wanted to break some rules.

The coke was clashing against my better judgement, my head swimming with thoughts of the one thing I wanted, but could never have.

Bella! Watching from afar, staying professional, never giving in to the desires threatening to rip me apart, keeping to the rules.

_Why can't I get just one kiss?  
__Why can't I get just one kiss?  
__Believe me there'd be something's that I wouldn't miss,  
__But I look at your pants and I need, I need a kiss _

God, Gordon, I feel you man. I thought sadly. Watching Bella, day after painfully erect day, had been an addictive kind of torture. How many times had I imagined pulling her into my arms, tilting her head back, exposing her silky soft throat and caressing the skin with my tongue? Tasting her and that sweet intoxicating cinnamon scent that seemed to follow her everywhere, sometimes it felt like I couldn't breathe properly until I inhaled that fragrance.

Her lips, oh sweet Mary mother and Joseph, those soft pink pillows, just begging me, taunting me every day to take them, taste them, bite them. My cock was stirring, it's interest piqued at anything relating to Bella and her fuck-me-till-I-can't-walk anymore-Edward body.

_Why can't I get just one screw  
__Why can't I get just one screw  
__Believe me I know what to do  
__But something won't let me make love to you _

Oh, I knew exactly why I couldn't get just one screw. The cock-blocker extraordinaire went by the name of Carlisle Cullen, my father. Intra-office affairs were a strict no, no, and regardless Edward Cullen, Carlisle's protégé couldn't be seen with a mere P.A.

No, as much as I wanted Bella (and the near constant erection I had been sporting since her transfer as my P.A. was a testament to how much I wanted her), I couldn't have her. I would continue on as always, keeping her at arm's length and being nothing but professional towards her.

_Why can't I get just one fuck?  
__Why can't I get just one fuck?  
__I guess it's got something to do with luck  
__But I waited my whole life for just one _

Just one, just one fuck with Bella, yeah, I could die a happy man then. I've watched the way she moves (when she's not falling flat on her ass, that is, and she falls a lot) and she exudes sensuality, captivating me with the simplest brush of her hair.

I allowed myself to fantasize about telling Carlisle to fuck off, striding from his office and grabbing Bella, throwing her on her desk. I would rip her shirt open, exposing those firm supple breasts that had tempted me since I first beheld her. I would tear her skirt from her body and shred her panties, exposing her beautiful, shining sex. I wouldn't care who was there, or if anyone caught us, I would simply have to taste her.

I would run my tongue up her glimmering slit and lap up all that was Bella, not missing a single drop. She'd moan my name, and that would be it. I would release my throbbing cock from my pants and thrust into her savagely. There would be no tenderness, there couldn't be, I'd wanted Bella far too long and my need was absolute.

She would be mine in the most primal way, I would pound into her mercilessly and she would beg for more. I would feel her tight walls begin to tremble and clench around me, and I would drive into her harder and faster, relentlessly pushing her over the edge, my name would spill from her lips like a prayer and I would follow her into oblivion my animalistic growls claiming her, marking her as mine……

_La, la, la, la la, la _

_La, la, la, la la, la _

I pulled the ear buds out. What the hell, was that Britney Spears? Wait, a more pressing question why do I know that?

I made my way to the window of my office. Three quarters of it was covered with that frosted shit, but I was tall enough to see over the top and remain hidden if anyone should look this way, standing behind the ficus so there would be no shadow.

What I saw made me stop dead in my tracks.

Bella was dancing around the office and singing along to the intolerable Princess of Pop's latest contribution to the music industry If U Seek Amy.

I really shouldn't have know that.

The sight was fucking erotic; it was like my own personal strip show. You know, the ones where the strippers are behind the glass in those little red stain lined rooms? Yeah, just like fucking that.

She shivered as she moved to the music, and fuck me if it didn't look exactly like I imagined she would when she came with my cock buried deep inside her. Speaking of my cock, it was now so painfully hard, I think I could use the thing to cut fucking diamonds with.

Britney just went up on my musical appreciation list. Anything that inspired the X-rated peepshow before me was truly musical fucking genius. God bless you Britney Spears.

Suddenly Bella stopped and looked towards the window and I shrank back further into the shadows. She couldn't see me anyway, but I wasn't prepared to take the chance. She looked around almost as she could feel my eyes upon her, and I worried that she would stop.

Carry on Bella, a pay rise, a car, a holiday to Rarotonga, fuck, a jet! It's all yours if you will just fucking keep going!

I now believe in Christmas miracles.

She shook her head and carried on dancing, her hips swaying seductively to the music. Her hands ran up the sides of her body and ghosted around the curves of her luscious breasts. I would have literally killed to be her hands at that moment.

My hand, meanwhile, had mysteriously found its way down the front of my pants, and I was stroking myself as I watched Bella shake and sway. She was just so fucking sexy.

I felt a little sickened with myself, standing in the shadows jacking off while I watched her. This was the kind of shit pervs did wasn't it?

Fuck it. I'm a perv then. I thought wryly.

She stopped again and looked around. FUCK! My hand froze on my throbbing cock, and I imagined the humiliation at being caught like this. I must have been a good boy this year though because Santa was coming early.

Two miracles in one night, I was on a roll.

She laughed; a beautiful yet sultry sound and continued on dancing much to my immense relief. Her hands ran up her legs and caught on her skirt, hitching it to around her waist. I could see her stockings and up further, oh fuck me; she was wearing a garter belt. I forced my eyes to move further up and caught sight of her sexy pink and black panties. The whole sight, stockings garters and panties caused my mind to implode.

I was lost.

I didn't care what Carlisle would think, I didn't care that it was against some stupid fucking company policy or that I was Edward Cullen, I wanted Bella, and I was going to have her. The alcohol and coke cocktail in my system was all the courage I needed to break free. Make my own fucking rules for a change.

I strode from my office and came up behind her, wrapping my arm around her waist. With my free hand I pulled the earpiece from her deliciously edible lobe. I felt her stiffen in surprise and I leaned down to whisper in her ear

"Isabella, my office... Now," I commanded her.

My body felt like it was charged with static electricity and every point where our naked skin met tingled uncontrollably.

I could see her breasts heaving and I almost moaned from the pure joy of the moment. How many times had I fantasized about her breasts? Now here was the chance for every one of them to become a reality.

I slid my hands reverently over her sensuous curves, my hands almost trembling. I pulled her in closer to me, pushing my hips forward just a bit so she could feel how hard for her I was. I wanted her to know what she did to me, what she had done to me from the first moment I saw her, punish her for making me want her so bad. Every lurid thought I ever had of Bella was rushing to the surface and I was nearly mad with desire. No, I could not, would not, be gentle, she would feel every ounce of my repressed desire and she would beg me for more.

I walked us towards my office and began nibbling at the tender skin between her throat and earlobe. I was engulfed by that cinnamon smell that enticed me endlessly and I couldn't help the groan that erupted from my chest. I was no longer a man, simply a throbbing mass of heat and want.

Bella opened the office door and I pushed us through, kicking it shut behind me, not wanting to lose contact with this incredible woman.

"God I love the way you smell, so exotic, spicy like cinnamon." I mumbled into her neck. She turned in my arms and the look in her deep brown eyes made me even harder. I hadn't thought it possible, I would literally explode soon.

She crashed her lips against mine, her mouth devouring me and claiming me, and I definitely liked the idea of her being so possessive towards me.

I slid my hands under her skirt and up her thighs and she moaned into my mouth. She wanted this just as much as I did and that only spurred me on more. I moved my hands up further and began playing with the edge of her frilly panties, teasing her. A small price for all the times she's teased me, I reasoned. I moved my mouth to her ear simultaneously as I slipped a finger into her wet, warm pussy. No fantasy could compare to the pure ecstasy that was Bella.

"God Isabella; you feel like heaven, so soft so warm," I sighed, growling the last bit at her. I plunged my fingers into her tight, wet core. I was sure I was going to cum on the spot like some thirteen year old kid. I gritted my teeth

"Fuck… so wet…I wanna fuck you Bella, need to feel myself inside you."

And I did. With every fibre of my being, I needed to be inside this fucking woman. I pulled her panties and skirt off throwing them carelessly to the floor behind me. She undid my shirt and ran her trembling hands along my stomach, it felt glorious, but she was still wearing too many clothes and that was practically a crime.

I swiftly undid her shirt and pushed it down her shoulders. I unclasped her bra and watched it fall from her body, before staring at the Promised Land that were those magnificent breasts. My hands moved of their own accord and I began to palm them single mindedly.

Apparently a horny Bella was a coordinated Bella, because she had my pants undone and my cock in her hand faster than I'd ever seen her move before. She slid her tiny hands along my length and I had to hold off another impending orgasm. It was nearly all in vain though, when Bella wiped my pre-cum with her thumb, raising it to her mouth and sucking it off.

I couldn't wait, I had to have her, I had to claim her. "Fuck Bella; can't wait any longer." I carried her to my desk luxuriating in the feel of her naked body against mine. It certainly was a merry fucking Christmas this year.

I sat her on the edge, and she lay back spreading herself open before me like the sacrificial offering that she was. The monster inside me hungered for her and her alone.

"So beautiful Bella; spread out like a feast before me."

I grabbed her ankles and spread her legs wider; I barely paused as I thrust into her, sheathing myself fully in her warmth. We both groaned in unison at the sensation.

She was perfect, everything I had ever wanted in a woman and I wished that things were different, that we weren't the doomed lovers that in reality, we were. I could never be with her and she could never be with me, too many things stood in our way. But if tonight was all I was given I would take it and bear the aching want for the rest of my life. I would rather have only a taste of paradise than never have known it at all.

She brought her eyes up to meet mine and they were filled with nothing but unadulterated lust. She began to roll her nipples in between her fingers and all my morose thoughts were banished. I growled and doubled the intensity of my movements.

She began trembling and my name shook as it fell from those alluring lips. I could feel her walls tighten around me as her orgasm overtook her, but I couldn't stop, I kept pounding into her, never slowing my momentum only speeding it up. I was relentless as I hammered her tight pussy.

I could tell she was close again, and I would have her cum again for me, I would have her say my name over and over.

She grabbed the edge of the desk as her second orgasm hit, her back arching and offering those breasts to me again. I could feel my own impending release about to overtake me as my legs began to shake.

"Bella, so beautiful when you come for me, calling my name, it sounds like heaven, I'm gonna cum for you Bella…in your beautiful tight pussy."

It hit me like a tidal wave, sucking my very consciousness out before thundering it all back down, crashing over me destroying everything in its wake. It was everything. It was a year's worth of relief and I was entirely consumed by it. My eyes closed and I clenched my teeth while I spilled into her, my body trembling uncontrollably.

It felt like an eternity before it finally subsided and I could think clearly again. I looked into the eyes of the goddess before me and smiled at her, completely fucking happy with life in general at that moment. I leaned down to kiss her, because I am a greedy fuck, and even though I just ploughed her silly, I still wanted her. I could stay like this forever, naked with Bella in my arms.

There was a knock at the door and my little bubble suddenly burst around me as I realised enormity of what we had just fucking done crashed down upon me. Our eyes met and Bella looked just as scared as I felt. It seemed all my Christmas miracles were used up, because Carlisle Cullen, CEO of Cullen Industries and my father walked through the door with Emmett and Jasper beside him.

Fantastic, I'm fucking starker's between my P.A.'s legs while my father and brothers stare at us. I was stone cold sober in a heartbeat.

Emmett and Jasper were both wearing identical surprised expressions, while my father looked nothing but completely furious.

"Edward, Isabella what is the meaning of this? I want you to both get dressed this instant." My father stormed out the door with Emmett and Jasper, slamming it behind him.

Reality had crashed down on both of us and now it was time to face the music. I drew out of Bella and put my clothes on, avoiding her eyes at all costs. Yeah, we'd both face the music, but ultimately, I would still have a job at the end of it and Bella wouldn't. How could I have been so selfish? I knew that nothing could happen between us. That was the sole reason why I always kept a professional distance from her; I didn't need to be wanting her; more.

Jack Daniels and Jasper's coke apparently disagreed with my proposed course of action, because they motivated me to do some fuck stupid things.

I moved quickly to the door without saying a word or sparing a glance at her. The guilt I felt was tearing at my stomach and I was too ashamed to look her in the eye. I hoped that somehow, I could convince Carlisle to just transfer Bella to another department, it was a long shot but I owed it to her to try and save her job at least.

I walked out the door and closed it quietly behind me. Jasper and Emmett were long gone and only Carlisle stood there glowering at me.

"What was that Edward? What were you thinking son?" I had no answer for him. Well, none that I wanted to give anyway.

"You realise that your actions have cost Miss Swan her job, don't you?" I looked at him, begging him with my eyes as well as my words

"Dad, please just transfer Bella back to Emmett." He cut me off with a laugh.

"How does that make it any better Edward? You'd still see her every time you went to your brother's office! Why are you fighting this Edward, you knew what the consequences would be when you started this affair."

"It's not an affair Dad; it was a lapse in judgement." The words cut through me even as I said them

"Transfer her to another department then, we were both at fault and should be dealt the same reprimand." I crossed my fingers that he would agree.

"Reprimand, it's gone beyond that son. Miss Swan's time at Cullen Industries has come to an end. I will write her a letter of recommendation on one condition." He looked at me calculatingly. This was the best offer I was going to get and I knew it. I took a deep breath

"Agreed," I said defeated.

His eyebrows rose, "Do you not want to hear the terms first?"

"No, whatever it is I'll agree to it." I stared at my hands as I spoke. I felt worthless, a failure. It was entirely my fault we were in this situation, I had instigated it, I hadn't locked the door and I couldn't even retain her job for her. I was the perpetrator in all this, yet innocent Bella would pay the penalty.

"I'm transferring you to France, and you will forgo all contact with Isabella Swan. In return, I will write Bella a personal letter of recommendation that will assure her securing any position she applies for in the future."

I said nothing, there was nothing to say. I didn't want to leave New Zealand, I loved it here it was my home. It's where I wanted to raise my family, I didn't want to leave. I would do so though for Bella. I knew Carlisle was right, that letter would walk Bella into practically any job she wanted. It was all I had left to give her now.

We moved back into my office and I heard the shower shut off in the bathroom. I stood by the windows and looked out at the Wellington skyline. I savoured it, and committed it to memory I would miss it when I left.

I heard Bella come out of the bathroom but I didn't turn around, I couldn't face her, not when Carlisle was about to fire her.

"Edward what do you have to say for yourself?" Carlisle asked me his voice disappointed. I continued to look out the window as I answered

"I'm really sorry Dad it was just a stupid mistake," I felt like I'd been sucker punched as I said those blasphemous words. Making love (well more like fucking, but that's neither here nor there.) to Bella was not a mistake, the repercussions she would suffer because of it, that was my only mistake.

"Isabella; as you know Cullen Industries most cardinal rule for employees is not to have office relationships. Especially between an employee and their boss I therefore have no alternative than to terminate your employment here, effective immediately."

I wanted to turn around and grab her and run away from here together, we could go to Waiheke and just hide out there forever. But I couldn't, I didn't know what this meant to Bella and I was sure she would be furious at me for costing her, her job. I couldn't blame her.

"Of course Mr Cullen, I'll pack my stuff immediately and leave all my security passes on my desk." She answered in a shaky voice and it cut across my already raw nerves like razor blades, if you could die of agony, I would have died right on the spot.

I heard Carlisle thank her and get up

"Come Edward." he ordered me. I turned away from the window and my eyes met Bella's of their own volition. I begged her to forgive me, to see how sorry I was and that I in no way regarded her as a mistake. I begged her to see how much I cared about her…..

Then the moment passed and our connection broke, I followed my father out of the room away from Bella, away from my life, away from the family that not yet was and from the family I did have.

Merry fucking Christmas Edward: Merry fucking Christmas indeed.

**A/N: Plese feel free to review this chapter, all feedback is appreciated...Next chapter update will be the 5th jan then chapters will be updated weekly on either a Monday or Tuesday.....**


	2. Chapter 2 what have I done

**A/N: Greenaway and I would first off like to wish all of you a happy, safe and prosperous 2010. We would also like to thank those of you who added us to your favourites and a really special thank you to those of you who took the time to review all constructive feedback is welcomed and very much appreciated by both of us.**

**Due to this story being set in New Zealand and to make it more fun and interactive we have set up a blog site where we will post photos of locations and our playlists for each chapter. We have photos (our interpretation of how we envisioned the character as we wrote them.) and small character bios. We will add more of them as we introduce each character. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions we will try to answer them as quickly as possible...Links to the blog will be up on our profile pages later on tonight...**

**Greenaway: Cin and I are still debating the benefits of Twitter and so far she is siding with Rob. Now if there are any of you Non-technophobes out there, pm either of us or let us know in a review if you would like us to set up a twitter account. I'm the resident Geek in our little duo, so if I think enough of you are interested, I will bribe Cin with some Rob Porn and we will be tweeting before you know it...**

**To everyone who takes the time to review, thank you so much we appreciate each and every one. There was an enormous effort put into this story and you will notice a lot of Kiwi references. As we set the story in New Zealand we wanted to make it as authentic as possible. If any of you have a question or something about New Zealand, we would be happy to answer it. Oh and finally, CHECK OUT THE BLOG. Cheers!**

**Chapter 2:**

**Bella's POV**

My hand shook violently as I tried to force the key into the lock, Edward's cold voice was ringing in my ears, _'it was just a stupid mistake_...' I shuddered violently, I was desperate to get into the safety of my apartment so I could curl up into the foetal position; that was after I'd drunk myself into oblivion of course.

I pushed the door open and kicked my box of personal possessions over the threshold and left them where they landed as I stumbled through the darkness toward the kitchen and my awaiting oblivion. I kicked off my shoes as I turned on the light, my eyes immediately rested on the half drunk bottle of wine on the kitchen counter.

I headed straight for it with a sigh and grabbed the full bottle next to it as well for good measure. I tried not to think about anything as I walked to my room but I couldn't stop the relentless images that invaded my mind. Tears pricked at my eyes as a wave of shame and humiliation rolled over me. I crawled into bed and switched on my reading lamp.

I thought back over my conversation I'd had with Carlisle, or more what Carlisle had said to me, I didn't exactly say a lot so I didn't think it constituted a conversation. I couldn't believe he'd fired me just like that. Admittedly I had broke his stupid cardinal rule, but I thought that after my years of loyal service and previously unblemished record he'd have let me off with a stern reprimand and a written warning.

Fuck it wasn't fair; I didn't even instigate it or come on to, or lead Edward on in anyway. It was him doing all the coming on to me. And yet here I was sitting unemployed and alone in my bed with nothing but my shame and misery to keep me company.

That thought had me chugging the wine straight from the bottle.

As furious I was at Edward, who was totally at fault for the whole damn mess, I was more furious at myself for not listening to my inner voice when the alarm bells began ringing in my head, after all its what it was designed for. I felt stupid and pathetic and used.

I couldn't bear to be inside my head anymore and took another long draught from the bottle hoping the deep burgundy liquid would give me some respite from this hell. But apparently the ghost of Christmas present had other ideas and continued to haunt me by adding the image of Edward turning his back on me and walking out of the office to the relentless commentary that rung in my ears.

My stomach dropped and I couldn't prevent the low strangled sob that tore from my throat as another wave of shame and embarrassment washed over me as the image of Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper standing in the door way popped into my consciousness.

I cursed the lingering effects of the cocaine for preventing the alcohol from doing its job, "FUUCKK THIS," I yelled in frustration as I leapt out of bed and headed for the kitchen.

I grabbed a chair and slid it up against the counter. I reached for the bottle of Southern Comfort I kept in the top cupboard with a grimace, if this didn't send me into the oblivion I craved then nothing would. Unscrewing the lid I took a mouthful of the sweet alcohol and groaned in satisfaction as it slid down the back of my throat.

I hurried back to my room, taking a few more hearty swigs from the bottle on the way I turned on my sound system and climbed back into bed. I couldn't help but laugh when I heard the classic kiwi drinking anthem playing on the radio. I turned the sound up and sung the familiar lyrics to the Dudes most famous song.

"_Drink yourself more bliss  
__Forget about the last one, get yourself another_

I took another swig from the bottle and closed my eyes as I continued to sing to my favourite Kiwi drinking song.

_Drink yourself more bliss  
__Forget about the last one get yourself another  
__Drink yourself more bliss  
__Have a stiff all night everything is alright_

_Try and reach the bar  
__Coppers took the car off us from the sidewalk_

My eyes snapped open when the ghost of Christmas present tried another assault.

_Yaaaaaah  
__Think I'm at full speed  
__Get it at the coochie, hello sailor cruisy  
__Buy some Spanish shoes_

_Think I need a falafel get it at the cross_

_Drink yourself more bliss  
__Forget about the last one and get yourself another._

It wasn't until I was a quarter way through the bottle that I finally felt the effects of the alcohol, I took another large swig and laid my head back on my pillow as confused thoughts swirled uncomfortably in my head.

I took another mouthful relishing the way the alcohol was starting to distort and calm the craziness in my mind: oblivion couldn't come faster enough for me. I took another draught and was grateful when my head began to spin and my eyelids drooped shut.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I ignored the incessant ringing of my cell phone and pulled the blankets over my head, my throat was dry and sore and my head was pounding hideously. I curled up into the foetal position and groaned as partial images of yesterday flashed through my mind.

I slung my hand over the side of the bed and groped around until my fingers curled around the neck of the bottle; I wanted my sweet oblivion back. My stomach lurched when the alcohol hit it and I fought back the rising bile in my throat. I took another swig and reached over for my now silent phone.

I checked the caller I.D. and noted I'd missed two dozen calls I scrolled down the list and noted that I'd missed four calls each from Emmett and Jasper the rest were from Alice and Rose.

I guessed from the amount of calls I'd gotten from my sisters that they knew what had happened last night. I turned the phone off and buried my head under my pillow. I ignored the person I could hear knocking on my front door and after a couple of minutes they stopped. I knew it wasn't Rosalie or Alice as they had their own keys.

I took another long draught from the southern comfort and was grateful that it was finally making me feel comfortably numb.

I knew at some point I would have to face up to what happened with Edward and take stock of my life. I would need to look for a new job, with any luck the least Carlisle would do is write me a letter of recommendation, but for now all I wanted to do was blot out the humiliating memories of last night.

I finished the rest of the southern comfort and groaned in relief when I felt my concentration lapse and my brain begin to fog back into an alcohol induced haze. My eyelids drooped shut.

The haze didn't last long, or so it seemed to me, and I yelled out in frustration when my mind began to take another stroll down memory lane.

I couldn't stop the involuntary shiver of pleasure that washed over me as I remembered the feeling of strong arms encircling my waist and cupping my breasts, of warm breath against my ear, of the smooth velvety voice that sounded like pure sex, of Edward's beautiful body and the feeling of completeness when he was buried deep inside me.

I gasped as the image of our first kiss swam before my lids, I was sure I could feel a sense of that bizarre current that flowed between us when our lips met, even in my alcohol induced numbness.

Image after image flashed in my mind, our naked bodies that seemed to fit together so seamlessly, Edward's magnificent cock pounding into me.

I groaned and my eyes snapped open, I sat up and tried to get out of bed, my head spun and my vision went black as my feet hit the floor.

I woke up on the floor with my cheek pressed into the carpet. I was confused as to why I only had vision in one eye, I tried to blink but only one eye was opening and closing. I could see a dark stain on the carpet in front of me and lifted my head to examine it, I gasped when I realised it was blood.

I sat up and tried to get my bearings before I staggered to my feet and made a dash for the bathroom. I only just made it to the sink when I was violently ill, I lifted my head from the basin and caught sight of myself in the mirror, "Holy fuck."

My eyelid was swollen shut and deep purple bruising that seem to darken as I stood there, covered my entire eye and across the bridge of my nose, a bloody gash sat above my eyebrow. My lip was cut and swollen and my face was caked in dried blood.

The horrendous injuries to my face coupled with my dishevelled hair made me look like I had been the victim of an assault. I took a couple of aspirin from the vanity and gulped them down; I brushed my teeth then went in search of food.

Instead of heading for the kitchen I staggered toward the lounge I noticed a courier envelope sitting on the floor by the front door but I left it where it lay and carried on. I flopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote flicking on the television and quickly turned it to MTV. The bright images that flashed on screen had my one good eye watering and I closed it quickly.

It was dark again when I woke and my body was absolutely aching, my lip, eye and head throbbed in unison and my ribs felt like they were broken, my core ached like I'd been fucked six ways from Sunday, which I had, I thought with a groan.

I realised I was covered in a blanket and I could hear voices coming from the kitchen.

"Hello?" I called out. I noticed how raspy my voice sounded, like I'd just smoked a pack of cigarettes.

The voices quietened and a moment later Alice and Rose appeared in the lounge, both of them looking at me with horrified expressions on their faces.

"Bella are you alright, what the hell happened to you, how did you sustain those injuries?" I noticed that Alice's voice had an almost hysterical note to it.

"I'm alright; I just had a rough night, there's nothing to worry about, I'm all good." I tried to play it down but I could tell neither Alice nor Rose were having a bar of it.

"What the fuck Bella? You are not all good; you look like you came off worse in a pub brawl. And since when do you go to bed with two bottles of wine and a bottle of southern comfort?"

"Since my week from hell ended in me being cast before the devil himself. And according to him; hells too good for someone like me."

"Bella you're making no sense. How did you get hurt?" Alice was getting impatient with me now and I couldn't help but sigh when she clicked her tongue.

"I blacked out when I tried to get out of bed earlier and hit the bedside table on the way down, that's how I got hurt."

"Bells; what happened at the Christmas party last night? Emmett text me and told me too find you as soon as possible. He didn't say why, he just said that you'd need me." Rose's voice was soft and full of curiosity.

I tried to keep my composure but I couldn't fight the wave of shame and humiliation that washed over me causing tears to fall from my good eye and a low sob to issue from my throat.

"Please Bells tell us what happened." Rose's voice cracked. I opened my eye and saw a tear sliding down her cheek.

"I got fired last night." My voice was barley a whisper but both Alice and Rose heard me clearly.

"What? Why? By whom, did the fucktard fire you?" Rose looked at me in outrage, Alice just looked stunned.

"No it wasn't Edward who fired me it was Carlisle." I repressed the shudder trying to force its way through my body as I thought about Carlisle's furious face.

"But why Bella, I don't understand, I can't think of anything you could have possibly done to warrant instant dismissal." I looked over at her, her brow was furrowed as if she was frustrated she couldn't solve a riddle or puzzle.

"Can't you Rose, Can you honestly not guess what I did?"

Rose stared at me for a moment then gasped, "Oh my god Bella you didn't? Please tell me you didn't."

"I did." I looked into her wide eyes and another wave of shame engulfed me.

"Did what Bella, what did you do?" I couldn't help but smile that Alice hadn't figured it out yet. She was bouncing on the balls of her feet, her face a mask of agitation that she was missing the obvious.

"She fucked Edward and I'm guessing by the fact that you're unemployed that Daddy Carlisle caught you at it?"

It was Alice's turn to gasp, "Bella you didn't? You dirty little slut. Spill it right now. I want details, gory details. First of all how was it? I mean I know he's gorgeous but I've always wondered what he'd be like in bed. I bet he knows his way around the female body. Is he well built, you know down there?"

"Oh for god's sake Alice, do you really want to know these things, I thought you had a thing for Jasper?"

"I do but Edward's fuckin hot." I couldn't stop my head from automatically nodding in agreement, even though I hated him with every inch of being right now. "Come on Bella stop stalling, how did this happen?"

"Well I'm not sure, after you and Rose left Jazz and Emmett turned up with drinks and Emmett and I went to my bathroom and had some our traditional Christmas cheer and he left and I was pretty out there and started dancing around my office and then Edward was behind me, and his hands were on me and it felt amazing and then we were kissing and next thing I know he's fucking me on his desk.

And yes Alice as much as I hate to admit it he's an amazing fuck, not that I care about that right now. Anyway the next minute there's a knock on the door and before either of us could do more than look at each other Carlisle was standing in the doorway flanked by Emmett and Jazz." Alice gasped and Rose snorted and shook her head.

"Then what happened?"

"Carlisle told us to get dressed and then he fired me." I covered my face in my hands so I didn't have to look at them.

"For fuck sake Bella; why didn't one of you lock the door?" Rose was shaking her head at me a little condescendingly.

"Honestly I never even thought about it."

"Amateurs," Rose said with a smirk.

"So what did Edward say?" Alice asked quietly.

I felt the tears sting my eyes as I thought about Edward's cruel words.

"Bella?" Alice groaned.

"He told his Dad it was just a stupid mistake then walked out of the room." My voice cracked and hot angry tears spilled from eyes.

"He said what? That cowardly little scumbag, you should sue his sorry ass for sexual harassment, that would kick him and daddy devil where it hurts. You wait until I catch up with the fucktard I'm going to kick his lily white ass." Rose was glowering; her hands were clenched into fists at her sides.

"Please Rose, don't say or do anything to him, after all he's right it was just a stupid mistake." The words shredded my heart a little bit more.

"Still; why should he get off scot free? Fuck I'd like to rip off his balls and shove them down his throat." I couldn't help but laugh at the menacing look on Rosalie's face; I stopped quickly because it made my ribs ache.

I lifted my top and Rose and Alice gasped in unison as they took in the purple/black bruising across the side of my ribcage.

"Bells; you need to see a Doctor." Alice's voice cracked as she leaned forward to examine my mottled skin.

"I don't need a Doctor Alice; I need food, alcohol and a hot shower.

"I don't know about the alcohol Bells but the food and a hot shower sound like a good idea. You go have a shower and I'll order food." Alice helped me off the couch while Rose headed for the phone.

"What do you feel like eating Bella?"

"Thai. Just get me whatever you're having."

I headed for the shower and waited until the room was steamy before I slid under the hot water. It felt wonderful on my on my bruised skin and tense muscles and I soon felt myself succumbing to its relaxing powers. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander back to the fateful events of last night.

It certainly didn't feel like a mistake when Edward's arms encircled my waist or when his lips touched mine, it felt right. I thought back to the look in his eye when he was pounding into me, he looked like he'd dreamed of doing this to me a thousand times. There was no restraint, hesitation or caution in Edward, just a sense of want, longing and need that had matched my own.

Nothing in the way we were together felt wrong, my body's reaction to his touch was testament to that, Edward had played my body like a master composer, he'd brought me to the two best orgasm's of my life and had every cell in my body humming in perfect harmony with that inexplicable electricity that coursed through me at his touch.

As much as I hated him right now for hurting and humiliating me, it was undeniable that we had incredible chemistry and I knew that no one would ever come close to making me feel like Edward did.

I shuddered at the thought.

I shut the water off and grabbed a towel, I was desperate to get back to Rose and Alice before that depressing thought took hold on in my fragile mind.

We watched chick flicks and ate takeout and ice cream sundaes, no matter how much I pleaded Alice refused to let me have anymore alcohol.

"Bella you've had enough Alcohol this weekend, now quit ya whining and watch the movie already."

I saw about ten minutes of it before my one good eye began to water and droop shut, the next thing I know Rose was shaking me awake, "Bella it's time for you to go to bed. Alice and I will stay here with you tonight…Come on Bella get up."

I blinked my good eye a few times and took Rose's outstretched hand she helped me into bed and kissed my forehead, "I'll see you in the morning bruiser."

"Thanks Rose." I lay back in the darkness and felt quite awake, I reached for my IPod and scrolled down stopping at a random song and place the buds in my ears. I closed my eyes and was immediately assaulted by image after image of Edward's magnificent naked body before me.

I could almost feel the sensation of his touch and my skin tingled with the memory of it. I let my mind wander over the last look we shared before he walked out of his office and out of my life. He didn't look angry his look was more liking pleading.

But pleading for what? Forgiveness, understanding, for that I had no answer. All I knew was there would never be anyone who was made to fit me better than Edward, even if he was unobtainable and I'd probably never see him again.

I sighed as my IPod shifted to the next song. I shook my head the song seemed to reflect how I was feeling at this moment. I sung along to the words as I let the music pull me in.

_The world was on fire and no one could save me but you_

_It's strange what desire will make some foolish people do_

_I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you_

_And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you_

_No I don't want to fall in love_

_No I don't want to fall in love_

_With you_

_What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way_

_What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you_

_What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way_

_What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you_

_I want to fall in love_

_No, I want to fall in love_

_With you_

I hugged my pillow in defeat the last thing I wanted was to be in love with Edward _fucking_ Cullen, but if I was honest with myself I knew I always had been. I also knew I had to let go and get on with my life for my own sanity.

I groaned as I drifted toward unconsciousness.

**Edwards POV... **

I pulled my Aston Martin into my garage and pressed the button, closing the large electronic door behind me. I was fucking happy to be finally home. Don't get too comfy, you won't be here much longer. I thought sighing and leaning my head against the steering wheel.

What had I done?

That was the million dollar fucking question wasn't it? I had single handily ruined

Bella's life right along with my own, in one fell swoop, Bella had lost her job and I was off to France come New Years Day.

And it was all my fault.

I banged my head against the steering wheel, the guilt I was feeling plus the comedown from the drugs and booze was fucking with me royally. I opened the car door and closed it behind me, making my way through the house and downstairs to the bar.

The house was huge and empty, mocking me with its silence of my failure to fill it with the family it had been designed for. I didn't know if that would ever happen now, I didn't want to raise a fucking family in France; I wanted to raise my family here, in Wellington, around my own family. I didn't even fucking like France for God sake! I knew I was acting petulant and childish, I had agreed to all of this, but still.

My home:

I found Jasper and Emmett downstairs in the games room, playing pool and obviously waiting for me. I didn't even acknowledge them or break stride till I was at the bar and had myself a drink. I threw it back quickly, barely feeling it slide down my throat.

I heard, rather than saw my brothers put down the pool cues and make their way over to the bar. I pulled out two more glasses and filled all three. I slid one to each of them and downed my own, finally looking up to see Jasper's face full of sympathy and

Emmett's full of angry mirth. He looked like he couldn't decide whether or not he should be decking me or laughing at me.

Unless he wanted to help me get drunk, I really couldn't have really cared what he wanted to do.

After a couple more drinks, I found myself feeling the effects of them and all at fucking once. I stumbled over to the couch and dropped down with a groan. Emmett and Jasper still hadn't spoken yet and the air was thick with tension. I sat there just wishing that they would go home and leave me alone.

I couldn't stop seeing Bella's eyes, the way they had looked at me as I left, so full of hurt and betrayal. She was fucking taking over all my senses; I could still feel the silky smoothness of her skin on my fingers, her scent still filled my lungs and I swear if I lived for eternity, I would never forget the way that woman felt wrapped around my cock. It was bordering on fucking divine.

The two goons were still standing there, fucking staring at me like I was a science experiment. It was pissing me off, and if I wasn't quite so trashed, I would probably throw them out. As it was, I just wished they'd say what they came to say and leave.

"What are you two doing here? I gave you those keys for emergencies." I covered my face with one arm and tried to block everything out of my mind. Too many fucking voices were screaming at me in there and I swear I was going to lose my fucking sanity soon.

Emmett spoke up first. That was a surprise normally Jasper would be right in there on all the touchy-feely moments with his little pearls of wisdom.

"Two things bro, First off, tell me you convinced Dad to let Bella keep her job, or a job, because if you just screwed her and left her to the wolves I will fuck you up kid."

He was quite serious, that much was clear. It was expected really, I knew Emmett and

Bella had grown quite close when she worked for him, and if it hadn't been for Emmett's sky tower-size crush on Bella's sister Rosalie, I might have been jealous.

Emmett looked at me, waiting for his answer.

"Did you even try, Edward? Or did you just fuck and chuck?" He stood over me now, his hands balled into fists. He was angry, but he was controlling it.

Time to tip the scales then, I thought quite suicidally. Emmett was quite angry and quite a lot larger than me. He could fuck me up, hell he might even knock my ass out and that sounded like a pretty sweet deal at the moment.

I would worry about the actual beating later, oblivion beckoned me.

I sat up and looked him in the eye: Both of him. Shit was starting to get pretty blurry, if I was being completely honest. I tried my best to make my voice sound sinister and overall sleazy, knowing it would be a sure fire way to provoke him.

"I fucked her alright Emmett. I fucked her body, then I fucked with her head, and finally

I've fucked over her life. No, she doesn't have a job anymore. Fucked and chucked thoroughly." I laughed, but there was no humour in it, only a sad kind of desperation. I prayed he wouldn't hear it and just fucking hit me.

Please, please, please, please. My mind begged.

Emmett didn't disappoint. He swung and his fist connected with my left eye. I slammed back into the couch from the force of his blow and my head snapped backwards. I blinked, feeling my eye already starting to swell and throb despite the alcohol. That would feel great in the morning and I was still fucking conscious!

So I was left just feeling worse.

Cheers Emmett.

"Emmett, stop it." Jasper came from behind and stopped Emmett before he delivered seconds. I was sort of disappointed, I had been banking on him getting it right the second time.

"What the hell happened, Edward?" Jasper asked pushing Emmett into a recliner before taking the other one himself. I grabbed at my hair with both hands and groaned. Why were they making me go over this again? They had all been fucking there after all.

"Because you put yourself in this position, so suck it up and take it like a man, and yes, we were fucking there' but we booked it after we saw your lily white ass bobbing up and down over Bella. We figured we would come and wait here for you. Moral support and what not," Jasper answered.

I realised I must have said that out loud. It appeared my drunkenness was worse than I had originally thought.

"Moral support?" I growled pointing to my swollen face. Emmett just snorted at me

"You were asking for that Edward and you know it." Yeah, I had been, but still, if this was his idea of moral support, it was pretty messed up.

"Edward, what happened?" Jasper repeated.

So I told them. I told them about Carlisle's offer to give Bella a letter of recommendation and severance pay of sorts. I told them how she had looked at me when I had walked away from her. My heart clenched painfully, as I pictured those hurt brown eyes boring into me.

"Wait, go back." Jasper stopped me. "What exactly did you agree to? Why would he do all that? What was his price for all that?"

"Bella gets her letter of recommendation and cheque and I relocate to France and head up the new offices over there. Oh, and I'm to have no contact whatsoever with Isabella."

The thought of never seeing Bella again actually cut me deeper than having to leave

New Zealand and I knew I felt more for her than a simple infatuation. I always had, I had just never wanted to see it.

I hoped she would be ok and that she could forgive me one day. I knew I didn't deserve it, but I hoped regardless.

"Oh fuck." Emmett breathed.

"He's sending you away? And you're going? Fuck Edward, for once in your life stand up to him! Tell him to piss off and shove it! You can't move to France your home is here."

Jasper was ranting and I was touched that he didn't seem to want me to leave, but I had no choice. I was doing this for Bella.

"I do that, and Bella gets screwed Jazz and that's not going to happen. Not when she's already lost so much because of me." My head was starting to fucking throb like an air-raid siren was going off inside my skull and I debated stumbling my ass to the bar for another. Considering it was beginning to hurt simply to breathe now, I stayed my ass on the fucking couch.

"Why Edward?" Emmett demanded suddenly.

"Why: what?" My eyes were beginning to droop of their own accord and it was getting hard to concentrate on my surroundings. To be expected, I'm pretty sure by now all my blood had been replaced with a Jack Daniels and coke substitute.

"Why are you doing this? You fucking love it here, why would you just leave, for a slapper?"

"She's not a slapper!" I roared despite my pounding head.

What the fuck? I thought. Emmett was her friend!

"Oh, I know she's not a slapper. I just wanted to be sure you knew that, since you decided to fuck her like she was. Bella's special man, you know?"

"He knows." Jasper piped in before I could answer. He was looking at me knowingly.

I was officially past this fucking conversation, it didn't matter how special Bella was anymore. I had fucked that up beyond repair and all I could do now was move forward and follow my father's demands. Be the good little son that Edward Cullen was known to be.

Bile rose up in my throat, and I grimaced in disgust.

All I wanted to do was go to fucking bed and pass out. I tried to stand but the room started spinning and I swayed dangerously. Emmett grabbed me under the arm and helped me upstairs to my bedroom.

He threw me down onto my bed, a little more roughly than I thought necessary and I managed to tell him so. He just rolled his eyes at me,

"You're my brother Edward, but that girl, she's like my best friend and baby sister rolled into one, so I'll miss you bro, but I'm glad you did what you did. Respect brother. Jazz and I are going to crash here tonight, no arguments."

I was too tired to protest and besides which, it was kind of comforting having them here in the house. Two extra people and suddenly it didn't feel quite so empty anymore.

I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep, my dreams saturated with her.

Bella:

*******

The light shone through my bedroom window and burned the retinas of my eyes. I turned to turn my head away from the light, but that hurt even fucking more than the light so I stayed there, my eyeballs slowly burning inside my skull. I couldn't even close the fuckers, I was that hung over.

I could hear Emmett in the kitchen slamming pots and pans around and my stomach turned when it realised that meant Emmett was making breakfast. Probably something vomit-inducing and greasy: no doubt. It would be worse to stay in bed and have him come to me, however.

I got out of bed, my entire body aching like a bitch and my face like, well like Emmett had fucking clocked me the night before. My stomach lurched and I just made it to the bathroom before I threw up in the toilet. When I had finished expelling all my stomach contents and what I suspected were some internal organs as well, I sat back against the wall closing my eyes.

"Jesus Edward, what did you fucking drink last night? It reeks in here!" Emmett was standing in the bathroom door wearing a ridiculous Christmas apron that said "Oh,

Santa I've been a VERY good girl this year!" along with a picture of a 50's pinup girl. I don't know where the hell he got it from but it certainly wasn't mine.

"You look like an idiot" I said, tasting the bile in my mouth.

I stood up and went to the sink and rinsed my mouth out. I looked into the mirror and the face that stared back looked like utter shit. I mean really, this apparently had been the bender to end all benders. My eyes were dark and there were huge circles under them and I looked a pasty green colour.

"No, I look festive and you look like crap, Which is not going to do you any favours since

Mum called this morning and said to tell you she's on her way over. Get in the shower dude, you really stink, I'm not just being a dick here, you and water need to make each other's acquaintance."

"Mum? Oh, fuck Emmett does she know?" I was mortified; surely my father hadn't told my mother what I had done? Had he?

"Sorry bro, she knows. Better shower now, she'll be here any minute." He turned and walked out of the bathroom.

I showered quickly and threw on some sweat pants and a t-shirt after I had dried off. I pulled open a drawer and grabbed the Panadol, dry swallowing two of them. I grimaced at my reflection again and left the bathroom, nothing was going to make me look any better at that point, so I decided not to even bother.

I had just barely walked out of my bedroom when a small bronze haired woman threw herself into my arms.

"Hey Mum." I said, wincing in pain. She was clutching me so damn tightly and the

Panadol hadn't kicked in yet.

"France Edward? Do you have any idea what this will do to me?" I could see a tear escape the corner of her eye and although I didn't think it possible, I felt worse than before. I loved my mother; she had always been there for me when I needed it. I hadn't thought was this was going to do to her.

"Come on Mum, don't cry, I'll visit all the time. Besides, it's not like it's exactly my choice, I don't want to go; I have to."

Yeah, you can thank your evil fucking husband for that one. I thought bitterly.

She looked at me, her eyes still swimming with unshed tears.

"I know baby, and I'm so proud of what you did for that girl." she patted my cheek and smiled at me. Wait, did she realise I slept with my P.A?

"Ah, you DO know what happened don't you?" I never expected my mother to be praising my behaviour.

"Well, obviously you need to learn how to lock a bloody door, that was just stupid by the way, but I was mainly talking about what you did afterwards. I'm not pleased with your father and he knows it, but I am pleased with you helping that girl, she didn't deserve to lose her job."

"Grubs up," Emmett screamed from the kitchen and I swear the windows were close to shattering from the sonic boom that his voice created.

"Sweet," Jasper hollered sprinting up the stairs and quickly hugged Esme on his way past.

"Hey Mum, Hey Dad." He called over my shoulder.

Oh fuck no. Dad was here too?

I turned around slowly to see my father standing in the doorway looking at me with a blank expression on his face. He'd been standing there throughout Esme's speech and

I knew he would be angry that she wasn't siding with him.

Ha, fucking ha, Dad. A childish voice sang in my head.

"Difficult night was it son?" He waved a hand at my obviously hung over person. I was about to really let loose and say something I know I would've regreted later but my mother cut me off before I had the chance.

"You've done enough Carlisle. Leave him be." The look she gave him could have turned him to stone.

"I've carried out my half of the bargain Edward, I would suggest you stay sober long enough to carry out yours. You have affairs to get in order before you leave." His voice was clipped, his disappointment in me was clear to everyone in the room.

I wished I could've said it didn't matter, but to some part of me his disappointment did matter.

"Well, maybe so Dad, but first I think we should just all have some breakfast right?"

Emmett cut through the tense situation in his own diplomatic way.

I gave my brothers a lot of grief and didn't recognise half of what they did for me, but I loved them dearly.

I was going to miss them.

We ate in silence, a painful silence that did nothing to increase my appetite or decrease nausea I was experiencing. It was lucky that I didn't keep a gun in the house, I would've used it on myself with no hesitation at all.

"Won't you come and stay with us till you leave Edward? I going to miss you so much and I want to spend all the time I can with you." my mother grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"For god sake Esme, he's not dying! He's going to France and if he uses his time there wisely, it could benefit him greatly." My father added pointedly.

Fuck you. I screamed in my head. I would've given anything to be able to say it out loud and watch his face.

"I don't think that would be a good idea under the circumstances Mum. Sorry." I stood shakily and fought back a wave of vertigo. I gave my mother a small kiss on the top of her head and a curt nod to Carlisle.

"Thank you both for coming over. I will be there on Christmas Eve, but right now I am going to go back to bed and try to keep down my breakfast." I turned to Emmett and Jasper who were both smirking at me.

"You two fuck heads can kiss my ass."

"Language Edward," My mother admonished. Jasper made an 'oooohhhh' face and

Emmett sniggered into his hand.

"My apologies Mother," I said to Esme before heading towards my room.

"Hey what do you want us to do?" Jasper yelled at me. I waved a hand over my

Shoulder,

"Stay, go, I really don't fucking care. Just leave me the hell alone and you can do whatever the fuck you want."

I made it to my room and as I closed the door I heard my mother say to my father,

"He gets that foul language from your side you know."

I climbed into my bed and curled into a ball.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I awoke it was night again. I had slept the entire fucking day. The worst part was, I didn't feel any better for it, rather I felt worse.

There was a painful clarity in my head that was allowing the gravity of what I had done, hit me with full force.

I had cost Bella her job and cost me my home, but the worst thing my actions had cost me was Bella herself.

Oh shit, I breathed as that same clarity allowed me to recall every moment with Bella in perfect detail, and those memories burned me as much as they thrilled me.

The way her skin felt, silky and delicate, like I could bruise her with the slightest pressure, the way her body literally gravitated towards my touch like I was her puppet master pulling her by her strings. Her scent, oh god, so spicy and exotic, that fucking cinnamon would drive me crazy one day.

Bella's own signature scent, suddenly I craved it so bad, I thought I'd peel my skin off if

I didn't get it. I scrambled beside my bed on the floor finding the shirt I had been wearing last night. I spotted it and grabbed it swiftly bringing it to my nose and inhaling deeply.

Ahhhhh...Bella.

She was all over it, I could smell her everywhere. I crawled back into bed with the shirt and lay there holding it under my chin, just breathing that calming fragrance. The pain in my body ebbed slightly and I could breathe just a little bit easier. It also made me a little more rational.

The damage was done and nothing I could do would change it, I had done the best I could by Bella under the circumstances and there was nothing more I could do there.

Now all that was left was to tie up my loose ends in New Zealand and get ready to leave everything and everyone I loved behind.

Everyone meaning specifically Bella, don't you mean?

I didn't love Bella! Did I?

Yes, you know you do. A small voice made itself known in the back of my mind. I didn't know if I loved Bella or not, I knew such a thing was not wise anyway considering our circumstances.

Yeah, ok, keep on the denial train. It will take you direct to Fuckwit town. You should fit right in. So? Even if I did love her, it was really a moot point now, wasn't it? I mean, I was never going to contact her again after this anyway, so what fucking good could come from admitting shit like that?

None, so I was not going to go there.

But, like a bad habit, she crept back into my thoughts, dominating them forcing me to ignore everything else until my focus was entirely on her. My goddess demanded absolute devotion and worship, and I would give her whatever she desired.

I was leaving behind any chance I might have had in obtaining the goddess. If things had gone differently: if I had locked the door, if I had stood up to Carlisle. The what if's were going to finally tip me over the edge, I thought.

I had tasted paradise only to have it snatched from my grasp. It was a addictive kind of torture, where you know it would have been better for you to have never tasted that paradise, to have just left the forbidden fruit right the fuck alone like you knew you were supposed to. But it still didn't matter. You wouldn't change a fucking thing anyway.

That was how I felt about Bella.

To have wanted her for so long, and finally, finally, have her? Words could not do such a feeling justice. Then to have her snatched from my grasp? Reality was a fucking bitch alright.

I needed air.

I pulled a packet of cigarettes out of my bedside table and went out to the deck. I took a cigarette and lit it, dragging deeply. I held the smoke in my lungs for a while before I slowly exhaled.

I looked out at the city spread below me, my city. It sparkled and shimmered as only

Wellington can, and my stomach dropped as I realised this would be one of the last times I could do this. I hated Carlisle at that moment and I hated the power he seemed to have over me, always manipulating, always scheming.

I flicked my cigarette over the railing and went back inside, flicking on my iPod that sat in its dock beside my bed. The forceful opening beats of "Better Days" by Tadpole began to fill my empty room. I huffed a small laugh as I listened to the relevance of the lyrics. Renee Brennan understood my misery, and she sang her condolences to me

_Sometimes I feel sorrow and there's no way to release it _

_It wells up inside, don't have no one here with whom to share it, _

_Except you, you're nice _

_Sometimes I feel guilty and I wish I could absolve it _

_I miss peace it's nice, haven't had much of it 'round here lately _

_I miss peace, it's nice. _

Except I didn't have Bella anymore: and never would.

_There's no way to break through _

_I'm trying to break through _

_'cause I feel in slow-mo _

_And there's no way to break through _

_'cause I feel in slo-mo _

My stomach lurched and I vomited into the rubbish bin placed next to my bed. I wondered who had put that there.

I really didn't deserve my family.

**A/N: please feel free to review this chapter, and hopefully we will be seeing you over at our blog :)**


	3. Chapter 3 Consequence

**A/N: First and foremost thank you to those who took the time to review, reviews are important to Authors for many reasons, first and foremost they let us know what you like and dislike about the story which helps us to gauge how you will react to upcoming chapters and helps us in the editing process. We would also like to thank those of you who have added this story to your favourites/alerts lists.**

**Renee, Charlie and Jakes profiles will be up on our blog later today as will be the links to the locations where this chapter is set. Make sure you check them out. A link to our blog can be found on our profile pages.**

**Greenaway: And to whoever owns Vogel's Bread..... I love you.**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & myself own An Angel at my Table...SJD own 'beautiful haze, the Cure own 'boys don't cry.'** **Sublime own 'Smoke Two Joints.' **

* * *

**Chapter 3: Consequence...**

I sighed in frustration when I woke up touching myself, and I whispered Edward's name as I brought myself to my climax. This was definitely not helping me purge Edward from my system. I rolled out of bed and hurried for the shower. I had to get organised, I was flying up to Tauranga with Rose and Alice to spend Christmas in the sunny bay of plenty. I hadn't even begun packing, but I wasn't too worried about it, I knew Alice would do it for me when she arrived.

I took my coffee and went to sit at the dining room table, the bright red courier envelope sitting there caught my eye, I tore it opened and my breath caught when I recognised the expensive monogrammed stationary used by Cullen Industries. I read the letter of recommendation signed by Carlisle in surprise, I wasn't expecting him to give me a glowing reference however I was more shocked when I saw the cheque made out to me for two hundred thousand dollars. Hush money I guessed, but I wasn't about to complain even though I knew it was only petty cash to Cullen Industries I felt it was a small victory, Carlisle knew I would have had a personal grievance and sexual harassment case against the company should I wish to pursue it. Which I had no intention of doing.

I read the accompanying letter with a grimace, it stated confidentiality and by accepting the money I was agreeing to take no action against Edward or the company blah, blah, blah. I screwed up the letter and tossed it over my shoulder, the cheque and recommendation letter went into my safe.

At least I wouldn't need to rush to find another job, though I planned to anyway, I hated being idle.

~~~~XXXX~~~~~

I felt myself relaxing as we touched down at the tiny airport, I could see Renee and Charlie waiting for us in the outside waiting area. We disembarked and walked across the tarmac and straight into Renee's waiting arms. "Oh girls, it's so nice to have you here. You all look so well, except Bella what have you done to yourself dear?"

"I tripped over the coffee table." I was surprised at how easy the lie came, and I was even more surprised at the absence of my blush, something that would have normally have help to out me in the lie.

"Honestly Bella you are the clumsiest girl I've ever met."

I smiled as we drove down Marine Parade and I saw the bright red flowers of the pohutakawa trees that were dotted along the coastline. I loved Christmas in New Zealand it was summer time so Christmas day was spent on the pristine white sands of the beach getting a tan and indulging in the wide range of water sports that were on offer.

I let myself wonder briefly what Edward was doing for Christmas,_ spending it under the thumb of daddy Carlisle_ I suspected. Rose had told me that Carlisle was banishing Edward to France to head up some new office over there. I felt a little saddened that Edward wouldn't be calling New Zealand home anymore, though I was secretly glad to see he never got off Scot free.

I loved Charlie and Renee's beach front apartment it was the best retirement investment they had made. It took the glowing white sand and the sparkling blue green Pacific Ocean, not to mention gorgeous views of Mt Maunganui. Renee was talking nonstop telling us all about her Yoga Guru, book club, art lessons and walking group, she then proceeded to demand every minute detail of our lives in Wellington. I kept silent as Rose then Alice told Renee limited details of their lives.

They were sworn to secrecy on my being fired.

"So Bella, how's things at Cullen Industries, I hope Edward's treating you well?" My throat constricted at the mention of Edward's name and tears pricked my eyes. I shot a warning glance at Alice and Rose and cleared my throat, "Actually Mum due to restructuring within the company I got made redundant. Edward is going to be working in France." I hoped Renee wouldn't notice how my voice shook.

She didn't seem to, she was too shocked, "You lost your job, couldn't Carlisle transfer you to a new department? I mean you've worked there since you left school."

"There were no openings." I said simply and stared out the car window at the ocean so I could avoid Renee's gaze.

"Even so Bella I'm shocked that Carlisle would show you such disloyalty to you after all these years. It's disgusting and right on Christmas. What are you going to do now sweetie?"

"I'm going to look for another job. I got a letter of recommendation and a redundancy package, so I've got time to find something else.

"Still they should have kept you."

"It's all good Mum. It's time for a change anyway."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Christmas day passed in a flurry of food, presents and festivities, well festivities for everyone else. My recent drowning of my sorrows had poisoned me and I gagged every time I tried to enjoy a tipple. I vented my frustration to Alice and Rose, "how the fuck am I going to drown out the horror that is my life on New Year's Eve if I can't even stomach a couple of mouthfuls of alcohol?" Rose and Alice giggled and I sighed deeply. We were alone on the deck enjoying the summer sun, Rose and Alice were both sporting hangovers and sadly I was jealous.

We discussed our plans for New Years Eve and decided to spend it in a bar called the Astrolabe in a small but crowded part of town. The place was packed due to the fact New Zealand cult band Blindspott were playing a gig there.

I was determined to force a couple of drinks down myself but I only managed a couple of mouthfuls of my vodka before I was starting to feel queasy. I was about to throw a hissy fit when the band struck up the first song and Alice was dragging me onto the dance floor. I instantly got into the music and it felt great to finally just let go of all the turmoil in my life and enjoy the pulsating music as it vibrated through the floor. They had just started up 'mind dependency' when I felt a pair of arms encircle my waist and the hard contours of some ones chest pressing into my back.

I spun around and found myself in the embrace of a gorgeous young Maori guy who looked about eighteen. He had beautiful smooth coffee coloured skin and warm brown eyes his jet black hair fell in ringlets down his back.

"Hi I'm Jacob, but most people call me Jake." He smiled widely revealing a set of ultra white teeth that gleamed against his dark skin.

"Bella," I smiled shyly as he began to sway us in time with the music.

"So Bella do you live around here or are you just here to enjoy the good times in the fabulous Bay of Plenty?" I knew exactly what Jake was getting at. For years Mount Maunganui, the usually sleepy seaside town came alive over the summer months as tens of thousands of New Zealanders flocked to its sunny shores in search of good times.

"I'm here from Wellington with my sisters to spend the holidays with my parents. How about you do you live around here?" I asked politely.

"I live here with my Dad and my grandmother, but I'm starting at Victoria University in February."

"Really, what are you studying?"

"Ecology and Biodiversity and Maori studies, so how about you what do you do in Wellington?"

"I've just given up my job as a P.A. And I'm not sure what I'm going to do next." I grimaced as the image of Edward gripping my legs tightly flashed across my mind.

"Ah well no need to worry about it now, who knows what tomorrow will bring, you know with the New Year and all that... it's the perfect time for new beginnings."

"You know what Jake you're right; it is the perfect time for new beginnings." We carried on dancing until the set was finished then headed for a relatively empty part of the room.

"Do you want a drink Bella?" Jake flashed a quick smile and I felt myself blush.

"Nah I went on a bender the other week and I still haven't recovered properly, should have waited for tonight... but there you go." He laughed loudly and I grimaced.

"How about something a little more medicinal and natural then?" I looked at him for a moment and he smirked.

I took a deep breath, "Yeah why not, I don't usually indulge in pot smoking but since I can't drink and it's the eve of a New Year."

"Come on then." He grabbed my hand and pulled me from the crowded bar.

"Where are we going?" I asked as we hit the pavement.

"To the beach," We made our way up the crowded street and cut through a walkway Jake knew of that brought us onto the road that ran parallel to the beach.

There were people everywhere wishing each other a good night as they staggered past.

I loved this time of year when everyone was in a good mood and people were being nice to each other. We made our way down the sand dunes; Jake kept a firm grasp on my hand as we made our way to the shoreline.

He pulled a joint from his pocket and sparked it up, toking deeply before passing it to me. I inhaled deeply holding the burning smoke in my lungs for as long as possible before exhaling slowly. I felt the effects of the weed immediately and my eyelids grew heavy and drooped and I could feel myself relaxing as all the tension of the last few weeks leaving me. Jake passed me the joint back and I accepted it gratefully, I took a large toke then another before passing the cigarette back to him. It was so dark on the beach that I could barely see in front of my feet, so I never saw the couple that were making out on the sand until I had tripped over them.

"Fuck, shit I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there." I stammered.

"No worries, happy New Year." Said a deep voice from the darkness.

"Yeah you to," Jake howled with laughter as he reached out to take my hand.

I joined in his laughter and soon we were laughing nonstop as we ran along the sand. "Oh my god I didn't even see them fornicating right there in public." I erupted into a fresh round of giggles, my stomach hurt and my cheeks ached from laughing so hard.

"Yeah I was going to tell them to get a room... but they're probably not old enough." We laughed some more and it felt good. Jacob was so easy going it was hard not to feel at ease around him.

Jacob handed me the joint, "hey I wonder what time it is?" He pulled out his phone and checked the time, "It's a quarter to midnight, come on let's go." He grabbed my hand and we ran toward the sand dunes we scrambled up them and emerged onto the crowded boardwalk.

There were thousands of people everywhere, the road had been cordoned off to traffic and there were three massive truck trailers parked at random intervals, each trailer had a different band playing with thousands of people swaying to their beats.

We joined the crowd dancing in front of the nearest trailer; Jake pulled me into his arms as SJD started strumming the first chords to 'Beautiful Haze.' We laughed at each other's attempts to sing the lyrics with the band.

_It might be nice to smash the state, but it's getting late  
__And mostly I'm just workin for the man  
__It might be good to tell the boss I don't give a toss and to stick his lame arse job  
__But I don't think that I can_

I should have told Carlisle to stick his lame arse job before he could fire me.

_The universe is mostly fine with me – it seems the only place to be  
__Wake up from your beautiful haze_

There was no way I was in a hurry to wake up from my beautiful haze, Jacob had some awesome weed.

_Rise up, smash your beautiful chains, climb out of your beautiful maze  
__Rise up, rise up  
__Climb down from your beautiful tower; you know you won't make beautiful remains  
__All that's left is this beautiful hour  
__And it's ours, ours_

Jacob grinned at me as he sang along to the lyrics.

_I sit here listening in five point one  
__When the working day is done, I look around and it's all good  
__I nailed my edicts to the lunch room door – make love not war_

How ironic it's making love that got me into this war. Internal war that is, between loving and hating Edward.

_They say just do it, I just did, and it seemed I really could  
_Yeah I just did it and it backfired horribly.  
_I'm just a puny guy on a blue green ball  
__Got no problem with that thought at all_

Yeah I'm just a puny P.A. nowhere near good enough for the perfect Edward Cullen.

_Wake up from your beautiful haze  
__Rise up smash your beautiful chains, climb out of your beautiful maze  
__Rise up, Rise up_

In my stoned and carefree state of mind I decided those words were going to become my mantra for the New Year. I was going to rise up above my recent humiliation and I was going to smash Edward's beautiful chains he had ensnared with and move my life forward in a positive direction.

_Climb down from your beautiful tower you know won't make beautiful remains  
__All that's left is this beautiful hour  
__And it's ours, ours._

Just then the music stopped and the countdown to New Year had begun, Jake was still holding me in his arms and I was so caught up in counting in the New Year with the thousands of others gathered on the beach that I completely forgot what happens on the stroke of midnight.

"_Four, three, two, one,_ Happy New Year!" Jake pulled me closer into his body and leaned forward bringing his lips to mine.

I completely froze, I wasn't ready for this and I felt confused. His hand twisted into my hair and he pulled me deeper into the kiss. My brain seemed to disengage from my body and I was suddenly responding my lips moved against his warm soft ones.

It was a very sweet kiss but there was not even a hint of a spark and there was certainly no electrical charge, Iike when Edward kissed me. I sighed in frustration when the image of Edward and our kisses flashed through my mind. I was going to have no shot at another relationship if images of Edward flashed up in my mind every time I kissed someone.

I pulled away from Jacob and smiled shyly, his bloodshot eyes stilled sparkled in the light of the street light we were standing under. "Jake I've got the munchies, let's go and get some food." He laughed loudly, his mood jubilant as he grabbed my hand and pulled me along the crowded footpath.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket when I felt it vibrating; I expected it to be Rose or Alice demanding to know where I had disappeared to. I was surprised to see Emmett's name on the caller I.D.

_Happy New Years Bells, I hope you're ok. Miss ya Mate, let's catch up soon._

I permitted myself a small smile; at least one Cullen male was loyal to me.

_Happy New Year Emmett, I miss you too. I hope you're having a good night._

Jake looked at me curiously as I waited for Emmett's reply.

_Nah it sucks, I'm at fucktards going away party. It's like a bloody funeral if it wasn't for the last of my Christmas cheer I think I'd probably throw myself off a bridge to alleviate the boredom._

My breath caught in my throat. So Edward was really leaving and there was absolutely no hope, my secret dream that he would come and find me was nothing but ashes.

_Sorry to hear your night sucks but don't jump off a bridge. I wish I had some Christmas cheer right now. How's Jazz?_

I was glad to know that Emmett wasn't mad at me, but I knew he wouldn't be, I'd never known Emmett to be mad about anything – except Edward of course. But I had no idea how Jasper had taken my indiscretion.

_He's all good. He says hi and told me to say he misses you._

He missed me too that was definitely a good sign. But I wanted to make sure that they really weren't angry.

_So you guys aren't mad about what happened?_

I stared at the question for a full minute before I pressed send.

_Not with you. It was fucktard that blew it not you. And the fuckin idiot knows it._

I wondered what Emmett meant by Edward knowing he blew it.

_Tell Jazz Happy New Year and tell fucktard good luck._

I could tell Jake was getting impatient with my lack of attention but I wasn't too worried.

_Jazz says happy New Year and hurry up and come back to Wellington, Fucktard says thank you and good luck to you. God he's such a dick head._

Well that was a very dignified response from Edward.

_I'll text you when I'm home enjoy the rest of your night xx._

Jake and I reached the burger restaurant and walked through the doors into the brightly lit space, I slid into an empty booth while Jake ordered for us. We ate in silence occasionally snickering at a drunken patron that would complain about the food or slow service.

We headed back to the beach and walked hand in hand back toward Charlie and Renee's apartment, when I pointed out which apartment building was there's he walked me to the entry.

"I had a really good night with you Bella and I'd like to hang out with you more when I get to Wellington, that's if you want to?" Jake ducked his head shyly and he looked so damn adorable.

"I had a really good time with you to Jake and I'd really like you to hang out with you as friends when you move to Wellington." I hoped that he'd picked up on my use of the word _friends._

"I'd like to be friends with you Bella." I smiled at him as I got out my cell phone and let him punch in his number; he gave me his phone so I could do the same.

"I'll see you round Jake and thanks again."

"See you Bella." He leaned forward and gave me a gentle kiss and once again Edwards face flashed across my mind.

I pulled away and walked into the building, as I caught the lift up to Charlie and Renee's apartment, I thought back to the kisses Jake and I had shared and compared them to the kisses I shared with Edward, there was no comparison.

My previously good mood evaporated, "I'm doomed to spend life alone. Damn you to the fiery pits of hell Edward Cullen."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

The next four weeks were spent lazing on the beach, enjoying the sunshine and all the opportunities it afforded. We surfed, swam, played beach volleyball and cricket by day and had barbeque dinners that included an abundance of local seafood.

It was with pouting lips that Rose, Alice and I said goodbye to Charlie and Renee at the airport and headed back to Wellington.

I said goodbye to Alice and Rose and headed up to my apartment, though I loved living in the heart of the city I was beginning to have half formed ideas about selling the place and combining the proceeds to my hush money and maybe buying myself a house in the suburbs.

I was just unpacking my toiletries in the bathroom when I came across a small green box; I frowned as I tried to remember back to when I last had a period. My eyes widened in fear when I realised it had been a while, longer than it should have been.

"Oh no, oh fuck…oh shit…please God don't do this to me." If my calculations were right I had missed my last period which should have arrived after I'd hooked up with Edward.I tore from the room and reached for the phone, I was so glad I had Alice on speed dial.

"Hello."

"Alice, its Bella, can you please come over right now, oh and can you stop at the pharmacy and buy me a pregnancy test."

"Oh fuck Bella…I'll be right over."

"Thanks and please hurry." I was starting to go into a panic the last thing I needed was to be pregnant to a guy who thought I was nothing more than a mistake.

I paced the floor and prayed to every Deity known to mankind not to let me be pregnant with Edward's child. I couldn't stop the hot angry tears that spilled from my eyes, "oh fuck…shit…fuck, hurry up Alice."

I rushed toward the door when I heard the key twist in the lock and moaned in relief when I saw her carrying a plastic bag full of different test kits. Rose followed her in with a sympathetic look on her face.

I looked back at the bag full of pregnancy tests and couldn't help but laugh, "Um…Pixie I'm pretty sure one box of tests would have done the job."

"Well Bella, you can never trust the reliability of these things so I thought if the majority of them come back positive we can safely assume you're pregnant. Now go and fill up on water and get ready to pee."

I rolled my eyes and rushed to the kitchen, I drunk three large glasses of water and waited for my bladder to oblige. I was grateful I didn't have to wait long and I couldn't help but laugh when Alice passed me six tests and made me pee on all of them at once.

"It will save time Bella, unless you want to be up all night drinking water and peeing on sticks." I sighed and nodded my head I couldn't argue with her logic.

I was so nervous I didn't even object to Rose and Alice being with me in the bathroom.

We waited for the indicator strips to either change colour or for lines to appear. Tears sprang to my eyes when the first six tests came back positive. The tears began pouring relentlessly when the second six tests also came back positive and I was sobbing uncontrollably when the last six tests came back positive as well.

"I'm so sorry Bella but I'd say that you are one hundred percent pregnant." Alice's voice rung with sympathy and she put her arms around me and held me close.

I was pregnant with Edward's child, could things get any worse? _Please don't answer that god I don't want to know._

Alice and Rose put me to bed and promised they'd stay with me tonight and support me whatever my choice. As soon as they closed the door I broke down and sobbed into my pillow. What the fuck was I going to do?

I cried for what seems like hours before exhaustion got the better of me and sleep finally took me...

**Chapter Three: Consequence **

**Edwards POV...**

The next morning greeted me with new perspective. This situation was what it was and I just had to try and make the best of it. I would tie up my life here and pack to start again in fucking France. As I got out of bed and made myself a coffee in the kitchen, I amused (or tortured) myself by thinking of all the things I hated that were French.

Escargot (snails just weren't appetizing: Spin it any way you want it's the truth.), their president (the male fucking version of Paris Hilton. That man should not be allowed to run a country) the Eiffel fucking tower (Overrated. Been there and done that, don't plan on going back.), no more Speight's (oh. Dear. God. They won't sell Speight's? What the fuck was I going to do?).

I took a deep breath and made my way to the lounge and sat down at the coffee table with my laptop. I really didn't have too much to organise, but the most worrying concern for me would be my house here in Wellington and my beach house on Waiheke. Shit, I was going to have to hire a caretaker for Waiheke, I couldn't ask Jazz or Em to keep an eye on it for me. I didn't really want them to know about it, even now with everything that had happened. It was still my little secret and I wanted to keep it that way.

Something caught my attention on the corner of the coffee table and I picked it up sniffing it appreciatively and smiling. Jasper had left me an early Christmas present in the form of a fat vanilla scented blunt. I put the blunt down, deciding I would have it after I had finished, I knew I needed to get this stuff done before I left, it would be almost impossible to do from

France.

I cracked my knuckles and bent over the laptop.

Time to sort my shit out:

Three hours later and I was sitting on my couch with a goofy grin on my face bobbing my head along to Sublime, my laptop still untouched.

Bradley Nowell's voice became floating through the speakers and I could almost see the notes of the music curling with the smoke above my head.

Cool.

_I smoke two joints in the morning.  
__I smoke two joints at night.  
__I smoke two joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright  
__I smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of war  
__I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints,  
__And then I smoke two more _

I took a big hit off the blunt and blew smoke rings out in front of me. It was really good shit. I hoped I'd remember to thank Jasper.

I was wasted.

_Daddy he once told me son you be hard working man  
__And momma she once told me son you do the best you can  
__But, then one day I met a man who came to me and said  
__Hard work good and hard work fine but first take care of head _

I finished the blunt and lay back on the couch, flicking the song onto repeat. Yeah, daddy was always fucking telling me to work harder and do better.

_Fuck it, just smoke the blunt and think of times of peace man. Mellow dude, _

Good advice, good fucking advice.

I finished the blunt and was more stoned than I could remember being in a long time.

I fucking love my brother; I thought as I sat there just blissed the fuck out. I hadn't felt this calm in what felt like a very fucking long time.

I was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

* * *

Christmas arrived and that morning I woke up in my old bedroom at my parents house and stared at the roof. It would take all my concentrated effort to keep my smile on my face today, but I would do it for my mother. She loved Christmas and insisted on making a huge production and I could hardly wreck the day she looked forward to most.

I got up and went downstairs to find my Mother in the kitchen whisking eggs and singing along to Christmas carols. She hadn't seen me yet, so I plastered on what I hoped was my most convincing smile and came behind her wrapping my arms around her and giving her a hug.

"Merry Christmas Mum, I hope you and Santa Claus kept it clean last night and you were discreet. It would kill Dad, you know." She giggled at me, and I knew my ruse was successful.

Ok, I just had to keep it up like that for the next….. Twelve hours.

Oh shit.

Esme out did herself on breakfast, and though the table was practically groaning from the sheer volume of food it carried, by the time we had finished there was barely a piece of

Vogel's left.

A concentrated effort on Emmett's part, he consumed at least three times more than the rest of us ate together. It was oddly horrifying and yet fascinating watching one man consume three times his body weight in food.

After breakfast, we exchanged gifts and watched The Nightmare before Christmas; it had been Emmett's choice this year and he purposely choose it to mess with Esme. It worked beautifully; she was appalled and insisted it was not a 'real' Christmas movie.

After lunch we made our way down to the City Mission and donated gifts and helped with the kitchen. We had done this every year since we had arrived in New Zealand when we were only small children.

Esme insisted, saying it was important to help those who were on hard times "It could be you one day boys, never take anything in this life for granted.". Esme's family had been very poor and she knew what it was like to live from dollar to dollar, and she made damn sure her son's learned the value of money too.

We arrived home at about four in the afternoon and Esme threw herself into Christmas dinner and we were banished to the lounge until she called.

It was awkward and no one said a goddamn thing. I think we had sat there for about half an hour before Emmett opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when Jasper and simultaneously shook our heads at him. Knowing Emmett and how he always managed to make an uncomfortable situation just that bit worse, we decided to cut him off at the pass. He closed his mouth and sat back with a scowl.

Silence followed.

When Esme appeared in the doorway forty-five minutes later, I think we breathed a collective sigh of relief. The four of us plastered those fake, plastic grins on our face and went to dinner, each playing his part to appease the one person who didn't deserve to have her day ruined.

I left that night at about nine o'clock and drove home. As soon as I had driven away from my parent's house, the smile had left my face and I felt empty once again.

It was my new coping mechanism, so fucking sue me.

I didn't bother turning on any lights when I got home, I knew my way to the liquor without the need for light. I pulled a bottle of Gentleman Jack (It was fucking Christmas after all.) and a bottle of 42Below vodka for variety. I proceeded to the deck with my pack of cigarettes, enjoying the warm summer breeze.

I fucking loved Christmas in New Zealand. Fuck the snow, there is nothing better than waking up on Christmas morning and going out for a surf before eating breakfast on the beach. I took another swig of the vodka, I didn't even bother to use a glass I just drank straight from the bottle and alternated between the two.

You would think after my recent foray into alcohol that I would never want to drink again, but that was never the case for me, it just meant I would have to drink harder now to not feel anything.

I sat there, drinking until I began to feel numb. I tried not to think about Bella and the way she had felt around me when she came, the way her eyes would roll back and close as she hit the peak of her climax.....

I tried not to think about Bella and how her Christmas had been.

I groaned, why couldn't I just fucking forget her?

Because you don't want to

I knew, it may be my ultimate undoing, but it's true.

* * *

New Years Eve, and my mother, in all her good-intentioned glory, had organised a going away party for me at Mercure, hiring out damn near half the place and hiring half the caterers in the area. Oh, she had the hotel's onsite caterers working too. She was a machine, and if you got in her way, be prepared to get knocked down.

I didn't want to go, and I actually tried to stay home and just not turn up. I mean, I was leaving, what did it really matter what Wellington's elite thought of me?

My brothers anticipated this would be my decision and turned up an hour before it was due to kick off.

"Hellllooo, Honey, I'm home!" Emmett called as he poked his head through the door, his keys jingling obnoxiously in his hand.

I really wished I hadn't given them those keys.

"Fuck off Emmett. I'm not going." I yelled and winced at the tone of my voice. I wanted to kick my own ass, I sounded like such a whiny bitch.

"Yes you are Fucktard, Mum put heaps of fucking effort into this, and who knows how she managed to fucking book the Mercure at this time of year." Emmett pushed me into my bedroom and began throwing clothes at me out of my drawers, none of which were appropriate.

"She flashed the Cullen name, guaranteed to get you whatever you want." Jasper interjected leaning in the doorway.

"Not everything." I mumbled grabbing a casual black suit from the closet and thinking of Bella. The Cullen name had never made a difference to her, and it was one of the things I had always admired most about her she held no false airs.

"All black. Either you are very patriotic or extremely fucking morose." Jasper commented on my attire as I emerged fully dressed from the bathroom.

"Shut up, I'm dressed aren't I?" I growled at him.

They practically pushed me out the door and into Emmett's Jeep while I argued that I wanted to take the Aston Martin. They argued I couldn't be trusted to stay if I had my own means of escape.

Very fucking astute of them:

We arrived and the place was packed full of the rich and famous of Wellington. Everyone here was kissing someone else's ass and they all hoped that by coming tonight that could gain favour with Carlisle and myself.

So, effectively it was our asses being kissed tonight. I reminded myself that Esme had put a lot of effort into this and the least I could do was not sulk the entire night.

I pulled out the mask.

I said all the right things at all the right times, I smiled at all the right people and shook their hands. I kissed their wives cheeks. I laughed at all their jokes.

I was Edward Cullen: The perfect son and protégé of Carlisle Cullen: I was the perfect gentleman Esme Cullen boasted of.

At least that's how I looked on the outside.

On the inside I was a mess. I felt like I was in some kind of bad acid trip, everyone around me looked like monsters, demons, vampires all disguised in their corporate plastic masks.

They were closing in on me and I couldn't breathe, I was gasping for oxygen, needing one single breath…..

I laughed at a joke the Mayor of Wellington had made. I have no fucking idea what the pompous twit said, but I knew I was expected to laugh.

Bella, her face flashed in front of my eyes, and every single brunette in the room with long hair made my heart jump with hope, was that Bella? I rationally knew that she wasn't here, couldn't be here, but my foolish heart would not be convinced.

I wanted her so I was seeing her everywhere. I was drowning and alone.

I had never felt so alone in my entire fucking life.

I day dreamed of Bella, the way I used to at work. Huh, it seemed like a lifetime ago now, but it was merely days.

I dreamed we were together, I dreamed of a barefoot (sexist, I know.) and pregnant Bella at my, our, home. The home I would finally fill with a family.

"Hey man, how are you holding up?" Jasper came up to me and touched my arm. He was concerned about me. I held my mask firmer in place; I didn't need to put this on Jazz.

He took on the pain of everyone around him, and he felt it as though it were his own.

Jasper was crude, somewhat sleazy in a charming kind of way, perverted druggie. He was also the most caring and compassionate person I knew and as childish as he could be, he was also the wisest person I knew.

"I'm holding up Jazz, it's the best I can do." I said keeping my voice low and steady. It was harder to keep up the façade around Jasper.

"That's enough for now bro, that's enough for now. You will get through this you know?" He asked clapping me on the shoulder. He seemed confident I could get past this. I was not so sure.

"You think so? Because I really don't see it getting any better than this Jasper, I can't get her out of my head and it's driving me insane! I know that I could never deserve someone like her, especially after what happened, but I can't stop thinking about what could have been!

She's everywhere, and I can't get to her!"

My words were desperate, a reflection of what I felt inside, but my voice was calm and neutral to the outside world. I was literally two fucking people at the moment and it was exhausting.

Jasper just looked at me sadly and shook his head. Fuck, I was unloading on him and that was exactly what I didn't want to do.

"Edward, you frustrate me you know? You act as though you have no choice in this, but you do. You're just too scared to take the chance, to step outside of the Edward

Cullen you and Carlisle have manufactured. Screw the deal Edward, go get the girl if you want to. Take her and ride off into the sunset. But if you don't, then don't sit here crying over what you're too scared to take a risk on. Love isn't perfect Edward, its crooked edges and frayed seams. It's worn and has scars and it's real. It's not the sterile, clinical idea you have in your head." He finished.

"Emmett's going to text Bella at midnight, it's not as good as hearing her voice, but it's the best we can do for you brother. Find us close to the time Ok?" He gave me a brief one armed hug and walked away, leaving me staring after him speechless. They were giving me a way to Bella?

If Carlisle found out: Fuck Carlisle, do it anyway. Emm and Jazz have your back, just do it!

Fuck it, I would. Consequences be damned:

Ok, settle down a bit, it was thinking like that, that got you into all this trouble to begin with.

"Edward?" I turned around to find Carlisle's steel gaze burning into me. I raised my eyebrows at him, what the hell did he want?

"I called a friend of mine who lives in France today, Marcus Denali. He has a daughter,

Tanya, who is around your age and lives in the apartment complex you are moving to, In fact, she will be your new neighbour."

I stared at him, why would I care about Marcus Denali's daughter? It's not like we we're going to be spending any time together or anything……

Oh, fuck me, is my father trying to set me up?

Had things got that bad?

Emmett and Jasper would certainly take the Mickey out of me if they ever caught wind of this.

"Yes, well, you haven't spent that much time in France, so I thought it might be beneficial for you to have a family acquaintance to make the transition easier. She has graciously offered to show you around and help you get on your feet."

"I don't need a fucking babysitter Dad; I'm quite capable of managing on my own." I spat at him. There was no ends to how far he would go to control me.

"Now calm down Edward, remember where you are. I know you don't like this situation but what you forget is that you put yourself here. The point is Edward, that this outcome is best for all concerned." he spoke to me as though I were a misbehaving child. I supposed in his eyes, I was.

"Best according to who?" I hissed at him forgetting myself for a moment but quickly recovering. The mask was back in place before anyone had noticed.

He opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by Esme.

"Carlisle, stop monopolising him: Everyone is here to say goodbye now let them do it!" She took me by my arm and spun me away before he could say a word. A group of bankers saw us and turned to talk, smiling broadly, but my mother swept past them rushing me onto the deck.

"What the hell is this all about Mum?" I asked in confusion.

"It's nearly midnight; I wanted to be with all you boys for the count-down." I looked and spotted Jasper and Emmett standing there grinning at our mother and how she was behaving.

This was the Esme we loved best, the small town girl who laughed with abandon and held no pretences. Usually we saw Esme Cullen, the polished sophisticated wife of Carlisle Cullen.

This Mum was definitely our favourite.

She pulled us all into a hug as someone got on the microphone to begin the countdown. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

My mother hopped up and down and squealed in delight, I hoped Carlisle didn't come out and see, he wouldn't approve and would just ruin her mood.

"I love you Emmett, my oldest and sweetest son, happy new year baby!" She kissed

Emmett on the cheek and he broke us apart and pulled Esme into a bone crushing hug.

"Love you too Mummy Bear!" She threw her head back and laughed. He put her down and she moved to Jasper.

"I love you Jasper, my sensitive and caring boy, happy new year sweetheart."

"Love you too mum." Jasper kissed her cheek. My mother turned to me and her eyes filled with sadness.

"And Edward, I love you my darling boy, so noble and gallant and good. I'm going to miss you so much…" She kissed me on the cheek, and a cough cut through the air.

"People are beginning to miss you Esme, come inside now." Carlisle held his hand out for her. She looked down at her feet for a moment and smiled then nodded and took Carlisle's hand.

"I'll leave you out here for awhile boys, Edward come back inside after you have spoken to

Emmett; you have guests to see to." She winked and then disappeared inside.

"What's going on?" I asked, hoping that this was what I thought it was.

"Emmett's going to text Bella now." Jasper said.

Yes!

I tried to look unruffled but failed miserably.

"I just text her happy new year and told her what a fuck awesome party you've got going on here." Emmett grinned at me.

I shook my head, this was predominantly a business affair, what the hell did he expect?

Strippers... Wait, actually Emmett probably would.

"Well, what's she doing?" I asked impatiently.

"Uh, enjoying new years?" Emmett guessed.

"Well, what's she saying then?" I asked getting more and more frustrated. It was fucking obvious Emmett was as high as a fucking kite, his eyes were the size of saucers and it was irritating me.

He looked down at his phone when it beeped. He laughed.

"She asked how Jazz is doing." Jasper smiled and I wanted to punch him. I was jealous that she hadn't mentioned me, even though I knew she probably wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

I couldn't blame her.

"Tell her I said hi, and I miss her. Shit's been boring since she left." Jasper grumbled.

Emmett pushed at the buttons on the phone texting the woman (my woman!) who I wanted more than any other, the woman that I loved.

"She's surprised we're not mad with her." Emmett said frowning down at the phone.

He looked up at me "It was your fucking fault anyway, you knew you wouldn't lose

your job." I rolled my eyes at him

"I didn't intend on Bella losing her job either Emmett, it just kind of turned out that way. But I agree, I'm the one at fault, not her."

"Definitely your fault," Jasper piped in.

"Not With You. Fucktards fault. Fucktard Knows It." Emmett spoke out loud as he text the reply.

I did know it was my fault, and I was a fucktard, but I hoped Bella would even just enquire after me. I was practically begging her silently for a sign, any fucking sign that she was interested.

Emmett's phone beeped.

"Jazz happy new year, and good luck fucktard. Well, on the bright side at least she mentioned you." He said looking at me. It didn't seem like the bright side to me she called me fucktard. Which I was, but it still stung.

You deserve it, so suck it up. She's moved on, you need to as well.

"Tell her I said happy new year and to haul ass back here, I'm BORED." Jasper said and both he and Emmett looked at me expectantly. They were waiting for my message.

I thought about her impersonal and insulting message, yes she had definitely moved on if that was anything to go by. But then perhaps she had never been where I was to begin with.

Had I misread that look in her eyes back in the office with Carlisle?

"Edward? Waiting bro." Emmett said impatiently.

Ok, well if she had moved on, then I would make her think I had too, I may have been pathetic, but I really didn't want to look that way. I had a little dignity left and what I did have, I intended on protecting.

"Tell her I said thank you, and I wish her luck as well." I said curtly.

Jasper looked at me sharply and Emmett just groaned "You are such a dick Edward," But he text my message anyway.

I felt detached. All those little hopes about Bella, no matter how unfounded, now suddenly vanished and I was faced with a very bleak future. One with entirely no hope, I made a decision. I strode back inside and found my father.

He turned to me in surprise and I simply said "Give me this Tanya's number and I'll set something up."

He smiled broadly at me and clapped me on the back. "I knew you'd see sense eventually

Edward. Forget about Isabella Swan, there are bigger and brighter things meant for you."

Forget about Isabella Swan? Impossible, Move on and live the rest of my life with this gaping black hole inside me? Yeah, I would live with the emptiness and just make do.

I had no other choice.

* * *

I sat in my seat in first class and waited for takeoff, I was heading to Paris with one stopover in Singapore. Then onto my new life: A life without brown eyes and mahogany hair, a life without sassy P.A.s and tinkling laughs.

A life without Bella:

An annoying airhostess began asking me if I was comfortable and did I perhaps want anything? This was the third time she had asked me since I boarded and it seemed her interest crossed over from merely professional to flirtatious and unprofessional. Once I would have flirted my ass off back, but now with my delightfully torturous memories of Bella pleasantly flaying me alive, the airhostess just aggravated me.

I told her that I was fine and was just going to try to sleep in the hopes that she would get the hint and leave me alone.

I plugged my ear buds in and scrolled to Boys Don't Cry by The Cure.

_I would say I'm sorry  
__If I thought that it would change your mind  
__But I know that this time  
__I have said too much  
__Been too unkind _

I would say sorry if I thought it would make a difference, but Bella's text message had told me all I needed to know.

I _would break down at your feet  
__And beg forgiveness  
__Plead with you  
__But I know that it's too late  
__And now there's nothing I can do _

It was definitely too late, I was on a plane to the other side of the planet. As for forgiveness, I was not worthy of her forgiveness.

_I would tell you that I loved you  
__If I thought that you would stay  
__But I know that it's no use _

_That you've already  
__Gone away _

I knew I loved Bella, but I wished I didn't. It only made this so much harder. I had never been in love before, and to have it ripped away was excruciating.

We were told to fasten our seatbelts and I did as instructed. I listened to the song while I watched the airhostess mime directions at us.

I was really doing it. I was leaving behind everything I loved. These were the consequences of my actions and I was going to accept them.

_Boys don't cry. _


	4. moving on

**Author's Note:** **Hey everyone! Author's Note from me Greenaway this week...First off warnings for this chapter: offensive language, sexual content, and substance abuse. This warning will be consistent for the entire story. Be warned.**

**Second, the blog hold up has been my fault. Computer programs have been driving me crazy and I am attempting to rectify the situation as this is posted. It's alright, if it doesn't co-operate I am going to go all fucking ninja on it and prove who is boss. :-)**

**Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews. It's all appreciated.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, CinnamonTwist101 and Greenaway own An Angel at My Table. Oh my god Remix, Mark Ronson feat Lilly Allen, One Step Closer by Linkin Park, Just another night Mick Jagger, Learning to fly Tom Petty**

**CHAPTER 4: Moving On**

**Bella POV**

I woke with fresh tears leaking from my eyes; I wiped them away with the back of my hand but more followed. I groaned and pulled the blankets over my head. How did my life get to this point? Unemployed, alone and pregnant to a man who I loved but now resides on the other side of the world and thinks I'm nothing more than a stupid mistake.

What was I going to do? I had to make a decision on whether I wanted to have this baby, whether I wanted this huge lifelong responsibility, if I wanted to be a solo parent and most importantly did I want to have a baby to a man who didn't feel the same way?

Motherhood had never been high on my list of priorities. The few times I'd actually thought about having children it was always with a man who wanted the whole package.

A knock on my bedroom door brought me from my tumultuous thoughts, "come in." I groaned.

I pulled the covers from my face when Alice walked in with a breakfast tray laden with all my favourite foods, my mouth watered as my eyes fell upon the plate of apricot Danishes the fresh fruit salad and the steaming cappuccino with both cinnamon and chocolate sprinkles.

Rose followed her into the room and eyed me sympathetically, "are you all right Bella?"

"No." I answered honestly.

"Have you thought about what you are going to do?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it? We can help you go through the lists of pros and cons it might make it easier to decide." I smiled at Rosalie, she was such a practical person she always weighed up the pros and cons before she made a decision.

I used to hassle her about it as a teenager, but she always said she found it easier to live with her decision if she made an informed choice.

"Yeah I guess so, I can't really put it off and it would be good to know what I want to do before I see the doctor."

Rose took a piece of paper and a pen from my computer desk in the corner of my room and came to sit on the bed with me and Alice. I grabbed Danish as Rose headed up her two columned lists with pros and cons in bold text.

"So Bella I think we should start with the cons first it's always better to get the negatives out of the way so you have the positives to look forward to." I nodded at her in agreement I couldn't fault her logic.

**CONS: PROS:**

No father around * Motherhood

Big financial responsibility * Unconditional love

Loss of freedom and opportunity * Joy

Limits potential in finding Mr Right * Milestones

Lifetime commitment * Pitter Patter of tiny feet

Tough times to weather on your own * Baby smell and soft skin

The Cullen's/ the devil * Designer Baby gear

"Oh shit," Rose groaned, "there's an even split between the pros and cons, god I hate it when that happens, Jesus Bella you must have really done something to piss off the gods." Rose patted my arm in sympathy.

I groaned, like she needed to state the obvious, "Yeah I know, but what did I do? Maybe I was an evil sorceress in my last life and now my karma's catching up on me."

"I doubt it very much Bells, it's all in the way you look at it. I mean it could all turn out to be a blessing in disguise."

I looked at Alice in surprise and snorted, "Do you reckon?" I couldn't see any blessings in this nightmare scenario.

"Yes," Alice said with total conviction, "everything happens for a reason."

"Bells?" Rose interrupted, "I'm going to make an appointment for you with your Doctor for later on this afternoon."

"Rose I...I can't make the decision by this afternoon."

"Yes you can Bella. There's no point in stalling, it's not going to go away or fix itself, you'll feel better and be able to move forward and make plans once your decision is made."

I knew Rose was right but it didn't make it any easier. This was going to be a life altering decision whichever way I chose to go. I studied the pros and cons list, the cons were practical but the pros were purely emotional.

I tried to imagine myself holding a tiny baby in my arms, all warm and soft skin and sweet smell and I had to admit the image did tug at my heart strings especially since it was Edward's baby, it was sure to be beautiful. Unfortunately my head wanted its two cents worth and my mind quickly brought up an image of me looking very frazzled with a crying, whinging, unsatisfied child clinging to my leg.

"Fuck…shit…what the fuck?" I moaned and tried to zone out of the internal battle raging between my head and my heart.

Though I now knew in my heart that I loved Edward with all of my being. I had also accepted the fact that we could never be together.

And just like that my decision was made. I would keep Edward's child and raise it with all the love that my heart had stored for Edward, this way I could get to keep a part of the man I could only have in my dreams.

"I'm going to keep the baby." I blurted out. I smiled though, when I heard the conviction in my voice as my words rang in my ears.

"Yay Bella; I'm so happy for you. Rose we're going to be aunties. Ooh Bells I bet the baby will be gorgeous with such hot looking parents." Alice and Rose both reached over to hug me tightly and I felt a warmth shoot through my veins.

"We'll be there for you every step of the way Bells."

"Thanks, I'm sure I'm gonna need it."

"So what are you going to tell Mum and Dad?" The warmth in my veins turned to ice as I registered Alice's words.

I sighed, what the fuck was I going to tell Charlie and Renee? I doubted that sole parent was high on their list of dreams for their daughter. Not that I had any problem with it.

"Fuck, I don't know? I'm not telling them Edward's the father that's for sure."

"Hmm...Are you sure that's wise Bella?" I could tell Rose disapproved by the way her perfectly plucked brow arched in surprise.

"Yes. I don't want anybody to know Edward's the father, the last thing I need is for Carlisle the devil to find out I'm carrying the genetic spawn of his dark Angel. He'll probably have a doctor cut the child from me the moment I'm due and then have me assassinated."

Rose and Alice both laughed, but I shook my head, I was only half joking, I had no idea what kind of extreme lengths Carlisle the control freak would go to too eliminate a perceived problem. The man was absolutely ruthless.

"I plan to raise this child alone with absolutely no interference from the Cullen family. I want you two to swear on all you hold precious that you will not tell a soul the identity of the father. Do you swear?" I looked at them pleadingly.

"Sure." Alice gave me a dazzling smile.

"Of course Bella;" Rose nodded solemnly.

"Good and thank you both, now help me think up a good cover story, one that will fool even Renee and Charlie."

"You could tell them it was a one night stand."

"Fuck off Alice, Charlie would flip; he's going to be furious enough, without him thinking that his daughter is a promiscuous slapper, irresponsible enough to get pregnant to a man she doesn't know...I don't think so."

"True... It was only a suggestion." She sighed sadly.

Rose looked up at me with a smile, "what about if we say you were dating a foreign exchange student from Sweden. You could say he was only at Victoria University for a semester and you went out a few times but now he's gone home and you have no way of contacting him?"

"You know what Rose that's not half bad. At least Charlie won't be able to use his connections on the police force to track the guy the guy down."

We spent the rest of the day refining my story and by the time we arrived at the doctor's surgery we each knew the inside out and we'd thought of convincing answers to the probing question Renee was sure to ask.

The doctor confirmed what the eighteen home pregnancy tests had already told me, that I was indeed six weeks pregnant. Alice and Rose were ecstatic. I was petrified but determined now I'd made the decision.

We headed out to my favourite Italian restaurant so Alice and Rose could celebrate and we could make a rough plan of what I should do next.

"Well Bella I think you should sell your apartment and combine the proceeds with your hush money to buy yourself a house with a yard. You don't want to raise a child in an apartment building when you have the chance to have green space."

"Yeah I've been thinking about that. I'm also going to apply for a job at the university, just to mark the exam papers. It's the perfect job, I'll be able to work it around the baby and I'll be able to work from home."

"Good idea bell's it's good to see you're thinking clearly." Rose smiled at me approvingly and I felt more confident.

"Let's ring and tell Renee and Charlie, the sooner they know the sooner they'll get over it."

"I don't know Alice. Charlie's going to have a hissy fit."

"Too late," Alice had pulled out phone and dialled as soon as she heard the first ring she handed it to me with a smile.

I prayed Charlie and Renee would be out enjoying their various pursuits and wouldn't be home, my heart sank when Renee answered after the third ring.

"Hello."

"Hi Mum its Bella."

"Bella; honey how are you?"

"Um…I'm ok…look Mum; I have something I need to tell you."

"What is it sweetheart, are you alright?" My throat constricted and my mouth went dry.

I took a deep breath and blurted out, "I'm pregnant." I closed my eyes and waited for the explosion.

"What, what did you say dear?"

"I said I'm pregnant, six weeks pregnant."

"...Who are you pregnant to Bella? I didn't think you even had a boyfriend."

"I don't have a boyfriend... Look Mum this is what happened." I quickly told her the story we had concocted and closed my eyes hoping she would believe my pack of lies.

"Are you going to tell him, are you going to find out if he wants to raise this child with you?"

"No Mum I'm not planning on telling him. I wouldn't even know where to find him."

"So what are you planning on raising this child alone as a solo parent?"

"Yes I am Mum and there's nothing wrong with that."

"Oh... are you sure you want to go it alone Bella. I have to tell you it won't be easy."

"I'm sure Mum and I'll have Rose and Alice for support."

"Well Bella...I guess if you're happy then so am I... A grandmother! I can't believe it. I'll have to start knitting at once. Winter in Wellington can be freezing and I wouldn't want my little grandchild to catch a cold."

And just like that Renee had moved on from disappointment to knitting.

"Mum could you please break the news to Dad? I know he's going to be disappointed and you are the only one who may have a chance at making him see reason."

"Of course sweetie, but Bella expect a phone call, you won't be able to avoid him... but I'll make sure he calms down before he calls you."

"Thanks heaps for understanding Mum I really appreciate it."

"That's what Mothers are for Bella. Now look after yourself and I'll talk to you soon."

"Ok Mum, I love you."

"I love you to Bells and say hi to your sisters for me."

I closed the phone and let out a relieved sigh at least Renee had taken the news well, I wasn't holding out much hope that Charlie would be so easily appeased.

Alice seemed to be thinking along the same lines, "Well I see Mum brought it I doubt you'll be so lucky with Charlie... though it was a stroke of brilliance to get Mum to tell him."

"She promised she wouldn't let him call until he'd calmed down so I'm guessing he's going to hit the roof."

"Oh well Bella don't worry about it, he'll have to accept it sooner or later there's no point crying over spilt milk. Now let's go back to your place and search the internet for the perfect house for you." Alice patted my arm soothingly.

"That sounds good Alice I need to a distraction to keep myself from stressing about Charlie." We left the restaurant hand in hand and I noticed the tight knot in my stomach had lessened slightly. I was feeling a little better now I'd made a plan and told Renee my news.

We searched the internet for properties in Wellington and after an hour I was sure I'd found the perfect one for me. The house was modest but the grounds were beautiful and so was the view of the harbour. I was ecstatic that my offer was accepted and I could move in to my house in six weeks time.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I was grateful when Charlie and Renee flew to Wellington to help me move, Charlie who had hardly said anything since he'd arrived was impressed with my purchase but not so much with my decision to raise a baby on my own.

He waited until we were alone on the deck before he made his views known, "Bella, I have to say that I'm not very happy about you getting pregnant to a man your barely know and who you have no plan to include in your life. It was very irresponsible to get yourself into this situation. However since you have made your decision I want you to know that I'll always be here for you."

"Oh...Thanks Dad and I'm really sorry I disappointed you."

"That's ok sweetheart, I guess I'm pretty chuffed to be getting a grandchild out it." He gave me a big hug and kissed my cheek before going to retrieve another box from the car.

The weekend went by really fast and before I knew it Renee and Charlie were due to fly back to Tauranga. Renee was fuming when she learned she had booked the flights home on the day I was going for my first ultrasound. She cried and begged Charlie to rearrange their flights so she could attend.

"That's not going to be possible Renee you're scheduled to host your book club this afternoon and it's too late to back out now." Renee glowered at Charlie and looked like she was about to argue some more so I intervened.

"Mum I promise as soon as I'm home from the Doctors I'll email you the images they'll be in your inbox by the time you get home I promise. Besides you can't let the book club down, you've been raving about that Twilight vampire book since you got here."

"I know Bella, promise you will read it. I left you a copy on the kitchen table."

"Sure Mum I promise. Now hurry up before you miss your flight." I hugged them tightly and followed them out the door.

I sat nervously in the Doctors waiting room flanked by Rose and Alice, I was torn between almost palpable anticipation and crippling fear at the thought that I was about to see with my own eyes the baby growing inside me.

My heart began to beat double time when I saw my doctor emerge from her office and smile widely at me, "Isabella I will see you now."

Rose held my hand, I followed Alice and the Doctor into the room, the Doctor ushered me onto the bed and asked me to lift my top and expose my stomach.

"According to your records Bella you are twelve weeks along?"

"Yes that's right."

"You look quite a bit further along than that. Let's get started and we can take some measurements and get a more accurate picture."

I watched the television monitor as the Doctor applied the sonar gel to my stomach and positioned the scanner over my abdomen.

I don't admit to knowing the first thing about the inner workings of a woman's womb but even I knew there was something different about the picture on the screen.

"Well Bella I now know why I thought you were further along than twelve weeks. It seems you are having twins, they appear to be fraternal and they both look perfectly healthy. By the measurements you are approx twelve to thirteen weeks along."

"Twins... I'm...having twins?" I stuttered, tears pooled in my eyes and I felt sick. There was no way I was prepared for that.

"Yes that's right Bella." I looked at Alice and Rose in alarm, they both gave me reassuring looks that weren't doing anything to reassure me. My tears spilled down my cheeks and Alice hugged me tightly.

I tried to concentrate on what the Doctor was saying, Rose could obviously see the fear on my face because she squeezed my hand, "its ok Bells, Alice and I are here for you."

I never spoke once we left the Doctors office; shock and fear were overwhelming me. I was in way too deep but I knew it was too late to back out now. Thankfully Rose and Alice left me in peace; both of them knew I needed to come to terms with the fact by myself.

When we arrived back at my apartment I headed straight for the shower I hoped the hot water would might soothe me. I was distracted by Alice calling out through the bathroom door.

"Bell's do you want me to call Renee with the news or do you want to do it?"

I thought about it for a moment and I knew I wasn't going to hold it together long enough to tell Renee.

"You can do it." I continued to stand under the hot water and tried not to think how seriously fucked up my life was while Edward got off lightly again.

I flopped down on the couch and hugged a cushion to my chest, the shower hadn't soothed me and I was still agitated and scared.

Alice must have sensed my spiralling mood because she finally spoke, "are you alright Bells?"

"No not really. How the fuck am I going to raise twins... alone?"

You won't be alone; you'll have me and Rose."

"Not all the time I won't most of the time I will be doing it by myself."

"You'll be fine Bella, try to think positively so you don't get to down in the dumps."

"That's easy for you to say Alice."

~~~~XXXX~~~~~

I was out doing some gardening when Jake turned up; I smiled when I saw him walking up the path, "Hey Jake long time no see... why aren't you in class today?"

"I've finished my lectures for the day. So I thought I'd come over and see how you're doing."

"Well come in and I'll make you a coffee."

"Wow Bells I really love your place and the grounds are awesome."

"Yeah well it's going to be a great place to raise children now that I'm going to be a Mother of two."

"What do you mean a Mother of two, are you pregnant?" He looked me over his eyes widening when he reached my rapidly swelling stomach. "Far out you are pregnant."

"Yes... with twins."

"Holy fuck Bella, where's the father?"

"Not in the picture. He lives in Sweden."

"Well don't worry about a thing Bells, I'll look after you." He gave me an earnest look and a huge smile.

"You don't have to do that Jake." I said embarrassed.

"I know I don't but you're my friend and I want to," I gave him a small smile, "I'll be able to help you assemble the baby furniture and paint their rooms and I can be their uncle Jake."

My smile grew when I heard him refer to himself as their Uncle, "I'd really like that Jake."

I went to bed that night feeling way more confident I felt like I could do this with the help of Alice, Rose and Jake by my side.

My main priority now was to avoid running into any of the Cullen's and to get organised in preparation of taking on the most challenging role of my life.

I let my mind drift to thoughts of Edward and my heart throbbed painfully. I wished_ he _was here to take this Journey with me…

**Edward POV**

The flight was long and uncomfortable despite being in first class. In fact, the only thing that made the flight tolerable was the abundance of alcohol the flirty stewardess kept plying me with. She was brazen in her interest and by no means unattractive; in fact she was fucking gorgeous.

She was tall and shapely, with long blond hair and a killer rack. She was your cat-walk model beautiful, but I felt nothing. No attraction, no spark of electricity when our hands accidentally touched, nothing. The only one who held any attraction for me was Bella, and since the stewardess wasn't my Bella, I couldn't bring myself to fuck her in the bathroom like she suggested to me at one point. I told her I was too drunk, and she just shrugged and said maybe next time, before handing me a fresh glass of whiskey, bless her slutty little heart.

We touched down at little after ten pm, and I looked at the weather outside in disgust. I had come from beautiful, sunny New Zealand to cold, rainy France. Fucking perfect.

I spent fifteen minutes in the rain trying to find a damn taxi and then another fifteen trying to explain the address in my out of practice French to the driver. He finally understood and muttered something about foreigners under his breath before pulling away from the curb. I sank back into the seat and looked out the window, Paris was the epitome of my misery at present, and it seemed to be swallowing me whole.

We arrived half an hour later at the penthouse Cullen Industries owned in the 7th Arrondissement, residence of Paris's wealthy and elite. The district certainly threw the fact that it's occupants had money straight at you, and heaven help you if you didn't measure up to their standards. I felt ill at all the pretension around me and I wanted to turn around and go back to Wellington, where it didn't matter how much money you had. The only thing that mattered back home was if you fell into the category of good bastard or bad bastard.

The doorman rushed over to help me with my carry-on bags but I waved him away. I had no forced niceties to offer him, and I would only end up being rude and insulting, so I just walked past him to the elevator without a second glance. I pressed the button for the penthouse once I was in the little gilded coffin that doubled as an elevator. An irritating little ding rang out before the doors opened to a small hallway with a single door across from me. I unlocked the door with the keys Carlisle had given me and I opened it, flicking on the lights and kicking my bags into the corner.

This was my new home.

The sight of the place had the alcohol I had consumed on the plane wanting to make a reappearance. The place was fucking awful.

It was decorated in lavish reds and gold and all the furniture was genuine antique. It screamed 'Carlisle Cullen' not 'Edward Cullen'.

_A shoebox would have been more fucking homely_ I thought snidely.

I made my way into the lounge and looked out the huge windows, shaking my head in disbelief. I had a view of the Eiffel fucking tower.

Just _perfect_.

I pulled my cell phone out and dialled Esme's number, she had begged me to call her as soon as I arrived and I had promised her I would. Carlisle told me to make sure I got to the office early, so I could make a strong impression on the staff there. Different styles of parenting right there I supposed.

"Hello? Edward?" My mother's excited voice rang out and I smiled at her enthusiasm.

"Hey Mum, I got here." I responded with a tired sigh.

"I know, so when are you coming home? I miss you already you know."

I missed her too.

"Things are going to be pretty busy for a while Mum, I'll try to visit as often as I can but you could always come to France?" I joked, my mother, however, took me completely seriously.

"I'll get onto organising it. I doubt your father will tear himself away from work, but maybe Emmett and Jasper can take some time off and come with me, you know how I hate to travel alone." She began rambling, going through all the things she would need to organise for her trip. I tried to stifle a yawn, jet lag was getting to me.

"Come whenever you want Mum, but right now _I_ better get some sleep before tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too baby, call me soon ok?"

I checked out the rest of the penthouse and it was just as bad as the bits I had seen. If the furniture wasn't all original and older than I was, then I would have fucking thrown everything out and started again. I made my way over to the bar in the corner of the lounge, because Carlisle would _definitely_ have something in there and it would be something good. I opened the cabinet and my hands trembled when I saw the bottle sitting there.

_Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! _My increasing alcoholism squealed like a fan-girl. Chivas Regal Royal Salute, fifty years old Scotch Whiskey. The stuff went for about ten thousand a bottle and this one had not even been touched, Carlisle must have brought it for a special occasion and since I _knew_ it would not be for my mother since she hated whiskey……

I cracked it open and held it up in a toast.

"Here's to you Carlisle, and your very fine whiskey. Cheers, you overbearing ass-wipe." I took a generous mouthful and it was fucking _divine_, it felt like satin sliding down my throat.

I made my way to the bedroom, there was no way I was sitting on those uncomfortable fucking chairs and drinking something like this. One should be comfortable and _savour_.

The grown-up part of my mind reminded me that I had a meeting at eight o'clock and perhaps drinking this much, no matter the quality, was a very bad idea.

The meeting was a meet and greet of sorts with the staff at the new office and I was dreading it. I was the new boss, walking in after they had pretty much done all the hard work. I was meant to come in and put the official Cullen stamp on everything and take the glory. Since they would probably already despise me for that, I probably _shouldn't_ turn up hung over or still drunk (It was not within the realms of impossibility.).

Three hours later, the bottle was finished and I was completely shit-faced. Several times I grabbed my phone with the intention of calling Bella and declaring my undying love for her and each time, I managed to hang up before the call connected. Thank god, even though I was smashed, I knew that talking to her in this state would not be a good idea.

Images of our night together flashed through my mind each one stronger than the last and I was fucking groaning just thinking about her soft, soft skin and that fucking smell of hers that drove me to insanity. My cock was fucking hard and without thinking about it, I undid my pants and began stroking myself, imaging it was Bella's hand in place of my own.

She became my sexual muse.

_Imagination-Bella's hands gripped my length firmly, a little to firmly and I hissed, a mixture of pleasure and pain._

"_Do you like that baby?" She whispered into my ear, twisting her tongue around the lobe and sucking gently. My breathing hitched as her hand sped up a little, sliding up and down me while I thrust my hips upwards towards her, urgent for more of her. She laughed, sounding so sultry and erotic that I nearly came then and there._

"_You wish you could put this in my tight, hot, little pussy don't you Edward?" _

_Imagination-Bella's dirty little mouth began licking a line from my jaw to my collarbone, and I could smell her everywhere. It was heaven and hell all at the same time, having her here close to me like this, yet knowing it wasn't real._

"_I'm as real as you need me to be baby." her mouth had moved down my body and she was tracing her tongue in gentle little circles on my chest. _

_I wanted her so much, I missed her so fucking much, I was miserable without her._

_I loved her. _

"_I love you too, Edward, I love you so much that I want you to come for me. Right now Edward, come for me…" I thrust up into her hand and came with a fury, my whole body shaking violently with my release. Imagination-Bella kissed me gently on the lips, her breath feathering over my face_

"_Till next time my Edward." She whispered and disappeared, leaving me feeling satisfied yet so empty and alone._

I grabbed some tissues from the bedside table and cleaned myself up, tossing them neatly into the bin despite my drunken state. I sank back into the pillows and succumbed to sleep, visions of my Bella dancing behind my eyelids.

The next morning I woke with the headache to end all headaches and my stomach was turning back flips. It was hard fucking work, but I dragged myself out of bed and showered, before staggering my way out to the kitchen. I was just about to make myself some coffee when a knock came at the door. I didn't know anybody here so I was a little confused as to who the hell it could be. I went to the door and opened it, prepared to give whatever tele-marketer had found their way into the building a piece of my fucking mind. I was fuming.

I opened the door so forcefully it slammed against the wall, revealing a tall strawberry blonde who was looking at me like a piece of meat and she was a stray fucking dog. Just what I need, a hangover _and_ being blatantly eye-fucked at seven in the morning. I just stood there glaring at her, waiting for the vacant bitch to tell me what the fuck it was she wanted.

"You must be Edward Cullen." She practically purred at me. I rolled my eyes

"Very fucking astute of you. What the hell do you want?" I retorted.

She just stood there, her eyes roving hungrily over my body and while she was certainly attractive, at the moment all I wanted to do was vomit and she was taking her sweet fucking time about answering me.

"I'm here to take you to work! I'm Tanya by the way." She said brightly, showing far too many teeth when she smiled. So this was Tanya? Fucking joy.

"So, are you ready? Your father wanted me to help you settle in as much as possible." She said, her eyes never leaving me. Fuck, I felt like I was staring into the eyes of a predator, she looked more than ready to take me down.

_Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella. She's not Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella. She's not Bella._

The familiar ache that took residence in my heart whenever I thought of Bella, flared to life and suddenly the nausea I had been fighting won the battle. Tanya was still going on about Carlisle and some other mindless bullshit, so I rudely cut in.

"Excuse me for a moment." I said and leaned behind the door, throwing up tidily in a rather old and expensive looking umbrella stand.

"Oh my god, are you alright?" Tanya's high pitched voice just compounded on my misery.

"Fucking peachy." I answered while spitting the remains of the whiskey out of my mouth. I knew I was being rude, but I really didn't fucking care.

"Maybe you should call in and stay home for the day. I could take care of you!" She finished clapping her hands together in delight.

_Oh, shoot me now._

"No, I'll be fine." I said and tried to stand up. Another wave hit me and I vomited again. Carlisle's ten thousand dollar bottle of Chivas was now sitting in the bottom of his antique umbrella stand and despite the fact that I had just expelled part of my stomach lining, I smiled. Twice the 'fuck you', Emmett would be proud.

"Are you sure, because you look pretty sick, you know. I'll just call Irina, it will be fine, go lay down and….."

She just didn't _shut up_. My fragile patience snapped.

"Shut up! God, do you ever just fucking _shut up_!" I yelled. I calmed a little before I spoke again "And who the fuck is Irina anyway?"

Tanya flinched back when I yelled at her, but nothing seemed to keep her down for long, as soon as I mentioned Irina, she began another drawn out spiel.

"Irina is your P.A. and my sister! Isn't that great? She's a bit dull, but really clever so I'm sure you two will get on. Because your both clever. Not dull, I wasn't calling you dull."

I pushed her out the door and followed, locking it behind me, she was driving me nuts. We went to the parking garage below the building where Tanya's car was parked. She unlocked and I climbed in, terrified about the car ride ahead. This woman was like listening to fingernails scrape on a chalk board and to top it off, her sister was my P.A. . I hoped the similarities would only be superficial, because if this 'Irina' was as vapid as her sister, I might just hang myself.

"I thought I could come around tonight and bring dinner for you, what time do you think you'll be home?" She asked looking at me while I tried not to jump across the centre console and take the fucking wheel, because she spent more time staring at me than the road.

"Uh, I'm not sure. How about we just go out somewhere? That way I can come and get you when I'm … Fuck watch the road!" I screamed as she narrowly missed another car.

She, of course, didn't seem to have noticed her close call.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm used to these roads! We could go to L'Astrance. I live one floor below you apartment 219, so you can come down once you're ready."

Tanya didn't require an answer it seemed, because she began rattling on about what she would wear that evening. I really didn't care enough to listen.

We arrived at the office alive (I'm not sure how, that woman has no business being behind the wheel of a car.) and I got out, waving off her offer to walk me in.

"I'll pick you up tonight. Thanks Tanya." I added, a little bit of the son Esme raised coming back through the hung-over haze I was in. She was just trying to be friendly after all and I was acting like a jerk.

As soon as I stepped inside I was greeted by the receptionist who told me her name was Kate. She was the spitting image of Tanya, they could've been sisters.

"Felix and Demetri are waiting for you in the conference room sir." She said politely ignoring my stare. Fuck they could be twins.

"That would be where?" I asked a little irritated. I would have thought it was quite apparent I'd need directions.

Apparently not. Maybe her and Tanya shared more similarities than just looks.

"Mr Cullen?" A pleasant voice rang out behind me. I turned to find myself looking at another Tanya doppelganger. I looked back to Kate and then turned to look back at the woman before me. She smiled in amusement at me.

"My name is Irina sir, that is my sister Kate, and I believe my eldest sister Tanya is your neighbour and chauffeur this morning?"

Ah, that made sense, I suppose. I was surrounded by Marcus Denali's daughters, literally fucking everywhere, home and the office.

"Ah, yes she mentioned that you were my new P.A. . I just didn't realise your other sister also worked for Cullen Industries."

She gave me a smirk "Well, I suppose Kate and I could have worked for our father, but who would want to be under their father's thumb like that?"

She was teasing me for my position at Cullen Industries. It was quite refreshing, she wasn't flirting with me like Tanya and she wasn't ignoring my existence like Kate. Thank god one of the Denali women were normal.

"So how do _you_ enjoy living in the same city as _your father_? Particularly a father like Marcus Denali?" I teased her right back, feeling the most normal I had in a long time.

She laughed at me and began walking, motioning with her head for me to follow.

"You're going to fit right in here Mr Cullen." She said with a quiet snort.

"Call me Edward, please." I said as we came to the end of the corridor and a room clearly labelled 'Conference Room'. Maybe I would have been able to find it on my own.

Irina opened the door to reveal two men arm wrestling on the large conference table. They both had their jackets off, thrown carelessly over the table and their shirt sleeves rolled up past their elbows. They hadn't even noticed our arrival, so involved in their game were they? Irina put a hand up on my chest to stop me, and pulled me back so we were hidden behind a large display screen. She grinned evilly. I looked at her confused and she just mouthed at me to shut up and watch.

Neither of them were slight men, but one clearly outweighed the other and looked like he was about the same build as Emmett. He had short cropped, bright red hair and a pale complexion, and was obviously the stronger of the two. The other man had an olive skin and looked almost Mediterranean. He had shoulder length black hair tied back in a ponytail. He was sweating a bit from the exertion and I had to applaud his tenacity. Irina was struggling to keep her laughs in beside me, and I looked at her confused. Who the hell were these people and why were we standing here? She just punched my arm lightly and motioned for me to keep watching.

Felix seemed to be tiring of the game and he flicked his wrist sharply, slamming the dark haired man's hand down into the table.

"Who's your daddy??" Felix demanded jumping up from his seat and fist punching the air. The dark haired man looked up at him in disgust.

"I'm not going to say it." He said

"Oh, yes you are. You agreed to the terms of the match now follow through! Or I'll tell Irina what a pussy you really are!"

I looked down at Irina who was blushing. I automatically thought of Bella, and the little normalcy I had been experiencing vanished. I missed Bella.

"Fine! You're such a prick, you know that?" The dark haired man broke me out of my thoughts.

"Just say it!" Red haired guy demanded.

"Felix, I am your bitch. Your balls are bigger than mine and your intellect surpasses my own pitiful excuse of such. You're the Daddy of the Office and I am merely your pitiful Office Bitch." Dark haired man said flatly.

Irina's giggles burst forth and Felix looked up and grinned as he saw Irina pulling us both out into view.

"You made your declaration in front of the new boss Demetri! Your place as office bitch is forever cemented!" Felix turned to me with his blinding grin and shook my hand.

"Felix, Head of Finance. Or your glorified accountant, which ever you prefer!"

I laughed his friendliness infectious. Demetri stood up and moved forward, taking my hand after Felix and shaking it firmly.

"Demetri, Head of Marketing. And I am not the Office Bitch, Felix is just a freak of nature." Felix grinned at him and held his arm up, waggling his fingers

"Rematch, Office Bitch? That's the only way the name will go. You have to _win_ of course…" Felix taunted while I stood there just laughing at the fools. Maybe working here wouldn't be the hell I thought it would.

_Bella._

My mind taunted me, stealing that fleeting little happiness I had been feeling.

"Right, you two goons, sit down so we can get down to business." Irina took charge.

As the meeting progressed I learnt about each department and that I would be working in close proximity to Felix and Demetri hence why they were the only department heads here today. I was happy to hear it, they were good guys and had already managed to get me to agree to go to lunch with them today. It was also clear that Irina was the one that had kept this place running before I came and that she took on responsibility far above her job requirements. I would have to review her salary first thing.

I spent the rest of the morning with Irina, familiarising myself with the office protocols and procedures used in this branch. Tanya called me twice throughout the morning, to see how I was settling in, and when she called for the third time, Irina grabbed the phone and told Kate that I was busy for the rest of the day, so only emergencies should be put through. I smiled at her in gratitude.

"I love my sister Edward, but I know how Tanya can be. You just, be careful with her ok? Once she gets an idea in her head, she becomes quite determined." She said seriously.

I wasn't sure if she was warning me _of_ her sister or to not hurt her sister. Before I could ask her to elaborate, there was a knock at the door and Felix poked his head in.

"Ready to go to lunch?" he asked looking at me.

I looked at Irina, "Aren't you coming too?" I had thought the three of them to be quite close. Especially Demetri, I had noticed him casting longing looks at Irina during the meeting.

"Nope, I stay behind to man the fort, but you boys have fun." She said without looking up from the papers she was rifling through.

We ended up at a quaint little café on the corner of the street, and Felix and Demetri talked my ears off. It seems that Felix and Kate were and item, and Demetri thought Kate was a shallow snob just like Tanya. Felix punched him for calling his girlfriend 'shallow' and a 'snob', but apparently agreed on Tanya. Demetri, it was revealed from a gleeful Felix, had a crush on Irina but was too shy to do anything about it, not to mention the office policy of no inter-office relationships. I asked Felix how he and Kate had been able to get away with their relationship, feeling slightly jealous of his success. It turned out that because they were in a relationship _prior_ to their employment, they were in no violation of their contracts. Demetri looked as shattered at this information as I felt, and I felt a strange kind of kinship with him. He knew my pain. When they asked my plans for the night and I told them I had agreed to take Tanya to dinner, they became quiet and gave me the same kind of warning Irina had. What was everyone's deal with Tanya? Ok, she was a little full on, but she wasn't _that _bad. I mean even her own sister seemed anxious when I had spoken of her. I felt a little sorry for Tanya.

Felix and Demetri demanded that I go out and experience the Paris nightlife with them this Friday, and I was given little choice but to agree. If I was truthful, I was looking forward to it. Maybe getting out there and living again would help me move on.

The rest of the day was easy thanks to Irina's careful planning, and I managed to get through all of my work and some of tomorrows. Irina practically only needed me as a rubber stamp, but she did nothing to project that that was what she thought. In fact she seemed quite pleased I was there, telling me that she hoped she'd find an ally in the constant war that seemed to be raging with Felix and Demetri. She blushed a little again when she said Demetri's name and I realised that she felt the same for Demetri that he felt about her. I felt protective over the two of them at that moment, I had been where they were in their story, only mine had ended in heartache.

It was five o'clock and I had just gotten off the phone from Kate, who told me a taxi would arrive in ten minutes to take me home. I would have to get Irina on to getting a car for me, on Carlisle's dime of course.

I was closing down my computer for the day when Felix walked in and handed me the financial projections for the next quarter. They would need to be checked and then faxed to each department.

"I'll get Bella onto that straight away." I said to Felix, who looked at me strangely.

"Who's Bella?" He asked confused. My chest tightened painfully as I realised my gaff. Bella wasn't my P.A. anymore, and never would be again.

Bella was gone.

"Sorry, I'll get Irina onto it." I said trying to keep my voice even. He nodded and left my office, giving me a knowing kind of smile.

I dropped the reports onto my desk once he left and went to go get my fucking taxi. All I wanted to do was go home and find out if there were any other treasures left in Carlisle's liquor cabinet.

But instead I had a dinner date with Tanya Denali, who I hadn't decided quite how I felt about yet.

**Please feel free to review this chapter/story :)**


	5. out with the old in with the new

**A/N: **As always First off thank you to those of you who took the time to review Greenaway and I love reading and sharing your feedback it's the highlight of posting the new chapter :)...Also welcome and thank you to those of you that have added us to your alerts and favourites...

We apologise in the delays in updating the blog, bloody teething problems. We will at some stage be adding a photo gallery which will include all the locations in the story and how to pronounce some of the place names. I would like to personally thank Greenaway who continually battles with the photos for the bio's, I bow down to your patience and perseverance I would have deleted the blog the second thing didn't go my way but there you go...Anyway hang in there we promise to get the blog sorted asap.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own An Angel at my table...Songs and Music owned by respective artists, Metallica One, the feelers stand up, Nine inch nails only,

**WARNING: **This story contains adult content and we wish to Advise we have given it **a R18** classification...**Please No minors**....

**CHAPTER 5: Out with the old in with the new...**

**Bella's POV...**

I was five months into my pregnancy and everything was progressing well. I hadn't found out the gender of the twins at my twenty week scan much to Renee, Rose and Alice's disgust; only Charlie and Jake were on my side in opposition to knowing.

Jake had become a firm fixture in my life and he was my tower of strength on my low days. My heart still yearned for Edward and what might have been but I kept my feelings buried deep. Unfortunately I had never got out of the habit of whispering his name into the darkness when I needed a release, something that really frustrated me still.

I was struggling with the upkeep of the grounds and the weeds were getting on top of me and I vowed I wouldn't have a break today until I'd managed to rid my flower beds and vegetable garden of every single weed.

I'd been at it for about an hour when Jake turned up, he smiled when he saw me covered in dirt, "hi bells, how's things going? It looks like you're losing the battle with the weeds."

I sighed in defeat, "I know and it's only going to get worse. I guess I never really thought about what having green space entailed. Anyway enough about me how are you going?"

"Um…I'm ok." I looked up at Jake and I could tell something was bothering him.

"What's up Jake? You don't seem your usual self."

"Ah don't worry Bells its nothing, I'm just having problems at my flat."

"What kind of problems?"

"My flatmates just want to party twenty four seven and I never have a quiet moment to study, there's always a large group of people there and it's frustrating."

"Why don't you move in with me? I've got a four bedroom house the twins will have a room each and I'll have one spare. I can't promise you how quiet it will be once their born, and you'll probably be begging to move back to your flat when they keep you up all night because they won't stop crying, but if you think you can hack it you're more than welcome."

"Hey thanks heap Bells that would be fantastic. When can I move in?"

"Today if you want to,"

"Choice, come on you can help me pack my stuff."

"How much stuff have you got?" I hadn't thought about Jake having furniture and boxes of personal items.

"Not much, only my clothes, bed, books, CD's and stereo. I promise it won't take long, we'll be back in about an hour and a half."

"Let's go then." I abandon the weeds and headed for Jakes classic Volkswagen, it was his pride and joy and he never missed an opportunity to talk about it.

I could see what Jake was talking about when we pulled up outside his flat. A multitude of people flowed from the house and covered nearly the whole of the front lawn. Everybody was drinking and the bass from Metallica's 'one' that was playing on the stereo was vibrating through the house, shaking the windows.

"Jeez Jake I see what you mean. I'm glad I'm not one of the neighbours, I'd be moving out tomorrow."

"Yeah I know, crazy aye."

"Nah, it's just a typical kiwi student flat."

"True." I followed Jake to his room and helped to throw all his possessions into boxes.

We had Jakes stuff packed and in the car within half an hour, we got some of the party goers to help tie Jacob's bed to the roof of the car before we set off.

We decided to stop for groceries on the way home and I was pleasantly surprised to see that Jake like to eat healthily and loved to cook."

"I'm going to cook you the yummiest dinners Bella. My grandma Tui is a mean cook and she taught me everything she knows."

"That sounds nice Jake but you should let me cook for you sometimes."

"Nah Bells, I've tasted your cooking remember and no offence but it sucks."

"Thanks a lot asshole." I punched Jakes arm and he laughed at my feeble outburst of violence. We loaded up the trolley full of fruits, vegetables and a whole lot of spices, half of which I'd never even heard of.

We were waiting in line at the checkout when my eyes drifted toward the magazine rack. My eyes widened and my heart began to race my throat went dry and I trembled slightly when my eyes came to rest on a glossy magazine featuring a man with unmistakable bronzed sex hair, my breath hitched when I saw Edward's piercing green eyes looking out from the cover.

My feet propelled me forward automatically and I snatched a copy of the magazine from the rack, I was aware of Jake watching me curiously so I grabbed a copy of House and Garden and Cuisine magazine as well.

"Hey Bells I didn't know you were into reading Financial quarterly magazine, I thought that rag was for yuppie business men who love themselves too much."

I laughed at Jakes comment, "yeah it is but it has some interesting articles in it."

"Whatever floats your boat Bells, but personally I couldn't think of anything worse to read... but there you go."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I went to have a bath while Jake unpacked his stuff and organised dinner; I took the magazine with Edward on the cover with me and quickly scanned the pages in search of the article.

I couldn't stop the gasp from escaping me when I opened on the page that contained a full page close up of Edward's beautiful face. His sparkling green eyes were fringed with a set of thick black lashes that would rest on his cheeks when his eyes were closed, I stared into his eyes and I was mesmerised at the beauty of them.

I studied his features closely drinking in every detail and committing it to memory. My eyes drifted along his strong line of his jaw bone, his full lips; his straight narrow nose and back to his eyes and the wisp of bronze hair that fell over one eye.

As beautiful as he looked I noticed he looked tired and the lines at the corners of his eyes seemed deeper and he had an air of sadness to him, but he was still as beautiful as I remembered him. I let me mind wander back to that fateful night and I could feel the sensations his touch had evoked in me and before I realised it my hand drifted toward my clit.

I kept my eyes on Edward's photo has I brought myself to orgasm once again whispering his name. I studied the rest of the photos in the shoot, the sight of Edward in a ragged Stoli T shirt that he looked like he'd owned for years had my pulse racing. I looked closer at the picture and laughed loudly when I noticed the shirt had several holes in it that had been sewn up crudely with light blue cotton that clashed horribly with the shirt.

When I'd had my fill of staring at Edward I turned my attention to the article which was about how he'd won the International Business Person of the year award for single handily merging three of the biggest global companies in the world into a single super company under the Cullen name. The article went onto say how he was the youngest ever recipient of the award at the age of thirty five and although he enjoyed living in France he longed for the green grass of home.

I reread it a couple more times before I went back to staring at his picture, my heart throbbed painfully as I gazed upon the face of the man I loved but who I'd never have.

I rubbed my swelling stomach and tried to choke back my sob, "I'm sorry you'll never get to meet your Daddy but I promise to love you enough for the both of us." I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand but more followed. I felt so guilty that I was depriving my babies of a father, but what choice did I have?

I finally dragged myself from the bath when the water got too cold; I rushed to my room and put the magazine in my bedside draw before going in search of Jacob.

"God Bells I thought you'd drowned in the bath, I was about to send out a search party." Jake laughed at my guilty expression as he brought my dinner to the table.

"Sorry about that, I love spending an hour or so in the bath."

"I'll remember that for future reference and start dinner half an hour later. So what are your plans for tomorrow?" Jake took a seat opposite me and picked up his fork.

"I'm going shopping with Alice I'm growing out of my clothes so fast."

"Yeah you're really starting to expand." Jake grinned at me and I rolled my eyes and chucked my napkin at him.

"Thanks Jake, so what you're trying to say is that I'm roughly the size of a whale?"

"God no Bells; don't be ludicrous."

"Sorry, by the way Jake this lamb dish is yum."

"Yeah it's one of Tui's favourites. She is an awesome cook."

"Is she still alive?"

"Yeah she's turning ninety next month, we're having a big celebration on the Marae back home you should come with me."

"That sounds awesome we can go and see Charlie and Renee as well." We ate in silence for a while each of caught up in or own thoughts.

Mine were on Edward and how I longed for him though I didn't want to, my feelings for him weren't diminishing with time if anything they were intensifying, I didn't want to think about Edward anymore so I focused back on the present, "hey Jake I was thinking about painting the twins rooms after dinner, do you want to help?"

"Sure Bells, but don't you want to wait until you know if they're boys or girls?"

"I was thinking of going with emerald green," the colour of Edward's eyes: "and lemon yellow, they're pretty neutral colours and I can always paint them again later to suit their personalities."

"Fair enough,"

We had finished painting both rooms by eleven thirty and I sighed gratefully as I fell onto my bed. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep and dream of Edward.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I spent a good hour trying to find something to wear shopping with Alice and I was close to tears of frustration as the discarded pile of clothes began to mount up.

I finally found an old elastic waisted skirt in the back of the closet and sighed in relief as it expanded around my middle. A top was harder to find due to my now massive breasts, I forced my largest tank top over my head and stretched down over my protruding stomach. It was so tight across my stomach that it accentuated my bulge.

I couldn't stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks as I studied my appearance from every angle in the mirror; there was just no way to hide the fact that I was pregnant while wearing this hideous outfit.

I was still crying an hour later when Alice turned up to get me.

"Bella what's wrong?" Alice rushed to my side and sat on the bed next to me wrapping her tiny arms around me.

I shook off her arms and stood up and showed her my outfit, "it's the only thing I could find that fits me." Fresh tears leaked from my eyes.

"Oh god you poor thing, come on lets go, I promise you Bells I can fix this."

We hurried for the train station and I was out of breath as we hurried onto the platform. I looked around nervously at the sea of faces praying I wouldn't see anyone I knew.

I was just about to turn to Alice when two very familiar faces caught my attention, my heart began to race and my breathing became more rapid, as if they could feel my gaze upon them both Jasper and Emmett looked directly at me.

I was about to go into full panic mode when Alice stood in front of me, partially blocking me from view. I saw recognition flash in both of their eyes before I was swallowed up by the crowd moving forward onto the train.

"Oh fuck…shit…fuck…" I closed my eyes and gripped Alice for support as the train inched forward.

"Bella what is it, is it the babies?" Alice looked at me and I could see the panic in her eyes.

"No it's not the babies, I just saw Emmett and Jazz on the platform and they both saw me, I'm not sure how much of me they saw but they both recognised me."

"Relax Bells if they'd seen you were pregnant I'm pretty sure Emmett would be on the phone to you now demanding to know if you really are."

I was about to smile when my cell phone chimed from my bag, my heart sunk when I saw Emmett's number on the screen. I flipped open the phone and read the message quickly.

_Bells just saw you on the platform, how are you? I haven't seen or heard from you since New Year I thought you'd disappeared off the face of the earth. Do you want to have lunch with us today?_

I let out the breath I didn't realise I'd been holding as relief flooded my body, he hadn't noticed I was pregnant. I quickly typed my response.

_I know I'm sorry Emm I've been really busy, I've moved and I'm just really busy. I hope you're well and Jasper as well._

_Yeah we all good Jazz says hi, do you want to meet up for lunch today? We miss you._

My throat constricted and tears pricked my eyes as I realised how much I missed them too.

_I'm really sorry Emm but I'm really busy today, I promise we'll catch up soon and I miss you and Jazz too xx._

_Bells are you avoiding us because of what happened with fucktard? Because it's not your fault he's a sleazy retard. Any way he's away eating frog's legs and snails at the moment so there's nothing to worry about._

I had to laugh at Emmett tact was never his strong point.

_No I'm not avoiding you I'm just really busy especially for the next few months. I promise I'll keep in touch. Thanks for the lunch offer and sorry again xx._

"Thank god, he never noticed or if he did he never said. That was a close call. I need to hide this pregnancy for as long I can Alice."

"Don't panic bells, I promise you I have clothes that will keep you hidden for a while longer yet."

We made our way up Cuba street and she dragged me into the first clothing store she saw not even bothering to stop and check the name of it, "we'll just go in here to get something for you to wear up the street to where I really want to go. You can't turn up there looking like some hippy chick/bag lady."

"Where is that you really want to go?"

"You'll see when we get there, now go and try these on." She pulled several items off the racks and stuffed them into my arms.

I had to admit I hadn't seen Alice in a clothing chain store since becoming an adult she had petulance for designer anything that's why she had to work so hard to put herself through university, so she could get a high paying job to support her designer clothes addiction.

I watched her pore over the racks of clothing tsking at the poor finish of the garments and the ghastly fabrics they used. But once again she amazed me with her phenomenal fashion skills when she managed to pull together an outfit that was both classic chic and totally hid my baby belly."

"Alice Swan you are wasted in the concrete jungle of commerce you should spread your wings into fashion."

"That plans for later on down the track when I have the resources to fund it. Now let's go we have people waiting for us.

We spent the rest of the day was spent at witchery*, Karen Walker and Trelise Cooper's store's where Alice had pre ordered a whole range of custom made maternity wear that would hide my pregnancy for at least the next two months if I didn't balloon out too much over the next few weeks.

I was not expecting to go full term with the twins; my midwife had warned me most multiple births came early. Today it couldn't come fast enough for me, I was sick of trying to hide it and I knew the real test hadn't even begun yet.

I was happy by the time we left Karen Walkers store loaded up with garment bags. Alice insisted I wear the merino wool pants suit home from the store.

~~~~XXXX~~~~~

I had applied for a job at the University marking exam papers and thesis' for the English literature students, it was the perfect job because I could do it from home and I'd be able to carry on after the babies were born.

Jake was turning into the perfect flatmate; he cooked for me every night and kept the lawns mowed and the gardens weed free. I helped him structure his Thesis and made him endless cups of coffee when he had exams to study for.

We went out to dinner and to the movies often and our friendship blossomed. I felt totally at ease with Jake he was always positive and upbeat and he helped to keep me occupied so I didn't spend too much time dwelling on Edward.

The only time I seemed to do that was when I was alone in my bed stroking my pregnant belly or staring at his picture in the magazine and I still whispered his name when I brought myself climax. I lay there and stared at Edward's picture and I wondered if he ever thought about me.

I wondered if he lay in his bed at night and wondered what I was doing, "I doubt it," I muttered, "I'm just a stupid mistake remember."

I don't know why I had trouble remembering those cruel words when I fantasised about Edward. Some part of my brain was having trouble categorizing something that felt so right as wrong or a mistake. But that's how he saw it and the sooner I accepted it the better off I'd be.

I closed my eyes and hoped sleep would take me.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Jake was already up and had breakfast made when I finally dragged myself out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen, he smiled at me when I sat down in the chair opposite him.

"How did you sleep honeypuff?"

"Not bad once I finally got comfortable, I'm not going to complain though, I have a feeling it's going to get a whole lot worse."

"You can count on that. But don't stress Bells I'll rub your feet for you tonight."

Jake you don't have to do that."

"I know Bells I want too. Someone needs to look after you since whoever got you in this predicament isn't going to man up and take responsibility."

"Jake I chose to keep the father of my babies out of the picture he doesn't even know I'm pregnant."

"Why not?" I wasn't sure I was ready to answer that question but Jake was looking at me expectantly.

"Because we were never together as a couple and he left the country and I just decided it was better this way."

"Oh…ok then but I'm still going to look after you."

"Jake please you really don't need to do that. You need to concentrate on your studies and not worry about an expectant mum of twins."

"I can do both Bells. Don't you worry about me I got it all figured out."

"What are you going on about Jake?"

Nothing for you worry about, you just concentrate on keeping you and your babies healthy, ok."

"That's my plan Jake, keeping healthy. And thanks for everything; I want you to know that I appreciate every little thing you've done for me."

"You're welcome honeypuff, now hurry up and eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

When Jake left for his lecture I headed for the twins room and sorted through the immense pile of baby clothes and gadgets Alice and Renee had already brought for them. I had enough gear here for two sets of twins. I packed the excess clothes into boxes to drop off at the local charity.

I was just closing the lids on the boxes when Jake arrived home, "Hey honeypuff how was your day?"

"Boring, how was your day?"

"Boring, shall we go to the movies tonight? That vampire love stories on, you know the one? You have the book in the bookcase."

"You mean Twilight? Sure Jake I'm keen to see it and I'm desperate to get out of the house."

I was so glad Jake had taken me to see Twilight not only did I enjoy the movie, I really enjoyed Robert Pattinson portrayal of the lead character. Robert was both drop dead gorgeous and talented.

I had just changed into my Pyjamas and Jake was making a cup of tea when he called out from the kitchen, "Bells did I tell you my grandmothers birthday is scheduled for the end of next month."

"Jeez Jake, I'll be like eight months pregnant by then, I might not even be allowed to fly or the twins might already be here by then."

"Make sure you find out if you can fly, and I reckon you won't have the twins until the following weekend I'm picking the seventh of August that makes you thirty four weeks which sounds about right for twins."

"Jake how on earth do you know about times and dates and that twins are born around thirty four weeks?"

"I've been doing some research. I have to be organised."

"Organised for what?"

"To take you to the hospital when you go into labour silly," My heart swelled and I gave him a huge smile.

"I'm so lucky to have you as a friend Jake." And I was lucky to have found Jake he was fast becoming one of the most important people in my life. He was my best friend.

"I'm the lucky one Bell."

I lay in my bed and stared at my picture of Edward, my heart ached with sadness and longing. I found myself once again wondering if he ever thought about me. I rubbed my stomach and fought back my tears as I waited for sleep to claim me...

**Edward POV**

Five months later and Irina, Felix, Demetri and I had the office working like a finely tuned machine. Professionally, I knew I had found my place in the world; the four of us were a formidable team and a force to be reckoned with.

I spearheaded the campaign to merge three multi-national companies into one, under Cullen Industries parent company. The merger meant more revenue, new jobs and greater potential for market growth. It was one of the largest corporate moves ever, and we were at the forefront of it all. We were the heroes of the business world and I was its golden child.

Carlisle was ecstatic, congratulating himself at every opportunity for his 'strategic move' of sending me here. Every time he said that, I wanted to reach down the phone and strangle him.

Pompous prick.

Professionally my life was fantastic. It was my personal life where the problems lay.

Bella was still at the forefront of my mind and hardly a moment went by when she didn't pop into my thoughts. I hoped whatever she was doing made her happy.

Tanya and I had become an unofficial sort of couple (though in her mind I think it was as official as a fucking heart attack.) and she was constantly around. Felix and Demetri hated it, they both couldn't stand her and since the three of us had become quite close, they invariably had to end up enduring Tanya's company.

Tanya was tiresome, trying, irritating, ignorant, vacant and every synonym for stupid you could think of. She was, however, convenient. Some days it just hurt too much to be alone, and she filled the void inside me.

Tanya was just, _Tanya_. I had no feelings towards her, other than that desperate need to just have _someone_. She was more than happy to accommodate me, she benefited from our relationship as well. Tanya was girlfriend to Edward Cullen, which meant she would be seen in all the right places, with all the right people, and everyone would know her name. She was _Tanya Denali_, Edward Cullen's girlfriend, and she _loved_ it.

My life outside of work had become a series of voids that made up a very broken man. I _knew_ I was broken, I just didn't know how to _fix_ myself. My life was slipping away from me, the family I had had wanted to fill my house in Wellington gone. In its place were drugs and hard liquor.

Since coming to France it felt like my life was one fucking freefall, and while I could see the bottom, I had yet to hit it. But it was getting closer every day.

*********

I was at work, sitting in my office, trying to find a way to circumvent the 'No Inter-office affairs policy'. Irina and Demetri had grown steadily closer over the last five months, and I was worried if I didn't find a way to get around the policy, one or both could lose their jobs. If it were up to me, I see them _married_ in the fucking office and screw Carlisle, but at the moment, we just weren't there yet. I had hired a lawyer out of my own pocket to go over their contracts and find a loophole. It was safer keeping my enquiries away from Cullen Industries and potential discovery. Not until I had a suitable solution anyway.

I would do anything for Irina, Demetri and Felix, they were my best and only real friends here. Demetri and Felix dragged me out most Friday and Saturday nights and even tolerated Tanya, though I knew they only did so with great effort. Last Saturday night had been one out of the box though…

"_Ditch the slag for tonight Edward. Demetri and I have a little field trip planned." Felix had pushed his way into the penthouse without even knocking. Neither him, Demetri or Irina did anymore, they just came in and made themselves at home._

"_Field trip?" I asked curiously, taking another drag from the joint I was smoking. _

_I fucking loved their little field trips, they always ended with me completely fucking wasted. Getting smashed, be it from alcohol or the drugs, was my new way of life outside of the office. It was the only way to stop hurting for just a little while and I craved those moments of peace. They kept me together._

"_Pass that joint, scrooge, and yes, field trip. But ditch the slag first." Felix said, taking the joint off me and inhaling deeply. _

_I grinned like the stoned fool I was as I answered,_ "_Consider her ditched. Where are we off to?" _

_Felix smirked, handing the joint back to me._

"_Well, there's this little place Demetri and I go sometimes. It's a bit pricey, the entrance fee alone is five grand U.S., and you can only get in with another member. Lucky for you sunshine, Demetri's been a member for about a year now." Felix looked at me and waggled his eyebrows suggestively_

"_Ever been to an Opium Lounge, Fearless leader?"_

_Later that night, I found myself sprawled out on the most comfortable couch I have ever lay on in my __**life**__, Felix, Demetri and a few other influential people from Paris's corporate world scattered around the room on their own couches._

_It had been a unique experience; you lay down on the couch while a fucking gorgeous, half-naked woman brought a little tray with a lamp in the middle to you. The tray was beautiful, red wood and pearl inlays. The little lamp in the middle had a strange glass chimney, and I spent so long staring at the thing, the woman cleared her throat. She held a pipe up to me which I took, while she burned the opium and I inhaled the smoke. _

_Demetri had told me on the way, that these lounges were the recent fad in Paris, but he was 'vogue' because he had got in before it got all 'mainstream'. He was convinced he had begun the trend._

_I had felt like I was sinking into the couch as the chemicals in the opium reacted with my brain, and nothing hurt anymore. The constant aching, burn I had become accustomed to since that night I walked away from Bella, faded away. Everything was good, I could even __**think**__ about Bella without wanting to tear my heart out and throw it away._

"Edward! I can't believe it!" Irina burst into my office door, shaking me out of my memories, and I looked at her surprised. Irina was a naturally happy person, but this was extreme even for her, she was practically vibrating and reminded me so much of Bella's sister, Alice.

"You won! You won, Edward! I can't believe it! I'm so happy for you!" She threw herself across my desk and wrapped her arms around my neck hugging me and kissing my cheek. I laughed at her

"What in god's name are you talking about Irina? Have you been drinking? Cause if you have I'm kinda offended you started without me." I joked

"Hey, what the hell is this? Edward's with your sister Irina, and even though she _is_ a slag, you should still respect those sisterly boundaries."

Felix teased from the doorway. Irina got off the desk and straightened her skirt which had ridden right up, nearly revealing her panties. Irina was beautiful and had a killer body, but she was my best friend and no more than that. I loved her and I knew she loved me, but her heart belonged to Demetri just as my heart belonged to Bella.

"Dipshit! Edward has won International Business Person of The Year! Not only that, he is the youngest recipient ever! They're holding a big award dinner and Financial Quarterly want him on their next cover! With a full photo spread, and article detailing _the man behind the Mogul_!" Irina gushed on my behalf. I just let my head fall to the desk and groaned.

"Why? Why me?" I said, my voice muffled by the desk.

"What's the problem Edward? It'll be from the merger you brokered." Felix sat down in the chair on the other side of the desk and put his feet up, placing them entirely to close to my head. I sat up and scowled at him.

"First off, get your fucking feet off my desk. Second, _we_ brokered the deal, it was a team effort."

Felix and Irina laughed at me.

"I appreciate that Edward, but we really didn't do anything. You're the one who came up with the plan, you're the one who convinced them to go through with it, we just came along for the ride." Felix smiled at me. Irina came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders

"You deserve this Edward. Be happy and enjoy something good in your life for a change."

I squeezed one of her hands quickly and stood up just as Kate's name lit up on the phone. I picked it up.

"Yes Kate?"

"Tanya's here to see you. She wants to "Congratulate you" she said." Kate said in a bored tone. I could hear Tanya in the background and so could Irina and Felix, who both cringed.

"Rather you than me." Felix said holding up his hands.

"I'd better go and see her." I said, my tone suggesting I wanted otherwise.

Irina looked around comically, like we might be overheard and mock whispered

"Sneak out down the stairs. I'll tell her you're in meetings for the rest of the afternoon."

I hugged her, because I just wasn't in the mood to deal with Tanya's hysteria. I could imagine her frothing at the mouth at the thought of being seen on my arm at the dinner. She would be thinking about what the award meant for _her_.

"I love you Irina." I said kissing the top of her head. She just laughed and pushed me away, punching me in the chest. It actually fucking hurt.

"Fuck, Irina, I'm glad you're not my sister." Felix said looking at her with wide eyes.

Irina didn't normally like to get involved with my relationship with Tanya, she said she didn't want to have to take sides between her sister and her best friend. I understood and respected her wish completely.

So I shared Felix's surprise at her interference now.

"Yeah, well I'm _your_ girlfriend's sister too, so watch your back." She turned to Felix and growled at him.

"Point taken, I shall shut my mouth now." He conceded. Irina turned back to me and began pushing me out the door

"Go, get out of here and go call your Mum. She'll want to know, and tell her I said hi."

"Yeah, say hi to your Mum for me." Felix added.

The three of them had become quite close to my mother via emails and phone conversations, and if I was unavailable when she called, one of them would end up talking to her. For hours sometimes, Felix joked it's lucky she was the head honcho's wife and the bosses Mum or his ass would be in the unemployment line. Felix was pretty full on and he reminded me so much of Emmett. I shuddered to think what kind of trouble those two could find together.

They hadn't met yet and I was in no hurry for the mayhem.

Irina slammed the door shut behind me, and I stared at the door. I had just been kicked out of my own office. I left the building via the stairs and walked to the nearest bar and stayed there, drinking until they closed. I wondered if Bella would have been proud of my accomplishments if she knew. I liked to think she would.

I woke up the next day in my bed, having no idea how I got there. I suspected Felix or Demetri had found me and brought me home. I got out of bed and ignored the dull thump in my head, my hang-overs didn't bother me so much these days, I guess I was just getting used to them. I showered and changed into my favourite Stoli T-shirt that had seen better days. I had had the thing forever and the print was cracking. It had been subjected to my crude stitching in several places with the closest matching cotton I could find at the time. Unfortunately, it didn't _really _match, actually it looked pretty shit, but I didn't care. It was comfy and I liked it.

It was still early and the photo shoot and interview for the damn article were today, with the Awards Dinner tonight. Apparently they really wanted to get this out and onto newsstands. I was hot news it seemed, but I really didn't feel like it.

I looked at the clock. Eight o'clock, plenty of time for a drink and a couple of lines. I sat down at the coffee table and pulled the box with my coke in it from underneath. I did a few lines and then went and poured myself a drink.

It was eleven thirty when Tanya came to hurry me up. She had insisted on coming today, no doubt hoping to get a mention.

When she saw my shirt she had a shit fit.

"Edward that shirt is _awful_! You can't wear that! The _entire_ business world will read this article, you don't want them to see you like this!"

_Yadda, yadda, yadda_. God, she was such a stuck up bitch.

"Fuck off, they said they wanted to see the real Edward Cullen, well here I am, shitty shirt and all." I said standing and attempting a little spin. I lost my balance and fell on my ass, laughing.

I thought it was funny as hell, but Tanya didn't it seemed. Well, maybe you had to be high. Or drunk. Or both.

I'd need some strong coffee before the shoot.

"Are you high Edward?? This is important, it affects _us_ and how we are viewed in society." she nearly screeched.

"Society? What the fuck, are in we in some eighteenth century cheesy romance? Who gives a fuck what those bastards think? I sure as fuck don't." I stood up and swayed on my feet, burping crassly.

"Besides, they all know _you_ anyway." I snorted at her. She smiled, thinking it was complement.

_Oh, baby when will you learn? I am a complete and utter prick when I'm smashed. _I sneered at her.

"When I say they _know you _Tanya, I mean they _know_ _you_. Slutty, social climbing, over-indulged princess that you are. Fuck, for how many of the Paris elite have you spread those pretty thighs for? Perseverance paid off though, didn't it? You held out and look what you got." I swept my hand up and down in front of me, gesturing to my self

"You got the 'International Business Person' of the year. Youngest recipient ever no less. You hooked those claws in well darling. Mummy would be proud." I said cruelly.

Tanya looked at me in a mixture of fury and hurt, and since the hurt made me feel guilty, I concentrated on the fury. That I could retaliate against.

"No snide comeback baby? Or are you just going to play the silent martyr?" I stumbled my way over to her, pushing her against the door, and kissing her neck.

"_You need me baby?" Imagination-Bella asked sweetly. I sighed in relief. Bella. It was always her and always would be. _

_I always need you Bella, you know that. You are my life, no matter where you are._

"_I know baby, I know. Now close your eyes and let me take care of you." Bella crooned in my ear._

We fucked against the door, our banging knocking a few pictures to the floor and shattering them. I laughed as I realized I literally _fucked_ Carlisle's art.

_Take that dick head. _

I heard a woman's voice call out my name, but it sounded wrong.

_Bella? _

_Bella smiled at me. "I love you." She breathed over me, intoxicating me with her scent. _

I moaned as I spilled myself inside her, kissing her gently as I pulled out. I looked into her face and nearly fucking screamed when I saw Tanya smirking up at me. I swallowed back a mouthful of vomit, as I realised what had just happened.

It was always like this for me, the come-down from my Imagination-Induced-Bella-Highs.

It was worse than the fucking comedown from coke.

*************

Tanya loved every minute of the photo shoot and wouldn't shut up during the interview, so the interviewer finally asked her if she would leave the room for the last half. He had looked at me nervously as though I might object or be offended. I snorted and shook my head to myself, I couldn't care a less what Tanya did.

Later at the Awards Dinner, Tanya really came out to shine, she was the perfect arm candy, looking stunning in her low cut Valentino dress. The only problem was when she opened her mouth, she would say something utterly stupid, halting the whole conversation as no one knew what to say or where to look. I'd just take another drink and ignore her, carrying on as if she hadn't spoken.

I dropped her off afterwards at her apartment before proceeding to the penthouse. Tanya had wanted to come up but I was not in the mood for a repeat of earlier. My imagination could only stretch so far.

I had a shower, bringing myself to orgasm and relieving some of my stress, Bella's face dancing behind my closed eyes. I finished up my shower and made my way to bed, falling into a restless sleep.

* * *

I took some time off at Irina's insistence.

It was good; I had avoided Tanya for the most part, spending as little time as possible with her. Otherwise, I just drank.

A lot.

I was sitting there in my lounge, smoking a joint and watching a very familiar song on MTV.

_I'm becoming less defined as days go by  
Fading away  
And well you might say  
I'm losing focus  
Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself_

Fuck, Nine Inch Nails, I hadn't heard them in awhile. I turned up the volume and sat back, marvelling at how even the office scene in the video matched my situation perfectly. I clicked the record button, so I could listen again afterwards, I fucking loved Nine Inch Nails.

_Less concerned about fitting into the world  
Your world that is  
Cause it doesn't really matter anymore  
(no it doesn't really matter anymore)  
No it doesn't really matter anymore  
None of this really matters anymore_

No, fitting in was more Tanya's priority than mine. She never went anywhere without at least two hours spent in front of a mirror. I missed the kind of girl who would dance around the office to that little bubblehead Britney Spears as if she were the only one in world. Tanya was high-maintenance where as Bella was just herself, and I found that far more sexy.

_Yes I am alone but then again I always was  
As far back as I can tell  
I think maybe it's because  
Because you were never really real to begin with  
I just made you up to hurt myself_

I finished the joint and picked up my scotch, nodding along to the music when my phone rang and Emmett's name popped up on the screen. I smiled and answered

"Hey bro!... How's things?" I asked feeling a lot more cheerful.

"Edward, good to talk to you man. Yeah, I'm sweet as. How's France and uh, 'what's her name again'?"

I rolled my eyes; he knew her name was Tanya.

"Tanya Emmett and she's fine. So what's up with the call? It must be late over there. Or early."

I could hear Emmett shuffling around and I heard Jasper whisper, 'Just fucking tell him Emmett!'

"Tell me what Emm? What's wrong? Has something happened to Mum?" I asked sitting forward a little anxious. Fucking weed was spooking me.

"Settle down bro, I see that stick is still firmly up your ass fucktard. No, Mum's fine, looking forward to coming to see you, we all are." He finished quietly.

"I miss you guys too." I said simply.

"Yeah, alright don't go all soft on me. Listen, the reason I called is…. . Jesus, I mean I know you're with 'what's her name'…"

"Tanya." I interjected impatiently. I wished he'd get to the fucking point, I was getting pretty fucking nervous and the weed wasn't helping the paranoia.

"Yeah: her. Well, I know you're with _Tanya_ now, and maybe you won't want to know this but… I saw Bella."

My breathing stopped and my whole world ground to a halt. I could hear a strange roaring noise in my ears.

"Edward? You there man? Hell, I'm sorry bro, I wasn't sure if you would want to know or not, then Jazz the idiot, told me I should call you and tell you."

I heard a scuffle on the other end of the line and Jasper cursing out Emmett for calling him an idiot, but didn't pay much attention. All I could focus on was that he had seen Bella.

_My_ Bella.

I heard the front door open, and Tanya's shrill voice call out in greeting.

The image of Bella in my head shattered at Tanya's voice.

"Uh, no that's great Emm. I hope she's doing well, tell her I said hello when you see her next." I said keeping my voice even. Inside my head it was chaos. Tanya was now standing in front of me with her hands on her hips and a frown on her face. I didn't want to talk about Bella in front of Tanya, it felt so wrong somehow, like it would taint my memories of Bella.

"Yeah, _if_ I do. I think she's avoiding me. Which I blame you for by the way. Thanks for costing me my best friend."

"Hey, who is it?" Tanya asked nosily. Emmett spoke before I could

"Oh, fuck is that 'what's she called'? I'll talk to you later bro. Take it easy ok? We'll be there soon and then we'll sort this shit out ok? Me and Jazz got your back."

"There's nothing to sort out Emm. I'm fine, look I got to go, talk to you later ok?" I said, as Tanya continued to scrutinize me. Sometimes she could be super intense and it made me a little nervous.

"Ok Edward, bye," Emmett said and I hung up the phone, looking at Tanya angrily.

"It was fucking Emmett! Is that alright? Tell me though, how is it any of your business who I talk to Tanya?"

Her jaw clenched before she plastered a smile on her face.

"I'll refill your drink shall I?" She purred, leaning over me so I had a perfect view of her cleavage.

I just closed my eyes; I really didn't want to see it.

I turned up the volume on the television and looked around her, watching the digital image of Trent throw himself at the glass.

_Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be_  
_And I can see things I know I really shouldn't see  
And now I know why, now, now, now I know why  
Things aren't as pretty  
On the inside_

I sculled the drink Tanya had poured me back and motioned for another.

Things certainly weren't pretty on the inside...

Please feel free to review this chapter/story... :)....Love getting your feedback...


	6. Friends and Family

**A/N: As per usual we would like to start off by saying thank you to those of you who took the time to review. Greenaway and I are so happy how strongly you already feel about the characters in this story and how spirited your reviews are. Please keep your feedback coming it truly is the highlight of our week....I know you're all desperate to have Bella and Edward back in the same country just a couple more chapters to go before that happy occasion so just hang in there a little bit longer :) **

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns twilight. Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own an angel at my table, the Herbs own sensitive to a smile,**

**CHAPTER 6: Friends and Family..**

**Bella POV**

I was excited not only to be seeing Charlie and Renee again but by the prospect of meeting Jake's beloved grandmother Tui and spending some time on the Marae. Jake could barely contain his excitement as we ferried down the runway. He spent the first half an hour of the trip telling me all about the various members of his extended family.

I spent the next half an hour telling him about the slightly eccentric Renee and the firm but fair Charlie and I was pleased to realise we were already making our descent into Tauranga airport.

Renee squealed when she saw me and pulled me into his arms, "Oh Bella you look absolutely beautiful, you're positively glowing."

"Um…I'm not sure about glowing mum. I think it's the sweat that's making my skin look shiny and I'm as big as a whale though I guess whales are beautiful."

"Bella you are so absurd." Renee released me from her hug so Charlie could take his turn.

"How are you my little Belly Bear?" Charlie laughed as I rolled my eyes at his use of my childhood nickname.

"I'm good Dad; I'm still hanging in there."

"So still no contact with the father then?" I sighed deeply and tried to keep my anger at bay, Charlie had asked me the same question every time he had spoken to me.

"No Dad and I'm not planning to either. You need to let it go and accept my decision for both of our sakes."

"Sorry Bella, it just really annoys me, a father should take responsibility for their children."

"Dad we've been over this a billion and one times already, he doesn't even know he's going to be a father. Any way Charlie, Renee this is my good mate Jake."

Jake stepped forward to shake Charlie's hand, "It's nice to meet you Charlie."

"Nice to meet you to Jake and thanks for taking care of Bella for us it's nice to know she has a man around the house." I groaned and shook my head. Jake laughed at my response.

Renee stepped forward and took Jakes hand, "let it go Charlie... Jake it's so lovely to meet you and I must say you are a good looking young man."

"Oh…um…Thanks Renee you're pretty hot yourself." Jake blushed giving his coffee coloured skin a pinkish hue.

"Oh Jake… you're such a charmer. I can see why Bella likes you so much," Renee giggled girlishly. I shook my head and shot Jake an apologetic look and a smile.

"Ok Renee, settle down." Charlie grabbed her hand and led her from the terminal Jake grabbed our luggage and followed me out the door.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Charlie insisted we drive Jake out to the Marae where his family was gathering for the festivities.

Jake introduced us to his various cousins, but we stopped for quite a long chat to his two favourite cousins Quil and Embry, who were really good looking it seemed to run in Jakes family , before moving on to his Aunts and Uncles then taking us into the meeting house where we met his grandmother Tui and his dad Billy.

Charlie and Billy hit it off straight away and by the time we were leaving they were chatting like old friends and Billy was inviting them to Tui's party and Charlie was inviting him and Jake for dinner at our place tonight.

"We'll see you and Jacob around seven o'clock Billy, the All Blacks are playing France tonight, I hope you'll stay and watch the game." My heart clenched painfully when Charlie mentioned France.

"Wouldn't miss it for anything, I love it when New Zealand beats France at rugby."

"Yeah well it would be nice to beat them when it counts for once." I laughed at Charlie's scowling face, I knew he was thinking back to the last rugby world cup when France shockingly knocked New Zealand out in the quarter finals.

"You said it." Charlie nodded his head in agreement.

"Ok people it's time to let it go it happened in two thousand and seven for god sake let's leave it in the past." I couldn't help but laugh at Renee when she sighed in frustration, she'd spent the last two years listening to Charlie's rugby world cup laments and rants it had worn her down.

It was a quiet ride back to Renee and Charlie's apartment and I suddenly felt exhausted and was desperate to have a lie down before dinner.

I asked Renee to wake me just before Jake was due and retreated to their spare room.

Dinner was a happy affair Charlie and Billy talked nonstop and found they had many more things in common than a hatred for the French rugby team, while Renee asked Jake endless questions about his studies.

I felt a bit sorry for Jake who I had to say was holding up well under Renee's constant barrage of questions and as soon as she paused for a breath I quickly jumped in.

"Should we go for walk on the beach Renee? Jake and I want to get our fill of the clean salty air before we have to head back to the city." Jake grinned at me and I gave him a covert wink as Renee went to get her jacket from the closet.

I'd only just made it down the lift and across the road and I was totally out of breath and needed to sit down. I headed for the first picnic table off the boardwalk and sat down with a sigh.

Jake headed straight for my side giving me a concerned look as he sat down, "Are you alright Bells, can I get you anything, would you rather just sit here and watch the ocean instead of walking? Or we could just head back up to the apartment."

"It's cool Jake I think I'll just sit here for a few minutes then I'll be good to walk."

"If you're sure Bells?" Jake was looking at me concern was clear on his features.

I couldn't help but laugh at him, "Jacob Tuihana Black would you stop fussing, I'm fine truly."

Jake laughed to, "I am aren't I sorry about that."

"You don't need to apologise and you don't need to worry about me so much."

"Don't be silly Bells, course I gotta worry about you, you're my Bud."

I noticed Renee was watching Jake closely as he fussed over me, she stayed silent but I knew it was only a matter of time before she let her views be known.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

After I'd said good night to Billy and Jake I headed for the deck to watch the moon rise over the dark ocean, I called out goodnight to Charlie and waited for Renee to join me outside.

"It's a lovely night Bella." She said as she took a seat next to me on the love seat and grabbed hold of my hand.

"It is Mum, you're lucky to live in such a beautiful part of the country. I love the pure smell of the salt air. Though Wellington has it to its nowhere near as consentrated there as it was here." I stroked my hands over my swollen stomach and immediately stopped when I got a healthy kick in the stomach, "Jesus, one of those kids has got a kick on it." I grumbled as I got another boot.

Renee chuckled, "You used to do the same to me, I spent months moaning to Charlie I swore you going to be a boy with the kick you had...Bella you do realise Jacob's in love with you don't you?" I looked at Renee in shock this is obviously the conclusion she'd drawn from watching us earlier.

"No he's not Mum, Jakes just my mate."

"He might just be your mate Bella, but he's a mate who's in love with you and I think you are in love with him... and two are a very good match."

"Mum Jakes eighteen years old and just starting out in life, I'm twenty eight and about to become the sole parent of twins. Regardless of whether Jake is a good match for me I'm damaged goods and he's just a kid with the whole world at his feet. And while I do love Jacob I'm not in love with him."

"You are not damaged goods sweetie and Does he know that you're not in love with him?"

"Yes he does." I said a little sharply, I didn't want to talk about being with Jake when my heart still yearned for the father of my babies. I stroked my stomach again this time ignoring the kick and just enjoying the feeling of Edward and my children alive inside me.

"Ok Bells it's your life sweetie. Just be careful with Jake he's a nice guy who could get badly hurt."

"I'm well aware of that Mum. That's why I'm keeping it strictly platonic."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I woke early after a restless sleep, not only was it nearly impossible to get comfortable but I also had a disturbing dream about Jacob and Edward who were about to go into a battle to the death over me.

Though I was happy to see that Edward actually wanted to fight for me for a change I wanted him to fight his Father not my best friend and tower of strength.

The thought of Edward fighting with Jake sent a violent shiver through me. Jake was my best friend, he had been there for me pretty much every step of the way he balanced out the grey days I'd had since Edward left just nicely.

Then I realised I was being silly again there was no way Edward would fight for a girl he labelled a mistake.

I rolled out of bed and waddled onto the deck to watch the breaking dawn. There was nothing more beautiful than to watch the sunrise over the water, the way the sky turned from inky blue to grey then streaked with pink and gold as the huge fiery ball appeared on the horizon.

I spent the day with Renee and Charlie on the deck; I wanted to stay off my swollen feet so that I could enjoy the festivities with Jake and his family later in the day.

Charlie seemed to be thinking along the same lines because he put down his paper and looked at Renee, "I think I'll forego my walk today Renee from what Billy says his family enjoy a late night when they're gathered together. It sounds like it's going to be a good night. I really like Billy and Jacob they're good dependable people who value family. You're lucky Bella to have a guy like Jake he's a nice young man who seems very mature for his age."

"I know I'm lucky to have a _friend_ like Jake and he is very mature for his age but you need to stop right there Dad. Like I told Mum last night Jacob deserves to have a partner that isn't pregnant with another man's children. I've made my decision Dad and I'm happy to raise my children alone."

"It's not right Bella," I could tell Charlie was trying hard not to glower at me or raise his voice. Unfortunately due to my lack of sleep my patience was worn out.

"Maybe not in your day Dad and I understand where you're coming from honestly I do but this the twenty first century. There are plenty of women who choose to go it alone and I admire them for that and there are plenty of variations of what constitutes a family these days."

"Humph…I can see nothing I say is going to make the slightest difference." Charlie grumbled.

"It's not Dad, I'm glad we've finally cleared that up, now could you please be a sweetie and fill the foot spa for me I need to try and reduce the size of my ankles or kankles would be a better description of them."

His scowl turned to a smile and he chortled, "Fine would you like some peppermint oil in the water?"

"Yes thanks Dad that would be great." Renee giggled as she watched Charlie retreat through the door.

"Good on you Bella, I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns and don't worry about Charlie he'll get over it."

"I hope so Mum because he's driving me mad." Renee's tinkling laugh swirled around on the breeze carrying into the house.

"What's so funny Renee?" Charlie appeared with the foot spa and placed it at my feet.

"Oh nothing Charlie, Bella was just being silly."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

We arrived at the Maketu Marae just after seven and the party was in full swing, Charlie made a bee line for Billy as Renee and I joined Jacob, Quil, Embry and Tui by the bonfire. Embrey was strumming on a guitar while Jake and Quil serenaded her.

Tui smiled warmly when she saw me, "Kia Ora Bella, Renee thank you so much for joining me this evening." I studied her weathered features. She had a deeply line face that told of a life lived. Her lips were tattooed black and the Moko that travelled from bottom lip to her chin told its own story.

"Thank you for inviting us Tui we feel extremely honoured to be here this evening." Renee smiled at the wizened woman as Tui took hold of her hand.

"Hey Bells they're about to bring up the Hangi do you want to go and watch?" Jakes teeth gleamed in the fire light as he flashed me a brilliant smile. Quil punched him on the arm for no apparent reason and Embry mussed his hair, "bugger off you two," Jake hissed not loud enough for Tui to hear.

Quil and Embry laughed and I thought I'd save Jakes butt, "Sure Jake, lead the way." He grabbed my hand, giving me an appreciative smile and led me into the gathering darkness. I loved twilight as much as the sun set behind the hills. Quil and Embry followed laughing and joking and fighting with each other.

I watched in awe as Jake and his relatives dug the baskets of steaming food from the earth. I followed them into the kitchen and was surprised to find Renee was in there with gloves on and a carving knife at the ready.

My mouth was suddenly watering and my stomach growled as I watched Jake cutting the cheese cloth from the steaming pork, mutton and chicken, Renee helped serve the piles of pumpkin, kumara and potatoes.

The food had the most delicious smoky aroma that I knew would be present in the taste of the food. Jake and I quickly loaded up our plates full of the food and headed for the dining room; we quickly spotted Billy and Charlie and made our way over.

"Hi Bella you're just in time, Billy was about to me a little about his ancestors connection to the lands and sea and also about the terrible land wars fought by the between the Maori and the British settlers.

I barely noticed when Jake refilled our plates with food I was as engrossed in Billy's stories as Charlie was. When Billy was finished entertaining us we made our way out to the bonfire where the blue green flames leapt higher into the air and a crowd had gathered all listening to Tui's stories of growing up in New Zealand.

Jake and I sat next to Tui while she recounted some of the more important events she remembered over nearly a century of being alive.

I could tell Jake was close to Tui by the way he kept a firm grasp on her hand and listened attentively to stories he'd probably heard a hundred thousand times already and the way she looked at him with obvious pride on her face.

I was completely enchanted with the Marae and Jakes family and I was reluctant to leave when Charlie came to find me to tell me it was time to go.

"You need to go home and get some sleep Bells we're flying home tomorrow." Jake leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"Yeah I suppose. Thanks for tonight Jake it was such a magical night."

"You're welcome Bells."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Though it was nice to see Charlie and Renee I was glad to be home, Jake set about weeding the gardens and mowing the lawn while I soaked my kankles and listened to my IPod.

I had managed to avoid another face to face meeting with Emm and Jazz in the airport when Jacob's need for chewing gum had us changing direction before either of them saw me.

Jake followed me into the house and headed for the shower before cooking me dinner and massaging my swollen feet. I groaned in relief as he kneaded my foot with his knuckles.

"Hang in there Bells you'll be having those Babies tomorrow."

"I doubt it Jake the doctor says they won't arrive until at least next week."

"Bells I'll guarantee you'll have them tomorrow." Jake spoke with such conviction in his voice I found it hard to doubt him.

"Well if that's the case I better get to bed and get some rest."

"I've put your hospital bag by the front door, the car's full of petrol and my cell phone is fully charged so there's nothing to worry about Bells every things organised.

Tears welled up in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat, I was truly blessed to have Jake in my life…

**Edwards POV.......**

Tanya and I sat across from each other at the best table in the restaurant. She was sipping delicately at her white wine while I was busy chugging back my god knows how many drink of the night. I didn't need to bother ordering anymore, the wait staff kept an eye on my drink and always had a replacement ready for me.

I could tell Tanya had something on her mind, and Tanya being Tanya, I probably wouldn't like it. Well, I wasn't going to provoke the conversation so if she wanted to talk she could start.

I didn't have to wait long.

"Edward what are your goals in life? What do you want for your future?" She asked

_Bella. She's what I want, she's everything, all my goals and dreams rolled into one. _

But of course I couldn't say that. So I ridiculed Tanya instead.

"What the fuck kind of question is that Tanya? You're asking me what my goals are? That is fucking hilarious right there." I said laughing into my glass.

"I have goals Edward." She replied a little insulted I think.

"Oh really? What's Daddy's little Princess's big bold dreams then?" I laughed a little too loudly.

"You know Edward, you come from a wealthy family yourself, in fact the Denali fortune is nothing to the Cullen fortune." She threw back at me, and it pissed me off because I knew she was right. If she was a spoilt princess, I was her male counterpart.

"Enlighten me then, what is the point of your ridiculous question? Because you are cutting into my drinking time here." I looked down at said drink and frowned. It was empty. I scanned the room for the waitress and saw her talking to what looked like her supervisor. They both caught my eye and what I assumed was the supervisor walked over.

"Sir, I must ask you to keep your voice down you're disturbing the other patrons." The cocky supervisor said.

I didn't respond, Peter, the owner, had just walked out and caught my eye. We played golf together on occasion and generally got on well. He saw me and smiled then frowned when he saw the supervisor standing beside our table.

"Edward!" He said coming over. The supervisor jumped in surprise and turned to Peter.

"Peter." I said standing and shaking his hand. The supervisor looked between us nervously, and Peter frowned at him

"Tell me that you haven't been harassing Mr Cullen and Miss Denali."

The supervisors eyes widened in recognition at my name and he looked utterly terrified. I put my hand up and stopped Peter.

"No, it was my fault Pete, I was being to loud. My apologies." I said to the supervisor who nodded and looked at Peter for permission to leave. Peter motioned for him to leave and looked at me

"Sorry about that Edward, good staff is hard to find these days... Why is your glass empty? I'll get someone on that, and hey, see you at golf this Sunday?"

I smiled "Sure thing Pete. I'll call you Sunday."

He nodded his goodbyes to Tanya and myself and I sat back down. Instantly there was another drink on the table for me and I picked it up downing half in the first go.

"Edward, this is important. I need to know we are on the same page as far as this relationship is concerned. If we don't want the same things we are just wasting our time."

I studied her face. She was playing a game, that I could tell, I was just in the dark as to what the stakes were. She was definately up to something.

"So you're saying that would be it? We'd be over?" I called her bluff. There was no way in hell she'd walk away from me, not the Tanya I knew.

"That's what I'm saying." She said confidently, but the fear was still in her eyes. Maybe there was another Tanya I didn't know.

"Well what is it then?" I snapped getting impatient, and finishing the rest of my drink.

The staff must have had a rocket put up there assess because the drinks were flying fast towards me.

"I want a family one day, a family of my own. I want the husband and the children and if that's not something you would want then I need to know now."

I had just taken a mouthful of whiskey and I choked on it. Tanya wanted a family? Tanya Denali? What the hell?

"You, you want a f-family?" I stuttered, coughing from the whiskey. She looked at me and I thought I saw a look of triumph cross her face for a moment.

"Yes and I need to know if that's what you want." She said almost gleefully. I didn't understand her reasons behind it, my mind was going through a million scenarios all at once.

Yes, I wanted a family but I wanted one with Bella.

_But you can't have Bella, and from what Emmett said, it sounds like Bella wants to cut ALL the Cullens from her life. _

So I was left with two possible options.

One, I could continue drinking and medicating myself to an early death, thereby causing my mother and brothers hurt and pain. I didn't care if it would hurt my father or not.

Speaking of my father, he was acting very strange lately, always asking about Tanya and commenting on what a good family the Denali's were. I was suspicious of him, but had nothing concrete to go on.

_What's the second option? I think Tanya's kind of waiting for you to say something._ Even the voice in my head was slurring.

My second option was to settle for second best and move on without Bella. I knew she would never be gone completely. There was no way I could live without her in my life somehow, even if it was only in my head.

I could move forward and fill my home with the family I built it in mind of, I could avoid hurting my mother and brothers, the family I _did_ have.

I could survive.

I knew that was the best I could hope for now, learning ways to cope without Bella in my life.

I took a deep staggering breath and made my decision.

"I've always wanted a family too." I said quietly. I didn't look up so I missed Tanya's satisfied smirk, I was lost in turmoil.

_I'm so sorry Bella, please forgive me for moving on. I love you and I always will, you own my heart, no matter where you are it is in your care._

_But if I don't try to move forward I will ending up rotting and I can't leave my family like that. Please forgive me and even if it's only in my memories, please don't leave me. _

* * *

Tanya moved in and Felix and Demetri declared they wanted to have me committed. Even Irina raised her eyebrows and asked me if I was sure. I was, I had made my decision to move on and I was doing my best to honour it.

I cut back on the drinking, which meant I was still drinking far more than everybody else, but it was a huge reduction for me. I stopped going to the Opium Lounge and Felix and Demetri started to call Tanya 'Yoko'. I cut out pretty much all drugs other than good old straight weed and a few lines every now and then. Maybe the occasional ecstasy, but they were few and far between.

I really was putting all my effort in to moving on with my life, which is why when Tanya had suggested we move in together, I hadn't told her no.

My family were coming to visit soon and I was thrilled about seeing them again. Tanya just wanted to make sure they weren't going to want the penthouse while they were here. It took all I had to bite back the scathing remark on the tip of my tongue but I did.

I was trying not to lose my temper at Tanya so much, and I was sure my blood pressure was through the roof. When Tanya got too much, I would go out to the balcony and close my eyes, and think of my Bella. She always calmed me down, but she was a doubled edged sword, the memories hurt as much as they pleased me.

Yes, Bella still lived with me in my thoughts and all I could do was hope the ache that accompanied her would dissipate with time.

Imagination-Bella was still my sexual muse and the only way I could get aroused where Tanya was concerned.

Which is where I found myself tonight, Imagination-Bella had me spiralling towards an earth shattering orgasm, as she whispered the most incredibly fucking dirty things I had ever heard, in my ear. My balls tightened as I came with a violent shudder.

"Oh, fuck yes Bella!" I yelled

Tanya stilled under me immediately

"Who's Bella?" She hissed.

_Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh shit, oh fuck, oh shit, oh fuck! Bella? Really? _

I was screwed. So fucking screwed. Screaming another chicks name while fucking her? Bad form, real fucking bad.

Tanya was looking at me with narrowed eyes, and the longer I took to respond the angrier she got.

"Edward? Who the fuck is Bella?"

"Bella? What the fuck are you talking about Tanya?" Tread carefully, I knew I had to tread very fucking carefully to pull this off.

"I'm talking about you screaming another woman's name while you have your dick inside me! That's what I'm fucking talking about Edward!" She was nearing hysterical, it was time to act my ass off

"Bella? I said Hell Ahhhhh." I looked at her like she was crazy. I was the crazy one. It was a lame excuse, but I was going to fucking stick to it like a drowning man.

"It sounded like Bella." She looked at me suspiciously.

"It was Hell Ahhh."

"Are you sure? It really sounded like Bella." She was falling for it. Thank fuck.

"Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I know what I said. I don't even know a fucking Bella" I felt sick denying Bella like that, and I wanted to tell Tanya, that yes, I knew a Bella.

I loved a Bella, I imagined that she was Bella while I fucked her, that's why I insisted on the lights out. That's why I made her wear that cinnamon perfume and that's the only reason I could manage to fucking come when I was with her. It was all Bella, it always had been and always would be. I would spend the rest of my life with Tanya taking every opportunity I could to fantasise that it was Bella I was with.

I realised this was completely unhealthy and utterly fucked up, but it was the only way I was going to be able to have some semblance of a normal life.

"Oh. Well come back down here then, lets see if we can go for seconds." she purred revoltingly in my ear. I had to suppress a disgusted shudder.

"I'm actually pretty tired Tanya, and I have to go into the office early so I should really get some sleep. Uh, I probably will be home late too, I wouldn't bother waiting up."

There was no way I was going to be able get through round two with Tanya, my imagination was exhausted.

I rolled off her and turned to my side so my back was facing her. I knew I was being a prick and she really didn't deserve to spend the rest of her life with a man who didn't love her, but I was selfish. I wanted to move on from Bella, the way she would have moved on from me, I wanted the family and the stupid fucking dog and car seats and nappy bags, I wanted a fucking life.

I was going to ask Tanya to marry me.

I wanted it to be Bella.

Tanya was going to carry my children.

I wanted it to be Bella who carried my children and only Bella. I wanted little bronze haired, brown eyed babies and brown haired, green eyed babies.

Tanya was a substitute and a poor one at that, but I had to move forward. I couldn't spend my life pining for someone I couldn't have and who probably wouldn't want me anyway.

I was settling for Tanya. I had brought the ring and when my family came to visit I would propose to her. I knew Emmett and Jasper wouldn't approve and I doubted my mother would either, but at least Carlisle would be pleased.

I hadn't changed at all, I was still under his thumb.

I felt sick.

**A/N: Please feel free to review this chapter/story your reviews are what keeps us going :)**


	7. A moment of weakness

**Chapter Seven: A Moment of Weakness…..**

**A/N: As always big ups to those who took the time to review please keep them coming it's our motivation. Also thank you to those who added us to your alerts and favourites..xx...I would also like to take the time to thank Greenaway for all her hard work :)...**

**Greenaway's Interjection: And thanks to Cinnamon who put up with my appalling lack of courtesy (texts that I was unable to respond to and very late emails) and surly behavior with the craziness that has been my life lately. Sorry chickee and thanks for all your patience.**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own An Angel at My Table. Anika Moa 'dreams in my head. Owl City own Vanilla Twilight. The Cherry Poppin Daddies own Zoot Suit Riot (kick ass song by the way, you people need to go you tube that straight away! LOL)**

**Edward POV**

I was waiting at the airport for my mother and brothers to arrive and I was nervous and excited. Excited to be seeing them again, nervous because I would be proposing to Tanya and I was sure their reactions would not be positive ones.

"Edward! There's my baby boy!" I heard my mother screech from the other side of the airport and begin hurtling towards me at lightening speed, throwing herself into my waiting arms. I picked her up in a hug and spun her around as she laughed. I put her down finally, but she wouldn't let me go.

"Aw, come on Mum, people are looking at us now." I teased. She just smiled at me, a beautiful, genuine smile that made my cold heart thaw a little.

"Let them look, I have my son back and I'm not letting go now. You have no idea how much I've missed you Edward." She said, her eyes welling up. I gave her a quick one armed hug before Emmett and Jasper caught up.

"Geez Mum, it's only fucktard!" Emmett said.

"Emmett!" She chastised. Emmett grinned guiltily

"Sorry Mum."

Jasper shook my hand, grinning and while we gave each other a very manly one armed hug.

"Good to see you again Edward, things haven't been the same without you." Jasper said

Emmett punched me in the shoulder and I winced. Fuck he was strong.

"I didn't miss you Fucktard. So where's 'What's her face'?" He said looking around

"I didn't fucking miss you either." I said and returned his punch. "And you know her name is Tanya." I was aggravated at his insistence to carry on that pathetic game.

"Well, where is she Edward?" My mother asked looking at me "I wanted to meet the girl who stole my son's heart." I tensed a little at her assumption of my feelings regarding Tanya. But I didn't correct her, hell, what was I going to say?

'_Geez Mum, yeah we're living together and I plan to marry her and father her children, but no, I don't love her and she most certainly does not own my heart.'_

No. My mother would not understand. I wasn't sure I understood it even.

"Tanya couldn't make it. She got tied up." I lied.

Tanya had thrown a fucking tantrum when she found out that my brothers would be staying with us in the penthouse. She had talked to Emmett and Jasper on the phone a few times and they clearly didn't get along.

It annoyed Tanya to no end that my mother and brothers _loved_ Irina, and she had become increasingly bitter and nasty towards her sister. Tanya didn't dare do it where I could hear, I wouldn't fucking stand for that, but Felix and Demetri kept me informed.

No, as much as I hated to admit it, I had driven a wedge between Tanya and Irina, and I felt bad for it. Irina told me not to worry, that it had been a long time coming between them, but it didn't erase the guilt.

She also reminded me of her initial warning about Tanya.

"Oh, well that's a shame. But we will see her tonight won't we? Your father said he would be here for dinner, so I thought I could cook my boys a real home cooked meal. What do you think? Perhaps Tanya could help me, give us a chance to get to know each other." My mother queried. I couldn't see Tanya helping my mother cook a big family dinner. I'm not entirely sure Tanya knew how to use a can opener, let alone something like the oven.

We arrived back at the penthouse and Emmett and Jasper went to unpack. My parents were staying at a hotel for the duration of their visit and while I would have loved to have my mother stay, I was glad my father was not under the same roof as me.

Esme went straight to the kitchen and began preparing for dinner, chatting away about how everyone was in New Zealand and how proud they were that I had won International Business Person of the year. She asked about work, and told me how much she liked Irina and the others. She asked me a lot about Tanya, and I knew I was frustrating her with my vague answers, but the truth was I didn't want to waste the time I had with her talking about Tanya.

An hour later my father walked through the door with none other than Tanya, and they were both laughing and smiling. My initial shock at seeing them together was overshadowed by their obvious familiarity. It should have made me happy to see my soon-to-be fiancé bonding with my father, but it didn't. It unnerved me.

"Tanya, what's going on?" I asked a little angry, but I didn't know why. I felt like there was something more going on that what I was aware of . Tanya looked at me with a sugary smile

"Daddy asked me if I would pick up Carlisle from the airport. He was going to do it himself, but got held up, so he asked me." Carlisle stepped forward and shook my hand.

"Good to see you again Edward." He said formally. I shook his hand squeezing a little harder than necessary.

"You too Dad." I had nothing else to say to him and we stood there in silence for a moment until Emmett came bounding out into the room. Carlisle walked away to the bar.

"You must be Tanya!" Emmett said loudly, looking at her. She stared back at Emmett and I saw a flicker of distaste cross her features. Emmett didn't notice and instead came forward and picked her up in a hug. I knew it was all for my benefit and I appreciated it.

Tanya didn't. She screamed bloody murder and Emmett dropped her like she was on fire. He looked at her confused

"What's wrong with you?" He said frowning. Tanya stood back up and glared at him

"What's wrong with _me_? You just _grabbed_ me!" She stormed. Jasper had come out to see what all the commotion was and narrowed his eyes at a ranting Tanya.

"Uh, it's called a _hug_." Emmett said "Most people just hug the other back, but hey, you scream. That's cool." He said and made his way over to Jasper.

"My hair is messed!" Tanya screeched and Jasper's eyes narrowed further. Well, his opinion was pretty clear, I guess.

I looked down at Tanya, about to hiss at her to shut her fucking mouth and stop being a bitch, but my father's _very_ pissed off voice echoed throughout the penthouse.

"_Edward Cullen!_" He roared, storming up to me with an empty bottle in his hand.

Ah, yes. In a moment of pure genius I had decided to save the empty bottle of Chivas. I had then carefully placed it in the exact spot I had found it, as a little present for Carlisle.

He held the bottle up in front of my face

"What is this?" He demanded, his voice furious. I looked back innocently.

"Uh, I give up, what is it?"

He looked like his head was about to explode. Emmett whispered something to Jasper and they both began laughing quietly. I tried to hold back my own laughter, only marginally succeeding.

"I was _saving_ this Edward. It was for a special occasion." Carlisle seethed.

"Well, you'll be pleased to know, it was _fantastic_. Worth every dollar, brilliant on the way down, mild burn on the way back out." Emmett and Jasper were turning red, trying to contain themselves.

My father muttered something under his breath and stalked out of the room. Jasper and Emmett finally let go and began roaring with laughter. Jasper leaned back against the wall and slid down, holding his sides while tears streamed down his cheeks. Emmett was making great whooping noises when my mother came in looking at us in confusion. Her eyes scanned the room and when they fell on Tanya's sulking countenance they brightened considerably. I began to worry my mother was setting herself up for disappointment where Tanya was concerned.

She wiped her hands on her apron and made her way over to Tanya extending one, which still hand little bits of dough sticking to it.

"You must be Tanya. How do you do, I'm Esme, Edward's mother."

Tanya completely ignored my mother and continued playing with her hair. It took everything in me not to shake her till her teeth rattled.

She was being rude, and I knew it stemmed from the fact that Emmett and Jasper were staying with us. She didn't like it and she was sulking.

"Tanya, my mother is speaking to you." I growled lowly and Tanya's head snapped up. She glanced between myself and my frowning mother. Finally she sighed deeply as though resigning herself to a huge burden.

"Tanya Denali, it's a pleasure to meet you." She said, but her words were empty. She held out her hand, but snatched it back when she saw my mother's hands. Jasper growled and stepped forward, but my mother held her hand up and stopped him.

"I guess you wouldn't want to help me with dinner then, would you Tanya?" She asked with little hope in her voice. I had never felt more ashamed of Tanya than I did in that moment.

Tanya actually snorted and asked my mother why we didn't just call the caterers. Emmett had to hold Jasper back again, and I was getting pretty close to launching at Tanya myself.

"I might go see if Carlisle will fix me a drink." Tanya said and strode towards the bar where Carlisle smiled as he saw her approach. They began chatting instantly, it was disgusting to watch.

Esme went back into the kitchen and the sounds of cooking drifted from the kitchen.

"Seriously Edward? You're going to let her talk to Mum like that? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Emmett bellowed at me. I said nothing. I had no fucking excuses left, I had nothing left. The only thing I had was this plan to marry Tanya and get the family I longed for. _That_ was keeping me together.

"Jasper, feel like doing a line?" I asked, walking away towards the bathroom.

"Are you fucking kidding me Edward? With Mum and Dad in the fucking house? What the hell has happened to you bro?" Emmett asked incredulously.

I just ignored him and went into the bathroom. Jasper joined me about a minute later, shutting the door and locking it behind him.

The irony was not lost on me.

"Edward you can't do this." Jasper said suddenly. I looked at him in surprise, what couldn't I do?

"Tanya. You can't marry Tanya." His eyes were pleading with me and I was a little taken aback. I knew Jasper didn't like Tanya, but this was a bit much.

"Uh, yeah I can and I'm going to. Why the hell would you say something like that Jazz?"

He shook his head and looked at me sadly.

"God, Edward, you really have no idea do you? You're about to commit your entire life to Tanya, you plan on having children with her, yet I _guarantee_ that you haven't _once_ told her you love her."

"How the fuck would you know that?" I growled and set up the lines, snorting one before handing the rolled note to Jasper. He didn't bother to take a hit, he just stared at me

"If you love Tanya then say it. Out loud. Say it!" Jasper demanded.

I tried to say the words, I really, really did. I wanted nothing more than to love Tanya, but I couldn't. There was only one woman I loved and Tanya wasn't it. It was Bella, it always would be Bella, but Bella didn't want me, so what was I supposed to do? Spend the rest of my life pining away for her?

I was angry at Jasper, I was doing my fucking best to move on, it wasn't easy. I didn't need him tearing apart the fragile life I was trying to build. Jasper took my silence as confirmation he was right.

"You're still in love with Bella aren't you?" He said quietly, cutting right through the bullshit to the heart of the matter, just like he always did.

"Who said I was in love with Bella to begin with?" I tried to avoid the question. Just like I couldn't say I loved Tanya, I couldn't say I _didn't _love Bella, and Jasper knew it.

"You think you have no options Edward, but you do. You don't have to settle for anything, fight for what you want! Go back to New Zealand, fuck Dad, tell him to go to hell! You're a grown fucking man Edward, take responsibility for your life and make your own goddamn decisions!"

I wanted to scream at him that he was fucking wrong, that he knew nothing about me or my life, but I couldn't because he _wasn't_ wrong. He was one hundred percent right and we both knew it. That didn't mean I liked being called out on it. Lucky for Jasper, I was past fighting now, moving on without Bella was like leaving my soul behind and I was just the shell of a man, nothing more than an imitation of the real thing.

"It's happening Jasper. I'm going to marry Tanya and we are going to start a family together. It's the best outcome for all involved." I said in a flat tone. Jasper just looked at me with his eyebrows raised in shock.

"Can you _hear_ yourself Edward? You sound like you're negotiating a business deal, not marrying someone. You know this isn't right, don't do it. Don't propose to her."

"I'm sorry Jasper, my mind is made up." I began to get twitchy from the coke and I started to pace around the bathroom. Damn Jasper! He always did this, exposed me right to the bone and forced me to be honest with him and myself. I was reaching my breaking point.

"I've got to do something Jazz, it just _hurts_ too fucking much. Every day I think it will get better but it doesn't, it just gets fucking worse, and it will kill me if I don't do something Jazz." My voice cracked a little and Jasper pulled me into a bone crushing hug.

"Ah, little brother, why must you always take the hard road?" He rubbed my hair with his knuckles and I pushed away from him, regaining my composure.

"Just be happy for me Jasper, at least when people can see you. That's how I've been living since I came here."

I turned and walked away, out of the bathroom, out of the penthouse and out of the building. I left my mother making the big family dinner for us, I left a justifiably angry Emmett, I left Jasper, who saw me a little too clearly for my liking, I left a father who used me like a pawn in a chess game and I certainly left a woman whom I didn't love but was to become my wife.

I walked about two blocks before I came to a bar. I went inside and drank until everything blacked out.

****************

The next day, I awoke in my bed to find a note stapled to my shirt from Demetri.

'_How does every single fucking bar in Paris know to call ME when you pass out there? Do you have fucking business cards printed up for it?? By the way, you owe me for the shoes you threw up on last night. Thanks for that._

_Demetri._

I apologised to my brothers and to my exceptionally sad looking mother. I didn't give a shit about how my actions affected my father or Tanya, so I didn't apologise to either of them.

Emmett and Jasper decided to take Mum around Paris for the day before the big dinner at my friend Peter's restaurant.

I spent the day in bed, drinking and smoking some weed, taking anything so I could just feel _normal_ around my family. Seeing them reminded me of my old life and that just opened the door to the hurt, and I couldn't take it anymore.

So I got high, and it didn't hurt so much. I drank and the pain dimmed.

Later that afternoon, I dressed and drove over to the restaurant by myself, meeting everyone there. We sat down to dinner and the chatter was light and amicable. Tanya's father was here along with Irina and Kate, Demetri and Felix had come along as well.

The main course had finished and just before desert was to be served I stood up and grabbed Tanya's hand pulling her to her feet, my head was cloudy with all the substances in my body, slowing my brain, but I managed to pull the ring out of my pocket and shove it on her finger while I said

"Marry me." Wow. That sounded fucking awful.

Oh my god. What have I done? Bella.

_I'm so fucking sorry Bella. I don't love her, I only love you. Please forgive me._

Tanya squealed and began bouncing up and down and I took the time to look at the faces around the table.

Marcus looked thrilled, he and Carlisle were clapping each other on the back and laughing away. Emmett had his face in his hands and was shaking his head, while Jasper looked at me in a mixture of sadness and anger.

Felix and Demetri had turned pale and Irina was staring at me as if to say 'this is a joke, right?'. It didn't concern Kate, so she appeared not to care.

I looked at my mothers face last, and when I did, I regretted it instantly.

With one look my mother reduced me into a quivering little boy, distraught that he had disappointed his mother so badly. She did look disappointed, but also very, very sad.

I think seeing her so sad was actually worse.

* * *

The night wore on and I learned the beauty of giving Tanya expensive jewelery. When you did, she fucked off to go gloat to all the other little social climbers in the room.

My father was busy talking to Marcus and my poor mother was left there, standing pretty much all on her own. 'Zoot Suit Riot' by The Cherry Poppin' Daddies came on and I smiled as I excused myself from Irina and the others. I walked up to my mother holding my hand out.

"May I have this dance Mum?" I asked with a cheeky grin. I hoped she would forgive me one day, but right now, I just needed to see my Mum smile.

Her whole face lit up and she practically sparkled with excitement.

"Of course you can honey." She said and took my hand. I spun her onto the dance floor and we began a complicated swing number.

We didn't do any overly elaborate moves, but we never faltered in our steps. We gained the attention of the room, and pretty soon there was a large circle around us as we danced.

_A whipped up jitterbuggin' brown eyed man  
A stray cat frontin' up an eight-piece band  
Cut me Sammy and you'll understand  
In my veins hot music ran_

My mother was so happy as I spun her around that dance floor, I wished I saw her like this more often. It struck me hard right then just how much I had actually missed her and would when she left again.

_Zoot suit riot  
Throw back a bottle of beer  
Zoot suit riot  
Pull a comb through your coal black hair_

The song ended and I finished by spinning Esme into me and dipping her back on one arm. The room erupted into applause, with Emmett and Felix whooping and whistling while Jasper, Demetri and Irina all yelled a chorus of "Go Mum" and "Go Esme". I stood my mother back up and she shook her head while she smiled up at me.

"There's my son." She said tenderly "I was wondering if I'd get to see you at all this visit."

"I'm sorry Mum." I whispered down at her. I was apologising for leaving when she went to the trouble to make dinner, I was apologising for marrying Tanya, I was apologising for being such a bad son and a failure altogether as a man.

I was simply fucking sorry.

The crowd had begun to disperse and I could see Carlisle making his way over, glaring at me.

"_What_ are you sorry for Edward?" My mother took my face between her hands and forced me to look at her. I wanted to tell her, but my father was getting closer.

"Oh, baby you are so unhappy aren't you?" She said stroking my cheek. Carlisle stopped beside us and pulled Esme into him.

"How about you stop making a spectacle of yourself Edward? And if you cannot refrain, at least don't drag your mother into it."

Esme frowned and opened her mouth, no doubt to defend me, but I cut her off.

"It's been _wonderful_ to see you again Dad." I said snidely and kissed my mother on the cheek before I stormed off towards the bar.

So much for cutting back.

**Bella POV**

I think I'd only been asleep a couple of hours when I woke with a painful cramping in my stomach I checked the clock on the night stand as I waited for my stomach muscles to relax. I wondered if I had just had a true contraction or if it was a Braxton.

I took deep a deep breath and exhaled slowly as my thoughts wandered to Edward as they so often did I was alone in the dark.

I turned on my reading lamp and took the magazine featuring Edward from my bedside draw, I traced over his features with my finger starting with his brows I moved down his straight nose and out over his well defined cheek bones and down his strong jaw line. I saved his lips for last, tracing my finger along his top lip before moving too his full pouting bottom lip.

I let myself remember how it felt too be kissed by those lips, the desperation and need that was present along with the electric charge that set my soul alight.

I grabbed my IPod and stuffed the buds in my ears I turned it on to the first song I scrolled to and hit play, tears pricked my eyes immediately when I heard the first few lyrics of the song.

_You may not remember me  
__I am the girl with the tear in her eye  
__Tear in her eye  
__And I never expected a call from you  
__Thinking about it now, I guess I did_

_I guess I did_

_Because I have all these dreams in my head  
__Of you and I together waking in each others arms  
__If I only I could tell you how I feel  
__Then I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you  
__But it's just a dream  
__I have in my head_

At night I did dream of waking in Edwards arms, it was the dream that was keeping me functioning.

_And spending another day missing you  
__Both missing you  
__And on this sign there's the two of us  
__Sinking in the sand of our desperate love  
__Our desperate love_

_Cause I have all these dreams in my head  
__With you and I together waking in each other's arms  
__If only I could tell you how I feel  
__Then I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you  
__But it's just a dream  
__I have in my head_

_If you could see my heart is bleeding  
__I'll stay here now and wait  
__For you to show_

_Cause I have all these dreams in my head  
__Of you and I together waking in each other's arms  
__If only I could tell you how I feel  
__I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you_

_But it's just a dream  
__I have in my head  
__It must be quite sad  
__That it's unrequited love_

_If you could see my heart is bleeding_

That was about the extent of it, I dreamed about waking in Edwards's arms and my heart was bleeding for unrequited love. I was about to change the song when I was struck with another contraction I waited for the tightening to subside before checking the clock.

It was fifteen minutes since the first one had hit and I decided that if I had two more contractions within the hour I would consider myself in labour. I let my thoughts drift back to Edward.

If only things could have been different between us. I wondered what would have happened if one of us had had the foresight to lock the door. Would we have had a chance to let things develop? Of course things would never have developed. I would never have been good enough for _Carlisle's_ precious Edward.

Over the last few months all my anger and bitterness had faded and I was left with only my unrequited love and a desperate yearning to have Edward in my life. Deep down I wanted him here taking an active role in his children's lives. But I knew that was nothing but a dream.

The next two contractions were stronger than the two before and I gripped the bed covers as I tried to pant my way through the pain. When it finally subsided I grabbed my phone and text a message to Rose and Alice to be ready, I then text my midwife and let her know I was having contractions.

I got out of bed and headed for the lounge I decided not to wake Jacob until it was time to leave for the hospital. I continued to listen to my IPod and think about Edward as I waited for my next contraction.

I noticed my next two contractions were ten minutes apart and I text my midwife to report my progress and I was surprised when she text back that if the next two came at ten minutes apart I should head for the hospital.

I got up and packed my IPod in my hospital bag, I was just about to go and knock on Jakes door when I was struck with another contraction. I cried out in pain as I clutched the table for support.

"Ow, ow, ow…fuck shit…ow…" I jumped in fright when Jakes bedroom door crashed open but even in pain I couldn't help but admire his gorgeous physique as he stood before me in his boxers.

"Bells are you ok, is it the babies, are they coming?"

"Yes." I groaned. Jake rushed to my side and led me back to the couch. I noticed his eyes were alive with excitement.

"I told you they'd arrive today. Ok I'll just get dressed then um…Fuck I've had this planned for weeks and now I've forgotten my plan." I couldn't help but laugh at Jake's rising panic.

"Jake it's all good, you just need to go and get dressed so we can go to the hospital, nature will do the rest I'm sure."

"Ok, do you need anything Bells?"

"No I'm fine."

"Ok…um... I better get dressed." I laughed at him as he ran back to his room only to reappear thirty seconds later dressed and ready.

Rose and Alice were already at the hospital when I arrived and they were wearing identical smiles when they saw Jake wheeling me down the corridor toward the reception area.

Alice rushed forward and hugged me tightly, "Yay Bells the wait is finally over. How are you feeling?"

"Scared," I said honestly.

"You'll be fine honey puff," Jacob reassured me with a pat on the shoulder.

After he'd signed me in he went to wait in the waiting room while I was wheeled into the delivery suite followed closely by Rose and Alice.

"Alice can you text Renee and Charlie and let them know what's happening."

I waved to Jake as Rose closed the door he mouthed good luck and gave me a thumbs up before the door shut.

Renee arrived just as the first baby was crowning, she rushed into the room and straight to my side, "Oh Bella sweetheart how are you going?"

"Good, horrible, I don't know mum all I know is that it fuckin hurts!" I saw Renee's disapproving look at my use of bad language but the pain was so intense I didn't really care and I was glad when she let it pass without comment.

"I know it hurts sweetheart but it's worth it."

"I don't know Mum, is anything really worth this kind of torture?"

"Yes Bella its sweet torture and the rewards definitely worth it." I couldn't answer Renee because another contraction was building and the pain was excruciating.

I was about to lose the plot and tell the midwife I couldn't do this anymore when she spoke first.

"Ok Bella one more good push and you'll have this baby out."

"Oh thank fuck for that." I gripped onto the sides of the bed and pushed with all my strength, I groaned in relief when I felt the baby's head slide out and the intense burning pain ceased.

"Ok Bella wait for the next contraction then one more push and this baby will be born." For the first time since starting labour I could fully concentrate on what was happening in less than a minutes time I would meet my first child.

A terrible guilt flared up inside me when I thought about Edward and how he was missing what may have been the most important day of his life. I shook of the thought as my next contraction started to build, I let it reach its apex before I pushed and I felt my baby slide from my core.

"Bella you have a Son." The midwife cut the cord and placed my son on my chest. I kissed his soft bloody head and was amazed at how much hair he had. Tears of happiness streamed down my face.

I barely had time to cradle him before another contraction hit and the nurse whipped him out of my arms. I tried to concentrate on my son, my miniature Edward as I rode out the pain.

Five minutes later my daughter arrived into the world and even though I was completely exhausted I was deliriously happy. Renee was right; the pain was sweet torture for the reward. I cradled my daughter in my arms.

My tears continued to flow, they were tears of happiness mostly, a few were shed in sadness for their absent father. My heart throbbed, it was such a bittersweet moment. Rosalie took my baby girl from my arms and I frowned, I didn't want to share her.

"Oh Bella how wonderful I have a grandson and a granddaughter. I'm so proud of you sweetheart you did amazingly. Do you have names picked out for them?" Renee was holding my son while Alice and Rose cooed over my daughter.

"Um…yeah…I'm going to call my son Louis Antony Swan."

"Renee's eyes lit up, "Bella that's perfect, and your daughter?" I looked silently at Renee for a moment.

I didn't want to tell her the name I had picked out for my daughter because I knew she wouldn't like it, I however loved it and it had personal significance to me, "her name is Apple La Rouge Swan."

Renee looked at me as if I had suddenly lost all rational thought, "Apple, really honey; are you really going to call her after a piece of fruit?"

Renee was right I was calling my daughter after a piece of fruit, the forbidden fruit and my daughter was the spoils of tasting that sweet delicious flesh, Apple just sounds so sweet and delicious and I loved it."

"Hmm…and La Rouge?"

"I know it's French for red. The name La Rouge reminds me of the rosy red cheeks of children which in turn reminds me of rosy red apples so I think it fits perfectly."

"Oh…Um...ok if you're sure dear."

"I am Mum." I said with total conviction.

"Oh Bells I absolutely love Apple La Rouge it's beautiful and unique." Alice leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"I do too Bella and I really love the French twist to the names." Rose came over and kissed my cheek, I smiled widely at her I knew she was acknowledging that I'd pay homage to the fact that my heart resides in France.

Renee never said another word about my daughters name and headed for the door to get Charlie and Jake from the waiting room. Charlie and Jake were wearing identical proud grins as they came into the room.

Jake rushed to my side, slinging his arm around my shoulder, "congratulations Bells a son and a daughter, I told you they'd come today."

"Yeah I know you did Jake, you are an awesome oracle, you should go into business predicting women's due dates.

"Ha, ha Bells you're such a riot." Jake moved away to look at the twins so Charlie could give me a hug.

I smiled at ,my dad when he took Apple from Rose's arms, "you did real good kid, they're beautiful and I'm sure I'll get used to calling my granddaughter Apple, after all she'll be the apple of her grandpa's eye."

"Thanks Dad." I said. Fresh tears leaked from my eyes.

He handed Apple back to me and I couldn't resist taking a peek at my precious daughter. As I gazed at her I thought she looked like Edward.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

The first month of the twin's life went by extremely quickly and I struggled as I tried to get into the routine of raising twins alone. I was slowly learning all the things you needed to do and what not to do with babies and Renee had spent the first two weeks staying with me to teach me. I was extremely grateful to have her.

Once Renee left, Jacob insisted on getting up for every feed so he could burp and change one baby whilst I was feeding the other. It was something that made me feel guilty I didn't want Jake to put himself out for us. "Jake you should be in bed you've got a lecture tomorrow you need to get some sleep."

"You're the one who needs to sleep bells and if I help you'll get back to bed quicker."

I smiled at him gratefully, "thanks heaps Jake."

"No worries honey puff like I told you before I'm here to look after you."

I put the twins back into their cribs and bade Jake a goodnight, as I stared down at the sleeping forms of my children my heart throbbed painfully, Edward should be here with me tucking our babies into bed.

I laid down in bed and switched on the radio, lost in thoughts of Edward and how much I missed him.

_The stars lean down to kiss you,  
And I lie awake I miss you,  
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.  
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,  
But I'll miss your arms around me  
I'll send a postcard to you dear,  
Cause I wish you were here._

I'll watch the night turn light blue,  
But it's not the same without you,  
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,  
The silence isn't so bad,  
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,  
Cause the spaces between my fingers  
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find repose in new ways,  
Though I haven't slept in two days,  
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.  
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,  
I'll sit on the front porch all night,  
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.  
I don't feel so alone.  
I don't feel so alone.  
I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.  
I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter,  
And heavy wings grow lighter,  
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.  
And I'll forget the world that I knew,  
But I swear I won't forget you,  
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,  
I'd whisper in your ear,  
Oh darling I wish you were here.

Did I want Edward to know he was the father of twins? _Yes you do!_ I was shocked by the small but loud voice in my head, _you do want him to know he's a Dad he has a right to know his children too._

I sighed deeply and grabbed my cell phone and scrolled down to Edward's number, I picked up my bedside phone and dialled, my heart pounded in my chest as the connection clicked in and the phone began to ring.

I was just about to chicken out and hang up when I heard Edward's beautiful velvety voice on the line, "hi you've reached Edward Cullen please leave a name and number and I'll return your call as soon as possible."

I committed the sound of his voice to memory before I hung up, maybe it was a sign that I couldn't get hold of him, I was acting totally impulsively and a bit recklessly and I needed more time to think about it. I fought against the confused thoughts swirling in my mind and forced my eyes shut I needed to sleep more than to think at the moment.

Before I knew it the twins were stirring and I rolled out of bed with a groan to follow the same routine I had done four hours previously and the four hours before that and so on.

I met Jake in the lounge looking bleary eyed but he was smiling widely, I laughed when I realised that he was just as in tune with the twins routine as I was.

Once the kids were fed and back in bed Jake headed out to buy me breakfast while I got another hours sleep, the smell of warm Danishes infiltrated my senses and my eyes snapped open. Jake was standing in the doorway with a breakfast tray with my favourite apricot Danishes and a hot cup of cinnamon scented tea.

He had also brought me a copy of the New Zealand Herald my favourite national newspaper, "hey thanks Jake this is awesome."

"No worries honey puff it was nothing. I'm going to be late home tonight I've got classes all day so I won't be home until about eight."

"No worries Jake I'll be fine."

"Are you sure Bells, I'll ring you later and check on you alright?"

"Sure Jake, have a nice day." He flashed me a bright smile as he retreated from my room.

I sat back against the headboard and nibbled on a Danish as I unfurled the paper and read the front page headlines, my heart skipped a beat when I turned the page and saw Edward smiling back at me. I didn't immediately register the woman next him in the photo I was too busy drinking in every detail of his beautiful face.

I thought he looked tired, he had purplish shadows under his eyes and though he was smiling in the photo I noticed the smile never reached his eyes. I stared at him for another moment before I turned my attention to the woman sitting next to him; she had shrewd looking blue eyes and her strawberry blonde hair fell in soft curls around her face.

I guess she was pretty in her own way, she was perfectly groomed in the photo without a hair out of place and the design of her clothes was classic and elegant. My eyes drifted to the headline above the photo and I felt my world crashing down around me when I read the words.

**New Zealand's Financial Whiz Kid gets engaged…**

I scanned the article and every word cut deeper into me until my heart lay shredded and bleeding. I felt numb, sick, I felt like I was going into shock, the little flicker of hope I'd been nurturing died leaving it dark and desolate.

Edward had moved on and found someone else. At last I had my answer, I was like he said, nothing more than a stupid mistake. He hadn't been lying awake at night thinking about me, he'd been out living his life and he certainly didn't love me like I loved him. I felt so empty, cold and more alone than I'd ever felt in my life.

I spent the day on autopilot attending to the twins and doing my chores, I couldn't stop the relentless tears from streaming down my face as I bathed the kids and got them into bed, "I'm really sorry my sweet little cherubs but Daddy won't be coming home for us." I kissed each of their sweet little faces and turned out the light.

I grabbed my duvet cover and IPod and headed for the couch, I pulled the thick quilt over my head and stuffed the buds in my ears, I really needed an escape from my head for a while.

I fought against the overwhelming grief fighting to engulf me, if I could just hold out until Jake got home. I checked the clock and it was seven thirty, I was gutted that I had to hold it together for another half an hour.

I felt myself slip a little deeper into my pain when Jake didn't get home at eight or nine and when he wasn't home at ten I couldn't stop myself from slipping over the edge and falling into the abyss.

I was sobbing uncontrollably when I heard Jakes car pull into the driveway, he walked through the door took one look at me on the couch and rushed to my side.

"Bells what's the matter are you alright?" Jake pulled me into his arms as I sobbed into his shoulder. "What is it Bells?" I could hear the note of desperation in his voice.

"Oh Jake…I feel so alone…" He pulled me tighter against his chest and buried his face in my hair. It felt so good to have his arms around me holding me tightly.

"I'm so sorry I'm late Honey I got caught up with study, I should have called."

" It's...ok Jake...really I'm... just being silly."

"No you're not Bells."

He pulled back from me and tilted my head with his finger so I was looking directly up at him, "you never have to feel alone Bells, I'm always here for you." We stared at each other for a long moment before we both leaned toward each other and our lips met.

I tried to forget about everything else and concentrated on the way my lips moved against his and how nice it felt to be close to someone. I followed Jakes lead as he pulled me deeper into the kiss.

Though there was no spark it still felt nice to be wanted and without really thinking about it I decided to lose myself, "make love to me Jake."

I felt his breath catch in his throat as he registered my words, "are you sure Bella?" He looked at me seriously studying my face carefully.

"Yes I'm sure, I don't want to be alone tonight." Jake brought his lips back to mine and I let myself melt into the kiss, I was determined not to think about anything else tonight but the fact I needed to feel loved and wanted.

I let Jake take my hand and lead me to his bedroom he kissed me softly as he undressed me and laid me gently in his bed. His smile was beatific as he gazed down at my naked body below him.

He climb up next to me, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me close, "You are so beautiful Bella." I shivered and kissed him, his soft had slid over my breast, massaging it against his palm rolling my nipple between his finger and his thumb.

My hands ghosted along the hard plains of his stomach and down to his already hard cock.

"Ahh…Bella…"Jake sighed as my fingers curled around him and I pumped him gently.

Jake was an attentive lover he held me close as he whispered how beautiful I was. His strokes were gentle and his lips never left my body as he rocked against me. I let his words wash over me as I hooked my legs around his waist and pulled him deeper into me.

I let myself get lost in the feelings of being touched, of being caressed, of being loved and all too soon I could feel the flickers of pleasure intensifying in the pit of my stomach. Jake noticed the change in my breathing and upped his tempo each of his thrusts burying him deeper in me and bring me closer to my release.

My fingers locked around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine as I let my orgasm wash over me.

"Thank you Jake." I whispered as I held him close. I studied his face as he took a final thrust and let his orgasm carry him away.

I couldn't deny how beautiful he was as his eyelids fluttered closed and my name fell effortlessly from his lips. My hands slid along his waist as the last of the tremors rocked his body. I pulled him closer so that he was pressed tightly against me.

He looked into my eyes with a smile, "you never have to feel alone Bells, I'm always here for you honey." Jake smiled. He buried his face against my neck his lips roaming over my neck.

"I know." I whispered

I felt safe and warm and loved as I drifted off to sleep in Jacobs arms...

**A/N: HAVE FAITH PEOPLE...ITS NOT AS BAD AS IT SEEMS...LOL...Please review we NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK :)**


	8. Chapter 8 Aftermath

**A/N:** As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review all feedback is truly appreciated. Also thank you to those of you who added the story to your alerts/favourites. Greenaway and I would also like to thank you for your patience in sticking with the story even though there has been no Bella & Edward action for a long time. we needed to use these first chapters to set up the rest of the story. There is this chapter and one other before we see Edward and Bella meet again. We have decided to reward your patience by updating twice this week so you can get your Edward & Bella fix that much quicker. So today we are dealing with the aftermath then on Thursday we'll update again so that on the following Monday you can have your heart's desire... (this does come with a warning but...The path to true love doesn't always run smoothly, but then again true love never dies no matter what adversity its faced with... :)

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own An Angel at my table, Rod Stewart owns Broken Arrow.**

**Chapter 8: Aftermath**

**Bella's POV...**

I woke with a start; Jake was holding me close to his chest his arms wrapped protectively around me. I sighed deeply as I considered my predicament for a moment. It was then the reality of what I had done crashed over me.

Not only had I just made the second biggest mistake of my life I had crossed one of the clear boundaries lines I had drawn myself concerning getting sexually involved with Jake. By sleeping with him I had put our friendship at risk. I could only hope that Jake wouldn't want more than this one night.

I knew deep down that it was wishful thinking.

Jake had wanted to be with me like this since we first met but I had never given him hope, but I knew he still had it.

There was no chance of us having a future together.

I needed to get out of his bed and into neutral territory before he woke and I had to face firsthand what I'd done without any time to prepare.

I tried carefully to squirm out of his embrace but as soon as I moved his arms tightened around me and a contented sigh escaped his lips, "Mmm…my Bella."

My breathing hitched and I felt my already mangled heart tear apart again. I knew in that instant that I was going to break Jacob's heart just like Edward had broken mine. I felt sick by the thought and tears trickled from my eyes. I was such a cruel, selfish person.

I never wanted to hurt Jake; he was good to the core and deserved nothing but unconditional love, happiness and good fortune in his life.

I was determined to save my friendship with him; I didn't want him to leave my life.

Although I wasn't _in love_ with him I'd grown to love and depend on his friendship and support and I didn't want to lose him. He was a fundamental to my survival and I couldn't imagine life without him.

I tried to extricate myself from his embrace and after a minute of careful manoeuvring I managed to detangle myself from his arms without waking him. I sat on the edge of the bed and gazed at his sleeping form, his long dark lashes rested against the delicate skin under his eyes and a small satisfied smile played on his lips. A single dark ringlet fell across his cheek and the early morning sun shone on his smooth coffee coloured skin.

He really was as beautiful on the outside as he was on the inside and I smiled, no one would be good enough for him: especially me.

I stood up carefully trying not to disturb the mattress and alert Jake to the fact I was no longer lying beside him. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and tiptoed from the room closing the door silently behind me.

I quickly checked my sleeping children and hurried for the shower, I needed time to think about how I was going to let Jacob down without destroying our friendship. The thought brought a sob from my throat. I stepped under the steaming spray hoping the scalding water would atone me of my sins.

I relaxed slightly as the scent of my cinnamon shower gel engulfed me; I loved the sweet unique smell of the exotic spice. I showered quickly knowing the twins would be waking soon and therefore so would Jake.

I was hoping that he might sleep late and give me more time; that hope was quickly dashed when I made my way through the lounge to check on the kids.

Jake was mucking around at the stereo. He turned when he heard me, a beautiful and jubilant smile playing on his lips, "good morning my honeypuff." He moved straight toward me and drew me into his arms.

I trembled slightly and kept my head downcast, I couldn't bear to look into his warm brown eyes knowing that I was going to wreak havoc and break his beautiful kind and caring heart.

His finger ran along my jaw line and came to rest under my chin he tilted my face toward his and slowly brought his lips to mine. Against my better judgement I kissed him back, I closed my eyes and imagined just surrendering to Jacob.

It could be so easy being with him, we were so comfortable with each other it would be as natural as breathing. Edward had moved on – all my dreams concerning him were nothing but ashes. I knew Jacob _could _make me happy if I let him.

But then all the reasons I had for not getting involved with him blew through my mind like a chilling breeze destroying the warm image in my mind.

I broke the kiss and took a step back, Jake looked at me knowingly and his face crumpled in pain, "No Bells... please don't…"

"I'm so, so very sorry Jake but I can't…" I choked out, hot tears spilled down my cheeks.

"Why not Bella? Last night was incredible…I…" His voice caught in his throat and I could see the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes and my heart died.

"You know why not Jake." I whispered

"Why? Because you think that you and the kids are a burden on me?"

"Yes that's part of it." I reasoned.

"Please Bells, I don't care that you've got kids to someone else, I love Louis and Apple and I love and want you."

"I love you too Jake but not the same way. You've got your whole life a head of you, there's so much you haven't done yet and I'm not going to take that away from you. I value your friendship above all else Jake. I don't want anything to ruin it."

"So what was last night a mistake to you?" He spat.

Jakes words clawed at my insides and a low sob fell from my lips, I never wanted Jake too feel the pain of knowing what it felt like to be a mistake. "God no Jake, I would never consider what we shared last night a mistake, you're my best friend but…" I heard Apple cry out from her room, I gave Jake a final pleading look as I turned and retreated from the room.

I took my time feeding and changing the twins, Jake never came into help and my throat constricted. I knew the pain he was feeling, I could feel his pain in my bones but I knew I couldn't give him what he deserved, a chance at a life, a chance to travel and to meet people his own age and to have his own children to someone who loved him whole-heartedly and not settle for someone who's heart belonged to another. Even if that other had moved on with his life.

I turned on De Bussys Claire Delune as I read Apple and Louis, J.K. Rowling's 'The tale of fair fortune'.

I spent the morning in Apple's room, I was scared to go out and face Jacob when I knew I had hurt him so badly, my stomach was tied up in knots and my hands shook.

When the kids were tucked up back in their cribs and sleeping soundly I knew I couldn't put the moment off any longer and got up from the rocking chair with a sigh.

I made my way back into the lounge and stopped dead in the doorway, Jakes travel bag was sitting on the couch packed and waiting expectantly, Jake was back at the stereo inserting a CD into the player.

"Jake?"

"I'm going home to the Marae for a while Bells." He never turned around to look at me and I shook with fear and regret that I'd hurt him.

"Please Jake, please don't go." I pleaded.

"Tell me you love me Bella." I knew I shouldn't but I said the blasphemous words anyway.

"I love you Jake."

"Then let's just be together." His voice was as pleading as mine had just been.

"I…Jake…I can't. I'm so sorry I'm such a selfish despicable person, I'm more sorry than you'll ever know."

He choked back his sob, "I'm sorry to Bells...I'll call you in a couple of days Bells."

"Please Jake, please don't leave. I'm sorry...I'm sorry." I didn't care I was begging him and that

"I need time to think Bells…I can't stay here with you right now." He pushed the play button on the CD player picked up his bag, kissed me on the forehead, "I'll see you round Bells."

I said nothing as he walked out the door.

I felt my knees hit the floor and I crumpled into a heap. I rested my cheek on the floor as the song Jake selected swirled around me, making its meaning very clear.

_Who else is going to bring you a broken arrow_  
_Who else is going to bring you a bottle of rain_  
_There he goes moving across the water_  
_There he goes, turning my whole world around_

Jacob had turned my whole world around. he'd kept me from being sucked into the super massive black hole left by Edward, and who else was going to bring me a bottle of rain?

_I wanna breathe when you breathe_  
_when you whisper like that hot summer breeze_  
_Count the beads of sweat that cover me_  
_Didn't you show me a sign this time_

Oh god, I did more than show Jake a sign I directly asked him to make love to me. I was so fucked up I deserved to lose him.

_I want to come when you call_  
_I'll get to you if I have to crawl_  
_They can't hold me with these iron walls_  
_We got mountains to climb, to climb_

I lay on the floor as the image of Jake walking out the door joined the one of Edward doing the same thing. I'd lost the only two men I had ever loved; even though I loved them differently I loved them none the less.

I knew I had to pull myself together, I had two kids who needed me to be capable of giving them the love and attention they needed. I just had to suck it up and once again deal with the aftermath.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

It had been three days since Jake had left and I still hadn't heard from him, the house felt cold and gloomy without him, just like I felt. I thought about calling him but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I was the one who caused him pain and driven him away and I had to respect his right not to want to talk to me.

I settled on the couch with my cup of tomato soup readying myself for another lonely night marking exam papers, while Edward lay in the arms of his soon to be wife and Jacob was who knew where?

I was startled when I heard the key turn in the lock and saw Jake appear in the doorway. He dropped his travel bag on the floor and made his way straight over to me.

"Hey Bells." He sat down beside me and slung his arm around my shoulder.

"Jake you're home…I thought when I didn't hear from you... that you weren't coming back." Tears pricked my eyes, he pulled me close and kissed my cheek.

"Sorry I should have called honeypuff. I got home and had a good talk with Tui and Billy and I really missed you, Louis and Apple, it felt like a part of me was missing."

"Me too Jake," I said honestly.

"So I decided to come home. I love you Bella and I'd proudly have you as my girl but I understand where you're coming from and I'm going to respect your wishes and just be your friend, your best friend."

"Are you sure?" I gave him a hopeful look.

"Yes I want you in my life Bells and if friendship is the way to keep you then what we'll have."

"Thank you Jake, you know I don't deserve you." I knew truer words had never been spoken.

"Yes Bells you do. Now how about I cook you dinner, I bet you've been living on tomato soup since I left."

"Yeah I have." I admitted sheepishly.

My black mood lifted instantly, having Jake back and us sorting out the aftermath of our night together and agreeing to keep our relationship platonic, had me smiling more than I had ever done.

My life felt more balanced having Jake around now if I could only rid my heart of its ache for the unobtainable man of my dreams I could truly be happy.

~~~~~XXXX~~~~

As the months whizzed by Jake and I slipped back into the easy familiarity, our connection was deeper from our night together, and life was easy.

Apple and Louis where changing almost daily, Louis took after me: he had my dark brown hair and my brown eyes. Apple however was growing more like Edward by the day, she had his same bronzed hair which was beginning to twist into a mass of coppery curls and her eyes were the exact shade of emerald green as Edward's were but she had my creamy skin tone and her cheeks had a soft rosy glow.

She was so much like Edward that it hurt to look at her but I couldn't stop myself from spending hours gazing at her in wide eyed wonder.

They could both say a few words like Mum, ake, lalice and wosey.

I was eternally grateful that Charlie and Renee had only met Edward once in passing years ago when I first started working at Cullen industries, anyone who knew Edward would surely guess Apple was his daughter.

The twins were celebrating their first birthdays and we were having a party, something that Jake and Alice were super excited about. They laughed and joked around as they set up the garden for a teddy bears picnic scene with a multitude of coloured balloons, streamers and about a hundred teddy bears of varying size set up on blankets complete with picnic baskets.

Though I had brought the financial quarterly when it hit the newsstands it never had anything Edward. I was sure he'd be married by now and for all I knew his wife could be pregnant with their own child at this very minute.

The thought made my heart throb painfully and bile rise in my throat. Meanwhile Edward had missed out on the first year of milestones with his children, the guilt made me squirm uncomfortably.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I left the twins in Renee and Rose's capable hands as I dashed into town to pick up the cake and a few other last minute party items I'd forgotten, much to Alice's disgust. I made my way through the supermarket in record time.

I was just loading the shopping bags into the back seat of the car when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around and came face to face with Emmett and Jasper.

"Bella, how are you sweet cheeks?" Emmett booming voice echoed around us and he flashed me a huge smile.

"Oh…um…shit...Hi Emmett, Jasper how's it going?"

"Better now we've seen you. God Bells where have you been? I was saying to Jazz this morning no shit; I was worried you'd moved out of the city."

"Nah I'm still living here I've just been really busy with work." My eyes drifted toward Jasper who had been silent so far and noticed his eyes were resting on the two car seats in the back of my car.

Before I could divert his attention he looked up at me, a slight frown marring his face, "Bells why do you have kid's car seats in your car?"

Emmett looked at the car seats and then back at me. His face a mask of confusion, he went to speak so I cut him off.

"Oh…um I'm babysitting my cousin's twins, they're at home with my flatmate at the moment. It's easier than carting them around; you know a five minute job turns into an hour long drama." I knew I was babbling but neither Emmett nor Jasper seemed to notice.

"Oh thank god Bells. I thought you were going to say they were your kids."

I scoffed at Emmett even though I could feel the slow blush creeping up my face.

"So have you got time for a quick cup of coffee?" Jazz looked at me and then to the open coffee shop across the street.

"We're not taking no for an answer Bells it's been so long since we've seen you." Emmett looked down at me seriously.

"Um…yeah ok, but it will have to be quick, it's not fair to leave my flatmate to deal with double trouble, its bloody hard work."

"We believe you Bells, why anyone would want the whining little snot faced brats is totally beyond me. Fucktards the only bastard I know dumb enough to actually long for sprogs."

My breath hitched in my throat and my heart beat sped up. Did Emmett just say Edward longed to have children? I needed to know more.,. "Fucktard, I mean Edward…" I stammered.

"No Bells you mean fucktard. if anyone has the right to call him that it's you."

"Well fucktard never struck me as the type to want a family." I tried to keep my voice even and the look on my face innocent.

"Yeah I know he comes across all arctic and up his arse and he is mostly, but he really has a soft spot for kids, he's wanted the whole family thing for a while now."

We took a seat at a table and ordered our drinks.

I wanted to know more about Edward but I didn't want Emmett or Jazz to become suspicious, "um…well I read in the paper he got engaged so I imagine he'll get his wish for a family soon enough." I said as casually as I could.

"Oh God Bella I hope not. It's bad enough that he's marrying that social climbing vampire; I sincerely hope they do not produce offspring. That woman is the most revolting hag I've ever had the misfortune to meet." I stared at Jasper in shock, I'd never heard him say a bad word about anyone except for Edward that is, and I'd never heard such venom in his voice.

Emmett nodded his head in agreement, "hopefully they won't make it down the aisle. I'm sure if fucktard doesn't come to his senses and call off the wedding, Mum will surely stand up in the church and object."

"Do none of you like her?" My throat had gone dry and my palms were slick with sweat, but I breathed a sigh of relief Edward wasn't married yet.

"Carlisle does, he absolutely adores the manipulating slag and Edward must do a bit but no one else in the family does."

"She can't be that bad surely?"

"She's worse! no one can understand what Edward's doing with her. it's obvious he doesn't love her and he's definitely not happy." I looked at Emmett and Jazz in confusion.

I couldn't make sense of what they were saying. If Edward didn't love this woman or wasn't happy why would he be marrying her?

My phone beeped at that moment and I quickly checked the message, "sorry Emm, Jazz I have to go. It was really great seeing you again and we'll defiantly catch up again. Tell Fucktard I'm happy for him".

My voice shook a little I turned and saw Jasper watching me pensively. I tried to smile at him but I'm sure it came off more as a grimace.

My attention was drawn back to Emmett when his voice broke the gathering silence, "you shouldn't be happy for him Bells, the guys the world's biggest retard."

"All the same tell him anyway."

I rushed back to the car playing the new information over in my head, Edward longed for a family that thought had my insides tied up in knots of guilt.

Edward wanted children and I was keeping the fact that he was the father of my two angels. And Everyone but Carlisle hated Edward's choice of fiancée. Well I guess that didn't surprise me Carlisle probably handpicked her from most eligible woman in Europe list her for his precious son.

I found myself sincerely hoping Esme would get up and object to their union.

A tiny spark of hope tried to ignite in my heart but I refused to let it catch alight. I had to let go of my fantasies I had of Edward and I being together someday…

**Chapter Eight: **

**Edward's POV**

Time seemed to pass by me in a daze, I was not really conscious of it. After my parents and brothers left, I hit the booze and drugs hard. Felix and Demetri were worried about me, and I noticed they kept finding excuses to stop by the Penthouse or accompany when I went out to a bar or the Lounge. They were practically my fucking shadow these days, and I had my suspicions that they were keeping Emmett and Jasper updated on my going ons. I didn't confront anyone about it, I really didn't care enough.

Tanya was on wedding fucking overdrive and had been since I had proposed. She had a guest list of over three hundred people, a dress being personally designed by Vera Wang, the best catering, a fucking orchestra for the reception, limos, tulle and assorted other bullshit that gave me a headache every time she tried to talk to me about it. She tried to involve me, but I shut her down every single time.

I didn't give a fuck about the wedding; it was all just a means to an end.

"Edward what do you think of this colour for the theme?" Tanya asked me. This was the tenth fucking question about the colour of fucking tablecloths and napkins.

I was losing my mind. At that precise moment, the stereo decided to belt out that horrible little Britney number that had become my personal favourite and shameful friend, 'If U Seek Amy'.

My irritation with Tanya progressed swiftly onto fury, when she began shoving fabric samples at my face for fucking napkins. "Tanya I don't give a fuck, ok? Just choose whichever goddamn one you want." I yelled, grabbing my coat and storming towards the door. I needed to fucking get out of here, and I could hear the Opium Lounge calling.

"Then I'll just pick shall I?" She called out as I slammed the door behind me. Fuck her.

She learned pretty quickly after that, and basically just told me how things were going to be. I think it suited us both better that way.

At one point I intervened when she tried to cut Irina out of the wedding party. Tanya's dislike for her sister had exploded, and she was convinced Irina and I were having an affair. It was fucking laughable, it was that ridiculous.

I had told Tanya, that if she tried to pull that kind of bullshit, she could cancel the entire fucking wedding. I was not fucking standing up there without my best friend. At the mere mention of my calling off the wedding, Tanya backtracked and Irina was back in the wedding party.

I don't know how many fucking times I needed to tell the vapid bitch I was marrying that Irina and Demetri were together, and that Irina was like a sister to me, she just wouldn't fucking listen.

I had sorted out the little issue regarding Irina and Demetri's contracts with Cullen Industries. About five and a half thousand dollars of mine later it was sorted. My lawyers had drawn up new contracts for both of them, which allowed for their relationship. It was airtight, and in my authority to do, especially with the billions of fucking dollars my team was bringing into the company. Nobody would dare complain.

Irina and Demetri were shocked I had been working on this, and even more surprised when Irina worked out I had done it at my own expense. They wanted to know why it was so important to me, and I told them honestly that I loved them and wanted them to be happy. I didn't tell them about Bella and Irina could tell I was holding something back. She didn't press me though; they both signed the new contracts and sat there for a moment, speechless.

Irina had broken first, getting up and pulling me into a hug. "How long have you been working on this Edward?" She asked me sniffing. Demetri just sat there looking at the contract in awe.

Not only could they pursue a relationship with each other, but they both had promotions and pay rises. Felix and Kate also got pay rises and new contracts, though only for salary changes.

"Long enough, you know lawyers they'll drag it out as long as they can." I joked, but Irina didn't laugh. She just looked at me and smiled.

"You're my best friend Edward, you know that? I'm so glad you came here." and she hugged me again.

Irina and Demetri moved in together and got engaged soon after. I was so happy for them, but it also made a part of me sad. I wished things had worked out like that for me and Bella, that there had of been someone fighting for our side as well.

I wondered every day about Bella, I fantasised about her, I jerked-off to the images of her in my head. The only way I could fuck Tanya was by pretending she was Bella. Bella had saturated every part of my life; there was nothing she had not touched in some way.

I finally came clean to Irina one night over a bottle of wine and a couple of pizzas at her apartment. I told her all about Bella and the incident at the office back in New Zealand. I confessed to her how I had called Bella a stupid mistake and before I had even finished my sentence, Irina punched me square in the face.

"Ow! What the fuck was that for Irina?" I said holding my cheek.

Irina sat back and glared at me, shaking her knuckles out while holding onto her wrist, "You dick. You called her a 'stupid mistake'? Are you kidding me? And you really don't see why I punched you for that? That was for women everywhere, lover-boy, you're just lucky this Bella never chopped your junk off for that shit! I've half a fucking mind to do it myself, wait while I get my carving knife."

Had it really been THAT bad a thing to say? Bella had to know I didn't mean it.

Didn't she?

Irina had cussed me out for a little while longer and threatened my 'junk' more times than it has ever been threatened before. She finally wrapped her arms around my shoulders and leaned her head against mine.

"You'll get your happy ending one day Edward."

I don't think she was talking about Tanya.

* * *

The wedding drew closer and Felix and Demetri were determined to get me to change my mind. They told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life and I would regret it forever, and they weren't the only ones singing that song.

The list of people who shared that opionin was growing. Even self-absorbed Kate had said something to me about it. That one had surprised the hell out of me, Kate pretty much ignored me outside of work and the times she did talk to me, the conversation usually revolved around her.

My brothers told me I was a fucktard, and I should just get my ass on a plane and come home. Emmett even threatened to go and steal my Aston Martin. I told him I would kill him. Seriously, I would without a moment's hesitation, that car was my baby.

My mother didn't really speak to me about the wedding or Tanya at all, on the odd times we did actually speak. Since her visit, things had been a little strange between us and I knew it all came back to Tanya. I knew my mother was against the wedding, but I hoped one day she would come around. Maybe when the first grandchild arrived she would change her tune about my choice of wife.

Carlisle was ecstatic, and continuously went on about the joining of the Denali's and the Cullen's. There was no response he required from me, I had already done my part.

* * *

The wedding drew ever closer and I grew more withdrawn from everyone. All my thoughts were of Bella and how different this experience would be if it had of been with her instead of Tanya.

Jasper called me once, to try and talk some more sense into me, but I was determined. This was the only shot I had as far as I could see and I couldn't let it pass me by. I wasn't joking when I said I saw two outcomes for me, basic survival or death by an opium cocktail no doubt. I was just trying to move forward.

I mean, Bella had probably already moved on. I'm sure she would have an army of men lining up waiting for her. I wanted to kill every single one of them.

There was a knock on my office door and I looked up to see Irina poking her head inside. "Hey Edward, Demetri and I are off for the night, he's taking me out to dinner."

"Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I said trying to make my voice light.

"Bye Edward." She sing songed as she left. The room plunged into quiet. The silence was deafening me. It was heavy and oppressive, weighing itself down upon you.

I packed up and decided to go home myself, anything was better than sitting here.

* * *

When I got home the place was blessedly empty, I imagined that Tanya would be somewhere with Kate pouring over last minute wedding details. It was two weeks away and Tanya was single minded, you either got out of her way, or she ran you down. This wedding was a huge deal to her, all her dreams coming true. She was getting the partner and the children. I was just getting the children and I kind of resented her a little bit for it.

We had decided that we would try for children after we were married. Well Tanya put her foot down and decided, and since I didn't have to actually carry the child or give birth to it, I agreed it really should be her decision. So we were going to try for a honey moon baby. It felt strange, imagining my future with Tanya when I did not love her.

I tried to love her, I really did, but I couldn't make myself fall in love with her.

I sat down and poured a drink, picking my phone up and calling Emmett. They would arrive in Paris a couple of days before hand, everything was organised. They were staying in a hotel this time, their choice. I wished I could join them.

"What's up Edward? This had better be good news, like 'Hey Em, just calling to tell you I broke off my engagement and I'm coming home.'." Emmett said to me answering the call.

"Fuck you Emmett. I just wanted to check in and make sure everyone was good for the wedding."

"Yeah, we'll be there man. You know we wouldn't let you down." He said seriously

"Thanks Emmett. I appreciate it." I really did.

"Hey you will never guess who I ran into the other day when me and Jazz were at the supermarket..."

"Who did you run into at the supermarket?" I imitated his excited tone. He was not amused

"Bella," He said simply.

I froze, all the laughter leaving me at once. Why? Why now? Was this a sign? I needed to know more, I had to hear more.

"How was she?" I asked my voice a little hoarse.

"She's doing well; she was babysitting for her cousins twins when we saw her. She was in a rush she'd left them with her flatmate. We did manage to convince her to have coffee with us. She looked well, different somehow though. I don't know. She heard about your engagement, by the way."

I had been sitting there so wrapped up in the recount of his conversation with Bella, it took me a minute to realise what he had said.

Bella knows I'm getting married? What did that mean? Did it mean anything? "What did she say about it?" I croaked my throat completely dry. Emmett didn't answer for a moment.

"She said to tell you she's happy for you." He said quietly. I hung up the phone, there was my answer. She was happy I was getting married, moving on. She didn't want me and maybe she never really had.

Stop crying. You made the decision to move on, so it shouldn't bother you that she has too.

I was confused and tired. Things had been a mess for me for so long now, I was running on empty. The only thing I could focus on was my upcoming wedding. I just needed to make it through that, and then everything work be ok, it would work itself out.

Or so I hoped.

**A/N: Please feel free to show us your love, frustration or just whatever random thoughts you have about this chapter/story we thrive on your feedback :)....**


	9. Chapter 9 moving forward

**Chapter 9: Moving Forward**

**Author's Note:**

**A/N: As always thanks to you who took the time to review. We feel your pain people and we are as eager to see Bella and Edward come face to face as you are...While that won't happen until the next update we think you'll at least be happy with what happens now...Bella's POV is really short this chapter is more about Edward....**

**Greenaway: Playlist for Edward's POV: Given Up by Linkin Park.**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Linkin Park own Given Up. Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table.**

**Bella POV**

It had been two months since I'd had had coffee with Emmett and Jazz and I found that I was really missing them. We used to be so close Emmett was my best friend from the time when I first started working for him. He never saw me as merely his P.A. but I was his confidant and friend and he was mine. I used to be able to talk to him about anything and I really missed that.

I wondered if I should call Emmett and arrange to have lunch, but I quickly shot down the idea, it was probably not wise to get close to Emmett again considering I was trying to hide the fact that I had given birth to his brother's twins.

I considered what Emmett would do if I confided in him about the twins. _He'd tell Edward_ the small voice in my head answered confidently. Of course it was right, hadn't Emmett been the one to say that Edward had longed for a family, I was sure that his loyalty to his brother would be stronger than his loyalty to me over something so important.

I brought the new copy of financial quarterly when it hit the newsstand hoping to find any information about Edward, but it had nothing about him, though it did say that Cullen Industries had grown to become the globes largest company. I hadn't heard anything about him since I talked to Emmett and Jasper that day and I assumed he surely must have gotten married by now.

The thought had me hovering on the edge, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to purge Edward from my heart or from my thoughts and I still yearned for him. Seeing him so present in his daughter didn't help. I was however determined to keep pushing forward and trying to rid his hold on me.

My days were spent hanging out in the park or on the waterfront playing with Apple and Louis. They were now talking in broken sentences and I had started teaching them how to count to five and how to sing their A B C's. Every day they filled my heart with more pride and my love for them was overwhelming. It was wonderful to view the world from their perspective, everything was new and exciting and I found so much joy with every new thing they experienced.

My evenings were spent with Jake, he studied and I marked exam papers, or we'd spend the time playing spirited games of scrabble or backgammon. We were highly competitive with each other when it came to board games and we had a running competition in which I was leading. Jake was only a whisker behind me in points and was keen to keep challenging me in the hope that he might overtake me and claim the month's victory.

It was during one of our games of scrabble that Renee called to inform me that she and Charlie would be flying down to Wellington tomorrow to spend the week with Apple and Louis.

"That'll be good Mum, what time does your plane arrive?"

"Eight thirty in the morning, Bella why don't you book yourself into a day spa? my treat, you could do with some pampering sweetheart, you're doing a phenomenal job raising my grandchildren alone."

"I'm not alone, I've got Jake."

"Yes but ultimately Bella it's all you sweetie. Now promise you'll book an appointment for tomorrow."

"I promise I will and thanks Mum that's really nice of you."

"You're welcome belly bear, I'll see you tomorrow." I laughed at her use of my childhood nickname.

"I'll see you tomorrow Mum."

"Night sweetie and say hi to Jake for me."

"I will; bye Mum." I hung up the phone with a grin; the thought of being pampered was wonderful. I had forgotten what it was like to have alone time.

Not that Alice and Rose hadn't tried to whisk my kids off shopping or on stay over's at their place whenever they saw them, I just didn't want to be without them and while I allowed the shopping trips I couldn't bear to leave them over night just yet.

I went back to the couch to finish my game of scrabble and went to bed feeling jubilant that I had annihilated Jake and kept my lead.

I got up early and got Apple and Louis breakfast, cleaned up and dressed for when Charlie and Renee arrived, I dressed Apple in a emerald green muslin dress that was the exact colour of her and Edward's eyes, that was embroidered with a bumble bee sitting on top of a bright red apple, I left her gorgeous bronzed curls wild and her feet bare, I smiled at her she looked like a miniature hippy chic. I dressed Louis in blue jeans and a black classic Van Morrison T shirt and miniature Doc Martin's that Alice had brought for him.

Renee squealed in delight when she saw the twins, "Oh Bella they get more beautiful every time I see them. Apple has the most unusual hair colour, I know I've seen it on another person but for the life of me I can't think who."

I gasped silently and decided to steer the conversation in a less dangerous direction, "So Mum, Dad what made you decide to visit?"

"We had a free week in our diary so we decided we'd come down and give you a bit of a break and catch up with Rose and Alice."

"Well thanks heaps I really appreciate it." Kissed my children then Charlie and Renee and headed into town.

I had just opened the door to the salon when I ran into a friend I'd met through Emmett, she smiled brightly when she recognised me, "Hi Bella, long time no see, how are you? Are you still working at Cullen?

"Hi Lauren, I'm really good thanks and no I don't work for the Cullen's any more, I decided I need to do something different so I'm working for Victoria University marking exams and stuff. How about you what have you been doing?"

"You know working hard, partying hard. Hey speaking of partying hard I'm having an 80's party the Saturday after next at theboat shed.I'd really love it if you Rose and Alice would come."

"That would be awesome Lauren I'll talk to my sister's."

"Make sure you're there Bells it's gonna be wild night, oh and you have to come dressed as a musician or part of a band prominent in the eighties. So cast your mind back and get your lace gloves and legwarmers out baby."

"Awesome it sounds like it' gonna be fun." I needed to have a night out and let my hair down, I'd been responsible for so long now. It would be nice to be a little reckless for a change.

"Its gonna be wild girl, so I'll see you there ok? No chickening out." She gave me a swift hug and hurried out onto the street.

I floated out the salon four hours later feeling amazing, my skin glowed and for the first time since the whole Edward drama started I actually felt relaxed and contented with the world. I raised my arm to my nose and inhaled the aroma of my cinnamon scented skin and my mood brightened further.

I thought about Laurens invitation to her party and I decided I really wanted to go. I decided to ask Jake if he'd babysit for me that night, I knew he'd say yes in an instant so I thought about which 80's music icon I would go as. There'd probably be a hundred Madonna's and Cyndi Lauper's so I cast my mind back to the woman of the 80's that I used to love listening to, there was Pat Benatar and Chrissie Hind of the pretenders.

Then it came to me, 'Joan Jett' she was pure eighties rock n roll and the perfect person to portray. I pulled into the driveway and smiled when I saw Alice's canary yellow Porsche parked in the driveway.

I rushed into the house eager to see my babies and found them in their high chairs their little faces covered in tomato pasta sauce from their favourite tomato ravioli that Jake cooked for them. I gave each of them a kiss on their foreheads before going to hug Renee, Charlie.

"Thank you for today it was pure bliss and exactly what I needed."

"I'm so glad you enjoyed it and I must say your skin is positively glowing sweetie and you smell more divine than usual. I let go of Charlie and hugged Alice and Rose.

"I know those cinnamon products she used are absolutely beautiful and concentrated. I ordered the range from her it should be here on Monday. Speaking of the week after next Alice, Rose we have been invited to an 80's party. I ran into Lauren at the salon and she invited us. Jake, how would you feel about babysitting for me?"

"Sorry Honeypuff I'm going to see Tui and Dad that weekend." I tried to hide my disappointment.

"Oh that's ok."

"Bella we could have the kids for the weekend. They could fly with Jake and we could pick them up from the airport and he could bring them back with him on Monday morning. Please Bella we would love to have them." Renee looked at me pleadingly and though I didn't really want to agree I didn't want to hurt her by saying no.

"Oh…um…sure Mum of course you and Dad can have them for the weekend, if Jake doesn't mind flying with them."

"Of course not you silly girl. You deserve a night out Bells you should go and have a good time."

"Thanks Jake." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to sit at the table with Rose and Alice and told them who I was going to go to the party as.

Alice squealed in approval and told me she had the perfect outfit in mind for me. She had decided to go as Annie Lennox of the eurhythmics and Rose was going to go as Blondie.

I went to bed feeling more excited than I had in longer than I can remember. The prospect to let my hair down and have some fun while my children were safe with their grandparents was intoxicating and I was almost giddy with happiness.

The rest of the week passed in a happy blur and before I knew it Renee and Charlie were flying back to Tauranga and I had a little treat to look forward.

Rose, Alice and I spent the weekend scouring the vintage shops of Wellington in the hope of finding the perfect outfits and we weren't disappointed with our finds.

Saturday night couldn't come fast enough and I found myself counting down the hours until Jake and the Kids were on the plane and I was free to have some fun.

Maybe I would meet somebody there that could take my mind off Edward and keep moving forward.

**Edward POV**

I stormed into the kitchen and screamed. I wiped everything off the countertop with my arm and I punched a hole in the wall. I ripped the door off the liquor cabinet and I drank the 42Below straight from the bottle.

I was angry. No, I was _furious_. I felt like an idiot. I threw the bottle of 42Below across the room, hitting the huge fucking LCD television and shattering it.

How fucking _dare_ she?

I stomped around the penthouse, breaking random things and slamming doors. I didn't give a fuck anymore.

I was done.

I was fucking going home.

* * *

I had come home from the office early, the headache I had been suffering from all afternoon finally proving too much. I had walked through the front door, throwing my jacket and briefcase down on the floor carelessly. I began tugging my tie loose as I made my way to the bedroom where I could hear voices coming from.

"_Kids_, Tanya? Why would Edward think _you_ wanted kids?" I heard Kate ask.

I froze where I was and listened as Tanya's voice responded.

"Because that's what I told him." Tanya said blithely.

"But why Tanya? You _hate_ children!" I heard Tanya groan in response to Kate.

"Edward wants a family. You know, the whole wife and babies thing. It's so disgusting." She made a little gagging noise before continuing. " Carlisle told me all about his little dreams of picket fences and nappies. He suggested I work from there and I did. I happened to mention to Edward that I wanted a family and viola! I got a ring on this finger!" She finished gleefully. I was ready to throw up. Then strangle the fucking bitch.

She had been playing me like a fool the whole time. I was a little curious though; did she think I wouldn't _notice_ when we didn't have children? Or was she just planning on having them anyway and neglecting them?

What the hell was her plan there?

As if Kate could read my mind, she asked

"He's going to notice when you don't fall pregnant you know." I heard Tanya snort

"Edward thinks I've already gone off my birth control, and I have. I stopped taking the pill." Tanya said smugly. I was fucking confused, did she want kids or not?

"So you are going to go through with the whole pregnancy thing? You know what that will do to your body, don't you?" The vain and superficial Kate that I knew and loved, reared her perfectly manicured and preened head.

"Ew! Gross! I'm most certainly _not_ having _babies_. I said Edward _thinks_ I've gone off my birth control, but I've only stopped taking my pill. I went to the doctors and got a shot. I only have to go once every three months, so it will be easy to hide from Edward." Tanya sounded so fucking self satisfied that I wanted to dive into the room and tear her fucking throat out.

But had I really been any better? Had my own conduct been above reprisal? I knew it had not, so I stayed put and continued to eavesdrop.

"Oh my god. Tanya you can't be serious! What you're doing is so _wrong_! He's going to be disappointed time and time again when nothing happens! How can you do that to someone?" Kate demanded. I was truly surprised, Kate sounded like she actually _cared._

"He'll get over it. We'll cry on each other's shoulders and then one day it will just hurt too much for me to keep trying and I'll tell him I want to stop. I'll tell him how each time it feels like my heart is being torn out and that I'm failing him. After my sob story, he'll give me anything. I have it all planned out Kate. Don't worry."

"Holy shit Tanya. You need help, seriously. This is some pretty bad stuff you've got going on." I heard Kate shuffling around in the room before the doors opened. She was looking back over her shoulder at Tanya

"I can't be a part of this Tanya. It's wrong."

She didn't see me standing there and walked straight into my chest, a little 'ooff' escaping her. I looked down, my face expressionless.

Kate looked terrified.

"Do you have a ride home Kate?" I asked calmly. It had just gone on dark, and there was no way I would be letting her make her own way home at night.

"Felix is picking me up downstairs. I just text him a moment ago….. I might just go wait in the lobby. Uh, see you guys." she pushed passed me, practically running out the door. I slowly looked up and faced a quivering Tanya.

All the colour had drained from her face and her mouth was hanging open uselessly. I clenched my fists and the sounds of my knuckles cracking rang throughout the room.

"Quite the little plan you have there Tanya. You're much smarter than I have given you credit for." I said quietly taking a few steps forward. She automatically took three back.

"You truly did play me for the fool, you and my father. Has he been in on this from the beginning?" I asked, my eyes daring her to lie to me.

She was not as foolish as I, it appeared.

"Yes." She whispered. I nodded, I had thought as much.

"Did he know of your little plan?" she shook her head at me.

So Carlisle had just been trying to push us together.

"Get out." I said and began turning away. I had my answers, there was nothing further I wanted from Tanya Denali.

I felt something hard strike me in the back and I turned around. Tanya had thrown a hairbrush at my back. My fury rose, she was fucking playing with fire right now.

"Get out!? You can't tell me to leave! We have our wedding in a matter of days!"

I stared at her incredulously. She couldn't seriously think the wedding was still on. Every one's warnings started to echo through my mind and I began to wonder just how unhinged Tanya Denali really was.

"There is no _wedding_ Tanya, there is no _us_. I'll need an hour to pack my things, then the penthouse is yours until you find somewhere else, but I don't want you here right now."

"No! I'm not going anywhere and neither are you! We belong together Edward, you know we do! I'll never let you go, never! You asked me to marry you, you wanted _me!_" She screeched. Her eyes were wild and I couldn't keep my cool any longer.

"I never wanted you Tanya! I never even fucking loved you! There is only one woman I have ever loved, and I left her behind in New Zealand when I came here! You meant nothing to me Tanya, and it was wrong of me to use you like I did, but in reality you were using me too. Maybe it's better we found out now rather than later." I finished.

It was true, what Tanya had done was wrong, but I was not blameless in this situation. I had been using Tanya for my own selfish purposes, but she was still a person with feelings that I had casually ignored. I was no better than she really.

Tanya just stood there with her head in her hands, her hair tightly wrapped in her fists. She kept shaking her head and muttering, 'No! No, no, no, no.'.

"Just go Tanya." I said and her head snapped up instantly. She glared at me dangerously

"So you think you can just walk away? You lead me on and use me and you think I'll just stand by and take it? You don't know me very well at all Edward Cullen. If there's one thing I'm very good at, its revenge."

My hackles rose defensively. Was this psycho bitch really threatening me?

"Was that a threat Tanya?" I hissed at her. She just laughed darkly and shook her head as she stalked towards the front door.

"No, it's not a threat Edward. It's a fucking promise. I will always be watching and waiting and just when you think your life is fucking perfect, I'm going to take it away from you. Just like you've taken mine away from me." She slammed the door behind her.

* * *

I cleaned up the bottle of 42Below, TV and various other carnage that I had created around the penthouse and packed my things, taking a cab to Irina and Demetri's. They were surprised to see me there with my suitcases and brought me inside straight away.

"What's going on Edward?" Demetri asked confused.

I told them everything. Everything I had heard Tanya and Kate say, and they sat in silence listening to me, their faces both shocked.

When I had finished, Demetri quickly called Felix and told him to get his ass over, while Irina was on her cell phone in the corner talking to her father.

"Have you seen Tanya Dad?" She said biting her nails nervously. I couldn't hear what he said, but it obviously frustrated her.

"Because her and Edward have just busted up and Tanya's not handling it well. I'm afraid she might hurt herself or someone else." I could hear her father's laugh.

"I'm serious Dad!" There was more laughter and eventually Irina just hung up on him. She stood there for some time, just staring at her phone and shaking her head.

Demetri came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle, just as Felix came bounding through the door looking at me in worry.

"What's going on? Why the urgent summons?" He said breathlessly. Demetri explained the situation and Felix cursed when he got to Tanya's little plan.

When Demetri had finished, Felix turned to me

"So what are your plans now, fearless leader?"

"I'm going home." I said quietly. The thought of going home to Wellington made me feel so light and free and I felt a smile stretch across my face.

There was a sudden bang behind me and I turned to see Irina standing there with her hand over her mouth staring at me in horror, her phone on the ground.

"You're leaving?" She whispered, clearly upset. I cursed myself for blurting it out like that.

I loved Irina, Demetri, Felix and even Kate. They gave me life and made me feel human again, when all I wanted to do was shut myself off from the world and drown in my own misery. They had saved me and I would always owe them for that. But Wellington was my home and I had been away from her for far too long.

I didn't care if Carlisle had a problem, I would hand him my letter of resignation and walk into any other fucking job I wanted. The world was open to me, and Cullen Industries was only one of it's options. I was not going to live under Carlisle's thumb anymore. If he wanted me to stay with the company, then I was going home, end of discussion.

"Fuck it, I coming too." Felix said out of nowhere. We all just stared at him dumbfounded. He shrugged in response

"What? Hey, we're a fucking team and we stick together. Edward was there for you two idiots when you couldn't sort your shit out, and plus he's our boy." He smiled mischievously

"And if the bonus is that I'm on the other side of the fucking globe to psycho Tanya, so much the fucking better I say. And your brother is one cool dude, I like Emmett, he's a man after my own heart." Felix began picking at his nails. Demetri just looked at him flabbergasted

"So you want to uproot your life, leave your girlfriend behind…"

"Katey will come too. My honey loves her some excitement." Felix interrupted. Demetri just shook his head and carried on

"So you are going to leave your entire life behind because you want to party with Emmett?"

Felix rolled his eyes and then shot me a smirk

"Nah, I want to go 'cause Esme is one _fine ass_ woman." I chucked a magazine at his head.

"Seriously though, professionally it would be suicide for our team to split and it just wouldn't work long distance. Personally, I meant what I said, Edward's like a brother to me, and I ain't staying around to play 'Guess that Horror Movie' with Tanya. So off to the land of the Kiwis I go!" Felix looked at Irina with a raised eyebrow

"You gonna be able to let him go off without you? Who's going to be your maid of honour at your wedding then?" Felix teased.

Irina continued to look troubled for about another minute before she finally looked at me and laughed.

"Edward's going to be my best man doofus, and you're right we _are _a team. So Wellington here we come!"

"Demetri?" Felix asked. Demetri looked bored all of a sudden and shrugged

"Why the hell not?" He then looked at me and grinned.

"So, you got a house big enough to fit us all in over there? You're going to have roomies until we get our shit sorted."

Irina came and lay down next to me, putting her head in my lap. I stroked her hair off her face while I smiled at Demetri

"Plenty of room, dumbass, my house is fucking awesome." Irina grinned up at me in excitement.

"Well, bring on the 'fucking awesome' house I say! To the end of the 'Slag' era. May she forever remain nothing more than an unpleasant memory." Demetri hollered

We all raised our imaginary glasses and yelled

"Cheers!"

* * *

They spent the rest of the evening cheering me up and making plans for our huge communal move. The more we talked about it the more excited Irina became and soon she got on her phone to Kate, who began squealing in excitement. Apparently Felix was spot on when it came to what Kate's reaction would be.

After midnight everyone had gone to bed and I went to the guest room. I checked the time and did the mental math, it was about seven pm in New Zealand.

I dialled my mother's number.

"Edward sweetie! This is a pleasant surprise, I was just packing for our trip to France." Her happy voice tinkled down the phone. I wasn't sure how to tell her I had fucked my life up yet again, so I just went with what came into my head first.

"I've broken up with Tanya." I blurted. There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Mum?" I asked worriedly. Still nothing.

"Mum? Are you still there?" I asked, getting more concerned. She breathed in sharply.

"Really?" She whispered, her voice overflowing with hope. I smiled, maybe if she ended up happy at the end of this, it wasn't all bad.

"Really." I answered. There was another brief period of silence then my mother's voice rang out strong and _loud_

"Oh, thank fucking god for that!" She exclaimed and I burst out with laughter.

I heard Emmett's voice in the background, asking if his mother just said 'fuck', along with Carlisle's disapproving murmurs.

My mother ignored them, screaming

"He broke up with Tanya!!" Silence. Then Emmett's voice came hollering out to put her phone on speaker. There was about a minute of shuffling as my mother tried to put her phone onto loudspeaker but ended up nearly cancelling the call. Jasper finally got the phone off her.

"Can you still hear us Edward?" He asked.

"Loud and clear." I said.

"So, what made you finally come to your sense fucktard?" Emmett yelled happily.

I told them the story again, leaving out Carlisle's little involvement. He and I would be having a discussion on that soon. Very soon.

"Fucking Slag!" Emmett spat. For once my mother didn't seem to care about his language.

"You're far better off without her honey. So what are you going to do now?" she asked. I took a deep breath.

_Here we go……_

"I'm coming home."

Esme, Emmett and Jasper all cheered happily, but my father's voice rang out above them all.

"We had an agreement Edward." He said coldly and I bristled

"If you want to play it like that Dad then go ahead," I answered angrily. I had expected such a reaction from him, but it still pissed me off.

"But I'm coming home. With or without a job at Cullen Industries. I'm also bringing my team with me, our new base of operations is going to be Wellington. Irina is getting onto our replacements tomorrow." I heard him growl, but I cut him off "This is how things are going to be Dad, accept it. As for our 'agreement', you should know that Tanya and I had a little talk. You owe me." I finished coldly.

He must have read my meaning, because he shut up quickly.

"Fine. But you better make sure Paris is left in capable hands. You built up that branches reputation, don't put it on the line now."

I spent the rest of the conversation talking to my mother and brothers. They were thrilled that the others would be joining me as well. We talked for about an hour and by the time I got off the phone there was a small smile playing on my lips. I had just ended my engagement today, yet I hadn't felt this happy in a long time.

I was going home. Home to Wellington.

Back to Bella.

* * *

The next few weeks, Irina and I spent literally all our time, finding our replacements and tying up loose ends for our departure. Felix and Demetri spent their time sorting their personal affairs, they were both excited about the big move and ready for a change they said.

Before we knew it, we were all boarding the plane, and once on board I ordered a strong whiskey. Irina had the seat next to me and she chatted non-stop asking me all about New Zealand. It was a big move for her, she had never even visited before.

Over twenty-five hours later, we touched down at Auckland airport and Felix went crazy. He brought thousands of little kiwi magnets from the gift shop, as well as a greenstone tiki. He brought one for Kate as well and they both put them on giggling at each other. Eventually though, Felix's stomach got the better of him and we made our way to the food court. I was thankful to my friends extreme appetite.

I needed coffee and I needed it bad.

"So where's your family Edward?" Felix asked as we sat down at a free table with our orders. I took a big sip of my coffee, ignoring the fact that it was fucking hot and burning my throat like a bitch.

"We're only in Auckland Felix, we have to catch a connecting flight to Wellington. They will be meeting us there." I answered, my voice a little hoarse from my newely scorched throat.

"Then it's onto your place isn't it?" Kate asked. She didn't appear to be overjoyed by the idea. Felix hugged her to him and kissed the top of her head.

"Not for long Katey, baby. We'll find our own place within a week, I'm telling you."

Kate just nodded and began picking at her food again, removing herself from the conversation.

"Yeah, we won't impose on you too long Edward. We should be able to find something by the end of the week." Demetri said through a mouthful of toast. I grimaced at him

"None of you are imposing. Hell, you all picked up your lives to follow my sorry ass. I still don't quite understand why by the way…" I trailed off. Irina punched me, and it really hurt.

She punched like a man, it was scary.

"You grew on us Edward. Plus, we're like Cullen Industries Dream Team at the moment, splitting us up is not only bad business for the company, but career suicide as well. So you see, we had no choice _but_ to follow your dramatic ass all the way to New Zealand." Irina teased. I stole her bagel and took a really big bite. She punched me again and my eyes watered a little.

We boarded our connecting flight to Wellington an hour later and arrived a little after lunch. We were greeted by a grinning Emmett and a beaming Jasper.

"Edward Cullen comes home." Emmett said, coming up and taking Irina's bags for her with a suggestive smirk. She blushed and looked away while Emmett looked in anticipation at Demetri. He was hoping for a rise for flirting with his girl.

But Demetri being Demetri, he just smiled and shrugged. He was too mellow and laid back to worry about those kinds of things. Plus he had got to know Emmett really well on their last visit.

"Good to see you home man, it's where you belong." Jasper said, clapping me on the back.

"Mum's at your place. She's been there all morning cooking you guys a welcome home lunch" He added. Felix's eyes brightened and he practically moaned

"God bless you mama Cullen. _You_ are what makes the world go around."

When we arrived back at my house I nearly cried, and I'm not ashamed to say it. I was finally, _finally_ home. I showed Felix and Kate and Irina and Demetri, their rooms and give them a chance to put down their luggage. We then made our way to the kitchen where my mother was making the most incredible meal I have ever seen.

There was roast lamb, pork, beef and chicken, plus every salad known to man. She had made bread rolls from scratch and apple pie and pavlova for desert. Emmett and Felix looked like rabid dogs the way the attacked the food. Everyone just made sure to keep their fingers clear of them.

My mother was overjoyed I was home, and kept telling me how glad she was that I called things off with that 'horrible woman'. I couldn't have agreed more.

Carlisle turned up later, just as Mum had left and everyone else had gone to bed. He wanted to discuss the 'Dynamics of my Team', but it was bullshit. He just wanted to attack the relationship between Irina and Demetri.

Unfortunately for him, I had anticipated this and I pulled a large envelope out of the top of a suitcase.

"Copies of the new contracts Irina and Demetri signed. Their relationship did not start until _after_ they signed the new contracts. It's all above board and one hundred percent legal." I said, glaring at him. "It's also non-fucking negotiable. They're _my_ team, and as long as they are, I'll decide the rules. Don't ever think for a second that I can't or won't walk away from Cullen Industries Dad, because I will. Don't force my hand." I warned.

He had stood there gaping at me, before composing himself and stalking off, clutching copies of the contracts. I watched him leave and then turned to go to bed myself, I had really missed _my_ bed.

* * *

True to his word Felix found him and Kate an apartment right in the city centre within the first week. Kate was thrilled and absolutely loved the place, she craved the hustle and bustle.

Demetri and Irina followed suit a few days later, renting a little townhouse in the suburbs. We merged ourselves seamlessly into the Wellington branch and began back at work almost immediately. I was back in my old office which was nice and difficult all at the same time. It felt strange watching Irina sit at Bella's desk. It certainly felt strange (and fucking uncomfortable in my pants) when I worked at the desk Bella and I had fucked on. I could practically hear her fucking moaning in my ear every time I closed my eyes and smell her scent all around me.

I didn't know where Bella was or even if she would want to see me, but I was almost compelled to search her out.

_And then do what? What is this big plan bright-spark? I think you need to go back to the drawing board._

I didn't know what I would do if I saw Bella. But I knew I wanted to. I knew I _needed _to.

The door banged open, and Emmett came barrelling in, just like he used to.

"P A R T Y! Spells party!. Remember that Lauren chick? Anyway, it's not important. She's having an 80's party this Saturday at the Boat Shed and she said you all could come too! You have to go as an 80's musician and I am _so_ gonna go as Meatloaf. I would make a kick ass Meatloaf and you fucking know it too!" He finally plonked himself down into one of the chairs and smiled at me.

"Jazz is going as Billy Idol. What about you?"

I shrugged. He had only just told me about the damn party, I had no fucking clue what costume I was going to wear.

He cocked his head to the side and studied me

"I see you as an Axl Rose to be honest. True, you don't have the locks, but essentially it's the same fucking colour."

I considered what Emmett had said. Then it struck me and I smiled

"Paradise City, Axl Rose." I said. Emmett grinned at me

"Now ya talking bro."

An 80's party? Sounded like it could be fun. That was something I hadn't had in a long time.

**A/N: Next stop Bella and Edward...Please feel free to review this chapter story...Surely we've given you something to smile about :)**


	10. Leather, lust & lost underwear

**A/N: **First offLight and love to all of you who took the time to review as you know your thoughts and feelings on the story make our day. Also thanks to those who have added the story to their alerts and favourites.

**Special Note from Cinnamon Twist101:** I would like to dedicate this chapter to my daughter who skydived from 8,000 ft for her 13th birthday yesterday,(I assure you she will not be reading any further than the A/N...), I am in awe of your fearlessness and your ability to step outside the square and challenge your limits...So proud of you my baby girl...

**Disclaimer: **S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & myself own An Angel at my Table. All songs used in this chapter are owned by the respective artists and writers.

**Playlist:** Joan Jett: do you want to touch me, Guns n Roses: Patience, Madonna: Crazy for you, Duran Duran: Save a prayer...

It's been a long painful process getting these two back in the same City and now that they are the fun, games and frustrations really start :)....

**Chapter 10: Leather, lust & lost underwear**

**Bella POV**

Saturday morning dawn bright and clear, I kissed the twins goodbye and tried to keep the tears from spilling down my cheeks. Jake gave me and hug and kissed my cheek, "it's going to be fine Bells, we'll be back in a couple of days you'll barely have time to miss us."

"I miss you all already." I said in a voice thick with tears.

"Bells just go out and have a good time and we'll see you on Monday night."

"That's ages away, maybe I should just flag going to the party."

"I don't think so Isabella Marie Swan. Look it's only tonight and tomorrow night and then we'll be home. Go to your party and have a good time. I'm taking the twins with me regardless if you go to the party or not and it will only be worse for you rattling around that empty house with even more time on your hands. At least if you go out and have a few drinks maybe acquire a hangover you'll be able to sleep all day Sunday and then it won't seem as long."

I laughed at his logic, "Ok...And thanks again Jake and say hi to Renee and Charlie for me and tell them I'll call them tomorrow sometime."

"No worries now hurry up and get into party mode, Alice and Rose will be here soon and they'll be wanting to start getting on it early. They're really excited about getting to take you out so don't ruin it for them by moping around. Oh and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I laughed harder, "you goody two shoes? Mate you have nothing on me sweetie. Years of experience here." I said pointing at myself.

Jake rolled his eyes, "Ok I'll see you Monday." I kissed the twins again closed the car door and hurried inside so Jake wouldn't see my cry.

As soon as I got into the empty house I wanted to call Jakes cellphone and tell him to come home, I eyed my cell phone on the bench and quickly scrolled down to Jakes number. I hesitated for a moment before calling.

I groaned when it went staright to voice mail and rolled my eyes when Jakes answer phone message came over the line.

"_No Bella I will not turn around and bring the kids home, for god's sake put on your party dress and go to the ball Cinderella. Have a good time, don't lose your slippers or kiss any frogs they don't turn into princes. and be sure to be home by Monday or you'll turn into a pumpkin." _Jakes laughter rung out in my ear.

"Fuck you Jake." I hissed, "and thanks my fairy god mother, I owe you." I hung up with a sigh and looked around the empty kitchen, my mood gloomy. When I could bear it no longer bear it I headed for the shower.

I used the cinnamon products the beauty salon ordered for me and I revelled in the concentrated cinnamon scent it left on my skin. I quickly applied a thick layer of black mascara to my upper and lower lash line and a slash of red lipstick on my lips.

Alice and Rose turned up sporting costumes and a bottle of tequila just as I was finishing painting my fingernails black. Alice smiled approvingly at my colour choice.

She set down the costumes while Rose headed for the kitchen in search of shot glasses, "are you ready to party belly bear?" Alice smirked at me and I laughed.

" Hell yeah," I said with more enthusiasm than what I was feeling.

"Yay Bells this going to be so much fun. Have you rehearsed your song?"

"Yeah a few times, I know the lyrics but I'm not looking forward to having to sing in front of a crowd," Lauren had text me to tell me that everyone who was at the party that night had to get up and perform a song by the artist they represented.

Rose returned with the shot glasses and we set about consuming most of the bottle as we talked about who would be there at the party tonight. I was starting to really feel the effects of the alcohol, it had been such a long time since I'd consumed any.

"Jazz and Emmett will be there for sure. You know those two they love nothing better than a good party." Alice gave me a sideways glance to see how I was going to react to that.

"Hey I never thought of that. Yay it will be good to party with Jasper and Emmett again. it's been so long and I'll be able to find out if Edward got married."

"And if he did?" Rose looked at me sympathetically.

"if he did I'll be happy for him but it won't change how I feel about him."

"So you love him even after all of this time."

"Yes I've tried so hard to purge him from my heart but I can't he's the father of my children and…"

"He might be the father of your children Bells but you're never going to tell him that! So don't you think you should move on?" Rose's voice had a tiny edge of impatience and I knew she hated the fact that I would pine after a man, not to mention a man that treated me so appallingly.

Alice passed me my costume and ordered me into it effectively ending my conversation with Rose. I stripped off my sweat pants and poured myself into the skin tight black leather pants Alice had found for me.

The damn pants were so tight I had to lie on the couch to get them done up. When I finally had them on and had walked around the room in them for a moment they felt extremely comfortable. I threw on the black leather top Alice had chosen for me it zipped up at the front and it left my mid drift bare. She finished the look off with a pair of black and silver studded boots she'd brought for me.

I wasn't too keen on the top, I felt exposed and a little slutty but Alice and Rose refused to let me change into the sex pistols T-shirt I had planned on wearing.

"Bella Joan Jett wore sexy leather outfits not T shirts and you're one hot looking Momma so why not flaunt it. Your stomach is flat and thanks to my recommendation of using Bio Oil you have no stretch marks. So let's have no more arguments or tantrums. Besides that song you chose screams slutty so don't play coy let your bad girl out of her cage and live a little." Alice gave me a threatening look and I sighed in defeat.

"Here Bells I've got something that will help you relax." Rose headed for the sideboard draw and pulled out a little tin, she pulled out a joint and waved it in the air.

"Where did that come from and how did you know it was there? I didn't know it was there."

Rose laughed, "Jake left it for us. He said he wanted you to have fun while you could." I silently thanked Jake and took the joint and lighter from Rose.

I put it to my lips and took a couple of big tokes passing it to Rose with a grin. The effects were instantaneous and I was beginning to feel comfortably numb thanks to the combination with the tequila and I even got over what I was wearing.

We smoked the rest of the joint and then another and I was feeling at peace with the world. I packed another couple of the herbal cigarettes in my bag for later and followed Rose and Alice out the door.

When we arrived at the venue the place was packed and the party was in full swing, we registered at the door and I was pleased to see I was the only Joan Jett on the list at least I was original.

We made our way inside and fought through the throng of people to the bar. I checked the cocktail list deciding on a flirtini a delicious mix of champagne, vodka and pineapple juice I ordered two so I wouldn't have to come back so soon. I grabbed my glasses and followed Rose and Alice into the crowd.

I kept my head down cast watching my feet as I pushed my way through the mass of people. I was surprised when I was grabbed from behind by a massive set of hands, "Bells how the fuck are you? I didn't know you'd be here tonight."

I recognised Emmett's booming voice at once and spun around to face him. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw him in his costume, "let me guess, Meat loaf. Am I right?"

"Don't you know it Joan Jett?" I laughed and was stoked that Emmett knew who I was trying to portray."

"Touché, It's really good to see you Emm, is Jazz with you?"

"Yeah he's floating around somewhere. Hey babe are you keen for a bit of Christmas cheer?" Emmett flashed me a mischievous grin.

I thought about what Alice and Jake said about making the most of my free time. I grinned at Emmett, "Why the fuck not. Christmas is only a few weeks away after all."

"That's my girl. You don't mind if a couple of mates join us do you?"

"Nah I guess not."

"Cool babe let's go." Emmett grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd toward the back of the venue.

I smiled shyly at the two men Emmett had invited to come with us. We made our way down a small corridor and emerged in an empty office.

Emmett locked the door behind us and headed for the desk, "Bella this is Felix and Demetri from our French division they work with fucktard. Felix, Demetri this is the beautiful Bella my ex P.A. and good friend."

"Hi, it's nice to meet you both." My heartbeat began to accelerate, what were Edward's work colleagues doing here in New Zealand and was Edward with them?

"It's nice to meet you Bella." Demetri said his English thick with his French accent. He smiled at me and Felix nodded his head in agreement.

"Here Bells." Emmett passed me the rolled up note and I snorted a couple of rails up each nostril with a satisfied moan. I passed the rolled up hundred dollar bill to Felix and moved over to stand with Emmett.

"Fuck Bells you're looking fucking hot tonight. Are those pants painted on?"

I blushed scarlet and snorted, "Hardly Emm. But these pants fucking feel like it. You know Alice." I said in way of an explanation.

"I do," Emmett laughed and pulled me into his arms, "so as tradition has it Bells we need to have a little make out session."

I looked at him in surprise, "Oh yeah I forgot about that." The tradition of me having to kiss Emmett to thank him for the blow. There was nothing in the kiss it meant nothing to either of us it was just Emmetts idea of a laugh.

Luckily I was so wasted or I would never have kissed him in front of Edward's work colleagues. But the alcohol and drugs had robbed me of my sensibility chip.

I pulled away from him after a few minutes and returned to the desk to have a couple more rails before we made our way back to the party.

I left Emmett with Demetri and Felix and went to look for Alice and Rose. I was starting to feel the effects of the coke and I half danced through the crowd. I stopped to watch the poor person who was on stage performing their number and I sincerely hoped the list with my name on it got lost or burnt or had some other type of unfortunate bad luck bestowed on it

I couldn't find Alice or Rose anywhere so I made my way to the bar and ordered another couple of cocktails. I looked toward the stage when I heard Laurens voice ring out over the PA system.

"Next up is Joan Jett can we please have Joan Jett on stage now." My knees began to tremble and I considered doing a runner, but just as the idea formed Alice came up behind me and grabbed my arm.

"Come on Bells that's you." I resisted Alice and grabbed my cocktail from the bar, downing it in one. I grabbed the other glass and allowed Alice to pull me toward the stage. I chugged my cocktail and handed the empty glass to Alice.

Though I was petrified, the drugs and alcohol I had consumed had given me Dutch courage and I let Alice push me onto the stage. I looked out over the crowd and was pleased to see that I couldn't see anyone directly due to the brightness of the light.

I grabbed the microphone and took a deep breath as the first bars of my song rung out around the room.

_We've been here too long_

_Tryin to get along_

_Pretendin that you're oh so shy_

_I'm a natural ma'am_

_Doin all I can_

_My temperature is runnin high_

_Cry at night_

_No one in sight_

_An we got so much to share_

_Talking's fine_

_If you got the time_

_But I ain't got the time to spare_

_Yeah_

I was starting to get really amped up from the coke and I seemed to let my inhibitions go as I took a leaf out of the book of two 80's music icons, Madonna and Michael Jackson, and ran my hand over my breasts and across my stomach, letting it rub over my mound.

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch me there, where_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Dou wanna touch me there, where_

_There, yeah_

_Yeah oh yeah, oh yeah_

_Every girl an boy_

_Needs a little joy_

_All you do is sit and stare_

_Beggin on my knees_

_Baby, won't you please_

_Run your fingers through my hair_

_My, my, my,_

_Whiskey and rye_

_Don't it make you feel so fine_

_Right or wrong_

_Don't it turn you on_

_Can't you see we're wasting time, yeah_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch me there, where_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Dou wanna touch me there, where_

_There, yeah_

I waited until the music stopped then rushed off stage to a deafening roar of cheers and wolf whistles. I was grateful to see Rosalie standing at the bottom of the stage with a drink in her out stretched hand and gulped it down gratefully.

"Bella that was awesome, fuck you were just smoking, you little ninx." She hugged me tightly.

"Whatever. if I hadn't been so totally fucked up I would never have gotten on that stage."

"Well it's over now and you can just enjoy the rest of the night." We moved off into the crowd as Lauren called for the next person to make their way to the stage.

The next performer was Axl Rose from guns and Roses, one of my favourite bands. I was surprised when Jasper sidled up beside me and threw his arm around my waist.

"Jesus Bella if you were anymore hotter in that performance you would have set the place on fire. That my darling was an inspired performance."

I rolled my eyes and I could feel the blush creeping across my cheeks, "whatever Jazz. If it wasn't for Emmett's Christmas cheer I would have never haven even got up there."

"Well I'll be sure to thank Emmett for that later. Now speaking of inspired performances, I've got a surprise for you." He grabbed my hand and pulled me back toward the stage.

He walked us up so we standing front row centre and kept hold of my hand as someone began to whistle into the microphone.

I looked up and my heart skipped a beat and my legs began to shake uncontrollably. Edward was standing there dressed in white leather and it seemed like he was looking directly at me.

I looked at Jazz in confusion and horror, he just smiled at me reassuringly and mouthed "listen."

I turned my attention back to the Stage as Edward began to sing. My breath caught it my throat when his velvety voice reached me.

_Shed a tear cause missing you_

_I'm still alright to smile_

_Girl, I think about you every day now_

_Was a time when I wasn't sure _

_But you set my mind at ease_

_There is no doubt you're in my heart now_

_Said woman take it slow_

_It'll work itself out fine_

_All we need is just little patience_

_Said sugar make it slow_

_And we'll come together fine_

_All we need is just a little patience_

_Patience_

_Sit here on the stairs_

_Cause I'd rather be alone_

_If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear_

_Sometimes I get so tense_

_But I can't speed up the time_

_But you know there's one more thing to consider_

_Said woman take it slow_

_Things will be just fine_

_You and I'll just use a little patience_

_Said sugar take the time_

_Cause the lights are shining bright_

_You and I've got what it takes to make it_

_We won't fake it, never break it_

_Cause I can't take it_

…_little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,_

_Need a little patience, yeah_

_Just a little patience_

_Some more patience, yeah_

_I've been walkin these streets tonight_

_Just tryin to get it right_

_It's so hard to see with so many around_

_You know I don't like being stuck in crowd_

_And the streets don't change but maybe the names_

_I ain't got time for the game,_

_Cause I need you (patience, yeah_

_Yeah, yeah well I need you_

_Oh, I need you (take some patience)_

_Whoa, I need you (just a little patience is all we need_

_Ooh, this time_

I stood rooted to the spot. I was aware that my sympathetic nervous system was going into overdrive causing my flight, fight, fright response to go to war with itself and I didn't know if I should turn and run, stay and punch Edward in the face, or just melt into his arms.

I turned to Jazz in confusion, "what the fuck Jazz?"

"He's home Bella and he doesn't have a wife." I looked at Jazz as his words washed over me and I tried to fight the rising fear threatening to engulf me.

Edward was back in Wellington for good and he hadn't married what's her ugly face.

"And what's that got to do with me? I was nothing but a stupid fucking mistake to him." Anger was coming to my defence and now that I had seen Edward I couldn't stop all the hurt from flooding through me as the memories came rushing back.

"Why would you say that Bella?" Jasper was looking at me pensively a frown marring his face.

"Because that's what he told your Daddy that night before he walked out the door without a backward glance." I hissed venomously.

"Nah fuck off Bells he wouldn't have said that about you." Jasper was shaking his head.

"Yeah he did. And you can tell him from me thanks a fucking lot." I stormed away into the crowd. I needed to get outside and give myself time to think.

I sat down on the edge of the rock wall and took one of the joints from my purse and sparked it up taking a long drag. My head was spinning with confused thoughts. Was Edward trying to tell me something with the song? How was I going to avoid him now he was back in the city?

I thought about running into him on the street when I had Apple and Louis with me and the thought made me shudder violently. Images of Edward as he sung that song danced across my mind. He looked beautiful and I felt that familiar ache of longing.

I toked on the last of the joint and I considered my options. I thought about leaving the party and going home which would have been the sensible thing to do but my body seemed to have other ideas.

I stood up though I tried to resist, it was as if I was caught in the gravitational pull of the super massive black hole that was Edward and I found myself making my way back inside, my body was tingling with that inexplicable electricity and I knew I must be getting closer to where he was when the voltage began to increase until it hit fever pitch. I hated my body for betraying me.

I stood a little way behind him and waited for him to turn around; I smiled to myself as I heard the song that started playing.

_Swaying room as the music starts_

_Strangers make the most of the dark_

_Two by two their bodies become one_

As if Edward could feel me behind him, he slowly turned around and looked directly into my eyes, a beautiful smile broke over his angel face and I was lost.

_I see you through the Smokey air_

_Can't you feel the weight of my stare_

_You're so close but still a world away_

_What I'm dying to say, is that_

_I'm crazy for you_

_Touch me once and you'll know it's true_

_I never wanted anyone like this_

_It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss_

_I'm crazy for you, crazy for you_

He moved toward me and took me in his arms and I felt like I was home. Current surged through me, I felt like I'd been electrocuted when his skin came into contact with mine and all rational thought left me.

"_Bella."_ Was all he said as he began to sway us to the music.

_Trying hard to control my heart_

_I walk over to where you are_

_Eye to eye we need no words at all_

_Slowly now we begin move_

_Every breath I'm deeper into you_

_Soon we two are standing still in time_

_And if you read my mind you'll see_

_I'm crazy for you_

I didn't really take notice that the song had changed all I cared about was for this moment I was back in the arms of the man I loved.

_Feel the breeze deep on the inside look down into the well_

_If you can you'll see the world and all his fire_

_Take a chance like all dreamers can't find another way_

_You don't have to dream it all, just live a day._

_Don't say a prayer for me now_

_Save it til the morning after_

_No don't say a prayer for me now_

_Save it til the morning after_

_Pretty looking road I try to hold the rising floods that fill my skin_

_Don't ask me why I'll keep my promise I'll melt the ice_

_And you wanted to dance, so I asked you to dance_

_But fear is in your soul_

_Some people call it a one stand but, we can call it paradise_

_Don't say a prayer for me now_

_Save it til the morning after_

Edward pulled his face from my hair and stared into my eyes, I was mesmerised like a bird caught in the hypnotic stare of a snake.

He smiled at me again and brought his lips to mine and the world stopped, everyone around us melted away and it was just the two of us alone in this moment in time.

The magic of the moment was shattered by Emmett's loud voice clearly audible even over the music, "oh thank fuck for that, I hope you two don't fuck it up this time. You belong together." I pulled my lips from Edward's as I registered Emmett's words.

He obviously thought we were going to have some sort of relationship and I instantly felt uneasy. I had no plans to be with Edward again after tonight. I just wanted to wash away the memory of being called a mistake.

Edward led me to the bar and got me a drink, his hand encircled my waist and he held me tightly as we moved toward Jasper. He was standing with Demetri and Felix, his eyes lit up when he saw Edward with his arm around me.

Demetri and Felix looked surprised and were both looking at Edward questioningly. I turned to look at Edward and my heart stuttered when I saw the beatific smile playing on his lips. His eyes sparkled and he tightened his grip around my waist, his face moved to my hair and he inhaled deeply.

His lips moved to my ear and he whispered, "I'm sorry Bella." I looked at him full in the face and I could see hurt and the sincerity in his eyes and I gave him a small smile.

"Let's not do this tonight Edward, we'll talk tomorrow." He smiled even wider and brought his mouth back to mine. The uneasy feeling intensified, I was being stupid, selfish and reckless and I setting us both up for heart ache. And while I knew all of this I still couldn't stop myself.

I don't know how long we stood there kissing it could have been minutes or hours, all I knew was that I was melting further into Edward the longer our lips stayed together.

It was Jazz who interrupted us this time, "fuck you two get a room." Edward pulled his lips from mine and growled at his brother. Jasper laughed and rolled his eyes, "so who's up for a more private party?"

Edward's face lit up in anticipation, "what did you have in mind bro?"

"How about we book a couple of Room's at the Bolton Hotel**."**

Edward looked at me and I could see a hint of fear in his eyes, "do you want to join us Bella."

Stupid mouth spoke the words before my brain registered the question or the consequences," Sure why not."

Edward kissed the top of my head and I could tell he was both relieved and happy. I was confused; he was acting like he did that night in his office before we were caught, like he wanted me, like he needed me like I needed him.

We were soon holed up in one of the two penthouse suites of the Bolton. Edward introduced me to Irina and Kate and explained who they all were. Kate seemed standoffish and she almost seemed bored as she clung to Felix's side. Irina on the other hand was very warm toward me and she seemed genuinely interested in making conversation.

She asked me how I knew Edward and I blushed, "I was his P.A." I mumbled.

I asked her how she'd met Edward and she smiled radiantly, "I'm his P.A. He's such a cool boss and my best friend." She beamed at Edward who mussed her hair and gave her a dazzling smile

I noticed their ease and familiarity with each other at once and I felt a tiny twinge of jealousy realising they had the kind of working relationship we never did.

We partied on with the others for a couple of hours; Edward dragged me off to the bathroom with Jazz to do a few more rails before we retreated to the other penthouse, which Edward had hired for us.

As soon as he shut the door behind us we threw ourselves at each other and began to pull our clothes as fast as we could in our haste to be naked in each other's arms. Edward laughed when I couldn't peel off my pants; the sound was like the sweetest melody as it rang out and broke the silence. He bent down to help me.

"Oh god Bella you are so exquisite, you have no idea how much I want you." He sighed deeply as he carried me to the large couch and laid me down against the cool leather.

I closed my eyes as his lips sort mine and his hands roamed hungrily over my body, a soft moan escaped his lips as his hand slid over my breast and down along the curve of my waist.

My skin felt like it was on fire and I felt like I was going to combust with the red hot intensity of Edward's kiss, His lips slid from mine and moved along my cheek trailing slowly down my neck. I twined my fingers in his hair as his lips moved down over my collar bone and over the soft swelling of my breast.

I sighed as he took my nipple between his lips, teasing and sucking it into a hard point before moving to the next one, "Mmm Bella I love the way you feel. your skins so soft and smooth and you're smell-cinnamon, it smells like home."

I tried not to think about Edward's words there would be plenty of time to torture myself with them tomorrow when I was alone again. The thought had me tightening my grip in his hair as he kissed a trail down my stomach inching ever closer to my aching sex, it was desperate to feel him.

We both moaned in unison as his tongue found my swollen clit, his tongue ran along my slit before disappearing into my wet core, "god Bella you taste like heaven. Edward's tongue slid back to my clit and he drew it between his lips as his fingers slipped into my core and pumped me gently.

"Edward I want to taste you too." He lifted his head and his eyes sought mine. There was no mistaking the lust in them, a low growl escaped his lips.

I scrambled into a sitting position and pulled him onto the couch.

I kissed him passionately as I pushed back into the soft leather. I pulled my lips from his and straddled his stomach using my knees to hold my weight, my fingers curled around his cock and slid the length of it slowly before I leaned down and licked it with my tongue.

Edward's moan was like of pure lust and my core throbbed for him, I kissed his tip and let my tongue tickle his slit before I slid him into my mouth. I gasped around him as he gripped my hips and pulled me back toward him, he slid underneath me and brought his tongue back to my sex.

I sighed as my tongue ran over his slit and tasted the salty precum gathered there, I drew him deeper into my throat with every bob of my head and I revelled in sucking his beautiful hardness.

I could feel the electricity beginning to intensify in my core and I knew my orgasm was only moments away, I desperately wanted Edward to cum with me so I increased my tempo and sucked him harder, while my free hand slid to cup his balls, I felt him harden in my mouth and my name escaped his lips as he spilt himself down my throat.

I revelled in the feeling and the taste of Edward as his essence slid down my throat and I cried out his name as I let my orgasm wash over me.

I slid him from my mouth with a sigh. Turning quickly I sat on his stomach and looked into his sparkling green eyes, there was something there that I couldn't decipher.

He smiled at me as his hands slid up and down my waist, "Bella…I…"

I cut him off, "Ssh Edward let's not speak tonight, let's just feel and leave the talking for the daylight."

I leaned forward and kissed him hungrily before he could protest. I squealed into his mouth when he suddenly lifted me off the couch and carried me to the bedroom and the colossal bed in contained.

I looked around the room and I was stunned by the beauty of the city lights that twinkled around us from the continuous glass walls.

Edward laid me in the centre of the bed and slid his body up the entire length of mine until our lips me in a searing kiss. I could feel his hard cock pressing against me and I was desperate to feel him inside me, "I want you inside me Edward."

He moaned into my mouth as his knee moved in between my legs parting them, I guided him into my warmth, sighing as he slid into me, I wrapped my legs around his waist pulling him deeper into me.

I could sense that same feeling of desperation and need in the way Edward buried himself into me that was present the first time we were together. I studied his face as he rocked above me, his eyes were closed and he was wearing an expression of pure unadulterated ecstasy and it made him even more beautiful.

I closed my eyes when his face dropped to my neck and his lips caressed the delicate skin there, his breath felt warm against my flesh and I shivered in pleasure. I opened my eyes and I noticed the room beginning to lighten with the approaching dawn, I clung to Edward desperate to hold him close to me for as long as I could before I ran.

Intense pleasure was once again beginning to build in me and my breathing became more rapid, Edward noticed and whispered in my ear, "cum for me my Bella, call my name my love…"

I couldn't hold back or think about what Edward had just called me. I called his name repeatedly as I let myself fall over the edge. I held him close as he let himself go, his body shuddering violently against mine.

He pulled his face from my neck; he looked down at me and gave me a breathtaking smile. That same emotion was back in his eyes, "Bella."

"Please Edward don't say anything just hold me tight...Let's get some sleep and we'll talk in the morning ok…"

He pulled me against his chest and buried his face in my hair inhaling deeply. I lay against the pillow and tried not to let myself think about anything else than how I needed to get out of here as soon as Edward was asleep.

I waited until I heard his breathing deepen and become slow and even. I carefully extricated myself from his arms and tiptoed from the room. I didn't bother trying to find my underwear I just picked up my clothes off the floor and got dressed quickly.

I tiptoed to the doorway and watched Edward sleeping for a moment, committing the vision to memory before I turned and crept out the door.

I kept my head down as I made my way out of the lobby and into the cool spring air.

**Edward POV**

Saturday morning I awoke bright and early and with a new frame of mind. I wasn't going to settle for second best and I wasn't going to wait for fate to drop a family in my lap. I was going to go out and fucking take it.

I was going to track Bella down and beg her forgiveness and plead with her to give me a chance. I was going to tell Carlisle to go fuck himself if he thought Bella wasn't good enough for the Cullens. She was good enough for me and that's all that fucking mattered. I was going to go down fighting.

I walked out into my kitchen to find it completely full. Everyone was there. Emmett and Felix were sitting on the other side of the island across from the cook top where Irina stood flipping bacon and looking warily at the two of them. I couldn't blame her they looked ravenous, like they might take her hand off at a moments notice.

Jasper and Demetri stood outside on the deck each holding a mug of coffee and having a cigarette. It looked a good choice to me.

Irina glanced up as I walked in and gave me a welcoming smile.

"See you all like to make yourselves at home." I teased as I walked around and kissed her on the cheek. I reached down and snagged a perfectly cooked piece of bacon out of the pan and jumped back quickly before Irina could take it back.

"Hey, that's not fucking fair!" Emmett sulked.

"It's my fucking house and my fucking bacon." I countered and took a large bite, rubbing my stomach in exaggerated appreciation. Emmett growled at me

"You're about to cross a line that even brotherhood can't save you from Edward. Don't fuck with me and my food. I mean it." Emmett said and Felix nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, what he said. You don't pay me enough to be able to afford bacon." Felix said.

I rolled my eyes, Felix was _overpaid_ if anything.

I poured myself a coffee and went out to the deck, nodding a greeting to Demetri and Jasper.

"Demetri was just telling me how much he's been enjoying New Zealand." Jasper said to me conversationally. I nodded and took a sip of coffee.

"Of course he does, what's not to fucking like?" I said. Jasper rolled his eyes and Demetri laughed before going inside to rescue Irina from Emmett and Felix.

It was feeding time at the zoo.

"So are you ready for this party tonight Edward?" Jasper asked me seriously. I looked at him in confusion

"Uh, yeah it's an 80's party, no big deal. We have to sing a song of the musician we go as or some shit, but it's no big deal. Well, it's going to be when Felix and Demetri get up and sing 'Blame it on the Rain'. Those two can't sing for shit." I said shaking my head. They were horrible.

"You know that Bella knows Lauren right? Emmett introduced them ages ago. She could be there tonight, are you ready for that possibility?" Jasper said and took a large mouthful of his coffee.

I hadn't considered it actually. I hadn't known that Lauren and Bella knew each other, but I suppose I should have guessed. Bella had probably met most of Emmett's friends over the years as his P.A..

Was I ready to see her yet? I had this new found resolution but did I have the mettle to test it?

" If she's there I'll deal with it." I said firmly. I would, I would tell her I was sorry and ask her to listen to me. I would explain all my actions and beg her forgiveness. I would even tell her all about Tanya, I wanted us to have no secrets. There should be nothing we couldn't tell each other, I couldn't handle any more lies to be honest, I'd had my fill of being manipulated with Tanya. From here on out, everything was out in the open. It couldn't be any other way.

"How are you going to deal with it Edward? Are you going to make some quasi polite comment like you always do and brush her off? Or are you really going to do something this time. She's not going to respect you unless you earn it and she's not going to want you unless you show her how much you want her first."

I thought about what he had said. He was right, I needed to step up and show her how much I wanted her instead of just hoping she'd see it all on her own.

_What if she has a boyfriend? _

Well then I guess I'd just have to fight that much harder.

"I'm going to tell her I love her Jasper. I'm going to tell her I never stopped thinking about her while I was away, I'm going to ask her to give us a chance." I said determined.

Jasper just nodded in approval.

"About fucking time bro." Jasper said.

* * *

Every one just spent the day at my house relaxing and having a few drinks. And for once, I was drinking at the same rate as everybody else, not triple it.

Irina was an absolute riot, she had decided to go the party as Toni Basil and was dressed up in the cheerleader outfit from the music video. She even had the shoes with the fluffy pom poms on them. She spent the early evening before we left doing cartwheels left right and centre, much to Jasper and Emmett's delight. Demetri wasn't so impressed, but he didn't seem upset by it either. Felix didn't notice, Irina was like a sister to him and even if she wasn't everyone knew Felix only had eyes for his Kate.

Jazz decked himself out in 80's glamour trash punk, and sang into his beer bottles about "White Weddings" and how it was "A nice day to start again". The fool loved Billy Idol.

Felix and Demetri went as Milli Vanilli just like they said they would complete with long dredlock wigs.

Kate went as Kate Bush, dressed as she was in the Wuthering Heights video. She looked beautiful, but she knew it and it dulled some of her shine I thought.

Emmett clearly stole the show though, he _was_ Meat Loaf. Right down to the ruffle shirt and red scarf thing he used to hold.

Me I was dressed as Axl Rose from the Paradise City video. White pants, black t shirt and a white leather jacket. Irina grabbed me just as we were all making our way out the door to go to the party

"Wait! You need this." She said and wrapped a blue bandana around my head

"_Now_ you're Axl Rose." She dragged me out to the Taxi van.

* * *

We got to the party and immediately Emmett broke off from us dragging Demetri and Felix with him, claiming they couldn't go anywhere without each other tonight, or they would ruin the whole look.

Jasper and I took Kate and Irina to the bar and got them a cosmopolitan while Jasper and I just got a Whiskey Neat each.

"Where did Emmett run off to with Felix and Demetri?" Irina asked sipping on her drink and looking around. I shrugged, who knew when it came to Emmett?

Jasper took Irina and Kate off to have a dance and I checked my cellphone. Thirteen missed calls. All from Tanya. Fuck, I was going to have to change my number at this rate. I cleared the call list, hoping that if I ignored her long enough, she would get the message and leave me alone.

Demetri found me a little while later, grinning his pupils dilated. He was fucking flying.I chuckled in amusement.

"Hey Demetri how you enjoying the party?" He sniffed and looked at me, nodding quickly.

"It's fucken awesome, I've just been out the back doing lines with Emmett and this gorgeous chic who was poured into the tightest leather pants I've ever seen."

"Really?" I asked only half listening. I was scanning the crowd for Bella and I had been since Jazz and the girls had taken off to dance. So far, no sign of Bella, but I wasn't giving up. There would be no more giving up where she was concerned.

"Yeah they seemed pretty chummy the way they were making out and joking around with each other. Yeah she was saying she used to work for him." Making out? Joking around? Used to work for him? It certainly sounded like Bella, her and Emmett used to pull that kissing shit all the time, it made my blood boil and usually I would storm off in a big tantrum. I'm sure he must have done it sometimes just to piss me off.

"What was her name?" I asked in a voice that sounded foreign to me. I had to be sure..

"Um…Bridget...no…Bianca, no hang on it was Bella. Yeah Bella." Demetri answered me with a grin, pleased he had remembered her name. He had no idea who Bella was to me, what I had been through for her, what I would go through for her again.

"Bella, did you say Bella was here doing lines with you and making out with Emmett?" I said unconsciously. My mind was a whirl.

"Yeah why do you know that Bella chick?" Demetri asked looking at me with a frown. He noticed my demeanour and was becoming suspicious. I didn't have time to go into it with him.

If Bella was here I needed to find her.

"Yeah though I haven't seen her in a while, did you say they were making out, look do you know where they went?" I tried to play it cool, so he would let it go. I could tell him all about her later.

Demetri looked around.

"I don't know about Emmett but there's that Bella chic up on the stage and yeah they were kissing and saying something about a Christmas tradition."

I whipped around to face the stage and my heart stopped beating in my chest, and I took the first real breath I had since that Christmas long ago.

She was there. My Bella, looking like Joan Jett. A flash of anger ran through me at the thought of Emmett kissing those sweet tempting lips, but I fought it back. There were bigger things to think about at the moment.

Bella picked up the microphone and took a deep breath. I took one right along with her. I was frozen to the spot unable to move. I could hear Demetri ask me what was wrong, but I couldn't respond. All my focus was on the magnificent woman on stage.

I had waited so long to see her again.

_We've been here too long_

_Tryin to get along_

_Pretendin that you're oh so shy_

_I'm a natural ma'am_

_Doin all I can_

_My temperature is runnin high_

Her voice was beautiful, though she seemed a little tense until she got to the chorus and then she really let go. Much to my painful, throbbing discomfort.

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch me there, where_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Dou wanna touch me there, where_

_There, yeah_

_Yeah oh yeah, oh yeah_

She was practically fucking herself on stage, and my cock grew uncomfortably in my white leather pants. I grimaced and moved awkwardly, trying to adjust myself.

_My, my, my,_

_Whiskey and rye_

_Don't it make you feel so fine_

_Right or wrong_

_Don't it turn you on_

_Can't you see we're wasting time, yeah_

She was fucking turning me on alright, in the middle of a fucking party no less. I was officially adding Do you Wanna Touch to my all time favourite songs, along with If U Seek Amy.

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch me there, where_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Dou wanna touch me there, where_

_There, yeah_

She practically bolted off the stage when the music stopped to a variety of cat-calls and wolf-whistles. I struggled to see where she had gone. I tried to follow, but the throngs of people separated us and I lost her.

I began scanning the crowd frantically, I couldn't loose her again, not now, not after everything that's happened! Damn it, I need my chance!

They began calling for Axl Rose to take the stage and an idea popped into my head. I couldn't tell Bella everything I wanted to here, but maybe there was still a way to tell her how I felt about her. I knew the perfect song.

"Ready to rock it out Axl?" Jasper asked coming up to me at the side of the stage.

"Jazz, I need you to do me a favour. Bella's here, find her and bring her to the front of the audience and keep her there." I begged him with my eyes to help me. He looked at me for a second before breaking out into a huge smile.

"I can do you one better, I already know where she is! What are you going to sing for her?" He guessed handing me the guitar I motioned to.

"Patience." I yelled as I climbed on the stage.

I waited until I could see Jazz's blond head coming back towards the stage through the crowd, then I began to whistle into the microphone. I spotted Bella and she was staring at me in shock. I hoped it was the good kind.

She looked at Jazz confused, and he said something to her and she turned back to the stage as I began to sing

_Shed a tear cause missing you_

_I'm still alright to smile_

_Girl, I think about you every day now_

_Was a time when I wasn't sure _

_But you set my mind at ease_

_There is no doubt you're in my heart now_

_Said woman take it slow_

_It'll work itself out fine_

_All we need is just little patience_

_Said sugar make it slow_

_And we'll come together fine_

_All we need is just a little patience_

_Patience_

I poured every ounce of feeling I had into the song, and it wasn't Axl Rose singing to his Joan Jett, it was Edward Cullen singing to Isabella Swan. He was telling her about his initial doubts, about the loneliness he felt away from her. He sung to her from his heart, his first step towards a future with the beautiful woman before him.

_Sit here on the stairs_

_Cause I'd rather be alone_

_If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear_

_Sometimes I get so tense_

_But I can't speed up the time_

_But you know there's one more thing to consider_

_Said woman take it slow_

_Things will be just fine_

_You and I'll just use a little patience_

_Said sugar take the time_

_Cause the lights are shining bright_

_You and I've got what it takes to make it_

_We won't fake it, never break it_

_Cause I can't take it_

I had waited, I had waited so fucking long, the living dead in France. I had tried to live without her and it hadn't worked. Wether Isabella Swan would have me or not, I knew there would be no other for me.

_I've been walkin these streets tonight_

_Just tryin to get it right_

_It's so hard to see with so many around_

_You know I don't like being stuck in crowd_

_And the streets don't change but maybe the names_

_I ain't got time for the game,_

_Cause I need you (patience, yeah_

_Yeah, yeah well I need you_

_Oh, I need you (take some patience)_

_Whoa, I need you (just a little patience is all we need_

_Ooh, this time_

I belted out the end verse Axl Rose style and hoped Bella understood my message. No the streets hadn't changed in Wellington, but the people had moved on, the names had changed. Had Bella?

I looked into the crowd and I could see her arguing with Jasper. I felt my stomach drop, she didn't look like she was ready to fall into my waiting arms. I made my way off the stage my eyes never leaving her, as I watched her storm off from Jasper.

Speaking of Jasper, he was making his way over to me with a frown on his face

"Did you call Bella a mistake you fucking piece of shit? After you fucked her no less?" Jasper snarled at me. I stepped back automatically, after Irina's reaction to my comment, I was a little more gun shy.

"She pissed man and I don't blame her. How could you? Do you have any idea how that would have made her feel Edward? In front of Dad no less." Jasper was pissed.

"I didn't mean it Jasper. I thought if Dad didn't think there was much attachment, he might have let Bella keep her job. He didn't of course, but I would have done anything at the time to help her." I said quietly. Jasper's face had softened throughout my speech and he looked at me in frustration.

"you just make everything so fucking difficult Edward, you know that? Why you have to…." I tuned Jasper out, as my body began tingling strangely.

'Crazy for you' by Madonna came on, but I didn't really hear it, nor was I listening to Jazz. Instead it felt as if my body where alive with electricity.

I turned around, though I had no choice in the matter, my body was moving of its own mind, and I came face to face with Bella. I smiled and took her into my arms. She felt so right there, like finally I was complete, she had been the missing piece all along.

I didn't bother dwelling on the fact that after my very public declaration, she had ran away from me, it didn't matter that she hadn't forgiven me for my cruel and untrue remarks that Christmas. All that mattered was she was here with me, and I felt human again.

"Bella". I breathed and began to move us to the music. The song changed before I knew it, but I couldn't have cared less, I just buried my face in her hair and breathed in deep that spicy cinnamon smell that my pitiful memory had not done justice enough.

I pulled away and looked into those deep brown depths, that had been my companion and solace during my time in France. They had kept me sane, they had kept me whole. God, I loved this woman with everything I had. She was my world.

I smiled at her, and gently pressed my lips to hers. There was no choice involved, my body ran on pure instinct around Bella and right now it was telling me to kiss her. I wasn't going to argue.

"Oh thank fuck for that, I hope you two don't fuck it up this time. You belong together." Emmett's crass and loud voice cut through the music, destroying what had been one of the best moments of my life. Bella broke our kiss, and she had a look on her face that I just couldn't decipher.

I decided to ignore it for now, and led Bella towards the bar for a drink. I felt proud, as I walked through the crowds of people with my hand on the small of her back, for the moment, she was with me and was mine. We got to the bar and I ordered her a drink, wrapping my hand possessively around her waist and leading her towards Jasper, Demetri and Felix.

Jasper looked at both of us, his eyes lighting up with happiness. He was the best kind of brother a man could ask for, both him and Emmett. Felix and Demetri were looking at me with raised eyebrows, and Felix mouthed 'What the fuck?'. I just smiled and buried my face into her hair and that intoxicating fragrance, tightening my grip around her waist at the same time. They were my best friends, and still I was trying to pull the Alpha-male, 'stay away from my mate' game. It was beyond ridicouls, but completely involuntary. She was mine, and I wanted everyone to know.

_She's not yours, not yet and in fact, she's been giving out some pretty strong signals to the contrary. You're setting yourself up for a fall._

Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. She still hadn't heard me out yet. I decided that I had better get onto that quickly.

I moved my mouth to her ear and whispered "I'm sorry Bella". She looked me in the eye, and I wished I could read her mind, her face was changing emotions by the minute and I couldn't keep up. Finally she gave me a small smile.

"Let's not do this tonight Edward, we'll talk tomorrow." she said.

My heart soared. She didn't want to get into a deep talk tonight, and that was fair enough. She said we could talk about it tomorrow. Tomorrow meaning she wanted to see me tomorrow. I thought I might actually fucking burst with happiness and they'd be picking up little Edward Cullen chunks from around the room.

I crashed my lips into hers, and lost myself in the kiss.

"Fuck you two, get a room." Jasper called. I pulled myself away from the heaven of Bella's lips and growled at Jasper. My brother's constant fucking cock-blocking was going to get them both killed. He just laughed at my bravado and rolled his eyes, I knew he was happy for me.

"so who's up for a more private party?" He asked. My ears perked up immediately. A private party sounded good.

"What did you have in mind bro?" I asked eagerly.

"How about we book the penthouse suite and the residence sweet at the Bolton hotel?" He suggested with a raised eyebrow.

I looked down at Bella in worry. Would she want to go?

_Please say yes. Please._

"Do you want to join us Bella?" I asked, I was not ready for our time to be over yet.

"Sure why not." She answered.

I breathed a sigh of relief and kissed the top of her head.

* * *

Before I knew it we were in the penthouse of the Bolton. I felt the same pride I had at the party when I got to introduce Bella to the rest of my friends. Kate was Kate, polite, but only barely, holding onto Felix for dear life. Which he loved.

When I introduced Bella to Irina though I felt a strange warmth at my best friend meeting the woman I loved.

Irina was Irina, and began talking to Bella as if they were old friends. She asked how we knew each other and shot me a quick look. She already knew all about Bella, but she was wise enough not to bring it up. I loved her just that much more right then. Bella responded that she used to be my P.A.. When Irina bubbled that she was now my P.A. and best friend, Bella and cast a sad look between Irina and myself . I wondered what that was about, surely she didn't miss being my P.A., I hadn't been very pleasant to work for.

Everybody got along really well and the atmosphere was light and easy. I felt like myself, only better and I wished this night would never end. Everybody I loved was surrounding me at that moment and I felt very blessed.

Jazz insisted I do a few lines with him for 'old times sake' and I practically hauled Bella along with me. I wasn't going to let go of her for a second.

* * *

The night dragged on and I began to get impatient. While I was loving having Bella so close to me again after all this time, it was also torturous not being able to have _all_ of her. After a while I couldn't take it any more and I dragged her off to our own penthouse.

I shut the door (and locked it this time.) and turned around to find Bella launch herself at me and begin tearing at my clothes. I did not have to be told twice. Bella got trapped in her unpractically erotic pants and I couldn't help but laugh, as I helped her to remove them.

I picked her up reverently, feeling our naked skin pressed against each other and committing it to my memory. As if I would ever forget.

"Oh god Bella you are so exquisite, you have no idea how much I want you." I took her to the couch and lay her down gently. She was so beautiful, could such a creature really be meant for me?

I leaned down and kissed her, I had to, her lips were slightly pouted from her heavy breathing and they caused her lips to look just a little fuller. They were irrestible.

I allowed my hands to finally feel the perfection that was Bella's naked flesh. Her full breasts (they _were _full. A little fuller than they had been before actually. Oh, well, bonus I guess.), and down to her waist. Wait, that was different too. Her hips were a little rounder. It was nothing noticeable, but I had memorised every bit of Bella's body from our first encounter. Then I had replayed it repeatedly, sometimes several times a day, in my head, so lets just say, I am an _expert_ when it comes to Bella's body. I have literally studied it so to speak.

I wanted to kick my own ass when I realised that I was focusing on the whys rather than just enjoying the fact that Bella's breasts were a little bigger. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I kissed a trail from her cheek all the way down to those lucious _fuller_ breasts and I felt her fingers go into my hair. It was like a fucking switch to my dick, the minute she tugged on my hair, I was as hard as a fucking rock.

I took one of her beautiful pink nipples into my mouth and sucked, loving the way she tasted. She was like the best fucking drug I had ever tried in my life. Fuck, heroin, nothing was more addictive than Bella. I moved across to the other nipple, not wanting it to feel neglected and lavished attention upon it.

She smelt so damn good, and it was if that sweet, spicy scent that was Bella was concentrated between her breasts. I felt like I had been alone for so long, drifting with no real direction with nothing to look forward to. But here with Bella now? It felt like I was where I belonged.

"Mmm Bella I love the way you feel your skins so soft and smooth and you're smell-cinnamon, it smells like home." I murmured against her enticing body.

I had to taste her. It was not a question of want, it was genuine fucking need. I kissed her all the way down her body, loving the way she would grip my hair in anticipation. She wanted this just as much as I did, and that thought alone had me ready to fucking explode.

I trailed my tongue down her folds and Bella's moan echoed mine, as my tongue touched her throbbing clit. I was so fucking hard, it literally hurt.

I moved my tongue down further to her entrance and dipped it inside her, curling it, trying to get every drop of her juices, evidence of her desire for me, I wanted it all. None was to be wasted.

"God Bella, you taste like heaven." I moaned and attacked her clit with my tongue. I slid my fingers inside her and began fucking her with them gently.

I loved the feeling of her tight walls clamping around my fingers, her juices running down my fingers. I was so fucking turned on that when Bella told me she wanted to taste me I had to fight the urge to throw her down and just fucking take her. Lucky for me, Bella took charge, kissing me and pulling me down onto the couch. She then straddled me so her back was facing me, her tight little ass spread across my stomach. I didn't mind the view of that hot fucking ass, I was loving imagining all the things I could do to it.

Her tiny hand wrapped around my throbbing cock and she caressed the length of it, then proceeded to lick it slowly. I thought I was going to fucking come from that alone. She teased me a little before taking me into her hot little mouth and I couldn't help the moan that escaped me as I grabbed her hips roughly and pulled that sweet pussy to my eager mouth. I teased her clit with my tongue drawing little patterns before I would fuck her with my tongue. She was so warm and so fucking wet, I felt like I was drunk from her.

But my pleasure was two fold, not only was I intensely aroused from fucking Bella with my mouth, Bella's mouth was also doing incredible things to my cock. She took the entire length of me into her mouth and I bit back a groan as I felt myself hit the back of her throat. She picked up her pace and I could feel my release speeding towards me like a freight train. When her hand cupped my balls I came undone and I moaned her name as she swallowed everything I gave her.

I curled my tongue lightly around her clit, and then firmly flicked it and I felt her body shake above me as she came. None of my dreams could compare to this, and I knew I couldn't let her go, not now. I loved her.

She turned around and put her adorable hands on my chest and looked into my eyes, I didn't know what she was searching for, but I hoped whatever it was she would find it. I would do anything to keep her.

I slid my hands over her waist "Bella…I…" I began. I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to say, but I recognised the fact that we needed to talk.

"Sssh Edward let's not speak tonight, let's just make love and leave the talking for the daylight." Bella stopped me. I didn't know why she wanted to keep avoiding the subject, and I was going to ask her when she kissed me with such a passion, literally all thoughts other than her went out the window.

I picked her up and carried to the bed, eliciting the most delicious squeal from her.

I lay us down on the bed kissing her deeply and enjoying the feel of my hard cock against her soft skin.

"I need you inside me Edward." Bella whispered and I was lost to the lust again. Whatever my Bella wanted, I would give to her. I spread her legs with my knee and slid inside her. Every memory from our first night washed upon me and intensified the moment for me. She wrapped her legs around my waist and locked her ankles, urging me deeper with each thrust, pushing me for more.

I closed my eyes and let myself feel. I let go of all the hurt and pain, all the mistakes and lack of communication. I let myself feel whole again, as I moved inside her warmth.

Suddenly Bella, clutched at me and held onto me like I might disappear. Silly Bella, I couldn't live without her. I had tried and failed.

Bella's breathing sped up and I knew she was close again

"Cum for me my Bella, call my name my love…" I whispered into her ear. I needed to hear her moan my name the way she did as she let go. No sound in the world could rival it.

We came together and she did call my name, over and over in fact.

We lay there together in each other's arms and I looked at her all the love I felt for her channelled into that stare. Her name tumbled from my lips.

"Please Edward don't say anything just hold me tight, let's get some sleep and we'll talk in the morning ok…"

I wanted to know why she was avoiding talking to me, but I couldn't deny her, not now. I pulled her into my arms, because that is where she belonged, where she had always belonged. I pressed ,my face into her hair and breathed in deeply.

No, we wouldn't talk tonight, but in the morning I would insist. She was hiding something from me and I wanted to know what it was.

But not tonight. Tonight was about breathing again.

_I'm finally alive again._

I thought as I drifted off to sleep.

**Greenaway: Now stop being mean to Edward! LOL just kidding **

**Cinnamontwist101: Show us some love people and review:)...I have a feeling it's gonna be Bella's turn to be lynched mobbed...lol**


	11. A state of Confusion

**A/N: **Cinnamontwist101: As always thank you to those of you who took the time out to review this story, please keep them coming. Also thanks to those of you who have added this story to your alerts and favourites. A quick note as to the status of the blog, due to time constraints updates will be put on hold indefinitely.

**Please note: that Greenaway's individual story Edward's Clan has been pulled from fan fiction, She is busy reposting on the Writer's coffee shop library, please show your support for her by popping over there and reading and reviewing her story. She has done a fantastic job on the layout. You can access a link on her profile page :)**

**Disclaimer:** S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table, All Music and song lyrics reproduced in this story are the property of the respective songwriters.

**WARNING: PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS STORY IS FOR MATURE READERS AGED 18YEARS AND OLDER. IT CONTAINS ADULT THEMES NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN... PLEASE RESPECT OUR RIGHT TO PUBLISH ON FANFICT BY NOT READING THIS STORY IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, WE CANNOT CONTROL WHO IS READING THIS STORY... SO IF YOU ARE NOT 18 THEN WE IMPLORE YOU TO PLEASE REFRAIN FROM READING THIS. THANK YOU...**

**Chapter 11: ****A State OF Confusion**

**Bella's POV...**

I stumbled through the door and headed straight for the couch, I was starting to feel the come down from the coke and alcohol and it wasn't good. My head throbbed, my stomach churned violently.

I was proud of myself for having the strength to get up and leave Edward, I felt empowered that I was the one to walk away, even though I knew I probably wouldn't have if he had been awake at the time, but all the same.

I thought about how different things were this time around, I felt no sadness or anger. I didn't feel the need to get drunk; try to blot the memories of last night from my mind. I felt content; I had replaced the horrible memory of our first union with a beautiful one that I would keep with me forever.

I allowed myself to get lost in the memories of the way my body reacted to his touch, the feeling of him deep inside me. The only regret I had was that dawn had come far too soon. I thought back to the party, the song that Edward had sung to me.

I got up and went to find my IPod, quickly scrolling down to 'patience' by Guns n Roses. I stuffed the buds in my ears and listened to the lyrics carefully.

I replayed the song again, taking in every single word crooned by Axel Rose.

Was Edward asking me to wait for him? Wait for him to do what exactly? Did he want to have a future with me or was he just looking for a rebound relationship since his engagement had obviously failed?

Well none of it mattered anyway, because I wasn't going to get any more involved with him than I already had.

The purpose of last night was to replace the images of the night in the office.

There was absolutely no way I could see him again, if I kept playing with fire I was going to get burnt. No I was just going to be happy with the memories I had now and move on with my life, now that I finally had some peace of mind.

I spent the day sleeping on the couch; my dreams were full of Edward. I was happy to stay cocooned up in my little bubble of happy memories. It was just after the sun set when I finally fought against the haze and returned to consciousness.

I blinked rapidly trying to clear the film from my eyes, my stomach rumbled expectantly, it was then I realised I hadn't eaten since yesterday lunch time. I stumbled toward the kitchen but got sidetracked by my incoming text alert.

I grabbed my bag off the table, rummaging around until I found the offending technology, my heart sank when I saw Emmett's name.

I flipped open the phone with a growing sense of trepidation, a small groan slid from my lips when I read the message.

_Hey girl where are you? Are you ok? Fucktards worried he said you were gone when he woke up. I want to take you and him out to dinner tonight. Do you want me to come and pick you up? _Edward wants to know if he can call_ you?_

I shook my head I wanted to kick myself for being so stupid and not thinking through the consequences once again. You'd think by major fuck up's in my life I'd learn something, but that doesn't seem to be the case with me, I'm what people refer to as a slow learner.

I had to stop this now before it all got way out of hand and I, or worse Apple and Louis ended up paying the price.

My fingers moved swiftly over the keys.

_Hey Emmett! don't worry about me I'm at home, sorry I won't be able to make it to dinner I've got heaps of exam papers to mark. You know there's no rest for the wicked. It was really good catching up with you last night it was fun. Tell Edward I'll get in touch with him sometime. And thanks again Emm, give my love to Jazz._

Tears pricked my eyes, guilt gnawed at my insides, my finger rested on the send button for a moment; I squeezed my eyes shut tight as the pad of my thumb pressed down. The return message was instantaneous.

_I thought everything was gonna be all good with you two now? He really wants to see you Bella and explain about what happened the night of the Christmas party if you'll give him the chance._

I could feel things starting to unravel quickly, I needed to keep my cool, keep focused and stay strong, there was too much at stake to allow myself to get in deeper. Apple and Louis' safety, happiness and wellbeing were too precious to take chances with.

_I'm not sure I want to hear it. _

I felt as if a lead weight had been dropped into my stomach as I hit send.

_What was last night about then?_

I considered the question, I knew Edward was prompting him. I thought about what I was going to say for a full minute before I typed my reply.

_Peace of mind and the chance to replace bad memories with good. Sorry Emm but I really need to get these papers marked, I'll see you round ok and thanks again for the dinner invite._

I switched off the phone and headed for the kitchen, I was hoping food would soak up the guilt bubbling in my stomach.

My heart leapt into my mouth, I eyed the phone on the wall apprehensively when it started ringing. It was then I remembered that neither Emmett nor Jazz had my home phone number.

I hurried to answer it, all thoughts of Emmett and Edward forgotten when I heard Apple's sweet little voice on the line, "Mum, Mum, Andma Nae, ice ream."

"Hi Apple! How's Mummies little Angel? I hope you and your brother are being good for Grandma and Granddad?"

"Andma Nae, ice ream Mummy."

"Oh I see has Grandma Renee's been giving you ice cream?"

"Ice ream yum. Ove you Mum. Bye" I could hear Renee prompting her in the background, my smile widened.

"Bye sweetie, Mummy misses you. I will see you tomorrow; it's just one more sleep. I love you Apple."

"Bye my Mummy,"

My already aching heart gave another painful throb, being separated from my children was a billion times worse than being separated from Edward, I knew I could go on without Edward I had done it, but I could never go on without my children.

I flipped my sandwich waiting for Renee to come on the line.

"Hi Belly Bear how was your night, did you girls have a good time?"

"Yeah it was awesome, apart from the performing on stage that was horrific." I cringed at the memory of my less than ladylike behaviour... "How have the kids been, are you and Dad coping alright?"

"The children have been little angels and of course we're coping we did raise you and your sisters. Besides Jake's been ringing and checking in every few hours so there's nothing to worry about."

My battered heart swelled with love for Jake, a friendly love of course, he loved Apple and Louis. They were always in his thoughts.

"Thanks Mum, I can't wait to get them home. I miss them so much it hurts." I rubbed my chest, trying to ease the tightness in my lungs.

"I know what you mean; I imagine that's how I'll feel tomorrow when they're gone." The sadness was evident in Renee's voice.

"Not to worry Mum you can have them again next month if you like?"

"Oh can I really Bella? Thank you, thank you." I could her hear her tears of happiness in her voice; I resisted the urge to giggle when the image of her tear stained face flashed in my mind.

"No worries Mum. Can you give Louis a kiss for me and tell him I love him with all my heart?"

"Sure thing sweetheart, I'll talk to you again soon all right?"

~~~~XXXX~~~~

A week had passed since I'd seen Edward; I was actually surprised how unfazed by that I was. I thought I'd be obsessing over him, pining away for him endlessly, but I seemed to have resigned myself to the fact that I couldn't pursue a relationship with him unless I was prepared to tell him about our children, which at this point I wasn't.

In truth deep down I did want Edward to know he was a father, I knew it was selfish and cruel of me to keep that information from him, especially now he was back in New Zealand.

But I was a mother and would do whatever I could to protect Louis and Apple from Carlisle; the man was the devil incarnate. He wouldn't hesitate to use my children as pawns in whatever twisted way he could to ensure he got the outcome he desired.

It wasn't hard to guess the outcome he would pursue if he knew of the existence of his grandchildren and it wouldn't be beneficial for my children or myself.

He was cruel, calculating and callous and he had a habit of treating people as if they were disposable objects...

Jake finished his day at varsity early and came home in a super good mood. He grinned widely, placing a kiss on top of my head, "hi honeypuff how was your day?"

"Good, I haven't really done much; I've just been painting pictures with Apple and Louis. How was your day?"

"Good I've managed to get all my work for the week done already, so I thought you might want to out for dinner tonight? Alice said she'd come over and watch the kids."

"That sounds good Jake you need a night off cooking." He laughed and mussed my hair.

"I like cooking for you, beside if I didn't we'd starve." I flipped him the finger though I knew he was right.

Two hours later we were making our way into the city, I was feeling suprisingly happy and relaxed, not edgy and nervous like I had been every other day I had stepped out of the house this past week.

We pulled up outside the Dock Side restaurant and I couldn't help but smile, I loved this place as Jake well knew.

"Are you ready honeypuff?" He flashed me one of his brilliant smiles.

"Yeah let's go." We met in front of the car, he grabbed my hand and we headed into the Restaurant.

We made our way to the reception area; Jake keeping hold of my hand as he confirmed our reservation. My eyes scanned the busy room, I had a weird feeling I was being watched, the hairs on the back of my neck prickled and my stomach suddenly felt uneasy.

I looked around again, my heart faulted when my eyes fell upon Edward; he was sitting toward the back of the room with Emmett, Jazz, Demetri, Felix, Kate and Irina.

My heartbeat accelerated rapidly, it crashed against my ribcage violently as if it was trying to escape the threat of more hurt. My throat was so dry I couldn't swallow and my hands shook.

Edward was watching me closely, his narrowed eyes travelling between Jake and I and our entwined hands,

I could feel what little colour I did have in my cheeks draining rapidly I was sure I was looking a delicate shade of green.

I shuddered violently; I tried to remove my hand from Jakes without raising his suspicion. Unfortunately he noticed immediately he turned to me with a concerned look on his face. "Are you alright Bells?"

He leaned in closer, rubbing my bare shoulder with his free hand.

I chanced another glance at Edward; the thunderous look on his beautiful face was clearly evident from where I stood.

My stomach churned, he looked like the angel of destruction, poised ready to destroy the world and all who inhabited it.

I wanted to run, but Jake was already beginning to follow the hostess toward our table pulling me behind him.

My feet felt like concrete I literally had to force one foot in front of the other. I kept my eyes downcast, trying to stop myself from hyperventilating as we past Edward's table.

Nobody at the table said anything for which I was grateful, but I nearly cried when the hostess sat us only half a dozen tables from Edward's and right in his line of view.

I quickly took the seat that allowed me to have my back to him; even as I sat down I could feel the white hot burn of his stare on the back of my neck.

It remained there the whole way through my dinner; I had instantly lost my appetite in the reception area and resorted to pushing my mushroom ravioli around my plate.

I wasn't really paying attention to what Jake was saying but I did notice when he stopped talking abruptly and I knew why.

The tingles started at back of my neck, rapidly flowing through my body and radiating outward. A second later a wave of lust flooded through me and I had to fight off the overwhelming urge to turn around and throw myself into his arms.

"Can I help you?" Jake enquired. I kept my eyes on my plate, trying and failing miserably to stop my fork from shaking in my hand and clattering against my plate.

"Yeah sorry to interrupt your dinner but I was wondering if I may have a private word with Bella." I looked up at Jacob who was looking intently at Edward.

I saw recognition in his eyes and my heart sunk, Jacob had realised who Edward was.

"Honeypuff do you wish to speak with…?" Jake looked back at Edward expectantly.

"Edward." Edward's voice cracked like ice, the fury in it all too obvious.

"Do you want to speak with Edward or shall we just go home?" I heard Edward's sharp intake of breath as he registered Jake's use of the word home and I cringed.

The tension was mounting; I knew I had better say something before all the testosterone in the room spilled over.

"Yeah Jake I'll talk to Edward. Could you please excuse us, I'll see you in the car in a few minutes."

"Are you sure?" He was reluctant to leave me but I needed to talk with Edward privately.

"Yeah I'm sure, thanks Jake." I watched him leave the table which he did slowly and not before he threw Edward a scathing look.

I sighed in exasperation and turned to face Edward, "would you like to sit down Edward?" He never spoke, he just took a seat.

He turned to face me, his eyes blazing like green fire. "Is this the reason you left before I woke up and won't let me call you? Are you living with that kid? Why would you sleep with me if you and him are together? Doesn't your toy boy lover satisfy you? I never picked you for the cougar type; he only looks about seventeen... I thought we might have a chance to work stuff out Bella, I love you and…" He rambled, the words spilling out of his mouth in a venomous hiss.

I stared at him in shocked disbelief. Anger came to my defence my eyes narrowed and I scowled, "For your information fucktard Jake is my best friend and flatmate not my toy boy lover, although I did fuck him the night I found out you were engaged." He looked at me like I'd just slapped him but I hadn't finished, "and how can you go from calling me a stupid mistake to telling me you love me, do you know how fucked up that is?"

His face fell when I reminded him of the cruel words he had said that night, "Yes that's right Edward I haven't forgotten what you called me. Besides I'm not prepared to be some rebound booty call for you now you don't have anyone else..." My bravado was rapidly deserting me, "I...I think you're really confused as to what you want and I...I don't know…" I finished off lamely.

"Bella please, will you please give me a chance to explain what happened that night?" He looked at me pleadingly and I felt my resolve starting to waiver, "Please Bella, I'm sorry…"

I groaned in frustration, "fine...but not tonight. I can't keep Jake waiting any longer." I took a pen and note paper from my purse and scribbled down my cell phone number. "I don't know when I'll be able to meet up with you Edward I'm really busy but I'll try to make it soon ok?"

I stood up from the table and so did he, I was about to walk away when his fingers curled around my wrist. He spun me around to face him.

My skin felt like it was burning from his touch, I looked into his eyes and before I knew what was happening I was in his embrace and he was kissing me fiercely.

I knew I had to get away from him right then or else I'd be lost to fight him off. I gathered all the emotional strength I had and quickly pushed him away. I rushed from the restaurant without a backward glance.

When I slid into the Volkswagen I could tell by the look on Jakes face he was fuming. I stayed silent, the last thing I needed was to fight with him too.

But I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid the confrontation brewing between us because I was certain that Jake had clicked that Edward was Apple and Louis' father....

**Chapter Eleven: A State of Confusion... **

**Edward's POV... **

I awoke the next morning with the sun streaming in on my face. I was naked and tangled in the sheets, but I was alone.

I shot up out of bed. I was alone? Where was Bella?

I made a mad dash around the penthouse, calling her name but she was gone. She had picked up and left me. I sat back down on the bed and put my head into my hands.

Last night had been the best moment of my life, I had my Bella again; everything was right with the world. True, she seemed a little too preoccupied to worry about conversation, but then so was I. Her body had called to me just as it had that first night and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt we were meant to be together.

But did she?

She's not here is she? Work it out.

I grabbed my clothes and threw them back on feeling like a complete fuckwit in the white pants in the light of day.

I ignored the looks of the hotel staff and the lustful looks of women as I made my way to the front desk. The clerk looked up at me in surprise and her eyes widened at my attire.

"Mr Cullen! Good morning Sir, what can we do for you?" She asked batting her eyelashes at me. I wanted to fucking gag, she wasn't Bella. And if she didn't stop looking at me like that I was going to throw up all over her pretty little dress.

"Get me ride home." I ordered rudely, and went to sit down.

After about ten minutes, flirty reception girl came over and told me my car was here. I went outside and fucking groaned. Seriously, looking like Axl Rose wasn't enough; they had to order me a fucking limo too!?

I glared at the incompetent little fool and got in, cracking open the whiskey decanter straight away drinking it straight from the bottle. This is going to look great with the neighbours.

Sure enough, my kindly little old lady neighbour was walking out to her mailbox as I pulled up in the huge black limousine. Her mouth dropped open and she froze looking at me as I climbed out in my white leather glory. I smiled my most charming smile at her and waved.

"Good morning," I called politely. She shook herself after a moment, and fuck me days if the old bird didn't blush and flash me a flirty smile.

What the hell was with the white leather? Had that been Axl's secret all along? I nodded politely before going inside and shuddering. My eighty-two year old neighbour had made a pass at me. I felt very dirty and not in a good way.

I showered and lamented the fact that I was washing all traces of Bella off me. But unfortunately even if I had been so inclined to traipse around all day covered in Bella's scent, my neighbour had necessitated the need for a shower.

After my shower I dressed in some dark blue jeans, a white muscle tee and made my way to the kitchen. I made a coffee, threw the patio doors open and took a seat on the deck.

What the hell had happened? Why had she run away from me? She had to have felt the sheer electricity between us, how could you deny something like that?

I sat there all day lost in my thoughts, trying unsuccessfully to work out what had gone wrong with Bella. Was there anything wrong or was I reading too much into this? Maybe she had to leave early for an appointment or something and didn't want to wake me. Maybe she had tried to wake me; I slept like the fucking dead last night.

"_Tell sanchito that if he knows what is good for him he best go run and hide.  
__Daddy's got a new .45.  
__And I won't think twice to stick that barrel straight down sanchos throat.  
__Believe me when I say that I got somethin for his punk ass." _

It was the late afternoon when Felix's voice came blaring through the house. You would think that after learning giving ones keys to ones brother's was a fucking stupid idea, that I would not go and give additional keys to their identical counterparts.

In my defence, I had given a key to Irina, not Demetri. I had no fucking excuse for Felix.

"Hey guys are you decent?" I heard Demetri call in a sing-song voice. They thought

Bella was here with me.

"Of course I'm fucking decent." I snarled angrier than I should have been. I was taking it out on people who didn't deserve it. I stood up and made my way inside. I was in the kitchen when Emmett came barrelling in yelling

"Bells? Where are you baby? Get out here!"

"She's not here." I said darkly. Emmett just looked at me confused.

"Well where is she? We just assumed when front desk said you had checked out that you both would have come here. Has she left already?"

"She left this morning before I woke up Emmett. I've been here by myself all day, and

I have no way to contact her, so don't ask me what's going on because right now I just don't know." I said with a sigh.

What the hell were you playing at Bella?

Felix was shaking his head "I hate to be the bearer of bad news dude, but generally when people book it the morning after, the deals pretty much been done. Sorry Edward." Felix added looking at me guiltily.

"Hey, this is Bella we are talking about guys! There will be a good explanation, trust me! Have a little faith!" Emmett whipped out his cell phone and smiled broadly.

"I have the means of contacting the elusive Bella." Emmett said in a pathetic attempt to sound like David Attenborough.

"Ask her if I can call her" I said more animated now that there was a way to get in contact with her. Emmett nodded enthusiastically at me.

_Hey girl where are you? Are you ok? Fucktards worried he said you were gone when he woke up. I want to take you and him out to dinner tonight. Do you want me to come and pick you up? Edward wants to know if he can call you. _

"There!" Emmett said smugly as he pressed send. "And I do want to take you guys out to dinner tonight, we're all going."

It seemed like forever before Emmett's cell phone chirped and he frowned as he read the message. My heart sank.

_Hey Emmett don't worry about me I'm at home, sorry I won't be able to make it to dinner I've got heaps of exam papers to mark, you know there's no rest for the wicked. It was really good catching up with you last night it was fun. Tell Edward I'll get in touch with him sometime. And thanks again Emmett, give my love to Jazz. _

"Well there you go." I said dejectedly "She doesn't want anything to do with me."

Emmett looked at me, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Now just hang on a minute here. Something's not right." Emmett said. His fingers flew over the buttons.

"God, if she'd just give me a fucking chance to explain everything! I can't lose her, not

now Emmett, not after fucking everything that's happened." I fumed pulling my hair with one hand. Why the fuck was she shutting me down like this?

"Calm down bro, we'll get to the bottom of this ok? This isn't Bella, something's up and I'm going to get to the fucking bottom of it. Me and Bells don't have fucking secrets."

_I thought everything was gonna be all good with you two now? He really wants to see you Bella and explain about what happened the night of the Christmas party if you'll give him the chance. _

"Sweet?" Emmett asked as he read his response aloud. I nodded and he hit the send button. Felix handed me a glass of whiskey and I looked at him in surprise. I hadn't even heard him leave the room

"I got ya back man." He said clapping me on the shoulder. The phone beeped and we all leaned forward.

_I'm not sure I want to hear it. _

Emmett read. The blood in my veins had been replaced with ice water, and I clenched my hand tightly around the glass.

"What the fuck was last night then? If she didn't fucking want me, she sure made a good show of otherwise!" I shouted. Outwardly I was livid, inside I was devastated.

She didn't want to hear me out, she didn't want me.

Seriously, after everything that has happened, has it never occurred to you that maybe you hurt her? Hurt her bad? She's not just going to forget that, you're going to have to put in the effort. Show her you're the man she needs, just don't sit here bitching about how she won't just drop into your arms like magic. Man the fuck up.

"I asked her what last night was all about." Emmett said quietly. Things were pretty bad if he was subdued. His phone beeped a few minutes later. His voice was quiet and sad as he read it out.

_Peace of mind. Sorry Emm but I really need to get these papers marked, I'll see you round ok and thanks again for the dinner invite._

Felix refilled my glass, and Emmett just stared at his phone as though he had never seen it before. Finally he looked up at me

"Are you going to buy that bullshit?" His eyes were challenging me.

"Fuck no." I said with determination, "I didn't go through all that fucking hell in France, not to have my say."

"Hey!" Felix said indignantly

"Whatever man, you hated it there too." Emmett said playfully. Felix nodded in resignation.

"Yeah, it fucking blowed," He admitted.

Emmett clapped his hands together, and grinned at us. "Well we can't work this shit out on an empty stomach! I say let's get round to Demetri's and see if Irina will feed us!"

"I'm so there." Felix rubbed at his stomach.

"Yeah, I'm in." I said flatly.

What the hell was going on with Bella?

* * *

It had been a week since I held Bella in my arms and I was going crazy. My need for her was absolute, like she was a drug to me, and I needed that fix. I could feel my skin crawling with desire, it felt I was going to go mad.

No one had heard anything from her, Emmett told me just to give her time.

We were all congregated in the media room, playing on the Xbox 360. Emmett was winning of course, but then he did have an Xbox in his office even.

Cullen Industries literally paid him to play Call of Duty all day, "your going down Sucker!" Emmett crowed as Irina lifted the controller in the air above her head as she tried to aim. It was extremely comical, and I sat back on the recliner just watching her and laughing.

"And I'm Spent!" Emmett called in his besy Austin Powers voice and threw the controller down.

Irina looked at him murderously "Don't come knocking on my door the next time you feel hungry at eleven thirty at night Emmett Cullen, because I will tell you to fuck off!" Irina glared at him. Emmett raised his hands in surrender

"Hey small fry, sorry, hate the game not the player, Huh, I'm so fucking funny!"

Emmett began chortling at himself. "Well speaking of food, we need to eat tonight, so how about we go out to dinner? My shout," Jasper said getting up and grabbing his coat.

"If I'm not cooking for a houseful of hungry men, then I'm fucking there already."

Irina said grumpily.

"What cars are we taking?" Emmett asked looking around at everyone.

"Kate and I will go with you and Jasper." Felix said looking at Emmett who nodded.

Emmett turned to me, "So are you three all going to go in Irina's car?" He asked.

"Fuck no! Edward and I are taking the Aston Martin; Demetri can go with you guys."

Irina said jumping up from her seat.

Demetri looked at her in mock hurt "You're ditching me for a rich pretty boy with a nice car?"

Irina kissed him and then pulled back with a smile. "Hell yes. Especially when the pretty boy is going to let me drive it."

Emmett and Jasper burst out laughing "Good luck with that." Jasper said, spluttering "He doesn't let anyone drive his car."

I pulled the keys out of my pocket and held them up for Irina to take. She looked at the room full of shocked faces and smirked as she plucked them out of my fingers. I trusted Irina, her and I had gone rally driving together in France; I knew she was competent behind the wheel. Plus Jasper and Emmett's faces were fucking priceless.

"Bullshit. That's fucking bullshit; you're letting her drive your car? You never fucking let us Fucktard!" Emmett yelled at me.

"See you there." I called as I took Irina's arm and led her towards the garage. "Our friendship rests on this Irina. Be careful." I said as we got into the car.

"Just buckle up and hold on tight lover-boy. You're in for the ride of your life!"

* * *

We went to the Dock Side restaurant and after a bit of shuffling they managed to seat our party. We had just ordered our drinks and starters when I felt my body begin tingle.

I looked up expectantly, I only felt this way around Bella.

There she was, looking so beautiful and ethereal that all my frustration and anger of the past week melted away, it was replaced with a burning desire to be near her, to touch her.

I almost stood and went to her, when I noticed the man she was with. Man? He was no more than a boy for fuck sake! Who was he and why was she here with him? I looked between them and noticed their entwined hands.

What. The. Fuck.

My blood began to boil in my veins; I felt my self control hanging by a thread. It was obvious they were together, the way his body was automatically turning into hers, the way he whispered in her ear and touched her shoulders.

My fucking shoulders, my fucking woman.

"Edward don't" Came Irina's quiet voice from beside me.

I looked down at her in fury; it quickly melted at the obvious concern in her eyes. Irina only ever did things with my best interest at heart, I trusted her more than I trusted anyone else, except my brothers.

"What do I do then? She fucks me and runs back home to fucking Doogie Howser there! I want to go rip his fucking head off! Did you see him touch her?" I hissed.

Nobody else had noticed our little discussion, and Irina planted a smile on her face while she spoke, "Bella would love that Edward. Decapitate her dinner partner, always a sure fire hit with the ladies! Just calm down."

I looked over to where Bella and the Boy Wonder were seated. Her back was to me but she was in my direct line of sight, and I couldn't tear my eyes away.

"You need to ease back Edward," came Irina's voice again. "You've been gone a long time and you've changed a lot, you've been through a lot. Bella may have too; you need to be prepared for that." Her eyes bore into mine and she grabbed my arm "You hurt her, and she's had a long time to dwell on that hurt. Think before you speak Edward, or you will regret it. Now go." she released my arm.

I stood and excused myself, not that anyone was listening they were all too involved in their own conversations. I made my way over to Bella's table keeping my eyes firmly fixed on the kid. He noticed me walking towards him and he stopped talking. He looked at me in shock and recognition? What the hell? I must be seeing things; I didn't know this fucking weetbix kid.

"Can I help you?" He asked coolly. Little fucker didn't know how badly I wanted to tear him limb from fucking limb.

"Yeah sorry to interrupt your dinner but I was wondering if I may have a private word with Bella." I responded politely. Well as politely as I could fucking manage anyway? Bella hadn't looked at me yet, her eyes were glued to Mr fucking Teen Dream.

"Honeypuff do you wish to speak with…?" He said to Bella.

He did not call her fucking honey puff did he? I felt my dinner rise in my throat and I barely fought it back. Honey puff? Really? It was so fucking cutesie; I wanted to bash my head open so I could pour petrol in my skull and set it alight. Honey puff. Teen Dream was a fucking dead man, honey puff was My Bella.

"Edward." I said coldly, all the politeness gone from my voice.

"Do you want to speak with Edward or shall we just go home?" Teen Dream asked Bella.

Home? As in they shared a home?

My hands clenched into fists, I felt myself trembling with repressed rage. Fuck thinking before speaking, I was going to fucking explode soon if I tried to keep this all in.

"Yeah Jake I'll talk to Edward could you please excuse us. I'll see you in the car in a few minutes." Bella finally spoke. So she did have a fucking voice after all. Too bad she didn't use it last fucking week to tell me she living with someone.

"Are you sure?" Doogie had better piss off soon or I really would kill him.

"Yeah, thanks Jake." Bella said sounding very worn out. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and protect her from whatever it was that was wearing her down so, but the rage was far too prominent.

"Would you like to sit down Edward?" She said sighing.

I sat down looking at her intently, "Is this the reason you left before I woke up and wouldn't let me call you? Are you living with that kid? Doesn't your toy boy lover satisfy you enough, is that why you hooked up with me? Never picked you for the cougar type, he only looks about seventeen... I thought we might have a chance to work stuff out Bella, I love you and…"

The words just kept spilling out; she wasn't going to put this off anymore. Bella looked at me, her fury matching mine and I couldn't help but notice how fucking sexy she looked when she was mad.

"For your information fucktard, Jake is my best friend and flatmate not my toy boy lover, although I did fuck him the night I found out you were engaged." Bella thundered; I recoiled as she mentioned my failed attempt at normalcy with Tanya. "And how can you go from calling me a stupid mistake to telling me you love me, do you know how fucked up that is?" She continued.

Those fateful words I would forever regret. How could I ever atone for such a crime?

It had been done with her best intentions in mind, but was that enough to redeem me? I didn't have a chance to find out as Bella continued her rant.

"Yes that's right Edward I haven't forgotten what you called me that night. Besides

I'm not prepared to be some rebound booty call for now you don't have anyone else and I think you're really confused as to what you want and I...I don't know…"

That was enough. She was labouring under far too many misapprehensions and she needed to know the truth. Nothing else mattered to me but her, and even Teen Dream sitting in the car like the good little pup he was, didn't matter.

She mattered to me and she needed to know it .

"Bella please will you please give me a chance to explain what happened that night?" I begged her silently to give me this chance. I thought I saw her resolve waiver so I pressed on "Please Bells, I'm sorry…"

She sighed and gave me her cell phone number, telling me we would talk another time, but not tonight. She was avoiding me again, I knew there was something more than just calling her a stupid mistake going on. I wanted her to be able to trust me enough to tell me, there was nothing I wouldn't do for her. If she wanted to avoid the topic, we would do so, for now anyway.

We stood up, I couldn't bear to have her leave me again without touching her, tasting those soft pink lips again. I grabbed her arm pulling her into me, crashing my mouth against hers hungrily. She needed to know just how much I wanted her.

She broke away from me and practically ran from the restaurant, leaving me standing there watching the distance between us grow.

"What the fuck was that?" Came Emmett's booming voice from behind me.

I closed my eyes and turned around, making my way back to our table where the interrogation commenced...

**A/N: Are you feeling frustrated??? Let us know what you're thinking in your review...LOL :)**


	12. Truth & Lies

**A/N: As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review as you know we love your feedback, and thanks to those of you who have added this story to your alerts and favourites.**

**IMPORTANT NOTICE:**** Due to technical difficulties in accessing her site Greenaway and I have made the decision to only update on cinnamontwist101 account from now on. There will be no changes to the story or our writing partnership... the story will carry on from both POV's and will be continued to be updated weekly. We apologise for any inconvenience this causes it just can't be helped...**

**We have also decided to treat you again with double updates next week (Monday & Thursday) since we know what you're really really waiting for :)**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own an angel at my table....**

**Chapter 12: Truth and Lies... **

I thanked Alice and promised to call her tomorrow; I said a quiet goodnight to Jake and went straight to bed. It had been an icy atmosphere in the car on the drive home I wasn't quite sure what Jake was so upset about or how I was going to deal with him.

I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head, my thoughts as they always did when I was alone in the dark were on Edward. I was treading a dangerous path but I just couldn't seem to think rationally when I was around him and I had no control over my body's want to be with him. Giving him my cell phone number was a really dumb move but like I said me, Edward and rational thought not a compatible combination.

As if to prove my point my phone chimed to alert me to my incoming message and sighed when I saw Edward's name on the screen.

My heart of course sped up as I flipped open the phone.

_Hi gorgeous. I wanted to say I'm sorry about what I said earlier it was totally out of line_ and not how I see you, so.._. I know you said you're busy but I was wondering when I can see you again?_

A frown creased my forehead, which bit of the conversation was he apologising for? The bit where he accused me of being a cougar or the bit where he blurted out he loved me.

_Which bit are you apologising for? The whole conversation was way out of line._

_The bit where I accused you of having a toy boy lover. When I saw you holding hands and him saying you two should go home it made me jealous... Anyway you didn't answer my question about when I can see you again. I really want to see you, I want to talk._

I punched my pillow in frustration; I didn't want to see Edward again at all. A second later I was groaning in defeat because deep down that was a blatant lie. Maybe if I just agreed to talk to him and let him say his piece then I could tell him I wasn't interested in having a relationship with him and that would be the end of it. Then he would once again move on.

_Even though I'm totally pissed at you for being so rude I will accept your apology. I won't be able to see you until the end of next week at the earliest maybe a month at the latest; I'm really busy at work._

_Bella are you a workaholic? Why do you take your work home with you? You know that's why they created business hours._

_Edward I'm not a workaholic, I just have a really busy life, I have a lot of demands on my time._

_Maybe I could come and see you at your place? You must have some down time._

My breath caught in my throat, the phone trembled in my hand.

_You don't need to do that let me see if I can rearrange some of my appointments and meet you for lunch in town._

_Do you not want me to visit you at home?_

And there it was, he had already realised I didn't want him at my home. I hated myself for what I typed next Jake was now just another victim in my web of lies.

_Jake's just got heaps of study to do and I don't want us to disturb him._

_We could hang out in your room._

_That's probably not a good idea. How about I just meet you in town?_

_If that's what you want I guess that's alright._

I breathed a sigh of relief.

_Thank you it is. Now I really need to get these papers marked or I'll never make time to lunch._

_I love you Bella_

_Good night Edward_

I placed the phone on my bedside table and pulled the covers back over my head. I was getting pulled deeper into Edward's orbit and if I didn't tell him we had no chance at a future now I would just continue digging myself a deeper hole.

I still had Jacob to deal with, another thing I was dreading. I had no idea what I was going to tell him or what how much he really suspected. An exasperated sigh rushed from my lips; I desperately needed to clear my mind so I could get some sleep. I still had two kids to deal with tomorrow...

I woke early after having a restless sleep; both Jacob and Edward wove themselves into my dreams. They were both pleading for me to be with them, whilst continually giving each other murderous looks. I had to keep waking myself up to remind myself I was only dreaming and that they were both safe, from each other at least. Neither of them were safe from me.

When I couldn't stand being alone with my nightmarish thoughts any longer I got up and stumbled into the kitchen. I headed straight for coffee maker I needed an instant pick me up, I was just heat the milk when Jake walked into the room rubbing the sleep from his eyes; he never said anything to me he just threw himself into the chair with a sigh.

I handed him a mug of coffee and joined him. I felt suddenly nervous and I couldn't seem to look him in the eye so I stared into my coffee cup, I could feel his eyes on me but I never looked up.

He studied me for a long moment, a deep sigh rushing from his lips, "that guy Edward, he's Apple and Louis' father." It wasn't a question it was a statement.

My heart rate accelerated rapidly, it was beating so hard it felt like it was going to crash right through my ribcage, my throat was dry and palms were sweaty. Jake and I never kept anything from each other we trusted each other fully, I decided in that instant that the truth was probably the best course of action.

I wished I could be this honest with Edward.

"Yes Jake, Edward is the twin's father." I said in a rush.

His eyes narrowed, "Did you know before last night he was back in the country?"

I swallowed audibly, "Yes... but I only found out last weekend at the eighties party." I continued to stare at my coffee cup I couldn't look Jake in the eye.

"He never sounded Italian." Jake's tone had an edge of accusation.

"He's not." I mumbled.

"Bella are you planning to tell him about Apple and Louis?"

I finally looked at him, "No...no I'm not Jake." The words stabbed at my heart Edward deserved the truth, but my children deserved to be protected more.

"Why did you lie about his nationality?" I could see Jake wasn't going to let it go until I answered all of his questions.

I gave him a serious look, "...Jake if I have your absolute assurance as my best friend that you will not tell another living soul, I will tell you the real story about how Louis and Apple came to be and why I can't tell Edward the truth about them."

"Of course I will keep your confidence's Bella." I took a deep breath and started from the beginning.

I rushed through an explaination of how I used to be Edward's P.A. and that relationships between employees were banned at Cullen Industries and that Edward and I had been caught being intimate at the office Christmas party by his father. My face flamed red when I recalled how I got fired and a payout and Edward got sent to France. Lastly I told him about Carlisle and my fears for Apple and Louis having any association with him. He was the only reason I had been hiding their existence, it would be over my dead body that Carlisle Cullen would get to damage my kids like he'd damaged his own, well one of his own. Jasper and Emmett fared way better than Edward when it came to their father.

My face turned pleading, "Jake, Rose, Alice and now you are the only ones who know the truth. Not even Charlie and Renee know and I'd really like to keep that way."

Jake looked at me with a grimace, "Jesus Bells what a fucked up situation. You have my promise I will not tell a soul, but don't you think Edward has the right to know he has kids?"

I squirmed uncomfortably, "I know it's wrong to keep this from him, but I don't know if I can trust him Jake. If he didn't fight for me when his daddy fired me, I doubt he'd fight for me if his Father tried to take my kids away. And believe me Jake, if Carlisle finds out about them that's exactly what he'll do. Edward is completely controlled by him in all the years I worke for him I never saw him say no to or stand up to Carlisle, and I can't imagine him ever being able to."

"Do you love him?" Jake asked his voice was barely a whisper.

I stop the frown trying to mar my features, "That's irrelevant Jake. I'll do whatever it takes to protect Apple and Louis from Carlisle. I have to accept that I have no future with Edward."

"Does he know that?"

"Not yet. I'm going to ask Rose watch the kids so I can meet him for lunch today so I can tell him that I don't want him in my life."

Jake nodded his head in approval, "I'll watch the kids for you, I have no class today. I think you should get rid of Edward as soon as possible Bells before this all blows up in your face."

"I know," I said a little sadly.

I flashed Jake a grin when he reached out to cup his hand over mine, I felt relieved to have told the him the truth about Edward, I felt my burden had lessened every so slightly, though the guilt still bubbled and gnawed away at my insides, his advice had helped to strengthen my resolve.

I would text Edward and tell him I was free to meet up with him for lunch. I would let him explain himself, then I would tell him how sorry I was but we had no future together. Maybe then the two of us could finally have closure and move on with our lives.

I got up and moved to Jakes side, I placed a kiss on top of his silky black hair and rested my chin on his head, "thanks Jake for letting me tell you about my fucked up life and not judging me. I appreciate your friendship and your advice."

"You're welcome Bells."

I left the kitchen and went in search of my phone; I closed my bedroom door even though I was only texting him. I scrolled down to Edward's number and typed my message.

_Hi, sorry it's so early I just wanted to say I can meet you for lunch today about 11.30 if you're free?_

_Good morning gorgeous, I can definitely meet you for lunch today. How about at the Bolton?_

My mind drift back to last weekend and the night we shared at the hotel. I wasn't sure I could return to the scene of the crime, it was going to be hard enough facing him without the reminders of the room as well.

_How about we meet at the intercontinental at 11.30?_

_Your wish is my command and Bella I can't wait to see you. Make sure to see the concierge when you get there_

_Why?_

_So he can let you know where to find me._

_Wouldn't that just be in the lobby?_

_Ha, ha I'll see you at 11.30... Talk to the concierge_

I took my time showering and dressing, I searched my closet for an outfit that would make me feel powerful enough to believe I had some control over myself when it came to Edward. I settled on a conservative Karen Walker shift dress in deep eggplant purple and red suede knee high stiletto boots. The dress finished mid thigh but the cut made it look elegant...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I approached the concierge and gave him my name.

"Ah yes Ms Swan Mr Cullen is expecting you. If you'd like to take the lift on the far left it will take you directly to Mr Cullen's suite." He gave me a warm smile which I could barely return.

My heart crashed against my chest as I made my way to the lift, my stomach was tied up in knots and I was suddenly regretting asking him to meet me. Amomgst the confused thought swirling inside my mind one stood out, Why would Edward hire a suite when we could lunch in the restaurant?

The lift moved upward, the tiny lighted numbers flashing up every few seconds alerting me to how close I was getting to Edward and to breaking my heart.

I tried in vain to get some sort of control over my trembling hands and irregular breathing. The numbers lit up again telling me I was one floor away from the penthouse.

"oh fuck, oh shit." I was going into full on panic mode. I mashed on the keypad pushing the ground floor button repeatedly but the lift didn't stop or begin to descend it stubbonly continued its upward journey.

I closed my eyes and took half a dozen deep breaths and said a little prayer asking for strength and guidance to help me resist Edward through this lunch date. And I was surprised to find I was feeling marginally calmer when the lift doors opened a moment later to reveal Edward's gorgeous smiling face.

He pulled me straight into his arms, bringing his lips to mine in a soft kiss that rapidly gained in intensity. He sort permission to deepen it further and my body responded before my head had a chance to weigh up my options. I pushed myself into him; my hands weaving into his hair, my lips parting as my tongue desperately sought his.

His arms held me tighter as his lips moved to my neck."Mmm…my sweet Bella." The words shocked me back into reality and I took a step back, his eyes sort mine and I could see the confusion there.

"I...I think we should probably talk." I stammered. My chin hit my chest and I stared at the floor.

He sighed, his finger running along my jaw tilting my face up so he could look into my eyes, "yes we need to talk, well I need to talk and you need to listen."

He kept his arm around my waist as he guided me out onto the balcony where a small table was laid out with the most delectable array of fresh seafood. I took the seat he offered me and immediately began to load my plate full of crayfish tails, scallops, oysters and the most delicious paua fritters I had even tasted.

Edward watched in amusement as I demolished the fritters and started on the crayfish tails.

"So it would be safe for me to assume you love fresh seafood?"

"Who doesn't in this country? Since we are surrounded by ocean, I mean it's in abundance and so easy to go out and catch for yourself."

"So true it's one of the things I love the most about living in this country."

"Me too."

We kept the conversation light over lunch, neither of us in a hurry to broach the subject of that fateful night.

When Edward was sure I'd eaten enough he took my hand leading me to the daybed at the end of the balcony. He took a seat next to me and pulled me into his arms, "you know Bella, France has nothing on New Zealand."

"Apart from bragging rights for kicking our ass in the rugby."

He groaned just like Charlie always did whenever the subject was broached, "Hmm we won't talk about that."

"No we should probably talk about the other thing though." I said quietly.

He rested his chin on my head, "First of all Bella I owe you an apology, I handled what happened that night appallingly and I am ashamed and have deeply regretted it ever since. I realise how hurt you must have been when I told my father you were a mistake and then left you alone without explanation. I never meant what I said Bella. I would never consider that night a mistake. Being with you is what I'd been dreaming about from the day we met. I said those things to Carlisle in the hope of saving your job, so I didn't have to lose you. I thought if I could convince him it was just a careless mistake then he might reconsider firing you and transfer you to another department instead.  
It was me who demanded he write you the cheque and letter because I didn't want you to have to suffer anymore than you had already... Please say you'll forgive me for acting so despicably."

The tortured expression on his face had the words tumbling from my mouth, "I forgive you Edward. Though you need to know I was really hurt by the way you and you're father treated me. But that's in the past and its best left there."

He broke into a breathtaking smile, his green eyes sparkled, "thank you so much Bella, you have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that."

Before I had a chance to respond he was crushing his lips to mine and I was kissing him back with reckless abandon.

My head was screaming at me to stop and tell him that this couldn't go on but my body, aided and abetted by that intense electricity created by our touch, staged a mutiny and I was soon fumbling with the buttons on his shirt eager to rid him of it.

We groaned in unison as our naked flesh collided. I felt like I just couldn't get closer enough to him, he pulled me into his lap his lips moving to kiss a trail along my neck. My legs slid around his waist and he slipped into my warmth.

"Oh god Bella I never want to let you go, I need you baby." I tightened my grip as I rocked against him burying him deeper into me.

Somewhere in the back of my lust filled mind a small but loud voice was warning me that this had to be the absolute last time I could do this with Edward. It was cruel and callous and that wasn't who I was or who I wanted to be.

I shut the voice down, I didn't want to think about anything at that moment but how good he felt against my skin.

My lips never moved from his as we in fucked in the afternoon sun, my kisses were hungry, demanding, knowing I would only have this one last time to recommit the sensations to memory.

I could feel the pleasure intensifying in my core; I kissed a trail along his jaw, my breathing heavy and uneven against his neck.

I felt his shiver of pleasure as my laboured breath fanned out across his neck, he whispered against my ear, "Cum for me my goddess... tell me I'm the only one who makes you feel like this."

His voice purred like pure sex, the sound of it easily pulling me over the edge," Oh…fuck Edward…I love the way you make me feel…so…so good…"

He held me tightly as his body began to shake with the intensity of his release, "be mine Bella…only mine."

His lips roamed over my neck, I shivered when his tongue lick the soft skin there, "Mmm Bella your flesh tastes so good... just like the sweetest apple."

I froze in his arms when his use of the word apple registered in my brain, not even the warm sun on my naked flesh could stop my insides from turning to ice.

Edward noticed something was wrong immediately, "Bella are you ok what's wrong sweetheart?" I shook my head and pushed away from him. I could see his confusion clear on his face as I grabbed my clothes from the floor. I ignored him and hurriedly got dressed. "Bella what's wrong, please tell me."

I finally turned to look at him as I pulled on my boots. "I'm really sorry Edward but I have to go, I just remembered I have a meeting this afternoon and I'm going to be late."

"Oh...are you sure you can't cancel and stay here with me? I wasn't finished worshipping you yet. I don't want you to leave Bella I don't feel right when you're not with me.

"I'm sorry Edward but I can't cancel."

"Can you come back after your meeting?"

"I'm sorry but I don't think that will be possible."

"Can I see you again tomorrow; can I take you out for dinner?

"I can't Edward I'm going to be really busy over the next couple of months. I don't really know when I'll have free time next."

"Bella what is going on with you? You keep just up and disappearing and you say you won't have time to see me for god knows how long. Why are you being so evasive?"

"I'm not trying to be," I lied, "I just have a lot to deal with right now Edward. Now I have to go. Thank you so much for lunch and I'll text you after my meeting." I leaned forward and kissed his pouting lips.

I knew he was angry at me, I didn't blame him I was angry at myself, but I needed to leave now...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Jake was in the kitchen feeding the twins when I arrived home, I kissed both of their cheeks and flopped into a seat at the table.

"So how was it, did you managed to put him in his place?" I made a split decision when I answered Jake and effectively dug my hole, or crater would probably be a better description, another foot deeper.

"Yeah I told him." So much for being honest with my best friend. I hoped he wouldn't notice the way my voice shook and realize I had just lied to him.

On more than one occasion I had accused Edward of being a coward when in truth it was me who was the coward.

I should have told Edward there was no chance of a future instead of falling into his arms the second I could...

**Chapter Twelve:**

**Edward's POV **

After Bella left I went back to the table to face the barrage of questions, they all had ready to throw at me.

"You just kissed Bella. What does that mean?" Jasper asked excitedly.

"What the fuck was that?" Emmett repeated.

"Dude, you and me need to talk, like why the fuck were you in France banging Tanya's tragic ass, when you could have been here tapping that Bella hottie? She's a bit of alright you know." Felix said and Kate punched him.

She and I both shared a smile.

"Fuck up Felix, you tool! So are things going to be ok then?" Demetri asked me.

Irina said nothing as I took my seat next to her, she just looked at me disappointed.

"What did you say Edward? I saw your face, there is no way you kept your cool over there."

"I called her a cougar." I mumbled quietly. The table instantly fell silent.

Emmett stared at me horror struck "You called Bella a cougar? Do you have a death wish?" He asked in disbelief. I didn't answer and ignored the rest of their questions. Irina obviously had something to say, but didn't want to do it in front of the others, so I was trying my best to wait patiently. On the drive home, she finally cracked.

"Bella's not sleeping with him is she." She said. It was not a question.

"No." I agreed. "But she has. When she found out about my engagement to Tanya. And he's living with her." I defended. Irina just sighed, as she turned onto my street.

"She's confused Edward, it's plain as day. If you want her, you're going to have to play the game her way." She finished as she pulled into my garage. She turned to me and smiled

"You've got her number?" I nodded.

"Good, then give her a text. Say something nice and apologise for being the fucking caveman that you are. Show her you are interested but you respect her space." I sat there like one of those little nodding dogs they put in cars. I was taking in everything she was telling me.

"Most importantly, remember it was my brilliant advice when you get the girl. You can pay up now, by agreeing to stand on my side during the wedding." I chuckled at her.

Irina and Demetri had been fighting over who I should stand up next to at their wedding. Irina insisted I should be her best man, since I was her best friend. Demetri countered with the fact that I was his friend too, and I wouldn't want to stand up next to Tanya anyway. He had made a fucking valid point, it was going to be hard enough to avoid Tanya when she came for the wedding, I didn't want to create any encounters I didn't have to.

"Sorry sweetie, but Demetri won that argument by way of the Slag. I'm groomsman. Sorry."

"Guess I can't blame you for that." Irina grumbled "Hurry up and text the beautiful Bella."

I pulled out my phone and thought of what I wanted to say to her. I didn't want to seem pushy, play it her way like Irina said. But let her know you are definitely interested, she needs to know you want her as more than a booty call.

_Hi gorgeous. I wanted to say I'm sorry about what I said earlier, it was totally out line and not how I see you...I know you said you're busy but I was wondering when I can see you again? _

I hit send and crossed my fingers it was the right thing to say. Irina grabbed my hand and squeezed reassuringly.

"It's also plain as day, she wants you just as much as you want her babe. Just give her the time to see it for herself." I frowned down at my phone. That was a lot easier said than done. The phone beeped.

_Which bit are you apologising for? The whole conversation was way out of line. _

I text back immediately

_The bit when I accused you of having a toy boy lover. When I saw you holding hands and him saying you two should go home it made me jealous. Anyway you didn't answer my question about when I can see you again. I really want to see you again and I want to talk. _

She sent me back some bullshit text about how she was really busy with work, but accepted my apology. She was trying her best to avoid me and I didn't understand it. When we were together our bodies practically called to each other, and I knew she felt for me at least part of what I felt for her.

I tried to keep it light, and I teased her about being a workaholic and she rammed in my face how busy she was again. If I were honest, it was beginning to hurt my feelings a little, her constant rejection. When I suggested I come to her house to see her then, she back peddled hurriedly, telling me she would rearrange her schedule so she could see me.

That was a change, and all because I offered to see her at home? Why didn't she want me coming to her house? Surely it wasn't just Boy Wonder. I asked why I couldn't come over and she responded promptly that we would indeed disturb the Nickolodeon Generation, but I wasn't buying it. She was hiding things from me again, and it was getting tiresome.

Eventually she agreed to meet me for lunch the next day, but I still couldn't get over my unease. What the hell was Bella keeping from me?

* * *

Irina stayed the night in the guest bedroom so we could get up early and get started on work. We were going to work from home for the day, and we had plenty to get through before Irina and Demetri's wedding. She did want a honeymoon after all.

We both sat there clicking away on our laptops not saying anything, desperately trying to get through our workload. Our team had taken on most of the major acquisitions and mergers and as a result our hours had increased.

I had just taken a sip of my coffee when my cellphone beeped, causing me to jump and spill hot coffee all over my crotch. Irina began giggling immediately. I put the offending cup down and picked up the phone with one hand, while I tried to pull the wet fabric away from my skin with the other.

"Give me a moment to go change." I grumbled as she kept on giggling.

I went to my room and changed in seconds, sitting on the bed afterward hoping that it was from Bella. I didn't hold much hope though, it was still pretty early. I looked at the screen in trepidation, sighing out loud when I saw Bella's name on the screen. I opened the message

_Hi sorry it's so early I just wanted to say I can meet you for lunch today about 11.30 if you're free? _

No, I wasn't free. I had a shit load of work to get through. I should be in there with Irina right now. I text back

_Good morning gorgeous I can definitely meet you for lunch today. How about at the Bolton? _

God, I was the worst boss and friend in the world, but my mind didn't linger on self-recriminations for long. I began planning an elaborate lunch, maybe I could even get the penthouse again. My mind was whirling with possibilities when my phone beeped again

_How about we meet at the intercontinental at 11.30 _

I was a little hurt she didn't want to go back to the Bolton, but I refused to dwell on it. Play the game her way, Irina had said. If Bella wanted the intercontinental, then that is what she would get. I'd work around what she wanted.

_Your wish is my command and Bella I can't wait to see you. Make sure to see the concierge when you get there _

I knew I was guaranteed to get the best room and set up some kind of surprise for Bella, there wasn't much the Cullen name and a truck load of money couldn't get you, and for Bella no expense would be spared.

Bella tried to be sneaky and dig for information, but I gave nothing away. I wanted this to be perfect.

I stood up from the bed. Time to go beg my P.A. for some time off.

* * *

****

In the words of Forrest Gump "They say miracles don't happen everyday, but they do.".

I had just experienced several miracles of my own.

First Irina had not only agreed to me taking off for lunch, she insisted I take the rest of the day off too. She told me she would just lock up when she was done. I felt a little bad, she was being so good about all of this and here I was leaving her with a pile of work. She literally pushed me out the door.

The second miracle and biggest one by far was that Bella was agreeing to meet with me. I would finally get a chance to explain to her what had happened, what I had tried to do for her. I hoped she could forgive me.

I was standing in the penthouse suite of the intercontinental pacing the floor anxiously.

I had booked the penthouse because I wanted the privacy for our talk, I didn't want to bare my soul like that in the middle of a crowded restaurant. The fact that it was the penthouse I booked instead of a regular suite? Pure showing off, I wanted to spoil my girl.

_Not your girl. Not yet anyway. _

The doors chimed as they opened and there she was. Standing there looking like the goddess she clearly was. I couldn't have told you what she was wearing, if she wore shoes, or carried a fucking purse. All I could tell you was that she was here and I needed her to be in my arms.

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her with all the passion I had for her inside me. She responded to me immediately and my heart soared with newfound hope.

Her hands grasped at my hair and I held her close as I began to kiss her neck.

"Mmm…my sweet Bella," The words tumbled out of me. She froze instantly and then pulled herself from my grasp. What had I done?

"I think we should probably talk." She said studying the floor carefully. I sighed, finally she wanted to talk.

"Yes, we need to talk. Well I need to talk and you need to listen." I said bringing her face up so I could stare into those bewitching eyes. Eyes that had held my heart captive since I first beheld them.

I held her firmly to me and took us out to the balcony, revealing the peak of my surprise for her. It had taken a lot of ringing around and a lot of money to come up with this kind of fare on such short notice. A few of the best restaurants in town were busy rewriting their menus for the evening, courtesy of me.

I watched Bella's eyes light up at the sight and my heart expanded in my chest. She was so down to earth and so real, I loved that about her. She was the typical kiwi girl, absolutely fucking stoked with a date that involved fresh seafood. Fucking loved it.

She loaded her plate up like she thought we might run out at any moment. I barely contained my laughter.

"So it would be safe for me to assume you love fresh seafood?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Who doesn't in this country since we are surrounded by ocean, I mean it's in abundance and so easy to go out and catch for yourself." She said seriously. No wonder her and Emmett got on so well, seafood was an important topic to my Bella.

We ate our fill, avoiding anything remotely hurtful, and keeping things light. I was fine with that, we had all afternoon. Eventually Bella seemed to have had enough and I took her over to the daybed on the balcony. I sat down with her and unable to help myself, pulled her into my arms. It was where she belonged anyway.

"You know Bella, France has nothing on New Zealand." I said. I wanted her to know that my life had been nothing without her, but suddenly I was too chicken to say it. All my bravado had flown the coop.

"Apart from bragging rights for kicking our ass in the rugby," She added dryly. I groaned, it had been hell living in France as a staunch patriotic Kiwi. I had suffered many a drunk Frenchman running down our country without killing him. It was not easy.

"Hmm we won't talk about that." I said with a snort. Bella shifted slightly

"No we should probably talk about the other thing though." her tone was serious now. I pressed my face into her hair and sighed. I had so many things to say and I was unsure where to start now that we were finally here.

"First of all Bella, I owe you an apology. I handled what happened that night appallingly and I am ashamed and have deeply regretted ever since. I realise how hurt you must have been when I told my father you were a mistake and then left you alone without explanation." I took a deep breath and continued. This was my chance to make her understand the price I had paid for her, what I would pay again for her if I had to.

"I never meant what I said Bella. I would never consider that night a mistake. Being with you is what I'd been dreaming about from the day we met. I said those things to Carlisle in the hope of saving your job so I didn't have to lose you. I thought if I could convince him it was just a careless mistake, then he might reconsider firing you and transfer you to another department instead." It had been my foolish hope and my ultimate weakness. Carlisle had seen that, he known it. I wondered how long he'd been waiting for an opportunity like that. My anger at him spurned me on to tell her the rest, tell her everything that had happened.

"It was me who demanded he write you the cheque and letter, because I didn't want you to have to suffer anymore than you had already. Please say you'll forgive me for acting so despicably." There, it was out. All this time waiting for this moment, this opportunity to plead my case and here it was. All I had to do now was wait for the verdict. I looked into her soft brown eyes

"I forgive you Edward. Though I was really hurt by the way you and your father treated me, I've let it go, and it's all water under the bridge."

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. She forgave me. She not only looked like an angel she had all the grace and good of one too. She truly was a magnificent creature, and I with all my faults, was entirely unworthy of her.

"Thank you so much Bella. You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that." I said sincerely. She never would know what her words had done to me, I was finally free of that weight I had been carrying on my shoulders, the guilt was still there but it was dramatically less and I was a new man because of it.

No, I was a new man because of her.

I couldn't bear it any longer and I kissed her, a kiss fuelled by my never ending desire for her. She responded to me in equal fervour and I felt euphoric.

We tore at each others clothes, frantic to remove all barriers from between us, and when our naked flesh made contact, I couldn't help my groan. I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her neck as I sheathed myself inside her.

"Oh god Bella. I never want to let you go, I need you baby." She held onto me tighter and we moved together in beautiful harmony. For the first time in as long as I could remember I wanted to compose. Bella inspired the sweetest kind of music, the natural curves of her, her natural beautiful hair, the way her eyelashes would flutter against her cheeks as she would look away shyly. She was my reason for being, I knew it without a shadow of a doubt.

Ours lips never parted, as we moved languidly with each other. It was paradise. I felt Bella's walls begin to tremble and tighten around me and I knew she was close. She buried her face into my neck and her breath tickled my neck.

"Cum for me my goddess. Tell me I'm the only one who makes you feel like this." I purred at her. She needed to know, needed to admit it was I who played her body like an instrument. It was I who could bring her this kind of pleasure and only I. The fucking pup she lived with could never do to her what I could. I knew it and she needed to as well.

"Oh…fuck…Edward…I love the way you make me feel…so right…so good…" She stammered as she came. I could feel her walls clenching my cock as her orgasm washed over her. My own orgasm overtook me and I crushed her tightly to me, whispering

"Be mine Bella…only mine." I pleaded with her. I would give her the world, anything she wanted I would give to her. If she would only consent to keep me in her life.

I kissed her neck and traced her skin with my tongue, she tasted so fucking good.

"Mmm Bella your flesh tastes so good. Just like the sweetest apple." I moaned against her skin. I wanted to devour her.

Bella stiffened in my arms and her breathing stopped. She had turned very pale and looked like she might pass out at any moment.

"Bella are you ok? What's wrong sweetheart?" I asked her concerned. She just shook her head and pushed me away, standing up. She began throwing her clothes on as though she couldn't escape fast enough. What had I done now?

"Bella what's wrong, please tell me." I begged her. God, I was sick of these fucking games! Hot and cold, on and off, I never knew where I fucking stood with her! I knew she wanted me, just as much as I wanted her, so I didn't understand the problem. I'd apologised for calling her a mistake and she had accepted. I got that strange feeling again that she was keeping things from me.

"I'm really sorry Edward but I have to go I just remembered I have a meeting this afternoon and I'm going to be late." She said as she pulled on her boots. I knew it was a load of fucking bullshit and she was just blowing me off again, but I played along anyway. I'm fucking masochistic, what can I say?

"Oh. Are you sure you can't cancel and stay here with me? I wasn't finished worshipping you yet. I don't want you to leave Bella I don't feel right when you're not with me." I tried to keep it light, playful, seductive anything to get her to stay and not leave.

She wasn't buying it.

"I'm sorry Edward but I can't cancel." Bullshit Bella and you and I both know it, just neither of us wants to fucking cut the crap and get right down to the real issue. And I'm too scared of pushing you and you leaving me.

"Can you come back after your meeting?" I asked without much hope. She shook her head, still avoiding my gaze.

"I'm sorry but I don't think that will be possible." She almost whispered.

"Can I see you again tomorrow; can I take you out for dinner?" Come on Bella, give me a chance. Throw me a bone here.

"I can't Edward. I'm going to be really busy over the next couple of months I don't really know when I'll have free time next." She said vaguely. My temper was unravelling quickly.

"Bella what is going on with you? You keep just up and disappearing and you say you won't have time to see me for god knows how long. Why are you being so evasive?"

"I'm not trying to be, I just have a lot to deal with right now Edward. Now I have to go. Thank you so much for lunch and I'll text you after my meeting." She kissed me and fled, leaving me alone again.

* * *

***

I went home and walked straight into the lounge where Irina still was. She looked up in surprise, her smile quickly falling as she saw my face. She got up and came over to me, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me tightly. I buried my face into her shoulder

"What am I doing wrong?" I asked her desperately. She tightened her arms around me and sighed

"Oh honey, I'm sure it's not you. Just keep trying, she'll come around eventually. I know she will."

I hoped Irina was right, because at the moment, I had no idea where I stood with Bella....

**A/N: We know it's frustrating but hang in there a little bit longer, you know what double chapter updates mean ;)...Feel free to vent your spleen in a review we have broad shoulders...**


	13. Chapter 13 An introduction to evil

**A/N: **As always thanks to our reviewers and to those of you who have added this story to your alerts and favourites...We apologise for the not having the updates posted at the same time it just couldn't be helped but we are now back on track...We will be updating Thursday as scheduled!

**Disclaimer: **S Meyer owns Twilight Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table.....

**Chapter 13: An Introduction to Evil...**

It had been three weeks since I'd lunched with Edward and he was constantly texting me begging to know when he could see me again and wanting to know if I was avoiding him.

I wanted to tell him I couldn't see him again but my fingers seem to freeze every time I tried to type the message.

Although I had managed to resist him these past weeks I could feel my resolve slipping and I was beginning to feel the familiar ache of longing that had possessed me when he had lived in France.

It was like his gravitational pull was drawing me deeper into his orbit and I soon found myself thinking of ways I could see him again without arousing Jake's suspicions.

Unfortunately Jake had been watching me closely these last weeks; he had already registered the fact that I was receiving a massive increase in text messages. He tsked impatiently when they interrupted our nightly board games but I didn't care I returned every one of Edward's messages.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I kissed Apple and promised her we could read her favourite story when she woke up from her nap and closed the door quietly behind me. My phone beeped in my pocket, I smiled when I saw Edward's name on the screen.

The smile was replaced with a groan when I read the text asking me if I could please see him tonight, I text back that it was impossible but I would try my hardest to see him in the next couple of days.

I threw myself onto the couch with a groan; I had to find a way to spend more than a few hours with him. I wanted to know what it would be like to wake up beside him in his bed and not have to run, but I couldn't see any way of doing that without having to give whoever would end up looking after Apple and Louis an explanation of where I would be all night.

I was about to admit defeat when a minute later Jake provided me with the perfect opportunity. He took a seat next to me and frowned at my crushed expression, "Are you ok Bells?"

"Yeah I'm ok. I'm just tired."

"Hey I'm going home to the Marae for a week, do you want me to take Apple and Louis up to stay with your parents? Renee and Charlie would love to have them to themselves and you can have a decent break. You can't afford to get rundown Bell's the kids need you."

Even though the thought of being away from the twins for so long had me fighting off a panic attack, I had to take the opportunity I had just been given to spend more than an afternoon with Edward. Maybe that would appease him and buy me some breathing room from his constant questions as to why we couldn't spent at least one night a week together.

"Um... I guess I could let Apple and Louis go away for a week. Charlie and Renee would be in raptures and I know you'll be close by if they need you." Excitement flooded through me, I didn't acknowledge it though instead I concentrated on hiding any signs of it from Jake's watchful gaze.

He flashed me a brilliant smile, I knew he was proud of me for having the courage to let the twins go for so long. I fought back the wave of guilt that washed away the excitement and gave him a small smile.

"So do you want to ring Renee and tell her the good news?"

"Sure Jake, when were you planning to go?"

"Tomorrow night and I'll be back next Monday afternoon."

My excitement was barely containable, I tried not to rush to the phone to call Renee but I couldn't help it.

She was absolutely beside herself when I asked her if she'd like to have the kids for a week.

"Are you sure Mum?" I asked double checking.

She sighed in exasperation, "Of course Bella, I'd have them for a month if I could!"

There was no way I could handle being away from them for a month, "Um...I think I'll wait until Apple turns into a rebellious teenager before I send her for a month."

I smiled at the thought of Apple as a teenager; she'd be all copper curls and attitude.

Renee brought me back from my reverie.

"I'm sure Charlie will just love you for that dear." Renee chortled. I laughed along with her; I was almost giddy with happiness.

"Ok and thanks again mum. I'll call you during the week ok?"

"Bye Bells and thank you."

"I doubt you'll be saying that by the end of the week Mum but you're welcome anyway. I'll talk to you soon, love you..."

I found Jake in his room, "it's all arranged, Renee and Charlie will pick the twins up from the airport and thanks again Jake; it will give me a chance to get these exam papers marked."

"No worries Bells." His accompanying smile had the ever present guilt churning my stomach. I turned and left without another word.

I headed for my room, quickly seeking out my cell phone and scrolling to Edward's number.

_How would you like to join me for a late supper tomorrow night? I have unexpectedly found some free time this week._

_How much free time?_

_Seven days in a row_

_You're kidding? So you won't just use me for my body and run this time?_

_Oh I'll use you for your body alright but as long as I'm home by four o'clock Sunday I promise I won't run._

_Why four o'clock?_

_Because that's my curfew and my fairy god mother threatened to turn me into a pumpkin if I wasn't home by that time and since I'm being paroled for good behaviour I don't want to push my luck._

_Right then I'll be sure to follow the rules. Bella would you mind if we just called in and saw Irina and Demetri on our way to dinner they are having a pre wedding dinner tomorrow night and I just want to show my face... oh yeah and pack a bag sweetheart, I'll pick you up from your place tomorrow night._

Panic began to rise up in me Edward couldn't pick me up from my place.

_Can I just meet you at the restaurant I need to drop off a couple of things on my way._

_I suppose, what time?_

_About eight thirty if that suits you._

_I'd rather just come and get you now, but I've managed without seeing you for three weeks I guess I can survive for a few more hours._

_I promise I'll make up to you; we can have a month's worth of sex this week if you want._

_I just want a whole week with you uninterrupted but the sex sounds good to._

_What's the name of the restaurant?_

_It's at the Grand mercer hotel._

_I know the one, I'll see you there tomorrow at eight thirty._

_I'm counting down the second's. I can't wait to wake up beside you._

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I packed the kids into the car and kissed each of them before dropping the keys into Jakes out stretched hand, he took them with a smile and pulled me into his arms, "have a nice week Bells and look after my car."

"I will and thanks again Jake." I ducked out of his embrace to kiss the twins again.

I gave them one more wave and hurried inside to shower, change and pack a bag of clothes.

I took time in choosing something to wear. I didn't know Edward's friends that well and I was extremely nervous about seeing them again, especially since I was pretty much a coke whore the last time they saw me.

I settled on the deep blue World designed cocktail dress Alice had brought me last Christmas. I'd never worn it before but it seemed like it would be appropriate for a pre wedding dinner and a pair of nude coloured Andrea Biaini peep toe heels.

I curled my hair and put on a light coat of makeup. I stared at myself critically for another minute before I was interrupted by the message alert on my phone, my heart stuttered and a smile spread over my face when I saw Edward's name on the screen.

I flipped the phone and my smiled widened when I read his message.

_45 minutes and 37 seconds until you're back in my arms... make that 15 seconds_

_I'm leaving now I'll see you soon._

I checked my reflection in the mirror once more and quickly sprayed on my signature scent, a beautiful soft cinnamon scented perfume Alice designed especially for me when she was last in France...

I hurried as fast as I could on six inch heels to the train, I stumbled through the open door and sighed gratefully when I saw an empty seat; my feet weren't going to last much longer in these shoes...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I tried to calm my breathing as I approached the entrance to the hotel; I walked slowly through the doors scanning the lobby for any sign of Edward. He was nowhere around and I hoped hadn't decided I wasn't worth it and stood me up.

I pulled out my phone and quickly typed out my message.

_Will you come out and meet me in the lobby?_

I had only just slipped the strap of my bag over my shoulder when I felt the familiar tingle in my skin. I turned and my breath caught at the sight of Edward in his black dress pants and buttoned down white shirt that he wore opened at the throat.

The energy flowing between us was palpable in the air.

His smile was radiant, his arms encircled my waist and he pulled me close to his body. The electricity intensified, it almost crackled when his hands came into contact with my skin.

His lips moved roughly against mine. His kiss was filled with undisguised want and a need that was almost to the point of desperation.

I pulled back went I began to get breathless and his lips moved straight to my neck, his groan vibrating against my skin when he inhaled my scent. "Mmm…my Bella…"

Just then Emmett's unmistakable voice rent the air, "for god sakes you two get a room." He chortled loudly.

Edward pulled away from me but kept his arm firmly around my waist, he flipped Emmett the finger before picking up my bag and guiding me into the restaurant.

I looked around nervously; Jasper was standing by the bar talking to Felix, Kate, Demetri and someone else I couldn't see. I moved closer into Edward, suddenly I felt shy even though I sort of knew these people.

I was just about to tell him how out of place I felt when I saw Irina approaching us with a warm smile. She held out her hand to me and I took it shyly.

"It's so very nice to see you again Bella. I'm so very happy you could make it tonight." She gave me a radiant smile.

I instantly relaxed. The sincerity flowed from her like liquid and I allowed it to wash over me, "thank you so much Irina for allowing me to be a guest tonight."

Edward squeezed my waist and I felt myself relaxing even more.

"Edward would you please go and get this lovely lady a drink and I will have another as well." Irina flashed Edward a glittering smile which he returned.

I could sense a very natural ease between them, it seemed like they had the same type of relationship as Jake and I but without the level of familiarity that comes with being intimate.

Edward kissed my cheek and let me go, I resisted the urge to grab his hand and not let go; instead I followed Irina toward an empty table and sat down next to her.

She immediately launched in to polite conversation, I found she was extremely easy to talk to. I thought she would definitely be the type of woman I could see myself being friends with, if I could allow myself to let her in. Which I couldn't, the thought caused a wave of sadness to wash over me.

I looked up as Edward approached the table, he gave me one of his dazzling smiles and my heart stuttered. I quickly arranged my features into a smile I wasn't going to waste time dwelling when I had him to myself for the next seven days.

He handed us our drinks and took a seat next to me, his hand reached for mine as soon as he sat down.

Heat flooded my face when he raised my hand to his lips and brushed them lightly across my skin, I noticed Irina give him a quick wink as she reached for her drink...

We spent the next hour chatting with Irina, I couldn't help but smile when Edward would periodically lean over to kiss my cheek or whisper how beautiful I was and how he couldn't wait to get me alone.

I was about to suggest to him that maybe we should go when Jazz, who had been watching us all night, broke from his group and joined us at our table.

He leaned forward and hugged me tightly, "it's so good to see you Bella and with Edward no less." He kissed my cheek and grinned at his brother.

"Thanks Jazz, it's good to see you to."

He leaned over and whispered something in Edward's ear. Edward seemed to like Jasper's suggestion because he nodded his head approvingly his eyes sparkled with anticipation.

I was only left wondering for a few seconds what their exchange was about. Jazz looked over at me and wagged his eyebrows and I knew instantly what they had been talking about and he was asking me.

I decided to stick with the reckless theme I had adopted and since I had no responsibilities for the week I winked back. Jazz flashed me a sly smile as he stood up and took my hand.

I stood and so did Edward. He pulled me into his arms, which was quite awkward considering Jazz was still holding my hand and kissed me until I was breathless.

"I'll join you in a minute." He murmured against my lips.

I had only taken one step behind Jazz when I was hit by a cold shiver; it rushed through my body chilling me instantly, I had the uncomfortable feeling that I was being watched.

I scanned the room, my eyes finally meeting the burning gaze upon me. I recognised the woman with the strawberry blond curls from the magazine article as Edward's ex fiancée Tanya.

I didn't need to wonder what she was doing here, her resemblance to both Kate and Irina was striking; she was obviously their sister.

Her eyes were narrowed and she was looking at me with undisguised loathing.

The ferocity of her stare felt like it was physically hurting me, I quickly looked down and then at Edward. He was looking at Tanya with nothing less than pure hatred on his features.

Panic and anger rushed through me in equal measures, each warring for dominance over my emotions. The least Edward could have done was warn me that his ex fiancée was going to be here.

I said a quick prayer, hoping that nothing untoward was going to happen, the last thing I needed was to be the cause of ruining Irina's night or to get dragged into the middle of any love triangle bullshit. I was stressed out enough trying to balance the juggling act I had going on, without the stress of dealing with ex partner hate.

Jazz tugged on my hand urging me forward. I let him guide me from the table toward the back of the restaurant, I was actually glad to get out of there for a few moments.

He pulled me to a small room in the back of the kitchen and shut the door behind him. He drew a small tin in his pocket and set up a rectangular mirror on the bench.

"It's really nice to see you here with Edward, Bella. I don't think I've ever seen him as happy as when he walked into the room with you on his arm. He's been through a lot in the last few months and he's still quite fragile. Be careful with him ok. he's a good guy deep down."

I squirmed uncomfortably, I was playing a dangerous game with Edward's emotions and the worst thing about it was he had done nothing to deserve it.

The thought made me sick with guilt.

I Knew I couldn't give Edward up, but how could I tell him he was a father? The father of my twins no less: We had been seeing each other for months; he was never going to understand why I kept their existence a secret from him, especially when I'd been stringing him along for months.

I had managed to dig myself a crater of a hole; I was in so deep I couldn't see a way out. If I came clean and told Edward about Apple and Louis he was going to hate me for keeping them from him, if I didn't tell him I was going to get caught out and he'd hate me even worse.

I pushed the thoughts aside I couldn't let myself get into a panic in front of Jasper if he got wind I was freaking out about something he would definitely question me until I confessed what was wrong. And I really didn't want to lie anymore...

I was just having my second lot of rails when Edward entered the room, I handed him the rolled up bill and he smiled at me as he leaned over the mirror. Jazz retreated back to the party, leaving us alone.

Edward's arms wound around my waist and pulled me closer to his body. His lips moved straight to my throat, "do you mind if we leave soon? I just want to be alone with you Bella."

I was already breathless and he hadn't even kissed me yet, "I don't mind when we leave, they're your friends," 

He pulled back to look at me a slight frown creased his brow.

"They are all eager to be your friends to Bella, if you'll give them the chance." He brought his mouth to mine; his lips were unyielding as he sought permission to deepen the kiss.

My lips parted my tongue desperately seeking his.

He sighed into my mouth as his hand slid under the delicate fabric of my dress and inched up my thigh. His breathing hitched when he reached the lacy edge of my panties.

"God Bella I want you…" He moaned.

I pulled my lips from his, "...Edward I think we should get back to the party then we can say our goodbyes." He gave me an almost exasperated sigh and grabbed my hand.

We were just walking into the main dining room when Tanya appeared from the shadows. Her eyes narrowed dangerously and a mean sneer played on her lips.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend Edward?" She looked at me in disgust, "Are you actually sticking your cock in this woman or did you just bring her here to make a point?"

Edward stiffened beside me, his hand trembling in mine. I turned to face him; his eyes were narrowed and blazing like green fire. He wore a menacing sneer to match Tanya's.

"No Tanya I'm not going to introduce you to this beautiful woman because you're not worth knowing and she's way to fucking good for you to know. So why don't you fuck off back to the rock you crawled out from under and leave us the fuck alone."

"Aw Eddie... you don't seriously think you love this woman do you? You wouldn't know what love is you cold hearted bastard."

Edward let go of my hand, his voice was low and deadly. "Bella go back to the table sweetheart... I'll join you in a minute."

I looked at Tanya who was grinning evilly at him and then at Edward who was looking positively murderously back at her.

I had never seen Edward looking so dangerous and quite frankly I was a little afraid of him. I never wanted to be on the receiving end of that look or the anger and hatred associated with it.

"Yes...what was it?…Bella. Well you better do what he say's Bella, Eddie might end up showing you what happens when you don't do as your told."

I looked at Tanya in shock. I couldn't believe what a horrid person she was, I was even more shocked that Edward would have considered marrying her.

"Don't you fucking dare talk to her you fucking slag: Bella honey, please go back to the table."

I did as Edward asked; I couldn't wait to get away from the vile woman anyway. I sat down next to Irina and grabbed my drink in my shaking hands, downing it in one.

Irina looked at me in concern, "are you alright Bella?"

"Yes…No…Edward and Tanya are...are arguing about me." I looked at her apologetically I had no idea how close she was to her sister.

"Oh…are they? I'm sorry if my sister was rude to you Bella. Try not to take it personally she's rude to everyone." I looked up at her in surprise and she smiled warmly. "I feel I should warn you Bella, Tanya can be a little obsessive, bordering on dangerous at times. Just be wary around her ok."

I didn't really know what to say to her so I nodded my head in acknowledgement of her warning and looked around nervously for Edward.

He was stalking towards us his, green eyes were blazing. He grabbed my hand and pulled me from my chair, "we're leaving Bella." He leaned down to kiss Irina cheek, "I'll call you," he whispered.

I gave Irina an apologetic smile, "Bye Irina, thank you for the lovely evening and good luck with your wedding. I hope you and Demetri will be very happy together."

"Thank you Bella and I hope to see you again soon." She stood up and kissed my cheek and gave Edward a warm smile.

He grabbed my bag from behind the reception desk and we headed out in to the cool night air. Edward steered me toward his Austin martin, kissing me roughly before he opened my door.

I had no idea where we were going and I was a little apprehensive when I saw we were heading for the airport.

"Edward, where are you taking me too exactly?"

"To the airport, we are flying to Queens town; I have a place down there and it's really spectacular at this time of year."

"Oh…" I a little nervous about leaving the city and I wanted to make sure Edward remembered that I had to be back, "Edward I have to be back by four o'clock on Sunday and no later."

"Or you'll turn into a pumpkin?"

"Among other things," We laughed together, easing some of the tension. A minute later we pulled up on a private runway just south of the main airport.

I looked in awe at the sleek metal Lear Jet sitting expectantly on the tarmac. I let Edward open my door and lead me to the aircraft.

Though I was nervous about leaving Wellington, I was excited at the prospect of having Edward all to myself for a week. It would help me make it through the times I couldn't be with him.....

**Chapter Thirteen: **

**Edward's POV...**

Three fucking weeks! I'm not joking, I've been texting and begging with her to meet with me but she won't. She always comes up with some excuse to avoid me or just doesn't bother responding. It's infuriating.

I hadn't been good company lately, in fact I was so blatantly rude to Carlisle today he got up and left.

My mother stayed looking at me sadly.

"I take it your bad mood has something to do with Isabella Swan?" She asked me with a raised eyebrow. I wasn't surprised she knew; there were little secrets in my family.

"She's hiding something from me Mum, but I don't know why. I left for her; I mean what else do I have to do to prove myself?" I was tired. One minute I would want to throttle Bella, she was driving me so crazy, but then the rest of the time I ached for her.

I would do anything just to spend more time with her. I craved her more than the drugs and alcohol, more than anything. The only thing that matched my desire for Bella was my desire for a family and secretly I dreamed I would one day merge the two together. A family with Bella: Bella's stomach swollen with my child, I felt an overwhelming surge of possessiveness towards this woman all my dreams centred around.

"Don't try to force things Edward, just let things progress as they may. Just because you have come to a certain point doesn't mean Bella has. Be patient." My mother soothed. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger.

"You sound like Irina." I said irritably.

My mother just laughed, "That's because she's a wise woman. You'd do well to listen to her." I grunted in response.

My phone began to ring; I picked it up looking at the display, Tanya again. I ended the call and threw the phone down like it was contaminated.

Esme looked at me curiously, "Tanya?" I just nodded.

Tanya had been here for the last week for her sister's wedding. In that week she had called me thousands of times and even tried to follow Felix to my house. It was a fucking nightmare. If it weren't for Bella, I would turn the phone off completely.

"Does Irina know she's doing this?" My mother asked me.

I bristled immediately, this wasn't Irina's fault.

"Of course she knows, but what the hell do you expect her to do about it? I'm a big boy Mum; I can take care of myself."

She looked at me calmly and nodded, "Of course you can. I wasn't insinuating there was something that Irina could be doing of course, it's just unfortunate. Tanya visited your father you know."

I looked up in surprise. No I hadn't fucking known that. What the hell was he playing at?

"Why?" I ground out between my teeth. My mother looked equally frustrated.

"I don't know. They got pretty close during your engagement though, so we shouldn't be surprised."

I didn't answer I just looked out the window. I wasn't surprised I was fucking suspicious as hell.

* * *

After my mother left, I had gone to the other lounge in the house where my neglected piano sat. I ran my fingers lovingly over the dark wood and sat down at the bench. I reverently lifted the lid and began to play Claire de Lune. The notes filled the air around me, soothing me in a way only music could.

I was so lost in the music that when my phone vibrated in my pocket I jumped. If it was Tanya I was going to throw the fucking thing out the window. I read the name flashing on the screen,

Bella

I flipped it open and read the message,

_How would you like to join me for a late supper tomorrow night? I have unexpectedly found some free time this week. _

Of course I wanted dinner with her, but I was much more interested in this 'free time' she spoke of.

_How much free time? _

I responded, hoping that she meant more than a few free hours here and there.

_Seven days in a row_

She must be fucking kidding me! Seven whole fucking days, they were mine!

_You're kidding so you won't just use me for my body and run this time? _

I teased her feeling a little more light-hearted than I had been a few minutes ago. It was amazing the effect this woman had on me.

_Oh I'll use you for your body alright but as long as I'm home by four o'clock Sunday I promise I won't run. _

And cue the evasiveness. Cue the secrets, cue all the fucking hiding and dancing around the fucking truth.

_Why four o'clock? _

I practically punched the keys as I typed and hit send. My mother's words of caution along with Irina's flooded my brain and I made a conscious effort to calm down.

Losing my temper was not going to help my cause, I should just be happy that she had free time and wanted to spend it with me. Her reply beeped through,

_Because that's my curfew and my fairy god mother threatened to turn me into a pumpkin if I wasn't home by that time and since I'm being paroled for good behaviour I don't want to push my luck. _

She was keeping it light and easy, avoiding like she always did. I had to remind myself that there were seven whole days with Bella at stake here and not to push her. But what were we going to do? I wanted to show her a good time, allow her to let go a little more and hopefully the more she relaxed around me the more she would open up.

Queenstown! I would take her to my apartment in Queenstown, I hadn't been there since I returned from France and I really should just check in at least.

I decided to call The Rees and get them to give the place a quick clean before we got there. I wanted everything to be perfect for Bella. I text her back, elated and giddy at the prospect of having her all to myself for so long.

My best friend intruded on my thoughts of Bella: Oh crap. Irina's wedding dinner thing. Shit, I had to go and fucking worse Tanya would be there. I couldn't bring Bella along could I? It might make that bitch fucking finally back off, but could I really put Bella in that kind of situation?

I quickly text Irina and asked if it would be alright to bring Bella along and did she think Tanya would behave herself.

Irina text back immediately that of course Bella was welcome, and no she didn't think Tanya could behave herself, but I was a big boy and could take care of Bella and myself. She finished the text with a 'Man up sissy-boy'. I loved that girl and Demetri was probably the only man in the world who I could say was good enough for her.

I text Bella next to ask if she was ok with stopping by: My friends all adored her, especially Irina, who couldn't wait for the chance to make friends with her. I must confess I rather liked the idea of my best friend and the woman I loved being friends.

_Right then I'll be sure to follow the rules._ _Bella would you mind if we just called in and saw Irina and Demetri on our way to dinner they are having a pre wedding dinner tomorrow night and I just want to show my face oh yeah and pack a bag sweetheart and I'll pick you up from your place tomorrow night. _

Her reply was swift.

_Can I just meet you at the restaurant I need to drop off a couple of things on my way_.

Ah, that's right she didn't want me at her house: Secrets again.

Don't ruin it before it's even begun, I warned myself.

I swallowed my pride as I replied

_I suppose what time? _

_About eight thirty if that suits you. _

Eight thirty seemed like an eternity away, but I guessed I could manage. We hashed out the rest of the details, with a bit of light banter and said our goodbyes.

* * *

I showered and dressed in some black pants and a white shirt, with a casual grey jacket. I tried to tame my hair, but as usual it wasn't cooperating and was an untidy mess.

I checked my watch as I poured myself a 42Below and threw it back quickly before grabbing my keys and hurrying out to my car.

I sent Bella a quick text before I left

_45 minutes and 37 seconds until you're back in my arms make that 15 seconds _

_I'm leaving now I'll see you soon. _

I made it there in record time and walked in quickly surveying the room for Tanya, I wanted to avoid her if I possibly could. My eyes landed on Irina and I made my way over, kissing her on the cheek

"Hello you," She smiled brightly and gave me a quick hug.

"And where pray tell is the beautiful Bella? I can't wait to see her again, I have a feeling we could be good friends." Irina led me to the bar and we sat down, facing each other.

"You really think so?" I asked ordering a cosmopolitan for her and a whiskey neat for myself.

"Oh, I know so. So don't mess this up and cost me a friend ok buddy?" She playfully poked me in the chest.

"Is she here?" I asked quietly. Irina would know who I was talking about.

She sighed.

"Yeah, and she's been watching out for you. I'm sorry Edward, we're really trying to keep her under control, but you know what she's like."

I waved off her apology. It wasn't her fault I had got involved with Tanya; it had been entirely my choice and no one else's.

My phone went off and I smiled as I read the text. Bella had arrived and was in the lobby waiting. I looked up at Irina who smiled at me

"Is that the beautiful lady in question?" I grinned and nodded like the fool I was. Irina laughed and shook her head at me.

"Well go get her then tiger!" She slapped my ass when I got up and grinned when I looked at her in surprise.

I made my way out to the lobby and there she was looking like an angel.

My body moved towards her of its own accord and I wrapped my arms around her waist. My mouth crashed against hers, the absence of her in my life for the last few weeks culminating in this overwhelming desire to consume her.

She pulled away from me breathlessly and I moved to her neck, not willing to lose contact with her delicious skin. That scent of cinnamon engulfed me and I groaned into her throat

"Mmm…my Bella…"

"For God sake you two, get a room," Came Emmett's annoying voice, ruining what had been an essentially perfect moment.

Emmett had been kept up to date on the Bella situation by Irina. I hadn't wanted to keep repeating myself and they all knew she was the one to bother for details anyway. Irina was my wingman, according to a slightly jealous Emmett.

I broke our embrace, but kept Bella tucked firmly into my side as I gave Emmett the finger. Cock blocking son of a bitch brother. I picked up Bella's fallen bag and led us through into the restaurant.

Bella looked uneasy as she took in all the faces in the crowd. She burrowed deeper into my side and I looked down at her with a tender smile. She didn't need to be shy around these people, they all loved her too.

Well maybe with the exception of Irina's evil sister.

Coincidentally, I noticed Irina making her way towards us with a friendly smile on her face, her eyes trained solely on Bella. She looked almost predatory in her mission to become friends with Bella.

Bella seemed to relax slightly as Irina came over and extended her hand.

"It's so very nice to see you again Bella. I'm so very happy you could make it tonight." Her words making Bella calm even more. Irina had that easy ability to make anyone at ease. I thought of our first meeting, so long ago in France and the way she had made such a hellish situation seem bearable.

"Thank you so much for allowing me to be a guest tonight." I squeezed Bella's hand reassuringly; she had absolutely no need to be shy around these people.

"Edward, would you please go and get this lovely lady a drink and I will have another as well." Irina not so subtly suggested. She was trying to get alone time with Bella and I was all for it, the sooner they got a chance to love each other as much as I loved them, the better.

I gave Bella a quick kiss on the cheek and made my way over to the bar. Emmett was standing there laughing with Jasper, they motioned me towards them.

"So, how are things in happy land Romeo?" Emmett teased with a mega-watt smile, Jasper gave me a smirk.

"Confusing, but fucking amazing." I said honestly.

Emmett frowned, "Confusing?" He asked.

I ordered our drinks and turned back to my brothers when the bar tender went off to make them.

"She keeps sending me mixed signals, and I'm positive she's hiding something from me, she won't let me go to her house and, oh God, I don't know. I've got seven days alone with her and I'm not going to waste them thinking about this shit. I'll worry about it when we get back." The bartender returned with our drinks and I paid him, gathering them all up into my hands.

"Trust her Edward, Bella is a good person, she wouldn't lie to you, she's probably just gun-shy. You were a complete fucktard last time round you know." Emmett said pointedly. I just rolled my eyes and went back to my ladies.

I reached the table and Bella looked up at me and a grin overtook my face. This beautiful creature who was mine for the next seven days: I gave everyone their drinks and took Bella's hand in my own.

I wanted to do more than merely hold her hand but we were at my best friend's rehearsal dinner and I didn't think she would appreciate me bending Bella over the table and taking her, everyone else be damned.

I whispered sweet nothings and dirty little secrets into Bella's ear as we sat there talking with Irina.

Jasper who had been watching us all night made his way over came over and hugged Bella, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "It's so good to see you Bella and with Edward no less."

"Thanks Jazz, it's good to see you to." She responded warmly.

Jasper leaned over to me and whispered, "So, feel like celebrating Casanova? I've got some of the finest white around if you're keen."

I nodded. Images of hot, frantic sex with Bella in a linen room flooded my mind. I was so fucking in.

I looked up to see Tanya with her evil eyes fixed on Bella, pure hatred distorting her features. She looked like she wanted to tear Bella to shreds.

Jasper grabbed Bella and dragged her to her feet. I got up quickly and kissed her until I could feel her need to breathe. I knew Tanya was watching and perhaps I was being cruel and petty, but I wanted to get my message across.

I released Bella finally and looked into her beautiful eyes, "I'll join you in a minute." I said. I wanted to nip this thing with Tanya in the fucking bud. I would not allow her to upset Bella and I sure as fuck would not allow her to ruin Irina's night.

I caught Tanya's eye and I glared at her in hate. That fucking evil serpent wasn't going to let this go fucking easy. Well if she wanted it that way, bring it on you cold hearted whore.

Jasper thankfully led Bella away and Tanya sashayed over in an instant.

"Well, well, well. Edward Cullen, you never returned my calls." I tried to step around her but she stepped in front of me.

"And here with Polly plain no less, it seems you're not so choosy these days are you?" She sneered.

My temper snapped and I grabbed her by the arm forcefully, but not enough to actually hurt her. But I wanted to: oh fuck how I wanted to.

"Watch your fucking mouth Tanya. You can stay the fuck away from her and me. And stop calling my damn phone too. Get the fucking hint; I don't want to talk to you." I let go of her arm and pushed my way past her. I wasn't wasting any more time on the bitch.

I made my way into the kitchen and the small room off the back. Bella looked up at me as I entered and handed me a rolled up bill. Her eyes were bright and her pupils dilated from the coke.

I gave her a smile; I would definitely want to be leaving soon.

I did a couple of lines and because Jasper is a fuck awesome brother, he pissed off leaving me alone with my girl.

I pulled Bella into me and squeezed her tightly, loving the way she felt in my arms.

"Do you mind if we leave soon? I just want to be alone with you Bella." The coke was making me fucking horny and I wanted Bella badly.

"I don't mind when we leave, they're your friends." Bella said. I thought of Irina and her desperation to be friends with Bella. She knew how important was to me and she wanted her and Bella to get along.

"They are all eager to be your friends too Bella, if you'll give them the chance." I kissed her tenderly and she wound her fingers into my hair. I moaned, God, I loved that feeling.

I slid my hand up under her dress, my fingers tingling from where they made contact with her skin. This was one of the reasons why I knew what we had was special. No one else had ever made me feel even a fraction of this. Bella was it for me.

"God, Bella I want you…" I said as my fingers traced around the edge of her panties. All I wanted to do was slip my fingers under and in, sliding in and out between her folds, hearing her moan my name in ecstasy, feeling her walls clamp around my….

"Edward I think we should get back to the party, then we can say our goodbyes."

Bella said practically.

I was not impressed, even Bella was cock blocking me now.

I breathed in deeply one more time, trying to take her scent into my lungs and saturate my very blood with it. I grabbed her hand and resolutely dragged her back out through the kitchen; the sooner we got this done, the sooner I could have my way with her.

We had just entered back into the main dining room, when Tanya sprang out from beside us. I felt my fury start to rise.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend Edward? Are you actually sticking your cock in this woman, or did you just bring her here to make a point?" She spat at me.

I wanted nothing more than to punch her in her evil fucking mouth, but I restrained myself. I had and never would punch a woman, not even a fucking vicious one like Tanya.

"No Tanya I'm not going to introduce you to this beautiful woman because you're not worth knowing and she's way to fucking good for you to know, so why don't you fuck off back to the rock you crawled out from under and leave us the fuck alone."

Don't hit her, don't hit her, don't hit her; don't hit her. I chanted in my head.

"Aw Eddie you don't seriously think you love this woman? You wouldn't know what love is you cold hearted bastard."

She had the fucking nerve to call me cold hearted? She was prepared to fake infertility for the rest of her life thereby destroying mine? I was cold hearted?

"Bella go back to the table sweetheart I'll join you in a minute." I said not taking my eyes from Tanya. I kept my voice calm for Bella's sake; I didn't want her to see this side of me.

"Yes...what was it?...Bella, you better do what he say's Bella or Eddie might end up showing you what happens when you don't do as you're told." Tanya said contemptuously.

Did she just fucking accuse me of beating her? True, I was fucking seriously considering it now, but I hadn't actually fucking done it yet!

"Don't you fucking dare talk to her you fucking slag: Bella honey, please go back to the table." I begged her. This shit was just going too far and it was threatening to spill over and taint Irina's dinner. I was going to fucking end this now.

Bella looked at me frightened and made her way quickly back to the table.

I turned back to Tanya, "You're pushing your fucking luck Tanya. If you think anyone's going to believe that I fucking hit you then you are just as stupid as I thought." I took one menacing step towards her and she automatically stepped back.

"But if you ever, ever so much as even look at Bella again, I will fucking end you. I will smear your name in every single social circle there is. I will make it my mission to destroy you. I will see you shunned and ignored by all of your peers and you know damn well I can fucking do it. Now back the fuck off and leave me and Bella alone." I snarled at her and stormed off towards Bella.

She was sitting there with Irina and I was glad for it. I took Bella's hand and pulled her to her feet. "We're leaving Bella." I leaned down and quickly kissed Irina's cheek, "I'll call you." I whispered.

"Bye Irina, thank you for the lovely evening and good luck with your wedding. I hope you and Demetri will be very happy together." Bella said and I felt a rush of happiness, they were getting along.

"Thank you Bella; and I hope to see you again soon." Irina said, and I heard her voice crack a little. She kissed Bella on the cheek and gave me an encouraging smile.

We picked up Bella's bag and made our way outside into the brisk night. I led us to my Aston Martin and kissed Bella passionately before I opened her door and helped her in.

As I drove to the airport, Bella looked around a little uneasy.

"Edward, where are you taking me too exactly?"

"To the airport, we are flying to Queens town; I have a place down there and it's really spectacular at this time of year."

"Oh…" It seemed her unease grew. What was she hiding? "Edward I have to be back by four o'clock on Sunday and no later."

"Or you'll turn into a pumpkin?" I teased. I needed her to relax before she could trust me.

"Among other things," We laughed together as I entered the gate to my family's private hangar.

The jet was all primed and ready for departure; I opened the door and led Bella towards the plane.

I was going to make every single one of my days with her count....

**A/N: We know, we know!!!! we apologise, its just with two writers with a love of angst and a secret fettish for emotional torture its hard to draw the line but we have, so Thursday's your last day in the chamber...For now!!! Feel free to bleat if you want to :)**


	14. how else do you say it when words fail

**A/N:** First off welcome to those of you who are new to this story and to Greenaway's readers, I'm glad you are all up to speed. As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review your comments and feedback are always appreciated.

For those of you who don't know much about New Zealand I urge you to Google image Queenstown NZ. it is truly a stunning place. You can also find the actual the Rees complex we used for this chapter if you Google it making sure you add new zealand in the search title... it truly is worth it.

**Disclaimer:** S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel At My Table. Brooke Fraser owns deciphering me. (brooke fraser video can be found on youtube)

**Chapter 14: How else do you say it when words fail you? **

**Bella's POV...**

It felt like we'd only just made our ascent when the seatbelt sign lit up alerting us to the fact we were about to land at Queens town airport. I peeled myself out of Edward's lap where I'd spent the last forty minutes kissing his beautiful pouty lips. He sighed when I took my seat next to him and buckled myself in; his hand came to rest on my knee for a moment before slipping under the hem of my dress and inching slowly up my thigh.

My skinned burned from his touch and the sexual tension between us seemed to crackle in the air.

I closed my eyes a soft moan escaped my lips as his fingers disappeared under the delicate fabric of my panties. I adjusted my position so his fingers had better access to my sex. His low growl reverberated around us when his fingers slid along my slick folds. The sound was like a like a shot of pure lust to my system and my core ached to have some part of him inside me.

As if he heard my thoughts his fingers slipped inside me, his thumb rested against my throbbing clit.

I leaned forward crushing my lips to his and making my intentions clear. He kissed me back just as fiercely; his thumb started to draw small circles on my clit, his fingers pumping into me slowly. I shivered in pleasure. My hips bucked forward burying his fingers deeper into my warmth. The cocaine had heightened all of my senses; my body was on high alert and responding eagerly to Edward's ministrations.

My breathing was rapidly becoming panting. Edward sensed my approaching orgasm upped the tempo of both his thumb and fingers, my hands slid from around his neck to grip the arm rests as the pleasure he was giving me reached fever pitch.

He brought his lips to my ear, his voice was low and husky, "Cum for me my beautiful…tell me I'm the only one…I want you to coat my fingers."

My muscles clamped down around his fingers, "Fuck…Edward…only you...you _are_ the only one…" I gasped. My eyes rolled back in my head, his name fell from my lips in a continued breathless whisper.

When my eyelids finally opened and my eyes sort his I was overwhelmed by the emotions there, love, lust and what looked like pride swirled together in their infinite slid his fingers from me and brought the glistening digits to his lips, his eyes never left mine as he slipped them between his lips and sucked them clean.

The sight was so erotic I nearly came again...

The wheels come in contact with the tarmac a moment later and I looked at Edward with a growing sense of anticipation, I was amped to get out of the plane and to where ever he was taking me. A car was waiting for us when we disembarked; Edward pulled me into the back seat and onto his lap.

His lips roamed over the exposed skin of my neck, his hands running slowly up and down my sides. I could feel his erection straining through his jeans. My hand drifted toward the bulge I rubbed my palm over it eliciting a low moan from him.

We pulled up in front of a beautiful complex with a stunning entrance way, it had a pitched roof with exposed beams and sand stone walls. It was softly lit from within giving it almost mystical quality in the surrounding darkness. Edward instructed the driver where to go and a minute later we were parked outside a luxury apartment set apart from the rest of the complex. He pushed the car door open, waiting until I untangled myself from his lap and stepped out of the car before he slid from the back seat.

He asked the driver to leave the bags on the doorstep and he waited until the driver was back in the car before opening the front door. I felt my jaw drop and my eyes widen when I walked through the door of the classically furnished house, the walls were painted a soft off white and classic black and white photos adorned the walls. Edward grabbed my hand and led me deeper into the apartment dropping our bags in the middle of the beautifully designed lounge. He sat me on the couch and headed for the sideboard where a crystal decanter of scotch sat sparkling in the light.

He poured two half glasses and returned to the couch passing one to me with a smile.

"Thank you." I took the glass from him and sipped the pungent smelling liquid. It was smooth going down my throat and warmed my stomach as it settled.

Edward took a seat next to me. He took my free hand in his, bringing to his lips he kissed it softly, "thank you for allowing me to spend time with you alone Bella, you have no idea how much I have longed to spend more than a few hours with you at a time."

I smiled but stayed silent; I took another mouthful of my drink and looked around the room. I could feel myself coming down from the coke and paranoia was starting to creep in.

What the hell was I doing here?

Not only had I allowed myself to be pulled deeper into Edward; I had let myself to be taken from the safety of Wellington and my option of fleeing to my house if I felt I needed to.

I took a deep breath trying to calm myself but truths seem to be intent on invading my mind. I was setting Edward and myself up for heartbreak and pain but I couldn't seem to stop myself been drawn deeper into him. We were on a collision course that was bound to have cataclysmic consequences.

The thought caused me to shiver violently and I felt myself retreating a little further into myself.

I turned back to Edward to find him watching me pensively; his eyes were serious as he studied me. I smiled shyly; I could feel a blush spreading over my cheeks.

"Are you alright Bella? You seem a little distracted." He continued to watch me thoughtfully, his hand reaching out to touch my blush stained cheek.

"Yeah I'm alright; it's just been a long day." I downed the last of my drink; a grateful moan sliding from my lips when it hit my fear riddled stomach. It seemed to calm me down slightly.

"Well how about we get you showered and into bed then." He swallowed the remains of his drink and stood up, pulling me up with him.

He kept his arm wrapped around me as we walked down the small hallway, I stared around Edward's bedroom in silent awe; it was as beautiful as the rest of his apartment with its white walls and plush grey carpet.

If I thought the bed at the Bolton was huge it was nothing compared to the mammoth bed that took centre stage in the room. It had a four panelled headboard and it would have been eight feet wide and nearly as long. A white comforter adorned it along with three sets of pillows and three black throw cushions.

There was a huge glass door along the wall which I assumed opened onto a balcony.

Edward made his way over to the bedside table picked up the lone remote and a moment later soft music filled the room. He gave me a heart stuttering smile and headed toward the door, "I'll see you in the shower sweetheart."

I watched him retreat from the room and disappear through the bathroom door, I took a seat on the edge of the bed and took a couple of deep breaths.

I was here now and I couldn't flee so I willed myself to just relax and enjoy the time we had.

I retrieved my cinnamon body wash and shampoo and slipped out of my dress, shoes and underwear. I tiptoed down the hallway and quietly open the door, I could see Edward outlined through the glass door; the sight of him caused a fire to erupt in the pit of my stomach.

Brooke Fraser's sweet voice swirled around the room and I found the lyrics of the song weren't lost on me.

_We've been sitting beyond these flickering neon's for hours  
__While I'm cracking their code you are deciphering me  
__For I am a mystery, I am a locked room in a tall tower_

I slipped under the hot water and Edward's arms snaked around my waist pulling me against him.

We both groaned as our slick skin and lips collided, I pressed myself harder into him even though every inch of skin that could was touching. It just wasn't closer enough for me, I wanted to melt right into him and stay there forever.

_Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home  
__Oh did you see the star's colliding, shinning just to show us we belong  
__We belong_

Edward's lips slipped from mine sliding along my jaw to my neck. He placed a row of open mouth kisses along my collarbone and down over my breast, pausing to suck my nipple between his lips with a soft sigh.

_Your telescope eyes see everything clearly  
__My vision is blurred but I know what I heard echoing all around  
__While I'm tuning you in, you are deciphering me  
__Not such a mystery, not such a_ _faint in a far away sound_

He slid to his knees continuing to kiss a trail down my stomach and over my mound pausing when his lips met my swollen bud. His fingers hooked around my leg lifting it over his shoulder, I leaned back against the cool ivory tiles and closed my eyes with a sigh.

My soft moan swirled on the steam around us when Edward's fingers parted my lips licking along my soft folds before taking my clit between his teeth.

_It's love, love that holds us  
__We will be alright  
__It's truth that shows us  
__If we'll walk in its light_

My fingers twined in his bronzed hair I pulled him harder against me, the slow burning fire in my stomach exploded into an inferno.

_Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home  
__Oh did you see the stars colliding, shining just to show us we belong  
__We belong_

I freed one of my hands from his hair, letting it ghost over my breasts tweaking each of my nipples before cupping Edward's neck.

"Tell me Bella, say it."

A low moan vibrated from my throat. My voice sounded strange mixed with the roaring of my blood in my ears. I cried out, "only for you Edward…"

"That's right Bella, only for me." I kept my eyes closed until I could no longer feel his tongue on me.

When my eyes fluttered open his face was only inches from mine, he pushed his body into mine his hard cock pressing against my stomach.

"Can you feel what you do to me Bella? I just want to lose myself in you forever." He hitched my legs around his waist and pressed my back against the tiles, he slid into me effortlessly.

My head hit his shoulder; I clung to him with undisguised desperation, my eyes fluttered closed and I let go of everything else but the feeling of Edward inside me.

His strokes had started off gentle but they were rapidly gaining in intensity.

He leaned his head against mine; his voice was breathless when he whispered, "Want you forever Bella…only mine…mine…forever…love you so much…"

Hot tears burned my eyes and I fought back the sob clawing at my throat, I held him tighter as his pace became frantic and he plunged himself deeper inside me. "My Bella; my love," he tightened his grip as his body convulsed against mine.

"Tell me Bella, tell me you'll be mine…I need you to tell me you won't leave me."

The sob I had been fighting against tore from my throat invading the space around us and giving me away.

Edward's head snapped up at the sound, he looked directly into my eyes.

I tried to look away but his demanding gaze held me captive, the tears I was trying to hold back burst forward and I began to tremble.

"Why won't you say it?" His voice had an edge of desperation to it and I could feel my resolve slipping.

"I... want you...I want you more than anything... but I can't stay with you." I sobbed.

"Why not?" He asked. His face crumpled in pain.

"Because…Everything's moving too fast, I'm scared and confused I don't know what to do." I didn't bother to fight back the rising sobs I just let them come at will.

"It's alright Bella. I know you're holding back and I can wait until you're ready. Just don't cry sweetheart." He hugged me tightly stroking my hair soothingly until I got myself under control.

He only let me go when my sobs finally quietened and my trembling stopped, he was silent as he picked up a soft sponge and my cinnamon shower gel.

Every inch of my skin was washed lovingly, reverently; the sponge ghosted over my body and he watched mesmerised the path the water and soap took as it slid down in rivets to pool on the floor.

"Come on sweetheart let's get you into bed." He murmured in my ear.

He dried me slowly then himself, leaving our towels on the floor he lifted me into his arms and carried me to bed. Tears silently slid down my cheeks as I lay in his arms in the darkness.

From the sound of his breathing Edward wasn't asleep either, neither of us said anything as we lay in the dark each of us absorbed in our own thoughts.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I woke just as the sky was turning from inky blue to a dark grey; Edward lay against me his arm slung across my hip his breathing deep and even. I carefully slid out from under his arm and out of bed; I grabbed his towelling robe from the back of the chair and quickly slipped it on.

I silently retrieved my phone from my bag and as quietly as I could I made my way onto the balcony, I checked Edward was still asleep before I closed the door.

I kept one eye on the door as I typed out a message to Renee telling her I was in Queenstown for a few days and I would try and call her when I could and not to call my phone unless it was a dire emergency involving the kids. I gave her no other details and ended the message by asking her to kiss my children for me and not to worry.

Her response was immediate.

_Bella are you alright. Why would I not be able to call you? The kids are fine and I will give them a kiss. Who are you with?_

_I'm alright mum. I'm with a friend. The cell phone coverage isn't that great down here so I can't guarantee when I'd be able to call. There's nothing to worry about I'll be home before Jake and the kids. Oh and Mum could you please not mention this to Jake._

_Why not?_

_He just doesn't need to know everything I do._

_Bella I want you to call me as soon as you are back in Wellington. Do you promise?_

_I promise Mum. Tell my babies I love them._

I deleted all the messages in my folders and set the phone down on the table. I looked out over the rapidly lightening landscape gasping audibly as I took in my surroundings, the panoramic sight before me was truly awe inspiring and I found myself thanking god I lived in this beautiful country.

The tussock grassed hills gave way to the spectacular backdrop of the snow covered remarkables mountain ranges; I was so caught up in the magic of the dawning sun shining on the white snow and the way it turned it a soft pinkie gold that I never heard Edward approach until his lips met the skin of my neck.

"I wish for once I could wake up and you're actually still in my bed. I've dreamed about waking up beside you for so long." He said with a small sigh.

"I'm sorry I'm just an early riser. I can promise you that you'll wake up with me beside you every other morning this week."

"I want it to be every morning for the rest of my life. But I'm not going to pressure you Bella. We'll take it slow if that's what you want."

I nodded my head but stayed silent as I continued staring out over the beautiful scene before me... I felt a strange inexplicable sense of calm and belonging.

I turned to look at Edward, "so what do you want to do today?"

A dazzling smile played on his lips, "I want to spend the day fucking you senseless and unravelling the mystery that is Bella Swan."

I tried to keep my face neutral and my voice light and playful, "The fucking me senseless bit sounds awesome; the unravelling the mystery not so much." The familiar feelings of panic and fear fluttered in my stomach.

"Come on sweetheart I promise I'll answer any question you ask of me." He said as a trade off for getting me to open up and share my secrets.

I let him guide me back to bed; he pulled me tightly against his chest, "so Miss Swan let's start with the easy things, what is your favourite colour, food, pastime, band, song, flower. Do you like sport, what's your favourite thing about living in New Zealand?"

"God... what is this: An inquisition?" I joked.

"Pretty much so quit stalling or I will be forced to garner the information I seek by more sinister means."

"Ooh that's tough talk." I goaded.

"Bella please; I need to know about you." He pleaded.

A small sigh passed my lips, "Ok...My favourite colour is purple, and my favourite food is food cooked in a traditional Hangi style…" Edward raised an eyebrow at me. "What? Hangi is the best. Have you ever tried it?" I demanded.

"No I haven't. But I'd be keen to after your glowing endorsement. Now please carry on."

"Favourite pastime would have to be hanging out in my garden; my all time favourite band is Pink Floyd though The Doors would come in a close second. I actually love all types of music as long as it sounds good or the lyrics tell a story I like.

My favourite song is harder to choose because there are so many awesome songs out there. But my four top favourites are, Patience by G n R, 'Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd, Nothing else matter's by Metallica and Moonlight drive by the Doors. And my favourite Flower is apple blossom...As for sport I haven't played any in while but I do love most types."

I looked at Edward; he was looking at me with an amused expression on his face.

"What?' I demanded.

"Nothing sweetheart it's just after watching you dance to Brittany Spears that night I'm surprised you'd like a band like Metallica."

"Metallica is an awesome band, Unforgiven, One and Sanitarium, are classics not to mention nothing else matters, in my opinion their best song ever. And the thing I love most about New Zealand I gestured to the breathtaking scenery outside the window. So how about you?"

He gave me a rundown of all his favourite things, music, sports all the normal things, I stifled my giggle when he said his favourite colour was brown. It was such a boring colour, to me anyway.

Tears pooled in my eyes when he said he'd take Apple blossom as his favourite flower and my heart broke when I saw the pain that going to France had caused him.

His mood started to darken, I put my hand on his leg, "Hey, you're back home now. It's where you want to be isn't it?" I said quietly.

"It is." He agreed...

My resolve was all but gone when he told me how he longed for a family. He sounded so sincere I decided to try and tell him.

My throat constricted and hot tears pricked my eyes, "...Edward... there's something I need to tell you..."

"What is it sweetheart?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "I…You…We…have…" I stuttered. My throat closed over and though my brain was saying the words I couldn't get them out no matter how hard I tried to force them to form on my lips, a second my fear returned with a vengeance and my walls shot up back around me. I shook my head, "it doesn't matter."

"Tell me Bella." He pleaded.

"I...I can't. I want to so much but I don't know how. I'm so sorry Edward, I know I'm hurting you, I know it's not fair, just know I am trying..."

He sighed in frustration but let it go...

And so it went on. The only time Edward stopped firing questions at me was when he was fucking me in that colossal bed. When it finally began to grow dark and my stomach rumbled he finally let me up for air.

"I'm sorry sweetheart I should feed you. Shall we cook or order room service?"

"Well I'd suggest room service unless you either want to get food poisoning or wait until morning for your dinner. I can't cook to save my life, if it wasn't for Jake I would have starved to death long ago."

"How long have you lived with Jake?" He mumbled.

"About a year and half maybe longer," Edward's face was unreadable but there was something there in his eyes. He nodded but stayed silent.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I woke early again and as promised I stayed in bed and waited for Edward to wake. I studied his beautiful features; so relaxed and peaceful in sleep. His smile was beatific when his eyelids fluttered open and he saw me lying next to him.

"Good morning my angel," He said, pulling me close and kissed me softly.

"Good morning yourself," I cupped his cheek in my hand and smiled when his stubble grazed along my palm. "So what are we doing today?"

He flashed me a wicked grin, "As much as I'd love you chained to this bed for the rest of the week, well forever's probably more accurate, I realise we can't come to the adventure capital of New Zealand and not try out all it has to offer so I thought if you agree we could go tandem skydiving?"

He was looking at me like he was waiting for me to throw a hissy fit and tell him to fuck off. "I'd love to go skydiving, and we'll have to do the ledge swing while we're here, I've heard its wild."

HeeH gave me a dazzling but incredulous smile.

"What?" I demanded.

"Nothing; it's just you are the most incredible woman I have ever met..."

We spent the rest of the week doing all the usual attractions, jet boating down the Shotover River, the ledge swing, white-water rafting down skippers canyon. Our nights were spent exploring each other's bodies and living out some of our tamer fantasies. We finished the week doing the Queenstown wine trail and by the time we boarded the jet back to Wellington I was completely exhausted...

Although it broke my heart I insisted that Edward leave me at the airport, telling him I'd arranged Jake for pick me up and he'd be here any minute. I could tell he was hurt, confused and annoyed that he couldn't take me home but he never pressed the issue.

"So when can I see you again? I don't want to wake up without you?" His eyes were pleading.

"I don't know when I'll be able to see you again, I'll text you tonight." I couldn't help but laugh at his pouting face. I brought my lips to his and kissed him softly, "soon ok."

Tears slid down my cheeks and my heart broke as I watched him walk away from me, I closed my eyes as he walked through the automatic doors and when I opened them again he was gone.

I grabbed my bag and made my way to the train station I felt drained and empty.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I closed the front door behind me and burst into tears. I longed to be back in Edward's arms and I felt unbearably lonely. After my week with him was one hundred percent I was in love with him and that I wanted to be with him forever.

But how could that be? I was too much of a coward to tell him about his children, I had tried and failed miserably and there was no other way to move us forward.

I was well aware I was being incredibly cruel and selfish; I couldn't help it, I guess that was the type of person I had become in my determination to have my cake and eat it too.

My life was spiralling dangerously out of control; Edward and I were on a collision course and when we finally did crash head-on life was never going to be the same for either one of ever again...

**Chapter Fourteen:**

**Edward's POV…**

I was officially the fucking happiest man on the planet. Everything was perfect. Well, other than that nagging feeling that Bella was hiding something from me, but I kept that well pushed down. I was going to stay true to my word and enjoy the time I had with her.

We spent the plane ride making out like a couple of horny teenagers still stuck on first base, but it was great. I loved kissing Bella, her lips were so soft and warm and having her perched on my lap was a fantastic bonus.

She crawled off me when the seatbelt light came on and I sighed. I had been really enjoying that.

_Why stop now? You've still got some time, make the most of it. _

It seemed like good advice so I took it; I teased my hand up her thigh, my fingers seeking out the lacy edge of her panties. I slid my fingers underneath and she opened her legs for me. Fuck me, if that was not the sexiest fucking thing ever.

I growled as I ran my fingers along her satiny slit and slid two of them inside her, pumping her gently while my thumb applied pressure to her clit.

She leaned forward and kissed me fiercely, bucking her hips against my hand while I increased my speed. I knew she was close and I was filled with a strange kind of territorial feeling, Bella was _mine_, and only mine. Only I should get to see her face as she came, that was mine and for me only.

"Cum for me my beautiful…tell me I'm the only one…I want you to coat my fingers baby." Whispered into her ear, she needed to know she belonged to me too. My words seemed to drive her over the edge.

"Fuck…Edward…only you... you _are_ the only one…" She panted.

_Fucking Oath, you only do this for me. You're mine Isabella Swan, now and forever._

She opened her eyes and held my stare as I pulled my fingers from her, dripping with her juices. I brought them to my mouth and sucked them clean, my eyes wanting to roll back in my head at her fucking _taste_.

The plane landed and we got out to the waiting car, I pulled Bella onto my lap in the back seat. Yeah, I wasn't prepared to let her go, not even for a car ride. I had wanted this for far too long, not a moment would be wasted.

Every touch from her was warming me, bringing me to life again, bringing me home.

We arrived at the Rees and I smiled to myself, I really enjoyed it here. It had all the benefits of a hotel, but the place was yours. It was just the kind of thing when I felt like a more touristy holiday, if I wanted to just laze around on the beach I went to Waiheke Island.

My heart tugged a little at the thought of my place on Waiheke. It was where I would honeymoon with my wife; it was to be my wedding gift to her. Somehow I knew it would be Bella I would be taking there and my heart swelled at the thought. This was only the beginning for us, we had gone through so much to get here, but we were here and we were together.

I loved her with all my heart, I never knew before Bella that such a love existed, but now I did I could never be without it, never be without _her_.

I watched her eyes widen with surprise when I opened the door to the apartment, and took her inside. She looked at everything in awe and I couldn't help but feel some pride that she liked it. I wanted her to like it; I wanted her to like me.

I sat Bella down on the couch and went to pour us a scotch each. I filled my glass a little more than hers but at least half of what I would usually have had. I handed her the glass and she thanked me.

I sat down next to her, taking her free hand and bringing it to my lips. "Thank you for allowing me to spend time with you alone Bella, you have no idea how much I have longed to spend more than a few hours with you at a time." I said sincerely, this was literally the highlight of my life.

I didn't have the words to describe what she did to me, but she took all the broken bits and put me back together again. She chased the darkness that had stalked me since France away, she brought the light back into my life.

I was nothing without Isabella Swan.

It didn't seem Bella was feeling the same though, if her face was anything to go by. She looked nervous and scared and it worried me. She noticed me staring and gave me a little smile: blushing a crimson red. It was beautiful, _she_ was beautiful, but I was tense again. Was it more of these damn secrets she was keeping?

_Use your words big boy. Fucking hell……_

"Are you alright Bella? You seem a little distracted." I asked while stroking my fingertips across that blush.

"Yeah I'm alright it's just been a long day." She threw back the rest of her drink and put her glass on the table.

_You are a Liar Bella, and a poor one at that._

"Well how about we get you showered and into bed then." I said ignoring that little voice in the back of my head again. I tossed the rest of my drink back and stood up, taking Bella by the hand. I picked up our bags with my free hand and led us down the hallway to the bedroom.

I put the bags down and turned on the stereo, pleased when I heard Brooke Fraser coming out of the speakers.

"I'll see you in the shower sweetheart." I said turning to go to the bathroom, giving her a moment's privacy.

I closed the bathroom door behind me and took my clothes off leaving them in an untidy pile on the floor. I turned on the shower and stepped underneath the spray once it had heated up a bit.

It hadn't been long, maybe only a minute, when I heard Bella come quietly into the room. My back was to her and I smiled when she stepped in behind me. I turned and was jolted when I felt the electric sensation course through me when I pulled her body into mine.

I kissed all the way down to her body towards that sweet nectar I so craved, only pausing to lavish attention upon those perfect breasts.

I dropped to my knees and gently placed Bella's leg over my shoulder as I spread her open before me. I slowly drew my tongue through those sweet folds, before sucking her clit between my lips. I nuzzled it softly.

Her fingers grasped at my hair and she pulled me into her. It was so fucking hot, the fact that she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

"Tell me Bella, say it." I demanded. I wanted to hear her say it.

"Only for you Edward…" She moaned, while my cock hardened at the sound. Only for me, she was only for me, Bella was mine…….

"That's right Bella, only for me." I stood up and whispered to her.

"Can you feel what you do to me Bella? I just want to lose myself in you forever." I lifted her legs and she wrapped them around my waist, as I pushed us back against the wall and eased inside her warmth.

As my need for her intensified so did the force of my thrusts. I leaned my head against hers, "Want you forever Bella…only mine…mine…forever…love you so much…"

She held tighter to me, pushing me over the edge, her hot, wet body pressed so hard against my own. She was everything I needed, nothing else but this woman could ensure my happiness. There was no high that compared, no whiskey buzz that could match her. She completed me.

She made me a better man.

"My Bella; my love," I moaned as I clung to her, my orgasm overtaking me, crashing down with the force of a Tsunami, and Bella was the only thing keeping me grounded, saving me from being swept away.

"Tell me Bella, tell me you'll be mine…I need you to tell me you won't leave me." I begged her. She had to stay, I needed her. I couldn't even fucking _breathe_ without her, she couldn't leave me.

I heard the tortured sob and I looked at her in shock. She had tears streaming down her cheeks sobs wracking her body, my heart broke at her pain and the meaning of those tears.

"Why won't you say it?" The pieces of my newly resurrected heart began to crumble and I felt the darkness trying to creep back into my soul.

"I want you...I want you more than anything... but I can't stay with you." She said. But there seemed to be a part of her screaming the opposite at me. I couldn't reconcile the two, and the strain on us was starting to wear me down.

"Why not?" I saw no reason for us to be apart, nothing except Bella. Bella who pushed me away with one hand, while dragging me back by the other. Could she not see what this was doing to me?

"Because…Everything's moving too fast and I'm scared and confused and I don't know what to do." Her voice was shaky and uneven, and I couldn't bear to hurt her anymore. I had done so much to this woman already; I couldn't cause her further pain. Every tear she shed was like another stab to my heart.

"It's alright Bella. I know you're holding back and I can wait until you're ready. Just don't cry sweetheart."

I picked up a sponge and Bella's shower gel and began to wash her body reverently. I would wait, I could wait; I was just being impatient. I had to temper that and let her come to me in her own time.

I finished washing her and got out of the shower, wrapping myself in a towel before grabbing another one and drying every drop of water from her skin, she was so beautiful, so precious. I would spend every day of my life, if she let me worshipping the very ground she walked on.

I dried myself off quickly afterwards and dropped the towels on the floor. I scooped her up into my arms and carried her to bed.

I pulled her into my arms; I could feel the steady coursing of her tears, down her cheeks and onto my arm. I didn't move; I just let her get it out. Until she trusted me enough to share her burden, I could do no more to help her than just be there. So that was what I did.

I pushed the nagging thoughts away, and I held my girl while she cried.

Nothing was more important to me.

* * *

Bella was not in bed when I awoke the next morning and I sighed in frustration. I was getting sick of going to sleep with her in my arms, only to find she had snuck off sometime during the night or morning, it didn't fucking matter the fact was, she wasn't here.

Again:

I found her on the deck and walked quietly behind her, kissing the tender skin on the back of her neck.

"I wish for once I could wake up and you're actually still in my bed. I've dreamed about waking up beside you for so long." I said, voicing my earlier thoughts in a nice, calm collected manner that would have Irina clapping in approval. I was the fucking Zen master at the moment.

"I'm sorry I'm just an early riser. I can promise you that you'll wake up with me beside you every other morning this week." She promised.

A week: Seven days? It wasn't long enough; I needed this woman like the blood in my veins. I couldn't live without either one.

"I want it to be every morning for the rest of my life. But I'm not going to pressure you Bella. We'll take it slow if that's what you want." I responded automatically, kicking myself. So much for being the king of fucking cool this morning, I pretty much just proposed.

Not that I was adverse to the idea of marrying Bella, indeed quite the opposite. But I when I did propose, it was going to be much better than on the deck of my apartment.

We chatted a little about what to do for the day, and somehow I managed to convince Bella to open up to me a bit.

"So Miss Swan let's start with the easy things, what is your favourite, colour, food, pastime, band, song, flower. Do you like sport, what's your favourite thing about living in New Zealand?" Once I knew she wasn't going to protest my prodding, it opened the floodgates. A million questions all poured out of me at once.

"God what is this: an inquisition?" She asked stalling. Not a fucking chance baby, you allowed this line of questioning and I intend to see it all the fucking way through.

"Pretty much so quit stalling or I will be forced to garner the information I seek by more sinister means."

"Ooh that's tough talk." She responded, stalling again. I was starting to get a little annoyed.

"Bella please, I need to know about you." _Keep it cool_ I chanted to myself in my head.

"Ok. My favourite colour is purple, my favourite food is food cooked in a traditional Hangi style…" I couldn't help but quirk an eyebrow at her. Hangi? Really? It had never sounded very appealing to me, but if it had Bella's seal of approval, who was I to argue?

"What? Hangi is the best. Have you ever tried it?" She said a little defensively and with _just_ a touch of her signature _stall_.

"No I haven't but I'd be keen to after your glowing endorsement. Now please carry on."

"Favourite pastime would have to be hanging out in my garden; my all time favourite band is Pink Floyd though the Doors would have to come a close second. I actually love all types of music as long as it sounds good or the lyrics tell a story I like. My favourite song is harder to choose because there are so many awesome songs out there. But my four top favourites are, Patience by G n R, Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd, Nothing else matter's by Metallica and Moonlight drive by the Doors. And my favourite Flower is apple blossom...As for sport I haven't played any in a while but I do love most types. "

I smiled at her random favourites. She loved gardening but rocked out to Metallica? I was quietly thrilled that she counted Patience by Guns n Roses amongst her favourites and I allowed myself to hope that maybe it was because of when I serenaded her at the 80's party.

"What?" She asked a little indignantly.

"Nothing sweetheart, it's just after watching you dance to Brittany Spears that night I'm surprised you'd like a band like Metallica." From Pop Princesses to Rock Gods, my girl was a bundle of contradictions and I loved her just a little bit more for it.

"Metallica is an awesome band, Unforgiven, One and Sanitarium, are classics. And the thing I love most about New Zealand, she gestured to the breathtaking scenery outside the window: So how about you?" She finished.

I was a little surprised to be honest, they may have been trivial answers, but it was the most she had given of herself outside of the copious amounts of sex we had been having.

It meant a lot that she would let me in, and I enjoyed the moment a little before answering.

"Me? Hmm, well first off, my favourite colour is brown, favourite food would be anything Indian or Thai. I love them both equally, so don't ask me to pick a favourite, because I can't!" I joked.

Bella just looked at me expectantly; apparently she was gleaning as much as she could from this as well.

"My favourite pass time would be my music, I play the piano." I added. "Band would have to be The Killers. Their music is so universal; it can be interpreted a million ways and be just as meaningful. My favourite song would probably be Read my Mind, by The Killers of course. I'll have to buy us tickets to a show in the States, you'd love them." I added as an afterthought. We could take a little vacation together**….**

_Getting ahead of yourself again,_

Yes I was. I began to move on to safer, more realistic ground and thought of the next question.

"Uh, I don't really have a favourite flower, so I guess I'll just steal yours and go with Apple Blossom." I winked at her with a smile but she seemed uncomfortable for some reason. I chose to ignore it, we were finally getting somewhere.

"I love all kinds of sport, I played Rugby in high school and some tennis, but when I went to France I kind of gave all that up. There wasn't a lot of point anymore." I finished off quietly, lost in my own thoughts. Bella must have seen something on my face, because she gently placed her hand on my knee

"Hey, you're back home now. It's where you want to be isn't it?" I looked at her in amazement. Of course I wanted to be here, she was.

"It is." I agreed "And my favourite thing about New Zealand would be its home. It's the place I intend to raise my family; I even built my house with my future family in mind you know. It's all I've ever really wanted: Apart from you." I added with a grin.

But Bella wasn't smiling back; she looked as though she were on the verge of tears.

"Edward there's something I need to tell you." her voice was shaky and she was as white as a ghost.

I sat forward, was she trusting me at last?

"What is it sweetheart?" I tried to make my voice as soothing as possible, I didn't want her to spook and change her mind.

"I…You…We…have…" She began, but appeared to lose all her courage at the last second. "It doesn't matter." She finished with a little sigh.

"Tell me Bella." _Please tell me, you can trust me. I love you nothing is going to change that._

"I...I can't. I want to so much but I don't know how. I'm so sorry Edward I know I'm hurting you, I know it's not fair. Just know that I'm trying." She sounded defeated.

I was furious, I had been _so close_.

* * *

The days passed in a flurry of passionate love making, hot dirty sex and enough touristy attractions to justify the purchase of my apartment.

Bella surprised me by agreeing to go Tandem Skydiving, and further shocked me by declaring that she wanted to also so the ledge swing.

My little angel was really a dare devil in disguise.

By the time our week rolled around to a close, I was miserable. I didn't want to let her go, not now not ever.

She insisted on being picked up from the airport and my irritation flared back up. That's right; I wasn't allowed to go to her house.

"So when can I see you again? I don't want to wake up without you?" I asked in desperation. I felt like my heart was being torn out as I tried to let her go.

"I don't know when I'll be able to see you again, I'll text you tonight." She laughed at my sulking and kissed me sweetly, "soon ok:"

I walked away from Bella. I left her behind. It felt really, really wrong.

As I reached the airport entrance I saw my silver Aston Martin waiting for me with a waving and grinning Irina behind the wheel. She began pointing to herself then the car and gave me a big thumbs up. She really loved my car; I would have to surprise her with one of her own one day.

I threw my bags in the back and climbed in.

"How was Queenstown?" Irina asked cheerfully.

"She's keeping something from me Irina." I said simply.

I hoped whatever it was it came out soon. I was getting a really bad feeling…

**A/N: **Please feel free to leave us a comment or two :)...Next update Monday!!!


	15. Uh Uh Uh Ms Swan your Time is Up

**A/N: As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review I so enjoyed reading some of your comments and I sincerely hope no computers have been harmed due to frustration caused by Bella's behaviour :)...Also thank you to those who have added this story to their alerts and Favourites...**

**  
Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table. All songs used in this chapter are owned by the respective artist, songwriters or associates.**

**Playlist:**

**Bella: If she knew what she wants by The Bangles.**

**Edward: Under the Gun by The Killers...**

**Chapter 15: Uh, Uh, Uh Ms Swan Your Time Is Up...**

**Bella's POV…**

It had been a week since I had seen Edward and I missed him with ferocity unmatched by nothing I'd experienced before and I longed to be back in his arms.

Luckily Apple and Louis were keeping my days filled and they were racing toward their second birthdays. As much as Louis was growing to look more like me every day; it was nothing to how much Apple resembled Edward in not only looks but personality as well. She had a natural confidence about her and she drew people into her orbit exactly the way her father did and after spending time in her presence you couldn't help but fall in love with her...

I decided to take them for a walk to the park since it was such a nice day; I packed them into their stroller and made my way out into the sunshine. I didn't really pay much attention to the man sitting in his black BMW when I saw him and I was a little surprised when he smiled and waved as I passed. I smiled back and kept walking pointing out all our usual landmarks to the kids as we passed them, Apple kept up a constant chatter relaying everything I said to Louis like she always did...

The black BMW was still there when I returned a few hours later but it was empty when I passed it this time, I looked up and down the street seeing if I could see the man who was in it earlier but he was nowhere to be seen. I wondered randomly if he was a new neighbour or looking to buy a property in the street.

I spent the rest of the day watching Apple and Louis ride their trikes up and down the driveway, the sound of their delicious laughter kept my thoughts from Edward and my sadness at were still in the driveway when Jake arrived home, he rushed to scoop Louis into his arms and shower him with kisses the minute he was out of the car. He kissed my cheek and took Apple's hand and guided them into the house, I followed Jake after giving the BMW one last fleeting look.

Dinner was a quiet affair my thoughts were continously trained Edward. Once I bathed the kid's, Jake read them a story and we kissed them good night. I tried to fight the guilt bubbling inside me when I thought about how it was Edward who should be kissing his kids good night not Jake.

We went our separate ways in the hallway, Jake went to the kitchen to study and I went to bed so I could return Edward's many text messages.

I read the first one with a sigh.

_Bella I miss you when can I see you again?_

I skipped to the next one

_Sweetheart I can't sleep without you in my arms, please I need you._

Then the next one

_Have I done something wrong, why won't you reply?_

The phone trembled in my hand.

_Please Bella I'm going out of my mind…I love you…_

My heart skipped a beat and tears pricked my eyes when I read the last three words.

_Edward it's alright you haven't done anything wrong I just haven't had time to read my messages until now. I don't know when I can see you again, I promise to try and see you at least once by the end of the month. I'm sorry it's the best I can do right now. I miss you._

His reply was swift.

_If you miss me then why aren't you here with me? Do you not want to have a relationship with me, tell me if I'm wasting my time here Bella?_

_Yes…No…I don't know Edward, I'm scared and…_

_What are you scared of?_

_There are things you don't know Edward and I want to tell you but I don't know how._

_What things? I want you to trust me Bella. I don't want us to have secrets._

_I'm sorry Edward I can't, I want too but I just don't know how to tell you._

_Fuck Bella I'm going crazy here._

_I will try and arrange some time to see you tomorrow night if you want._

_Of course I do I want you every night. But Bella you need to stop sending me mixed signals. I want you to decide if you want to pursue a proper relationship with me. I love you and I miss you and I want you forever. Just let go of your fear sweetheart and give yourself a chance at happiness. Text me tomorrow when you know what time we can meet. And sleep well xx_

So my time had finally run out, Edward was forcing me to say goodbye.

I wanted to tell him about Apple and Louis but I knew he was going to be devastated that I had kept it from him for so long and I had no idea how badly he was going to take it.

I fell into an uneasy sleep; I tossed and turned unable to get rid of the heavy weight in the pit of my stomach.

It felt like a warning of impending doom. Which of course is exactly what it was...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

The skies were thick with deep grey clouds when I pulled back my curtains and stared out the window. I sighed deeply and got dressed, and tried to mentally prepare myself for my day.  
I found awake in her bed, I smiled and kissed her warm forehead as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes with her tiny fist and reached out for me.

"Good morning my precious Angel, did you have a good sleep?" I plucked her from her bed and hugged her tightly.

"I had nice dreams Mummy," She murmured against my neck.

"Did you my darling girl, what did you dream about?"

She pulled her face from neck and looked at me seriously, "Daddy."

My eyes widened in shock, I was completely taken aback, how could she dream about a person she didn't know? After a few seconds rational thought took over, she wasn't dreaming about Edward, she had just heard the word Dad somewhere and it had stuck with her and had manifested into a person in her dreams.

"Oh, I hope it was a nice dream?" I said lightly.

"Apple daddy loves me, I'm his princess." She stated confidently.

"That's nice," I whispered, "so what shall we do today?" I asked hoping to distract her.

"Go to the park," she said with a smile.

I smiled back at her, happy I had managed to distract her.

I got her dressed and lifted her into my arms, I checked on Louis and was surprised to find him still sleeping soundly, he usually woke within a minute or two of Apple.

Apple snuggled into me as we headed for the kitchen; I kissed the top of her head as I slid her onto my hip. "What would you like for breakfast this morning?"

"Eetbix," she said with a giggle.

"Oh you want weetbix. How many weetbix can you eat Apple La Rogue?"

"One,"

"You can eat one whole weetbix? Gosh what a big girl you are; Mummy can't even eat a whole weetbix."

I flicked on the radio and smiled when I heard on old favourite from the eighties. I tightened my grip on Apple and danced us round the kitchen as I sung the lyrics to her.

"_If she knew what she wants  
(He'd be giving it to her)  
If she knew what she needs  
(He could give her that too)  
If she knew what she wants  
(But he can't see through her)  
If she knew what she wants  
He'd be giving it to her  
Giving it to her _

Apple gorgeous giggles rung out through the room as I spun us around.

But she wants everything  
(He can pretend to give her everything)  
Or there's nothing she wants  
(She don't want to sort it out)  
He's crazy for this girl

_  
(But she don't know what she's looking for)  
If she knew what she wants  
He'd be giving it to her  
giving it to her  
_

All of a sudden the lyrics were starting to dawn on me. Edward would give me everything if I would give him my heart and learn to trust him._  
_

_  
I'd say her values are corrupted  
But she's open to change  
Then one day she's satisfied  
and the next I'll find her crying  
And it's nothing she can explain_

'_Her values are corrupted,' _That was a perfect description of me and the words cut through me like a knife, my values were corrupted I was a despicable person.

I sighed heavily, Apple grabbed my face in her tiny hands, she stared at me with Edward's eyes bright and full of love and trust. My shredded heart broke a little more when the enormity of what I was doing not only to Edward but to my children broke over me.

I came to the decision in that second that I was going to stop this train wreck from happening. I was going to tell Edward about Apple and Louis tonight even if I had to tell him by text or email I was doing it. I knew I was going to lose him but that was a sacrifice I had to make for the ones I claimed to love the most.

"Mummy sad?" Apple asked me softly.

"No, mummy's not sad; I couldn't be sad when I have you, you're like my own real life rainbow." I gave her a bright smile.

"Apple rainbow?" She looked at me inquisitively.

"That's right, Apple is bright and beautiful like a rainbow you make mummy happy."

"Apple happy, mummy happy, Louis happy...Daddy sad," She said seriously.

I ignored her comment about daddy; I didn't want to encourage talk about daddies until I had told hers and Louis' that they existed.

"Breakfast time," I said brightly.

I was just getting the milk out of the fridge when I heard a knock on the door. I looked at the clock and frowned I'd never had visitors at six thirty in the morning before.

"I wonder who that is." I said to Apple as I shifted her to my hip and we made our way to the front door.

The colour drained rapidly from my face and I began to shake almost violently, Edward was standing on the doorstep and his usually love filled eyes were blazing with fury.

He looked at me then down at Apple, a million different emotions flashed across his face as he stared into her eyes, "my daughter." He stated.

As soon as Apple heard Edward's voice she began to squirm and fight in my arms, twisting and reaching out for him. He instinctively reached out for her but I wouldn't, I couldn't let her go. He glared at me and I cringed slightly, Apple began to cry as she tried to fight her way out of my arms and into Edwards.

"Please Bella she's my Daughter." He pleaded. Apple fought harder when she heard him speak again, I closed my eyes and relinquished my grip.

My eyes snapped open a second later when I heard Apple giggle.

Edward was placing tiny kisses all over her face; her hands were tangled in his hair and her smile was radiant.

He looked up at me and his eyes were as hard as ice, "what's her name Bella?"

"Apple, Apple La Rouge Swan." I mumbled.

"And my son?" He demanded.

"He…he…he's still asleep. His name is Louis Antony."

"Can I come in and wait for him to wake up?" I could tell he was trying to control his temper and I didn't want to push him so I stepped aside and allowed him through the door.

I showed him into the lounge and gestured to the couch and sighed when I saw Apple kissing Edward all over his face. She had been in presence for five seconds and she was already smitten.

I walked out of the room and my throat constricted when I heard Edward's proud voice ring out through the silence, "Apple's such a pretty name for such a pretty girl. My names Edward but I want you to call me Dad."

Hot tears spilled down my cheeks when I heard Apple's sweet little voice, "Dad, love dad, dad, dad, _my dad_." I turned back look at Edward, tears of happiness were streaming down his face as he hugged Apple to him.

I looked him in the eyes and mouthed, "I'm so sorry."

His eyes darkened perceptibly and I turned and went to get Louis.

I took my time getting him up and dressed, I tried to fight back my tears and control my violent shaking as I pulled his Jim Morrison T Shirt over his head. I had no idea how Edward had found out or found me but he had and I had no idea what I was going to say to him to explain my actions or how I was going make it right. I took a deep breath and picked Louis up, I placed a kiss on his forehead and whispered, "We have a special visitor in the lounge Louis, his name is Ed…Daddy... his name is Daddy."

"Daddy..." He said a tiny frown of confusion on his cherubic face.

"That's right sweetheart. He's your Daddy and he loves you very much."

I walked back down to the lounge; Edward was bouncing Apple on his Knee a beautiful smile played on his lips.

"Louis this your Daddy." I mumbled, my voice was shaking so badly it sounded foreign to me.

Edward looked at me; I noticed a small flicker of gratitude in his eyes. A second later it was gone. His gaze shifted to Louis and he smiled widely. Louis' eyes met his for a second then he tucked his head into my neck and tightened his grip on me.

I tried to pass him to Edward but he clung to me, a little sob escaped his lips. Edward frowned; I could tell he was confused between Apple's reaction to him and Louis'.

I took a seat on the end of the couch and hugged Louis tightly, "Ssh baby its ok, this is your Daddy and he loves you as much as mummy does. There's nothing to be frightened of." I said soothingly. Louis pulled his face from my neck and looked at me seriously. I gave him a reassuring smile, "it's ok son Mummy's not going anywhere."

"Daddy?" He asked me in a barely audible whisper.

"That's right, he's your Daddy," I said with a smile. I slid him off my lap, hoping he'd go to Edward on his own. He watched Edward intently but made no move to approach him.

Edward tried again to coax Louis into his arms but Louis stubbornly clung to my leg.

"He's just shy, he'll warm up soon." I mumbled, hoping to placate him.

Edward nodded but stayed silent and went back to staring at Louis while Apple continued to kiss Edward's face and chant _my Daddy my Daddy_ over and over again. Edward showered her with more kisses, his radiant smile lit up his face when he heard her delicious giggles.

I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer for strength when I heard Jake's bedroom door open, he stumbled into the lounge in his boxers his ringleted hair a mass of unruly knots. He still looked half asleep and I don't think he registered the scene in front of him.

Edward scowled at him then at me but said nothing.

His scowl deepened a second later and I thought he was going to lose the plot when Louis let go of my leg and ran straight to Jacob. He tugged on his hand wanting Jake to pick him up.

"Hey Dude how you going?" Jake asked Louis as he swung him into his arms. He finally surveyed the scene around him and looked down at Edward with a deep frown, "Oh…what are you doing here?" He demanded.

"Visiting my children now I know about them." Edward all but growled. He slipped Apple onto his hip and stood up. He walked over to Jacob and took Louis from his arms, "If you don't mind I'd like to hug _my son_."

"Edward." I warned. I was not going to tolerate any shouting or temper tantrums or testosterone filled pissing contests in front of my kids.

"What?" He hissed, "I know you don't seem to think I have any rights regarding even knowing I have children let alone hugging them but I'm warning you now Bella I am going to have a relationship with my children and there won't be anything you can do to stop me, I can assure you of that. I already have my lawyers onto drawing up a custody agreement."

My stomach lurched violently at the word lawyers. This was going to play out exactly how I had dreamed it would in my nightmares, a shit fight of a custody battle with the Cullen's personal team of vicious attack dog lawyers at the spearhead of the campaign.

Fury clouded Jakes normally serene face and he quickly jumped to my defence, "Don't you threaten her. You can't just waltz in here and start throwing your weight around. You're not her Boss her anymore and you are no one important in her life... Hasn't she seen you like twice since they were born? She doesn't owe you anything."

I looked at Edward, a cruel sneer was playing on his lips and I knew what he was going to say next, I turned and gave Jake a pleading look hoping desperately he would understand.

"Oh really?" Edward spat at him, "it shows you what you know boy wonder. It seems I'm not the only one Bella's been keeping secrets from. Shall I enlighten you _Pup?_ Bella's been seeing me for months, she been sneaking off whenever she can to meet up with me in hotel rooms."

My heart broke: Jake looked like he'd just been punched in the stomach.

I turn to glare at Edward, who was wearing a triumphant smile.

I looked back at Jake who grimaced but carried on defending me, "Whatever. Bell's is free to do whatever she wants." I could see through Jake's bravado and so could Edward because he snorted.

Jake ignored him and turned to me, "have the kids had breakfast yet?"

"No I'm just going to get it for them now." I gave him a pleading look; silently asking for him to understand and forgive me.

"Do you want me to…?" He asked softly.

I shook my head, "no its ok Jake you go back to bed, I'll do it." He looked from me to Edward and shrugged.

"Sure Bell's; but if the dictator give's you any trouble just call out and I kick him out for you."

"That won't be necessary but thanks." I waited until he closed his bedroom door before I looked up at Edward. He was kissing Louis' face.

"Would you like to help give them their breakfast?" I asked politely.

"Yes I would like that." He said just as politely. His voice was tight and did not sound natural, I could tell he was trying his hardest to suppress his fury with me and be civil. But I knew it was a wasted effort, he wouldn't be able to suppress it for long. It was going to spew forth and I was going to have to face the full fury of his wrath sooner rather than later.

He kept it together while we fed the twins, he was in awe of Apple; smiling continuously as he watched her feed herself her weetbix. He laughed when she got more of it on her face than in her mouth. He looked over at Louis and smiled.

Louis smiled back, "Daddy." He said confidently.

Edward's smile was beatific; he looked so proud as he gazed upon his son. "That's right my boy, you know who your Daddy is don't you tiger?"

I sighed deeply and turned toward the sink, "Would you like to join us for our walk to the park? We go to the park after breakfast every morning; then the kids come home and have a sleep. Maybe then you might like to talk?"

"I'd love to go to the park with my kids and you bet we're gonna talk Bella. I'm not leaving here until you explain how you could do this to me." His voice cracked and I hung my head in shame...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

We spent a much longer at the park than I normally would and I was silently grateful the rain had held off; I was in no hurry to go home and face up to what I'd done. Although I'd spent the last few hours racking my brains to come up with some way to explain my actions, I kept drawing a blank.

When I couldn't put it off any longer I told Edward it was time to go, I let him push the stroller again while I dawdled a few feet behind.

Apple and Louis happily chanted Daddy, Daddy while Edward pointed out all the sights and sounds around them. I couldn't help by smile when he recognised the haunting sound of the resident Tui that sat in one of the towering Kowhai trees and serenaded us as we walked by...

It didn't take me long to settle the kids in bed, Edward stood in the doorway and watched our every move. He came in and Kissed Louis' cheek, "It's so wonderful to finally meet you my boy. You have sweet dreams and I will see you soon."

"Daddy," Louis whispered, his eyes shining with bright interest.

Edward smiled and kissed his cheek again, "That's right, Daddy." He pressed his finger lightly on Louis' nose causing him to giggle loudly. The sound washed over me soothing the frayed edges of my mind.

We moved silently to Apple's room, she squealed excitedly when she saw Edward, "my Daddy, my daddy, love daddy."She babbled.

"That's right my sweet Apple pie." He leaned forward and showered her with kisses, "I'll see you later. Sweet dream's my little Angel." He closed the door behind him and followed me down the hall.

I couldn't control my trembling hands so I clasped them together. Edward's heaved breathing swirled in the air behind me.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" I asked automatically.

"No. I just fucking want answers from you." He demanded angrily.

I took a deep breath, willing myself to stay calm, "I know. Let's go out into the garden; we can talk out there."

"Fine whatever," He followed me out to the back door to the small table and chairs I had set up in my favourite area of the garden and took a seat opposite me. He stared at me with cold penetrating eyes as he waited for me to say something. I stayed silent so he spoke; I could physically feel every inch of pain and anger in his voice. "Why Bella? Why would you not tell me I'm a father of two beautiful kids, why did you not get in contact with me when you first found out?"

I looked down at my hands which were twisting in nervous agitation, "Because Edward we had nothing more than a quick fuck in an office and you told me I was a stupid mistake and moved to France. What exactly did you think I should do? Ring you up and say 'hey remember that drunken night in your office? Well guess what, you are now the co owner of Twins.' Get serious I thought I'd never see you again.

"Ok Bella I guess I understand that bit but we have been seeing each other for months, I told you how much having kids meant to me and yet you still said nothing. How could you be so cruel?"

My demeanour turned pleading, "Please Edward. I tried to tell you I just didn't know how. And I didn't want your family to know about them. I'm sorry Edward I just didn't know what to do."

"Why the fuck would you not want my family to know about them? You know my brothers well surely you knew they would be on your side."

"It's not your Brother's I'm worried about, it's your father."

"Carlisle, What's he got to do with all of this?" He asked in surprise.

"I've been hiding them from your Father because I didn't know what he'd do if he found out. I mean look at how he over reacted the night he found us in the office. I was petrified he'd force me to get rid of them or go to court and try to win custody so he could raise them in the Cullen mould. Seems though that was a wasted effort since you're going to do exactly what I knew you Cullen's would do. You're getting your Lawyers to take me down without thinking about what you're going to do to my kids... Edward I don't want my children anywhere near Carlisle, the man is ruthless and uncaring and I'm not exposing Apple and Louis to him."

"That's not your choice." He spat at me.

"The fuck it isn't Edward. You are not taking those kids around that man. I'm sorry but your Mother and Brother's are welcome here to visit them anytime but I won't allow them in Carlisle presence."

"Bella you're pushing my fucking patience, after all the shit you put me through you're going actually sit there and tell me which member's of my family are going to be allowed to see my children."

"Yes Edward I am, because someone needs to protect those kids from your father and I don't think I can trust you to do it, considering you are completely under his control. In all the time I worked for you I never once saw you stand up for yourself against him or say no. I refuse to let your father use my kids as pawns... And one more thing Edward, if you try to take my kids away I swear I'll fight you every step of the way."

"Don't threaten me Bella, I could bury you. I'll do whatever I think is the in the best interests of my children and I'm warning you not to interfere.

"Well Edward there it is, your Daddy would be so proud, you're just one out the mould."

"Don't you fucking dare Isabella! your behaviour has been despicable and I would never have believed you could be so fucking heartless." His words cut me to the quick, I knew he was right.

"Hey Edward I didn't do this to hurt you, I did it to protect my kids and myself. And I will do_ anything_ to protect them."

"So the fuck would I Bella. Do you have any idea what I've missed out with my kids? Milestones that will never be repeated, I've missed nearly two years of their lives, two years I can't get back."

"Yes I do Edward; you have no idea how many nights I lay awake wishing I could find the courage to tell you. Wishing we could share this." He snorted in disbelief.

"How long has the Pup being playing Daddy to my children?"

"He hasn't played daddy, but he has been there since the day they were born. Edward I have never encouraged Jake to act like their father and he doesn't."

"Yeah, whatever Bella... Look I have to go but like I said my Lawyer will be in touch in regards to shared custody and Isabella I intend to make up for the lost time with my kids and I intend to get custody of them for at least half the week, if not more."

I looked up at him with pleading eyes, "please Edward; don't do this. You are welcome to come and visit them whenever you want. Please don't turn this into a shit fight."

"Too late Bella, you should have thought about that earlier and you bet I will be visiting them whenever I want until I can gain the rights to take them home with me."

"Please, please Edward can't we work this out between us?"

"No Bella because I don't want to talk to you, you're not the girl I thought you were. We will correspond through our lawyers. Expect a letter in the next couple of days and I will text you and let you know when I'll be back around to see my kids."

My head sunk into my hands I didn't stop the sobs that tore from my throat. My karma had finally caught up on me and I could do nothing to fight against the torrent that was dragging me under.

When I looked up Edward was gone. I lay my head on the table and let my grief wash over me.

The game was over and I was the loser, the loser who had lost everything...

**Tanya's POV...**

I was sitting with Kate on her deck. I let my mind wander back to last weekend, I was still extremely pissed that Edward would have the nerve to bring his new Slag to my Sister's pre wedding dinner when he knew full well I would be there. Images of Bella filled my mind and fury flooded through me, I didn't think she was anything out of the ordinary. In fact I thought was quite plain and ugly and she didn't seem like Edward's type at all.

But she obviously was his type; I scowled when I remembered the way he was looking at her that night. The love he had for this woman was evident in his whole being. It consumed him and it had changed him, he was so relaxed in her presence.

My blood boiled in my veins, why had Edward not loved at me like that?

I had been asking around all week about Bella, but of course Felix refused to tell me anything about her Edward or the status of their relationship. I asked Demetri but he refused point blank to even tell me her last name or how they met. I didn't bother asking Irina, she was so far stuck up Edward's arse I knew she'd never tell me. The only information I had gotten about her was from Kate but it was so vague it wasn't really worth anything except I now knew that her name was Isabella Swan but everyone called her Bella and she used to work for Edward before he moved to France.

I was intensely curious to know more about _Isabella Swan_ and since no one here wanted to dish the dirt on her I decided to dig it up for myself.

I was lost in my memories of my time with Edward when one particularly unpleasant one sprung to mind; the dawning horror stung me like I'd been slapped. Edward making love to me, Edward denying he called me Bella while he had his cock in me. Rage consumed me; I stifled the violent scream trying to rip itself from my throat. That sick lying mother fucker.

I was going to make Edward pay for this.

I excused myself from the table when Felix sat down, I ignored the disdainful look he gave me and hurried into the house. I grabbed the local phone directory and rushed to my room. I scanned the Swan's in the phone book but there were no Isabella/Bella Swan listed.I flicked to the back of the book and searched for private investigators, I found an advert I liked and arranged to meet the owner operator Marcus Volterra at his office later that day.

I sauntered back onto the deck and gave Felix a sly smile. I asked Kate if I could borrow her car, Felix eyed me suspiciously, the stupid gormless idiot. I gave him an innocent smile as I kissed Kate's cheek...

I sped into the city, following the directions Marcus had given me on the phone and was soon walking into his stylish premises. He offered me a seat and politely asked what he could do for me.I explained how I thought my fiancé was having an affair and I needed as much information on the woman he could get me, including photos of her and anybody she may happen to associate with.I apologised that I only had a name to go on but he waved me off and assured me that a name was enough to go on as long as she lived in the Wellington region, which I was sure she did.

I paid him half of the agreed price plus another twenty percent to get the information to me by the end of the week and left his office feeling happier than I had in a long time.

If Isabella Swan had secrets I was going to find out what they were and expose her...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**Edwards POV....**

It had been a long hellish week without Bella and I was feeling every excruciating second of it. I was at the office, working overtime to make up for my week off even though Irina offered to take some of the load, but I couldn't do that to her. She had already done so much for me, and I felt horribly guilty.

The week had been hellish for many reasons. First I had lost my dignity and self respect right along with any primal manliness in my system. As the texts had progressed with no response, I had walked the lonely road to sissy-land…..

Bella I miss you when can I see you again?

Ok, that one's not so bad, right? Just wait…..

Sweetheart I can't sleep without you in my arms, please I need you.

That's right, I started begging. Bye, bye dignity, it was great to have known you.

Have I done something wrong, why won't you reply?

Enter the sissy boy. Why don't you love me? Where's my Air Supply records, I feel an 'All Outta Love' moment coming on…

See? Sissy boy. It gets worse…

Please Bella I'm going out of my mind…I love you…

Dum, Dum, Dum, the Stalker Sissy Boy. I'm crazy but I love you! Doesn't that just make you want to run into my psycho arms?

She never responded and I hadn't been surprised.

* * *

Later that evening at home, I found myself sitting in front of the TV in nothing but a pair of pyjama pants and box of take-out Thai in my hand.

Even I knew how pathetic I was.

Shortland Street. Good God, this was shit. Was there a fucking girl left in Auckland City that Chris Warner hadn't fucked yet? The man was a doctor, yet he was a walking fucking poster boy for STD's.

I was considering sparking up a joint and just mellowing out for a while when my phone beeped causing me to jump and spill my Thai noodles all over the couch and myself. I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, my heart pounding in my chest when I saw it was from Bella. I opened the message

_Edward it's alright you haven't done anything wrong I just haven't had time to read my messages until now. I don't know when I can see you again I promise to try and see you at least once by the end of the month. I'm sorry it's the best I can do right now. I miss you. _

What was this shit? More fucking smoke and shadows was what it was. The same old song and dance and a million fucking other clichés. But the fact remained, no matter how hard I tried to prove she could trust me, she still backed off. The suspense was wearing me thin and I had had enough.

_If you miss me then why aren't you here with me? Do you not want to have a relationship with me, tell me if I'm wasting my time here Bella? _

There. It was time to cut the crap. The response was almost immediate

_Yes…No…I don't know Edward, I'm scared and… _

Ok, scared I could work with; at least she was giving me something.

What are you scared of?

Don't let me down Bella, trust me. I will always love you no matter what, just be honest with me. Please. Bella's name flashed on the screen

_There are things you don't know Edward and I want to tell you but I don't know how. _

We were going in fucking circles, I already knew there were things she was keeping from me, but we were past this, or at least we should be. I typed out my response

_What things? I want you to trust me Bella. I don't want us to have secrets. _

There is nothing I wouldn't tell her, anything she asked of me and it was hers but we couldn't base our relationship on lies.

_I'm sorry Edward I can't, I want too but I just can't. _

Her response fucking floored me. I was sitting in a fucking mess of noodles, staining my incredibly expensive couch trying to coax the woman I loved to just have a little fucking faith in me. Was that really too much to ask?

_Fuck Bella I'm going crazy here. _

I didn't know what to do anymore, I had tried everything. I had nothing left, it was all in her hands now and I was afraid she didn't want this as much as I did. Her reply was swift.

_I will try and arrange some time to see you tomorrow night if you want. _

Was she kidding? I was a masochist, no matter how much she hurt me when she pushed me away; I always came back begging for more. It hurt to be with her but it hurt so much more to be away.

_Of course I do I want you every night, but Bella you need to stop sending me mixed signals I want you to decide if you want to pursue a proper relationship with me. I love you and I miss you and I want you forever. Just let go of your fear sweetheart and give yourself a chance at happiness. Text me tomorrow when you know what time we can meet. And sleep well xx _

I hit the send button and got up quickly cleaning up my mess and having a shower. I got dressed afterwards and knew exactly what I needed to do.

I needed my best friend.

* * *

"It'll all work out man" Demetri said patting me on the back, while shoving a glass into my hand. I took a mouthful, but for once it didn't seem to help.

Things with Bella were reaching boiling point and what that meant for us I didn't know.

"You're pushing again Edward. I know it's hard for you, but just accept that for the meantime Bella is doing what she feels is best. You need to trust her judgement, and let her trust you in her own time." Irina said pulling the glass of whiskey from my hand and shoving a steaming cup of coffee in it instead.

I gave her hand a quick kiss and took a sip. It felt much better than the whiskey.

"I don't know anymore, everything is just so messy now and….." The door slammed open and Tanya stormed into the room, clutching at a large manila envelope. I stiffened, the last thing I needed at the moment was fucking Tanya.

She stalked up beside me and smirked. "Edward Cullen, just the man I've been looking for." She said smugly.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah? Well you're always the last person I'm looking for Tanya, so either you go or I go, but I'm not staying in the same fucking room with you willingly." I said snidely.

"I vote Tanya leave." Demetri piped up and Irina hid her giggles. Tanya shot him a quick glare, but then turned back to me waving the envelope around in front of me.

"The last person? That's so sad. And who would be the first person you'd be looking for? It wouldn't be plain, pure and perfect Isabella Marie Swan would it?" Tanya was almost fucking gleeful, and my stomach sank. I didn't have a good feeling about this.

"What the fuck are you talking about now Tanya?" Demetri asked frustrated with his soon to be sister in law.

She shot him another dirty look then glared back down at me, "It's just a little hypocritical you know? You condemn me right off the bat for the lengths I was willing to go to keep you, but the lengths Bella's willing to go? They make me look like the fucking saint of honesty. Yet here you sit, moping after your little swan when she has done so much worse than me." Tanya stepped back with a dramatic sigh. "It's almost fucking heartbreaking. Of course you would have to have a heart first Edward." She said looking like she found the situation anything but sad.

"If you've got something to say Tanya, fucking spit it out or fuck off. I'm not sitting here and having this conversation with you. Nothing you can say about Bella will ever make me feel any less for her, so stop wasting your time." Tanya looked like the cat that swallowed the canary.

"Even if she's a mother?" Tanya said dangerous and quiet.

I froze. Bella wasn't a mother. I would have known.

Wouldn't I?

"Bella doesn't have fucking kids Tanya, stop being such a lying bitch!" Demetri said disgustedly. Irina just kept her eyes trained on me.

"The best bit? Its birthday number two shortly, so do the math Edward. Where were you two years ago? A certain office Christmas party with the secretary slut? Oh, don't look so surprised, Carlisle told me everything. But it seems Bella hasn't been quite so forthcoming with you does it?" She said in mock sadness.

I didn't give a fuck what she did my mind was going crazy.

Ok, so what if this was the secret Bella was keeping. She was a mother. Was it mine?

Of course not, I admonished myself. Bella wouldn't have kept something like that from me. No, she must have slept with someone either prior to or after our encounter and she was afraid what I would think of her. That made sense I suppose. It wouldn't matter to me if Bella had a child to someone else, I would do my best to love that child like one of my own. I would never think any less of Bella for it despite the timing, surely she knew that.

"Who's your Daddy?" Tanya jazzed evilly.

"Even if Bella was a mother, and I'm not saying she is you spiteful bitch, it wouldn't be my child. She would have told me, and she could have slept with someone else around the same time we did. So there you go, you are as fucking vindictive as ever and I feel dirty from just being around you. Now are you going to fucking leave or am I?" I growled. I really needed to talk to Bella.

"Oh, no baby, it's definitely yours." She pulled a large blown up photo out of the envelope and held it up before me.

My entire world stopped spinning. I looked at the photo before me in shock and I barely heard Demetri mutter a "Fuck me" or Irina's gasp. Tanya's grin was triumphant and she was clearly pleased with everyone's reaction.

I stared into the photo and the little girl version of me. I know that sounds stupid, but truly, she looked exactly like me. Except little and a girl.

_Yeah, I'm just as floored as you, you're going to have to insert your own sarcastic comment here, we're fucking closed for the day. _

The little girl was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. Her beautiful auburn hair in long, natural waves and her bright green sparkling eyes reflecting every ounce of the joy she obviously felt.

I fell in love with her straight away.

With trembling hands I snatched the photo away from Tanya's and looked down into the smiling face of my daughter. I traced my finger along her little button nose and down to her cute little chin.

"Seems Bella might not be quite so perfect after all doesn't it?" Tanya sneered.

Reality kicked me like a punch to the stomach. This little girl was my daughter. According to Tanya, this little girl was also Bella's daughter. Had Bella really done this to me? Had she really kept the existence of my daughter from me? How much had I missed out on, what did she like? What didn't she like? Would she like me?

A sob broke from my chest and Irina darted to my side putting her arms around my shoulders and kissing the top of my head.

"I'm a father." I whispered to her "I have a daughter." Irina kissed the top of my head again

"You sure do sweetie and I know you'll be the best daddy in the world to that little girl."

Tanya's evil laugh cut through the air like a knife, "So keeping your daughter is not enough to condemn Bella in your eyes is that it? You can forgive her for hiding your daughter from you. That's interesting." She pretended to think about that for a moment which was stupid because anyone who knew Tanya knew she had the attention span of a fish. A very dangerous, volatile but ultimately stupid fish.

"Haven't you done enough Tanya?" Irina said angrily while rubbing my back. I still couldn't tear my eyes away from the sweet little girl in the photo. I wondered what her name was.

"I haven't done nearly enough! Not after what he did to me!" Tanya hissed and turned to me, "You can forgive her for hiding your daughter can you? I wonder if you can forgive her for hiding your son?" She pulled a second photo out and held it up.

A handsome little boy stood there looking at the camera distrustfully, where the little girl had been all smiles and sunshine. He was a little boy version of Bella.

The resemblance between the two children was still prominent even though one favoured dark while the other light. They were obviously twins and Bella was obviously their mother.

And I was quite obviously their father.

I tried to reach out and take the photo of my son, but my hand was shaking too badly, so Irina took it for me and put it into my hands. My children: my beautiful perfect adorable children. The children I had dreamed of for so long, the little voices needed to fill the silence that occupied my empty home.

Demetri had taken the envelope and pushed a screaming Tanya out the door telling her to fuck off and not come back. He came back to the table and emptied the contents of the envelope on the table. There were photos of the children as well as photos of them with Bella. The ones of Teen Dream and my children made me in growl in fury. That wasn't his place, it was mine.

"Ok, calm down sweetie, being all angry isn't going to help, you know that." Irina soothed.

Demetri passed me two birth certificates. The little girl's name was Apple. Apple La Rouge Swan.

Swan? It should be Cullen. Apple La Rouge Cullen.

I looked at the second birth certificate. Louis Antony Swan.

Apple La Rouge Cullen and Louis Antony Cullen. Nothing had ever sounded so perfect, I was sure of it.

The father on both birth certificates were listed as unknown and my stomach turned. There was no way Bella didn't know who the father was; Apple gave the entire game away.

The biggest question careening through my head was why?

Why would she keep my children from me?

* * *

Three hours and a bottle of Scotch later I was convinced beyond any doubt. So were Irina and a pretty pissed off Demetri.

"I'm going around there." I slurred. Irina narrowed her eyes at me.

"No you are not. You're going to sleep this off and go around in the morning and talk like a reasonable adult. You are not going to lose your cool, got it?"

"She's right man; Bella's got some serious explaining to do, but not tonight and not now." Demetri cut me off before I could protest. They led me down to their guest bedroom where I got into bed and began tossing and turning.

I was a father. It didn't seem real, none of it did. But the proof was there in the photographs and my heart buzzed every time I looked at them.

I finally fell asleep a few hours later, still clutching the photos of my son and daughter in my hands.

* * *

I woke at five a.m. I showered and dressed quickly. I grabbed my keys off the dresser and quietly snuck out of the house, being careful not to wake Irina and Demetri. I didn't want to waste any time, I needed to get to Bella and my children.

I unlocked my car and got in, opening the envelope and pulling out the piece of paper that held Bella's address. It was not in a part of town that I was familiar with, so I entered the details into the Navman, and drove my way quickly there, running at least a dozen or so red lights and stop signs. I pulled up in front of a quaint looking house and instinctively knew Bella lived here. I could feel that tingling pull I always did when she was around.

I made my way to the front door and took a deep breath. I was not going to lose my temper but I sure as fuck was going to finally get some answers.

I knocked and waited my heart in my fucking throat. Bella opened the door with my daughter, my little Apple in her arms. When she saw me, she gasped loudly and her eyes widened in horror, the colour was draining rapidly from her face.

It took every single fucking ounce of self control I had not to start screaming at her, but I refrained. I found my self control in the face of my beautiful little daughter who was even lovelier in person.I felt like I had been given the greatest gift in her and her brother, but yet I felt so utterly robbed. Bella had stolen so many moments of their life from me, and how was I ever to get those back?

"My daughter." I blurted out. Immediately, the little princess in question reached out towards me and struggled to get free of Bella's arms. I held my arms out automatically to her, as though my body all ready knew what was required of it even though my mind had yet to catch up.

Bella's arms tightened around Apple and I felt the fury rise back to the surface. The truth was all out there now and she was still trying to keep me from my children? In that moment, I decided without a fucking doubt, that that would never happen. I had the best fucking lawyers on the planet; I would crush her if she dared try.

_Well, who's favouring their father now? Channelling a little bit of Carlisle? that will only end badly_.

How could it get fucking worse?

Apple began to cry and fight against Bella with all her strength. The sound of her cries were like knives to my heart; I wanted to hold her in my arms and coax that happy, smiling girl from the photos back.

"Please Bella she's my Daughter." I begged. Hadn't she already taken enough from me?

Apple's eyes shot to me as I spoke and she doubled her efforts to get loose. Bella closed her eyes and loosened her hold and I took my daughter into my arms for the first time.

I began to shower her in kisses, I couldn't help it, I wanted to fucking jump for joy and burst into tears at the same time, but all I could do was keep kissing this tiny little miracle in my arms.

My little angel's hands had found their way into my very unruly hair and she was painfully grabbing at it. I didn't care she could pull it all out if it made her happy. I noticed Bella staring at us, and I felt my face go hard with the resentment I felt towards her.

Lies, so many fucking lies. I began to wonder if Bella was actually capable of telling the fucking truth. A petty little idea occurred to me.

"What's her name Bella?" I asked. I already knew but I wanted to see just how far she would be willing to take this.

"Apple, Apple La Rouge Swan." She responded and I held back a snort. So she could tell the fucking truth, it's a shame she didn't do that a little sooner.

"And my son?" I still had not seen Louis yet, and I felt like half of me was missing somehow. My beautiful little Apple kept up her painful exploration of my hair.

"He…he…he's still asleep. His name is Louis Antony." Bella was beginning to look very pale and shaky on her feet. A part of me was screaming at me to go to her and help her, but I couldn't. Everything was just too fucking raw and she had proved to me she was not the person I thought she was.

"Can I come in and wait for him to wake up?" I asked icily.

Bella led us to the lounge and motioned for me to take a seat. I sat down with little Apple still in my arms and I smiled at her. She beamed back and began bestowing me with sloppy little kisses.  
I didn't think this kind of love was possible. I was glad to be proved wrong.

She left the room and I was begrudgingly grateful to her for allowing me some time alone with my daughter. I kissed her tiny button nose and she giggled. "Apple's such a pretty name for such a pretty girl. My names Edward, but I want you to call me Dad." I said bursting with pride at the miracle in my arms I helped create.

Nothing in my life so far could compare to this. I was proved wrong with the words that tumbled from my daughter's mouth.

"Dad: love dad; dad, dad,_ my dad._" She chirped brightly. I thought I would actually fucking explode, I was that happy. I felt the tears coursing down my cheeks but I didn't care. I was a Dad and my daughter loved me.

I hugged her to me, her little chin resting on my shoulder as she sighed happily. I looked up to see Bella watching us, tears running down her own cheeks, but her tears were of anything but happiness. She looked broken.

"I'm so sorry." She mouthed to me.

The anger burst forth inside me again. She was sorry? How fucking sorry? Not sorry enough to pick up the phone and say, Hey! you're going to be a dad: Just a heads up. Not sorry enough to tell me, even though she'd been fucking me for months, no not even then.

She gave me a last look and then turned away, leaving me alone with my daughter again.

Apple grabbed at my chin and brought my face down for closer inspection. She ran her fingers over my cheeks and nose, and her tiny fingers brushed against my eyelashes. She looked intensely at my eyes as a huge smile broke out over her face. "Eyes, Pretty eyes: Apple pretty eyes, Dad pretty eyes." She was pointing to her eyes and then back to mine, her face glowing with pride at her discovery. I felt new tears flood over and I nodded at her, catching her tiny hand in mine and kissing her fingertips.

"We do have the same eyes, don't we?" I said sniffing a little.

Apple frowned, "Dad, cry. Dad: dad sad?" She asked her own little bottom lip trembling. I quickly wiped my tears away and smiled at her shaking my head

"No sweetheart, I'm not sad, I'm happy. Very happy I get to be here with my little Apple." I said and she brightened immediately.

She touched her chest and then touched mine, "Apple Dad?" I nodded and kissed her little cheek again. I couldn't help myself. She smiled and pulled my face down to hers, and mirrored the kiss on my cheek. "_My dad_: Love dad." She said and hugged me.

Somehow, Apple found her way to my knee and I automatically began bouncing her up and down. Everything was so natural, nothing was forced and I was grateful for the fact. I had been thrust into fatherhood and to know that at least some of it seemed to come naturally was a little relieving.

I looked up as Bella entered the room with the most adorable little brown eyed boy in her arms, Louis _my_ son.

"Louis this your Daddy." Bella said looking at me with frightened eyes. It was a small effort on her part, but it didn't go unnoticed. It just didn't make up for everything else she had fucking done.I smiled at my son and was surprised when he turned away and buried his face in Bella's neck. His response to me was so different from Apple's and I cursed myself mentally for not being prepared for this. Of course he was shy, he didn't fucking know me.

I looked up at Bella.

And whose fucking fault is that?

I squashed that thought quickly, Irina's voice ringing through my head. It would do me no good now to lose my composure.

Bella sat down on the couch and placed Louis beside her. He buried his head into her neck a small muffled sob coming from his tiny frame. She soothed him explaining again who I was and how I loved him like she did and promising she wasn't going to leave him.

"Daddy?" he asked her. He looked at her seriously and she smiled reassuringly.

"That's right he's your Daddy," she said quietly. She slid Louis off her leg.

I tried to encourage him to come to me, but he clung tightly to Bella's leg. I would be lying if I said it didn't sting a little, but I tried not to let it get to me.

"He's just shy, he'll warm up soon." Bella said quietly, and I nodded absently. I was staring at my son, trying to take in every single detail of him that I could, while Apple continued to smother me in progressively sloppier kisses and tug possessively on my hair.

"My Daddy: my daddy." She sang in a little voice. I rubbed her back gently with one hand, so she didn't think I was ignoring her, while I looked at Louis.

A door opened and before I knew it, fucking Doogie Howser wannabe shuffled into the room wearing only his fucking boxers. Apparently, they liked to keep things fucking informal around here. My ire only increased, when Louis spotted Doggie and ran over to him, clutching at his hand.

Nobody could fucking touch me on the self control front. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to stop myself from tearing Boy fucking Wonder, limb from goddamn limb. It was a close fucking call though.

"Hey Dude how you going?" Teen Dream had no idea how close he was to taking the final fucking sleep of all. He looked over at me and frowned "Oh…what are you doing here?" He demanded.

"Visiting my children now I know about them." I ground out through my teeth. I stood up and held Apple in one arm on my hip. I held out my other hand to the man who obviously thought of himself as my children's father. Yeah, well that shit was going to fucking stop right now.

"If you don't mind I'd like to hug my son." I took Louis from his arms, and felt so fucking ashamed of myself. Here I was letting my fucking jealousy get the better of me instead of thinking about Louis.

I opened my mouth to apologise, but the words died in my throat as I heard Bella's warning voice echo out behind me.

"Edward."

She was fucking warning me? After everything she'd done? Like fucking hell!

"What? I know you don't seem to think I have any rights regarding even knowing I have children let alone hugging them. But I'm warning you now Bella I am going to have a relationship with my children and there won't be anything you can do to stop me I can assure you of that. I already have my lawyers onto drawing up a custody agreement."

I didn't but I might have fucking well have. All it would take is a three minute phone call and I could have Bella swimming in a sea of lawyers.

"Don't you threaten her. You can't just waltz in here and start throwing your weight around! You're not her Boss her anymore. She's like seen you twice since they were born. She doesn't owe you anything." Doogie said growing some fucking balls.

I sneered; I was more than happy to cut those fuckers off. "Oh really it shows you what you know boy wonder. It seems I'm not the only one Bella's been keeping secrets from. Shall I enlighten you Pup? Bella's been seeing me for months, she been sneaking off whenever she can to meet up with me in hotel rooms."

Teen Dream looked like he had been punched and I smiled gleefully.

"Whatever. Bell's is free to do whatever she wants." He said trying for nonchalance, but failing miserably. I snorted at the pathetic attempt. Boy Wonder's balls? Officially cut down to fucking size."Have the kids had breakfast yet?" Doogie asked, completely ignoring me now.

I looked at the little boy who was staring at me intently his face so serious, and just like with Apple, I couldn't help but kiss his tiny little cheeks. I heard Apple giggle as she watched us.

"Would you like to help give them their breakfast?" Bella's voice cut through the little bubble I was in.

"Yes I would like that." I responded, maintaining a cool façade. I didn't want to frighten the two precious little ones in my arms.

We fed the twins together, with Apple furiously demanding my attention, as she fought to show me how she could feed herself. I couldn't help but laugh as she ended up with the majority on her face rather than in her mouth.

She just smiled at me, before digging her spoon in and trying again.

I chanced a look over at Louis who was staring at me curiously. I smiled at him and he tentatively returned it.

"Daddy," He said, his voice ringing throughout the room. I could feel that little fear I had with Louis go and I smiled at him in pride.

"That's right my boy you know who your Daddy is don't you tiger?" I knew it sounded like I was getting a dig in, but really I wasn't.

"Would you like to join us for our walk to the park? We go to the park after breakfast and then the kids come home and have a sleep. Then maybe you might like to talk?" Bella said with her back to me, while she rinsed out the plates in the sink.

Now she was ready to talk. If only she had decided to fucking do it sooner things might have been different……

"I'd love to go to the park with my kids and you bet we're gonna fucking talk Bella I'm not leaving here until you explain how you could do this to me." I heard my own voice as though someone else was speaking and I flinched at how weak it sounded.

* * *

We took the twins to the park and played for a while. Bella stayed back for the most part, just letting us get to know each other. I was thankful for it, but I didn't tell her that. When we walked home, I pushed the stroller and chatted away with Apple and Louis about everything and anything.

They particularly liked the sound of the Tui in the trees, especially Apple. She seemed almost enchanted by the birds beautiful song. Almost immediately, I began to hear the faintest threads of music, float through my mind as I watched her, lost in the bird's song. I made a mental note to sit down at the piano later, and try to get it down on paper.

We went back to Bella's house and I watched as she tucked them into their beds. I wondered exactly how many tuck ins I had missed and lamented that I could never get those back. Bella stood back from the bed after she had finished with Louis and I crouched down beside him.

"It's so wonderful to finally meet you my boy. You have sweet dreams and I will see you soon." I didn't want to say goodbye, I never wanted to let him or Apple go, but I knew I had to: For the meantime anyway.

"Daddy" Louis said, stopping the dark and bitter thoughts in their tracks.

"That's right, Daddy." I beeped his nose with my finger and he giggled at me. I stood up and left the room, with one last long look at the perfect little boy who I had the privilege to call my son. I took one final mental snapshot and left the room, Bella closing the door lightly behind her.

We made our way to Apple's room, and she laughed when she saw me. "My Daddy, my daddy, love daddy." She said in the melodic little chant that seemed to belong entirely to her. I bent down and kissed her tiny face.

"That's right my sweet apple pie. I'll see you later sweet dream's my little Angel." I closed the door behind me and followed a visibly shaking Bella down the hall and back to the kitchen.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" She asked, her voice trembling more than her hands.

I didn't want fucking coffee! I wanted the time I missed with my children back! Coffee wasn't going to fucking make up for anything here!

"No. I just fucking want answers from you." I hissed at her. I was so fucking tired of her little games, I just wanted the fucking answers I should have had a long time ago.

"I know. Let's go out into the garden we can talk out there.

"Fine whatever," I responded childishly.

* * *

We sat in the garden in silence and I was ready to fucking lose the plot. She still couldn't just fucking talk to me, and I began to kick myself for dreaming that we could have ever had a future together. I couldn't share my life with someone who could lie to me like this, and even now, when the writing was on the wall, she still tried to hide away.

Well, enough was enough.

"Why Bella? Why would you not tell me I'm a father of two beautiful kids, why did you not get in contact with me when you first found out?" I blurted.

She looked at me and jutted her chin out defensively, "Because Edward we had nothing more than a quick fuck in an office and you told me I was a stupid mistake and moved to France. What exactly did you think I should do? Ring you up and say 'hey remember that drunken night in your office well guess what you are now the co owner of Twins.' Get serious I thought I'd never see you again."

_She's kinda got a point there, you know_. Damn voice in my head.

"Ok Bella, I guess I understand that bit, but we have been seeing each other for months, I told you how much having kids meant to me and yet you still said nothing how could you be so cruel?" Every time I looked at her, all I could see was the Bella who could lie to me like this, not the Bella I had fallen in love with. Everything was such a fucking mess, and I didn't know how to fix it.

"Please Edward. I tried to tell you, I just didn't know how. And I didn't want your family to know about them. I'm sorry Edward I just didn't know what to do." She said desperately.

I froze.

"Why the fuck would you not want my family to know about them? You know my brothers well; surely you knew they would be on your side." Fuck, I didn't think Emmett knew what sibling loyalty was when it came to Bella. Maybe Jasper would be a little bit cold, but fuck, that was still not an excuse.

Bella looked at me in trepidation. It was obvious she didn't like the direction this conversation was taking.

"It's not your Brother's I'm worried about it's your father." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"Carlisle, What's he got to do with all of this?" Why the hell would she care if Carlisle knew or not? What would it matter? Was this just more of her smoke and fucking mirrors.

"I've been hiding them from your Father because I didn't know what he'd do if he found out, I mean look at how he overreacted the night he found us in the office. I was petrified he'd force me to get rid of them or go to court and try to win custody so he could raise them in the Cullen mould. Seems though that was a wasted effort since you're going to do exactly what I knew you Cullen's would do. You're getting your Lawyers to take me down without thinking about what you're going to do to my kids." She sighed.

"Edward, I don't want my children anywhere near Carlisle the man is ruthless and uncaring and I'm not exposing Apple and Louis to him."

She was giving me orders? Telling me who in my family could see my children?

"That's not your choice." I spat at her viciously. She bristled in response

"The fuck it isn't Edward. You are not taking those kids around that man. I'm sorry but your Mother and Brother's are welcome here to visit them anytime but I won't allow them in Carlisle presence." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me in determination.

Determination that only served to fuel the rage that was burning inside me.

"Bella you're pushing my fucking patience, after all the shit you put me through you're going actually sit there and tell me which members of my family are going to be allowed to see my children?" Like fucking hell I'd allow her to dictate to me. If Bella wanted a fight, she had picked the wrong person to do it with. I would crush her.

Carlisle? Is that you? Sorry, I thought I heard Carlisle, must have been just you. The resemblance is uncanny though…..

"Yes Edward I am because someone needs to protect those kids from your father and I don't think I can trust you to do it considering you are completely under his control. In all the time I worked for you I never once saw you stand up for yourself against him or say no. I refuse to let your father use my kids as pawns. And one more thing Edward if you try to take my kids away I swear I'll fight you every step of the way."

The dam burst and my anger at her spilled over.

"Don't threaten me Bella, I could bury you. I'll do whatever I think is the in the best interests of my children and I'm warning you not to interfere." I snarled at her.

She flinched back in fear, but tried to cover it up. It didn't work; she was as bad as Boy Wonder with the false bravado.

"Well Edward there it is, your Daddy would be so proud you're just one out the mould." Her words were sharp, but her voice shook. I ground my teeth together to stop the torrent of profanities that wanted to burst forth.

"Don't you fucking dear Isabella! Your behaviour has been despicable and I would never have believed you could be so fucking heartless." I couldn't. I didn't know what had happened to the girl I loved, but she wouldn't have lied to me like this.

"Hey Edward I didn't do this to hurt you I did it to protect my kids and myself. And I will do anything to protect them." She added as a warning.

I didn't need a fucking warning; I would never do anything to put my children in any danger of any sort.

"So the fuck would I Bella. Do you have any idea what I've missed out with my kids? Milestones that will never be repeated, I've missed nearly two years of their lives two years I can't get back." I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. My mouth began to feel dry and I needed a drink. Really fucking badly.

"Yes I do Edward. You have no idea how many nights I lay awake wishing I could find the courage to tell you. Wishing we could share this."

I snorted at her obvious lie. If she wanted to tell me she had plenty of fucking chances. How many times had I asked her what she was hiding?

It turned out the secret was my children. While her and fucking Boy Wonder played happily families. It was quite clear how much she wished I was there.

"How long has the Pup being playing Daddy to my children?" I hissed.

"He hasn't played daddy but he has been there since the day they were born. Edward I have never encouraged Jake to act like their father and he doesn't."

Did she think I was fucking blind? I saw with my own eyes, the way he looked at Louis and Apple, the way he looked at Bella.

_Thought she wasn't the girl you fell in love with? _A voice piped up in the back of my head.

Bella wasn't the girl I fell in love with.

_Why do you care then how he looks at her? _

Stupid voices in my head:

I was so confused, I needed to think but I couldn't do it here. I had to get away, the twins were sleeping and I needed to process everything that had happened. It seemed like a lifetime ago that I got Bella's message and spilt Thai noodles everywhere.

"Yeah whatever Bella: Look I have to go but like I said my Lawyer will be in touch in regards to shared custody and Isabella I intend to make up for the lost time with my kids and I intend to get at least custody of them for half the week if not more."

She looked at me, her face twisted in pain. "Please Edward don't do this. You are welcome to come and visit them whenever you want. Please don't turn this into a shit fight."

The stupid voices were right. When I opened my mouth, it was certainly Carlisle that came tumbling out.

"Too late Bella you should have thought about that earlier and you bet I will be visiting them whenever I want until I can gain the rights to take them home with me."

Her eyes had welled up with tears, and despite the loathing I felt towards her, it still cut at my heart.

Fuck, I needed to get out now. I shouldn't be feeling like this, fuck, I didn't even know what I was feeling like.

"Please, please Edward can't we work this out between us?" She begged, the tears finally spilling over.

"No Bella because I don't want to talk to you, you're not the girl I thought you were. We will correspond through our lawyers. Expect a letter in the next couple of days and I will text you and let you know when I'll be back around to see my kids."

I stood up and left, leaving Bella behind, her loud sobs ringing in my ears.

* * *

I managed to get to my car and I started it up, turning on my iPod.

The Killers began blaring out the speakers, as I began the drive back to Irina's. I really needed a friend right now.

_She's got her halo and wings  
__Hidden under his eyes  
__But she's an angel for sure  
__She just can't stop telling lies  
__But it's too late for his love _

_Already caught in a trap  
__His angel's kiss was a joke  
__And she is not coming back  
__Because heaven sends and heaven takes _

_Crashing cars in his brain  
__Keep him tied up to a dream  
__And only she can set him free  
__And then he says to me _

_Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now  
__Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now _

I didn't try to stop the tears as they ran down my cheeks. Instead, I pressed my foot down on the accelerator, trying to leave all the hurt and pain behind me...

**A/N: You honestly didn't think we'd do something as lame as get Bella to tell Edward did you? Not when having Tanya do it was so much more fun!!! (Insert evil cackle.)...So tell us what you think :)**


	16. Chapter 16 under siege

**A/N: As always thank you to those of you who reviewed the last chapter, I have not laughed so much in ages, it's so interesting to see how people react to different scenario's and I love and appreciate that you are so passionate about our versions of Bella and Edward. Also thank you and welcome to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions...**

**Everyone knows life isn't always a bed of roses, sometimes it's a bed of thorns, but we each live in hope for our own personal happy ever after...**_**cinnamon x**_

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table.**

**Chapter 16: Under siege...**

The minute Edward left I considered running. Just packing up the kids and disappearing into the night, but I soon realised with the Cullen's resources that would be disastrous on a multitude of levels for me and my children.

Edward's devastated and furious face swam before my eyes, I felt sick and disgusted at myself for being so cruel.

I was in serious trouble, I had dug myself a crater of a hole and I was in so deep I couldn't even see the way out. I cursed myself for being so fucking stupid for getting involved with Edward again in the first place.

I thought over Edward's words about all the first's he'd missed out on and how he'd never get them back. My heart throbbed painfully and bile rose in my throat.

He was right I had acted despicably and I had to face up to that.

I made myself a strong coffee, checked the kids were still sleeping and retreated to my room, Jake still hadn't made an appearance, I knew he was also furious at me for deceiving him and I didn't blame him.

I opened the bedside cupboard and took out the shoe box I had stored all the photos of the kids I had. I sorted through the pile and chose a selection from the day the kid's were born, the first time they sat up on their own, their first tooth smiles, photos that represented their lives up until the present day.

I took the photo album I'd been meaning to fill from the shelf and carefully arranged the photos in order of events. I switched on my laptop and hunted for a blank DVD,I up loaded all the video footage I had that documented their lives thus far.

The first time Apple crawled and how Louis cried because she'd moved away from him and he couldn't get to her. The first tentative steps they took between Me, Alice and Rosalie, the first time they ate solids and when they took their first bubble bath. The sound of their delicious giggles as I pushed them on the swings in the park and the footage I had shot of them when they were sleeping, their angelic little face's flushed pink and warm.

I placed the DVD in its case, grabbed the photo album and wrapped them in bright red wrapping paper. I placed them in a small box and wrote Edward's name and the address of his office across the top. I phoned the courier and was glad when he arrived twenty minutes later to collect the package.

I made myself another coffee and grabbed my phone, I thought about phoning Alice and Rose but I couldn't actually bring myself to do it. Neither of them knew that I'd seen Edward again after the night of the party and they would not be impressed I had kept it from them.

I needed a distraction from my troubles, and there was only one thing that would make me happy now, time with my babies.

I went to check on the kids and found them awake, I smiled widely and kissed Louis as I lifted him out of his bed, "hi sweetie did you have a good sleep?" I propped him on my hip and went to retrieve Apple.

I was just passing Jake's room when his door opened, he looked at me with hurt filled eyes and a wave of shame washed over me.

"Jake…I'm so very sorry. I know I've hurt you and I hope you'll give me a chance to explain."

Not that I had any idea what I was going to say to make things right.

It didn't matter at that moment because there was a sharp rap on the door, Jake and I sighed in unison. It was bound to be Edward and I was sure he would be even more feral today.

I kept my children slung on my hips as I made my way down the hallway and through the kitchen. I let Louis slide to floor as I opened the door.

I couldn't stop the audible gasp as I looked in to the shrewd, calculating, but beautiful face of Carlisle Cullen.

Fear was rising in me; I instinctively reached out for Louis and pulled him close. My heart was crashing in my chest and my breath was coming in short sharp jabs.

Carlisle smiled but it never reached his eyes, those remained cold, cruel and calculating. "Hello Bella, I'm sorry to drop in unannounced. May I say you're looking well, Motherhood obviously agrees with you." His eyes drifted to Louis who was clinging to my side and then to Apple in my arms. "Edward is right; the girl does sort of resemble him."

He looked back at me shrewdly and I fought the urge to slam the door in his face and lock all the doors, windows and pull all the curtains, instead I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice even, "What is that you want Carlisle?"

"To talk, May I come in?" He asked politely.

I sighed pointedly and stood aside from the door allowing him access, I made sure to keep Louis as close to me as I could while he passed.

"Jake?" I called out hoping that he would listen to me and come out of his room. I was intensely relieved when he appeared a moment later.

He took one look at Carlisle and his eyes narrowed, Carlisle meanwhile was sizing Jake up, taking in every detail of his appearance and I inwardly cringed at his sneer.

"What is it Bella?" Jake looked at me seriously trying to read my face and instantly recognising the fear there.

"Can you please take the twins, they need to have breakfast and I need to speak with Carlisle in private."

"Are you sure Bells?" A frowned marred his features.

"Yeah just take the kids please." I said with a note of desperation.

"Call out if you need my help." He swept Louis into his arms, kissing his cheek, Louis giggled. Carlisle glared at Jake then at me but stayed silent. Jake took Apple from my arms and retreated from the room.

I gestured Carlisle to follow me onto the deck, I didn't want his presence to taint the usually light and happy atmosphere of my house. I took a seat at the table, gesturing to him to sit; he shook his head slightly and remained standing.

"So Carlisle what exactly is it that you want to talk about?" _As if I didn't know_ I thought bitterly.

"I want to talk about your motives Bella. I want to know what they are, money, revenge, influence? Which one of those are you attracted to, or is it all three? Forgive me Bella but I'm finding it hard to understand why you would keep the children of the man who called you a 'stupid mistake', if I recall correctly. Surely you didn't keep them because you wanted them? I'm thinking you must have seen the benefits of carrying a Cullen child."

I stared at him in disbelief.

Anger and an overwhelming maternal instinct to protect my children came to my defense; it reared inside me like a snake. "I don't want _any_ of those things. Why the hell do you think I've spent the last eighteen months in hiding? The only thing I care about is protecting my children from being crushed by your iron fist."

"You think I would hurt my grandchildren?" He was looking at me in mild surprise.

"Not physically, but definitely emotionally and I think you'd use them as pawns to get the outcome you want. So I put the question to you Carlisle, what are your motives, why are you here?"

"Well Bella, first I want the kids paternity tested to confirm that they are indeed Edward's children." I glared at him hoping to convey with my look the pure loathing I felt for him. "And I want you to stay away from my son. I think you've done enough damage there."

"Not as much as you've done" I muttered. "And I won't be getting my children tested, I know who the father is and so does he now."

A menacing hiss escaped his lips and they curled into a sneer.

"If you don't do it willingly Bella, _I_ will have the court order it be done. Now if the children do turn out to be Edward's then I wish them to be raised in a certain way in line with Cullen tradition. I expect you to give Edward free access and reign with his children to do as he sees fit."

I stared at him in shock, it was like all my nightmares and fears rolled into one. I knew in that instant exactly why I decided to keep my children a secret and I felt vindicated.

The thought of Apple and Louis being raised and disciplined by Carlisle had me seeing red and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to push him over the railing or scratch out his eyes.

"Carlisle you can't seriously think I'd agree to that? The whole reason I hid their existence was to stop you from inflicting on my kids what you've done to your own."

"What is that supposed to mean Bella? I have raised three extremely successful sons." The anger leaked into his voice and it oozed from every pore, swirling around in the space between us and engulfing me in its thick black cloud.

I fought off its ominous presence by keeping the image of my childrens faces in my mind. I looked Carlisle straight in the eye, "Yeah they may be successful career wise but they are so fucking oppressed by you Carlisle none of them live the life they really want to live or are the people they truly want to be, out of fear of you. You rule your children and you stifle them with your version of love and I use the term lightly because I see it more as control. I will never let you destroy the souls of my children like you've done to your own."

"Those are brave words young Bella. But I'm warning you now; if you oppose me I will see to it that you lose custody of your children altogether and only get visitation once a month at the most." He looked at me shrewdly, "There is a way to avoid a custody battle, how much money would it take for you to walk away and let Edward raise the children alone? Name your price Bella."

"Get out of my house Carlisle." Fury coursed through me, I considered calling Jake to come out and beat the crap out of him, but that's probably what Carlisle was hoping for.

"Remember what I said Bella, I expect the paternity tests to be carried out by the end of the month and my/Edward's lawyers will be in touch."

I stood up; Carlisle went to walk back into the house. "Excuse me Carlisle you can get out to the front through the side gate just around there." I pointed in the direction of where I meant and retreated into the house, leaving him to find his way on his own.

I closed the back door behind me and locked it. Now the Carlisle had gone so had my courage, a low sob tore from my throat and I shook violently.

I headed straight for the shower, I needed to get control of myself and put on a brave face for my children.

I let the scalding water wash over me, hoping it would ease the tension in my rigid muscles. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep my overwhelming fear from engulfing me, Carlisle's warning was echoing in my ears.

There was no way I could go up against the mighty Cullen's and win, with all their money, power and lawyers I knew my lone voice would be drowned out by the lynch mob intent on baying for my blood.

But I had to try, I couldn't lose my kids, I wouldn't lose them. They were mine and I loved them more than life.

I was surprised when I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door and Jakes muffled voice a second later, "excuse me Bells but you've got another visitor."

My shoulders slumped; I fought back the fresh wave of tears trying to force themselves from my eyes, "Is it Edward?" I asked and wincing at how weak my voice sounded.

"No, he said his name was Emmett." My heartbeat calmed and I breathed a sigh of relief. Emmett was the Cullen I trusted without question. He had always stuck up for me, especially against Edward.

"Thanks Jake can you tell him I'll be right out." I said with more confidence.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure." I dressed hurriedly and checked my reflection in the mirror before I went to find him.

He was sprawled out on my couch, my children jumping all over him; the sight brought a smile to my lips. They'd always be guaranteed fun and freedom when they were with Emmett. The thought soothed me a little.

"Hey Emmett," He looked up at me, there was no smile on his face and my heart sank.

"Bella, do you mind if I have a private word with you?" Even though his tone was curt I wasn't too worried, Emmett very rarely took sides and he never stayed mad.

"Of course not, come on out the back, Jake would you please watch the kids for me." I gestured Emmett out the back door to where I met with Carlisle less than an hour ago.

"So Emmett what can I do for you?"

"I came here to ask what the fuck you think you're doing Bella? I can't believe you'd keep something like that a secret. Do you have any idea what the fuck you've done to_ my_ Brother? I fucking told you and he did too how much having kids would mean to him and the whole time you were hiding his son and daughter, mine and Jazz' niece and nephew and Esme's grandchildren." It didn't escape my notice he excluded Carlisle from the list.

"I know Emmett, I'm so sorry." Shame washed over me.

"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it Bella. I know Edward hurt you but he apologised and you accepted. Have you got any fucking idea how fucking destroyed he is? You know Bella I thought you had more integrity than that."

Emmett's words crashed down on me like a ton of bricks causing hot guilty tears to splash down my cheeks, "please listen Emmett. I didn't do this to hurt Edward. I tried to tell him but I just didn't know how. Please Emmett I did try."

"Apparently you didn't try hard enough." He glowered.

"Please Emmett; please try to understand it from my point of view."

"I've tried Bella and then I see the broken form of my brother drowning in a sea of scotch and I can't help but feel contempt."

"He's drinking? Oh god Emmett I'd do anything to change what's happened. I never did this to hurt him I did it to protect my children and myself. When I decided to keep the babies I did it because I wanted to have a piece of Edward forever. I never thought I'd even see him again. Not that that's an excuse but I kept them so I could give them the love I had saved for their father. You need to know Emmett, it wasn't Edward I was hiding them from it was Carlisle."

"Why would you hide them from Carlisle?" Emmett's usually boisterous voice was quiet.

"Do you really have to ask me that question Emmett?" He frowned at me and I sighed in exasperation, "Because I knew he would try to take them off me."

"No he wouldn't Bella, he might be a tyrant in the business world but he still has a heart, he would never try and separate you from your children."

"Shows you how well you know your father then doesn't it Emmett? Carlisle has already been round this morning and can you tell Edward from me thanks a fucking lot for sending Daddy around to threaten and intimidate me. He thinks I'm a coward, who the fuck sends their father round to make threats? If Edward or Carlisle think they're gonna take custody of my kids off me they're deluded. Because I'll kill for my kids: Emmett."

"What do you mean Carlisle has been here?"

"Oh didn't he tell you? He came around with a list of demands that include paternity tests, giving sole custody to Edward so he can raise them in the Cullen mould or taking a payout to walk away from them for good. _Your_ fucked up Father is who I was protecting my kids from and after today's visit I realised I had made the right decision not to tell your family."

"Are you serious Bella? Are you honestly going to stand here and tell me my Father tried to buy your kids?"

"Go fucking home and ask him Emmett. Not that I think he'll admit it. And tell Edward from me if he sends Daddy devil to my house again I'll get a fucking restraining order against both of them. I'm sorry Emmett I don't want to fight with you and I understand that you're sticking up for your brother. But I'm begging you try and see it from my point of view."

"Whatever Bells, I'll see you round." His words shredded my mangled heart that little bit more; it was now so thoroughly broken I doubted it would ever heal.

"Please Emmett please say you'll forgive me and tell Edward I'm so very sorry." I begged I didn't want to lose Emmett as well as Edward.

"I don't know if I can. I've gotta go Bella maybe I'll see you round." My low sob rent the air as I watched him go. I had just lost the one Cullen I thought would always be on my side.

I went to find Jake and the kids who were still having lunch in the kitchen; he stood up and pulled me into his arms when he saw my defeated and tear stained face.

"Are you ok Bella?" He asked softly.

"No. I'm in trouble Jake and I don't know what to do. The Cullen's are a very powerful family. They want to take the kids away and I have no chance of winning against them..."

"You're joking? What kind of sick fucked up people want to separate a Mother from her children?"

I shook my head, for that I had no answer. "I don't know what to do Jake, I'm so scared. I can't lose them; they're my life."

"Let's run Bella, you me and the kids. We can pack up and leave now, we can go to the Marae we'll be safe there."

"We wouldn't be safe anywhere Jake, they'd find us." I wondered briefly how I had been caught out, who it was that told Edward.

"Well don't worry Bella, I'll stick by you and the kids. And I won't let that Carlisle man back on the property."

"Thanks Jake, but there's no way to stop Carlisle, the man's ruthless..."

I put the kids back to bed for their afternoon sleep and took a blanket out to the front yard. I needed to sort out the mass of confused thoughts in my head and make a plan.

No matter what Carlisle said I wasn't going to go down without a fight.

I had just sat down and was fiddling with my IPod when a sleek red BMW pulled into the driveway; I was surprised when its occupants both smiled warmly at me as they got out of the car.

I gave them both a small smile in return and stood up as they walked toward me.

"Hello Bella, I hope this isn't a bad time to visit?" Esme said softly.

"No it's fine. How are you Esme, Irina?"

"I'm well thank you Bella." Irina smiled again, I could feel the warmth of her spiritand it disarmed me slightly.

Although I really liked Irina from the limited time I had spent with her, she was Edward's best friend so I was expecting an attack from her at some point, as I was with Esme.

"I guess you're here to meet your Grandchildren amongst other things? They're asleep right now so if there's anything you'd like to say now's probably a good time." My patience was wearing pretty thin, I knew I sounded rude but I was so over it; I didn't really care.

I stood there steeling myself, waiting for one of them to start hurtling abuse at me.

"Bella may I ask you to share your side of the story with us? You worked for Cullen industries for many years; you were straight out of school if I remember. I have always thought of you as level headed and very fair. I believe you must have had valid reasons for doing this and I would like to hear them, if you're willing to share."

I stared at Esme, I was sure she could see the shock that registered on my face. I certainly wasn't expecting that.

"Oh…um…would you like to come inside?"

"That would be lovely."

Jake was waiting in the kitchen when we arrived, he gave me a questioning look and I nodded knowing exactly what he was asking me. He retreated to his room after I made hasty introductions.

I asked Esme if she would like to look in on her Grandchildren and she beamed as she and Irina followed me down the hall and into Louis' room.

Her smile widened when she looked at his cherubic face, "Edward was right, he does look like you." She whispered and my heart throbbed painfully.

Her gasp was audible when she laid her eyes on Apple; I could see tears in her eyes as she gazed upon the miniature female version of her beloved youngest son.

She waited until we were back in the kitchen until she spoke, "oh Bella they are beautiful, you must be so proud?" I looked up at her, unable to comprehend that she was being so nice, her sincerity was plain to see in her features.

"I am Esme; they are my whole world, my life." I looked at her almost pleadingly hoping she would get my meaning.

"Of course Bella I understand exactly how a mother feels about her children." I smiled widely, relief flooding through my body. Of course Esme would understand what drives a mother to protect her kids.

"Look Esme I don't know how to explain my actions. I'm not sure how much you know about the night I got fired from Cullen Industries." I could feel the blush creeping over my face when I thought back to that fateful night.

"I know the basics." Esme didn't elaborate so I continued.

"Well after Carlisle confronted Edward about us, Edward told his Dad I was nothing but a stupid mistake. I was devastated, then I'd heard Edward had left for France and I thought I'd never see him again. Then I found out I was pregnant and I decided to keep the twins so I could have a part of Edward in my life. I didn't want to contact Edward at first, I had no idea how he would react to knowing he had the responsibility of having children to a girl he considered nothing more than a mistake." Esme and Irina both looked at me sympathetically. I took heart from that and continued, "About a month after the twins were born I phoned Edward's cell phone, I was calling him to tell him because I felt guilty that I was keeping such a thing from him. But he never answered and I lost my nerve. The next day I read in the newspaper that he'd gotten engaged and I knew then I'd never tell him."Esme nodded her head; she never said anything so I carried on. "Then he came home and as soon as I saw him I knew how much I loved him and he was saying he was sorry and that he wanted to be with me and I wanted to be with him so I started spending time with him. I wanted desperately to tell him but how? I tried to tell him in Queenstown the night he told me how much he longed for a family and again the night he finally found out. I just didn't know how to get the words out. I knew he was going to be devastated, I knew I was going to lose him again and I knew that it was going to end up like this. With Lawyers and threats and people coming around to tell me if I didn't hand over custody to Edward immediately then I would be dragged through the courts and it would be seen to that I would lose my kids." I said bitterly, "I'm so sorry that I hurt Edward; it was never my intention to be cruel. I was just trying to protect Apple and Louis from the fallout..."

There was more I wanted to say but I just couldn't keep it together and a small sob escaped my lips.

Irina came to my side immediately putting her arms around me hugging me tightly, it felt strange after everything else that had happened today.

Esme was looking at me pensively, "Bella did you say that people had been around here demanding you give custody to Edward, who would do that?"

I looked her sadly, "I'd rather not say Esme. As much as I'm relieved that it's out in the open and Edward knows he's a father and can have an active role in their lives, there's no way in hell I'm giving him free reign, they are my children."

"Of course not Bella and nor would I expect that of you. I need to ask you this and I hope you will consent to answer. Do you still love my son?"

I looked at her; I couldn't stop the tears spilling from my eyes, "I love him with all my heart, I knew from that night at the Christmas party. He's everything I ever dreamed he would be. But it's totally irrelevant he'll never forgive me and I don't blame him."

Irina squeezed my hand gently, I could feel that inexplicable warmth radiating from her, "don't give up on him yet Bella, he loves you too. I've never seen him as happy and alive as when he is with you. He never looked at my sister the way he looks at you and I've never seen him as comfortable in his own skin as when you are around him. It's like seeing a whole side of Edward I never knew. He is extremely hurt Bella but I think he will forgive you; it was always his dream that you would be the mother of his children. I'm sure with a little help from Esme and myself we can make him come to realise that his dreams did in fact come true."

My eyes widened in surprise, "you would help me to convince Edward that I never meant to hurt him?" I didn't want to give myself any hope, I knew Edward would never have me back, I had accepted that; even though it hurt worse than anything I had ever experienced, but I did want to have a cordial relationship for the sake of our kids.

"Yes, its plain to see you didn't do this to hurt him and that you are meant to be together." Irina said quietly.

I shook my head sadly. "It's too late for that, although I would like to think that we may one day be friends."

The conversation was cut short when I heard Apples sweet voice calling out to me. Esme smiled widely in anticipation of finally meeting her grandchildren. I left them in the lounge and went to get my little girl.

I knew Louis would be awake too, he always woke within a minutes of Apple.

"Louis, Apple, there is someone special here I want you to meet. She is your Grandma."

"Grandma Nae?" Louis looked at me excitedly.

"No not Grandma Nae, this lady is Grandma Esme. Can you say Esme?"

Apple responded first as she usually did, "S me, Grandma S me."

"That's right Apple good girl, you're so clever. Shall we go out and say hello to Grandma Esme?" I held each of their little hands as we made our way up the hallway.

Esme stood as soon as we entered the room and walked towards us. Apple took one look at her bright smile and launched herself at her, hugging her leg tightly. Esme laughed exuberantly and scooped Apple into her arms.

"Hello Apple, my name is Esme." Apple leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

"Grandma S me." Apple chirruped.

Esme eyes sparkled with tears, she kissed Apple back. "That's right Grandma Esme, you are a clever little girl and I can't believe how much you look like your Dad."

"Dad, dad, dad, dad, _my Dad_, love my Dad." Apple's sweet voice had taken on a possessive edge. Esme tears spilled down her cheeks, I smiled at Apple and so did Irina.

Esme's gaze drifted to mine and I shrugged, "Apple is absolutely smitten with her father. It was love at first sight. He seems to have that effect on Swan women." I mused.

Irina and Esme laughed and Apple joined in.

"For him as well," Esme whispered as she passed Apple to me and picked up Louis, he never said anything but he gave her a big grin and she kissed his cheek.

I made the kids a snack and we took them into the backyard, Esme held both of their hands while they showed her all of their favourite things.

I sat with Irina on the deck. I felt oddly calm in her presence; I wished things could have been different, I was sure we would have been good friends given the chance.

"Bella may I ask you about your children's names? I am curious as to the inspiration for them, if it's not too personal of course." Irina blushed and I smiled, it was nice to see someone else who suffered from the annoying affliction.

I made a split decision then to trust her, everything about her told me she was trust worthy and I felt like she genuinely liked me. "This is going to sound really strange but Edward was the inspiration for Apple." She looked at me curiously and I continued. "Apple is the spoils of the forbidden fruit so to speak. I went with the French twist to their names to honour my heart which lay with Edward in France. Louis has a variation of Edward's middle name, as you probably know Edward's is Anthony and Louis is Antony."

She gave me a genuine smile, "Edward will come to realise he needs you, just give him time."

"Thank you Irina for listening to my side of the story and supporting me, I know you are Edward's best friend and I'm glad he's got you to help him through this."

"I'd like to be your friend to Bella, if you'll let me."

I smiled at her, "I'd really like that."

"It's settled then, we are now officially friends." I couldn't help but laugh at Irina, I felt like I was back at school.

"Bella, was it Carlisle who came around and threatened you?" I looked at her fearfully at the mention of his name. She nodded in understanding. "What did he say?

I quickly told her of my earlier conversation with Carlisle and made her swear not to say anything to Esme, or Edward, I didn't want to cause more trouble for them.

Irina was mortified when I told her what Carlisle had said, I quickly explained to her how it was Carlisle I was hiding the kids from not Edward. I also told her how I had lied to my own parents and that my sister's and Jake were the only ones who had known the truth.

It felt cathartic to finally have everything out in the open, I felt free of the burden of carrying such an all consuming secret.

I invited them to stay for dinner, which they accepted, I wouldn't have been surprised if Esme asked if she could spend the night she was so enamoured with her grandchildren.

I was surprised that Edward hadn't shown up yet, I thought he would have been here at the break of dawn. I wondered why that may be.

As if Irina had read my mind she answered my unspoken question, "Edward won't be coming around until tomorrow. I told him we were having a girl's night and he wasn't invited."

I felt overwhelming gratitude for both Irina and Esme; they had given me tiny spots of light on an otherwise dark and lonely road.

After a wonderful casual dinner that included a few bottles of the Hawkes Bays finest merlot and lots of laughter, Esme and Irina both kissed my cheek and promised to be in touch very soon.

I crawled into bed and thanked the Deities for throwing me a lifeline...

**Chapter Sixteen **

**Edward's POV**

I pulled up into Irina's driveway and parked my car. I turned it off and got out, locking it behind me. I used my key and unlocked the front door, and made my way inside.

I could smell lunch cooking so I went towards the kitchen.

Irina and Demetri were at the kitchen island chopping up vegetables and talking quietly.

"I'm worried Demetri, Edward should have called by now. What if something's happened?" Irina asked him, cutting a carrot ferociously in half.

"Edward is fine." I said walking the rest of the way into the kitchen. Irina dropped her knife down onto the counter top and rushed over to me.

"What happened you fool?" She asked giving me a quick hug.

I hugged her back and made my way over to the island, picking up her discarded knife and continued chopping the vegetables.

Demetri gave me a sad smile and carried on without saying anything. He knew by now how Irina and I were.

"I met my children this morning." I said quietly chopping the halved carrot into slices.

After the emotional roller coaster I had been on today, I was feeling pretty wiped out, and the mundane task of chopping carrots was actually kind of therapeutic.

"And?" Irina asked me leaning over the counter and halting my hands. I looked up into her sympathetic eyes and smiled tears spilling over and down my cheeks yet again.

"They're perfect." I whispered.

"Of course they are." Demetri said giving me a one armed hug.

* * *

We continued to cook lunch in relative silence. We seemed to be making a fucking lot, but I didn't bother to question it I was too fucking tired to care if there were leftovers.

After we had finished, Irina attacked me with a thousand questions and I told her what had happened.

She smiled at my description of Apple and how we had bonded straight away. She told me how proud of me she was that I didn't strangle Jake when Louis ran to him, but when I told her about my threats to involve the lawyers, her smile fell.

"So you threatened to take her children away from her." She said disapprovingly.

"I kind of think, given the situation, that I'm within my rights to be a little pissed off and strike out. Plus, I haven't decided about the lawyers yet." I grumbled. Irina was furious though.

"No wonder she never wanted to tell you, look at the response she got!" Irina grabbed my hands and looked into my eyes, "Edward, I know it hurts right now and what Bella did to you was horrible, but you can't let this eat away at you, it's only going to hurt more later on. But more so, those two beautiful little children of yours don't need to be dragged through a custody battle. Think about them before you do anything Edward."

I nodded absently and stood up, "Well, I might steal the bed in your spare room if that's ok." I said already making my way there. I was sick of fucking talking to be honest and this morning had really taken it out of me.

I figured I could get a few hours sleep, then go to my parents and break the news that they were grandparents.

Holy shit, how was I going to do that?

"Uh, I'd hold up a second Edward. Your brothers and parents have pulled up." Demetri called from his space by the front window.

I panicked. I mean; I seriously fucking panicked. How was I going to tell them? What was I going to say? I looked at Irina in desperation

"Why are they here?" I asked frantically. She frowned.

"I told you last night they were coming over for lunch today. Didn't you hear me?"

"No! Obviously fucking not," I practically yelled. I could see them all getting out of

Carlisle's Mercedes and Carlisle did not look impressed that he had to be here.

"Dude, who did you think we made all that fucking food for?" Demetri asked trying not to laugh. I was so happy he found this fucking situation amusing.

"Having a good 'ole chuckle over there?" I asked him snarkily.

"Yes, I am." He said outright laughing.

"Hello? Is anyone home?" My mother's sing song voice came from the door. I couldn't breathe. I seriously couldn't fuckin breathe.

"Calm down Edward. Let's just have lunch first shall we?" Irina said leading me to the table and sitting me down. I was still hyper ventilating, I needed a fucking paper bag or something. I could hear them making their way to the dining room. Where was a fucking paper bag when you needed it?

Demetri suddenly thrust a very healthy glass of whiskey into my hand and I threw it back quickly, ignoring the burn in my throat. Because he's such a good friend, and the days of my drunken escapades in Paris had not yet left his memories, he refilled my glass quickly.

I looked up just as my mother came in.

Everyone said their hellos, and hugged and shook hands. Except Carlisle, he just stood there staring at me and the glass in my hand. I suppose it was a little early really.

"Edward! I had no idea you were joining us! What a pleasant surprise!" My mother took the seat next to me and kissed my cheek, frowning at the smell of the whiskey on my breath.

"What's wrong honey? How did your trip to Queenstown go? You never called." She said discreetly pulling a mint out of her purse and handing it to me.

My mother just gave me a mint. Because my breath reeks of whiskey and no doubt the thousand or so cigarettes that I had gone through since leaving Bella's. It was a proud moment for me.

I took the fucking mint and popped it in my mouth to appease her, grimacing slightly at the now minty-whiskey taste in my mouth.

Irina kindly offered my father the head of the table seat, which the pretentious prick took happily. It also meant he was sitting next to me as well. Emmett took the seat across from my mother and Irina took the seat across from me. Demetri and Jasper took the seats at the end and began talking immediately about some scuba diving trip they were planning.

As we ate, I could feel my father's stare on me constantly. By the end of lunch, I threw my fork down on my plate and stared directly back at the intimidating fucker. I was in no fucking mood to be bullied by him. The half bottle of whiskey that I had consumed over lunch probably didn't help either.

"You got something on your mind Dad?" I asked angrily. His eyebrows pretty much went to his hairline.

"Well, since you want to bring it up son, it's a bit early to be drinking quite so much isn't it?" He asked so fucking condescendingly, that I wanted to punch the smug wanker.

"I don't know, but being that I'm a grown fucking man I can make my own decisions on the matter I think!" I said snarkily.

He narrowed his eyes at me and opened his mouth to speak, Jasper piped up, trying to avoid conflict no doubt.

"Hey, Edward, can I borrow your phone for a moment? I've got to check my email, and I left mine at their place." He said motioning to our parents.

"Sure, it's in my jacket in the guest room." I said.

Jasper got up striding off towards the guest room. Irina kicked me under the table and looked at my mother pointedly. She knew I was procrastinating. I took a deep breath.

"Who the hell is this?" Came Jasper's voice from the doorway: In his hand was the blown up photograph of my daughter's smiling face. I couldn't help but smile right back at the photo, she was so beautiful it made my heart hurt.

"She looks like you." Emmett said woodenly.

The table had fallen silent; I mean you could literally hear a fucking pin drop.

"Uh huh, that's my fucking point Emmett!" Jasper said and then turned to me, "Who is she Edward?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes for a second. It was now or never.

"She's my daughter." I said.

* * *

"What? How? With who? Oh, god that's not Tanya's baby is it?" My mother asked in a clear state of distress.

"God no," I practically yelled. It was an insult to my baby girl.

"Edward? You have to give me some answers here!" My mother exclaimed. My father and Emmett were both just staring at me.

"Her name is Apple. Apple La Rouge Swan," I said, trying not to let the fact my children did not carry my name effect me.

"SWAN?" Emmett bellowed, standing up. He strode to Jasper and snatched the photo from his hands and looked at it closely. He then looked back at me, "As in Isabella fucking Swan, Edward?" He yelled.

"Well I sure as hell didn't sleep with Rose or Alice!" I yelled right back. "Of course it was Bella!"

"Sorry dude, I don't mean to yell at you. But Bella, how could she fucking do this? I fucking told her about you and the family obsession!"

Emmett's ranting was cut off from a low growl at the head of the table.

Everybody looked into Carlisle's glowering countenance. His hands were gripping the table, his knuckles white. His burning eyes turned to me, "Isabella Swan? How long have you known about this child?" He growled.

My eyes narrowed, and for a moment, I could see exactly what the fuck Bella had been talking about regarding my father. I did not like the way he was talking about Apple. "First of all, her name is Apple. Learn it." I spat and heard Jasper chuckle.

Emmett just uttered a 'Whoa'.

My mother's hand took mine and she squeezed it in support.

"Second, I only found out last night. And it's not child but children. She had twins." I finished and I'm sure the collective gasp sucked all the oxygen from the room.

"Twins?" Emmett croaked but comprehension dawning on his face.

He looked at me in such sympathy and I was surprised. I was sure he would have been on Team Bella all the way.

"I also have a son, Louis Antony Swan." I said proudly.

I hadn't noticed, but Irina had left the table and got the other photo of Louis. She gave it to me with a small smile and a pat on the arm. I smiled gratefully back at her.

My mother practically snatched the photo from me. I looked down at my empty hands in surprise.

"He's so adorable!" She gushed, tears streaming down her cheeks. Emmett passed her the photo of Apple and her tears doubled, while sobs wracked her small frame. "Edward, she looks just like you!" My mother squeaked in joy, "My grandchildren!" She choked out and I hugged her to me.

I hadn't appreciated how much this would mean to her too.

"Are you sure they are yours?" Carlisle asked.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

"Well, how can you be sure son?" He asked looking at me shrewdly.

I pointed at the photo of my daughter, "Because I have fucking eyes Dad. It's pretty fucking clear." I spat.

Carlisle just rolled his eyes as though I were throwing a tantrum and continued on "So when can we meet them?" Carlisle asked his tone clipped.

"I'll have to talk to Bella about that." I said curtly. I was suddenly not so keen on my father having access to my children. Not without me constantly around them anyway.

"Bella, why would you ask her?" He grunted. I looked at him dead on.

"Because she is their mother, and her opinion and mine are the only ones that matter, Dad." My voice was pure steel.

"She kept your children from you Edward! Are you completely blind boy?" My father bellowed.

I stood up and glared down at him.

"Yes, she did. But that's not any of your concern Dad." I leaned a little closer. "And make no mistake, if you do anything to harass Bella or my children I will end you myself. This is my business and I will handle it the way I see fit." I hissed.

"Hallelujah!" Jasper shouted.

Carlisle glared at him then turned his fury back to me, "I only have your best interest at heart Edward. I know what girls like that are after."

Emmett saw my face and rushed over and grabbed me. I don't know how I looked but I sure felt fucking violent.

"Enough!" My mother stood up and held the photos of my babies in the air. "You two should be ashamed of yourselves! Now's not the time for throwing blame around, now is the time for celebration! Our family now has two new members and all you want to do is fight! Well, I won't have it! No wonder Bella wanted these children kept away from us, look at what we do! We have the biggest gifts of our lives handed to us and we bicker!" Tears were streaming down my livid mother's face. She was so angry she was shaking. "I'm going home now, and hopefully tomorrow Bella won't throw me out of her house when I go to visit! I wouldn't blame her if she did though; I'm ashamed to be a Cullen at the moment."

My mother turned and walked out the door. Demetri grabbed his car keys and caught up with her. "I'll give you a ride home Esme." His voice floated back.

"Thank you Demetri. I'm so sorry for ruining lunch today; I don't know what came over me..." My mother's weak voice apologised.

"You just a strong Mama Bear Esme, and your cubs back there needed to hear you growl." He made a pretty pathetic growling noise and she laughed.

"That's what I want to hear Esme." Demetri said and then closed the door behind them.

* * *

Carlisle left soon after and Jasper left with him to check on Mum. I bet that was a fun car ride home.

Emmett stayed behind to drive me home. I was in no condition; I was close to finishing the rest of that bottle of whiskey.

"Ok, sunshine. Your brother's going to take you home now." Irina said helping me to my feet.

"Why did she do this to me?" I slurred to Irina. "I loved her more than anything."

Irina just shook her head at me sadly.

"I don't know sweetie, but now's not the time to be asking those kinds of questions. Wait till you've got a clear head for that ok?" She kissed my forehead and helped me out to the car. I was alright, just a little unsteady on my feet.

"Wait! Emmett can't drive my car!" I protested. Irina rolled her eyes and pulled the keys to her car out of her pocket and tossed them to Emmett.

"I'll drive the Edward's car back and you follow in mine." She said to Emmett.

He just huffed and muttered, "Big baby. I wouldn't wreck his stupid car anyway."

We eventually got home and Irina left with a promise that she would call me in the morning and not to call Bella tonight or I would make things worse.

"I'll be staying here with him tonight." Emmett said quietly. "I owe him that at least."

* * *

I was lying on the couch with a bottle of Scotch in my hand while Emmett sat in the recliner watching me. "How are you feeling man?" He asked finally.

I laughed a little, "About what Emm? About being a father finally? Fuck, I feel, shit there aren't any words, I feel so fucking happy I might burst."

"And Bella?" He asked. I felt my stomach turn at what she had done to me, done to us.

"I feel sick. I didn't believe anyone could fucking hurt me that bad, and I would never have expected it to come from her."

"I didn't either. I'm sorry bro, I should have seen this, I mean fuck she was supposed to be my best friend."

I laughed and took another drink from the bottle. "Don't be sorry Emmett; it's not your fault. I'm afraid this one belongs all to Bella."

I finished the bottle of Scotch and eventually passed out, clutching the photos of my children to my chest.

* * *

*******

The next morning I woke up to find a plate of fruit salad and Vogel's café style muesli thrust into my face. I felt like I had consumed a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of

Scotch the day before.

Oh, that's right, I had. That would be why I felt like shit. Where were the photos?

I began to search frantically, when I heard my mother's voice. "I've got them here. You dropped them on the floor last night." She said softly.

I looked up and followed the arm that held my breakfast to find it attached to Irina. She put it down on the coffee table when her phone started to ring. She looked at the screen with a frown and left the room.

"Hey rummy," She said with a smile when she returned to the room.

I groaned, "I don't touch rum. Awful stuff," I hesitantly looked at my mother; I knew how much I had disappointed her yesterday.

"Mum, I'm sorry about yesterday." I said my voice remorseful.

"I know baby, me too. I'm actually quite proud of the way you defended Bella." She said with a smile.

I frowned. _I hadn't defended Bella, had I?_

"Irina and I are going around there this afternoon." she said handing the photos back to me reluctantly.

"I'll come with you." I said. I was desperate to see Apple and Louis again.

"No you won't." Irina said shaking her head to emphasize her point.

"Why the hell not?" I asked angry. Hadn't I been kept from my children enough? Fuck, was everybody against me being a father?

"Because you attacked Bella yesterday with threats of lawyers, and I just got off the phone with Emmett who just went and gave Bella a piece of his mind. I think she needs some friendly faces at the moment." She looked at me with a wrinkled nose

"Plus you look like hell, and your babies don't need a drunken daddy. Sober your ass up for today ok? Let us do some damage control." Irina said and I knew she was being sensible.

"Emmett?" I asked surprised. That was certainly unexpected. Irina nodded.

"He's always been a bit of a hot head." My mother sighed and came over to kiss my cheek. "Eat something Edward, and I'll call you after I see my grandchildren."

"Give them a kiss for me?" I begged not caring if I sounded like a tool. I missed them so damn much it was fucking hurting.

"I will." She promised and turned to Irina

"I'll wait in the car for you." Irina just nodded. After my mother had left Irina looked at me seriously.

"Emmett told me that your father had been around to see Bella this morning before he got there."

I felt as though I had been kicked. "Dad? What the hell did he say?" I asked nervously. I wasn't sure how Bella and I were going to deal with things yet, but I knew Carlisle would only make the situation worse.

"I don't know, he didn't say. Just sober up ok? See your kids when you're one hundred percent."

I knew she was right about seeing Apple and Louis today. I didn't need a mirror to know that I looked like shit; this was a road I had travelled many times.

Besides, Carlisle and I needed a little talk.

* * *

After Irina left I picked up my phone and called my father. He answered after a few rings.

"Edward? To what do I owe this call?" He said cheerfully.

"Did you go to Bella's this morning?" I asked, my voice a growl. I hadn't been fucking kidding with him yesterday. This was none of his fucking business.

"Ah, so she's already gone running to cry on your shoulder. I'm not surprised." His voice was pure condescension and I was grateful this conversation was via phone and not in person.

"I thought I made myself clear yesterday Dad, stay away from Bella."

He snorted into the phone.

"Somebody has to take care of these things, you certainly aren't. You don't even know for sure the children are yours!"

That was it. He had fucking pushed me too far this time!

"If you ever say that about Apple and Louis again I will make sure you never see them again, do you understand me? And I fucking warned you about staying away from Bella, you don't go anywhere near her, are we fucking clear? You've pushed me too fucking far this time Dad." I was almost yelling into the phone.

"You're a fool Edward, and when she takes you for every penny you have, just remember I tried to protect your interests." Then he hung up on me.

I threw my phone across the room, and it shattered when it hit the wall.

My head was a mass of confusion and the fucking hangover that was hitting me was not helping at all.

Why was I defending Bella? After all she had done to me; I should be cheering my father on as he unleashed his lawyers from hell. But I couldn't; no matter how angry with her I was, she was still the mother of my children and I couldn't do that to her.

Not her.

* * *

I messed around the house for the rest of the day, everywhere I looked I imagined what it would be like if Apple and Louis were here with me. I looked at the dining room table and I imagined Apple and Louis there, in the gardens, splashing in the pool, everywhere.

The funny thing was Bella kept popping in there too, no matter how hard I tried to push her out. It made me feel a little bit angrier at her, that I still seemed to want her even after what she did.

I walked into an empty guest room and looked around. I could see Apple here, the walls painted in fairy forest mural. My mind began racing with ideas and I ran upstairs to get the cordless phone and my address book, nearly tripping over my feet on the way back downstairs.

I phoned a friend of mine who was a local artist and described to him what I wanted.

He told me he could be there today and get it done within a couple of days. I sheepishly told him I needed two rooms done, one fairy forest and the other an underwater theme. I was standing in what would be Louis's room and had decided an underwater theme would suit him well.

He groaned and told me he'd bring two teams but it was going to cost me.

I told him to bring in three teams if he needed to, I wanted it done as soon as possible and money was no issue. I was promised three days and they would both be completed.

I ran upstairs again and pulled out my laptop, and began shopping for furniture and toys for my babies. It eased the hurt at being away from them somehow, and as I ordered a huge princess castle bed for Apple and a large castle aquarium for Louis, I found myself smiling at what their reactions would be.

If Bella ever let me have them here of course:

I pushed those kinds of thoughts from my mind and clicked confirming my order. I paid just about double to get them here within two days, but I didn't care. I wanted rooms ready for my children.

Even though I had a hangover, I began moving all the furniture out of the rooms and into the basement area.

I had finished one room and was about to begin on the next one when there was a knock at the door. I went up stairs and smiled when I saw Ben at the door with the two teams of artists behind him.

"Let's make some magic!" He said theatrically.

I led them to the kid's rooms and watched as they began.

I missed my children.

**A/N: We'd love to hear your thoughts so please feel free to review :)**


	17. Glaciers melting in the dead of night

**A/N: As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review, as you know your thoughts and feeling are much appreciated. And welcome to those of you who have just joined this story.**

**I have to say that both Greenaway and I can see and sympathize with both Bella and Edward pov. It's funny that you're ready to plead their cases when Greenaway and I spent months doing exactly that with each other. I'll admit there were times when I wanted to climb through my computer and into Greenaway's head so I could beat Edward to death out of share frustration. (Maybe I will post our chat as an outtake honestly it's hilarious) and I know she felt the same about Bella at times. Greenaway is exceptionally good at pleading Edward's case, she always has sound and valid arguments in defence of Edward's actions and reactions, which results in Bella and I forgiving him time and time again for all the crap he puts us through. LOL... And Carlisle **_**is**_** the biggest A**hole on the planet...**

**We hope you've had a safe and happy holiday weekend :)**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table.**

**Chapter 17: Glaciers melting in the dead of night...**

**Bella's POV**

I was just making coffee when I saw the Silver Austin Martin pull into the driveway. I looked at the clock; it was just before seven a.m. I watched Edward step from the car and my heart skipped a beat. He was dressed in dark blue denim jeans and what looked like his Stoli T shirt. I was surprised but also a little relieved when I saw Irina get out of the passenger side. At least there would be someone here to act as a buffer and calm him down if he lost his temper. I opened the front door and my heart throbbed painfully when I looked at him. He hadn't shaven since I saw him last and his stubble was thickening in places along his throat and jaw, dark circles shadowed the skin beneath his eyes.

"Good morning Edward, Irina would you like to come in?" I said politely. Edward closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath; his fingers automatically running through his hair, tugging it into an even more sexy mess.

He opened his eyes and looked at me calmly, "if you don't mind."

"Sure come on in, Apple's been asking for you ever since you left the other day." I said conversationally. I saw the tears well in his eyes and he swallowed hard.

If I lived to be a hundred and even when I was dead I would never forgive myself for hurting him like I had.

"Has she really been asking about me?" His voice was thick, husky, it had an edge of pride to it and it was full of his love for his children.

"Yes, it seems like she's her Daddies girl. She is totally smitten with you." I said sincerely.

"As I am with her, and Louis," He said quietly his velvety voice still tinged with emotion. Edward and Irina followed me into the kitchen where Apple and Louis were eating their vegemite toast.

Irina and Edward both smiled at their messy faces.

Apple took one look at Edward and immediately began reaching out for him, "Daddy, my Dad, love my Dad, Dad, Dad," She squealed delightedly.

Edward's face broke into beatific smile; he seemed to glow with happiness. "Hi my little sweetie pie, how you doing today?" He leaned forward to kiss her coppery curls and she giggled. He moved toward Louis, who gave him a toothy grin, he kissed his head and inhaled deeply, a small sigh escaping his lips, "hi Tiger."

My mangled heart completely shattered, splintering into a billion tiny irreparable shards. Each jagged point stabbed into my flesh causing me almost unendurable agony. I blinked back the tears pooling in my eyes and stifled the strangled sob rising in my throat. It was killing me to see firsthand what I had lost, we were a family but we weren't.

I swallowed the lump obstructing my throat and took a steadying breath. "Would either of you like a hot or cold drink or something to eat?" I mumbled.

Edward looked at me in surprise and sighed. "No thank you, Irina?" Tears pricked at my eyes again; even though he was being civil I could hear the bite in his tone.

"I'd love a coffee thank you Bella." Irina gave me one of her warm smiles and I felt myself relaxing the tiniest bit. She had such a calming presence about her and I wondered if it was a gift and if Edward was affected by her like I was.

I made her a coffee while Edward gazed at his children in awed fascination, his melodic laugh rung out through the kitchen whenever one of them did something he thought was funny. Both Apple and Louis laughed with him and it created such a beautiful melody it made my soul soar and ache painfully in equal measures. My heart was unfeeling now, it may as well have been dead. I passed Edward two warm flannels, "would you like to clean them up? Then I thought you might like to take them to the park today without me?"

He stared at me, that same surprised look flashed across his face, "you would let me take them by myself?" He asked quietly.

"Yes, I guess they need to get used to spending time with you when I'm not around and I need to get used to them not being with me…" I tried not to choke on the last words, I knew I was going to break down any second, "Excuse me I'll just go and get their coats and shoes."

I rushed from the room and pelted down the hallway; I threw myself on Apples bed and let out the strangled sob I'd been fighting to keep in since I left the kitchen. I didn't want Edward to take our babies. I didn't want to be parted from them for a second. I wanted to be part of Edward's and their lives, though I knew I had absolutely no right to after what I'd put him through.

I pulled myself together after a few minutes, grabbed their coats and shoes from the closet and headed for the bathroom, groaning when I saw my puffy red eyes and blotchy skin. I splashed water on my face and searched the cabinet for Jake's eye drops, adding two drops to each eye, I watched in the mirror as they slowly turned from red to white. I moved stealthy and slowly down the hall, I could hear Irina and Edward's low voices talking hurriedly. Guilt clawed at my insides when I overheard Edward telling Irina, Apple and Louis were his children in every way even though they would never carry his name. I went back to the bathroom as a fresh wave of tears coursed down my cheeks; it took me a good couple of minutes to compose myself again. I knew I had to hurry up and get back out there. I put more eye drops in and walked into the kitchen.

Edward had the kids cleaned up and they were sitting on his knee, a small frown marred his features when he looked at me, it wasn't an angry frown he looked more concerned than angry.

I slipped on their coats and shoes while Edward held them steady, I took a deep breath and looked up at him trying to keep my tenuous grip on my composure, "If you'd like, you can spend some time here learning their routine? So when they're at your place you will know what to expect."

I could see the different emotions warring on his face, hate, love, anger, confusion, frustration, then nothing, his face went blank like he'd just put on a mask. "Thank you Bella; that would be extremely helpful."

I nodded in assent and reached to take Louis from his arms; he almost scowled, his grip tightening ever so slightly. I was about to say something when he let him go. I kissed Louis' face and carried him over to the stroller, strapping him in; Edward carried Apple over and did the same. I passed their nappy bag, loaded with drinks, snacks, spare clothes, nappies and everything else a parent needed when taking their children out of the house to Irina, quickly turning my back on her while I fought back another wave of tears.

I knew I had to get used to this, but I couldn't bear to watch Edward and our kids walk out the door so I left them in the kitchen, I collapsed on the couch in a flood of silent tears, finally letting my grief overwhelm me when I heard the front door close.

I felt empty inside and incredibly lonely...

I gave myself half an hour to wallow in self pity before I dragged myself up off the couch and made the first of the phone calls I needed to make to start getting my life into some sort of order. I rung and spoke to a lawyer and got some advice on some issues I needed to clarify and made an appointment to see him later that day. I needed to keep myself well informed and be prepared for any outcome. I picked up the phone again with a sigh; it was time to tell Charlie and Renee the truth about Apple and Louis' father and the whole sorry affair.

As I expected Charlie was absolutely furious and spent the next twenty minutes ranting at me, he wasn't so mad at me; but he was furious with Edward and Carlisle. Renee was ecstatic although I wasn't sure why. She wanted every detail and fired off question after question half of them I didn't bother even trying to answer. I finally got off the phone by telling them I had an important call to make, which I did.

I had myself showered, dressed and organised when Edward and Irina returned from the park with the twins. Edward looked at me with mild curiosity when he noticed I was dressed like I was ready to go out.

"Um… You are welcome to stay and have lunch with us if you wish then I need to go out this afternoon, I have appointments I need to keep. I will be back around four; which is what time I get the kids dinner prepared, you're are welcome to come back then if you wish. Also if you feel confident enough by the weekend you can take them to your place for the night or weekend, which ever you want."

"I can take them to my home?" Edward asked. He was looking at me dumbfounded.

"If you want to, it's going to be their home some of the time too now, they will need to get used to being there. And I'm sure you'd prefer not to have to come here to visit them."

"Thank you Bella. I would love to take my children to my home." I nodded my head and gave him a small smile.

I put the kids in their highchairs and prepared their lunch. Edward came over to watch but he stood back and stayed silent. My body was calling for him, the electricity that alerted me to his close proximity was there again, coursing through my body; nearly overwhelming me. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself at his feet and beg him for his forgiveness but I couldn't, instead I started explaining the twin's routine.

"So they usually have a peanut butter or vegemite sandwich for lunch, two pieces of fruit, they both love pears and banana's and maybe some yoghurt if they're still hungry. Don't be too concerned if they don't eat everything, they usually just eat a little bit of everything. Louis likes weetbix for breakfast and apple likes toast or cornflakes but she will eat weetbix. After lunch we usually chill out in the garden for an hour and do some paintings or read books. They love JK Rowling's tales of Beedle the Bard but they're not allowed to hear the one about the warlock's hairy heart, its way too gruesome."

I handed Edward the plates of food and let him deal with feeding the kids, the only way he was going to learn was to throw him in the deep end and let him rise to the occasion...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I left the doctor's office and headed straight for the lawyers, he explained my options and rights to me and I was feeling a lot more optimistic as I headed home.

Edward was waiting for me when I arrived; he was sitting out on the lawn in the afternoon sun. The light reflected off his hair causing his bronzed locks to glisten, he was so beautiful it made my heart ache to look at him. He stood and helped me get the kids out of their seats; he took Louis in his arms and kissed his soft brown curls. Louis' threw his arms around his neck and snuggled into him.

Edwards hand cupped the back of his head and stroked his hair, "hi my son, I missed you." He followed me into the house and took Apple from my arm so I could put down my bag.

"You can go and read to them if you like, while I get their dinner organised." Edward nodded and took the kids by the hands guiding them from the room.

I sighed and got to work on dinner.

Edward and the kids appeared twenty minutes later just as I was serving up their dinner. The silence between us was almost deafening and I could barely stand being so close to him yet so far away...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

The week passed quickly, I had watched Edward in awe as his confidence with his children grew along with his ability to care for them. I couldn't deny what a natural he was at being a parent. He still wasn't speaking to me unless he had a question but I was ok with that for now.

Friday dawned cold and wet, dark storm clouds swirled in the sky, they seemed to reflect my mood. Edward was going to be taking Apple and Louis to his place for the weekend.

Even though it was my suggestion I still didn't want to let them go, I wasn't sure I would be able to physically let them go, but I was going to try. I was pretty sure my reaction to letting them out of my sight had more to with the fact that Carlisle would have access to them and I wouldn't be there to protect them or watch how he interacted with them.

I had instructed my lawyer to send Carlisle and Edward a copy of the paternity tests proving that Edward was in fact the father. Edward never said that he'd received the results, he knew like I did he was their father.

I'd told him he could pick up the kids at lunch time if he wanted but that I expected them back at lunch time on Sunday. I was relieved when he agreed without complaint. I spent the morning sorting through and packing the kids clothes, teddy's, favourite blankets, nappies, snacks and anything else I could think of that would make this easier for my children and Edward.

He arrived at exactly lunch time, I could tell he was nervous so I tried to relieve his fears, "Edward you'll do fine, you're a natural at this and I'm sure your mum will have plenty of advice for you...And... and you can always call me if you're not sure about anything." I said quietly.

He nodded and gave me a small smile.

I strapped Apple in and kissed her cheek, "have a nice time with your Daddy and be good for him." I kissed her again and leaned over to kiss Louis, "bye my son be good for your Dad and I'll see you soon. I love youboth so very, very much." I closed the car door and turned to Edward, "please call if you need to."

"I will." He hopped into the car and pulled out of the driveway.

I hurried inside threw myself on the couch and cried uncontrollably.

Then I started counting down the minutes until I would see my children again.

I barely slept that night; I tossed and turned, drifting in and out of hideous nightmares involving Carlisle kidnapping my children. I would search and search but I could never find a trace of them. I woke up in a cold sweat, sobbing uncontrollably. I scrambled out of bed and into Apples room; I could smell her beautiful scent everywhere. I felt soothed a little bit; I grabbed her pillow and headed into Louis room.

I got into his bed breathing his scent deep into my lungs and holding there as long as I could.

I fell asleep instantly...

I woke to the phone ringing, I rushed down the hall thinking it would be Edward and I was disappointed when I heard Alice's voice on the other end. She wanted me to go shopping with her and Rose, I declined, I was in no mood to be play dress up the Bella Barbie with Alice. I fobbed her off and went back to moping.

Jake was away with friends for the weekend and I when I could no longer bear to rattle around the empty house I went to bed.

~~~~XXXX~~~~~

I thought I was dreaming the sound of the phone ringing, it eventually broke into my consciousness and I reached over and grabbed the receiver.

"Hello," I mumbled as I struggled to wake myself up.

"Bella: It's Edward."

"Edward what's wrong?" I could hear Louis crying and calling out for me.

"I'm not sure, he just woke up screaming and I can't calm him down, he just keeps asking for you."

"Would you like me to come over and settle him down?" I prayed he would say yes, I wanted to see my son and I wanted to check out his house.

"Would you please?"

"Of course what's the address again?" I told Edward to make Louis a bottle and that I would be there soon.

I threw my sweater and pants on over my Elmo patterned pyjamas and tied my hair into a messy bun...

I rushed through the empty streets with a growing sense of anticipation, I would soon see my children and Edward and the place he and now our children called home.

I pulled into the driveway and was immediately struck by the classic charm of his house. It was clad in marbled slate stone, the garage doors were made of natural wood that matched the three solid wooden pillars that graced entry to the front door. The soft glow of the lights made it look mystical. I hurried up to the door, knocking quietly. Edward was there within seconds, Louis was still sobbing in his arms. He passed Louis to me and he instantly stopped crying as he nestled into my neck. I rubbed his back soothingly as he clung tighter to me.

"Thank you for coming Bella, please come in." I stepped through the door, my eyes immediately scanning the room. The house was so elegant, the floors were a honey coloured hard wood I thought looked like Matai.

He walked me through to the kitchen and it was everything I'd imagined it would be. It had a mixture of dark and light wooden cabinetry and a marble bench top, the tap ware and steel surfaces sparkled in the half light.

"So what happened?" I could see his clenched jaw beginning to relax as he tugged his hand through his hair.

"I don't know, he went to bed alright, then he woke up crying and I couldn't settle him. I tried everything I could think of but he just cried more and kept saying he wanted you."

I kissed Louis' head and he snuggled closer into me, "he was probably just missing me. It's all new for him; it will take him a while to adjust. Would you like to try and put him back to bed?"

"Would you come with me?" I was surprised by the vulnerable tone of his voice.

"If you'd like," He nodded and gestured to me to follow him.

I tried to stifle my sigh as I walked into Louis room.

It was beautifully decorated in an underwater theme; the walls were painted with murals of dolphins, colourful fish and other sea creatures. A magnificent aquarium shaped like a castle, filled with brightly coloured tropical fish, glowed in the half gloom of the dimly lit room.

I passed Louis to Edward; I could see he was shocked that he went willingly. He put him back into bed and kissed his cheek. I approached the bed, kissing Louis' too whispering goodnight in his ear.

Edward and I stood in silence for a moment and gazed on our son as his eyelids fluttered closed. This was how it should have been and would have been if I had done things differently and been honest. Edward and I would be putting our kids to bed together and kissing them goodnight together and going to our bed together.

I watched Louis for another minute then turned to Edward. He was watching me pensively; as soon as my eyes met his he looked away. I blinked back my tears and headed from the room.

Edward followed me out, closing the door behind him. We stood in the hallway neither of moving, the silence was spiralling, my body was starting to react to being so close to him. I wanted to close the gap between us and take him in my arms, I looked at him and he was staring at his feet, his hand slid through his hair.

"Edward, would you mind if I looked in on Apple before I go? I miss her."

"Of course you can and Bella I don't expect you to drive all the way home tonight, you are welcome to use my guest room." I looked at him in surprise and he gave me a small smile.

"Edward you don't have to offer me a room, really, I don't mind driving home. I'm sure Louis will be fine."

"Please Bella; I don't want to have to call you over again if Louis wakes up crying again."

I nodded in agreement, my eyes drifted to his again, I couldn't look away. My body started to tingle, the electricity beginning to build rapidly in intensity. I was sure Edward could feel it too; it almost crackled in the air around us. I wanted nothing more than to beg for forgiveness but I had no right to ask that of him.

He finally broke my gaze and the moment was gone, he sighed deeply. "Apples room is just through there." He indicated the door just down the hall and I quickly walked toward it.

I opened the door, smiling when I saw the sweet mural on her wall. It was full of fairies and butterflies; there was a waterfall cascading down over the rocks and a lone unicorn stood sentinel in the middle of the scene.

I searched for Apple and found her tucked up in her own fairytale castle bed, fit for a Cullen princess. I was beginning to get a little concerned at how spoilt my kids were going to be. I moved quickly to her side and crawled in next to her, inhaling her sweet scent. I kissed her warm cheek and swept the lone curl from her forehead. I wanted to stay here next to her all night. Of course that wasn't possible so I kissed her again and whispered, "I love you," into her hair and climb out of the bed.

I joined Edward in the doorway; he avoided my gaze as he closed the door quietly behind us. "Bella the guest room is through there I think you'll find everything you need."

"Um...Thanks." I left him standing in the hallway and closed the door behind me.

I leaned against the cool wood and closed my eyes, I willed myself not to cry. I wanted to open the door and try to apologise to Edward again for everything I'd put him through, but I doubted he'd want to hear it. I climbed into the soft bed with a defeated sigh, it felt cold and lonely; it reflected how I felt inside. I wondered briefly where Edward's room was, it was so strange to be in the same house as him and not be in his arms. My body and soul yearned to go to him, I actually made it to the door before I stopped and forced myself back into the bed...

I woke in the early hours of the morning; the sky was still full of stars though the horizon was turning from inky black to a dark grey with the approaching dawn. I decided it was probably a good idea to leave, as much as I wanted to stay with Edward and our children I didn't want to feel embarrassed when I got up and things were all awkward between us and he actually had to ask me to leave.

I crept down the hallway and into the kitchen, I took a pen and paper and scribbled a quick note explaining I'd gone early so he could enjoy the last few hours with his children.

I notice how beautiful, light and airy the house would be in the daylight due to the floor to ceiling windows. I looked out the French doors that opened onto a balcony at the rear of the property and over the large green expanse of the paddocks that bordered his boundary. I loved every aspect of Edward's home; I could see it was the perfect place for him to raise his family, _our fractured family_. I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat and fought back my tears as I silently shut the front door on my way out...

Edward arrived at midday as scheduled; he looked at me sadly for a minute before going to un-strap the kids from the car. I scooped Louis and Apple in my arms and showered them with kisses. Edward carried their bags inside and deposited them in their rooms for me. He found us in the kitchen and I saw him smile when he saw the kids hugging me tightly and talking nonstop about dad's house.

I looked at him in appreciation, "thank you for having them home on time."

"Thank you for coming to my rescue last night."

"Edward I completely understand if you don't want to, but as you know the kids are turning two next Wednesday and I was going to have an afternoon tea for them. You are welcome to join us, as are Esme, Jazz, Emmett and your friends. It won't be anything fancy but you are still all more than welcome."

"That sounds very nice: and thank you for including my family and friends."

"Edward it's the least I can do. You, and them have missed out on so much and I know I can't make up for that, but I can make it easier for you to create as many memories as you can. I know you don't believe me, but I never did this to hurt you."

Edward nodded in acknowledgement that he'd heard me but never said anything. He kissed Apple and Louis goodbye and I walked him to the door. "I will see you on Wednesday Bella and thank you again for the invite." There was no anger tingeing his voice although it was still stiff and formal.

I closed the door with a sigh. Maybe the glacier surrounding his heart was starting to thaw and as a result we could move past the hurt and be a little more comfortable in each other's company.

Every single part of my being really hoped so...

**Chapter Seventeen: **

**Edward's POV...**

Ben and his team didn't leave until about two a.m. and I had even ended up helping with some of the artwork. After they left I continued on for about another hour, until I fell asleep on the floor of Apple's room. The phone beside my head woke me about three hours later.

"Hello?" I said into the phone sleepily.

"Morning sunshine, I'm about to leave now and then we can go to Bella's. I'm kinda inviting myself, I really like Bella." Irina's bright voice came through the phone.

I didn't mind Irina accompanying me; in fact I was grateful for it. Irina always had a way of calming me down and stopping me from doing really stupid shit.

"That's fine. Hey, do you have a spare phone? I need a Vodafone network one, mine broke." I said, thinking about the shattered remains of my phone on the floor upstairs.

"Yeah, I got one. Is the sim card ok, or did you break that too?" She said wryly.

"The sim card is fine, just bring me the phone." I grumbled.

"I'll be there in half an hour" she said and hung up.

I got up, my muscles protesting after lying in such an uncomfortable position. I slowly made my way upstairs and went to the front door to retrieve the paper. I opened the door and there was a parcel with Bella's handwriting on it. It had been addressed to my office, but had been redirected here. I picked it up and took it inside to the lounge and sat down with it. I opened the box and found a bright red package inside. I carefully opened the wrapping paper to find a photo album and a blank DVD case. I put the DVD case down and opened the photo album, a gut wrenching sob breaking from me as I looked at the photos of my babies when they were only newborns.

Bella had organised the photos in chronological order, and some of those stolen moments were gifted back to me. I cried unabashedly as I saw Apple's first bath and Louis proudly holding a biscuit high in the air. His grin was triumphant. I wished I could have been there for those moments, but the fact that I got to see them in any way was blessing enough. I would take what I could get. I looked down at the DVD case and picked it up making my way over to the DVD player. I put the disc in and sat back down. I picked up the remote and pressed play.

Instantly images of my miracles danced onto the screen. My smile was so wide I thought my cheeks would split open.

Crawling, first steps, happiness and the tears, they were all there. More moments I thought I would never have, given back to me by the woman who had taken them. I didn't know how to feel about that.

"Edward? You ready? Let's take your car." Irina's voice called out. She came into the room but I couldn't tear my eyes away from TV.

"Hey, you haven't even showered! What are you?… Oh. I see." She finished as she looked up at the screen. She gently took the remote from my hand and turned it off.

"You get to see them in person shortly Edward. Go get in the shower, then we can leave." I nodded and got up going to my bathroom and showering quickly. I threw on some dark jeans and my Stoli T-shirt. It was my comfort shirt and I was feeling pretty fucking vulnerable today.

We got in the car (She didn't protest when I told her I was driving today.) and made our way to Bella's. I pulled into the driveway and parked, getting out of the car slowly. My body was aching like a son of a bitch. Irina got out too and we went to the front door.

Bella must have seen us pull up, because she opened the door before I even had a chance to knock. She looked at me in shock, and I wondered how bad I really did look.

She recovered quickly though, "Good morning Edward, Irina would you like to come in?" She said politely.

I closed my eyes as the war raging inside me intensified. Part of me wanted to forgive Bella and just move on. Her gift to me this morning had really shaken me and now I was unsure as to what I felt or should be feeling. I could feel my fingers wrenching at my hair, one of my give a ways when I was frustrated.

"If you don't mind?" I said looking at her. She tried to pull off calm and collected, but failed miserably. I would wager she was feeling about as bad as I was.

_Who fucking cares? The bitch lied to you! _

Oh, that's right. Why was it so hard to be angry with Bella?

"Sure come on in, Apple's been asking for you ever since you left the other day." She said looking at me sadly.

I could feel the tears in my eyes and I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat. She'd been asking for me? It was taking a lot for me not to break down again. "Has she really been asking about me?" I asked a little smugly. I couldn't help it.

"Yes, it seems like she's her Daddies girl. She is totally smitten with you." Bella replied, smiling at my expression.

"As I am with her and Louis," I replied as we all made our way to the kitchen.

Apple and Louis were both sitting there eating what looked like vegemite toast. I wasn't sure how much they were actually eating though; they were wearing quite a lot of it. They both looked so adorable though, and I never wanted to leave them.

Apple saw me enter the room and her smile was instant. She began reaching out towards me, her little fingers clasping and un-clasping. "Daddy, my Dad, love my Dad, Dad, Dad," She greeted me. It was the best hello I had ever received in my life.

"Hi my little sweetie pie how you doing today?" I said kissing her head as she giggled happily. I went to Louis who gave me a big smile and I kissed his head, breathing in that fresh baby smell. "Hi Tiger," I said to him warmly.

"Would either of you like a hot drink or something to eat?" Bella asked us, again ever so politely. It was very disarming.

"No thank you, Irina?" I was trying my best to be as equally polite.

"I'd love a coffee thank you Bella." Irina replied giving Bella a smile. Once I had wanted them to be friends, now I was not so sure.

I heard Louis laugh at Apple and my attention was wholly occupied once again, by the two little angels in front of me. I watched as Louis splashed himself in the face with milk from his Sippy cup and when Apple dropped her toast, squealing in delight when I caught it before it hit the floor. I handed it back to her and she grinned at me. I could help but laugh at her, her happiness was truly infectious.

Bella came up to me and handed me two wet face cloths.

"Would you like to clean them up, and then I thought you might like to take them to the park today?"

My head snapped up in surprise. What the hell?

"You would let me take them by myself?"

"Yes, I guess they need to get used to spending time with you when I'm not around and I need to get used to them not being with me…" Her voice broke on her last word and her eyes filled with tears. "Excuse me I'll just go and get their coats and shoes." She said rushing off.

I looked at Irina in confusion and she rolled her eyes at me.

"The first time they go with you is going to be hard for her Edward. They have been all she's had for a long time." She smiled down at Louis, who was playing with her expensive tennis bracelet, I looked at her in question and she shook her head. "He likes it; let him go for his life." She leaned down and kissed Louis's tiny head. "I can't believe how much like you she looks." Irina said smiling down at Apple, while I finished cleaning her up.

I wiped a smudge of vegemite off Apple's nose and she giggled. I picked her up and she began to pepper my face in kisses. Irina picked an already clean Louis up and we sat down at the table with them. Louis put out his arms to me and I took him on my free knee.

"I'm confused Irina." I said quietly. She looked at me in concern.

"I'm not surprised sweetie, but what is it exactly that has you confused?"

"Bella sent me that DVD and the photo album. What does that mean?" I asked simply.

She smiled at me and squeezed my forearm. "It means she's trying Edward. Give her a chance. You know, my dad always used to tell us when we were younger that it takes two people to make a baby and it takes two to raise one. Bella's just extending the olive branch, acknowledging that they are yours too."

Irina had taken off her tennis bracelet and held it while Louis turned it over slowly looking at light reflecting through the stone.

"They are mine, in all the ways that matter, but they don't carry the Cullen name, my name." I said quietly and Irina nodded sympathetically. I looked up as Bella entered the room and it was obvious she had been crying. It was also obvious she had been into the eye drops too, I could spot it a mile away. How many bottles of eye drops had I gone through in France? My eyes had been continuously bloodshot from all the booze and drugs.

Bella slid their coats on and put their tiny shoes on their tiny feet, tying the tiny shoelaces. I don't know why I found that so damn cute, but I didn't care. My babies were cute and that was all there was to it.

She took a deep breath and looked up at me, "If you'd like you can spend some time here learning their routine so when they're at your place you will know what to expect."

I didn't know how to respond to her. First the photos and the DVD, then telling me I could take them to the park by myself and now she was going a step further, trying to help with the transition. I couldn't reconcile the cold, lying bitch that could keep my children hidden from me, with the compassionate, accommodating woman before me.

She was reminding me too much of the Bella I had fallen in love with.

_You still love her doofus, we both know it. _

Bella was looking at me waiting for a reply and I felt Irina's foot nudge me slightly.

"Thank you Bella,that would be extremely helpful." I said maintaining the politeness we had all been cultivating.

She nodded and took Louis from my arms and I barely repressed a growl, but the way she kissed Louis, as though she was losing a part of her as she watched him go, it struck a familiar chord in my heart. I had thought I might feel smug at her pain, but I didn't.

I knew that pain and I would wish it on no one.

We strapped them into the stroller and Bella gave Irina a nappy bag filled with something to combat every possible contingency we might face.

She was a good mother, anyone could see that.

We walked to the park and played with the twins, only stopping so they could have a snack and a drink. It was wonderful to see them playing so happy and carefree; I wished I could see them like that in my home. The wind started to pick up, so we packed everything up and started to head back.

"She's still the same woman you fell in love with Edward, she just made some really bad choices along the way." Irina said out of nowhere.

"No she's not the same woman I fell in love with. The Bella I fell in love with wouldn't do something like this to me. Maybe, she never existed to begin with."

Irina looked at me her eyes blazing.

"You know Edward? You're not so perfect yourself. You've done some pretty nasty things along the way, so don't go taking the moral high ground just yet."

I looked at Irina in incredulity. "She kept my children from me. I called her a mistake. There is a big fucking difference there Irina." I said a bit testily. My anger at Bella was beginning to crumble and I wasn't sure I was ready for that.

"You know Edward, all the times I've listened to you say how much you want children; well you have them. I've listened to you say how much you loved Bella too, and how much you want her. Well, you have a chance to have the family and the girl. You're an idiot if you let it pass you by."

Irina's comments were hitting a bit too close to home for my liking and I was pleased when Bella's house came into view. The conversation would tragically have to end. We made our way inside and I was surprised when I saw Bella. She had changed and she looked ready to go out. I was disappointed; I had hoped to spend the day with the twins.

"Um… You are welcome to stay and have lunch with us if you wish then I need to go out this afternoon, I have appointments I need to keep. I will be back around four which is what time I get the kids dinner prepared you're are welcome to come back then if you wish." She looked so damn fragile, like she was barely holding herself together and again I found myself wanting to take her in my arms.

"Also if you feel confident enough by the weekend you can take them to your place for the night or weekend which ever you want." She finished, her lip trembling as she made the offer. It was killing her to do so, but she was letting them go with me.

She was trying.

"I can take them to my home?" I blurted out stupidly. It seems my mouth hadn't caught up with my brain and I heard Irina muffle a laugh.

"If you want to, it's going to be their home some of the time too now, and I'm sure you'd prefer not to have to come here to visit them." She said; her shoulders stiff with resolve. It was taking a lot out of her to be doing this and I was surprised by how damn grateful I was to her.

"Thank you Bella I would love to take my children to my home." I responded sincerely. She nodded and gave me a tiny smile, before turning and putting the twins in their highchairs.

I kept out of her way and just watched. I wanted to learn all their habits and routines.

Bella went to the bench and began spreading the peanut butter onto the bread, and I stood behind her just watching her reaction to my presence. She was visibly shaking and I was surprised that she could even manage to hold the knife. She reached up and brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and I was filled with the overwhelming urge to caress the soft skin of her exposed neck.

Thankfully, Bella spoke and broke me from my trance.

"So they usually have peanut a butter sandwich for lunch or vegemite, two pieces of fruit, they both love pears and banana's and maybe some yoghurt if they're still hungry, don't be too concerned if they don't eat everything they usually just eat a little bit of everything. Louis likes weetbix for breakfast and apple likes toast or cornflakes although she will eat weetbix. After lunch we usually chill out in the garden for an hour and do some paintings or read books. They love JK Rowling's tales of Beedle the Bard but they're not allowed to hear the one about the warlock's hairy heart, its way too gruesome."

She turned to me finally and handed me two plates filled with little bite sized pieces of food.

I turned back to the twins, and away from the confusing feelings Bella was stirring in me.

* * *

I helped Bella get the kids in her car and I gave them each a kiss goodbye with a promise I would return later on. I waved at them as Bella pulled away in her car.

"You look better now." Irina noted as we walked towards the car. I nodded absently, only half listening.

What was it that Bella was making me feel? I should be angry at her, she fucking deserved it and more, but the anger was disappearing and being replaced by something I had not expected.

I still loved Bella. I didn't want to, but I knew, deep down that it was the truth.

* * *

The week passed in a blur of paint fumes, furniture deliveries; time with the twins and work. I was running on empty by the end of most days, juggling everything and just trying not to drop any one ball. I had visited the twins every day and things with Bella had only got more confusing. I knew she still wanted me, and I knew I wanted her too. The only problem was I just couldn't let go of the resentment I felt towards her.

When I had received paternity test results for the twins, I had nearly picked up the phone and fucking let her have it. I never once doubted that I was Apple and Louis's father. I had wondered what kind of fucking game she was playing and I felt the comforting anger return. It fled as soon as it had returned when I noticed a c.c. to Carlisle Cullen. It must have been what he went to Bella's for. In all my haste to put him in his place, I hadn't even bothered to find out what he did say.

Needless to say, I didn't even read it; I just tore it up and threw it away. I didn't need a fucking piece of paper to tell me who my children were.

* * *

It was Friday morning and I had taken the day off work so I could pick up the twins at lunch time. Carlisle had commented to me on how many days I was taking off and I had told him to go fuck himself and that with the amount of money my team brought into Cullen Industries, I could take the next ten years off and he would have no right to complain. Things between my father and I had become frosty at best.

I stood in Apple's room, with cup of coffee in my hand, looking around in satisfaction. It was perfect, a fairy woodland with waterfalls and rainbows, fairies and light. That was my little princess, all rainbows and light. And what little princess could be complete without a castle that doubled as a bed.

It had taken Jasper, Emmett, Demetri, Felix and myself about six hours and three bottles of 42Below to put together and by the end of it Emmett declared he was never having fucking children if this was the shit you had to go through for a fucking bed. I argued that it was also a playhouse too, and Emmett had groaned at me. I hadn't cared; instead I had just smiled lovingly at her name, elegantly painted above the arch entrance.

Louis' room had not been so difficult and I had done a lot of the undersea creatures in here myself. Turns out I wasn't too bad with a paintbrush. I hadn't known that. Louis's fish tank was the last thing to be put in and the company I purchased it from had sent some people out to install it. It was now filled with bright, tropical fish swimming in and out of a sunken pirate ship. There was even a little treasure chest, that opened and closed. It was pretty fucking cool, if I did say so myself.

All in all, I was pretty pleased with the rooms. We had been lucky to get them done in time.

There were drawers filled with clothes in each of their rooms and shelves filled with books. They had a large mahogany toy chest each, filled to the brim with new, bright toys and a toy hammock each groaning from all the stuffed toys shoved on it. Every single item in their rooms I had picked out, down to each and every last tiny sock in their dressers.

It had to be perfect.

Nothing but perfection was good enough for them.

* * *

I pulled my mother's car complete with two new car seats, into Bella's driveway and turned it off, still kicking myself for not thinking about this earlier. I could have had a fucking new car just like that, but I had been so preoccupied, it had entirely escaped me. My Aston Martin was not really child friendly, and while I knew I could never get rid of her, I would have to get a more suitable car for a family. I was thinking a nice seven seater, Holden or Dodge, something we can load up for road trips to Waiheke, stopping to sight see on the way…..

I sighed and got out of the car, letting go of my daydreams and frowning down at my shaking hands. This weekend I would be flying the Parent Plane solo and I was really fucking terrified.

Bella knew straight away what my problem was when she saw me, and sought to calm me down.

"Edward you'll do fine. You're a natural at this and I'm sure your mum will have plenty of advice for you...And...and you can always call me if you're not sure about anything." Bella soothed and I looked at her in gratitude.

She gave me their bags and helped me strap them into the car seats, saying goodbye to each of them and kissing them tenderly. She looked like she was ready to burst into tears and I felt sympathy for her. "Please call if you need to." She begged me and I tried to give her the most reassuring smile I could, considering my stomach was turning back flips.

Why did she trust me with our children again? I had never done this before!

"I will." I promised my voice strong and steady.

Well at least I could fake it.

* * *

I pulled into the garage at my house and smiled as I looked at the two precious angels who had fallen asleep in the back. I took Louis out first and carried him down to his room, placing him in his bed and turning the baby monitor on. I then went upstairs and repeated the process with Apple. They had been asleep for a couple of hours when Apples shriek came through the baby monitor and I rushed to her room, my heart pounding in my chest. When I got there, I found Apple peeking through the window of her castle bed at me and grinning from ear to ear. Apparently, it had been a happy shriek. I quickly picked her up and checked on Louis, who had managed to sleep through his sister's air raid siren voice.

Apple insisted we go back to her room, where she proceeded to point out all the different things she could see in the mural on her wall. She looked at everything in awe, turning to smile at me and reaffirm that it was all indeed hers.

"Apple room?" She said to me for about the fiftieth time and I laughed pulling her into my arms and kissing her cheek.

"Apple's room." I confirmed, giving her an Eskimo kiss. I could hear Louis's voice calling out to me and I carried Apple back over to his room.

Louis was sitting up in his bed with a similar look of awe on his face that Apple had been wearing only moments before. "Fish!" He squealed pointing at the aquarium. He shot out of his bed and kneeled in front of the tank, looking closely at a clown fish that seemed like it was examining him too.

Apple squirmed out of my arms and grabbed my hand, dragging me over to sit down next to Louis. We spent all afternoon splitting our time between rooms just playing and having fun. And I was having fun; it was the best time of my life.

Only I couldn't help but think about Bella, and wish she were here with me like a real family.

* * *

Later that night, I heard Louis cry out through the baby monitor and I rushed down to his room. He was crying uncontrollably and nothing I did would soothe him.

"Mum, Mum, Mum. Louis Mum." He was sobbing and I carried him upstairs so we wouldn't wake Apple.

After about half an hour of trying unsuccessfully to stop his tears, I grabbed the phone and called Bella, almost ready to tear my hair out in frustration.

"Hello," Bella slurred into the phone sleepily. I felt terrible for waking her and a failure as a father. I couldn't even console my own son.

"Bella its Edward," I said desperately, raising my voice a little to be heard above Louis's wails. He heard Bella's voice through the phone.

"Edward what's wrong?" She said: wide awake now.

"I'm not sure he just woke up screaming and I can't calm him down, he just keeps asking for you." I prayed she would know what to do. Maybe there was some magic parent answer I hadn't been given yet. What she said next had me nearly sobbing in appreciation myself.

"Would you like me to come over and settle him down?"

"Would you please?" I pleaded.

"Of course, what's the address again?"

I babbled it off, still trying to bounce Louis on my hip and settle him.

It felt like forever before Bella arrived, though I knew it hadn't been long at all really. I opened the door to find her standing there, her hair in a messy bun and some old sweat pants. I passed Louis to her and he buried himself into her neck, his cries ceasing immediately. I sighed in relief.

"Thank you for coming Bella. Come inside, please." I said sincerely.

We went through to the kitchen and I leaned back against the bench, enjoying the silence once more.

"So what happened?" She asked me curiously. My hand was tugging at my hair, as I recounted the torturous experience.

"I don't know. He went to bed alright and then he woke up crying and I couldn't settle him. I tried everything I could think of but he just cried more, and kept saying he wanted you."

"He was probably just missing me. It's all new for him; it will take him a while to adjust. Would you like to try and put him back to bed?" She said as she kissed Louis's head gently.

I wanted to try, but I was a little scared to be honest. What if he started crying again? I knew I was in way over my head here. "Would you come with me?" I asked hopefully. Bella smiled at me.

"If you'd like me to?" She said kindly. I nodded vigorously and motioned for her to follow me.

When we entered Louis's room, I heard Bella sigh appreciate and I couldn't stop my proud grin. She held Louis out to me and he wrapped his arms around my neck, burying his face into my shoulder: sniffling a little as the last of his tears dried up. Bella was nothing short of a miracle worker in my book. I put him down and kissed him goodnight and stood back, watching as she did the same.

I was filled with a fierce possessiveness and strange sense of pride. That was the mother of my children, tucking our son in for the night. This was how it was meant to be, how it should fucking be.

Bella looked up at me and our eyes met.

_And whose fault is it that things aren't like that? _

I looked away from her before she could see any tell-tale trace of anger in my eyes. She had gone out of her way for me tonight, and I would not allow myself to throw a tantrum and be petty. I was becoming painfully aware (mainly from Irina and her relentless nagging) that I needed to get past the bitterness.

I saw the sparkle of her unshed tears as I looked away and Bella stood up, leaving the room quickly.

I cursed myself for my inability to just let the resentment go and move forward. I closed the door behind us and we stood there in the hallway, an awkward silence filling the space between us.

"Edward, would you mind if I looked in on Apple before I go? I miss her." Bella asked suddenly. I looked up at her in surprise. Was she planning on leaving?

I didn't want her to go.

"Of course you can and Bella I don't expect you to drive all the way home tonight you are welcome to use my guest room."

She looked shocked at my offer and I smiled hopefully.

"Edward you don't have to offer me a room, really, I don't mind driving home. I'm sure Louis will be fine." She said, looking like she wanted to stay, but was unsure if she should. It only furthered my resolve to keep her here.

Where she belonged:

"Please Bella I don't want to have to call you over again if Louis wakes up crying again." She nodded in assent to me and our eyes locked with each others.

I could feel it, that tingle, that primal desire for her. Those deep brown eyes were hypnotising me and making me their slave once more, and oh how I wanted to be her slave.

_She's a liar, just like Tanya. You can't trust her. _That voice inside me growled and I looked away from Bella. It was all too much, too fucking soon.

"Apples room is just through there." I pointed to the door and she shuffled off towards our sleeping daughter.I stood in the doorway and watched as Bella lovingly kissed Apple and climbed up on the bed next to her, stroking her hair tenderly off her face.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the Bella I loved and my daughter.

Even if I could never find it in myself to forgive her, I knew I would always remember this moment. It was burned into my memory forever.

Bella got up from the bed and we left the room, closing the door behind us. Her proximity was clouding my brain; I couldn't make any clear, rational decisions. My emotions were changing so rapidly, even I didn't know what I was feeling.

"Bella the guest room is through there I think you'll find everything you need." I said standing next to the door.

She looked at me for a second before going into the room and closing the door with a quiet thanks.

I spent the rest of the night in my room, fighting off the urge to storm down to the guest room where she slept and just fuck her till the sun came up. While it sounded like a good plan, and it really sounded like a good fucking plan, I knew I couldn't.

I finally fell into a fitful sleep, my dreams filled with Bella.

* * *

I woke early in the morning to find Bella's car gone from the driveway and a note on the bench explaining that she had gone home so I could enjoy the rest of my time alone with Apple and Louis. I was touched by her gesture, but also a little pissed off with her too. It wasn't fucking safe to fall asleep around Bella, when you woke up she would be gone.

The realisation that I wanted her to be here hit me like a ton of bricks.

I got Apple and Louis up and we had breakfast before stopping in to see Felix and Kate on our way back to Bella's. Felix absolutely adored Louis and it was shocking to see Ice Queen Kate smile kindly at Apple every now and then. I arrived at Bella's at twelve p.m. on the dot. I sat behind the wheel unmoving for a moment. I didn't want to let them go, I wanted to run inside and grab Bella and just drive back to my house and keep us all there forever.

Bella opened the front door and stepped out, grinning broadly at Louis and Apple. Their answering smiles were just as bright as their mother's.

She bundled them up into her arms and carried them inside. I went to the boot of the car and got their bags, depositing them neatly by the door. I walked into the kitchen and saw Apple and Louis, each clinging to one of her legs while they chattered excitedly up to her.

"Pretty: Apple room. Dad, Apple, room!" Apple bounced up and down.

"Fish! Fish! Louis Fish!" Louis tugged incessantly at Bella's pants.

"Thank you for having them home on time." Bella said to me smiling, obviously happy to have them home again. I couldn't blame her, I knew I would be going back to an empty house, not a home, and I was dreading it.

"Thank you for coming to my rescue last night." I responded pushing my melancholy thoughts to the back of my mind. I would have plenty of empty hours to fill with my wallowing later.

Bella was shifting around nervously and I cocked an eyebrow at her. She looked at me nervously.

"Edward I completely understand if you don't want to, but as you know the kids are turning two next Wednesday and I was going to have an afternoon tea for them. You are welcome to join us as are Esme, Jazz, Emmett and your friends. It won't be anything fancy but you are all more than welcome."

Their birthdays. I looked at Bella and nodded.

It was getting harder and harder to stay angry at her.

"That sounds very nice: and thank you for including my family and friends." I responded.

"Edward it's the least I can do. You and them have missed out on so much and I know I can't make up for what you have missed I can make it easier for you to create as many memories as you can. I know you don't believe me but I never did this to hurt you."

I nodded at her; I was really starting to believe that. It didn't make it any better, but it made her seem less cruel in my eyes. I kissed the twins and walked to the door, Bella following me.

"I will see you on Wednesday Bella and thank you again for the invite."

I drove to my mother's so I could return her car to her and go home.

I had a lot of thinking to do...

**A/N: They're both trying their hardest... :)....Tell us what you're thinking!!!!**


	18. Family ties & Birthday Gifts

**A/N: As always a sincere thank you to our reviewers. As you know we love to know your thoughts and feelings on the story :) Also thank you and welcome to those who have added the story to your subscriptions...**

**_Family is the most important thing in life, the love of a family should be the thing that carries us through our darkest times and the entity we should share our most happiest and important times with... Nothing is more special than the bond between a grandparent and grandchild, a grandparent is someone who loves us unconditionally and someone who is always there for us, they never judge our actions they just offer words of wisdom in the hope it will help to guide us. As children the memories of love and safety created by a grandparent's loving embrace should be our happiest of happy places in times of trouble._**

**_I am dedicating this chapter to my Grandmother Joy who lost her battle with Cancer in the last few days. She was and always will be my happy place...Cinnamon xx_**

**I have to say that Carlisle Cullen could certainly use lessons on what it means to be a loving grandparent... **

**Disclaimer: S Myer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at My Table.**

**CHAPTER 18: Family Ties & Gifts... **

Wednesday morning broke cool and clear, the sun streamed through the windows and there was wasn't a cloud to be seen in the bright blue sky. I dressed quickly and rushed into the lounge excitedly, I wanted to finish putting up the birthday decorations before the kids woke.

My thoughts drifted to Edward and the night I spent at his house. I dwelled for a moment on what we shared in the hallway outside Apples room. The same intensity was there between us like it had always been bubbling away beneath the surface. Since that night Edward seemed a little more relaxed around me. I sensed a thawing in hostilities and for that I was grateful. I was prepared to do whatever I could to do to foster a good relationship with him so I could try and avoid the long, nasty, and expensive legal battle Carlisle was so keen to mount against me. I was hoping that Edward and I could come to an agreement to shared custody on our own.

I finished blowing up the last of the two hundred purple and silver balloons and arranged the presents on the coffee table before I went to organise the twin's breakfast.

Charlie and Renee had arrived last night, I wasn't so worried that Renee was here but I definitely had concerns about Charlie's ability to be civil to Edward and his family at the kid's party. He was absolutely furious with Edward and couldn't even understand why I had bothered to invite him at all. I had jumped to Edward's defence as soon as Charlie took a pause in his rant and warned him that he better be civil to him and his family, I was walking a fine line as it was and I didn't need him to cause any more bad blood between us.

Apple's sweet voice called out to me and I rushed down the hall eager to see her beautiful face, "Good morning my Angel, happy birthday." I said brightly as I walked through her door.

"Birthday: my birthday?" She asked. She threw her small arms around my neck burrowing her face into my hair. I inhaled her sweet scent.

"It is Apple's birthday and Louis' to." I murmured into her hair.

"Louis birthday, my birthday?"

"That's right sweetheart, you are so clever. You and Louis turned two today. Can you count to two? One," I said as I held one finger in front of me. Apple mimicked my action.

"One," She chirruped.

"That's right, now we add another finger like this" I held up another finger, "That's two." I counted one, two, on my fingers showing her the difference.

She held up another finger, "Two, Apple two, Mum?"

I leaned forward and showered her rosy cheeks with kisses, "that's right you're two today. That means you have been alive for two whole years. Today we are celebrating that. We are going to have a party and Daddies going to be here."

"My Daddy see Apple birthday? Apple love Daddy, my princess bed, my daddies house. Unicorn, Louis fish, Daddies house," She babbled on sweetly.

"Yes Daddies coming to see you and Grandma Esme and Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper."

"My Daddy, love my dad. Grandma Sme? Apple loves Grandma Sme and Memmett and Asper." I stifled my giggle at her gorgeous attempts at pronouncing her families names.

"They love you too sweetheart and Louis."

"My Louis."

"So what would you like to wear today?" I asked interrupting her sweet childish babble. She slid out of bed moving to her closet excitedly, she open the door and pointed to the midnight blue silk and tulle miniature couture gown Alice had designed especially for her.

I smiled at her choice, "so you want to be a princess today?"

"I'm daddy's princess." I looked at her slightly awed; she was already so assured of her place in Edward's life.

"You're absolutely right. You are your daddy's princess and you are your mummy's Angel.

"Mummy's Angel?"

"That's right." I took the dress from the hanger and placed it on the bed, "should we save your princess dress for the party or do you want to wear it now?"

"Apple wear it now?" Apple looked up at me through a thick fringe of dark lashes; her green eyes sparkled like Edward's when he was happy.

"How about we go and have breakfast first? And then you can get dressed, that way you won't get food all over it." She nodded and I smiled, "Shall we go and see if Louis is awake and wish him happy birthday?"

"Louis birthday?" Louis was awake when Apple and I entered his room. I put Apple down on his bed and she immediately crawled up next to him and kissed his cheek. "Birthday Louis, Louis birthday and Apple's birthday," I giggled and slipped my cell phone from my pocket, I recorded the image and texted it to Edward.

His reply was instantaneous.

_Thanks for that. Would it be if ok if I came around this morning, I'd like to see the kids?_

_Sure but can you give me until nine, it's a bit chaotic here at the moment with my parents and all that._

_No worries I'll see you then._

I was feeling positive as the kids and I made our way into the lounge, they squealed in delight when they saw the hundreds of balloons and squirmed out of my arms so they could play amongst them. Their delicious giggles filled the room; I grabbed the video camera and filmed their play time.

Apple spied the presents on the table and rushed over to them, I smiled when she picked the smallest one from the top of the little pile. I put the camera down and helped her un-wrap the tiny package.

Her face lit up when she saw the small silver bracelet.

"Pretty...Apple pretty bracet?"

"It is your bracelet and it is pretty just like you." My finger ran over the small inscription written in French, _'Plus de_ _que ma propre vie'._

The owner of the store had told me the inscription translated to '_more than my own life'_. The little inscription described perfectly how I felt about my children,their safety and happiness was worth more than my own life. He gave me a brief history on the piece of jewellery and showed me a copper version of the silver bracelet with the same inscription. As the story went, the bracelets were made for the twins of a French baroness before she was tried and beheaded for treason against her aristocrat husband.

I was intrigued with the pieces so I brought them, I had to max out my credit card to do so but I wanted my children to have a symbol of how much they meant to me.

I slipped the bracelet onto Apples small wrist and was happy to see it fit perfectly. I helped Louis unwrap his bracelet and slid it on his wrist. They danced around clapping their hands, laughing in delight; I went back to filming them as they unwrapped the rest of their presents. Charlie and Renee appeared in the lounge not long after and began fussing over the kids asking them all about the presents they had received. Renee commented on how beautiful the bracelets were but never asked for a translation, maybe she knew the meaning already.

Charlie came to help me get the kids breakfast ready, he gave me a small smile as he buttered the toast. "You're doing a great job with the kids Bella. I'm proud of how well you have coped raising two little ones alone."

"Thanks, Look Dad I know you don't like it but Edward will be here this morning to see the kids and I don't want you to be rude ok. It's a really important moment for him and the twins; I want it to be special for them."

"I will be civil to him and his family when they're here. Oh and by the way; Renee and I are going to meet Alice and Rose for breakfast so we'll be out of the way for a few hours this morning."

I breathed a small sigh of relief, "Ok, thanks Dad, I'll see you soon." Charlie went and got Renee; I fed the kids and went to dress them before Edward arrived.

Apple insisted on wearing the Swarovski crystal bedazzled tiara Alice had brought for her on one of their many shopping sprees. I placed it on top of her head with a hint with a smile. I left her feet bare and her curls unruly, I didn't want her to be perfectly prim and proper; I wanted her to feel a certain sense of freedom.

"There you go, now you're a princess, a free spirited gypsy princess," I said. My thoughts were on Carlisle and his request for them to be raised the Cullen way.

_It was never going to happen _I thought viciously.

I dressed Louis in his dark blue denim jeans a white t shirt, miniature leather jacket, his Doc Martin boots and a blue bandana. I smiled at how cute he looked. I took the kids into the lounge to wait for Edward. I heard Jakes bedroom door open and he came into the room dressed for his day's classes and carrying two small gifts in his hand. He lifted the twins onto his knee, helping Louis unwrap his gift; it was a traditional Maori bone carving in the shape of an ancient fish hook. A small piece of Paua shell was inlaid into the polished bone. Jake slipped it over Louis' head and positioned to hang on top of his t shirt.

"Jake that is beautiful, thank you so much." He gave me one of his brilliant smiles.

"You're welcome, I carved it myself." He said with a hint of pride in his voice.

"Did you really? That is so awesome; I know he'll treasure it." Jake was helping Apple unwrap her gift and I gasped loudly when I saw the green stone pendant in Apples hand. "Jake that is just so beautiful, it must be so precious?" The greenstone pendant was exquisite, the colour a near perfect match of Apple's eyes.

"It is; it belonged to Tui. She wanted Apple to have it." I looked at Jake in awe; his beautiful grandmother had wanted my daughter to have something I knew was unique and sacred to her.

"Tui wanted to Apple to have her greenstone pendant?" Tears pooled in my eyes, Tui, like Jake, absolutely loved my children and had accepted them into her family as if they were blood relatives.

"Yes, she loves you and the kids as much as I do." He said sincerely.

I gave him a bright smile. "We love you too Jake. And tell Tui thank you so much from Apple and me." I jumped in surprise when I heard a swift knock on the door. I left the kids with Jacob and hurried to open it.

I knew it would be Edward and I couldn't help but be excited to see him, this was going to be the first birthday that he would get to be in part in. I opened the door and he threw me a quick smile. My breath caught in my throat and my heart stuttered. He truly was beautiful. I was overcome with that familiar sense of longing to be in his arms.

"Good morning Bella." I let his honey sweet voice wash over me and smiled.

"Hi Edward, come in, the kids are in the lounge." I could barely contain my excitement. He followed me into the lounge; Apple and Louis were still sitting on Jakes knee. He was singing Happy Birthday to them in Maori. Jake looked up at Edward, a hint of a sneer on his face, I looked at Edward to, his eyes were narrowed, a scowl marred his beautiful features.

If I thought Edward looked furious that Jake was holding his children, his look flashed to murderous when Jake kissed the top of their heads and hugged them tightly to him before he slid them from his knee. The tension was so thick in the air, I didn't want it to spill over and ruin what should be a nice day so I took evasive action. "Look Apple, Louis; your Daddy's here." Edward smirked at Jake and held out his arms to his kids.

Apple ran straight into his arms and Louis followed, Edwards smirk grew into a smile as his arms encircled his children.

"_My_ Daddy, love my Daddy," Apple was once again showing her possessiveness of her father and Edward's face glowed with pride.

"That's right my sweet Apple, you're daddy's girl aye? I love you too my little princess."

Jake leapt off the couch and stormed from the house, I followed him down to his car. He glared at me furiously, "Bella why do you let him in the house?"

"Because he has the right to spend time with his children," I said quietly.

"You didn't think that when you were hiding them from him." He hissed.

I blushed scarlet; embarrassed and a little stunned he would throw that at me. "Yeah well it's all out in the open now, and I am going to do whatever I think is best for Apple and Louis, and that's to let them have a relationship with their Father." I almost spat the words at him. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down I didn't want to fight with Jake.

"Do you love him Bella?" Jake looked at me sadly his voice barely a whisper. I knew he wasn't going to like my answer but I decided that I was going to be honest with him.

"Yes I do Jake; I always have, but that's beside the point. He deserves to know his children; he's a good person and a good father to them. It's clear to anyone how much he loves them. What legitimate reason do I have to keep him away from them anymore?"

"Whatever you say: I'll see you later Bella." Jake gunned the engine and squealed off down the road. I sighed in frustration, the last thing I needed was Jake and Edward to get into a pissing contest, because if the truth be told Jake would lose.

I made my way back inside, the sweetest melodic tune was coming from the lounge. Sitting on the table was an antique silver music box; it was playing an unfamiliar but haunting tune; that seem to sink right into my soul. Apple sat in front of it mesmerised.

I moved toward it and noticed it carried the Cullen Family Crest.

So Edward was giving Apple a Cullen family heirloom. Louis was holding an antique pocket watch that was also stamped with the family crest.

I looked up at him, "they're beautiful," I said softly.

"Yeah they have been in the Cullen family for generations. I thought it might be a nice link for them." I could hear the tinge of sadness in his voice and tears pricked my eyes.

"Well they're lovely and I know the kids will cherish them." He was obviously desperate to have them connected to the Cullen family somehow since they didn't carry his name.

"Thank you Bella." He said sincerely.

I stayed behind while Edward took the kids for their daily walk to the park. I wanted to give them some time to celebrate on their own.

Charlie and Renee had arrived back from breakfast before Edward had returned with the twins. While Renee busied herself with food preparation Charlie joined me on the back deck, he handed me a coffee and took a seat opposite me.

"So where's wonder father?" Charlie said in a biting tone, "I saw his car parked out the front, that's a practical family car isn't it? He could only take one kid at a time in that thing."

"Dad I'm sure Edward is going to get new car at some stage, he uses his Mums when he takes the kids."

"About that Bella, you should really restrict his access to the kids. He shouldn't come here during the week. You are allowing him to have them on the weekends he should respect that your time is your time."

Anger flooded through me and I went straight on the defensive, "Dad Edward can come and visit his children whenever he likes. He has every right to want to spend time with them and considering how much time he's missed out on he can visit them all day everyday if he likes."

"Bella you are making this too easy for him. His behaviour has been despicable"

"You can't be serious Dad? I hid his children's existence from him for nearly two years; I dated him for months and still didn't tell him he was the father of my children or that I even had children. He did nothing to me that deserved the kind of thing I put him through. It's me who's acted despicably and disgracefully and I am going to do everything in my power to make it up to him."

"You don't owe him anything Bella. You should marry Jake and move on with your life. He's been a good father to those kids."

I lost my temper with Charlie then, he was way out of line, "Dad," I hissed "Jake is not their father and I have never encouraged him to be, as you well know. And for the billionth time I don't want to marry Jake, though I love him as a friend, I'm not in love him."

"Do you love Edward, is that why you won't get involved with Jake?"

I thought about my answer for a minute and I decided on the truth, "Yes Dad I do love Edward, he's the Father of my children and the man of my dreams. And to be honest I'd rather be alone than to be with someone who wasn't Edward. But you have nothing to worry about there, I've hurt him so badly I'll be lucky if he ever forgives me."

"There's nothing for him to forgive. You did what you thought was the best thing for your children at the time and that should be all that matters. And Belly Bear don't cut yourself off from the chance at happiness for someone who isn't worthy of you."

"I'm the one who's not worthy of him Dad. Edward is a fantastic father and a fantastic person, you should give him the chance. You can't deny how much he loves his kids and I'm sure he'll do anything to protect them as well."

"Well Bella; I think you should think about yourself and the kids first. But I know by now that you aren't going to listen to a word I say and are going to do what you want anyway, so I'll stop wasting my breath now."

"You know me well Dad and thanks, I know you're worried about me but really I'm doing ok." Charlie stood up from the table and went to find Renee. I continued to sit in the sun and a moment later I heard Apple's sweet voice issuing up the path to the back of the house. I looked around in surprise when I saw Edward push the stroller to the back deck, "Oh hi Edward, I didn't realise you were back." He was looking at me pensively, I could see the different emotions warring on his face but they were changing so fast it was actually hard recognise any of them.

"Hi Bella, sorry to use the back way I knocked on the front door but no one answered."

"That's alright; did you have a good time at the park?"

"Yes, it's a lovely day."

"It is. Edward would you like to stay and help me decorate the garden? Alice has given me a detailed plan of how it should look and I dare not deviate from it but its elaborate and time consuming and I have other things to organise as well."

"Um...Of course Bella," He flashed me a brilliant smile and my heart skipped a beat.

Charlie came out to help Edward with the decorations. He said nothing more than a curt hello and spent the rest of the time shooting Edward covert glances and scowling to himself.

I was well organised when Edwards friends and family started to arrive, I was nervous at seeing Jasper again, I hadn't seen him since this whole mess erupted. I was even more nervous to see Emmett after our last less than friendly meeting. Jasper arrived with Esme and I was surprised when he gave me a warm smile and kissed my cheek, "It's good to see you Bells." He looked sincere and I felt myself breathing a sigh of relief.

"It's good to see you again Jazz." I smiled shyly and stepped away to give Esme a hug.

"Hi Esme, thank you so much for coming today,"

"Thank you for including us Bella, I've hardly been able to contain my excitement since Edward passed on the invitation."

"Well I'll let Edward show you out the back, the children are out there with my parents and sisters." I watched them retreat out that back door. I wondered briefly if Jasper was really happy to see me or if he'd just said that for his mother and brothers benefit.

Emmett arrived next; I opened the door and immediately dropped my head in shame. I knew I had hurt him badly and I felt sick for it.

"Hi Bella," He said cheerfully.

I was taken aback by his effort at friendliness, "Hi Emmett, how are you?"

"I'm good, Bella I'm sorry about what I said last week. I had no right to attack you the way I did." I looked at him in shock, I wasn't expecting for him to apologise to me.

"Emmett you have nothing to apologise for, everything you said was true. I'm the one who should be sorry and I am sincerely sorry."

"I know Bells, you're a good person and I should have remembered that." I shook my head in disagreement.

"No Edward's a good person and speaking of Edward, he's out the back with the kids, you know the way". He gave me a quick rib crushing hug. I pointed him through to the kitchen and waited for Irina, Kate, Demetri and Felix to make their way up the path.

Demetri and Felix greeted me politely and Kate nodded a hello, I was feeling a little bit intimidated by Edward's friends who I knew were fiercely loyal to him. Irina hugged me tightly her smile radiant and instantly filled me with her peculiar calming warmth, "Thank you so much for letting us share this day with you and your children Bella."

"You're welcome and thank you for coming." I took them through the house and into the backyard.

Edward's face lit up when he saw his friends and quickly waved them over. He offered them a beer and struck up a conversation with Irina at once. I headed back into the house to get my movie camera; I wanted to record this day for Edward and the twins...

I kept in the background as much as possible and let Edward basically run the show. He was such a natural at parenting and the kids just gravitated to him. Edward's family and friends seemed totally relaxed and at ease around Louis and Apple, who in turn seemed to respond positively to all the attention. I couldn't help but laugh at Emmett; he was rolling around on the grass while Apple and Louis basically used him as a human trampoline.

I thought I'd rescue him by bringing out the cakes. I had just walked into the kitchen when there was a sharp and persistent knock at the door. I frowned slightly, I wasn't expecting anymore guests. I opened the door and my blood ran cold. Carlisle was standing there looking at me with barely contained hostility. "Isabella. I'm here to wish my grandchildren a happy birthday. Where are my family?"

"Carlisle" I said quietly, "...they are out in the garden come through." Even though I wanted to tell him to fuck off, I stood aside and let him past. Anger flooded through me and it was directed at Edward just as much as the man in front of me, how dare he invite Carlisle here knowing how I feel about him.

We had made it to the kitchen when Carlisle stopped me, "Isabella may I have a word with you before we join the others?" I sighed in exasperation and turned to face him, my anger was starting to overwhelm me and so was my desire to kill Carlisle with my bare hands, he wasn't human.

"What is this time Carlisle? I have had the kids paternity tested, I've tried to allow Edward unlimited access to his children, though I do that willingly not because you ordered me to. So what exactly have I done this time that has earned your wrath?" I was beginning to get mightily sick of Carlisle bullshit.

"Well first of all, I don't appreciate your attempts to keep me from grandchildren's birthday." Just then Louis ran into the room and stopped midstep, he took one long look at Carlisle, ran into my arm and snuggled into my neck. I could feel him trembling slightly

Louis was very sensitive to people's auras and he clearly didn't like Carlisle's.

Carlisle cast a disapproving eye over what Louis was wearing and his lips curled into a sneer. "For god's sake Bella look at how that child's dressed, he looks like he's from the ghetto. Cullen children wear dress clothes and sensible shoes. He looks like a miniature gangster."

I rolled my eyes and fought to remain calm, "anything else while you're at it?"

"Yes. I don't know what kind of game you're playing Isabella but I'm warning you to stop now."

"I…I don't know what you mean Carlisle?"

His cold gaze penetrated mine, "You seemed to have a done a number on my wife, who is now a very vocal supporter of yours and I don't trust Edward's judgement when it comes to you. He seems to be in danger of falling back under your spell, he resists every suggestion I make regarding custody of the children and I know you spent the night at his residences the other night. I'm warning you not to try and work your way back into his affections Bella, you have done enough damage to my son and you will never be good enough to be a Cullen... And if you continue to defy me _I will crush you."_

"You'll find Esme and the others out there." I pointed to the doors leading out to the back garden.

As soon as Carlisle left the room I took Louis out onto the deck and handed him to Renee. She looked at me in alarm, "Bella honey are you alright?"

"Um…yeah, I just have a headache I might just take five minutes to myself in my room."

"Can I get you anything?"

"No thanks Mum, I'll be back soon." I hurried back inside and into my room; I closed the door silently and slid to the floor. I hugged my knees to my chest and tried to stop the violent tremors rocking through me.

Carlisle was never going to relent; he was never going to stop harassing me until he achieved his goal, which was to get and keep me out of Edward and my children's lives. I had no idea how I was going to stop him from steamrolling straight over the top of me.

I had been on the floor for about fifteen minutes, I knew I had to pull myself together; I had a backyard full of guests who would be waiting for a birthday cake. I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand and took a deep calming breath but made no attempt to move.

I was startled a moment later by the soft knock on the door, "Bella sweetheart it's time to cut the cakes. Are you alright?"

I took a deep breath, "Yeah I'm fine Mum. I was just waiting for the panadine to kick in. I'll be there in a moment." I waited until I heard Renee's retreating footsteps before I snuck into the bathroom to wash my face and put some drops in my red rimmed eyes.

I found Esme and Renee busy organising the two cakes onto platters, Esme looked up at me when I entered the room and she looked at me in concern.

"Are you alright Bella? You don't look very well dear."

"I'm fine thanks Esme, I just have a headache." God I must look like shit I thought to myself.

"Oh well you go and sit down and let Renee and I handle this." I nodded picked my camera up off the table and headed out the back door.

I searched for Carlisle everywhere but I couldn't see him, I hoped he'd gone home. I took a seat out of the way and videoed Edward sitting with Apple and Louis on his knees as Esme and Renee placed the cakes in front of them. Two candles burned on each cake and I smiled when Edward helped blow them out.

As soon as the guests finished their chorus of happy birthday I retreated to the kitchen to wash the mountain of dishes that were piled on the bench. I stared unseeing into the soapy dish water and thought about ways I could stop Carlisle from destroying the rest of my already half wrecked life. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't immediately register the tingling in my skin that meant Edward was near and his voice startled me, "Bella are you alright?" He was looking at me in concern and when our eyes met he held my gaze. The air surrounding us began crackle with the same electricity that was now coursing through my body.

I quickly looked back into the dishwater, "Yeah I'm ok thanks, I've just got a bit of a headache. I'll be fine soon." I was seriously starting to worry about how bad I looked.

I shot him a covert look and saw the look of frustration sweep his features, he sighed deeply and took a step toward me, "are you sure that's all?" He said quietly.

"Yes, it's just been a long day. Truly Edward I'm fine, I'll be out as soon as I've finished these dishes." He didn't say anything and I didn't look up to see if he'd gone. I washed and dried all the dishes before I rejoined the party.

I took a seat at the end of the table; Irina moved to sit with me and immediately engaged me in conversation. I could feel Edward's gaze burning into me, but I didn't return it.

I was grateful when Edward finally suggested that it was time to call the party to end stating the kids needed to get to bed. I got up and said goodbye to Edward's friends and family and Renee, Charlie, Rose and Alice. I was secretly grateful that Renee and Charlie had decided to spend the night at Rose and Alice's place and Jake was going out on a date with a girl he'd met in one of his classes. It would be nice to chill out by myself for a while.

I was happy that Jake had finally decided to move on with his life and wished him good luck as he walked out the door. I lay back on the couch; I was feeling exhausted and my mood was pretty low, I couldn't seem to muster the energy to move. Edward walked into the room, took one look at me lying on the couch and immediately asked me if I was ok. I assured him I was and that I was just having a power rest. He offered to cook the kid's dinner and bath them; I agreed immediately and closed my eyes with a grateful sigh. Carlisle dominated my thoughts and I found myself seriously plotting ways I could possibly kill the man and get away with it. I knew that was unhealthy and my eyes snapped open. I dragged myself off the couch and into Apples room where Edward had her dressed and in her bed, he was just buttoning up Louis' pyjamas and tucking him. Even though things were still such a mess between us I was grateful that he was here and he was trying.

I gave them each a kiss good night and left Edward to read to them from the Tales of Beedle the Bard.

I took a couple of the blunts Jake had left me and the two gifts I had gotten for Edward from my draw and went out onto the deck to enjoy the last of the fading light. I lit the blunt and inhale deeply as I looked out over my garden, it always looked its best at this time of day; just as the last rays of the sun shone on the tops of the trees. I took another drag on the joint, looking around when I heard Edward close the back door behind him.

I passed him the cigarette and he took it gratefully taking a long drag and handing it back to me, "Bella, thank you for today. It was wonderful, a day I'll always remember."

"I'm glad you had a good time; that was the objective." I passed him the joint and lit up the other one. I stared out over the garden; I was trying desperately to keep myself from leaning over and kissing his pouty lips. Instead I picked up the first of the small cylinder presents and passed it to him, he looked at me quizzically and I smiled, "It's a present for you."

"For me?"

"Yes, well it's for you, Apple and Louis actually." I watched with a growing sense of anticipation as Edward removed the wrapping paper and stared at pewter scroll holder in his hand.

He popped off one end, sliding the document out. I heard his sharp intake of breath as his eyes scanned the page. He turned to me and a lone tear slid down his cheek.

"You changed the children's last name to Cullen? And had my name added to the birth certificates."

"Yes."

"Bella…I don't know…thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me. I can't believe it." He looked at me intently and for the first time since we left Queenstown, I saw the love that he used to have for me shining on his face.

His finger hooked around a stray tress of my hair tucking it behind my ear, his hand moved to cup my cheek. I felt like I'd been electrocuted when his skin came into contact with mine, I subconsciously pressed my cheek harder into his palm. We sat there staring at each other for the longest time, neither of us moving neither of us looking away. Suddenly I saw something change in his eyes, he inched forward and our lips met in a sweet but chaste kiss. My blood boiled beneath my skin, burning my lips. I wanted to pull him deeper into the kiss but I needed him to take control. A small frustrated sigh escaped me when he broke the kiss a few seconds later. We continued to look into each other's eyes, neither of us saying anything. The shrill sound of his cell phone rent the air and the moment was broken, he reached into his pocket to retrieve it and I went inside to check on the kids, cursing the caller for interrupting what may have been the turning point in our shattered relationship.

It was obvious he was struggling to stay angry with me, but I had totally destroyed the trust we had and I doubted we could get it back.

Edward was waiting for me in the lounge when I returned. He was wearing his jacket and an almost apologetic smile. "I have to go Bella, I have dinner plans with Demetri and Irina, but I'll be in touch soon. And thanks again. I'm just speechless." I walked him to the door, I didn't want him to leave but I couldn't ask him to stay. I closed the door behind me with a sigh, tears spilled down my cheeks.

Edward had kissed me, I didn't know what that meant but I was hoping that he was finally realising how much I loved him and how truly sorry I was...

**Chapter Eighteen**:

**Edwards POV...**

"I know why you said what you did Emm, and I appreciate it really I do, but you need to apologise to Bella." I said into my cell phone while trying to wrap the stupid fucking music box I was giving Apple for her birthday. It was a Cullen family heirloom, carrying the family crest, and my mother had thought it would make the perfect gift for Apple for her birthday when I had approached her about it. She had also given me a pocket watch for Louis, another heirloom with the Cullen Crest etched on its surface.

I had them both taken to a jewellers and had them professionally polished and Louis's watch had a thorough overhaul at the watchmakers. Apple's music box had been a little tricky, the mechanism that spun the little fairy dancer inside had worn down, and after much discussion, it was decided we would replace it with a new digital mechanism. It worked in exactly the same way, you open the lid and the little fairy pops up and begins to dance to the music. The only real noticeable difference was the song, I had replaced it with a lullaby I had composed and recorded while I played on the piano. It was tentatively called Apple Blossom. A lullaby for my baby girl; the title inspired by her name and her mother's favourite flower. It just fit somehow.

"Fuck!" I muttered under my breath, the paper kept slipping and it was driving me nuts.

"You want me to apologise to Bella?" Emmett's voice snapped me back to our conversation; He sounded unsure.

It had so far been one of the most frustrating things ever to watch. Bella was upset over the argument they had and so was Emmett. Anyone could see they were both uncomfortable being at odds with each other, but neither wanted to make a move first.

"Emm, I appreciate you going to bat for me like that, but really, I know what your friendship with Bella means to you. Make it right." I said, grinning in triumph as I finally taped the last piece of wrapping paper down. Take that, you irritating piece of fucking wrapping paper! I win!

"But you know if it came to sides, I'd be on yours, right?" Emmett asked me still sounding hesitant. I rolled my eyes and easily wrapped the pocket watch for Louis. Why couldn't the music box have been like that?

"I know that Emm, but there's no need to pick sides, so go get your friend back." I said to him.

"How are you and Bella doing now anyway?"

"I honestly don't know Emm. She's trying, anyone can see that and it means a lot to me, but I just feel so angry when I look at her sometimes. I don't know; I'm just taking everything a day at a time at the moment. It's all I can do." I ran my free hand through my hair. I had no idea what I was going to do about Bella yet.

"You know Edward, you always said you wanted kids and you got them now. You've wanted Bella for about as long as the pope's been Catholic and she's sitting there waiting for you. When are you gonna take it bro?"

My phone beeped as another call was coming through.

"Look Emm, I've got to go, there's another call, just make sure you talk to Bella sometime today ok? I know it would mean a lot to her."

"Later man," Emmett said. I switched over to the other call and nearly groaned when I heard my father's voice.

"Dad," I said flatly. We hadn't really been on the best terms lately. He insisted on trying to interfere and I was losing more of my patience and restraint with him every day.

"Could you come and open your front door? I've been standing here for who knows how long."

"I was on the phone to Emmett." I said walking upstairs and unlocking the front door.

My very pissed off father glared at me as he snapped his phone shut. "Perhaps you should invest in a doorbell Edward. That way you could actually hear when someone was at your door." I went to the couch and sat down, looking up at my father calmly.

"The people who I want to see all have keys. They can let themselves in." His head snapped up at that and he looked at me with narrowed eyes.

"Your mother tells me today is the children's birthday and you invited her and your brothers. I was surprised that you did not bother to invite their grandfather, Edward."

I looked up at him and laughed outright.

"You were really surprised?" I leaned forward "I'm actually a little surprised myself Dad, I received some paternity tests this week. Funny thing, I didn't ask Bella for them and they were c.c.'d to you as well. Then it dawned on me, YOU asked BELLA for them!" I felt so stupid, "of course you'd be interfering in my fucking life AGAIN!" I finished, yelling at him. "The thing that gets me most, is how you can dare stand there and call yourself a grandfather? When you doubted their paternity to begin with," I snorted disgustedly and turned away from him, he was wasting my fucking time.

I began to peel open the sparkly little bow things that you stick on presents when Carlisle's scathing voice caught my attention again

"She's trying to trap you Edward, can't you see that? Isabella Swan is nothing more than fucking trash! Her type and ours don't mix; I know things didn't work with Tanya, but maybe…."

I shot up from my seat and was in his face in a heartbeat. Our noses were only inches apart and the sparkly little bows were like tinsel mush in my clenched fist.

"That's the mother of my children you are fucking talking about!" I hissed at him. He stepped back away from me, his face pale and he looked at me like I was a stranger to him. I just closed the distance between us again, until there was only a foot separating us. "I'm no fool Dad, I know exactly what you are capable of, but let me make this crystal fucking clear to you, since you have trouble understanding; my family are off limits to you and your games. You want to see Apple and Louis, you ask me first, got it? And so help me, if you go near Bella again with anymore of your bullshit, you will never see your grandchildren. They aren't going to grow up wondering why grandpa hates Mummy! Pull your fucking head in Dad, cause I'm more than fucking ready to chop it off!"

"BOOYAH!" Came Jasper's holler from the doorway. He began doing a little shuffle singing "Go Edward, it's your birthday, we gon' party like it's yo birthday!"

"Oh, I know this one," Emmett yelled coming in. Felix and Kate were behind him and Felix began beat-boxing for Emmett and Jasper. "We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday" Emmett rapped in a very bad 50 cent Impersonation.

"And you know we don't give a fuck, it's not your birthday!" Emmett and Jasper rapped together.

"It's yo Babies B'day, my Big E'Daddy!" Felix yelled breaking his beat.

I couldn't help but smile at the fucking fools. It didn't hurt that Carlisle was absolutely pissed at their little display.

Emmett looked between me and Carlisle, a frown on his face, "Were we interrupting something?" He asked confused "'Cause you guys look like you ready to start throwing punches, and that's really fucking with my equilibrium"

"When aren't you interrupting something Emmett?" Carlisle growled at him.

"Edward was about to throw down on Dad Emm. 'Bout fucking time too; if you ask me," Jasper said and Carlisle's jaw dropped to the floor.

"Maybe we should give them a moment's privacy then?" Came the only female voice in the room, I'm not fucking joking, everybody's jaw was on the floor and we all looked at Kate in shock. She just shook her head and rolled her eyes, "Whatever, let's just wait outside, I'm not really interested in Edward's life enough to stand here and listen." I smirked at her; that was the Kate I knew. Felix and Kate dragged a protesting Emmett and Jasper outside to wait for us.

Once everyone had left, I turned to my father who was now standing by the window.

"So this is how you feel is it?" He asked me stonily "You'd choose Isabella-No-One over your own family?"

I felt my lip curl back over my teeth in a vicious sneer, "Isabella and the twins are my family Dad; they are one in the fucking same, non-interchangeable, a whole entity, whatever you want to call it they are a package deal. Not just for me, but for all of the Cullen's."

Carlisle looked at me like I was misbehaving child.

"And will Isabella extend the same ultimatum to her family? Will she tell them 'accept the father of my children or I stop you from seeing them?' I have some very strong doubts about that my son, and from the look on your face I would say you share some of them." I couldn't deny it, no matter how hard Bella had been trying; I didn't think her newfound loyalty to me would exceed that of the one to her family. What if Bella's parent's hated me? What would I do then? Would Bella defend me to her justifiably irate parents? "I don't want to hurt you Edward, but you've got to see how this is going to play out. Isabella may not be asking for money now, but pretty soon that's all it's going to be. She'll want more and more, so you've got to stop it now…."

"If you want to see your grandchildren on their birthday I would not finish that sentence," I ground out between my teeth. Carlisle shut up straight away. He looked at me expectantly. "Think of this as a test run Dad, if you can treat everybody there including Bella courteously, then we will have something to work on, but if you some much as insult the sausage rolls I will throw you out on your ass. Do we have a deal?" I kept my voice even, but internally I was fighting back the laughter. When I suggested there was going to be sausage rolls there, Carlisle's face had turned green. I don't think he had ever eaten a sausage roll in his life, and I had no clue if there would be any there today or not, but his face was priceless.

"I shall be as cordial to that woman as I can." He said nodding at me, as he slipped out the back door.

After my father had left the others had come back in. They didn't bother to ask me what had happened; I know they had been listening once they went outside. They made sure they had the directions to Bella's, and asked me for the thousandth time if they could bring anything.

"We're going to get some breakfast man, you wanna come?" Jasper asked as they were leaving. I shook my head.

"Nah, I'm going to head over to Bella's I think." I said and he nodded at me knowingly.

"Go, get you're your ass with your family. I've never been prouder of you than I was today bro, good to see you finally standing up to Dad." Jasper said and clapped me on the back.

"I've got something to stand up for." I replied quietly...

I was just about to call Bella when I received a video from her. I opened it and smiled when I saw Apple kissing Louis's cheek and grinning broadly. I really wanted to be there now.

I sent Bella a quick text _Thanks for that. Would it be if ok if I came around this morning I'd like to see the kids?_

Her reply beeped a couple of minutes later, and I jumped. I was still sitting there holding my phone like the pathetic twit I was.

_Sure but can you give me until nine it's a bit chaotic here at the moment with my parents and all that. _

No! I wanted to text back, but instead I went with the polite version,

_No worries I'll see you then. _

That was me, all fucking class.

* * *

I arrived at Bella's at nine o'clock on the dot with the twins gifts and knocked lightly on the door. I could hear her light footsteps as she padded quickly to the door and she threw it open with a big smile on her face. She was excited for me, today was a big deal for me in more ways than one.

"Good morning Bella." I said and her eyes kind of glazed over a little. I fought back a chuckle.

"Hi Edward come in, the kids are in the lounge." I placed the gift bag containing the presents and my jacket down on the small table by the door.

I followed Bella into the lounge and all my good humour vanished. Fucking BoyWonder was trying to be father to my children. They were sitting on his knee while he sung to them in Maori. I wanted to fucking throw up. Then decapitate the prick. Then sew his head back on so I could rip it off again. The smug little bitch had the fucking nerve to sneer at me. One day soon when it wasn't my children's birthday, the little pup and I were going to get a few things clear. First on the agenda; Apple and Louis are my fucking children, followed closely by; keep your fucking eyes off Bella, she's off limits too. As if he heard my unspoken threats, he kissed the top of their heads and stared at me. He slid them off his knees. I thanked God, Bella was standing between us or I would have torn his fucking throat out.

"Look Apple, Louis; your Daddy's here." Bella said and they both turned to me immediately. I smirked at the little fucking punk and opened my arms for my babies. Suck on that Teen Dream, Bella's got my back too.

Apple and Louis flew into my arms and suddenly Jacob just wasn't important anymore.

"My Daddy, love my Daddy," Apple said kissing my face and clinging tightly to me.

"That's right my sweet Apple, you're daddy's girl aye. I love you too my little princess."

Jacob got up and stalked out of the room with Bella hot on his heels. I ignored the little sting I felt when she followed him out of the room and focused on the two beautiful children in front of me.

"Louis birthday!" My son crowed proudly at me and I smiled.

"Apple birthday!" Apple piped up and I hugged her to me.

"That's right guys, it's your birthday today and Daddy's got presents for you both!" I said picking them both up and carrying them to retrieve the gift all went back to the lounge and sat down. I gave them each their gift and watched their faces adoringly.

Apple tore the paper I had spent so long taping together in a matter of seconds and I looked sadly at my destroyed masterpiece.

"Oh, pretty!" Apple cooed looking at the music box lovingly.

Louis had carefully un-wrapped his pocket watch and was looking at it, his eyes bright and curious. He held it up and looked at me, "Louis watch?" He asked me. I nodded at him.

Apple's lullaby filled the air as she opened it and sat it carefully on the table. Her eyes were as wide as saucers as she sat down on her knees and watched the little fairy dance in a circle. I heard Bella come back into the room and I looked up to find her staring at the music box and pocket watch "They're beautiful Edward," She said quietly

"Yeah they have been in the Cullen family for generations. I thought it might be a nice link for them." Not that they carry the Cullen name, but I still saw them as one hundred percent Cullen's.

"Well they're lovely and I know the kids will cherish them."

I mumbled thanks and then took the kids to the park and though I knew Bella wouldn't approve, I couldn't help it, we stopped by the local dairy and got a little bag of lollies each.

I was complete when I was around the children and Bella.

_AND Bella? What the hell? We're pissed at her, remember? _

The problem was I didn't think I was that angry at her anymore.

We got back to Bella's and I tried the front door, but no one answered so I made my way around the back. I stopped when I heard an unfamiliar man's voice. "So where's wonder father? I saw his car parked out the front, that's a practical family car isn't it? He could only take one kid at a time in that thing."

"Dad I'm sure Edward is going to get new car at some stage, he uses his Mums when he takes the kids."

Dad? That must be Bella's father Charlie. Well, isn't this fantastic? He already hates me and we haven't even met yet. Wonderful.

"About that Bella, you should really restrict his access to the kids. He shouldn't come here during the week. You are allowing him to have them on the weekends he should respect that."

"Dad Edward can come and visit his children whenever he likes. He has every right to want to spend time with them and considering how much time he's missed out on he can visit them all day everyday if he likes."

"Bella you are making this too easy for him. His behaviour has been despicable."

"You can't be serious Dad? I hid his children's existence from him for nearly two years; I dated him for months and I still didn't tell him he was the father of my children or that I even had children. He did nothing to me that deserved the kind of thing I put him through. It's me who's acted despicably and disgracefully and I am going to everything in my power to make it up to him."

I appreciated her sticking up for me, but it was getting more difficult to deny any culpability in this situation. Yes, Bella could have handled things better, but so could I.

"You don't owe him anything Bella. You should marry Jake and move on with your life. He's been a good father to those kids."

I felt my blood boil at her father's suggestion. Bella was mine, not that fucking pup's. It appears his suggestion was not met well though, Bella sounded just as angry as I felt.

"Dad, Jake is not their father and I have never encouraged him to be, as you well know. And for the billionth time I don't want to marry Jake, though I love him as a friend I'm not in love with him, Dad."

"Do you love Edward, is that why you won't get involved with Jake?"

I held my breath. Did she still love me? She didn't answer straight away, but when she did, her voice was strong.

"Yes, Dad I do love Edward. He's the father of my children and the man of my dreams, and to be honest I'd rather be alone than to be with someone who wasn't Edward. But you have nothing to worry about there, I've hurt him so badly I'll be lucky if he ever forgives me."

Her voice grew weak at the end and I was overcome with a feeling of protectiveness. I wanted to hold her in my arms and shield her from the world. I just…. Couldn't. I wanted to, but I couldn't.

They carried on talking but I didn't really hear the rest. Bella had defended me to her father, and Carlisle's questioning from this morning came crashing back down on me.

Yes, she would defend me to her family and she did.

She still loved me.

She wanted a family.

So did I.

But not with this bitterness hanging over my head, I wouldn't do that to her.

Apple began singing away merrily and I was jolted back to reality. I quickly made my way around the corner to find Bella looking at me in surprise.

"Oh hi Edward I didn't realise you were back." She said, tossing her hair back over her shoulder. It shimmered in the sun and the breeze carried that delicious scent of hers to me. She was so beautiful, and I wanted her but I didn't…. It was all too much, I just couldn't fucking process it.

"Hi Bella, sorry to use the back way I knocked on the front door but no one answered." I responded finally. She was looking at me in confusion.

"That's alright; did you have a good time at the park?"

"Yes it's a lovely day." My God, we sounded so fucking generic at the moment and it was killing me. Bella and I never had this kind of tension between us, and I didn't like it.

"It is. Edward would you like to stay and help me decorate the garden? Alice has given me a detailed plan of how it should look I dare not deviate from it but its elaborate and time consuming and I have other things to organise as well." She asked me kindly.

I pushed all my musings out of my head. She was trying and so would I; today was about our babies anyway not us. "Um...Of course Bella," I gave her a smile and I got to work.

I was quite happy decorating on my own, when Charlie decided he wanted to make me as uncomfortable as possible. He grunted a hello and then pretty much ignored me unless he was shooting me a death glare or frowning at the way I was doing things. I sighed in relief when my mother and Jasper came out the back and I made my way over to them, Apple on my hip and clinging to my neck. She was becoming pretty much a permanent fixture on me and I couldn't have been happier about it.

"Hey guys!" I said to them. My mother grunted a hello, sounding an awful lot likeCharlie and took Apple from my arms. It seemed she only had eyes for Apple. My mother went off in search of Louis leaving me alone with Jasper.

"How are you Edward? Did you get things sorted with Dad this morning? Please tell me you sucker punched him or something." Jasper begged and I laughed.

"No, I told him to pull his head in or I'd kick him out. I only hope for his sake, he'll fucking listen for once."

"I wouldn't hold my breath." Jasper snorted and made his way over to Alice. He had had a thing for her as long as I could remember, but always claimed it wasn't the right time for them yet. Who fucking knew when it came to Jasper?

"Edward!" Came Emmett's boisterous holler and I looked over to see Charlie glaring at me. Apparently it was my fault Emmett was causing a commotion.

"Hey Emm," I said as he got closer. He looked at me with the biggest grin on his face. "What's up Emm?" I asked, he was practically begging me to.

"I'm glad you asked me that Edward. Things are better with the universe now; Bella and I are officially cool again. Now, where are my niece and nephew? UNCLE EMMETT'S HERE!" He bellowed and I heard Louis and Apple giggle in anticipation.

"Memmett," they squealed in unison.

It seemed Emmett was only intimidating to adults, not children.

Felix, Kate, Demetri, Irina and Bella came outside and I smiled when I saw them all together. It was a nice sight, Irina was smiling at Bella and Bella was smiling shyly back. I waved them all over and handed everyone a beer. I started talking to Irina immediately but frowned when I saw Bella go back into the house. Why didn't she join us too? She came out again later with the video camera and spent most of the day hidden behind it. Irina tried to talk to her a couple of times, but Bella was distracted. Something was bothering her, I could tell.

"Something's wrong with Bella." I said to Irina as I watched her walk back inside.

"Then why don't you go talk to her? They invented this thing called communication, apparently it's quite popular." Irina answered sarcastically.

I looked down at her in a mock frown and took off at a quick pace to the house. I had just reached the kitchen, when I heard my father's voice and I ducked back behind the door. Carlisle had turned up after all and was talking to Bella when he thought no one else was listening. It sounded like I had walked in on the middle of their conversation.

"You seemed to have a done a number on my wife who is now a very vocal supporter of yours and I don't trust Edward's judgement when it comes to you. He seems to be in danger of falling back under your spell, he resists every suggestion I make regarding custody of the children and I know you spent the night at his residences the other night. I'm warning you not to try and work your way back into Edward's affections Bella, you have done enough damage to my son and you will never be good enough to be a Cullen. And if you continue to defy me I will crush you."

My hands were clenched into fists and I was fucking fuming. I warned him, so now all bets were fucking off. How dare he come into Bella's home and threaten her like that? Who the fuck did he think he was? Not to mention how he knew Bella stayed at my house the other night.

"You'll find Esme and the others out there." Was Bella's only response and I felt a surge of pride at how she was handling him. I had seen more fierce people than Bella buckle under my father's iron will.

My father walked past me and I grabbed his arm and dragged him down the side path and out to the front. "Get out." I said and pointed to his car.

He stared at me "I believe you told me I was allowed to attend today." He said haughtily.

"I also told you to treat Bella with courtesy. Threatening her in her own fucking kitchen is not being courteous Dad." He looked at me in shock

"Yeah, I overheard you, and as far as I'm concerned, from now on you are no longer welcome here or at my house." I shook my head disgustedly. "I don't even fucking want to know how you knew Bella was at my house, but it's going to stop." I turned to go back in the house when my father spoke.

"I'll do whatever is best for my family Edward, and Isabella Swan is not what's best for us as a collective."

I didn't even stop to think; I just turned around and punched him in the jaw. His head snapped back and he fell to the ground.

"And I'll do what's best for my family."

I went back into the house and left him lying there on the footpath.

* * *

I made my way back to the party and found Apple and Louis with my brothers. I scooped them up into my arms and smiled at my mother, who was coming towards us with two plates laden with cake and topped off cute little birthday candles. I looked down at my excited children, and all the bullshit with Carlisle melted away. Everyone began to sing happy birthday and I felt Louis's fingers digging into my arm. I had noticed that while Apple liked the limelight, Louis much preferred to be out of it.

"Help Louis?" He asked a little timidly, looking at the candles burning on his cake.

"Sure, I'll help you,"

"Help Apple too! Apple love Daddy!" Apple crowed tugging on my hair to get my attention. I laughed at her antics and kissed her forehead.

"I'll help you to baby."

After we had blown out the candles I looked up and saw Bella grimace like she was in pain and then flee back into the house. I handed Apple and Louis off to Irina, who had been trying to pry them away from me unsuccessfully.

"Carlisle?" She asked me knowingly.

"How did you…?" I began and she smirked.

"Oh, I saw you clock Daddy Cullen and I must say it was a beautiful thing to watch, but we'll talk later. Right now, there is a very upset woman in the kitchen."

I nodded and then made my way inside. Bella was standing at the sink looking down into the soapy water, but not actually washing anything. I knew she was thinking about Carlisle and what he said to her. "Bella are you alright?" She jumped and spun around to face me, for just a second I saw the absolute vulnerability of Bella and the incredible sadness that seemed to permeate from her. It was gone just as quick and she put that damn wall up again.

"Yeah I'm ok thanks, I've just got a bit of a headache; I'll be fine soon." She turned back to the dishwater and I sighed. After everything we had been through, she still couldn't let me in.

"Are you sure that's all?" I asked moving closer to her. It wasn't a conscious decision, my body just naturally moved to where she was, it was as involuntary as breathing.

"Yes, it's just been a long day. Truly Edward I'm fine, I'll be out as soon as I've finished these dishes." She was dismissing me. I swallowed back the anger that was rising up and made my way back outside.

I knew now I wanted a relationship with Bella, I knew I was still angry at her. I also knew that despite what she said to her father, Bella was still having trouble trusting me, which meant she could never be honest with me.

How the fuck was I supposed to fix all that?

* * *

I spent the rest of the party watching Bella. She was putting on a good show, but I saw the cracks. The way she listened politely to Irina and nodded in all the right places but didn't really hear her, the way her smile never quite made it to her eyes, the way she was struggling desperately to hold herself together. I called the party to a close, citing the twin's bedtime as the cause, but it was not them I was really worried about. It was their mother. I held Apple and Louis and said goodbye to everyone and was surprised when it was just the four of us.

Bella was lying on the couch, looking so broken it made my heart ache. I knew how that felt, I had been there before.

I offered to give the twins their dinner and put them to bed and she accepted gratefully. I made the twins a quick dinner, since they were still so full from all the food this afternoon and gave them a bath. I had just got Apple into bed and was fastening the last buttons on Louis's pyjamas when Bella came into the room. I hadn't thought it possible, but she looked even more defeated than before.

She gave Apple and Louis each a quick kiss and then left, with me staring after her.

I read the twins their story and settled them into their beds and kissed them both. I made my way down to the kitchen and lounge but couldn't find Bella anywhere. I found Bella on the deck, smoking a joint. I closed the door carefully behind me and Bella held the joint out to me. I took a deep drag and handed it back to Bella, holding the smoke in as long as I could. As I exhaled I felt an overwhelming sense of calm settle on me. It was just the thing I needed after the day I had had.

"Bella thank you for today it was wonderful and a day I'll always remember."

"I'm glad you had a good time that was the objective." Bella handed me back the joint and lit another one that she had.

She looked tense, and I was about to try again to coax anything out of her, when her hand shot down beside her and she held out a round, tube like package. It was wrapped in bright paper, and I looked at her curiously.

"It's a present for you." She said with a nervous smile.

"For me?" I was shocked. It wasn't my birthday!

"Yes, well it's for you, Apple and Louis actually." She responded, and my interest was piqued. What could she have that would be for all three of us?

I unwrapped it and was surprised to see an elegant pewter scroll holder. I took the end off and a rolled piece of paper slid out. I unfurled it and began to read. I couldn't breathe. My eyes quickly took in every letter, every comma, every fucking full stop, I saw everything.

Bella had changed the twin's surname to Cullen.

Apple La Rouge Cullen.

Louis Antony Cullen.

But she had done more. Under 'Name of Father' on their birth certificates, she had changed 'Unknown' to 'Edward Anthony Cullen'. I had always been their father in my heart, but now I was legally as well. I felt a tear slide down my cheek, "You changed the children's last name to Cullen? And had my name added to the birth certificates." I whispered, unable to tear my eyes away from page I clutched in my hands.

"Yes." She answered simply.

"Bella…I don't know…thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me. I can't believe it." I looked up at her, and for the first time in so long, I saw the face of the Isabella Swan who had captured my heart.

A light breeze blew between us, and caught on a bit of Bella's hair. It cascade down her cheek, like a mahogany wave, and I reverently tucked it behind her ear. My fingertips were buzzing from their proximity to her skin. My hand moved of its own accord and cupped her cheek, and it was like my entire body had been jolted back to life. Bella pressed herself into my hand and the feeling intensified a thousand fold. I stared into the eyes of the girl who had lost herself dancing to Brittany spears in the office, the girl who had dressed as Joan Jett and practically got herself off on stage.

It was My Bella, and I missed her so fucking much it hurt.

I leaned forward gently kissed her soft, pink lips. It was not a conscious decision and as much as I enjoyed it and wished for it to continue, I knew it couldn't until I had put all my issues to rest. I was grateful when my cell phone began to ring. Irina, perfect timing as always, just the person I needed to see.

Bella got up and went to check on the twins.

"Irina?" I asked.

"You're coming over for dinner tonight. No arguments get your ass over here!" She barked and hung up. I looked down at my phone with a raised eyebrow. That was strange.

It was probably a good idea anyway; nothing good would come of me staying here with Bella. Not yet. I went inside and had just finished putting on my jacket when Bella came into the room. "I have to go Bella, I have dinner plans with Demetri and Irina but I'll be in touch soon. And thanks again I'm just speechless." I said and left quickly. Bella saw me to the door and I caught a glimpse of her wistful face as I drove away. "Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!!!!" I screamed and hit the steering wheel.

Bella had made mistakes but she had atoned for them, so why couldn't I let go of this lingering bitterness? Even with her gesture tonight, I could still feel traces of it, crawling through my veins like venom, poisoning me and my chance with her. I knew I did the best thing by leaving; it wasn't fair to Bella to be doing this when I still felt the way I did. It reminded me too much of the way I had treated Tanya and I vowed to never do that to Bella.

I pressed harder on the accelerator and sped across town to the wisdom of my best friend. Irina would help me, and if she couldn't then I was utterly fucked...

**A/N: Feel free to spew forth some Carlisle hate and any other thoughts you have. LOL...Poor Edward, this is actually one of the few times I truly feel sorry for him in this story!!! **_**Cinnamon x**_


	19. Place a bet & lay your cards

**A/N: First and foremost sincerest thanks to those of you who sent condolences on the passing of my grandmother, I send love, light & laughter to you. As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review, both Greenaway and I appreciate your feedback. (I think I should clarify my comments about feeling sorry for Edward, I don't feel sorry for what he's going through but I do feel sorry for the fact he has the world's biggest prick as a father :) and thank you to those of you who have added this story to their subscriptions.**

**And special LOVE to Greenaway...No one can do Edward like you; he's one of a kind just like you.**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table...**

**Play list: Arithmetic by Brooke Fraser. Closer by nine inch nails. All music is property of the respective owners...**

**Chapter 19: Place A Bet and Lay Your Cards on the Table.**

I woke to the sound of my cell phone beeping, my hand reached out fumbling around on my bedside table trying to find the wretched object. I smiled when I saw Edward's name on the ID screen and flipped open the phone eager to see his message.

_Morning Bella sorry it's so early I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be away on business until tomorrow so I won't be able to see the kids. Are they allowed to stay with me again this weekend?_

_Yes they can stay with you again. Would you like me to drop them off to you tomorrow afternoon?_

_That would be great thanks does 3 o'clock suit you?_

_3's fine I'll see you then and have a nice day._

_You too and I will see you tomorrow x_

I stared at Edward's text message and my heart couldn't help but soar, he had finished the text with a kiss. I thought about the kiss we shared last night. I had no idea if Edward had kissed me because he still felt something for me or if it was just a reaction to me changing the children's name.

Maybe today's text kiss was just a lingering result of his gratitude.

I wasn't going to let myself get caught up in hoping there was a chance that we could be a family, even if by some miracle Edward forgave me for betraying him and wanted me back, Carlisle would never allow it.

I spent the day with Charlie and Renee; I had my phone out constantly filming short clips of the kids and sending them to Edward. Charlie watched me and scowled, Renee however was delighted. I knew she was observing the way my face lit up every time I received a return text and the way I smiled widely when I read the replies. Edward was lamenting the fact the meeting was so boring and the old waxwork that was conducting it was droning on in such a monotone voice that he was seriously considering throwing himself out of the window just to alleviate the boredom. I suggested pulling a sickie would be a better course of action than suicide. He thanked me for my stroke of brilliance and asked me if it would still be alright if the twins could come over tonight. I had a quick discussion with Charlie and Renee to see if that would be ok considering they would be going home tomorrow.

Renee agreed immediately, Charlie just stormed off into the house; Renee looked at me and rolled her eyes, "Don't worry about him Belly Bear you know how he gets. Give him time and he'll come around. You do what you think is right for you and the children."

I sighed in relief and kissed Renee's cheek, "thanks Mum." I texted Edward to let him know that I would drop the kids off later on that afternoon, I couldn't help but smile when he text back a moment later and said he was already on his way home and would I please, please, please, bring them now.

I kissed Charlie good bye telling him I would be back soon and that I'd talk to Edward about how he'd feel about letting him and Renee have the kids one weekend soon. I didn't tell him that I wasn't holding out much hope of Edward actually agreeing, since he could barely let them out of his sight.

Edward was sitting on his front steps when we pulled into the driveway; I smiled when I saw his Stoli T shirt, it reminded me of a security blanket. He stood and moved to the side of the car before I'd even cut the ignition. He waited until I was out of the car before he pulled me into his arms and kissed my cheek, his lips moving to brush my ear, "thank you." My body erupted into flames and I wanted nothing more than to melt into him.

I sighed when he released me and opened the door for Apple; I couldn't help but smile when I heard her giggle. "My Daddy," She chirruped.

"Hello my princess, I missed you." He kissed her forehead and undid her straps; lifting her into his arms he showered her face with kisses. I lifted Louis into my arms and came to stand by Edward's side.

He took Louis and kissed his cheek, "hi there my boy, it's so good to see you."

I grabbed the bags and followed Edward into the house, I place them on the floor in the kitchen and stood in the doorway feeling a little awkward, not sure if I should just leave now or wait a few minutes. I decided it was probably best to leave now before Edward had to embarrass us both by asking me to go.

I took Louis from his arm, hugging him tightly. "Mummy will see you on Sunday sweetheart, you be good for your Dad." I kissed his soft curls and inhaled his sweet scent. Tears pricked at my eyes, I doubted letting them go would ever get any easier.

Edward looked down at me, a slight frown creasing his forehead, "Bella do you need to leave straight away?"

I looked at him questioningly, "Um…no, I guess not. Why?"

"I just thought you might want to chill out with us for a while, maybe take a walk with us." He smiled one of his most dazzling smiles at me; my heart stuttered it was so nice to see it again. Although I knew I'd regret it when he did want me leave, the prospect of spending time with him and our kids together as a family was too much too pass up.

"I'd like that." I said quietly...

We walked in awkward silence for a while, Edward seemed lost in his thoughts and I didn't want to interrupt him, I wanted to apologise again for what I had put him through but the words seemed to get stuck in my throat.

I was about to try again when Edward spoke, "Bella I owe you an apology." I looked at him stunned; that was the last thing I expected him to say.

"Why? What could you have possibly done to me that would require you to apologise? It's me who should be begging for forgiveness."

"Well I can't claim to have come to the brilliant conclusion on my own, we both have Irina to thank for that, but I don't think I ever stopped to appreciate how it would feel to be in your situation. You must have been fucking terrified."

I nodded in agreement and sighed, "Terrified is an understatement. At first I had no plans to tell you because I never thought you'd be interested. Then I decided I did want you to know so I tried to call you in France about a month after they were born, I got your answer phone and I chickened out. The next day I read you were engaged and I decided against trying to contact you again. Then we started seeing each other again and I tried to stay away from you but I couldn't and I knew that I had to tell you but I couldn't find the courage. I tried to tell you that week we were in Queenstown and again the night before you found out."

I frowned when I heard Edward's soft chuckle, I couldn't understand why he would think that was funny.

"Calm down Bella, breathe." He shook his head and smiled, "It's nobody's fault. That's the conclusion I came to. I'll admit what you did hurt me, fuck it hurt more than anything. Even leaving you didn't hurt that much and all the shit with Tanya…**" **Edward's voice trailed off and he looked ahead darkly.

"I guess we've hurt each other. Edward what did happen between you and Tanya?" I didn't want to pry but I was intensely curious as to what went so wrong in their relationship that would cause Edward to treat her with such open hostility.

I looked at him trying to gauge his reaction to my question, I could tell he was uncomfortable and reluctant to talk about it but after a moment he sighed deeply and looked at me, "perhaps I should start from the beginning of my time in France? It might make a little more sense that way."

I could see the pain clearly in his features, I felt bad about asking him to talk about it, "Edward you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I don't want to, I don't want to ever think about that evil bitch again, but I made a promise to myself back in France that I would base this relationship on honesty if I ever got the chance." Edward closed his eyes, again he sighed deeply.

"Well that didn't quite go to plan but there you go…"I flashed him a grin hoping to relax him a little; I didn't like seeing him so upset**.**

Edward looked down and gave me a small smile, "I meant if I ever got the chance at a relationship with you, Bella. If you want to hear about Tanya, I will tell you. But I warn you, I don't always come off as the nice guy."

"Well from what I've seen of Tanya so far I wouldn't say she'd be a saint."

He nodded his head in agreement, "That, she definitely is not." I noticed him cringe slightly, "But I still used her Bella, and no one deserves that. When I went to France I felt empty. All I wanted to do was run back here and beg you to forgive me and give us a chance, but I couldn't and slowly the pain grew. I drank till I blacked out most nights, or otherwise I was so wasted I would pass out anyway. Those were the only times, I could stop the fucking ache…"

Edward unconsciously grabbed at his chest as if he was once again seized by that terrible crushing weight inside him. I instinctively reached out to touch is arm, I knew exactly what he was describing, I too had lived with the continuous ache, the feeling that no matter how deeply you breathed in you just couldn't get rid of that tightness in your chest.

I thought about what he'd just said, looking at him in surprise when I registered the words, "you wanted to come home and beg for my forgiveness? I thought you wouldn't have given me a second thought. And I know what you mean about that terrible aching, though mine was exacerbated at the start by the fact I had three broken ribs." I laughed at the memory of what I'd done to myself after that little bender.

"You had broken ribs?" Edward asked in surprise.

"Yeah that night after I left the office I went home to bed and tried to drink you off my mind,I blacked out when I tried to get up and woke up on the floor in a pool of blood with a smashed up face and broken ribs, it wasn't my finest hour."

"Huh, I got trolley and Emmett decked me. I guess neither of us handled it well. Still, we got the best possible outcome in the world." He looked down at the twins and smiled, "but I suppose we should get back to the painful topic that is Tanya."

"Of course please carry on and I promise I won't interrupt."

"Well you were always there. Everywhere I looked I saw you. I swear sometimes I could even fucking smell that cinnamon perfume of yours." Edward looked almost embarrassed at the revelation "I convinced myself that you would have moved on, that I couldn't possibly have meant as much to you as you meant to me, and so I tried to move on. Tanya had been there since day one and made her interest quite clear. She and Carlisle had a grand plan to merge the Cullen and Denali families together so Carlisle told her what I wanted most in my life; A family." Edward looked down at his kids with a look of reverence then back at me, my breath caught in my throat when he brushed an errant strand of hair from my cheek, my skin tingled under his touch. "Tanya told me one night that she wanted to have children and I saw a chance to move forward, and I took it. I'm so sorry for that."

"You don't need to apologise for wanting to move on. So Tanya told you she wanted a family?" I now knew why Edward had hooked up with her; I could never understand what he saw in her.

"Yeah, when she said that, I pretty much made the decision to propose. It was probably the worst proposal ever to happen in history, I was so drunk and high, I think I hurt her finger shoving the ring on there." A deep frown creased Edward's forehead at the memory, "Then shortly before the wedding I overheard her talking to Kate. She said she didn't want kids, she fucking hated children, but she wanted me and she was going to do whatever it took to get me. She planned to stay on birth control and feign infertility; then after enough disappointment she would convince us to give up, leaving her with her dream life and me with nothing. I ended the engagement then and there and made the decision to come home and find you. I was prepared to do whatever it took to get you back Bella."

I gasped silently, guilt and shame clawed at my insides, I felt like I wanted to vomit. Although I hated Tanya for what she had done to Edward, I hated myself more. And though I wanted to tell him how evil Tanya was, ultimately I was no better. So I decided on another apology, "Oh god Edward… I want to tell you how horrible and evil Tanya was to do that to you, but I have no right to pass judgement on her when I have acted just as appallingly. I can however tell you how very sorry I am that I added to your pain. It was never my intention to hurt you and I will never forgive myself for what I have done to you."

"I think there's been enough hurt for both of us Bella, it's time to move on. I'm going to lay it on the line Bella, I love you, I always have since the moment I saw you in Emmett's office. I don't want to be apart from you and I want our chance at us, but there are a couple of things we need to talk about, first I need to if this is what you want too?" He was looking at me intently and for a moment I was distracted.

When I finally registered his words my heart soared, he wanted me, "I love you too Edward and I always will. I would love nothing more than for us to be together as a family; it's what I've been dreaming about from the moment I decided to keep the twins. But I don't know if that is possible. Its like the gods are working against us."

I placed my hand on top of his, letting the tears spill from my eyes.

He reached up and wiped them away gently with his fingertips, "Nothing is going to stop me this time Bella, but you need to promise me something first." He held my hands gently in his, his eyes boring into mine.

I was mesmerised by the intensity of his stare and at that moment I knew I would promise him the earth, "Promise you what Edward?" I never pulled my eyes from his; I doubted I could even if I wanted to.

"No more dishonesty between us, whatever we have or can have is better than that. Can you do that?" My skin tingled as his thumb brushed over my cheek.

I thought about Carlisle and began to tremble, I wanted to tell Edward about what he was doing but I didn't know how, or if Edward or I were stronger enough to go up against him. I had to make a decision, could I make that leap of faith?

I searched Edward's eyes, I could find no end to the love there and I knew that alone we couldn't defy Carlisle but together… "Yes I can. I don't want to have anymore secrets from you Edward."

A beautiful smile played on his lips and my heart skipped a beat, "Good. You know I overheard your conversation with your father the other day, it gave me hope." He was looking at me intently studying my face for my reaction.

I looked at him in surprise, I could feel the warmth spreading over my face; I didn't know what to say. "Oh…um…well that's embarrassing…"I bit down on my lips as my face turned redder.

"Don't be embarrassed, it was actually pretty damn good to hear." A small laugh escaped his lips and I smiled. "Bella did something happen in the kitchen with Carlisle on the twin's birthday?" He gave me a piercing look and I knew he was looking for any sign that I was holding back.

I thought about Carlisle warning and shuddered violently, "Yes." I whispered, "He warned me to stay away from you among other things. He doesn't think I'm good enough for you."

Edward nodded his head as if this news was no surprise to him. "Hmm, well it's not really his choice now is it? Truth be told I'm not good enough for you, but I'm not going to argue." He stopped walking and pulled me into his arms, kissing me softly. I felt like I was finally home.

He pulled away and gave me a blinding smile; I hooked my arm around his as he began pushing the stroller.

"I know it's not his choice but he seems to think it is and how did you know we had spoken that day?" I asked as I gathered my scattered thoughts.

"I may have overheard that conversation in passing as well. I promise you I don't habitually stalk you or anything. You don't need to worry about Carlisle I won't let him do anything to you, Apple or Louis. But I need you to tell me straight away if he says or does anything else ok. Promise me Bella, this is really important. I can't protect you all if I don't know what's going on."

I nodded my head, "I promise, and by the way I don't mind if you stalk me, I can tell my friends I have the world's hottest stalker." He laughed loudly; the sound was like music to my ears.

I was starting to feel giddy at the fact that all my dreams were coming true, when I had thought all hope was lost.

"Bella, do you have any plans for this weekend? If you haven't I was wondering if maybe you would like to stay as well? You would have your own room of course I'm not making any kind of assumptions. I want us to do this right this time. So, would you like to?" He was looking at me hopefully. "Unless of course you don't want your own room, there's nothing I would like more than to wake with you by my side, but I don't want you to feel pressured or anything."

I resisted the urge to laugh it wasn't like him to be so flustered.

I thought about Charlie and Renee waiting for me at home, they were flying back to Tauranga tomorrow and I should really go and spend time with them, but the thought of waking up with Edward and the kids like a proper family drove every other thought from my mind.

I smiled shyly, "I would love to spend the weekend with you and I'm happy to sleep in any room, whatever makes you comfortable."

His answering smile lit up his face, his green eyes sparkled, "Well if it's my choice, I want you waking up next to me. It's where you belong."

I leaned in and brushed my lips across his, "Hmm…I've always wondered what you're bedroom looks like, I was tempted to sneak a peek the night I stayed but I thought that might have been pushing it a bit... And maybe we should get the kids back and fed." I added as an afterthought.

I couldn't believe how euphoric I felt, it was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could finally stand tall and breathe properly. I felt light, free and the happiest I had ever been.

"Sounds like heaven to me," he sucked my bottom lip between his, "And you never have to sneak anywhere in my house, think of it as your home too. I know I do." He smirked and began pushing the stroller back toward the house.

I left Edward to feed the kids while I went out onto the deck to call Renee and tell her that I wouldn't be home tonight but I would be home early enough tomorrow to take them to the airport. Renee started pumping me for information as to where I would be tonight so I moved toward the end of the deck where the cell phone reception was really bad and the phone lost its signal.

I felt a little guilty as I turned off the power and chucked the phone back in my bag. I went back to the kitchen to find Edward trying to convince Apple to the many benefits of eating her vegetables; I held back the laugh threatening to escape me when Apple smeared the offending piece of broccoli in his face.

We bathed them together, then I went to get them ready for bed while Edward went to start our dinner, he came in just as I was tucking Louis in, he kissed his forehead and turned on his nightlight then held out his hand for mine. We stood and watched as Louis' eyelids fluttered closed. The feeling of standing together as loving united parents watching our son fall asleep was indescribable, there truly weren't words powerful or descriptive enough to explain the feeling.

We ate out on the balcony in the setting sun, I couldn't help but scoff mine down it tasted so good. Edward was a great cook; this surprised me considering his kitchen was so pristine it looked like it had never been cooked in. Dinner was a relaxed affair we talked about our childhoods and regaled each other with stories of the types of mischief we got up to as teenagers.

It was the perfect way to end what had ended up being a perfect day.

When Edward noticed the yawn I was trying to stifle, he lifted the near empty glass from my fingers and led me to his room. I gasped audibly when he opened his bedroom door and stepped back so I could survey the room. Windows covered one whole wall and they arched up toward the ceiling a soft brown leather couch sat underneath them and a small glass door opened onto the balcony. There was a fireplace set into the wall opposite the bed; it was surrounded in decoratively placed rivers stones. And the bed...if I thought the bed in his Queenstown apartment was huge this one was more than twice the size, it would honestly fit ten people in it comfortably.

I looked at him and frowned when I noticed he was shaking with silent laughter, "What?" I demanded.

"Nothing it's just the look on your face." He laughed again and I rolled my eyes.

"Honestly Edward who need's a bed this big?" I thought about it for a moment before adding, "Well maybe Robert Pattinson, but surely not mere mortals."

His eyebrows disappeared under his fringe.

"Who is Robert Pattinson?"

"Pagan God of woman's libidos," I answered without thinking. I clapped my hand over my mouth, looking at him in embarrassment; I could feel the blush rushing across my cheeks.

He laughed loudly, "Bella you are so absurd."

"I know I'm hoping you'll be able to look past it and love me anyway..." I wrapped my arms around his waist and lay my head against his chest, "I like your T shirt by the way."

"Thanks it's an old favourite."

"Hmm... I figured that by the amount of times it's been sewed up."

"Get into Bed Bella, before I need to punish you for being a bad girl."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

It was still dark when I woke, I listened to Edward's slow steady breathing for a minute before slipping out of the bed, I slipped his T shirt over my head and silently crept down the hall, I heard Apple stirring in her sleep as soon as I opened her door. I lifted her into my arms and carried her to Edward's room and slid her into the bed next to him.

I knew that Louis would be stirring about now so I hurried back down the hall just as he cried out. I kissed his warm forehead as I laid him next to Apple. I smiled as I looked down on the sleeping forms of my family, my heart swelled with love, happiness and pride. I climbed in next to Louis and snuggled into his warm body...

Edward was awake and sitting up watching us when I opened my eyes again, his smile was beatific; it lit up it made his face glow.

I smiled shyly, "what are you smiling about?" I whispered.

"How awesome it is to wake up to find the family you always dreamed about. And you really suit that shirt by the way."

"I know what you mean I was thinking the same thing when I watched them sleeping next to you last night." I checked my watch and groaned, "Fuck Edward I need to go and say goodbye to my parents."

"Can't you just ring them?"

"I could but I also really need to go home and get some clean clothes. I don't really want to wear the same pair of underwear again."

"Hmm…you could wear no underwear."

"Honey keep your mind out of the gutter for a minute, did you have any plans for today?"

"Uh yeah my mates are meant to be coming over for a Barbie later and Esme is calling into see the twins this morning."

"Well I'm definitely going home for clean underwear. If I go now I'll miss all the traffic."

"Fine but hurry home,"

"Home... I like the sound of that."

I leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips and climbed out of bed, Edward watched as I slipped out of his shirt and into my own, his eyes roaming over my body hungrily. I pulled on my jeans and went to kiss him again before I left.

I drove slowly, timing it so I would arrive home about ten minutes before Charlie and Renee would have to leave for the airport. If I knew Renee which I did, she would be totally disorganised and running around in a mad panic therefore not having enough time to interrogate me about my whereabouts last night. I smiled when I walked into the house and heard Charlie bellowing at her to hurry up; he looked at me and rolled his eyes. I was happy to see he was so distracted by Renee he forgot to be mad at me for not coming home. Alice arrived shortly after and by the time Renee got out of the bedroom she only had time to kiss me goodbye before Charlie was dragging her out the door.

I had a quick shower and stuffed some clothes and toiletries into a bag with a huge grin, I couldn't believe how happy I was; I practically floated into the kitchen. Jake was up when I arrived, I didn't want to have to explain things to him right then, so I gave him a quick kiss on top of his head and told him I'd see him tomorrow. He scowled but never asked where I was going, for which I was grateful. I swore loudly as I hit the morning traffic and was gutted when I finally pulled into Edward's street and saw Esme's car pulling out of the driveway and driving down the street.

I cheered up when I saw Emmett's jeep parked in the driveway.

I was shocked to find the house was quiet when I entered; I walked around looking for some sign of Edward or the kids. I was surprised when saw Irina sitting on the balcony alone and hurried out to join her. Her smile lit up her face when she saw me; I threw my arms around her shoulders and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you so much Irina, I really appreciate everything you've done to help Edward and I get back on track." Tears of gratitude sparkled in my eyes.

"You're welcome Bella, it's plain to anyone who's seen you together that you're meant to be and you're a family." I looked out over the grounds and saw Edward, Emmett and Demetri running around playing tiggy with Apple and Louis. They looked like they were having so much fun;

I thought Irina and I could have some fun of our own. "Irina I know it's early but would you like to have a drink with me? Edward can watch the kids for me today, I want to get to know you better and have some fun."

"Um…sure Bella why not," She gave me a nervous smile as I pulled her out of her chair.

"We can have an unofficial hens night for you; just the two of us. I'm sure we can find some sort of mischief to get ourselves into around here… So I'm guessing you know your way around this place, so you point me in the direction of Edward's alcohol and you can put on some music if you want."

She smiled widely pointing me toward the sideboard cabinet, I hurried over to it and smiled widely when I opened it and found it fully stocked.

"So what are we drinking?" I looked at my watch…it was just about lunch time, "Hmm…a good time for cocktails I think? What about Midori margarita's?"

"They sound good." Irina called out from the stereo.

I smiled when I heard the Black eyed peas ring out through the room, "Nice choice of music," I grabbed the bottle of tequila and the bottle of Midori and gestured for Irina to follow me to the kitchen.

"Does Edward have a blender?" Irina smiled and headed for a cupboard near the fridge, she also grabbed glasses, ice and lime cordial.

I asked her how things were going with the wedding plans and listened attentively while she gave me details about the venue in Queenstown and how she had chosen to get married in their rose garden. I finished mixing the drinks and handed her a glass, she took it with a grin and we retreated back to the balcony. The conversation followed easily between us and the more I got to know about Irina the more I could see why Edward trusted her judgement so were most of our way through our second jug of margaritas when Edward and the others finally joined us. He looked slightly bemused when he arrived on the deck carrying Louis to find Irina and I in a fit of giggles.

"So I guess I'm in charge of the kids for the rest of the day?" He looked at us with a smirk.

"Welcome to shared parental responsibility baby. Besides we are having Irina's unofficial hen's night tonight." I half slurred. Irina broke into a fresh round of giggles and Demetri looked at her with a wicked grin.

Jasper arrived a moment later carrying Apple and laughed when he saw me with a drink in my hand, "Hey Bells I'm glad to see you haven't lost your ability to cut loose every once in while."

"Yeah well it's been awhile and Edward is kindly going to be the responsible parent today." Edward and Jazz laughed loudly and took the kids inside to give them lunch before Edward put them down for a sleep. Demetri and Emmett stayed out on the lawn throwing a rugby ball to each other.

Irina and I spent the rest of the afternoon on the deck, drinking margaritas and periodically breaking into fits of uncontrollable giggling. Emmett grabbed a glass and came to join us, he grinned evilly when he saw my intoxicated state. I was starting to feel like I was losing my battle with the alcohol, I was completely wasted but I didn't want to crash and burn so early.

I smirked at Emmett; I knew he'd have something to help Irina and I to perk up and see the evening out.

I leaned over and whispered in Irina's ear, "Just play along." She looked at me questioningly and I winked. "Hey Emmett what's a girl gotta do to have some fun around here?"

His head snapped up, his smile instantly becoming more of an evil leer. He had recognised the line I used from the first office party in which I had asked him if he had any Christmas cheer.

"Hmm…the price hasn't changed Bells... take or leave it." I knew he wasn't bluffing and I had no idea how Edward and Demetri were going to react or Irina either for that matter.

I looked at Emmett with a frown and his leer widened, "Irina too?" I murmured.

"Hell yeah she's a hottie." He chortled.

I turned to Irina and whispered, "We need to make out with Emmett for a bit so he'll hand over his bag of coke to us, are you game?" A look of panic cross Irina face and I threw my arms around her, "will Demetri freak out?"

"I…don't know…probably," She said sounding kind of worried.

"Edward will too but don't worry they'll get over it. If he sulks just go home and have really wild sex with him, he'll forget all about it. This is a little game Emmett and I used to play... he's a good kisser."

"Are you sure Bella…Demetri…?"

"Don't worry honey, Edward would kick his arse if he got on your case about it too badly."

She perked up immediately, "You're right Bells... let's do it."

I hugged her again and looked at Emmett, "you know the rules Emmett and go easy on Irina."

"Yeah, yeah get your sexy ass over here," I adjusted my skirt as I stood up making sure it was sitting as far down on my hips as it could... I strode to Emmett's side and crushed my lips to his, I allowed him to pull me deeper into the kiss, his tongue unyielding against mine. I pulled away and he grinned, "A pleasure as always Bells... Irina if you'd like to step this way."

Irina looked at me nervously as stepped into Emmett's embrace, I chanced a glance through the window and saw Edward grab Demetri's arm and hold him back, he looked furious as he watched Emmett and Irina sharing a kiss. Irina pulled away and looked at me; I could tell she was frightened so I gave her an encouraging smile. Emmett slipped his hand in pocket and pulled out a small velvet pouch passing to me. I grinned in thanks and grabbed Irina's hand, pulling her to feet and into the house. I winked at Edward when we passed, he smirked no doubt at the look of anticipation on my face, I was happy with how well he was coping with the fact Irina and I were completely wasted and hooking into his brother. Demetri on the other hand was looking rather worried.

"Relax Demetri, I promise I'll take super good care of her," I gave him a sly smile and he groaned.

I pulled Irina into Edward's room and she gasped, I guessed she'd never been in here before. I looked at her with a grin.

"Fuck Bella...I... I've never seen such a huge bed." She stammered. I laughed at her wide eyed stare.

"I know, honestly you could fit the whole All Black rugby team in this bed," Irina looked at me in surprise touching on horror at the thought. I laughed loudly, "Don't worry sweet pea I'm not greedy I'd be willing to share with you." Irina broke into a fit of giggles and I joined her as I dragged her into Edward's en suite. I passed her a joint while I sorted out a couple of lines each for us, I couldn't help but laugh when she sat down on the toilet and took a huge drag on the cigarette.

I bet over the mirror, doing a quick couple of rails before swapping places with Irina. When we'd finished our joint I left a couple of lines on the mirror for later and pulled Irina from the room.

"Irina I'll just check on the kids, I won't be long, go see if Demetri's gotten over the fact that you kissed Emmett yet and I'll see you in a minute." She grimaced at the memory, gave me a quick grin and disappeared.

I was just about to open Apples door when Edward appeared in her doorway, he smirked when he saw me, "Hi sweetheart are you having a good time?"

I waited until he'd pulled Apples door shut before I threw myself into his arms and crushed my lips to his. He responded hungrily his lips roaming to the bare skin of my neck. "I am having a good time but I'd be having a better time if you were doing disgusting and debauched things to me in your bed."

I giggled when his hand slid under my skirt and came into contact with panty less mound. His groan vibrated against my neck causing a wave of pure lust to wash over me, I wanted him to touch me everywhere .I wrapped my leg around his waist as his finger disappeared into my warmth.

"Fuck Bella…" He hissed; his thumb moved to rub my clit as his fingers pumped into me.

"Mmm…Edward I want you to fuck me right here, right now, gotta feel you inside me..."

I could feel his erection straining through his jeans and I was desperate to feel him inside me.

'Fuck Bella." He moaned against my neck. I made quick work of his jeans and boxers, pushing them roughly down to his ankles, my fingers wrapped around his hard cock.

He pushed me back against the wall, his lips attacking mine; I dragged him deeper into the kiss, relishing the feeling of his cock sliding along my palm as I pumped him rhythmically. My need for him was starting to overwhelm me; I wanted to be even closer to him soft mewling noises were falling from my lips. He lifted me into his arms, positioning himself at my entrance. My ankles locked around his waist pulling him into my warmth. I buried my face against his neck inhaling his delicious scent as he buried himself deeper into me with every stroke. Tiny flickers of pleasure in my core were rapidly gaining in intensity along with Edward's thrusts.

My breathing was rapidly becoming panting, I tightened my grip around his waist and smiled when his breathing began to match my own.

"Tell me Bella…" he whispered against my neck. The rough rasp in his voice sounded like pure sex was enough to tip me over the edge.

I rested my head against the wall, my eyes rolled back in my head, "only for you…only you make me feel this way…"

He growled against my neck when my muscles tightened around his cock, my body shuddering almost violently.

"Mine…Bella…mine….only mine…" He groaned.

I pressed myself tighter into him as he rode out his orgasm, my mouth crashing against his when he finally pulled his face from my neck, "Mmm…thank you baby, that was the perfect appetiser, let's offer Irina and Demetri a room, I'm ready for my main course... Oh and I left you a present in the bathroom."

"Jesus Fuck Bella," He hissed.

"Soon Baby, you go and have some fun, I'll go and check on Irina." I grinned at him and wriggled out of his embrace. I pulled my skirt down over my hips, kissed him passionately and headed for the lounge.

I suppressed a giggle when I saw Demetri and Irina making out on the couch; she looked up embarrassed when she heard me. I gave her a quick smile, "don't mind me I was just coming to grab my drink. I'll see you guys the morning, I'll leave it to you two to find a room you know the house better than I do."

She laughed, waved and went back to kissing Demetri. I hurried into Edward's room, scanning the semi darkness when I realised he wasn't in bed. I grinned when I finally did find him. He was sitting in a comfortable looking wickerchair in shadows by the bed. My heart skipped a beat and my breath left my lungs in a rush, I smiled when I heard the song playing on the sound system.

"Oh…I love dancing to this song." I closed my eyes, my hips swayed as I sung the lyrics

_You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you_

_You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you_

My eyelids snapped open, Edward was about to rise from the chair. I shook my head, and smirked when I saw his eyes darken, my hands ghosted down the front of my body as I swayed to the music.

"_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_I want to feel you from the inside"_

I slid my hands up the inside of my thighs; I smiled innocently when Edward's growl rumbled from his chest. He almost rose from the chair again when I slid my hands out from beneath the flimsy fabric of my skirt sliding them up over my breasts, circling my nipples through the cotton.

"_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_My whole existence is flawed_

_You get me closer to god"_

My eyes never left Edwards as I sashayed forward and straddled his leg, I rubbed my warm sex up his thigh as my tongue licked a trail up his chest, I slipped off him when he went to touch me.

"_You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything_

_Help me tear down my reason, help me it's your sex I can smell"_

I smirked at him as I slid back onto his lap and crushed my lips to his; I rubbed myself against him as I sucked on his bottom lip,

"_Help make me perfect, help me become somebody else_

_I want to fuck you like an animal"_

I smiled against his lips when I felt the wet patch I had left on his jeans, I moved my lips to his ear, "can you feel how wet I am for you, only you make me like this."

I giggled when he reached to grab me and slipped off his lap, I kept just out of his reach as swayed in front of him, I let one hand slide over my breast while the other caressed my thigh,

"_I want to feel you from the inside_

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_My whole existence is flawed_

_You get me closer to god"_

I brought my leg up to rest on the chair smiling widely as he watched my hands travel up my thighs and over my sex.

"Fuck Bella…I want to touch you." I smirked and shook my head as I continued to palm my sex.

"_Through the forest, above the trees_

_Within my stomach, scrapped off my knees"_

I slid my fingers into my core and giggled when I heard Edward's breathing hitch. I rubbed my clit with my thumb as my fingers slid in deeper.

"_I drink the honey inside your hive_

_You are the reason I stay alive."_

I knew I had succeeded in pushing Edward over his limit when I heard the low guttural growl rumble from his throat, I giggled loudly and moved away from him, he lunged from the chair and I squealed as I took off running around the side of the bed. I laughed louder when his arms ensnare me from behind and his face moved to my neck,

"I don't think so my little cock tease; I'm going to fuck you like you wanted me too, like an animal." His teeth bit down into my flesh as he pushed me onto the bed. His lips never left my neck as he pulled his boxers roughly over his hips and pressed his hard cock between my arse cheeks, "On your hands and knees Bella." The commanding tone of his voice had me shivering in anticipation as I quickly did as he said. He placed himself at my entrance and gripped my hips. He held me steady as I tried to push back against him, I wanted him inside me. "Mmm…I don't think so my little tease." Edward continued to tease me letting on the top of his cock to slip inside me. I squirmed in his grip trying to push him deeper inside me. I was about to protest when he tightened his grip on my hips and pulled me back toward him, I sighed deeply when I felt every inch of him plunge inside me.

He wasn't joking when he told me he was going to fuck me like an animal, there was nothing soft, loving of gentle about his lovemaking. His fingers dug into my sides and his teeth bit at the skin of my back as he thrust into me violently. "Play with yourself Bella I want to feel you cum around my cock." I leaned my forehead against my arm and let my free hand drift toward my clit.

I sighed when my finger began to draw slow circles over my swollen bud as Edward continued to pound into me, I quickened my pace as I stroked myself rhythmically, Edward's pace was rapidly becoming frenzied and he was biting me harder as he fucked me with reckless abandon.

I could feel myself hurling toward my orgasm and I pressed my finger harder on my clit, "Oh…fuck…Edward…Ed…ward…fuckshitgod…ohmygod…Edward…" Stars burst before my eyes and my breath was coming short sharp bursts. I pressed my forehead harder against my arm as my vision blurred.

"Oh god Bella...so fucking good baby..."He collapsed on top of me, both of us trying hard to control our rapid breathing, "Jesus Bella you'll be the death of me."

I giggled into my arm, "Don't be silly honey, vigorous exercise keeps you alive longer." He snorted and rolled off me, I sat up letting my eyes roam over his naked body, he looked at me with a smirk and I laughed.

"So do you feel like sharing a spliff before we have dessert?" He grinned and winked at me as he rolled off the bed and headed for his closet. He threw me a robe and put one on himself and led me out onto the balcony. He lit the blunt and inhaled deeply before passing it to me.

I took a drag and handed it back, "I really like Irina Edward, she's got a beautiful soul and she's so much fun."

"She likes you too Bella she has wanted to get to know you better for ages."

"Well I think we could be great friends, she has such a calming effect on me."

"Me as well, that's one of the things I love about her."

"You are lucky to have such good friends."

"We are lucky." He corrected me. I smiled and nodded my head.

"We are." I took a couple more tokes on the joint and left Edward to finish it, I was already tucked up in bed when he finally came in from the balcony.

I melted into his embrace and closed my eyes. Life couldn't be any more perfect....

**Chapter Nineteen:**

**Edward's POV…**

The next day was hell. I had a business meeting that was going to drag out all day, and it wasn't the exciting 'Let's take over the world!' kind, it was the mind-numbing, 'I wonder if you can _force_ yourself into a coma?' kind.

I was sitting there in the meeting designed specifically to make me want to take my own life as I text Bella and asked if I could have the kids again this weekend. I also let her know I couldn't see the kids until tomorrow due to _work_.

Dirty, evil fucking word that one was fast becoming:

We hashed out the details and I ended the text with a kiss. After talking to Irina last night, everything had become a little clearer to me. I was going to talk to Bella, and tell her what I wanted. Our relationship had to be based on honesty and trust, which meant no more secrets. She couldn't keep hiding things from me, like Carlisle and his threatening her. She had to let me in or I couldn't protect them.

_**Flashback**_

"_I love her Irina, I really fucking do, but I can't forget what she did to me!" I practically wailed. Demetri looked at me and snorted that I should replace my vagina with a penis if I planned on sticking with the whole "Man" thing._

"_Fuck up!" I snapped "You're getting __married__ because of __me__! Your __happiness__ is all because of me!"_

"_What do you want, a medal?" Demetri quipped chuckling at what __he__ thought was his quick wit._

"_A little fucking sympathy wouldn't go amiss." I retorted._

"_You have my sympathy. Feel better now Princess?" _

_I glowered at him. "You've been spending too much time with Felix and Emmett."_

"_Jasper actually,__ I have to be man enough for both of us."_

"_If you don't go and finish dinner, you won't be 'man enough' for anyone!" Irina snapped at Demetri, interrupting our banter effectively. It also served to end Demetri's bravado and he sulked off to the kitchen muttering._

"_Geez, I was only kidding! Edward knows that!"_

_Once Demetri had gone, Irina turned to me and spoke, "You know what your problem is Edward? Why you can't get over this anger you have towards Bella?"_

_I shrugged, of course I didn't know. That was the fucking problem._

"_You think you are the only injured party here. All you see is __what__ she did to you; you've never looked at her reasons __why she did what she did__. Bella is not a malicious person Edward, she had a good reason in her eyes." She waved a wooden spoon at me for emphasis._

_I__ looked at her in shock. How the fuck could she say that? Bella had kept my children from me! I was entitled to my bitterness._

"_Look at it logically Edward, Bella sleeps with you and hears you say you think she is a mistake, whether you meant it or not..." She held up a hand to silence me as I had been about to interject "__She__ didn't know that. She loses her job and gets a measly cheque. It doesn't matter how much it was for" she stopped me again "She didn't just lose her job, she lost her identity and her independence. It's not the same when you're living off a payout instead of working for it." _

_I was silent. I had never thought of it that way. Had I had stolen from Bella as well as her from me? It seemed so. It seemed I had stolen her freedom._

"_Then she finds out she's pregnant." Irina continued "and she's alone. Carlisle has left such a bad taste in her mouth by now, that __any__ Cullen is a perceived threat so her maternal instincts take over and she protects her young the only way she knows how. She cuts herself from all her friends. She's scared, jobless and pregnant with no friends and is forced to start again. She's lucky she met Jacob, or God knows what you would have come home to." _

_Irina wasn't pulling any punches, and begrudgingly I knew she was right. I would never like Jacob, but I was grateful he had been there for her when I wasn't._

"_Then she finds out the father of her unborn children is engaged to be married. His life is going the right way following all the right traditions, while hers is backwards and sketchy. Suddenly everything that only seemed bleak now seems frighteningly dark."_

_I was feeling nauseous. All this time I had been so focused on my hurt and my pain that I had never considered any of Bella's. I don't know how Irina knew any of this, and I didn't question her, I knew all of it was the truth. Irina was the one person I could trust completely._

_Her picture of Bella was so different to my own and suddenly Bella wasn't quite the villain I had thought she was. She was a victim of circumstance just as I had been._

"_She gives birth alone, her babies' father is not there to hold her hand and tell her it's going to be ok. She's scared and in pain and wishing that you were there. She raises her children alone and then the man she has been pining for comes home and her heaven has never been so far away. She wants you, but how can she have you? How could you forgive what she has done? There's no happy ending for her in sight, so she takes what little happiness she can while she can."_

_Irina looked at me, and held my gaze_

"_I don't envy Bella one bit Edward. She knows she's done wrong, but she did the best that she could at the time. She had __no one__."_

_I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I vomited everything in my stomach up and then some. _

_What the hell had I done? She must have been so fucking frightened. Who held her hand when she gave birth? Did anyone? Or was she really alone as I know had painted in a devastating mental image. A brown haired beauty, not experiencing the wonder of what was happening, but realizing just how alone she truly was and breaking. No one to hold her hand and tell her it would be ok……._

_It__should__have been me, but for the first time I didn't blame Bella that it wasn't._

_I leaned back against the wall and flushed the toilet. Irina had come into the bathroom and she gave me a damp face cloth._

"_It's not all you either Edward. Bella has her own guilt to claim in this situation, but don't you think everyone has hurt enough? When does the guilt stop and the happiness start?"_

"_How do I do that?" I croaked my throat raw and burning. She took the face cloth off me and rinsed it out in the sink then began to mop the sweat off my forehead gently._

"_You make it clear what you want. If that's what Bella wants too, then you move ahead and never look back. Blame has no place in a relationship."_

_I pulled Irina into a hug, despite the fact that I had previously been embracing the toilet. She was my best friend and had saved me from myself more times than I could count. I would be lost without her and I was so grateful that she had come back to New Zealand with me._

_She hugged me back and kissed my cheek._

"_You're welcome Sunshine." She whispered. "If anyone deserves a happy ending it's you."_

"_Oh Hugs! I love hugs!" Emmett called from the doorway and bounded in wrapping us both in a big bear hug. He quickly let go and wrinkled his nose_

"_Gross man, who's been puking?"_

* * *

"Mr Cullen?" The speaker at the front of the room asked. I blinked out of my day dream memory.

"Uh, sorry what was that?" I asked. I hadn't heard a fucking word any of them had said.

"Are you happy with the proposal Sir?" He asked expectantly, his eyes twinkling in a familiar fashion. It was one I had seen many, many times over the years. He wanted money.

"Send a copy to my office and I'll go over it with Irina, my associate." I said. He looked at me quizzically

"I thought Irina was your P.A.?" He asked confused.

Yesterday, Irina had been my P.A. but only because I had been too involved with Bella to promote her. Now with the kids, I was hoping Irina wouldn't mind seeing to her own promotion.

I was such a shitty boss.

"No, she's my new associate as of this morning and Kate is now our joint P.A." I answered. I knew Kate wouldn't mind the promotion at all and would welcome it in fact.

"Oh, ok, then Mr Cullen, I'll send over two copies." I nodded and ran a frustrated hand through my hair as the next person got up to speak.

The day would never end it seemed.

* * *

The seconds felt like minutes, the minutes like hours; the hours like days and so on. The meeting was making me want to jump out through the window of the building and the only thing that had been stopping me was the pictures and videos Bella was sending to my phone of the kids. We had been keeping up a playful banter pretty much the whole morning.

_The old man who has the floor is so fucking boring, honestly, he talks in monotone. I am seriously contemplating jumping out the window. At least I'll know a little excitement before I die…_

Bella text back straight away

_Hee hee. Maybe a less drastic course of action would be pulling a good old sickie? It's much less permanent than suicide! _

I laughed and had to turn it into a cough. Bella had a pretty good idea there. I'd take tomorrow off as well and if Bella didn't mind the kids could come early

_Your stroke of brilliance is my saving grace Miss Swan! Would it be alright if I had the kids tonight? Please?_

"Excuse me everyone," I said standing up "I'm afraid we'll have to postpone this until later next week, I'm feeling a bit unwell." I said acting it up a little.

After everyone had finished wishing me a speedy recovery, I exited the building and sped off in my Aston Martin towards home.

Bella's message beeped through

_That won't be a __problem; I'll drop them off to you later this afternoon._

I hastily tapped out a reply while waiting at the lights.

_Uh, I'm kinda already on my way home, could you bring them now? Pretty please:_

I grinned like a fool the rest of the way home after reading her response. Maybe there would be a bright light at the end of the tunnel after all…………………..

_Hee hee:__ No problems._

* * *

I got home and got into the shower, turning on the radio on my way. I stood underneath the steaming jets of water and thought of Bella as Brooke Fraser's voice came through the speakers. I smiled to myself at the poignancy of the lyrics.

_I've been staring at the sky tonight  
Marvelling and passing time  
Wondering what to do with daylight  
Until I can make you mine  
You are the one I want, you are the one I want_

I knew it had been Bella for me all along, no one would ever be able to take her place, if I couldn't have her I could have no one. When I heard Bella tell her father that I was it for her too, it filled me with peace. We weren't a whole unless we were together.

I've been thinking of changing my mind  
It never stays the same for long  
But of all the things I know for sure  
You're the only certain one  
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I may have tried to deny it to myself, but it was futile. I couldn't be apart from her, I would do anything for Bella.

I've been counting up all my wrongs  
One sorry for each star  
See I'd apologise my way to you  
If the heavens stretched that far  
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

Thanks to Irina, I had been able to walk a little in Bella' shoes and it had not been comfortable. What she must have gone through….. It broke my heart. I was going to apologise to Bella for my lack of empathy. I had never stopped to appreciate just what an incredibly strong woman Isabella Swan was.

_  
I won't find what I am looking for  
If I only "see" by keeping score  
'Cos I know now you are so much more than arithmetic_

No more would we count the hurts caused by the other. Today we would put the past behind us and move forward. There _had_ been too much hurt, and we both deserved some happiness. 

'Cos if I add, if I subtract  
If I give it all, try to take some back  
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact  
That you are the sum  
So you are the one  
I want

No one else had touched me like Bella. I had tried and failed miserably with Tanya, but this right now with Bella? This was my chance; the pinnacle of all my dreams, Bella was the final piece of the puzzle. Once she was fit into the picture, everything looked right again.

When the years are showing on my face  
And my strongest days are gone  
When my heart and flesh depart this place  
From a life that sung your song

You'll still be the one I want  
You'll still be the one I want  
You'll still be the one I want  
You'll still be the one I want

I got out of the shower and dried myself quickly, throwing on some jeans and a T-shirt and went outside to the doorstep. I sat down and smiled, chuckling lightly at just how lucky I was.

My family was finally coming home.

All of them.

* * *

I watched as Bella pulled into my driveway and I shot to the car before it had even stopped moving. I felt like a little boy at Christmas.

Bella got out of the car and I pulled her into my arms, sighing a little at how much better I felt already. I kissed her cheek and whispered into her ear, "Thank you." I let go of Bella before I could get too carried away, we had plenty of time for that and it was more important that we talk first. Plus my little angels were clapping and calling me from the car. I opened Apple's door to her cheerful greeting. "Hello my princess, I missed you." I kissed her and took her out of the car seat. Bella got Louis and I bundled him into my free arm and we all went into the house together.

Bella came over and I was about to ask her if she would like to take a walk with us, when she kissed Louis with tears in her eyes.

"Mummy will see you on Sunday sweetheart you be good for your Dad."

I frowned at her. Why was she leaving? She couldn't leave we needed to talk, we were finally going to fix this and then everything would be alright. It had to be, I had completely run out of other options.

"Bella, do you need to leave straight away?" _Please say no_ I begged silently.

"Um…no I guess not; why?" She looked so shocked that I'd want her to stay. I wondered how bad my behaviour had been and I felt ashamed.

"I just thought you might want to chill out with us for a while, maybe take a walk with us**?" **I smiled at her and tried to convey just how much I wanted her to stay. She gave me a shaky nod in return.

"I'd like that."

We strapped the twins into their stroller and took them for a walk. We were going nowhere in particular, our destination didn't matter at the moment, first we had to get through the journey.

"Bella I owe you an apology." I began.

"Why? What could you have possibly done to me that would require you to apologise to me? It's me who should be begging for forgiveness." She replied and I had to chuckle. She was still trying to make amends for something that I now saw, neither of us could have helped.

"Well I can't claim to have come to the brilliant conclusion on my own, we both have Irina to thank for that, but I don't think I ever stopped to appreciate how it would feel to be in your situation. You must have been fucking terrified." I said with a shudder.

Bella looked at me in amazement, like she couldn't believe the words coming from my mouth. She nodded at my assessment

"Terrified is an understatement. At first I had no plans to tell you because I never thought you'd be interested. Then I decided I did want you to know so I tried to call you in France about a month after they were born, I got your answer phone and I chickened out. The next day I read you were engaged and I decided against trying to contact you again. Then we started seeing each other again and I tried to stay away from you but I couldn't and I knew that I had to tell you but I couldn't find the courage. I tried to tell you that week we were in Queenstown and again the night before you found out."

I laughed at her, for someone who always had so much trouble being honest and forthcoming with me in the past, she certainly didn't have a problem now. Was it just another thing she was trying to make up for? I didn't know and it really didn't matter. We were finally talking and that was all that was important.

"Calm down Bella, breathe." I shook my head and smiled "It's nobody's fault. That's the conclusion I came to. I'll admit what you did hurt me, fuck it hurt more than anything. Even leaving you didn't hurt that much and all the shit with Tanya**…" **

I trailed off as Tanya's name left the inevitable stain on our conversation. I knew it had to happen; I couldn't ask Bella for honesty and not give it to her myself. I cowardly hoped that she would not ask me about Tanya, but I knew I would tell her everything if she did.

"I guess we've hurt each other. Edward what did happen between you and Tanya?"

I sighed and prepared myself. What had happened with Tanya was not all of her doing, I had been just as much to blame and I had treated her appallingly at times. What would Bella think when she learned of my less than chivalrous behaviour? Would she forgive me for trying to move on and have a life, while she was struggling in the one I left her with?

_Honesty:__ Trust._

I would be honest with Bella and trust her to forgive me. That was all I could do.

"Perhaps I should start from the beginning of my time in France? It might make a little more sense that way." I said looking ahead. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Edward you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Bella said, noticing my change in mood.

"I don't want to, I don't want to ever think about that evil bitch again, but I made a promise to myself back in France that I would base this relationship on honesty if I ever got the chance." I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Well that didn't quite go to plan but there you go…" I looked down at her to see her giving me a nervous grin. I smiled back at her attempt to alleviate the mood.

"I meant if I ever got the chance at a relationship with you, Bella. If you want to hear about Tanya, I will tell you. But I warn you, I don't always come off as the nice guy."

"Well from what I've seen of Tanya so far I wouldn't say she'd be a saint."

I nodded at her in agreement; Tanya and Sainthood were polar opposites.

"That, she definitely is not. But I still used her Bella, and no one deserves that. When I went to France, I felt empty. All I wanted to do was run back here and beg you to forgive me and give us a chance, but I couldn't and slowly the pain grew. I drank till I blacked out most nights, or otherwise I was so wasted I would pass out anyway. Those were the only times, I could stop the fucking ache…"

I swallowed tightly as I felt the burn in my chest, that pull that threatened to drag me under and drown me in a sea of misery. I had lived with it every day in France, and I knew without a doubt I couldn't do it again, not anymore.

Bella put her hand on my arm consolingly, "You wanted to come home and beg for my forgiveness? I thought you wouldn't have given me a second thought. And I know what you mean about that terrible aching, though mine was exacerbated at the start by the fact I had three broken ribs."

"You had broken ribs?" I asked in surprise. There was so much of our time apart that I didn't know, what she had been through.

I once again cursed myself for my selfishness.

"Yeah that night after I left the office I went home to bed and tried to drink you off my mind, I blacked out when I tried to get up and woke up on the floor in a pool of blood with a smashed up face and broken ribs, it wasn't my finest hour."

The similarities of our reactions to that night were astounding.

"Huh, I got trolleyed and Emmett decked me. I guess neither of us handled it well. Still, we got the best possible outcome in the world." I looked down at our beautiful children. "But I suppose we should get back to the painful topic that is Tanya."

"Of course please carry on and I promise I won't interrupt."

I went back to those dark days in Paris.

"Well you were always there. Everywhere I looked I saw you. I swear sometimes I could even fucking smell that cinnamon perfume of yours." I said a little embarrassed. "I convinced myself that you would have moved on, that I couldn't possibly have meant as much to you as you meant to me, and so I tried to move on. Tanya had been there since day one and made her interest quite clear. She and Carlisle had a grand plan to merge the Cullen and Denali families together so Carlisle told her what I wanted most in my life: A family." I looked at the family I had been blessed with and then at the woman who had held us together when I hadn't. I brushed a stray wisp of hair off her beautiful cheek."Tanya told me one night that she wanted to have children and I saw a chance to move forward, and I took it. I'm so sorry for that."

At t he time I had felt like I was betraying Bella and I still did. Bella didn't see it that way though; she staunchly defended me against myself. That made me laugh a little.

"You don't need to apologise for wanting to move on. So Tanya told you she wanted a family?"

I looked as a car that I had been seeing a lot recently passed by. The windows were tinted, but I could see the driver turn their head and stare at us. I pushed it to the back of my mind; this conversation with Bella was important and required my undivided attention. Little conspiracy theories could wait for later.

"Yeah, when she said that, I pretty much made the decision to propose. It was probably the worst proposal ever to happen in history, I was so drunk and high, I think I hurt her finger shoving the ring on there." I felt so fucking ashamed for that. No matter how much of a bitch Tanya was, no woman deserved a proposal like that. "Then shortly before the wedding I overheard her talking to Kate. She said she didn't want kids, she fucking hated children, but she wanted me and she was going to do whatever it took to get me. She planned to stay on birth control and feign infertility, then after enough disappointment she would convince us to give up, leaving her with her dream life and me with nothing. I ended the engagement then and there and made the decision to come home and find you. I was prepared to do whatever it took to get you back Bella."

Bella gasped and began tripping over herself in her apologies "Oh god Edward… I want to tell you how horrible and evil Tanya was to do that to you, but I have no right to pass judgement on her when I have acted just as appallingly. I can however tell you how very sorry I am that I added to your pain. It was never my intention to hurt you and I will never forgive myself for what I have done to you."

We had come to the point of no return; it was time to place all my cards on the table. I could hear Irina's wise words in the back of my head and I spoke confidently, "I think there's been enough hurt for both of us, it's time to move on. I'm going to lay it on the line Bella, I love you, I always have since the moment I saw you in Emmett's office. I don't want to be apart from you and I want our chance at us, but there are a couple of things we need to talk about, first I need to if this is what you want too?"

She didn't answer at first; she just stood there gaping at me. I wasn't really nervous, I had heard her tell her father she loved me and deep down I knew it anyway.

"I love you too Edward and I always will. I would love nothing more than for us to be together as a family; it's what I've been dreaming about from the moment I decided to keep the twins. But I don't know if that's possible. It's like the gods are working against us."

She placed her hand on mine and her tears spilled over. This time I could comfort her with all my heart, there was no more resentment, there was only us and the twins. I reached down and wiped her tears away.

"Nothing is going to stop me this time Bella, but you need to promise me something first."

I looked at her seriously; we couldn't do this if she couldn't be honest with me.

"Promise you what Edward?"

"No more dishonesty between us, whatever we have or can have is better than that. Can you do that?" I stroked her cheek with my thumb absently. Bella was trembling and I wondered just how much she had been affected by everything. She was so scared and nervous all the time. I knew she worried about Carlisle, but she didn't need to. I could and would deal with my father and whatever he decided to throw at us.

"Yes I can. I don't want to have anymore secrets from you Edward." She said and I could hear the sincerity in her words.

A grin overtook my face. I was euphoric.

"Good. You know I overheard your conversation with your father the other day, it gave me hope." I looked at her carefully, gauging to see if she would tell me about her other conversation that day, the one with Carlisle specifically.

Bella looked at me in shock and she broke out into the most breath taking blush.

"Oh…um…well that's embarrassing…"

"Don't be embarrassed, it was actually pretty damn good to hear." I laughed lightly. She hadn't brought up Carlisle yet and I decided to go a little easy on her, "Bella did something happen in the kitchen with Carlisle on the twins birthday" I watched her in anticipation. Would she tell me what happened?

"Yes." She whispered timidly, visibly shaking at the memory and I wanted to fucking tear Carlisle apart. "He warned me to stay away from you among other things. He doesn't think I'm good enough for you."

Yes, Carlisle had made that quite clear. I didn't care though, it wasn't up to him to judge our relationship and I was not going to allow him to do so.

"Hmmm, well it's not really his choice now is it? Truth be told I'm not good enough for you, but I'm not going to argue."

I stopped and gathered Bella to me and kissing her sweet lips gently. Carlisle had no right to make this magnificent woman feel anything less than the remarkable creature she was.

A remarkable creature who was now wholly committed to this relationship.

Bella linked her arm with mine and we carried on walking. She was the first to break the silence.

"I know it's not his choice, but he seems to think it is and how did you know we had spoken that day?"

"I may have overheard that conversation in passing as well. I promise you I don't habitually stalk you or anything. You don't need to worry about Carlisle I won't let him do anything to you, Apple or Louis. But I need you to tell me straight away if he says or does anything else, ok? Promise me Bella, this is really important. I can't protect you all if I don't know what's going on."

Bella nodded at me solemnly.

"I promise, and by the way I don't mind if you stalk me, I can tell my friends I have the world's hottest stalker."

I couldn't hold back the loud laugh that erupted from me. Louis looked up at me and grinned in response.

This was how it was meant to be and I knew without a doubt this weekend was going to be good. I also knew I needed to convince Bella to stay.

I wanted to wake up with her in my arms, feel her skin pressed against mine, but I would not push. If Bella felt more comfortable in the guest room, then I would be ok with that too. I didn't want her to feel pressured into anything. "Bella, do you have any plans for this weekend? If you haven't I was wondering if maybe you would like to stay as well? You would have your own room of course I'm not making any kind of assumptions. I want us to do this right this time. So, would you like to?" I looked at with hope and nearly kicked myself when the next words came tumbling out of my mouth, "Unless of course you don't want your own room, there's nothing I would like more than to wake with you by my side, but I don't want you to feel pressured or anything."

She gave me a shy little smile. "I would love to spend the weekend with you and I'm happy to sleep in any room whatever makes you comfortable."

"Well if it's my choice, I want you waking up next to me. It's where you belong." I answered firmly. I wouldn't pressure her, if I only got to hold her all night, I would consider myself the luckiest man alive.

Bella leaned in and gave me a quick kiss.

"Hmm…I've always wondered what you're bedroom looks like, I was tempted to sneak a peek in the night I stayed but I thought that might have been pushing it a bit. And maybe we should get the kids back and fed."

"Sounds like heaven to me," and I kissed her, sucking on her bottom lip. God, she tasted so fucking good.

"And you never have to sneak anywhere in my house, think of it as your home too. I know I do." I smirked and pushed the stroller back towards _our_ home.

* * *

We got home and I fed the twins while Bella went outside to make some calls. I was desperately trying to get Apple to eat her vegetables so Bella didn't think I was completely useless as a father. Apple, however, was not very receptive to my arguments and decided the broccoli would look better on my face than on her plate.

I gave her a mock scowl and she just grinned at me. She certainly got _that _off her mother.

We gave them a bath and I made Bella and myself a quick dinner while she tucked them in. I went and gave them each a kiss goodnight and went upstairs to the deck to have our dinner. We chatted aimlessly about everything and anything and I watched as Bella began to grow steadily more tired. When she started yawning, I knew it was time to call it quits for the night.

I took her empty glass from her hand and led her into my bedroom laughing silently as she gasped at the size of my bed.

What can I say? I like to spread out when I sleep.

"What?" She asked, looking a little miffed at my laughing at her.

"Nothing it's just the look on your face." I couldn't help but laugh as she rolled her eyes at me.

"Honestly Edward who needs a bed this big?...Well maybe Robert Pattinson but surely not mere mortals." She said to me.

Who the fuck was this Robert Pattinson? Did I know him? More importantly, did I need to kick his fucking ass? "Who is Robert Pattinson?" I demanded a little testily.

"Pagan God of woman's libidos," She covered her mouth with her hand and looked up at me in surprise.

"Bella you are so absurd." I couldn't help but laugh at her guilty expression.

"I know I'm hoping you'll be able to look past it and love me anyway.." She put her tiny arms around my waist and placed her head on my chest. "I like your T shirt by the way."

"Thanks it's an old favourite." I said strangely happy that she liked it too.

"Hmm I figured that by the amount of times it's been sewed up." She teased. I grabbed her about the middle and growled.

"Get into Bed Bella, before I need to punish you for being a bad girl."

* * *

I woke up to find Apple curled into my side, with Louis next to her cuddling Bella. Bella, who had found my old tatty Stoli shirt and put it on. My heart swelled at the sight of my perfect family. I could never have even dreamed it would be this perfect.

I sat there for some time, just taking in the sight of them before Bella's eyes fluttered open and she looked at my foolish grin

"What are you smiling about?" She whispered quietly

"How awesome it is to wake up to find the family you always dreamed about. And you really suit that shirt by the way." I answered truthfully.

"I know what you mean I was thinking the same thing when I watched them sleeping next to you last night." She looked down at her watch and cursed

"Fuck Edward I need to go and say goodbye to my parents."

"Can't you just ring them?" I whined sounding fucking pathetic, even to my own ears

"I could but I also really need to go home and get some clean clothes. I don't really want to wear the same pair of underwear again."

"Hmm…you could wear no underwear." It solved all problems as far as I was concerned.

"Honey keep your mind out of the gutter for a minute, did you have any plans for today?" Bella scolded. I tried to drag my thoughts away from images of panty-less Bella and remember what it was that I had planned for the day.

"Uh, yeah my mates are meant to be coming over for a Barbie later and Esme is calling into see the twins this morning."

"Well I'm definitely going home for clean underwear. If I go now I'll miss all the traffic."

"Fine but hurry home," I sulked, missing her already. I knew I sounded like a whiny, clingy little bitch, but I couldn't help it.

"Home I like the sound of that," She replied kissing me and stripping off my shirt. I could feel a wave of desire wash over me at the sight of her naked flesh and I shuddered.

I didn't want to pressure Bella, but fuck me; I wanted her so goddamn badly.

* * *

The twins and I enjoyed a nice morning with my mother, who brought them both bags of toys and clothes. She was going overboard with them, showering them with gifts at every chance, and I was in no position to criticize. I did exactly the same thing. Everyone turned up just as my mother was saying goodbye and Emmett, Demetri and myself played a game of tag with Apple and Louis. Apple would chase after me every single time she was tagged, she would go after no one else, laughing wildly and cheering as she 'caught' me.

"Come on guys; let's go see if Mummy's back yet shall we?" Louis practically jumped into my arms at the mere mention of finding Bella. "You miss you Mum little man?" I asked tickling his tummy. He giggled at me and nodded. I grinned when I found Bella and Irina, both in fits of giggles, drinking margaritas. My best friend and my girlfriend, it was as it should be. "So I guess I'm in charge of the kids for the rest of the day?" I said teasingly. I was thrilled Bella was letting her hair down and having a good time, especially with Irina.

"Welcome to shared parental responsibility baby. Besides we are having Irina's unofficial hen's night tonight." Irina's drunken giggles burst forth and Demetri looked at her adoringly. He knew she had been having trouble making friends in New Zealand, and sometimes a girl just needed a girlfriend, I supposed.

"Hey Bells I'm glad to see you haven't lost your ability to cut loose every once in awhile." Jasper said carrying Apple, while she played with his hair.

"Yeah well it's been awhile so Edward is kindly going to be the responsible parent today."

Jasper and I both laughed and took the kids inside for some lunch and a nap.

"You look happy man." Jasper said as we tucked Apple into her bed and gave her a kiss. We walked over the hall to Louis's room and I lay him down on his bed, tucking him in and kissing his forehead.

"I know I've said it before, but these rooms really kick ass. You really are a natural born daddy."

I rolled my eyes and we made our way back upstairs.

The twins were quite worn out from the morning and slept most of the afternoon away. I had a couple of beers with Emmett and Jasper but nothing more than that. It was a nice change for me. I was standing with Demetri laughing over something that had happened at the office while I was away, when I saw Bella kiss Emmett on the deck I couldn't help but laugh. It was good to see those two back to normal.

"Holy shit Edward! Emmett's hooking into Bella!" Demetri nearly yelled.

"Its fine Demetri, it's just a little game of Emmett's. Bella wants some blow and this is the only way Emmett will give it to her. It means nothing to either of them."

I sucked in a deep breath though, when I saw Bella step back and Irina step forward. Emmett crashed his lips down on Irina's and I heard Demetri hiss in rage. I grabbed his arm and held him in place. "Don't you fucking dare Demetri! It means nothing, you know that! How long was Irina alone for in France? She wouldn't see anyone else if she couldn't have you. You are getting married soon and all this? This is just Irina cutting loose and finally having some fun, making some _girl_friends; don't take that away from her just because you feel a little sting of jealousy. You know it's you she goes home with."

By the end of my speech, all the tension had drained from Demetri's arm, and while he looked upset, he no longer looked murderous.

Bella and Irina breezed inside and Bella gave me an impish little grin and I smirked at her.

I went and checked on the twins, picking up the covers that Louis had kicked off and tucking them back around his tiny little frame. I checked on Apple who was sleeping peacefully, with a small smile on her lips. It made me happy to know her dreams were pleasant ones.

I had just opened the door to leave when I saw Bella standing there. She had obviously done a few lines and smelled like weed. I smirked. "Hi sweetheart, are you having a good time?" I shut Apple's door behind me and Bella launched herself at me, attacking my lips with hers. I kissed her back, matching her ferocity with my own, and I moved my mouth to taste the sweet skin of neck.

"I am having a good time but I'd be having a better time if you were doing disgusting and debauched things to me in your bed." She said a little breathlessly and I felt my pants tighten uncomfortably.

I slid my hand up Bella's thigh, desperate to lose any part of me inside her soft warmth. Where I expected to find the edge of her panties, I found none and I slid two fingers into her already wet pussy.

"Fuck Bella…" I ground out between my teeth, as I added another finger and I massaged her clit firmly. Bella was getting more and more aroused and I could feel her juices running down my fingers.

I knew if I didn't get my cock in her soon, I would explode.

"Mmm…Edward I want you to fuck me right here right now, gotta feel you inside me now."

"Fuck Bella." I groaned into her intoxicating throat, I could smell her, her cinnamon body wash, her hair, her skin and her fucking _scent_. It was driving me wild, I was going to rip the clothes directly off her body, I needed her and she was fucking _mine_.

She pulled my jeans and boxers down and began to stroke my length with her soft hands.

I lost all coherent thought; I was a primal man running on instinct alone.

I pushed her against the wall and she wrapped her legs around my waist as I pounded into her hot, tight warmth. I could feel her walls clench around me as I grunted and moaned at the sensation. I alternated between kissing and nipping at her neck as the desire swelled and flowed inside me.

"Tell me Bella…" I demanded. She knew what I wanted to hear from her.

I could feel her orgasm wash over her as her walls trembled and clenched tightly around me

"Only for you…only you make me feel this way…" She moaned as her head slammed back against the wall.

That was all I needed, my was pushed over the edge and I could feel myself spill inside her. I growled at the thought of marking her as mine in that way. My body shook at the force of my own release. "Mine…Bella…mine….only mine…" I groaned into her neck.

As the final tremors of my release left me, I lifted my head almost groggily from Bella's shoulder to look at her, a mischievous smile on her puffy, red lips.

She looked completely fucked and ready for round two by my calculations.

"Mmm…thank you baby, that was the perfect appetiser, let's offer Irina and Demetri a room, I'm ready for my main course. Oh and I left you a present in the bathroom."

"Fuck Bella." I didn't give a shit about Irina and Demetri, they could sort themselves out; right now I had a re-emerging problem that I _knew_ Bella was more than qualified to help me with.

"Soon Baby, you go and have some fun and I'll go and check on Irina." She gave me a cheeky grin and slid off me and I hissed as the cold air hit my already painfully hard cock.

I winced as I watched her straighten her clothes, it was a fucking crime to be watching her cover that sweet ass with that skirt. I was sure I could be shot in some countries for allowing such a travesty.

Bella gave me a kiss and bounded off to the lounge leaving me leaning against the wall.

I quickly pulled up my pants and boxers and went off to the bathroom to find the 'present' that Bella had left for me. I could have kissed her when I saw the lines on the mirror and a pair of crotch less, black lacy panties hanging beside my bathrobe. I took them down and put them in my pocket, they might be quite a nice visual aid for later on.

I quickly snorted my lines and pulled my shirt off tossing it in the hamper. I made my way back into my bedroom and sat down in the chair beside the bed. I flicked on the stereo with the remote and selected a Nine Inch Nails mix I had. I sat back and listened to 'The Only Time' while I waited for Bella.

I could feel the coke spiking all my senses and I was fucking horny than I had ever been in my life. It didn't take too long before my door opened silently and Bella walked into the room in all her fuck-able glory. I watched her eyes searching for me and I smirked when I saw her eyes travel down to my bare chest and she sucked in a deep breath.

The song change and my heart began to race as I realized what was playing.

"Oh…I love dancing to this song." Bella declared and began to seductively sway her hips and singing to the music.

I was fucking hypnotized by her.

"_You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you  
__You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you"_

She looked into my eyes and shook her head when I made to rise and go to her. I could feel every muscle in my body, twitch in anticipation as I watched her hands slide down the front of her body and over her supple tits.

"_I want to fuck you like an animal  
__I want to feel you from the inside"_

She dragged her hands slowly up her thighs and a frustrated growl escaped me. Those should be _my _hands touching those silky thighs, and the heaven to which they led. I gripped the armrests of the chair to stop myself from going to her and throwing her down on the bed and fucking her like she wanted me too. I nearly lost all self control when she began rubbing little circles around her breasts.

"_I want to fuck you like an animal  
__My whole existence is flawed  
__You get me closer to god"_

She danced over to me in perfect time with the music and sat on my leg as she licked a warm trail from my stomach up my chest. I could feel her wet sex through my jeans and I moved to grab her hips and pull her to me but she quickly moved away with a naughty little smile.

"_You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything  
__Help me tear down my reason, help me it's your sex I can smell"_

She climbed back onto my lap and kissed me passionately, grinding herself into me. I could feel her, how wet and ready she was for me, fuck I could smell that sweet intoxicating musk of her arousal and I was nearly rabid with want.

"_Help make me perfect, help me become somebody else  
__I want to fuck you like and animal_

She whispered sultry and low into my ear, _C__an you feel how wet I am for you, only you make me like this."_

My hands shot out and she just slipped through them and I felt like fucking screaming. I _needed_ her, so fucking badly. I had to be inside her there was just no other way. She giggled like the sexy little tease that she was while she continued her little strip tease. It was the most fucking erotic thing I had seen in my life, but it was also the most fucking torturous and she was enjoying every second of my discomfort.

"_I want to feel you from the inside  
__I want to fuck you like an animal  
__My whole existence is flawed  
__You get me closer to god"_

She hitched her leg up on my chair and I was assaulted by her scent anew. Fuck I wanted to taste her; she was so god damn _close._

"Fuck Bella…I want to touch you." I said huskily, my eyes glued to those hands that were touching everything _I _wanted to be touching.

"_Through the forest, above the trees  
__Within my stomach, scrapped off my knees"_

When she slid her fingers inside herself and began playing with her clit I thought I was going to come undone then and there. I absently began to palm myself through my jeans, groaning as I watched Bella fuck herself.

"_I drink the honey inside your hive  
__You are the reason I stay alive."_

When her tongue snaked out and ran along her bottom lip, I knew my control had snapped. A sound I didn't know I could make, escaped me and I captured a giggling Bella easily in my arms, throwing down on the bed. "I don't think so, my little cock tease. I'm going to fuck you like you wanted me too, like an animal." I bit down hard on her shoulder and pushed her further onto the bed. I kept biting and sucking her tender flesh, while I shoved my boxers and jeans down. My erection sprang free and I leaned forward pressing it to her firm little ass. She needed to fucking know what she did to me, and what _I_ would do to _her_. "On your hands and knees Bella." I ordered her roughly. I would fuck her till she screamed my name, I would fucking own every part of her by the time we were finished. She obeyed me instantly and I smiled at her compliance. She wanted this just as much as I did. I teased her wet entrance with the head of my cock, smirking in satisfaction when she tried to push herself backwards onto me. "Mmm…I don't think so my little tease," I eased just the top inside her and then slid back out again, enjoying the sound of her frustrated little pants.

Payback was a bitch.

When Bella was nearly squirming in anticipation, I grabbed her hips roughly and pulled her back towards me as I thrust myself inside her to the hilt. I know I had already been inside her within the last hour, but it felt just as good as though it were the first time.

I kept true to my word, I took her hard and I took her rough. I bit and nipped as I slammed inside her.

"Play with yourself Bella I want to feel you cum around my cock." She did as she was told like the good girl she was, and it was not long before I felt the familiar trembling of her walls, she was close.

"Oh…fuck…Edward…Ed…ward…fuckshitgod…ohmygod…Edward…"

"Oh god Bella! Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" I roared as I felt the familiar sensation of her walls trembling around me, spurning me onto my own orgasm. I leaned forward and bit down on the back of her neck hard, as I felt the shudders pass through my body. My hands were clenched so tightly on her hips, I was sure I would leave bruises.

As my release tapered off, my arms shook and I fell down on top of Bella, unable to hold my own weight anymore. "Jesus Bella you'll be the death of me." I mumbled into her neck, kissing lightly where I had bitten down.

"Don't be silly honey, vigorous exercise keeps you alive longer." Bella giggled and then sat up and began to blatantly eye-fuck me. I smirked at her, happy to know that she found me as physically attractive as I found her.

"So do you feel like sharing a spliff before we have dessert?" Bella looked at me hopefully and I grinned at her jumping up to retrieve my stash from the closet and a couple of robes.

We went out onto the deck and I lit the vanilla blunt. I took a deep hit and passed it over to Bella. She took a drag and passed it back.

"I really like Irina Edward, she's got a beautiful soul and she's so much fun."

"She likes you too Bella she has wanted to get to know you better for ages."

I was thrilled those two were getting along so well, they were both such important parts of my life.

"Well I think we could be great friends, she has such a calming effect on me."

"Me as well, that's one of the things I love about her."

"You are lucky to have such good friends."

"We are lucky." I amended. She was as much a part of me as I was now of her.

"We are."

We finished the blunt and went back to bed, where Bella fell asleep in my arms.

Just where she belonged.

**A/N: I hope you're happy Christmas came earlier this year. Show us some love and let us know what you thought :)**_**Cinnamon & Greenaway x**_


	20. The Angel & the Demon

**A/N: **First off I would like to offer an apology for not putting up a warning about the Use of Narcotic in the last Chapter; I realize that it came across as irresponsible to have both parents high when in charge of the care of their children. Greenaway and I are very consciously aware we are treading a fine line with the use of drugs in this story; neither of us personally condones drug use. **I also apologise to Greenaway as we originally had Jasper stay at the house as the sober adult, but I just it lost somewhere in my editing process. **While the drug use in this story seems gratuitous I can assure you it's not, it has minor relevance to the plotline for a few more chapters. the only reason we use them is to push the characters into extreme reactions and situations. Also if you look back at Edward's use of drugs and alcohol you will see we have tried to show that he used them as a means of escape and as a coping mechanism when he was exiled to France, even though he and Bella are back together and he is more emotionally stable there has to be physical and psychological effects of drinking that much alcohol and taking that amount of narcotics for as long as he did. I want to assure you that there will be consequences at some stage in this story (But I promise no overdoses in case you're worried) and I will put up warnings to the content of the Chapters in the A/N from now on. But in saying that, we did warn you that this story was recommended for a mature audience and that it contained adult content. _Cinnamon :)_

**As always thank you to those of you who took time to review all feedback is appreciated. Also thank you to those of you who have added this story to their subscriptions :)**

**Be warned This Chapter Contains Adult Content!**

**Disclaimer: **S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my table. All songs are the property of the respective owners.

**Chapter 20: The Angel & the Demon...**

**Bella's POV...**

I woke up and light was pouring through the window, I groaned and pulled one of the many pillows on the bed over my head, a second later I became aware that Edward was not beside me and pulled the pillow off my face. I checked the time and scrambled out of bed and straight into the shower, it was already lunchtime and I was gutted that I'd wasted half of my day sleeping. I could hear low voices as I walked down hall and I suddenly felt shy about facing whoever was in the room, I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, I couldn't help but smile at how utterly ridiculous I was being.

"Bella," Irina's soft voice floated down the hallway toward me, "are you alright?"

I opened my eyes and flashed her a grin, "yeah, how about you?"

"Better once I vomited." Irina giggled and I joined her.

"And was Demetri alright over the whole Emmett thing?"

"He was a bit pissed but Edward talked him round."

"Hmm…Edward knows it just harmless fun and mine and Emmett's deal."

I grabbed Irina's hand in mine and walked into the kitchen; Edward was busy making peanut butter sandwiches while Demetri poured pineapple juice into two Tommie tippy cups.

Edward smirked when his eyes met mine and he poured me a glass of juice, "glad to see you made back to the land of the living I was beginning to get worried you might need resuscitating."

My breath hitched in my throat as he made his way over to me, I smiled at how my body was starting to tingle from being so close to him. "Mmm, I could think of a couple of ways you could have woken me." I whispered. His smirked grew even more pronounced and he leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Bella I spent the first hour _I_ was awake trying various things to wake you up, I got a bit of a response when my fingers touched you here." His hand reached out to cup my breast his thumb brushing across my nipple, he smiled when it harden instantly. "I got more of response when it was my mouth on your breasts and my lips tugging on your nipples, and you did moan softly when my fingers touched you here, he took a step closer his hand discreetly brushing across my mound,and you did call out my name when I brought you to your orgasm with my tongue. But I couldn't wake you up." He brought his lips to mine kissing me softly.

"Mummy, my mummy, love my mummy." Apple chirruped. I smiled against Edward's lips and pulled away.

"Mummy loves you too sweetheart..."

We put the kids down for an afternoon sleep and went to join Irina and Demetri who had made us lunch and were sitting out on the balcony.

"Bella, I forgot to tell you last night that you'll be sitting at the bridal table at the wedding."

I looked at Irina in surprise, I wasn't expecting to sit with Edward and the children on the night of the wedding, "Irina you don't need to do that, I'll be happy to be seated with Emmett and Jazz."

"No way Bella you're sitting with me, I can't not have my best friends sitting by my side on the happiest day of my life." She looked at Demetri adoringly then flashed Edward a brilliant smile which he returned at once...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**TANYA POV…**

I couldn't believe the fucking nerve of my sister, honestly she was such a stupid bitch, I glared down at her message and my blood boiled,

_Tanya, Edward's children will be part of the bridal group and Bella will be joining us at the bridal table, I expect you to treat her and her children with respect and do not cause a scene._

I had tried to argue with her but she wouldn't hear a bad word against the slut or her brats, traitorous bitch of a sister. The only thing I was looking forward to about the whole stupid wedding was that Carlisle would be there. I was sure he wouldn't be happy about Edward and his insta-family and I would bet that he'd be working on way of keeping the slut away from Edward.

I would tell him tonight that I'd be happy to help.

I couldn't believe that Edward had not only forgiven _Bella_ for betraying him but he was intent on having a relationship with her, I had been so sure once he knew what she'd had been hiding from him he'd use his army of lawyers to gain custody of his children and kick Bella to the gutter where she belonged. I was fairly confident if I could get Isabella _Fucking _Swan out of his life for good then I had a good chance of winning Edward back. We could work out the problems in our relationship once he gave me a chance, the way I saw it he only called off our wedding because he found out I didn't want children. I was sure he loved me and now that he had the brats he wanted if Bella wasn't on the scene I was positive I could convince Edward to let me help raise his kids and _we_ could be the perfect family he always wanted.

The thing was I didn't know how I was going to rid of Bella yet.

I watched the smoke from the crystal meth swirling around the glass pipe as I began to draw it into my lungs, I was going to make sure that I was alert enough today that I didn't let one opportunity pass me by. I finished the contents of the pipe and slipped it into my small satin purse. I put on the revolting purple bridesmaid dress Irina had chosen, poured myself a healthy measure of gin and downed it in one; I decided on one more for good luck then went to find Kate and the traitor bitch. I nearly brought the gin up when I found Irina fussing over the slut's daughter. She was fixing a small sparkling tiara amongst her bronzed curls, and looked up at me in warning; I sneered at her and went to join Kate. The quicker we got this travesty of an event over with the quicker I could get to the bar...

I could feel myself coming down off the meth, the minister's voice droned on and on and it was getting on my nerves, I could feel a headache coming on and I was desperate to get to a bathroom and my pipe. My patience was wearing thinner by the second, I clenched my jaw together to stop myself from telling the celebrant to just fucking declare them married already.

When Edward's daughter started whinging to be picked up I snapped, "Can't you shut that fucking whining brat up?" I hissed under my breath, I had been talking to myself but Edward's head snap up and his eyes narrow.

He rocked forward and at first I thought he was going to lunge at me but he swept the child into his arms and showered her face with kisses. I hadn't meant to say the comment with any volume and I was surprised and gutted that Edward heard me say it. That certainly wasn't going to help my cause. I had to learn to hide my nasty thoughts about children or I would never convince Edward to come back to me.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**Bella POV.**

Irina couldn't have chosen a more beautiful location than Stoneridge lodge and its gorgeous rose gardens not to mention the panoramic alpine back drop.

I turned when I heard the haunting and complex melody that had been played by expert fingers and was now issuing from the sound system, I ignored Tanya as she passed and smiled when I saw apple holding Irina's hand and beaming as she walked with her down the aisle. Irina looked stunning in her white tulle and lace gown, her strawberry blonde hair fell in soft curls around her face and that beautiful inner light she possessed seemed to radiate from her, beautifying everything it fell upon.

I smiled at Jazz then Emmett who were flanking me as my own personal bodyguards and I had to admit I felt a lot more relaxed in their presence. I hadn't wanted to attend the wedding when I found out Carlisle was going to be there but Edward insisted and assured me he wouldn't let Carlisle within ten feet of me. I chanced a glance at Carlisle who was sitting in the row opposite us on the bride's side of the family. His eyes met mine and he scowled menacingly, I quickly looked away and focused my attention on Irina who had joined Demetri under the rose strewn pergola.

Their vows were simple and sweet and Demetri was looking at Irina as if she was something ethereal, other worldly and the love he felt for her was clear on his features.

My eyes drifted to Apple, I could see was getting tetchy, she was tugging on Edward's trousers, I looked up at Edward just as his head snapped up and he glared at Tanya, he moved convulsively,and at first I thought he was going walk toward her but he bent forward and swept Apple into his arms. I laughed quietly when she immediately covered Edward's face in tiny kisses. I focused my attention back on Irina and Demetri who were sharing their first kiss as husband and wife and tears sprung to my eyes in happiness for my two new but extremely good friends. They were a beautiful couple who deserved all the happiness in the world.

Emmett turned to me and laughed, "Bella you're not _crying_ are you."

"Yes, girls are supposed to cry at weddings; especially the beautiful weddings of good friends." Emmett nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah they are awesome friends." I notice Emmett turn and look down the row of seats to where his parents were sitting, Carlisle was making his way toward and Emmett suddenly looked very uncomfortable. "Um…Jazz,"

Jasper saw his father approaching the end of the row of chairs and grabbed my hand, "come on Bells let's go and congratulate the happy couple." I let him pull me down the row of chairs in the opposite direction in which Carlisle was heading and I heard Emmett greet his father.

"Hey Dad what can I do for you?" I looked back to see Carlisle glowering at me over Emmett's shoulder and I was grateful for my narrow escape.

Jasper never let go of my hand until we had reached Edward's side, Edward passed Louis to Jasper and slid his arm around my waist, his lips brushed against me ear, "Are you ok?"

"Yes I'm ok, are you ok?" He hugged Apple closer to him and a dark look crossed his face.

"Yeah I'm ok." He whispered. He leaned forward and kissed me softly, "We should go and congratulate Irina and Demetri..."

Irina insisted I be in all her photos, Tanya glared at her sister and tried to protest but Irina wouldn't take no for an answer. To make matters worse the photographer sighed in exasperation when Edward flatly refused to stand next to Tanya in the line up, insisting he would only stand next to me and Irina. It was nearly two hours later when the photographer was finally satisfied he had captured enough images.

He finally allowed us to go and Tanya immediately broke from the group and stalked toward me whispering "slut," as she walked by.

I shook my head and was prepared to let it go, but when I turned to look at Edward I could tell he wasn't, "Bella take Apple and Louis and go with Jasper and Emmett they will wait with you until I get back."

I clutched at his arm, "let it go Edward, it honestly doesn't worry me."

"There's nothing to worry about Bella, I just need to remind Tanya about the consequences of ruining her sister's wedding. I won't let her ruin her sister's day." I nodded my head and a deep sigh passed my lips, I didn't want to see Irina's day ruined. I clutched Apple and Louis to me as I watched Edward stalk across the grounds in search of Tanya.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**Tanya POV**

I poured the contents of the tiny plastic bag in the pipe and sighed in relief as I flicked the lighter into life and placed the naked flame under the bulbous end of the pipe. I knew Edward was furious with me about the comment I made about his kid, but I was sure he hadn't heard my parting shot at Bella, for which I was grateful, I knew I would already have to work doubly hard to get Edward to trust me around his brats. I drew a long breath of smoke into my lungs and instantly began to feel the effects of the meth in my system I took another long hit before slipping the small glass pipe back into my purse and exiting the bathroom. I was surprised when I saw Edward standing in the hallway alone.

I looked around for any sign of the slut and smiled to myself when I couldn't see her or her spawn, I kept the smile on my face as I sidled up to Edward and slid my arms around his waist, "Are you looking for me?"

His fingers slid around my wrists like steel vices and he pulled my hands from his body, he yanked me roughly so I came to face him and his eyes were blazing with fury.

"Don't EVER put your fucking hands on me again, Tanya." I ignored the venom in his voice.

"Come on Edward you never used to complain about me touching you when you were fucking me." I smiled sweetly at him.

He sneered back at me, "I was always too fucking drunk or high to complain you stupid bitch." His hands clenched into fists by his sides I could hear his knuckles crack under the strain.

"You keep telling yourself sweetie but I know better and Edward I didn't mean what I said about your daughter, I just had a headache and it just slipped out." I hoped my apology would appease him, I had to get him to let go of his anger or I'd never get the chance to convince him how right we were together.

"You're fucking crazy Tanya. And don't bullshit me; I know you meant what you said about my daughter, just like you meant _exactly _what you said about My Bella. You're walking on dangerous ground Tanya; I warned you what would happen if you pushed me…"

"You're wrong I didn't mean to what I said about Apple, isn't it? And you can't blame me for hating Bella she stole you away from me. Edward if you are trying to prove a point by playing happy families with her I get it, you wanted kids and now you've got them, you know your Daddy's never going to allow this relationship to progress so you might as well gain full custody of your children and move back to France with me, we can be the perfect family, the family your Dad approves of." I had to lay it on the line and let him know I wanted him back.

His eyes widened and a hint of smile played on his lips. "You really are _completely _fuckinginsane aren't you? I don't fucking love you Tanya, I don't even _like _you!!! I can barely stand to be in the same room as you! But you know what? Today isn't about you or me; it's about Irina, your sister! Or had you forgotten?"

"I don't believe you Edward; you had to love me we were going to be married. And I don't know how you can forgive that woman for what she's done to you. I did nothing but love you Edward and all you did was throw it back in my face. And unfortunately I'm not sufficiently drunk or wasted enough to forget why I'm here."

"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Carlisle; stay the fuck away from Bella and my children, consider this your last warning Tanya. There is nothing between us, I used you and I'm sorry for that, but there is nothing else. I _never _loved you; my heart has always been and always will be Bella's."

The words stabbed at my heart but I wasn't going to give up, "Edward you've never stood up to your father before and you never will! He knows it and I know will bend you to his will like he always does. And when you finally wake up and realise you're fighting a losing battle you'll be back, Bella will never be good enough for his perfect son. And Edward how can you be sure Bella won't betray you again?"

"My relationship with my father is none of your business Tanya, and neither is my relationship with Bella. She is the best thing that ever happened to me and I will never let her go, not for anyone or anything." I stepped forward as Edward took a step back and his eyes narrowed as he glared at me, "And I don't make idle threats Tanya, come near us again and I will make sure you regret it."

"When it all comes crashing down around you Edward and I promise it will, I will be there to pick up the pieces of your shattered soul. Remember my door is always open and I will be waiting. And I think you should keep Bella away from me, it is _my sister's_ wedding after all."

"Then perhaps you should act like it, since _your sister _invited Bella herself."

"I have done nothing to ruin my sister's day and she only invited_ her_ because she's so far up your arse she can't see properly, and I will not be nice to your slut Edward so I'm warning you to keep her away from me." I glared at him; he was bouncing on the balls of his feet like he was going to lunge at me.

"You are in no position to be issuing warnings, I meant what I said stay the fuck away from me and my family or I will destroy you."

I watched Edward stalk away and disappear from view before I returned to the bathroom and my pipe.

When I entered the reception the first thing I noticed was Irina deep in conversation with the slut and it made my blood boil, stupid traitor sister, Edward was glued to her side and each of them had one of their brats on their knees. The daughter was tugging on Edward's hair and kissing his face. They seemed completely in awe of each other and you could see they shared a very intense connection; the son on the other hand seemed quite content to sit on the slut's knee and play with a spoon. I took a deep breath and quickly scanned the room, I relaxed a little when I saw Carlisle sitting next to my father; Carlisle was my greatest ally in winning Edward back.

I walked up to the front table and took my seat, I was fuming when I realised I had been placed right at the end of the table as far from Bella and Edward that could I could possibly be and seated next to Irina's favourite and my least favourite cousin who was Irina's maid of honour.

I grabbed the bottle of champagne from the ice bucket and poured myself a glass, I looked down the table to where the slut and Irina sat talking; I don't know if she could feel my eyes upon her but she looked up and her eyes met mine, she gave me a small smile. I sneered at her, my eyes narrowed and I bared my teeth. She quickly looked away and I smirked _that's right you little slut you're no match for me._

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**Bella's POV**

Edward had returned from his talk with Tanya only mildly upset and brushed it off when I asked him about it by saying he'd wasted enough of his precious time and oxygen on that slag and he'd rather just forget she even existed. I expressed my apologies to Irina if I'd been the cause of any tension between her and her sister but she waved me off.

"Don't you apologise for anything Bella, my sister and I have never really got along, Tanya is totally self absorbed and quite frankly I hate the way she acts. But I need to warn you Bella she can be obsessive and dangerous as you must know from the fact she hired a private investigator to find out all about you and then told Edward what she'd discovered about the two of you having kids.

I looked at Irina in shock, I had no idea that it was Tanya that had informed Edward to the fact I was hiding the existence of his children.

"Honestly Bella I could have throttled her that night, even though she inadvertently did you and Edward a favour by getting everything out in the open. She thought that Edward would go back to her. The fact that he has forgiven you and you are together is bound to be driving her slowly crazy and she could easily become unhinged. Try to keep away from her Bella, she will try cornering you if she gets the chance and she will get nasty so be prepared. And also remember that she and Carlisle are extremely close, allies you might say, so please be careful."

I looked at Irina and I could tell by her beseeching look that she was serious about me to heeding her warning. I nodded to acknowledge her words and hugged her tightly, she was such the polar opposite to both Kate and Tanya and I swear if it wasn't for the fact that she shared the same strawberry blonde hair as her sisters I'd think she came from a completely different family altogether.

Both Irina's and my attention turned to food as the first course arrived, I smiled when I saw the small pile of whitebait fritters on the plate, this was a New Zealand deliciously as was the main course of 'Angus beef with kumera mash and a kiwifruit jus, and the variety of seafood that was on offer. Edward grinned at me when he saw me charfing down on the fresh scallops, oysters and scampi. After the main course Edward got up and gave a beautiful and funny speech about his to closest friends and toasted the Bride.

Irina and Demetri glowed with happiness and so did Edward.

Desert was tradition pavalova; I squeezed Irina's hand when she and Demetri took their place on the dance floor for their first dance. They had chosen Elton John's 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight' it was such a beautiful song. Edward leaned in and asked me if I wanted to dance, which I did only because it would get me into his arms but I didn't want to leave the twins without protection from Tanya or Carlisle.

"Edward we can't just leave the twins."

"I know, luckily they have two uncles here that can't resist them," I grinned and followed him from the table I was glad to see Esme was with the boys when we delivered the children into the arms of their uncles and headed for the dance floor.

We melted into each other's arms as we swayed to the music, I buried my face into his neck and inhaled deeply and sighed as his delicious scent filled my lungs, I felt the laugh rumble from his throat.

"Isabella Swan, are you sniffing me?" His tone was light and playful and I was glad to see he had relaxed more and more as the night progressed. I would have been happy to stay on the dance floor all night if only to escape the constant death glare's Tanya was throwing at me.

"Yes, I can't help it you smell good enough to eat." I licked my tongue along the warm skin of his throat and I felt him shiver in my arms.

Inspiration hit and I looked over his shoulder at Apple and Louis being happily entertained by Esme, Emmett and Jasper, I quickly scanned the room and found Carlisle deep in conversation with Tanya's father. I dragged Edward from the dance floor and out of the huge wooden doors. The air was warm the gentle summer breeze swirled through the trees, I pulled Edward deeper in the shadows of the grounds only stopping when I reached small marble column surrounded by hedge of honeysuckle, I sat down and pulled him into my embrace spreading my legs a little so he could stand between them.

I crushed my lips to his groaning into his mouth when I felt the familiar surge of electricity flow between us at the touch of our lips, my hands entwined in his hair and I pulled him deeper into the kiss. I giggled into his mouth when his hand slid beneath the hem of my dress and met my panty-less sex. I pressed myself into his chest and I could feel Edward's heat burning through the flimsy material of my dress, my core was aching for him, I rubbed my palm over his crotch and groaned into his mouth when I felt his want matched my own. His fingers slid into my warmth as my hands tugged at his fly.

We both groaned in unison when I guided Edward's hard cock into my sex, his lips moved to attack the skin of my neck as he thrust deeper into me with every stroke, my ankles locked around his waist as his pace became frenetic, my hands moved to grip the sides if the pillar. My breathing was rapidly turning to gasping as Edward pulled me closer to my orgasm with every thrust.

"Say it Bella," Edward growled into my neck, I knew he wanted his release as much as I did.

"Only ever for you...yours forever…" I gasped as my body reached sensation overload and the pleasure in my core burst forth, "fuck Edward…you make me feel so good." I panted as I clutched him to me, I could feel his body shuddering with the force of his orgasm.

He breathed my name against my skin and I shivered when his warm breath fanned out over my overheated skin.

Edward kept his arm tightly around my waist as we strolled through the dark grounds back toward the reception, I left him to go and clean myself up in the bathroom, he had wanted to wait for me but I convinced him to go and save Emmett and Jasper from the twins. I walked through the bathroom door and gasped silently when I saw Tanya standing at the mirror reapplying her lipstick, I quickly scanned the cubicles and realized with a small trill of fear that we were alone, Irina's warning was ringing in my ears and I considered turning around and walking out.

Tanya looked up and our eyes locked, she sneered and her eyes narrowed evilly, "well, well if it isn't _Isabella I can do no wrong Swan _without her usual hoard of bodyguards, you're usually guarded more heavily than fort Knox."

Though I knew Tanya was unstable I felt kind of sorry for her, her break up with Edward had obviously affected her badly. But I wasn't going to show her any fear so I tried to be polite.

"Hello Tanya, are you enjoying your sister's wedding?" She snorted at me and her lip curled back over her teeth.

"I don't give a fuck about my sister's wedding, all I care about is that you have what is mine, and I want it back." I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice even.

"That's not my decision Tanya, what happened between you and Edward has nothing to do with me. I understand why you'd be upset but Edward has the right to choose to live his life with whomever he wants."

"You stupid slut it has everything to do with you. You are the reason everything failed between us, you are the reason that he is not with me anymore, you are the reason he never fully committed himself to me in the first place. Everything is your fault." Tanya's voice was full of venom and her fists clenched at her sides as she glared at me.

"I'm not the reason Tanya. You lied to him and deceived him, I'm not judging you; I'm just saying I think that has more to do with it."

"I lied and deceived him? What you did is far worse you slut, yet he forgives you." Tanya's voice was starting to rise, it had an edge of hysteria to it now.

"Again Tanya that's Edward's choice and I'm sorry if you think I'm the cause of your pain, but I'm not letting Edward go, not only do I love him, we are a family."

A cold laugh passed Tanya's lips; it was an evil sounding thing that chilled me to the bone, "Are those fighting words Isabella? Well let me warn you slut, I'm not letting him go without a fight, Edward was mine first and I _will do anything to get him back_, so you better watch your fucking back bitch because not only will I fuckin fight dirty I have Carlisle on my side and together we are unstoppable and all your body guards won't be able to protect you from our wrath."

I froze on the spot as I thought over Tanya's words; I had to admit fear gripped my stomach when I realized what a dangerous combination Tanya and Carlisle would be. I thought about Edward and my family and I was overwhelmed by the strength of the possessiveness and the need to protect them was, I would kill anyone who tried to hurt my family and I included Carlisle in that category.

I felt my courage building as my need to protect my family grew, a menacing growl issued from my throat surprising both Tanya and myself, "And I'm warning you Tanya, I will kill you if you try to hurt my family."

Tanya laughed that evil laugh and I felt Goosebumps erupt on my skin as I fought the violent shudder trying to roll through me.

"So Bella you're not quite as meek as you look, well bring it on bitch; if a fight to death is what you're after that's what you're gonna get. And Bella when you're dead and I'm rising your filthy spawn I'm going to make sure they are punished for being in existence."

I took a step toward Tanya, my fists clenched, I wanted to kill this crazy fuckin bitch right here for threatening to hurt my children, Tanya leered at me and beckoned me forward, her own hands clenched into fists. Just as I took another step toward her the bathroom door opened, Irina stood in the doorway, her eyes widened with fear when she saw Tanya and I inches from each other, both of us looking murderous.

She rushed to stand in between Tanya and I, first turning to Tanya, her voice was furious it hissed between her teeth, "What the fuck are you doing Tanya?"

Tanya glared at her sister, pure hatred clear on her features as she spat at her, "what the fuck is it to you bitch? But if you must know I was getting better acquainted with _Bella_." Her eyes flashed to mine and they burned with pure loathing.

"How many fucking times do you have to be told to stay away from her Tanya? For fuck sake can't you just let it go already?" Irina's eyes were blazing and I felt bad that I was ruining the happiest day of her life.

"Stay the fuck out of this you traitorous bitch, the slut and I understand each other perfectly now, don't we?"

"You fucking bet we do Tanya." I spat at her.

Irina looked at me in surprise and flashed me one of her brilliant smiles.

"Until next time slut, remember what I said." Tanya knocked Irina with her shoulder as she passed pushing her into me, I reached out to steady her and she clung to me gratefully.

"Bella are you alright? I'm sorry about Tanya, when I realised you were both missing I came to find you, she's been looking for an opportunity to get close to you since she learned Edward had forgiven you."

I hugged Irina tightly, "Irina I'm fine truly, I'm so sorry to ruin your night by fighting with your sister."

She looked at me and laughed, "Are you kidding? I was so proud of you for sticking up for yourself, Tanya can be so intimidating."

"Yeah well I'm not going to stand back and let her fuck with me." Irina looked at me seriously and I could see the fear in her eyes.

"Bella please stay away from her she's dangerous."

"Don't worry Irina I know she's dangerous but I'm not going to show any signs of weakness or fear around her; it will only give her more power over me."

"Good for you Bella, now let's get you back to Edward before anything else happens." The fear was still there in her eyes and I hugged her again.

We only three steps into the reception hall when I felt cool fingers clamp around my wrist in a vice like grip, I turned to see Carlisle standing there smiling at us politely, "Ah Isabella just the person I was hoping to see, would you care to dance?"

I looked at Irina whose eyes widened in fear, she looked at Carlisle with raised eyebrows, "Carlisle I don't think Edward would like that."

Carlisle's eyes drifted from mine to Irina's but he never let go of my wrist, "Please don't panic Irina, neither Edward or I would do anything to ruin your wedding, it's only one dance and I'm sure Bella doesn't have a problem dancing with her children's grandfather." His smile widened as he looked back at me it was almost a sneer. I could feel myself starting to tremble.

I grimaced slightly but otherwise kept my composure. "I'll dance with you Carlisle, if you wish." I could hear the slight shake in my voice and so could Carlisle, his sneer became more pronounced and he led me away from Irina and onto the dance floor.

He kept me at a distance as he waltzed me around the room, even though I was nearly vomiting with fear I could still appreciate the fact that Carlisle was a very good dancer.

I finally brought my eyes to his and waited for him to speak.

"So Isabella I see that not only have you defied me, you have also successfully managed to turn my son against me. Did you know that he assaulted me? His own father: the day of the twin's birthday, for trying to protect him."

I couldn't stop the shock from registering on my face. "Carlisle, I had no idea Edward assaulted you. I know you think I'm trying to turn your family against you and that I have an ulterior motive when it comes to Edward but I don't. Edward has the right to choose how and who he spends his time with and he wants us to be a family. I'm not going to hurt him or my children by denying him his heart's truest desire to appease you. Edward and our children deserve better than that Carlisle. Surely you want Edward to be happy?"

Carlisle's eyes narrowed and his lip curled back over his teeth, "I want what's best for Edward and I'm sorry Bella but you're just not it." I looked into his eye but there was no hint of an apology there.

Anger welled up inside me, "and you think Tanya is?" I almost spat at him.

He nodded his head in assent, "Yes, she is a good match for Edward."

"And you don't think Edward should get a say in who he thinks is right for him?"

"Not when it comes to you." He almost whispered held my gaze and I wished the song would end so I could get away from him.

"Well I'm sorry you feel like that Carlisle but I think you should know Edward, our children and myself deserve the chance to be a family. And like it or not Carlisle Edward and I will always be in each other's lives because we love our children and we will do what is best for them. And we love each other, nothing can change that."

Carlisle glanced over my shoulder at the same time as my body began to tingle with that inexplicable electricity that alerted me to the fact that Edward was near. I was surprised by the intensity of it considering he wasn't touching me yet. The song ended and Carlisle let me go and took a step back as Edward's arms encircled my waist and his lips brushed my ear.

"Is everything alright Bella? Carlisle hasn't been threatening you again has he?"

Carlisle steel grey eyes held mine as he waited for me to speak, "No he wasn't threatening me, we were just discussing love and family."

"Really?" Edward didn't sound convinced.

"Yeah I was just telling Carlisle how much we love our children and each other and nothing will change that." Edward spun me in his embrace so I was facing him he crushed his lips to mine and whispered _forever_ into my mouth. When Edward had finally released me from the kiss I noticed Carlisle was no longer standing with us but waltzing around the dance floor with Tanya. "Where are the kids Edward?"

"Asleep in their pushchair, are you ready to go back to the apartment?"

"Yeah, I'm ready," I suddenly felt emotionally drain and physically exhausted.

I kissed Irina and Demetri goodbye, and linked my arm through Edward's as he pushed the stroller toward the car park, I kept a constant stream of comments about how beautiful the wedding was in the hope of distracting him but it did no good when he abruptly interrupted my inane chatter.

"Bella, what happened with Tanya earlier? Irina said she walked in on you two and said it looked like you two were about to fight. " He stopped walking and stared at me pensively as he waited for my answer.

"Oh that, she just wanted to have a rant about how I stole you off her, don't worry about it I told the stupid bitch to fuck off. You're my man and she can just back the fuck off." I turned toward Edward he was looking at me with pride mingled with shock.

We arrived at the apartment and put the kids straight to bed, we shared a quick shower, spending only enough time to clean ourselves before we slid between the cool cotton sheets and melted into each other's arms.

I held Edward close and felt safe in his warm embrace I laid my head against his chest so I could inhale his scent as I drifted off to sleep.

**Chapter Twenty: **

**Edward's POV...**

I woke up with Bella wrapped in my arms. It felt like I had been waiting a fucking lifetime for it to happen. She was completely naked, her ass pressed firmly against my morning erection. I had one hand grasped tightly around her breast my forearm resting possessively across the other one.

A man could get used to waking up like this.

Reluctantly, I released her breast and brushed her hair away from her neck, smirking in anticipation of when she woke. I began to lightly trail kisses down her silky throat, feather light like butterfly wings, and her skin shivered in response.

But she did not wake up.

I rolled Bella onto her back and looked at her smiling, but still very much asleep countenance. This was obviously going to take a little more than I had originally expected.

Her chest was heaving in excitement, even though she was still unconscious, and her breasts were moving up and down, tantalising me; tempting me. I leaned forward and snaked my tongue out, flicking her nipple lightly. Her entire body jolted as if she had been electrocuted and I smirked.

I did that.

But she was still asleep! Time to up the game a little, I thought determinedly.

I lowered my mouth over her nipple sucking it, then nibbling lightly with my teeth. She was trembling all over; she was obviously fucking loving it.

But she was still asleep.

I sat up and frowned down at her. I clicked my fingers in front of her face, just in case she was playing some fucking game I was unaware of, but nothing.

She really was fucking asleep!

I let my hand slip down to her warm and incredibly wet pussy, and began lazily circling her clit. My eyes never left her face as she arched her back off the bed and made the most fuck-able look I've ever seen in my life. Her breaths were shallow and shuddering and I reached down began to stroke myself with my free hand. I slid my fingers into Bella's slippery folds, Christ she was so fucking wet. I curled my fingers slightly inside her and slowly pulled them out, before slowly sliding them back in. As I increased my pace, I began to stroke myself faster, increasing the pressure as I felt Bella's orgasm wash over her, her moans echoing throughout the room. I held off until she had finished her orgasm, before I withdrew my fingers and grabbed the sheet, catching my cum before it hit Sleeping Bella.

My Sleeping Bella was still just that though and I threw my hands up in the air. How the fuck was she still asleep!?

I tapped my lip in contemplation, I was ready for round two, but I really thought Bella should be awake for that. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your perspective, the finger I was tapping my lip with was the one still coated in Bella's juices and her scent hit me like a battering ram. My fingers were in my mouth before I knew it and I'm sure my eyes must have been rolling back in my head. Bella tasted so fucking good, it wasn't natural. I would fucking live down there if I could.

I moved down and positioned my mouth directly in front of her glistening folds. I drew my tongue up, holding her hips down so she couldn't obstruct my view of her face. Bella made the most fucking beautiful face in the world when she orgasmed.

I continued my ministrations, sucking and nibbling on her clit till I felt her teetering on the edge, before lowering her back down again and watching her eyebrows come together as she frowned.

Frowned, but continued fucking sleeping. My little Bells was a freak of nature.

I teased her to the brink and brought her back several times, hoping the frustration alone would be enough to wake her. MY fucking frustration should have woke her by now, I was hard as a fucking rock again and desperate to be inside her.

But I really wanted her awake for that.

I spent half an hour teasing her before I fucking gave up. I plunged my tongue inside her and she yelled my name as she felt apart. And I mean really fell apart, she looked like she was having a fit, I started to feel a little mean for teasing her for so long.

I heard vomiting in the bathroom and Irina calling my name then retching violently. I rolled my eyes and got out of bed, casting a final look at Bella. She was lying there with a Cheshire cat grin on her face.

I huffed as I pulled on some clothes and went in search of my best friend.

* * *

*******

I went into the guest bedroom and looked at Demetri who was lying half off the bed, completely passed out.

"Edward? Help me! I think Bella might have killed me." Irina called weakly from the bathroom. I smiled and went in to find her crouched over the toilet, heaving the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl. I had been there, many, many times.

I leaned against the doorway a little smug and asked with a smile, "So, are you puking because you remembered you had to kiss Emmett for that blow or are you puking from all the margaritas you consumed? And how is any of that Bella's fault?" I asked curiously while trying not to laugh.

She spat into the toilet and turned to me with The Death Glare To End All Death Glares. I'm surprised I didn't burst into flames.

"You. Can. Fuck. Up. Edward! I feel like shit here, and my fucking fiancé is too plastered to hold my hair out of my vomit! So as my best friend you get the fucking job!" That little rant apparently set her off again, and I darted over and grabbed her hair and gently pulled it out of her face, grimacing as I grabbed a bit that hadn't missed the line of fire. I didn't envy women for having long hair when it came to vomiting. Or dudes with long hair for that matter…. "Edward? Are you fucking daydreaming? Give me a wet facecloth or something, please." Irina begged pitifully and I went to let go of her hair when she stopped me. "Don't let go of my hair! I might need to be sick again!" She said frantically, clutching the bowl as she lurched again.

I doubted she had anything left to throw up now, but I didn't say that. It wouldn't make her feel any better and I knew this was new territory for Irina, she never really partied like the rest of us did, and it was hitting her hard.

She sat back finally and without letting go of her hair, I reached out like fucking spider man or something and grabbed a facecloth off the counter, and bumped the tap on, holding the face cloth underneath the stream of fucking hot water. I pulled it fucking dripping wet over my shirt and pants and held it out while Irina squeezed out the excess water. Over my fucking pants.

She mopped her face and gave me an innocent smile to rival that of angels and new born babies as she handed the dirty facecloth back to me.

I took it with a tight smile between my thumb and forefinger and threw it into the basin. I let go of Irina's hair and stood carefully putting my arm under hers and helping her to stand too. I closed the toilet and flushed it before sitting her down and leaving her there while I turned on the shower. I made sure it was the right temperature before I got Irina. "I'm not going to shower your cocaine virgin ass, you wanna play with it, get used to the comedown." I said jokingly. It seemed that said comedown was hitting Irina pretty hard and her eyes welled with tears. I quickly pulled her into my arms, not caring that she was covered in her own vomit as she was, and rubbed her back. "Hey kiddo, I was only playing, I know it can be rough, you've seen me in some pretty bad states before. Remember the time in Paris when you found me passed out on my balcony? It was the middle of winter and …."

"You were so blue; I thought you were a smurf." Irina said sniffling and hiccupping into my chest, her arms wrapped around me. "Thanks Edward. Can you do me a favour?" She asked quietly.

"Anything for you angel, you know that?" I said tenderly. Her hand snaked up underneath my arm and she pinched viciously.

"Tell anyone and I will hunt you down and fucking kill you" She hissed.

"Ow, fuck ok! I won't tell anyone!" I yelled.

She let go and smiled at me with that fucking deceptive angel's smile. She was no angel she was the devil, the huge welt under my arm was proof in my mind.

"Get out now so I can shower." She ordered.

* * *

"Apple juice! Metri Apple juice!" Apple demanded of Demetri, slamming her Tommy tippy cup down on the table.

I took it off her and kissed her nose lightly, "We use our manners Miss Cullen. Say please." I instructed her and she gave me one of those glittering smiles that made me forget what it was that I was supposed to be correcting her on.

"And next to Irina, Apple is my favourite little lady!" Demetri crowed snatching the cup out of my hand and filling it with juice, "Besides which, I've had plenty of practice at filling her father's cup over the years, why shouldn't your children demand the same of me." He looked at me in mock seriousness "This friendship has turned into a life of servitude."

I patted him on the back as I retrieved the peanut butter and bread from the cupboard so I could make the twins lunch.

"Yep, you're fucked." I said and Irina threw an orange at my head.

"You know you'll have to watch your language now Edward, little ears and all that." Her head cocked up suddenly "And speaking of little ears, mine hear your beautiful girlfriend stirring."

She got up and practically skipped to Bella. Irina had fallen in love with Bella nearly as much as me, and she had told me this morning that her and Demetri had talked and they wanted Bella to sit at the Bridal Table next to me at the wedding reception. I hadn't said anything; I had just pulled Irina into my arms and hugged her to me tightly. She was the most giving person I knew; no one had a kinder soul than Irina.

I heard them both giggling and laughing together and I smiled when I saw them walk into the room hand in hand. It was too fucking cute for words and anything that put that look on My Bella's face was worth it.

She sashayed up to me, her hips swaying seductively. To keep my mind clean, I poured her a juice and held it out to her. "Glad to see you made back to the land of the living. I was beginning to get worried you might need resuscitating."

The little minx purposely brushed her breasts against my arm, "Mmm, I could think of a couple of ways you could have woken me."

"Bella I spent the first hour I was awake trying various things to wake you up, I got a bit of a response when my fingers touched you here." I ran my fingers lightly over her breast and she responded to my touch immediately. I smiled in satisfaction and continued "I got more of response when it was my mouth on your breast and my lips tugging on your nipple, and you did moan softly when my fingers touched you here," I took a step closer my hand discreetly brushing across her mound, and you did call out my name when I brought you to your orgasm with my tongue. But I couldn't wake you up." I brought my lips to hers kissing her softly.

"Mummy, my mummy, love my mummy" Apple called out her little fingers reaching out for Bella. She walked over to her and hugged her tightly.

"Mummy loves you too sweetheart."

After the twins went down for their afternoon nap, Bella and I went out to the deck to join Irina and Demetri.

"Bella, I forgot to tell you last night that you'll be sitting at the bridal table at the wedding." Irina said casually and I hid my smile at Bella's surprised reaction.

"Irina you don't need to do that, I'll be happy to be seated with Emmett and Jazz." Bella argued but Irina stopped her, holding up a finger.

"No way Bella, you're sitting with me, I can't not have my best friends sitting by my side on the happiest day of my life."

Demetri nodded in agreement and Irina smiled at me.

I returned her smile. What could I say? She was my best friend.

* * *

The day of Irina and Demetri's wedding came and everyone, my father included, flew to Queenstown for the occasion. Bella, the twins and I were staying at our apartment, while everyone else stayed at a hotel. I was standing at altar with Demetri, Felix and Louis. Felix was holding Louis and pointing at Demetri, laughing at his nervousness. Louis giggled away merrily, he loved Felix.

"Hey Edward, Kate told me you wrote the music for the bridal march." Felix said, tickling Louis' ribs and eliciting more giggles from him.

"Uh...yeah, I played it on the piano too and we recorded it. Irina wanted me to play for her and stand up with Demetri so this was the only way we could do both." I said distractedly.

I was looking at Bella who was laughing at something Emmett had said to her. Jasper sat on the other side of Bella protectively and winked at me when he caught my eye. I had asked my brothers to watch Bella and make sure Carlisle or Tanya didn't try anything. I wouldn't have put it past either one of them, regardless of it being Irina's wedding day.

"You're Dad thinks he's superman Louis, being the best man and the music dude, but we know better don't we? We know Daddies just a lousy drunk from Paris. You know Louis, one day uncle Demetri and uncle Felix found daddy passed out in a trendy upmarket bar. Thing was he had about five different phone numbers shoved in his hands and ……" Felix said to Louis.

"Ok, enough filling my sons head with your lies." I said in mock anger. Demetri snorted,

"Every fucking bar in Paris had me on speed dial."

"You're getting married today." I said enjoying watching him dive straight back into hand-twisting anxiety.

The music started and Irina began her descent down the aisle. She was a vision and I had never been prouder of her than on this day. She was radiant. She caught my eye and looked down at Apple, whose hand she held. Apple was bouncing along merrily in a gorgeous little purple dress and shiny tiara crowning her bronze curls.

"Cute!" Irina mouthed at me and I nodded slightly. Apple was a vision in her own right too.

Demetri was transfixed with Irina and his mouth hung open slightly. Louis helpfully reached over and pushed his chin up and Demetri looked at him and grinned, ruffling his dark hair before quickly turning back to the only woman he had ever really wanted.

They both said their own vows and I was surprised to see Apple stand there patiently by Irina for the duration.

It was not to last though, towards the end she began to get restless and came over to me, tugging on my pants "Daddy, Apple Daddy pick Apple up? Daddy? Daddy?" She said.

I was about to reach down and pick her up when Tanya's voice, Tanya who I had successfully avoided till now, hissed, "Can't you shut that fucking whining brat up?"

My first reaction was to grab the whore and fucking choke the life out of her but I restrained myself at the last minute, picking Apple up and holding her to me tightly, kissing her rosy little cheeks. She giggled and began returning my kisses as I shot Tanya a final glare before I went back to ignoring her fucking existence.

I was fuming. I smiled as Irina and Demetri kissed, sealing their vows, but inside I was snarling. I wanted to fucking hurt Tanya, how dare she say that about my daughter?

Irina and Demetri went to greet everyone as husband and wife, hand in hand while I took Louis from Felix and went to find Bella.

I wanted my family all together.

* * *

As I made my way towards Bella, I noticed Carlisle was stalking towards her, his eyes fierce and determined. I was about to sprint over there if I had to, when Jasper and Emmett rescued my girl for me. I had never been more grateful to the two of them.

I reached Jasper and Bella and gave Louis to Jasper, pulling Bella close to my side with my now free hand.

"Are you ok?" I whispered into her ear.

"Yes I'm ok, are you ok?" She looked at me closely. I just pulled Apple tighter to me and fought back the urge to find Tanya and rip her limb from limb.

"Yeah I'm ok." I kissed her sweet, pouty lips "We should go and congratulate Irina and Demetri."

We found Irina and Demetri and we hugged them both, Irina and Bella striking up a conversation straight away.

The photographer announced it was time for photos and Irina grabbed Bella's hand tightly, "You have to be in my wedding photos Bella. You can't say no." She said her eyes almost puppy like in their begging. Bella was a goner; no one could resist Irina when she pulled out her rainy face.

"What the fuck Irina?" Tanya protested and I was about to step in when Irina cut me off first.

"It's my wedding and Bella is my friend Tanya, deal with it." and she stormed off, pulling Bella along behind her.

The photographer was sent from fucking hell, because he kept trying to stand me next to Tanya and although I didn't want to ruin Irina's day, there was no way I was sharing the same breathing space as Tanya. Eventually, he conceded and I was allowed to stand next to Bella and Irina, far away from the she-beast.

"Ok, I think I've got enough now." The photographer said dismissing us all.

I watched as Tanya glared at Bella and whispered "Slut" as she walked by. I was going to fucking rip the slag's head off.

"Bella take Apple and Louis and go with Jasper and Emmett they will wait with you until I get back." I said my voice cold and hard. Tanya and I needed a little fucking chat.

Bella grabbed my arm, her eyes pleading with me "Let it go Edward, it honestly doesn't worry me."

"There's nothing to worry about Bella, I just need to remind Tanya about the consequences of ruining her sister's wedding; I won't let her ruin her sister's day."

I stalked off in pursuit of Tanya.

* * *

It didn't take long to find her; she was already shuffling around in her purse for her pipe when she went into the bathroom.

So Tanya was on Meth. Well that certainly explained a lot of her behaviour, but it didn't fucking exonerate it. I stood in the empty corridor and waited for Tanya to have her fix. She came sauntering out of the bathroom and looked at me in surprise. She was definitely fucking high, her eyes were like saucers. She smiled at me and slid her arms around my waist. I felt the vomit rise in my throat.

"Are you looking for me?" She murmured huskily. I was revolted. I grabbed her wrists tightly and shoved her away from me so that she was facing me.

"Don't EVER put your fucking hands on me again, Tanya." I spat at her.

"Come on Edward you never used to complain about me touching you when you were fucking me." I felt equal amounts of shame and loathing wash over me, but all it took was Apple's tiny face in my mind for the loathing to win out.

"I was always too fucking drunk or high to complain you stupid bitch." The desire to reach out and fucking throttle her was too strong so I clenched my hands into fists.

"You keep telling yourself sweetie but I know better and Edward I didn't mean what I said about your daughter, I just had a headache and it slipped out."

I don't know how stupid Tanya thought I was, but it was quite fucking clear she meant every word she had said about the two most important ladies in my life. I would not be appeased by plastic apologies. "You're fucking crazy Tanya. And don't bullshit me; I know you meant what you said about my daughter, just like you meant exactly what you said about My Bella. You're walking on dangerous ground Tanya; I warned you what would happen if you pushed me…"

"You're wrong, I didn't mean to what I said about Apple, isn't it? And you can't blame me for hating Bella; she stole you away from me. Edward if you are trying to prove a point by playing happy families with her I get it, you want kids and now you've got them, you know your Daddy's never going to allow this relationship to progress so you might as well gain full custody of your children and move back to France with me. We can be the perfect family, the family your Dad approves of."

I really couldn't believe just how delusional she was. How could she think I would ever want her back? And why did she keep going on about Carlisle? Had they been in contact?

"You really are completely fucking insane aren't you? I don't fucking love you Tanya, I don't even like you!!! I can barely stand to be in the same room as you! But you know what? Today isn't about you or me; it's about Irina, your sister! Or had you forgotten?"

"I don't believe you Edward; you had to love me, we were going to be married. And I don't know how you can forgive that woman after what she's done to you. I did nothing but love you Edward and all you did was throw it back in my face... And unfortunately I'm not sufficiently drunk or wasted enough to forget why I'm here."

I was about to beg to differ on that point, she looked plenty fucking wasted to me.

"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Carlisle; stay the fuck away from Bella and my children, consider this your last warning Tanya. There is nothing between us, I used you and I'm sorry for that, but there is nothing else. I never loved you; my heart has always been and always will be Bella's."

"Edward you've never stood up to your father before and you never will! he knows it and I know it. He will bend you to his will like he always does. And when you finally wake up and realise you're fighting a losing battle you'll be back, Bella will never be good enough for his perfect son. And Edward how can you be sure Bella won't betray you again?"

"My relationship with my father is none of your business Tanya, and neither is my relationship with Bella. She is the best thing that ever happened to me and I will never let her go, not for anyone or anything." She stepped towards me and I reactively stepped back. I didn't understand why she couldn't get the fucking message. "And I don't make idle threats Tanya, come near us again and I will make sure you regret it."

Tanya looked at me cynically

"When it all comes crashing down around you Edward and I promise it will, I will be there to pick up the pieces of your shattered soul. Remember darling my door is always open and I will be waiting... And Edward I think you should keep Bella away from me, it is _my sister's_ wedding after all."

"Then perhaps you should act like it, since your sister invited Bella herself." I practically yelled at her, fuck she was infuriating!

"I have done nothing to ruin my sister's day and she only invited her because she's so far stuck up your arse she can't see properly. Oh and I will not be nice to your slut Edward so I'm warning you to keep her away from me."

She glared at me and for the second time today, I had to restrain myself from hitting her. I didn't know if I'd be able to hold back on a third.

"You are in no position to be issuing warnings, I meant what I said stay the fuck away from me and my family or I will destroy you." I turned and walked away, before she could say something fucking stupid that we would both regret.

* * *

Bella looked at me when I came back to the table and asked me if I was alright. I was far from alright, but there was no way I was going to waste any more of my time talking to or about Tanya. I played with Apple and Louis while Bella and Irina chatted, and I was pleased that they were getting along so well. When the food came out, I looked at Bella's bright, eager eyes and grinned. Seafood was her weakness.

When it was time for speeches, I took the microphone and stood up, looking down at Irina, who was already crying, even though I hadn't said anything yet.

"From the first time I walked into that office in Paris and I saw the looks these two gave each other, I knew it was only a matter of time before they got married. What I did not bank on, is that they would become two of my dearest friends.

Irina, from the first time I met you…"

"You were hung over on your first day!" Felix piped up and everyone laughed.

I joined in and shook my head "Thank you Felix. But yes, I was and despite that my P.A. didn't run out of the building, though she probably should have! Instead, she stayed and became more than just my P.A. turned Associate, she became the best friend a man could ever ask for. And on the hung-over days she was indeed a godsend." Everyone laughed as I looked down at Irina who was freely crying and sniffling away. Bella helpfully passed her a tissue and Irina smiled gratefully at her. Demetri was rubbing her back and gave me a grin which I returned. "I was surprised that Demetri asked me to stand up with Felix and Louis as best man, after all the crap I put him through in Paris! It was and still is, Demetri's long running joke that every bar in Paris had him on speed dial for when 'my drunk ass' passed out. He complained bitterly but never once left me hanging, though he probably should have too!" The room erupted with laughter and I caught the eye of my father who was glowering furiously, no doubt over the way he just found out about Irina's promotion and my antics in France. I ignored the pointed glares he was sending me and continued "I'm honoured that you would think enough of my to simply be my friends, but to stand up next to you both on an occasion such as this, humbles me more than I perhaps deserve. I love you both, and wish you all the happiness in the world." I raised my glass to the room, "To Irina and Demetri, may their lives be ever full of love and peace, to the happy couple."

The room echoed the toast and I sat down and Bella gave my hand a squeeze.

I took a drink and waited for the next person to speak and was surprised when I heard Irina. She was facing the room with tears streaming down her cheeks, clutching the tissue Bella had given her, "Demetri and I both decided I would speak for both of us on a matter very dear to both our hearts." Demetri stood and put an arm around her waist, nodding in agreement. "Today would not have been possible if not for our closest friend, and the only man second in my heart to Demetri, sorry Dad." She added and Marcus could be heard chuckling away. "Edward, Demetri and I can never thank you enough, if it wasn't for you….." She trailed off and I knew she was talking about the clause in their original contracts. "You gave us to each other, and don't think for a second that either of us have forgotten. I've never found it very easy to make friends, other than Demetri and Felix, but you made it easy for me to be your friend. Then you gave me another friend in the beautiful woman sitting beside you." Bella blushed furiously and I smiled at Irina, feeling slightly choked up myself. "We love you Edward, and I would like everyone to raise their glasses in honour of our best friend and best man. To Edward, without him there would be no us." Irina said looking at Demetri tenderly before shifting her gaze to me.

I stood up and hugged her and Demetri tightly to me, while the room broke out in applause.

* * *

Irina and Demetri had their first dance, their eyes locked on the others while never breaking contact. It was obvious how much in love they were, they were the real deal.

I looked down at Bella; I had found the same in the beautiful woman beside me. "Would you do me the honour of this dance?" I whispered into Bella's ear. Her body shook as my breath tickled at her skin, and I was suddenly urgent to get her into my arms.

"Edward we can't just leave the twins." Bella protested weakly.

"I know, luckily they have two uncles here that can't resist them,"

We gave the twins to dumb and dumber to look after and they couldn't have been happier with the arrangement, telling us not to hurry back. Apple and Louis were just as pleased at the arrangement and Bella seemed a little more relaxed at the fact.

I wrapped my arms around the woman who fulfilled all my dreams and had captured me so completely. Bella, for her part, began burying her face into my chest and sniffing me.

"Isabella Swan; are you sniffing me?" I laughed the strain of earlier leaving me entirely. As long as I was here, with Bella and my children, all was right.

"Yes, I can't help it you smell good enough to eat!" She traced her tongue along my neck and I trembled involuntarily. She grabbed my hand while I was still luxuriating at the sensation and began dragging me across the room and out the doors. She didn't stop until we came upon a secluded area, decorated in honeysuckle. Bella sat down and pulled me between her legs, bringing my face down to meet hers.

My hand naturally and of its own accord, lightly traced the length of Bella's thigh and my pants tightened painfully, when I encountered bare flesh, where her panties should have been. Bella began to stroke my erection through my ever-so-fucking-constricting pants, as I slipped my fingers into her soft, warm folds, pumping her gently as she ripped at the front of my pants like a madwoman.

I'd have to take Bella to more weddings; apparently they made her crazy horny.

She guided my length into her wet pussy as I drove into her again and again; each thrust a declaration of my devotion to her. I could feel Bella was close, she gasping for breath and I could feel her trembling around my cock, so she was so close, but I needed to hear it before I would allow either of us our release. I needed to hear it, that she was mine and mine alone.

"Say it Bella." I growled at her, holding her at bay, feeling the desperation of her body to succumb.

"Only ever for you...yours forever…" she gasped and I thrust into her deeply, feeling her orgasm pulse through her and straight into me. "Fuck Edward…you make me feel so good." She clung to me, holding me together on the outside, while I fell apart within.

We held each other for a moment, just feeling the other and the warmth that resided. She was my everything and without her I was nothing but a shell. I could never let her go; I wouldn't be able to cope.

Isabella Swan was my life.

We quickly made ourselves presentable and I kept Bella tucked possessively to my side.

I became strangely uneasy when Bella told me to go and get the twins while she used the restroom. I wanted to wait for her, something was off but I couldn't put my finger on what. It was just a sense of dread that I couldn't explain or put a name to, so I did as she asked.

I couldn't pry the twins away from their uncles and Emmett and Jasper were just as reluctant to let go, so I went to find Irina and see how she was enjoying her day.

I smiled and nodded at all her stories and jokes, but I was distracted. Bella should have been back by now and I still had that nagging feeling that something was wrong.

"What's the matter Edward?" Irina asked kindly.

"Bella's taking too long and I can't shake this feeling that something's fucking wrong." I said dragging a frustrated hand through my hair. I didn't know what the fuck was wrong with me, but I was getting edgier by the second.

"Where is she?" Irina asked concerned

"The restroom:"

"I'll go check on her, I'm sure everything is fine. Just relax."

I felt a lot more at ease knowing Irina was going to check on Bella, but knew I would not feel completely right until I had her back by my side. I was watching out for Irina and Bella when Felix and Kate came over and Kate surprised me by putting her arms around me and kissing my cheek.

"Thank you for what you did for my sister Edward, I've never seen her so happy as she is today. We're all lucky to have you."

Felix was chuckling at my surprised expression and even Kate looked a little smug.

I was still reeling when Irina came rushing over, panting. "Tanya…… Bella……. Nearly fighting! Then……Carlisle….. Bella…. Dancing……." She said breathlessly, but it was enough for me to sprint off in the direction she had come.

I found him with his hands barely resting on her, holding her as far away from himself as possible. He looked like he thought he would catch something, and I felt the fury rise inside me. I strode purposely up behind Bella and glared at Carlisle over her shoulder. Carlisle released her as the song drew to a close and I pulled her protectively into me.

"Is everything alright Bella? Carlisle hasn't been threatening you again has he?" I murmured into her ear while glaring at him. He didn't look at me though, he held Bella prone with his icy gaze.

"No he wasn't threatening me; we were just discussing love and family." Bella said her voice wavering slightly.

"Really?" I asked disbelievingly. I hoped she wasn't going to try and hide things from me again, not after she gave me her word…

"Yeah I was just telling Carlisle how much we love our children and each other and nothing will change that." She responded in a strong clear voice.

I twirled her around so that I could kiss her fiercely. I didn't care that Carlisle was there, and I whispered "Forever" to Bella, who smiled at me adoringly.

I noticed when Carlisle stormed off towards a watching Tanya and they began to talk animatedly. He took her hand and led her out onto the dance floor, his stance considerably different than when he had been dancing with Bella. I wondered if he knew he was more likely to 'catch something' from Tanya than Bella.

"Where are the Kids Edward?" Bella's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Asleep in their pushchair, are you ready to go back to the apartment?"

"Yeah, I'm ready," She said tiredly.

We made our way to the rental car in the car park, and Bella seemed determined to distract me from the night's events as she talked non-stop, barely pausing for a breath.

"Bella, what happened with Tanya earlier? Irina said she walked in on you two and said it looked like you two were about to fight." I watched her face closely for any sign that she was being evasive.

"Oh that, she just wanted to have a rant about how I stole you off her, don't worry about it I told the stupid bitch to fuck off. You're my man and she can just back the fuck off." Bella answered nonchalantly.

I stared at her. I was shocked, ashamed for doubting her, proud of the way she defended us, and really, really fucking turned on.

I raced us back to the apartment and put sleeping Apple and Louis into their beds. We then showered and made our way to bed, where Bella snuggled into my chest and fell asleep.

I sighed in resignation.

I guess I could cross horny off that list now...

**A/N: Please feel free to vent your spleen you know we love your feedback!! **

Also I have set up a facebook page under the name** Cinnamon Twist **(search under people and look for my Rob profile photo) to replace the blog, it's much more user friendly for me! It contains all the character photos (including Apple & Louis) and places that we have used in the story, things like Bella and Edward's homes, there are also links to Edward's Queenstown apartment and Irina's wedding venue (they are well worth a look).

It also has a photo album for An Indecent Proposal.

I am extending an invitation to each of our readers to feel free to come and have a look and join up if you wish, hope to see you there :) _**Cinnamon x**_


	21. Chapter 21 Getting to know your friends

**A/N:** As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review all feedback is appreciated. Also thank you to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions. And a shout out to all my friends on Facebook ...**Also special birthday wishes going out to Flora73 I hope you have a really wonderful day and your family and friends spoil you :)**

**I feel I need to give you a quick explanation about the bruising Bella obtains in this chapter. First and Foremost it is not a result of abuse or domestic violence, so please don't panic. Part of the reason we wrote it into the scenes was a just a twist to the way cannon Edward reacted to bruising Bella in the honeymoon scene in Breaking Dawn which Greenaway and I both thought was a little over the top (Broken Bones we could understand, bruising not so much). Also what happens between Irina and Bella is purely a bit of fun no offense is intended and there is no plans on taking it further than that scene...****I think this chapter begins to show their personalities a little more and also I think it starts to show the dynamics of Edward's and Bella's relationship... _Cinnamon_ :)**

**Disclaimer: **S Meyer owns Twilight, CinnamonTwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table, All music used in this story is the property of the respective owners.

**Playlist:** Christina Aguilera: Dirrty, The Divinyls: Touch Myself.

**WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS ADULT THEMES PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT THIS STORY IS FOR MATURE ADULTS 18 YEARS AND OLDER....**

**Chapter 21: Getting to know your friends...**

**Bella's POV...**

I had planned to go straight to my place with the twins when we arrived back at Wellington airport, but when I saw Edward's face change from blissfully happy to full on sulk mode complete with pouting bottom lip my resolve waivered. When Louis refused to let go of Edward, his little arms locked together in a vice like grip around Edward's neck and repeatedly crying "no mummy, daddy too," I was completely torn, but when he screamed when I tried to prise him from Edward's embrace my resolve crumbled completely and I relented.

I noticed with some ire that Edward had snapped straight back into blissfully happy mode and Louis had stopped throwing his tantrum. He grinned cheekily at me as he threaded his fingers into his father's hair and buried his face into his neck. The only reason I had wanted to go home was so I could see Jake, I had barely seen him since Edward and I got back together and I knew he was probably feeling very hurt and confused right now.

I knew Edward couldn't care less if I never saw Jake again, but I had no plans to cut him out of my life and ultimately I wanted them to get along...

Renee had called when we were in Queenstown to inform me that she and Charlie were coming down to see the twins for the weekend. She spent an hour going on about how she was looking forward to catching up with Esme again; Renee thought Esme was absolutely charming, which of course she was. I was hoping that maybe Edward would agree to let Charlie and Renee have the Twins for the night so we could have a little get together with Demetri and Irina who were just back from their honeymoon in the Maldives. I thought I could ask Jake, Alice and Rose as well and I thought I would ask Jake if he would like to bring a date.

We arrived at Edward's and it felt like I was coming home; the house was so perfectly designed for a family and we just seem to fit as perfectly as the furniture. I took my cell phone onto the balcony to call Jake when Edward went to bath Apple and Louis and get them ready for bed; Jake gave me a frosty reception on the phone when I explained we wouldn't be home tonight after all.

"Are you going to move in with him?" Jake demanded, I could hear the anger building in his voice and I wished I was at home talking to him face to face.

"I have no plans to. Look Jake I'll be home in the morning, can we talk about it then?" I could see Edward through the window making his way toward me.

Jake set off on another tirade, not believing a word I said. I was finding it hard to concentrate on what he was saying, due to the fact that Edward's hand had slipped under my skirt and his fingers were sliding in and out of my warmth while his thumb drew lazy circles over my clit. His lips were attacking my neck and I had to make a conscious effort not to let my moans of pleasure escape my lips.

"Jake… I really need to go now I'll see you at home in the morning." I was shocked when I heard Edward's low growl resonate against my neck.

I hung up the phone and leaned back against Edward's chest as he continued his ministrations, I was fast losing my train of thought as he brought me closer to the edge, I reached back pulling his lips harder against my neck as he continued to suck and nip the skin there. Edward thrust hips forward grinding himself against me, I could feel his erection straining through his jeans and the anticipation of wanting him inside me sent my orgasm crashing over me, my eyes rolled back in my head and his name fell repeatedly from my lips.

He walked me forward his free hand moving to undo his fly as he leaned against me so I was bent over the table; he entered me in one fluid motion.

I gripped the edges of the table to stop my hips from being rammed into the unforgiving wooden edge, Edward's fingers dug deep into the flesh of my hips as he pounded into me all most violently. I could feel the frustration and desperation in each one of his thrusts and I wondered what he was so angry about.

I didn't have to wait long to find out, Edward's pace had become frenzied, his voice low and breathless with hint of venom, "you are mine Bella, not that pup's," He growled as his fingers dug even deeper into my flesh, "You…belong…here...with...me...this…is…your...home!" He punctuated each word with a forceful thrust, he began to shake violently as his climax took hold; "You are mine." He hissed. He collapsed on top of me his breathing coming in short sharp gasps; I didn't speak as he buried his face into my hair, "Move in with me Bella. Please I'm begging you. I've waited so long to have a family; I built this house with you and the kids in mind. Please say you will, make my dreams come true."

My mind was momentarily stunned how Edward had gone from nearly all consuming anger to desperate pleading in a heartbeat. "Edward I can't move in with you yet." I knew that's not what he wanted to hear and I knew he was going to turn feral.

He slid out of me and was already doing up his fly when I turned around. I stood up and readjusted my skirt.

He looked up at me and I could see the confusion in his eyes, "Why not Bella?" he demanded his voice losing its composure, "I love you, you love me I don't see this as being some short term thing, so I see no fucking reason why not!"

"Because I have my own place and I have a mortgage to pay, Renee and Charlie don't even know the status of our relationship, there's Jake to think about. I want to move in with you honestly I do; it's just that I need time to sort everything out."

The glimmer of hope in his eyes, alerted me to the fact I was most likely going to lose this argument and relent, _again._

"Your mortgage is no problem, just give me your details and consider it gone! Hell, rent the place to Doogie if you want, you could put the money into a savings account for the kids or something! You could start your own property portfolio! So see? There's your mortgage and Jake sorted. Gone! As for your parents I'll admit, your Dad's not my biggest fan, but Renee seems to like me. I'm sure your father would come around, and I'd bet you a million dollars your mother would be thrilled."

Edward's eyes sparkled and he looked quite proud of the fact that he had solved all my perceived problems. I wasn't happy though.

"Edward there is no way I'm letting you pay off my mortgage, that's my responsibility, that's the reason I work at the university. And I don't want Jake to have to pay rent, he's a struggling student and he doesn't know very many people in Wellington. You are right about Renee though, she will be over moon and Charlie will come around eventually…maybe…but still can you give me a couple of months to sort myself out?"

A frown marred his beautiful face, "a few months? I could have that sorted out for you by the end of the week. Look if you don't want to charge the pup rent, then fine. I think it's foolish, but it's your decision and I respect that. You could still start a portfolio if you wanted, we could go look at some real estate after you move in, Mum would watch the kid's I'm sure…"

I rolled my eyes and sighed in exasperation, "Edward I don't want a property portfolio. I'm happy with my one little house. I love the gardens and the tranquillity of the place, and why would you think it foolish to help a friend?" I was annoyed by his comment, I would do anything to help Jake or any of my other friends.

"Bella, I'm just trying to look out for you. And there's no reason why I shouldn't I pay off your mortgage, what's mine is yours. It always has been…" Edward was looking at me with smouldering eyes and I knew I was in trouble.

I looked away, Edward was trying to dazzle and hypnotise me into relenting and giving him what he wanted. I knew I was making flimsy excuses,but part of me was scared of what Carlisle would do when he found out. "Edward I absolutely refuse to let you pay off my mortgage and that's my final word on it, and I will move in with you, I just don't want to rush this I want you to be sure that it's what you really want."

I chanced a glance at him; he was looking at me like I might be clinically insane.

"Am I sure this is what I want?! Are you fucking crazy? This is_ All_ I've wanted since the first time I saw you! God, do you know how many times I've dreamed of you walking around this house? Everything down to my T-shirt, much too big on you, to your bare feet," His hands reached up to gently cup my face holding it steady so I had no choice but to stare into his sparkling green eyes, "You are all I've ever wanted Bella, it rips my heart out every time I see you and our babies walk out the door. I can't breathe until you're back beside me. Please Bella; I'll do anything you ask of me, if you give me this." He leaned forward and brought his lips to mine, his kiss was soft and tender. "You hold my heart in your hands Isabella Marie Swan. You always have and you always will."

His sweet breath blew lightly across my face and I leaned forward to meet his lips once more.

As soon as Edward had said I was all he ever wanted, my resolve waivered,when he told me I held his heart in my hand, my resolve vanished all together and I was ready to promise him I would move in tomorrow, but then Jake's broken and sad face popped into my mind and stopped the words from tumbling out of my mouth. "Edward I love you with every inch of my being and I want to spend forever with you, but I want you to give me a month. It doesn't mean we can't spend time together in the mean time; it will just give me time to get myself organised. I won't just leave Jake until he has decided what he wants to do."

Edward's head snapped up and his eyes were blazing, "Jake! Always fucking Jake!!!" He turned away from me and stalked across the balcony looking out over the vast green paddocks. I could see how much effort it was taking to control his temper but I was angry at him for being so unreasonable.

"Edward," I spoke quietly but didn't approach him, "I think you need to know that I have no intention of cutting Jake out of my life, he's been a really good friend to me and he's a very important part of my life and the kid's lives. I know that he was there for parts of the kid's lives that you missed out on and that upsets you, but I want you to give him a chance and try to get to know him better. I've accepted your friends without question and I expect you to show my friends the same respect."

Edward's muscles tighten, his back muscles were straining against his T-shirt, his knuckles whitened with the force of his grip on the railing, "Bella, I've had to watch my son run into that boy's arms like he was his father! I've watched Jake smirk and gloat at the fact. Are you seriously standing there, asking me to tolerate the boy that seems to hold more of your loyalty than I do? Tell, me Bella, what is it exactly that you want from me?"

I shivered at the steely tone of his voice. His words rung in my ears, was I more loyal to Jake than I was to Edward? I didn't think so, but I wasn't going to banish Jake from life because of Edward's jealousy.

"To trust my judgement, I love you Edward and the last thing I want to do is hurt you but I won't hurt Jake either. You know how important good friends are. If you want me to give up my friendship with Jake fine I will; after you give up yours with Irina."

I knew I was being unreasonable and when Edward turned to look at me his eyes were glinting dangerously and a small trill of fear rippled through me.

"And what has Irina ever done to you Bella? I've got insults from Jake, but what has Irina ever done to you? Except for defend you and befriend you! Jesus Bella." Edward took a seat he looked totally dejected, he tugged his fingers through his hair roughly, "I trust your judgement Bella, but I don't trust Doogie's. That little shit pisses me off, what I wouldn't give for one lousy shot. I'd make it fucking count…" He pulled his hand from his hair and I noticed several strands were still connected to his fingers; he looked down at them with a frown. "I'm not going to ask you to give up your friendship with him, but I am going to ask you to come home to me instead of him."

I walked to his side and slid into his lap, I didn't know why I was being so stubborn, I could see Edward was hurt and once again I was the one causing his pain, "Edward, I will move in with you at the end of next week and spend the rest of this week with you if you will please try to get along with Jake." I kissed him passionately hoping to convey the depth of love and commitment to him.

He slid his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, his fingers absent mindedly stroking the soft skin of my hips, he pulled his lips from mine, his face moved to my hair and he inhaled deeply, "I can't promise you anything Bella, but I will try. Can I start moving you in this week or next week?" Edward chuckled into my hair his warm breath weaving through the strands.

"Next week, give me a chance to tell Jake. And thank you for trying; it's all I ask...Edward I was wondering; do you mind if we throw a party for Irina and Demetri this weekend? Charlie and Renee are coming down for the weekend and I thought they could have the kids for the night. I thought we could ask Alice, Rose and Jake…"

Edward looked up at me with an adorable grin on his face, like a kid who's Christmases had all come at once, "It's your home now too; you don't have to ask permission to do anything here. I even promise to have a beer with Jake."

He didn't look like he liked the idea much but I appreciated the fact that he was going to try.

"Thank you my love," I kissed him chastely and smirked, "and now I might go and put some ice on my hips I can feel the bruising already." I watched the colour drain from his face as he lifted me to my feet, his hands gently pulled up my top and he inspected the slightly discoloured skin there.

He dropped his hands from me immediately, shame washing over his features, "Oh my god Bella I'm so sorry..."

"What are you apologising for? I wasn't complaining. I just want to minimise the bruising so you don't freak out in the morning."

"I'm freaking out now!!" He looked up at me and he looked so forlorn, "I'm so sorry I just got carried away and I know that's no excuse." He looked down at my hips again and then back at me and grinned sheepishly, "I'm so sorry I hurt you, but a little bit of me kinda wants to see a bruise. I'm a sick fuck."

"Not that sick Edward! Well I won't bother about the ice then shall I and you can admire your handy work in the morning. Now do you want to take me to bed and bruise me some more?"

Edward grabbed my hips and pressed his fingers into my already marked skin, my breath came rushing through my teeth in a low hiss and Edward smirked at me, "You always ask the silliest questions..."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I could feel Edward's fingers tracing pattern's on my skin and my eyelids fluttered open, his eyes were bright and clear and a smile played on his lips.

"So is it a work of art?" I giggled and lifted my head so I could look down on my body. The marks on my hips were dark purple, and fit the shape of his fingers perfectly, my stomach was littered with marks in varying shades of red and bluish purple, and I covered in scrape marks. I let my mind wander back to last night and Edward's lips and teeth attacking every inch of my skin. My eyes drifted toward my breasts they were covered in deep purple marks, my nipples were swollen as were my lips. looked up at Edward and smirked, "I'm impressed with the colours, red and purple are my favourites. And the patterns are pretty cool to."

"Not to mention how exquisite the canvas was, I have to say although I think it's a masterpiece I'm positive I could do better."

"Hold that thought sweetheart... Were you planning on going into work today?"

"I was actually going to work from home today, since Irina's not officially back to work until tomorrow. Why is that?"

"Well I was hoping you'd watch the twins while I go ho… go and talk to Jake and grab some things for the twins and myself."

"Of course I'll watch the twins, the quicker you tell Doogie you'll be living with me the happier I'll be."

"Yeah, yeah I know." He might be happy for me to hurt my best friend even more than I already had, but I wasn't.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Jake wasn't up when I got home; so I took the time to load up the car with the items the kids and I couldn't live without, including Louis' collection of Bob the Builder DVD's and Apple's copy of Wall-E. She was totally obsessed with the planet saving little robot.

I was just making myself a coffee when I heard Jakes approaching footsteps, "Oh you're home are you, where are the twins?" I could tell from his tone that he was pissed off. I was getting mightily sick of Edward and Jake taking their frustrations out on me, even if I was the cause of their frustration.

"They're with their father." I said a little defensively.

"Are you two all happily together now?" Jake looked at me seriously and I could see a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"Yes Jake we are. We love each other and our children deserve the opportunity to be in a family with both parents actively participating."

"So are you going to be living with Edward now?" Jake took one look at my face and got his answer, his face crumpled and he fell into the nearest chair.

"You're welcome to stay on here Jake rent free. You can get some flat mates in and charge them rent if you want, that way you'll be able to make some extra money. Although may I suggest studious girls instead of party animal guys." I smiled at him but he never returned it.

"I don't want flatmates Bells; I want you and the twins. I like our living arrangement."

"I know Jake I like our living arrangement to, but I owe it to Edward and the kids to make sure they don't have to spend any more time apart."

"I don't think you owe that arrogant controlling fuckhead anything, he just waltzed back into your life and all of sudden you're just bending over backward to give him whatever he wants. He acts like he owns you Bella," Jake was beginning to lose his cool, I felt my own anger rising, but I pushed it back down I didn't want to fight with Jake or leave on bad terms.

"Jake he doesn't own me, I'm not his possession." I could hear Edward disagreeing with me in my head. I shut him down. " But I do owe him the chance of having his family together, and I'm going to tell you what I told him, Edward is an important part of my life but so are you Jake and I don't want to lose your friendship but I want this pissing competition between you two to stop now. I don't want to have to make a choice between you _and I won't_... I want you to make the effort to get to know each other."

Jakes eyebrows disappeared under his fringe and he snorted, "You can't be serious Bella?"

"I am serious Jake, Edward has agreed to try and I want you to tell me you will too." He looked at me for a long moment and sighed in resignation.

"Fine Bell's I'll try for you." He gave me my favourite Jake smile and I knew we would be fine. That was the best thing about _my Jake _he never held a grudge and I knew that now he'd given me his word; he would try to get along with Edward.

"Thanks Jake." I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly. He hugged me back and kissed the top of my head.

It's ok Bells I'm not promising you anything though."

"That's alright as long as you try, which I know you will... Oh and by the way we are having a party this weekend and I want you to come along. Rose and Alice will be there. Charlie and Renee are coming down for weekend; I was going to offer to let them stay here if it's alright with you?"

"Sure, sure and I guess I could swing by your party." He kissed the top of my head again.

"Thanks Jake, for everything. You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for." I tightened my grip on him. I wanted him to know in my hug how much I loved and appreciated him and that no matter what; he'd always be my best friend.

"I feel the same way about you. So when are you moving in with the toad…oops I mean prince charming." I rolled my eyes at him but I couldn't stop the giggle that escaped my lips.

"I told him I didn't want to just up and leave you, I tried to get a few months but he wasn't having it, he did agree to the end of next week."

Jakes eyes darken and a scowl appeared on his face. I felt like scowling a little bit too, not because I didn't want to live with Edward; more that he had manipulated me into relenting.

"Oh well that was mighty generous of the dictator prick. Are you sure you want to do this Bella? The guys are complete control freak."

"I'm sure Jake. He's not really that bad once you get to know him." I said a little defensively.

"_Sure_ he isn't Bells...Well you don't need to worry about me; you're free to leave today if you want honeypuff. And I will get a couple of flatmates in if you don't mind? I know a couple of girls in my study group who are looking for somewhere to live..."

"Of course you can have flatmates! I wouldn't want you rattling around the house on your own, besides you need to have someone to whip your ass at scrabble; it'll keep you honest."

"Hmm. Best you get packing Missy before I challenge you to an all week match."

"Don't tempt me Jake; I love the heady sense of power I get from beating you in scrabble."

"Go now Bella before I change my mind and keep you here as my prisoner." He growled playfully.

I kissed Jakes cheek and rushed from the room, I made it down the hall in record time. I began emptying my draws and closet of all the clothes I owned and hastily stuffing them into the two tatty suitcases I stored under my bed. I grabbed a couple of things from Louis and Apples room, they didn't need a lot Edward had everything they needed and much, much more. I lugged my suitcases into the kitchen, I tried not to let my tears spill over.

Jake looked at my cases sadly but never said anything, for which I was grateful. This was hard enough to do without him changing his mind and laying a guilt trip on me as well.

I headed for the garden and gathered up the kid's trikes, balls, buckets and spades, all their favourite toys and lugged them back to the kitchen. Jakes eyes fill with tears and my heart throbbed painfully, I thought about going and unpacking my stuff and just staying here with him but then the image of Edward, Louis and Apple filled my mind and I knew I was doing the right thing.

Jake got up grabbed my suitcases and headed for the door, I grabbed the trikes and followed him. He packed the car for me and then stood back, tears streamed down his face. I rushed forward, wiping my own tears from my eyes and threw my arms around him, "I wish it didn't have to be like this Jake, I want to stay but I can't, I have to put my family first."

He hugged me harder, his voice thick with emotion, "I'm gonna miss you so much Bell's, promise me you won't be a stranger."

"I won't be Jake; I'll be here so much you'll get sick of me."

"Like that would ever happen, you're my best friend."

"And you're my best friend." I kissed his cheek and quickly hopped in the car, my tears were relentless as I drove down the road.

Edward and the kids were playing ball on the driveway when I pulled up, he saw the car loaded with our gear and his face broke into a huge grin, he was at my side in seconds. He opened my door and pulled me out of my seat and into his arms.

"Does this mean you won't be leaving again?"

"Yes that's what it means, I sorted things with Jake and the rest can sort itself out." Edward crushed his lips to mine; his kiss was so full of emotion it overwhelmed me...

The first week rushed by in a blur, every evening Edward walked through the door with a blinding smile on his face when he found us home waiting for him.

We both euphoric at finally being together as a family:

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

I gave Charlie and Renee a brief explanation of how I'd moved in with Edward when we dropped the kids off to them, Jake wasn't home yet so I texted him to tell him I was expecting him to show up to the party tonight. As Edward I both knew she would be; Renee was indeed over the moon that Edward and I were together and living as a family, Charlie on the other hand was not impressed. I didn't have time to argue with him so I kissed his cheek and grabbed Edward's arm quickly dragging him from the house, there would be time tomorrow to sort Charlie out.

Edward and I grinned at each other when we pulled into our driveway and saw Irina's car parked there and by the sound of the booming bass that shook the house; she was already in party mode. We found her and Demetri on the balcony sipping an interesting looking cocktail. They both grinned and stood in unison when we approached and Irina threw her arms around me as Felix extended his hand to Edward.

"Welcome home Irina did you have a good time?" She pulled away, her eyes sparkled and her face shone with that inner light she possessed; but it seemed to be even brighter than usual.

"Oh my god Bells it was wonderful the Maldives are so beautiful at this time of year."

"I'm so happy for you Irina it was such a beautiful wedding. So what is that you're drinking? It looks yum."

"It is it's called a Turkish delight; it's made with vodka, strawberry liqueur, white crème de cacao, frangelico and rose water. It honestly is the most heavenly concoction; here let me pour you a glass."

Irina was right it was heavenly and before I knew it we had already gone through three jugs of the intoxicating liquid. Felix, Kate and Jasper arrived not long before Rose and Alice. I immediately introduced Irina and Kate to Rose and Alice. I knew Irina and Alice would hit it off straight away and they did. And although I didn't know Kate that well I thought she would probably like Rosalie they had quite a few similarities.

I was happy to see I was right, as soon as the men left to hang out in the kitchen Rosalie immediately engaged Kate in conversation as they downed the delicious cocktails Irina kept serving up, I noticed that Kate was loosening up more and more with every cocktail she had and I looked up at her in surprise when I heard her sugary sweet laugh ring out in the air.

I watched Alice with a grin through the window, she had totally taken over Edward's house and was treating it as her own; she was busy setting up the sing star for some sing off competition she was planning. Even though I was well on my way to being inebriated I still wasn't drunk enough to want to get up and sing. What I really wanted was Emmett to hurry up and arrive, I knew he'd know what I was after and I was sure he'd come ready. The question was how I was going to convince Irina to give Emmett an encore now she was a married woman, and even more difficult would be convincing Kate. I wasn't the least bit worried about Alice or Rose, Alice would do it for the fun of it and Rose would do it because she had had the hots for Emmett for years.

Irina brought out another couple of jugs of cocktails and quickly refilled our glasses, insisting we all down our cocktails in one before pouring us more. I was surprised at how confident Irina seemed to be, I guessed it was probably the alcohol making her that way, but it seemed to me she could be up for anything tonight and the possibilities were endless.

I looked back through the window and saw Emmett's massive form making his way to the kitchen and noticed he wasn't alone. My eyes drifted to his companion and I rose quickly from my chair when I saw it was Jake who was with him. I was about to go inside when I decided I'd watch how Edward and Jake interacted when I wasn't in the room to keep them civil. Emmett made introductions and I was please when Edward's friends all offered their hand to Jake. Edward hesitated for a moment then offered his hand and I was ecstatic when Jake shook it. Edward headed to the fridge and got Jake a beer while Jasper engaged him in conversation.

I turned my attention back to the giggling girls at the table and cleared my throat to get their attention, they all fell silent.

"So who's up for fun? Our Christmas fairy is here but he won't part with his candy for free, so Irina I hope you're up for an encore and Kate it's not bad as it seems." I said with a smile. I looked at her with a smile hoping I could coax her out of her shell and finally get her to let down her guard. I couldn't help but laugh when Rose threw her arm around Kate's shoulder and giggled.

"Of course Katie's up for it, aren't you Kate? What's life without a little bit of naughtiness?"

Kate laughed that sweet sultry laugh and threw her arm around Rose, "Yeah Bella I'm in. You only live once after all!"

"Cool, let's go before Alice makes us sing." I shuddered at the thought.

I got up and led the way into the kitchen, Emmett took one look at me and smirked, _"How's it going Bella?"_

"Better now _you're_ here, I've come prepared, _have you?_" I turned and winked at Edward whose face broke into a wide smile when he saw Kate holding on tightly to Rose's hand.

"I'm always ready for you Baby," I rushed into Emmett's outstretched arms and crushed my lips to his, he wasn't going to let me get away with a quick kiss and I let him draw me in deeper, his tongue softly caressed mine.

"Emmett, save some of that for the other girls." I whispered against his lips and he broke away from me with a chuckle.

"True Bells: You got a mighty fine selection tonight theirs one in particular I know I'm going to enjoy." I smirked at him when his eyes shifted to Rose and he smiled appreciatively.

I wriggled out of his embrace and turned to Jake with a sly smile, he was looking between Emmett, Edward and I in confusion, "You'll see," I whispered.

I watched with satisfied smirk as Felix's face changed colour when Kate stepped forward and into Emmett's massive arms, Edward went to stand discreetly next to him as did Demetri, my smile widened when Felix's eyes bulged as Kate's lips met Emmett's. Felix took a step forward and both Demetri and Edward held out a hand to stop him, I was surprised that Kate didn't pull away immediately but kissed Emmett for a full minute before she finally pulled her mouth from his and sought Felix's eyes.

I never caught the look that they shared, my attention was distracted by Rosalie who leapt into Emmett's arms and yelled, "Where have you been all my life cowboy?" Before smacking her lips to his and kissing him hungrily. After five minutes it didn't look like Emmett or Rose were going to come up for air so I slipped my hand into Emmett's pocket and pulled out the small velvet pouch. I waved it too the girls who all cheered and we rushed back to the lounge, leaving Rose to continue to make out with Emmett. Inspiration struck when my eyes drifted to the small Picasso painting on the wall, I'd always wanted to snort coke off a Picasso and here was my chance. I slid it off the wall and placed it on the coffee table, all the girls laughed raucously when I tipped half of the contents of the tiny plastic bag onto the glass surface. I carefully chopped the pile of crystals making sure not to scratch the glass with the blade, and split it into lines.

I did a couple of rails before I passed the rolled up hundred dollar bill to Kate who took it with a grin.

Irina was next and she hugged me tightly as she passed the bill to Alice, "Oh Bells this going to be a good night I can feel it."

I couldn't believe the change in Irina, and I wondered briefly what happened on her honeymoon that had brought about such a turn. "The possibilities are endless for making it a good night Irina." I laughed at her rapidly dilating pupils; her eyes were already as wide as saucers. I was feeling a little mischievous, a little more reckless than usual. It was nice to let my hair down and not have to be responsible, I had spent two years at home being the best Mother I could be, I deserved to have some time out to be an adult.

As I entered the kitchen I noticed Jake handing Edward a small yellow pill which he slipped into his mouth with a grin. I knew straight away what it was. I dragged Rose off Emmett's lap and back to the lounge, she headed for Kate and I headed to turn up the sound system, just as Alice announced to the room the sing star battle was about to begin.

Irina, Kate and Alice were flicking through the song choices and I was taken aback when I overheard Kate's choice. She _really_ was cutting loose tonight. I poured a couple of drinks and handed one to Irina as she grabbed the microphone and started the music. She had drawn the short straw and was up first.

She downed her cocktail in one quick mouthful and started to sway to the music next to me. I joined her, her sweet and surprisingly sexy voice rang out through the room,

_"I love myself I want you to love me  
__When I feel down I want you above me  
__I search myself I want you to find me  
__I forget myself I want you to remind me_

_I don't want anybody else  
__When I think about you I touch myself  
__Ooh I don't want anybody else, oh no oh no oh no_

_You're the one who makes me come running  
You're the sun who makes me shine  
When you're around I'm always laughing  
I want to make you mine_

I gulped down the rest of my drink and Irina did the same, we giggled as we danced closer toward each other. I noticed the boys had drifted toward the room but I ignored them as I danced closer to Irina and ran our hands down our bodies.

_I close my eyes and see you before me  
__Think I would die if you were to ignore me  
__A fool could see just how much I adore you  
__I get down on my knees I'll do anything for you_

Irina was smirking at Demetri who was looking slightly shocked at his wife. I hugged her to me when she finished her song and dragged her into the middle of the room as Kate took the microphone; I was keen to see what Felix thought of her song choice.

Kate had a good voice, kind of gravelly and sultry.

"_Get your boys  
__Gonna make some noise  
__Rowdy_

_Gonna get a little unruly  
__Get fired up in a hurry  
__Wanna get dirrty_

_It's about time I came to start the party  
__Ooh sweat dripping over my body  
__Dancing getting just a little bit naughty  
__Wanna get dirty_

Irina and I took a step closer to each other at the same time, our bodies bumped together and we ground our hips into each others, I could see Edward in my peripheral vision looking at Demetri in surprise, Irina followed suit and took a covert look at Demetri she giggled as she pressed herself closer into me. I couldn't pass up the chance to have some fun with Demetri and Edward, and I was curious to see if Irina shared my twisted sense of humour. I winked at her as my hand reached out to cup her breast my fingers giving it a gentle squeeze; she giggled and stepped in even closer to me pushing her hips into mine as her hand slid around my waist. I turned and smirked at Edward and massaged Irina's breast again as I leaned forward and licked a trail up her neck and brought my lips to hers, she responded immediately and I was distracted by how soft her lips and tongue were.

I twined my fingers into her hair and pulled her lips harder against mine.

I was aware that Kate had stopped singing and I heard the collective gasp ring out around us, I kissed Irina for another minute before I pulled away. We both broke into a fit of giggles, we turned in unison toward Edward and Demetri who were both standing there liked stunned mullets and laughed harder.

"Come on Bell's, Rose, Alice, Kate I've got an idea." Irina grabbed my hand and pulled me through the open balcony doors, I could hear the other girls following behind us as Irina pulled me down the stairs and through the gate to the pool. Irina started stripping off her clothes and so did the rest of the girls, I shook my head and giggled with them as I stripped off my dress. I hadn't bothered to wear a bra or panties since I moved in with Edward, I never usually got to wear them for my than five minutes before he was cornering me in some part of the house and covertly removing them.

I was eternally grateful that Edward's pool was heated or I would never have gotten in it, there was a cool breeze blowing the wind caressed my skin leaving it covered in Goosebumps and my nipples hard. I had only been in the water about two minutes when Edward stalked toward the pool; I smiled at the look on his face and swam toward the ladder.

I stepped straight into his waiting embrace, he wrapped his arms around me his lips heading straight for my throat, "Fuck Bella…you are such a bad girl."

"I know…but what are you going to do about it?" He never said anything he just pulled me into the pool house and kicked the door shut behind us...

I had no idea how long we'd been in there, Edward had me tied to the day bed and he was totally obsessed with touching my hair, my skin, my lips and every other inch of my body. I wasn't too worried about the others they were used to us disappearing at random times day or night and not surfacing again for hours if we even did at all. I did however hope they were taking care of Jake, I felt a bit mean that I hadn't really had a chance to talk to him, but I was glad to see that he'd made the effort to turn up and try to get on with Edward.

The sun was beaming through the windows when Edward finally withdrew from me and pulled his lips from my skin, I was grateful when he finally untied bindings and massage the blue black bruising on my wrists, every inch of me was aching in both pleasure and pain. My lips were swollen and my mouth was so dry I could barely swallow, I was grateful that I didn't have to get up to the kids and made a mental note to ask Renee and Charlie to have them for another night so I could recover. I looked around the floor and couldn't see my clothes anywhere, I had no idea where they were and I tried to remember back to last night and groaned in embarrassment when broken images of my antics flashed through my mind.

I heard Edward's chuckle and my eyes snapped open, he looked at me with a smirk, "having flashbacks are we? Jesus Bella you nearly gave Demetri a heart attack?"

I laughed and stopped abruptly when my head throbbed painfully, "do you think he's angry? I was just trying to fuck with him you know a bit of a laugh."

"Yeah I explained that to him, and your clothes are out by the pool." He kissed my swollen lips and slid out of bed, I couldn't pull my eyes from his gorgeous body and I was ready to call him back into my arms.

He caught me looking and smirked, "later you little minx, we should probably go and survey the destruction." He left the pool room only to return seconds later holding my dress, which I scrambled into quickly.

We found Irina and Demetri on the deck, both of them laughed at our dishevelled appearances, "how did you sleep Bells?" I was happy to see Irina was showing no signs of embarrassment about last night. I wondered if maybe she'd had a black out and Demetri had had the heart to fill her in yet.

"Um I haven't slept, how did you sleep?" I mumbled

She gave me a shy smile, "I haven't either." Well that was my questioned answered definitely no black out or embarrassment, Irina was definitely my kind of friend.

I looked at Demetri and back to Irina, "let me guess Demetri enjoys the effects of sex on E as much as Edward does."

Irina looked down at my bruised wrists with a slight frown, "well maybe not quite as much as Edward does." She gave him a questioning look and he winked at her. "So what happened to Rose, Alice and Jake?" I hoped Jake had made it home safely.

I was looking at Irina but it was Demetri who answered, "Well we sent Jake off in a taxi about three hours ago and we heard Rose and Emmett in the room next to ours, god those two are a force to be reckoned with! You're lucky your house is still standing." Demetri smirked at me and I couldn't help but laugh. "And I'm not sure about Alice and Jasper they were pretty quiet when they disappeared, though I think they're still here."

I rung Renee and asked her to have the twins for another night to which she readily agreed as I knew she would, neither Edward nor I were in any state to be attentive parents today. Alice and Jasper turned up on the balcony about two o'clock, Jasper took a seat and pulled Alice into his lap, she smiled at him shyly when he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. Emmett and Rose surfaced about four; I wished they'd go back to their room their public displays of affection were bordering on porn.

I decided to order a whole lot of Chinese takeaways to feed the masses, which was demolished within minutes and I was grateful when everybody decided to leave not long after.

As soon as we had closed the door we headed straight for our room and after a quick shower we collapsed into bed, I think we were both asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow...

**Chapter: Twenty One **

**Edward's POV...**

We arrived back in Wellington and between the three of us, Apple, Louis and I we managed to convince Bella to come back to my place instead of going to hers. As I drove home I could see her looking at her phone wistfully and I knew she was thinking about that fucking dog again. My fingers clenched reflexively on the steering wheel and I fought to keep my face blank.

Inside I was the burning man.

We arrived home and I was appeased a little by the look on Bella's face as she looked at our house.

Bella muttered something about returning some messages and I picked up the twins and took them to the bathroom and get them ready for bed. I was furious, we had only just got home and she was going to call him? What the fuck was with that?

I tucked an already sleeping Apple and Louis into their beds and smiled down at them. They had practically been falling asleep while I dressed them for bed, and as soon as their heads had hit the pillow the battle was lost. I made my way upstairs to see a visibly upset Bella on the balcony. She glanced nervously at me and I knew who she was talking to.

A growl erupted from me, and I strode toward the door. Doogie thought he had a chance? Bella was my fucking woman, only I could play her body like the finely tuned instrument that it was. Perhaps Boy Wonder needed a little reminder? A devious plan formed in my head.

"I have no plans to. Look Jake I will be home in the morning can we talk about it then?"

I heard Bella's anxious voice through the glass as I approached. She should be nervous, I knew she cared for Jake, and Jake would be suffering soon. I opened the door and came up behind Bella, licking my lips in anticipation of the lesson that both her and Jake seemed to need. I placed my flat palm against her mound and slid my fingers into her tight pussy, while rubbing her clit with my thumb. Her body reacted exactly as I anticipated, and she trembled as her back arched out. She was close, but not close enough.

I was going to get my fucking point across once and for all.

I began to pump her harder, feeling her walls tighten and clench around my fingers, I twisted my thumb slightly on her clit the way she liked, and that high breathy moan of hers, came spilling from her luscious lips. I smiled into her neck, as I continued to nip and taste at her skin. That moan had brought on many a fucking orgasm for me, and I suspected that Bella was unaware she even made such a noise. But I knew what it sounded like and now so did darling Jake.

That's right fucker, only I make her sound like that.

"Jake… I really need to go now I'll see you at home in the morning." She said trying to control her voice. I couldn't suppress my growl.

It appeared Bella might need more of a lesson than I originally thought. I pushed my erection into her ass, and she fell apart around my insistent fingers.

Good.

I walked her forward, my fingers still lodged firmly within her warmth and I undid the fly of my jeans with my other hand. When I reached the table, I bent her over it roughly, grabbing at her hips with my hands.

I spanked that sweet little ass before I slammed into her and made my claim known.

I pounded into her again and again, letting her know who she belonged to. "You are mine Bella, not that pup's," I growled and bit her sharply on the neck. My fingers tightened fiercely into her hips. "You belong here...with...me...this…is…your...home!" Each word was driven home to her through her tight, wet warmth. She would learn; I would make sure. My orgasm was surging through me as I hissed into her ear, "You are mine." All my aggression left me, sucked out by the tidal wave of my climax. I breathed in her scent deeply. "Move in with me Bella. Please I'm begging you. I've waited so long to have a family, I built this with you and the kids in mind please say you will, make my dreams come true."

So many emotions were coursing through my body, anger, sadness, defeat; it all swirled in my brain making me feel crazy. I looked into Bella's apprehensive eyes.

"Edward I can't move in with you yet."

In all honesty, I had been expecting it, but still. It fucking hurt.

"Why not Bella? I love you, you love me I don't see this as being some short term thing, so I see no fucking reason why not!" I could hear my voice rising, but I couldn't stop it. Did I not fucking deserve some happiness? Didn't Bella? Apple? Louis? Didn't we fucking all deserve just a little bit of peace? Bella was looking at me nervously.

"Because I have my own place and I have a mortgage to pay, Renee and Charlie don't even know the status of our relationship, there's Jake to think about. I want to move in with you honestly I do it's just I need time to sort everything out."

I felt my heart expand with hope. A mortgage? That was no fucking problem; I could have that paid off by lunchtime tomorrow. It pissed me off that she was still fucking concerned about that pup, but hell, it didn't really matter in the scheme of things. Granted her father seemed to hate the very air I breathed, but her mother loved me. It was enough for me to work with, the Cullen Charm was legendary. "Your mortgage is no problem, just give me your details and consider it gone! Hell, rent the place to Doogie if you want, you could put the money into a savings account for the kids or something! You could start your own property portfolio! So see? There's your mortgage and Jake sorted. Gone! And as for your parents I'll admit, your Dad's not my biggest fan, but Renee seemed to like me. I'm sure your father would come around, and I'd bet you a million dollars your mother would be thrilled."

Ideas and plans began to form in my mind; Bella could start her own 'nest egg' so to speak. I mean, I would always see her never want for anything, but I hadn't forgotten Irina's little speech on a woman needing her independence and I could certainly respect that. Her father I would just have to work on.

I looked at Bella, rather proud of myself. She didn't look quite as happy as I would have liked however.

"Edward there is no way I'm letting you pay off my mortgage, that's my responsibility, that's the reason I work at the university. And I don't want Jake to have to pay rent, he's a struggling student and he doesn't know very many people here in Wellington. You're right about Renee though she will be over moon and Charlie will come around eventually…maybe…but still can you give me a couple of months to sort myself out."

It was Bella's turn to look hopeful now, but she was about to be disappointed. Two fucking months? What the hell for?

"A few months? I could have that sorted out for you by the end of the week. Look if you don't want to charge the pup rent, then fine. I think it's foolish, but it's your decision and I respect that. You could still start a portfolio if you wanted, we could go look at some real estate after you move in, Mum would watch the kid's I'm sure…"

My eyes must have glazed over or something, because I was once again lost in all my machinations.

"Edward I don't want a property portfolio I'm happy with my one little house. I love the gardens and the tranquillity of the place, and why would you think it foolish to help a friend?" She sounded mildly insulted, but I didn't understand why. I hadn't said anything that would warrant such a reaction. Had I?

"Bella, I'm just trying to look out for you. And there's no reason why I shouldn't I pay off your mortgage, what's mine is yours. It always has been…"

I tried dazzling her into my way of thinking. It had worked for other things in the past; I hoped it wouldn't fail me now.

"Edward I absolutely refuse to let you pay off my mortgage and that's my final word on it, and I will move in with you, I just don't want to rush this I want you to be sure that it's what you really want." She gave me a shy glance, and though I saw no traces of insanity, it had to be fucking there! Was I sure this was what I wanted??? Was she fucking joking? This was all I had ever wanted! Surely she knew that by now?

"Am I sure this is what I want?! Are you fucking crazy? This is ALL I've wanted since the first time I saw you! God, do you know how many times I've dreamed of you walking around this house? Everything down to my T-shirt, much too big on you, to your bare feet," I cupped her face between my hands, forcing her to meet my gaze. She had to see the truth of my words. "You are all I've ever wanted Bella, it rips my heart out every time I see you and our babies walk out the door. I can't breathe until you're back beside me. Please Bella; I'll do anything you ask of me, if you give me this."

I kissed her, pleading my case through the simple act. I would give her anything, if only she would be mine, she had all of me anyway. I was nothing without her; she made me into a man I could be proud of. Live with me and make my house a home, Isabella. I am at your mercy. I begged her silently.

"You hold my heart in your hands Isabella Marie Swan. You always have and you always will."

She leaned forward and her lips met mine again. I sensed victory and I was elated. But as suddenly as she had initiated the kiss, she ended it, shaking her head slightly.

"Edward I love you with every inch of my being and I want to spend forever with you, but I want you to give me a month. It doesn't mean we can't spend time together in the mean time it will just give me time to get myself organised. I won't just leave Jake until he has decided what he wants to do."

Jake.

"Jake! Always fucking Jake!!!" I spat at her and recoiled inwardly at the way I was treating Bella, it was too reminiscent of the time I spent with Tanya and I felt sickened. Had I not vowed never to treat Bella in such a manner? I turned and walked to the edge of the balcony, gripping the railing as I stared out at the expanse of green. I needed to calm down, I had to. This was Bella, the woman I loved, the mother of my children. I took a few deep breaths, but the anger was still there, almost suffocating me.

"Edward," Bella's timid voice cut through the still night air "I think you need to know that I have no intention of cutting Jake out of my life, he's been a really good friend to me and he's a very important part of my life and the kid's lives. I know that that he was there for parts of the twins lives that you missed out on and that upsets you, but I want you to give him a chance and try to get to know him better. I've accepted your friends without question and I expect you to show my friends the same respect."

I tightened my grip on the railing, and forced myself to stay still. I was terrified that if I moved I could hurt Bella. And that was completely un-fucking-acceptable. It didn't stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth, dripping with repressed venom. I was furious; it seemed her concern lay more with Jake's needs and feelings than mine.

The rejection and betrayal burned through me like fire.

"Bella, I've had to watch my son run into that boy's arms like he was his father! I've watched Jake smirk and gloat at the fact. Are you seriously standing there, asking me to tolerate the boy that seems to hold more of your loyalty than I do? Tell, me Bella, what is it exactly what it is that you want from me?"

"To trust my judgement, I love you Edward and the last thing I want to do is hurt you but I won't hurt Jake either. You know how important good friends are Edward. If you want me to give up my friendship with Jake fine I will after you give up yours with Irina."

What?

What???

She had the fucking nerve to compare Irina and Jake! It was fucking insulting to the woman whom I called my best friend. The same woman who had defended Bella a million times over, without whom, there would be no Edward and Bella. I released my death grip on the rail and turned slowly, measuring each movement I made, preparing to bolt if I felt my control slipping.

"And what has Irina ever done to you Bella? I've got insults from Jake, but what has Irina ever done to you?! Except for defend you and befriend you! Jesus Bella." Bella was looking at me in fear, cowering slightly against her chair.

She was afraid of me.

The fire in my veins was replaced with ice, and I was disgusted with myself. I was a fucking monster. I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. I was acting pathetically and I knew it, but I simply couldn't back down. "I trust your judgement Bella, but I don't trust Doogie's. That little shit pisses me off, what I wouldn't give for one lousy shot. I'd make it fucking count…" I wrenched my hand from my hair and looked down in confusion at the strands caught between my fingers. I could see Bella's reasoning, although her example of Irina was a poor choice. What right did I have to ask Bella to give up her friendships? And despite his misgivings, Jake had been there for my children, I may hate the fact, but it didn't make me any less indebted to him. It was an uncomfortable position to be in, but I accepted it.

I would just be an easier pill to swallow if I knew Bella was by my side.

"I'm not going to ask you to give up your friendship with him, but I am going to ask you to come home to me instead of him." Bella climbed onto my lap and began stroking my cheek tenderly. She smiled at me and I could feel the tension seep away.

"Edward, I will move in with you at the end of next week and spend the rest of this week with you if you will please try to get along with Jake."She kissed me with such passion; I knew she was reinforcing her statement. She did love me; she would move in with me, I just had to give her time. A week in comparison to what we had already gone through, it was nothing.

I could do this.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her to me. I inhaled the rich fragrance that was Bella and sighed "I can't promise you anything Bella, but I will try. Can I start moving you in this week or next week?"

I laughed weakly into her hair. Yeah, I was as well known for my patience and forgiving nature as my father was.

Bella gave a small snort "Next week, give me a chance to tell Jake. And thank you for trying; it's all I ask... I was wondering... Do you mind if we throw a party for Irina and Demetri this weekend. Charlie and Renee are coming down for a few days and I thought they could have the kids for the night. I thought we could ask Alice, Rose and Jake…"

I smiled at her, happy that she felt comfortable enough to plan something like that here, like it was already her home. I knew it was; it was just nice to see her acknowledging it too. "It's your home now too; you don't have to ask permission to do anything here. I even promise to have a beer with Jake." It was a gesture of my goodwill towards her; I would try to get along with Boy Wonder, even if it was only for the sake of Bella and the kids.

"Thank you my love," She kissed me and gave me a saucy smirk "and now I might go and put some ice on my hips I can feel the bruising already."

My good humour vanished and I quickly lifted Bella to her feet, lifting her top and staring at the purple, blue blemish on her otherwise flawless skin. My stomach lurched and I thought I might throw up.

Fuck, I could see the impressions of my fingers, marked on her skin. Marking her as mine; now and forever. Fuck that shit is hot.

I shook my head, trying to stop the thoughts that invaded my conscious. I stared at my hands, touching the beauty before me, though they had no right. "Oh my god Bella I'm so sorry..." I began weakly. How could I fucking apologise? Just a moment ago I had practically been congratulating myself on marking her as my own. I was a fucking caveman.

"What are you apologising for? I wasn't complaining I just want to minimise the bruising so you don't freak out in the morning."

"I'm freaking out now!! I'm so sorry I just got carried away and I know that's no excuse." I looked again at the bruises on her skin and felt that rush of possessive pride sweep through me again, but stronger this time. I looked at her guiltily "I'm so sorry I hurt you, but a little bit of me kinda wants to see a bruise. I'm a sick fuck." I waited patiently for the tirade. She would condemn me as violent, a sick bastard who got off on hurting others. I waited for the slap, but it never came. Instead, she shocked me by being nonchalant about the whole affair.

"Not that sick Edward! Well I won't bother about the ice then shall I and you can admire your handy work in the morning. Now do you want to take me to bed and bruise me some more?"

Wait, she was fucking encouraging my behaviour? This woman couldn't get any more perfect if she tried; she saw the darkest sides of me and loved me regardless.

I grabbed her hips and squeezed, a shiver running through me as I heard her hiss. "You always ask the silliest questions." I purred...

I awoke early the next morning and propped myself up on my elbow so I could see Bella better. She was sleeping, a small smile playing on her lips and she would giggle sometimes, saying my name playfully. She was having good dreams and they were of me, I was a happy man indeed.

I pulled the sheet down carefully and sucked in a breath when I saw Bella's mottled skin.

The bruises on her hips were much more prominent today, and there were little bites marks on her breasts and stomach. I had been in an almost frenzy, and Bella's cries of ecstasy and her goading to grab or bite her harder had been the only encouragement I had needed. It seemed my little Bella was somewhat kinky and enjoyed a bit of rough play. It suited me to the ground; in fact, I had been thanking my lucky fucking stars for the fact all morning.

I was still tracing my fingers around the marks, when I heard another of Bella's girlish giggle, "So is it a work of art?" She lifted her head and inspected the damage for herself. "I'm impressed with the colours, red and purple are my favourites. And the patterns are pretty cool too." She gave me a cheeky smirk, which I returned.

"Not to mention how exquisite the canvas was, I have to say although I think it's a master piece, I'm positive I could do better." I said and raised an eyebrow suggestively as I leaned forward.

Bella stopped me with a hand on my chest, "Hold that thought sweetheart, were you planning on going into work today?"

I gave her a wink, "I was actually going to work from home today, since Irina's not officially back to work until tomorrow. Why is that?"

"Well I was hoping you'd watch the twins while I go ho…and talk to Jake and grab some things for the twins and myself."

Bella's eyes darted quickly to mine, nervous no doubt after last night. She needn't have been; I would walk across hot coals if it meant she told that little shit she was moving out. I didn't say that though, I had given my word I would try and I intended to keep to it.

"Course I'll watch the twins, the quicker you tell Doogie you'll be living with me the happier I'll be."

There. That sounded a lot better, I thought smugly.

"Yeah, yeah I know." Bella rolled her eyes, and I pounced on her, eliciting the most delicious giggles from her sweet mouth...

The kids and I kept ourselves occupied while Bella was away, but I was finding it hard to concentrate. I kept thinking about the fact that she was alone with him, which was ridiculous, but still how I felt.

I was jealous.

"Daddy! Look me!" Apple squealed gleefully as she kicked the ball to Louis. I smiled and nodded in encouragement, but my mind was distracted, still on Bella and Jacob.

The sound of an approaching car caught my attention and I looked up, grinning automatically at the sight. Bella was pulling into the driveway, her car full to the brim with suitcases and toys. She was here to stay, and finally I felt complete. Years, I had been waiting for this and now it was finally here. My family: my Bella, all in our home.

Fucking perfection:

I went to her car, yanking the door open and frowning at the squeak the door made. This car was a piece of shit and I would have to replace it soon. I had already ordered a new BMW X5, since the Aston Martin was not really a family kind of car. I had been tossing up between the BMW and the new Jag, but had decided the BMW was much more practical and roomy. The jag was fucking beautiful though, quite like my Bella. I made the decision to call my vehicle dealer later and get one delivered at the same time as my BMW; then I could get rid of this travesty that Bella called a car.

For safety's sake of course:

Bella looked at me in surprise as I scooped her into my arms. "Does this mean you won't be leaving again?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. I simply wanted to hear her say it out loud.

"Yes that's what it means, I sorted things with Jake and the rest can sort itself out." She replied with a tiny smirk, she knew exactly how the news would make me feel.

I held her face in my hands and kissed her fiercely. I loved this woman so damn much, it physically hurt.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Bella and I dropped the kids off with Charlie and Renee the night of Bella's party and her sheer excitement was infectious. As I navigated Bella's car back to our home, I had was torn between laughing at her antics or crying at the fact I had lowered myself to drive a car such as this.

I had to be fucking whipped, there was no other explanation. I just prayed no one I knew would see me.

Irina and Demetri were already there and the party was well under way with Bella barely managing to hold back her squeals. Now I wasn't behind the wheel of Bella's Oldsmobile, I could enjoy her enthusiasm just that much more.

We made our way onto the deck where Irina practically launched herself at Bella, while Demetri rolled his eyes at the pair, "Dear god, we should have taken you, Bella and the twins with us, Irina wouldn't stop talking about you all the whole time! 'Oh Demetri, Bella would love this!' or 'We've got to get these for the twins, I wish they were here so I could just double check the sizes'." I grinned at Demetri while he glared in response. "Yeah, fucking laugh it up, but you are being replaced my friend, Bella is more popular than you now."

I laughed as we watched Bella and Irina chatting conspiratorially. They kept an arm around each other at all times, their eyes both shining with their shared camaraderie. Felix, Kate and Jasper turned up, Jasper and Felix brandishing bottles of kiwifruit 42Below and my own eyes must have lit up like a Christmas tree lights, I fucking loved that drink.

We had barely said our hellos, when Rose's voice echoed throughout the house, "Jesus Cullen, you really are one spoilt little rich boy, aren't you?"

"And you are just as bitchy as ever I see Rosalie." I teased her giving her a quick hug that she returned.

"I'm really happy for you and Bells, Edward. Those little ones need you both." She said seriously and I agreed.

Before I could say anything, Alice had launched herself into my arms and I couldn't help but chuckle at her. Even though I had never had much to do with Alice through her association with Cullen Industries, I had always harboured a soft spot for her.

"Hello Alice." I kissed her cheek and she smiled in return.

"Nice place Edward, I approve. Now, where is my sister?" I pointed her and Rose in the right direction, covering my ears as they reached the deck and a high pitch squeal that would have had all the dogs in Wellington cowering erupted from the group of girls.

"Let's go to the kitchen, shall we? I have no desire to lose my hearing." I said grabbing Jasper's bottle of 42Below off him and sauntering into the kitchen. I grabbed a few shot glasses and lined them up before filling them and handing them out.

"Sounds like my Katie is making friends with that Blonde hottie; think she might be interested in a threesome?" Felix asked, causing Jasper to choke on his shot. "Shit, don't waste it man!" Felix chided.

"Whatever; just don't let Emmett hear you say that, he's had a thing for Rosalie since the first time he met her." Jasper responded, wiping the vodka from his chin. I nodded in agreement and refilled the shot glasses, downing mine quickly and refilling it.

"Fucking hell Cullen, you take the boy out of the bar, but he's still just a fucking booze hound underneath it all!" Felix said while Jasper snorted.

"That's not how it fucking goes, you fool!"

Felix gave him the finger "Whatever Jasper!" He said imitating a high school girl.

"You're so like totally clueless Felix!" Jasper mocked back and Felix stood up straight.

"Ok dude, there are something's you just can't joke about and Alicia Silverstone is one of them. I had like the biggest crush on her in high school, man I must have jacked off to her till I got cramp when I was younger!"

Jasper and I were staring at Felix in disgust when Emmett's raucous voice cut in, "Fuck yeah, Alicia! I've always had a thing for blondes, what about you Jacob?" My head snapped up and I noticed that Doogie was right behind Emm.

Ok, you fucking promised Bella you would try, so maybe you should get out of the habit of calling him, Doogie, Boy Wonder, Teen Dream or any of the other little nicknames you have.

"Uh, she's never really been my type." Jacob said, eyeing me warily. I couldn't blame him really.

"Dude, that shit is so uncool, but I'll overlook it." Felix said holding out his hand.

Jacob shook it.

"That's Felix, one of Edward's little sidekicks." Emmett interjected and Felix blanched at him.

"Hey, if anyone is Batman in this semi-quasi-homo relationship I have going on with Cullen, it's me! Edward's fucking Robin." He finished sulkily.

"I'm Demetri, Irina's husband though you would think her and Edward were married some days." He said with a friendly smile. Jacob shook his hand and then Jasper's.

The room fell suddenly silent as Jacob and I regarded each other cautiously. Taking a deep breath I held my hand out and nearly started in surprise when Jacob shook it firmly.

"Shots or beer?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I might just start with beer and maybe move on to the shots later." he said and I laughed as I got a beer from the fridge, handing it to him.

"Then you are a much wiser man than me Jacob Black when it comes to drinking."

"Anyone is wiser than you when it comes to drinking." Demetri scoffed and Jacob snorted in response.

"Yeah alright: enough with the Oprah-esque bonding. Where are all the ladies? Daddy Emm brought some party favours and I know at least two of your women are dissatisfied enough with your performance to want some of this." Emmett began stroking his hands up and down his body and I heard Jasper gag.

"Ignore the big idiot; our mother dropped him when he was a baby." Jasper said to Jacob and then began laughing and talking like he was an old friend.

It was nearly impossible to feel uncomfortable around Jasper, he radiated a peaceful calm that put most people at ease, and it seemed Jacob would be no exception.

"I'll fucking pash you for some lines." Felix said seriously, cracking his knuckles and neck. "You'll forget all about Rosalie once you taste some of this." He licked a finger slowly and then touched his ass with a sizzle noise. He looked completely ridiculous as he followed up that action with placing a finger against his pout lips.

"Dude, I will give you all the fucking coke I have if you promise me never to do that again." Emmett responded with a laugh "Kate is a different story though; I'd accept an offer like that from her!" He grinned evilly, hoping to get a bite from Felix.

He was sorely fucking disappointed when Felix returned his grin, "It's cool if she wants to. You guys don't see it, but my Katie is a freak. It's why we work so well together." He said with a shrug.

"I thought it was because she felt sorry for you." Demetri piped up and Felix punched him in the shoulder. "Fuck dude!" Demetri yelled, but cut off when Bella sauntered into the room.

Her eyes were glazed and I knew she was already pretty wasted. I also knew why she was here and I grinned at her when she shot me a saucy little smile.

"_How is it going Bella?"_ Emmett smirked at her.

"Better now _you're_ here, I've come prepared, _have you?_" Bella gave me a cheeky wink, but I was distracted by Kate and Rose. They were standing there holding hands and I realised in that moment that Kate had found her friend like Irina and Bella.

"I'm always ready for _you _Baby," Emmett replied before kissing Bella passionately. I just rolled my eyes at his little display. "True Bells you got a mighty fine selection tonight, there's one in particular I know I'm going to enjoy." He said as he pulled away and stared at Rosalie, blatantly eye-fucking the shit out of her.

She batted her eyelashes at him and licked her lips seductively.

Kate stepped up next and tossed her hair over her shoulder before grabbing Emmett and kissing him deeply. Felix took a step forward and Demetri and I both moved next to him. He looked at us, then back at Kate and Emmett with wide eyes, "What? I just wanted a better look!" He said with a little grunt. When Kate didn't pull away, Felix laughed under his breath and Demetri and I shuddered at his next words, "Oh man, she is such a naughty little girl! Damn, I'm gonna love spanking that tight little ass later!"

Almost as if she heard him, Kate broke away and fixed her smouldering eyes on Felix. He licked his lips and bared his teeth slightly as her eyes brightened with excitement.

"I'm gonna throw up." Demetri declared, but Felix never took his eyes off Kate.

"Whatever dude, I got the hot one you got the boring one. Edward nearly got the psycho one. Nice escape by the way… Fuck! Ow! Stop it!" he brought his arms up protectively as Demetri and I both began to beat his stupid fucking head.

"Where have you been all my life cowboy?" Rosalie hollered and Jasper stood up looking at me.

"All those two need is a fucking camera and they would be shooting porn." I laughed and patted him on the back as he went to find Alice.

Emmett and I weren't the only ones who had lusted after a Swan girl from afar.

"Um...Edward? How expensive is that painting in your lounge?" Jacob asked me as he walked back into the kitchen.

I frowned, "The Picasso?" I asked in confusion. He paled

"As in genuine Picasso?" He asked and I nodded. "Well, the girls are all snorting lines off it." He said and Felix burst out laughing.

"Bet that was your girl's idea Cullen!"

"I'll bet it was too." I said with a chuckle, life with Bella was never boring.

"She's happy." Jacob said suddenly and I looked at him in shock, I hadn't expected him to bring the 'Bella' situation up. I had thought we would just dance around it uncomfortably for the evening.

"I'd like to think so." I said throwing back another shot and refilling Jacob's glass as well as my own. We clinked our glasses and tossed them back.

"I can't pretend that I'm happy for you, because I'm not. I want what you have but I'm a big enough man to realise that you are what she wants, and what makes her happy makes me happy." He said and I nodded in appreciation.

Doogie was making it hard to not like him. He loved Bella, and really how could I fault him that? My newfound attitude was helped by the fact that I had the girl of course.

"Well, I thank you Doogie, I know if I was in your position I would not be quite so cordial about it." Jacob looked at me in confusion.

"Doogie: as in Howser?"

I winced as I realised my mistake. Shit. "Um...yeah, there's also Boy Wonder, Teen Dream among a few others." I waited for him to punch me and was surprised when he laughed.

"You put a lot of thought into hating me, didn't you?" He asked chuckling.

I grinned in response, "Well, I don't do things by half…." I handed him another shot and we slammed our glasses down at the same time. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little bag with several yellow tablets in it. Fucking E.

"Well, lucky for you the motherfucking Doctor is in the house!" He grinned gleefully and I beamed in response. It had been a long time since my last E and I was eager for the experience again.

"Who the fuck am I to argue with a Doctor?" I replied throwing back my own E.

The E was beginning to kick in when Jake and I made our way back into the lounge where the sing star was being used and bound to be abused before the night was out.

Jake and I were talking about my Aston Martin and I proudly told him all my baby's attributes. I had just finished promising him I would take him out to the race track with me next time I went, when Kate's husky voice cut through the chatter. I had heard her sing before and she had the most fucking amazing voice I had ever heard. I looked over at Felix who was licking his lips in anticipation as Kate reached the chorus.

"I'm so fucking grateful that woman is mine. I'm going to get her some fucking leather pants like in the music video, and she can fucking dance right over me." Felix was practically fucking drooling and Jacob looked at him in disgust.

"Fuck, even E's not strong enough to make that cool." He said and I agreed wholeheartedly with him.

My eyes scanned the room and nearly fucking bugged out of my head when they came to rest on Bella and Irina, "Oh fuck me; now that is the shit that E is made for." I breathed and I heard Jacob breathe in next to me sharply. "Not a fucking word Jacob Black or I will kill you." I promised lightly and he nodded

"Fair enough bro, fair enough."

Demetri had come to stand next to me and I think Jacob may have drifted off, but I didn't really care. I was fighting the irresistible urge to drag Bella out of the lounge by her hair and fuck her senseless in our bedroom. My inner caveman was fucking horny and on E. It was a dangerous combination.

When they began to really fucking bump and grind I looked at Demetri in Astonishment.

"It's your fucking Bella that's done it to her. Irina was a sweet girl before she met Bells, not that I'm fucking complaining man…" Demetri breathed and I nodded, not really hearing a fucking word he said.

They were full on fucking groping each other and Bella the dirty little minx, was smirking at me over Irina's shoulder, her eyes never leaving mine. She was doing this for me, teasing me, turning me on and by fuck if it wasn't working. Kate had stopped singing and a gasp rang out through the room. Kate was standing there holding the microphone against her mouth and smirking while Felix held her from behind.

"Damn baby, you and that sexy voice of yours. Look what you've done; it's all girl on girl down at Edward's Place." Kate just pushed her ass into his crotch and he hissed, biting her ear.

I saw all this out of the corner of my eye, because I still could not drag my eyes away from Bella and Irina.

Apparently Bella was really a corrupting influence on my best friend, because Irina decided the best course of action would be a spot of skinny dipping.

I watched as Bella stripped off without hesitation and I imagined what that milky white skin would feel like under my fingers. The E was super charging my nerve endings and I could feel fucking everything. The breeze caressed my skin like I was being teased with thousands of soft feathers. I made my way towards Bella, desperate to touch her, taste that skin. Fuck she smelt incredible; I needed to smell her again. And taste her, oh and touch her, fuck I really needed to touch her….

I was at the ladder of the pool and she stepped out into my waiting arms. I could feel the conflicting temperatures of her skin warmed by the pool, now assaulted by the chill breeze. I literally felt the Goosebumps forming on her skin. I buried my face in her neck, simultaneously breathing in her scent while sliding my tongue across her throat. I nearly fucking collapsed at the sensation; nothing ever in the history of the world had ever felt like this.

"Fuck Bella…you are such a bad girl." I murmured against her fucking silky skin. Was it this fucking soft all the time? Did I really fucking care or was I just going to enjoy it?

"I know…but what are you going to do about it?" She answered cheekily and I dragged her into the seldom used pool house.

I took her to the day bed and lay her down, looking down at her sternly, "Stay there and don't move." I ordered and she nodded in anticipation. I quickly went to the heating controls and turned them up high, stripping my shirt off at the same time, leaving me only in my jeans. I wanted to watch her skin flush that delicious shade of red. I went next and removed the curtain ties, swinging them around on my fingers as I made my way back to her. "You are not to speak Bella, or I'll stop. No second chances, no warnings. Nod if you understand me." I said and she nodded furiously.

I smiled at her excitement and dragged the tassels of the curtain ties up her arms before binding her wrists together tightly. I then tied her bound hands to the day bed and smiled down at her. Fuck she looked beautiful, so helpless and pure from one angle and like a seductress sent from hell from the other.

My gorgeous little paradox:

I trailed a finger from the top of her head right down to her pussy, before running my finger down the inside of her thigh. I could feel the electricity under my finger, amplified no doubt by the E. I could feel the residual static that I left behind in my wake and I shivered at the sensation. "So soft Bella: so very, very smooth, your skin is flawless, did you know that? So soft…" I murmured as I brushed my lips against the sole of her foot, my body jolting to life as she arched her foot, and lifted her back off the bed.

I trailed my lips up her legs, breathing in deeply. It was like someone had slapped me, the force in which her musky desire hit me was breathtaking. I couldn't help it; I ran my nose up her wet folds and rubbed it against her clit, eliciting a whimpering noise from Bella. I nibbled lightly on those fragrant lips and circled her clit languidly with my tongue. I could have been there for hours or days, I didn't know. All I knew was that nothing on this planet could compare with the pure essence that was Bella. I lapped up every single drop, from every single orgasm as I pushed her body on further, I needed to feel her come, her tight walls trembling around my fingers or tongue; it was indescribable. It was fucking everything, secrets of the universe, the meaning of life, I had fucking found it all at the apex between Bella's thighs.

Sometime in the early morning, my cock sprang to life as the E left my system, allowing my senses to slowly regain normality. I tugged down my jeans and looked at my panting goddess. Her body was slick with sweat as she moaned and undulated on the day bed. She was completely at my mercy and the sight of it was un-fucking-believable.

I climbed upon her and sheathed myself in one thrust, hissing at the tight warmth of her, constricting around me. She was fucking coming already. I held off my own orgasm, although it felt like her walls were trying to pull it from my very being. When her shudders subsided and I thought I could move again, I began to slowly slide in and out of her, she was so fucking wet and I didn't know how she could be after all this time, but I wasn't going to argue. If her body still wanted mine as much as I did hers, then I would not complain.

Eventually when I felt the sun warming my back, I pulled out of her and untied her wrists, rubbing at the bruising there and kissing each one tenderly.

I pulled on my jeans and looked down at her as she searched for her clothes. She had a confused frown on her face that was quickly overcome with her blush and she groaned. I assumed the previous night had finally caught up with her. "Having flashbacks are we? Jesus Bella, you nearly gave Demetri a heart attack!" I teased. Demetri had been more than fucking happy at the show. I think he was quite grateful to Bella for turning Irina into the little freak that she was becoming.

Bella laughed, but quickly stopped clutching at her head. My body was so conditioned to hangovers; it was second nature to function while still enduring its wrath. "Do you think he's angry? I was just trying to fuck with him you know a bit of a laugh." She worried unnecessarily. I just rolled my eyes.

"Yeah I explained that to him, and your clothes are out by the pool." I kissed her lips and crossed my fingers behind my back. Maybe I had said something like that to Demetri? It really didn't fucking matter anyway, he was enjoying the show just as much as the next man in that room last night.

I got out of bed and picked my shirt up off the floor, while Bella's eyes roved hungrily over my body. I couldn't help my self-satisfied smirk.

"Later you little minx, we should probably go and survey the destruction."

I quickly ducked out and returned with her clothes, holding them out to her. She quickly dressed and grabbed my hand as we made our way back into the main house. Irina and Demetri were both on the deck, their sunglasses firmly in place. They laughed at us, obviously aware at what our disappearance had meant. We chatted about the previous night, with Bella teasing Irina about Demetri being on E. I winked at Irina when she frowned at Bella's wrists, letting her know that Bella was a very fucking willing participant.

I nearly fucking kissed the very ground Renee walked on when she agreed to have the children for another night, as I would be winning no Father of the Year Awards in my current state. The comedown off E was a fucking bitch and I remembered now why I only occasionally indulged.

I was unsurprised to find that Emmett had finally hooked up with Rose and Jasper with Alice. Unsurprised but fucking happy for the chuckle heads, they deserved a bit of happiness themselves.

And me? I was most certainly fucking happy, and happier still when everyone finally went home and I could crawl into bed with the woman that I loved...

**A/N:**** Please feel free to review this chapter as you know your feedback is our reward :) ....Chapter photos are up on my facebook page. (Details on my profile page on how to find me on facebook)_ Cinnamon xx_**


	22. Chapter 22 Shiny things & Good Intention

**A/N: As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review as you know all feedback is appreciated. Also a thank you and welcome to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions. And light & laughter to my facebook friends (new chapter photos are up)...**

**So cool story, I was lurking around in Edward's house the other night (I like exploring his house while he's asleep) and I heard this faint noise coming from his basement. I thought I'd go and investigate and you'll never believe who I found. She was in reasonably good condition although a little exhausted (We all know Edward's appetite is insatiable). She has spent the last couple of days regaining her strength and now she is back better than ever. So I will let her say hi! **_**Cinnamon :)**_

**_Greenaway...... I'm back ladies and gents. Edward has gone and lord knows when he will be back. I swear, the man is a bunch of horrible and wonderful all rolled into one. _**

**_Which brings me to my first point... Stop picking on Edward!!!! Lol, I tease (I like to do that! LOL) pick on him all you like. No, seriously, it is awesome to see so many people loving this story. God, at times, it was a struggle, but Cin and I managed to make it through! _**

**_If anyone has any questions, you can email me (twi-melive(dot)com), find me on Twitter (Greenaway145) or just MSN me. If I'm on MSN and I don't answer straight away it will just be Cin and myself chatting away. I swear, she never lets me get any work done!! (LOL, in reality we are just as bad as each other and no doubt, our husbands will already be working on support groups!)_**

**_So thanks again guys, and even though this is posted on Cin's profile, she will pass any messages on._**

**_As Rove used to say "Say hi to your Mum for me."_**

**_Greenaway.._**

**Chapter 22: Shiny things and Good Intentions **

I woke to the incessant ringing of the doorbell and elbowed Edward in the ribs. Even though it was now technically my house too now, nobody knew that yet so whoever was at the door was going to be for Edward.

I elbowed him again and finally got a response, "Yeah baby I'm getting up now," He mumbled as he stumbled out of bed and slid on a pair of sweatpants, the doorbell kept ringing and Edward swore loudly as he hurried from the room.

I could hear muffled voices from the end of the hallway and then Edward call out my name; I groaned as I slid out of bed, I really wasn't in any condition to doing anything this morning apart from be ravished by Edward, and into the purple silk robe Irina had brought me from the Maldives and padded down the hallway.

I found Edward leaning against the front door his face was alight with excitement.

"Who was at the door?" I sidled into his arms and reached up to kiss his neck, I rubbed my cheek against the stubble there with a sigh.

"Santa, he came early this year." He kissed the top of my head; I pulled my face from his neck and looked at him quizzically.

"What are you on about Edward?"

"You'll see," he moved from the door and placed one hand over my eyes.

"Edward what are you doing?" I could feel the cool breeze rush around my legs as he opened the door and led me tentively down the steps. He pulled his hand from my eyes and smiled when my eyes fell on the shiny new silver Jag parked in the driveway next to a brand new BMW.

"Um...Edward I know you like shiny things but don't you think one new car would have been sufficient for you?" I teased. I was slightly pissed off that he dragged me from bed to show me his new toys.

He looked at me and shook his head, "God Bella you are totally absurd, the Jag is yours, the BMW is mine," I noticed he sounded sulky when he said the BMW was his but I didn't tease him about it, I was to gobsmacked at the sleek machine sitting in front me.

"Edward, what's wrong with my Imprezza?" I said trying to stop myself from scowling.

A frown creased his forehead as he took in my reaction to the car. "Don't get me started, when I saw this car I thought of you, the lines are so sleek and sexy just like you… And it's much safer than your car," He added as an afterthought.

He gave me a dazzling smile.

"Flattery is going to get you nowhere Edward; I have a perfectly good car. You don't need to waste your money on buying me expensive non essentials. Though I do thank you for the thought; and I do like your BMW by the way, a very sensible choice."

Edward snapped into full on sulk mode and I knew what was coming next, I tried to suppress my groan and my ire as he pulled me into his arms and looked at me with sad green eyes. He then launched into a full-blown account of the wonders of the car.

I personally couldn't have cared less if it went from zero to a hundred in seven seconds. I liked my car, it was mine; the one I had chosen.

"Bella, why won't you just accept the car with a thank you? You know you're wounding my ego."He slid his hands inside my robe letting them come to rest on my on the bare cheeks of my ass, his lips moved to attack the skin of my neck.

"Because Edward it's far too much." I tried to resist him as he leaned his body into mine, I took a step back and gasped when the cool metal of the car touched my thighs.

And then it started. The coercion and total manipulation.

"Nothing's too much for you, and you need to accept it Bella because it's yours and I'm not returning it." I was going to protest and Edward knew it so he pulled his lips from neck and crushed them to mine, his hands slid over my breasts. I tried resisting when he leaned against me pushing into me until my back met the smooth silver metal, his hands moved to untie the thin silk tie holding my robe together.

A soft moan escaped my lips as his lips grazed my nipple, he took it between his teeth and bit gently, I could feel his laughter vibrating against me when the low growl hissed through my teeth.

I was devoutly thankful that this part of Edward's driveway was sheltered from the neighbours view when he began to trail kisses down my stomach and never stopped until his tongue slid over my swollen bud. My finger's threaded into his hair and I pulled him harder against me. Edward's tongue and teeth were staging an all out assault on my sex and his fingers slid in and out of me effortlessly. I could feel the pleasure beginning to build in my core.

I yanked on his hair; desire was overwhelming me, I wanted more of him; as much of his mouth on me as I could get. My hips bucked forward, the words tumbling from mouth in a breathless moan, "Mmm…god Edward that's so good…don't stop…" As soon as the words left my mouth he ceased his ministrations."Edward: what the fuck?" I grumbled pulling my head up to look at him.

My clit was throbbing, aching to the point of pain from being so close then denied release. He laughed against my sex his warm breath tickling my over sensitive bud, An almost violent shiver rippled through me as my hips ground forward trying to get my nub reacquainted with Edward's tongue.

"Tell me you want the car Bella and I'll give you what you want." He murmured.

I groaned in frustration, I should have known Edward would use my one weakness to get what he wanted; it was something he was using more and more to get his own way, something that really bugged me. I sighed heavily, I didn't know why I even bothered refusing in the first place; of course Edward was going to get his own way he always did. I'd bet the car he'd been doing it since the day he was born, the skill was so finally honed now.

"Edward you don't play fair." I tried to fume but failed miserably when his tongue slid along my folds and back to my clit, he teased the swollen little bud and I was back teetering on the edge and desperate to fall.

"Neither do you Bella…I know you're close, so tell me and I'll finish what I started."

I couldn't believe Edward, he was nothing but a bloody ruthless blackmailer.

His tongue drew another lazy circle on my clit and I scowled and moaned in pleasure at the same time. "Edward, please…so close…so mean…" I pleaded hoping the sound of my begging would be enough to make him give in first.

But it seemed to have no effect, Edward was maddeningly in control.

"Bella, how can you accuse me of being mean? When you act so ungraciously to my gift," His tongue drew another slow circle, and I decided to surrender just so he would stop torturing me.

"Fine Edward, I'll take the damn car. But this is the last time you waste money on me." I hated that he would go out and waste his money on buying me a flashy new car when I already had a perfectly functional one and more than that I was worried it would give Carlisle more reason to hate me.

I pushed the thoughts away there would be enough time to be pissed at Edward and panic about Carlisle later, right now I had more important things on my mind. Edward returned to his ministrations his tongue and fingers relentless, and soon his name was falling from my lips. I moved my fingers from the bonnet and tangled them in his hair; I didn't want to scratch the gleaming paintwork on _my new car. _Edward tugged down his sweat pants and I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him into me, I held him close as he thrust, burying himself deeper into my warmth with every stroke. The cool breeze whipped around me chilling my overheated skin, I shivered slightly and Edward groaned into my neck. He gave a final frantic thrust, a breathless moan falling from his lips as he succumbed to his release.

My ire flared again at the sight of Edward and the fact he couldn't keep the smug smile off his face when I relented once again and slid behind the wheel of the luxury car. Although I didn't want the bloody car I couldn't help but think how much more comfortable it would be for the kids to travel around in. Edward left me sitting behind the wheel and disappeared into the house; I started the engine and was amazed at how loudit was. I buckled up my seatbelt and reversed it around and slid out of the driveway, the car purred as I rounded the corner and when I put my foot down the car accelerated effortlessly. I couldn't help but be a little awed at the sheer power of it. I did a circuit around the block and when I pulled back into the driveway I found Edward sitting on the steps with that irritating smirk still on his face, a part of me felt like slapping it off.

I shook my head slightly trying to shake off the violent thought.

I had barely gotten the door open before Edward's melodic voice rang out over the courtyard, "So how did you enjoy driving it Miss Daisy?"

I rolled my eyes and slid out of the seat, "it's a very nice to drive, it's a total waste of money, but a very nice car. And thank you." I made my voice sound as natural as possible trying to hide the residual ire I felt.

Edward reached out for my hand and brought to his lips; he kissed it softly. "You're welcome, now how about we go inside and have breakfast?"

~~~~XXXX~~~~

The day seemed to drag on, I missed my children; I couldn't wait for Charlie and Renee to hurry up and arrive with them. Edward suggested we invite my parents over to dinner and I had to admit I was surprised at his bravery, he knew Charlie wasn't his biggest fan and I was touched he was trying to make an effort. We both rushed toward the front door when we heard a car pull into the driveway both of us eager to see our children's cherubic faces, Edward had Louis out of the car and was hugging him tightly before Charlie had cut the engine, Apple was grinning at me through the window and I quickly opened the door and kissed her little face. Renee hugged me the minute I had Apple out of the car and began talking nonstop about all the things they had done with the kids, she only stopped her incessant chattering when Edward walked toward us and Apple began to reach out for him; her little fists clenching and unclenching as she squirmed in my arms.

"My dad, want my Dad, love my Dad." Edward's face broke into a dazzling smile. I heard Renee's slight intake of breath and tried not to giggle, I knew she was dazzled by Edward's smile like I frequently was.

Edward exchanged Louis for Apple then turned to greet Renee.

"Hi Renee, it's nice to see you again I hope the kids weren't too much of a handful?" He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, I rolled my eyes at Charlie when she giggled and battered her eyelashes at him.

"Hello Edward, it's so nice to you and your beautiful smile again, and of course the kids were a handful but I wouldn't have it any other way, they're an absolute joy to have."

I followed Charlie as he headed to check out my new Jag, he ran his hands over the sleek metal and whistled, "Is this Edward's new car?"

"No that's Edward's new car," I pointed at the BMW, I could feel my face reddening and I my throat tightened a little and I could barely get the words out, "the Jag is my new car."

Charlie looked at me in surprise, "Your new car?"

"Yeah…Apparently my car's not safe enough, and…well don't get me started Dad. Come inside and I'll get you a drink."

Edward and Renee followed Charlie and I into the house, as soon as we were through the door Louis was squirming from my arms and tugging on Charlie's hand, "Fish Louis room, grandpa see fish?"

Charlie beamed and took Louis' hand, "Sure grandpa would love to see Louis' fish." Charlie let Louis lead him down the hall toward his room and soon Apple was calling out for Renee.

"Grandma Nae, see Apple's room, my fairies, my princess bed. Apple's Dad: Apple's room."

I was expecting Apple to slide from Edward's arms, but she turned her attention to him and stared intently into his eyes, her little hands holding his cheeks, "Apple's Daddy, Apple loves Daddy." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek and threw her arms around his neck.

"Daddy loves Apple, she's Daddy's princess. Are you going to show Grandma your princess room?"

"Apple show Grandma Nae." She slid from Edward's embrace and took Renee's hand and led her down the hallway to her room. Edward slipped his arm around my waist and led me to the kitchen.

"Your Dad's quiet." Edward whispered as he poured himself a scotch.

"Don't worry baby, he's just trying to staunch you out, he'll come around just give him time. And I should warn you he'll probably give you the 'intentions toward my daughter speech,' just try to grin and bear it."

"Fuckin parents, more trouble than there worth. I'm never going to do this to Apple or Louis they can date who they like." Edward grumbled.

"Edward who are you trying kid? I can't imagine anyone Apple brings home to meet you will be good enough for your little princess."

He laughed loudly and nodded in agreement, "you're right; no boy will be good enough for my little girl." Charlie came into the kitchen a slight frown marring his features as he glanced at Edward, Edward gave me a quick nervous glance and I smiled reassuringly.

He turned to Charlie, "Can I get you a drink Charlie?" Charlie looked at him but didn't smile.

"Sure, I'll just have what you're having." I looked at Charlie intently, trying to warn him to be nice, he met my gaze and by the look on his face he got my message but he didn't seemed fazed by it.

I started preparing the salads for dinner and the kid's food, while Edward and Charlie headed for the barbeque area, I was feeling a little apprehensive about Edward and Charlie being alone together I knew Charlie wouldn't be able to hold his tongue and Edward was bound to get an inquisition. Renee padded into the kitchen a minute later holding Apple and Louis' hands; she lifted Louis into his high chair and secured him in it before putting Apple in hers.

"It is such a beautiful house Bella and the kid's rooms are gorgeous, Edward has done a wonderful job. And speaking of jobs he's doing a pretty good one at being a Dad, I can't believe the bond he shares with Apple it's such a deep connection, mystical almost. And she is such the spitting image of him; I'm surprised I didn't make the connection who her father was from the start."

"It's been like that since the second Apple laid eyes on him, she's definitely her Daddy's girl and he is just as awed with her."

"Oh Bella, I'm so happy for you and Edward, you are such a beautiful family, I do so love a happy ever after. And he is such a gorgeous specimen of a man." Renee took the two plates of food I held out for her and placed them in front of the twins.

"Thanks Mum I'm glad you're happy and you're right Edward is gorgeous," I noticed that my voice sounded sad and Renee did to.

"Is everything alright Bella? This is what you want isn't it, to be a family?" Renee was watching me pensively, a slight frown on her face.

"Yeah everything's fine, and this is definitely what I want." I said trying to make my voice sound more cheerful.

I didn't want Renee or worse Charlie to find out that Carlisle was totally against our union and was threatening me, it would only send Charlie off the deep end and he'd make matters worse.

"Good sweetie I'm happy that you're sure about Edward, because you'd be a fool to walk away from somebody who loves you so intensely." I looked at Renee in surprise, this was only the second time she had seen us together.

"How do you know that Edward loves me intensely?" I blurted out.

"Anybody with half a brain can see it Bella! The love is so evident in the way he looks at you." Renee nodded knowingly and I shook my head, I was pretty sure the look on Edward's face was more to do with desire than love.

I was distracted when I heard Edward and Charlie coming through the door; I was shocked to see they were sharing a laugh over something.

Edward came straight to my side he placed the platter of cooked steak on the bench, pulled me into his arms and kissed my lips chastely, my body responded of its own accord and I crushed my body to his as I kissed him back. He laughed against my lips when Renee giggled and Charlie cleared his throat pointedly, I took a step back from Edward; I could feel the blush rushing over my cheeks, I turned back to the bench and picked up the platter of steak and the salad bowl and walked silently from the room.

I could hear Edward and Renee laughing from the kitchen as I walked out onto the balcony, and I couldn't help but feel a burst of happiness that Renee, Charlie and Edward were getting on, now if only Carlisle could get over himself life would be officially perfect.

The conversation was light and easy through dinner, Edward and Charlie spent most of it discussing the French rugby team's flaws in minute detail, while Renee chattered to me about her various clubs and pursuits. Charlie and Renee stayed out on the balcony drinking Edward's expensive scotch while Edward and I bathed the kids and put them to bed, the image of Edward fucking me against the wall flashed through my mind as I stepped into the hallway and I turned and threw myself into Edward's arms. He gripped me tight as he brought his face to my neck, kissing and nipping at my skin. I threaded my hands through his hair pulling him harder against me; I could feel the moisture pooling between my legs making my thighs damp.

A low groan rushed from my lips when Edward's hand disappeared under the hem of my skirt.

"Fuck Bella, not even at dinner with your parents?"Edward had just found my pantie-less sex and slipped his finger into my warmth.

"Not even if we were having dinner with the pope." I moaned. He growled against me, the sound and vibration against my neck was like an aphrodisiac, I pushed down against his fingers as he plunged them inside me. "Edward I need you now." The electricity in my body was starting to thrum, rapidly gaining in intensity and I was starting to feel the familiar yearning of desperation.

"Bella your parents are waiting for us," Though Edward was protesting his body was betraying him. He unconsciously took a step into me, pressing his body harder into mine, I could feel his erection through his jeans and I smirked.

"Please baby, I'm already so close, and I can _feel _you want me to." I didn't wait for him to respond, I squirmed out of his embrace and grabbed his hand pulling him into the bathroom and locking the door behind us. I giggled victoriously when Edward lifted me in his arms and sat me on the vanity, my hands wrapped around his neck and I crushed my lips to his, his tongue fought for dominance with mine and after a moment I submitted and let him explore my mouth. A satisfied sigh slipped from my lips when he yanked down his jeans and pressed his cock against my moist entrance, his kiss was telling me his desperation matched my own. "Please Edward," I murmured against his lips; the ache in my core was intensifying becoming almost painful in its need.

I kissed him fiercely when he slid inside me, and sighed when the ache subsided, I wrapped my legs around him forcing him deep into my core.

"Play with yourself Bella; I want you to make yourself cum for me." Edward pushed my skirt further over my hips as my handed ghosted down over my mound and slid over my clit, I pressed my finger against the swollen bundle of nerves and rubbed it gently, Edward pulled his lips from mine his eyes drifting down to the finger that was pleasuring me and he groaned as he thrust harder, "I love watching you pleasure yourself Bella, the way your finger moves at just the right pace and with just the right pressure. I want you to cum for me baby all over my cock." Edward increased his pace, his breathing was becoming ragged as he pounded into me, I matched my pace to his, the pleasure in my core was building rapidly, and my clit was beginning to tingle, I gasped as the pleasure got too much, Edward's lips to brushed my ear. "Say it Bella, I want to hear it as you cum for me." Edward's voice was so commanding and dripping with sex I shivered at the sound of it.

I increased the pressure on my clit and drew faster circles on the swollen bundle of nerves the increased pressure was enough to bring my orgasm crashing over me, "I only cum for you Edward…only you make me feel this way," I gasped as I grabbed his waist and pulled him deeper into me, I could feel him throbbing inside me and I knew his climax was imminent. "Love the feeling of your cock buried inside me baby, I want you to spend all night fucking me…More Edward, fuck me harder." I smiled when I heard his sharp intake of breath. His pace became frenzied.

"Fuck Bella, the body of an angel with the mouth of a devil." He panted; "So…Fucking….tight……oh fucking hell!"

Edward collapsed against me, his warm rapid breath fanning out across my neck, I shivered in pleasure and he groaned at the feeling. I tried to hold him inside me but he withdrew from me with a sigh.

"Bella, as much as I would like to stay buried inside you for the rest of my life, your parents will be starting to wonder where we are; I promise we'll have the main course and dessert when they're gone." He sucked on my pouting bottom lip, "Soon baby, I'll see you out there ok?**" **He didn't wait for my response he just pressed his lips against mine then quickly walked from the room.

I looked in the mirror and groaned, my hair was a mess and my cheeks were flushed a deep crimson, I yanked the brush through my knotted tresses and splashed cool water on my face before I left the bathroom, Edward smirked at me when I walked out onto the balcony and I gave him a small wink.

"Kids finally asleep Bella? Edward said they were taking a long time to settle." Charlie asked as I took my seat. I looked at Edward who was smiling into his drink and I was momentarily distracted. "Bella?" Charlie's voice broke through my trance, and I tore my eyes from Edward.

"Um…yeah, they were pretty hyped up and resisting, what were you feeding them this weekend?"

Charlie grinned at me sheepishly, "I might have given them a lolly or two, but that's what Grandpa's are for." I rolled my eyes and smiled.

I only half heartedly tried to hide my yawn but Charlie noticed straight away, "Sorry belly bear we're keeping you up, come on Renee let's get going and let these two get some sleep."

My eyes drifted to Edward his smile was huge and I knew his thoughts were mirroring my own; we wouldn't be getting to sleep for a few hours yet if at all. Renee stood at the same time as Charlie, and Edward and I followed them to the front door. Renee turned and threw herself into Edward's arms, she pressed herself against him, a small sigh escaped her lips and I had to hold in the laughter fighting to escape me.

She was so shameless; luckily Charlie wasn't fazed, he never was when she acted less than appropriately around younger males. Edward looked mortified.

"Thank you Edward for inviting us for dinner, it was a wonderful evening." She kissed his cheek and squeezed her arms around him before letting him go, Edward looked slightly alarmed at Renee's behaviour. I gave him a small wink and I saw him relax.

Charlie moved to shake Edward's hand, "thanks for dinner Edward, take care of my little girl won't you."

"Of course Charlie and we'll have to get out for a round of golf next time your down."

"That sounds good." I hugged Charlie and Renee and practically pushed them out of the door. As soon as the car disappeared down the driveway I was rushing down the hallway, stripping my clothes off as I went. I was propped up on the pillows when Edward entered and he smirked when he saw me waiting, I watched his every movement as he took off his clothes and joined me in bed. I melted into his arms, resting my head against his chest.

I wanted to ask him about his new found friendship with Charlie but my body and his had other ideas. I lifted my head and brought my lips to his; I pressed myself into his naked body with a contented sigh and let Edward draw me deeper into the kiss…

**Chapter Twenty-Two **

**Edward's POV...**

I woke to Bella's elbow repeatedly jabbing into my ribs painfully. It wasn't the most pleasant way to fucking wake up, and I tried to ignore her, but she just kept jabbing. The doorbell that I had installed to appease my asshole father, was ringing and I resigned myself to the fact that I was to join the land of the wide awake. "Yeah baby, I'm getting up now," I said as I got out of bed and threw on some pants. Whoever was at the fucking door was going to get a piece of my mind and then I was going to take a fucking sledge hammer to the doorbell. I stumbled out the door, kicking my toe on the dresser, "Fuck!" I yelled, as I hobbled out of the room.

The morning was shaping up to be a fucking doozy alright. I opened the door, almost ripping it from the fucking hinges and glaring murderously at the little fucking twerp staring at me in shock. "You rang?" I hissed and the man flinched back.

"Uh; Mr Cullen?" He stammered and I nodded impatiently. "I have a delivery of a Jaguar and a BMW. I need you to sign here." He said timidly and I snatched the clipboard from him, signing my name hastily.

The cars were here! Fucking earlier than I had expected, but I wasn't going to complain. I couldn't wait to see Bella's face when she saw her new car. I had seen the Jaguar XF and known it was for her. It was simply fucking stunning and nearly as beautiful as my Aston Martin.

Nearly:

Still, I couldn't help myself, when I had seen it I had just had to get one for Bella. It cost around one hundred and thirty thousand dollars, but that was irrelevant to me. I knew, however, that it most certainly would not be irrelevant to Bella. There was no way in hell I was ever fessing up to how much the Jag cost. Hell, I wouldn't even tell her how much the Aston Martin cost me. I could just imagine it.

"Hey Edward, how much did you pay for your car?" Bella asks nonchalantly.

"About four hundred thousand dollars," I reply casually. Bella faints dead away in fright. Then leaves me when I refuse to donate it to charity and I end up old and alone.

But with one fucking hot car:

Hmm, best to avoid the whole scenario. I gave the clipboard back to the delivery man and held out my hand for the keys.

"Bella! Bella! Bella!" I yelled down the hallway, practically bouncing up and down. I wasn't really excited about the BMW; it was a practical car with seven seats. A family car, one that Charles fucking Swan couldn't haul my ass over the coals for owning. No, the BMW X5 was a safe reliable car and for a hundred and sixty four thousand dollars I hoped it would live up to my expectations as a family vehicle.

Bella finally came around the corner, rubbing her eyes as I swept her into my arms. "Who was at the door?"

She asked as she rubbed her cheek against my own. I kissed the top of her head, while I replied. "Santa, he came early this year."

Bella looked at me in confusion, "What are you on about Edward?"

"You'll see," I grabbed her about the waist and covered her eyes with my free hand. I was fucking excited but also nervous about her reaction. To say that Isabella Swan doesn't receive gifts well would be the fucking understatement of the millennia. I ignored her questions until we were standing directly in front of the Jaguar. I took a deep breath and pulled my hand away, hoping that she would accept it graciously but knowing that there was a slim to none chance of that actually happening.

"Edward I know you like shiny things but don't you think one new car would have been sufficient for you?" She chided.

"God Bella you are totally absurd, the Jag is yours, the BMW is mine," It actually fucking hurt to say that. The BMW had no real class or distinguishing features. It was simply a family car, and if I was being honest, Charlie's comments about my car really fucking got to me. The BMW was a car he couldn't disapprove of.

"Edward, what's wrong with my Imprezza?" She asked me, her tone approaching irritated.

Here we fucking go.

"Don't get me started! When I saw this car I thought of you, the lines are so sleek and sexy just like you… And it's much safer than your car," And it's not a Japanese piece of shit that's going to crumple if a shopping trolley hits you. Call me a snob, but I have no respect for Japanese vehicles.

"Flattery is going to get you nowhere Edward, I have a perfectly good car, you don't need to waste your money on buying me expensive non essentials. Though I do thank you for the thought, and I do like your BMW by the way, a very sensible choice."

Bella's hands were now on her hips and I choked back several choice responses.

"Bella, I don't think you appreciate the vehicular machinery that is sitting before you. This is the Jaguar XF, diesel for fuel economy but still got a strong engine and can reach one hundred kilometres in seven point seven seconds. Plus, from the back it kinda looks like an Aston Martin and that's always a fucking plus isn't it? It's safe and reliable and still looks fucking beautiful." I closed my eyes and sighed. None of that would mean anything to Bella, and she was taking to my gift worse than I had anticipated. I was a little pissed off, I mean, we were living together, she was the mother of my children, it was my place to care for her and provide for her.

Her little piece of shit Imprezza was a fucking nightmare and the sooner I could take the thing to the scrap metal dealers the better; I'd be happier when there was one less Subaru on the road.

I sucked in a breath and gave it one last shot; if I couldn't impress her into accepting the car, then maybe I could charm her into it. I wrapped her in my arms and gazed down at her softly. "Bella, why won't you just accept the car with a thank you? You know you're wounding my ego." I whispered, as I slid my hands under the slippery silk of her robe. I cupped her ass in my hands and squeezed gently, while I trailed tiny kisses along the length of her neck. I felt her body tremble as she melted into my arms, and I had to bite back my smile.

Seduce her into accepting. This could be a lot of fun.

"Because Edward it's far too much." She breathed as she stepped back, jumping when her naked skin came into contact with the car.

"Nothing's too much for you, and you need to accept it Bella, because it's yours and I'm not returning it." I said firmly, kissing her quickly when I saw she was about to protest.

Those pretty lips could be put too much better use. I slid my hands up her hips and waist till I cupped her supple breasts in my hands. I could feel my cock stirring as I pushed her down against the bonnet, untying her robe and parting it reverently. Her nipples were hard, either from the cool air or her arousal, it really didn't matter. I bent down and took one in my mouth, circling my tongue around it and sucking it gently into my mouth. Bella's moans echoed around my ears as I bit down carefully. Why hadn't I just tried this at the start? I could barely contain my chuckles as I felt her resolve slipping away.

Time to move in for the kill:

I peppered kisses all the way down to her glistening folds then proceeded a delicate dance of tongue, teeth and gentle sucking until I felt her body trembling with desire. She was close, oh so very, very close. She began pulling mercilessly at my hair, always a tell tale sign. She was so close, but not enough, not yet anyway.

"Mmm…god Edward that's so good…don't stop…" She moaned and I smiled.

There.

I immediately stopped, leaving her at the edge of that precipice. I felt her tense in indignation and began a silent countdown till her tirade began. This was going to be too fucking easy, like shooting fish in a barrel.

Five, four, three, two…..

"Edward? What the fuck?" She demanded her voice tight and high with her repressed desire. I couldn't help but laugh, especially when she began to rub that tantalising pussy into me.

She was desperate, now it was just a matter of finding out how desperate.

"Tell me you want the car Bella and I'll give you what you want." I promised. She groaned in annoyance.

"Edward that's not fair." She whined and I decided she needed a little reminder of exactly what was at stake here. I traced my tongue lightly from her now soaking entrance to her delicious little clit, licking it with my tongue before placing a chaste kiss upon it. God, she tasted fucking divine.

"Neither do you Bella…I know you're close, so tell me and I'll finish what I started." I hummed the words purposely against her swollen nub, feeling every inch of her body shake in response.

"Edward, please…so close…so mean…" She panted frantically.

"Bella, how can you accuse me of being mean when you act so ungraciously to my gift?" I replied in mock hurt. She was going to accept the car, one way or another. Even if I had to spend all fucking day here; it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.

I continued my delightful torture, until finally she cracked.

"Fine Edward, I'll take the damn car, but this is the last time you waste money on me." She half fumed, half panted. I looked up at her from between her thighs.

"I knew you'd see it my way baby. Now lie back and let me finish what I started. You've been such a good girl; I'm going to let you cum now." She moaned at my words and nearly as soon as my tongue returned to its former occupation, she fell apart, my name spilling from her mouth in a symphony of sexy moans and whimpers. My cock was so fucking hard now; I thought it might rip through the front of my poor sweats Hulk style.

I slid them down quickly, sighing as my erection finally sprang free of its restrictive prison.

I thrust into her still quivering folds, pounding into her relentlessly. She was so fucking wet; I could feel her juices running down my length with every thrust. I was torn between my impending release and wanting to lick up every single fucking drop of her sweet nectar. The decision was made for me, as I felt her shiver underneath me. It was the catalyst that would be my undoing and I spilled myself into the enchantress underneath me. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't let me shower her in gifts. She was a goddess and deserved to be worshipped as such. I wanted to give her everything; I would make it my lifelong ambition to see her never want for anything. Nothing made me feel better than providing for my family and I hoped one day she would understand where I was coming from.

But until then, I decided I would be happy with the victory I had secured, even if it had been by less than honourable means.

My smile was impossible to hide as I watched her begrudgingly get into the Jaguar. I felt my cock twitch at the sight of her behind the wheel; I had known she would look fucking spectacular behind the wheel. When I saw a tiny smile grace the corner of her lips, I decided to let her become acquainted with the car on her own. I went into the kitchen and made myself a quick cup of coffee, smirking when I heard the engine start and the car reverse out of the driveway. I finished my coffee and went back outside to wait for Bella, chuckling when the distinctive growl of the Jaguar could be heard rounding the corner.

Apparently Bella had found the hidden power in the diesel engine. When she pulled into the driveway her eyes were bright and shining, her chest heaving a little with excitement. She didn't want to like the car, but she obviously fucking did.

I felt a little self-satisfied actually.

"So how did you enjoy driving it, Miss Daisy?" I teased, earning a sharp retort.

"It's a very nice car to drive; it's a total waste of money, but a very nice car. And thank you." She added a little begrudgingly.

I took her hand and pressed my lips to her knuckles. It didn't matter that I had to coerce her into accepting a gift from me, all that mattered was she had accepted in the end.

"You're welcome, now how about we go inside and have breakfast?"

It was official. I was either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid, and I was swinging more towards the stupid, when I saw Charlie glowering at me as he pulled into the driveway.

I ignored him for the moment, instead yanking the back door open and pulling Louis into my arms, breathing in that fresh baby smell. "Hey little man. I missed you." I whispered into his hair, and felt his tiny fingers dig into my neck as he held on for dear life. I watched as Bella stood there looking slightly dazed as Renee began speaking at a mile a minute.

Then I saw my little princess, her messy bronze hair, identical to my own, fell like a halo around her innocent little head. I made my way towards Bella and Apple, not noticing that Renee had actually stopped speaking.

"My dad, want my Dad, love my Dad." Apple's sweet little voice rang out and I beamed at her. It didn't matter how many times I heard those words fall from my children's mouths, every time felt like the first, like my heart would literally burst with happiness.

Bella took Louis from me, before passing Apple to me. I hugged her to me, turning to Renee who was gaping at me a little. "Hi Renee, it's nice to see you again. I hope the kids weren't too much of a handful?" I kissed her cheek and bit back a smile when she giggled and fluttered her eyelashes at me.

"Hello Edward, it's so nice to you and your beautiful smile again, and of the course the kids were a handful but I wouldn't have it any other way, they're an absolute joy to have." I nodded politely and we all made our way into the house.

Apple and Louis immediately wanted to show their grandparents their bedrooms. Louis shimmied down Bella, and pulled Charlie's hand determinedly towards his room. I looked down expecting Apple to start struggling but instead she surprised me by grabbing my face, forcing me to meet her gaze.

"Apple's Daddy, Apple loves Daddy." She said earnestly, her little eyes boring into mine, willing me to see exactly what it was she was feeling. What my little angel didn't realise was that I didn't need to see it; I felt it too, every time I looked at her. I gave her a smile and as if she understood, she kissed my cheek and hugged me tightly.

"Daddy loves Apple, she's Daddy's princess. Are you going to show Grandma your princess room?" I asked, noticing that Bella and Renee were both staring at us.

"Apple show, Grandma Nae." she said, hopping down and taking Renee's hand into her own.

When Bella and I were alone again, I led us both into the kitchen so I could get a drink. He father had so far tried to stare me to death; then blatantly ignored me. I knew I was going to have my work cut out for me with him and I hoped maybe Bella might be kind enough to throw a few pointers my way.

"Your Dad's quiet." I said quietly, swirling the amber liquid in my glass meditatively.

"Don't worry baby, he's just trying to staunch you out, he'll come around, just give him time. And I should warn you he'll probably give you the 'intentions toward my daughter speech,' just try to grin and bear it." She replied, trying to be encouraging, but giving me nothing I could go on.

Between Charlie and Carlisle, I had my fucking work cut out for me. I sighed in resignation, "Fucking parents, more trouble than there worth. I'm never going to do this to Apple or Louis they can date who they like." I said, knowing how full of shit I was even as the words came out my mouth. Bella wasn't fooled either,

"Edward; who are you trying kid? I can't imagine anyone Apple brings home to meet you will be good enough for your little princess."

"You're right; no boy will be good enough for my little girl." I agreed.

The temperature dropped as Charlie came into the kitchen and I looked at Bella, silently pleading with her to throw me a freaking bone, anything to fucking work with. Of course all I got was another sweet smile. Beautiful to the point it took my breath away, but useless when it came to helping me win her father over.

"Can I get you a drink Charlie?" I asked, trying to break a little of the tension. He gave me an unreadable stare as he replied in a tone that gave nothing away.

"Sure, I'll just have what you're having."

I plastered a smile on my face as I poured his Scotch. It was going to be a long night.

Because I have the worst fucking luck, I found myself manning the BBQ with Charlie, who was being his usual chatty self. Meaning we stood there in uncomfortable silence, sipping our drinks and nodding if we caught the others eye unintentionally.

"So Edward you've managed to convince my belly bear to leave her home and friends and move in with you." Charlie said out of nowhere and I choked on the mouthful of Scotch I had just taken. What the fuck kind of out-of-the-blue question was that?

"Yes Sir, I did." I replied; wincing as my words registered with my brain. Apparently they were working out of sync tonight.

Bloody brilliant:

"Hmm... I hope you won't think I'm rude Edward but I have to say I have reservations about this."

I took a deep breath and let it out nervously before I replied, "I don't think you're rude, you have valid concerns. Bella is your daughter; of course you want the best for her. I can kind of relate these days...." I said looking through the window at my own children. Louis was making faces at a giggling Apple and I couldn't help but laugh. They were so perfect and innocent; I would do anything for them too, even if it meant intimidating the hell out of any possible suitors for Apple.

Just as Charlie was doing to me:

"I take family very seriously Edward, and though I have always wanted Bella and the twins to be in a conventional family I have to say how extremely proud of the way she has managed on her own." Charlie's tone was sharp and I decided to pull out the good old Cullen charm. If I could broker billion dollar global deals, then surely I could win over Bella's father.

"She is amazing." I agreed, looking down into my glass. "If I had known, I would have been there for her. For everything: That being said, Bella and I have decided to leave the past where it is and focus on moving forward. I love your daughter and I would never do anything to hurt her." I tossed back the rest of my drink and looked into the empty glass as I recalled my time in France.

How many times had I stared into the bottom of my empty glass, my own feelings of emptiness threatening to pull me under? All those days of simply trying to fucking breathe without that ache. I was almost grateful when Charlie's voice pulled me back from the darkness. Almost, until his words registered with me.

"Well Edward there is one of my concerns, now correct me if I'm wrong here because I never got this information from Bella, as you probably are well aware trying to get information out of her is like getting blood from a stone, but I heard you were not long ago engaged to someone else. I'm a little concerned about your cavalier attitude toward commitment and marriage."

Tanya. The second biggest mistake of my life: right after not telling Carlisle to go fuck himself the night he found me with Bella. How could I explain to Charlie that Tanya Denali had meant exactly fucking nothing to me. That I had been using her as a life preserver, a way to stop myself from drowning in the misery that my life had been?

How did I explain, that I was prepared to marry a woman even though I wasn't in love with her? I gripped my glass tightly as I carefully arranged my response.

"With all due respect Sir, my attitude towards commitment and marriage is not cavalier. All I can tell you is that when I left New Zealand I had no idea that Bella was pregnant, nor if she had any feelings for me. I was miserable in France and I basically worked and drank myself to a stupor." I said as honestly as I could. I was not going to delve too deeply into my days in Paris, they would not reflect well upon me. "I'm not proud of my actions, but I won't hide from them either. I missed Bella terribly, I loved her and I thought she was beyond my reach. I tried to move on with my life with Tanya. It didn't work, nothing would." I paused collecting my thoughts, "I asked Bella to move in with me, because that is all I thought about while I was away. To say my feelings for your daughter are less than anything but absolute is wrong. I would do anything for my family. They are my world."

Charlie nodded musingly.

"But there lies another of my concerns Edward, I realise that you didn't know about Bella's pregnancy and you tried to move on with your life, but Bella never did. She had the opportunity to be with Jake but she never took it because Bella doesn't have the ability to move on. If you hadn't had come back she would have spent the rest of her life alone... Look Edward I'm going to lay it on the line for you. What are your intentions for my daughter? I want to know that you are taking this seriously, parenting is hard work and having a family is a lifelong commitment, I'm worried that you'll get tired of playing happy families after a year and up and leave her, and she'll be left by herself trying to pick up the pieces."

I knew Bella hadn't moved on, but neither had I. I had long ago come to the conclusion that we only worked when we were together. Apart, we were lost, empty and broken. I couldn't go back to that and I would never willingly allow Bella to feel that kind of pain again either.

"Sir, I would marry Bella tomorrow if I could. And for the record, I wasn't able to move on either. I said I tried not that I succeeded. Bella, Apple and Louis are my priorities. I don't know how else to say it." I said running my hand through my hair and wishing I had another fucking drink. There was nothing else I could say to convince him, Charlie Swan was going to have to have a little faith, or I could foresee many uncomfortable family gatherings in the future.

"So why can't you marry Bella tomorrow, may I ask what would be standing in your way?" He pushed and I had to bite back a sharp response.

Why couldn't we get married? Uh, there was my father and the fact that he hated Bella and there was no way I would let anyone ruin her day for her. Until I could assure that one hundred percent, then I had no right to ask for Bella's hand in , I could tell Charlie none of this, so I opted for a more diplomatic approach. "There are a few family issues on my side I would like to try and resolve first. When I do marry Bella, I intend to make sure it's perfect for her. At the moment I couldn't promise that."

"Do these issues concern your relationship with my daughter?"

"Honestly? I don't know I'm trying very hard to make sure they don't, but it's a little complicated..." I trailed off. I hadn't quite got my head around the whole situation yet, so it was a little difficult to explain to Charlie.

"Well Edward I appreciate your honesty. And if you give me your assurance as a gentleman that you will do everything you can to protect my baby girl I'm prepared to give you a chance. I have to admit I've never seen my Belly bear so happy and I like it."

I grinned; he was giving me a fucking chance, hallelujah. "You have my word."

"Well, when I saw the kind of car you brought my baby girl, I knew you couldn't be all bad. It's a bloody beautiful car."

"If only your daughter was half as happy about it." I said wistfully and he chuckled.

"Yeah, she never was good at receiving presents."

We were both laughing as we made our way inside and I saw Bella's shocked expression. I put the plate I had been carrying down before I wrapped her in my arms and kissed her, keeping in mind that her father was in the same room. I was probably pushing my luck, but it was in my nature to test boundaries and push people to see just how far I could go. I had not counted on Bella's response though; in fact I was completely taken aback by it. She pulled her body tight against my own as she kissed me passionately. I could feel her desire and I laughed as I heard Renee giggle at her daughter's display. It wasn't until Charlie cleared his throat though, that she stepped back, my favourite blush staining her stunningly pale skin.

She quickly picked up the food and strode from the room, her ears now matching the same shade of crimson as the rest of her.

Renee looked at me, her hand over her mouth trying to stifle her laugh as I felt my own bubbling up inside me. When Bella was barely out of earshot, we both burst out laughing clutching our sides...

Sometime later we left Renee and Charlie outside on the deck so we could put the twins to bed. I left them in the care of a particularly aged bottle of Scotch and went to help Bella. We had just put the kids down in bed and I had just closed the door to Louis' room, when Bella suddenly turned and threw herself at me. I just got my arms up in time to catch her and I could feel her desire, smouldering like a fire ready to explode between us. My own need quickly ignited and I began kissing at the soft skin of her neck. I knew her parents were upstairs and waiting for us, and the fact that my dirty little girl was prepared to do this only spurned me on further. My hand found its way under her skirt and I started when it came into contact with her bare, slick folds. Good Lord, she wasn't wearing any underwear.

My erection was immediate and fucking painful in its intensity.

"Fuck Bella, not even at dinner with your parents?" I panted in her ear. It was so fucking hot to think of her sashaying through the house all evening, all the while completely fucking bare.

"Not even if we were having dinner with the Pope." She whispered against me, her voice sultry and low. I would never get enough of this woman; I knew it without a shadow of a doubt. I began to fuck her frantically with my fingers while she ground herself down upon me. I could feel her against my knuckles she was so feral in her need. "Edward I need you now." She begged and I was torn. I wanted to fuck her, God knows I wanted to fuck her, but her parents were waiting upstairs for us and the gentleman that I had been raised as was ready to fucking glove slap me.

"Bella your parents are waiting for us," I said, my body betraying the gentleman's sensibilities and pushing my throbbing cock against her.

"Please baby, I'm already so close, and I can feel you want me too." She grabbed my hand and yanked me into the bathroom behind her.

Fuck it. Screw the gentleman; he never got me fucking laid.

I picked her up and sat her on the bathroom counter top, kissing her and holding her steady with one hand, while I nearly ripped the jeans from my body. At that moment, it didn't matter that her parents were upstairs, as Bella so eloquently put it, I also would not fucking care if the Pope was here. My only priority was the hot, slick, little slice of heaven that lay nestled between Bella's milky white thighs.

"Please Edward" Bella moaning as we both felt the imminence of our connection. I plunged into her and saw fucking stars.

"Play with yourself Bella; I want you to make yourself cum for me." I grunted as I continued my assault on heaven itself. She obeyed immediately and I almost fucking lost myself then and there. I don't know what it was, the visual stimulus of watching her play with herself or the fact that I told her too and she complied. "I love watching you pleasure yourself Bella, the way your finger moves at just the right pace and with just the right pressure. I want you to cum for me baby all over my cock."

We were one being, both working towards our combined goal. The sounds of skin slapping against skin, the smell of sex floating around us, I was so close and so was she, but before either of us could have our release, I needed to hear those words….

"Say it Bella, I want to hear it as you cum for me."

"I only cum for you Edward…only you make me feel this way…only yours…" Her release washed over her, her breathing was laboured and she clutched at my waist, fingers digging in painfully, but fuck me if I didn't love every second of it. "Love the feeling of your cock buried inside me baby; I want you to spend all night fucking me…More Edward, fuck me harder."

"Fuck Bella, the body of an angel with the mouth of a devil." I panted as I felt my legs begin to shake. Hearing her talk like that did me in every time.

"So… Fucking….tight……oh fucking hell!" I grunted as I felt my body burst into pieces. I fell against Bella and even if the house was burning around me, I still wouldn't have been able to fucking move.

I felt Bella shiver and the slight movement sent shockwaves to my highly sensitive cock. If I didn't move now, we would be here the rest of the night, parents be fucking damned. Bella didn't agree though and when I tried to pull out of her she tried to latch on to me.

I knew exactly how she felt.

"Bella, as much as I would like to stay buried inside you for the rest of my life, your parents will be starting to wonder where we are; I promise we'll have the main course and dessert when they're gone." My fiery, feisty, horny little minx pouted at me, sulking. I gave her a quick kiss, nibbling on her pouty lips. "Soon baby, I'll see you out there ok?" I pulled up my pants quickly and left the room before she could think of more inventive ways to get me back between those thighs.

I wanted to kick my own ass so fucking badly as I walked away.

"Did you have a bit of a hard time?" Charlie asked as I made my way onto the deck and Renee choked on her drink. I looked at Charlie, my eyes wide with fear. How the fuck could he know what we had been up to?

"Come on Charlie, you remember how hard Bella was to put down to sleep. She always had to have some extra cuddles before she would even consider sleep." Renee cut in, giving me a knowing smirk.

I couldn't believe that Bella's mother knew, didn't care and was fucking teasing me about fucking her daughter while they were here for dinner.

"They must take after their mother then; it was quite an ordeal tonight." I answered innocently and Renee began giggling uncontrollably. Apparently nothing Renee did fazed Charlie anymore, because he simply ignored her giggles and nodded knowingly.

"They can be difficult at this age." He said taking a drink and I thought Renee might turn purple as she tried to control her laughter.

I looked up when Bella came through the door, looking like she had just been fucked on a bathroom counter top. I'm sure my smirk was a fucking mile wide.

"Kid's finally asleep then Bella? Edward said they were taking a long time to settle tonight." I stared down into my glass that I had picked up. I couldn't look at Bella or Renee, I would lose it completely and since I had only just got her father to like me, I thought it wise to hold my tongue. "Bella?" Charlie asked and I heard Renee snort again.

When Bella began yawning Charlie decided it was time to call it a night, an action which forever cemented him in my Gary-Good-Cunt books. Bella had been giving me sultry stares all night and whether they were intentional or not, I didn't care.

"Sorry Belly bear we're keeping you up come on Renee let's get going and let these two get some sleep."

We walked to the front door and I was surprised when Renee launched herself at me, it seemed to be a common theme among the Swan women, trying to knock me on my ass. It was all good, until she pulled herself closer into me and sighed.

I looked at Bella in alarm and she merely winked, obviously finding the fact that her mother was practically groping me amusing.

"Thank you Edward for inviting us for dinner, it was a wonderful evening." Renee said, kissing my cheek and giving me a final bone crushing squeeze as well as a quick pinch on the ass.

I managed to keep a straight face as Charlie and I exchanged pleasantries and I promised him a round of golf on the Cullen course the next time he came to visit. Our family had purchased the local golf course years ago and now it was the most prestigious club in New Zealand.

Bella pushed in between her father and myself ushering him out and saying goodbyes and I knew from her pushy demeanour exactly what was on her mind.

I locked the disturbing and possibly traumatising incident with her mother deep down inside where it would never be visited again and focused on the beautiful woman who had already disposed of her clothes and was now streaking down the hallway to our bedroom.

I followed quietly a large smile in place.

**A/N: please feel free to review you know how much we LOVE your feedback. :)**


	23. Chapter 23 Dinner with the Devil

**A/N: As always light & Laughter to those of you who took the time to review; as you know your feedback is very valued and appreciated. Also Hi and welcome to those of you who have just added the story to your alerts. ****Love, Light & Laughter to my facebook family (new photos up now)  
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**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel at My Table.**

**Chapter 23: Dinner with the Devil.**

**Bella POV...**

Edward, the kids and I had decided to have breakfast on the balcony; it was such a beautiful day with not a cloud in the sky, the kind of day that made me thankful I lived in paradise. My eyes drifted toward Edward, dressed in his suit and tie, he was so gorgeous he took my breath away. I licked my lips just thinking about the taste of him on my tongue.

He caught me gazing and smirked. "Do you see something you want love?" Another wave of desire coursed through me when he tugged his hand through his hair causing it to stick up in its usual sexy disarray. My longing for him increased ten fold just from the simple action.

My tongue darted out again to moisten my lips and I could feel the dampness settling on my inner thighs. Edward's smirk became more pronounced as his eyes raked over my robed body. I could tell where his thoughts were so I decided to try my luck, "Yes, I want you…"

"Bella you had me for most of the night and again this morning, such a big appetite for such a little kitty."

"I know I did, but I can't help myself. You are so utterly fuckable and I can't seem to satisfy my constant want for you. Do you_ have_ to go into work today?" I said looking at him hopefully.

My hopes were dashed when he sighed heavily. **"**Sorry Bella, I have to go in to the office today, Irina and I are working on some very important plans and it's imperative that I am there to oversee them." I felt my bottom lip jut out in a pout, I tried but failed miserably to keep the sulky look from my face and Edward laughed loudly.

"Fine," I huffed, "I guess I can find something to amuse myself with until you get home, is there any chance you can finish early?" I smiled innocently when I heard the low growl roll from his throat.

"Bella it's hard enough to walk out the door in the mornings as it is without you testing my resolve at every opportunity, I will try to be home early but I can't promise anything."He rose from his seat and kissed Apple and Louis before sidling into my waiting arms, his hands slid beneath my robe and we both sighed in unison as they roamed over my naked skin, he buried his face into my neck and inhaled deeply.

I thought I'd give it one more shot and brought my lips to his ear, "stay…"

"Bella,"he groaned against my neck as his lips attacked my warm skin, "I want to but I can't."

"Well in that case you better go now before I lose all self control and tie you to the chair and keep you my prisoner."

"I'm already your prisoner Bella, I have been since the day I met you."his hands massaged my breasts and he brought his lips to mine; his kiss was soft and full of promise.

"Edward you need to go now, I'm serious if you keep this up…" He laughed against my lips as he slid his hand from my robe and he pulled his mouth from mine.

I made a half hearted effort to keep him in my embrace but he slid from it easily, "I will phone you later sweetheart," He kissed the twins goodbye and headed into the house.

I gave the kids a piece of pear each and headed indoors, when I was out of the kids line of sight I took my phone from my pocket and pulled the ties on my robe; smirking to myself as it fell open. I held the phone up in front of me and clicked a photo of my naked breasts and sent it to Edward.

His response was swift,_ 'For the love of God Bella,' _I couldn't help but snort; I could almost hear his agonized groan.

I was just packing the kids into the stroller when the phone rung out, I hurried to answer it, hoping it was Edward telling me he had changed his mind and was coming home. I fought my disappointment as I heard Esme's warm voice on the line.

"Hi Bella, I hope I'm not interrupting you."

"Not at all Esme, how can I help?"

"Actually Bella I was phoning to invite you, Edward and the kids over for dinner tonight, I haven't seen them in over a week and I miss them terribly. And Carlisle and I haven't had the pleasure of your company yet." She said sincerely.

I wondered briefly how much Esme actually knew of what was going on between Carlisle and I, if she did know anything she hid it well. My thoughts drifted to Edward; I very much doubted he wanted to have dinner with his father but I couldn't see how I could refuse.

"Um…that sounds lovely Esme, what time?" I hoped she didn't notice the slight shake in my voice.

"About five, I'll have the kids the dinner ready for as soon as you get here. I'll phone Edward and let him know, I'm really looking forward to seeing you Bella. Have a lovely day won't you."

"You have a nice day to Esme and I'll see you tonight." Fear gripped my stomach; I had no idea how I was supposed to survive spending the evening with a man that despised me with a passion.

I was brought from my thoughts of Dinner with Carlisle when I reached the end of the driveway and noticed the curtains and windows open in the usually vacant house across the street. I wondered idly if the owners had taken possession of it at last or if they had leased it out.

I looked around their yard as I passed but never saw a car or any signs of life.

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

**Tanya's POV:**

I couldn't believe my good fortune, the gods were obviously on my side and I felt more positive than I had been in months. I had left Irina's wedding and headed straight back to Wellington I had spent the plane ride back thinking of ways I could destroy Bella and by the time we landed the outlines of a plan had taken shape in my mind. I stepped from the terminal and decided on the spur of the moment to go to a little bar I'd been frequenting to regroup.

I ordered myself a gin and tonic and had just pulled the money from my wallet when a smooth voice came from behind me, "allow me," I smiled when I saw the manicured hand passing the gold card to the bar tender."

I turned to thank the owner of the hand and my heart sank when I saw the tall dark man behind me, he was no Edward. "Thanks for the drink," I muttered as I turned away.

"You're very welcome. So what is a gorgeous lady like yourself doing out alone?" He took a seat next to me and I immediately noticed him staring at my hand and I realized he was looking for a wedding ring. I resisted the urge to scream, if it wasn't for stupid fucking Isabella plain Jane Swan I would be wearing a ring, Edward's ring.

He introduced himself as Tyler and I resisted the urge to tell the arrogant dickhead to fuck off when he started bragging about how he was the best defence lawyer in town. When I thought about it though, he was probably a really good contact to have so I turned to him with a glittering smile and pretended to be completely engrossed in his mindless dialogue.

When the jerk finally stopped talking about himself and asked me something about myself I mentioned I was considering relocating here from France. I didn't want to tell him anything personal, there was only one man I was interested in knowing anything about me. I could tell Tyler was interested, he couldn't seem to drag his eyes from my cleavage, I fought back the urge to vomit there was only one man I wanted to look at me like that and I would succeed in making Edward look at me with the hunger that was clear on Tyler's face. I brought myself back to the conversation when Tyler said he had a fully furnished house he was looking to rent.

My interest was piqued when he mention the house was situated in Thorndon and I casually asked him which street. My heart took off in a sprint when he said Costello Crescent, which was the street Edward lived on. Plans were solidifying in my head as I asked him which number it was; telling him I'd be interested in taking a look at the place. I grinned and silently thanked every deity I could think of when he said number twenty five, the house directly across from Edward's property. I had looked down that house's empty driveway with an aching longing every time I'd driven past Edward's house. I told him I knew the area well and that I would be interested in renting the place from him tonight if that was possible, as I needed to find accommodation immediately. I flashed him my brightest smile and reached out to touch his arm, I kept the smile plastered on though I cringed internally. He agreed immediately and quickly downed his drink before taking my hand and leading me from the club.

I slid into the passenger seat of his car with a growing sense of anticipation. I would be able to get myself set up and get my plan into action before Edward returned from Queenstown. Although I would rather have slit my own throat than have sex with Tyler I was prepared to do what ever it took to secure the tenancy on his house, I therefore allowed him to keep the hand he'd placed on my knee where it was.

He seemed to take confidence from the fact I didn't remove it and began to inch his way up my thigh...

...I woke as the sun was rising and shook Tyler awake, he smiled at me groggily and I had to swallow the bile that rose in my throat, I started pestering him about our agreement on the tenancy and as soon as he said it was all sorted, I pushed him from the bed and asked him to leave, stating I had an extremely busy day ahead of me. I drew the curtains in the lounge and smiled widely, at how this house was slightly more elevated than those around it and I had a reasonably good view of parts Edward's yard. Most of the house was hidden from view and I quickly moved to my room and was ecstatic that I could see a slice of Edward's balcony from the lounge. I climb back into the bed and reached for my pipe, I had two maybe three days to organise myself before Edward returned, plenty of time I told myself. My thoughts drifted back to the wedding and I scowled, I was absolutely fuming with Irina and her blossoming friendship with the _slut_. I thought about my confrontation with Bella, I had to admit I was surprised that she had the guts to stand up for herself. I always assumed she was a pathetic meek little thing without a voice by the way she was constantly flanked by body guards and letting Edward and Irina fight her battles for her.

I knew she and her brats would be unprotected when Edward was at work, and I smiled at the half formed thoughts of her demise that swirled around my head. I reached for my phone and dialled a Taxi, I was anxious to get my plans underway and the first thing on the list was to move my belongings from Kate's house and leave her a note telling her how I had to fly back to France urgently and from there I would be travelling extensively through Europe for the next few months but I would be back in time for Christmas...

I piled my bags into the taxi and ordered him to the nearest car rental business, I needed my own car for the next few days there was so much I needed to get done before Edward arrived home. I had all my jobs done by seven and I couldn't help but smile widely as I pulled the car into the driveway and began to unload my suitcases and the many shopping bags full of the items I most needed to assist me with my plans.

I threw my suitcases on the floor and totally ignored them; I was more interested in the boxes containing the two new laptops I'd brought and my important purchase six tiny wireless camera's units.

I went about setting the lap tops up in the spare room placing them side by side on an old trestle table that was sitting against the wall; I powered up all the computers and downloaded the same software into each one. I glanced out the window, watching the sun sink slowly behind the hills, my mind was constantly going over the first part of my plan refining and memorising every single aspect until I was happy it was as close to perfect as I was going to get. I changed quickly into some black jeans and black hooded sweatshirt I'd brought from a chain store in town and packed the tiny camera's back in the box and slipped into my pocket. I headed out into the cool night, moving stealthily across the road and down Edward's driveway. I looked in each of the windows to see what kind of rooms lay beyond. I moved toward the back of the house and up onto the balcony, I looked through the windows and smiled, these were the rooms I was interested in, the kitchen the family room, the lounge and Edward's bedroom. I quickly scanned the rooms deciding which angles the tiny cameras should be placed to gain maximum coverage, I angled two cameras into each room making sure they were secure and undetectable before strategically placing the last two cameras pointing on to the balcony.

I looked through the windows once more and memorised the layout of the rooms I could see. I spent a little extra time looking through Edward's bedroom window imagining myself sprawled out across his colossal bed. My blood boiled in my veins and my sight took on a slightly reddish tinge when I saw the slut's possessions scattered around the room and when my eyes fell on the black lace night gown lying against one of the many white pillows I had to fight of the urge to scream.

I hurried home and checked all the monitors, I was ecstatic when I saw the inside of Edward's house. I was feeling good about how much I had managed to accomplish in such a short time, it was time to celebrate; I poured myself a large vodka and emptied the contents of the small plastic bag into my pipe. I stared at the monitors and let myself think about all the changes I was going to make to the house when I moved in, I would make sure I wiped every trace of the slut's existence from the place. I poured myself another vodka and began to carefully unpack the seven identical wigs from the box. I ran my fingers through the dark silky tresses; I would need to be disguised every time I left the house. I couldn't risk being recognised by Edward or Bella, should they see me in my yard.

I thought about the slut again, I couldn't wait to destroy Isabella Swan, I wasn't just going to destroy her... I was going to annihilate her.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**Bella's POV...**

I was lounging on the sofa in the family room in early afternoon sun flicking through a magazine uninterestedly, the twins were having there afternoon nap and I was bored. I had spent the morning torturing Edward at random intervals, trying to entice him home with pictures of different parts of my anatomy with an accompanying list of all the things he could be doing to every individual part. His responses were becoming increasingly filthy, and I felt a little guilty when I thought about him sitting in his office with a full blown erection and no_ Bella_ there to relieve it.

My guilt was quickly replaced with a perverted sense of revenge, how many times had Edward tortured me? Manipulated me unscrupulously with sex to get what he wanted.

That thought alone spurred me on to one final act of torture; I sent him a montage of all the pictures I had taken during the morning with the caption _I'm waiting!_

A violent shiver rocked through me when I read his message, '_Enjoy yourself while you can my little cock tease because when I get my hands on you I'm going to punish you severely…And I'm warning you now my little minx your pleas for mercy will be ignored…'_

I didn't respond, I just enjoyed the thrill of anticiptaion...

... I heard movement in the hallway and looked up to see Edward stalking toward me, he had already removed his shirt and tie and he was undoing his trousers, his eyes were clouded with lust. I never even had time to say hello before he was on top of me his hands roughly pushing my skirt up over my thighs. A low hiss whistled through his teeth as he slid into me, his lips attacked mine as his fingers hooked into the delicate fabric of my blouse tearing it straight down the middle; he kissed a trail toward my breasts as he thrust himself deeper.

"Harder Edward…so fucking good…" I gasped. He growled against my nipple and I moaned at the sensation of it hardening under the vibration.

Edward was rapidly building himself and me into a frenzy and the intense pressure building inside my core suddenly exploded outward, the force of it took my breath away. I shook violently beneath him as the torrents of pleasure ripped through me. I wasn't consciously aware at first that I whispering his name over and over along with my promises that I would only ever cum for him. My muscles clenched around his cock and I could feel my juices coating him, I clung to him desperately as he buried his face against my neck. His breathing was rapidly turning to panting and I tightened my grip on him as he shuddered above me.

Finally his eyes sought mine and he breathed out my name in a hiss. I kept my eyes on his as his body trembled against mine...

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

I could my fear starting to rise as Edward pulled the car out onto the street and made his way up the road although I was certain Carlisle would act nothing less than graciously toward me in Esme's company but I was equally certain he'd be looking for opportunities to get me alone.

I shivered violently at the thought.

As if Edward knew what I was thinking or maybe my fear was palpable, he took my hand in his and brought it to his lips, "please try not to panic love, I know you're scared but I promise I will try not to let you be alone with him. And please bear in mind Esme has no idea what's really going on here, and as much as I want to I can't involve her, not yet anyway."

I nodded my head in acknowledgement of his words but stayed silent; I thought I might vomit if I tried to speak. My fear increased as I got my first glimpse of oriental bay and crested when Edward pulled into his parents' driveway.

Esme met us on the forecourt; she rushed forward into Edward's open arms and hugged him tightly. "It's good to see you my darling boy," she took a step back and studied his face, "you look well son, the healthiest and happiest I've seen you in a very long time."

"Yeah well I have my family to thank for that, they have given me a new lease on life."

Esme moved toward me, her arms extended, a warm smile on her lips, "thank you so much for coming Bella, its lovely to see you again,"

I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek, "it's good to see you too Esme and thank you for inviting us." I said as sincerely as I could.

She released me from her embrace, "You're welcome Bella," I took a step back so she could reach the back door of the car, I could see her eyes flicker over my shoulder every few seconds, she was watching Apple through the window. Esme had Apple of her seat and into her arms in seconds, Apple looked at Esme intently for a moment before a wide smile spread over her face, "my Grandma Sme," Apple sing songed as she leaned forward and placed a wet kiss on Esme's cheek.

Esme absolutely beamed her smile was radiant, "oh my little cherub you are just so sweet." Esme cooed.

I was suddenly struck with surge of grief that Esme was missing out on having a proper relationship with her Grandchildren because of her husband's ruthless nature. I promised myself that I would make more of an effort to invite Esme around to see the twins. I moved to Edward's side and threaded my fingers through his, he squeezed my hand gently and began to follow Esme toward the house, my feet refused to move and I stumbled when he took a step to far and met my resistance.

He turned back toward me, concern etched on his face, he mouthed "I love you forever."

His words seemed to soothe my fears a little and I forced one foot in front of the other, he repositioned Louis on his hip and followed Esme through the door. I scanned the room and immediately noticed that Edward and his Mother shared a similar style, Esme's house was light and airy, all the walls were whitewashed. The open plan living allowed for wide unobstructed spaces. The kitchen was classic with light coloured cabinetry and marble bench-tops, it had an old school charm about it that differed from the rest of the house.

I looked back out onto the balcony and felt a trill of fear rush over me when I saw Carlisle sitting at the table reading a newspaper and drinking a scotch. Edward kept his arm firmly around my waist as his father rose from his chair and we made our toward him, his eyes were firmly trained on Edward's arm around my waist, his gaze lingered for a moment before his eyes shifted to Edwards.

"Hello Son," I felt Edward's body stiffen and he tightened his grip on me, Carlisle fixed his cold steely eyes on me, "Bella," Carlisle face was a mask of composure but his eyes were cold and calculating, I felt myself begin to tremble a little under his gaze.

"Dad," Edward ground out between his teeth, he watched his father closely his eyes narrowed in distrust, Esme was busy organising the twins and wasn't witness to the mounting tension in the room.

"Hello Carlisle," I said politely. I was surprised at how confident my voice sounded, I was aware it was false bravado and only because I felt safe in Edward's arms.

We stood looking at each other, the silence spiralling horribly, the tension was getting thicker in the air by the second. I tried to think of something to say to break the ice but I had no idea how to strike up conversation with someone I knew loathed my very presence, Edward grew tired of the silence and pulled my over to the sideboard, pouring us each a generous amount of Carlisle's scotch, Edward down his glass in one, a small sigh of satisfaction passing his lips before he poured himself another.

I downed my own glass, and disentangled myself from Edward's vicelike grip, "I'm going to go and help Esme with kids; I'll see you in a minute."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me back into his arms, he brushed his lips across, mine, "hurry back," he whispered.

"I will, be nice ok," I avoided looking at Carlisle as I passed although I could feel his eyes on me.

I helped Esme set the table, I was about to move the highchairs closer to where I was planning to sit but Esme stopped me, "Bella would you mind if the twins chairs sat either side of Carlisle's? He's been working so very hard lately; he hasn't even had a chance to get to know them even a little bit yet."

Though I would have rather gouged my own eyes out than have Carlisle within touching distance of my children, I smiled graciously, "of course Esme," I positioned Louis to one side at the head of the table and Apple on the other.

Esme called out to Edward and Carlisle and I waited for Edward to sit before I took my seat, he leaned over and kissed Louis who was sitting between him and Carlisle, Louis gave him a big grin, and went back to eating his carrot, I notice Carlisle give Apple a fleeting glance before he turned his attention to Louis. He studied my son intently, watching his every move and mannerism with growing interest and when Louis turned and offered him his carrot he took it with a smile, "thank you Louis for sharing your carrot with your grandfather."

Esme beamed at Carlisle, who had taken a small bite of the carrot and handed it back to him, Louis smiled timidly at Carlisle, "tank you."

Carlisle smiled widely, "you're welcome." Fear crashed over me and I had the sudden urge to pick up Louis and run, I did not like the way Carlisle was looking at my son, like he was sizing up his potential as a Cullen and liked what he saw.

I chanced a glance at Edward who was watching his father with narrowed eyes, by the look on his face he didn't like what he was seeing either, I slid my hand from the table and brought it to Edward's knee, I squeezed gently and he turned to look at me. We conveyed our thoughts with a look and he nodded his head slightly as if he had heard my fears and felt the same, I picked up my fork and began to eat at a brisk pace, I wanted to get this dinner over and get my babies away from Carlisle as quickly as I could. Esme engaged me in conversation asking me about the type of work I did for the University. Even though Carlisle attention was still fully focused on Louis I knew he was listening intently to everything I was saying. I felt a thrill of unease wash over me, I tried to shake it off but it settled like a weight in the pit of my stomach.

"I mark student exam papers and student theses in a range of different subjects, it's a fantastic job and I love the flexibility of it, I can work it around the kids routine and I'm learning such a wide variety of things."

She kept the conversation light and flowing during dinner, she made a determined effort to include Carlisle in all aspects of the conversation and never seem to notice that he was giving the shortest possible answers to her questions or that Edward or I never asked him a single thing during the course of the meal. Carlisle rose from the table when his cell phone rung in his pocket and headed out of the room while he took the call, Edward cleared the table and Esme asked if I'd like to bath the twins and get them ready for bed before we left. I wasn't very enthused on the idea but once again I agreed. Esme rushed off to the bathroom to run the bath and I headed out to the car to get the kids nappy bags.

I was so preoccupied with thoughts of Carlisle and Louis as I walked back to the house I didn't notice Carlisle standing just outside the door until I heard him clear his throat.

My eyes snapped up and fear flooded through me as I met his cold cruel eyes, I stopped a few feet from him to frighten to get any closer.

"Bella, my patience with you has run out. I have repeatedly warned you to stay away from my son and you continue to defy me, perhaps I'm not making myself clear enough, I will give you to until the end of the month to sign over full custody to Edward and sever your relationship with him. I'm through with the warnings, you're going to start seeing the consequences of defying me, I'm sure that once you see your friends and family suffering for your continued insubordination you'll finally realise how deadly serious I am... One month Bella." He hissed menacingly. He turned on his heel and pushed open the door disappearing into the house without a backward glance.

I stood frozen as I watched his retreating back, I couldn't believe that he had just threatened to hurt my friends and family. Fear gripped at my insides, I felt sick, I tried to hold it together as the images of Charlie, Renee, Alice, Rose and Jake flashed across my mind. My body convulsed violently at the thought of any one of them being hurt because of me...

It was a quiet ride home, both Edward and I were caught up in our own thoughts and the kids had fallen asleep. Carlisle voice rung in my ears as the images of my family kept flashing through my mind; I had no idea what else to do to protect my family than to comply with Carlisle demands.

My heart constricted painfully when I considered my life without Edward and our children.

The thought was impossible to reconcile, Edward and our children were my life; I didn't have one without the other. I considered telling Edward what had happened but I was scared of what he'd do when he knew his father had threaten to hurt my loved ones. I thought about Esme and how it would destroy her if Edward attacked Carlisle and tore her family apart. I needed time to think and decided what I was going to do. I curled up into Edward's arms and listened to his breathing become slow and steady, I stared up at the ceiling as tears spilled down my cheeks, I had never felt more isolated from my friends and family.

I didn't know how to protect them without losing the ones I loved the most.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**Tanya's POV**

I watched the monitors closely as I printed off my latest batch of photos, my eyes narrowed and I held in the scream trying to fight its way out of me and threw my empty coffee cup against the wall, when once again images of Edward and the slut sharing a tender moment flashed up on the monitor. My jealousy was reaching fever pitch and an internal battle was raging within me.

In the time I had been watching Edward and the slut interacting and playing happy families, I had come to realise just how much Edward had been withholding from me in our relationship in terms of affection and what he was capable of giving. I came to notice how whenever he was in the same room as her or if she entered the room he was immediately drawn to her, he had to be touching her if she was near him. What was harder to watch was when they made love, not only did the frequencyin which they do it, which was any chance they got; infuriate me, but the way Edward clearly worshipped her and the attention he lavished on her when they were together like that. I thought back to the times Edward had made love to me and realised he had never once made the effort to bring me to orgasm. And it was all because of Isabella Swan, she had poisoned our relationship from the start. She was the reason why Edward never treated me with kind of devotion I deserved, the kind of devotion he was more than capable of showing and _was_ showing to the slut lying in his arms.

I allowed myself to daydream about my future with Edward and how one day in the not to distant future when I permanently got rid of Bella from his life. It would be my face he covered in kisses while he danced with me, it would be my arms he rushed into when he walked in after work and it would be me he spent his nights making love to. My fury increased when I noticed how much time Kate and Felix spent in their company, they were around at Edward's nearly as much as Irina and Demetri were. My hatred of Irina intensified when I saw how close she was to the _slut_. The traitorous bitch treated her more like a sister than she did me; even Kate hugged Bella when she saw her now. And her, Irina and Bella spent hours laughing and talking together. I couldn't bear to watch Edward carrying the whore to his room again, I grabbed the freshly printed photos from the machine and stormed from the room, I carefully cut around the edges of the image of Edward and I in a wedding scene, at least my stupid sisters wedding photos came in handy for something, I had photo shopped everyone but Edward out of the image and replaced them with ones of me in the wedding dress I was going to marry Edward in.

I glued the images next to the others I had on the board and smiled at the collage of photos of Edward and I had amassed. My favourites were the ones where Edward was looking at me with love and adoration clear on his face. I carefully stood the collage board against the sofa as I picked up the next photo from the pile. I scowled when my eyes fell on the close up shot of the slut, I studied her features in detail and still couldn't see what Edward saw in her, she was plain to the core not just plain but she was ugly. I took the razor blade from the table and slashed it down the image, I smiled viciously as the blade cut through her face and I imagined blood pouring from the wounds, I slashed it again and again before grabbing a black marker and scribbling Die Slut Die across her face.

I glued the image next to the others I had of her each one bearing identical wounds, I shivered in anticipation of the day I would see her blood dripping from her body. I grabbed my pipe from the table and headed back to the monitors, I drew the smoke deep into my lungs, and let myself imagine it was me not the slut lying beneath his naked body.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**Bella's POV**

I smiled in relief when I pulled into the driveway and saw Jakes car, my heart throbbed painfully as I walked up the familiar pathway and banged on the door, as much as I loved living at Edwards I still missed the feeling of security I felt when I lived here with Jake.

He opened the door and pulled me into his arms; "hey looker, how are ya?" he kissed the top of my head and dragged me through the door.

"Hi Jake, I'm ok I was in the neighbourhood so I thought I'd stop by." He looked at me full in the face for a moment before a frown creased his forehead.

"You are not ok Bella, sit down and I'll make you a coffee and you can tell me all about it." I took a seat at the kitchen table while Jake poured me a coffee, he took a seat opposite me and gave me a smile, "now tell me what's wrong, not trouble paradise already I hope?" I burst into tears and Jake scrambled to my side, "what is it Bells, has Edward done something to hurt you?"

"No, not Edward, Carlisle," I spluttered. I told Jake what Carlisle had said to me at dinner last night and how I saw no alternative than to give him what he wanted if I wanted to save my friends and family a lifetime of pain.

I expected Jake to insist that I move back in with him immediately so what he said next took me totally off guard.

"For god's sake Bella, why didn't you tell Edward straight away? You need to snap out of it and get real! I can't believe you'd contemplate walking away from your children, can't you see that Edward is the only one _who_ can protect you from Carlisle?"

"But Jake he threatened to hurt you, Renee and Charlie, I couldn't live with myself if something happened to any of you because of me." Jake's frown deepened and I could tell he was waging some type of internal war, I guessed it was over what he wanted to say next.

He let out a deep sigh and a resolved look passed across his features "Bella if you don't tell Edward what happened last night then I will! I know I'm not the guys biggest but fan even I know he'd do anything to protect you. I thought you would have learnt by now what happens when you keep secrets."

I knew Jake was right and even though my mind was full of thoughts of Carlisle and his threats a part of it registered that Jake had just done something I never thought I would see, he took Edward's side. The realisation made my heart glow a little brighter, maybe there was hope for a more than just a thawing of the ice between Jake and Edward.

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and stood up, Jake rounded the table and threw his arms around me, "Tell him Bella, put your trust in him and let him protect you."

"I will and thanks Jake you're right. It was exactly what I needed to hear." I spent the drive home trying to think of a way to tell Edward what happened. I still had no clue when I pulled into the driveway but I was sure I was going to tell him.

I found Edward out on the balcony reclining back on his chair, a wave of desire shot through me as my eyes raked over him, his arms were folded behind his head, the well define pectoral muscles straining against the well worn fabric of his Stoli shirt. His eyes were covered in a pair of black ray ban sunglasses and his bronze hair glistened in the afternoon sun.

He looked up when he heard me and his face broke into a beautiful smile, he held his arms out for me and I took a seat on his lap, sighing when he wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head on his shoulder and pressed myself harder against him.

"Are you alright Bella? You don't seem your normal self today?" I shook my head and took a couple of calming breaths; I kept my head on his shoulder and close my eyes when he started rubbing my back in small circles. "What is it sweetheart? Remember I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

I took another deep breath forcing myself to keep my composure.

"Bella, honey please what's the matter?" Edward's voice had taken on a note of panic; he grasped my shoulders and pushed me gently back so he could look at me.

"Carlisle," I whispered. He lifted his glasses from his eyes and looked me straight in the eye, I could see the flickers of anger there trying to ignite.

"What about Carlisle, did you see him when you were out, did he do something to you?" I noticed the panic had been replaced by anger in Edward's voice and his jaw was clenched together tightly.

"No I haven't seen him today. I was just thinking about dinner last night, he's so intimidating. He always makes me feel like I'm the worst person on the planet.

"You're the innocent one Bella; you have done nothing to Carlisle to warrant this type of treatment. I promise you Bella he'll never tear our family apart, I'd sooner see him rotting corpse than be without you in my life." Edward stood up, he held me in his arms and I wrapped my legs around his waist and buried my face into his neck as he carried me through the house to our room, I felt myself calming down more and more every time I breathed in Edwards scent. He lay me on the bed and climb up next to me pulling me into his arms again; his hand stroked my hair absent mindedly.

I felt my eyes growing heavier; I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. The last conscious thought I had, had me wondering how much more of Carlisle I could take before I finally snapped…..

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

We had breakfast with some playful banter and I was in heaven. It was so nice just to _be_. I would find myself appreciating the little things, everything holding just that much more _meaning_. Bella tried tempting back into the bedroom and while I literally _ached_ to agree, I knew I couldn't, there was far too much to do at the office and Irina and I had already begun some tentative planning where my father was concerned.

Namely, if the fucker continued in his relentless persecution of Bella, I would fucking destroy him.

We had gone over everything, absolutely everything and although our plans were only tentative at the moment. I was holding it as an ace up my sleeve, and once some of the finer details had been ironed out I would be ready to strike at any time. I had promised a war if he continued and I would not be unprepared. I knew my father's methods better than anyone. He had always taught me to strike low and for the weakest point. So now I was.

So while I would have loved to do nothing more than ravage Bella until she couldn't walk, I knew I simply couldn't. If we wanted our little plan to be successful, we would have to be precise. I managed barely to make it out the door, before I received a pix message that nearly brought me to my knees. Bella's naked breasts, taunting me, daring me to go back and claim what was mine…

_Bella for the love of god… _I text back in almost pain. Was I expecting sympathy? I suppose I was, but what I received was nothing more than intolerable cruelty. The sight of her bare sex had me turning the car around and driving back towards the house before I knew what I was doing. When my brain caught up with my libido, I stopped and turned back around, furious that I was so fucking whipped. I had snapped my phone open and sent her a text of violent promise

_Enjoy yourself while you can my little cock tease because when I get my hands on you I'm going to punish you severely…And I'm warning you now my little minx your pleas for mercy will be ignored…_

She didn't respond so I was unsure if she finally took me seriously. And I was unsure if that disappointed me or not.

I was in my office and had just got out off the phone when it rang again. I sighed as I looked at the mountains of work on my desk and answered the phone reluctantly

"Edward Cullen." I answered unenthusiastically

"Edward!" My mother's bright voice rang through the phone and I couldn't help but smile

"Hey Mum. To what do I owe the honor?" She chuckled a little excitedly before answering.

"Well, I've just been on the phone to Bella and she committed you all to dinner at our house tonight! It's been so long since I've seen you all and I know your father would love the chance to spend time with his grandchildren."

I was glad that my mother couldn't see my face through the phone at that moment.

"Did she?" I asked lightly hiding my real concern.

"Hmm, she did. You'd best leave the office a bit early; I want to have dinner ready for five o'clock that way the twins can eat early."

My hand clenched around my desk at the thought of my father being anyway _near_ my children, but I couldn't say no. Bella had already agreed and my mother sounded so damn _happy_. I couldn't let her down like that. "We'll be there Mum." I said barely disguising my worry.

We said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone with a frown. I couldn't understand why Bella would agree to dinner. My father had made his dislike quite apparent for her and I knew she was afraid of him.

The phone rang again and I banged my head down on the desk before answering. I couldn't even get a moments fucking peace to _think_.

I wasn't worried about Bella for too long, as the rest of the morning was spent in receiving dirty little picture messages from her. She also provided many helpful suggestions as to what I could be doing to the delightful photos, had I chosen to stay home instead. Consequently I spent the morning with a perpetual fucking hard on and most of the time behind the safe cover of my desk. I had just finished a meeting with Irina when my phone beeped and I growled out loud at the delicious torture Bella was dishing out.

A full spread of all the photos I had received along with a very demanding 'I'm waiting!' successfully crushed my resolve and I stormed out of the office, not bothering to shut down my computer and slamming the door behind me. Irina was in the hallway and giggled at my expression with a shake of her head.

"Go get her tiger."

"Fucking tease," I hissed and she burst out laughing.

I took the stairs down to the parking garage, taking them two at a time, before reaching the bottom and sprinting to my car. I unlocked it and slammed it into reverse, the tires squealing loudly in the enclosed space. It wasn't long before I reached home and the naughty fucking girl who had been playing with me all morning.

I parked the car and shed my jacket, leaving it sitting messily in the passenger's seat. I got out and shut the door, stripping my shirt off and dropping it on the floor. I was a man on a fucking mission, a man possessed. A man who had been teased all morning by a sexual fucking siren: She heard me in the hallway and looked up, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as she watched me shed my pants. She opened her mouth to speak, but I was already on top of her, pulling her skirt out of the way and thrusting straight into her. I hissed in pleasure as I felt her warmth swallow my entire length. I crashed my mouth to hers as I tore her shirt open, exposing her supple, soft breasts. I was consumed with need as I moved my lips down to those breasts and curved my tongue around her nipple.

She wanted it harder, she moaned and practically fucking begged me and I felt myself grow even harder inside her. I increased the speed of my thrusts, pounding into her over and over again. The sounds of our frantic pace filled the room and I closed my eyes in bliss. She trembled against me as her climax washed over her, her muscles clenching around my shaft so tightly it was almost painful.

Almost.

Sweet whispers and the feeling of her warm, wet and shivering core were my ultimate undoing. I was wound so fucking tight, that I felt like I was about to explode and when I finally did find my release, it was all consuming. Her soft brown eyes stared up at me, the only thing anchoring me to the earth as it felt like my body was trying to take off for the heavens.

"Bella," I said reverently, holding onto her as tight as I dared.

We were on our way to my parents and while the children were quite happy in the backseat, their mother in the front wasn't. Bella was nervous and it only made me angrier at my father. If he tried anything while we were there, _anything_ at all….. I would be all fucking over him. I was sick of his attempts to sabotage my life and happiness. I had done a pretty fucking good job of that myself…..

I noticed Bella shiver out of the corner of my eye and I gently picked her hand up with one of my own. I brought it to my lips, not taking my eyes off the road. She was scared and I wished she wouldn't feel that way. I wished she would trust me to care for her and protect her. "Please try not to panic love, I know you're scared but I promise I will try not to leave you alone with him." I kissed her knuckles once more "And please bear in mind that Esme has no idea what's really going on here, and as much as I want too, I can't involve her, not yet anyway."

It was true, all my plans rested on my mother's ignorance of the situation with my father. I felt horrible fucking guilt that I would be manipulating her, using her good nature against her, but I had no other choice.

I _had_ to protect my family.

We pulled in front of my parents house and Bella appeared as though she were about to have a panic attack. I rubbed her leg reassuringly, but she didn't even seem to notice. She was staring at the front of the house and my mother who stood on the doorstep waving excitedly. I swallowed back the guilt and plastered on my most convincing smile. I was a fucking Cullen and I knew how to play my role believably.

I got out of the car and my mother threw herself into my arms, crushing the breath out my lungs with her arms of fucking steel. "It's good to see you my darling boy," She stepped back and looked at me with a mock critical eye. I had to roll my own eyes at her; my mother didn't really know _how _to be critical. She could find the proverbial silver lining in any situation. It would be only her forgiving nature that would stop her from disowning me if my father forced my hand. I shook off my dark thoughts even though my smile was still firmly in place. She hugged me once more, oblivious as to what kind of a person I really was. "You look well son, the healthiest and happiest I've seen you in a very long time."

"Yeah well I have my family to thank for that, they have given me a new lease on life."

She nodded knowingly and moved her attention to the woman who was responsible for all my happiness.

I went around the car and opened Louis's door, taking him from the car and into my arms. "You going to help me look after Mummy today little guy?" I asked my son quietly and he nodded as though he not only heard but comprehended every word I said. I smiled. "That's my boy." I kissed his cheek and went to get Apple out, but my mother had beaten me to the quick.

She was staring at Apple in absolute wonder and joy. When Apple said her name, I thought she might have burst with happiness right on the spot.

We made our way into the house where my mother promptly took her grandson from me and left a much stressed Bella and myself alone. I took her through the house and glared when I saw my father sitting on the balcony reading his paper. Just the sight of him was enough to drive me to killing. I made my way out to the deck, keeping an arm tightly around Bella. My father stood from his chair and folded his newspaper neatly, setting it down on the table in front of him. He looked up and appraised me coldly, his face briefly flashing with disgust as he noticed my arm around Bella. My eyes narrowed and he realised his mistake. He quickly schooled his face back into a cool mask. He was a fucking Cullen too, after all.

"Hello Son, _Bella_." He lightly emphasised her name, for no particular reason, other than he knew it would piss me off.

"Dad," I forced out between my clenched teeth. I didn't trust him as far as I could fucking throw him and just being around him with Bella and the twins made me on edge.

"Hello Carlisle,"

I nearly fucking fainted in surprise, when I heard the courageous voice of my beautiful Bella ring out and break the silence. I couldn't believe she had gotten up the nerve to say anything, especially after the way she had been on the car ride over.

My father's jaw set slightly in irritation as he took her in. Her courageous greeting in my eyes was a clear sign of disrespect in his. He didn't want her politeness, he wanted her _fear_.

And she wasn't giving it to him.

The silence was heavy and I grew bored of my father's intimidation techniques, so I took Bella with me over to the sideboard and poured us both a stiff drink. I quickly tossed my drink back and sighed in pleasure as I felt the reassuring burn of the whiskey. I went to pour myself another when Bella slipped out from beside me. It wasn't until then that I realised my hand had still been tightly around her waist.

"I'm going to go and help Esme with kids; I'll see you in a minute."

A brief moment of panic set in, she needed to stay by me. Close by me. I pulled her back to me and kissed her gently, "hurry back,"

"I will, be nice ok,"

My father and I kept conversation light and minimal and I had lost count as to the number of drinks I had swallowed in his presence. I knew it must have been a few from the way he eyed me disapprovingly as I refilled my glass once more.

Dinner was an awkward affair that thankfully, my mother seemed blissfully ignorant of.

She was far too busy staring at my father and the twins with glassy eyes and a smile. I didn't share her happy disposition; my father was far too interested in Louis for my comfort. There was no way I was going to let my son suffer the same tutelage that my father had bestowed upon me. He was not going to be moulded into the next Cullen prodigy. I didn't know whether or not to be angry or relieved at his attitude to Apple. Other than an occasional disinterested glance in her direction, he pretty much ignored her.

I only had to look at Bella to see she shared my anger and concerns.

The rest of dinner followed much in the same vein. My father was his typical, arrogant self and my mother overcompensated for it without even realising.

My father's cell phone rang when we had all finished eating and he rose from the table without a word and left the room. I decided it was safe enough to leave Bella with my mother so I began to clear the table and clear my head. It had been a stressful evening and all I wanted to do was get my family home and sit down with a stiff drink. I had just finished clearing everything away when I saw my mother run past with the twins but sans Bella. I wiped my hands on a dishtowel and went off to find her.

I had almost made my way to the foyer when I hear my father talking. I froze when I realised he was speaking to Bella.

"Bella, my patience with you has run out, I have repeatedly warned you to stay away from my son and you continue to defy me, perhaps I'm not making myself clear enough, I will give you to until the end of the month to sign over full custody to Edward and sever your relationship with him. I'm through with the warnings Bella, you're going to start seeing the consequences of defying me, I'm sure that once you see your friends and family suffering for your continued insubordination you'll finally realise how deadly serious I am. One month Bella."

My blood ran cold. Then it fucking ignited in my veins and I had to struggle not to round the corner and beat my father into a fucking coma. I stood there as I heard him storm off and it was another moment before Bella's much quieter footsteps could be heard slowly walking away. I was sure that I could hear her shattered confidence crush under her shoes as she walked off.

We went home shortly after and Bella was understandably quiet all the way home. She still didn't know that I had overheard the conversation with my father, but I didn't want to push her to tell me just now. My mind instead was spiralling. I needed to get home and call Irina, so we could move forward with our plans. I wanted to have the ace up my sleeve and ready for when my father struck, because I had no doubts whatsoever that he was going to. His words to Bella echoed around my head, Carlisle Cullen didn't make empty threats, but then, neither did Edward Cullen.

This time, I would have the upper hand. This time I would beat him at his own fucking game...

**A/N: Please feel free to let us know your thoughts; we need a giggle with our coffee in the morning :)**


	24. Chapter 24 And so it Begins

**A/N: As always thank you to those who took the time to review and to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions :) Greenaway and I both appreciate your ongoing support. And Light & Laughter to my facebook friends I have enjoyed chatting and getting to know you and learning more about your Countries...**_**Cinnamon**_** xx :)**

**Greenaway: ****Hello everyone. I have an announcement. Edward has stopped by to do this week's author's note. I hand the floor over to him. **

**Edward Cullen: Hello everyone and a special hello to sassy41. I'm still waiting on a certain review you know. *Winks* don't take too long, I'm not an incredibly patient man.**

**I felt it was time to clear the air, so to speak and I felt the best way to do so would be put out an invitation to you. If there is a specific question you wish to be answered by myself or one of the others, then ask in your review, email or contact Cinnamon or Greenaway on their numerous contact options. Hell, even if you don't have a question but you are just pissed off enough by Bella or myself that you want to tell us, then drop a line too. **

**I look forward to receiving your comments. *Winks and saunters off. Greenaway is still staring at his ass* **

**Greenaway: Oh crap. That man is so fucking hot I want to cry. Ok, people you heard the man. Get emailing. I know plenty of you have a lot to say on this story so come on! Get typing!  
****Regards and thanks  
****Greenaway**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist own An Angel at my table.**

**Chapter 24: And So it Begins...**

**Carlisle's POV...**

I was sure Isabella would finally crack and do what I asked of her when I threatened her family, but she hadn't. I wasn't sure if she was tougher than I gave her credit for or more stupid than I originally thought. Whichever it was the deadline I had given her to meet my demands had been and gone and she still hadn't complied. Well I was through with the threats, I was about to teach the young Ms Swan the consequences of defying Carlisle Cullen. I would have thought that in the years Isabella had worked for Cullen Industries she would have known that it was impossible to go up against me and win.

I always got what I wanted in the end, I had built Cullen industries from the ground up and I had learned every trick in the book. I had crushed my foes when they tried to compete with me, I had brought out the companies of the men who had looked down on me and incorporated them into Cullen industries.

Cullen industries had grown to be New Zealand's largest Private company, once I had conquered the relatively small business world in New Zealand I set my sights on the Australian an Asian markets, it hadn't taken me long to conquer those so I decided I wanted Cullen industries to go global. I had spent years grooming my sons to join me in the business, everything I had built was for them so they could carry on the Cullen legacy when I retired, although all my sons had shown they had potential business acumen, it was Edward who stood out. He had an extremely fast mind and he grasped all aspects of the business world from the beginning, I chose Edward to be my prodigy and invested many hours in teaching him and honing his skills. It had been the best decision I had ever made. Edward was eager to please me and prove himself and I was pleased that I could easily bend him to my will.

He had never given me a day of trouble in his life, he had always been happy to do things my way and he never questioned my judgement. Over the years he had come to totally rely on my opinions and even when he didn't necessarily agree with all of my decisions or actions he never stood up and said he disagreed with me. That was until the night I caught him in his office with Isabella, not only was I completely shocked that he would break my most important office policy and risk being sued for sexual harassment and ruining his career, but I was even more alarmed that he not only defended Isabella but for the first time in his life he questioned my decision when I told him I was going to terminate her contract.

When he demanded she get a payout I could tell he had completely lost his head over this girl and she had the potential to have more influence over Edward than I did. I knew right then that I had to get Edward away from her as soon as possible; before she ruined two and half decades I had spent moulding Edward into my most valuable weapon.

I knew he was fuming at me when I told him he was going to be relocated to France, and although I didn't want him to go; I wanted him as far away from the temptation that was Isabella Swan as I could get him. I was completely convinced I had made the right decision when Edward not only pulled off the business deal of the century and made my dream of making Cullen Industries the largest and most powerful global corporations; he had won the respect and admiration of the international business community.

When he announced his engagement to Tanya I was ecstatic, not only did Tanya have the right breeding she was the daughter of a powerful family that had their own business empire, I was jubilant that Edward had moved on from Isabella. The thought of our family merging with the Denali's had me almost giddy with the notion of the absolute power I would wield over the business world when I merged the Denali Empire into the Cullen one to create the biggest dynasty the world had ever seen. I had bonded with Tanya from the start; she seemed eager to please me and willingly began to fill me in on Edward's antics in France. I admit I was worried when she said he was drinking heavily but she assured me she was looking after him. I had originally thought that Edward would get over his anger at me after a few weeks and things would go back to normal between us. But he didn't get over it and I started to question whether letting him out from under my thumb had been such a good idea, that fear was reinforced when we visited for his engagement party.

I was shocked at how Edward had let himself go, he seemed to be permanently drunk and I was surprised at how surly and angry he was.

Not only did he treat Tanya appallingly with barely disguised loathing but he was openly showing contempt toward me. I had no idea what was going on with him and I was beginning to feel extremely uneasy with the fact nothing I said made any impact on him. It never occurred to me that Isabella Swan would be the reason I had lost the respect of my son and prodigy. When Edward returned to New Zealand and discovered that Isabella had been hiding his two children's existence from him I thought that he would crush her and gain control like I had taught him, instead he forgave her and redouble his hatred toward me.

I perused the dossier in front of me; I had spent the last few monthsbuilding up a file on Isabella Swan and the people closest to her. I knew everything about the people who were most important in her life and I knew their weakness' and I was about to make an example of them.

Isabella Swan was about to get a lesson in shock and awe.

I buzzed my assistant and asked her to get my lawyer on the phone, I looked down at the photos in the open dossier and smiled I would start with Isabella's friends and if that didn't show her I was serious then I would move onto the members of her family. As soon as I heard my lawyers voice I began barking orders at him and demanding to know if I finally had the go ahead to put the first phase of my plan into action, John confirmed all the relevant documentation had been approved and I could begin whenever I was ready.

"Serve them the notice today and keep me informed of all correspondence." I hung up the phone and poured myself a scotch.

Isabella Swan was about to find out first hand why people didn't fuck with Carlisle Cullen.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**Bella's POV...**

When I saw Jakes number flash up on the screen, I briefly considered not answering my phone, I knew why he was ringing and I didn't want to confess I hadn't told Edward about Carlisle threats at dinner the other night.

I took a deep breath and picked up the phone."Hey Jake, how's things?" I said while concentrating on keeping my tone light.

"Hi Bells, I'm fine. How are you?

"Um...I'm good I was just about to do some housework, so it's good you interrupted me." I said hoping to delay the inevitable as long as I could but Jake wasn't buying it.

"Nice try Bell's, you know why I'm calling, and I can tell that you haven't told him. Stop being a brat and tell him Bella, you know what's gonna happen if he finds out you've been keeping shit from him again."

"I know Jake, I'm just worried he'll fly off the deep end, you know how he gets and I don't want to be responsible for destroying his family.

"Bella you are his family. You do him a disservice by not confiding in him, he has a right to know and Apple and Louis deserve all the protection they can get."

Jake's words struck a chink in my armour; he was right of course. My family and friends were adults and could fend for themselves. My children on the other hand were defenceless without Edward and I standing as a united front. "Look I need to go Jake, you're right I need to talk to Edward... And thanks Jake you have the most beautiful soul and you're the best mate anyone could ever ask for." I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"You don't need to thank me Bella, I'm just glad I was able to talk some sense into you. Uh...you know I think this is the first time..."

"Oh it is not the first time; I always listen to your advice. I'd be mad not to when you have the infinite wisdom instilled in you from that incredible Grandmother of yours." I was so blessed to have Jacob in my life, he was a special person; kind, compassionate and incredibly loyal and fair.

"Yeah Tui is pretty incredible." Jake concurred, "anyway Bella, go tell Edward no chickening out this time." He said firmly.

"Kay Jake, I will talk to you later."

"Bye Bell's."

"Bye," I threw my phone down on the bed with a groan, Jake was right I needed to keep my promise to Edward and tell him.

The trouble was; I was not only petrified of what Carlisle would do when he found out I ratted him out, I was more scared of what Edward would do to his father.

There was nothing for it though; if I didn't tell Edward what was going on Jake would do it on behalf.

I found Edward in his office staring at his computer screen, a frown marring his Angel face, it smoothed out when he looked up and saw me. I hurried into his open arms and slid onto his lap with satisfied moan when his touch set my desire alight.

"How's it going my little minx?"Edward breathed in my ear as his hand disappeared under the hem of my skirt. He smirked when his fingers found my bare sex and his eyes rolled back into his head as they slipped into my heat.

"Better now you're touching me." I whispered as I let my head loll to the side.

A wave of lust crashed over me when Edward's lips attacked my throat and moisture seeped from my core, I ground myself down, barely aware of the half articulated moans rushing from my lips when his fingers curled inside me.

"Hmm...I can _feel_ how much you like that Bella, so wet for me," Edward hissed. His teeth grazed my throat and I moaned at the slight sting left behind when he suddenly nipped my flesh.

"More Edward," I commanded. I ignored his chuckle instead concentrating solely on the frenetic pulsing in my clit when Edward pressed his thumb to it and the way his fingers pumped into me rhythmically.

"So close my little kitty, are you going to cum for me Bella?" He purred against my throat.

"Yes," I gasped as his fingers curled inside me hitting the spot he knew would be my undoing.

"Say it now Bella,"He barked out harshly as his teeth sunk into my throat.

"Oh fuck...God Edward you know...You know I only ever cum for you," I cried out as the full force of my orgasm shot through me like a bolt of lightning. My muscles clamped around his fingers and I ground myself down harder determined to keep myself lost in my current state of ecstasy.

"Such a good girl Bella, you_ will_ only ever cum for me**, won't you?"** He purred; his voice sex put to sound.

"Oh Jesus...only for you," I groaned as his thumb flicked my swollen bud sending me over the edge again.

We moaned in unison when Edward dragged his fingers from my core and brought them to his face, he studied the glistening digits for a brief moment before sliding them between his lips, his eyes rolled back in his head as he sucked them clean.

"Holy fuck Edward that's hot," I gasped as another wave rippled through me.

He slid his fingers from his mouth and crushed his lips to mine; he forced his tongue into my mouth kissing me into total submission, when he felt my resistance crumble and my lips yield to his he pulled back, taking in every inch of the lust written on my face.

"On your knee's Bella,"He growled as he slid me from hid lap guiding me until my knees hit the floorboards.

He looked down at me with a smirk as one handed fisted into my hair while the other tugged his sweat pants roughly from his hips, his eyes darkened perceptibly, clouded with lust they blazed like green fire when my tongue snaked out and licked my lips in anticipation.

Edward's fingers tightened their grip in my hair and he guided my face to his hard cock. His breath left his lungs in a low hiss as my tongue brushed the tip of his erection and my moan joined his when my tongue swept through the precum pooled there. I licked his entire length before bringing him into my mouth. I inched him in slowly allowing him to slide along my tongue and further into my mouth. My eyes fluttered closed as I brought his entire length into my throat, my lips reaffirmed their grip on him as I started to build up a steady rhythm.

"Look at me Bella," Edward growled.

My eyes snapped open and I looked up at him through my lashes, his eyes were so dark they were almost devoid of colour. He held my gaze as his fist applied the slightest pressure at the back of my head pushing my face down to meet his thrust.

"Jesus Fuck Bella," he groaned when my teeth grazed along his length dragging them almost roughly over his super sensitive skin. I loosened my grip allowing him to slide effortlessly between my lips.

Edward was starting to lose control; each thrust was more forceful than the last, his exigency was beginning to overwhelm him it was clear on his features, they were almost severe. I brought him deep into my throat; I smiled internally when I felt him throbbing against my cheeks, he was so close. I withdrew him from my mouth inch by inch, my eyes stayed locked on his as I pushed him back into my throat holding him there as a shiver of anticipation rippled through me.

"Oh...Fuckgod...Jesus fuckinghell Bella..." Edward's fist tightened in my hair holding my face steady as hips bucked forcing him even deeper. Our collective moan shattered the silence, Edward's eyes rolled back in his head and my name rushed from his lips, as he spilt his seed down my throat.

I held him in my mouth, waiting for him to come back to himself. Finally his eyes fluttered open and sought mine; the all consuming lust had dissipated from his features though his eyes still blazed like green fire.

He lifted me into his lap, his hand reached out to cup my flushed cheek in his palm, I leaned into it sighing in contentment at the tingle in my skin.

"Bella," He whispered as he brought his lips to mine.

I would have been happy to lose myself in his kiss but my earlier conversation with Jake kept popping up in my mind; ruining any chance I had of forgetting my troubles, even for just a little while.

I had to tell Edward the truth about Carlisle, if I didn't then Jake definitely would and Edward would be devastated I had broken my promise. I summoned whatever courage I could find inside me and pulled my lips from Edward's, his eyes snapped open and a frown marred his gorgeous Angel face.

"Bella what's wrong?" I tried to look away but his eyes turned hypnotic and I was captured like a deer in headlights. His arms slid around my waist like manacles holding me firmly in place.

I forced my muscles into rigidity trying desperately trying to hold back the violent shudders trying to rock through my body. "There's something...I...need to tell you." My muscles began to protest; the fear was forcing its way through my body; infecting and tainting every cell. I locked my arms around his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist anchoring myself to him, I knew how he was going to react and that had me nearly as petrified as actually telling him.

"Bella?" He growled, his frowned deepened I knew he could feel my trembling and taste my fear in the space around us.

"Something happened...The other night at dinner, Carlisle, he was waiting for me when I went to get the kids bag from the car." Edward's face turned to thunder and I reaffirmed my grip on him, he was going to go ballistic. "He...threatened me again...He gave me a month to sign over custody to you, he said if I didn't...my friends and family were going to get hurt."

He reacted exactly how I thought he would, I clung to him as he tried to get up and begged him to stay with me, He sunk back down with a growl and crushed his mouth to mine...

**Edward POV...**

It made no sense. I shouldn't have felt the rage and the anger I did, I had already fucking _heard_ him threaten her, but seeing her so fearful made me absolutely _murderous_.

I tried to console myself with the knowledge that all my planning with Irina, Felix and Demetri would soon come to fruition. I was regretful that I would have to basically _lie _to my own mother to see my plan through, but i reminded myself that I was doing it for Bella and my family.

I looked into her worried eyes and tried to offer her the most reassuring smile I could.

"Bella, it's ok. I had come to find you and I overheard him anyway. Hey, really. It's ok. I knew you would tell me eventually. I trust you love." I said wiping away a tear that slid down her cheek. "I promised you, I won't let him hurt you or anyone else ok?"

She opened her mouth to protest so I leaned in and kissed her soundly. She melted against me and I reached down between us once more.

"I'll take care of you Bella." I whispered against lips as I freed my erection from my pants. I slid into her easily, her previous orgasm leaving her slick and ready for my entrance.

Her fingers curled into the hair at the base of my neck as she threw her head back with a moan. I reached up with one and traced my fingers down her neck and across the cotton of her shirt. It didn't look expensive, so I hooked my fingers into the weak hem and I ripped it down the middle so I could expose her breasts. I growled out loud when I saw her perk, pink nipples harden under my gaze.

"So fucking beautiful and so fucking_ mine_," I bent my head and captured one of the little nubs in my mouth rolling my tongue around it in a cone shape as Bella slid back and forth on my lap.

I bit down softly and she began to moan in earnest, each one louder than the last until her cries of ecstasy filled the room. The only sound that could match hers was my own. I felt her walls grip me like a vice and my orgasm hit me with the force of a freight train.

"So fucking mine," I ground out between my teeth as I was assaulted with aftershocks from the force of my release.

Neither of us moved for some time and we just sat there, unwilling to break the connection. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her head to my shoulder. She sighed in contentment and I smiled. I was pretty fucking content myself and it was a feeling I was willing to do anything to keep.

My father was threatening my contentment and I would fight to keep it. I would fight for my happiness and Bella's too. How many times would she have to suffer because of me? She needed someone to stand up and be worthy of her love and that was going to be me.

My father had fucked with my woman.

For that, he was going to pay.

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

**Bella's POV...**

I had not seen nor heard from Carlisle in the month and half since he had threatened my family and friends, though the dead line Carlisle had imposed on me had passed two weeks ago and so far nothing had gone wrong I never let myself get complacent. I knew it would only be a matter of time until he struck again.

As far as I was aware Edward had not seen or spoken to his father since I had told him what Carlisle had said, I was actually a little bit confused about Edward's attitude to his father comments. Though he acted as I knew he would when I first told him, once I'd calmed him down and convinced him not to kill Carlisle, he hadn't brought the subject up again.

For the following three weeks I avoided the subject as well, it was easy to do with all the work the university had piled on top of me as well as dealing with the twins. I just didn't have the nergy to think about it. That was until the deadline began to loom large and the familiar flickers of fear were beginning to make themselves known. They rapidly intensified when the images of my loved ones hurt and in pain began to run on a loop in my mind. I finally broached the subject with Edward two days before the 'deadline,' I waited until we were in bed and I was tucked in the safety of his arms.

"Edward…Its going to be a month on Thursday since we had dinner at your parents place and…I'm really scared about what Carlisle is going to do to the people I love."

Edward pulled me closer and hugged me tightly against his chest,"I know you're frightened Bella but every things going to be alright." His warm breath fanned through the strands of my hair causing me to shiver.

"How do you know that Edward? You can't protect all the people I love and nor should you have too."

"Bella I have no intention of letting Carlisle get away with this. I want you to trust me ok; I need you to believe that I would never let him hurt you or your family. Bella I don't want you to spend your time worrying about Carlisle ok, you leave that to me. I will never let that sick fuck come between us again."

Although I desperately wanted to believe Edward could protect me and my loved ones from Carlisle... But if I was honest with myself I couldn't see how he could...

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

I handed Edward a cup of coffee and straightened his tie, he folded his arms around my waist and pulled me against his body; I looked up and noticed the dark circles beginning to shadow the delicate skin under his eyes and how tired he looked.

A wave of guilt washed over me, even though I was the cause of all the stress and tension in his life I was too selfish to let him go. He was fundamental to my survival and even though the thought sickened and shamed me to my core I was willing to sacrifice everything and everyone I loved, my children aside, to stay by his side.

I was determined not to add to his stress so I kissed him goodbye, fought back my urge to beg him to stay with me and allowed him to walk out the door.

Although I was gripped by an almost overwhelming fear to be home with the kids by myself, the thought of leaving the safety of home was far worse. I knew I had to get a grip on myself and not let my fear disrupt and infect the lives of my children, so I packed them into their stroller and made my way down the driveway. I glanced at the house across the street in the hope of catching a glimpse of the person who was living there, in the 3 months or so that the house had been tenanted I had never once seen anybody there. I didn't even know if the occupant was male or female and if it wasn't for the open windows I would have assumed it was still vacant.

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

**Tanya's POV...**

I had been keeping detailed records of Bella's movements for months and I was pretty sure that I'd worked out what days and times she was guaranteed to be gone from the house, I was grateful that she had only very slight variations to her weekly routines and I was confident I knew where she'd be at any given time on any given day.

I had also noticed that Edward wasn't spending as many days at home as he had been, I knew exactly what time he left for work each morning and when he'd be home at night.

As I watched them on the monitors I wanted desperately to know what they talked about while they sat out on their balcony having a drink in the evenings or when they were cooking their evening meal and when they lay in each other's arms after they had made love.

I waited until Bella was at the corner before I hastily shoved the wig on my head, grabbed the small box of wireless voice transmittersfrom the table and moved quickly down the fence line. I checked to see if any of the neighbours were in their yards before I dashed across the street and down Edward's driveway. I lifted up the small Buddha statue in the corner of the garden and retrieved the small gold key from its hiding place.

My heart began to race in anticipation as I slid the key into the lock and stepped through the front door, I paused for a minute before making my way deeper into the house. Though I knew I only had limited time to plant the listening devices and get out before Bella returned I couldn't resist the urge to have a good look through the house.

I opened the first door down the hallway and closed it again quickly it was just the bathroom; I tried the next door and snorted when I saw the fairytale theme of Apples room. I made a mental note to redecorate this ghastly room first. Young Apple would have to get used to the fact that I would be the only princess in the family when I moved in. The boys room was marginally better but still completely over the top, the stupid brats had better make the most of it because when I called the place home there would be no more fantasy rooms and charmed lives, there would only be rules, discipline and above all else quiet.

I made my way to the open door at the end of the hall way and gasped silently, even though I had seen Edwards room from my computer screen it was far more impressive in person, I pulled open the closet doors and reached for one of Edwards shirts, I brought it to my face and inhaled, I could smell his essence underneath the perfume of the laundry detergent. I slipped the shirt under my sweater and closed the closet door. I headed for the en suite, checking out the contents of the vanity draws and cupboards. My hatred and blood lust for Bella grew even more when I saw the range of cinnamon scented products and perfume she used, I now knew why Edward would force me to wear the hideous smelling fragrance. Well I was going to make sure that when I was finally restored to my rightful place at Edward's side that he never ever smelt or touched the revolting aroma again. He would learn to love the citrusy tones of my favourite orange oil perfume just like he'd learn to love me again. I moved back to the bedroom and placed two of the tiny listening devices into the dark fabric panelling of the head board. I headed back down the hallway and into the kitchen; and strategically placed the devices in the areas of the house they spent the most time in. I had a quick look in the fridge and pantry before making my way to the front door.

I returned the key and made my way down the driveway, I checked both ways down the street before stepping onto the pavement and making my way home. I pulled Edwards shirt from beneath my top and brought it to my face, I inhaled deeply and let my senses reconnect to the scent they associated with happiness. I didn't have to wait long to know if my devices were working, the slut had returned home and I could hear her voice as clearly as if she was standing next to me. I smiled and congratulated myself on my stroke of brilliance; I would now know Edward and Bella's plans in advance which should make executing the rest of my plan unbelievably easy.

I pulled my sweatshirt off and replaced it with Edward's shirt. I revelled in the feelings of closeness I got from knowing his skin had caressed the very material that was now touching my naked skin, I shivered in pleasure and allowed myself to revisit the memories of how it felt to have Edward inside me. I was pulled from my thoughts by Bella's constant inane chatter as she talk to her children, the sound of both her voice and her whinging brats was getting on my nerves I shut the volume off with a scowl. I poured myself a large vodka and grabbed my pipe my, I laid back and let my thoughts return to Edward, I let my hand drift over my stomach and down to my aching clit, my mind filled with images of Edward pounding his cock into me and I soon fell apart while I called out his name.

I spent the rest of the afternoon on my bed daydreaming of Edward and our future.

I smiled and got out of bed when I heard Edward's car pull into his driveway and hurried to turn the volume up, I took a seat in front of the monitors and waited for him to appear on the screen. He came into view a moment later and I breathed a contented sigh.

I was surprised to find for the first time in a very long time I was actually happy to see my sister when she appeared next to Edward. I realized after a moment that I wasn't happy to see her per say I was just hoping to find out what my family thought of my disappearance. While the Slut chatted to Demetri on the deck; Irina followed Edward to the kitchen. She was babbling on about some random thing that had happened at the wedding, I couldn't help but snort, fuck she must have a boring life if she was still talking about her wedding 3 months after the wretched affair.

I was about to turn down the volume when I heard my name, Irina checked over her shoulder to see that Bella was still outside before she continued,

"…and nobody has heard from her since the night of the wedding, "my father is frantic with worry; he has contacted everyone she known to associate with and nobodies heard from or seen her. I have to admit Edward I'm sort of worried about her too, she wasn't in a good way when she left Queenstown."

"Has your Father contacted Interpol? They should be able to track what country she's in by her accessing her passport details. And your right she was in a bad way, I'm pretty sure she's got a raging meth habit by how high she was at the wedding."

Panic flooded through me, not only did Edward know I was high on meth that night but he realised I'd been using it for a while and if my father contacted Interpol he would know I was still in the country. I turned down the volume and picked up the phone, I dialled my father's private line praying that he was still at the office; I let out the breath I was holding when I heard his deep voice on the line.

"Dad its Tanya," I held the phone away from my ear as my father's half furious half relieved voice began to rant down the line. I waited until the line went silent before I spoke. "Sorry I haven't been in contact in a while Dad, I've been really busy with a new business concept I've been developing and I just lost track of time. I'm not in France at the moment I've been in Egypt with my business partner since I left New Zealand."

I smiled when he began to ask me about my business concept, I had learnt a long time ago that if I wanted to distract my Dad it was to mention something about a new business opportunity, he couldn't resist an opportunity to invest in a good business concept before it became public, that way he could gain maximum returns and publicity as an innovator. I would have been happy to sit and talk to my father all night, I hadn't realised how much I missed him and how lonely I really was, but Bella had just returned to the kitchen and she was followed by the lapdog kid she used to live with. He carried a large yellow envelope and it immediately piqued my interest.

I cut my dad off mid sentence telling him my phone was about to go flat and promising I would call him tomorrow. I tossed the phone down and turned up the volume, the boy was telling Bella he needed to talk to Edward privately. She looked surprised at his request but called out to Edward.

As soon as she left the room he turned on Edward his voice was low and furious, "What the fuck is going on here Edward?"

Edward looked taken aback, "What the fuck you on about Jacob?"

Jacob thrust the envelope into Edward's hand, "Don't pretend you don't know what your fathers doing. How could you let him evict an old lady from the only home she's ever known? A home and lands that has been in my family for generations: to build an industrial park. And run an old man out of the only job he's ever had. My Father has had access to that fish quota since he was eighteen and now all of a sudden his quota has been sold to EEJC Corporation, company director Edward Cullen, a subsidiary company of Cullen Industries. Did you not think about how easily we could trace it back to you?"

The boy's voice shook with anger and his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Edward studied the documents carefully; it was a full five minutes before he spoke, "Jacob, I swear to you on all I hold sacred I had no knowledge of this."

"How could that be possible Edward, if you're the company director?"

"Because Carlisle has his own powers within the company and he doesn't have to answer to me. Listen Jake I can't go into specifics but I promise you that I will stop this, I can assure you that not one blade of grass will be disturbed. It's going to take me a couple of weeks, maybe a month to sort it out but tell your family it will be sorted. Jake I do need to ask a favour of you."

"What?"

"Please don't mention this to Bella, she's a wreck at the moment and I want to try and keep her out of this as much as possible. If she finds out what Carlisle is doing she will give up everything to protect everyone else."

Edward was clearly relieved when the boy agreed.

Edward slipped the envelope into his briefcase; got the boy a beer and they joined the others on the balcony. I could see Bella looking between them in confusion and they both acted like they didn't notice.

I heated the bottom of the pipe and took a long slow drag, I replayed Edward and Jacob's conversation in my head; by the sound of it Carlisle was still trying to break up the happy couple and had begun to destroy the lives of those closest to the_ slut_ to force her hand. And Edward was trying to keep it from Bella because she would walk away if she knew what was really going on.

My already good mood heightened further and my loneliness vanished, I was not alone in my mission to destroy Isabella, I had an extremely worthy and capable ally. With Carlisle wreaking havoc on those closest to her, I might not need to carry out the rest of my plan in order to get what I want. When I thought about it, it was probably better to let Carlisle do all the damage, Edward would redirect his anger and focus to his Father and I'll be free to finish her off without any chance of being implicated.

I poured myself a drink and returned to the monitors, I watched Isabella laugh and joke with my sister and scowled.

"You might as well enjoy a laugh while you can Slut because this is the beginning of the end for you." I held my glass up to the monitor as I toasted Isabella's impending demise.

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

**Bella's POV**

I couldn't shake the fear that Jake was the first of Carlisle's victims when he turned up and asked to speak Edward alone. I watched them through the window and though I couldn't hear what they were saying I could tell by Jakes body language that he was furious with Edward. I saw the colour drain from Edward's face as he read the documents Jake had thrust at him, they spoke for a few more minutes and I noticed Jakes body beginning to relax in response to something Edward was saying and by the time they joined us on the balcony neither of them were showing any signs of tension.

I wondered if Edward would tell me about their conversation when everybody left, but he still hadn't mentioned it by the time we climbed into bed.

He wrapped me in his arms and buried his face into my neck.

"Edward…?"

"Hmm," He never lifted his lips from my throat so I carried on.

"What did Jake want to talk to you about?" His lips froze on the base of my neck; his warm breath fanned out over my skin when he sighed.

He kept his lips against my throat, "he wanted to ask my advice on a property dispute one of his relatives is having. I told him I'd look over the contracts and see if I could find an out clause or loophole in the fine print."

I thought about what Edward said and it struck me as odd that Jake would want Edward to look over a family member's property contracts. For one wouldn't Jakes family consult a lawyer to look over the contracts and even though Jake and Edwards hostilities had eased I wouldn't have thought that Jake trusted or cared enough about Edward to ask his opinion or advice on any topic.

"Oh…Did he say who it was having the trouble?"

"He said something about a cousin but I don't think he mentioned a name, why is that?" Edward began to kiss a trail back toward my ear.

"I was just worried that it might be Billy or Tui in trouble. I'd hate for Tui to be having property drama's at her age. She's such a lovely lady; I love her like a grandmother. I wish you could spend some time on the Marae with Jake and his family, it's the most amazing experience, especially when the elders relay the legends of their ancestors."

"Who knows maybe Jake will invite me one day."

"I hope so..." The analytical part of mind knew that something was amiss but I quickly shut down its attempts to pick at the threads of Edward's explanation. I had to learn to let go of my lingering doubts and trust Edward; like he trusted me.

I tangled my fingers in his hair and pulled his face to mine, he smiled against my lips when he heard my contented sigh and pulled me deeper into his kiss….

**Feel free to review, or ask his Royal Sexiness or any other character a question, or if you want to you can just tell them what you think of them, they have pretty broad shoulders, though Edward will sulk if you're too mean to him...and Bella will probably hex you cause she'll have to deal with the aftermath... ;)**


	25. Chapter 25 Casualties of War

**A/N: As always light & Laughter and thank you to those of you who took the time to review, as you know we love your feedback. Also thank you to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions :)...Love, light & laughter to my facebook friends, I'm fast learning you're a very naughty bunch of minx' :) (especially you wolf girlz, man alive! LMAO)...Chapter photos will be up tomorrow can't be assed doing them tonight. lol...Jannie G, me and you have a date with with my new hottie we definitely need to catch up soon. lol...Larissa you're next in line ;)...And of course Sassy41 you know you dont even have to wait in line :) _Cinnamon xx_**

**Disclaimer: If you don't know who owns Twilight then you've been living under a rock! Greenaway & Cinnamon twist101 own this kick ass story. Lol!**

**Chapter 25: Casualties of War...**

**Bella's POV**

Edward had decided not to go into the office this morning instead opting to invite Irina to work with him at home; we had just sat down for breakfast when the phone rang. Edward didn't move from his seat, he knew I couldn't ignore a ringing phone. I poked me tongue out on the way past and he smirked. I was surprised when I heard the Chancellor of the University on the line. He requested I attend a meeting with him today to discuss some issues that had recently been brought to his attention, he didn't elaborate on what the issues were in regard to so I was overly concerned. I knew it couldn't be anything to do with the marking criteria because I was meticulous in following the schedule guidelines.

I took my seat back at the table and relayed my conversation to Edward, I caught a flash of some emotion in his eyes but it was gone before I could recognise it, when I looked more closely all I could see was the depth of his love for me.

I left the twins with Edward and headed into town, I was barely conscious of what was going around me, I was preoccupied replaying the conversation with the Chancellor over in my mind and trying desperately to find any clues as to what he might want to discuss with me.

I still hadn't come up with anything when I knocked on his office door.

My heart began to race; it was beating so hard I started to feel lightheaded when I stepped through the door and saw Jake sitting in a stiff wooden chair with his face in his hands. My throat constricted and tears pricked my eyes, Jake looked totally devastated when he looked up and met my eyes.

"Ah… Isabella thank you for coming on such short notice, please take a seat." I never took my eyes from Jake as I took a seat beside him.

Although I still didn't know why I was here; I suddenly had the feeling it wasn't going to be for anything good. Jake was visibly shaking next to me causing fear to claw at my insides. I took a deep steadying breath and willed myself not to vomit.

"So Isabella, Jacob, the reason I've asked you both here is because an official complaint has been made by an anonymous person in regards to a potential conflict of interest." Jake and I looked at each other and I could see my fear mirrored in his eyes.

It prompted me into speech, "what sort of conflict of interest sir?"

"Well Isabella the complainant has alleged that until very recently you two shared a residence."

"Yes that's correct we were flatmates." It suddenly dawned on me where the chancellor was going with this and I gripped the armrests to stop the convulsions trying to rip through my body.

"Well Isabella surely you can understand our being very concerned about this considering you mark the exams and all written material handed in for assessment for three of the courses Mr Black has been participating in. Now I have been over Mr Black's results and I noted his grade average puts him in the top two percent of our academic program, which of course gives him automatic acceptance onto the honours roll."

"Sir... I have never given Jake inside information or marked him higher than the marking schedule indicates for the quality of his work. Jake has studied extremely hard to get where he is."

"Yes well that may be, but Isabella you must see that we can't be sure of that can we? The potential damage to the universities reputation should this get out could be quite substantial and it is for that reason that I have no alternative than to terminate your employment contract with the university. And Mr Black all of your submitted material will be subjected to a review and reassessment, the review committee will request that your Professor's read your work and give an opinion on whether they feel you are capable of producing work of this standard. Until the results of the review are known I have no choice but to remove your name from the honours roll."

I stood up at the same time as Jake, my legs were shaking so badly they felt like jelly; I fought back my tears and followed Jake from the room.

I burst into tears as soon he closed the door behind us. "I'm so sorry Jake, I never even thought for a minute something like this could happen. I have always marked your work fairly and impartially. Besides you know that none of the student's names are on their submitted work only their student ID numbers."

"I know that Bells, I know you'd never cheat. Bella you know they know I could have easily given you my student number... Don't worry ok everything will work out in the end. Let's stay positive about the situation, regardless of the outcome we both know the truth."

I stared at Jake, wondering if he had taken leave of his sanity. "But Jake this could ruin everything you've worked for, destroy any chance you have of being successful in your chosen field."

"No it won't Bells, the worst that will happen is that I'll have to resubmit the work."

"Jake that's nearly three years worth of work you'll have to resit, that's repeating three quarters of your degree again. You can't afford to do that you're already struggling to pay your fees."

He pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head, "Bells its ok honestly, I would have rather dropped out of university than missed the opportunity to have lived with you and the twins." I buried my face into his chest and sobbed uncontrollably, he rubbed my back and whispered "Sshh... don't cry Bells, I promise this will all work out you'll see. Come on I'll drive you home, where's your car parked?"

I hugged him tightly, "Thanks Jake, you're the best, friend ever." He laughed into my hair and placed another kiss on my head.

I agreed to Jakes request to drive my Jag, I wasn't sure if Edward would be that thrilled; but it was the least I could do for my best friend. I stared out the window watching the shop windows passing before me but not seeing them, my mind was replaying my conversation with the chancellor.

He had said that it had been an anonymous complaint, but who? I slapped my hand against my forehead, "dah Bella how dumb are you?" I muttered to myself, of course I knew. "Carlisle," I spat his name from between my clenched teeth, so he had decided to take action after all.

"Bella what are you mumbling about? You know talking to yourself is a sign of insanity don't you?" He said before flashing me most favourite Jacob smile. It was nice to see it there.

I tried to smile back but I'm sure it was more of a grimace, "I was saying that Carlisle is behind this, he's the one that made the complaint."

Jakes eyebrows contracted into a frown and his knuckles flexed when he reaffirmed his grip on the steering wheel. I was expecting him to agree with me so his next words sent a wave of shock through me.

"I doubt it was Carlisle, Bells. I mean in terms of revenge it seems pretty lame for someone like Carlisle. I could imagine his schemes to be a lot more grandeur than getting you fired from a job you only do because you're too proud to let Edward support you financially. No this seems more like something a jealous classmate would do not the CEO of a global empire."

"But Jake you know what Carlisle said, he'd go after my friends. I mean you stand to lose everything why would you not think it was him?" I was confused Jake was making absolutely no sense.

"Like I said Carlisle is way more ruthless, it just seems too petty to me for him to waste his time on."

I was going to argue and tell him he's was silly not to think it was Carlisle when he pulled into the driveway.

All thoughts of arguments melted away, I was home.

Edward, Irina and the twins weren't in the kitchen, lounge or on the balcony, Jake followed me to Edward's office. I could hear muffled voices through the door and couldn't help but smile, my life was waiting for me just beyond this inanimate object. I pushed the door open and my smile widened, Edward was sitting on the soft leather couch reading 'The Wizard and the Hopping Pot' to the kid's who were seated either side of him listening attentively.

Irina was working at the computer, she smiled radiantly at both Jake and I. Her face fell slightly when she took in my appearance; I knew my eyes would be red and puffy from crying.

"Are you alright Bella? You look upset like you've been crying." Edward was off the couch and by my side before I even had time to think of a response.

He held my shoulders and looked directly into my face, "what happened at the meeting Bella, why have you been crying?"

I fought to keep myself under control; I forced back the sob trying to push its way from my throat and refused to let the tears pooled in my eyes spill over. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face against his throat, trying to breathe in as much of his smell as I could, knowing it would help me control myself.

While I had managed to keep myself from crying I had no energy left to control the tremors rippling through me. Edward obviously felt them because he held me tighter; his hands threading into my hair.

I was just wondering if I had enough control of myself to explain but before, I had chance to examine my self control Jake spoke.

"The university received an anonymous complaint about a possible conflict of interest from the time we lived together, apparently someone thought that Bella had been giving me inside information on the exam content for the courses I'm taking and purposely marking my work to the highest level so I could gain automatic entry onto the honours roll. The University was concerned about the fallout if it became public so they terminated Bella's contract and are officially reviewing and reassessing all the work I have submitted since Bella took on the job."

I hissed Carlisle's name against Edward's neck.

"What was that Bella?" Edward's throat vibrated against my lips and I was distracted by how good it felt.

A wave of desire washed over me and an involuntary moan escaped my lips. I marvelled at body's ability to be completely turned on by on insignificant movement in his body when my mind was awash with turmoil.

Before had time to respond to his question Jake spoke again.

"She said Carlisle, Bella thinks Carlisle is behind this…I told her I doubted it very much. I'm pretty sure Carlisle's would be a little more inventive in his schemes. I reckon it was someone from my course who was jealous and saw a chance to cause me some grief. Bella's more upset about losing her financial independence than losing the job."

I pulled my face from Edward's neck and turned to glare at Jake, I couldn't believe he just said that. I continued to glare at him; my eyes boring into his, he gave me a semi apologetic look before his eyes drifted to Edward's where they lingered for a moment before returning to mine.

"Bella," Edward growled, "are you honestly worried about money?" I ignored Edward for a moment instead continuing to shoot my death glare at Jacob. He met my gaze evenly with no hint of remorse for ratting me out.

"Of course I'm worried about the loss of my income, I've got financial obligations I have to meet," I hissed at Edward, finally responding to his question.

"Bella go and get your bank account details now." Edward's voice had a ring of authority that raised my ire.

I turned to look at him my eyes narrowing, "No I will not Edward, we've been through this; my mortgage is my responsibility. Please don't start this argument _again_." We had been through this argument a million times already; I couldn't believe he wanted to go down that path again.

Edward sighed in exasperation, his eyes closed and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

I knew the gesture well; he only used it when his patience had reached its limit. I clenched my hands into fists, closed my eyes and braced myself for what was coming next.

My eyes snapped open and I looked at Edward in surprise when he addressed Irina instead of me.

"Irina would you please access the human resources files at Cullen and retrieve Bella's bank account details, then transfer funds from my account to pay the balance of her mortgage."

"Edward," I fumed, "we talked about this, why won't you just…God..." I trailed off. I rubbed my hands over my face, I was so angry with him and I wanted to argue but I wasn't going to do it front of our friends and least of all my children.

Edward took advantage of my silence to deliver his final word on the matter. "Bella if you think I'm going to sit back and watch you stress yourself even more than you are now over how you are going to pay off your mortgage when you have access to millions of dollars you refuse to touch, it's not going to happen."

"It's done Edward," I could tell from Irina's voice that she was torn between doing what Edward asked and not wanting me to feel like I no choice in the matter.

I met her gaze and tried to convey with my look that I wasn't angry with _her._

No, my fury was directed at Edward and _Jake._

"Thank you Irina," Edward said smoothly smiling at her in appreciation. He turned his smiling face toward me, "see how easy that was love, don't you feel better knowing that you have one less thing to worry about." I ignored him and turned my attention back to Jake; who had drifted over to the couch to finish reading their story. I gave him a withering look before I turned and stormed from the room.

I headed toward my room but quickly changed course when I heard someone knocking on the front door. I took a couple of deep breaths to compose myself and rearranged my face into a smile and opened the door.

Esme's face broke into a radiant smile, "Hi Bella, sorry I never phoned first, I went into the office to see Edward and they told me he was working from home today."

"Hi Esme come in Edward's in his office with Irina, Jake and the twins feel free to go to wander down there; I was just going to start lunch. Would you like to join us?" I concentrated on relaxing my rigid facial muscles into a happy smile and keeping my voice light and even and was pleased when I managed both.

"That would be lovely thank you Bella." I noticed Esme was holding a large envelope not dissimilar to the one Jake had the other night, It reminded me to ask him, if I ever decided to speak to him again that was, which of his family was having property issues.

I watched Esme disappear into Edward's office before I made my way to the kitchen.

So many thoughts swirled around my head; I was starting to feel dizzy. I was struggling to keep my head above torrent of different emotions that were bombarding me from every side. I banged and crashed around kitchen muttering under my breath as I prepared lunch. God was the world going insane or was it me?

I consider the question for a moment, while I could see my own sanity was slipping, I was still certain that I had hit the point of insanity yet.

I thought about Jake, he had definitely taken leave of his sanity, that answered my question. Everyone else had gone insane, the revelation was further backed up by the thought Edward had decided to reopen the mortgage can of worms. My thoughts returned to Jake, Christ talk about totally drop me in it! How could he betray me like that and tell Edward about my financial fears? God he knew how I felt about it! Bloody traitorous bastard.

It wasn't so much that I didn't want Edward to provide for me, and it was even more than the fear that it would reinforce in Carlisle's mind that I was a gold digger; it was my own personal fear that I was losing my identity. At times I felt like I was losing who I was as an individual. I didn't just want to be Edward's partner and mother to my children; although they were the most important parts of my life I didn't want them to define me as a person. I had my own dreams and aspirations, things I wanted to accomplish for myself. When I had been raising the twins and living with Jake I had complete control over my life. I didn't have to answer to anybody, I didn't need to rely on anybody financially, every decision I made was right for me and my children and I was sure of myself.

But now I had no control, decisions that should have been mine to make, had just been taken from me as well.

My thoughts turned to the scene in the office and how Edward had completely steamed rolled over my feelings, I hated when he did that. It was frustrating and sort of degrading when Edward treated me like one of his children instead of his partner. I had just taken the crystal salad bowl from the cupboard when it slipped through my shaking fingers; it shattered into thousands of glittering shards and scattered in a million different directions.

"Fuck…shit…stupid son of a fucking bitch…" I cursed, as a wave of fury course through me. I was fucking over this day already.

"My, my...You are having a bad morning aren't you my little wildcat? May I be as cheeky as to ask what the bowl did earn your fierce but adorable wrath?" Edward gave me a dazzling smile and I scowled. His mood had greatly improved from when I'd left him fifteen minutes earlier and he chuckled when my face went into full on pout mode. "God Bella I can't decide which I find sexier angry bowl smashing Bella or stubborn unrepentant sulky Bella, it's a dead heat between them at the moment."

My pout became more pronounced as did my frown, "I'm glad you find it funny Edward!"

I bent down and started picking up the razor sharp shards, he weaved a path through the glass and pulled me up by my shoulders and gently took the glass from my hands.

"Bella I know you're upset that you lost your job and the independence it gave you, but it makes no sense for you to add to your already stressed state when it is so completely unnecessary. I want to provide for you and the kids it's what us men are supposed to do."

"For the love of God Caveward this isn't prehistoric times, you just set the woman's movement back about a millennia with that statement! You're actually lucky I'm not a neo feminist I might have ripped your balls off for saying that." I couldn't help but giggle, even though I was still seething.

He cringed involuntarily and I laughed louder and crushed my lips to his, He discarded the glass and wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer, in spite of myself my anger started to melt when he ran his tongue along my bottom lip. His kiss became more demanding, his lips moving roughly against mine as he leaned his body in closer. My heart stuttered and took off into a sprint as body moulded to his, I twined my fingers through his hair holding him against my mouth.

Both of us took a step back when we heard Esme clearing her throat from the doorway.

"Sorry to interrupt, I was just wondering if you needed some help with lunch?"

I could feel the blush rushing over my cheeks and my skin felt like it had erupted into flames when Edward's thumb followed the trail of pooling blood.

"You weren't interrupting Mum, and Bella and I have lunch under control, I'll just clean up this broken glass and we'll be good to go. Would you like to let Irina and Jake know?"

Edward kissed me again as soon as his mother turned her back on us but I quickly slithered out of his embrace, my former anger had returned in the time that Esme had been in the room, and went back to cleaning up the glass.

He let out a defeated sigh and bent down to help...

...I noticed during lunch that Edward seemed to be in unusually high spirits, he chatted happily to Jake and laughed more freely than I think I'd ever seen him do. I wondered why he was so happy, I didn't think that being able to pay off my mortgage would cause this kind of elation and with all the stuff going on with Carlisle I could no reason for it. My mood never improved much as the afternoon wore on and Edward's continuing sunshine and rainbows attitude was pissing me off, so I declined when he asked me to join him and Esme on their walk with the twins, opting to stay at home and stomp around the house.

Edward and Esme had only been gone about ten minutes when I got a call from Rose telling me that due to restructuring in the company she worked for she and Alice had been made redundant.

I knew I should have been shocked by the news but I wasn't, Carlisle had been perfectly clear that he intended to hurt my friends and family. And now that he had decided to act, he was swift and using a multipronged attack.

"Well you're not the only one Rose I got fired from my job today?" I said dejectedly.

"You what? Why?" I couldn't help but smile a little at the indignant tone of her voice.

"Someone or I should say Carlisle, complained to the school because Jake and I used to live together and I marked the exam papers for his courses. They think I helped him onto the honours roll by marking him higher and prepping him for the exams."

"Are they fucking crazy? As if you'd do that, and why would you think Carlisle was responsible for you losing your job?"

"And making sure you and Alice got made redundant." I muttered.

"Bella why would you think Carlisle had anything to do with Alice and I being made redundant?"

I quickly explained to her what Carlisle had threatened to do if I didn't leave Edward and how I was sure he had decided to act. Normally I wouldn't have burdened my sister's with my dramas but I felt I should warn them, since it involved them directly.

"Bella I think you're being paranoid, Carlisle was probably just trying to scare you into doing what he wanted. I don't think he'd actually carry it out though."

I immediately wished I hadn't said anything, I should have followed my instincts and kept quiet. It seemed no one wanted to believe Carlisle was responsible even though it was obvious he was.

But like I said I owed my sisters a warning especially since I was the reason they no longer had jobs.

"Yes he would Rose, the man's totally ruthless and a control freak; you know that." I said a little exasperatedly.

"Yeah Bells he is, but I can't see how he could have a hand in it. Carlisle has no authority in _Stanley & Co, _they are completely separate companies."

"Carlisle has huge influence in this country and even more in this city. You'd be amazed who has influence over. Rose just out of curiosity, were you or Alice asked to reapply for jobs under the new structure?"

"No we weren't, but I don't know if anyone else was either. These things happen Bells people get made redundant all the time, and sweetie I'd be careful of accusing Carlisle of anything, especially without concrete proof. Even though people know what a huge prick he is they still bow down to him."

"I know." I said automatically.

Rose chatted for a few more minutes, but I had totally checked out of the conversation. I was lost in thoughts of Jake and Rosalie and how they refused to believe that Carlisle had a hand in what was happening. These were the people I knew as well as I knew myself, my family. I thought they knew me too, knew me well enough to take my concerns seriously.

Obviously I was wrong.

"Um...sorry Rose I need to go, the twins are getting into mischief. Look I'll talk to you later ok. I'm sorry about your job. Gotta go...Bye"

I hung up on Rose before she had time to say anything; I closed my eyes as I slid down the wall. I hugged my knees to my chest trying to stop myself being engulfed by the wave of loneliness that crashed over me. I had never felt more isolated in my life. If no one was going to take my concerns about Carlisle seriously then I had no-one to turn to.

Of course there was Edward but he was more interested in soothing my fears, which I appreciated more than anything, but he was intent to keep me in the dark about his plans and I didn't appreciate that. I stayed on the floor lost in the vortex of my thoughts until I heard Esme and Edward's voices from the entryway; I scrambled to my feet and put on a smile on my face as they came into the room.

I avoided Edward's gaze; I knew if he looked into my eyes he would see how low I was and he'd start stressing out which would stress me out further.

It was a vicious cycle neither one of us could break free from.

I took more time than was strictly necessary putting the kids down for their afternoon sleep, I gave each of my children an extra big cuddle told them I loved them a hundred more times than I normally dai and, breathed in their gorgeous scents, holding them in my lungs as long as I could.

Their smell made me feel a little less lonely...

**~~~~~XXXX~~~~~**

I waited until we were in bed before I broached the subject of Rose and Alice.

"Edward,"

"Hmm,"

He carried on kissing a trail across my shoulder waiting for me to speak.

"Rose rang today; she and Alice got made redundant from their jobs. I rung another friend that works at Stanley and she told me the Company had rehired everyone but Rose and Alice." Edward's breath fanned out across my shoulder blade when he sighed deeply. I felt horrible that I was adding to his stress but I needed to say something in order to alleviate some of my own. "Edward, Carlisle is definitely behind this. He is hurting everyone I love. Rose, Alice, Jake, just like he said he would…I don't know what to do, I can't lose you but I can't let him hurt them."

He turned me to face him, his eyes turned hypnotic as he met my gaze. "Bella I want you to promise me now, that you will not leave me and the kids to protect the rest of your family. Promise me Bella…"

I silently apologized to the people I loved for being so selfish and prayed they'd one day forgive me before whispering, "I promise."

Guilt ate away at my insides but as much as I loved my sister's and Jake I loved Edward and our children more and I wasn't going to destroy their lives for anything or anyone.

"Thank you Bella, now sweetheart I want you to stop stressing, you're going to make yourself sick and leave Carlisle to me…" Edward's voice was full of venom; it was frightening sound; a sound that turned my blood to ice and chilled my soul. And a sound I hoped I was never on the receiving end of.

I was getting frustrated, "Edward, please…promise me you're not going to attack your Father again, you'll break Mothers heart and completely destroy your family...Promise me." I pleaded.

"Oh I promise you Bella I won't lay a finger on him but I will be having a chat with him…But let's not talk about that sick son of bitch anymore, he's affecting my mojo."

He brought his lips to mine, kissing me with uncontained enthusiasm as his hand slid down my side. I didn't want to drop the subject I wanted Edward to tell me what he was going to say to his Dad. He must have felt my hint of resistance because his fingers fisted into my hair holding my mouth to his.

"There's nothing wrong with your mojo…" I murmured as he rolled on top of me.

He kissed me harder effectively ending all further conversation...

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

**Tanya's POV**

Well things were just getting better and better, Carlisle was definitely behind the trouble Bella and co's troubles and I was sure this was just the beginning of what he had planned to get rid of her. She was already starting to shows signs that she was not strong enough to withstand a prolonged attack from Carlisle and I was sure no matter what she promised Edward she would succumb to Carlisle demands.

I turned down the volume and switched off the monitor, I didn't want to ruin my good mood by watching those two fucking again. I picked up my cell phone and scrolled down to Carlisle's number.

I smiled widely when I heard his smooth voice on the line.

"Carlisle its Tanya."

"Tanya, what a lovely surprise how are you?"

"I'm good thanks how are you?"

"I'm very well thank you Tanya. I've had a very good day today actually I'd go as far as to say I've had a great day... Your father tells me you're in Egypt?"

"Yes working on a few Business concepts; I'll have to meet up with you when I'm in New Zealand next and I can fill you in on them. How's Edward?" I asked casually.

"He's been completely out of control. I'm extremely worried about him since he let that gold digger into his life. She has completely conned him, but I don't envision them being together for much longer. I've never met a more flighty person than Bella."

"Hmm... she's definitely not Edward's type, no class… I miss him Carlisle even though he left me I still love him and I would have him back in a heartbeat."

"I'm happy to hear that Tanya because he's going to need you when she leaves." My heart glowed and a wide gleeful smile spread over my face. Carlisle was going to help me make sure I was back in Edward's life, where I belonged. He like me knew what was best for Edward. And that was of course was him coming back to me so we could be a family, the right type of family, the family his father approved of.

I chatted to Carlisle for a few more minutes promising I would keep in touch before I bade him goodnight. I filled my pipe, poured a drink and headed for bed; I fingered the collar of Edward's shirt and rubbed it against my cheek.

I had been wearing it since I took it from his closet, I couldn't smell him on it anymore but it was still his and all I had for now….

EPOV

"There will be no going back Edward. You need to realise that." Irina said suddenly and I looked up from my computer screen. I gave her a firm stare. I knew _exactly_ what I was doing. I was doing what _he_ would have done in my position. I was crushing the opposition in the severest way possible.

"I'm fully aware." I answered, a little irritated. I knew Irina's concern was coming from the right place, but I also hated to be doubted or second guessed.

Irina could see that and she shook her head with a sad smile, "I hope so honey. I really, really hope so. For your sake:"

I closed my eyes and sighed. I could tell from her tone that this wasn't over. Irina never pushed her opinion on me unless she really felt I was doing something stupid.

Like when I had been unable to forgive Bella for _her _secrets and transgressions. It had been Irina who had made me see sense then and it was why I would always listen to her no matter how much her words bothered me. I opened my eyes to find her looking at me in amusement. She knew me better than anyone, except maybe Bella and she knew what I was thinking.

"Go on then. Get it off your fucking chest before you hurt yourself." I muttered. She turned to face me and launched straight into the heart of the matter.

"You won't only hurt your father Edward, your mother is going to be devastated when she finds out you lied to her."

I winced. She was definitely getting straight to the point and I couldn't entirely disagree with her predictions. My mother _was_ going to be hurt by all this. She would feel betrayed and used and she would be well within her rights to feel that way. I swallowed a lump in my throat, "You _may_ be able to convince your brother's that this is the best thing, but they aren't going to like it when they find out what you did in order to get your mother's support."

"I don't plan on telling them until after the deal is done." I muttered and she stared at me with wide eyes.

"Oh, Edward." Her eyes took on a glassy look and I was worried she would begin to cry "Bella wouldn't want this. She wouldn't want you do to this, to become the kind of person who would manipulate his entire family to get what he wants."

She was right. I knew Bella would be appalled. She would never allow me to sacrifice anything for her, even though she had already sacrificed so much for me. She would take my father's anger and hostility forever before she allowed me to create such a rift in my family. It was exactly why she wasn't going to know until it was too late. I wasn't prepared for her to suffer any more at my expense. I would prove to her that she and our children were the most important things in my world and there was _nothing_ I would not do for them.

Or it's what I kept telling myself over and over again anyway.

I took a deep breath before levelling my gaze on Irina, "Irina, I know you are worried about me..."

"I am Edward. I _am_ worried about you. You've had a rough time over the past few years and I don't want to see my best friend hurt anymore. I want to see him happy with the woman he loves and his beautiful children..."

"I can't do this without you Irina." I interrupted "You're my best friend too and you are the only one who can help me with this. I need you." I finished.

She stared at me for a solid minute before speaking, her tears finally spilling over, "You know I'm behind you no matter what Edward. You fought for my happiness with Demetri; of course I'm going to help you fight for yours."

She got up and came around to me and I stood up, pulling her into my arms and kissing the top of her head. "Thank you Irina." I murmured just as she delivered a punch to my kidneys.

I slumped theatrically and she hiccupped a laugh and pushed me back, "Ok then you clown, let's get to work. There's a lot to do."

I nodded and was about to go back to my computer when the door pushed open and Apple and Louis stumbled sleepily into the room.

"Where Mummy?" Louis asked rubbing his eyes and I smiled at my son.

"Mummy had to go into work little man, but she will be back soon." Louis nodded solemnly and moved to the couch. I closed my laptop and went to pick up a still immobile and dazed Apple in the doorway. "Hey sleepyhead. You look like you might still be in dreamland." I teased kissing her nose.

She blinked at me owlishly, "Apple had sleep." She mumbled, her eyelids closing a little.

"Apple looks like she might still be asleep." I murmured moving us both to the couch.

I sat down and Louis snuggled into my side automatically, looking up at me hopefully. "Daddy read book, Louis?"

I ruffled his hair "Course. For you guys, anything."

"And then some." Irina muttered. I ignored her and picked up a book from the coffee table and began reading quietly.

"Apple not sleepy now." Came an exceptionally alert voice from beside me and I looked down to see Apple's previously heavy eyes now bright and alert. I chuckled and began reading the story to them, making all the appropriate voices at the appropriate times and even earning a laugh or two from Irina.

I had been reading for about half an hour when the door opened and Bella walked in with Jacob following closely behind her.

I looked back at the same time as I heard Irina mention that Bella looked as though she had been crying. I got up quickly off the couch, depositing the twins safely behind me in one fluid motion as I moved to her side. She had _definitely_ been crying. Her eyes were red and swollen and I didn't need a fucking crystal ball to know _why_ she was crying. The specifics I didn't know, but the cause behind it all... There was only one thing that caused her pain these days.

My. Fucking. Father.

I took her gently by the shoulders and looked into her beautiful, but sad brown eyes. She was obviously fighting back her tears and the specifics became just that much more important to me. "What happened at the meeting Bella; why have you been crying?"

she didn't answer, instead burying her head into my neck and holding onto me tighter. I wrapped my arms around her as she began to shake in my embrace. I pulled her into me, trying to reassure her through my touch that she was safe and I would protect her. No matter what my father had done, and I was under no illusions that he was behind whatever had upset her so, I would find a way to undo it. Every attack he made I would counter.

He would not win. Not this time.

"The university received an anonymous complaint about a possible conflict of interest from the time we lived together, apparently someone thought that Bella had been giving me inside information on the exam content for the courses I'm taking and purposely marking my work to the highest level so I could gain automatic entry onto the honours roll. The University was concerned about the fallout if it became public so they terminated Bella's contract and are officially reviewing and reassessing all the work I have submitted since Bella took on the job." Jacob spoke up and I closed my eyes.

An anonymous complaint. Or more likely, Carlisle Cullen called his good friend and sailing buddy who just _also_ happened to be the chairman of the university board. I felt a rush of warm air against my neck as Bella spoke. I asked her to repeat herself, but all I got was low moan.

"She said Carlisle, Bella thinks Carlisle is behind this…I told her I doubted it very much. I'm pretty sure Carlisle's would be a little more inventive in his schemes. I reckon it was someone from my course who was jealous and saw a chance to cause me some grief. Bella's more upset about losing her financial independence than losing the job." Jacob joked, trying to lighten the mood, but the damage from his comment was already done.

Bella was worried about _money_? She thought my father was deliberately trying to destroy her life and she was worried about her next pay check? I couldn't help but feel mildly insulted. Did she not think I would take care of her? "Bella," I said, bristling at little. "Are you honestly worried about money?"

Bella, who had been glaring at Jacob, did not answer me straight away and I was about to ask her again when she finally spoke up.

"Of course I'm worried about the loss of my income, I've got financial obligations I have to meet," She said through her teeth and my hackles went up that much more.

She didn't have fucking _financial obligations_, she had me and I had more fucking money than I knew what to do with. It hurt that she refused to accept my help and gifts, I felt like she was rejecting a part of _me _somehow. "Bella go and get your bank account details now." I said in a tone that left no room for argument. I fucking _loved _her, I worshipped the ground she walked on; there was no way I was allowing her to stress over something as small as money.

"No I will not Edward, we've been through this; my mortgage is my responsibility. Please don't start this argument _again_."

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. Why would she never see _sense_? My own bruised ego aside, it was simply a matter of good economics to pay off her interest bearing mortgage. "Irina would you please access the human resources files at Cullen and retrieve Bella's bank account details, then transfer funds from my account to pay the balance of her mortgage." I said, too fucking tired, confused and frankly, hurt to continue arguing with her.

"Edward," Bella said her voice was low and menacing "we talked about this, why won't you just…God..." She stopped suddenly and rubbed at her face, looking as tired as I felt.

I refused to let her stress mount any more than it already had. "Bella if you think I'm going to sit back and watch you stress yourself even more than you are now over how you are going to pay off your mortgage when you have access to millions of dollars you refuse to touch, it's not going to happen."

"It's done Edward," Irina spoke up quietly.

"Thank you Irina," I smiled, happy that I had successfully thwarted at least one attempt of my father's to hurt Bella. Had that really been his best attempt to make good on his threat? I almost pitied him, he could use his money and influence to get Bella fired, I would use mine to crush him.

I looked down at Bella, hoping to see an appreciative Bella for once, but also knowing the likely hood of such an event was quite slim. "See how easy that was love, don't you feel better knowing that you have one less thing to worry about?" I asked, knowing better but still hoping for at least a 'thank you' as a consolation prize.

Instead she ignored me and snapped her fierce glare to Jake. He was seemingly unaffected, as he sat with the twins and began to finish the story. I was beginning to like Jacob more and more every day. After a moment Bella stormed from the room leaving the three of us there in silence.

"Mummy pissed." Apple said breaking the silence and I turned to her in shock.

"Where did you hear a word like that princess?" I asked in horror. She smiled at me angelically.

"Unc... Unc... Emmy. Emmy say Daddy Trucktard too!" She beamed at me, quite proud of herself and her newly expanded vocabulary.

"Emmett." Irina growled and I had to say, I echoed her sentiments.

I knelt down in front of Apple, "Those aren't very nice words and it was very naughty of Uncle Emmett to teach them to you. Promise Daddy you won't say them again, ok?" I asked and she nodded at me solemnly.

"Apple promise." I kissed her tiny nose before standing up and moving back to my desk.

I sat down and opened my laptop. The document detailing everything I had been working so hard at popped up on my screen and my good mood vanished as the door opened and my beaming mother came into the room. My eyes went straight to the envelope in her hands. Everything rested on the documents inside and even though I knew what they said (I should have, since I had written them up myself with Irina and our lawyer Paul.)

I still felt a surge of adrenalin rush through me.

"Esme; How lovely to see you." Irina said shaking me out of my thoughts and I realised I had been staring quite openly at the brown envelope in my mother's hand.

I made a mental note to thank Irina for the cover later and then readied myself for the acting part of all times. "Mum, to what do I owe the pleasure?" I said as if I weren't painfully fucking aware of why she was here.

She turned from Irina only after promising to pass along a certain recipe and I began to wonder how long I had been lost in my own little world.

My mother stepped towards me and wrapped her arms around me, the envelope pressing against the small of my back. I could feel it burning through my shirt and an unexpected wave of shame hit me. The giving, innocent woman before me, my own _mother_, I was using in a game of wits against my father. Even he had not sunk so low.

"Do I need a reason to visit you silly boy? I'm _still_ trying to make up for all the time I missed out on when you were in France." She shook her head at me, still not letting me go "I missed my charming, debonair son. Plus, your brothers and father _refuse_ to swing dance with me. I've been hoping a certain person would ask, but so far..."

Jake snorted from across the room and looked between me and my mother.

"Edward can swing dance?" He asked obviously restraining his laughter. I narrowed my eyes at him, but my mother continued on ignorant that she was only fuelling his little joke.

"Oh yes. He's really very, very good. Do you remember that time you and I danced while in France sweetheart? You were a little 'in your cups' I recall, but even then you still dance like Fred himself."

"Flintstone?" Jake chortled and I shook my head.

"Hint received Mum; I'll have my people call your people." I felt like such a fake and fraud joking with her. I was a terrible son and a terrible person, but it wasn't stopping me.

Nothing would.

My mother held the envelope out and my hands nearly shook as I took it from her. It was done. It was in my possession. I now had the means to protect my family.

"It's what we discussed the other day, darling. Everything is all there, I'm so glad you opened up to me about this Edward and that I could be part of it. Little Apple and Louis... Our family legacy." Her eyes welled up with tears "I'm so proud of you Edward. No mother could ask for a better son."

Words could not describe the guilt I felt, for lying to her, for failing to be the son she praised so highly, but mostly I felt guilty because there was another, greater feeling overriding the guilt.

I was beyond fucking happy. I had the silver bullet needed to take down Carlisle Cullen.

My mother hugged me once more before moving over to say hello to the twins.

I felt rather than saw Irina come up and stand behind me. "Stanley and Co has announced their restructuring layoffs to the board. Apparently, they only felt two positions needed to be cut."

I hissed, my mood changing rapidly once more. I was almost fucking dizzy from the plethora of emotions I was experiencing. I _knew_ who had been issued their letters of redundancy today. Rosalie and Alice Swan.

"Your father signed off on everything Edward." She murmured quietly, though my mother was in the middle of trying to convert Jake to take up Swing dancing and couldn't hear us anyway.

"Then he signed his own execution. Emmett and Jasper will both be on board once they find out. Email them the minutes from the Stanley and Co meeting and my proposal." My voice was icy and cold, though I smiled a million-mega-watt smile at my mother when she glanced over.

"I'll do it now." Irina said and went back to her computer.

I excused myself from the room and went to find Bella, thinking that she had had enough time to cool off from earlier.

I was wrong.

Even after I had taken the twins on a walk with mother, Bella still only looked at me long enough to shoot an angry glare here or there. It wasn't until after the twins had both been put down for their sleep that she began to thaw out a little towards me and it wasn't until we were in bed that she actually spoke to me again.

I almost missed the silent treatment when I heard what she had to say.

"Rose rang today; she and Alice got made redundant from their jobs. I rung another friend that works at Stanley and she told me the Company had rehired everyone but Rose and Alice." I sighed. She knew. Of course she knew; Alice and Rose were her _sisters_. Of course they would call Bella when they got their notices. I was still kicking myself for my lack of forethought when she continued. "Edward, Carlisle is definitely behind this. He is hurting everyone I love. Rose, Alice, Jake, just like he said he would…I don't know what to do, I can't lose you but I can't let him hurt them."

I forced her to look at me, "Bella I want you to promise me now, that you will not leave me and the kids to protect the rest of your family. Promise me Bella…"

_Promise me Bella, because everything I am doing, everything I have already done, I have done it all for you and our family. Please don't make it have been for nothing._

I held my breath only releasing it when she spoke the two words that put all my fears to rest.

"I promise."

"Thank you Bella, now sweetheart I want you to stop stressing, you're going to make yourself sick and leave Carlisle to me…" at the mere mention of his name, I felt the anger begin to engulf me. So many people _hurt_ and for what?

His games?

Well, not anymore. Not any fucking more...

**A/N: Feel free to let us know what you thought...It's our favourite way to start the day, coffee for me, Tea for Greenaway and an inbox full of your thoughts :)**


	26. Chapter 26 Secrets & Deceit

**A/N: As always thank you to our reviewers & to those of you who have added this story to their subscriptions. And love, light & laughter to my facebook friends :) chapter photos will be up tomorrow :)**

**Also A special thank you to Sassy41 for taking the time out to give us a private review of this chapter as you know your advice is invaluable to both Greenaway and I. We truly do appreciate that you play crash test audience for us. Xx...**

**So this week we don't have Edward's POV...His POV for this chapter will be included in upcoming chapters, there is a reason for it; a method to our madness :) ...So Just Bella and Tanya this week but Edward will be back next week in his usual larger than life way...lol...And Cause Chapter 27 is written we will be giving it to you on Sunday morning. Xxx**

**DISCLAIMER: S MEYER owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamon Twist101 own An Angel At My Table...**

**Chapter 26: Secrets & Deceit...**

**Bella's POV**

Edward's good mood continued all week but he never said what was making him so happy. He, Irina, Felix and Demetri had been working from his home office all week. They spent hours holed up in there doing god knows what, they fell silent and minimised their laptop screens every time I came into to bring coffee or cold drinks.

This made me feel a little hurt, like they didn't trust me around their sensitive information. In fact they were acting like I was some kind of enemy spy or something. I never bothered to ask Edward why he hadn't been going into the office and he never gave me a reason so I just left it at that.

It was nice to have him home during the day even though I only saw him sporadically. The days I was home for lunch instead of taking the twins to meet up with Esme, Edward helped me put them down for their afternoon sleep. We usually stole a few moments alone in either our room or on the bathroom vanity depending how desperate we were and who was around at the time. Felix, Irina and Demetri were used to Edward turning back up in the office with his hair and appearance dishevelled and a smirk on his face, I apologised to Irina for holding Edward up but she waved me off with a giggle.

"Bella don't apologise Edward always comes up with his best ideas after he gets back from helping you with the…well you know…" Irina blushed and I couldn't help but laugh, even after all this time she was still embarrassed knowing such intimate things about Edward and I. I had been steadily trying to encourage her to loosen up and start teasing Demetri, stating it wasn't fair that Edward should have all the fun, she giggled nervously, "Bella I wouldn't know where to start."

"Well it's lucky for you I do. So go and grab your bag, you're having the afternoon off to go shopping."

"Bell's I can't, Edward needs my help."

"Edward will survive without you; it will do him good. Come on I'll tell him while you grab your stuff. And don't worry I'm leaving the twins with him so he's not going to get a lot of work done anyway."

She gave me a one of her radiant smile and hugged me tightly. "Thank you Bella."

"Don't thank me yet sweetie." I took her hand and dragged her to the office; I knocked softly before pulling Irina through the door behind me.

Edward looked up with a smirk, I knew he knew what I was about to ask so I didn't bother, "We'll be back later, have fun with the kids." I took the keys to his Aston Martin from his desk draw, and smirked when I heard his low growl.

I turned and poked out my tongue, "suck it up sookie bubba it's only a fucking car!"

I snorted when I heard Irina gasp and Felix and Demetri chuckle.

"Bella," Edward's voice took on a hint of authority and I felt myself bristle with indignation.

"Edward…Do I need to remind you that arguing is futile? Unless of course you're prepared to lose certain liberties," His eyes darkened perceptibly when I discreetly pulled down the corner of my top to reveal the fresh marks he'd left on my skin.

"Be careful with it Bella, you know…" Edward looked like he was going to have a panic attack and I rolled my eyes.

"Like I said Edward it's only a car…but I will treat it kindly just for you." I kissed him chastely, squirming out of his embrace when he tried to pull me deeper into the kiss.

His fingers clenched around my wrist, his grip vice like as he pulled me back into him, his breath was warm as hissed out against my ear. "Those marks will be nothing compared to the ones I'm going to leave on you when I get you alone tonight Bella, you have obviously forgotten how much I like punishing you love. I have a riding crop with your name on it. Enjoy your ride…" An involuntary shiver rippled through me at Edward's threat. Goosebumps erupted on my skin in response to the deadly serious tone of his voice. I could feel his lips curl into a smile against my ear, "Are you afraid my little kitty?…You should be…" He squeezed my wrist a little harder, smirking when he released it and saw the red marks where his fingers had lain.

Irina looked at me in concern; her eyes travelling to the marks on my wrist and a frown marred her face. I knew neither she, Demetri nor Felix had heard Edward's threat but she had seen how tightly he held me. She never said anything until we were in the Aston Martin and making our way down the driveway.

I followed her gaze, she was looking at my wrists with a frown, "Bella did Edward hurt you back there in the office? I can still see his finger marks on your skin."

"No; he didn't," I said calmly, "it's just a game we like to play. Edward would never intentionally hurt me. You know it's funny we both seem to have the same kind of twisted turn ons, neither one of us is any good at vanilla sex…if you know what I mean?"

Irina blushed, a deep crimson, "If you're sure Bell's? You know I would kick Edward's ass if I knew he was hurting you."

"Thanks sweetie and don't worry I'd kick Edward's ass if he hurt me." I accelerated as I pulled out of the driveway and giggled at Irina's gasp when she heard the tyres squeal.

I had only just made it to the corner when my phone beeped, I smirked when I saw Edward's name on the screen. I flipped open the phone and laughed at his message.

_Bella if there is so much as a scratch on the mags or if the tread is even worn a fraction of inch, I swear no amount of begging or pleading or deal brokering is going to save you…I know every inch of that car as well as I know every inch of you and Bella I promise you, you won't be walking for days if it is not returned to me in the same perfect condition as I gave it to you…(if that's the right phrase since I really didn't have a choice)_

I ignored his text and put my foot down on the accelerator, the car snarled in response.

"Bells should we text Alice; see if she wants to meet us? You know what she'll do if she finds out we went shopping without her, and you know she will find out!"

"True she will go into sulk mode if she finds ou and that could last any thing from hours to months... Yeah text her tell her we'll meet her at Shalari." I liked Irina's idea to ask Alice, I hadn't really seen much of my sisters since I'd moved in with Edward...

Not surprisingly Alice's car was already in the parking lot, I pulled the Aston Martin into the carpark next to hers being extra careful not to do anything to damage Edward's hunk of shiny metal. I wasn't surprised to find Alice with her arms full of silk, tulle and lace when Irina walked through the door. I was however surprised when I saw Kate and Rose coming out of the dressing rooms with arms laden like Alice's. Kate grinned when she saw us and when I looked at Irina I could tell she was happy her sister had found a comrade in Rosalie. I was happy for Kate to, she had the potential to be a really good friend if she'd just let her guard down that little bit more and let me in. I resolved to make more of an effort with Kate, maybe spend some time together just the two of us.

Alice split the pile of lacy garments she was holding into two and thrust a pile each at Irina and I. Irina giggled nervously and I rolled my eyes as we headed for the dressing room. Neither Alice nor Rose seemed too concerned about their job losses; they laughed, chatted happily and spent a small fortune on lingerie. They both seem to think they'd have no trouble getting other jobs and I guessed they were right, they were both highly skilled.

Two hours later Irina and I, laden with bags full of bra & panty sets, bustier's, baby dolls, garter belts and several pairs of lacy thigh high stockings, climbed back into the Aston and headed back to town. I made a spur of the moment decision to introduce Irina to a very upmarket adult toy store that Rose had taken me to a few months ago. I hadn't brought anything then but I was feeling more confident and Edward's riding crop comment had been playing on my mind all day. I wanted to get a few more things for us to play with.

Irina took one look at the sign outside the shop and immediately began to protest; she blushed a deep crimson and turned her pleading eyes on me.

"Oh my gosh Bella...I... I can't go in there... I'll die of embarrassment," she stuttered.

"Of course you can, come on its time we broadened our horizons. Demetri will thank you for it I promise." Irina didn't look convinced so I tried again, "really Irina you only live once you know, you have to take opportunities to try new things."

She finally agreed albeit very reluctantly, I grabbed her hand and laughed as she checked both ways to see if she could see anyone she knew before rushing through the door...

We giggled our way through the wares both devoutly thankful the shop was run by a woman as we discussed the pros and cons of each item. I talked Irina into trying a couple of the scarier items and her eyes widened in surprise when I grabbed us each a leather paintbrush whip and a pair of nipple clamps. I added couple of different vibrators for Irina, resisting the urge to roll my eyes when she protested and I barely had time to pay for the items before Irina was pulling me from the store.

"Are you sure about this Bella, I mean whips are pretty scary, and nipple clamps, they sound painful."

I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly, "they are painful; but it's a good kind of pain, and the whip, try it out on Demetri before he tries it on you..."

We spent the whole ride home discussing our purchases and I was happy to see that by the time I pulled into the driveway and steered Edward's pride and joy into the garage she had totally relaxed and was actually looking forward to getting Demetri home.

"You're right Bella Demetri will enjoy it," she said with more confidence than I had ever seen her with.

I cut the engine and breathed a sigh of relief. I had managed to spend the afternoon with the car without inflicting any damage. The shrill ring tone of my phone rent the air; a low growl rumbled from my chest when I thought it was Edward ringing to remind me of the consequences of hurting his shiny toy. Well he'd be pleased to know I looked after it, therefore there was no reason to have a hissy fit.

Not that would probably stop him I thought with a sigh.

I rummaged around in purse trying to find the irritating piece of metal and was surprised when I saw Renee's name on the screen I had only talked to her last night. I flipped open the receiver and before I even had a chance to say hello Renee's hysterical voice erupted in my ear,

Bella, Bella is that you?"

"Yeah mum it's me, what's the matter is everything ok, is Dad alright?" I had never heard Renee so worked up before.

"Oh Bella," she wailed hysterically, "we've just arrived home from Tai Chi and…and our apartment is on fire…I think we've lost everything…" Renee sobbed into the phone and I pulled it back from my ear as I thought of something to say.

I closed my eyes with a sigh, "Calm down Mum its ok, as long as you and Dad are safe that's the main thing. Insurance can take care of the rest. You need to go and book into a motel until you decide what you're going to do, where's Dad?"

It took Renee a few moments to calm down before she spoke, "he's talking to the fire officer, oh Bella all our treasures were in that apartment, wedding photos, all you and your sister's mementoes and a lifetime of other mementoes."

"I know Mum. I'm so sorry. Why don't you and Dad come down to Wellington once you've got things sorted?"

"Thank... you sweetie, we will do that once we sort out insurance and stuff. Although your father will probably need Rose's help with the insurance forms, you know how he is with paperwork."

I was heartened when I heard Renee's watery chuckle. "That's true mum he will need help. Um...I need to go now Mum I'll give you a ring later on this evening. Tell Dad not to worry; everything will work out."

I threw my phone into my purse with a sigh and rubbed my hands over my face, if it wasn't one thing it was another.

"Bella is everything alright?" I pulled my hands from my face and met Irina's worried gaze.

I didn't know if I was alright, I wasn't sure if I could deal with anything else going wrong right now. "Yeah…nah, my parent's apartment just burnt down: I don't know what happened. Renee probably left an element on, then put a tea towel on it or something. The woman's got a memory like a sieve." I said with an exasperated sigh.

I pushed the car door open and gasped in unison with Irina when we heard the sickening sound of metal on metal. I quickly pulled the door closed and looked at Irina's horrified expression.

"Oh fuck…OH fuck...FUCK SHIT FUCK...no, no, no...maybe it didn't do any damage." I said with no conviction.

Irina looked at me doubtfully sharing my lack of conviction, "I don't know Bells it didn't sound good."

"Fuck…shit…fuck…Edward's going to have a complete spastic." I groaned as I opened the door carefully and slid out of my seat, closing it quickly I leaned down to inspect the damage. I inspected every inch of the door and breathed a sigh of relief I couldn't see any damage. "I can't see anything I don't think I hurt it, and curse Edward for leaving the fucking lawn mower right there.

Irina on the other hand noticed the tiny chip in the paint and scratch in an instant, "Um…Bells I hate to break it to you but look." She pointed to the tiny chip that had escaped my notice.

I knew if Irina noticed it then Edward definitely would. Especially since he would be out here when I was otherwise occupied going over every inch of it with a magnifying glass.

"Fuck…fuck…fuck…Irina, please don't say anything...I...I'll tell him as soon as I've built up the courage."

"I won't say anything Bells, but I wouldn't leave it too long it will only get harder and you're right he will be out here the minute your back is turned checking over every inch of it."

"God he's such a bloody sook over this car." I knew I was being unfair and bratty. Irina and I both knew it was only because I was petrified of what was going to happen when Edward saw it.

Edward's warning was ringing in my ears as I carried my shopping bags into the house, I snuck into our room and chucked the bags on the bed except the ones from the toy shop; those I'd left in the car. There was no way I wanted Edward anywhere near those instruments of torture when he had punishment on his mind.

I took a deep breath and tried to control my trembling hands as I walked into the kitchen where Edward and Demetri were feeding the kid's dinner. I didn't look at him, instead opting to kiss the kids. I could feel his gaze on me and I knew he knew. I cursed internally at my story book face; which Edward was now an expert at reading. I finally turned to meet his gaze and his eyes spoke the words his mouth couldn't utter, I shivered as goose bumps erupted on my skin.

His eyes shut and he sighed deeply.

Demetri turned at the sound and looked at Edward curiously, my gaze turned to Irina. She met my eye with a sympathetic look and the unease in my stomach was rapidly growing into fear.

While I knew Edward wasn't going to hurt me in a bad way I knew there was going to be some pain involved in his retribution.

"How was shopping Bella, did you buy anything nice?" He asked suddenly.

I could tell by the strain in his voice that he was trying to keep it together, I knew he wanted desperately to go and see the damage for himself.

"Shopping was good, Irina and I met up with Alice, Kate and Rose, and yeah I brought something nice..." I couldn't stand the tension that was building in the room. I sighed in defeat, "Edward just go and have a look for yourself; I can tell you're about to have a hernia or a heart attack and none of us want to spend the next ten hours in accident and emergency."

He didn't need telling twice, he immediately left the room and I could have sworn he sprinted with the pace in which he reached the laundry and opened the internal access to the garage...

He still hadn't returned half an hour later and I was beginning to get both nervous and agitated.

Demetri chanced a glance at me and grimaced, "Jesus Bells I hope you didn't prang it."

"Nah, the stupid door just came in contact with the stupid lawnmower. I chipped the paint and scratched it. Honestly I couldn't even tell but your petrol head Missus noticed straightaway so Edward's bound to think it's a full blown catastrophe of biblical proportions. But what are you gonna do…?"

"Hmm…Now that is the question isn't it Bella, what are you going to do? Or it should that be what am I going to do with you?…" Edward's tone was low, serious and deadly.

Both Irina and Demetri stood at the same time, "well Edward, Bella while it's been great I think Irina and I should be going." They barely waited for us to say our goodbyes before they were scurrying out the door...

Edward never said another word to me; he just returned to the garage while I bathed the kids and got them into bed. I didn't want to go out and get him when it was time to say good night to the twins so I texted him and headed for the shower...

I spent longer in the shower than was strictly necessary, I was in no hurry to face Edward's wrath over the car. I sighed heavily when the water started to run cold and slipped out of the shower and dried myself quickly and changed into the new black tulle baby doll deciding to forgo panties in the hope of distracting him should I need to. I had no idea if he was even in the house or if he was still out in the garage mourning his paint work. I poked my head around the door and relaxed when I couldn't see Edward in bed yet, that meant he was still in mourning.

I was happy to be able to get into bed and be asleep before he returned.

I had only taken one step when Edward's deadly voice issue from the shadows, "Stay where you are Bella."

I couldn't stop the audible gasp as I sucked in a lungful of air. My eyes scanned the room and found him clad only in boxer shorts in the shadows, in the far corner. He stepped out of the gloom and my heart took off in a sprint at the deadly look on his face.

My fight, flight, fright reflex kicked in at the danger it sensed and before I consciously knew what was happening I was running at a full sprint out the door and down the stairs. I considered hiding in the wine cellar but I decided the gym might be better since I usually never went near the place. I crouched down behind a big metal contraption that had wires connected to weights and tried to control my breathing, my heart was crashing against my chest and I was near gasping for air. I was sure this would be the last place he would look after he'd checked the wine cellar, the bedrooms and the empty storage space first.

I was wrong, very wrong.

The tinkling sound of metal banging against metal alerted me to Edward's presence, and instead of staying silent a nervous giggle escaped my lips.

"Silly Bella did you honestly think you could escape me, you will never be able to out run me and you'd be foolish to try." He hissed in a low deadly whisper that sent a violent shiver through me.

I dared not move, I stayed crouched down even though he knew where I was. He rounded the weight machine and looked down on me with a smirk; I could see lust and the need to dominate, control and punish warring for dominance in his eyes. This was an unfortunate side effect of being Carlisle's son, like his father Edward had to win at all costs and the need to follow through on threats had to be acted on so those incurring the wrath knew who they were fucking with.

And sure enough though the lust was there, but his eyes darkened and narrowed, and the need to be more superior took over. I decided to just let him purge his need for control so it didn't drive him crazy. His fingers formed a vice like grip around my wrist and he hoisted me to my feet, he snapped the hand cuff to my wrist then pulled me away from my hiding place to a low padded bench I had no idea what was used for

Before I realised what was happening the flimsy piece of fabric I was wearing lay in tatters on the floor.

"Lie on your stomach Bella," He could see I wanted to argue so he pressed his chest into my back forcing my stomach against the cool vinyl stool.

Edward snapped the other cuff to my wrist so my arms were locked around the stool. He trailed a row of feather light kisses down my spine, even though his touch was gentle a violent shudder rolled through me in response. Before I realized his lips were no longer connected to my skin he was binding my legs to the stool with some type of cord. He double checked to be sure the cord was secured tightly. I wasn't nervous until I lifted my head and saw the riding crop and the paintbrush whip sitting in front of me. I cursed at myself for leaving the toys in the stupid car.

Although I knew it was futile to beg I decided to try it anyway. "Edward," I pleaded "it wasn't my fault; I was distracted by Renee telling me their house burnt down."

"I'm sorry to hear that Renee and Charlie lost their house Bella and I will talk to you about it later…But I right now I'm more concerned about giving you a lesson in why you need to show respect for my Car." I closed my eyes and fought back my exasperated sigh. I felt like keying the fucking car but I said nothing, it would be wise for me not to antagonise him further. He leaned over me and placed more feather light kisses, this time from my toes to my neck his warm breath tickling me as it fanned over my ear. "I thought the riding crop would suffice until I saw that intriguing item in the boot of the car…" His lips began trailing along my spine again and I shivered as he moved lower.

I was just beginning to relax when his lips abruptly left my skin and he moved toward the whips.

My eyes widened and I groaned when he picked his tiny digital camera and placed it pointing straight at me. My image flashed up on the flat screen TV built into the wall.

I immediately protested, "Edward, don't film me. Why are you doing that?" Now I was beginning to feel a more than a little nervous.

"Because I want to study every one of your reactions now and in minute detail later, but enough talk…" He reached for the riding crop running it across his palm before he bent the flexi piece of leather in half.

I shuddered when he flicked the crop against his bare leg causing a sharp slapping sound, I could see him smiling in anticipation on the TV screen as he approached me. He crouched down and kissed each of my ass cheeks before standing and swiftly bringing the riding crop down across my buttocks. Tears sprung to my eyes and a low hiss forced its way through my clenched jaw. Edward gently rubbed over the spot and kissed the skin where it was beginning to redden. I watched his reaction on the screen and could see the fascination as he studied the mark on my skin.

He traced his finger along the tender skin before bringing the riding crop over my buttocks again, "I love you Bella but there are some lines not even you cross…"

That statement goaded me into speech, "it's just a stupid car and you are totally overreacting"

He didn't even bother kissing the skin before he brought the riding crop down for a third time. "Bella that's fucking blasphemy, the car is a classic. Why will you not get that?"

"Because it's just a dumb meaningless toy for spoilt yuppies, and it's of no importance to the world."

I knew I had pushed him to the brink when he growled menacingly and stalked over to the paintbrush whip, he was back at my side in seconds.

"Bella maybe I'm not making myself clear enough, after you and the kids _comes the car_, and I'm not a fucking yuppie. You know you're awfully mouthy for someone in your position." He ran the leather bristles lightly down my spine and over my buttocks.

I closed my eyes enjoying the sensation of the soft leather; I wasn't expecting the sting that erupted on the back of my thighs as the bristles suddenly splayed out over the backs of my legs.

A low frustrated growl erupted from my throat; I couldn't jerk my legs which was my body's natural response to the pain. "I'm gonna slash the tyres on the piece of fucking crap." I spat. I knew I should just say I was sorry about the car, but it had been an accident, and the thought of apologising over the stupid piece of metal just brought out my stubborn streak.

Edward groaned against my thigh, he was crouched down kissing and blowing on my reddened skin. "You're trying my fucking patience, you will not go within a mile of that car without my permission Bella; do you hear me?"

I could not believe he was ordering me to stay away from his car, he'd gone to far."Edward you are such a fucking sook! You can't seriously think you can ban me from going near _your precious_ car?" I wasn't feeling so defiant when the whip came down against my back, I felt every bristle make contact with the skin and a small cry of pain escaped my lips.

"Why are you being such a fucking bitch Bella? Just say you're gonna stay away from the car and this will stop."

"Fuck you Edward…You're nothing but a fucking prick," I fumed.

"No fuck you Bella and that's exactly what I'm gonna do to you when you fucking say you will leave my car alone." He brought the whip across my ass and thighs with more force than he'd used so far, the pain was unbelievable and my unshed tears finally spilt down my cheeks and my scream echoed around the room.

I realized at once I had finally pushed him over the edge and I had to reel him in before he got dangerous. And although I hated saying it and submitting to his will once again, I uttered the words. "Edward I'm sorry I damaged the paintwork on your car and I promise not to ask you to let me drive it again or go near it without your permission."

He dropped to his knees with a grateful moan and kissed over the welts on my skin before untying the cord from my legs. I groaned as he massaged firmly over the marks the cord had left and the rush of blood to the site made me feel a little dizzy. "Thank fuck you've finally come to your senses Bella because if you thought that hurt the next one was gonna been ten times worse. You can't goad me like that I hate it when I lose control with you. I never want to hurt you love. But I can't deny your skin looks beautiful." He smirked at me then went to retrieve the keys to the hand cuffs.

I didn't protest when he gently lifted me into his arms**, **"I love you Bella," He whispered against my throat as he carried me to bed.

I kept silent, I was seething.

"Oh... so its Angry silent little kitty is it? You know she's not as much fun as Angry bites back kitty," he almost purred, his voice was dripping sex. My jaw shut with an audible snap and he chuckled. He placed me on the bed and as soon I was free of his embrace I attempted to scramble across the bed, his fingers formed a manacle around my ankle preventing me from going anywhere. "Hmm...I don't think so I haven't finished with you yet..." I could hear him rummaging around in the draw of his bedside table and wondered what other lessons he had in store for me. The smell of lavender fragranced the air, a shiver rippled through me and goose bumps erupted on my skin when the cool cream hit my skin. Edward's hands slid up my body smearing the lotion as they moved, his touch was light over my pink stinging skin and I melted under his fingertips. "Roll over Baby," Edward whispered against my ear.

I was so blissed out from the massage I did what he asked without hesitation.I ignored the smirk on his face, I knew he was gloating that he had calmed Angry Bella kitty down; once again he had secured his victory by less than scrupulous means.

"Ah...I see being stroked calms an angry Bella, you really are just a little kitten aren't you?" He grasped my ankle and brought it to his lips, **"**I wonder what it will take to make my Bella purr?"

I was going to kick him in the head for being a complete prick but I was distracted by the path his lips were taking up the inside of my leg.

A soft sigh slid from my lips as Edward's mouth moved to my inner thigh, followed by a frustrated groan when he chucked against my skin. He must have sensed I was ready to squirm from his grasp because suddenly his mouth was on me, his tongue slid up my folds and flicked lightly over my clit and I was lost**.**

"Mmm...so good," I whispered more to myself than Edward.

He laughed against my sex the combination of his warm breath and the vibration of his lips sent a wave of lust crashing over me, moisture flooded my core and Edward groaned as his tongue curled through it. His mouth became more demanding, his tongue staging an all out assault on my clit as his fingers slipped inside me.

Edward was so good at playing my body, he knew every inch of it and he knew when I was hurtling toward my orgasm and knew exactly what to do to push me over the edge. He flicked his tongue lightly over my swollen bud at the same time as his fingers curled inside me. My thighs tightened around his head as my climax crashed over me; he continued to assail my sex until the words I knew he wanted to hear tumbled from my mouth.

As soon as he'd heard my declaration that I would only ever cum for him, he flipped me onto my stomach and dragged me to the edge of the bed. "On your hands and knees Bella."

My endorphin flooded brain instantly responded to his command and he chuckled softly as he plunged himself inside me.

I wasn't sure if it was because I had submitted to his will so easily or if his need was just overwhelming him, whichever it was it was causing him to fuck me with almost reckless abandon. There was no gentle softness to his touch; he was rapidly building himself into a frenzy each of his chaotic thrusts slammed in further inside me. "Jesus fuck Bella," He groaned as he continued his relentless pounding of my core.

I smiled to myself when I felt him throb against my walls, he was so close; teetering on the edge, my hand slipped between my legs and cupped his balls; I gave them one gentle squeeze applying just enough pressure to send Edward over the edge.

"Bella," he murmured as he collapsed against me...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Edward hadn't been lying when he said I wouldn't be walking properly for days, although all the lavender scented baths I'd been having had certainly helped.

I noticed Irina was walking a little funny when she and Demetri arrived the next morning and she flinched slightly when I hugged her but she looked radiantly happy and I don't think I'd ever seen Demetri smile so much. He was walking around with a perma grin. He waited until Edward was busy talking to Irina before he sidled up to me and gave me a hug, I gasped silently as he pressed his hands against my still sore back.

"Thank you so much for corrupting my wife Bells: and feel free to take her shopping anytime. The sky's the limit if you want to visit that particular store again."

"Oh don't thank me Demetri," I grinned, "corrupting Irina is fast becoming my favourite past time and when I've finished turning her into a total minx, I'm gonna turn my attention to Katie pie."

Demetri's chuckled causing Edward to look up at us, he smiled widely when he saw me in his embrace. I guessed he liked to see me getting on so well with his closest friends. I actually saw them as more than friends; they were our family.

I loved Irina like a sister and I knew Rose and Alice did too...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Jake joined us for lunch, Billy had rung him and told him about Charlie and Renee's apartment and he was going to fly up to Tauranga on the weekend.

I was surprised when he turned to Edward and Demetri and asked if they would be interested in joining him on the Marae as they were having a Hangi for Billy's birthday. I was completely shocked when Edward agreed immediately, not only was he really making the effort to get on with Jake but he agreed to do something I knew would be out of his comfort zone. Irina was visibly excited about the chance to spend some time seeing how they did things on the Marae.

Jazz, Emmett, Rose, Alice, Felix and Kate had accepted Jakes invitation and us girls left the boys to their beers and got online to book accommodation and flights.

We got accommodation for everyone in the same complex and managed to all get on the same flights. I phoned and asked her if she would take the twins for the weekend to which she readily agreed, she had told me she had rented a house with a lawn so they had somewhere to put a swing set.

"Thanks a lot Mum and say hi to Dad for me, and we will see you at the end of the week."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**Tanya's POV**

I considered following Edward and Bella up to Tauranga so I could gather information on Jake and his family that could be valuable to me in my quest to destroy Bella.

That was until I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

I hadn't looked at my reflection since I'd moved in and I was horrified at what I saw staring back at me. I realised with a shudder that I hadn't a shower or brushed my teeth or eaten more than a few cans of soup in the six months that I had been living here. My hair was filthy and mattered into dreadlocks, my eyes were sunken in their sockets and the skin beneath them was black and the rest of my skin was grey and my teeth were stained brown and furry.

I was still wearing Edward's shirt; I couldn't bear to take it off.

Tears flooded my eyes and spilled down my hollow cheeks as I took in my emaciated appearance. I turned from the mirror and searched through the draw for a pair of scissors; I took a handful of hair and hacked through it, cutting it as close to the scalp as I could. I looked at the mass of mattered hair in the sink and cursed Bella's name out was her fault I was in this state, she had stolen my life and Carlisle was obviously having no effect on her. I knew it was time to get prepared to carry out my plans.

However this weekend was going to be dedicated to having some cosmetic work done and organising my plans with no chance of running into Edward or my family.

I left the house as soon as I saw Edward and the slut pull out of their driveway, and headed for my appointments. I had forgotten how nice it was to pamper myself, though I did find it hard to deal with the volume of people in the city after being alone for so long. I spend a few hours getting high with my dealer before I made my way back to my house. I parked my new car in the garage and headed for the house, I was halfway up the stairs when I turned on my heel and headed back down and across the road to Edward's.

I took the key from under the statue and made my way cautiously through the darkness to Edward's bedroom; I turned on the bedside lamp and headed for the wardrobe. I searched through all his clothes looking for the one item I used to hate but now wanted more than anything. The Stoli shirt was nowhere to be found so I settled on his second favourite his Van Morrison T shirt. I took off my blouse and pants, slipped the shirt over my naked skin and took in the beautiful smell that was Edward. I was feeling confident and after my trip to the Caci clinic and I decided to take a risk, I slid into Edward's side of the bed and buried my head against his pillow. One hand slid under my shirt and one drifted between my legs.

Edward's scent was all around me and I breathed it in rapidly as I brought myself to orgasm, I hugged Edward's pillow to me as I drifted off into a light slumber, my eyes were closed but as usual my mind was racing, this time thinking about when I would lie in this bed at night with Edward by my side.

As I clutched his pillow tighter to my chest I swore it would be soon, very soon.

I spent the rest of the weekend in Edward's bedroom going through his things and pleasuring myself in his bed, I hadn't felt this close to him since we lived together.

My heart ached and yearned to be back with the man I loved.

~~~~~XXXX~~~~

**BELLA'S POV...**

Renee and Charlie met us at the airport; she hugged us both tightly and kissed the twins before she launched into a tirade about the insurance company and how they were mucking them around. She was only halfway through her rant when Charlie cut her off starting that this wasn't the time or place, he rolled his eyes at me and started moving the stroller toward the exit. Renee took the children's bags and promptly turned to wave calling out that she would see us all on Sunday for lunch.

We decided to order takeaways and eat them on the beach, we joined the boys in a game of beach cricket until it got so dark we lost the ball; thanks to Emmett who smashed further than any of us could see in the rapidly fading light. Edward and I decide to call it a night when we got back to our apartment stating that it was going to be a long day tomorrow. No one believed us but I was too tired to care...

Edward fitted in seamlessly on the Marae and seemed genuinely interested when Jake explained the process of cooking Hangi style as they laid the food baskets into the earth. Irina was quietly studying the carvings that adorned the sides of the meeting the house while Tui explained to her their meanings. The day was spent hanging out with Jakes family, I was amazed at how taken with Edward Tui seemed to be. She insisted that he sit with her during dinner and again by the bonfire later that night.

I was stunned when Tui called Billy forward and took the beautiful and rare traditional cloak adorned with kiwi feathers; the large greenstone pendant and Mere and presented them to Edward.

When my stunned brain kicked back into action I looked at him quizzically; wanting to know what was going on. He just flashed me a dazzling smile before turning to kiss Tui's cheek and whisper something in her ear; she squeezed his hand and twined her fingers with his.

I was about to ask Edward to take a walk with me so I could question him but Jake took a seat next to me and averted my attention.

"Having a good time Bella?" He threw his arm around me and kissed my cheek.

"Of course I am...How could I not be; you know I love spending time with your family on the Marae." I smiled at Jake and a random thought occurred to me he would know why Tui gave Edward those priceless treasures. "Jake what's going on with Tui and Edward, why did she present him with those items, this is the first time she has met him?"

"Ah...I think you should ask Edward that Bella..." I glared at him and he smiled apologetically, "sorry Bells but Edward needs to be the one to tell you that." He kissed my cheek and ruffled my hair as he stood up. "I'll talk to you later Bells...Sorry Again." He said as he walked away.

I turned to question Edward but he and Tui were no longer sitting by the fire, I sighed in resignation and stared into the flames, trying desperately to figure out the answer to the question myself. I knew that they didn't just hand out those cloaks and greenstones to anyone and I couldn't see any plausible reason as to why Tui would present one to Edward when they had only just met.

I still had no explanation for it when Edward finally turned back up at the fore side.

"Are you ready to go love? The others are heading for the car." Edward held out his hand for mine and I took it silently still contemplating the answer to my question.

I ignored the constant chatter going on in the car around me preferring to stare out the window though it was so dark there was nothing to see. Edward's hand came to rest on my thigh but I never turned to face him, I knew if I did I would start accusations that would lead to a serious arguement that I wasn't prepared to subject our friends to.

Neither of us said anything to the other as we got ready for bed, though Edward did give me one of his dazzling smiles and opened his arms for me, when I walked from the bathroom. I gave him a small smile as I climb into bed next to him.

I waited until his arms were wrapped around me and he was nuzzling my shoulder to ask him about the cloak.

"Edward, why did Tui present you with that cloak? Do you have any idea how rare those are or what an honour it is to be given one? Not to mention the greenstone pendants?"

"Maybe she just could just sense that I'm a good soul." Edward said evasively.

"Edward be serious," I growled. I was tired of not knowing what the hell was going on.

"I know why she gave me the cloak Bella but I can't tell you the reason just yet; be patient sweetheart all will be revealed by the end of the month if not sooner, I promise..." He said with another one of his heart stuttering smiles. His lips began trekking the familiar path across my collarbone letting me know he was effectively ending the conversation.

I couldn't believe Edward, he knew why he got the cloak and he still wouldn't confide in me, anger and betrayal flooded through me each fighting viciously to be the dominant emotion. So Edward felt like he couldn't confide in me yet, but he had no problem sharing the information with his friends. I felt sick, hollow and empty and incredibly hurt. I pushed him off me and turned away from him, I yanked the covers over me and ignored his frustrated sigh.

I shut my eyes and forced my mind to go blank.

"Goodnight Bella," Edward said softly. I ignored him and he settled down next to me but never touched me. "I wish you wouldn't do this Bella?" He said into the darkness.

"Goodnight Edward," I said curtly.

I listened for his breathing to become slow and steady so I knew he was asleep but it never came, neither of us spoke as the hours past and finally sleep claimed me...

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

Renee was hysterical when we arrived there at lunch time; I grabbed Edward's hand as Renee pulled me along the hall and into her room.

I was seriously concerned about Renee, I had never seen her so distraught. As soon as she shut the door behind us I spoke, "Mum what's going on is it Dad, is he alright?"

"Bella you'll never believe what's happened, the insurance company sent us a letter today saying they are not going to honour our policy, they said something about not revealing a previous claim we made on an old policy for a broken window that happened twenty years ago."

"What? They're not going to honour the policy?" I said, outraged that the insurance company would be so nitpicky.

"No," Renee wailed, "we can't replace anything we don't have any money to replace the cost of the apartment. I can't believe the insurance company could be so petty, I've called and tried to reason with them but they won't budge."

I wrapped my arms around Renee, "don't worry Mum we'll figure something out, I could always sell my house in Wellington and give you the money or you could just have the house."

"Bella we could never do that, that is your house and it's your pride and joy." I was about to argue when Edward cut me off."

"Excuse me Renee but may I ask who your insurance company you are with?" I looked at him in surprise but he kept his eyes on Renee.

"Um…of course Edward it's CMEC Insurance, have you heard of them?"

"Ah…yes I have, excuse me for a moment Renee," Edward opened the sliding door and stepped out onto the balcony. I watched him curiously through the window; he looked almost gleeful as he spoke.

He stepped back through the door and pulled me into his embrace, his eyes were dark and blazing and I could tell he was furious but before I could ask he spoke,

"I can't tell you anything yet Bella, I just need you to trust me, and don't worry I will help Renee and Charlie, there's no way my Children's grandparents are going to be homeless,**" **he could tell I was going to protest, "Bella let's not worry about this now ok, the others will be wondering where we are."

In the interest of not ruining the rest of the weekend by fighting with Edward, I kept a smile plastered on my face even though I was seething inside.

I had had enough of the secrets, I was giving Edward until the end of the week to tell me what the fuck was going on or I was demanding an answer and if he didn't give me one then I was taking the twins and moving back in with Jake, I couldn't live here with Edward if he wasn't going to start being honest with me...

**~~~~~XXXX~~~~**

I noticed an almost vicious look of triumph on Edward's face on Monday morning as I straightened his tie and kissed him goodbye, he seemed to have an extra spring in his step as he made his way to the Aston Martin; he was dropping it off to get the paint work fixed. I cringed a little when I heard his low growl when he looked down at the offending marks before he opened the door and slid into the seat.

I blew him a kiss and watched him carefully back his car out of the garage I stood watching until the closing garage door finally blocked him from view…

**A/N: Please feel free to leave us your thoughts; they go down well with our coffees :)**


	27. Chapter 27 I Choose Her

**A/N: ****Thank you to those of you who have added this story to your favourites and to those of you who took the time to review. I have to admit that Greenaway and I were expecting that you would want to lynch mob Edward for his absolutely over the top reaction to Bella scratching his precious **_**car**_**, but no you stunned us by either telling us it was hot or not even mentioning it at all. I do however have one person to thank; she was as horrified by Edward's over the top reaction as I was; so thank you Hope :)**

**Edward and Bella would also like to say a special hi and thank you to R Patz Granny for your reviews; brings a smile to our faces every time we see your name :) xx...**

**As always love to my facebook friends (I'm still waiting on Rob to warm me up :), and love to Sassy 41 we are so looking forward to your reviews (especially Edward)...**

**GREENAWAY: Hey peoples! So this chapter was fun for me to write and an absolute BITCH for me to put together! LOL. The Chapter starts out with Edward's POV, then we go Bella's and then back to Edward's again. LOL. Love it or hate it, let us know. Thanks again for sticking with us... Things are going to get rough.**

**Disclaimer; You guys know the drill...Songs used in this chapter are the property of the respective owners...**

**Playlist: The Time Warp...(from the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack...)**

**Know Your Enemy (Rage Against The Machine) Edwards POV**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT!**

**Chapter 27: I Choose Her...**

**Edward POV...**

Today was the day. All our planning, all the meetings, all of it came down to today. Emmett and Jasper were on board, especially after the stunt Carlisle had pulled on Rosalie and Alice. He had pretty much put the noose around his own corporate neck, all I was doing was kicking the chair out from underneath him…. And I was loving every fucking _minute_ of it.

I was his fucking son after all wasn't I?

I looked across the table at my beautiful Bella and precious children as I sipped my coffee. This was for them. This was for their futures and to right the fucking wrongs that my father had done. The people he had hurt, Jake, Tui, Renee, Charlie, Alice and Rosalie… all guilty of nothing more than loving the same woman that I did.

All of their lives, tainted because of Bella's association to _me_.

I couldn't let it go on.

But there was more to it as well. The Cullen name, the name my son would inherit and pass on, it was being corrupted by my father's actions.

My fingers tightened around my coffee cup and I wished it was a scotch glass I was holding in my fucking hand. I needed something to calm me down, the more I thought about Carlisle's deeds, the angrier I became.

Bella put some more bacon on my plate and I smiled brightly at her.

_I love you Bella. I love you and our children and I owe you all so much. Please understand why I have to do this. Please._

I took a bite, but I tasted nothing. As soon as Bella moved away, my smile dropped and I was lost in my thoughts again.

My father's business acumen was praised throughout the corporate world, no one faced off against Carlisle Cullen and won, he would employ any tactic, stoop to any level, as long as he ensured his victory. It was a trait he had drilled into Emmett, Jasper and myself, but whereas Emmett and Jasper did not develop a taste for such, I on the other hand flourished. Carlisle had _personally_ trained me.

Today his greatest student and his cherished son would be his ultimate undoing.

The thought made me equal parts giddy and sick. To take down the monster I had to become him.

_Please understand._

I kissed Bella goodbye and made my way out to the garage, growling when I saw the enormous gouge in the paintwork. I stroked the hood of my car lovingly

"I promise I will _never _let her touch you again." I whispered tenderly as I slid into the driver's seat. I was dropping the car off to the dealer's today. I didn't tell Bella, but I had a guy from Aston Martin in England flown in with the necessary paint to have the door resprayed. It had cost me a fucking arm and a leg, but I didn't care. It was a necessity.

I pulled the car into my parking space and was making my way to the elevators, when the phone rang. I looked at the display with a smile, Tui Black.

"Kia Ora Tui. To what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked pleasantly. I always had time for Jacob's grandmother, she was an exceptional woman and I had yet to tell her about the scholarship I had set up for the Arawa. I knew when I told her that Jacob had been named the first recipient, she would be ecstatic.

"Kia Ora Edward, I ringing you to wish you well in your Endeavour today, I want you to know I think of you as someone with great Mana and my prayers are with you"

"Thank you Tui." I said sincerely "That means a great deal to me, especially coming from a woman such as yourself.

Today will see the end of Cullen Industries name being used to destroy people's lives rather than enrich them. My father lost sight of that along the way." I said, punching the button for the lift.

"That sometimes happens when one can't handle the great responsibility that is placed on them. Greed and power are terrible things, Edward they are destroyers of mana and souls, I see that won't be a problem with you though. You have a great ethic about you that will see the gods of fortune smile upon you"

I smiled at her beautiful words, unsure if I was deserving of them.

"I'm not sure if I deserve your kind words Tui, there are things I have done that I am not proud of myself, but I intended to make amends for that. I'm glad I have you on the phone though, I have some good news for Arawa."

"Edward, what better news could you have for me than the fact you saved my land?" She asked me with a raspy laugh.

"Cullen Industries has just founded a new scholarship. Three recipients a year from your tribe will have their full tuition at the university of their choice paid for until the time of their chosen degrees completion. If they choose to do post graduate study, it will also be covered. I'll leave it to the tribes elders to decide the criteria, but hopefully it will give further brilliant, young minds like Jake's the chance to flourish."

I heard her gasp of surprise and I grinned. I _knew_ she would be thrilled when she found out.

"Edward that is an extremely wonderful thing to do, we have some wonderfully gifted children that will benefit greatly from this, you have the thanks of the tribal elders and of course my personal thanks." She paused for a moment before continuing "Edward, when you confront your father today, please remember who you are and don't get drawn into behavior that would be demeaning to you"

_Too late. _

I thought with another stab of guilt. My mother's face flashed before my eyes and I felt ill. Soon she would know, she would see what kind of a son I truly was. I wondered what Tui would think if she knew.

"I'll do my best, as long as I keep your beautiful face in my thoughts, I can't go wrong can I?" I said cheekily, knowing that Tui loved it when I did that sort of thing and because I desperately wanted to change my train of thought. It was supposed to be a happy day and I was bringing it down.

Tui giggled

"Oh Edward, if I was 60 years younger! you're such a sweet talker just like my late husband, you actually remind me of him"

" What's sixty years? I won't tell Bella if you don't." I chuckled as I reached the elevator. Tui laughed heartily in response.

"It will our little secret, I promise."

"I knew you'd see it my way." I joked. "I'll send Paul over with all the documents for the Scholarship. If anyone has any questions, he'll be able to answer them. Oh, and I thought I would give you the job of telling Jake, he's the scholarship's first recipient. Albeit a little late." I didn't have to wait long for her overjoyed response

"Oh Edward thank you so much! Jake is my pride and joy, he is so incredibly bright and loyal. No one deserves this scholarship more."

"I agree entirely. Well, I'll let you go so you can call him. Tell him to check his bank account for me too, his annual allowance should have shown up by now. Take care Tui."

"You too Edward, and please don't be a stranger, my home is your home. You, Bella and my mokopuna's are welcome anytime, and Edward remember your Mana my son."

I assured her I would do my best to keep my cool, as the elevator opened to my floor and I made my way down the hallway to my office.

Irina was waiting for me with a cup of coffee and a stack of papers.

"You look well. Excited even, I would say." Irina smirked at me.

"I may be. There better be something more than just coffee in that cup." I said returning her smirk. "What time is my meeting with him?" I asked putting my briefcase down and firing up the computer.

"Fifteen minutes and no, there only coffee in here. Suck it up." She slapped a pile of papers on my desk, before giving me our regular morning update "Emmett called and so did Jasper. Demetri and Felix are waiting outside and Kate is photocopying some files for Paul. Me? I'm hoping you don't want me to come along to this particular meeting." She said pleadingly.

I couldn't blame her, my father had intimidated some pretty fearless people, even my brothers bowed out of being present for this particular meeting. It didn't bother me, I was prepared to face the big bad wolf all by myself.

I had _years_ of fucking issues with that man.

"You don't need to be there Irina." I said patting her hand kindly. She came around the desk and gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek.

"You better get going slugger." She said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. I knew she was worried about me, about my mother and definitely about Bella. I loved my best friend even more at that moment and I hugged her back tightly

"I couldn't have done this without you." I said sincerely for what seemed like the millionth time. It didn't make it any less true though. I felt her chuckle into my shoulder.

"You are so full of shit."

I laughed and tickled her ribs, causing her to jump away and slap my arm.

"And you are also such a child. Get going and save your damsel in distress. Go make things right for everyone. Save the day." She waved her hand dismissively, but I didn't miss the little look of pride on her face. That made me feel a million times better, other than Bella, there was no one's opinion I valued more.

I picked up the relevant files that Irina had dropped and left the office with my head held high. I had made my fucking bed; I had made the tough choices, now I had to live with the consequences. I passed Felix and Demetri on the way to my father's office.

"Good luck man." Demetri pat me on the shoulder and Felix gave me a thumbs up.

"I don't need luck. We did all the hours, laid down all the ground work, now it's coming to fruition. It's just business." I shrugged, wondering when I had become so full of shit.

I went to another elevator and pressed the button for the top floor, my father's office. He liked to lord his position as much as possible, creating fear where it need not be. His employees, his family they were treated the same as his enemies. He manipulated everyone and everything to achieve the outcome he desired and it had to stop.

I would see to it.

The elevator doors parted and I made my way through, smiling politely at my father's assistant.

"Mr Cullen is expecting you. He said you could go straight in when you arrived. Would you like any refreshments Mr Cullen?" She asked in a bored tone of voice.

"No thank you. Just make sure we aren't disturbed please." I said opening the door and walking through. My father looked up from his desk with a frown.

"Edward, what on God's green earth is so damn important that we couldn't do this later in the week? I have back to back meetings and no time for trivial nonsense. I hope for your sake this is important." He fumed. I sat down across from him and smiled evilly.

He was making it easier and easier for me to do this.

"It _is_ important Dad. This is possibly the most important fucking _decision_ you will ever have to make." I said cryptically and he threw down his pen in frustration

"Really, Edward? Riddles and games? Aren't you a bit old for all this?" He spat, leaning back in his chair.

I smirked. Easier and fucking easier every time he opened his mouth.

"I just want you to know Dad, before I tell you the reason why I'm here, everything that happens today…. You brought it on yourself."

"You have precisely two minutes to get to the point Edward or I'm leaving. I won't sit here and listen to you throw a little tantrum because you aren't getting your way."

I smiled coldly. It was time to play my ace.

_Bella. This is for you and our family._

I threw his copy of the files in front of him. He reached down and began to flip through.

"What the hell is all this?" He asked, clearly pissed off.

I leaned over and looked at the page he was reading

"Those would be minutes from the last shareholders meeting." I said off handedly. His puzzled frown grew more pronounced.

"What shareholders meeting? I wasn't informed."

"Check your emails. I sent you a notice, you chose not to attend." I said truthfully. What I didn't mention, was that I _knew_ my father rarely checked his emails, in fact it was common knowledge if you wanted Carlisle Cullen's attention via email you sent it to his assistant. He was old fashioned that way.

"What cause was there for a meeting?" He snapped at me. Finally and my tenuous self control snapped

"Does the name _Tui Black_ ring any bells with you _Dad_?" I hissed at him, my anger on behalf of those I cared about rising to the surface. "Jacob Black? He was kicked off the honors roll at your behest. Then there was Alice and Rosalie Swan who lost their jobs, but it was the strangest thing, because they were the _only_ ones in their respective departments to lose their jobs due to restructuring."

Carlisle's face turned to stone, and his legendary poker face came out. The man was inscrutable, but it would not save him today. I was out for blood, my pound of flesh, an eye for an eye, justice for every tear that that kind, old woman had shed when she thought her home was under threat. Her only crime?

Loving the same woman that I loved. How could someone be persecuted for that?

"How about an easy one then?" I continued, leaning forward in my chair. "You remember _Isabella Swan_ don't you? The mother of _my _fucking children, your _grandchildren_, you sick, sick bastard. You ruined her life and by extension mine. The slightest chance at my happiness… and you had to do your best to destroy it."

My father chuckled incredulously.

"Your happiness? Edward, that has been all I have ever cared about. Anything I have done, it has been with your best interest at heart. I did it for _you_ son." His mask broke at the same time my temper did. I slammed my fist down on the desk, causing several things to topple over, including the photo of our family.

"And how the _fuck_ do you expect me to react to that? You tried to take an old woman's home from her! And you tell me _you did it for me!_ It's fucking _sick_ the prejudice you hold against Bella." I spat at him. He rose from his seat, his eyes blazing, but I didn't give him a chance to speak.

It was my fucking turn now.

"But let's get back on topic; it's not only Bella, Tui, Jacob, Alice and Rosalie. No, they weren't enough for you; you had to attack Bella's parents too! Make no mistake, if I found out you had that fire deliberately set, I will fucking kill you by my own hands! This has all gone far enough and now I'm putting an end to it." I said leaning back in my chair while I breathed in deep lungful of cleansing air. I tried to keep Tui's words in my head.

"Pray tell, how do you intend to _stop_ me? You have made a name for yourself, but you aren't _me_ Edward. Not yet anyway." He sat down and laughed "Are you hoping my feelings are hurt that you excluded me from a meeting? I would expect better than that from you Edward." He said mockingly. I smiled smugly.

"And I wouldn't dare to disappoint Dad. It's the _reason_ the meeting was called that I would be interested in if I were you."

He rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Why don't you just cut to the chase and tell me what's going on?"

I sneered "With. Fucking. Pleasure.

The shareholders had a meeting. We voted on a motion of 'No Confidence' in Cullen Industries CEO. The motion was passed with a fifty-five percent vote and a forty-five percent absent vote. It doesn't really matter though, as you can see fifty-five percent is clearly the majority."

The colour had completely drained from his face as I spoke and he picked up the file before him, scrambling through the pages, his eyes skimming over the relevant text.

"No, it can't be! You couldn't have a majority vote without your mother's shares! She never would have voted against me…." He was looking almost green now and I felt a bit of his sickness.

I was not proud of the way I had obtained my mother's shares.

"She gifted them to Apple and Louis, I did organize all the paperwork for her and she signed the documents. Until they come of age, I….."

"You control their shares." He whispered, dropping the papers to the desk and staring blankly at them. I felt no sympathy, no remorse, nothing but a desire to strike out and hurt him further. He had ruthlessly attacked Bella, there was no moral line he wouldn't cross and I wanted him to pay.

"Yes I do." I agreed. His head fell forward into his hands and I saw him shudder

"Emmett and Jasper agreed to this?" His voice was barely audible now, the kind of voice only a truly broken man can recognize and I could. I had been broken like that once, and it had been at the hands of the man in front of me.

Pity was a foreign concept to me at the moment and not one I would entertain.

"Emmett and Jasper both agreed that you had gone too far this time. It didn't help your case that they had recently become involved with Alice and Rosalie…."

"The Swan girls." He breathed.

The arrogant, proud man who greeted me when I entered his office was nowhere to be found now. Right now, my father looked every single year of his age, his youthful glow entirely vanished. He was trying to hold himself together as his world fell apart around him.

Carlisle Cullen had never lost before.

I was filled with a dark satisfaction at the sight.

"Tell me _Dad_, how exactly does it taste? Your own fucking medicine I mean." I said nastily, unable to help myself. I reigned myself back in though as Tui's words echoed through my head again.

_Mana, Pride, Dignity, respect and Integrity._

"What do you want?" He asked his voice wooden, showing no emotion whatsoever.

I snickered.

"My proposal to _you_ is simple. Fix the lives you tried to destroy. That means that you call the university and get those fucking allegations against Jacob Black _dropped_. You will get the complaint against Bella withdrawn and you will offer her sister's severance packages, equivalent to what they would have received for a lifetime with the company. _Then_ you will call the fucking insurance company and green light Renee and Charlie's insurance Claim. I don't care what you have to do, I don't care if you pay for it from your own pocket, but they _will_ get their money." I said through gritted teeth.

"In return, I will leave you with something you don't fucking deserve. Your dignity and Integrity. I will _let_ you say you simply retired."

He finally looked up at me, the only fire in his face was in his eyes and they glittered dangerously

"If I refuse?"

I chuckled darkly and hissed

"Then _I will destroy you_. I will leak it to every single media channel that you were forced out by your own son. I will not rest until I have _decimated_ your reputation. By the time I am finished with you, you will be lucky if you can get a job at McDonalds."

"All for the sake of Isabella Swan? You are willing to betray me, your own father for _her_." He quietly seethed. I leaned forward and met his angry stare with one of my own.

"I would fucking _die _for that woman. You have no _idea _the lengths I would go to for her."

"She is _nothing_ Edward! Nothing! Those fucking people are _nothing_!"

"Nothing?" I thundered picking up the file and flipping it open to a picture of Jacob's tribe. Tui's smiling face was in the forefront of the photo. I stabbed my finger at her picture.

"I'm doing it for Tui Black and the rest of her Whanau. None of them deserved what you put them through. You threatened their fucking _home_." I flipped to the next page.

"Jacob Black didn't deserve to have his integrity questioned nor lose his place on the honors roll." I kept flipping through the file, picture and detailed accounts of how he had hurt each person.

"The Swans, well you collectively fucked them didn't you?"

Finally I slammed a photo of Bella myself and the children down on the desk.

"Then you fucked with her and that was your biggest mistake. _I will choose Isabella Swan_ _each and every time!_" I said, my voice rising at the end.

"You don't just hurt her, you hurt me and you hurt your grandchildren too. As a father Dad, I just can't let you fucking do that to them."

I slammed the file closed.

"Have your lawyers check through the papers, but I assure you there are no loopholes to be found." I stood up and he didn't even look at me, his eyes fixed on the papers in front of him.

"You have until three-thirty tomorrow afternoon to undo the havoc you have caused. I have two press releases prepared. One states that you have decided to retire and spend more time with your family. I lament your loss to the company and make a speech about Cullen Industries looking toward the future with your blessing. You come off looking like the good guy, which in my opinion is more than you fucking deserve."

I leaned over the desk and he finally looked up at me.

"But, if three-thirty comes and I have not had a phone call from the university, Bella's sisters and the insurance company, then I will send out the second press release I have prepared.

Everyone will know exactly what you have done, and the entire world will see you for what you are. A fucking _failure_."

I strode towards the door opening it and pausing

"You have until three-thirty."

I pulled out my phone and called Irina.

"Hey sweetheart, get Kate to hold my calls for the rest of the day, I'm going home to celebrate. You should do the same, you are now the official 2IC of Cullen Industries. You and Demetri go out and celebrate on the company card. I insist." I said hanging up before she could protest. I walked into the elevator, unable to take the huge grin off my face.

From now on, everything was going to be different.

I guided the Aston Martin up the driveway and pulled into the garage, savoring the quiet rumble of the V12 before shutting off the engine and getting out of the car.

Today I had done the unthinkable and taken the only course of action that was left to me. I knocked that evil old bastard off his pedestal, his fucking empire of evil crumbling around him.

Today I finally fucking stood up to the prick.

_And in the process, you stripped him of everything he prided himself on. You completely destroyed your father._

I pushed the annoying thought to the back of my head and began yanking at my tie which suddenly felt too tight. The guilt was back, niggling at me and though I didn't regret my actions, part of me wondered if they could have been another way to achieve my goal without the underhanded tactics I employed.

My approach had been exactly the kind my father would have used if he had been in my position and I knew it. The problem was, I didn't _want _to be my father.

I began whistling the introduction to patience, trying to block the negative thoughts that threatened to burst my bubble and also to remind myself just why I had to do this.

Carlisle had hurt Bella and I just couldn't let that shit go.

I found her inside and my worries eased just like that. I looked into her beautiful brown eyes and for the first time I felt worthy of her. I had fought for her, defended her and emerged victorious. I couldn't imagine a more powerful or primal feeling and I crossed the room, pulling her to me and kissing her ardently. She broke away and gave me a worried look.

"Edward your Mother just rung, what have you done?" She was looking at me, demanding an answer. I shuddered to think what my mother had said.

My mother. Would she hate me?

"I've just given Carlisle a taste of his own medicine, it's about time that man realised he's not god." Bella looked at me, slightly horrified.

"Edward you can't rip your family apart no matter what he's done to me you can't do this to your mother. And your Dad has built that company from the ground up, is it really fair take that from him by force?"

Yes.

No.

Maybe. Fuck, I wasn't sure anymore, I was trying to hold onto that feeling of self-righteousness I had when I left his office, but it was rapidly fading. Surely Bella understood, after all my father had made her life a living fucking hell. I couldn't understand why the fuck she was defending him.

"Bella, I'm not just doing this for you. I'm doing it for Tui, Billy, Jake, Rose, Alice and your parents, the innocent victims of Carlisle reign of terror." I argued with her and with myself. I really needed to pull my fucking shit together, now was not the time to dwell on what ifs.

"What do you mean Billy and Tui, what has Carlisle done to them?" She looked at me suspiciously. I remembered that she didn't exactly know the extent of Carlisle's treachery and I knew she would be angry at me for keeping it from her. Wasn't I the one that had demanded complete honesty and here I had been working quite literally behind her back?

"He tried to take their land off them, he was the reason Jake got taken off the honours roll and you were fired, he's the reason your sister's were never rehired, not to mention the reason why your parents never got their insurance payout.

Save you sympathy for someone who deserves it because Carlisle purposely set out to destroy the lives of the people you love and now I'm making sure that sick fuck gets exactly what's coming to him."

She began to panic and I could see herself loathing coming out to play. I nipped it in the bud immediately, reassuring her that everything was fine now.

I had taken care of it.

**Bella's POV...**

I had just walked in the door from taking the twins for their morning walk to the park when the phone rang, I left the twins in the stroller and hurried to pick up, I was hoping it would be Edward, but it was Esme and she was hysterical.

"B...Bella," she sobbed into the phone.

"Esme what's the matter, is Edward alright?" Her stricken voice had me thinking the worst. I felt lightheaded as horrific scenarios of Edward hurt or dead whirled around my head.

"Edward's alright Bella, well he is physically anyway...Oh Bella please tell me why he would do this to his own father?" She choked out, "Edward has always been Carlisle favourite, what would possess him to treat his father this way?"

Relief flooded through me, Edward was alright but Carlisle obviously wasn't. The fear returned, what had Edward done?

"Esme, please calm down for a moment... I'm sorry but I have no idea what you're talking about. What has Edward done to Carlisle?"

Visions of Edward attacking Carlisle swirled around my head and my stomach lurched. I prayed silently that Edward had not lost his cool with his father and physically attacked him, especially after he promised me he wouldn't.

"He used the fifteen percent share in Cullen Industries that I signed over to the twins to stage a coup. He's forced Carlisle out of the company…Oh Bella I've never seen Carlisle so utterly devastated or as broken as when he walked in the door an hour ago. He's locked himself in his study and he won't talk to me, and Edward's not returning my calls."

I was completely stunned, none of this made any sense; I didn't even know Esme had signed over shares to Apple or Louis...Realization dawned on me... So this is what he'd been keeping from me, revenge, he had driven his father out of the company he had spent a lifetime building up.

My heart sank, I knew at once why he kept it a secret, he knew there was no way I would have condoned this, never condoned him acting like the ruthless tyrant his father was.

Esme's sob in my ear brought me back to my surroundings; I took a deep breath trying to get a grip on the tumult of confused thoughts whirling in my mind.

"Esme, like I said I don't know a single thing about this, but I will ring Edward and find out what is going on for you if you'd like? I will give you a call after I've put the kids down for a sleep. And try not to worry I'm sure this is some type of misunderstanding."

"Th...Thank...you for your help Bella, I just don't know what's got into Edward, he's never treated his father with anything but respect in the past, it's just so out of character for him."

"Hmm…I'm not entirely sure what's going on Esme but I will find out. I will talk to you later."

I never called Edward at the office, I had a feeling he would come home for lunch today. I decided to feed the kids an early lunch and put them for their sleep before he got home, that way he couldn't use them as an excuse not to tell me what's going on. The Aston pull up just as I was shutting Apple's bedroom door. Edward was whistling the tune to patience as he walked in the door; his hands were busy unknotting his tie and his smile was radiant when he saw me.

He scooped me into his arms and kissed me passionately.

I pulled my lips from his and gasped in a lungful of air, his kiss had knocked the breath out of me. I looked at his jubilant face but I couldn't bring myself to smile, "Edward your Mother just rung, what have you done?"

He kept his arm around my waist as he pulled me to the family room; he flopped down on the couch and pulled me into his lap.

"I've just given Carlisle a taste of his own medicine, it's about time that man realised he's not god."

"Edward you can't rip your family apart. No matter what he's done to me you can't do this to your mother... Your Dad has built that company from the ground up, is it really fair take that from him by force?"

"Bella, I'm not just doing this for you. I'm doing it for Tui, Billy, Jake, Rose, Alice and your parents. The innocent victims of Carlisle reign of terror."

"What do you mean Billy and Tui, what has Carlisle done to them?..." The second wave of realization dawned on me, that was how much Edward had been keeping from me and I was pissed off.

"He tried to take their land off them, he was the reason Jake got taken off the honours roll and you were fired, he's the reason your sister's were never rehired, not to mention the reason why your parents never got their insurance payout. Save you sympathy for someone who deserves it because Carlisle purposely set out to destroy the lives of the people you love and now I'm making sure that sick fuck gets exactly what's coming to him."

"He's taken Tui's land? Oh god Edward... Poor Tui she must be beside herself." I felt sick to my stomach that I had been the cause of suffering for a beautiful gentle old lady who had done nothing to hurt anyone. "What have I done... I'm so selfish? How could I put my own happiness before the people I love? I'm a monster,"

As much as I hated and was angry at myself for what I had allowed my friends and family to go through, I was angrier at Edward for keeping all of this from me.

"Why did you keep this from me?" I concentrated all my efforts on keeping the accusatory tone from my voice.

"Bella don't panic, Tui's land is safe, Jake will be back on the honours roll by the end of the day and you're parents insurance policy will be honoured in full. I have job offers for both Rose and Alice so there's nothing to stress about ok, everything is sorted love."

"I'm really happy to hear that Edward and thank you so much for looking after my friends and family, I really appreciate it, but you never answered my question, why did you keep this from me?"

I was angry and hurt that he hadn't confided his plans to me; all his friends knew what was going on, he'd shared that information with everyone but me; the person who should have been the first to know.

Edward sighed in exasperation; I could tell he was pissed at my lack of enthusiasm for his brilliantly executed revenge on his father. "Do you really want to know why I kept it from you?"

"Yes I do."

"Well first off Bella I didn't want to add to your stress, I knew you'd tie yourself up in knots if you realised the extent Carlisle had gone to get you to comply with his demands. I also knew that you would put the welfare and happiness of your friends and family before your own and I couldn't risk losing you Bella. You would have walked out on me and the kids and while that would have stopped Carlisle from destroying your friends and loved ones it would have completely destroyed me, you and our children. And I would kill that sick bastard before I let him destroy us Bella. I kept it from you to protect you sweet heart."

I thought about Edward's reasons and I nodded my head in agreement, he was right I would have run to save the ones I love from the wrath of Carlisle had I known the extent of his malice. A small part of me was proud of Edward for taking on his father. Not for only standing up for my loved ones; but for doing what was morally right. As angry as I was at him for not confiding in me; I knew I owed him my gratitude on behalf of the people I loved.

"Thank you Edward, for not only saving my friends and family but for saving us. You were right; I would have run... But I think destroying your mother is too higher price. You have to find a way to make it right with your parents. Your Mum said your Dad is inconsolable."

"He's just sulking because I beat him at his own game, the dumb prick should have known better than to up against the person he taught everything he knows, he'll get over it Bella. Let's not talk about him; honestly I've wasted enough time on him already. And I will call Esme later though I'm not sure what I'm going to say to her yet."

He pulled me closer so he could bury his face against my neck; his warm breath tickled my skin, I sighed as my fingers threaded into his hair and pulled his face to mine. His lips were soft but demanding, his hands fisted my hair and he used it to hold my mouth to his when I tried to pull away.

"let it ring, the machine will get it," He murmured against my mouth, I tuned out the ringing phone and let Edward pull me deeper into the kiss.

A shiver of pleasure rolled over me as his hands slid over my waist and came to rest at the hem of my dress. He hooked the material in his fingers and pulled the dress over my head, his lips only left mine for the briefest moment while the fabric slid over my face.

A slow smile spread over my face as I studied him as he took in every inch my naked form, his eyes darkened perceptibly the longer he looked and his desire was clearly written on his face. I couldn't stop the squeal rushing from my lips when he suddenly grab my waist and laid me back on the couch. The squeal turned to a moan when he began to kiss a trail across my collarbone; down to the breast he was cupping.

Desire flooded through me washing away all thoughts that didn't involve Edward naked, "I want you Edward," I said in a breathless whisper.

"My Bella," he groaned as he flipped us so he was suddenly on top of me.

"Now Baby," I pleaded as I pulled his shirt over his head. My hands threaded into his hair pulling his face to mine.

My kiss was demanding, my lips moving forcefully against his, my need was becoming acute; the ache to have him inside me was rapidly building in intensity and I was about to beg him when he kicked free of his pants and slid inside me.

"Edward," I sighed into his mouth, my ankles locked around him pulling him deeper inside me.

Edward took his cue from my kiss; he buried his face against my neck as he pushed himself further inside me. There was no gentleness to Edward's movements, his mouth attacked my throat and every one of his thrusts was forceful. His anger and his pain were almost palpable in the air around us; his pace was becoming frenzied; his breath coming in heaving gasps against my neck.

I reaffirmed my grip on him, holding him close to me as he continued to drive himself into me. Edward sensed my orgasm was close, his lips slid up my throat to the hollow at the base of my ear,

"Say it as you cum for me Bella, tell me..." He growled.

"Only for you Edward: I only cum for you." He crushed his mouth to mine silencing my cries, his pace became even more frantic driving my orgasm to greater heights.

"I...do it for you Bella...Everything's for _you,"_ He groaned against my lips as he let himself go.

"I know...And I love you_, forever,"_ I held him tight against me long after the last of the tremors rippled through him.

"_Forever,"_ He murmured against my throat...

We laid naked in each other's arms on the couch enjoying the afternoon sun until the baby monitor alerted us to the fact Apple was awake. I threw my dress on and went to get her while Edward went to change, both Apple and Louis squirmed out of my arms when they saw Edward in the kitchen and both raced into his open arms...

If I was proud of Edward before it was nothing like the overwhelming awe, gratitude and love I felt for him now. I had just gotten off the phone with an absolutely astounded and eternally grateful Jake. It seems that not only had Edward made sure Jake was returned to the honours roll, he had set up scholarship's for the three brightest and deserving kids from the Arawa tribe, and Jake was its very first beneficiary. Jake howled with laughter when he told me how he had gone into the bank to query the mistake they had made when he saw that fifty thousand dollars had been placed in his account...

I eagerly showed my appreciation to Edward for what he had done for my best friend in bed that night. I worked his cock rhythmically in and out of my mouth and rapidly began to increase my tempo when I felt him throbbing against my cheeks.

I moaned around him when he fisted my hair roughly and bucked his hips thrusting him deeper into my throat as his hot creamy seed shot down my throat, "Fuck Bella…your mouth is so hot…I love the feeling of your lips around my cock when I cum baby..."

~~~~XXXX~~~~~

Edward took the twins to work with him in the morning; he was meeting Esme at the office and she was going to look after the while he addressed the staff over the change in leadership at Cullen Industries then Edward was going to take Esme and the Twins out for the day. He called me from the office to tell me that he and Irina would be being interviewed by Paul Henry of the Breakfast program and then again that night on Campbell live. Irina was being introduced as the new face and the second in charge at Cullen Inc. Edward was going to announce Carlisle retirement from the company and launch the new Cullen brand and philosophy.

I decided to spend the day sunbathing by the pool since I didn't have anything to do or anywhere, to be I took a note pad with me and began making plans for Edward's party next weekend. I was thinking we would centre the party theme on the Rocky Horror Picture Show which was one of my favourite musicals and I was keen to see Edward dressed as Frank n Furter. He had the perfect legs to pull off leather hot pants and fishnet stockings.

I was just chuckling at the thought when Kate called out from the balcony; she hurried down the stairs and made her way through the gate smiling was at me as she approached. I notice it falter as her eyes fell on my naked back. She was checking out the marks left by the whip.

She took a seat next to me, her eyes full of concern.

I could tell she wanted to say something about the marks so I decided to speak first, "Kate it's not what you think, we were just playing around. You must have heard what I did to his car or _Christine_ as I like to call it."

"Yeah I heard, honestly Bella he's completely OTT when it comes to that car. I mean honestly who flies the chief car painter of Aston Martin from England to New Zealand with a can of the original paint just to cover a scratch and chip? He is the most anal retentive car owner I have ever known...And a pretty shitty boss at times. He completely flew off the handle over some tiny mistake I had made at work the other day, if I didn't love working with Felix as much as I do I would have told Edward to shove his job up his uptight overbearing ass."

She glowered at the memory, whatever Edward said to Kate it had completely rarked her up. I had never heard or seen her so fired up. As curious as I was to know what Edward had done to set Kate off, I couldn't get past what she had said about Edward and his car or _Christine _as I now referred to it.

So he had flown in the chief painter just to fix that minute little scratch, I was completely flabbergasted. Edward was completely fucking insane when it came to that car. Anger welled up inside me and my loathing of '_Christine'_ increased tenfold, the car was evil and it had Edward enchanted.

Stupid fucking shiny toy, I thought viciously.

Kate snorted and I looked up to find her studying me. Disbelief flashed across her face, "he didn't tell you about flying in the painter in from England; did he?"

I wanted to lie and say Edward had confided in me, but she already knew the answer by the look on my face. Anger flared inside me, more fucking secrets.

Was Edward ever going to learn to trust me?

"You know if I were you Bella I'd set the car on fire."

I didn't smile. "Don't tempt me Kate." I ground out between my clenched jaw.

She giggled and stripped off her clothes, frowning again at the faint marks on my skin, and laid back in the lounger next to me. Neither of us spoke, I was concentrating on calming myself down so that when Edward arrived home I didn't immediately attack him over the car.

The more I thought about it the more it seemed like a good plan not to mention anything about knowing that he flew the painter in from England and see if he confessed on his own.

"So you still having a party this weekend?" Kate asked suddenly shaking me back to reality.

"I'm not in the mood much for a party but Edward's insisting." I said petulantly the residual anger tinging my voice.

"God don't say that Bella, you're the life and soul of our parties! They would be no fun without your crazy ass antics." She flashed me a cheeky smile. "So Irina tells me you're going with a theme this time?"

I couldn't help but smile, "Yeah I am, thought we could do a 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' theme. It was my favourite movie as a kid. I used to spend hours watching it. And I want to see our men dressed in drag!"

Kate giggled and I joined her, "we'll need to practice doing the 'Time Warp' Bella." She chortled.

"_It's just a jump to the left and a step to the right. _

_Put your hands on your hips and bring your knees in tight._

_But it's the pelvic thrust_

_That really drives you insane_

_Let's do the time warp again."_

Kate and I sung the famous words together and erupted into a fit of giggles.

"You know what Katie Pie? I think I am in the mood to party. Christ after all the shit of the past months I could do with forgetting myself for a while."

We spent the rest of the afternoon lying by the pool planning the Rocky Horror party and I was pleased we had pretty much everything sorted by the time Edward returned with the kids.

Felix, Demetri and Irina turned up not much later and Jake a few minutes after that. Kate Irina and I went to start dinner while the boys took the twins for a swim. My heart swelled with that now familiar feeling of pride when I saw Edward pass Louis to Jake with a genuine smile, it seemed that Edward had really grown closer to Jake and for that I would be forever grateful; because now my family was complete.

Irina began telling me about her friend Cherie who was coming from France next week for a quick Visit and she barely seemed to be able to contain her excitement.

"Bella you're really going to like Cherie she is so much fun. Would it be alright if she came to the party?" She asked almost nervously.

"Of course it is why would you ask such a thing, you can invite whoever you like. And I can't wait to meet Cherie she sounds really nice."

"She is Bells." Irina gave me one of her radiant smiles.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Esme rung me early the morning of the party, she sounded so tired and so sad it made guilt gnawed at my inside. I wished things could have been different; if only to save her from her pain of her family being ripped apart. I tried to console her the best I could when she told me about how depressed Carlisle had become and how he had been drinking heavily and spending his days locked in his study.

"He only comes out to use the bathroom and to get more liquor." Esme wailed.

"I'm...so sorry Esme. I will try and talk to Edward again." I said with no hope in my voice.

All my attempts to persuade Edward to go and see his Father had failed miserably so far and I doubted I could say anything else that would convince him.

I told Esme I loved her before I hung up. I tried to push away the guilt but it stayed in the pit of my stomach like a steel weight dragging me down.

I was glad when Renee and Charlie turned up and distracted me from my thoughts. They were ecstatic that the insurance company had done an inexplicable turn around and had decided to pay the policy out in full and once again my pride in Edward burned hot in my chest. Renee and Charlie stayed for dinner before taking the twins back to Jake's for the weekend. Edward had been so grateful that Jake allowed Renee and Charlie to stay at his place he offered Jake a room at ours for the weekend.

Which Jake happily accepted.

I was barely able to contain my excitement when the courier turned up with Edward's custom made costume courtesy of Alice and her brilliant designer friends. She had even had a pair of four inch stilettos for him to wear. I delivered his costume to him in the bathroom and quickly left the room before I got distracted by his naked form silhouetted against the glass shower door.

I was just connecting my stockings to my garter belt when Edward called out from the bathroom.

I stifled my giggle and wolf whistled instead when I found him already clad in skin tight leather hot pants, fishnet stockings and those killer heels Alice got for him.

"Hmm…don't you look sexy, I bet you're a goodtime girl." I smirked as my eyes raked over his naked chest.

"I'm no such thing, I'll have you know I never put out on the first date, I'm a proper lady." He said in mock outrage.

"Oh my apologies, so you only dress like a two dollar hooker because you like the style of clothing they wear not because you are one?"

"Just help with the top would you before I feel the need to punish you." He growled.

I laced up the front of his corset as his hands ghosted up my thigh. He growled when he reached my cloth covered sex his fingers had gotten used to having no barrier between them and what they sought. "Why are you wearing those?"

"Do I even need to answer that? Look at the bloody thing it only has one side to it. I don't want to show my wares to everyone, they are for you only."

"They sure fuckin are and don't you ever forget it babe." He gave me a quick but passionate kiss before turning to the vanity where he had a few lines of coke cut up on the mirror.

He passed me the small engraved silver cylinder; I had brought him and smiled when I put it to my nose as I leaned over the mirror. I snorted all the rails on the mirror while Edward cupped my panty clad cheeks in his hands rubbing them softly. I could feel the moisture beginning to pool between my thighs from the simple gesture and I knew if I didn't get away from him now our guests would once again arrive to find us fucking somewhere in the house.

While they were totally used to it, it still occasionally embarrassed me. That amused Edward no end considering the shameless things I had done to them and in front of them in my drug and alcohol induced states.

He couldn't understand why I'd worry that they caught us having sex.

I was saved from saying anything when Emmett barged through the door without knocking. Of course he'd come as Eddie, it was like he was born to dress the part. He laughed heartily when he saw Edward, who had now added a pearl necklace and fingerless leather gloves to his ensemble.

"You laugh brother but I know deep down you're seething with envy that you're not sexy enough to pull this gorgeous look."

"You can have it bro…The drag queen gutter slut look is not my style. Though I have to admit I would love to see Rose dressed as a gutter slut; considering she acts like one in the bedroom."

"Ewww...god Emmett, too much information about my sister," I shuddered at the mental picture that assailed my mind.

"Whatever Bella you love it and you know it." Emmett grinned slyly and held up his velvet pouch, "So you wanna have some fun?"

I sought Edward's gaze unable to hide my anticipation. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

I grinned cheekily at him and turned to Emmett, "hell yeah."

He smiled slyly as he opened his arms; I sighed as I stepped into his embrace and brought my lips to his. When I finally pulled away I frowned, "you know what Emmett? I imagine Rose is going to put a stop to this soon, she possessive."

"Yeah I know she's already tried but I told her to get over it, she hasn't brought it up again since.

"That was brave of you but don't get complacent, because she will bring it up again and again."

"Don't worry Bells unlike Edward I know how to control my woman."

Edward growled and flipped him the finger.

I had another few lines before leaving Edward and Emmett too it, Kate had text me earlier too say that Rose had organised us our own stash and she would bring it with her. My body was starting to feel the effects of the coke already; I headed for the liquor cabinet to grab what I needed for this week's cocktails. I had decided on Absolute Angels, Illusions and French martinis. I mixed up a batch of each before heading to the cupboard to grab all the shot glasses we had, and pouring tequila shots.

I had just picked up my second shot when Irina, Demetri and Cherie walked through the door.

Demetri took one look at me and shook his head, "Jesus Christ Bella, how did you convince Edward to let you out wearing that? Is that even a skirt or just a piece of material tied at one side?"

"He was lamenting I wore underwear." I snickered.

"Fuck has he gone blind or clinically insane?" He chortled.

"Well I don't think he's blind... and insanity? Your guess is as good as mine."

I could tell Irina was excited about me meeting her childhood friend.

I shook Cherie's hand and handed her a drink. She immediately struck up conversation with me and I instantly knew why she and Irina got on so well, Cherie seemed to have the same warm inviting manner that Irina had. I signalled to Demetri where he'd find Emmett and Edward and he flashed me a knowing smirk as he hurried from the room...

Kate stayed close to my side all night and I started to wonder what she was up to. She kept shooting covert glances at Edward every few minutes. She kept a constant stream of chatter that I couldn't escape from, I don't think I had ever seen her so talkative.

My eyes stayed trained on Edward even when I was answering Kate, he down his glass of scotch and poured himself another; he had nearly drunk the entire bottle. I had noticed he was drinking a lot more since all the shit with Carlisle and there had been a definite increase since he'd had taken revenge.

"Bella...Bella are you keen? Just me and you."

"What?" I said bringing myself back to my surroundings.

"Let's me and you go and do a couple of lines." Before I had a chance to say anything she was threading her fingers through mine and dragging me from the room.

If I hadn't been so intoxicated I would have asked Kate why she had grabbed my laptop from the bench as we passed. She kept hold of my hand as she pulled me down the hallway.

"Kate what, where are we going?" I asked as we passed the bathroom and headed toward the laundry.

"To teach Edward a lesson." She said with a tiny hint of venom.

I still had no idea what she was talking about when she pulled me into the garage and barricaded the door behind us. Kate set the laptop up on the bench and grabbed her phone. She smiled slyly as she typed out a quick message.

"Check this out Bella," Kate chortled as she tipped her tiny bag of coke out on the bonnet of Edward's Aston Martin.

"Kate," I hissed, "what the hell are you doing?" I squeezed my eyes closed I was unable to watch her as she crushed and divided them into lines.

"Showing Edward all the fun we can have with _Christine._ And paying back for throwing a fucking hissy fit at me at work the other day. Smile and wave to him sweetie and come and do yo_ur _rails. _Christine _doesn't bite."

"No she doesn't bite but Edward does, and he bites hard. And what do you mean..." I trailed off, "Kate...you...Edward's not watching us is he?" A small wave of fear rippled over me.

Kate snorted, "If he got my text message he will be watching. And Bella if Edward bites you hard; you bite him back harder. He's a control freak that punished you for hurting this shitty piece of metal."

Anger welled up in me at the mention of the punishment which also reminded me that he had tried to ban me from going near the car. And that he also had failed to mention that he had flown the chief car painter from England. I took the straw from Kate and bent over the bonnet snorting the remaining lines. A sly smile spread over my face, it felt good to make the _decision_ to defy Edward. Kate was right I needed to stand up for myself and bite back. Inspiration or stupidity struck when I heard the first few notes of the 'Time Warp' blast from the internal sound system. I slipped off my stiletto's and carefully climbed onto the bonnet, I helped Kate up once she's removed her shoes.

I was definitely not trying to hurt the car physically, just give myself some instant gratification.

_It's astounding, time is fleeting  
__Madness takes its toll  
__But listen closely, not for very much longer  
__I've got to keep control_

Kate slid her arms around my waist and pulled me closer into her, our breasts pressed together and our hips ground against each other's as we sung the lyrics as loud as we could.

_It's just a jump to the left  
__And a step to the right  
__With your hands on your hips  
__You bring your knees in tight  
__But it's the pelvic thrust  
__That really drives you insane,_

Kate thrust her hips against me and locked her lips with mine, her lips and tongue were soft but demanding as they caressed mine.

_Let's do the time warp again_

Kate's hand roamed over my body as she kept her mouth on mine. I was a little surprised at Kate; she was definitely a dark horse and a naughty girl. I wondered if Rosalie had been rubbing off on her, both Kate and I knew there was nothing sexual in what we were doing, it was just another way to press Edward's buttons.'

_It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me  
__So you can't see me, no not at all  
__In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention  
__Well secluded, I see all_

Kate carefully pulled me down so we were sitting on Christine, her hands palmed my breasts as her lips moved to my neck, my hand ghosted up her leg and came to rest on her thigh, I smiled innocently at the computer screen, I knew that would infuriate Edward even more.

_With a bit of a mind flip  
__You're in the time slip  
__And nothing can ever be the same  
__You're spaced out on sensation, like you're under sedation  
__Let's do the time warp again_

My hand fisted in Kate's hair and I pulled her face from my neck, I licked a trail up her cheek before pulling her lips roughly to mine. My tongue traced along her bottom lip before I kissed a trail down her throat and along the top of her breast where it swelled out from her corset.

_Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think  
__When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink  
__He shook me up, he took me by surprise  
__He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes  
__He stared at me and I felt a change  
__Time meant nothing, never would again_

_Let's do the Time Warp again_

I pulled my lips from Kate's warm skin, "do you think we should try and make a run for it? We could split up and go separate ways."

"Do you think?" She sounded a little worried now.

"Yes. We'll keep the internal access locked and go out the garage door I'll go down the drive and you go through the house, get to Felix and pray he protects you, if you're lucky Edward would have seen us leave and check the internal access first. And thanks Kate, I feel so much better. Please be careful, I don't know what he'll do to you when he catches you; all I know is it probably won't be pleasant."

"Don't worry about me Bell's you just take care of yourself, you are going to be in far more trouble than I am...Shit I'm sorry Bella. Don't you let him hurt you again. BITE BACK!" She hugged me tightly for a moment before we positioned ourselves near the garage door.

I pressed the garage door opener and as soon it was open enough to slide under that's what we did, we both took off sprinting. I yelled good luck as I took off down the driveway; I stopped halfway down and turned back the way I came. I decided to hide back in the garage; Edward wouldn't think I would be dumb enough to return to the scene of the crime.

I slipped back into the garage and slipped into the shadows ducking down against the wall in the darkness.

And I waited.

**Edward POV**

The next day I had brought the twins into the office with me. My mother wanted to spend some time with them and no doubt increase my guilt some more. She decided to employ the tactic of 'torture by subtle innuendos'.

I was just about to make a speech to the staff regarding the recent changes when she came into my office.

_Recent changes. That's a nice way to describe what you did. _

"Are you ready for your speech?" she asked with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. If I lived forever I would never forget the look on her face. Her love for me was apparent but so was her complete and utter disappointment. The worst of it was, even if she _knew_ what my father had done, I knew she would still not have agreed with the course of action I took.

She would have expected better from me even if she did know.

"Yeah. Thanks for watching the twins Mum." I said quietly as she took them in hand.

"You don't have to thank me for spending time with them Edward, that's what family does." She responded, her message clear.

I nodded blandly, kissing the twins quickly before making my way with Irina to the conference room.

My speech was well received and everybody seemed impressed with the future direction Cullen Industries would be taking. Irina and I managed to get through a interview with Paul Henry and then one later with John Campbell. The media were having a field day about our new policies and plans and from a business perspective, I couldn't have been happier. Even Carlisle would have appreciated the extra publicity we were getting. Cullen Industries would only grow from this, but he would not be there for it. He would have to watch along with the rest of the world as the company he built from the ground up moved on without him.

The next week passed by in a blur of activity but the one thing that really stood out was the way Irina had flourished in her new position as 2IC. Together we would take the company to new heights and we already had several deals in the works. Professionally, things were great but personally…..

I could feel myself slipping. The niggling guilt had only grown and I found myself drinking more and doing more drugs. By the end of the week, I was drinking as much as I had been in Paris.

Bella had not made it easy on me either, she was constantly coaxing me to go and see my father and several times I had to hold my temper in check. She was poking at an already open wound and I didn't like the fact it was there one bit. Every time she asked me to speak to him I would get a churning sensation in the pit of my stomach and it would not go until she had left the room and I could pour myself a drink.

So it was not surprising that the morning of the party, I was already drunk by the time most people were just having their morning coffees. Luckily for me, I had enough practice in functioning normally while drunk, that Bella didn't notice.

I spent the day in a drunken haze, finding myself in the bathroom that evening with a few lines and my bottle of Johnnie Walker Gold. I snorted my lines quickly and then took a generous swig from the bottle, before stripping off and getting in the shower.

The surprise was waiting for me when I got out and I laughed manically at the costume as the coke and scotch began to mess with my head.

Frankenfurter. I thanked the stars I was already completely smashed.

I got into the ridiculously tight hot pants and hideous looking stockings somehow but the real test came with the torture devices in left and right. I nearly screamed as my I forced my foot into weird and unnatural angles to get it into the shoe. I suddenly had a profound respect for women, cross-dressers and drag queens who did this willingly and incredibly managed to keep a smile on their faces while doing so. The corset was to be my undoing however, I had no idea how the fucking thing worked

"Bella! Jesus how the fuck do you women do this shit all the time?" I called out, wincing as my voice slurred a little on the last word. I waited with bated breath and a false smile on my face as she walked in. She whistled at me and gave me a few catcalls and I joked back with her, while on the inside I had a breakdown. I really didn't want Bella worrying about me and so far I had kept my drinking fairly controlled.

Or well hidden, depending on your point of view.

Bella came in and teased me and I played along. All I really wanted to do was get a fucking _drink_ but I knew I had to wait.

Waiting was fucking hell.

We did some lines, I laughed and smiled and joked in all the right places while everyone turned up. I did a few impressions of Frankenfurter that went down a hit and every five minutes or so, I would go to refresh my drink which meant I would scull down as much as I could from the bottle before filling my glass to the brim and returning to the party with a smile on my face.

I hoped it didn't look as fake as it felt.

"Hey Edward, your drinks empty." Emmett slurred to me and I smiled. He may have been twice my size, but the fool couldn't handle his alcohol.

"So it has Emm." I said acting surprised. I was keenly fucking aware how close to being empty it was. "So I might go and replenish it, while changing out of these clothes. I'm liking these fishnets more than what is probably healthy." I joked as he roared with laughter. I turned away from him and the smile dropped from my face immediately.

There was only one thing on my mind. Booze and plenty fucking of it.

I went to the bedroom and rummaged around in the back of the wardrobe where I knew I had hidden a couple of bottles. I found another bottle of Johnnie Walker Gold and fucking kissed the thing. I ripped off the lid and swigged at the sweet golden liquor.

I felt instantly better and put it down, changing into some jeans and a T shirt before wiping all the crap off my face. I was just about to head back out when I received a text message.

_Things you probably shouldn't do on your boyfriends Aston Martin: __Turn on your laptop _

I quickly made my way to my office and turned on the laptop. The evil sight I saw before me made me clap my hand over my mouth to stifle the scream that was surely about to erupt.

It was fucking perverse but not in a good way, what they were doing to my car and although every second made me want to rip my eyes out and burn them, I couldn't look away.

Bella gave me my own personal little hell.

**A/N: Please feel free to let us know what you thought we could do with a laugh to warm us up. It's freezing in New Zealand at the moment :(**


	28. Chapter 28 Repercussions

**As always light & laughter to those of you who took the time to review, both Greenaway and I appreciate it so much. Also thank you to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions. Also love, light & laughter to my facebook friends, some nasty photos this week!**

**A quick apology for the lateness of the update, editing this story is more of a nightmare than writing it was...lol...And LOVE to Greenaway for splicing this horror chapter **

**Disclaimer: You know it and so do we...**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS VIOLENT/ABUSIVE AND SEXUAL THEMES AND WE ADVISE An R18 RATING...DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU... :(**

**Chapter 28: Repercussions...**

**Edward POV**

I sat there watching the live feed Bella had set up on my laptop. My fingers were digging into the desk as I watched Bella and Kate doing lines off my car. I had watched them making out on the hood, writhing against each other and it would have been the fucking hottest thing I had ever seen (even better than watching Bella's little display with Irina because, well it wasn't Irina. Irina was beautiful, but she was also my best friend and I had no romantic feelings towards her whatsoever.). The only problem was that they were doing all of that fucking hot writhing on the hood of _my car! _I chugged at the bottle of Johnnie Walker Gold Label and felt the silky burn as it slid down my throat. Sometimes I worried about the sheer volume of alcohol I could consume and still function somewhat normally, my liver was probably shot.

I continued swigging on my bottle and watching Bella and Kate dallying about on my pride and joy. I had tried the garage door initially, but of course it had been locked, so I was forced to sit here and endure this horrific torture, my only comfort gripped tightly in my hands now.

Bella didn't understand my love for my car and I got that. What she didn't get was just how fucking serious I was about it. The car had cost me a small fortune but that was not the most important thing about it. Since I was a small boy I have always had a love and appreciation for fine cars and when I finally began making my _own_ money, I had promised myself that one day when I could, I would buy the car of my dreams. It had taken me some time, not the money bit that came very quickly for me, but the finding the car of my dreams? That was somewhat more difficult. It wasn't until I had been doing a random search on Aston Martin's website that I saw it. The DBS, and it took my breath away. I _knew_ in that instant that it was the car I had been waiting for, my gift to myself for building my own fortune, not just sitting back and living off the money my father made. _This_ was what Bella didn't understand, it wasn't just a car, it was _my_ car and it meant everything. It was my boyhood dream realized, it was a symbol of my success, it was _part_ of me. It was also every single thing I wanted in a car rolled into a sleek, grey package.

I would make no apologies for my love of my car; it was something that was entirely mine.

I shot out of my seat like a rocket and sprinted through the house as I saw Bella sneaking out the back door of the garage and Kate making a dash for the lounge. I made it to the hallway just as Kate had entered and her eyes widened in fright. I grinned evilly and smirked.

"Edward, it was just a little joke, no harm done. Not even a scratch I promise." Kate tried to bargain but I just shook my head.

"Katy, things have only just _begun_ to get bad for you." I growled diving and catching her about the waist. She screeched as I threw her over my shoulder and bolted for the swimming pool. Her tiny fists were pounding my back as she kicked at my ribs. I could only laugh at her pitiful attempts. When I reached the pool, I flung her into the pool and she landed back first. Her hair billowed messily around her face as she went under, coming up nearly immediately, spluttering and spitting.

"I hate you Edward Cullen. You have a serious case of dry-balls mister, we were just screwing around." She fumed and I waved over my shoulder. I had an exceptionally naughty girl to deal with.

I eventually found Bella hiding in the garage, I could hear her rapid little pants from where I stood and I knew it was only a matter of time before I found her. While she had a perfect figure, she wasn't exactly athletic like myself. She would never outrun me.

"Bella? Come out, come out wherever you are. Hiding will do you no good, it will only make things harder on you" I said, the wheels of my mind only turning over all the possible punishments I could inflict upon Bella. I didn't view this as an attack upon my car, that was bad enough, but it was also an attack upon _me_ and the primal part of my nature would not stand for such.

She made no sound, but I could almost _feel_ where she was, I was so in tune with her body. I thought to my recent little additions to the downstairs storage area. It was fully concrete lined and completely empty now. Other than a couple of little additions.

"Ah Baby, the longer I have to look for you the more I am going to add on to your punishment. I warned you what would happen if you touched the Aston Martin again." I spotted a slight movement in the shadows and smirked. I silently snuck around so I was standing behind her. I reached out and grabbed her wrist, wrapping each finger individually, tightening my hold as the next one was added.

"Found you." I whispered into her ear. She shivered and I smiled. She wasn't afraid, but she would be.

"Oh fuck...Edward we were just having some fun CHRISTINES not hurt honest..." She spat and I froze when I realized what she had just called my car.

Christine?

_She fucking called my car CHRISTINE? Stephen fucking King's Christine?_

"What the fuck did you just call my car?" I hissed, grabbing her other wrist with my free hand. I was shaking in anger, and I knew that drinking all that fucking whiskey had probably not been the best idea.

"Christine...Only because the cars possessed it doesn't like me Edward, it's evil it..." She giggled and I had to stop myself from crushing her wrist. Did she not realize how fucking serious I was? First she goes near my car again _knowing_ what it would do to me. Then she proceeds to give me own little private show getting me so fucking worked up it was crazy. Top that off with the whiskey igniting every ounce of fury in my body and I was certainly not someone to be fucking crossed.

"Are you fucking mad?" I pulled her hands behind her back and held them both with one of my own. With my free hand I reached around and traced her lips lightly with a finger, caressing the soft pink flesh.

"Such beautiful lips; that utter such vulgarities," I grabbed her hair quickly, yanking her head back so she could see just how fucking serious I really was.

"Tsk, tsk Bella. Calling my car such things. Those naughty lips of yours have got you in some serious trouble now."

"Your calling me mad, you who flies the paint dude all the way from England for a scratch...Edward that car has too much power over you it's not right...I was just trying to show you that it's just a hunk of metal it wouldn't have minded if Joe blogs up the road painted it."

Just a fucking hunk of metal was it? Good God, this woman was pushing every single fucking one of my buttons.

"To start with it's a _custom_ paint job, so your little scratch as you put it, _was_ a big deal. Second, of course my car has power over me, are you blind? It's fucking beautiful, a Picasso on wheels, Bella. And so help me, no son of a bitch named Joe _anything_ will ever touch my car."

I trailed tiny, little butterfly kisses all the way down her shoulder before I bit down sharply. I could feel the flesh denting under the force of my teeth and I had to fight back an urge to pierce her skin. I trailed my tongue over the offending marks, smiling against her shoulder.

"But that's neither here nor there; right now we should be discussing what we are going to do with you."

"Ow...fucking stupid fucking car... Gas guzzling, ozone destroying Piece of shiny fucking tin crap...Edward, get over the fucking car." She was angry and her anger was only fuelling my own.

"You aren't going to do anything to me because it's just A CAR..."

I growled lowly at her

"Oh my poor, sweet Bella, there are so many things I am going to do to you, though I am guessing I will enjoy them much more than you." I trailed my nose up her neck, breathing in the rich cinnamon scent of her skin. She was magnificent, and she wasn't going to fold without a fight.

A worthy opponent.

I spun her around and slammed her back against the wall, holding her hands above her head, still pinned with one of my own. I ground my hips into her, showing her exactly what her futile defiance was doing to me. I brought my face within an inch of hers and murmured

"By the time I'm finished, you will never want to touch my car again."

"See that's the problem Edward, the way you react over that car is driving me insane and causing me to act irrationally...So it's kind of like a vicious cycle."

She surprised me by kissing me passionately and I wondered if she thought she could try and seduce me to soften the blow. Oh my poor little lamb, so very, very delusional. I broke the kiss and smirked.

"Hmm, vicious cycle. I kind of like that..."

"I'm not going to apologies this time Edward that car deserved it. It made me do it...I hate that car... AND I HATE THE WAY YOU WORSHIP IT " She said shooting a glare at my innocent Aston Martin. She was the victim in all this, my car had done nothing to deserve this kind of abuse and neither had I.

It was time I made a fucking stand, I had shown my father I couldn't be fucked with and it seemed Bella needed a similar demonstration. My little angel was playing a perilous game and I don't think she realized just how high the stakes were. A little lamb playing with lions, the angel fish swimming with the shark, the silly little girl trying to make friends with the monster under her bed.

Time to see just how far she was willing to go in our little game.

"How much do you want to bet that you won't apologise Bella?" My fingers were lightly running up and down her side as I kept her arms above her head.

"What would you like to me bet? I'm willing to gamble whatever you want because I'm not backing down no matter what you do to me." She said bravely, but the fear was shining through her eyes like a neon sign.

"Hmm you are so brave my little lamb, so brave but so incredibly foolish." I leaned down and kissed the spot above her rapidly beating heart, I could almost feel it pounding through her chest.

"How about this? If I make you apologize, you have to swear you will never touch my Aston Martin again. Agreed?" I knew Bella had no compression of just how far I would go in order to win, so I tightened my hold on her wrist in warning.

Was this a game she was really prepared to play? Once I started I would not be stopped, not until I had emerged the victor at least.

"I should probably tell you, I've done a little shopping of my own recently. I don't want you to back out, saying I didn't play fair." I cautioned. She stuck her chin out at me

"No apologies Edward not now not ever...and you're not scaring me I know you won't hurt me." She said, trying for strong and confident and failing miserably. I chuckled at the pitiful display.

"You don't lie very well Bella, I can feel your heart racing, your breathing is shallow and every time I touch you, you tremble." I ran my finger across the top of her breasts and smirked as she shivered, proving my point. "Do you agree to my terms?"

"Ok Edward it's on...And I'm not scared of you..."

I looked at her, gauging how serious she was. She was afraid, that was obvious, but her eyes also burned with determination. She would see this through despite her fear.

"Come on." I pulled her along by the wrist and out into the lounge where everyone was milling around, chatting and drinking. I saw Irina's eyes widen at my expression and she opened her mouth to speak but I gave her a look, hoping she would understand and keep quiet. Her mouth closed again and she closed her eyes.

I looked around the room

"Get out. Now." I ordered.

"Take the memory stick out of my computer and take it home with you." I said to Felix, but turning my gaze to Kate. She froze and gave me a glare "It's exactly the kind of viewing you like." I said still talking to Felix but never shifting my gaze from Kate. Yes, it would indeed be Felix's kind of viewing.

My eyes scanned over the room again and I was pissed that nobody had fucking moved yet, instead they were all staring at me blankly.

"Get. Out. Now." I repeated, my voice like steel.

"Edward this isn't necessary it can wait until later can't it?" Bella said quietly from beside me and I stiffened. I looked down at her measuredly and pressed my middle finger against my lips warning her to be quiet. She stilled immediately.

"Is everything alright Bella, do you want me to stay?" Jake asked Bella, looking at me in concern. I was about to tell him she would be fine, when Bella decided to ignore me and speak again. My fragile patience was wearing a little thin.

"No Jake you go ahead we're just mucking around." Jake nodded at Bella, apparently appeased by her answer and I looked at everyone else. They were staring at Bella and myself in worry. Irina looked especially concerned, while I had never lost my temper at her, she had told me once that she always knew it was there and just like it would be stupid to kick a hornets' nest, she didn't provoke me. I always appreciated her more for it.

"She will be fine Jacob. I'll take care of her, you have my word." I told him before leaning down to whisper in Bella's ear.

"If you open your mouth again, I will start our little game right here in front of everyone." I promised sincerely. She quickly closed her mouth, though I caught the dirty look she threw my way.

Everyone began to make their way out and I caught Felix giving me a smile. The fool was too much like Emmett, never taking anything seriously and I was most certainly not messing around.

I led Bella down the stairs towards the storage area, giving her the rules on the way there.

"You will not speak, do you understand? The only words I will accept coming from those beautiful lips of yours are 'I'm Sorry Edward.' As soon as you say that, it will all be over. Think of them like a deal breaker, everything we do tonight is all under your control. You decide how far we go and when we stop. Remember that _My_ little Bella."

"I will not keep silent Edward and I will not say sorry. So do your worst." She retorted. I pushed her against the wall and delivered a hard smack across her ass.

"Don't labor under misapprehensions Bella, I intended to see this through to the end and if you continue to defy me, I will make you pay."

She snorted at me

"Hmm...That felt good."

She was trying to bait me, and I was thrilled. A worthy opponent indeed. I turned her around to face me and grinned

"That's my girl, I don't want to win too easy; then I will miss out on all my fun!"

I led us into the storage room and smiled at the sight of the chains and cuffs attached to the floor. They were new purchase; I had intended to use them for a bit of fun play with Bella, something to surprise my kinky girl with, but found them to be _most_ convenient in my current situation.

I watched as Bella fought to control her emotions impassively. A voice in the back of my head told me I was taking this too far and that I should stop now, but I ignored it easily. Bella agreed to the terms and if it got too much, she knew what to say. I knew I would never do anything to cause her any permanent harm and I pushed my fleeting concerns aside.

"Take off your clothes. Now." I commanded going to the IPod I had set up next to the power outlet.

"You know, I had a feeling you hadn't learned your lesson, so I'm very happy I set this up." I said as I turned on the IPod.

_This baby's got a temper  
This baby's got a temper  
This baby's got a temper  
You'll never tame her _

The lyrics came blaring through the speakers and I smiled to myself. _  
_

"I think I'll tame you yet, what do you think Bella?" I began rifling around in the wooden chest I had set up in the corner. I quickly slid a knife into the back of my jeans through the belt and put some nipple clamps into my pocket. I made my way towards her watching her carefully.

"So defiant, yet so beautiful in your defiance." I grabbed her wrist and secured it tightly in the leather and rubber lined cuff before moving to the other, I continued talking as I worked methodically. "But the human mind is strange, sometimes when we see something beautiful, our first instinct is to destroy it. Crush it." I placed a tender kiss on the inside of her elbows before looking directly at her

"As beautiful as your defiance is, I am going to destroy it Bella."

"That's if it can be crushed the human spirit is stronger in some than in others." She argued and I nodded in agreement.

"Indeed my sweet little lamb, indeed some spirits are stronger than others." I said bending down and securing her ankles in similar leather and rubber cuffs. She was secured so tightly there was no way she could touch the chains and the rubber would insulate her skin against any metallic contact. Well, and contact that I didn't put there anyway.

I walked behind her, admiring her taut ass and shapely thighs. She was glorious and feisty and I was anxious to begin our little game. I let my index finger draw the length of her spine before stopping at her hair. I twisted her hair around my fist and pulled sharply.

"And mine is much stronger than yours." I hissed into her ear. "I told you to keep your mouth shut and you disobeyed me. Time to teach my little lamb that I mean what I say."

"Get used to it baby I'm not about to bow down to you anytime soon no matter how hard you pull my hair." She sneered and I closed my eyes, savoring her willful insolence.

I looked back over my shoulder at her with a grin, "Oh honey that was only foreplay." I stood up and held the violet wand I had been plugging into the battery pack so she could see. I had attached the comb electrode and couldn't wait to try it out.

"Now we get down to the real fun!" I walked towards her evenly drinking in her helplessness, the music from the IPod only spurring me on further. The dangerous amount of whiskey I had consumed was burning through my veins.

_This baby's got a temper  
__This baby's got a temper  
__This baby's got a temper  
__You'll never tame her_

I sang along lowly, smirking at Bella as I waved the wand in front of me. Her breathing hitched in fear, but she plastered that smile on her face regardless.

"That looks like fun." She said unbelievably.

"More lies Bella? Surely we are past all that now. Do you know what this is? You may speak; they say the fear of the unknown is worse than the object of said fear itself. Would you say that is true?" I held it up high so she could get a good look and twisted it this way and that. She stared at me stubbornly, refusing to speak.

"So stubborn." I said shaking my head and placing the violet wand down carefully. I pulled the knife out and grinned when I saw her mask slip and the intense terror shone through.

"I think my little lamb only pretends she is brave." I cut the clothes from her body carefully, letting the tip graze her skin, but not damage it.

I stood back and took in her naked form, she truly was a goddess and I was awestruck at her perfection.

I bent down and picked up the violet wand, turning it on a low setting.

"An interesting little toy this, they call it the violet wand. Depending on the setting, it sends an electrical current that can either feel quite good..." I said coming behind her and grazing it across her bare ass "Or rather painful, I have been told." I said turning it up, but keeping it in contact with the skin to reduce the effect.

Her whole body tensed and I could tell she was holding back her cries of pain.

"That hurt didn't it baby?" I crooned before slapping her stinging ass. "You will give in... I promise that."

"I'll admit it hurt...But not enough to make me give in, no apologies Edward not ever." She said breathlessly.

I raked the comb down the entire length of her back, keeping it in contact with her skin by the lightest of touches. Her body jolted as jerked as much as it could in the restraints and I heard her sucking in a deep breath.

"Are you sure about that? I can do this for a very long time, and there are more things in my little chest over there." I queried as she remained stoically silent. Part of me was begging her to give in, because I knew my competitive nature would not allow me to do so.

_She can end it any time she likes_

The sadist inside reminded me.

"This is only a low setting Bella; I feel I should warn you it goes MUCH higher than this. You can end it all now my sweet little lamb, just say those words." I put the wand down gently and walked over to the chest, pulling out a plaited leather strap about thirteen inches long.

"This is a slapper Bella, for those beautiful breasts of yours. How much do you think they can handle?"

I strapped her across the breasts, firmly but not too hard, just a taste of what was to come. She gasped and spat at my feet,

"No apologies Edward not now not ever, I hate Christine... And every time you lash out at me I hate it more. It makes me more determined to never say sorry."

"God, I so love your stubborn streak," I said and began to strap her with vigor, counting off twenty strokes. Her breasts were a flushed crimson by the time I was finished and she looked at me, tears running down her cheeks.

"I'm not going to say sorry to you Edward." She promised.

_You have to give up Bella, please because I just can't!_

I began humming the song that was still playing under my breath, while I retrieved the metal nipple clamps from out of my pocket.

"You like these don't you Bella? But what do you remember from science class? These are made of metal and what does metal conduct?"I smiled tenderly as I placed the clamps lightly on her nipples. They didn't need to be tight for what I had planned.

"This is really going to hurt. Are you sure you won't change your mind?" I kissed the tip of her nose.

_Give in! Give in please!_

"I'm not changing my mind; if you want to do that to me you go right ahead." She challenged.

"Alright then"

I clapped my hands together and cracked my knuckles

"Let's get started." I picked up the wand, "You know what the interesting thing about this is? The further you hold it from the body, the greater the arc." I held it up away from the clamps and watched her as the electricity from the wand surged through the clamps.

She screamed an ear-splitting sound that had one part of me crying in shame and the other part elated and joyous.

"Fuck…shit…you sick, twisted mother fucking son of a bitch. You and that piece of scrap metal are going to pay for that you fucker…" She choked out, sobbing and screaming.

"Good. Scream for me." I held the wand up again, giving her a second jolt "You know how to make this stop Bella, say the words and it all ends."

She screamed again and slumped forward. I pulled the wand away and waited expectantly. She would fucking give in long before I would.

"I'd rather see that car as scrap metal than apologize; I can't believe you'd do this to me over a car Edward." She whispered

"I'm not doing anything to you Bella, you agreed to the terms of this game and you choose not to say the words that would end this. It's all in your hands; you have all the power sweetheart." I kissed her forehead tenderly. "I would be lying if I said you didn't look exquisite though. This is about more than the car Bella, it's about you and me and you should know by now, I don't like to lose."

"You need to learn to lose Edward, it's healthy. And a relationship should be based on equality not you having to have your_ own_ stupid way all the time. So don't tell me I have all the power Edward because we both fucking know that's complete fucking bullshit. You have all the fucking power... And I'm NEVER GOING TO SAY SORRY." She thundered at me.

"I beg to differ little lamb." I delivered a quick set of spanks to her already reddened bottom before giving her another round with the violet wand.

"Please Edward stop...the pain too much...please sweetie...I'll give you anything else you want...just no more current." She begged.

I could almost _taste _victory.

"Oh my little lamb, it seems you are close to reaching your breaking point. But close won't win me our little game now will it? And the stakes are so high..." I trailed off, rubbing her beautiful crimson ass before delivering another slap. She yelped and tried to jerk forward, but was held still by the restraints.

"Please baby...I'll do anything...but apologize...I'll let you...please my baby..."

"No Bella. You know the rules, you know what to say. But since you've been such a good girl keeping me entertained, I'll give you a final chance. After this, I turn things up a notch." I replied kindly but firmly. I was through messing around, she was going to back down there was no other option.

"Edward...if you submit to me this one time...I will spend a lifetime in your servitude." She tried bargaining but it only irritated me.

"Wrong answer my little lamb." I said and I began strapping her ass again. She screamed out in pain

"Fuck...shit...God you're more like your father than I first thought," She blurted and then sucked in a sharp breath, her whole body tensing more than it already was.

My whole mind went blank. Then a terrifying black cloud began to descend upon me and I couldn't hear or see anything clearly.

"I think you should repeat that for me little lamb. I'm positive I didn't hear you correctly." My voice was arctic.

"Edward...I...didn't mean that...it just slipped out." She stammered pleading with me.

My arm rose of its own accord and I looked down in sluggish surprise as I saw the strap connect with her rear end.

Bella screamed and suddenly the door burst open and Emmett came stomping into the room. His eyes widened in shock as he took in the sight before him.

"Edward what the fuck?" He asked, his voice mirroring the shock on his face.

I growled at him in fury and I couldn't believe what I was doing. That was my _brother_ and Bella was the woman I _loved_. What the hell was happening to me?

"Get the fuck out Emmett! NOW!" I heard myself roar at him.

"Edward why don't you have your fucking phone on you, then I wouldn't have to be here! Mum's been calling you for the last Five? Hours! Dad's had a heart attack you need to come with me to the hospital now." Emmett yelled back at me, his eyes shooting between myself and Bella as if he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. I knew how he felt; I couldn't quite believe what I was doing either.

"I said fuck off now Emmett!" I began advancing on him, my fists clenching at my sides. I was going to hurt Emmett, I knew that and I couldn't stop it.

Emmett stared at me as I stalked towards him. He was looking at me like he didn't recognize me.

I didn't recognize myself.

"Edward didn't you hear me Dads had a heart attack we need to go, hurry up at get Bella down we need to go now."

Carlisle had a heart attack?

I sought to find some part of me that cared; some part of me that was worried for him but I found nothing but indifference and rage.

"I heard you Emmett. Carlisle has had a heart attack. I understand clearly. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT!" I screamed at him and he flinched back. I was nearly upon him and he looked worried.

"Emm...Emmett go... and tell Esme we'll be there soon. I will get Edward to the hospital." I heard Bella speak out behind me and had to stop myself from turning around and strapping her ass raw for speaking. Something was very, very wrong with me.

"Do it for Mum Assward." Emmett pleaded with me, virtually ignoring Bella.

"Leave Emmett or I swear it will not end well between us." I hissed at him menacingly. I was overwhelmingly grateful that I still did not have the knife on me at that moment.

"Fine you sick fuck I'll see you at the hospital and you fucking better not make her scream like that again." Emmett shouted and spun on his heel, walking out.

"Fuck you Emmett and fuck Carlisle too." I said coldly, turning back to Bella.

"Edward please let me down we need to go to the hospital if not for your father then for your Mum." She begged and I was surprised at the small amount of pity that leaked through.

"Final chance Bella, I mean it. Final warning otherwise I won't stop until I hear the words I want to hear." I prayed she would fucking cave, because I could feel the cracks in my self control starting to form and I was helpless to stop them.

"I'm sorry Edward." She said quietly but with conviction.

I dropped to my knees and a powerful sob ripped its way through my chest. What kind of fucking monster _was_ I? My father, the man who had loved and raised me was in hospital and could die and I couldn't even muster up an ounce of concern. I felt nothing except rage and disgust. I retched and bile burned the inside of my mouth.

I heard Bella's ragged breathing and I felt myself wrenched back into a fucked up form of reality. The fury was nearly all but gone, but my thoughts were cloudy, messy almost and I couldn't focus on any one thing except Bella.

Bella.

I unshackled her and carried her upstairs to our bed, placing her reverently in the middle before climbing next to her. I kissed her tenderly while I massaged her arms and legs, focusing my attention solely on her and nothing else. I felt weightless and adrift in a sea of voices and my Bella was the only thing keeping me anchored.

"Edward honey grab me some clothes we need to go, it's going to be alright sweetie. I'm here for you." Bella said, her hands grasping weakly at my cheeks. I began to kiss her neck as I realized she was talking about going to see Carlisle.

The fire began to burn through my veins again as I thought of the evil prick.

"Go where?" I mumbled into her neck, while my fingers worked out the knots in her shoulders "I don't really want to go anywhere do you?" I whispered seductively.

_Please Bella. I'm not ready to face any of this. Not yet, please don't make me._

"Edward what? we need to the hospital baby your dad we need to know how he is" Bella said slowly as though she were talking to a child.

"Why? I don't care how he is." I stilled my movements, trying to fight back the anger. I really didn't want to hurt Bella, I had hurt her enough already, but there was no way I was going to see Carlisle. I was appalled about my reaction, but firm in my hate for him; I really wished she would just drop it.

"Edward you don't really mean that. No matter what has happened he is still your dad and he loves you. Now come on hon we need to get up." She made a feeble attempt to get up as her aching muscles protested. I needed to take care of Bella. That was what I needed to do.

And just like that my fickle attention was once again diverted and I ignored everything else except my task at hand.

Taking care of my Bella.

"No, I'm running you a hot bath. Then I'm going to take you to bed, feed you and then fuck you silly. Not necessarily in that order." I said wondering why she was looking so seriously at me. She was lying next to me naked, surely that meant something didn't it?

"As tempting as that sounds sweetie I only said sorry so you would let me down so we could go to the hospital. And I didn't back down for nothing so get your sexy ass up and get me some clothes please."She said jokingly but her eyes were wary and I fumed. I was being fucking handled, just like I had my whole fucking life, Carlisle had handled me and now Bella was doing it. Worse, she was riling up my competitive streak and I really didn't want to go down that path again.

"No. I don't care why you said it Bella; I'm not the fucking fool you all seem to take me for! The fact is you said it, terms were agreed and by those terms I won. As for going to the hospital, why should I?" I jumped off the bed, pacing the room, clenching and unclenching my fists trying to work some of the anger out of my system.

"For your mother Edward, who must be beside herself wondering if her husband is going to live or die. Think how you would feel if that were you in that position."

I froze as an image of my broken mother flashed before my eyes. Her face streaked with tears, arms clutched around herself, terrified and alone.

Something in me shattered and another traitorous sob broke free.

"Let's go." I said simply, going to the bathroom. I placed my hands on the counter top and hung my head, feeling so very weary. All I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep, but I had to be there for my mother. She needed me.

I turned on the tap and splashed some water on my face, drying it off with a hand towel. I looked at my reflection and the towel slipped to the floor.

I didn't recognize the man staring back at me, instead I saw the man that Carlisle had wanted me to be. Cold, uncaring and evil, just like him.

In trying to beat my father at his own game, I had simply become the bigger monster.

I saw Bella tiredly dressing, wincing as she tried to pull on a shirt. She was exhausted and that was my fault too. I had taken things too far and she was paying for it. I found my stash up in the medicine cabinet and set up a few lines each. I quickly snorted mine, before calling out to Bella. I knew it was not the ideal solution, fuck it probably was a fucking stupid idea, but it was all I had.

"Bella honey come here."

"What is it sweetie," She said as she limped into the bathroom. I had hurt her and the only thing on her face was concern for me. She was an angel and there was no fucking way I deserved her. She would be much better off without me.

I handed her the rolled up bill and motioned to the remaining lines.

"You looked tired honey, a little pick me up till I can get you back here and take care of you properly."

_If you'll let me_.

Bella just looked at me her face a mixture of love and sadness, but no pity for which I was grateful.

"You're the one who needs taking care of and I will do that as soon as we get back, and thanks for this,"

After she had done her lines she looked at me

"He's going to be ok Edward; he's as strong as steel that father of yours." She took my hand and raised it to her lips, wincing in pain at the tiny movement.

Oh yeah, Carlisle had fucking nothing on me.

"Bella you can stay here if you want. I won't be long; I'll just see Mum and then come straight home." I said hoping she would agree but knowing she would not.

"There's no way I'm letting you behind the wheel after a bottle of Johnnie; Baby, we'll take my car and I'll drive, and please don't argue."

I felt tired, more tired than I had ever felt before and it was getting harder and harder to keep a grip on reality. My thoughts were sliding over each other like mercury and I my body felt like it weighed a million tones.

"Ok." I replied and walked to the garage, slipping into the passenger's side silently. I placed a hand on each knee and tried to focus. My mind kept slipping from one thought to the next. What I was doing in the fucking car. Wasn't I giving Bella a bath? Why did I keep thinking my mother had called?

I looked up and saw Bella looking at me in worry. I wanted to tell her not to worry but I was not sure what I was telling her not to worry about.

Fuck I was confused.

"Edward I just need to go to the loo I will be back in a minute." Bella said as she ran inside. I nodded in response even though I knew she could no longer see me. My brain and my body were functioning on different frequencies it seemed.

I don't know how long I sat there before Bella came back and yanked my door open, pulling me out of the car and putting her arm around me.

"Come on sweetie, I've talked to Esme and told her we'd be there in a few hours. I think we could both use a bit of time."

"Ok." I answered. Mum was happy that we would be late. What were we late for? I was following Bella down the hall when suddenly I turned around and began making my way back towards the garage.

Dad had a heart attack and Mum needed me. That was why we were in the car.

"I've got to see Mum. Mum will need us there." I muttered in annoyance at myself. I needed to fucking focus.

"Edward let's just go to bed. Your mum said your Dad was in a stable condition and that she'd call if anything changed. Come on sweetie we're no good to your mother in this state. You need time to process this Edward." She took me gently by the hand and led me back into the house. She made me promise to wait for her on the bed while she went and made us some food. Why did I have to stay here? Where else would I go? I thought with a laugh. Bella was here so that was where I wanted to be, just like when I was in France.

France. Carlisle. Hell. Alcohol. Drugs. Tanya. Hell.

Bella came back into the room just as everything my mind had been fighting to block from me crashed down like a tidal wave. I felt her crawl into the bed and into my arms, but it was like I wasn't there, I felt numb.

I could feel Bella's tense frame in my arms and I caught a few of her pensive glances up at me before I could take no more. I couldn't stand to see that love and concern on her face, I didn't deserve it. I closed my eyes and let my breathing slow, pretending that I had fallen asleep.

I had fought so hard to bring my father down, claiming that he hurt people and that he had to be stopped so he could not wreck any more havoc. But in doing so I had hurt people, my mother for one. She felt betrayed by my actions and I knew that even though she forgave me it still hurt her.

Now this. Carlisle's heart attack, it was my fault. I was not a fool I knew that all the stress and hurt he had been feeling lately was because of me. I didn't care about him, but when he hurt; my mother hurt and that I _did_ care about.

"Edward this is not your fault, if it's anyone's fault its mine, if I had done what he asked in the first place none of this would have happened." Bella said in a tiny voice and it felt like I had been punched in the stomach.

She was taking the blame, my blame. I had failed her again; even when I tried to be her champion I failed her.

Another sob tore from me and I cursed my fucking weakness. My mind was a mess and I just couldn't make sense of any of it. All I wanted to do was sleep and it was the one thing my body would not let me do. So instead I was forced to lie here with my thoughts attacking me as well as Bella's well intentioned comments.

"Please don't Bella, don't take the blame for this, I just couldn't... please don't." I whispered as my heart clenched painfully in my chest.

I wiped my eyes expecting there to be tears but they were dry. I didn't want to contemplate what that meant.

She began to kiss me, inching her way further down until she reached my chest where she stopped, her lips lingering on my skin.

I knew what she was doing and I craved it, I did. But I couldn't, it would be one more sensory distraction and I didn't think I could handle it. Everything was too confusing as it was. Everything seemed sharp and clear, yet cloudily and beyond my reach of understanding all at the same time.

I gently detangled her from my arms.

"I'm sorry Bella. I need to get some air, I just can't breathe." I whispered and climbed out of bed making my way out onto the deck.

I sat down on a chair and placed my head in my hands.

I was still in the same spot when the sun began glow along the horizon.

**Bella POV...**

I tried to control my breathing when I heard Edward's footsteps drawing nearer; he was going to check the garage first. I wasn't sure if he was looking for me or checking on his precious Christine.  
I contemplated moving a little so I could get him in view but I soon ruled that out when I heard his icy voice break the silence,.

"Bella? Come out; come out where ever you are. Hiding will do you no good; it will only make things harder on you." Edward's voice was full of dark promise and I shivered involuntarily.

My breath froze in my throat and stayed in the shadows. My heart was hammering so hard in my chest I was sure Edward would be able to hear it and know where I was.

"Ah Baby, the longer I have to look for you the more I am going to add on to your punishment. I warned you what would happen if you touched the Aston Martin again."

My blood boiled and I momentarily thought about standing up and telling him the car fucking sucked big-time but thankfully rational thinking returned and I shrunk deeper into the shadows. I waited for him to speak again and give me some idea where he was but he kept silent, I was about to shift so I could get a better view, I had only just shifted my weight onto my other foot preparing to move when my body began to tingle and the hairs in the back of my neck stood up.

The air left my lungs in a rush when his fingers wrap around my wrist; I could feel each finger as they tightened their grip.

"Found you," he didn't even bother to hide the anger in his voice and the words dripped with venom.

I leapt to my feet and tried to pull free of his grip, it became vice like, his fingers squeezing so tight I could feel the pressure the bone.

"Oh fuck…Edward we were just having a bit of fun. _Christine's _not hurt, honest…" I realised my mistake at once and quickly shut my mouth, I hoped he hadn't noticed what I'd called his precious car.

Edward's breathing hitched, the air hissed out between his teeth and his eyes narrowed, "What the fuck did you call my car?"

I knew he had heard me but I repeated it anyway, "_Christine_…Only because it's possessed. That car doesn't like me Edward. Its evil, it…" I couldn't help the drunken nervous giggle that escaped me.

I knew it would infuriate him more.

But I just couldn't understand his whole car worship thing.

I taunted him further calling him out over flying the painter out from England, a low feral snarl ripped from his throat, he brought his mouth to my shoulder and sank his teeth into my flesh.  
The sudden urge to slap him rushed over me but I was unable to act on it since he had my hands pinned together. Fury flooded through me, I hated that fucking car and the stupid way he fucking overreacted.

Well I wasn't fucking having it. The sting from the bite was radiating through me fuelling my fury.

"Oww…stupid fucking car…Gas guzzling, ozone destroying Piece of shiny fucking tin crap...Edward get over the car…You aren't going to hurt me because it's JUST A CAR!" I seethed venomously.  
My breath left my lungs in a rush with the force in which my back collided into the wall. Edward had literally slammed me into it. He pushed himself against me, his already hard cock pressing against my stomach.

His voice came out in a low deadly hiss. "By the time I'm finished with you, you will never want to touch my car again."

I bristled in indignation. I was over his threats and I was over the obsession with car.

"See that's the problem Edward, the way you react over that car is driving me insane and causing me to act irrationally…So it's kind of like a vicious cycle." I explained calmly hoping to soften him up.

Before he could say anything I crushed my lips to his. The taste of alcohol was strong on his breath, and I wondered briefly if he had managed to polish off the bottle before he found me.

He pulled his lips from mine with a smirk. "Hmm, a vicious cycle. I kind of like that…"

I knew I was being stupid and I should just apologise for being petty but I just couldn't bring myself to say it; so I dug my hole a little deeper. "I'm not going to apologise this time Edward, the car deserves it…It made me do it…I hate that car…AND I HATE THE WAY YOU WORSHIP IT," I spat.

Edward sensed the challenge in my voice and of course like the true Cullen he was he was eager to rise to the occasion. Before I realised what was happening I was agreeing to a deal I knew that would be all lose, lose for me. I thought now that the deal was done Edward and I would go back up and rejoin the party, so even though his grip was vice like around my wrist I thought everything was good…for _now._

My first and only sign that things were not all good was the look on Irina's face when she took in Edward's expression and the way he was holding onto my wrist. The little flutters of fear I had felt in the garage were beginning to intensify, especially when I saw Irina go to say something to Edward then think better of it. I looked at Kate who was dressed in a pair of my jeans and a sweater her hair was soaking wet, my look turned quizzical but she just shook her head slightly, fear was written all over her face.

It was then that it dawned on me how much trouble I was actually in and that Edward was going to make sure he won this little bet because he had more at stake than I did. He needed not only to protect _Christine_ but he had to win at all costs. Because that's what Cullen's did.

I stifled my gasp when I heard Edward's low and deadly serious voice ring out over the music.

"Get out Now."

Irina immediately began to put her sweater on and get ready to leave, I looked at her in confusion and she looked back sympathetically before she turned to Demetri. She gave him a look that spoke a thousand words and he nodded his head in agreement.

"Get out now, and Felix take the memory stick out of my computer and take it home with you." Kate flinched when Edward turned to her and leered, "It's exactly the kind of viewing you like. Now get out."

I was shocked Edward wasn't going to wait until our friends left of their own accord, my fury with him increased tenfold for being so fucking rude.

Irina and Demetri stood at the same time, Irina turned to Jake and smiled, "you are welcome to stay with us tonight Jake we've got heaps of room."

I glared at Edward venomously and his eyebrow arched.

"Edward this isn't necessary, it can wait until later can't it?" I knew instantly my words weren't going to do anything but I had to at least try. He needed to calm down a bit he was completely over reacting and being irrational.

His eyes narrowed and he looked positively dangerous. He brought his finger to his lips and Sshh'd me. The simple gesture carried so much menace; I shivered and goose bumps erupted on my skin.

Jake looked from me to Edward in confusion he could sense something wasn't right but he had no idea what was going on. "Is everything alright Bella, do you want me to stay?"

"No Jake you go ahead we're just mucking around." Jake studied me pensively and I gave him a reassuring smile.

"If you're sure Bells?" His eyes bored into mine, he was searching for any sign of a lie. Although I concentrated on keeping all signs of fear from him, he took a step toward me anyway. He looked like he was going to pull me into his embrace to shield me from the perceived danger.

Edward must have sensed Jakes intent because he suddenly spoke.

"She will be fine Jacob! I will take care of her, you have my word."

Jacob nodded seeming appeased with Edward's word and turned back to Irina. Edward leaned into me his lips brushing my ear, "if you open your mouth again, I will start our little game right here in front of everyone."

I fell silent immediately, but it wasn't for my sake it was to save our friends from what would happen next if I told Edward to go fuck himself. Which I was desperate to do:

Fear bubbled inside me the second Emmett shut the door behind him, I hadn't counted on having to face Edward's wrath quite so soon. I was hoping to at least get another jug or two of Illusion's under my belt before the game commenced. Edward in the mean time had other ideas and started to drag me toward the stairs, he began rattling the rules off as he led me down the stairs.

I decided to show him how defiant I planned on being and was rewarded with a stinging slap on my ass, instead of showing Edward how much it hurt I snorted to taunt him, "Hmm…that felt good."

He dragged me roughly through the door of the empty storage space, and my eyes widened when I saw the chains bolted to the floor and ceiling. They were a new acquisition, I had only been down here last week and they were definitely weren't there then.

I shifted my attention back to Edward and stared at him defiantly. I was unwilling to show him any weakness.

He turned from me and headed for his IPod, when I saw it sitting plugged into the docking station I knew I was in real trouble. He had been anticipating that I would launch another attack on Christine and he was prepared for it. Very well prepared I was assuming; Edward never did things by halves.

"Take off your clothes. Now." He commanded from the other side of the room, his voice was low and deadly.

I ignored him and looked around the room studying the chains and breathing in the new leather smell that lingered. If Edward wanted my clothes off then he could come over and take them off. I wasn't going to do anything he asked of me; continued defiance was going to be my strategy.

I wanted to break Edward's need to control me.

"You know I had a feeling you hadn't learned your lesson, so I'm very happy I set this up." He turned on the IPod and The Prodigy's Baby's got a temper came blaring from the speakers.

_This baby's got a temper  
__This baby's got a temper  
__This baby's got a temper  
__You'll never tame her_

"I think I'll tame you yet, what do you think Bella?" I kept silent I wasn't going to answer him if he directly asked me a question. I was only going to speak if he told me not to.

Edward was watching my every move as he made his way toward me, he looked almost dangerous and I had to fight my urge to run. I couldn't show him weakness if I was going to have any chance of winning this twisted little game.

"So defiant, yet so beautiful in your defiance," Edward wrapped his fingers around my wrist and pulled me toward the chains, he secured one of my wrists in the cuffs before he spoke again, his voice was just a whisper, "But the human mind is strange, sometimes when we see something beautiful our first instinct is to destroy it, crush it." I fought back the shiver trying to wash over me, Edward's kissed my elbow softly before securing my other hand into the binding, "As beautiful as your defiance is, I'm going to destroy it Bella."

I decided to speak I was going to show him I wasn't scared of him even though I was slightly nervous about what would happen next. "That's if it can be crushed. The human spirit is stronger in some than in others."

I felt my confidence grow, I was keen to push my boundaries and see how strong I really was, and it would be good for Edward to lose, it would be a humbling experience for him.

Edward slid his hands down my thighs, his fingers wrapping around my ankle as he secured the cuff, "Indeed my sweet little lamb, indeed some spirits are stronger than others," He placed a kiss on each of my thighs before he stood and walked behind me. My body responded to his touch and I shivered when his finger tracing a path up my spine. My pleasure soon turned to pain when his fingers fisted a handful of my hair and he yanked my head back.

His deadly voice sounded in my ear, "And mine is much stronger than yours, I told you to keep your mouth shut and you disobeyed me. Time to teach my little my little lamb I mean what I say."

He walked away and began rifling through a wooden chest in the corner of the room, I hadn't noticed before.

My head had snapped back when Edward had pulled my hair. The pain was rapidly spreading over my scalp, I could feel where every single strand had parted company with my head and though my nerves in my stomach were rapidly beginning to bubble up I stupidly taunted him again.

"Get used to it Baby I'm not I'm not about to bow down to you any time soon no matter how hard you pull my hair."

He turned back at me and grinned evilly, "Oh honey that was just foreplay." The sight of his smile caused my heart to nearly jump out of my chest.

I concentrated on controlling my breathing and focused on keeping my face blank of emotion.

"Now we get to the real fun." He whispered.

_This Baby's got a Temper  
__This babys got a temper  
__This baby's got a temper  
__You'll never tame her_

I watched Edward impassively as he slowly walked toward me. His eyes glinted dangerously in the half light and he was grinning almost manically. My breath hitched but I kept my poker face when I saw the purple comb in his hand. I smiled invitingly at him. I had to egg him on while staying focused on managing my pain when it came and I was under no illusion that it was coming.

"That looks fun." I said nonchalantly.

I was trying to lie convincingly but his next comment showed me he never brought it.

He asked me if I knew what the violet coloured instrument he held in his hand was. And I had to bite back the urge to tell him to fuck off when he gave me permission to speak. This was a game of mental wits and I wanted to be a worthy opponent.

I looked at him as if I was already bored, when in reality I wanted him to tell me about the thing he was holding.

"So stubborn," He cooed as he laid the violet wand at my feet and produced a huge titanium hunting knife.

If I was nervous of the comb looking thing; it was nothing to the bolt of fear that shot through me when I saw the glinting silver blade of the huge knife. My poker face slipped for only a second; only as long as it took me to realise that Edward was just trying to scare me. He wasn't going to stab me, or cut me.

So I had nothing to fear but fear itself.

That thought calmed me and I relaxed a little.

"I think my little lamb only pretends she's brave." Edward whispered as he cut my costume and my tulle panties from my body.

Feeling the cool metal tip of the blade pressing against my skin, sent an involuntary shiver rippling through me. The pressure wasn't enough to pierce the flesh but the feeling was both terrifying and exhilarating in equal measures.

I imagined briefly the way the skin would slice open if Edward exerted more pressure.

I took a deep breath feeling the pressure increase on the blade. Smiling at Edward, I kept my mind free of everything but his face. It was easier to fight the internal chaos that was going on in my body as it waged war against the conflicting signals it was receiving from my brain.

If I could keep focused I could get through this without giving too much away. I knew I had to keep my poker face intact when Edward was watching me; any signs of weakness on my part would be used against me to ensure Edward scored an easy victory.

He picked up the comb-toy and started to explain to me what it was and what it did. Apparently the violet wand was an electrical device similar to a cattle prod or a taser. He took pleasure in telling me about the intensity setting. He walked behind me and pressed the device to my bare ass, the tingle felt good but I knew the sensation wasn't going to be pleasant for long. And even though I braced myself for it; the pain was intense when he turned suddenly turned the setting up higher.

I felt like I had just sat bare assed on an electric fence, I clenched my eyes and mouth shut and my body jolted forward with the shock of the current that surged through me. I felt like I had just been tasered. I took a few rapid breaths and swallowed the scream that was trying to force its way out of me.

I had to admit that I was more than a little surprised at Edward he was definitely not being gentle, not that I expected him to be, but I had no idea he had a taste for this kind of thing.

I t intrigued me to what other sort of deviate things he might be into.

"That hurt didn't it baby?" Edward cooed in my ear as he slapped my already stinging ass, "You will give in…I promise that."

I decided to answer only to let him know I wasn't going to surrender. "I'll admit that it hurt…But not enough to make me give in, no apologies not now not ever."

"Are you sure about that? I can do this for a very long time, and there are more things in my little chest over there."

He turned the current up on the wand and ran it up the length of my back.

_Pain is my friend, pain is my friend, _I chanted over and over in my head as the current tore through my cells interfering with my nerves and causing my muscles to spasm and twitch. My breath hissed from my lips but I other wised stayed silent. I had no intention of giving Edward the satisfaction of knowing how much that fuckin hurt.

And I wasn't going to answer his question.

"This is only the low setting Bella; I feel I should warn you it goes MUCH higher than this."

Edward delighted in telling me that I had the power to end the game if I apologised, I ignored him and moaned silently when he finally removed the current form my back.

He walked over to the chest and began rummaging through it, he pulled out a plaited piece of leather and turned back to me with a smile, "This is a slapper Bella, for those beautiful breasts of yours. How much do you think they can handle?"

He stalked toward me and brought the leather strap down across my breasts, the sting was so intense I couldn't stop the shocked gasp as I sucked in a lungful of air.

I spat at Edward's feet then quickly arranged my poker face, "No apologies Edward now or ever, I hate _Christine…_And every time you lash out at me I hate it more. It makes me more determined to never say sorry._"_

"God I love your stubborn streak." He countered every lash across my breast making sure that he spread them evenly between the two.

Tears spilled from my eyes and I counted every lash in my head as the slapper repeatedly struck my skin. When it was over I chanted the mantra ten times in my head before I spoke, "I'm not going to apologise to you Edward."

Edward took the nipple clamps from the chest, "You like these don't you Bella? But what do you remember from science class? These are made of metal and what does metal conduct?" He teased each nipple with his tongue making sure they were hard before he attached the clamps; this is really going to hurt. Are you sure you won't change your mind?"

I braced myself for the pain, this wasn't going to be far worse than the strapper and wand combined, but I knew I had to withstand whatever he threw at me. I didn't want to give into him, for once I wanted to be the one that didn't back down.

"I'm not changing my mind, if you want to do that to me then go right ahead." I challenged him.

I never thought he'd seriously go through with it, and I had to hide my surprise when he cracked his knuckles and said, "All right then, let's get started. You know the interesting thing about this is? The further you hold it from the body the greater the arc."

He held the violet want down by my stomach but the electricity shot through my nipples. The pain was like nothing I'd experienced before and my scream burst forth of its own vocation and echoed around the room.

"Fuck…shit…you sick, twisted mother fucking son of a bitch. You and that piece of scrap metal are going to pay for that you fucker…" I choked on my sobs. It was then I decided that I was going to change tact and be as vocal as I could in my pain hoping that my tortured cries would penetrate through Edward's armour and he would stop this fucking madness.

I quickly realised that was not going to be the case when he sneered, his eyes alive with excitement.

"Good, scream for me." He gave me another shock with the wand, "You know how to make this stop Bella, say the words and it all ends."

Another agonized scream tore from my throat. The pain was even more severe this time. I slumped forward and my vision blurred but continued to scream until everything went black.

When my eyes finally opened the pain was gone. I glared at Edward viciously through the tears in my eyes. "I'd rather see that car as scrap metal than apologise, I can't believe you'd do this to me over a car Edward."

He started going on about how I had the power to end it, but complimented me on how exquisite I looked.

Fury coursed through me burning in my veins scorching my insides and I was goaded into speech when he said that this game was more about our relationship and his need to win, than the car.

_His need to control and be dominant was driving me insane, which in turn was fuelling my need to beat the fucker at his own game._

"You need to learn to lose Edward, it's healthy. And a relationship should be based on equality not you having to have your_ own_ stupid way all the time. So don't tell me I have all the power Edward because we both fucking know that's complete fucking bullshit. You have all the fucking power... And I'm NEVER GOING TO SAY SORRY." I yelled as loud as my hoarse throat would allow.

Edward delivered another round of stinging slaps to my ass, before shocking me again with the wand. That was the most sadistic instrument ever designed and the pain it caused me started to make me delirious and before I realised what was happening I was begging.

"Please Edward stop…the pain it's too much…please sweetie I will you anything else you want…just no more current." He removed the current at once and I moaned in relief, I thought maybe the begging might have helped my cause but I should have known better.

Edward smelt victory, he slapped my already red ass and the sting made me jolt forward but the restraints prevented me from moving. "Oh my little lamb it seems you are reaching your breaking point. But close won't win me our little game now will it? And the stakes are so high…"

The next slap was harder and I went back to begging in the hope of guilting him into stopping.

"Please baby…I'll do anything…but apologise…I'll let you…please my baby."

"No Bella. You know the rules, you know what to say. But since you've been such a good girl keeping me entertained, I'll give you a final chance. After this it's turn it up a notch."

Edward voice was kinder than it had been all night and I decided to try my luck.

"Edward…If you submit to me this one time…I will spend a life time in your servitude…" I tried bargaining.

"Wrong answer my little lamb." He picked up the leather strap and brought down across my ass repeatedly with increasing force.

My screams echoed around the room, "Fuck…shit…god you're more like your father than I first thought." The words slipped out before I realised what I had said, and I instantly regretted them. I knew I had probably just sent Edward over the edge.

His breath rush from his lungs and when he spoke his voice was arctic, "I think you should repeat that for me little lamb. I'm positive I never heard you correctly."

"Edward…I…didn't mean that…it just slipped out…please…"

He never said anything he just brought the strap across my ass and back repeatedly, the force of it had me jerking against the bonds and my screams came out in one continual rush. They stopped abruptly when the door burst open and light flooded the room.

Emmett burst through the door and stopped dead as he surveyed the scene in front of him.

His eyes widened in shock, when he saw me chained and he glared at Edward, "what the fuck Edward?"

Edward's menacing growl came from behind me. The chilling sound turned my blood to ice; his voice came out as a roar, "Get the fuck out Emmett! Now!"

I had never seen Edward so angry or ever heard him speak to his brother in such a manner. The need to take evasive action cleared my head. I needed to get rid of Emmett before Edward did even more damage to his family and himself.

"Emm...Emmett, go... and tell Esme we'll be there soon. I will get Edward to the hospital." I said as loudly as my hoarse voice would allow.

He ignored me and glared at Edward, "Do it for Mum Assward."

"Fuck you Emmett and fuck Carlisle too..." Edward growled as he stalked across the room toward his brother.

I was absolutely terrified at the way he had advanced on Emmett. And if I didn't intervene; Edward was going to attack his brother and I would be helpless to stop it.

The only way to stop Edward though was to get out of these restraints and get Edward to the hospital. But how was I going to that without submitting.

As much as I knew it was crazy not to just apologize, I had to try and hold strong. It would be not in my best interest in the long term to back down tonight. Edward needed to see he was out of control; he needed for his own sake as much as mine to just lose for once and back down. It would be good for him, it would be healthy.

Edward turned his back on Emmett and stalked toward me. His face was like a death mask, devoid of colour and emotion.

It scared me to see him like that.

"Edward _please_ let me down. We need to go to the hospital... If not for your father then for your Mum," I pleaded.

His eyes flashed in the light and they looked dead. His voice was low and sounded nothing like his voice, "Final chance Bella, I mean it. Final warning otherwise I won't stop until I hear the words I want to hear."

His breathing was heavy and ragged against my shoulder. The pain in his voice brought the rational thinking I had been lacking all night back in an instant.

I needed to end this now. I needed to look after him. He was so fucked up and it was all my fault.

I had to say the words, not for my sake but for his.

"_I'm sorry Edward."_ My voice was barely more than a whisper but I said the words with conviction.

Edward dropped to his knees behind me. His strangled sob reverberated around the room bouncing off the walls and sinking through my flesh and bone to my soul, which dimmed in response to the tortured sound.

Before I had time to gather my thoughts, Edward was unshackling me. He carried me into our room and laid me carefully on the bed. My body was absolutely aching; my flayed skin was burning like fire. It felt raw in places. Edward climbed into bed next to me and began to softly massage my sore shoulders. It felt so good. Fatigue was threatening to engulf me; I was desperate to close my eyes, to succumb to the mind numbing bliss of sleep.

Without any conscious thought Esme's broken face suddenly filled my mind followed closely by the image of Carlisle lying on his death bed surrounded by his wife and two of his sons. Esme would be not only frantic with worry about her husband but she would be hurt that Edward was not at his father's bedside.

I forced my eyes open with a groan.

"Edward honey grab me some clothes we need to go. It's going to be alright sweetie I'm here for you." I said soothingly even though he hadn't uttered a sound.

He continued to rub my shoulders; his breath was warm against my neck.

"Go where Bella, I don't really want to go anywhere do you?"

Confusion swept over me, "Edward what do you mean? We need to go to the hospital baby. Your Dad; we need to know how he is."

Edward stopped rubbing my shoulders and my body tense in response.

"I don't care how he is." He hissed.

I stifled my gasp, "Edward you don't really mean that? No matter what has happened he's still your Dad and he still loves you. Now come on hon we need to get up."

I tried to move but every muscle in my aching body in protest.

He refused immediately, "No, I'm running you a hot bath. Then I'm going to take you to bed, feed you and fuck you silly. Not necessarily in that order." He grinned at me.

I felt confused by his mood swings. And although his offer sounded like heaven, I knew we had to go.

I reached up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, "As tempting as that sounds sweetie I only said sorry so you would let me down so we could go to the hospital. and I didn't back down for nothing So get your sexy ass up and get me some clothes please."

Edward's body went rigid beneath mine and I realised my mistake at once. My words would have ignited his competitive streak. Before I could say anything to rectify it he spoke. "I don't care why you said it Bella; I'm not the fucking fool you all seem to take me for! The fact is you said it, terms were agreed to and by those terms I won. As for going to the hospital, why should I?"

Edward was furious, he slid off the bed and began to pace, his hands were fisted at his sides. I could see them clenching and unclenching as he tried to control his fury.

As much as I didn't want to push him, I needed to get through to him. He needed to be at the hospital supporting his Mother. "For your Mother Edward, who must be beside herself wondering if her husband's going to live or die... Think of how you would feel if you were in that position."

Guilt and self loathing shot through me when Edward's sob broken sob filled the air.

He was fighting to hold it together.

So was I.

"Let's go." He whispered.

I dragged myself off the bed and stumbled for the wardrobe while Edward headed for the bathroom. I could barely keep myself upright as I rummaged around my draws for some jeans and a T shirt. My skin was still burning and I felt every single welt when my clothes touched my skin. I gave a small cry of pain but quickly stifled it as to not alert Edward.

I wasn't entirely sure if Edward realized how out of control things got in the basement.

His voice sounded from the bathroom and I immediately made my way to him. My mind and body were beyond fatigued. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the next few hours; hell I wasn't even sure I was going to make it through the next few minute. The answer was sitting on the countertop when I reached the bathroom.

As stupid as it was, I couldn't see any other way to make it few the next few hours, so I took the silver cylinder from him and bent over the mirror.

Edward looked a wreck and my heart bled for him. I wished I could take away his pain.

I thanked him for the lines of cocaine and protested when he told me he'd come home and look after me. I had no intention of letting that happen. I was going to look after him; he was in a worse state than I was. He tried to convince me to stay home while he went to the hospital but there was no way I was going to let him drive after a forty ounce bottle of Johnny Walker. I was grateful when he didn't protest when I helped him into the Jag. I caught Edward's expression through the window. He wasn't ready for this and I wasn't prepared to put him through any more tonight. I made a split decision and gave him some excuse about needing to use the toilet. I rushed into the house and called Esme's mobile phone.

I prayed she would pick up and relief flooded through me when I heard her voice on the line. I quickly explained to her that Edward was taking this extremely hard and I didn't think he was any fit state to deal with things quite yet, she told me to put Edward to bed and to join her when we were ready, I only agreed when she promised to phone if there was any change in his condition.

Edward was exactly where I had left him, I studied his face and realised his emotional state had further deteriorated in the time I had been gone. I pulled him out of the car, telling him I had talked to his mum and that we wouldn't need to go to the hospital for a few more hours.

He never said anything he just walked forward when I tugged on his hand. I led him into the house and straight to the bedroom.

"Stay where you are Sweetheart," I said quietly and gave him I kiss on the cheek.

He needed food and water, something to help neutralize the drugs and alcohol in his system. I headed for the kitchen to make some sandwiches.

Fear gnawed at my insides. My Edward, so strong and so infallible was broken.

And I didn't know how to fix him.

I poured a large jug of water and headed back to Edward.

I put the tray on the bedside table and crawled up beside him, I fought back my wince as his arms encircled me. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow but I knew he wasn't asleep and I knew that guilt was eating him up.

I buried my face against his throat, "Edward this is not your fault, its mine. If I had done what he had asked in the first place none of this would have happened."

Another sob tore from his throat and tears sprang to my eyes.

He was in so much pain. His voice was low and tortured, "Please don't Bella, don't take the blame for this, I just couldn't…please don't."

I didn't dare argue with him, I had already pushed him past his limits tonight and I knew exactly how fragile he was, I kissed a trail along his neck over his Adams apple and down his throat, I paused when I got to his chest waiting for him to give me a sign that this is what he wanted.

Edward began to detangle himself from me, "I'm sorry Bella. I need to get some air, I just can't breathe."

I stifled my sob as he slid out of bed and headed out onto the balcony, he was slipping further into himself and further away from my reach. I tried to stay awake while I waited for him to come back to bed but I couldn't fight my exhaustion or the fatigue and ache in my body and my eyelids drooped shut...

**A/N: So we are more than a little anxious to know what you thought...Remember we did warn you the consequences were coming... :) ...Please feel free to vent your spleen so to speak. We are tough we can handle it...**


	29. Chapter 29 In the Light of Day

**A/N: As always thank you to those of you who reviewed all constructive feedback is appreciated...Ok so the last chapter was a bit of shocker, we were very concerned how you would take it and we were pleased that you coped...lol...So we still have a long road to travel with these two and while there are moments of pure sweetness, this story does deal with issues that happen to people every day in real life. We are asking you to trust us that we will get you to the final destination it's just a rocky road so to speak...**

**WE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO WISH EVERYONE AN AWESOME TIME AT ECLIPSE! No matter if you're team Edward, Jake or Bella, just represent for fandom! I'm going to stay with Greenaway and we are going together...So on behalf of us YAY TEAM EDWARD...LOL (sassy you know we are nothing more than Edward's whores LOL :) **

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight & Greenaway & Cinnamon twist own An Angel (just so there's no confusion :)**

**Chapter 29: In the Light of Day**

**Bella's POV...**

Edward wasn't in bed next to me when I woke and I could tell from his undisturbed side of the bed he hadn't been in here at all. Panic washed over me and I scrambled out of bed with an agonized groan, my body was aching beyond comprehension and my skin felt raw in places. I headed straight for the balcony; it was the last place I'd seen him go before I fell asleep. I wasn't expecting to find him out there, but there he was sitting at the wooden table staring blankly over the horizon.

I approached him slowly; my hand brushed over his hair, "Edward sweetie are you alright? Have you been outside all night? Come on honey get up and we'll go lie on the bed for a bit, come on you're freezing"

Edward looked up at me and he looked broken "I need to see Mum Bella, she must be so scared."

I looked down at his tortured face and my heart broke. I could tell he'd been crying and I felt like a failure for falling asleep and leaving him like this. "Ok you're right we do need to go. Come on into the bathroom you need to freshen up a bit. I'll text Emmett and tell him we're on our way."

I reached out for his hand and gave him a reassuring smile when he took it.

"I don't deserve you." Edward whispered as he followed me inside, he clutched my hand tightly, "Promise you won't leave me." His voice was a ragged whisper.

"of course I will never leave you baby you're stuck with me forever." I squeezed his hand before bringing to my lips.

He grabbed me suddenly, His arms snaked around my waist and he held onto me so tightly I thought my ribs might crack; I fought back the urge to scream out in agony when his arms pressed against the welts on my back and my swollen and bruised nipples pressed into his chest.

The pain was so bad I had to fight to stay conscious.

He looked so fragile. A shell. Nothing like his usual over confident self.

Guilt threatened to overwhelm me it was all my fault he was in was in this mess. I pushed him way to far last night and I had to take responsibility for that.

He kissed the top of my head and breathed in deeply "There's something black inside me Bella and I'm scared. I need you to keep it away, he'll bring it back again and I can't, I don't want to be that person! Not for you or our children..."

"Edward you don't have to be frightened of yourself. You have so much love and warmth and kindness inside you. Use it to fight the darkness. The kids and I will always be here for you. You are not alone, never alone." I kissed him chastely and held on to him as tightly as my aching limbs would allow

"God I love you so much Isabella Swan. I couldn't live without you, you Make me the man I want to be." He held me for a moment, "I guess I should have a shower."

"I love you Edward. And I need to say that I am truly sorry about the car, I should have been more respectful."

Edward's face paled and he retched. He turned and bolted for the bathroom, I could hear him vomiting violently.

Fear flooded through me; tearing at my insides and tightening my stomach muscles. I rushed to the bathroom and found him crouched over the toilet. I approached him slowly, my hand reaching out to rub his back.

"Edward; it's ok honey... Come on get up; you need to get in the shower,"

I wished I hadn't mentioned the stupid car.

"What the fuck have I done Bella?" Edward went to stand but lost his balance, my hand shot out to steady him but he began to fall back.

His head smashed against the tiled wall.

The blood near sent me over the edge, mentally."...Fuck Edward you cut your head open," I bent over him and examined the wound luckily the sight of blood didn't faze me physically, the last thing either of needed was for me to black out at the sight of it...

It was going to need a stitch or two but it wasn't major.

"It's alright baby, it's not too bad... And Edward all you have done is protect me and the kids. It's what any parent does...But this isn't the time for recriminations love. Let's just go see your mum...we have plenty of time to talk later. We just need to keep it together for the next couple of hours."

I helped him out of his clothes and into the shower; I didn't want to join him. The marks on my body felt pretty raw and I couldn't even imagine what they looked like, and if he saw them when he was in this state he would only hate himself more.

"Don't you want to shower too?" He looked at me in confusion and I said the first excuse that came into my head.

"Um...I was just going to ring Renee and Charlie to check on Apple and Louis and see if they wouldn't mind having them for an extra week; it will be easier on all of us I think."

I didn't want to leave him alone for even a second, but I did need to ring Charlie and Renee and I needed to avoid him seeing my naked body.

"Ok." He mumbled.

...When I got back into the room Edward was dressed and sitting on the bed. He was as still as a statue, the sight of him so lost and confused sent a convulsion through my body. I was scared for him; he was usually the strong one.

The one who took charge and looked after me.

I had to be strong and see him through this. I had to heal him and take away his pain. I wanted him to be everything I knew he was capable of being, he was my beacon, my strength, I wanted to be the same for him.

"Come on sweetheart the quicker we get this over with the quicker we can come home and go to bed." I checked his gashed before taking his hand.

We arrived at the hospital and I left Edward sitting on a chair while I went to find out what room Carlisle was in and get someone to look at Edward's head wound. The receptionist pointed me through a set of doors telling me a doctor could see Edward now and that Carlisle room number was eighty eight.

I briefly marvelled at the private healthcare system; if this had been the public system Edward wouldn't have even been seen. I took him by the hand once we had him stitched up and we headed for Carlisle room. Edward had been pretty quiet so far and I wondered if he planned on seeing his father, his hoarse voice brought me from my thoughts.

"Where's Mum?" He stopped and looked at me and I noticed the light that usually sparkled in his eyes wasn't there.

I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

"I'm not sure Edward," I could tell he straight away that he didn't want to see his father and I wasn't going to make him nor would I let anyone else force him to do anything he didn't want to. "You go and take a seat over there on the couch, I will see if I can find her."

He did what I said without question. I gave him a reassuring smile then knocked softly on Carlisle door.

I would have rather died a thousand million gruesome deaths than walk into the hospital room of the man who despised me and surely blamed me for everything.

But I had to.

I had to do it for Edward.

I opened the door just wide enough for those in the room to see my face and quickly scanned the room. Esme was there as was Emmett and Jazz; they both looked at me in surprise. Emmett got up and made his way toward me, he looked at me pensively and I dropped my gaze from his.

I knew he was thinking about what he'd walked in on and it was obvious it had disturbed him.

I allowed him to pass by me and he closed the door behind him. His eyes fell on Edward and he scowled. "Glad to see you finally made it fuckward." He hissed.

Fury washed over me, I glared at Emmett. "Don't you fucking start on him Emmett. Just go and get Esme, now." I commanded.

My voice was like ice. My nerves were completely shot and I was hanging onto my self control and my sanity by my fingertips.

Emmett shot a death glare at Edward then stalked back into the room.

Esme came out a moment later and hugged me tightly I fought back the urge to cringe away in pain "I'm...so sorry Esme. Is...there anything I can do?"

"You got my son here, you've done more than I could have hoped for..." She kissed my cheek and made her way to her way to Edward's side, "How are you doing my son?" her face visibly dropped when she looked at him.

It wasn't until he broke into one of his most breathtaking smiles that she smiled and relaxed a little.

Edward's voice was low and hoarse. "Mum, are you ok? I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

Jazz stepped into the hallway, followed by Emmett, and surveyed the scene; his eyes lingered on Edward before seeking mine. I could tell he was as worried about Edward as I was, Emmett on the other hand was glowering his eyes were narrowed and he looked like he was trying to hold onto his self control.

I turned my attention back to Edward and Esme when I heard Esme's tired, sad voice.

"I'm doing ok Edward, the doctor's say your father will be ok if he takes it easy, if he gets too stressed or wound up then that will be a different story. He's been asking to see you."

Edward looked mortified at the thought so I quickly intervened on his behalf.

"Um...Esme I think it might be better if we wait a couple of days before we think about that, I don't think Edward's ready for that yet. It's been a big shock for him and he's had no sleep. I want him to wait until he's in a better frame of mind before he sees his father.

Edward looked at me and smiled gratefully, I gave him a small wink and was about to smile at him when he let go of Esme and slumped back against the wall cracking his head as he leaned back.

I closed my eyes and sighed almost exasperatedly, he was deteriorating by the minute and my nerves were stretched to breaking point.

My eyes snapped open when I heard Emmett's huff. He was going to have a go at Edward so I acted quickly. I had no idea how Edward would react to that so I didn't want to take any chances.

I stepped forward pulling Emmett close to me, my lips brushed across his ear, "If you love your brother at all Emmett, you won't do this. He's seriously fucked up and he doesn't need you to tell him that ok. So please Emm I begging you as your friend and as the mother of your niece and nephew please cut him some slack. He needs coffee and food not a lecture. Can you please do that for me?"

Emmett pulled his face from mine and looked at me broodingly.

He knew me well enough to recognize that I needed help with Edward. "Ok Bells, for you. Edward let's go and get food you look like you need it."

Edward looked at Emmett wearily then at me, his expression changed and I saw the love there, even though it was tinged with sadness. "Do you want something to eat Bella?"

I noticed Edwards gauze bandage was soaked in blood and fought back the urge to just break down in tears. I went go to him when I caught Jasper's eye, I knew he could tell that I was barely holding it together myself.

"Don't worry Bella I will take him to get checked out again. You just sit down here and take it easy for a few minutes."

I gave Jazz a grateful smile and turned to Edward. "Just coffee thanks, but make sure you eat something ok. And do what Jazz tells you." I gave him a quick smile and tried to cover up my fatigue and frustration, I really just wanted to get him home and into bed.

As I watched him walk away I had the sudden urge to want to grab him and hide away with him and our kids where no one could find us or nothing could hurt us.

I was brought from my daydream when I heard an unfamiliar voice say my name.

"Are you Isabella Swan?"

I looked at the nurse in surprise, "yes I am."

"Mr Cullen asked if you would speak with him." I stared at her vacantly for a moment; it took me a few seconds to be sure I had heard her right.

With...with me?...Oh...um...um...ok." I tried to catch my breath but my throat had constricted and fear was starting to bubble in my stomach. I didn't know what I'd do if Carlisle blamed me for this whole mess.

I tried to control my trembling as I followed the nurse into the room. Carlisle looked very sick, his skin was grey and the circles under his eyes were near black. He had an oxygen tube from his nose and he was connected to a heart monitor and he was surprisingly sitting up in his bed.

"Isabella; thank you for agreeing to speak with me I know I've given you no reason to do me any favours but I ask that you hear me out. Please."

For the first time since I'd known Carlisle he actually looked sincere and like an approachable human being.

"I will listen to you Carlisle. But before I do let me warn you now. I will do nothing to hurt Edward and I will never leave him and he will never leave me, so if you've called me in here to threaten me don't waste your breath."

I knew I couldn't aggravate Carlisle; but I needed him to know before he started that this game was over.

His chuckle disarmed me, it was the last thing I expected him to do.

"It's no more than deserve, I guess." He sat up a little and looked at me straight on. "I want to apologise for the way I have treated you. I have no excuses for my behaviour, all I can offer you; is that I did everything with my son in mind. I would give up my life for him if I thought it was in his best interests. Surely you can understand that Isabella, the love a parent has for their child?"

I was shocked when I saw the tear trickle down his cheek. I wondered when the last time Carlisle had cried and I mused what that may have been over.

I thought about what he said for a few minutes; "I can understand that. What I don't understand is how you could trust your son judgement to run your multibillion dollar industry but you don't trust his judgement to know who is best suited to be in his life... Edward's been to hell Carlisle and he's still there, I've never seen someone so broken. Your son's broken." I whispered.

"I know that Isabella and I would apologise to him a million times if I thought he would listen to me. I have behaved appallingly and I can see that now. I can't change the past between us Isabella, but I would like to start again if you will give me the chance. Give me a chance to atone for my sins; it is all I can do. They can't be erased..." He trailed off as another tear slid down his cheek.

Although I didn't trust Carlisle as far as I could kick him if I was going to have any chance of healing Edward's family then I had to do it. And if that meant letting go of the anger I felt for Carlisle for all he'd put me, Edward and my family and friends through, then so be it.

And the only way I was going to have any chance of healing Edward; I needed to start with healing his rift with his father.

"I will accept your apology with reservations Carlisle. The condition is if I get any inkling of an idea you have an ulterior motive, I won't hesitate to act to make sure you _never _see Edward again."

Carlisle's eyebrow arched and he gave me a small chuckle, "Thank you Isabella, and I would expect you to have suspicions. All I want is my family around me and Edward has made it very clear that you are part of our family. I retrospect I would say he made a fine choice."

I noticed the way Carlisle's hand shook when he reached for his glass of water and brought it to his lips, the water slopped around the glass and if it had been any fuller it would have spilt.

I couldn't believe that this was the once mighty and feared Carlisle Cullen.

I'm not sure if Carlisle was thinking the same thing or if my thoughts showed on my face but his next comment had me blushing that he could read my face. He was so adept at reading body language.

"It's amusing, isn't it? Carlisle Cullen, the man who dominated the business world now can't even hold a cup properly let alone hold his family together. For too long my priorities have been wrong and I am determined to change that."

Though he looked at me with guarded eyes I could see a hint of pleading there and I could see he was readying himself for rejection although I didn't know why. That was until he asked his next question.

"If you would consent, I would very much appreciate the chance to get to know my grandchildren. I understand you won't want to leave them with me, but I hope we can get to a point where you will feel comfortable enough to accompany them on visits to my home."

I studied him intently for a moment trying to gauge if he was sincere, I had to admit I had no idea if he was but I had to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"As hard as it is for me Carlisle, I owe it to my children that they get the right to know who you are as their grandfather. But once again you need to know, they aren't going to be groomed by you, they will be left alone to have happy stress free childhoods and they will have the right to choose to do and be whoever they want to be. My kids aren't going to be brought up in anyone's mould. And I will be happy to accompany them to your home Carlisle as long as you are gracious and respectful to me and them."

Carlisle answered immediately and he sounded sincere, "I give you my word Bella, things are different now. Everything is different now."

I was surprised when he offered his hand but I took it in my own as a gesture of good faith. I sincerely hoped for all our sakes that Carlisle was genuine; I had the feeling he was.

Esme entered the room and took a seat by Carlisle bedside.

I looked down at Carlisle and gave him a small smile, "I can't promise that I will get him to see reason; but I will try."

"Don't cause any grief in your relationship over me Bella; I have caused enough trouble as it is." He looks at Esme adoringly "I know what a treasure it is when you find that special person, only I have been a fool too long and unappreciative."

He picked up Esme's hand and kissed it tenderly and I smiled at the adoring look she gave him, it was obvious how in love they were. It gave me confidence in Carlisle; that he was capable of being a loving human being. I was chatting to Carlisle and Esme about the twins when the door suddenly flew open and Emmett strode in.

I could tell at once he was pissed off and I sincerely hoped he hadn't said anything to Edward about what he saw.

"Hey Mum, Dad... Bella you need to come and take Edward home, he's a complete write off."

"Where is he Emmett?" I jumped to my feet and tried to control my rising panic. I knew I shouldn't have left him. I looked at Carlisle and Esme, "I'm sorry but I need to go, Edward needs to get home and get some sleep."

"Of course Bella, go and look after my boy; and thank you again." Carlisle gave me a bright smile and I noticed that it reached his eyes and I smiled in response.

"Thank you Carlisle, I hope you feel better soon. And I'll be in touch. Esme I will phone you later." I turned to Emmett, "can you take me to Edward?" I could tell Emmett would rather not but he nodded and I followed him out the door.

Jasper and Edward were waiting for us in the reception area, my heart sunk when my eyes fell on Edward. I could tell he was far worse than when I left him and I cursed myself internally for leaving him unprotected around Emmett. I moved as fast as my aching body would allow to his side.

I winced as his arm slid over my welted skin but thankfully he never seemed to notice.

"Edward; honey are you ok?" I looked up at him and noticed his brow was furrowed as if he was struggling to remember something important.

Edward looked down at me and frustration and sadness were warring in his eyes, "Bella what did I do? Did I hurt you? Emmett said... and FUCK I CANT REMEMBER!"

Several people were looking at Edward in shock. My eyes were trained on Emmett even though I addressed Edward.

"You did nothing Edward... Sweetheart please don't freak out," I soothed as I tightened my grip around his waist.

As soon as Emmett's defiant eyes met mine I snapped.

All my bottled up emotions combined with the lack of sleep burst forth and I hissed at him. "Are you fucking insane? What the fuck did you bring that up for? Can't you see he's on the verge of a breakdown over what's fucking happened to your Dad? And you bring that up. Nothing happened that I didn't agree to Emmett and it's nothing to do with you."

Emmett didn't even have the decency to look ashamed; in fact he looked even more pissed off that I was defending Edward.

"Look what he's done to you Bella you can barely move." Emmett growled. I noticed Jasper shot him a warning look but I was too furious to let it go.

"Fuck you Emmett, I spat, "he's done all of this for me, everything he's done he's done to protect me. This whole fucking mess is a by product of protecting me, so don't you fucking dare say one word." I turned to Edward, "let's get you home babe, where we can be alone and I can look after you."

Edward tightened his grip around my waist and I could feel his burning gaze on the side of my face, "What did I do? Why don't I remember Bella, what's going on with me? I..."

He turned away from me sharply and vomited into a potted plant. I noticed he had a little blood on his lips and I was about to tell him we were going to go back and see the doctor when Emmett spoke.

"You're a fucked up sadistic Ass-wipe that's what's going on with you, maggot."

I looked on in shock at Emmett as Jasper lunged at him and started berating him for his treatment of Edward. I had never known Jasper to be violent; he was usually the pacifist in confrontational situations.

After his tirade Jasper turned to me, he seemed to think he had said something that I may have misconstrued.

"Sorry Bella if it sounded like an attack at you. It wasn't."

I nodded my head to show there were no hard feelings. I was grateful when he turned to Edward and clasped him on the shoulder, "Come on Edward, I'm going to drive you and Bella home. Everything's fine and we'll save the questions for the morning."

Jasper looked at me questioningly, "Is that ok? I'd like to stay if that's alright, just in case you need some help. You don't mind if I crash on your couch do you bro?"

I allowed Jasper to take the burden of most of Edward's weight when he came over to help me. It was obvious in the way Jasper looked at me that he was as worried about me as he was about Edward. I wondered if Emmett had told him what he had walked in on.

Jasper looked at Emmett and waited for him to say something; he'd been standing there like a stunned mullet since Jaspers rant.

His shocked looked changed in an instant and he glowered at his brothers, "You know what Jazz? I haven't got time for this, someone needs to be with Mum and since Assward isn't capable; I will have to do it."

Emmett's attitude was making me see red. My blood boiled in my veins and I snapped again, "You know what? Fuck you Emmett; we'll deal with this when we're ready... Tell Esme I will call her later, come on Edward, Jazz let's get out of here."

I helped Jazz get Edward into the car and I was glad he was here to drive because I didn't want to let Edward go. I slid into the back seat next to him and pulled him close to me.

"I've upset Emmett." Edward murmured into my neck, his breath felt warm and soothing against my neck. "Who's driving the car Baby?"

"Jasper's driving sweetheart. And don't worry about Emmett if he doesn't snap out of it, I've got the perfect tool of torture to get him to snap the fuck out of it." I was thinking of the violet wand and how I would like to use it on Emmett with it set on high and just fry the fucker, "we'll be home in a minute and you can get some sleep. Just relax there's nothing to worry about, me and Jazz are going to look after you."

"I love you, I'm sorry it's not enough but it's all I got..."

"It's more than enough for me, and I love you too." I whispered, he never responded and I realised he had finally fallen asleep.

Edward never even opened his eyes when Jazz and I half lifted half dragged him from the car, he stumbled along as we manoeuvred him into the house and straight into our room. Jazz helped me with his shoes and jeans and I pulled back the covers while Jazz held him up.

I groaned in relief when he was finally safe in bed and asleep...

Though I wanted nothing more than to climb in next to him, I couldn't just leave Jazz alone. So I reluctantly followed him into the kitchen. He went straight to the fridge and began rummaging around emerging with his hands full of cheese, tomatoes, a jar of olives and some cured meat. He unloaded it onto the counter and went to put the jug on.

"Do you want Coffee or tea Bells?"

"Coffee, and thanks heaps for everything Jazz..." He looked at me with such sadness in his eyes and gave me a small smile.

"You're welcome Bella, and don't worry everything will turn out fine, you'll see."

"But Jazz, I doubt if Edward will ever..." Jasper seemed to know what I was going to say and cut me off before I was finished.

"He will get over this Bell's and forgive Dad, especially if you ask him. You know he'll do anything for you."

"But that's the problem Jazz. I don't think I've got the right to ask or expect that from him. He has every right to be pissed off with your father and I don't want him to feel like he's being forced to forgive Carlisle just to make me happy. I want him to do that because he wants to not because he feels like he has to."

"I see what you mean, but even if you just mention it once it will at least make him think about it."

"When you took Edward for coffee your Dad asked to speak with me. He apologised for what he's put me through and I accepted his apology in the hope that it will help Edward heal the rift with Carlisle."

Jasper looked at me in surprise, "you forgave Dad, after everything he has done to you?"

"Yes, because I'll do whatever it takes to stop this thing before it completely destroys Edward." I finished my coffee and sandwich and gave Jazz a hug.

I winced as he wrapped his arms around me and he let me go at once, I knew he had felt it. I looked at him and I was sure he could see the trepidation in my eyes.

"Bella, how badly are you hurt?" Jasper's voice was barely more than a whisper and was full of concern.

"I'm alright, truly Jazz." I could tell by the look he was giving me he didn't believe a word I was saying.

"No you're not Bella; you're hurt anyone can see that. Can I please have a look at your injuries? I just want to see if they need attention."

I could feel the heat flooding my face and I knew he'd see how embarrassed I was, "Jasper I'm alright; really."

"I'll be the judge of that Bell's." He moved up behind me and gently lifted the back of my shirt. I closed my eyes; I could feel my face getting redder.

I had no idea what my back looked like all I knew was it hurt like hell.

I cringed when I heard Jaspers gasp from behind me, "Fuck Bella...why did he do this to you?"

I instantly felt the need to defend Edward, "Jasper it's not his fault its mine. I fucked with his Aston the night of the party. I challenged him to a stupid game then taunted him until he lost control. Please don't be mad at him Jasper he was so out of it. And...he doesn't remember and I'd like it to stay like that."

"Bells whatever the reason you need to get these cleaned before they get infected. You wait here and finish your lunch and I'll go and run you a bath."

As I waited for Jazz I thought about Edward. I was petrified about the effect all this was going to have him.

I needed to think of some way to give him a few hours of happiness and freedom before I talked to him about Carlisle.

I had no idea how much of the last couple of days he'd remember or what state he was going to be when he woke up.

As I was thinking about how I had unnecessarily added to his stress by fucking with his car a brilliant idea came to me and I knew how I was going to give Edward a few hours of pure bliss.

Jasper's reappearance in the room pulled me from my thoughts, "Bells your bath is ready. I'll dress those wounds when you get out." He smiled sadly at me and tears pooled in my eyes.

"Thanks Jazz." I checked on Edward who was still sleeping deeply as I made my way to our en suite.

I shut the door behind me and slid carefully out of my T shirt and jeans. I couldn't help but gasp when I survey my naked body in the huge mirror over the vanity.

My breasts were still bright red; I could see the small indentations in the welts from the plaits in the leather strap. Mynipples were bruised and swollen. I turned to look at my back and ass cheeks and I could see why Jasper gasped, the skin was raised and an angry looking red. Some of the welts were weeping in places where the skin had been broken.

I didn't want to look at myself anymore so I headed for the bath, I had to clench my teeth together to stop myself screaming out in pain as my raw skin came in contact with the lavender scented water. It wasn't overly hot; the water just stung my welts.

My rigid muscles began to relax as the lavender oil began to work its magic and my wounds were feeling better for it too.

I didn't want to get out, but managed to drag myself from the tub when the water finally started getting too cold. I slipped into Edward's Stoli T shirt and breathed in his delicious scent, and found a pair of loose fitting pyjama pants. I gingerly slid them over my naked ass.

I checked on Edward again, he was still sleeping soundly but A frown marred his features. I reached out and stroked his cheek lightly, I smiled when the lines on his forehead instantly smoothed and a small contented sigh passed his lips.

I leaned down and kissed his cheek softly and went to find Jasper, he was still in the kitchen having another cup of herbal tea.

"Thank you for running the bath for me Jasper I feel better all ready."

"You're welcome Bells, I'll just dress those couple of welts that are weeping then you can go and get some sleep ok? You look dead on your feet." I just nodded in agreement and lifted my top so Jazz could carefully rub some lavender cream onto my back and cover the small sections of broken skin with sterile gauze pads.

"There you go Bella that should stop them getting infected, make sure you have a bath with lavender oil every night for at least the next few nights and keep applying the cream and they should heal faster. Now go and get yourself into bed. I'm just going to chill out here until you guys get up."

"Thanks Jasper, and..." I quickly explained to him what I wanted to do with Edward before I asked him to go and see Carlisle.

He smiled widely and told me he would make the arrangements. I kissed his cheek and gave him a quick hug before I made my way to my room where the love of my life lay sleeping...

...I sensed Edward was waking up beside me and though I wanted to carry on sleeping for the rest of the week I needed to wake up and see if he was alright. I tried to force my eyelids open but they refused to budge and I had to literally battle them to do my will. I finally wrenched them open and immediately closed them again when they were flooded with bright light that caused them to sting and water profusely.

I wiped the tears and sleep from them and opened them again.

Edward was touching the stitches in the back of his head and looking at me in confusion.

"Fuck, my head is throbbing... What the hell? Did I fall over in those fucking shoes baby?"

I gave him a small smile, "No you actually did surprisingly well in the shoes... Edward how much do you remember of the past couple of days?" I asked tentively. I needed to know exactly what he remembered so I could decide on how to deal with the aftermath.

"Not a lot, I was hoping you could fill me in actually, I've never really blacked out like this before..."

I breathed a sigh of relief. He had no recollection of anything since before the party that would make things much easier for me.

I decided this was definitely not the time to tell him so I decided to try diversion tactics, "Hmm...I could tell you now, but I can think of better things to whisper in your ear," I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him on top of me. I ignored the pain it caused me and brought my lips to his ear, "_There may be a way I can help you with your head ache, it's an experimental treatment that involves accelerating the heart to pump the blood faster through the body. If not then we have panadol in the bathroom cabinet._"

Edward growled against my neck, he reached down and yanked his boxers down and pressed his already hard cock against my thigh as he pulled my loose fitting gym shorts to one side. He shifted slightly and in one fluid motion he was fully engulfed in my warmth.

We both sighed at the sensation; I was surprised and grateful that Edward didn't even bother to take the clothes from my body.

As if he read my thoughts he pulled he murmured against my lips.

"I do like the look of you in my shirt; you look so utterly fuckable Bella..." He thrust into me harder and my legs tightened their grip around his waist. His lips moved to my throat kissing and licking a trail across the exposed skin.

I could feel the familiar tingling beginning to build in my core and I guessed the same was happening with Edward because his pace was increasing with every thrust and his breathing was becoming ragged against my throat. I held him closer to me mirroring the feeling of desperation I could feel emanating from him.

As soon as he began to feel me shudder beneath him and his name left my lips he let his own orgasm go.

"I can only breathe when you're with me Bella...say you'll always be mine...promise me"

"You've got me forever baby... I promise."

He brought his lips back to mine and I could feel every emotion he was feeling in his kiss, love, desperation, confusion, want, need, desire, they were all there.

When he broke away I knew it was time to get up and get my planned surprise into action.

"Edward, Jazz stayed last night. It got too late for him to drive home... Why don't you go and have a shower and I'll go and see if he's up. And don't get your stitches wet."

"Jazz is here? How come?"

"He just came for a visit but you were asleep so we watched a couple of DVD's; it got late so I invited him to use the guest room. It's no biggy."

"Ok if you say so, I'll see you in a few minutes." He kissed the tip of nose and slid out of me, I waited until he was in the shower before I dressed and went in search of Jazz.

I sighed in relief when I saw him preparing us breakfast.

He smiled when he saw me, "Morning Bells how did you sleep?"

"Like the dead. Though I could easily sleep for another week. Edward's in the shower. He has absolutely no recollection of what has taken place since before the party. Which is perfect for now, did you manage to get the track booked? I want to go as soon as he's ready."

"It's organised, you can go when you're ready and spend as long as you want."

"Thank you Jazz. And...Edward hasn't seen the marks yet either, so please don't bring them up."

"Of course not Bella, how are they feeling today?"

"A little better, that lavender cream is brilliant. I'm not going to be able to hide them...I trailed off when I heard Edward's footsteps.

He was looking between Jazz and I and I could see the suspicion in his eyes, I went to move to his side but before I had taken more than a step he spoke.

"Is anyone going to fill me in? You two look thick as thieves over there...Oh dear god, where is the panadol?" I moved straight to the cupboard and retrieved the box of painkillers, Jazz passed him a glass of water while I handed him a couple of the small white pills. "Seriously though, my fucking head hurts like someone took a hammer to it."

"Sweetie, you slipped over in the bathroom and hit your head; you had to go and get a couple of stitches. The party was wild... You drunk a bottle of scotch." I could tell he was getting irritated so I decided to distract him again. "I do have a surprise for you though... I was hoping you might take me for a ride in the Aston Martin, I booked you some time at the track."

His head shot up in surprise "The track? Are you kidding me? You want Me to take you to the track? What's going on? Did I kill someone's puppy or something?" His suspicious look returned and I sighed.

"No you didn't kill anyone's puppy, I just wanted to say thank you for being you. And I thought it might be time I saw what all the fuss is about, I never got to open it up and see what it can really do the one time I drove it... And I thought you might like to show me? But if you'd rather go alone then that's cool to. It's completely up to you."

The smile he gave me made me laugh, and for a minute I could see Edward as a child smiling as though all his Christmases had come at once. "Are you crazy? There's_ nothing_ I'd love more than to show you what the Aston can do! When can we go?"

He stood up and chugged the coffee Jazz had given him; downing the rest of the liquid in one large mouthful.

Jazz looked over at me and whispered, "And you've found a winner. Way to go Bells." I smiled at him before I addressed Edward.

"Well we can go whenever and you've got it to yourself for as long as you want it? So I'm ready when you are."

"See you later Jasper!" Edward said as he grabbed me by the hand and dragged me toward the door. I couldn't help but wince, Jasper noticed straight away and frowned. Edward was too excited to notice anything and that made me happy.

I looked back at Jasper and half smiled and half grimaced, "see you soon, text me and let me know how Carlisle is," I mouthed as Edward dragged me out of the room in his haste to get me to the car.

He opened the car door for me; I admired the detailing of the car while I waited for him to make his way around to his door. The leather was soft and smelt good mixed with Edward's delicious scent, it created an intoxicating aroma.

He gave me a radiant smile as he slid into the driver's seat "Trust me angel, once you hear what this engine can do you will never want to hear any other sound again. Once you see what it can do? You'll understand. Are you ready for the tour?"

I looked over at him and was pleased to see his eyes were bright with excitement. He looked completely different to the previous night and I was thankful for that.

I flashed him a quick grin, "Amaze me baby."

He held up a little rectangular fob "This is the Emotional Control Unit. It's made from sapphire so it's scratch resistant and it doubles as a Really fucking cool start button." He inserted it into the slot on the dashboard and waited until the red light came on before turning and looking at me with his sparkling emerald eyes. "Would you like to do the honours?" He was almost bouncing in his seat.

It took every ounce of strength I possessed to stop myself from groaning and telling Edward how completely fucking ridiculous and over the top that fucking key was. _Sapphire, could you honestly get anymore over the top? And god help me, an emotional control unit? For Christ sake it was keyhole._

I looked up with a smile, "sure my love, I would like that." I pressed down and the car roared to life, Edward's eyes closed as he took in the sound.

"Do you hear that Bella? Fuck me; we need to get to the track and now." Edward opened the garage and pulled out and headed for the track...

We pulled up outside the deserted track and were met by the manager, he gave us the go ahead and Edward drove the Aston into the pit lane.

I thought I would tell him what I had done with the kids before he dazzled me with his car and I forgot. "So sweetie I forgot to tell you the kids are staying with Charlie and Renee at Jakes for the week. I hope you don't mind... And I have to say the car sounds cool." I added to sweeten him up.

He nodded as he open the glove box and removed his shades, sliding them onto his face. "They'll love that, all four of them" He smirked at me, "And yes it does sound very fucking cool. Want me to show you what it can do?"

When I looked at Edward's face he was relaxed and happy, exactly how I want him to be. He looked so fucking gorgeous behind the wheel of his dream car; I wished I could fuck him seven ways from Sunday in my seat. But one I knew he wouldn't allow it and two this was all about showing him I could appreciatethe car.

"Of course I want you to show me...Let's do it baby."

He leaned over and kissed me quickly. "Hold On." He put his foot down and the tires screeched as the carshot forward. The roar of the engine was like a force of nature, its growl resounded throughout the air around us.

I looked over at Edward and his eyes were fixed on the road, and his hands were gripped on the steering wheel. A small sigh escaped his lips as he took the corner. He slid around it neatly, pushing the car; allowing it to realise the true potential.

"Can you feel that Bella? That's the 510 brake horse power, six litre V12. This baby can go from zero to 100 kilometres in 4.3 seconds. It's amazing isn't it?" He slid out slightly around the next corner, pushing the engine harder as it growled in response. "I don't care what anyone says baby this car was worth every single fucking cent." He gunned it down the straight, and the world outside passing by in a blur.

I could feel myself being pressed back into the seat, "Um..Yip I surely do feel it."

Edward's song choice of U2's vertigo had a giggle erupting from my throat. I certainly was going to be getting vertigo when we finally stopped, though I wasn't going to tell him that. I was scared if I opened my mouth I would vomit all over the expensive leather.

"Hell yeah you can feel it. You know, I had to have this specially imported? It didn't matter and still doesn't. Hold on baby, this is a tight turn coming up." He eased off the accelerator slightly before pressing back down as we shot out of the first turn and into the next.

It was definitely his type of car; he was at ease behind the wheel even though now we had hit the straight and were speeding at over 260 kilometres.

He tapped the speedometer to get my attention "Doesn't feel like we are going that fast does it? Hold on again Baby." He slid the car out on a corner, being a bloody show off. The tyres squealed and he grinned from ear to ear as he purposely overcorrected so we slid out a little again before he floored it for the next straight.

"Um...yeah it kinda does feel like we're going this fast, but I like it." I lied. I was determined to be enthusiastic and let Edward have his fun even though images of us crashing at high speed and our children being orphaned kept popping into my head no matter how many times I tried to fight them off.

I had to admit Edward knew his car inside and out and he was an expert at driving it.

"Um Edward how much did you pay for this Picasso on wheels," I blurted the question out before I realised that that might sound rude; so I added, "If you don't mind me asking?"

"Swear you won't leave me first. That no matter what I say, you won't Take the kids and run." He said navigating around the final bend and onto the home stretch.

"Of course I wouldn't leave. But if it makes you feel better I promise on all I hold sacred; I won't run. But your reaction has me a little nervous and I admit I'm kind of afraid."

"It was roughly four hundred thousand dollars. Give or take ten thousand After on road costs and all that kind of crap." He pulled up to a stop and looked at me warily

My first reaction was to tell him to sell the thing immediately and donate the money to Starship children's hospital, but I reminded myself that this exercise was to make Edward happy so I smiled,

"Well that explains a lot, good for you Edward. I can see it's worth every cent for the utter joy it brings you."

"I knew you'd grow to love it too my baby." He leaned across the console and kissed me. I sighed in frustration when he pulled his lips from mine. He sat back against the seat for a minute and looked into my eyes as if he was coming to a decision. "Your turn," He unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car.

I was in complete shock when he opened up my door and looked at me expectantly. "Show me what you got baby, take her for a spin."

I looked at him as if he'd just taken leave of his sanity which he quite possibly could have done, "Edward you can't be serious? You don't need to do this...really..." I was completely shocked that Edward, who couldn't trust me to drive his precious car to the shops, was going to let me loose on the race track.

I started to worry that maybe he was a bit dazed and confused but he smiled encouragingly.

"Come on, I'll be right beside you. You can't really appreciate this car until you control it. When you took off in it last time you were letting the power of the engine overwhelm you. Now hurry up and get out so I can sit down my fucking body is aching like hell."

"If you're sure?" I couldn't have cared if I never drove the car but I slid out of my seat and kissed Edward before running around and climbing into the driver's side.

The car was waiting expectantly so I clicked in my seat belt and put my foot down. The car shot off and I could feel it straining like it wanted to go faster, I took the first corner easily and I started to relax as I got used to the feel of it.

"Edward this is awesome!" I admitted somewhat begrudgingly, "I didn't realize, can you tell me when to slow down to take that next corner? It's a little sharper than the last, I kept my eyes in front of me but I could feel Edward's eyes on me and I smiled.

"You're doing fine" Ok, when you come out of this next corner you will be on the straight and I want you to floor it when I say." He waited until I had just cleared the corner. "Now!"

I pushed the accelerator down at the car shot forward and the engine growled menacingly and adrenalin surged through me. The power in the car was unbelievable and I could finally sort of see what Edward was talking about and I actually found that racing around the track at death defying speeds appealed to that risk taking part of my personality. I couldn't stop the giggle that burst forth as I pressed my foot down further and the car growled even louder.

"Edward, can we do this again? It's actually fun...more than I thought possible." I pulled the car off the track and carefully into the pit lane, adrenalin was still surging through me and I felt like I was on a natural high.

"I'll book the track again when we get home, but right now angel, I really need to get home my head is fucking with me something terrible. You think you can get us home in one piece?"

"Of course though please don't distract me." I smirked at him as I headed home.

Edward needed more sleep, he obviously had a splitting headache and that meant putting off telling him about Carlisle. I didn't really want to do that much longer, but it was getting harder to find the courage by the second.

I was thankful when we got in the house and found it empty; I wanted nothing more than to have a shower and go to bed. I made sure Edward was in bed before I headed for the bathroom. I checked my welts and found they were still red and angry looking.

There was no way I would be able to keep them hidden much longer. Fear flooded through me, how Edward was going to react when he saw them?

I stepped out of the shower and kept the towel wrapped around me, I was hoping Edward would be asleep by now and I would have time to slip into one of his t shirts.

My hopes were dashed when I walked into the room and found him still awake. I sighed as I slipped off the towel and quickly climbed into bed. I was hoping if I moved fast enough he wouldn't notice.

I looked over at him and his eyes widened in horror, he yanked the blankets back and growled.

"What the hell happened to you Bella?" He tentatively reached out and traced along one of the welts on my breast? "Did I do this to you?" He whispered.

He looked mortified at the thought.

I tried to fight back the rising fear; I had no idea what to say but I had to say something.

"Edward; honey please calm down, I was a willing participant. You will understand when I show you what led to it, but don't worry I got to have my turn as well." I knew it was all a complete lie but I was desperate.

He shot me a pleading look, "Bella please, tell me what the fuck happened last night. Things keep flashing at me but It's confusing, like trying to remember a dream. Please tell me..."

"A lot of things have happened in the last couple of days Edward; I don't really know where to start."

He sighed in exasperation, he was frustrated and he'd had enough of my evasion. "Maybe tell me why you look like I fucking beat you. Then could you explain why the hell Jasper and Emmett were at the hospital when I went to get stitches. It really doesn't seem like the thing I would need support for."

Fear surged through me, if he reacted like that to what my breasts looked like what was he going to do when he saw the state my back was in.

Before I had a chance to answer his face went pale, "Fuck Bella, was Mum there too? Did I call her or do something stupid? Why was she crying?"

I took a deep steadying breath, and decided to first explain how I got in this state, "Edward, Kate and I fucked with your car again the night of the party and well you'll see what I mean later." I thought about the memory card in Felix's possession, "I was a willing participant...Now Edward I don't want you to freak out but your Dad had a heart attack. He's going to be all right, that's why we went to the hospital. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner, you just weren't ready to deal with it."

I braced myself for the explosion but instead he went still, frozen like a statue.

"I did that to you. Over my car?" I noticed he'd completely ignored the comment about his father. "Jesus Bella, I'm sorry, I don't fucking remember any of it... Wait you said something happened to Carlisle. Is Mum ok?" He sat up and looked at me I could tell he was worried about Esme but he obviously didn't care about Carlisle.

"Edward your Mums ok, and I...I talked to your Dad." I decided I might as well tell him the truth it would only hurt him further if he found out I'd kept it from him.

"Why?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"Because he asked to see me, so he could apologize for the way he has treated me, you, us." I waited anxiously to see what he'd do or say next.

"Apologise. Convenient isn't it? He'll be up to something, don't worry I won't let him hurt you again." His eyes narrowed and he tugged his fingers through his hair. He swore loudly when his fingers brushed over his stitches.

He got out of bed and began to get dressed, "Edward where are you going? Please baby just come back to bed and we'll have hot dirty sex, you don't have to go right this minute. Let me help you relax a bit first." He picked up his T-shirt and began to turn it in the right way, "Please baby...stay...I don't want to go to sleep without you again."

He dropped his shirt and slid back into bed next to me, I laid back on the pillow as he kissed gently along the marks on my breasts, "I love you Bella."

"I love you too Edward."

**Edwards POV **

A sigh escaped my lips as I felt the first warming rays of the sun hit my icy skin. My head was dominated by a million chaotic thoughts, nothing would stay too long.

So I continued to sit.

"Edward sweetie are you alright? Have you been outside all night, come on honey get up and we'll go lie on the bed for a bit, come on you're freezing"

I looked up into the mother of my children's eyes and I felt the tears sting once again. I wasn't sure why, but as I looked at Bella, I felt an incredible wave of guilt wash over me and I couldn't understand why. Flashes and images were pounding against the back of my eyes like some kind of horror movie while a woman's screams echoed in my ears. I was being tortured by my own mind but I didn't know why.

So many thoughts, too many thoughts and feelings, crushing me, bending me, breaking me….. I just wanted to sleep.

Mum. She needed me. Dad had a heart attack and she must be terrified.

Esme's broken weeping face slammed into me like a battering ram. I needed to see my mother but I couldn't bear to face my father. He would recognise my weakness at once and prey upon it and those I loved would suffer. He would see the black seeping through my soul and know me for the monster I was.

"I need to see Mum Bella, she must be so scared." I whispered.

I was a failure. It leeched out of my pores like a virus infecting all those I came into contact with. Their lives would be richer and fuller without me in it and the weight of that realisation ripped me apart.

"Ok you're right we do need to go. Come on into the bathroom you need to freshen up a bit. I'll text Emmett and tell him we're on our way."

Bella said, reaching her hand out to me. I looked at it for a moment; it was a life line to me, a way to stay grounded while in the violent sea of my thoughts. I grabbed it and held on for dear life.

"I don't deserve you." I whispered as I followed her inside. I didn't deserve the loving glances she was giving me, or the tender way she held my hand, her fingers rubbing lightly over my knuckles. I didn't deserve it, but knew I would die without it.

"Promise you won't leave me." I whispered desperately. She couldn't leave me, I needed her.

"of course I will never leave you baby you're stuck with me forever." She kissed my hand tenderly and I felt my body relax a fraction. I felt weak, exposed and vunerable. Only Bella was keeping me safe, only she was safe.

I pulled her to me tightly and held on for my life, for that was what she held in her hands. I kissed her hair and breathed in, the cinnamon scent calming me down even more. I could feel the twisting black inside pushing against the calm.

"There's something black inside me Bella and I'm scared. I need you to keep it away, he'll bring it back again and I can't, I don't want to be that person! Not for you or our children..." I clutched her tighter to me, burying my face further into her hair. More images and screams assaulted my head and I screwed my eyes shut, trying to grab hold of them but they slipped away, like smoke through my fingers.

"Edward you don't have to be frightened of yourself, you have so much love and warmth and kindness inside you use it to fight the darkness. The kids and I will always be here for you, you are not alone, never alone." She kissed me and hugged me firmly. The confusion in my head began to abate slightly and I grasped the reprieve like

a life line.

"God I love you so much Isabella Swan. I couldn't live without you, you make me the man I want to be."

"Edward you don't have to be frightened of yourself, you have so much love and warmth and kindness inside you use it to fight the darkness. The kids and I will always be here for you Edward you are not alone, never alone." She kissed me, and I relaxed a little more into her arms. The fog began to ebb a little and I remembered my mother. She needed me and I had to get to her.

"God I love you so much Isabella Swan. I couldn't live without you; you make me the man I want to be." I held her for a moment longer before reluctantly letting her go "I guess I should have a shower."

"I love you Edward. And I need to say that I am truly sorry about the car, I should have been more respectful." Bella said innocently, but the floodgate had been opened.

_"Found you." _

The Aston Martin, screams of pain and chains then nothing. Blackness.

I recognised my voice from the memory and a wave of nausea washed over me. I felt the bile rise in my throat and my face go numb and I knew I was going to be sick. I ran to the bathroom and just made it to the toilet before I vomited.

The haze in my head re-emerged and I felt the room spinning dangerously. I flinched when Bella's trusting hand touched my back. Why was she touching me? I knew I had done something awful, so why was she still here?

"Edward it's ok honey. Come on get up you need to get in the shower,"

"What the fuck have I done Bella?" I said trying to stand but falling back against the wall and hitting my head. I barely had time to register the slight pain before Bella's frantic voice cut through the air.

"Fuck Edward you cut your head open," She poked at the back of my head, but I felt nothing now. The fog had thickened and the fleeting memories had vanished. I was left adrift in my own tortured mind.

"It's alright baby, it's not too bad. And Edward all you have done is protect me and the kids; it's what any parent does. This isn't the time for recriminations love. Let's just go see your mum...we have plenty of time to talk later. We just need to keep it together for the next couple of hours." She ended talking more to herself than to me. It was probably for the best, I had no idea what she was talking about.

Bella helped me to shower, but declined joining me which I found strange, but when she reminded me of our children my shame only doubled. I had completely forgotten about Apple and Louis. What kind of a father did that make me?

The worst kind and I knew it too.

I dressed quickly and went to sit on the bed and wait for Bella who had left the room. I sat there unmoving as the desolation overtook me. I tried to concentrate on the things I knew; my mother needed me. My father had suffered a heart attack. Something had happened with Bella over the Aston and that memory was constantly dancing out of my reach, torturing me with snippets but nothing concrete.

"Come on sweetheart the quicker we get this over with the quicker we can come and go to bed."

When we got to the hospital Bella sat me down on a chair with a stern warning to stay put, before she went off in search of God's knows what.

_"Hmm, vicious cycle. I kind of like that..." _

My voice was harsh, cold and completely fucking serious. Whatever she had done to the car had sent me over the edge.

_"What would you like to me bet? I'm willing to gamble whatever you want because _

_I'm not backing down no matter what you do to me." _

Bella now, trying for bravery but failing miserably. She was afraid and it was all because of me. I tried to concentrate but was only rewarded with a searing pain in my head as the little pieces I had fragmented together slipped away again.

Bella came back and took me into a room where a doctor stitched the wound that I apparently had on the back of my head. I felt neither the hypodermic syringe, nor the needle that followed it. I felt nothing, I was numb.

Bella took my hand and led me from the room, pocketing a prescription the doctor had handed to her.

Mum.

"Where's Mum?" I asked in puzzlement. Hadn't we come here to see my mother? Surely no one expected me to see my father, I couldn't do it. The panic and fear began to course through me and I felt my stomach lurch once again. She couldn't make me do this, Bella was safe, I could trust her, couldn't I?

"I'm not sure Edward," She looked at me speculatively, as though coming to some sort of internal resolve. She squared her shoulders and pointed to some nearby chairs.

"You go and take a seat over there on the couch and I will see if I can find her."

I obeyed immediately, my body following the instructions before my mind could comprehend the words.

_"Do you agree to my terms?" _

I jumped and closed my eyes tightly, unsure if I was fighting the memories off or inviting them in. Every time it felt like I was being sucked into a black abyss and I was terrified what was on the other side.

"Glad to see you finally made it fuckward." Emmett sneered at me and I looked at him in surprise. Why was Emmett angry at me?

"Don't you fuckin start on him Emmett just go and get Esme, now." Bella barked at him and he narrowed his eyes at me before he left.

_"Edward what the fuck?" _

Emmett's voice this time, but it slipped away before I could stop it. My mother had come into the room and was looking at me in anguish. My father must have been worse than I had thought. She hugged Bella before sitting gingerly beside me, her face full of concern that I couldn't understand.

Why was she concerned about me?

"How are you doing my son?" Her voice sounded familiar and comforting, reminding me of when I was a child and she could chase any monsters away. I smiled at her and spoke, irritated at the rough sound of my voice.

"Mum, are you ok? I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

"I'm doing ok Edward, the doctor's say your father will be ok if he takes it easy, if he gets too stressed or wound up then that will be a different story. He's been asking to see you."

The vomit rose to my throat and I looked around frantically for Bella.

"Um...Esme I think it might be better if we wait a couple of days before we think about that, I don't think Edward's ready for that yet. It's been a big shock for him and he's had no sleep. I want him to wait until he's in a better frame of mind before he's sees Carlisle."

I smiled at Bella thankfully and she gave me a wink just as the room began to tilt at a strange angle. I dropped my mother's hand and sagged back against the wall, hitting my head hard. I was tired, so very, very tired. Nothing made sense, nothing seemed to matter, everything hurt, inside and out.

"Ok Bells, for you. Edward let's go and get food, you look like you need it." Emmett said frostily and I looked up into his furious face. He was looking at me as though I were something he had scraped off his shoe, and I knew that it was a fairly accurate description. I turned to Bella, she needed to eat too.

"Do you want something to eat Bella?"

"Just coffee thanks, but make sure you eat something ok, and do what Jazz tells you."

Jasper put a friendly arm around my shoulders and pulled me along with him, "What the hell have we done to you little bro?" He murmured.

I didn't understand and was far too tired to question him so I ignored it.

We made our way to the café and sat down at an empty table far away from everybody else. Jasper was busy pushing food and coffee towards me that was making me feel worse with every bite.

I didn't even notice Emmett simmering and glaring at me from across the table until he exploded.

"What the fuck is up with you Edward and what the fuck was that I walked in on earlier? That didn't look like it was fun and games, well not for Bella anyway. And then you don't even give a shit that Dads had a heart attack! What the fuck is going on?"

"Jesus Emm lighten up ok? He's here now." Jasper said, grabbing my shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. I looked at Emmett in confusion and reached up to touch the back of my head. It had been itching and I was even more confused when I saw the blood coating my fingers.

"What are you talking about Emmett? Where's Bella?" I wanted to ask her why my head was bleeding. Why did she leave me here? And what did he walk in on?

"I'm talking about you strapping the fuck out of your Missus, nearly attacking me for trying to bring you to the hospital and then rocking up with your fucking head cut open and looking you haven't slept in a century, Jesus Edward." He stared at me openly in disgust and I strained to simply fucking remember.

_"Get the fuck out Emmett! NOW!" _

_"Please baby...I'll do anything…" _

_"Wrong answer my little lamb." _

I clutched at my head as the voices tore at my heart. Bella begging me, screaming like a madman at Emmett and the malevolent voice that I knew was my own. My breath was stuck in my chest and I felt like I was slowly suffocating. I needed Bella but she was not there. The tearing sensation in my chest intensified as another memory rocked me.

_"Good. Scream for me." _

I stood up and backed to the wall, trying to get away but unable as I was the cause of my own torment. I slid to the floor, unable to hold my own weight as the dread rushed through me. I felt Jasper's arm slip under my arms as he tried to stand me up. I wanted to help, but I couldn't move. The horror had frozen me prostrate.

"Jesus Edward" He said sadly "Emmett help me get him up, we need to get him seen to he's ripped his stitches out and he could have a concussion,"

"Fuck, good one Asstard. Just what mum fucking needs, to have to worry about you too. Go see the fucking doctor then go home Edward and sleep it off." Emmett spat venomously at me "Jazz you take him I'll go get Bella."

I looked up at a visibly repulsed Emmett. He turned and stormed out of the Café, leaving me alone with Jasper.

"Edward what's going on Bro, you're a wreck. And what was Emmett talking about, what did you do to Bella?" His voice was kind and low, nothing like Emmett's accusatory fury.

"_you should know by now, I don't like to lose." _

"I'm really tired Jasper, I don't know what I've done, I can't fight it anymore. Bella says it's not who I am, but I know better. Everything I hated I have become. Poetic justice I think...Where's Bella Jasper?" I couldn't remember what he had just asked me, all I knew was that I needed my Bella. I looked around and blinked slowly, I couldn't recognise my surroundings.

Where the hell was I? It was getting difficult to tell the difference between reality and the horrific images in my head. The only safe constant I had was Bella. No matter how confused I became, she was my anchor.

"I love her Jasper, but I don't deserve her. I never will, not now I've become the monster she was afraid of." Words fell sloppily from my mouth, but I didn't know what they were. I felt light and so fucking heavy all at the same time. I was in pain and numb, cold and clammy yet sweaty and uncomfortable.

I just wanted to sleep.

"Ok Edward let's get you stitched up, Emmett's gone to get Bella, she's going to take you home. And she's right Edward it's not who you are. I think you need to lay of the drugs and alcohol for a while. They are catalysts to the darkness Edward. You're not a monster, nor are you to blame. Emmett and I backed you all the way. Dad was wrong to do what he did to you and to Bella, but you stood up for your family Edward and you did the right thing."

His voiced seeped through the mess of my thoughts. He was right about the drugs and booze, but it was his last words that gave me a little hope and I clung to it desperately.

"You did the right thing."

The first painless memory I had had.

"Dad needs to take responsibility for his actions and I'm pretty sure he will. He's had a serious wake up call." Jasper finished leading me out to a chair and sitting me down.

"I'm so fucking tired Jazz." I whispered, completely and utterly fucking broken. I had nothing left. I was empty.

"I know, you really need to get some water into you. Sit here and I'll go and get you a couple of bottles." He returned quickly and passed me the first bottle. I took a mouthful and quickly gulped down the rest as the cooling water eased the raw burn in my throat. The water hit my stomach hard and I retched slightly but managed to keep it all down.

Jasper passed me the second bottle, clucking unhappily at me. I finished the second bottle almost as quickly and fought back the nausea. Once Jasper was sure I wasn't going to bring all the water back up, he took me to see a doctor who looked vaguely familiar.

"Didn't I just stitch you up?" He asked me with a frown and I blinked owlishly at him.

"Where's Bella?" I asked and he looked at Jasper.

"I'm going to replace these stitches, then you need to get this man home and into bed. He needs plenty of rest and fluids. If his condition deteriorates, you need to bring him back immediately."

"I'll take care of him." Jasper said quietly. The doctor finished and Jasper led me back out to the waiting room. Bella and Emmett were waiting for us and Bella's eyes went wide when she saw me and she quickly crossed the room pulling me into her sweet embrace. The guilt swallowed me immediately and Emmett's words echoed through my skull, taunting me while the sounds of Bella's screams drowned out all other sounds.

"Edward honey are you ok?" I stood back, looking down into the eyes of my goddess.

What had I done to her?

"Bella what did I do? Did I hurt you? Emmett said... and FUCK I CANT REMEMBER!" I yelled, grounding my fists into my eyes. I didn't understand why I couldn't remember. I felt myself begin to tremble and I clawed my fingers down my face, trying to _remember_ anything, trying to _feel_ anything.

"You did nothing Edward sweetheart please don't freak out," She tightened her grip on me before she attacked Emmett.

"Are you fucking insane? What the fuck did you bring that up for? Can't you see he's on the verge of a breakdown over what's fucking happen to your Dad and you bring that up. Nothing happened that I didn't agree to Emmett and it's nothing to do with you." I heard Emmett snap at her in response, and I felt a weak surge of anger. He shouldn't talk to her like that, not my Bella.

"Look what he's done to you Bella, you barely move."

"Fuck you Emmett he's done all of this for me, everything he's done he's done to

protect me, so don't you fucking dare say one word" she snarled and then turned to me, her face softening at once, "let's get you home babe, where we can be alone and I can look after you."

She said but before we could even move, Emmett's irate voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Look what he's done to you Bella you barely move."

"Fuck you Emmett, he's done all of this for me, everything he's done he's done to protect me, this whole fucking mess is a by product of protecting me, so don't you fucking dare say one word." She turned to me, desperate to get me away from Emmett and the truth I so ardently sort yet was dreading. "let's get you home babe, where we can be alone and I can look after you." She knew, but didn't want me to know.

I stopped her with my arm around her face, "What did I do? Why don't I remember Bella, what's going on with me? I..." I began.

"_Please Edward stop...the pain too much...please sweetie...I'll give you anything else you want...just no more current_."

I turned quickly and vomited into the nearby potted plant. I had hurt her, but how badly? She looked fine to me, a little tired, but she had been begging for me to stop. I vomited again, feeling a horrible burn in the pit of my stomach.

I just wanted to sleep.

"You're a fucked up sadistic Ass-wipe that's what's going on with you, maggot."

Emmett spat at me and I recoiled a little. Somewhere inside, I knew every word he spoke was the truth. I was all he said I was and worse.

I looked up slowly, the pain shooting through my lethargic body.

Jasper launched himself at Emmett pushing him backwards, his face was only inches from Emmett's and he was seething.

"Back the fuck _off_ Emmett! Look at him! Do you really think you are fucking helping things here? Unless of course you want our brother to end up in a fucking bed next to Dad! You and I both need to take a good fucking look at Edward, because we helped to do this! We both saw his drinking and the drugs, we watched it get worse and worse, then all this shit with Dad and Bella and what did we do Emmett? We fucking stood back and did _nothing_! We let him carry the fucking burden of the take over and we just stood back and watched! So you take a fucking good look at your baby brother Emmett, cause that right there? That's us too bro."

Jasper turned to Bella and began to apologise, but I couldn't concentrate on what they were saying. I could feel my eyes beginning to roll back in my head, and everything was going very blurry.

I felt Jasper clap me on the shoulder

"Come on Edward, I'm going to drive you and Bella home, everything's fine and we'll save the questions for the morning." He turned to Bella and their voices started to sound far off and distant.

"Is that ok? I'd like to stay if that's alright, just in case you need some help. You don't mind if I crash on your couch do you bro?" Jasper had put my arm around his shoulders and was helping me to stand. I could feel Bella on the other side of me and I wanted to drop to my knees and beg her forgiveness for whatever it was that I had done.

Except I couldn't feel anything from below the waist.

"You know what Jazz I haven't got time for this someone needs to be with Mum, and since Ass-ward isn't capable, I will have to do it." Emmett was angry and I couldn't remember why. It was right there, at the edge of my understanding but I couldn't grasp it, and the mental strain was making me dizzy.

"You know what fuck you Emmett; we'll deal with this when we're ready...And tell Esme I will call her Later, come Edward, Jazz let's get out of here,"

When I felt the cool air hit my face, I knew we were outside and I felt Jazz move me gently into the car. I felt cold and alone until Bella slid in next to me and wrapped me in her warm embrace. I put my head on her shoulder and breathed in deeply. It felt like heaven.

"I've upset Emmett." I said as I recalled that he had been yelling at me. The car turned a sharp corner and I felt my stomach lurch. Bella simply held me, her hand rubbing my arm comfortingly.

"Who's driving the car Baby?" I wondered. My eyelids were getting heavier by the second and the gentle movement of the car was lulling me to the sleep I craved.

"Jasper driving sweetheart. And don't worry about Emmett if he doesn't snap out of it, I've got the perfect tool of torture to get him to snap the fuck out of it. We'll be home in a minute and you can get some sleep. Just relax there's nothing to worry about, me and Jazz are going to look after you." She sounded so fierce and protective. That wasn't right; it was my place to protect her.

"I love you, I'm sorry it's not enough but it's all I got..." I said weakly, offering up the only thing I could offer a goddess like Bella.

My eyes shut of their own accord and I was granted a reprieve from my anguish.

I woke to find my head aching like it had been taken to with a sledge hammer. I tentatively reached up and touched the site where the pain originated. Stitches? What the hell had I done?

"Fuck, my head is throbbing... What the hell? Did I fall over in those fucking shoes baby?"

It seemed the only logical explanation to me, I was not normally clumsy by nature but those things had been fucking death traps.

"No you actually did surprisingly well in the shoes. Edward how much do you remember of the past couple of days?" She asked me carefully.

The truth was I didn't really remember anything. I vaguely remembered dressing up like a transvestite and then drinking copious amounts of liquor. The rest was so fucking blurry it made my head ache to think on it.

"Not a lot, I was hoping you could fill me in actually, I've never really blacked out like this before..."

I saw her breath out in relief and I was immediately suspicious. Just what exactly had happened that she wanted to keep from me?

"Hmm...I could tell you now, but I can think of better things to whisper in your ear," She pulled me onto her and began whispering in my ear seductively.

"There may be a way I can help you with your head ache, it's an experimental treatment that involves accelerating the heart to pump the blood faster through the body. It causes the blood vessels to dilate and allows more blood to the area and if that doesn't work we have panadol in the cupboard."

I growled and practically tore my fucking boxers in my haste to get them off. I was too impatient to bother taking Bella's off, so I simply pushed them to the side and thrust into her, sheathing myself inside her.

"I do like the look of you in my shirt; you look so utterly fuckable Bella..."

We moved together, pushing the other towards the release our bodies so desperately sought. When I felt her clamp down around me, I could hold off no longer and spilled myself inside her.

"I can only breathe when you're with me Bella...say you'll always be mine...promise me" I pleaded, unsure where all this self doubt was coming from. The intensity of it frightened me a little, I knew I could trust Bella, I knew she loved me, why was I so worried?

"You've got me forever baby, I promise." She reassured me, unaware of my internal struggle, but unconsciously easing my fears. I kissed her, pouring my love into that kiss, she was everything to me, I needed her like the blood in my veins.

"Edward, Jazz stayed last night, it got too late for him to drive home, why don't you go and have a shower and I'll go and see if he's up. And don't get your stitches wet." She said when we broke the kiss and I looked at her in shock.

"Jazz is here? How come?"

Her eyes shifted nervously as they did when she lied and I felt my heart sink. We surely weren't back to this were we?

"He just came for a visit but you were asleep so we watched a couple of DVD's it got late so I invited him to use the guest room. It's no biggy."

"Ok if you say so, I'll see you in a few minutes." I kissed her and got out of bed, deciding the best course of action was to ignore it for now. So Jazz stayed over, what was the big deal? It was unusual yes, but not unheard of.

I showered cringing when I was my hair, the soap and water stinging painfully.

"Fuck!" I said as I realised I still hadn't found out what had happened to cause me to need stitches. I had been diverted by Bella and her fucking hot pillow talk. Devious, sneaky woman. I was more sure than ever she was keeping something from me.

I dressed and made my way out to the kitchen, nearly rolling my eyes when Bella and Jasper stopped talking as soon as they saw me. So Jasper was in on it too. I walked over the breakfast island and sat down. The simple action however, set off a chain reaction in my head ending in horrific agony. I grabbed my skull pitifully, all thoughts of Bella, Jasper and secrets leaving my mind. The pain was horrific.

"Is anyone going to fill me in? You two look thick as thieves over there...Oh dear god, where is the panadol?"

Bella handed me a couple of the painkillers and Jasper gave me a glass of water which I took gratefully. At that moment, they could have had all the fucking secrets in the world and I would not have asked a single question, I was just so incredibly grateful.

"Seriously though, my fucking head hurts like someone took a hammer to it." I said, swallowing the pills and finishing the water in one go.

"Sweetie, you slipped over in the bathroom and hit your head; you had to go and get a couple of stitches. The party was wild you drunk a bottle of scotch." I narrowed my eyes and looked up at her, unsurprised to find her beautiful eyes dancing nervously again.

Bullshit. What the hell was she hiding? Her story seemed plausible, it just didn't ring fucking true to me. Normally I would have been pissed off at her evasiveness but right then I was strangely happy for it. No, she wasn't telling the truth, but I was reluctant to search it out actively.

"I do have a surprise for you though, I was hoping you might take me for a ride in the

Aston Martin, I booked you sometime at the track."

I thought I was hearing things. She had just asked to be taken in the Aston Martin. The car she claimed she hated. My stomach clenched suddenly and I frowned. Why did she want to go to the track? She had never shown an interest in the car other than the ways she could destroy it.

"The track? Are you kidding me, you want me to take you to the track? What's going on? Did I kill someone's puppy or something?"

"No you didn't kill anyone's puppy, I just wanted to say thank you for being you. And I thought it might be time I saw what all the fuss is about, I never got to open it up and see what it can really do the one time I drove it and I thought you might like to show me? But if you'd rather go alone then that's cool to. It's completely up to you." She said looking hurt and I immediately felt guilty. She was trying to do something nice and I was being a prick.

She wanted to share this with me. I stopped questioning it and decided to just fucking enjoy it and screw the whys and what for's.

"Are you crazy? There's nothing I'd love more than to show you what the Aston can do! When can we go?"

The excitement had begun to build. I wanted to go and show her what I could not explain, the sounds, the smells, the power. It could only be experienced. I gulped my coffee and looked at Bella expectantly.

"Well he said we can go whenever and you've got it to yourself for as long as you want it? So I'm ready when you are."

That was all I needed to hear. I said goodbye to Jasper and pulled Bella to the garage. Once we were in the car I began the Aston Martin Appreciation Course.

"Trust me angel, once you hear what this engine can do you will never want to hear any other sound again. Once you see what it can do? You'll understand. Are you ready for the tour?" I smiled at her; she was finally giving the car a chance.

"Amaze me baby."

I explained the function of the ECU and let her start the car. The engine roared to life and I was lost to its siren song. We needed to get to the track; the car was begging to be let loose.

We got to the track and I let loose, showing her exactly why I loved the car so much. I let the car slide out a little on a corner, showing off a bit for her and grinning from ear to ear the whole time. She asked me how much the car cost and I reluctantly told her, after making her swear she would not leave me over it.

She kept her word and although she went quite pale, she didn't throw the fit I thought she would.

I let Bella have a spin around the track and I could see her face light up as she led the powerful V12 around the bends and curves of the road, forcing it to bend to her will. She looked glorious, a beatific smile on her face. Unfortunately my joy at seeing Bella like this was overshadowed by the returning throb to my head. She pulled into the pit lane, her eyes bright with excitement.

"Edward, can we do this again, it's actually fun...More fun than I thought possible," I half smiled half grimaced, wishing I could enjoy her enthusiasm a little more.

"I'll book the track again, but right now angel, I really need to get home my head is fucking with me something terrible. You think you can get us home in one piece?"

Fuck I hoped she could, because I was in no state to be driving any more.

"Of course, "She gave me a sly smirk and we drove home.

Bella helped me to bed when we got home and plied me with more painkillers before going off to have a shower. I waited patiently for her, determined not to fall asleep before she got back. I knew what today had cost her sensibilities and I really wanted to thank her for it and tell her just how much it had meant to me.

When she came back into the room, she was looking around nervously. As if she sensed there was no escape she sighed loudly and let the towel drop to the floor before jumping under the covers as quickly as she could.

It had not been quick enough though.

"What the hell happened to you Bella?" I ripped the covers from her body and stared at the grotesque marks that marred her beautiful skin. Her breasts were swollen, nipples black from the bruising, and covered in ugly raised welts. I gently reached out and traced a finger over one of them as the shame hit me full on.

"Did I do this to you?" I whispered.

_Please tell me no, please tell me no, please tell me no, that I couldn't have possibly inflicted this kind of torture on you. Please Bella, say I didn't do this! _

"Edward; honey please calm down, I was a willing participant. You will understand when I show you what lead to it, but don't worry I got to have my turn as well."

A willing participant? Got to have her turn? What the hell was she talking about?

"Bella please, tell me what the fuck happened last night. It's confusing, like trying to remember a dream. Please tell me..."

"A lot of things have happened in the last couple of days Edward; I don't really know where to start."

She was avoiding it, distracting me, she had been doing it all fucking day and I was tired of it. The patches of the previous evening that I could remember made no sense and she wasn't helping.

"Maybe tell me why you look like I fucking beat you. Then could you explain why the hell Jasper and Emmett were at the hospital when I went to get stitches. It really doesn't seem like the thing I would need support for."

Mum. She was at the hospital. Her eyes were red and swollen. She had been crying.

"Fuck Bella, was Mum there too? Did I call her or do something stupid? Why was she crying?"

"Edward, I Kate and I fucked with your car again the night of the party and well you'll see what I mean later, like I said I was a willing participant. Now Edward I don't want you to freak out. Your Dad had a heart attack; he's going to be all right, that's why we went to the hospital. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner, you just weren't ready to deal with it."

I couldn't move. She had just bombarded my already fatigued brain with too much information and I couldn't process it all. I had fucking whipped her over my fucking car? "I did that to you. Over my car? Jesus Bella, I'm sorry, I don't fucking remember any of it... Wait you said something happened to Carlisle. Is Mum ok?"

Fuck, Carlisle had a heart attack. Mum would have been fucking devastated. I looked at Bella, searching her face for any indication that she was hiding more from me.

"Edward your Mums ok, and I...I talked to your Dad."

"Why?" I said quietly. I could feel the anger bubbling under the surface and I was trying so desperately to restrain it, I had hurt her enough already.

"Because he asked to see me, so he could apologise for the way he has treated me, you, us." She looked at me warily, noticing the change in my temperament.

"Apologise. Convenient isn't it? He'll be up to something, don't worry I Won't let him hurt you again." I said running a hand through my hair and hitting my fucking stitches for what felt like the billionth fucking time.

Carlisle had apologised to Bella. For the way he had treated her. I didn't fucking buy it for a second. He was up to something and I had no doubt that it would spell disaster for my family.

I got up and began to dress quickly. I would go and fucking sort this out now. Heart attack or not, he could not be allowed to continually target Bella.

"Edward where are you going? Please baby just come back to bed and make love to me, you don't have to go right this minute. Let me help you relax a bit first." Bella tried cajolingly. I grabbed my T-shirt and as she pleaded. "Please baby...stay...I don't want to go to sleep without you again."

That did it; I got back into the bed and began kissing the horrific wounds I had inflicted. How could I deny her?

"I love you Bella."

"I love you too Edward."

**A/N: You know what we want...It makes the coffee all the sweeter. xxxx**


	30. Chapter 30 Path to Salvation

**A/N: GREENAWAY**: Hello readers and reviewers! You all totally blow me away... Sometimes out of gratitude and other times out of shock. LOL. Now DESPITE Cinnamon's GROWLY nature towards Edward, I must say I am comforted to know that YOU all still feel some kind of sympathy for him. And you know you do. LOL. One such reader and reviewer is one of our biggest fans of Angel. She listens to the crap that Cinnamon and I spew and marvels along with us at our ability to get any work done. She is a wonderful, beautiful woman and I take great pleasure and pride at introducing her as our friend. Sassy say hi

**SASSY:** Hello to everyone.

**GREENAWAY:** Thank you Sassy. Now, Sassy was telling Cinnamon and I that she can't decide who she is more upset with; Edward or Bella. I have a feeling that a lot of you are in this boat. They are both pretty screwed up, but that's ok. It's all part of the story. Just like the drug abuse, just like the alcohol abuse and every other idiotic thing that pair have done. IT'S ALL CRUCIAL TO THE STORY. Cinnamon has said and I totally agree with her fluffy bunny killing little butt, we aren't doing this to glorify drug and alcohol use. Quite the opposite. I believe that this chapter will appease many of you, Sassy (we love her) included. So here's the deal. Keep up with your impassioned reviews, god how we love them, but realise that the story is far from over and you need to break a couple of eggs to make a decent goddamn omelette. Also, Cinnamon just insulted me by calling me CUTE, so those of you that are attached say your goodbyes to her now... LOL

**Cinnamon:** help me sassy

**Greenaway:** lol sassy can't help you now... LMAO...cue the freaky horror music

**Cinnamon:** say something sassy, say something about how sad it is that Bella has nooooooooo friends :(

**SASSY**: I am laughing too much sorry...

**Cinnamon**: Don't laugh I have been prepping you for months to be on Bells side. I warned you he would try to take you from me. He's doing it now thru his mouth piece...he's the devil, he is...

**Green**: sigh... Preparations... All in vain...

**Cinnamon:** Do you see what I have to put up with now people? You just got a taste of the chat crap I have to endure everyday from Edward and his evil, evil minion... And also Bella's confused people; she is kind of wondering how far Edward needs to go before you stop feeling sorry for his sad ass. I know he's gorgeous and hot and rocks the universe, and has a smile to turn you jelly, but really is his smile that dazzling that it's blinded you? LOL... She's sulking people! And I hate sulky Bella's...Cut the girl some slack! Bella and I look forward to seeing if Edward's fan club gets any bigger... But be **warned **people, his heads swollen enough, if it gets any bigger it won't fit in his Aston Martin, or _Christine_ as we lovingly refer to her :}

**DISCLAIMER: **S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamon & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table...Bic Runger & Semisonic own Good morning Baby...

**Chapter 30: PATH TO SALVATION**

**Bella's POV...**

"Say it Bella and I'll give you what want, my poor baby's so close," Edward commanded as he drew another lazy circle over my swollen bud

"Only for you Edward...I'm yours forever..." I thrust my hips forward as Edward resumed his ministrations. Pushing all other thoughts from my mind I concentrated solely on the sensations racing through my body as Edward finally brought my orgasm crashing down on me.

Edward lifted his head and flashed me one of his gorgeous smiles, as he slid carefully up my body, pausing to kiss lightly over the welts. His feral growl when he kissed the tips of my swollen nipples caused a violent shudder to wash over me.

I needed to divert his attention before he began to dwell even more on what he'd done to me. I didn't want a repeat of the near meltdown he had when he had finally seen the extent of the damage he had inflicted on me. The sound of his broken sobs when he saw the flayed skin of my back was seared into my memory.

I never wanted to see him sobbing at my feet again, never wanted to see the self hatred or the begging for forgiveness.

He rolled off me with a frustrated sigh, so I quickly got up and straddled his waist guiding myself down so he slid effortlessly inside me. His hands slid straight to my waist and his eyes never left mine as I started to rock slowly against him.

He was still brooding so I leaned forward and kissed him, I could taste myself as I sucked on his bottom lip.

"Mmm...My Bella," he murmured against my lips.

I pushed myself up keeping my hands on his chest as I ground harder and faster against him, "God baby you make me feel so good, I love feeling you inside me..."

"So beautiful...Such soft skin..." His voice was tinged with sadness.

I smiled when he reached out to trace his fingers along the patterns of raised skin, trying to let him know that it was ok, that he didn't need my forgiveness because he already had it.

I only had to look in his tortured eyes to know how sorry he was that he had hurt me so badly.

I rocked harder against him pushing him deeper inside me and groaned silently at the feeling of him throbbing against my walls.

He frowned at my reaction, so I brought my hand to his face and cupped it gently, "it's ok my baby, I love you...forever."

"I love you...Always Bella." He said in a tortured whisper.

Although he had just told me, I needed him to reaffirm it; not just for my own sake but his as well. "Tell me Edward, tell me that I own you...I want you to tell me that I possess every part of you, mind body and soul, that you would die a thousand deaths for me...Like I would for you..." I almost pleaded. I kept my eyes firmly on his.

"I would do anything for you my love." He placed my hand on his heart, "This beats only for you Bella, only you bring me to life..."

"My Edward," I breathed as I ground myself down on him, my muscles clamped around him and his groan told me I had dragged him over the edge with me...

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

Edward waited until we had showered and he was rubbing lavender cream onto my back until he brought up my conversation with Carlisle.

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply and I was sure it didn't go unnoticed.

"Bella, I wished you hadn't agreed to see Carlisle without me being there. He's a twisted son of a bitch...He didn't fuckin threaten you again did he?"

Guilt and self loathing clawed at my insides, I could see the pain, anger and confusion in his eyes and it broke my heart.

"Edward calm down and you don't have to worry about me. I let Carlisle know that I was through with his shit; I told him that I wasn't leaving you and he could save his breath if he was going to threaten me. But he didn't want to threaten me he wanted my forgiveness."

Edward seized my hands in his and looked intently into my eyes, "Promise me you'll stay away from him Bella. He's still just as dangerous as he ever was. I don't know what fucking game he's playing now, but I _will_ find out."

Panicked flooded through me at the venom in his voice and I couldn't repress the shudder when his eyes turned dark and menacing.

I quickly tried to soothe his rising anger. "Edward, he's not dangerous. He's just a broken man, a shell of his former self. He has no power over me or us anymore, because I won't allow him to. I'm not afraid of him Edward, and I accepted his apology."

I wasn't sure if I should mention that he wanted to have a relationship with his grandchildren. I decided against it, _for now_.

"Yes he is dangerous Bella, you've experienced firsthand what that evil prick's capable of. You never can trust Carlisle, Bella; he's like a snake in the grass." He grabbed his keys from the dresser and stalked from the room without another word.

I got up and chased after him. I was still beyond sore, but I managed to move faster enough to catch up with him. My hand caught his wrist and yanked on him as hard as my aching muscles would allow, I groaned out loud when they protested against my use of force.

"Edward where are you going? You better not be going to have a go at your father because any stress will kill him, and destroy your mother. You need to calm down now..." I commanded.

Edward stopped and looked down at me with a smile.

I could tell as soon as I saw it, it was forced.

"I just need to talk to him. You can come and wait outside if it makes you feel better, but I'm going to see him. Besides, it will make Mum happy won't it?" His voice was calm as he took my hand in his and kissing it. "Trust me. Please." He turned and headed for the garage, "If you want to come you had better get organised."

"Ok Edward if you want to talk to Carlisle fine. I will come with you, but I'm warning you now I will be fucked off if you lose your temper with him or do anything that causes him to have another heart attack. Your Mother is going through enough and doesn't need any more to deal with." His sigh hissed from his throat, he was starting to lose his cool but I decided to add one more thing, "I want your promise Edward that you are going to try, for me."

He started up the Jag and closed his eyes savouring the sound of the engine for a moment before growling at me, "Jesus Bella, I know what kind of a monster I've turned into, but I would like to believe that I am not capable of killing my father. No matter how much he might deserve it."

I shuddered at the sound of him putting himself down again and the way he misconstrued my meaning.

"Edward that's not what I meant, and stop referring to yourself as a monster. I won't allow you to keep putting yourself down. I just want this to get this resolved. I want you and I to have a good relationship with your father and I'm willing to try if he is."

"We'll see." He said almost dismissively.

I stared out the window so Edward couldn't see how frustrated I was. I didn't want to fight with him, especially over Carlisle.

We pulled up to the hospital and Edward took my hand as we walked through the parking lot, he went to approach the reception desk but I tugged on his hand and led him toward Carlisle's room.

I came to a halt as we reached Carlisle's closed door and pulled Edward into my arms, "Edward if it gets too much promise me you'll just walk away and we'll go home and get the Aston and go for a drive." I kissed him softly and hugged him as tightly as my muscles would allow.

"Trust me." He whispered into my hair. He kissed the top of my head and took a deep breath as he opened the door

**Carlisle POV...**

I looked up to see who had entered the room and I was more than a little surprised when I saw Edward.

I smiled widely, "Edward son it's wonderful to see you, how are you?" I was a little annoyed that Edward ignored me and went straight to Esme but I guess I wasn't surprise.

I had hurt Edward badly in my desire to protect him. it certainly had never been my intention I had just lost sight of what was really important to both Edward and myself. I guessed from his actions he was not here to see how I was but more likely to warn me to stay away from Bella. I watched as Edward kissed his mothers cheek and it was evident how much he loved her and I found myself wishing he loved me like that.

Then I remembered that there was a time that he did, and I was determined for it to be like that again.

"Hey Mum, Bella's waiting outside do you think you could keep her company for me?"

"Oh...of course Edward."

"I'll see you soon love, and give my regards to Bella."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Bella's POV...

I looked up when I heard the door open thinking that it would be Edward and a sense of relief flooded through me when Esme walked out the door. She gave me a radiant smile as I stood to greet her and I noticed how tired she looked.

"Hello Bella," she reached out and drew me into her arms hugging me tightly to her. Pain shot through me when Esme's hands pressed against my welted back and I had to swallow back the urge to scream and shudder. I took a deep calming breath and willed myself not to be sick. "Thank you for getting Edward to come and see Carlisle. I know that couldn't have been easy and I want you to know that I will be forever grateful."

My face burned scarlet. I doubted Esme would be thanking me if she knew I was the reason her husband was lying in this hospital.

I took a moment to be sure I could speak without my voice shaking. "Hi Esme how are you? You have nothing to thank me for."

She released me from her embrace and looked directly into my eyes. "I have every reason to thank you Bella, I know you must have persuaded Edward to visit Carlisle and if they can communicate they can get past all of this bitterness and go back to being father and son..."

Esme's wistful voice was full of sadness to it and a wave of guilt washed over me.

"I'm so sorry Esme; it was never my intention to cause such discord in your family. I had no idea what Edward had planned for Cullen Industries. Honestly I was the _last_ to know." I needed her to know that I had no direct knowledge or input into any of the plans Edward had made and executed.

"Please don't apologise Bella. I certainly don't hold you responsible for any of this; I know you had nothing to with what's happened. And Bella you are absolutely perfect for Edward in every way, honestly I've never seen him so happy. You, Apple and Louis have given him everything he has ever dreamed of. And you've given Carlisle and I something we've always dreamed of – Grandchildren."

"Esme, are you sure?" Surely she held me accountable for the destruction of her family in some way.

"I'm sure Bella, now how about we go and get a coffee and something to eat. You look dead on your feet." She took my hand and led me down the corridor.

I felt growing unease with every step I took away from Edward. I didn't want him to come out and find me gone so I resolved to drink my coffee quickly and be back hopefully before he realised I wasn't there.

Esme ordered coffee and sandwiches and I ate them hastily, more from the fact that I was ravenous than wanting to get out of there.

"You look tired Bella," I looked up to see Esme watching me pensively.

"So do you. Any idea when Carlisle will be released?" I enquired about Carlisle to draw the attention away from myself. It had been a hellish couple of days and I didn't want to relive them with Esme.

"The doctors say that Carlisle maybe released in a few days if his heart continues to beat in a regular rhythm. He will of course need to take it easy for the next few months but the Doctor says that he should be fine as long as he follows a healthy diet and exercise regime and keeps his stress to a minimum."

"That's wonderful news Esme."

She smiled at the sincerity in my voice and her eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

We chatted about the twins and I promised that I would bring them to see her as soon as I could. Sadness threatened to engulf me when I realised how much Esme had missed out on with her Grandchildren. Even though I had been trying to make sure she was seeing them at least twice a week.

But that couldn't make up for the fact that Charlie and Renee had unlimited access to them and were allowed to have them for days at a time.

I found myself praying as I stared into my near empty coffee cup that Edward would be able to find it in his incredibly loving heart to forgive Carlisle and give his family and himself a chance to heal. I brought the cup to my lips and quickly drunk the last mouthful of tepid coffee.

Esme seemed to sense my anxiety from being away from Edward and she smiled as she raised her cup.

"They will be fine Bella," She said optimistically. It was an optimism I didn't share. There had been so much hurt and anger.

Could Edward get passed it?

For that I had no answer

I sighed deeply, rubbing my cheeks in my hands. "I really hope so Esme; I want Edward to have a good relationship with his father."

She gave me a smile and reached out to cover my hand with hers. "Shall we make our way back to the room; I don't like being away from Carlisle for too long."

There was no sign of Edward in the corridor when we turned the corner and I took that as a good sign. I followed Esme into the room and broke into a hug smile when I saw Edward holding his father's hand...

**Carlisle's POV...**

Esme walked into the room and was followed closely by Bella, whose face broke into a genuine smile when she saw Edward's hand in mine. It was then it hit me how perfect Bella was for Edward, she was kind, level headed and compassionate and I felt my new found respect for her grow when she looked at me with that smile.

"Hi Carlisle, how are you feeling? You look better today." She went straight to Edward's side the love and pride she had for him was clear on her face and when she leaned forward and kissed his cheek Edward just lit up.

**Bella's POV...**

"Hi honey. I'm happy to see things are going good." I said as made my way to Edward's side.

"Hey baby, I told you no one would die." Edward hugged me to his side with his free arm. "Uh, Dad? I might need my hand back eventually." He chortled and Carlisle laughed with him.

Carlisle let's go of Edward's hand.

When I looked up at Edward's face I noticed that he looked better, his jaw wasn't rigid, there was no tension in his shoulders and his eyes had some life to them.

"You did my darling and look how well things turned out." I said with a hint of pride in my voice.

I was proud of Edward he had taken his first positive step in healing himself and his family.

"Hmm... Well maybe I might be granted another trip to the track in the Aston? You can take me for another spin since you enjoyed it so much." Edward said with undisguised enthusiasm. He must have really loved me taking an interest in _Christine; _he had done a complete u turn in his attitude to me being allowed near it.

Carlisle and Esme both looked at Edward in shock when he said I could take the Aston around the track again. Obviously they knew that Edward never let anyone but Irina drive the Aston.

"You can definitely go back to the track, let's book it out for the week. Especially if I can drive it again."

Edward grinned at his parents and shrugged, "What can I say? She's phenomenal in the sack!"

It took me a second to register what he had just said. The blood was already rushing to my face when realization hit. I gave him a death glare before I dropped my gaze. I couldn't bring myself to look at Carlisle, Esme and I doubted I would ever be able to again.

But I needed to say something, everyone had gone silent, so I decided to try and joke about it. "Oh my god Edward I can't believe you just said that to your parents..." I punched his arm as I leaned over and let my lips brush his ear, "you are getting no sex tonight baby or tomorrow night...you smart ass prick," I hissed before kissing the side of his head.

If I thought that would shut Edward up I was very, very wrong.

He smirked at me before looking over at his mother, "Mum, Bella said I won't be getting any for a while! Tell her she can't do things like that!" Edward whined.

He looked more happy and carefree than I had seen him in longer than I could remember.

He was joking around and playful, with no hint of his usual reserve. The darkness seemed to all but vanish. He slid his hand from my waist and pinched my ass. He seemed to be enjoying my embarrassment or probably my blush more so.

Esme looked at Edward with a frown but her eyes twinkled showing she meant no harm, "Edward I don't blame her dear, you should know a gentleman never kisses and tells." She said before steering the conversation into less embarrassing territory, "So Edward, Bella would you consider allowing the twins to come to the hospital tomorrow? We would so love to See Apple and Louis."

Carlisle nodded in agreement, "What do you say son would you let your old man get to know those beautiful children of yours."

My breath stuck in my throat as I waited for Edward's response.

"If it's ok with Bella then it's fine by me. How about I do you one better Dad, when you get out of here you and Mum come around for dinner? We could invite Emmett and Jasper as well." He looked at Carlisle with a genuine smile "A family dinner, all of us, what do you say? Do you think Jake would help us set up a Hangi?" Edward asked me with a smile.

My heart nearly exploded with pride and joy, Edward's reaction to his dad surpassed anything I had dared to hope for in my wildest dreams, and the fact that he wanted Jake to do a Hangi was the icing on the cake.

"Edward that's a fantastic idea and I'm positive Jake will want to do a Hangi, he loves to introduce people to fine Maori cuisine."

Edward eyed his dad with almost a hint of challenge, "You game old man? It's pretty fucking good..Opps sorry Mum." He said sheepishly flashing her one of his most dazzling smile.

She smiled radiantly at the sight and so did Carlisle.

"I'm definitely game Son, so have you tried it? What's it like?"

"Bloody fantastic! And there is so goddamn much, seriously five star restaurants be damned, from a Hangi you don't go away still hungry, you'll love it."

"Well son how can I refuse with such an enthusiastic recommendation, I look forward to it. A family dinner sounds like a wonderful idea.

"You won't mind if we invite Jake, Irina and the rest of them? They're family too." Edward asked me as he took my hand.

"Of course not...Like you said they are our family too," I wondered why he'd even ask me of course we'd include the people we loved the most.

He nodded in agreement and I notice Carlisle and Esme look at each other in surprise when we referred to our friends as family.

Edward turned to me and I could see from the lustful look in his eyes exactly what he was thinking. "Bella we should really should get going love, the twins will be expecting a phone call from us, they're probably driving your parents insane as we speak."

"You're right; you know how Apple gets when she hasn't spoken to her Daddy." I smirked at him before turning my attention to Carlisle and Esme.

We bade Carlisle and Esme goodbye and I was pleased to see Edward hugged his father before turning to kiss his mothers cheek. He grabbed my hand and I waved to Carlisle as we left the room.

Edward mood had improved so much since he'd visited his dad. I knew that if he could face his father with so much grace then he could do the same to his best friends.

He didn't protest when I asked if I could drive but he did get a little nervous when he realised I was heading to Irina and Demetri's.

Edward looked sideways at me, a frown appearing on his gorgeous face, "Bella why aren't we going home? I'm uh... tired! And my head is hurting!" He added.

As much as I wanted to go straight home I knew our friends would be beside themselves with worry, since no one had heard from us since Edward kicked them all out of our house.

"We're going to Irina and Demetri's, I need to see them for a few minutes. Things didn't end on the happiest of notes the other night and they need to know that we are alright.

Although I never wanted to talk about that night with Edward, he still had no idea what had really happened in that storage room, he needed to be sort of prepared for whatever reaction our friends gave him.

"What do you mean it didn't end on the happiest of notes? Bella what the hell am I going to be walking in to?" the edge of panic in Edward's voice was acute and I immediately tried to soothe him.

"Nothing Edward, we asked everyone to leave rather abruptly after I fucked with the Aston and I just wanted them to know that we survived the after math."

He looked at me and I could see suspicion in his eyes, "There's something you're not telling me Bella, but I get the strange feeling that I'm better off not knowing." I noticed he began to fidget when we pull up to Irina's.

"Look Edward there's nothing to worry about ok, I just want to pop in say hi tell them that we are fine and that Carlisle is fine and then we'll go home, not that you'll probably want to since you're not getting any sex tonight."

I tried to lighten the mood I could tell he was paranoid and it bothered me, these were his closest friends the people who knew him better than his family.

"Alright, but I don't like ... Hey wait, you were serious? Baby how can you expect me to lie next to you all night and not touch you? I'm only a man..." He began to stroke my thigh, so I slipped out of my seat before he could side track me, I leaned back into the car and smiled at him evilly.

"Of course I was serious...and let me warn you coercion won't work on me, I have an iron will...my spirit can't be broken..." I wondered briefly if the comment would shift in Edward's consciousness and he would remember it from our conversation the other night in the torture chamber.

I sincerely hoped not the last thing I needed was for him to find out what happened that night.

I panicked when Edward looked at me in confusion, "but I guess since you let me drive the Aston I may not spurn your advances." I flashed him a grin and hoped for the best.

"Playing hard to get? Jesus Bella, let's just go home now. I can make it worth your while... Oh shit, Demetri's seen us. Fuck." He growled and tentatively waved out the window.

Before I could say anything the front door opened and Irina sprinted to Edward's door, she looking so worried.

"What's up with her?" The frown was back on his face and started to wonder if this was such a good idea.

"She probably heard about Carlisle and is worried about you." As soon as Irina put her head through the open door I shot her a warning glance.

I was thankful she understood in an instant, she knew Edward had drunk enough that night to probably not remember what happened and she gave me a quick reassuring glance.

"Hi Edward, how's things? I heard about Carlisle, are you alright?"

Edward leaned over and kissed her cheek, "Yeah, Bella made me go and play nice. We're having a big family dinner when he gets out by the way and you guys are coming. Hey you got any pain killers Irina? I keep banging my fucking head and it's throbbing like shit."

Edward got out of the car and rushed to my side, his arm slid around me waist and he pulled me close "I love you." He whispered "Now let's get this over with, you made me certain promises I intend to see fulfilled."

I wrapped Edward in my embrace hugging him tightly, "I love you too," I looked over his shoulder and gave Irina a pleading look and she understood at once and hurried back into the house, I gave Edward a searing kiss full of promise, hoping to give Irina enough time to warn everybody to keep their mouths shut about his behaviour the other night. I wasn't too worried they knew better than to hassle him.

We walked inside and Edward said hello to everyone, he was holding me tightly to him and I was surprised at how uneasy he felt around his friends.

Everyone in the room said their hellos and I immediately noticed they were all giving me covert looks and I smiled to show them all was good. Demetri offered Edward and a drink and quickly covered up his look of surprise when Edward turned down the offer of scotch and opted for juice instead.

Edward of course noticed Demetri's looked and chuckled, "Yeah time for a change, cutting back on the booze and cutting out the drugs." He looked at everybody nervously.

When he saw Irina standing with her hand clasped over her mouth and her tears rolling down her cheeks, he hurried to her side. "Hey sweetie, what's wrong? Sober Edward might be fun too..." He tried to joke and I knew he didn't realise they were happy tears.

Irina shook her head, "Oh Edward, that's awesome news I'm so proud of you and of course you'll still be fun, you know I'll take you any way you are but it will be good to meet sober Edward."

"It's all good. You alright Kate? You're pretty quiet. Or more than usual anyway..." Edward said curiously. He had noticed Kate was avoiding eye contact with him.

"Yeah I'm alright, though I am getting a cold...which I reckon was down to..." Felix cut her off mid sentence.

"So how's your Dad Edward?" Edward frowned at Felix's obvious diversion but never pulled him up on it.

"Uh, good considering. I don't think he'll be in there too long. He seems keen to get home I think." He looked between Kate and Felix and shook his head. "Is Jake here?" Edward asked looking around to check Jake wasn't lurking around in the background.

"Yeah he is; he and Cherie aren't up yet though. They are starting to get into the habit of staying up most of the night and then sleeping until late. Though I'm not sure how much sleeping goes down," Irina giggled and I looked at her in surprise.

"Really? Jake and Cherie?" Edward asked in surprise. "Well if he's happy, why the fuck not I suppose." Edward finished his juice. "Geez Bella you look tired." He looked at me in mock concern and lifted his eyebrows suggestively.

I stood up and stretched, "yeah I am, it's been a full on few days, I guess we better get going I need to ring Charlie and Renee," Felix walk into the kitchen and I grabbed Edward's and my empty glasses and followed him.

I checked behind me before I spoke, "Felix Edward doesn't have any idea about anything that happened the night of the party and for now I want to keep it like that. So can you _please_ just let Kate know, Edward's pretty fragile at the moment and I don't want him to have to deal with anything else... And can you tell her and Irina I will catch up with them for coffee during the week?

Also I want that memory stick back, Edward and I have come to a truce over the car and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that."

Felix agreed immediately and gave me a quick hug before we joined the others, Edward took my hand and said goodbye to Kate, Demetri, Felix

He let go of my hand and flung his arms around Irina who followed us out to the car. "Can you handle things at the office for a while Irina? I think I might take the rest of the week off I want to spend some time with Bella and Dad might appreciate some company once and a while."

"Of course Edward and I'm glad to see you're making the effort with Carlisle, it will be good for the both of you. I will ring you if anything major comes up." Irina hugged him and kissed his cheek before letting him go and hugging me.

She brought her face to my ear, "I will catch up with you soon ok. Take care of each other."

"We will and thanks," I whispered.

I looked at Edward with a smile, "Let's get you home, fed and into bed, I've got a good book for you to read if you're interested," I taunted.

"Oh no Bella Cullen, you made promises and those I know I don't want to forget." He teased as reached down to turn on the radio.

I gasped silently and tried to keep the shock from my face as I looked over at Edward. He gave me a smile and then looked out the window, it seemed like he hadn't actually realised that he had just called me Bella Cullen and not Bella Swan. I had no idea how to take that, was it a slip of the tongue or was that something he had been thinking about?

I decided not to correct him and concentrated on driving. I had never really thought about marrying Edward, not since we had gotten together and not with all the drama that had been going on with Carlisle.

I had to admit a part of me liked the sound of Bella Cullen, Edward's wife.

We drove the rest of the way home in comfortable silence both of us lost in our own thoughts; mine were solely on whether Edward's thoughts were on Marriage.

I pulled the car into the garage and Edward was out of the car and opening my door before I had even shut off the engine. He carried me into the house and put me down on the couch; he lay on top of me and kissed me passionately only pulling his lips from mine when he noticed I was gasping for air.

He smirked at me and I couldn't resist the urge to poke out my tongue.

"Silly Bella. So should we order dinner? We could just put a movie on in the bedroom and eat in bed. He kissed me again before dragging himself off me and heading for the kitchen. I gave myself a minute to catch my breath before joining him. "Indian? Thai? what do you feel like love?" Edward rifled through the assortment of takeout menu he'd retrieved from the draw. "Would you get me a whisk... I mean could you get me a bottle of water please love? I'll try and make some sense of the bloody menus!" He grumbled as he started looking through the twenty or so menus.

I smiled to myself when Edward corrected himself, he was obviously serious about giving up alcohol and that would be a good thing, for both of us.

I grabbed us each a water from the fridge and passed him his, "Indian or Thai sound good, actually I think Indian. I will have Chicken Tikka Masala and naan bread and tell them I want it spicy."

"Sounds good. How about I get butter chicken and we can share? And I know you like it spicy baby." He picked up the phone and started to dial.

"Butter chicken sounds good, and you'd be one sad puppy if I only liked it mild. You know vanilla's not my style." I said with a smirk.

I headed for the book shelf, running my fingers along the stiff spines as I perused the titles. Edward had a vast array of books; everything from John Grisham novels to Charles Dickens and I also noted a section devoted to Eastern Religions in particular Buddhism and the history of the early Mayan Civilizations. It was the last title about the Mayans that I chose for myself and Dickens' A tale of two cities for Edward.

Though I was planning to take the books as more of a way to tease Edward, I did plan on reading the book I'd chose for myself: at some stage. I covertly made my way to our room and placed the books on the bedside table before heading for the shower, I took my time, enjoying the feel of the hot water on my still fatigued muscles.

I smile when I saw the empty bed and quickly got dressed into some hideous cotton pyjama set Renee had brought me a couple of years ago. I had never worn it and I hid the tags in the draw before I slid between the sheets.

I laughed quietly to myself when I picked up Edward's book and placed it on his pillow.

I heard him saying goodbye to the delivery person and I picked up my book and pretended to read it. I stifled my giggle when I heard him snort, "Bella what on earth are you wearing baby? It's revolting. And what's with the books?"

"Don't let Renee hear you say that." I teased. "By the way I chose the tale of two cities for you; I would hazard a guess that it's your favourite... Yum pass my food here it smells divine."

I feigned reading the whole way through dinner and for quite a while afterward, Edward had been staring at the same page for the last few minutes and I knew he wasn't absorbing the text and I wondered where his thoughts were.

It didn't take me long to find out, he suddenly tossed the book down and turn to cuddle in closer to me, his finger tracing patterns on my forearm, "Are you enjoying your book?"

"Hmm...it's very interesting. Are you not enjoying yours?" I carried on reading but he caught the smirk on my face.

"I can think of better things to do in this bed than read..." he leant forward and kissed my forearm, "much better things."

"So can I...but unfortunately for you; you decided that it would be fun to shame me out completely in front of your parents. I'm pretty sure your Dad didn't need a reminder considering he's seen us at it and there are some things you don't say to your mother and 'my girls phenomenal in the sack' would be pretty close to the top of the list."

Edward's free hand slid to my thigh inching closer to his desire, he frowned when his fingers met my shorts, 

"Bella I only said it to make you blush. You know I can't resist it."

"Even so Edward it was still extremely mean." I kept staring at the page and he chuckled when he saw my bottom lip jut out into full on pout mode.

"Ok Bella I'll admit it wasn't very nice but you are not seriously thinking of holding out on me are you? I may be forced to molester you in your sleep again...Actually I did enjoy that, but still you awake..."

"I should enforce it; it might teach you a lesson." He tugged the book from my hands and tossed it on the floor.

"Bella..."I couldn't help but laugh at his whiny voice, he sounded like Louis when he was over tired, "you're the one whose being mean. I let you drive my Aston baby surely that scores me points...You said it did..."

"Fine, if it will stop your bloody moaning," I rolled my eyes at him and he lifted his eyebrows suggestively.

"My moaning will stop but yours won't, not for the rest of the night anyway..."

I squealed when he lunged at me and attacked my lips with his own...

**Chapter Thirty **

**Edward's POV...**

"Say it Bella and I'll give you what want, my poor baby's so close," I drew another lazy circle over her swollen little bud while I held my fingers ready at the entrance to her heaven. I felt the shudder ripple through her body but it was nothing to what it would do when I finally gave her, her release.

"Only for you Edward...I'm yours forever..." I smirked in satisfaction; I would never tire of hearing her say that. I carried on teasing her with my tongue, bringing her to the edge, only to ease her back down before the next build up. Over and over, I repeated the little pattern, until I eventually gave in and allowed her to come.

I looked up into her blissful countenance and made my way back up her body, frowning and growling at the sight of the marks left on her skin. I hated myself fervently for what I had done to her, and no matter how many times she told me it didn't matter, the truth was I knew it did.

I felt all traces of lust leave me and I moved off Bella, ashamed and appalled. She wouldn't have it though; she climbed on top of me and positioned herself over my erection. She impaled herself on me and my hands went to her hips of their own accord. She looked down at me, holding me enthralled with her bewitching gaze. From the corner of my eye I could see the bruises that decorated her and the purple colour of her damaged nipples. I tried to fight away the self loathing but I could find no peace. It was fitting that I should have to look up the result of my brutality.

It was fitting.

She kissed me and I could taste the sweetness of her lips, I was feeling drunk from the taste of her.

"Mmm...My Bella."

She picked up her rhythm at my words and her eyes began to flutter closed as she tilted her head back.

"God baby you make me feel so good, I love feeling you inside me..."

"So beautiful...Such soft skin..." I touched at the reminders of the dark that I held inside of me, dark that would hurt the ones I loved. She looked down at my expression and pushed herself down harder onto me, forcing me out of my penance.

She shouldn't have been doing that, I deserved to feel every bit of the shame for what I had done to her. She rested a hand against my cheek

"It's ok my baby, I love you...forever."

"I love you...Always Bella." I could feel myself being dragged closer to the edge with every movement she made I fought off the anger and the questions I was desperate to ask her about her talk with Carlisle and focused on the Goddess who was professing her unyielding love for me.

"Tell me Edward, tell me that I own you...I want you to tell me that I possess every part of you, mind body and soul, that you would die a thousand deaths for me...Like I

would for you..."

"I would do anything for you my love." I grabbed her hand and placed it on my heart

"This beats only for you Bella, only you bring me to life." I whispered fiercely. She had

to believe me, all that I was, I was only for her.

"My Edward,"

The alarm clicked on and the radio began to play

_Between an overload of information _

_And a striving for a pure dedication _

_I find myself looking for the exit sign _

_See your pretty face in the sunshine _

_In the morning after staying up all night _

_I want to wake you _

_Just to hear you tell me it's alright _

_And all I want to be _

_Is too much sometimes for me _

_Good morning, baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day _

_Good morning, baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day _

I felt the tightening in my belly as she rode me towards my orgasm. The lyrics of the song resonated so deeply with me, and I prayed that Bella would hear the meaning in them.

_I see the stars and all the planets _

_Fly the great wide world and have it all _

_Yeah, I better get a ticket, better get in line _

_I'm praying now for beautiful weather _

_Take a car and drive forever but I'm _

_Only ever sitting at the traffic light _

_And all the world to see _

_Is too much sometimes for me _

_Good morning, baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day _

_Good morning, baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day _

_Good morning, baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day _

_Good morning, baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day _

I could feel her fingers digging painfully into my chest and I pushed myself up into them, welcoming her unintentional retribution, just as I had marked her, I wanted her to mark me, to make me pay for my transgressions.

_(And when you rise) _

_And when you rise you'll find me here _

_(Open your eyes) _

_And see myself reflected there _

_(And for awhile) _

_A little room becomes an everywhere _

_Between an overload of information _

_And a striving for a pure dedication _

_I find myself looking for the exit sign _

I exploded inside her as I roared her name. I felt wonderful, relaxed and light, but I knew I did not deserve to feel this way.

We showered quietly together, neither of us saying anything too lost in our own thoughts. When we had finished and dried off, I rubbed the lavender cream into her battered flesh. I carefully applied the cream to every single inch of damaged skin, each one cutting into me agonisingly. I felt her begin to relax and knew it was a good time to bring up my father. It had been bothering me immensely that she had talked to him, and even more that she had fallen for his bullshit hook, line and sinker. She didn't realise just how dangerous he was, he was a master manipulator; the most accomplished kind of liar.

He simply could not be trusted.

"Bella, I wished you hadn't agreed to see Carlisle without me being there. He's a twisted son of a bitch..." A horrifying thought occurred to me then, "He didn't fucking threaten you again did he?"

"Edward calm down and you don't have to worry about me, I let Carlisle know that I was through with his shit, I told him that I wasn't leaving you and he could save his breath if he was going to threaten me. But he didn't want to threaten me he wanted my forgiveness."

She just didn't get it! She refused to accept the ugly truth about my father. I tried to make her see reason

"Promise me you'll stay away from him Bella. He's still just as dangerous as he ever was. I don't know what fucking game he's playing now, but I will find out." I would, I knew not what is game was, but I would find out.

"Edward, he's not dangerous he's just a broken man a shell of his former self. He has no power over me or us anymore, because I won't allow him to. I'm not afraid of him Edward, and I accepted his apology." She defended him and I felt like pulling my hair out. Why the hell wouldn't she open her eyes and see?

"Yes he is dangerous Bella, you've experienced first hand what that evil pricks capable of. You never can trust Carlisle Bella, he's like a snake in the grass."

I knew nothing I could say would make her understand, so I decided to go directly to the fucking root of the problem and sort it out there. I got up and grabbed the Jag's keys from the dresser and stalked towards the door. Bella caught up with me and grabbed my wrist. I felt my anger rise and I bit it back down.

"Edward where are you going, you better not be going to have a go at your father because any stress will kill him, and destroy your mother, you need to calm down now..."

I made myself smile in what I hoped was a reassuring fashion. I didn't intend to hurt my father, but I intended to put an end to all of it.

"I just need to talk to him. You can come and wait outside if it makes you feel better, but I'm going to see him. Besides, it will make Mum happy won't it?" I kissed her hand tenderly "Trust me. Please." I began to leave, towards the garage "If you want to come you had better get organised."

"Ok Edward if you want to talk to Carlisle fine, I will come with you, but I'm warning you now I will be fucked off if you lose your temper with him or do anything that causes him to have another heart attack. Your Mother is going through enough and doesn't need any more to deal with. I want your promise Edward that you are going to try, for me."

I started the car and sighed as the sound of the engine calmed me slightly. "Jesus Bella, I know what kind of a monster I've turned into, but I would like to believe that I am not capable of killing my father. No matter how much he might deserve it."

"Edward that's not what I meant, and stop referring to yourself as a monster, I won't allow you to keep putting yourself down. I just want this to get this resolved. I want you and I to have a good relationship with your father and I'm willing to try if he is." She said looking at me sadly.

"We'll see." I snapped.

We arrived at the hospital and I held Bella's hand as we made our way inside and to my father's room. I was about to open the door when Bella, yanked me to a halt.

"Edward if it gets too much promise me you'll just walk away and we'll go home and get the

Aston and go for a drive." She kissed me and hugged me firmly.

"Trust me." I whispered as I took a deep breath.

It was now or never.

I walked into the room, pointedly ignoring the bed in which my father lay, instead keeping my attention firmly on my mother.

"Edward son it's wonderful to see you, how are you?" He said and I ignored him, going to my mother and kissing her on the cheek.

"Hey Mum, Bella's waiting outside do you think you could keep her company for me?"

I said tenderly giving her a warm smile. She stared at me and blinked before giving me a bright smile.

"Oh..of course Edward." She moved to Carlisle's side and kissed him lovingly and for the first time ever, I saw my father return my mother's adoration openly. Proudly.

I was a little taken aback, but I steeled myself. Now was no time to go soft.

"I'll see you soon love, and give my regards to Bella." He said and I snorted, sitting in the chair furthest from him. I studied him silently, trying to guess what he was up to this time.

My father didn't take his eyes off my mother until she had shut the door behind her. He turned to me and sighed. "So what do I owe the pleasure Edward, I can tell you're not here to see how I'm doing." He looked at me sadly, but it had no effect on me. I was fucking _onto him_.

"No I'm not." I held his gaze "I'm here to see what you are up to." I ran my hands through my hair. "Fuck!" I muttered as I hit the stitches yet _again_.

I looked at my father seriously

"You've hurt Bella enough, leave her alone."

"Edward I have no intention of doing anything else to hurt Bella, I realise how appallingly I have treated her and I wish to make it up to her and you both the pain I have caused you."

"Pain?" I asked incredulously "Do you have any concept of what you did?" How could he be unaware of what he was? What I had _become_ because of him?

"The worst thing is Dad, I think I've become just like you." I whispered my greatest fear aloud.

"Yes Edward I know exactly what I did, it's true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes before you are going to die, I saw every single of cruel and malicious thing I've ever done to you, Bella and everybody else I've ever wronged, with perfect clarity. I can't change what I've done in the past son all I can do is pray that you'll give me the opportunity to atone for my sins, and Edward you are nothing like me son, you are a million times the man I am."

He looked at me, so sincere I almost believed him.

Almost.

"How can you do that Dad? Tell me, how can you give back when you've taken so much? Maybe I shouldn't be doing this with you now..." I trailed off feeling very weary.

"Edward I don't know what I can do to show you that I have changed. I know I have hurt you deeply son and I will never forgive myself for that. The only way you'll ever end up turning into me Edward is if you internalise everything and let the bitterness eat you up. And let me tell you son, it will destroy everything good in your life. Take it from me, I speak from personal experience. You have so much good inside you Edward, don't lose sight of that."

"Why then? If there really has been some miraculous change, why did you do it? All of it. Why did you insist on sending me to France, keeping Bella and I apart and then doing everything in your power to separate us? Why did you try to force Tanya and I together even though you _knew_ I didn't love her? You say you wanted the best for me but everything you have ever done for me has only made me miserable! I wanted to be just like you when I was growing up; I guess I got my wish. You did some pretty shitty things, but I topped them all. I took everything from you and here you are. I thought I would be happy about that, that finally you got what you deserved. All I feel is disgust and shame." The words poured from me, a lifetimes worth of resentment spilled forth.

My father just looked sad, very, very sad.

"All I can say in my defence is that I was thought I was doing what was best for you Edward, I had no idea your feelings for Bella were so strong, you had never shown any particular interest in her or any other woman for that matter before. I thought if you went to France you'd forget about her and I thought that had happened when you got together with Tanya. I'm sorry for interfering in your life son, it will always be my biggest regret. And Edward you have no reason to be disgusted or ashamed of yourself, but its true happiness does not come from destroying others. It has taken me nearly a lifetime to realise that, Edward and I implore you not to wait that long to realise the same thing."

I felt the wall I had up to guard me from my father crack. He looked so honest in his remorse and never in my entire life had he spoken to me like this, with such caring in his voice. It was nothing like the cold hearted man who had raised me and my brothers. His eyes were boring into mine, begging me to believe him and to give him a chance. Perhaps it was not only him I would be giving a chance, but myself as well. If I could forgive him and move past his mistakes, maybe I could give myself a similar reprieve.

"I only ask for a chance, Edward. I just want to spend the rest of my days with my wife and my family. Please Edward, please." Carlisle begged me and I felt the rest of the wall crumble. If it were my children, I would want the chance too.

"I swear on all that I hold holy, if you ever hurt Bella or my family again, I will not rest until I have taken everything from you. I would be happier just to ignore all this, but Bella wants me to give you a chance, for some unknown reason she trusts that you have changed and since I trust _her_ I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt." I said getting up and making my way over to the chair next to my father. I picked up his hand and squeezed it. I felt him squeeze back straight away, "Don't fucking let me down again Dad." I said quietly

"I swear to you, I won't Edward...And thank you son," A tear slid down his cheek as he looked at me and I was taken aback.

I had never seen my father cry. Ever.

"So when do they let you out of here? Or are you planning to move in and have sponge baths the rest of your life." I said lightly, trying to ease the tension. I had made the decision to move forward and I was going to start immediately.

"The doctor says that if my heart rhythm stays regular for the next few days I should be able to go home. And I can tell you son the only one I want giving me sponge baths is Esme." We both chuckled and were still laughing when we heard a soft knock on the door. My mother walked into the room followed closely by Bella, whose face broke into a genuine smile when she saw my father's hand in mine.

"Hi Carlisle how are you feeling? You look better today." Bella said as she came to my side. She leaned down and kissed my cheek and I smiled up at her.

"Hey baby, I told you no one would die." I said teasingly, pulling her into my side with my free arm.

"You did my darling and look how well things turned out." She said brightly, obviously pleased that my father and I had made amends. I wondered just what I could get out of it.

"Well maybe I might be granted another trip to the track in the Aston? You can take me for another spin since you enjoyed it so much." I said teasingly and looked at my parents when I heard them gasp at the fact that I had let Bella drive my car.

I felt light and carefree, the burden of holding a grudge had been lifted from my shoulders and all I had to do was show a little trust. I felt better for it already.

"You can definitely go back to the track, let's book it out for the week, especially if I can drive it again." She responded but my parents were still staring at me with open mouths.

Mischief bubbled inside me and I decided to have a little fun.

"What can I say? She's phenomenal in the sack!" I said with a grin and a shrug.

My father was biting his lip hard to stop himself from laughing and my mother was looking at me with wide eyes. Bella, however, has turned the most delicious shade of red and was glaring at me, furious.

"Oh my god Edward I can't believe you just said that to your parents..." She punched me hard but I barely felt it, I was too fucking happy to care about things like that. A light had finally begun to shine at the end of my very dark tunnel, and I was racing towards it, my arms outstretched because this dark I was in, it would end me.

Bella leaned down and whispered lightly in my ear, causing me to shiver despite the foul words she spoke. "You are getting no sex tonight baby or tomorrow night...you smart ass prick," She kissed me again, and I felt her challenge in it.

I kept eye contact with her, a smirk full of evil intent on my face. "Mum, Bella said I won't be getting any for a while! Tell her she can't do things like that!" I pinched her ass, enjoying the way she jumped and blushed an even deeper shade of red.

"Edward I don't blame her dear, you should know a gentleman never kisses and tells." My mother said trying to come off stern, but failing miserably. My father was now coughing lightly into his hand, still trying to fight off his own laughs.

"So Edward, Bella would you consider allowing the twins to come to the hospital tomorrow? We would so love to See Apple and Louis." My mother said seriously and my father's head began to nod enthusiastically as he turned to me.

"What do you say son would you let your old man get to know those beautiful children of yours?"

"If it's ok with Bella then it's fine by me. How about I do you one better Dad, when you get out of here you and Mum come around for dinner? We could invite Emmett and Jasper as well." I smiled, trying to show everyone that I meant what I said, there was going to be a new Edward in town, a sober, drug free, good Edward.

"A family dinner, all of us, what do you say? Do you think Jake would help us set up a hangi?" I looked at Bella hopefully. Initially my relationship with Jacob Black had been anything but friendly, but we had come a long way since then and now I considered him as much a part of my family as Felix or Jasper.

"Edward that's a fantastic Idea and I'm positive Jake will want to do a Hangi, he loves to introduce people to fine Maori cuisine." Bella was glowing, I didn't know whether it was from all the family bonding or if it was something else, but she was even more stunning than usual.

"You game old man? It's pretty fucking good..Oops... sorry Mum," I said apologetically to my mother. I gave her the same smile that had got me out of much trouble throughout my life and hoped it would work again.

Both my mother and father returned my smile and I knew I still had it.

We talked a bit more and made some arrangements, but I was getting distracted by the beauty at my side. The way the sunlight caught the red tones in her hair, the way her lip curled slightly at the edge when she was amused. But when she laughed, it was exactly what I imagined heaven would be, the sound, the sight, it took my breath away.

Eventually, I could take it no more I needed to have this exquisite woman all to myself. I made some excuse that thankfully Bella went along with and we said our goodbyes. I hugged my father, who returned it fiercely despite his weakened state.

It took me by surprise when I realised Bella wasn't driving us home, but towards Irina and Demetri's house. The thought of facing my friends after the other night filled me with panic that I didn't understand, but I was getting used to that.

The closer we got the more my fear grew and I knew I had to do something.

"Bella why aren't we going home? I'm uh... tired! And my head is hurting!" I said applauding myself on a perfectly plausible excuse. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't going to cut it for Bella

"We're going to Irina and Demetri's, I need to see them for a few minutes, things didn't end on the happiest of notes the other night and they need to know that we are alright."

My worst fears were confirmed. That fucking night was going down in history as the Crappiest Of All Time. Every time I thought I had heard the worst of it, another fucking disgusting thing I had done would emerge.

"What do you mean it didn't end on the happiest of notes? Bella what the hell am I going to be walking in to?"

I prayed that I had done nothing they could not forgive me for.

"Nothing Edward, we asked everyone to leave rather abruptly after I fucked with the Aston and I just wanted them to know that we survived the after math." She said and I gritted my teeth when I saw her eyes dart around, her tell tale sign that she was lying.

"There's something you're not telling me Bella, but I get the strange feeling that

I'm better off not knowing."

We pulled up to Irina and Demetri's and I felt the nausea wash over me. I didn't want to face their looks and judgements. I was scared.

"Look Edward there's nothing to worry about ok, I just want to pop in say hi tell them that we are fine and that Carlisle is fine and then we'll go home, not that you'll probably want to since you're not getting any sex tonight."

"Alright, but I don't like ... Hey wait, you were serious? Baby how can you expect me to lie next to you all night and not touch you? I'm only a man..." I began lightly caressing her thighs, but she quickly scooted away from my touch.

"Of course I was serious...and let me warn you coercion won't work on me, I have an iron will...my spirit can't be broken..." She said playfully, but I froze. It had sounded so fucking familiar what she had just said. I tried to concentrate, but Bella interrupted my train of thought and the memory was gone.

"But I guess since you let me drive the Aston I may not spurn your advances." She was grinning at me, looking so fucking sexy as she leaned back in the car, that I wanted to take her right there on the fucking bonnet of the Jag.

"Playing hard to get? Jesus Bella let's just go home now. I can make it worth your while... Oh shit, Demetri's seen us. Fuck." I said as I saw Demetri wave out the window at us. He didn't seem too angry at me I thought.

Suddenly the front door was thrown open and Irina sprinted out to the car

"What's up with her?" I asked in confusion. Irina looked really worried, hell she looked as fucking scared as I felt. The fear began to gnaw at me again, just what the fuck had I done?

"She probably heard about Carlisle and is worried about you." Bella said offhandedly and I nodded. It sounded right; I was jumping to fucking conclusions again, seeing shadows where there were none.

"Hi Edward, how's things? I heard about Carlisle, are you alright?" She was looking me over, as though assessing me for any damage.

I kissed her cheek "Yeah, Bella made me go and play nice. We're having a big family dinner when he gets out by the way and you guys are coming. Hey you got any pain killers Irina? I keep banging my fucking head and it's throbbing like shit."

I got out and went to Bella, pulling her into my side. I felt very naked and exposed without her by my side.

"I love you." I whispered "Now let's get this over with, you made me certain promises

I intend to see fulfilled."

"I love you too," She said hugging me back before kissing me with a gusto. It calmed me a little, but not much and when we made our way inside, I felt so out of place, like I didn't belong here anymore. It was crazy; these people were my friends, my family and yet I felt like a stranger to them. I pulled Bella closer to me, I didn't feel out of place with her, with Bella I felt right.

I greeted everyone politely noting the not so noticeable differences in their reactions to me. Everyone was quiet and wary.

After Demetri and Bella seemed to have some sort of silent conversation, Demetri offered to get me a drink. I knew how everyone was going to react when I turned him down, so I braced myself.

"No thanks, I'll just have a juice." Demetri looked at me in shock. In the whole time we had known each other, he had never seen me turn down a drink. I couldn't help but laugh at his dumbfounded expression.

"Yeah time for a change, cutting back on the booze and cutting out the drugs." I looked around nervously wondering how they would take the news. My eyes fell on Irina, her hand covering her mouth while she cried silently. I quickly went to her and wrapped my arms around her. I could feel her begin to shake and I wondered what I had said that upset her so much. "Hey sweetie, what's wrong? Sober Edward might be fun too..." I joked, but it did not stop her tears.

"Oh Edward, that's awesome news I'm so proud of you and of course you'll still be fun, you know I'll take you any way you are but it will be good to meet sober Edward." She said and I realised that she wasn't sad.

She was happy for me.

I noticed Kate trying her best to avoid me and I frowned. She hadn't been like this around me for some time now. It was like we were back in Paris on the first day we met.

"It's all good. You alright Kate? You're pretty quiet. Or more than usual anyway..."

"Yeah I'm alright, though I am getting a cold...which I reckon was down to..."

"So how's your Dad Edward?" Felix cut in giving Kate a glare. I stared at him but he just gave me his trademark grin and waited. There was no way in hell he was ever going to tell me what that had been about.

"Uh, good considering. I don't think he'll be in there too long. He seems keen to get home I think." I replied.

The small talk carried on and by the time I was ready to fucking call it quits, I wasn't feeling quite so out of place. I asked Irina if she could take care of things at work for the next week and she agreed happily.

I needed to spend some time with my family.

We finally left and I relaxed. I was astounded at the way Bella could simply put me at ease. I would never have been able to stand it had she not been by my side that day. I thought back to the conversation I had had with Charlie about marrying his daughter. My reservations had been based on the tension with Carlisle, but now that seemed to be sorted, there was nothing standing in my way. The reality was, I couldn't wait to make Isabella Swan, Isabella Cullen.

Mr and Mrs Edward Cullen.

I began to worry that I might have been growing a vagina. It seemed a very girlish thing to be fantasising about.

"Let's get you home, fed and into bed, I've got a good book for you to read if you're interested," Bella teased me with a sly glance.

I smiled, my plans now cementing in my head and making me feel joyous. "Oh no Bella Cullen, you made promises and those I know I don't want to forget." I purred back at her, reaching down to turn on the radio. I beamed as the same song by Bic Runga from the morning came through the speakers. I smiled at the happier tone the lyrics now took on to me. It was as though it were a completely different song.

_Between an overload of information _

_And a striving for a pure dedication _

_I find myself looking for the exit sign _

_See your pretty face in the sunshine _

_In the morning after staying up all night _

_I want to wake you just to hear you tell me it's alright _

_And all I want to be is too much sometimes for me _

Trying to recall all the horrid details of the time I couldn't remember, it was wearing me down. Trying to decipher everybody's convert looks and sidelong glances, it made me tired. Bella had been the only thing to keep me together, to stand me up when I couldn't do it on my own. She didn't mock me or call me weak, she was simply there, supporting me, loving me. The man I dreamed of being, the one who could stand up tall and say he was worthy of her love, I couldn't be him on my own. But with Bella, I felt myself getting closer to being that man.

_Good morning, baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day _

_Good morning, baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day _

_Good morning, baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day _

_Good morning, baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day _

_(And when you rise) _

_And when you rise you'll find me here _

_(Open your eyes) _

_And see myself reflected there _

_(And for awhile) _

_A little room becomes an everywhere _

Bella loved me for me, not for my money or for my social standing, like Tanya had.

She would love me if all we had was that little room from the song. It would be enough for her, it would be our everywhere.

I had made a mistake when I proposed to Tanya, I knew it at the time but I refused to acknowledge it and I came perilously close to ruining my life. The feelings of self doubt and trepidation I had when I decided to propose to Tanya were not there now. My decision to propose to Bella left me feeling jubilant.

This time it was right. This time it would be forever.

We pulled into our driveway and we were home.

As soon as the car stopped I got out and went around to the driver's side, opening the door for her. I picked her up as I imagined I would when I carried her over the threshold at her soon to be home on Waiheke Island.

I lay her down on the couch and pressed myself on top of her, kissing her deeply. My tongue invaded her mouth, claiming it and all of her. She would be my wife and my family would be complete. All my dreams were coming true. I was in paradise.

I could feel Bella fighting for air, so I released her mouth and smirked at her. After she had refilled her lungs, she cheekily poked her tongue out at me and I laughed.

"Silly Bella. So should we order dinner? We could just put a movie on in the bedroom and eat in bed." I said kissing her before I got up and made my way to the kitchen. There was an absurd number of menus stuffed into one of the drawers. If we couldn't make a decision from one of them then we were in trouble.

"Indian? Thai? What do you feel like love?" I asked flicking through the menus. God, did I only fucking live on takeout before Bella moved in?

"Would you get me a whisk... I mean could you get me a bottle of water please love? I'll try and make some sense of the bloody menus!" I said catching myself quickly. My mouth was dry and I knew that water would not satiate this thirst. I also knew there was no shortcut and it was something I was just going to have to learn to deal with for a while.

Bella came back with two bottles and passed one to me.

"Indian or Thai sound good, actually I think Indian, I will have Chicken Tikka Masala, and a naan bread and tell them I want it spicy."

"Sounds good. How about I get butter chicken and we can share? And I know you like it spicy baby." I grabbed the phone with a wink and began to call the Indian Restaurant.

"Butter chicken sounds good, and you'd one sad puppy if I only liked it mild. You know vanilla's not my style." She said giving me a saucy smile before sashaying out of the room. I shook my head and tried to concentrate on what the person on the other end of the phone was saying.

I waited in the kitchen for the food. If I went into the bedroom then I was going to fuck Bella and probably wouldn't stop even if we happened to hear someone at the door. The likelihood of which was slim to none.

No, it was much safer to wait out here. This way there was a greater chance of us eating food tonight. Jesus, my mind was heading to some pretty dirty places.

I paid for the food and made my way to the bedroom, snorting when I saw her sitting there pretending to studiously read her book. I wasn't fooled, but I was a little disappointed when I saw what she was wearing. Bella could make a garbage bag look good, but she just looked perfect when she wasn't wearing anything at all.

"Bella what on earth are you wearing baby? It's revolting. And what's with the books?"

"Don't let Renee hear you say that. By the way I chose the tale of two cities for you; I would hazard a guess that it's your favourite. Yum pass my food here it smells divine."

I sighed and passed her the food, cursing Renee in my head for buying her such a disgusting outfit. She ate in silence, pretending to read and so I did the same. It didn't take me long to tire of our charade and I threw my book to the floor and turned to Bella. I began lightly gliding my fingers over her arm.

"Are you enjoying your book?" I purred.

"Hmm...It's very interesting. Are you not enjoying yours?" Her smile gave her away and I leaned forward to kiss her.

"I can think of better things to do in this bed than read...much better things."

"So can I... but unfortunately for you; you decided that it would be fun to shame me out completely, in front of your parents. I'm pretty sure your Dad didn't need a reminder considering he's seen us at it and there are some things you don't say to your mother and 'my girls phenomenal in the sack would be pretty close to the top of the list."

"Bella I only said it to make you blush. You know I can't resist it." My hand had found its way to the juncture between her thighs and I began to massage her through her shorts.

"Even so Edward it was still extremely mean." She pouted still looking at the book she wasn't reading.

"Ok Bella I'll admit it wasn't very nice but you are not seriously thinking of holding out on me are you? I may be forced to molest you in your sleep again...Actually I did enjoy that, but still you awake..." I responded cupping my hand and squeezing lightly

"I should enforce it; it might teach you a lesson." I yanked her book out of her hands and threw it to the ground.

"Bella….You're the one whose being mean. I let you drive my Aston baby surely that scores me points...You said it did..." I cajoled, trying anything to get my way.

"Fine, if it will stop your bloody moaning,"

I looked at her in amusement, "My moaning will stop but yours won't, not for the rest of the night anyway..."

And possibly part of the morning too…

**A/N: We need your reviews to either sweeten or bitter our coffee's LOL...**


	31. Chapter 31 The Subtle Art Of Forgiveness

**A/N: As always light and Laughter and much appreciation to those of you who took the time to review the last chapter as always we had a good giggle with the feedback... Also thanks to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions and communities :)**

**DISCLAIMER:** S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamon & Greenaway own An Angel at My Table, all songs are the property of the respective owners..

**PLAYLIST:**

**Bella:** Are you strong enough to be my man: Sheryl Crow**  
Edward:** Never Thinks: Robert Pattinson :)

**Chapter 31: The Subtle Art of Forgiveness**

**Bella's POV... **

Edward's mood only seemed improve during the week. He had been splitting his time between me and his father. His sobriety suited him and he was more carefree than I had ever seen him, he laughed freely as he watched Apple and Louis help dig the pit for the Hangi.

I brought out a few bottles of water and watched them dig. Edward was asking Jake questions about the cooking process.

"So it's the stones then? They provide all the heat needed? Fucking hell," Edward asked seemingly genuinely surprised by it all. He passed one of the water bottles to Jake. "Sorry but it's a bit of a dry house these days."

"The stones are the key and don't worry about the no alcohol, I've decided to go on a health kick myself. I've got finals next month so I'm going to be knuckling down to my studies."

Apple looked up at Edward her little fists are fill of dirt her green eyes sparkling, "look Daddy Apple is helping dig the hole, Apple will help put our dinner in the hole?" He grabbed her and hugged her to him giving her a little kiss.

Jake shovelled out a bit more dirt before declaring it was deep enough, He placed the stones in the pit and proceeded to build a fire atop of them. Once the fire was lit we retreated to the balcony and waited for the stones to heat, Edward was happily chatting to Jake as he held apple on his knee.

"Edward I might just go and run the bath and get Apple and Louis cleaned up before your parents get here, I doubt either Carlisle or Esme would appreciate getting covered in dirt."

"No worries Babe, though I doubt either Esme or Carlisle would care." I grabbed a resisting Apple in one arm and grabbed Louis' hand.

"No mummy, I stay with Dad, I don't want a bath. Daddy, Apple stay with you?"

"Come on sweetie; Grandma Esme is going to be here soon, and Uncle Jazz and Emmett. Don't you want to choose one of your pretty dresses to wear?"I gave her an encouraging smile and she stopped reaching out for Edward.

"Apple chose Apple's dress?" She looked at me seriously and I could tell she was trying to read my facial expression just like Edward did.

"Yes you can choose your dress." I gave her a swift kiss and smiled at Jake and Edward as I corralled the twins into the house.

While louis was happy to stay with me it was not the case with Apple soon as she was dressed she tore from her room chatting to herself about showing _her_ daddy _her _dress.

I took Louis by the hand and followed Apple from the room.

Life was simply perfect.

Irina and I had just finished making the salads when the door bell rung, I guessed it was Carlisle and Esme because none of our friends used it; they just bowled on in whenever they felt like it. I looked at Edward who was still chatting with Jake and he got up and headed for the door taking Apple with him. It had been a good ten minutes before they came back into the room; Carlisle was beaming as he walked in carrying Apple.

She was chatting away to him about her Fairies, Butterflies and her father of course and I realised she had been showing Carlisle her room.

My heart swelled with joy.

I noticed the look of surprise that flashed over Irina's features when Carlisle approached me and gave me a one armed hug and a kiss on the cheek, "Hi Bella how are you dear. It's lovely to see you."

Irina flashed Edward a slightly puzzled look, I was guessing in response to Carlisle's warm greeting.

"Hi Carlisle it's good to see you too, sorry about Apple she's our little chatterbox, she'll never stop talking if she likes you. And clearly she does, so I implore you to learn to tune her out when she gets too much."

Carlisle chuckled at my comment, "Actually Bella she is such a delight; I couldn't imagine ever wanting to tune her out. She is a very exquisite and fascinating little girl and I look forward to knowing her better."

Edward patted his Dad on the back obviously finishing an earlier conversation, "Dad, with how much I paid for that whiskey you should have the bottle gilded and put in a safe somewhere. You let me know the time and place and I'll be there." He looked up at me and smiled "One glass limit though."

I smiled back at him; he was defiantly committed to trying to stay sober. I was proud of him; he was well on the way to realising his full potential. And he seemed to have beaten back the darkness successfully.

I was brought back from my musing by Apple's melodic voice.

"Mummy, Apple loves Grandpa Lyle. Apple's daddy's and Grandpa's princess." Carlisle kissed Apples cheek and looked at me quickly to see how I would react to Apple's comment.

"I don't doubt that you are Grandpa's princess, and I bet grandpa loves you this much." I held out my hands as wide as I could indicating to Apple how much I meant.

She giggle and turned to Carlisle, "Apple loves you this much Grandpa," She held out her arms widely and smiled, her cheeks dimpled and her green eyes sparkled.

Edward gazed at Apple and smiled "That's right baby, Daddy and Grandpa Carlisle both love you. How would you like to stay one night with Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme?" He glanced at me, asking me with his look if that was ok. I gave him a small wink to let him know I was happy with his suggestion. I knew how much it would mean to Carlisle, Esme and Edward.

"Apple stay with Grandpa Lyle? And Louis too, at grandpa's house?"

Carlisle looked from Edward to me clearly shocked, "You would let us have them at home over night, Bella?"

The smile I gave Carlisle was genuine and I could tell by the look he gave me he knew it was too.

"Of course Carlisle, you and Esme are their grandparents you need to build your own relationships with them."

Edward walked to my side and slid his arm around my waist and pulled me close. "There you go, the boss has spoken." He leaned down and kissed my neck whispering "Thank you." in my ear. He pulled away and turned to his Dad, "Well we better go and see what Jake and Louis are up to, prepare yourself Mum, before you know it Dad will be replacing the BBQ with a hangi pit!"

Dinner was a huge success and I was bursting with happiness as I thought back over the evening. Carlisle had made the effort to speak with everyone there individually and he was as gracious to them as they were to him. He spent a great deal of the evening in deep conversation with Jake and the few times I passed them I caught snippets of their conversation, Carlisle was asking Jake all about how to cook a Hangi and also about what he planned to do with his degree once he finished.

The permanent smile on Edward face told me how was happy he was with how the evening had turned out. His mood was even more jubilant than it had ever been.

Carlisle and Esme stayed for coffee after everyone else had already gone home.

Carlisle finished the last of his herbal tea and looked up at us with a smile,"Edward why don't you and Bella bring the kids up to the country estate this weekend? Esme and I are going out there on Thursday and we'd love it if you'd join us. You haven't been there in years Edward."

"That's a great idea Dad..." Edward flashed me my favourite smile and a wave of desire washed over me.

His eyes met mine and he smirked, he was so adept at reading my thoughts by the corresponding look on my face.

"Why don't you go off to bed Bella, you look exhausted," His smirk widened, "I'll just show mum and dad out and I'll join you."

I gave him a sly smile, "yeah I might do that I am pretty tired."

I kissed both Carlisle's and Esme's cheek and bade them goodnight, I gave Edward a look full of the promise of the delights that awaited him when he joined me in bed...

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

A violent shiver rolled over me at the same time as a weight settled in the pit of my stomach, the strangest sense of impending doom washed over me. I tried to shake the feeling but it stubbornly refused to fade. I threw the towel into the hamper and made my way to bed; I wished Edward was already here I needed him to chase away the inexplicable fear that had gripped my insides.

Edward's footsteps sounded in the hallway, the sound eased a little of the tension in my body.

That was until his voice sounded from the doorway.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I looked up as he walked to the doorway, his jubilant mood had evaporated and he looked so ashamed of himself.

My fear began to increase as I tried to make sense of his question. It only took a couple of seconds for me to realise what he was talking about, he had been downstairs and for some inexplicable reason had gone into the empty storage room and I hadn't had time to clean it up.

I made a split decision to play dumb and see how far that got me. "Um...Tell you what sweetie?"

"I know what I did to you Bella, I saw it. The cameras recorded everything from the moment we entered till the moment we left. I know." He whispered unable to look me in the eye any longer.

I knew straight away what he was thinking of doing and my heart broke as the sob tore from my throat.

I had to try and explain before it was too late, "Edward before you decide to destroy everything we have you only know half the story. You don't know what I did to provoke you and you don't remember the deal we entered into. I could have stopped that from happening anytime I wanted and you must have noticed you stopped as soon as I said the safe word... Please...don't go..."

"Don't do that. Don't say it was your fault. Emmett was right about me Bella, I have to go..." He turned away from me and my heart ripped in two.

The sight of him turning away from me seared instantly into my memory. My throat constricted as panic raced through me. I leapt up and was at his side in seconds, tears coursed down my cheeks and my fingers tightened around his arm as I tried to pull him back to the bed. "Don't...you can't leave... I don't want anything but you and our kids, our family...please Edward please don't walk away...I love you, yours forever..."

If he left I'd be utterly destroyed and so would he, everything he'd done would have been in vain and I would never recover.

And Apple and Louis.

I shuddered violently at the thought, Apple would be distraught inconsolable, she wouldn't shine without Edward.

My begging seemed to have no effect what so ever because he prised my fingers from his arm and turned away again.

"I'm sorry." He said as he walked away.

He never turned back or responded to my desperate pleas for him to stay. The last thing I heard was the garage door closing and Aston Martin making its way down the driveway and out of my life. I crumpled to the floor not even bothering to break my fall. I couldn't understand what had just happened, my mind refused to acknowledge Edward had just walked out on me without a backward glance.

I couldn't comprehend the cruel way he just removed himself from my life without even bothering to give me time to explain my side of the story.

Shock and denial kept the pain at bay while I lay on the floor but all too soon as it wore off and the pain engulfed me.

I was burning like a pyre, my inside withered in pain, scorched and charred; until all was ashes. The pain became too much, I scrambled to my feet, I need an escape from my pain and I knew a sure fire way to achieve it.

I headed for the kitchen and took the bottle of vodka from the top cupboard.

It was the only alcohol that I knew of in the house.

I took the cap off and brought the bottle to my lips. I took several large mouthfuls as I made my way to the family room. I savoured the burning in my throat and was glad when I started to feel the effects. The bottle was back at my lips when the thought of Apple and Louis asleep in their beds popped into my head.

"Fuck..." I knew I couldn't write myself off while being the sole care giver of my children but I couldn't stand to be inside my own head anymore. I took another greedy mouthful and grabbed the phone.

I was grateful when I heard Irina's voice on the line, but hearing her caused my tenuous hold on my self control to disintegrate, and a wave of agony washed over me. "Irina...Bella..." I gasped for air but my lungs refused to work and I couldn't get the words out in a sentence..."Edward gone...my fau...so...should have...can't live...has too come..." I rambled into the phone.

"Bella are you alright? Where's Edward gone, you're making no sense."

"My fault...he...he left me..._please_ help..." I dropped the phone when my eyes fell on a framed photo of Edward and I at Irina's wedding.

I picked it up and rage suddenly overwhelmed me. The image of Edward walking away from me expanded in my mind and before I knew it I was throwing the photo across the room. It hit the wall with a crash and the sound of shattering glass rent the air. I took another swig from the bottle and looked around the room for the other photos of us, I pushed the memories each photo held from my mind as I stalked forward and gathered them from the sideboard. My eyes squeezed shut as I threw each of them on the floor; I stomped on each of them letting the sound of the shattering glass mingle with my sobs.

Edward had gone, left me and our children, our future destroyed. I didn't want to stay in the house another minute but I knew I couldn't move the children this late at night so I headed for our room, not bothering to stifle the scream as I looked at our empty bed. I grabbed my suitcases and started throwing everything I owned into them only stopping to take regular gulps from the bottle I clutched in my hand. As the bottle rapidly emptied the full effects of the alcohol finally hit me and my head was becoming increasingly foggy.

I dragged my half full suitcases from the room. I couldn't bear to be in there for another minute. I left the suitcases in the doorway and stumbled to the kitchen, I knew Edward had some stash in a tin in the back of the pantry. I clumsily rolled a couple of joints knowing that my oblivion was only seconds off, Jakes weed was lethal. I put the cigarette to my lips and flicked the lighter watching the flame flicker for a second before igniting the end of the joint. I inhaled deeply and felt my already hazy brain slip further toward the darkness; I took another swig before bringing the cigarette to my lips again.

The front door opened then closed and I thought Edward had returned. I slid off the stool and took a step, a wave of light headedness washed over me and my vision went black...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

... I woke in a cold sweat, "Edward" I cried out as I wrenched my eyelids open, I felt the empty space next to me and sob after broken sob tore from my throat. It wasn't a nightmare Edward had left. My head throbbed and my mouth was so dry; I struggled to make sense of the jumble of blurred images that swirled in my head.

There was suddenly pressure on the bed and strong smooth arms wrapped themselves around me.

"Baby, it's alright. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." Edward's voice cut through the alcohol induced haze that clouded my brain but I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating.

"Edward is that you? You came back... you didn't want me...you left...and I couldn't breathe...and you left and everything was black... you left...you don't love me..." I was saying what ever came into my head. I had no idea if I was even making any sense or if he was really even here.

I realised he wasn't a figment of my imagination when he pressed himself against me and rocked us gently, "It's me and I did come back. How could I stay away from you? I do love you Bella, I want to make you mine forever sweetheart but I also want what's best for you."

I could barely control my trembling he was sending me mixed signals and my fragile emotional state was hanging by a thread.

"I know what's best for me I always have...you left...and it was my fault...and you never let me take the blame. You had me forever then you went... and I couldn't stop you." I tried to fight off the anguish that was threatening to engulf me and I shuddered as it reared up anyway pushing me toward the edge.

"I'm so sorry Bella; I have no excuse for leaving you, but what I saw shocked me, no it did more than that. I hurt you so badly baby and I will never forgive myself for that. I know all about the car but it still doesn't excuse it or make it right. I'll live with what I have done for the rest of my life baby and I accept that, I can do it, so long as you forgive me. I don't know what I would do if you didn't..."

"I forgave you for that from the start... but I can't stop you leaving Edward and that scares me. I can't stop you walking away when you think you're doing what's right for me." I whispered as the image invaded my mind again.

He reached down and pulled his face to mine, I could see the love there as strong as it ever was although his eyes were tinged with sadness.

"Marry me."

My mind went numb; it was stunned. I was stunned. I searched his eyes and there was no doubt there.

But I could feel the tiny niggling doubts in the pit of _my_ stomach.

He had walked out on me only hours before and I had no idea if this was a knee jerk reaction to that. I wasn't going to accept his proposal if he was doing it to appease me.

"Edward...you don't have to do this. I don't want you to make any rash decisions, are you sure this is what you want?" I studied him intently watching for any signs that would show me he was trying to cover up his true feelings.

He gazed into my eyes, and I could see the total sincerity he felt, "I know I don't have to do this, Bella I want to marry you. I've wanted to marry you since the first time I saw you, I used to daydream about you in a white dress when you still worked for me...When are you going to understand Bella? There has never been anyone else for me but you. It will always be you..."

A part of my brain was screaming caution that accepting his proposal was wrong, while the rest of my brain was screaming just as loudly to accept it without delay. Edward had proven himself over and over again the depth of his love for us.

Neither of us could _live_ without the other. Apart we would both just exist.

Confusion swept through me, I wanted to say yes, but I was afraid to say the word. Although there was sincerity in Edward's face, it didn't soothe me. Edward was a master at manipulating me and I couldn't help but wonder if his sincere look was him doing exactly that.

Suddenly Edward's velvet voice filled my mind, '_Bella Cullen,'_ it said confidently and it was accompanied by the vision of Edward and I in the car on our way home from Irina's place.

Was that sign I needed to reassure me, that he had called me Bella _Cullen_ once before?

He left.

But he came back.

He came back.

"I want you Edward. I want you forever; I want to be your wife. I want to marry you." The words tumbled from mouth of their own vocation.

He crushed his lips to mine, and I could feel the promise in his kiss, his eyes never closed and neither did mine, his eyes sparkled brighter than I had ever seen them and they held me captive.

I was about to protest when he pulled his lips from mine and smirked, "Isabella Cullen," he cooed, "It's perfect and I promise you Bella, I will never hurt you like that again and I will never leave you again. You're my everything baby, without you I'm nothing."

"I like the sound of that...say it again."

"Bella Marie Cullen...So beautiful..." He murmured.

I shivered in pleasure at the way my new name sounded as it rolled off his tongue. It did sound perfect when he purred it in his seductive velvety cadence.

I pulled him to me; my lips brushed against his ear, "Show me Edward...Show me with your touch how much you love me..."

"Bella..." He murmured against my mouth.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I woke in the morning with a splitting headache and I felt like I'd been hit by a bus, my throat was dry and my eyes stung when I opened them. Edward's warm body was pressed against mine and I struggled to replay the bizarre nightmare turned beautiful dream I had last night.

The nightmare: Edward had left me and I fell to pieces; but then he was there again. The nightmare changed to the sweetest dream, Edward had asked me to marry him and I agreed and he had showed me how much he loved me, how much he worshipped me.

I wondered if I dreamed that because of him calling me Bella Cullen in the car the other day.

I struggled to move and when I did my stomach lurched and I had to swallow my rising bile. I felt hung over but I couldn't be. I hadn't had a drink since Edward had given up. I rolled away trying not to disturb Edward but the second I was more than a few a centre meters away from him his arm snaked around my waist and he pulled me back against his chest.

My stomach lurched again, I didn't understand why I felt like I had consumed a forty ounce straight. Broken images flashed through my hazy mind, a happy scene that included everyone we loved, there was food and laughter and an abundance of goodwill.

My perfect life.

The life I had dreamed of having with Edward, the life that included his parents and all of us united as a family.

The imaged changed.

My broken voice rung in my and fear flooded through me as the sound of my broken voice rung in my ears. I was begging Edward not to leave; the image of me gripping his arm as I pleaded accompanied the echoing of my sobs in my ears.

Edward turned away not even looking back as he walked out the door.

Pain surged through me and I wanted to open my eyes but the image of me staggering to the kitchen and retrieving the bottle of vodka from the cupboard popped into my mind.

Now I knew why I felt like I'd drunk a bottle of vodka, it seemed I had. I struggled to recall anything else that might help me piece together the vortex of confused thoughts before I opened my eyes and faced Edward.

Edward.

He was lying next to me. But how could he be?

He left; he walked out without a second glance.

So why was he lying beside me now?

Was my nightmare turned sweet dream in fact my reality?

My memory was showing me he walked away, why wouldn't it show him coming back. Had I dreamed the bit where he had asked me to marry him and I had agreed?

I decided not to mention anything about the engagement and wait and see if Edward brought it up, it would be more than a little bit embarrassing if I had confused my dreams with my reality. Just the slightest adjustment in my body weight had bile rising in my throat again, I had barely moved toward the side of the bed when Edward's arms encircled my waist.

Where do you think you're going?" he mumbled "You need to eat and get ready to go out with Cherie today don't you?"

I groaned when Edward reminded me I had agreed to go out with Cherie; with how sick I felt I wasn't going to be very fun company.

Edward leaned forward and caught my lips with his; giving me a searing kiss that left me breathless.

"Come on sweetheart we need to get up, Irina's probably up feeding the kids by now." Edward slid out from between the sheets and held out his hand for mine.

I frowned at him and he knew straight away what I was confused about.

"You called and asked Irina to come over last night after I...She found you unconscious on the floor. She stayed since it was so late."

I could feel the blood rushing to my face, I was embarrassed that poor Irina had to leave Demetri and come to my rescue in the middle of the night. "God I'm horrible friend, dragging Irina away from Demetri in the middle of the night because I've drunk myself into oblivion."

I didn't want to think about why I had to call Irina, I didn't want to acknowledge that Edward had walked away and I had drunken myself into a stupor just like I had the first time he walked out of my life.

Edward's soothing voice cut through my inner turmoil.

"Everything will be fine Bella; we'll send her and Demetri on a trip somewhere tropical to thank them for being such good friends to us.

I seized on the opportunity to focus on something else other than my complete mess of a life.

"Edward that's a wonderful idea let's make it somewhere tropical like Mexico or Tahiti. God Tahiti would be nice; maybe we should make it Tahiti. Yay you can book the tickets when I'm out with Cherie. You know I'm really glad Jake and Cherie have found each other they are a good match I reckon."

"They are my sweetheart. Now hurry up and get organised before they get here and you're not even dressed."

"Fine bossy britches," I pulled my hand out of his and headed for the closet, I pulled it open and stared at it blankly, "Um...Edward, where's all my clothes?"

"Oh shit...I forgot about that, hang on love and I'll get them for you." He stepped out of the room and was back not a moment later dragging two open suitcases; I looked down and saw all my clothes tossed messily inside.

A small sob escaped me and tears filled my eyes, "Oh..." Was all I managed to say. I kept my eyes downcast and began rifling through the mass of fabrics looking for a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me but he never spoke, he just waited until I was dressed then pulled me into his arms, "I love you the soon to be Mrs Bella Cullen."

My breath caught in my throat, relief and happiness flooded through me in equal measures, Edward had come back to me and he had reaffirmed his commitment to me. He wanted me by his side, he wanted me like I wanted him.

"I love you too and I like the sound of Bella Cullen, it sounds right." I said with a smile.

"It's because it is right."

The knock on the front door sent me into panic, that would be Jake and Cherie and I hadn't even showered yet. "Fuck," I muttered as I scooped the first thing my hands fell on in the suitcase.

"Go and finish getting ready and I'll deal with everything else." Edward said softly.

"Thanks," I grumbled. I gave him a chaste kiss and headed for the bathroom. Even though I was running late I look my time in the shower, the hot water felt so good, it was helping to clear my mind and rid my stomach of the constant feeling of nausea.

I tried to reflect on the last twenty four hours, it had been another emotional rollercoaster ride as was life with Edward. Even though I had once again been pushed to my limits I was pleased that Edward finally knew the truth about what happened that night in the basement and he had decided to face up to what he did and hopefully put it behind him.

The fact that he hadn't turned back to drinking to cope was a huge step in his recovery. I took heart in that it made me feel like I had made the right decision in accepting his proposal.

As long as Edward could stay sober and I didn't do anything stupid or rash to threaten that then life for us could be perfect.

When I finally made my way out toward the hum of low voices the pile of broken photo frames sitting on the coffee table caught my attention and I stopped and picked one up, it was the one from Irina's wedding and it was completely destroyed.

My previous good mood evaporated when I stared at the aftermath of my greif.

Edward was at my side in an instant he prised the destroyed image from my hand. He brought it to his lips and placed a kiss on my ring finger, "We can replace those and we have a life time to build new memories, don't be sad my baby, we should be celebrating the fact that we are engaged." His voice was barely a whisper but it sent chills up my spine. "Come on sweetie Cherie's waiting."

I detangled myself from Edward's embrace as soon as I saw Irina, relief was clear on her face as she took in my appearance and I flushed in embarrassment. "Thank you Irina and I'm so sorry to drag out of bed to come and babysit me." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around her.

"There's no need to thank me or apologize Bella. Are you alright?" She asked solicitously.

"Yeah I'm ok now. And thank you again. Hey do you want to come into town with us? We're going to spend the morning at the spa?"

"As tempting as that sounds I need to get home and see Demetri, he's worried about you guys."

"I truly am sorry for dragging you away Irina and tell Demetri I promise to make it up to him."

"He doesn't mind Bella, he's so used to this whole crazy set up now," she gave me a reassuring smile and I nodded.

"Well you should get going and take the bloody day off work you've more than earned it." I had absolutely no authority to say that but I didn't care Edward and I owed her our sanity at the very least.

"I'm planning to do just that. You and Cherie should get going before you hit the morning traffic,"

"Oh shit," I groaned, I hated rush hour traffic that always lasted more than an hour it closer to three hours, "Maybe we'll take the train." I turned to Cherie, "I think we're doing public transport today, I'm afraid I'd be dangerous behind the wheel of my car today, least my temper get us into some sort of road rage incident."

Cherie giggled, "Sure Bella I'm good with whatever you want to do."

I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck and smiled at the way his eyes shone with happiness, "I'll see you soon my husband to be," I whispered as I brought my lips to his.

"See you soon Bella Cullen," He murmured against my lips..**.**

**~~~~XXXX~~~**

I had a brilliant day with Cherie; we spent the morning being pampered at the spa at the James Cook hotel. By the time every inch of my body had been scrubbed, buffed and polished and massaged I was in a state of pure Zen. All traces of my hangover and my melancholic mood had vanished and I actually felt better than I had in a very long time.

Cherie and I shared lunch in the hotel's restaurant, the conversation between us flowed easily and within half an hour we were laughing raucously like we had known each other forever. We hit the shops in the afternoon, Cherie wanted to visit every boutique in the city and after a few hours of trying on garments in every fabric known to man I started to think that Alice and Cherie would make perfect friends.

After she had brought nearly every pair of shoes in the shop she was finally satisfied and declared she was missing Jake and we should head back. I could see why Jake had become so besotted by Cherie in such a short time, she was warm, caring and funny, and she had kick ass style.

"Bella you and Edward really should come to Paris; then I could show you what shopping's truly about. Promise me you'll come over and visit once Jake moves over there."

My heart stopped beating and my smile faulted. As much as I liked Cherie and wanted Jake to be happy I didn't want him to leave Wellington. He was as big a part of my life as Edward was and I needed him to be close to me.

The thought of him not being within driving distance sent me into a near panic.

Jake was mine.

My face flushed scarlet. I had no idea where that had come from. Of course Jake wasn't mine, Edward was mine. I was sincerely glad it was Cherie I was with and not Edward, if it had been Edward he would have known straightaway what I had thought and he would have...

I blocked out the thought and concentrated on rearranging my face into a smile and keeping my voice as even as possible, "Of course we'll come and visit, I'm keen to all your art work and sculptures."

I couldn't wait to get home and into Edward's arms. The possessiveness i had felt for Jake had rattled me...

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

...I could hear Jake and Edward talking as we made our way through the house, their voices abruptly stopped when they heard us approaching.

"Hi sweetheart how was your day?" Edward moved straight to my side and pulled me into his arms, "I missed you."His warm breath fanned out over my ear weaving its way through the strands of my hair.

"I missed you too and my day was good but long. I really need to go to bed early.

"Go and get into bed I'll make dinner and bring it in for you."

I bade Cherie and Jake good night and headed for bed, I tried to keep my eyes open but once my head hit the pillow I was asleep...

**Chapter Thirty-One **

**Edwards POV...**

The first few days of no drinking were hell. I was quite literally in hell, but I kept it to myself. There was no way I was going to put Bella through any more than I already had and while the detox was unpleasant, I saw no reason for both of us to go through it.

I smiled a lot and it fucking hurt. Everywhere _hurt_.

I tried to keep busy and spent much of the time with my father, who noticed my trembling hands but was kind enough not to say anything about it. He would pass the bottle of water when my shaking hands could not grip it and act as though nothing were amiss.

I was grateful. The old Carlisle, would have been chewing me out and making me feel a whole lot worse. This Carlisle was helping me through it and God I needed all the help I could get. By the middle of the week the cold sweats had stopped and by the end of the week so had the tremors.

By the night of the hangi, I was feeling pretty fucking pleased with myself. I still wanted a drink like I had never wanted anything else, but I was able to stop myself and Bella had not been dragged into my mess.

I was with Apple, Louis and Jake digging the pit for the hangi and Jake was being a good sport, answering all my no doubt idiotic questions. Things had been going well and I was really getting into the spirit of this moving on thing.

Bella took the kids for a bath and I got up and answered the ringing door bell

"Greetings and Salutations Edward. Tis a pleasure to see you this fine day." Demetri said grandly bowing.

I cocked an eyebrow at Irina who shook her head. "I was watching The Tudors the other night, someone has some intense King Henry Hero Worship going on."

"Hey man, whatever floats your boat." I ruffled his hair "You just do what makes you happy. You're special Demetri.." I teased and he gave me the finger.

"We are displeased Edward. Seriously fucking displeased." He lifted his chin in the air and made his way through the door. Irina looked at him walk away with an expression of distaste on her features

"He gets more and more like Felix every day. It frightens me."

I nodded. "It frightens me too." I pulled her into a hug "So how have you been?" I asked. She gave me a bright smile and shrugged

"Been pretty good, how about you? How's the tremors?" I froze and stared straight ahead. How the fuck did she know? Had she told Bella?

"Ok, calm down before you do yourself some damage. I noticed the other day when I came to visit Carlisle and you were there. You're my best friend Edward, it's my job to notice these things and no I have not told Bella. It's not my place." She wrapped her arm around my waist and gave me a squeeze.

"Thank you." I said. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then walked off in search of Demetri who was currently reciting tales about a jolly old England he had never known to Jacob.

He had my sympathies.

I had eventually rescued Jake from Demetri and we just sat there, talking bullshit. The doorbell rang and I got up, knowing it would be my parents. I picked up Apple and Louis and went to answer the door.

My mother and father were both standing there with huge smiles on their faces.

"Hey Mum." I said kissing her cheek as she practically ripped Louis from my arms. I was quite obviously ignored so I turned to my father "Apple honey, say hello to Grandpa" Apple looked at me for a second and I nodded encouragingly.

She turned back to Carlisle with a big smile, "Grandpa love Apple?" She asked.

"Grandpa does love Apple, you are beautiful." He responded holding his arms open to her. She reached out for him and once she was in his arms, she grabbed his face between her tiny hands.

"Apple loves Grandpa Lyle...Apple's Grandma Sme, and Apple loves Daddy. Grandpa Lyle see Apples Room?" My father looked at Apple, beaming before he turned to me

"Grandpa would love to see Apples room, should Daddy come to?"

"Yes my Daddy my room."

We walked to Apple's room and I turned to my father, "How have you been Dad? Taking it easy?" I had been worried for my father, he was recovering from a heart attack and had been there supporting me through my clandestine withdrawals. We reached Apple's room and she began to practically vibrate in excitement. "I warn you, Apple had been fairy mad since she first saw her room"

I opened the door and stood back as Apple jumped to the ground and began pulling her grandfather into the room with her.

"My fairies Grandpa Lyle, my unicorn, my princess bed, Apples daddy's princess" She pointed out everything to him, no doubt excited to have someone new to share her joy with. She was so warm and full of life; she lived in the moment taking the time to always smell the proverbial roses. Louis was much more cautious and prudent. Every step my level headed son took was well thought out and well measured. He would make a fine business man one day if he chose.

Carlisle and Apple chatted for awhile before he finally remembered I was in the room and answered my question.

"I'm really good Edward I feel fine and I have to say I haven't felt this happy and relaxed in thirty odd years, you did me a favour Edward, at least now I have a chance to enjoy retirement."

We were cut off by Apple's insistent interruption; she was determined to point out every single fairy to her grandfather. I smiled as she pointed out her favourite. It was one that I had done myself, and it thrilled me to know she liked it the best.

We made our way back to the others and I smiled when I saw my father greet Bella with a hug and a kiss. We all chatted amicably and I was amazed at how far we had all come.

My father and Bella, Jacob and myself, so many bitter feuds now entirely forgotten.

By the end of the evening, I was confident all rifts had been healed or at least well on their way to being so. My father even invited us all out to their beach house the following weekend and Bella agreed happily.

After everyone had left, Bella made her way to bed while I headed downstairs to turn off all the lights in the billiards room, when my eyes drifted toward the storage room at the bottom of the stairs. It triggered something in me and I was compelled to take a look inside. I pushed open the door carefully and stared in horror at the chains on the floor and ceiling. There was a violet wand plugged into a battery pack and a leather strap thrown carelessly on the floor.

It looked like the scene from a bad horror movie and I walked as though in slow motion as pieces of my fragmented memory started to come together.

I tentatively reached down and picked up the strap

_"That hurt didn't it baby? You will give in... I promise that." _

I dropped the strap like it had burned me. It suddenly started to make sense, but the holes in my mind were still too large. I glanced up in the corner of the room and noticed a video camera set up. It was recording and transmitting wirelessly to a laptop.

I glided over to the corner of the room and opened a small cupboard, pulling out a laptop.

A laptop I had somehow known was there.

I turned it on and clicked on the only available file. The screen jumped to life and I fell to my knees, still holding the laptop in my hands, unable to tear my eyes away from the gruesome scene before me.

Bella begging, Bella screaming, her tears, her pain and all at my hands. My very fucking eager and happy hands by the looks of it.

The snippets of Emmett's comments made perfect sense now. I was a monster, I was everything he had said I was and more. I watched as I felt the tears running down my cheeks and my heart split in two.

Why had she kept this from me? Why was she still even fucking with me? All of this, over a car, a car that right now I could happily fucking burn into a million pieces.

Emmett's entrance into the room had me hyperventilating and I felt sick when I saw how I reacted towards him. Finally I couldn't take anymore and I closed the computer putting it down beside me. I looked around the room in disgust.

What kind of evil fucking being would do something like this?

Eventually, I made my way upstairs and walked into the room. My gaze fell onto the one person I trusted most and the one I had betrayed most horribly. I was ashamed and slightly angry, angry that she would go to the lengths she had to keep this from me.

I was no fool, Emmett most definitely knew and now I could finally understand the strange looks I had been getting from him, Kate and everyone else.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked my voice sounding weak even to my own ears

"Um...Tell you what sweetie?" Her denial was agonising. She was still trying to hide it, trying to pretend that I wasn't the monster we both knew me to be.

"I know what I did to you Bella, I saw it. The cameras recorded everything from the moment we entered till the moment we left. I know." I whispered unable to look her in the eye any longer. I was poison, everything and everyone I touched was at risk from me. I knew what I had to do, but I was afraid.

I didn't want to go.

"Edward before you decide to destroy everything we have you only know half the story. You don't know what I did to provoke you and you don't remember the deal we entered into. I could have stopped that from happening anytime I wanted and you must have noticed you stopped as soon as I said the safe word. Please...don't go..." She sobbed, taking the blame for my mistakes and my faults.

But this was not a burden she could carry for me, I didn't want her to anyway. I wanted to feel what she had felt and then more. I wanted to bleed and suffer the way I had made her, this monster deserved it and worse.

"Don't do that. Don't say it was your fault. Emmett was right about me Bella, I have to go..." I finished and turned away before I could look into her broken eyes. I made a few steps toward the door, each one slashing at my heart.

It was barely a moment before she was beside me, clutching at my arm painfully, her fingers digging deeply into my flesh. I craved the pain and welcomed it, it was my so richly deserved punishment.

"Don't...you can't leave... I don't want anything but you and our kids our family...please Edward please don't walk away...I love you, yours forever..."

"I'm sorry." I said and gently took her hand from my arm. I made my way into the garage and got into the accursed Aston. I didn't respond to Bella, sobbing as she called out desperately. It was the hardest thing I had done, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

My cell phone started ringing before I had reached the end of the road and I switched off, throwing the fucking thing out the window as I drove. I watched impassively as I saw it shatter on the road behind me in the mirror. I was sinking further into myself, trying to retreat and find a haven from the pain that was coursing through me. My light was gone, my sun, my heart. I left it all behind for the best interest of those I loved most, but I could feel myself crumbling inside.

I loved them, but I hurt them.

I drove towards the only place I could show my face. I parked the car outside the front, even though I knew my father hated that and knocked on the door. My mother answered, her bright smile quickly fading to concern as she took in my appearance. "Can I stay here Mum?" I asked quietly with a small sob.

"Edward what has happened, where is Bella?" She wrapped her arms around me and held my trembling body tightly. The moment she said Bella's name, I felt the pain tear through me.

Where was Bella?

She was safe. Safe now that she was away from me.

"At the house." I said. It was no longer _my_ home anymore. "Can I stay here tonight Mum? I'll sort something else out tomorrow..." I trailed off, embarrassed that I was crying in front of my mother.

"Of course you can, but don't you think you should go home, won't Bella be worried where you are son?" Her green eyes, just like my own were searching my face in worry. I felt terrible for doing this to her, but I couldn't explain. Not to my mother, I had already disappointed the most important woman in the world to me, I couldn't handle disappointing my mother too.

"No." I choked and made my way into the house, pausing at the door to the living area. My father was sitting there, watching T.V.. I quickly wiped at my eyes, not really wanting to be crying in front of my father either.

"Hey Dad." I said croakily as I sat down on the couch. My mother was standing in the doorway, looking down at me with a worried frown on her face.

"If Bella rings tell her... God, I don't know what to tell her. Just tell her it's better this way." I said putting my head in my hands and pulling at my hair. How could things have got this bad this fast?

Shouldn't I have seen this coming? Had this fucking sadistic bastard inside me always been there?

"I'll make you some hot chocolate love, with marshmallows just the way you like it."

The minute mum had left the room Dad turned to me, "what's happened Edward? You and Bella were completely fine a few hours ago."

I looked at my father and wondered just how much I could trust him. He was looking at me in nothing but overwhelming concern and I figured I had nothing really left to lose anyway.

Bella and the twins were already gone.

"I've done something unforgivable Dad...all I seem to fucking do is hurt people, especially those I love." I looked up warily, expecting to see some kind of disgust, some form of the Carlisle Cullen who had raised me under his iron fist, but all I saw was compassion.

"I can't imagine anything you have done to Bella is unforgivable Son, you've walked over hot coals for her love, and you definitely have it."

"You don't understand Dad," I began feeling the need to confess to someone the heinous transgressions I had made, "The day of your heart attack, I had been drinking and taking blow, a lot. I blacked out and couldn't remember anything from that night." I added, cringing when I saw my father's disappointment. "I hurt her Dad, I hurt her really badly and she kept it from me. I had to find the fucking evidence." I spat in disgust, remembering the vile things I had watched myself inflict upon Bella

"I wish you would stay away from that stuff Edward it has brought down many a man in its time, and do you mean you physically hurt her? Did you get into a fight or something?"

I felt physically ill as the next words spewed from my mouth, "I chained her and practically fucking tortured her Dad, all over that stupid fucking car!" I slammed my palms against my forehead while I tried to slow my breathing. I was hyperventilating and gasping for air. "They are better off without me, that way I can't fucking hurt them anymore. Bella or the twins." My voice broke at the end and I shuddered at the harsh reality.

I would never see my children again.

"Did you get Bella's version of events, did you ask her what happened to cause you to react that like that? You said it was over the car, did you give her time to explain her side before you left?" He asked me angrily. I looked up in shock, he was acting as though I were wrong in leaving, yet it was the only thing in this whole mess that I had done right.

"What the hell is there to explain Dad? I watched the whole fucking thing on video, trust me I know exactly what went on and it doesn't matter what it was over! I was like a fucking madman, nothing she could have done would ever deserve that!" I looked at him pleading with him to see that I was just trying to do the best thing for my family. "I knew I was callous, I just didn't realise how fucking twisted I really was." I could taste the bile in my mouth, a tangible reminder of just how bitter and sick I really was.

"So what you just walked out on her without giving her a chance...After everything you've done to be with her you're just going to leave without a backward glance. Edward do I need to remind you of what happened the last time you tried to be apart from her...and how you can just walk away from those beautiful children...I'm pretty sure you going to destroy your daughter as much as her mother, I can't imagine what effect it would have on Apple to have you ripped from her life. I've never seen a child so totally in sync with their parent."

"Don't" I begged him as images of my broken daughter flashed before me. "I have no choice. How the hell am I supposed to face Bella? Or Apple for that matter? How can I teach Louis how to treat a woman after the way I have treated his mother? I don't deserve any of them Dad and this is hard enough without you making it harder."

"Edward, pull your head out of your ass, if Bella thought what you'd done was so bad she'd have left you in a heartbeat. If you think I'm going to sit back and let you throw it all away your wrong. You're going to be a good role model to those children, you are going to teach Louis to respect women. Get your sorry ass home Edward and do what ever it takes to appease your guilt and show that beautiful girl of yours that your prepared to spend the rest of eternity making up for one lapse of judgement. And let it be lesson to you; drugs and alcohol are a dumb combination. I suggest you stay away from both. Go home to her Edward before you make the second biggest mistake of your life"

I shook my head and my father glared at me angrily. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again smiling at my mother as she came in with my drink.

"Here's your hot chocolate son, oh and Irina called and said she was with Bella, who is in a bad way, I believe Irina's exact words were 'tell Edward to get his sorry ass home right now." She sounded serious, I think I'd do what she said, and Besides Bella needs you son."

She handed me my drink and left the room quietly, no doubt to give us some more privacy. As soon as she had left my father rounded on me again, his features twisting in the outrage he felt for Bella.

"For fuck sake Edward you need to man up. You walked out on that girl. Do you realise you have probably destroyed her; Bella is an extremely serious person Edward. You have completely disrespected her and I imagine she will blame herself for that. What has she done to deserve to think it's her fault on top of everything else? I want you to go fucking home Edward and you better pray it's not too late...You walked out and left the mother of your children to deal with two children and her loss by herself, go Edward before something happens that you can't fix."

"And if she won't forgive me? If she can't get past this?" I said quietly. My father took a deep breath and sighed.

"Give her a chance son, you are writing her off pretty quickly. She is a remarkable woman with a huge capacity for love. Have some faith in her for once." He looked at me seriously "You really believe you can sit here and ignore the fact that she is in pain? So much so that Irina is begging you to go home and fix it? I don't think you can ignore that, no matter how much you would like to."

He was right. Bella was hurting again and it was because of me. I downed the burning hot chocolate in one.

"Thanks Dad." I rasped out of my newly scorched throat as I went to him and gave him a quick hug. I said going to him and giving him a quick hug. The change in him still amazed me, he had gone from cold and distant to caring and supportive, even if his support was somewhat hard to hear.

"Thank you for giving me a father." I said quietly so only he could hear and stood up.

He smiled at me, a genuine smile that reached his eyes and I swear I saw his chest puff out in pride.

"Go son you and Bella are two halves of the same circle, neither of you will be complete without the other."

I kissed my mother quickly and sprinted out the door, practically ripping the door off the car. I sped home, my mind void of everything except Bella and the fact that she needed me. I cringed when I saw the flash of the speed camera, but it didn't matter. I needed to get home, Irina was not prone to overreaction and I was worried about the condition I would find Bella in.

Just another way I had hurt her.

I didn't dwell on the thought as I pulled into the driveway and parked in the garage.

"Fuck." I whispered as I walked inside and found Bella passed out on the floor. She had just managed to turn away before vomiting, but some of her hair had dragged through it. There were tears streaming from her eyes despite the fact she was quite obviously comatose. I looked down beside me and saw her suitcases, half packed, with her clothes spilling out around them.

What hit me the hardest was the broken photo frames, scattered across the floor. Some of them seemed to have been thrown, as there was a hole in the plaster wall where one had hit. I moved towards her, but froze when Irina looked up at me, her face a twisted mask of fury. I had never seen her look so angry and especially not at me.

"Edward what the hell, look at her? Fuck I couldn't move her she's been like that for hours! I couldn't make out a word she said on the phone only that you left and you weren't coming back. You better not tell me you left over what Bella and Kate did on your Aston. I'll admit it was mean, but I never thought you'd leave her."

I ignored her and bent down, trying to take the bottle of Vodka from my fallen angel. She whimpered and clutched it tighter as she sobbed. If agony had a sound, Bella had just given it voice.

"Oh baby, I'm so, so sorry." I said picking her up in my arms and cradling her to my chest. It didn't matter that her hair was filthy or that the house looked like it had been burgled. All that mattered was her and that she needed me. Later we could talk, and I would listen to her and hear her side, just like my father had advised me.

"I'm sorry Irina, would you mind sticking around for a bit? I just want to get her cleaned up and in bed, then we can talk ok? Are the twins alright? Did they sleep through all this?" I said gesturing around the room with my chin. Bella's hands had fisted themselves in my shirt and she was clinging to me like her very life depended on it.

"They did sleep through it as far as I know they were still sound asleep when I got here. Of course I'll stick around do you want me to help you shower her?" She asked kindly, but I shook my head. I needed to care for her; I needed to see what I had done.

"Edward I'm sorry come home..." Bella slurred and I leaned down, kissing her forehead while I closed my eyes in pain.

"Ssh baby, it's ok. I'm here." I looked at Irina "No, I'll do that. Could you just check on the kids for me?" I flinched as another set of sobs racked her body at the sound of my voice. I didn't know if I should keep quiet or keep talking.

"I 'll check on them now call me if you need my help. And Edward thank god you came to your senses." She added before making her way downstairs.

I took her to our bathroom and stripped her clothes off, before removing my own. I threw the dirty clothes in the hamper and took Bella into the shower with me, sitting her on the small ledge and washing her gently. I kept a hand on her at all times, whenever our skin broke contact she would begin to shake and whimper so I simply kept touching her. After I had washed her and myself I shut the shower off and hastily retrieved a couple of towels. I wrapped one around my waist while I dried Bella off and put a fluffy robe on her. I bundled her up into my arms and carried her back into the room.

Irina was sitting on the bed, her legs crossed. I carried Bella across the room and put her in bed, wrapping the blankets tightly around her. She began to moan immediately so I slid in next to her, my towel still around my waist. I propped myself up on one elbow and pulled her back into my chest.

Irina was looking at Bella her brow furrowed in confusion. She was no doubt trying to fit all the pieces together and figure out how we had come to this. I decided to put her out of her misery.

She was my best friend after all, we had no secrets from each other.

"I did something fucking awful Irina and I don't know how to fix it, that's what I was trying to do tonight, but I just made things worse." I began feeling Irina's eyes boring into me, demanding the answers she more than rightly deserved. She had come to Bella's aid when I had not, the truth was the least I owed her.

"What happened. I knew something big was going down when you told everyone to leave."

"I hurt her." I said softly, stroking the hair back from Bella's face and leaning down to kiss her temple. A small sigh escaped her and I pulled her closer to me.

"I don't really remember it, but apparently I was fucking sick enough to record it." I gave Irina the uncensored version of what I had done to the woman who slept in my arms. Arms that did not deserve her but were lucky enough to bear her grace regardless. I didn't look at Irina as I spoke; I knew she would be appalled.

"Edward I think you need to see this, it might help put some perspective on what happened that night" she took Bella's laptop from the foot of the bed and loaded the video before passing it to me.

"What the hell?" I asked as I watched Bella and Kate desecrate my car. It certainly didn't clear my conscience, but it did help me to understand a little.

It had been a bone of contention between Bella and I, the Aston Martin and in typical Bella fashion, she had pushed my limits to breaking point, knowing exactly what she was doing. It was why she kept telling me it was not my fault and while I could not agree, I could understand why she felt she was partially to blame.

"What does everyone think happened that night?" I asked Irina, pulling a blanket off the end of the bed and tossing it to her.

She lay down and looked at me seriously

"Everyone thinks you were playing some silly game, that was what Bella was saying and that you threw us out because you wanted to have sex, which is totally plausible for you two. Only Kate, Felix, Demetri and I know it had something to do with the car. Emmett said he knew what had gone down between you two though. He was extremely pissed about whatever it was."

We talked some more before Irina got up and went to the guest room, calling Demetri on the way. I could hear his distraught voice through the phone and felt terrible for dragging Irina into my mess yet again.

I eventually drifted off to sleep with Bella still tucked into my chest. I awoke some time during the night with a desperate urge to pee. Bella had helpfully managed to wedge her ass so it was pressing uncomfortably on my bladder. I gently slid from the bed and made my way to the bathroom.

"Edward!"

I had just finished washing my hands when I heard Bella yell out my name in panic. I shot from the bathroom and I was back on the bed and beside her in an instant. I pulled her to my lap and began rocking "Baby, it's alright. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." I kissed her hair murmuring reassurances to her.

"Edward is that you? you came back... you didn't want me...you left...and I couldn't breathe... you left and everything was black...and you left...you don't love me..."

My heart shattered when I heard her say she thought I didn't love her. It could not have been further from the truth, I left because I loved her!

"It's me and I did come back. How could I stay away from you? I do love you Bella, I want to make you mine forever sweetheart but I also want what's best for you." She was shaking but I just kept rocking her and whispering sweet nothings to her until she finally calmed down.

"I know what's best for me I always have...you left...and it was my fault...and you never let me take the blame, you had me forever then you went... and I couldn't stop you."

"I'm so sorry Bella; I have no excuse for leaving you, but what I saw shocked me, no, it did more than that. I hurt you so badly baby and I will never forgive myself for that. I know all about the car but it still doesn't excuse it or make it right. I'll live with what I have done for the rest of my life baby and I accept that, I can do it, so long as you forgive me. I don't know what I would do if you didn't..." I trailed off, uncertainly

"I forgave you for that from the start... but I can't stop you leaving Edward and that scares me. I can't stop you walking away when you think you're doing what's right for me." She whispered in a broken voice.

I sighed, how could I make her see I was here for good?

A thought occurred to me and I reached down, pulling her face up to meet mine

"Marry me." I said. It was not a spur of the moment decision, I had been thinking of it for some time, but this was not how I had envisioned proposing. It didn't matter though, I wanted her to be my wife and I wanted her to be sure about us.

"Edward...you don't have to do this, I don't want you to make any rash decisions, are you sure this is what you want?" She looked so uncertain, so unsure that I would want to marry her I could have laughed had the situation not been so serious.

"I know I don't have to do this, Bella I want to marry you. I've wanted to marry you since the first time I saw you, I used to daydream about you in a white dress when you still worked for me." I gave her a small smile "When are you going to understand Bella? There has never been anyone else for me but you. It will always be you..."

I could see her warring with herself in her head, between what she believed and what she wanted. I was cheering for the latter of course, and when she finally did speak again, I thought I would burst with happiness.

"I want you Edward I want you forever, I want to be your wife; I want to marry you."

I kissed her with everything I was happier than I had ever thought I could be. I knew I had overreacted when I saw the footage, but the outcome made up for it somewhat I thought.

"Isabella Cullen, It's perfect and I promise you Bella, I will never hurt you like that again and I will never leave you again. You're my everything baby, without you I'm nothing." I swore to her and she smiled a tiny, fragile little smile at me.

"I like the sound of that...say it again."

"Bella Marie Cullen...So beautiful..." I said softly, loving the way it sounded on the air.

She was Bella Cullen and she would always be mine.

I woke up to find Bella groaning and inching away from me in the bed. It was something I just couldn't allow, so I grabbed her about the waist and pulled her back into me.

"Where do you think you're going?" I mumbled sleepily "You need to eat and get ready to go out with Cherie today don't you?" I asked surprised that my mind was working so well after last night. The idea didn't seem to appeal so much to her and I hid a smile as I gave her a kiss. "Come on sweetheart we need to get up, Irina's probably up feeding the kids by now."

I got out of bed and offered a hand to Bella which she didn't take. Instead, she was looking up at me, utterly perplexed.

"You called and asked Irina to come over last night after I...She found you unconscious on the floor. She stayed since it was so late."

Bella's face instantly coloured

"God I'm horrible friend, dragging Irina away from Demetri in the middle of the night because I've drunk myself into oblivion."

"Everything will be fine Bella, we'll send her and Demetri on a trip somewhere tropical to thank them for being such good friends to us." I soothed and she perked up instantly

"Edward that's a wonderful idea let's make it somewhere tropical like Mexico or Tahiti. God Tahiti would be nice; maybe we should make it Tahiti. Yay you can book the tickets when I'm out with Cherie. You know I'm really glad Jake and Cherie have found each other they are a good match I reckon."

"They are my sweetheart. Now hurry up and get organised before they get here and you're not even dressed." I chastised her. She ripped her hand from mine and stomped off towards the closet, muttering under her breath.

"Um...Edward, where's all my clothes."

"Oh shit...I forgot about that, hang on love and I'll get them for you." I raced out to the lounge, kicking myself for not thinking of this earlier. I swore as I had to keep

sopping and picking random items of clothing back up off the floor as I went.

She looked down at the suitcases and I saw her eyes begin to shine with unshed tears. I waited until she had dressed before I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

"I love you the soon to be Mrs Bella Cullen."

We were interrupted by a knock at the door and I left Bella to get dressed, making a quick detour by the lounge to pick up all the scattered and smashed photo frames. I hastily dumped them on the table and lamented that I had not got out of bed earlier and patched the hole in the wall. I really didn't want Bella having to see it. I opened the door and greeted Jake and Cherie ushering them inside. Jake shot me a curious glance at the photo frames but I shook my head, silently pleading with him not to go there.

When Bella finally came out, her eyes went straight to the broken pictures. I went to her and pulled a broken frame from her hand. I kissed her finger, where soon my ring would lay. I couldn't wait to see it there.

"We can replace those and we have a life time to build new memories, don't be sad my baby, we should be celebrating the fact that we are engaged. Come on sweetie Cherie's waiting."

After the girls left Jake and I jumped on the computer to book tickets for Irina and Demetri's vacation they didn't know they were taking. Well, that's what we were supposed to be doing anyway, except that we had got a little side tracked. We had begun laughing at some of the ridiculous bullshit that people sold online and the even dumber fucks who bought it.

"You know Edward; I have to hand it to you. I never thought you'd kick the drugs and booze so easily. what's your secret man? Cause I 'm finding it a constant battle." Jake asked out of the blue and I blanched. It wasn't easy, not by a long shot, but I couldn't tell him that and risk it getting back to Bella.

"Drinking has only ever brought me fucking grief dude and the drugs just added to it.

I'm sick of fucking up to be honest." I said taking a large swig of my bottled water. It was hard, the urge to drink and snort a few lines attacked me regularly and each time I would fight back the cravings like it was the first. It would have been easier to just give up and drink my woes away but it wasn't really an option. Especially now, when I knew what my drinking had done to Bella.

"Everyone fucks up Edward even if they're straight, but I have to say sobriety suits you. How's the fucking shit some people buy... Too fucking much money and not enough sense…" Jake muttered as he looked at a web page listing Islands around Tahiti for sale.

I looked at the screen and my breath caught in my throat. One island in particular was so beautiful and I could imagine Bella standing on it's white sandy beaches, the cool sea breeze blowing her hair around her.

"Open that one." I said pointing to the island urgently. Jake looked at me strangely

"Why?" He clicked on the page then looked at me slyly

"Just open it! It's perfect! I told her I would start her a property portfolio, what better way to start it than with an island! She loves Tahiti! Maybe it will show her just how sorry I am too..." I trailed off quietly. Jake looked like he was about to say something but I cut him off "Open the damn web page Doogie! Or is that scholarship going to waste?" I joked.

He opened the page and gaped at the image.

"Edward you're not serious. You can't be Edward, Bella would nut, you know how she is."

I ignored Jake as I quickly read the details and the photos. It was perfect. They were allowing immediate buys with no strings attached until you visited the island whereupon a contract would be drawn up. It was perfect, I would send one of the property buyers from Cullen Industries there the next day. If it was all it appeared to be, I would buy it.

"Click purchase for me" I said firmly. Jacob had turned a strange shade of pale beside me.

"Edward you are going to buy Bella an Island. I'm telling you dude, she'll donate it to charity or something. That's an awful lot of money to waste, you must know that your setting yourself up for disappointment." He cautioned but I waved him off.

"I'm not, I don't know how, but I just know she will be happy about this. Just click purchase Jake, Jesus." I replied. I was not sure why, but I felt confident that she would not only accept the gift, but would be pleased about it too. It was a gut feeling and I was running with it.

"It's your funeral..." He clicked on purchase, "Personally I would have preferred death By Aston Martin than being ripped to shreds by fucked off Bella." He said taking a deep breath.

"It will be fine; hell what else am I supposed to do with my money? I donate, I support every cause you can think of and now I want to spend some of it on Bella."

I pulled my phone out and quickly called the head property buyer at Cullen Industries. I gave him the details and told him to sign away if it was everything they claimed it to be. I also told him when he finished he could fly to Tahiti and have the next two weeks off on me. He was pleased. I closed my phone and turned to Jake who was looking at me like I was from another planet

"Fuck Edward, what does it feel like to be able to do that? To have the freedom to buy an Island you just found five minutes ago then just send someone else to organise it all?"

I furrowed my brow at him, what did he mean what did it feel like?

"Uh, it feels like I made a phone call?" I asked cautiously. I really wasn't sure where he was going with this.

"So you don't think there's anything remarkable in being able to spend the GDP of a small nation on a present for your girl friend?"

"You have to keep quiet about this, for the love of God don't say anything about the island." I said closing the page and erasing the history from the web browser. "and don't exaggerate, it's not that bad. The price was pretty reasonable really, it's got a resort and about 16 bungalows so it's the right size for everyone. See? I'm just trying to be practical." I defended

"Keep telling yourself that. But hey if we're invited to stay then I'm on your side mate.

And don't worry my lips are sealed."

"Thank you." I said closing the laptop and leaning back sighing. The island would be a wedding present to Bella, something of her own that she could call her own entirely. Then I would add the property on Waiheke Island to her portfolio like I had always intended.

I smiled. Waiheke. The place held some pretty fond memories for me.

Jake kept asking me about the island, what was involved in the purchase of one, as well as repeatedly asking me how I could just 'fork over that kind of dosh without batting an eyelash'. After I explained the kind of money that was involved in most of my business mergers and deals, he understood my position a little better.

"A day in the life of Edward Cullen, huh?" He shook his head, before punching me hard in the arm "You're still a fucking douche, you know that?"

I grinned and punched him back "I know Dream Teen, I know."

We chatted a little more about the island and I explained what it was like around the Islands there. When we heard the front door open signalling Bella and Cherie's return, we stopped talking immediately. I got up and wrapped my arms around Bella.

"Hi sweetheart how was your day?" I leaned down and inhaled deeply, the uncomfortable feeling I had been experiencing while she had been away vanished now that she was back home and safe. "I missed you." I whispered

"I missed you too and my day was good but long. I really need to go to bed early." She said with a yawn. I smiled, glad for the opportunity to care for her.

"Go and get into bed I'll make dinner and bring it in for you."

I saw Jake and Cherie out before making a quick dinner for Bella and myself. When I brought the tray into the room, I chuckled and shook my head.

Sleeping beauty was already in residence. I took the tray back to the kitchen and placed our plates in the fridge in case she woke later and felt hungry. After putting everything away and leaving the kitchen tidy, I made my way back to the bedroom and crawled in beside her.

This was where I was meant to be.

**A/N: Feel free to let us know what you think...Lol I'm sure you will, you always do :)**


	32. Chapter 32 Why?

**A/N:** As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review, we really do appreciate it. Also thank you and welcome to the story to those who have joined us. Light & Laughter to my facebook friends' new chapter photos are up. (Link to my FB page can be found on my profile page)...Cinnamon :)

**Greenaway and I would like to issue a WARNING for the following chapter. Some readers may have issues and find parts of it disturbing no harm was intended.**

**Disclaimer: **S Meyer owns Twilight; Greenaway & Cinnamon own this story :)

**CHAPTER 32: Why?**

**Tanya's POV...**

I was absolutely distraught when I heard Edward and the slut talking about Carlisle having a heart attack, I went into panic mode that I was going to lose my only ally and guaranteed way back to Edward. It seemed by their conversations that Edward had no intention of mending his bridges with Carlisle, which surprised me considering his actions in taking Carlisle company from him was surely the catalyst for Carlisle condition.

And I had to admit to a moment of doubt in having my plan succeed when I realized what lengths Edward would go to in his quest to protect _Bella_ from harm. I sent Carlisle flowers and a small card telling him I was thinking of him and wished he made a speedy recovery. I did consider calling him but I thought that was probably too risky, his family were bound to be surrounding him.

I was anxious to get my plans into action but I wanted to wait and see what else Carlisle had planned before I did anything. I would rather he split them up and then I just cleaned up the mess. I wasn't particularly interested when I heard Edward and _her _discussing plans to throw a Hangi, which in my opinion was completely too low class for Edward.

I started to worry that Edward was beginning to take on Bella's low class way of life.

My interest was aroused however when I heard Carlisle's name been mentioned, I listened closely and my eyebrows narrowed when I heard Edward saying that he hoped Carlisle enjoyed the Hangi. I was beginning to get confused when Bella assured him everything would be fine...

I spent the week dwelling on Carlisle, from Edward and Bella's conversations it seemed like a truce had been called between Edward and his father to which I was pleased but I had no idea where Bella fitted into that.

My question was answered the day of the hallowed event, I watched expectantly as Carlisle and Esme pulled up the drive and noticed it was Edward and his daughter who answered the door. I thought Carlisle and Bella would definitely avoid each other and my heart jumped into my throat when I saw Carlisle approach Bella and give her a hug, he wore a bright genuine smile and she seemed truly at ease around him as she joked with him about her bratty kid.

I tried to calm my panic and I found myself running through a list of scenario's which would call for Carlisle to befriend the girl he claimed to despise.

The most plausible to me seemed that he was keeping his friends close and his enemies even closer.

My panic and anger seemed to be increasing with every moment I spent watching Carlisle interact not only with Bella, whom he seemed to be near doting on, but he was being extremely pleasant to my sister's, brother in laws and even Bella's sisters. I didn't want to believe that Carlisle had turned his back on me but the evidence to the contrary was mounting up and I was left in no doubt that his loyalties didn't lie with me when he gave Bella a warm embrace.

He wore a genuine smile when he invited them to spend the weekend at his beach house.

I didn't bother to stifle the scream that tore room my throat and echoed around the room. I couldn't believe that _lowlife_ _Bella_ had managed to win over Carlisle even after it being all her fault he had lost his company.

If Carlisle was not going to eliminate the problem then I was.

I continued to watch Bella and Edward and was pleasantly surprised when they began talking in low hurt voices over why Bella had kept quiet about something he'd done to her.

In the time that I'd been watching them I'd never seen or heard them be anything but nauseatingly in love.

Were the cracks beginning to show? Was Edward finally waking up and realising he didn't have a future with plain Jane? It seemed so because the next minute he was walking out the door and she was calling out to him not to go.

A maniacal laugh fell from my lips when I noticed he didn't look back and she collapsed in a heap on the floor. I emptied the contents of two tiny bags into the pipe, tonight was truly a blessed night, a night for celebrating.

I hadn't had to do _anything_ in the end to put a stop to this travesty of an affair; Edward had finally come to his senses all on his own.

I enjoyed the spectacle that was Bella drinking herself into oblivion, the image of her smashing all the photos of her and Edward was only topped by the scene when she threw all her clothes into her suitcases.

"That's right fucking skanky whore go back to the gutter where you belong and take those filthy urchins with you." I hissed at the monitor.

My laughter rung out again when Bella tripped and passed out and I was holding my sides as the laughter rolled through me at the sight of my pathetic sister's attempts to move the grovelling mess from the kitchen floor. Unfortunately my Jubilation was short lived when I heard the roar of Edward's Aston Martin as it turned the corner and gunned down the street. It barely slowed as it pulled into his driveway. I couldn't believe he couldn't even stay away from her for a night, he was completely cunt struck with that bitch.

I was still watching them when she woke suddenly; he was at her side the instant he heard her cry out. My teeth bared in a vicious smile when she lamented about not being able to keep him from walking. He promised her that he loved her and that he wouldn't leave and I was pleased to see she wasn't just rushing back into his arms. She was weary of him, like the trust that was there between them was not as unbreakable as it was.

She was having reservations.

A low hiss escaped my lips when I heard Edward propose, the desperate and obvious knee jerk reaction was to get Bella back where he wanted her, under his complete control...

An unbidden scream erupted around the room again, when I heard the bitch accept. Anger coursed through me and my vision was clouded with a red haze.

Blood lust.

I was out for Isabella Swans blood and I was going to see every last drop of it seep from her broken dead body.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Bella's POV

The phone interrupted what was promising to be a mind blowing orgasm. Edward was growling at me to let it ring but I had never been able to do that, it might be important.

It was the university calling me into a meeting at nine o'clock; they graciously warned me that I would be there for most of the day.

I hung up and went back to concentrating Edward's ministrations he however had decided that he needed to know what the phone conversation was about. He looked up at me curiously and I let out of a groan of frustration, I should have let the damn phone ring...

"Who was that baby?" He asked as he lifted his head up further from between my thighs.

"The university, they have finished their internal review and they have summons me to a meeting. They were kind enough however to warn me that it was going to take most of the day."

"When do you have to leave?" Edward asked trailing his finger lightly up and down the inside of my thigh causing me to shiver in pleasure.

"I've got to be there by nine, its six thirty now. I'll have to be gone by quarter to eight at the latest you know what traffics like."

"How fast can you get ready?" He asked me with a smirk

"At lightning speed but we need to make a plan, we were leaving for your parents beach house this morning."

"Well, I did plan to start here." He said as he slid his fingers into my warmth.

"Hmm...It is a good plan, but the other plan needs addressing pretty quickly you know how I hate being disorganised."

"I don't know much about what you hate, but I certainly know what you love..." He dipped his head back between my legs, sucking my clit between his lips.

"Oh god Edward...you do know what I like...Only you..." I gasped as the full force of my orgasm crashed over me.

He waited until my body had stilled before he repositioned himself, letting his chin resting on my stomach.

I looked down at him and his eyes twinkled. "Now what was it you were so insistent on talking about Mrs Cullen?

I smiled when he used my soon to be new name; I would never tire of hearing it fall from his lips.

"First, thank you for not letting me get side tracked that was everything it promised to be. I was saying that we are going to your parent's beach house this morning but that won't be a possibility for me now will it?"

"Can't you call in sick or something? Tell them if they give you the day off I'll donate a disgraceful amount of money to their next project. They can build a new wing, the 'Edward Cullen Got Laid' memorial building."

"No I just told them I'd be there. Plus it's my review, they are either going to find me guilty of gross misconduct or I'm going to be pardoned. I have to be there to know my fate. And while the students may enjoy the name of the wing I doubt the old wax works will."

Edward sighed deeply and I was shocked when he looked up at me with a smirk and boldly stated, "You know once we are married, this kind of thing won't wash anymore. I'm sure there is something in there about obeying your husband..."

I couldn't help the snort that escaped me, "Jesus Caveward we will definitely be editing that to worship Bella for all eternity or its getting left out all together. Because there will be no obeying thy husband from me."

I said it jokingly but I was serious, there would in fact be no husband obeying by me.

Something I'm sure Edward would take as a challenge and no doubt win.

I looked down at him and he was looking at me with smouldering eyes, "Can I bribe you with more sexual favours to skip the meeting?"

If had been anything else but making sure my name and reputation were properly restored I would have cancelled in a heartbeat.

But this was too important to not be present,

"No you can't, but I will take a rain check thank you. You could be permitted to have your way with me in the shower if you like...But only if you promise to help me get a plan organised because we are fast running out of time."

"How about I go and make you some breakfast and then we can 'plan' while we eat?"Edward looked at me seriously "Just know that I am giving up my sexual gratification for the sake of your nutritional needs. Fucking selfless it what I am..."

I grinned at him but never made any move to get out of bed when he slid from the sheets; I just let myself take in the magnificent specimen of a man he was. My eyes detailed every inch of his flawless body.

"You are selfless sweetie, I'm glad you've finally realized it. And I promise I will make it up to you, though I'm warning you now I'm not doing it in your parent's house so start thinking creatively. It should give you something to pass the time."

I sighed in frustration when he slipped his T shirt over his head covering his gorgeous abs. It was time for me to get up.

"Well there goes the idea of doing you in Emmett's bed..."

My interest was immediately piqued, I was curious to know why Edward would want to do it in Emmett's bed. "Emmett's room, hmm...that has opened up a Pandora's Box my sweet, I still owe that fucktard." I groaned, "now look what you've done, I bet you did that on purpose you're such a cheat."

"I didn't deliberately set out to manipulate you..."He made his way out of the room and I rolled my eyes.

"Sure you didn't Cullen...you always set out to manipulate me. It's one of the things I love/hate about you." I yelled then raced to the bathroom wondering if he'd come looking for me.

Surprisingly he resisted.

I tried not to sulk.

I found him in the kitchen feeding the twins, he handed me my breakfast with one of his breathtaking smiles. I took a sip of my coffee, "So are you ready to make a plan now because I need to be gone in the next five minutes."

"Well this manipulative man has nothing baby, so tell me what I need to do and I'll get it done." He looked up at me innocently and smiled, "Orders?"

"You heard that did you. And I don't give you orders, I give you directives and do I need to remind you that you give out your fair share...Anyway you take the kids with you and leave as planned this morning and I will meet you there as soon as I can get out of that meeting."

I took another mouthful of my breakfast as I watched Edward at the stove.

"Just don't take too long Mrs Cullen; I do so much better when I'm with you." He slid another piece of bacon onto my plate and I frowned at him.

"Edward if you keep putting Bacon on my plate I'm going to end up looking like one of the things this meat comes from... Oh and before I forget can you pack the clothes I'll need; I haven't had time. And don't worry you'll do fine..."

"Honey, I'm Edward Cullen. I run a huge corporation, satisfy an Insatiable wife and diligently parent two beautiful children. This is a piece of cake!"

"Yeah I know...sorry I said anything." I down the rest of my coffee and kissed Apple and Louis goodbye, narrowly avoiding Louis' sticky fingers, "Bye Louis Mum will see you soon, you be good for Dad."

"Bye Mummy, I be good for Daddy." I swooped down and place a kiss atop his head and breathed deeply revelling in his delicious scent.

"Apple will be good Mummy, I love my Daddy...Love my Mummy." I kissed her soft bronzed curls.

"I know you will be good and I know you love your Daddy, and Mummy loves you and Louis and Daddy."

"Apple loves everyone, Jake, Rina, Metri and Felix, and Aunties and Memmett and Jasper,"

"They love you too sweet pea. Mummy has to go now, you have Fun with Grandma and Grandpa and I will see you later."

I walked into Edward's outstretched arms and wished more than anything that I could stay. I thought briefly about ringing the university and cancelling but, I knew I needed to know the outcome or it would drive me mad all weekend.

I gave Edward a lingering kiss only pulling away when I knew that I had finally run out of time, "So baby I will see you this afternoon, Don't forget to pack mega clothes for the twins you know how they love to get dirty and wet. Be careful on the roads and I love you...more than anything...you are my life."

"Love you too and don't worry, I got it covered. Just be safe ok?"

"Of course I will be."

The traffic was its usual morning Chaos but instead of getting upset about it I spent the time thinking about how I was soon going to be Edward's wife, and pushing the last of the lingering doubts I had that he'd left me.

I was making my way across the campus when a lady with long brown hair caught my eye, I wouldn't have taken much notice but she was wearing a pair of Italian leather boots. I let my eyes travel up her body until they reached her face, her eyes met mine briefly and I thought I saw a flash of something like anger flicker across her face before she turned and walked away. I pushed the thoughts of why she would look at me like that and why I felt like I knew her from my mind, as I arrived at the Chancellors office and knocked on the door...

...I was in the middle of the meeting when my phone went off, I was going to ignore it but I knew I couldn't so I rummaged around in my bag and checked the caller ID. I immediately panicked when I saw Edwards name flash across the screen.

I interrupted the Chancellor with an apologetic look, "Excuse I'm extremely sorry but I have to take this call; I assure you it will take no longer than a few minutes." I hurried from the room and flipped open the receiver, "Edward, what wrong, are you alright are the twins alright?"

"Bella?" I could hear the relief flood his voice and I could feel my panic rising. "Are you alright? I had the most terrible feeling that something was wrong. I'm going to leave the kids here with my parents and come down and get you ok?" Edward said almost breathlessly.

I relaxed the instant I knew that there was nothing wrong with them and that he was only worried about me.

"Edward I'm fine baby, I'm still in the meeting. I've been vindicated like I should have been, I'm going to use this phone call as an excuse to leave the meeting early, So I'll be on the road soon. You just stay with the kids ok and I'll phone you when I leave. Don't worry baby everything's fine...I love you Edward with all my heart and soul. You are my everything..."

"I love you too Bella. Please be careful, I've got such a terrible feeling..." He said quietly, I could hear the tinge of panic in his voice.

"There's nothing to worry about sweetie, it's just separation anxiety. I feel it too when I'm away from you, like I can't breathe properly...We'll be together soon I promise." I said soothingly. I wondered what had got into him he was never usually this frantic.

"Hurry back to me Mrs Cullen."

"I will...Bye Baby I love you and I love my new name."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I slid into the jag and retrieved my phone from my bag, I dialled Edwards number and waited expectantly for him to answer, I was disappointed however when it clicked onto his voicemail.

"Hey Baby it's me, I'm leaving now and I'll see you soon. I love you forever and I can't wait to be Mrs Cullen. Till I'm in your arms again...I love you." I threw the phone on the seat and pulled the Jag out of the parking lot, I wasn't paying much attention to the other road users as I joined the flow of traffic heading out of town, it was a beautiful sunny day, perfect for being at the beach and I couldn't wait to spend time with Edward and the twins on the white sandy shores.

I turned the radio up when I heard Edwards favourite Killer's song came on and sung away to the lyrics. I had just turned off the highway and was heading toward the beach when I glanced in my rear view mirror and noticed the woman with the long brown hair tailgating me, before I had time to even register that it was in fact her when she rammed her car into the back of the Jag. I tried to correct myself when she came up alongside me and forced me off the road, I had no way to correct as the car slid out of control.

My eyes squeezed shut tight as the car veered off the road it went into a free fall for a moment as it went over the bank.

I tried to brace for impact and then all went dark...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

...I woke up and was surrounded in a white mist that obscured my surroundings and I could hear voices whispering around me, I called out to Edward and I could faintly hear his voice in the distance, calling back to me telling me to come home, I wanted to go home but I was lost I had no idea where I was and the fog grew thicker around me.

There was another voice, louder than Edward's. A woman's voice, the pitch was high but the tone was clear and cold. "You cannot run from me Isabella Swan, you have something of mine and I want it back. And I won't rest until I've taken it back from you and seen every ounce of your blood spilled.

I looked around for the high cold voice but I could see nothing in the infuriating fog and I started to run blindly calling out for Edward's name. I could hear his soft voice weaving on the breeze and I thought it sounded closer than before. I kept running hoping to outrun the other voice which was now laughing; it was a cruel blood chilling sound.

"You can't outrun me Isabella, I know everything about you, I know your every move; you will never be safe. I won't rest until you're dead..."

My scream echoed around me and I ran even faster, trying to concentrate on the sound of Edward's voice which was still faint but definitely clearer.

"Edward where are you...please...I need you..."

All of a sudden the fog was gone and I was standing on a pristine white sand beach, the turquoise water of the lagoon sparkled in the bright sun. I turned behind me and I could see the mist circling around the edges of the scene, it seemed it couldn't penetrate where the sunshine was; the light was its enemy.

I turned back to survey the scene in front of me, I could see a lone figure walking toward me. I knew who it was at once and I was mesmerised by the way the light seemed to shine out from within him surrounding him in a pure white halo. His bronze hair glinted in the light. He was the goodness, the light in my soul, the only one who could save me from the cruel woman bent on destroying me. He held out his arms for me as he approached and I rushed into them feeling the overwhelming sense of safety as they closed around me.

We tumbled to the sand."Edward thank god I found you, this place is so magical, so beautiful I think we should just stay here forever, can we?"

"No my love, we have to go back we can't stay here for long." He looked deeply into my eyes and they were serious like his voice.

I frowned at his response; I was so sure he'd agree to stay, "Why do we have to go back? I like it here it feels safe and the sun is so warming. I don't want to leave. I like it here.

"We aren't meant to be here yet. It's not our time. We have to go back and I need you to follow me closely Bella. I'm going to take you home now." He said standing and holding out his hand to me with a smile.

"I can't go with you Edward...we can't leave here, the woman with the brown hair. She will get me if I leave."

"She won't Bella, but you need to remember her! You need to tell me when you wake up ok? It's very important; can you do that for me?"

"She will Edward, she wants to destroy me. I'm sure I know her face but something's wrong with the picture, something's different but I don't know what...I can't go with you Edward but if you have to go promise me you'll come back. I will wait for you here.

"Think Bella! You know her, why are you afraid of her? You have to concentrate..."

"I'm afraid because she hurt me, she has done something terrible to me but I don't know what. I saw her at the university, I heard her in the mist she was telling me I had something of hers and she wasn't going to stop hurting me until I gave it back."

"What did you see Bella? What did she look like? Her eyes, her hair? Think Bella, you know her, but she looks different... what did her voice sound like?" Edward questioned me relentlessly, forcing me to take proper notice of the details.

"It's not her eyes that are different; they were still the same cold blue ones she's always had. It's her hair Edward her hairs different, it should be..."

"It should be what Bella? What does it normally look like?" I could hear the note of frustration in his voice but he smiled encouragingly at me.

"I'm not sure, it shouldn't be long straight and brown it should be lighter and the style should be different." The answer I was seeking was hovering just out of my reach and I was beginning to get frustrated at myself. Edward however was not going to let me give up.

"Who do you know who has that colour hair Bella? She's familiar to you..."

"It's an unusual colour, kind of like Irina's but it's different."

"You're close Bella! Similar to Irina's but different...a cold voice...She thinks you have something that belongs to her... come on Bella, you need to do this!"

I thought about Irina, I knew it wasn't her but I felt like they had a connection. The person reminded me of Kate more than Irina."I think its Kate Edward, she reminds me of Kate, but her eyes and voice are cruel." Realisation hit me then like a lightning bolt and I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it from the start, cold and cruel but with a connection to Irina and Kate."No Edward not Kate, it's not Kate its Tanya...Its Tanya out there in the mist Edward she is the one who did this...I have you and she wants you back...We have to stay here Edward she can't get to us here on the beach, but she's out there in the fog waiting to take back what is hers." I was almost hysterical fear gripped my insides and I shook uncontrollably.

"No Bella, you have to go back! I'll walk with you, I'll always be with you, but you have to go back now and tell me. She can't hurt you, not here. Our family needs you Bella, our children need you and I need you..." He cupped my cheeks in his warm hands and kisses me tenderly "Come back with me Mrs Cullen, come back so we can have our happy ever after, don't let her win, you're stronger than that. Come home to me beautiful..."

He kissed me again and I wondered if he could feel the internal battle I was waging with myself. "Edward...I want to but I'm scared...we will get lost in the mist and she will find us. We could bring the children here to the beach."

"No, sweetheart our lives aren't meant to be had here. You have to be brave Bella, I know you are afraid but I am here with you. I won't let her hurt you...Do you trust me?" He asked me with a kind smile "Take my hand..." He reached out waiting for me to take it, "Let me take you home baby..."

"Promise you won't let go, promise you'll stay." I took his out stretched hand.

"I promise you I'll never let go." He said with a smile and walked us into the mist...

**~~~~XXXX~~~~~ **

The first thing I was consciously aware of was Edward's voice in my ear, I didn't feel any pain but my throat was dry and body felt stiff like I'd been lying in the same position for a long period of time.

"I promise you, I'll never let go." Edward whispered kissing my cheek "Won't you come home to me Baby? I miss you so much..." His voice sounded hoarse and I could hear how broken it sounded.

"Ed...Ward..." I whispered. It was hard to get the word out. I had no idea if he could hear me or if I had in fact spoke out loud.

"Bella, Baby? Squeeze my hand!"

I tried to squeeze his hand but I couldn't get it to squeeze harder enough I did however get my fingers to move a little, "Don't...let go..." I whispered a little louder.

"Bella, oh my love, my Bella, I won't ever let go, I love you baby..." the utter relief and joy in his voice was paramount; I tried to smile but my muscles didn't want to respond to my brains command. " I'm just going to get the doctor ok?"

Panic and overwhelming fear bolted through me. "Don't...don't go...The mist will get me."

"What baby? What mist? Love the doctor needs to check you over...Ok; I'll just call the nurse in with the buzzer ok? Ssh, it will all be alright now."

I was beginning to get agitated that Edward wouldn't listen to what I needed to say, "The mist Edward, you know...the mist...Tanya was waiting and... you just walked us out of it...I wanted to stay at the beach...she couldn't hurt me there...but you said we had to come back...Why don't you remember?..." My desiccated throat burned with the effort of speaking. I was confused and I had no idea what the hell was going on or where I was..."Edward where am I?"

"You're in the hospital love; there was an accident when you were driving to my parents."

Another wave of Fear rushed through me when Edward let go of my hand and made to move from the bed,"No...Edward...Don't let go... never let go...she's out there waiting, waiting for me to give back what is hers."

"Nobody can hurt you Bella, you're in the hospital and you're safe ok? Trust me."His hand brushed over my forehead, but for once his touch never soothed me and I sighed in frustration.

"I wish we stayed at the beach, I knew we were safe there...Why did she do this to me; Edward?"

"Bella you're making no sense, you need to rest. The doctor will be here shortly."

I must have been rambling so I took a minute to try and clarify my thoughts. I spoke in a whisper but with conviction "I need you Edward...and water."

He hastily poured me a glass of water and raised it to my lips, "Not too much love, I don't even know if I should be giving you this."

"Thank you..." The ice cold fluid felt soothing against my raw throat and I quickly gulped down the rest of the glass and vomited it back up again, "sorry, I shouldn't of had so much; it just felt good on my throat." I looked at Edward and I could see the fear and relief warring in his eyes. "Edward what do you think happened to me?"

Edward looked nervous and his eyes drifted toward the door and he sighed. "Bella they said you were run off the road. You had to have surgery and you've been in a coma for a week." His voice cracked and I reached up to wipe the tears from his cheeks, "Thank you for coming back to me, I didn't know what I would do without you, I was so scared baby..."

"I didn't come back to you Edward, I never left you... I lost you in the mist but I found you on the beach, I couldn't remember but you helped me to remember...A coma? A week? why did I have surgery?" I was completely spaced out I had no idea if what was reality and what was confined to my head and words seemed to spill from my mouth but I had no idea if I was making sense.

I could tell Edward was almost panicking and he dismissed me quickly, "Don't worry about it for now; all that matters is that you are here, alive and well." I was about to protest when we were interrupted by the Doctor.

He approached me and I clutched Edwards hand, I was holding it so tight I was sure it had to be hurting him. He never said anything if I was. "Hello Isabella I'm Dr Webber, how do you feel?" I flinched when he reached out and shined a small light in each of my eyes. "I don't know...am I awake? Edward said I was in a car accident but I don't remember that..."

"What do you remember?" He asked me kindly.

"I remember that I was going to meet Edward and I was driving and I looked in my rear vision mirror and it was the woman with the brown hair only she doesn't have brown hair, and Edward was at the beach and he walked me out of the mist and I woke up here. Edward said I had surgery, why?"

"Well Isabella you had a punctured lung and a ruptured spleen." He said quietly.

"Oh..." Was all I could say and I leaned further into Edward and tried to control my trembling. I was scared I was going into shock, but I was too afraid to close my eyes again in case the mist claimed me once more.

"Edward...I don't know what to do..."

"Sshh Bella, you don't have to do anything, just rest. Doctor may I see you outside for a minute?"

**"**Certainly Edward, Bella I will be back to check on you in an hour, I want you to rest as much as possible. And don't try to force yourself to remember details, you need to rest. Edward"

Edward got up from the bed and let go of my hand.

I gasped and immediately my throat constricted and fear flooded through me, "NO EDWARD...don't let go...you said you wouldn't let go and you did...and I... can't... breathe...and you'll leave...why did you let go?..." My eyelids fluttered closed and I wrenched them open, "she will get me if you let go..."

My trembling had turned to near convulsion and the doctor looked at me in alarm, "Please Isabella try to remain calm, you have had major surgery." I ignored the doctor and looked at Edward imploringly.

"Bella. Calm down. I'm here and I won't leave. I promise you, but you have to calm down ok? You're going to hurt yourself. Can you do that for me?"

I paid no attention to what Edward and the Doctor were saying, I just waited until the voices fell silent before I spoke, "I want to close my eyes but I'm scared, Stay with me..." I pleaded.

"Forever, I'll stay with you as long as you need me, and even when you don't I still won't go baby. You're stuck with me."

I decided to try again to tell Edward about Tanya, "When we were at the beach I couldn't remember the woman with the brown hair and you helped me...It was Tanya Edward...Tanya ran me off the road."

"Tanya? Bella, she's not even in the country. You've got nothing to worry about." I listened to his breathing and looked up at him puzzled when I noticed the sudden increase in his heart looked down at me with eyes full of sadness. "Bella Honey, there is something I have to tell you."

The tone of his voice told me it wasn't going to be good news and a thousand different scenario's flashed before me; each more horrific than the last. I tried to brace myself, but I doubted it would do much good I felt like I was only hovering on the fringes of insanity. "What Edward, what is it?" I whispered.

"...We lost a baby. You were six weeks pregnant**."**

I was sure I hadn't heard him right, "A baby...we were going to have another baby?" My world crashed down around me and I felt like I was getting sucked toward a massive black hole. Guilt instantly washed over me and I couldn't stop myself from retching.

I couldn't believe I had lost the chance to give Edward all the experiences he had missed with the twins, I turned my face from his unable to bear the thought of what this must be doing to him..."I'm so sorry Edward..."

Edward Immediately refused to let me apologize. Of course he would allow me to carry no blame, he never did, even when it was my fault.

As desperately as I tried to not put my walls up, it was too late; they were already there in place.

"Bella: Honey talk to me, please?" Edward whispered.

"What more can I say Edward? You've lost so much...and I can't..." For the first time since I'd woken up I allowed my eyelids to close. I wanted to hide away in my own head, I didn't want to look at Edward and be reminded of what I had cost him.

He begged me to open my eyes, not to hide from him, but I was hurting and I had nowhere to lay the blame so I laid it upon myself.

"I love you Bella. I will always love you."

"I know you love me Edward...I need to rest baby it has been a long day..." I said somewhat dismissively. But I practically yelled when he asked if he should leave and fear bubbled up inside me, "No...I need you to find me if the fog gets me...will I wake up if I shut my eyes?" I whispered.

The last thing I wanted was to confide my fears to him and burden him with more but I was so petrified I needed some sort of reassurance and hope. I didn't even care if he lied. I just needed something before I succumb to the overpowering urge to close my eyes.

"You will my love, you will wake up again and I'll be right here with you. Sleep Bella," He cooed in his soft velvety voice.

"Do you promise...you will be here...we lost our baby...so sorry," I couldn't fight the overwhelming urge to just retreat into myself and hide myself and my pain away where it couldn't hurt Edward. I had done enough damage to him.

"I promise you love, I will be here. No more talk now, just sleep Bella."

I wanted to drift off to sleep, but I couldn't get the beach scene off my mind and Edward's insistence that I remember and tell him about Tanya as soon as I woke. I kept my eyes closed hoping this time he'd listen and take me seriously.

"Tanya did it Edward, she has brown hair now; you told me at the beach that I had to tell you when we got back..." I felt my lips moving but I had no idea if I had spoken out loud or if Edward had heard me. My eyelids refused to open and I hovered somewhere in the twilight of sleep and awake.

Until sleep finally claimed me...

**Edward POV**

I was quite happily enjoying Bella's magnificent body when the phone rang.

"Let it fucking ring. Nothing could be more important than this….." I growled, but in true Bella Lets-sexually-frustrate-Edward-as-much-as-I-possibly-can style, she answered the phone. I was left fighting the urge to rip the phone from her hand and stomp on it until it broke into a million fucking pieces.

When she got off the phone, I decided to give her a little taste of her own medicine. Petty I know, but I still got the reaction I was after. She groaned as I stopped my attentions and looked up at her innocently

"Who was that baby?" I asked. She didn't look too happy with whatever they had to tell her.

"The university, they have finished their internal review and they have summons me to a meeting. They were kind enough however to warn me that it was going to take most of the day."

Most of the day? Well, that was just fucking unacceptable wasn't it. Here I was, with a hard on the size of that god awful fucking tower in France, enjoying the soft supple body of my fiancé and now she had to leave.

Karma was such a bitch.

"When do you have to leave?" I asked running my finger along the inside of her thigh.

"I've Got to be there by nine, its six thirty now I'll have to be gone by quarter to eight at the latest you know what traffics like"

"How fast can you get ready?" I asked lightly nipping at the path my fingers had just drawn. I heard her breath suck in as I nipped close to where I knew she wanted me. I grinned, I loved that I could play her body in such a way.

"At lightning speed but we need to make a plan, we were leaving for your parents beach house this morning." She responded rather breathlessly.

"Well, I did plan to start here." I said as I slid a finger inside her warmth. Her walls tightened around me instantly, as though they recognised the sensation and sought more.

"Hmm...It is a good plan, but the other plan needs addressing pretty quickly you know how hate being disorganised."

"I don't know much about what you hate, but I certainly know what you love..." I began attacking her clit ferociously with my tongue, just how I knew she loved it. I could feel her close to her climax when her legs began to shake, and I nibbled at her lightly, while her thighs clamped like vices around my ears.

"Oh god Edward...you do know what I like...Only you..."

My Bella was beautiful, but she was never as beautiful as when she was in the throes of her orgasm. The way her eyes fluttered delicately closed, the way her breath would hitch in her chest, pushing her breasts up even higher, the way her entire body would begin to tremble and twitch at my command. I felt powerful at these moments, alive and untouchable. Her body responded to me and me alone and when those words would come tumbling from her lips?

Ecstasy.

When her twitching stopped, I moved up slightly and rest my head just above her belly button. It took all my willpower not to lower my mouth to it and taste her skin, still lightly damp with her persperation. "Now what was it you were so insistent on talking about Mrs Cullen?" I loved calling her that, even though I knew it was not entirely correct yet. I doubted anyone would be stupid enough to correct me, and Bella certainly wouldn't. Her face lit up brilliantly every time I called her by her new name.

"First thank you for not letting me get side tracked that was everything it promised to be. I was saying that we are going to your parent's beach house this morning but that won't be a possibility for me now will it?"

"Can't you call in sick or something? Tell them if they give you the day off I'll donate a disgraceful amount of money to their next project. They can build a new wing, the "Edward Cullen Got Laid" memorial building." I smiled up at her, loving the view of her from my position. Actually, there was nothing I didn't like about my current position...

She snorted in laughter, but to my disappointment, shook her head. I had to fight off a tantrum.

"No I just told them I'd be there, plus it's my review, they are either going to find me guilty of gross misconduct or I'm going to be pardoned, I have to be there to know my fate. And while the students may enjoy the name of the wing I doubt the old wax works will."

Fine, leave me in my hour of need. I thought petulantly. She was so stubborn, couldn't she just give into me this once? The days of when women followed the instructions of their menfolk never seemed so attractive as they did at that moment.

"You know once we are married, this kind of thing won't wash anymore. I'm sure there is something in there about obeying your husband..." I gave her my cheeky smirk, that usually charmed the panties right off her, but since she wasn't wearing any I was just hoping not to loose my balls at my comment. Thankfully, my attentions seemed to have worked all the agression out of her and she laughed.

My balls were safe.

"Jesus Caveward we will definitely be editing that to worship Bella for all eternity or its getting left out all together, because there will be no obeying thy husband from me."

I nuzzled my bristly face into her soft smooth skin, earning a squeal, I began to kiss all around her belly button, fascinated and entralled by the texture of her skin, I had never felt anything so soft.

"Worshipping Bella goes without saying, I;ve been doing that since the day I met you."

I laid my head down and looked up at her, "And I'll be doing it till our last days too." I gave her a cheeky grin "Can I bribe you with more sexual favours to skip the meeting?

"No you can't but I will take a rain check thank you, but you could be permitted to have your way with me in the shower if you like...But only if you promise to help me get a plan organised because we are fast running out of time."

She was determined, that much was clear. I sighed inwardly at my own loss and decided it was time to be the kind responsible man that my parents had raised. She needed some food inside her for today, she would be nervous as hell and would need the nourishment.

"How about I go and make you some breakfast and then we can 'plan' while we eat?" I looked at her sternly, "Just know that I am giving up my sexual gratification for the sake of your nutritional needs. Fucking selfless it what I am..." I muttered as I got out of bed and began searching for some clothes.

"You are selfless sweetie, I'm glad you've finally realised it. And I promise I will make it up to you, though I'm warning you now I'm not doing it your parent's house so starting think creatively, it should give you something to pass the time."

I grabbed my Sam's Town T-shirt from the drawers and pulled it on over my head. I was fucking Killers crazy, I admitted it freely and made no apologies. I thought about booking tickets to one of their shows in the states and schooling Bella on musical and lyrical genius of the band and in particular Mr Brandon Flowers. The dude was just fucking talented. Fuck I'd give my left nut just to play a set with them….

I grabbed some blue True Religion jeans from the drawers and pulled them on, hissing as they grazed my sensitive cock.

That's right, no release for Mr Lets-Be-All-Noble-And-Shit. Good fucking idea that one. Now you have a hard on, no way to get rid of it and she has put the brakes on any kind of kinky sex at the beach house.

Kinky sex at the beach house. I grimaced as I was flooded with memories of walking in as a teenager to find Emmett screwing his girlfriend doggy style on my bed. I had nearly fucking vomited then and there and the smart ass had just smiled and waved at me. The fucker had totally set me up and later on I had vowed him, one day I would get my own revenge. After I had told my mother I was burning my bed and I would be sleeping in the guest room until I got a new one.

"Well there goes the idea of doing you in Emmett's bed..."

I left the room, leaving Bella itching with curiosity and yelling that I always tried to manipulate her. I scoffed as I carried on towards the stairs; if I didn't get my kinky revenge sex then she could just suffer with the curiosity. I readjusted myself in my jeans as I made my way down the stairs, I could have done with some manipulation myself at that moment.

I quietly opened the door to Apples room and smiled when I saw her sitting in her bed reading a book aloud to herself. Well, she was looking at the pictures and making her own story up as she went along, but in my mind it still counted as reading. Her whole face lit up when she saw me and she practically scaled my body until she nestled herself comfortably in my arms and began kissing my cheeks.

"Well good morning to you to Princess." I chuckled as she began twisting herself

around me until she came to a stop on my back, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck.

"Daddy be Apple horsey?" She asked and I made a snuffling noise like a horse, earning a chorus of adorable giggles.

"Gee up horsey!" She commanded and let out a really bad immiatation of a whinny.

We found Louis also awake, but sitting in his bed watching his fish while he drew a picture of them in brightly coloured crayons. His papers were stacked neatly beside him, while only the crayon he was currently using was out of the box and in his hand.

My son may have been the spitting image of his mother, but he certainly inherited many of my little idiosyncrasies. He was a neat freak and a perfectionist whereas Apple was more like Bella, carefree and whimsical.

"Daddy horsey Louis!" Apple screeched into my ear, causing me to wince. I could have sworn Louis gave me a sympathetic glance. His maturity went well beyond his years, a trait which I knew he did not get from me or his mother.

After somehow managing to get both children upstairs and on my back no less, I sat them in their chairs and began to make a full on breakfast. When Bella came out freshly showered and smelling of that intoxicating cinnamon scented body wash, I had to force back the urge to drag her back into the bedroom and have my way with her. I filled a plate with bacon, eggs, toast, muffin and a side bowl of fresh fruit and yoghurt before passing her a coffee. She sat down and drank her coffee gratefully.

"So are you ready to make a plan now because I need to be gone in the next five minutes." She said gulping down another mouthful of coffee and looking up at the clock with a frown. I couldn't understand why she was so flustered, we were only going to my parents, it didn't really require a strategy meeting.

"Well this manipulative man has nothing baby, so tell me what I need to do and I'll get it done." I said shrugging my shoulders and handing Apple a new piece of toast with a smile, she reached up so she could pull my face down to hers

"Love Daddy." She said kissing my nose.

I smiled and stood, grabbing the dishtowel and wiping the sticky jam from my face "Daddy doesn't like your sticky fingers much." I said tickling her for a bit before ruffling Louis's hair and sitting down.

"Orders?" I turned back to the stove, barely saving the bacon from being burnt and not just extra crispy.

"You heard that did you.? And I don't give you orders, I give you directives and do I need to remind you that you give out your fair share...Anyway you take the kids with you and leave as planned this morning and I will meet you there as soon as I can get out of that meeting"

"Just don't take too long Mrs Cullen; I do so much better when I'm with you." I answered as I piled some more food onto her plate. I had gone overboard a bit and there was nearly enough to feed Emmett.

"Edward if you keep putting Bacon on my plate I'm going to end up looking like one of the things this meat comes from... Oh and before I forget can you pack the clothes I'll need I haven't had time, and don't worry you'll do fine..." She reassured me and I snorted. Of course I would do fine, I could handle packing a few fucking clothes.

"Honey, I'm Edward Cullen. I run a huge corporation, satisfy an Insatiable wife and diligently parent two beautiful children. This is a piece of cake!" I said snapping my fingers to emphasise my point.

"Yeah I know...sorry I said anything." She said as she finished her coffee and kissed the twins goodbye. I waited patiently with my arms held open for my turn. She stood on her tippy toes and gave me a kiss that only served to reignite the lust in me. I was about to grind myself into her when she pulled away and I actually felt like fucking crying. I had been cockblocked by too many people that morning, myself included.

"So baby I will see you this afternoon, Don't forget to pack mega clothes for the twins you know how they love to get dirty and wet. Be careful on the roads and I love you...more than anything...you are my life."

"Love you too and don't worry, I got it covered. Just be safe ok?" I said adding the bit on the end as an afterthought. I didn't know why, but I felt anxious. I didn't want to let her walk out the door.

"Of course I will be." She said as she left. I cleaned the twins up and we went to pack our bags for the trip.

The nagging feeling didn't leave me.

I packed everything into the BMW and buckled the twins into their seats before we started off towards my parents beach house. The entire drive I couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly fucking wrong and it had everything to do with my Bella. At one point, I nearly turned the fucking car around so I could drive to the university and make sure she was ok. I gripped the steering wheel tighter and shook my head. I was being a fucking idiot.

We arrived at the beach house and my mother came running outside. Literally running. She had Louis out of the car and had moved onto Apple before I could even open my door.

"Looks like you are no longer number one in your mother's books." My father said with a chuckle as I got out of the car. I nodded absently, only half listening to him. My mind was on Bella.

"Are you alright son?" My father asked, a concerned look on his face.

I didn't know what to say. Was I alright? Not really but I had no tangiable reason not to be, only a sick feeling inside.

"I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong with Bella." I said. I explained about

her meeting and why she wasn't with us and about the strange feelings I had been having. The old Carlisle would have scoffed and told me to man up but the new Carlisle Cullen listened sympathetically.

"If you're that concerned, then why don't you just call her? That way you can put your mind at ease." He said eventually. I ripped my phone from my pocket and dialled Bella's cellphone, my foot tapping nervously on the concrete as I waited for her to answer

"Edward, what wrong, are you alright are the twins alright?"

"Bella?" I asked, the relief washing through me at the sound of her voice. She was ok.

"Are you alright? I had the most terrible feeling that something was wrong. I'm going to leave the kids here with my parents and come down and get you ok?"

I wouldn't feel better until she was with me again. My father who was still standing beside me nodded and went inside to tell my mother I supposed.

"Edward I'm fine baby, I'm still in the meeting I've been vindicated like I should have been, I'm going to use this phone call as an excuse to leave the meeting early, So I'll be on the road soon. You just stay with the kids ok and I'll phone you when I leave. Don't worry baby everything's fine...I love you Edward with all my heart and soul. You are my everything..."

"I love you too Bella. Please be careful, I've got such a terrible feeling..." I trailed off feeling foolish yet still over whelmingly worried.

"There's nothing to worry about sweetie, it's just separation anxiety I feel it too when I'm away from you, like I can't breathe properly...We'll be together soon I promise."

"Hurry back to me Mrs Cullen." I whispered softly. I needed her here with me now.

"I will...Bye Baby I love you and I love my new name."

My stomach plunged. I felt as though I were dancing on a million razorblades and all my nerve endings were raw and exposed. It was completely irrational, but no matter how much I tried to shake the feeling it would not leave me. There was no way I was going to burden Bella unnecessarily though, so I swallowed back the bile in my throat and went inside.

I sat on the doorstep, feeling like a fucking kid waiting for Dad to get home and it kind of wasn't far off.

I had missed a call from Bella, telling me she was on her way, when I had been busy changing the twins so my parents could take them for a walk.

I had replayed the message about five times and by my calculations, she should have arrived by now. In fact, she should have been here a while ago. I had tried her phone, but there was no answer and I was getting worried.

Half an hour passed and I decided once my parents returned I was going to drive back to the city and find out what was going on myself.

When I saw the police car pull up the driveway, it's lights flashing I knew it was Bella and that knowledge was already threatening to tear me apart. The police officer got out of the car and his face was grim.

"Excuse me I'm trying to locate Edward Cullen, his office said I would find him here."

"I'm Edward Cullen" I said my voice shaking, the look on the officer's face filled me with dread. I could feel my hands begin to tremble and then he said the words that I feared most.

"Mr Cullen, are you the partner of a Miss Isabella Swan?"

"Oh my God, what happened?" I said brokenly, feeling my knees go weak. I looked up over the policeman's shoulder and saw my parents hurrying up the driveway, their faces concerned.

"I'm sorry to inform you Mr Cullen but Isabella Swan has been in a serious road accident and she has been flown to Wellington Hospital, she is still alive but her condition is critical."

That was it, my knees fell out and I would have fallen had my father not rushed to my side and caught me.

"No, it can't be her! It has to be someone else! You've made a mistake!" I yelled as my father pulled me tightly to him.

"I'm sorry sir but there is no mistake." He turned to Carlisle, "Can one of you drive him to the hospital or would you like me to?"

"No thank you, I will take him and thank you officer. Come on Son we'll go now, Bella will be fine, we have to keep faith. Esme will you please watch the twins I will ring you as soon ass we know whats happening" My father said as he steered us towards his Mercedes. I could barely stand, I could barely walk, fuck, I could barely fucking breathe. It couldn't be right. Not my Bella, not now.

"It can't be her Dad! Not her! What am I going to do? I can't lose her, I wouldn't survive it..." I choked out as the tears ran down my cheeks. Why the fuck hadn't I gone back and drove her myself? I knew something was wrong, I had fucking felt it. If anything happened to her, I would never forgive myself, never.

My father reached over and grabbed my shoulder reassuringly, his eyes darting

between me and the road.

"Try to calm down son, let's just find out what we're dealing with and we'll have her transferred to our private hospital as soon as we can"

I held my head in my hands the whole way to the hospital. My blood was like ice in my veins and I simply couldn't cope with all the emotions I was feeling. Hatred, self loathing, regret, worry, anger, saddness, it all threatened to consume me. When we pulled up to the gray and bleak stone hospital, I shot out of the car and raced to the emergency desk.

"Isabella Swan? Where is she?" I demanded rudely, but I didn't care. I needed to get to Bella. The receptionist looked up at me with a frown before typing the name into her computer. I wanted to reach across the desk and smash her head into it, she seemed to be typing as slowly as she possibly could and I had no patience left in me.

"She's been assigned to the ICU but its saying here she's in surgery. The ICU is on the fifth floor, the receptionist there will be able to help." I ran. I didn't move for people, they moved for me, I was on a mission and I would not be dettered. I made it to the reception desk in the ICU and slammed my hands down on the desk, causing the poor woman behind to jump with fright.

"Isabella Swan." I panted "Where is she?"

The receptionist checked on the computer, much faster than the last woman and looked up at me in fear. I had no doubt my appearance was nothing but feral. "She is currently in surgery, you are welcome to take a seat and I'll let you know as soon as they return her to the ward. The Doctor can speak to you then."

"Surgery?" I whispered, realising that I had been told that downstairs. It just hadn't registered.

"What for?" I felt my father come up behind me and place his hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "Dad she's in surgery." I whispered again, hating the way it sounded. She shouldn't be in there, she was innocent and perfect, such terrible fates surely belonged to people such as myself.

My father looked at me in such sympathy. "Come on son let's sit down, they will tell us as soon as they know something."

I followed.

I had no other choice.

Hours had passed when they finally wheeled Bella passed us and into the ward, the doctor followed behind and was quickly directed to us by the receptionist.

"Mr Cullen?"

"Yes." I said in a hoarse voice, standing and quickly moving toward him "How is

she?" My heart was in my throat and every muscle in my body was taught.

"She has suffered servere internal injuries. She has a ruptured spleen and one of her lungs collapsed. and I'm very sorry to tell you we were unable to save the baby. She is in a coma at the moment and if she survives the next twenty four hours then we will be able to access the swelling to her brain better."

"If she survives?" I choked out. I felt my father's arm go around my shoulders and he hugged me to his side. I couldn't understand what he was saying, she was going to survive. She had too. I couldn't live without her, we had children, this kind of thing just didn't happen, you only heard about it right? There was a horrible sucking noise, and I looked around in confusion before I realised it was me.

I just couldn't fucking breathe without her.

"Yes well the next twenty four hours are the most critical, she is stable now so that is a good sign. I will be monitoring her personally and I will keep you updated if there is any change."

"Can I see her?" I asked. If I could see her, she would be alright. She would come back to me, I just had to tell her how much we all needed her, that was all. Bella loved me, she loved our babies, she wouldn't leave us…..

"Yes...I will be back within the hour to check on her."

Our babies….. "….Unable to save the baby…"

"Wait!" I said suddenly "You said you were unable to save the baby. What baby?" I asked in abject horror. The doctor's eyes widened slightly, before his professional mask was back in place.

"Oh...I'm sorry I didn't realise you didn't know, Isabella was pregnant, early in her first trimester. we did everything we could but she had just lost too much blood and if we didn't act she would have died. I'm very sorry Mr Cullen."

I began to shake. She had been pregnant. She must not have known, she never would have kept something like that from me, not after the twins.

"Unable to save the baby"….. "If she survives the next twenty four hours"….

"Assess the swelling in her brain."

Too many bleak words were crowding my head and I grabbed at my hair, trying to rip them free. I just needed to think. Why the fuck couldn't the voices in my head just…

"SHUT UP!" I screamed suddenly and my father pulled my head to his shoulder.

"Edward stop. Listen to me son, I know this is hard. You have to be strong, Bella needs your strength right now, you have to be enough for both of you. You can do this, just stop."

He was right. I knew he was right. I sucked in a deep breath that only barely filled my lungs. It was to be expected, she had always been everything to me, the very literal air in my lungs.

"I need to be with her." I said in a ragged voice. My father pulled me towards the door to Bella's room.

"Be calm Edward, it's going to be a shock son." My father said quietly, his grip on me strong.

"I just need to be with her." I repeated as I pushed the door open. My horrified gasp echoed around teh room as I took in my angel. I walked in slow motion to her side, noting every needle, every monitor, every bandage on her battered body. She didn't look alive, she looked like she was dead already. I sank to my knees beside her bed and grabbed one of her hands gently, holding it to my face, pretending that she had put it there herself, because that would have meant that she was ok, and we would make it past this.

"Baby? Bella? It's me honey, it's Edward. I'm so sorry I wasn;t there baby, but I'm here now and you've got to come back to me. We don't work alone remember? I need you, our children need you..." I choked on the word children as I thought of the baby we had lost. I had not even known he or she existed until moments ago, but I felt the loss keenly. I looked up as I heard my father speak from across the room. I had forgotten he was there. He stood against the wall near the door.

"I'll give you some time alone Edward, I want to go and call Esme. Will you be alright son? I'll just be out in the corridor if you need me."

I couldn't answer, I just nodded, laying my head down on the bed next to her, cradling her hand against my face for dear life. She still felt warm so I knew she was alive. I just had to hold onto that.

The doctors and nurses came and went. They checked her vitals and wrote things down on her chart. They gave me stereotypical responses that I largely ignored. I just lay on the bed beside her and stroked her hair away from her face, whispering my pleas for her to come back whenever we were alone.

I didn't want to hear that only time would tell. I didn't want to hear any more plastic platitudes, my father's voice or my mother's. The only thing I wanted to hear was her and until then I just wished everyone would leave us alone.

"I'm scared Bella." I whispered as I held her hand to my lips "I need you to come back, I can't do this alone! None of it makes any sense without you. Please Bella, please." I begged through my tears as I continued to kiss her hand.

I heard the door open but I didn't bother to look up, it didn't matter who it was.

"Edward? Are you Ok Bro. I came as soon as I heard." Emmett said tentatively and for some reason, my big brother's voice cracked the wall I had built up.

"She won't wake up Em, and I need her!" I said to him, before stroking the cheek of my angel again "Come on Bella, please. I need you love... please Bella!" I sobbed into her shoulder.

I lay there next to her staying just as still as she was. It made no sense, but then nothing did at the moment. This was worse than anything I had ever experienced.

"How did things get like this Em? I thought everything was finally going to work out. I asked Bella to marry me you know, and she said yes... She finally said yes and now I don't even know if she is going to wake up! She was pregnant too... We were going to have another baby Emmett, we didn;t know..." I felt the need to talk to someone, to confess everything and maybe share some of the crushing weight I felt on my shoulders, because no one could bear this much sorrow and guilt on their own, it wasn't possible.

I heard Emmett suck in a breath, but I kept my eyes on Bella, willing her to wake up.

"I'm so sorry about the baby Edward...And she's going to wake up, I know she is, the girls a fighter...You'll get your happy ever after Edward you need to hold onto that..."

"I love you Isabella Cullen, but you gotta come back to me so we can have that

wedding. You and me forever baby, no one else has ever made me feel the way you do. Emmett's here too sweetheart, he wants you to get better too, we all do..." I kissed her cheek and just kept stroking her soft hair. She made no movement, no indication that she could hear me, but it didn't matter. I would lie here with her for as long as it took, we just didn't work apart...

I glanced up briefly when I heard Emmett sniff. He had tears running down his cheeks as he looked out the window and for some strange reason, I felt a little less alone in my pain.

A week passed and nothing changed. My mother brought the twins in to see me every day at lunch time and at eleven forty-five I would begin to plaster the smile on my face. I wouldn't let the twins into see Bella, she wouldn't want them to see her like that and my mother and I nearly came to an argument over it. She was adamant that they should see her, that it would be good for Bella and I had sat there with the twins on my lap listening, getting angrier and angrier that she wouldn't just butt out and let me do this my way.

Eventually my father stepped in and told her to leave it, obviously noticing how close I was to snapping. The twins and my mother left and I felt the smile drop from my face like it had never been there to begin with. It _shouldn't_ have been there, without my angel what was there to smile about? I had the twins, but what would happen to them if Bella didn't wake up? I couldn't raise them on my own, I was a fucking emotionally unstable, alcoholic. They deserved better, they deserved the best and that was their mother.

I crawled back onto the bed and inhaled deeply, missing the cinnamon scent of her body wash. She smelled like disinfectant and hospital. It wasn't right, she needed to be home, where she smelt like Bella again.

I wondered for the millionth time that week if she could hear me. I hoped she could, I didn't want her to feel lonely. She needed to know that I was here, that I loved her more than anything and I would never let go.

"I promise you, I'll never let go." I whispered as I kissed her cheek "Won't you come home to me Baby? I miss you so much..."

"Ed...Ward..."

I barely heard her, her voice was so quiet that I thought I had just imagined it. But then I saw her eyes begin to flutter and my heart leapt into my throat.

"Bella, Baby? Squeeze my hand!" I begged my voice desperate and excited. It was real, she was waking up, she was coming back to me!

"Don't...let go..." She whispered as her fingers began to twitch. Tears of relief spilled over and I began to sob

"Bella, oh my love, my Bella, I won't ever let go, I love you baby.. I'm just going to get the doctor ok?"

"Don't...don't go...The mist will get me." She begged and I stilled as the monitors began to go wild. She was simply terrified.

"What baby? What mist? Love the doctor needs to check you over...Ok; I'll just call the nurse in with the buzzer ok? Ssh, it will all be alright now." I reached for the buzzer with trembling hands.

Please let her be ok, please let her be ok…

"The mist Edward, you know...the mist...Tanya was waiting and... you just walked us out of it...I wanted to stay at the beach...she couldn't hurt me there...but you said we had to come back...Why don't you remember..."

"Edward where am I?"

"You're in the hospital love; there was an accident when you were driving to my parents." I had no idea what she was talking about and when she brought up Tanya of all people I began to worry. What if there had been some kind of permanent damage?

"No...Edward...Don't let go... never let go...she's out there waiting, waiting for me to give back what is hers." Her voice was so frantic and urgent that I stopped what I was doing and grabbed her face gently with my hands.

"Nobody can hurt you Bella, you're in the hospital and you're safe ok? Trust me."

"I wish we stayed at the beach, I knew we were safe there...Why did she do this to me Edward?"

"Bella you're making no sense, you need to rest. The doctor will be here shortly."I pressed the buzzer again, hoping like hell someone out there would move their fucking behinds and get a doctor in here now.

"I need you Edward...and water." She croacked and I quickly poured her a cup, holding it up for her to drink.

"Not too much love, I don't even know if I should be giving you this." I said uncertainly. I was no doctor, but she needed me and water she had said. I just couldn't deny her. Not anything.

"Thank you..." She drank the water down quickly before I could stop her and almost immediately vomited it back up again. "sorry, I shouldn't of had so much it just felt good on my throat."

"Edward what do you think happened to me?" She asked.

I looked at the door, praying the doctor would come through and answer the questions, I was much too tired and unsure of to answer. When no one came, I knew I had no choice. She had a right to know, and it was my place to be the one to tell her.

Especially about our baby.

"Bella they said you were run off the road. You had to have surgery and you've been in a coma for a week." The emotions, so close to the surface spilled over and she reached up slowly to wipe my tears away. "Thank you for coming back to me, I didn't know what I would do without you, I was so scared baby..." I blurted out, all my fears and worries that I would never see her smile again, never have the chance to tell her how much I loved her.

"I didn't come back to you Edward, I never left you... I lost you in the mist but I found you on the beach, I couldn't remember but you helped me to remember...A coma, a week, why did I have surgery?"

I was really worried now and getting ready to sue the fucking ass off the hospital if they didn't send someone in quickly. The mist? A beach? Tanya? I had no idea what the hell she was talking about but it didn't sound good.

"Don't worry about it for now; all that matters is that you are here, alive and well." I said as the doctor made his way into the room.

I was torn between killing him for taking so long and thanking him for finally getting here.

Bella's eyes widened slightly as the doctor came over and she crushed my hand in hers painfully. I didn't care, there was no way in hell I was moving or making her let go.

She could grind my bones to dust for all I cared.

The doctor examined her as she watched him warily. He explained what had happened, but when he brought up the haemorrhaging in her uterus and she rubbed her now empty stomach, I froze. I needed to tell Bella about the baby, it would be wrong coming from someone else.

"Edward...I don't know what to do..."

"Ssh Bella, you don't have to do anything, just rest. Doctor may I see you outside for a minute" I said looking purposefully at Bella.

"Certainly Edward, Bella I will be back to check on you in a hour, I want you to rest as much as possible, and don't try to force yourself to remember details, you need to heal. Edward"

I got up from the bed and Bella immediately went into a panic

"NO EDWARD...don't let go...you said you wouldn't let go and you did...and I... can't... breathe...and you'll leave...why did you let go...she will get me if you let go..."

The doctor tried to calm her but she ignored him and kept her gaze on me.

I grabbed her face and held it between my hands gently, forcing her to look at me "Bella: Calm down. I'm here and I won't leave. I promise you, but you have to calm down ok? You're going to hurt yourself. Can you do that for me?"

I asked holding her gaze. my thumbs carressed her cheeks. I sat back down on the bed. I couldn't leave her yet, but i couldn't risk the doctor telling her. "Perhaps we can save the rest for later?" I asked him without taking my eyes from Bella's "We can decide the best way to proceed then."

He nodded and left the room, promising to come back later.

"I want to close my eyes but I'm scared, Stay with me..."

I leaned down and whispered into her ear "Forever, I'll stay with you as long as you need me, and even when you don't I still won't go baby. You're stuck with me." I began to hum quietly, while stroking her arm soothingly.

"When we were at the beach I couldn't remember the woman with the brown hair and you helped me...It was Tanya Edward...Tanya ran me off the road."

"Tanya? Bella, she's not even in the country. You've got nothing to worry about." I wasn't sure what she was talking about, the beach, Tanya it all seemed surreal.

I knew I had to tell her, before someone else let it slip, a doctor, a nurse one of them would. I was sure of it.

"Bella Honey, there is something I have to tell you." I said dreading it like nothing else. I didn't want to tell her that we had lost our baby but I knew I had to. She wouldn't accept it coming from anyone else.

"What Edward, what is it?" She whispered.

"...We lost a baby." I said quietly, the tears sliding down my cheeks. I felt awful, my own hurt was compounded by the hurt I knew she would feel."You were six weeks pregnant." I said holding her to me tighter. I needed to feel her, I wanted to take the hurt away and bear it all on my own. I wanted to, but I couldn't so instead I held her and did my best to share her grief.

"A baby...we were going to have another baby?" she said as she began to retch violently. "I'm so sorry Edward..." She said as she turned from me. I could see her shut down and the walls go up. Walls I had not seen for a very long time.

"No!" I said firmly and forced her to look at me "Don't you do that Bella, don't shut yourself off from me! This is not your fault, do you hear me?" I kissed her cheek softly "you have done nothing to be sorry for. This hurts honey, I know it does but we've got to get through it together ok?" I was surprised at the way I managing to keep it together. On the outside at least, on the inside I was screaming, why us? why her?

Why? why? why? A thousand questions and no time to dwell on the answers because she needed me and I would do anything for her. I would push aside my own ache, to heal hers.

"Bella, honey talk to me, please?"

"What more can I say Edward. You've lost so much...and I can't..." She closed her eyes and I felt my heart break in two.

"No Bella, we've lost. Both of us. Don't hide from me sweetheart, I've been waiting so long for you to open those beautiful eyes again." I knew she was hurting and she was trying to keep it all in, blaming herself because she had no tangiable other place to lay it. I couldn't let her do this to herself.

"I love you Bella. I will always love you."

"I know you love me Edward...I need to rest baby it has been a long day..."

"Should I leave?" I asked reluctantly. I didn't want to leave her alone like this, but if she was tired i also didnt want to wear her out.

"No...I need you to find me if the fog gets me...will I wake up if I shut my eyes?"

"You will my love, you will wake up again and I'll be right here with you. Sleep

Bella," I whispered and began to hum softly to her again.

"Do you promise...you will be here...we lost our baby...so sorry,"

"I promise you love, I will be here. No more talk now, just sleep Bella."

"Tanya did it Edward, she has brown hair now, you told me at the beach that I had to tell you when we got back..." She mumbled as she fell asleep.

I frowned as she began mumbling about Tanya again and how I told her to tell me about her. She had brown hair? Tanya was a strawberry blonde, it made no sense, but for some reason it was sticking into my conscious and I couldn't leave it alone.

**A/N: Ok so you made it through...Feel free to vent your spleen, Greenaway and I are bracing ourselves for it. LOL**


	33. Chapter 33 Of Heart ache & Horror

**A/N: As always thank you to our reviewers, once again you guys shocked us with the way you coped with the last chapter, you guys really do rock :) And thank you to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions. To my facebook friends Kia Ora (I will give you the English meaning on my wall)...**

**Disclaimer: You know the Drill... :)**

**Chapter 33: Of Heartache and Horror...**

**Edwards POV...**

My cell phone vibrated and I carefully hopped off the bed, trying desperately to not wake Bella, I would have ignored the call but it was my mother and it could have been something to do with the twins.

"Hello?" I whispered keeping my eyes on my love. She was frowning in her sleep and by all accounts her dreams did not look peaceful.

"Edward its mum, how's Bella love?"

I sighed, a ragged broken sound. I hadn't called my parents yet to tell them Bella was awake, hell I hadn't even called Bella's parents yet. I was still so tired and was emotionally spent. I couldn't deal with anyone else yet and I was more than sure that Bella couldn't either.

"She's awake." I said as a sob escaped me. I quickly made my way over to the furthest corner of Bella's large private room, so I wouldn't wake her. "She's pretty confused and disoriented but she's awake. She's resting now, but Mum, I'm scared. She's not making a lot of sense. What if there is some kind of permanent damage?"

The doctors haunting words of brain injuries and irreversible head trauma were still stalking my every waking thought. I knew if that was the case we would manage somehow, but I prayed fervently that it was not the case. I didn't bring up the miscarriage either. Only Emmett knew and I was happy to keep it that way unless Bella decided differently. We needed time to get our heads around it first.

"Oh Edward thank goodness she's ok!" She questioned me relentlessly about Bella's condition and I could only tell her that I didn't have any real answers yet. Eventually, she noticed the tone of my voice and gave up, sighing, The reason I'm ringing son is that your neighbour Jason phoned to say there was some sort of disturbance at your house, he said he saw a woman with long brown hair, take your spare key and go inside. He didn't recognise her and he wanted me to make sure that she had a legitimate reason for being there"

I had been barely listening to her, Bella had whimpered in her sleep and my eyes shot to her immediately. But when my mother mentioned a woman with brown hair, my attention was quickly returned to her.

"…_..the woman with the brown hair….It was Tanya Edward.…..Tanya ran me off the road." _

"What did you say? A woman with brown hair?" I demanded my voice rising slightly. It couldn't be merely a coincidence, could it? The wheels began turning in my head and I was filled with a sense of foreboding.

"Mum, is Dad there?" I said urgently. I needed to get home and find out what the hell was going on, but I couldn't leave Bella on her own. If she woke up and I wasn't here she would be terrified, but if she woke up alone it would be so much worse.

"He is sweetheart would you like to speak with him?"

"Thanks mum." I said tapping my foot nervously. Bella was convinced that the brown haired woman was Tanya and I was beginning to get a sick feeling that she may have been right.

"Edward son I'm so happy to hear Bella is alright. Is there something I can do for you?" My father's voice came through the phone a moment later

"Dad I need you to come in to the hospital and sit with Bella in case she wakes up again. There's something I have to check out... I can't really explain over the phone, how soon can you be here?" I said urgently, running my hand through my hair.

It couldn't be Tanya could it? Would she really go so far as to try and kill Bella? My stomach was in knots at the thought that a woman I had once known intimately could be capable of such a thing.

"I'm on my way son. I'll use the helicopter it will have me there in ten minutes tops. Otherwise it will take me an hour to drive." He said and I nodded stupidly even though he couldn't see me.

"Thanks Dad, I'll make the call to the pilot now." I hung up and dialled Cullen Industries flight team telling them to send the helicopter out to pick my father up immediately.

After that was done, I walked back to the bed and sat in the chair next to it with my head in my hands. If Tanya really was behind all of this, I didn't know what I would do or how I would face Bella.

Tanya wouldn't even be in her life if it had not been for me.

The thought that I might be the cause of why she was lying there in that bed, bruised and bandaged and mourning the loss of our child, filled me with self loathing.

I was startled when sometime later the door opened and a very distressed looking Carlisle came into the room, "Edward what is it? Has Bella had a relapse?" He asked breathlessly.

His hair was a mess and his normally polished veneer was gone. He looked dishevelled and nothing like the man I knew as my father.

"I think Tanya may have been the one to run Bella off the road." I blurted, feeling a little idiotic as I said it out loud.

"Tanya? What makes you think it was her Edward; she's not even in the country. Though she did send flowers when I was in the hospital..."

My head shot up "She sent you flowers? How did she even know you were in hospital? We kept that out of the media and I know for a fact Kate or Irina wouldn't have told her..." I stood up and began pacing again "Bella insists that Tanya drove her off the road and that she has changed her hair colour. Then Jason calls Mum and sees a brown haired woman at our house using the key...Fuck." I looked at my father, pleading with him to tell me I was crazy or at the very least overtired

"Could Tanya really be capable of this Dad?"

"I wouldn't put it past her son. Edward I need to tell you something..." He began, looking at me guiltily, "I've had a few telephone conversations with her in the past couple of months. Mostly just business stuff, but she did express the desire to get back together with you and I'm sorry to say Edward that I may have given her hope. She told me she was living in Egypt and that she'd be back in the New Year. But if nobodies talked to her in a while then how indeed did she know about my heart attack. You go home and check out the house I'll sit with Bella. And don't worry I won't mention any of this to her. The poor girls been through enough and I'm sorry to say it's been at my hands."

"Thanks Dad." I gave him a pat on the shoulder as I made my way past "Don't worry about it, it's not your fault, I just hope I'm wrong." I went to the bed and leaned down kissing Bella's cheek.

"If she wakes up just tell her I had to go home to shower and change clothes." I took a deep breath and walked out, if Tanya was behind all this, I didn't know what I would do.

I drove the Aston home, going rather cautiously for perhaps the first time in my life, but I was exhausted and didn't want to risk wrapping myself around a power pole. I pulled into our driveway, cringing when I saw the mailbox, overflowing with mail. No doubt, the postie was fucking cursing me every day.

After parking the Aston at the top of the driveway, I walked back down to the letterbox and yanked all the mail free, scanning through it for anything of importance as I walked back up the driveway. One letter in particular caught my attention and I froze, all the mail falling from hands and scattering around my feet. My breath caught in my chest and I could feel the world tilting on its axis.

Tanya Denali

27 Ascot Rd

Thornton

Wellington 2765

I turned around and looked across the road in horror. The letter had mistakenly been put in our box, but it was addressed to the vacant house across the road.

Or at least I had assumed it was vacant.

Tanya. Tanya fucking Denali was living across the street from me. How long had she been there? There was no doubt in my mind that she had been the woman Jason had seen going into our home and then realisation chilled me to my very bones.

Tanya had tried to kill Bella.

_MY BELLA _

My movements felt jerky and stiff as I strode back down the driveway and across the road to the house. As I walked up the front steps, I was assaulted by a strange odour.

It smelled like something had died nearby, the pungent smell of decay.

I knocked on the door sharply, but there was no answer. My hands clenched into fists at my sides as I contemplated my next move. Tanya had fucking let herself into my home, so why the fuck shouldn't I do the same?

I stepped back and kicked the door beside the lock, breaking the lock, but leaving the door intact. I pushed it open and nearly fucking vomited.

The smell that I had thought was a dead animal outside was actually coming from inside the house and as I stepped inside it only got stronger.

I could taste the bile in my mouth and I gagged as I took in the black rubbish sacks, overflowing with rubbish and crawling with maggots and cockroaches. Empty vodka bottles where everywhere and I cringed in disgust as part of me wanted to search for one that may have still had some in it. I shook off the impulse and continued down the hall. The musty smell of mould filled the air, and I noted that all the curtains were drawn, letting no light what so ever into the house.

I passed the kitchen and grimaced as I saw empty takeaway boxes on the counter top, black slimy goo, leaking out of them. When a box moved and a small rat came crawling out, I actually did fucking vomit. I stood, there bent over and spitting the foul taste out of my mouth before I continued down the hall and into the lounge.

I grabbed onto the doorframe for support when I saw all the computer monitors set up, their screens alight with images from the inside of my house. Our bedroom: the lounge; the kitchen, everywhere. I moved closer to the screens and shuddered as I saw the kitchen wall clock ticking away, showing the current time. She had been taping us, in real time for god knows how long.

I felt furious, enraged and homicidal. What had she seen? Our fucking bedroom, she had been watching us? I stood back, unable to look anymore and made my way through the house, hoping that Tanya was in here and sleeping, because then I would make sure the fucking slut never woke up again.

I searched the house, but instead of finding Tanya, I just found more things to disturb me. Empty little baggies were everywhere, the fine white powder still coating the sides of some. Burnt and melted pipes littered the various surfaces around the house, but one of the biggest shocks came when I went into the bathroom.

The sink was full of strawberry blonde hair, matted and caked with grime. I threw up again, because the stench was so overpowering that I could feel it burning the inside of my nostrils.

I backed out of the bathroom quickly and walked to the last room of the house, pushing the door open with the toe of my shoe.

The bed was unmade, the sheets a dirty brown colour, though it was obvious they had once been white. I reached out instinctively when I saw my favourite Van Morrison T-shirt on the pillow, but stopped myself just in time. I had been missing it for some time now and to find it here left me feeling strangely exposed and vulnerable.

I looked around the room, finding more filth, but my heart stopped in my chest when I opened the closet doors and saw what could only be described as a shrine.

Photos of Bella were pinned to a board that covered the entire back wall; most of them slashed or crossed out with black marker. The ones that made my blood run cold, had the words "Die bitch" or "Die Bella Die" scrawled all over them.

There were photos of myself and Tanya, obviously photo shopped so that it appeared we were getting married. The thought had my stomach churning again, and a growl escaped me when I saw pictures of Apple and Louis, similarly slashed.

I made my way back out to the lounge and sat down on the cleanest part of the couch I could find.

I pulled out my phone and called Irina

"Edward? What is it? Is it Bella?" She asked frantically.

"Bella's awake Irina, but that's not why I'm calling. It's Tanya." I spat her name as though it left a bad taste in my mouth.

"Tanya? What about her she's in Egypt, Edward. What has she done?"

I told her everything. Where I was and what I had found and that I was waiting for her whore of a sister to fucking come back so I could deal with her. I could hear Irina running and the sound of her Mercedes as she started it up.

"I'll be there soon Edward. Just….. Just don't do anything until I get there ok? We'll sort it out, I promise…" She was trying to soothe me and calm me down and while I could appreciate the sentiment, it wasn't going to work.

"Just hurry Irina, or you could be one less a fucking sister." I said as I hung up the phone. I put it back in my pocket and sat there, staring at the lounge doorway.

I waited.

I heard keys, then the door creak open. Footsteps down the hall, but still I sat there and waited. I waited in the dank gloom, my mood a reflection of the disorganised and rancid state of the house.

I was livid. I was fuming for the first time in my life I wasn't ready to merely hit a woman, I was fucking ready to kill one.

Tanya. She had tried to take my Bella from me, she had tried to take my children's mother and I wouldn't stand for it. The guilt I had for how I had treated Tanya was now all gone and in its place was a white hot hate that I could barely contain.

I wanted her dead; I wanted to snap her fucking bones beneath my hands.

I saw her silhouette as she walked into the room, but she hadn't noticed me yet. I was not surprised when the fucking crack whore grabbed a pipe and began filling the bowl with meth.

It had always been her drug of choice and had obviously taken its effect on her.

Her skin was mottled and pock marked from months of scratching at it no doubt. The pores on her skin stood out and her eyes were sunken into her skull. The clothes hung off her skeletal frame and there was not an ounce of fat on her anywhere.

She was not the woman I had once known.

She switched on the light and started in surprise when she saw me, dropping her pipe to the floor. I could feel the muscles in my face twitching as the fury threatened to rip me in half.

"What...How did you get in here?" She asked nervously.

I stared at her clenching my fists beside me. The fire that had slowly been burning in me since I had walked into this fucking cess pit exploded inside me and my lip curled back into a vicious sneer, "Oh, Tanya, how I got in here is the least of your worries. I would be more concerned about what I was going to do to you..." I stood up and made my way around the coffee table "You never were very bright, but I always knew that. This time though, you have made a serious fucking miscalculation..." I gestured to the video monitors "First, you invade my family's privacy, my privacy..." I pointed to the disgusting shirt of mine that she had stolen and I would never fucking touch again.

I was almost certain I had seen it move on its own. "Then you steal from me." I took a step towards her, the anger finally erupting. I kicked the table halfway across the room where it smashed into the wall. "You hurt my Bella you fucking whore. You cost me my child. Now you are going to fucking pay..."

I could feel my self control slipping and I welcomed it.

I wanted to hurt her, I wanted her to die.

"I did nothing to your precious Bella...Edward, I only wanted to be closer to you ...why won't you see?" she walked towards me slowly and I could smell the concentrated stink of the house emanating from her. "And that should of been my baby our baby...I can change Edward..." She held her hands out in supplication and I snapped.

"YOU HAVE NOTHING I FUCKING WANT! YOU NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL!" I screamed, pushing the fucking couch over. I was just as angry at myself though for ever contemplating starting a family with her. Memories of our time together kept assaulting me and I wanted nothing more than to rip them from my very skull.

"Oh but Edward that's where your wrong, If Bella wasn't around then we could be together...you could help me plan a coup of my father's company and we can have our dynasty, and I can be what you want me to be...I will_ obey_ you Edward..."

She looked at me slyly and I froze in terror. What had she seen? What the fuck did she know? I thought back to the time with Bella in the basement and I was horrified to think that Tanya may have seen that, seen it and actually fucking enjoyed it.

I crossed the room and lifted her from the ground by her throat. Her rancid breath wafted across my face, burning my eyes.

"I should fucking kill you right now and do the world a favour. You're nothing more than a fucking parasite..." I spat as I threw her to the ground.

"Edward why don't you sit down and I'll get you a drink, would you like some meth? You can have some pipes while I massage your shoulders. If you don't stop carrying so much stress around with you you're going to end up like your father or worse. Come and sit down sweetie and I'll make you feel better. I know what you like now..." She said standing up and making her way towards me again.

My fist drew back of its own accord and smashed into her nose. I felt and heard her nose break, while the blood gushed from her face.

"You are so fucking deluded." I spat as I heard the front door open and Irina's voice as she cursed at the stench. She made her way into the room, stumbling over some empty vodka bottles.

She looked at Tanya and her eyes went wide with shock, "Oh fuck...Tanya what the fuck have you done? Edward, go home now and take a shower, I'll be there in a few minutes." She said looking at me firmly.

I knew why she wanted me gone, she was trying to protect me, but it wasn't going to happen. That bitch and I had a fucking score to settle.

"NO!" I roared standing over Tanya's crumpled form "Not after what she's fucking done, what she has taken from me!"

_We couldn't save the baby_…..

"Edward this is not who you are, if you don't go home now then it's only going to be worse for you..."

I felt Irina's hand on my arm and I looked down into her eyes. Irina and I were close, in fact after Bella; she was the person I trusted most in this world. I loved her like a sister and I knew that she was only looking out for my best interests, just like she always had since the day we met.

I would be no good to anyone if I killed Tanya and ended up in fucking jail, but the knowledge still didn't dissipate the raw fucking desire to watch Tanya bleed to death.

Slowly.

"Go Edward. Please. For Bella." Irina pleaded. I shook my head. I would refrain from killing the bitch, but I wasn't going to take any more chances with her. Tanya had already taken my unborn baby and nearly my reason for living. I wasn't going to let her take my best friend too.

"No, call the police Irina. I'm not fucking going anywhere until this bitch is fucking locked up." I looked down at Tanya "I wouldn't get up if I were you, because I am more than fucking happy to drop you again."

She had the fucking nerve to look up at me and smirk through a mouthful of blood. "I forgot you like to beat your girlfriends when they wrong you, But don't worry I love you enough to forgive you too."

I ground my teeth together, trying anything to just maintain some control and not slaughter the fucking whore where she lay.

"Call them now Irina, or I will fucking kill her..." I warned. Looking at Tanya was only reminding me of all she had cost us. "You," I spat at her "Can shut that stupid fucking mouth of yours."

"Its fate Edward you can't fight it." She tried to stand up and Irina stopped her, her voice colder than I had ever heard in the entire time I had known her.

"I wouldn't Tanya; I won't try to stop him if you fuck with him anymore."

Tanya looked at her and sneered. "Fuck you and fuck him too and that stupid fucking slut..."

Irina ignored her and went to stand in the doorway, her eyes trained on Tanya and myself at all times. She spoke quickly into the phone but I didn't hear her. All I could hear was the sound of my blood rushing in my ears.

"They're on their way Edward; I should really clean her up before they get here." Irina said walking towards Tanya and reaching out.

Tanya pulled away in disgust, "Don't you touch me fucking traitorous bitch or I'll fucking kill you."

"Just leave her Irina, she's too fucking unstable." I said pulling Irina into my side. I doubted the familial relationship would stop the crazy slag from attacking her. "I'll explain everything to the police when they get here."

The police arrived shortly later and handcuffed Tanya taking her to the police car.

Several of the officers were looking around and gagging while one had to run outside to throw up. I knew how he felt.

"So Mr Cullen, how did Ms Denali sustain these injuries?" The detective asked me and I took a deep breath, ready to be carted off in fucking handcuffs myself.

"I hit her when she tried to attack me." Irina said, shooting me a covert look.

I glared at Irina for a moment, but halted when I saw the determination in her eyes. It was the kind of look that gave you no option but to obey. I nodded my assent to Irina's fabrication, feeling ill at the prospect of lying about my actions.

It would seem that I felt guilty or ashamed of them and I most certainly wasn't. I would hit the bitch again if I had half the chance. I did not condone violence against women by any means, but for Tanya I made an exception. She wasn't a woman she was a fucking viper.

"Is this correct Mr Cullen, Ms Denali is claiming you are the one who assaulted her? Is this a fabrication of the truth on her part?" He looked at me a little sceptically, but otherwise appeared to be resigned to the fact.

"Ms Denali is a compulsive liar and always has been. You can ask anyone who knows her well, they will attest to the same thing. I suppose it's not surprising, she has been a habitual methamphetamine user for some time now..." I trailed off looking to Irina who nodded in confirmation.

"She has officer, she has led our family to believe that she has been overseas for the good part of the last year when in fact she has been living here and Stalking Mr Cullen, Edward go and show him what you found."

I led the disgusted officer through the lounge to the video set up, I clicked on a button and a live feed began playing from the cameras operating in my house. "There's also audio:" I said flatly.

The fact that she had been spying on some of our most intimate moments for god knows how long made me feel sick. She had been into our house, gone through our things...She hadn't just violated our house, she had violated our home.

I had no idea how I was going to tell Bella...

"Ok Mr Cullen, we will have forensic' come over and examine the scene. We will be taking Ms Denali to the station where we will have a psychiatrist assess her. She will remain in custody until her first court appearance. And we will notify you of the charges we will be laying against her. We will be in touch if we require further statements from you or Mrs Volturi." He said, flipping his notebook closed and wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Of course, shall I leave the cameras in my house until your team can go over there?" I was happy to help the police, but by God, if the cameras weren't gone by the time Bella was ready to be released, I would fucking tear them out myself.

"Yes we will have someone do a sweep for the camera and listening devices, later on today, will someone be there to allow us access?" He looked at me expectantly.

"Uh, I'll be at the hospital..." I trailed off; I had been away from Bella for too long already.

When I thought about the panic she might be in it made me restless, and the desire to be with her was quickly squashing all else.

"I'll do it Edward. I will call Demetri and have him meet me at your place, come on you need to get home and showered and back to the hospital." Irina said putting her arm around my waist and hugging me tightly. I kissed the top of her head and hugged her back. She really was the best friend a person could fucking ask for.

We made our way outside, the both of us gasping in lung full's of clean unpolluted air. I left Irina with the police, while she answered more of their questions and called Demetri and Kate and made my way home to shower and change clothes.

There was no way I was going to see my Bella tainted the way I was.

I showered and changed into fresh clothes, picking up a photo frame on the way out. It was a picture of Bella, the twins and myself. The people in the photo were happy and carefree, not knowing what life was about to throw at them. I wished I could go back to that time, where everything seemed perfect, but I could not. I took the photo out of the frame and folded it carefully, placing it in my pocket. I wanted a reminder of what our life could be like after we had worked through all the hurt and misery. I wanted a memento of what real true happiness had been like.

I drove to the hospital in silence, lost completely in my own thoughts and ignored the pointed stares of the hospital staff when I arrived. They knew who I was, but most of them only saw dollar signs when they saw a Cullen. They simpered and tripped over themselves to accommodate our every need, but they only did it for their own potential gain. Only the good, like my Bella, could see past the glamour and bullshit to what was real. I paused outside the door, trying to work out exactly how I was going to explain this to my father and Bella.

I pushed open the door and stepped inside looking at my father. He got up immediately and rushed to my side

"What is it son, is everything alright? You look like you've seen a ghost." He whispered looking behind him at Bella, making sure we had not disturbed her. I was overcome with gratitude towards my father. He really had gone above and beyond for me.

"No. It was Tanya, Dad. She's been living in the house across the street from us, she broke in and put cameras in our house for fuck sake! She's been watching us, listening to us, following us. She's the one who ran Bella off the road." I finished in a whisper sitting down in an empty chair next to the bed.

There was far too much going on in my head and it seemed like a lifetime ago that things had been simple for us.

I looked down at my shaking hands and frowned. My mouth was dry and I was fucking craving a drink.

"Jesus Edward, the woman's bloody insane, how did you find out, have you seen her?"

"I went back home to check on the place and cleaned out the mailbox. It's only pure luck that some of Tanya's mail accidentally got put in with ours. I went over there and found everything, fuck Dad she had been through all our things! She stole my clothes, Jesus." I said running a hand through my hair. "I want to fucking kill her Dad. I want to watch her fucking lifeless body fall to the floor. After all she's cost us..." I could feel the tears prickling at my eyes.

I felt ashamed that I had not exacted retribution for our stolen baby. I felt a failure as a father to a child I had never known.

"That's not who you are son, let the law deal with her. Bella is going to be alright you have to keep your blessing in your mind Edward, she's alive and that's all the counts," He patted me on the shoulder.

I knew he was only trying to help, but nothing could help me now.

Nothing could erase my guilt.

This was all my fault and I knew it.

"Yeah, she's alive." I said simply. I was terrified of what the miscarriage might mean to Bella. She seemed to think it was her fault and I didn't want that. I picked Bella's hand up carefully with my own and brought it to my face.

I sat there unmoving until she awoke.

"Edward?"

I looked up in surprise and hastily wiped my tears away.

"I'm sorry." She said closing her eyes and barricading herself behind those walls again.

"Bella, please stop saying that." I pleaded. "You have nothing to be sorry for, it's me who should be apologising to you."I said sadly.

Tanya may have been bat shit crazy, but I was the one who had introduced her into our lives. Bella's blame was completely misplaced; it rested at my door and no one else's.

"But you've lost so much. I've taken so much from you how can you still want to look at me. I will understand this time if you want to go..."

I got up onto the bed with her and pulled her into my arms, "You've taken nothing from me Bella; you've given me so much. Baby, I've told you before, I just don't work without you." I kissed her gently and held her face between my hands "I've got something to tell you Bella." I said pausing, how did I tell her that she was lying in this bed because of my foolishness, my weakness. That was what had put her here.

"What is it?" She asked looking panicked and I felt my guilt rise exponentially.

"It was Tanya. I'm so sorry Bella, I'm so, so sorry." I whispered, watching her eyes intently for any flicker of hate or anger. I knew that I deserved it.

She sobbed and mumbled again, her grief cutting through me like a knife.

"She's gone now baby, she can't ever get to you again. I'm sorry Bella, if you want we can take a vacation, we can go to any beach you want! Please Bella, just say you forgive me..." I felt the tears as they began running down my cheeks. It was my fault she was like this.

"There's nothing to forgive Edward. Let's just forget this ever happened and move forward."

"When you get out of here and it's safe for you to travel, I'm going to take you and the kids somewhere nice. A beach, just like you want." I brushed some hair back off her face "It will get easier Bella; we just have to be there for each other. Let each other in" I said subtly.

I knew she said she wanted to move on, but I also knew Bella had a tendency to brood on things. I didn't want that to happen, she had been through so much already.

"Sounds nice. When can I come home?"

"We'll talk to the doctor's honey." I hesitated "Bella, I haven't let the twins come in to visit; I didn't think you would want them to see you when you were in the coma, but now you're awake..." I waited patiently, my heart hammering in my chest while I hoped I had not just torn a new wound in my angel's already battered heart.

"You did the right thing; I wouldn't have wanted them to see me that way. But I want to see them just not today; I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind."

"That's all right sweetheart, you just let me know when you're ready and I'll have Esme bring them over." I was worried. She was taking things too well. She was hiding from me and I struggled to fight back the resentment it inspired in me. I felt like when I had just come home from France and the way she had kept me at arm's length then.

I didn't like it, but neither could I push too hard. I had to help her through her grief while at the same time deal with my own.

I rubbed my hand absently across my lips; I could almost taste the fucking whiskey I so desperately wanted.

_No, don't let her down, she needs you…. _

I chanted to myself as I felt her drift off to sleep beside me.

I wouldn't let her down again, or at least I prayed I would have the strength to make good on my vow.

**Chapter 33: Tanya's POV**

I was relieved when there were no cars coming down the street when I pulled into my street. My car was damaged and I needed to get it off the road before somebody noticed. I was absolutely elated when I pulled the car out of the public view and into the garage. I had managed to achieve my goal of running Bella off the road now I just had to find out if I'd managed to kill her or if she survived going over the bank.

I checked there was nobody walking along before I made my way out of the garage and into the house, my heart was pounding in my chest and adrenalin coursed through my veins. I grabbed my pipe and headed for the lounge.

All I had to do now was wait for some kind of confirmation that Isabella Fucking Swan was no more.

As the hours past I began to get more anxious, I was desperate to know what was going on. And since Edward hadn't returned to the house I had no way of knowing if my plan succeeded. I sat fidgeting for another hour before my burning curiosity got the better of me.

I made my way down the fence line stopping at the edge of the section to scope my surroundings and assessed my chances of being seen. I couldn't see any obvious signs of any of the neighbours being out of their houses so I made my way quickly across the road and down Edward's driveway. I checked around before retrieving the spare key and heading inside. I checked the answer phone first, to see if anyone had left messages relating to Bella but there was nothing of importance on the machine.

The feeling of the house seemed to have changed since I'd last wandered through it, to be honest it felt eerie. I decided to go and checkout the downstairs level, I hadn't had a good look at that area before. I made my way down the stairs and I was about to check out the gym when something compelled me to head toward the daughter's bedroom. I had seen her room before but not the space beyond it.

I opened the door and peered owlishly into the darkened space trying to adjust to the gloom, my hand fumbled along the wall until it came in contact with the switch and I flicked it on.

My eyes widened in shock as they surveyed the room, there were chains hanging from the ceiling and connected to the floor, the leather manacles lay waiting expectantly. I walked deeper into the room, my eyes taking in every detail. As I approached the chains I noticed a violet coloured instrument that looked like an over sized comb lying connected to a battery pack beneath where the chains lay.

I picked up the strange looking device and flicked it on, pressing it to my forearm. I enjoyed the feeling of the gentle vibration running through me, I turned it up higher and realised the sensation was no longer pleasant but becoming painful. I could imagine the full power of the current would be something akin to a taser but I wasn't prepared to find out. I put the comb down and picked up the plaited leather strap. I couldn't help but wonder if Edward had used these things to hurt Bella.

My mind drifted back to the night he'd left her, was this was why? Had physically abused her, hurt the woman he claimed to love more than anything. I knew then that she was no more special to him if he could use these kinds of weapons on her. I walked toward the cupboard that caught my eye and opened it quickly. I was surprised to see the laptop sitting there and I switched it on and quickly loaded the video data.

The rush was almost as good as the one I got from the meth when my eyes feasted on the images of Edward torturing Bella popped up on the screen, he looked exactly how I remembered him, his eyes dark and narrowed, his face a mask, his need for total domination of his victim was clear on his face as he tortured Bella into submission.

Her screams were music to my ears; he and I were a perfect match. He had darkness and cruelty in him that matched my own and it had never been clearer to me that we were a perfect couple.

Even though he would do anything to deny it, he had in fact shown even less respect for Bella than he had for me. Because no matter how horribly he treated me, he never showed that kind of cruelty, he never marked my skin.

I was disappointed when he stopped using the current on her; that was until he picked up the strap. His eyes darkened perceptibly with every lash, he was completely out of control, a sadistic monster, and not even her screams would stop him. I quickly replayed the images a few more times before sending the footage to my email account.

Edward torturing his supposed love was going to play on a continuous loop on the computer monitors at my place.

I shut off the computer and headed out of the room, turning the light off behind me. I made my way quickly up the stairs, I had been here longer than I intended and I needed to get out in case Edward or somebody else arrived. I checked through the dining room window and noticed the neighbour watching the house intently, his eyes met mine then he was gone. I rushed through the house back down stairs and out the patio doors, I made my way quickly along the back fences and cut through an empty section and out onto the foot path. I couldn't risk Edward's nosey neighbour seeing me enter my property so I headed for the bus stop and caught the first bus to the city.

Nothing could sour my mood, I was beyond jubilant I spent the afternoon in the beauty salon. The pampering was good for me it helped me relax and I always walked out feeling a little like my old self. I waited until the sun was sinking before I caught the train home, I felt safe under the cover of darkness and for once I took my time walking up the road toward home.

The key in the lock but I needn't have bothered; the door opened effortlessly and I stepped through cautiously. I was sure I had locked it before I left, but I guess I could have forgotten. I closed it behind me and threw the keys on the kitchen counter; I grabbed my pipe from the draw and began heating it as I made my way to the lounge. I had only just put it to my lips when I noticed someone sitting on the couch in the darkening room; I switched on the light and dropped the pipe.

"What...How did you get in here?" I was so surprised to see Edward sitting on the couch that I blurted out the first thing that came into my head.

He snarled at me and there was a viciousness in his eyes that made me wet between my legs. His cruelty seemed to be a turn on for me.

He kicked the table sending it smashing into the wall and was screaming about hurting Bella. I had no idea how he found out I had anything to do Bella's accident or that I was living here.

My insides erupted in glee when he shouted out that I'd cost him his child.

She was pregnant and I had killed it.

I was rapturous.

I denied hurting his precious Bella and pleaded for him to see how much I loved him and how we should be together, but he just yelled even louder so I blocked him out and focused gleefully on how much pain I had caused Bella.

Even though I knew it was the reason he left me in the first place; I would say whatever it took to get him back. "That should have been my baby; our baby...I can change Edward..."

"YOU HAVE NOTHING I FUCKING WANT! YOU NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL."

I couldn't believe Edward's ability to be so blinded to the obvious; he was so determined to avoid seeing what was right in front of him. "Oh but Edward that where your wrong, If Bella wasn't around then we could be together...you could help me plan a coup of my father's company and we can have our dynasty, and I can be what you want me to be...I will obey you Edward..."

He stalked toward me, his hands circling my throat; he lifted me from the floor and threw me to the ground. I hit the floor with thud, I had never seen him so enraged, but I wasn't afraid of him quite the contrary.

"Edward why don't you sit down and I'll get you a drink. Would you like some meth? You can have some pipes while I massage your shoulders. If you don't stop carrying so much stress around with you you're going to end up like your father or worse. Come and sit down sweetie and I'll make you feel better. I know what you like _now_..."

I stood up and took a step toward him, the next thing I knew there was a crunching sound and my face erupted in pain. I fell to the floor and clutched my broken nose. I spat out the blood that poured into my mouth.

Edward and I both turned as the door burst open and Irina bolted into the room, she gave Edward a swift look before her eyes rested on me. I felt hatred boiling up inside me when she spoke.

"Oh fuck...Tanya; what the fuck have you done? Edward, go home now and take a shower, I'll be there in a few minutes." My stupid bitch sister barked at him.

I kept my hand on my face while Edward argued with Irina and I groaned in frustration wishing they would _both_ just shut the fuck up.

Irina seemed to calm him down but he still looked upon me with blazing eyes.

"I wouldn't get up if I were you, because I am more than fucking happy to drop you again."

My mouth twisted into a sneer, "I forgot you like to beat your girlfriends into submission when they wrong you. Bella's screams were exquisite by the way. A symphony, you could say. But don't worry Edward _I_ love you enough to forgive you too." His eyes darkened and my sneer turned to a smile."Its fate Edward you can't fight it."

I went to get to my feet and Irina glared at me, "I wouldn't Tanya. I won't try to stop him if you fuck with him anymore." Irina walked from the room cell phone already at her ear. I watched Edward intently as he watched Irina through the doorway.

She came back looking relieved and it was also evident in her voice when she spoke. "They're on their way Edward; I should really clean her up before they get here."

"Don't you touch me fucking traitorous bitch. Or I'll fucking kill you too."

I heard the police sirens and I closed my eyes, shutting out the sound

"This isn't over Edward...It will _never_ be over."...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**Bella's POV**

"Edward?" My eyelids fluttered open at his touch and his tortured face came slowly into focus..."I'm sorry." I closed my eyes again not wanting to see the hurt in his. His voice was soft and pleading, rung in my ears.

"Bella, please stop saying that." He pleaded. "You have nothing to be sorry for, it's me who should be apologising to you."

I shook my head and tears seeped through my eyelids, "But you've lost so much. I've taken so much from you. How can you still want to look at me? I _will_ understand this time if you want to go..."

His soft lips touched mine and I savoured the taste of him as his lips moved gently upon mine, I wanted the kiss to deepen, I wanted to feel his love and forgiveness, I needed it.

But he pulled away.

Tears pooled in my eyes and I quickly closed them and willed myself not to cry.

"I've got something to tell you Bella." Came Edward's quiet voice.

My eyelids flew open and fear flooded through me, "What is it?" I demanded without wanting to know the answer, I couldn't deal with anything else, any more bad news. My nerves were shot and I was hanging on by a thread.

"It was Tanya. I'm so sorry Bella, I'm so, so sorry."

I closed my eyes at the sound of her name and didn't bother to stop the sob that tore from my throat.

"_She killed our baby...We should have stayed..._" I whispered. My eyes stayed shut, I wanted to retreat back into myself, "I wish I stayed at the beach, it was the only safe..." I trailed off. I just didn't want to deal with the reality.

"Please Bella; just say you forgive me..."

I could feel the weight of his anguish. It crushed down on my lungs making it impossible to breathe. I fought back my sobs, "There's nothing to forgive Edward. Let's just forget this ever happened and move forward." I tried to say it with conviction.

I didn't want to hurt Edward any more than I had.

As hard as it would be, I would try and hide myself loathing...

I tried to concentrate on what Edward was saying, he was promising to take me on a vacation and I felt soothed as he described the place to me. "Sounds nice, when can I come home?" He told me we would have to wait and see what the Doctor said about releasing me. I saw the subtle change in his face and I could tell he was pondering whether he should say what was on his mind.

I tried to give him an encouragingly smile and he instantly relaxed and explained that he hadn't brought the twins to see me while I was in a coma. "You did the right thing; I wouldn't have wanted them to see me that way. But I want to see them just not today; I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind."

"That's all right sweetheart, you just let me know when you're ready and I'll have Esme bring them over."

"Thank you Edward for everything," I closed my eyes and moved closer into him, his arms tightened their grip on me and I felt warm and loved and safe...

**A/N: So we come to the end of another chapter...Feel free to let us know what you thought...We wait anxiously on the edge of our seats :) ...**


	34. Alone in heaven comforted in hell

**A/N: As always thank you to our lovely reviewers you guys rock! Also thank you to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions and to the awesome person who requested we be added to another community:) Light & Laughter to my FB Friends, Jannie G hope to catch up soon :)**

**Special shout out to Sassy my IP beta extraordinaire...xx**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, The killers own leave the bourbon on the shelf , Cinnamon & Greenaway own An Angel at my Table...**

**Chapter 34: Alone In Heaven Comforted In Hell**

**Bella's POV**

It had been a month since the accident and my body seemed to be healing well. My emotional state however was a different story, no matter how hard I tried not to dwell on it; I couldn't stop myself. My walls were cemented in place and though I went through the motions I couldn't bring myself to let Edward or anybody else in.

Night after night my dreams were filled with the cries of my lost child and my relentless searching for it, without success. I tossed and turned in my sleep never actually getting any sleep and then spent my days running my dreams on a continuous loop in my mind. I was trapped in a vicious cycle spinning around in my head like an out of control merry-go-round that I couldn't get off. I woke everyday with a lethargy that was worse than the day before and I was completely incapable of fighting the overwhelming grief and self hatred I felt.

Every morning I waited for Edward to open his eyes and finally realise how much I had cost him and how much I had taken from him and he'd take the kids and leave for good. The action was sucking me further into the black hole that now seemed to be the centre of my universe.

But every day he tried a little harder to get through to me and though I wanted to believe him when he told me he loved me, I knew better, he was with me out of pity...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I was sitting in a chair in the family room, not knowing how I got there , how long I had been there or even what I was thinking about as I stared vacantly into the space in front of me. When suddenly and of its own accord my hand reached out and came into contact with a mass of warm, soft curly hair, a child's hair.

My eyes cast downward and there was my son, my precious boy sitting at my feet with his arm resting on my knee, he looked up at me with eyes so like mine.

A moment of lucidity hit me like a lightning bolt, and for the first time in a month I had a clear and conscious thought. I had neglected my children. I was mourning a child I had never met while I had two children who needed me and I had ignored them.

"Mummy's so sorry Louis, I love you my son..." I whispered. His eyes sparkled and a wide smile spread across his face when he heard my voice.

"I love you my Mummy," He got to his feet and I pulled him into my arms, marvelling how perfectly he fitted there and rained kisses all over his face. His soft giggles were like angels singing to my battered and bruised soul.

Apple came tearing into the room calling out for Louis, she stopped when she saw him in my arms, she looked at me and her face broke into a breath taking smile. She was so like Edward in every way.

"Mummy loves Apple? Me hug mummy, Apple missed mummy? Mummy still sad? Apple sad: mummy sad. Daddy sad too, Mummy loves Daddy?" Tears coursed down my cheeks as I held out my free arm for her.

She smiled that same beautiful smile and leapt into my embrace, "I love you my beautiful Apple. I'm sorry Mummy's been sad and made you sad. Mummy loves you and Louis and Daddy."

I hugged my children tightly to my chest and whispered words of love and comfort to them while fighting of the grief threatening to engulf me over the way I had treated my family. I heard the soft knock on the door but I ignored it, I didn't want to let go of my babies now I had them back in my arms. They were my shining stars along with Edward, the bright beacons of light in my otherwise black horizon.

"Hello Bella, you're looking better today. How are you feeling?" I looked up and saw Carlisle's smiling but concerned face looking back at me.

"I think I feel a bit better today. Where is Edward?" I looked around the room for the first time taking in my surroundings and noticed he wasn't there. Panic started to rise in me and my hands trembled uncontrollably. "He probably left me, and I don't blame him..." I whispered and fresh tears leaked from my eyes.

"Bella, Edward loves you, he will never leave you. But you need to try and meet him halfway; he's so scared of losing you. Do you think you can talk to him? Please Bella for both of your sakes please try to let him in..." His voice was gentle no trace of anger and I knew he was genuine in his concern for both Edward and me.

"I love him Carlisle and I need him." I whispered.

"You need to tell him that Bella, he needs to hear that from you. I will go and find him sweetheart you just wait here with Apple and Louis."He gave me a warm smile as he headed down the stairs.

I stroked Apple and Louis foreheads, and I knew I had found my anchor, my reasons to beat the darkness. I just wish I hadn't lost sight of them in the first place.

"Bella?" My heart began to accelerate when Edward's soft voice reached my ears, it was the first time I had really heard it in a month and it sunk right through all the haze and pain through my flesh and bone and into my soul.

**"**Edward...I love you..." I whispered as I leaned forward to place a kiss on each of my children's heads. I looked at his tortured face and fought the urge to retreat back into myself.

I had hurt him, when he was already hurting for _his_ loss.

My lethargy was so acute I just didn't have the energy or mental strength to give him the love support and comfort I knew he so desperately needed. I wanted to comfort him and let him comfort me but the thought of letting him get close and then hurting him again was almost too much to bear.

But I needed him to know that I did love him.

He knelt before me and rested his head on my knees, and a surge of warmth shot through me.

Edward was still here, he hadn't left me. Why he hadn't I didn't know? But I was glad he was still on my side.

For my own sake I needed to dig deep inside myself and try and find the strength to fight my way back to him. I had to...There was nothing without him and my children. I was nothing.

"Will you take a walk with me Bella?"His voice was muffled; he hadn't lifted his face from my lap.

I reached down and twined my fingers in his hair and it felt like home, but panic flooded through me when he suggested we go for a walk. The thought of being out in the open, being exposed scared me.

The urge to retreat back into myself was almost overwhelming, it took nearly all I had to stop my mind from shutting down.

I had to do this; I had to well, for myself, for my children and for Edward.

If I could keep myself anchored to him I had hope of fighting my way out of the abyss,

"I will walk with you if we can walk in the field, I don't want to go by the road." My voice was barely audible but I knew he would have heard me.

After what felt like a lifetime, Edward finally lifted his head from my lap and looked up at me like I was still the most beautiful woman in the world to him, like I was still the love of his life, and the thought made my heart glow a little bit brighter.

He held out his hand for me and smiled encouragingly,"Let's go my love."

I took a moment to beat back my rising fear and took Edwards hand, I hadn't even noticed the twins were no longer with us and I was frightened when I realised how completely unaware of my surroundings I really was.

Words spilled from my mouth before I had consciously decided to speak, "Edward I don't know what's happening..."

"We're going to go for a walk baby. Then we can talk a little, ok?"He led me out onto the balcony and down to the large field at the back of the property. The sun felt nice on my face and the fresh air was good in my lungs.

We walked in silence for a while, I wanted to say something to about what I was going through but I didn't know where to start. I was about to say I was sorry when he finally spoke.

"I brought you something baby. Do you remember telling me how much you wanted to go to Tahiti?"

The sound of the word shifted something in my memory and a small smile played on my lips. "Tahiti, I remember. The beach so warm so safe...what did you...Edward why is your hand shaking?" I could feel his hand vibrating against mine and I felt sick for making him feel so afraid.

He brushed it off casually, "It's nothing baby, don't worry about it. Well I brought you something that I think you may like. It's an island near Tahiti. It's called Eden Beach; it's got its own resort and the most beautiful beaches you have ever seen. I was thinking maybe we could go there for a while."

"You brought me an Island?" My first urge was to yell at him for buying me expensive non essentials but when I took a moment to think about it my own private haven, safe and warm sounded like paradise. "I want you to take me there, it sounds nice. Will you Edward, will you take me there?"

We stopped walking and he pulled me into his arms, "I'll take you anywhere you want to go Mrs Cullen, I love you... Always..." He whispered as he leaned down and kissed me for the first time in what felt like forever.

I smiled when I heard him use my new name, I hadn't thought about the wedding since the accident but as soon as I did I found another bright star to add to the small collection I had in my otherwise endless dark.

"Mrs Cullen," I whispered. "I like that."

I pressed my lips harder against his; I wanted him to know that I was trying to come home to him**. **When he finally pulled his mouth from mine there was a hint of a smile was playing on his lips, he turned us and started walking us back to the house, he explained that Charlie and Renee were taking the kids.

I noticed when he paused and I looked at him questioningly, trying not to let my mind start racing with negative thoughts about things he was trying to keep from me.

Just as my mind started to spiral he spoke.

"Baby, my mother and father are going to be joining us." He looked at our hands as he spoke and I almost thought he seemed ashamed of the fact that he had invited his parents although I couldn't understand why.

"That's alright Edward, your parents deserve a holiday, so do you..." As I said the words a hundred different scenarios as to why Edward would not want to be alone with me played through my mind. The last thought struck like a dagger to the heart _he was afraid to be alone with me...he wasn't sure he could face dealing with me on his own. _

I had pushed him to the brink _again_. And I once again lost myself to my, self hatred.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I let Edward lead me up the stairs of the aircraft and buckle me in my seat, I was absolutely terrified of flying but I didn't want to tell Edward and worry him further, it didn't matter that I didn't say anything he noticed anyway.

"You ok baby?" I'll just go and get you something to drink." I kept my eyes trained on him as he moved away from me and as he approached again, "Here you go." He took his seat and started telling me about Eden beach.

He grasped hold of my hand and I noticed the tremors seemed to be a constant thing with him now. His shaking hands were making me nervous and I couldn't afford to let my already stretched nerves get any worse, "Edward; are you alright? Would you like some of my water?"

I knew there was something else wrong with him, something more than just his reaction to me.

He dismissed me again, "I'm fine baby." I sighed when he used obvious diversion tactics of course he was never going to burden me with his problems. "Do you want to see where we are going?" he picked up a folder full of photos and reports and handed it to me, watching me closely as I studied the pictures. "Do you like it?" I could tell he was anxious for me too like it and accept it without drama.

"Edward's its beautiful. Is it truly ours?"

He leaned over and kissed my cheek "No, it's truly yours. I told you I would start you a portfolio of your own. This is the start. There is a hotel there already, but if you don't like it we can close it down, it's entirely up to you baby. It's all yours."

"No Edward it's ours. What's mine is yours, and I love it." Edward suddenly tugged the water bottle from my hand and down the contents in one.

"Sorry, I'll go and get you another..." He had gulped the entire contents of the bottle in one go.

I frowned at him "sit down Edward and just try to relax ok. You're making me nervous." I reached out and took his hand pulling him back to his seat, "Tell me more about the Island." I wanted to give us both a distraction.

He was hiding something but I wasn't going to push him. I couldn't deal with it right now anyway**. **He untangled his hands from mine and I felt a fresh wave of loss wash over me. It was then I realised how far our relationship had sunk, it had almost disintegrated.

I concentrated on what he was telling me about the resort, and though it seemed selfish not to let others enjoy it, I wanted it for us, "I think I want to close it down to the public, I want it to be something that we can share with the people we want. And thank you for thinking of me...Edward would you hold me?" I whispered.

"Of course"He helped me out of my seat and into his lap, pulling me closer into his chest. I could have stayed locked in that moment forever until he broke the spell,"We need to talk about what happened eventually Bella."

I sighed into his chest and ignored him, I didn't know if I was ready for that. I concentrated on keeping my breathing even and pressed myself harder against him. I felt comforted by his warmth. "Are we nearly there?"

"Go to sleep Bella, when you wake up, we'll be there." He said in slight exasperation.

I knew that I had upset him by avoiding the issue again and I offered him an apology though I knew it was a hollow gesture, "I'm sorry, we will...I promise to try..."

There was nothing more I could say so I feigned sleep, Edward seemed to buy it because when I heard Carlisle speak a few moments later he answered freely though his tone was low.

"How's it going son? How are the DT's are you coping?"

"I don't know; the same? She's going to notice Dad and I don't know what to tell her. She doesn't need this on top of what she's already going through."

"Let's cross that bridge if we get to it Edward, Let's just try and get you too back on track, and we'll keep it between us son, I'm here if it gets too much and you want to talk."

He was struggling to stay off the drink and I didn't have to look further than myself for the cause. I swallowed my sob, but couldn't stop the fresh wave of self loathing from pulling me under. I was so toxic for Edward; I had driven him to want to drink again. I shivered involuntarily as self hatred desiccated my insides.

Reality hit me like a lightning bolt. I was a despicable human being and I needed to cut Edward loose before I destroyed us both.

I carried on feigning sleep as Edward slid me back into my own seat, I didn't even bother to fight against the pain as it reared up like a giant wave and crashed down over top of me. I knew I had to try and sort myself out and stop this train wreck from happening but I didn't know how or even where to begin.

Edward banged his head against the back of his sea in what I assumed was sheer frustration. My eyes stayed closed as I reached my hand out for his. I hoped he would feel a little soothed by my touch. "Don't let go..." I whispered.

"Never," He whispered back.

Fatigue was beginning to claim me and I was only partially aware of our descent. I had slipped back into my zombie mode as we made our way with Carlisle and Esme, to the hotel. I was vaguely aware of telling Edward that I wanted to stay in a bungalow and not the main house.

He acknowledged my request but other than that remained silent until he slid into bed next to me.

Edward pulled me into his embrace, his hand slid along my jaw to my chin and he tilted my head so I was looking directly at him, "Bella, tomorrow we need to talk. You can't keep putting this off love."

I fought back my sigh and nodded, "Ok...tomorrow, and thank you again for buying me an Island. I feel safe here already,"

His soft lips found mine and he brushed over them lightly, "You are safe baby."

"Now I am." I whispered.

My eyelids drooped closed but I fought against sleep, I hated the hours I spent alone in my head in the darkness searching for a crying baby I had no hope of finding. I listened to Edward's breathing get slow and steady as he slipped into deep sleep before I slid out of his embrace; I took a seat in one of the armchairs by the window and waited for the sun to rise...

..."Bella? What are you doing?"

I wasn't aware that Edward was awake until his question filtered into my consciousness, and I replied automatically, **"**Watching the sunrise over the water, it's a beautiful sight..."

"You didn't sleep again did you? Baby please talk to me. You can't just keep bottling this all up inside. Talk to me, please..."

Try as I might I couldn't shut out Edward's voice as he began questioning me and when I heard him pleading for me to talk to him, the last thread of my sanity snapped.

It took me a few moments to realise that my scream was echoing around the bungalow and not just in my head and it ceased as I crumpled to the floor.

My hands threaded into my hair and I pulled at it viciously, trying to give my mind physical pain to deal with instead of emotional. The action seemed to open the floodgates of my mind and every negative thought and emotion I had repressed for the past month spewed forth in an unstoppable torrent.

"Edward why can't you see I've done nothing but fuck up your life? I've done nothing but take from you, you've missed out on so much with Apple and Louis now I've taken away your second chance to experience those moments you lost...And although you tell me you're ok, you're not. You want to drink again; I've driven you to want to drink. And I can't go to sleep because then I will hear the cries of our lost baby, and I know that no matter how long or hard I search for him I know I won't be able to find him and bring him home to you. And you refuse to see how many times I've failed you and you refuse to lay the blame at my feet where it belongs and I know you're only still here because you pity me. You need to leave me Edward; you need to get away from me before I destroy you. You're too good for me, you have such a beautiful soul and I'm killing it."

I suddenly became aware of what I was saying and clamped my jaw shut; I was fuming with myself for burdening Edward with my crap. I buried my head against my arm; I didn't want to watch him walk out of my life again. I listened; waiting for his retreating footsteps and the slam of the door as he left, but that never came.

What I did hear was the thud as he dropped to the floor. His low guttural growl was a feral sound full of his pain and anguish. I retched at the sound of it. His growl was my pain turned to sound. I felt him leaning toward me and I recoiled, I did want to look up and see the pity I knew would be there in his eyes.

"No... No. You need to listen to me Bella, you really need to hear what I am about to tell you.

I lifted my head off my arm and my eyes flickered to his; his shocked look told me that my eyes were as dark and dead as my insides.

He grabbed hold of my Hand and pressed it to his heart.

I let every word he spoke wash over me, saturating every fibre of being; my heart and soul glowed brighter as I took in the beauty and sincerity of his words and I found his light was flooding the empty darkness I felt inside, making me feel warm.

For the first time in a month I felt like I wasn't drowning anymore, my head finally broken the surface and as the air flooded my lungs helping me to finally breathe, conscious thought flooded my brain allowing me to think more clearly.

As much as I loved Edward I knew it wasn't enough to repay him for what he'd done for me and I decided to voice my concern. "I love you Edward, but it doesn't feel like it's enough compared to the burden I've been on you...and I don't know how to fix it or make it right or make it enough for you."

He once again refused to let me take the blame, refusing to let me put myself down or shut him out. I was so exhausted I couldn't find it in me to argue, and if I was honest I didn't want to anymore. He lifted me into his arms and I clung tightly to him as he carried me to the bed. I didn't want to let him go, it felt wonderful to be back in his arms.

I realised how much my actions had cost Edward and the self hatred was back in an instant, the words spilled from lips before I could stop myself, "I hate myself Edward, I hate that you want to drink because of what I've put you through..."

He instantly went on the back foot and tried to brush it off, but after what he demanded of me today, I expected the same from him so I pressed the issue a little harder. "I feel your tremors Edward...I know you confide in your Dad..." I whispered. "And I failed you because you couldn't confide in me."

He instantly apologised for letting me down and I sighed in frustration, he was doing it again, taking the blame from me, when he should be laying it on me instead.

"Can't you see Edward, you never let me down, but you think you always do, it makes me think I'm not showing you how much I love the man that you are."

He took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes and I could see the resolve there as he started telling me how he felt about wanting to drink, and how he only didn't because he didn't want to let me down. When he tried to take the blame for Tanya's actions I stopped him immediately.

"No Edward, Tanya is to blame for her actions not you or me. If you want to drink Edward I'm not going to stop you, but I want you to know that I believe in you, I believe you can be who you truly want to be."

Fresh tears spilled from my eyes when he laid us back on the bed and asked me about the nightmares, I didn't want to tell him but it was only right that I did, but first I needed him to know that he was already everything to me.

"You are already the man I need and want..." I never wiped back the tears as I thought about the nightmare that had plagued me for the last month, "Every time I close my eyes I hear him crying somewhere in the forest and I run toward the sound and I search everywhere, but no how long or hard I search or how far I run toward the sound, I can't find him, he's lost and alone... and I can't find him...I failed him..." I whispered.

He encouraged me to embrace my pain then started telling me how he imagined what our child would have been like and how he thought Apple and Louis would have reacted to be having a younger sibling in the house and I found it cathartic.

I smiled when I thought of Louis and Apple, "I could imagine finding the baby stashed in her bed amongst her collection of dolls. She would have been in raptures having her real life doll. Imagine how possessive she would be, poor Louis wouldn't get a look in. _My_ baby, love my baby...my daddy, not Louis baby, Apple's baby, love my baby." I mimicked in her soft sweet voice.

"It's good to have you back." He whispered into my hair.

"Feels nice to be back...would you kiss me? It's been far too long...it feels like a lifetime ago..."

"It would be my pleasure..." He said as he pressed his lips lightly against mine.

Even though Edward's lips were gentle against mine I could feel the pent up need behind the kiss, and my body reacted instinctively. I pressed myself harder against him, my body moulding effortlessly to his, but it I wanted more I wanted to be closer even still I wanted to melt into his flesh.

"I've missed you, I want you Edward...I need you like I need air..." I whispered into his neck, his skin tasted so good on my tongue, like a happy memory from childhood.

"I want you too Bella, I feel like I've been lost without you...I shivered in anticipation as my shirt left my body unceremoniously and Edward's fingers traced lightly over where I knew the permanent marks from the accident would remain.

"Only you could make scars look sexy baby. What the hell do you do to me?"

I couldn't help but smile when Edward voiced his thoughts on my scars, only he would find something sexy about the marks on my body. Desire exploded inside me and my fingers threaded into his hair, "Make me feel like only you can..."

I thought the words would cause him to attack me with wanton disregard considering this had been the longest we hadn't been intimate since we moved in together, but it seemed Edward was happy to tease me, touching me everywhere but where I wanted him.

"Edward," I moaned I was fast becoming frustrated with my desperation for him to touch me where I wanted, "please...don't tease me baby, want you so bad...have to feel you on me now..." I didn't care that I was begging him; I would crawl across hot coals on my knees to have him play my body like only he knew how. My want was increasing and my tone took on a note of desperation, "Make me say the words..."

"I like that"he purred as he made his way down my body**, **"Say it Bella and I will give you what you want. Tell me everything you know I want to hear..."

The words tumbled from my mouth; my body was aching in its need for him, "Only you make me wet like this Edward...you own my body...my soul...I only cum for you...only for you..."

I sighed in satisfaction when he finally gave me what I wanted and ground myself harder against him wanting more of and from him. I was about to protest when he stilled his ministrations, until his commanding voice rung out through the room.

"Keep talking."

"Edward," I whimpered, "my body's on fire with my need for you, every cell of my being is waiting for you to command it, only you make my body sing, it craves your touch I crave your touch."

I felt the vibration of his laughter and his warm breath fan out over my aching sex and my desperation increased**, **"Do you want to cum Bella? I think you do, I can feel it." He continued to tease me and I was about to beg again when he slipped his fingers into my mouth**, **"Taste yourself, taste what is mine. Is this what you want Bella?"

"You know it's what I want...I want to feel you inside me Edward; I need you inside me...Tell me why you love me..." I wanted to hear what kept me so cemented as the centre of his universe, "Tell me as you cum for me and I cum for you..."

"You are my stars. You are my sun...My moon...Everything. You are everything...I'm nothing...not...hing." I let his words resonate within me filling me with his warmth and light as we rode out our orgasms together, I pressed my cheek against his chest when he pulled me into his arms, "I meant every word Bella. You are my world, the only thing to keep me grounded. I love you."

"Thank you Edward you are the centre of my universe..." I pressed my lips to his warm hard chest, "I love you, forever..." My eyelids fluttered closed.

I couldn't fight off sleep, and I felt so safe and warm and happier than I had in weeks, for once I didn't try to...

**Chapter 34**

**Edward's POV…**

A month. A month of Bella walking around like a fucking zombie. She wouldn't answer anyone with more than a handful of words and that was only after intense prompting. I knew she was hurting, I was too, but I couldn't focus on my own hurt, not when she was in that kind of state.

So I tried to get her to open up to me and every single time, she shut me down. I was spending more time down in the gym, working all my frustrations out on the boxing bag. My knuckles were continuously raw these days and though our friends and family noticed all the strain, none of them commented.

I had found myself reaching for the bottle more and more, walking past the bar became an almost impossible task. I could hear the alcohol singing to me, promising me relief if I would just give into its sirens call. I couldn't count the number of times I stood there with a bottle of scotch in my trembling hand as I fought every fucking natural impulse in me to just _drink_.

Nights were no better; I hadn't had a decent sleep since before the accident. Every night Bella would scream in her sleep, crying out for the child we would never have. When she woke, I would ask her how she slept and she would plaster on her mask and tell me she had slept fine. I would put on my own fake smile and nod stiffly before going downstairs to beat the living fuck out of the bag before getting the twins up for their breakfast.

The twins were taking it hard. They could see the difference in their mother and they didn't understand. They couldn't, so they would try each in their own ways, to get her to open up. Louis would just sit there beside her, calming her with his presence and taking no offence from her lack of response. Apple on the other hand, took it very hard indeed. She would try to play with Bella or show her a drawing she had done and Bella would simply sit there, staring off into space. It was not until I found Apple crying at Bella's feet, while she sat there and did nothing, that I decided enough was enough. We needed a break, a chance to get away and work through things. The hurt was too raw here and it was destroying us, bit by bit.

I picked up the phone and called Renee.

"Hello Renee speaking."

"Renee its Edward," I said my voice sounding weary even to my own ears "I was wondering if I could ask a favour of you and Charlie."

"Of course Edward is everything alright you sound exhausted dear,"

"No, Renee nothing is alright." I said quietly, opening the door to the deck and stepping outside, closing it behind me. I couldnt' risk Bella overhearing me, not that I was sure she would even care these days. She was almost completely lost to us and I was scared.

"She's worse Renee. Apple was in tears at her feet… ...and she just sat there, it was like she didn't even hear her."

I heard Renee sigh

"I thought she might do this, she's done it once before when her grandmother died. Would you like us to fly down and help Edward? We could be there in a couple of hours."

I ran my fingers through my hair. I could not see a visit from Charlie or Renee making a notable difference. I was clinging to the hope that the beach Bella had talked about so much after the accident was the key to her recovery. Bella knew about the cameras in our house and all of Tanya's sick little games and though she said she was fine, I knew she felt vulnerable here.

Hell, I fucking felt vulnerable here. I wanted her to feel safe again and if the beach was what did that; then I would take her to a beach of her very own.

The sale and purchase agreement for Eden Beach had gone through without a hitch and it was now legally Bella's. I had wanted it to be for our honeymoon, but right then I didn't care about that, all I wanted was my Bella back.

"Thanks Renee, but I was wondering if you and Charlie would mind having the kids for a while. I want to take Bella away for a bit. Maybe a new place with new surroundings..." I trailed off, it had to work. I _needed_ her. "I purchased an Island near Tahiti called Eden Beach for Bella as a gift, but under the circumstances I think now might be the best time." I finished slumping down into a chair. I needed a drink. My mouth was dry and my hands were shaking violently again. I could imagine the taste, the smooth burn as it slid down my throat, the warming sensation in my stomach…..

"She won't talk to me." I whispered, ashamed of my weakness. Bella didn't need a weak man to lean on, she needed strength. Strength that I just didn't fucking have and the knowledge was ripping me apart.

"Of course we'll have the kids; I'll ring Jake and have him fly up with them later on tonight. Don't give up on her Edward." Renee begged and I felt even worse. I wouldn't give up on her; I just knew that she needed more than I had to give. Eventually Bella would see that too and then she would leave me. I wouldn't stop her, I would do anything for her, even if it meant pulling my own beating heart out and letting her take it with her.

"I'll never give up on her." I vowed. "I just don't know how to reach her; she's never shut herself off like this before." I could feel the tremors getting worse and I knew it was only a matter of time before I buckled. I quickly said goodbye and called my father. Only he really knew what I had gone through when I stopped drinking. I was hoping he could help me now, because there was no way I could do this on my own.

"Edward son what can I do for you how's Bella?" He said warily. He had visited almost every day, offering assistance where he could and taking the twins out with my mother for a break. He had been my rock, my pillar of strength and I needed to lean on him again, or I would buckle and drink myself into oblivion.

"Help me." Was all I could manage. The pressures of the last month were weighing me down. A weight I knew a good fucking whiskey could alleviate.

"Dad Bella's a mess, she won't talk to me, she basically ignores everyone and I just want to fucking drink it all away. I haven't wanted a drink this bad in a while Dad." I said feeling the anger bubble up inside me. There were so many people I could blame for my current predicament, but the truth was I knew the buck stopped with me. This was all of my doing.

"Calm down son, that's going to get you nowhere in a hurry. Would you like us to come over and help you with the kids? Maybe you can take Bella for a walk or something, just the two of you; the fresh air might do her good. Whatever you do Edward _don't have that drink son."_

"I'm taking Bella away." I said placing the hand that was not holding the phone between my knees. It was shaking fucking so bad now, it looked like I was convulsing. "I wanted to ask if you and Mum would mind coming along too, I just…. I don't trust myself enough not to drink." I said hating how fucking weak I sounded. "She's never going to get over the loss here..." I winced as realized my gaff. I had not told my father about the miscarriage, in fact we had told no one except Emmett, but if he and my mother were going to accompany us, I supposed that they had to be told.

"Loss? Edward son, did Bella, did you lose a child in the accident?" He asked sounding like he knew my pain all too well.

"She was six weeks pregnant." I said quietly. "And she is blaming herself for it Dad. She won't talk to me, she won't talk to anyone! She doesn't even notice the twins, it's like she's just a fucking shadow!" I could feel my ire rising and I fought to keep control. At least until I could make it downstairs to the gym.

_And you can't get to the gym, without passing the bar!_

I thought with a glee that I quickly squashed.

_I would not drink, I would not drink_

"I' m so sorry son. Esme and I would be happy to accompany you and Bella, I think we should leave this evening, I will have Esme start packing now and I'll come over and watch the twins while you take Bella for a walk, you can tell her we're taking her on a vacation. Have you made plans for someone to watch the twins?"

I was glad there was still some of my old father in there, right now overbearing and controlling Carlisle Cullen would be a fucking blessing. I just didn't have it in me, I was so fucking tired…

"Jake's coming over soon to fly up with them to Charlie and Renee's. Dad, you and Emmett are the only ones who know about….. About the baby." I finally managed. A knocking at the door caught my attention and I smiled as I saw Apple trying to get my attention.

"I'll organize the jet, come over when you are ready." I ended the call and opened the door. Apple leapt into my arms

"Hey Princess, you feel like going to stay with Grandma Renee for a little bit?" I asked. She frowned down at my trembling hands that were holding onto her and I had never felt more ashamed than I did at that moment.

"Me stay with Grandma Nae." Apple put her hands on my cheeks and forced me to look at her, "Daddy sad, Apple loves Daddy don't be sad. Mummy sad too: Apple sad mummy sad. Apple loves Mummy, my daddy, love you my daddy."

"I love you too sweetheart, more than you will ever know." I said holding her tightly to me. I looked through the window at Louis who was sitting diligently by his mother's side. He would not leave her, and though she said nothing to him, he was just content to be near her as always. Occasionally he would place a hand on her, and her tense frame would relax for a moment. They understood each other in a way I never would and I realized with disgust that my son was a greater comfort to his mother than I could be.

I had failed them all and I felt it keenly.

After Apple got down and went to play, I made my way downstairs, gravitating towards the bar where I knew there would be something to drink. I searched until I found a bottle of Jack Daniels and I poured myself a glass with unsteady hands. I didn't even hear my father come up behind me as I studied the glass. I knew it would make things easier now, but what about later? What would the cost be to me? My children? Bella?

"You won't find the answer in the bottom of that glass Edward, and I implore you not to try. I think you should come back upstairs son, there's something you should see."

"Why Dad? What did we do that was so fucking wrong?" I felt the glass about to give under my grip and part of me wanted it to break, like she was broken, like I was broken.

"That was our _baby_ and it was _my job _to protect both of them." The anger swallowed me and I threw the glass across the room. It shattered against the wall, sending tiny crystalline shards all over the carpet.

I picked up the half filled bottle and smashed it over the bar, still caught in the clutches of my own anger and self loathing. Weak, that was all I was, I was fucking weak and pathetic.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, fighting just to hold on to some semblance of sanity. My father was still standing there silently, expectantly. "What do you want me to see Dad, because really, I don't think I can take any more bad news right now?" I warned. If Bella was worse, I didn't know if I would be able to cope.

He said nothing, but took me by the arm and led me back toward the stairs.

"This is not your fault Edward, don't blame yourself for Tanya's actions, none of us could have foreseen this happening."

He pulled me up the stairs and swung me around so I could see Bella

"This could be the turning point son. I think you should seize the opportunity."

My breath caught when I saw Bella sitting there with the twins on her knees. They were leaning back against her as she stroked their foreheads tenderly. It was the most affection I had seen her offer them in the last month, and I felt myself lurch forward a little. I grabbed onto the counter top to steady myself as I watched. She was there, my Bella, somewhere under all the hurt and misplaced blame, under all the pain and tragedy, she was still there.

I hadn't realized until that moment, just _how_ scared I had been that she had been gone for good. I stepped towards them, my trembling hands giving away the cravings I was fighting to hide.

"Bella?"I asked questioningly.

**"**Edward...I love you..." She whispered.

I knelt down by her feet and just lay my head against her knees. I allowed myself to pretend for a moment that all was well, that our baby was still alive and well inside her that Tanya had never invaded our lives and I was not the weak recovering alcoholic that I truly was. I let myself feel a fraction of peace, the first I had had in over four weeks. I felt the tears overflow but I couldn't stop them.

"I love you. All of you." I whispered unsure if she heard me. My hands were still trembling noticeably, though not quite so bad as before.

"Will you take a walk with me Bella?" I said softly with my eyes still closed. I knew as soon as I opened them, reality would come crashing back down and I was not sure I was ready for that yet.

Bella's fingers had buried themselves in my hair, taking me further back into happier times and I sighed in contentment.

"I will walk with you if we can walk in the field, I don't want to go by the road." She said her voice obviously nervous and still so unsure. Selfishly, I didn't dwell on it; I just let her fingers soothe me in my imaginary paradise.

I heard my parents come over and take the twins from Bella and make their way downstairs, no doubt to pack some clothes for them. When all was silent, I stood and finally opened my eyes, taking in the beauty that was Bella. I doubted there would ever be a time when I would not find her beautiful. I held out my hand to her with what I hoped was an encouraging smile.

"Let's go my love."

"Edward I don't know what's happening..." her voice was so fragile, like glass that was on the verge of shattering. I knew that my observation was not that far off the mark. My angel was so tortured, tortured by demons _I_ had unleashed upon her.

I would wear my guilt; I would carry it without burdening her.

I pulled her to me and held her close "We're going to go for a walk baby. Then we can talk a little, ok?" I asked gently. This was the most animated I had seen her and I didn't want to risk her pulling back from me again. We walked in silence for awhile before I found the courage to break the quiet

"I bought you something baby." I began as I led us both outside away from the road. "Do you remember telling me how much you wanted to go to Tahiti?" I tried to stop my hand from shaking in Bella's but it was no good. The only thing that would stop it was a drink and thankfully, my father was around to make sure I didn't go down that path.

I only hoped Bella wouldn't notice.

She smiled when I mentioned Tahiti and I felt a surge of hope that I was on the right track

"Tahiti, I remember, the beach so warm so safe...what did you...Edward why is your hand shaking?"

"It's nothing baby, don't worry about it. Well I brought you something that I think you may like. It's an island near Tahiti. It's called Eden Beach; it's got its own resort and the most beautiful beaches you have ever seen. I was thinking maybe we could go there for a while."I felt a strange sensation in my arm and looked down in horror to find the shaking had spread to my arms as well.

"You brought me an Island." She sounded a little upset and I sucked in a breath, half hoping for her to tear strips off me for buying it.

"I want you to take me there, it sounds nice. Will you Edward, will you take me there?"

I paused and pulled her to me, "I'll take you anywhere you want to go Mrs Cullen."I said wincing as it slipped out. We had not spoken of the wedding since the accident and I was unsure how she would react to what used to be her favourite title from me."I love you... Always..."I said leaning down and kissing her for the first time in the last few weeks.

I kept it soft and light, not wanting to scare her or put pressure on her to feel things that she wasn't. I didn't want her to kiss me back because she felt she should, I wanted her to do it because it was what she wanted.

"Mrs Cullen," she whispered. "I like that." She deepened the kiss and I felt my still heart beat once again.

"Well Mrs Cullen, how about we go home and pack then? Your parents are going to have the kids; Jake is coming to get them." I paused as I didn't know how to explain why my parents were going to be joining. How could I tell her that I was a fucking alcoholic who was just a second away from falling off the wagon? I couldn't add to her stress, but then I didn't want to lie to her either.

"Baby, my mother and father are going to be coming too." I said looking at our entwined hands.

"That's alright Edward, your parents deserve a holiday, so do you..." She said and looked away from me sadly.

I was weak and pathetic, I knew that. I needed my father's fucking supervision just so I wouldn't go and drink myself to fucking death.

I saw Bella's disappointment at the news and my heart sank. I just couldn't stop letting her down.

We had boarded the jet and I had helped a very pale and sick looking Bella to her seat, buckling her in safely. She was so fucking pale…..

"You ok baby?" I asked, concerned. The doctors assured us that Bella was perfectly safe to travel, but she didn't appear that way to me.

"I'll just go and get you something to drink." I said walking over to the serving area. I retrieved a bottle of water, noticing the small bottles of sparkling amber liquid sitting there, beckoning me almost. I shook my head and made my way back to Bella.

"Here you go." I said sitting down next to her and giving her what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

"You're going to love Eden Beach baby, I knew it was you the moment I saw it." I grabbed one of her hands and held it in mine. "It will get better Bella, you'll see."

She looked down at my shaking hands with a frown

"Edward; are you alright? Would you like some of my water?"

"I'm fine baby." I said tucking my free trembling hand down beside me. "Do you want to see where we are going?" I picked up a folder full of photos and reports and handed it to Bella. As soon as she took it from me I tucked that hand away out of sight too. "Do you like it?" I asked anxiously.

"Edward's its beautiful. Is it truly ours?"

I leaned over and kissed her cheek "No, it's truly yours. I told you I would start you a portfolio of your own. This is the start. There is a hotel there already, but if you don't like it we can close it down, it's entirely up to you baby. It's all yours."

"No Edward it's ours what mine is yours, and I love it."

I felt a wave of nausea overtake me and I had to swallow back a mouthful of bile. The cravings weren't getting any better, in fact it seemed they were getting worse and the longer I denied my body what it wanted the more it seemed to shut down.

"Actually, I might steal a bit of that water." I said grabbing the bottle and emptying it in one go. I looked at Bella apologetically "Sorry, I'll go and get you another..." I said beginning to stand again, but she stopped me

"Sit down Edward and just try to relax ok, you're making me nervous." She pulled me back into my seat and I rubbed the back of my hand against my lips. My eyes kept pulling back towards the bar, I swear I could fucking _smell_ the whiskey.

The flight attendant turn on the music, usually when I travelled on the jet I liked to listen to The Killers album Sawdust and they knew now just to put it on. If the situation had not been so fucking serious I would have laughed when I heard the song that was playing

_Shakin' like the Devil when she lets me go  
Got a new place, and how it's so much better  
Falling over myself, the televisions' on,  
I turn it off and smile  
Oh, Jennifer, you know I always tried  
Before you say goodbye_

"Tell me more about the Island."

I gently removed my hand from hers and began rubbing them together trying to stop the tingling. "There is a Resort that is fully staffed and sixteen bungalows as well as a main house. The resort is fully solar powered, the whole thing is really environmentally sound...It's a natural paradise. When I saw it I thought of you." I finished quietly, listening as The Killers sang my current pain

_Leave the bourbon on the shelf  
And I'll drink it by myself  
And I love you endlessly,  
Darling don't you see I'm not satisfied  
Until I hold you tight  
Give me one more chance tonight  
And I swear I'll make it right  
But you ain't got time for this  
And that wreckin' bell is ringin'  
And I'm not satisfied  
Until I hold you  
_

"I think I want to close it down to the public, I want it to be something that we can share with the people we want. And thank you for thinking of me." She gave me a small, sad smile. "Edward would you hold me?"

"Of course" I said unclasping her seat belt and pulling her onto my lap. I lay her head against my chest and began stroking her hair.

"We need to talk about what happened eventually Bella." I said softly, not wanting to upset her, but making my intentions clear. We needed to talk, not just for her but for me too.

"Are we nearly there?" She asked quietly and I sighed in exasperation.

"Go to sleep Bella, when you wake up, we'll be there."I was a little irritated. I was trying, God knows I was trying, but she needed to help me to help her. My mind kept drifting back to the liquor I knew was only a few feet away. I began rubbing the back of my hand against my mouth absently.

She offered more apologies and a promise to try. I didn't answer, afraid of what may have come out of my mouth.

After a while my father came over and sat down across from me, looking concerned

"How's it going son? How are the DT's are you coping?"

"I don't know; the same?" I looked down at Bella, who appeared to be sleeping soundly. I did wonder at that, she had not slept this peacefully since before the accident, but I chose not to question it. If she was sleeping soundly now, I would just let her be.

I licked my dry, sandpaper like lips and grimaced. I wanted a drink, I wanted one so fucking badly it was driving me insane. Everything was too raw and real, I wanted to dull it, just fucking dim it a little, then I could get through. My fingers were twitching against Bella's skin and I felt like fucking screaming. I was weak and empty and Bella didn't need to be shouldering my burden.

"She's going to notice Dad and I don't know what to tell her. She doesn't need this on top of what she's already going through."

He gave me a reassuring smile. I was lucky to have him on my side, because God knew, I certainly fucking needed it.

"Let's cross that bridge if we get to it Edward, Let's just try and get you two back on track, and we'll keep it between us son, I'm here if it gets too much and you want to talk."

"There's some booze back there, can you get rid of it for me? I don't trust myself." I asked my father pathetically. He looked at me as though I were anything but. Indeed he seemed to be almost proud though I could not fathom why.

"Once we land, things will get better." I mumbled "They have too."

"OF course I will, and the pilot said we'll be landing in twenty minutes so you might want to put Bella back in her seat soon." He said before leaving to his own seat.

I gently lifted Bella and buckled her seatbelt again. I leaned back in my seat and banged head against it a few times. Between Bella's silent indifference and my insistent fucking urge to drink, I was exhausted.

I felt Bella's hand grab mine and I gripped it tightly.

"Don't let go..." She whispered

"Never." I whispered back. Hell, at this stage I would take any lifeline that was thrown to me.

By the time the plane landed, Bella had retreated back inside herself and my father looked at me worriedly as we walked towards the hotel. I shrugged helplessly; what the fuck could I do? I had run out of options.

"No! Not the house, I want to stay in a bungalow. By the water," Bella's raspy whisper cut through the silence.

"Whatever makes you happy love," I said, but I could tell she wasn't really listening anymore. Her eyes had a glazed over, faraway look to them. Her body was next to mine, her hand in mine, but her mind was somewhere else completely.

It fucking terrified me.

My parents decided to stay in the hotel and Bella and I made our way down to a bungalow. I helped her to undress and take a quick shower, but she didn't even look at me. I don't think she even realised she was under the fucking water or naked. I began to worry that I might have made a mistake in bringing her here; maybe she needed real help, help that I couldn't give her.

I dried her off and dressed her in some soft, flannel pyjamas and she slid into the bed. I slid in next to her and wrapped my arms around her, bringing her face up to meet mine. Her eyes were so broken, I decided then and there that if she wouldn't talk to me and open up a bit, I would take her home and _make_ her talk to someone. It burned me that I might not end up being the one to help her, but it was unimportant. All that mattered was that she got better.

"Bella, tomorrow we need to talk. You can't keep putting this off love." I said softly but firmly.

"Ok...tomorrow, and thank you again for buying me an Island, I feel safe here already,"

"You are safe baby."I pulled her closer to me and kissed her softly.

I woke up to an empty bed and looked over to find Bella sitting in a chair by the window, staring out into space.

"Bella?" I croaked "What are you doing?" I knew she had not slept at all and I was uncertain as to how she would react

**"**Watching the sunrise over the water, it's a beautiful sight..."

"You didn't sleep again did you?" I asked already knowing the answer. I got up and walked behind her, putting my hands on her shoulders

"Baby please talk to me. You can't just keep bottling this all up inside. Talk to me, please..." I begged.

She screamed. It wasn't a frightened scream; it was a scream of pure unadulterated pain. She sounded like she was literally ripping apart from the inside out and I froze in shock as her hands began yanking at her hair, ripping clumps of it out. I quickly reached down and loosened her fingers, though she seemed oblivious to my touch.

"Edward why can't you see I've done nothing but fuck up your life? I've done nothing but take from you, you've missed out on so much with Apple and Louis now I've taken away your second chance to experience those moments you lost. And though you tell me you're ok, you're not-you want to drink again, I've driven you to want to drink. And I can't go to sleep because then I will hear the cries of our lost baby, and I know that no matter how long or hard I search for him I know I won't be able to find him and bring him home to you. And you refuse to see how many times I've failed you and you refuse to lay the blame at my feet where it belongs and I know you're only still here because you pity me. You need to leave me Edward; you need to get away from me before I destroy you. You're too good for me, you have such a beautiful soul and I'm killing it."

I was frozen to the spot as I tried to process all she had said.

_Take from you, missed out on so much, cries of our lost baby, driven you to want to drink, I've failed you, you pity me, leave me Edward. You're too good for me._

All of it spiraled in my head like a maelstrom and I sunk to the floor from the sheer weight of it all.

"No," I growled shocked at the sound that came from my throat. "No." I stood up, my movements jerky and stiff.

How could she think all of those things? How could she possibly imagine that I would be better off without her? I was fucking NOTHING without her.

I walked over to her and knelt down before her

"You need to listen to me Bella, you really need to hear what I am about to tell you." I waited for some sign that she had heard me. It was time for me to fucking man up and take care of the family I had always claimed to want. It was time for me to be the man that she needed.

"I. Love. You." I grabbed her hand and held it to my chest, above my heart "This? It beats for no one but you. You leave, it dies. I've tried to live without you and I can't do it, I don't want to do it. You are the only one who has brought any real happiness to my life."

I stared into those deep brown depths, and I could feel every ounce of her pain, cutting into my very soul. She truly believed her words, she valued herself so little and it was wrong. Someone like her should know her worth.

"You gave me my daughter, son and the child we will never know but never forget." I lay my other hand on her empty abdomen. "You didn't fail me baby, you never could. Even though we didn't know him, he knew us, he knew you. And you loved him so much, so much for both of us that there was no need for him to come to us. You gave him more love than most people get in a lifetime, that's the kind of person you are, the only kind of woman I could love."

"I love you Edward, but it doesn't feel like it's enough compared to the burden I've been on you...and I don't know how to fix it or make it right or make it enough for you."

"No. Stop. You love me? Then that's all that matters Bella, because God knows, I love you." I picked her up and carried her to the bed, sitting us both down. I cradled her in my arms, rocking us both gently.

"Some things can't be fixed Bella. Some things are always going to hurt and this is one of them. We lost a baby, _we _lost a baby." I reiterated "And we will never forget about him, but all this blame and hurt? It's tarnishing the memory honey. We made a baby out of love sweetheart and that same love is what's going to get us through this. I beg you Bella, don't shut me out. I don't think I could cope with losing you both." I kissed the top of her head and held her tighter.

"I hate myself Edward, I hate that you want to drink because of what I've put you through..."

I hissed lightly. That was certainly one hundred percent my doing. I had been drinking long before Bella came along, too weak to stop and see what I was doing to myself and everyone else around me.

"Why would you think that I was drinking?" I asked cautiously feeling like a shit for skirting around the truth instead of just being honest. I was disgusted that I could sit here and ask her to confide in me, but I could not do it myself. All the lies I told myself about how I was merely trying to protect her and not put any more strain on her was just that.

Bullshit.

I was too fucking scared to verbalize my weakness any more than I already had. My father knew Irina knew and if Bella knew what then?

"I feel your tremors Edward...I know you confide in your Dad..." She said very softly, the hurt evident in her voice. "I failed you because you couldn't confide in me."

My mind drifted back to the jet and my foolish assumption that she had been sleeping.

I could have fucking kicked myself.

"I'm sorry." I whispered into her hair, trying to breath in as much of her scent as possible. I could feel the fucking shaking coming and I was desperately trying to ward it off. "It's been pretty fucking bad." I said surprised at myself "But none of it is your doing. I didn't want to let you down or disappoint you." I brought a trembling hand up to cup her cheek. "The first week Dad kept me in line and you were so proud of how I had quit. I just wanted to be that man. My drinking, it's all on me honey, I'm sorry to let you down."

"Can't you see Edward? You never let me down, but you think you always do, it makes me think I'm not showing you how much I love the man that you are."

I almost laughed at the sheer fucking irony of it all. We were both so convinced we were not good enough for the other, all the while creating our own self fulfilling prophecy. It was fucking madness and I decided to take a leap and try for complete and utter fucking honesty.

"I want to drink. All the time. Right now, I would love nothing more than to down every single drop of alcohol on this island. I brought Tanya into our lives, I turned her into the bitter twisted psychopath that she is and because of my selfishness you are the one who had to pay for it. I felt like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest the day you had the accident. I stayed by you the entire time, knowing that it was me that put you there. Then when I discovered you were right and it was Tanya, I realized I had let you down again. I should have killed that bitch for what she had done, but I didn't. I watched you retreat from the world, hating myself because all of it was my doing. I want to drink baby, because then it won't hurt so much. I won't feel so fucking ashamed."

"No Edward, Tanya is to blame for her actions not you or me. If you want to drink Edward I'm not going to stop you, but I want you to know that I believe in you, I believe you can be who you truly want to be...You are already the man I need and want...Every time I close my eyes I hear him crying somewhere in the forest and I run toward the sound and I search everywhere, but no how long or hard I search or how far I run toward the sound, I can't find him, he's lost and alone... and I can't find him...I failed him..." She whispered.

"It's good to have you back."

"Feels nice to be back...would you kiss me? It's been far too long...it feels like a lifetime ago..."

"It would be my pleasure..."

And so I kissed her. I kissed her and loved and her and brought her all the way home the only way I knew how.

**A/N: So we have reached the end of another chapter…Feel free to let us know what you thought, but that comes with a warning…BE NICE TO BELLA…or I will growl…LOL…nah I'm just kidding!**


	35. Chapter 35 A lesson In Fine Dining

**A/N**: As always a big thank you to those of you who took the time to review we appreciate all constructive feedback and we love just knowing what you think. Thank you to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions...Light & laughter going out to my Face book friends. New chapter photos will be up by the end of the weekend...Apologies for the late update real life decided to make demands on our time this week but we fought back and we are relieved the update is only a few days late in getting to you.

To Greenaway you are more than my writing partner and friend you are the light in my soul and every minute I spend in your company I treasure...And I'm glad our husband's finally understand the depth of the bond we have forged in the seething cauldron that is Twilight Fan fiction...LMAO xxx.

**Disclaimer: **S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own this story and the song 'Thank you' performed by Dido is the property of the respective owner.

**CHAPTER 35: A Lesson In Fine Dining...  
**

**Bella's POV...**

"Say Mrs Cullen again I like that." I knew I was still stuck in the twilight between asleep and awake, even though I was still dreaming I was conscious enough to hear my voice in my ears, "You know I believe in you Edward; you are my everything. You are the light and you're mine."

As soon as I realized that the images in my mind disappeared and I hurtled toward full consciousness.

I stretched my arms above my head as my eyelids fluttered open, and though my head was sore and my throat was dry I felt well rested for the first time in a month. I had managed unbroken nightmare free sleep, it was a wonderful feeling and my mood brightened.

Edward's seraphic face became clearer with each passing second, "Good morning..." I rasped as the words caught in my throat, "I love you..."

**"**Good morning gorgeous." His kiss was gentle and he pulled away after a moment to pass me a glass of water "Would this help? Or maybe these too?" He held out two panadol and I took them gratefully. **"**And I love you too."

"They will definitely help, how did you know?" I threw the small white tablets into my mouth and quickly washed them down with the entire glass of water, "How are you today my angel? How are the cravings?"

I was going to force Edward to be upfront about how he was feeling about his alcohol withdrawals it was the only way I could help him.

"Good. I've already been around the house and emptied all the alcohol I could find including the meths. I don't think it would get that bad, but I thought it best to err on the side of caution."

I smiled in appreciation; Edward was being completely honest with me.

"Well done honey; it's nice to see you being pro active... I'm going to order that all the alcohol is removed from the bar; this is my Island and its alcohol free...

"It sounds... nice."He mumbled.

I could tell the idea didn't appeal to Edward much so I decided to use a different tact.

"If you rather I gave you the choice sweetie then that's fine too, it's completely up to you. I just thought that I could help make it easier..."

A low growl erupted from his throat and he pounced on me, "You think I'm not onto you? I know your tricks you cunning minx." Edward's tickling fingers had me squealing and laughter burst from my lips.

"Please...Edward...no more...tickling..." He ceased as soon as he saw me struggling for air, and I quickly gulped down a couple of much needed lung full's of oxygen.

The alarm clock radio burst into life, and Dido's sweet voice filled the room joined a moment later by Edward's smooth harmonious tone.

_"I want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life,  
Oh just to be with you, is having the best day of my life." _

My heart swelled; everyday with Edward was the best day of my life and it was something I was never going to forget.

I decided to play ignorant of his accusations of using trickery against him."I don't know what you're talking about Edward; I have no tricks at all." I grinned at him. I couldn't believe how strange the sensation was to lift my mouth into a smile. "...Thank you for forcing me to talk last night; I want you to know that I feel so much better now you know. Thank you for loving me..."

Edward's groan distracted me and I looked at him quizzically, "My parents want us to have dinner with them tonight, but we don't have to, it's entirely up to you. Your Island, your rules."

"_My rules_; I like the sound of that. Well I was planning on keeping you captive in this bungalow as my sex slave, since I am _mistress _of the Island. But it would be rude to turn down dinner, even though I shudder to think what your parents must think of me...And I am absolutely famished so I say yes to dinner, but dessert will be back here." I said with a smirk.

I felt lightheaded with relief, relief that I had finally purged my soul of the thoughts and feelings that had haunted me for the last month. It was only now that I felt like this that I realised how far I had sunk into depression.

It felt nice to talk.

Edward sprang into Character and bowed at me and started referring to me as Mistress, and I couldn't help but giggle when he asked me to join him in the shower and then take a tour of the Island.

He held out his hand for mine.

A shower with Edward sounded beyond wonderful it sounded like heaven. "That sounds perfect; I'm looking forward to see how you perform under pressure, water pressure that is..." I smirked and ducked under his outstretched hand and made a dash for the bathroom.

I hadn't even made it three quarters of the way across the room when Edward's arms ensnared me.

"Of course, I could always just buy you another island, bigger with a five star resort..." He murmured in my ear.

"Don't you dare Edward Cullen...have you any idea how much self control it took me to accept this one as graciously as I did? This was your one free pass...Anything else will be donated to charity! And you while we're here I thank you to remember I'm in charge..."

"My sincerest apologies Mistress, I shall learn my place. Perhaps there is a way I can redeem myself in your eyes? A way you can forgive my gross misconduct?"

"Perhaps...I'll let you know..."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Esme and Carlisle were waiting for us when we arrived at the restaurant, I looked over at them and felt a wave of shyness wash over me and my first instinct was to turn and run. I fought off the urge and reluctantly let Edward pull me toward the table.

I took my seat next to Edward and kept my eyes lowered. I was embarrassed about my behaviour of the past month and I had forgotten to ask Edward if Carlisle and Esme knew the reasons for it. When I thought about it I guessed they did, with me being so caught up in myself who else did Edward have to turn to? I pushed back the familiar feelings of self loathing, I was not going to let myself get back on the merry go round now I'd finally stepped off the out of control carousel.

Thanking every deity to man that I had gotten back some sense of myself and a better awareness of my surroundings or Edward's tremors would have gone completely unnoticed to me. They seemed to be getting worse even in the few seconds it had taken me to become aware they were trembling.

I looked across the table and found the cause of his violent onslaught of the DT's. Esme's glass of wine was singing for him.

He wanted nothing more than to pick it up and put it to his lips. I squeezed his hand reassuringly and leaned into him, "you can do this sweetie, you can do this for one night, tomorrow the temptation will be gone..." I didn't care that earlier in the evening I told him I was giving him a choice.

I wasn't.

This was going to be an alcohol free Island.

My eyes drifted toward Carlisle and Esme who were both looking at me with concerned faces.

"I wanted to say thank you so much to both of you for all the love and support you've given Edward over the last month. I'm guessing you know what happened? It...It was just a huge shock for me...Anyway thank you. And I want you to know that I'm feeling better now."

I thought it would be easier to just apologise for my behaviour in the hope that everyone might relax and things would be less awkward. I chanced a glance at Edward and noticed the way he was watching his mother raise the wine glass to her lips.

He began to lean forward he looked like he was ready to rip the glass from her hand.

"You can do this sweetie, you can do this for one night tomorrow the temptation will be gone..." I whispered hoping it would be enough to help him through.

"It's alright." He said but a moment later his fingers were digging into my thigh

I needed a diversion for him immediately.

My hand slid onto his thigh and rubbed it gently, his self control was about to snap and there was only one way I could think of that _would_ distract him. My fingers caress his thigh inching slowly higher, I made sure the table cloth was draped in a way that the approaching waiter couldn't see what I was doing as my hand slid into Edward's pants.

Esme and Carlisle were happily talking when I glanced their way, and I smiled casually at the approaching waiter. My fingers curled around Edwards cock and I started stroking him slowly making sure that I kept all the movement in my wrist.

"Can I get you anything drink Mademoiselle?" The waiter asked me with a smile.

"Yes we'll both have pineapple juice, and I'd like Scallops as an entree and crayfish raviloi for my main. Oh and could you tell the chef I like my sauce extra creamy." I gave Edward a gentle squeeze and went back to my ministrations I turned to him with a smirk, I could feel his erection growing under my control, "What would you like to eat sweetie?"

"The... same,"He stuttered.

Esme noticed the way Edward choked on his response to my question and looked at him in concern so I slowed my ministrations. I didn't want Edward to climax to early or give it away to his parents what my hand was up to under the table.

I immediately drew Esme into a conversation asking her how she liked the Island, and I was grateful when she finally finished the last of her glass of wine. I never let up on my constant stroking of Edward and I leaned over and whispered "I have thought of away you can redeem yourself my sweet, but not until the main course."

I returned my attention back to my meal. If anyone other than Edward noticed I was eating one handed they never said anything and Edward was doing well not giving us away.

It would be interesting to see if he could keep up the perfect charade when I finally did let him cum.

"Are you enjoying your scallops sweetheart they are so juicy and moist don't you think? I think they're perfect." I asked him conversationally.

"Perfect fucking perfect," He muttered so only I could hear...

... The dinner table talk was light and easy and I was glad Esme ordered water when the waiter returned with the mains.

I stroked Edward harder as the waiter placed the bowl of ravioli in front of me.

"Mmm...That's so good Edward..." my fingers were tightened around him and I couldn't help the smile that spread over my face when I felt him throb against my palm. He was so close. I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "but I think its missing something! Cum for me my baby..."

He had no choice I sped up my movements and a moment later he clutched the table for support. A loud expletive passed his lips.

Esme reprimanded his use of bad language and I bit back the fit of giggles trying to break free from my throat.

Edward's hot seed pooled in the middle of my palm and slid my hand from the top of his pants making sure not to spill my reward.

I glanced quickly at Carlisle and Esme who were in engrossed in their conversation and casually brought my spoon to my lap and scooped the contents of my hand onto it before returning the spoon to my bowl to add a piece of ravioli.

A satisfied moan escaped me as the spoon past my lips, "Mmm...It's simply divine sweetheart." I said turning to Edward and smiling innocently as I brought my fingers to my lips and licked off the traces of him still left on them.

Edward was looking at me like a stunned mullet, he was completely in shock and I was pleased with myself that I had managed to not only successfully give him a hand job at the table I had completely distracted him from wanting to have a drink.

I excused myself from the table quickly heading for the bathroom. I was pretty sure he'd follow me.

My lips curled into a smile when I looked up at the sound of the door opened and Edward's face was suddenly reflected in the mirror. He was wearing a slightly dazed look on his face like he was in shock,

"Are you alright sweetie?" I asked his reflection.

"Am I alright? Let's see, I was just fucking jacked off under the table while at dinner with my parents Bella. Then I watched my fiancée do something so fucking depraved and fucking sexy that I seem to be walking around with a perpetual hard on. You tell me Bella, am I alright?"

He was behind me in two long strides, his arms slipping around my waist and his very prominent erection pushing against my ass.

"You are a very naughty girl, Mrs Cullen." I shivered in pleasure when Edward's voice hissed in my ear. It was low, dangerous and full of the promise of revenge. He pushed himself harder against me making his intentions crystal clear.

"Edward... I...you needed a distraction I gave you one! And you did so beautifully honey, I bet your parents were none the wiser... Do you think it was depraved...what I did?"

I giggled when his eyebrows disappeared under his fringe.

"No, Bella! It's completely fucking appropriate to do something like that at the dinner table! But since you have so helpfully set a precedent, who am I to argue?"

"Sorry sweetie, but it took your mind off the alcohol didn't it? So I did my job...And you redeemed yourself so perfectly my pet." I leaned back into him with a sigh, I wondered if he was going to discover I wasn't wearing anything under my dress.

"Don't move." Edward's voice commanded as his hand slid up halfway up my back and pushed me forward so I was bent over the sink, he lifted the back of my dressed and his growl erupted around the room, bouncing off the tiled walls and making me shiver. "Oh, you took my mind off alcohol alright, I find myself craving something else altogether now. And since you set the theme for the night, I guess I'll have to come up with something just as depraved..."

Edward was fumbling with his jeans and the image of Esme and Carlisle sitting at the table wondering where we were flashed across my mind.

"Edward are you sure?...your parents will be wondering where we are..." I didn't think it would work and it didn't because he was fully inside me in one fluid motion.

"Oh, I'm sure alright." He took me by force pounding into me relentlessly; he leaned forward and thrust his thumb into my mouth "Suck." He commanded. I allowed the digit to glide between my lips, my eyes never leaving his in the reflection in the mirror. "Good girl." He hissed as he slid his thumb from my mouth and slipped it between my ass cheeks. "Watch yourself come Bella." He pushed his thumb inside me as his cock continued its frenzied assault.

I was barely keeping it together and his next order sent my body into over drive.

"Come for me Mistress,"

His final order distracted me, even though he called me Mistress, in fact once again he was dominating me. The need for control was so deeply ingrained in him I realized he would never fully be able to relinquish it, my body on the other hand did exactly what he commanded of me and I called his name as my climax crashed over me.

I never took my eyes from his as my body slowly stilled.

The thought of Edward taking control from me again caused anger to wash over me. Hadn't I just told him that I wanted to be in control here?

I needed it for my own sanity.

A small sigh passed my lips as I ran my fingers through my hair, "Edward...why can you never play by my rules?...you didn't have to ruin my fun you know..."

There was no real anger more frustration. I poked my tongue out as I unlocked the door and left him the bathroom without a backward glance.

After a quick detour to the kitchen to thank and speak briefly to the chef, I stomped back to the table and didn't bother to return to my seat. Esme looked at me in concern, "Are you alright Bella your cheeks look very flushed, you're not feeling unwell are you?"

I chanced a glance at Carlisle and he was looking at me knowingly, a slight smirk playing on his face, I felt myself redden further and I returned my gaze to Esme.

"I'm fine Esme; it's just so incredibly warm in here. I was thinking I might go and have a swim in the lagoon. Can you let Edward know where I am when he returns from wherever he's gone... I'll see you tomorrow."

I whipped out the door before Edward returned to the table and headed straight for the lagoon; I stripped off my dress and disappeared into the warm turquoise water, relishing the cleansing feeling of the salt water on my skin. When I turned to look back at the shore Edward was standing next to my clothes watching me as I treaded water. I stayed where I was for a few more minutes before making my way back to shore.

Edward was wearing a self satisfied smile on his face and my eyes narrowed.

"Are you alright love? Would you like a towel?" His nonchalant attitude irked me.

"No I'm not all right and no I don't want a towel..." I snatched up my dress threw it over my wet body and made my way to the bungalow.

He walked in the door behind me and his voice was light with a hint of a tease to it, "Are you tired, unwell? Perhaps a tea or coffee? You do look at little peaked..."

"No I'm not unwell nor do I want any of those things. I'm unimpressed actually; I didn't want you to ruin my fun..." I spun around to face him my lips going into full on pout mode as I did.

I recognised his feeble attempt to turn his laugh into a coughand a low growl rumbled from my throat.

"Ruin your fun? I believe I complied with your wishes to the letter, if I did something wrong or offended you in some way, I most humbly apologise Mistress. I thought you enjoyed our little moment in the bathroom. I certainly found it to be quite entertaining..."

"Of course you found it entertaining; you got your con..." I bit my lip, I didn't want this to turn into something it wasn't, "I won't deny I did enjoy it, and I guess I accept your apology," _Even though I know you didn't mean it. I thought to myself with a frown._

"I don't think you do somehow." He sighed and buried his face into my neck as he explained how hard it was to relinquish control of any part of his life but promised to try, his breath felt warm and comforting as it fanned out over my skin.

"Good I want you to try. Edward I'm not asking you to give up complete control I just need to feel like I have some command over my life. I think it will help me get my life back on track. I hope that makes sense to you."

I felt like I needed to show Edward this was not about domination but about my need to feel in control, for my safety.

He seemed to understand perfectly, "Then I bend to your will with absolute pleasure my angel. I always want you to feel safe, who knows? Perhaps this will be a good learning experience for me." He pulled me down onto the couch. "So, what do I do love? This is entirely new territory for me and I will be honest, I'm a little nervous."

"You don't have to anything but let me make the rules as I go. But since you want to bend to my will you could offer yourself to me for dessert..."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

My eyelids fluttered open and a slow smile spread over my face when Edward's sleeping form filled my vision. He looked so peaceful and unaffected in sleep, his time to escape from reality. I carefully extracted myself from his arms took one more look at him before I got dressed.

I tied the strings of my bikini top and threw on a sheer white chiffon shirt before scribbling a note to Edward telling him he'd find me on the beach if he followed the signs. I made arrows out of shells and the fronds of the palm trees along the shore line to guide him. A huge smile spread over my face when I rounded the corner into the most secluded part of the bay and found the blanket and picnic basket set up just as I'd asked.

My eyes scanned the secluded bay for any sign of people before I slid out of my shirt and bikini and headed for the warm calm water. The turquoise water was so warm my body never even reacted as I waded out further off shore. I explored the coral reefs as I waited for Edward; it was fun watching the colourful fish in their natural habitat. It was such a peaceful and magical place amongst the bright coral gardens and I found myself wishing we could live with our children in this most secret of magical places.

My head broke the surface of the water and I gulped in some much needed air, since the accident I noticed I got out of breath a lot quicker and it annoyed me.

When I saw Edward take a seat on the blanket and scout around for me I ceased treading water and swam slowly back to shore, not bothering to stand until I was in ankle deep water, "Good morning sweetie did you sleep well?" I knelt down in front of him and kissed him softly.

"W-what? Sorry what?"

"I said good morning sweetie I hope you slept well, and I hope you're hungry?" I smirked when he finally dragged his eyes from exposed breasts to my face. I had to admit I was having just as much trouble keeping my eyes from his shirtless body.

"Uh, sleep? Yes, sleep. I slept well. And I am definitely hungry."

By the way he growled out the last bit and his eyes drifted back to my chest I knew he was hungry but it wasn't for food, "Good I'm glad you're hungry because so am I, but first I want to give you something else." I pushed my naked body against him; his arms encircled my waist pulling me down on top of him as his back hit the blanket.

"I want to taste you again...you're so good..." I murmured against his lips, earning the most delicious moan from him. The sound set my soul alight and sent desire pounding through my veins.

I slid slowly down his chest kissing a trail ever lower, stopping only when I reached the top of his shorts, I looked up at him and frowned, His eyes were closed but his face was wearing an identical frown.

My fingers hooked into the obstructive fabric and I yanked hard as Edward lifted his hips to help, I moaned when his shorts slid from his body leaving what I desired in my line of sight. I was about to slither my way toward it when his smooth voice broke the silence.

"I need to taste you too Bella...Now..." I flipped over and sighed when he seized my hips and pulled me back to his face.

My tongue caressed the tip of hard cock swirling over his slit as I slid it between my lips. While my pace was gentle, savouring the way he slid along my tongue, Edward's was not.

His tongue assaulted my clit his fingers explored the places he'd visited in the bathroom the night before. My senses were rapidly becoming over loaded and I was struggling to remember that I was meant to be returning the favour to Edward as I hurtled toward my orgasm, I let my brain disengage from my body knowing it needed no help to get to where it was going, and concentrated on sucking Edward harder and faster bringing him deeper and making him throb against my lips.

"Fuck Bella...Cum with me...please babe..."Edward's mouth had only parted company with my sex long enough to get the words out then his tongue was back on me before I had time to miss it.

I was about to protest when a moment later his tongue slid from my clit but his finger replaced it swiftly and I fell apart when I felt his tongue slide inside me., My orgasm had barely started when Edward's cock gave a final throb and he thrust forward burying himself as far as he could, his hot seed sliding down my throat. I waited until he slid his fingers from between my ass cheeks before I slid him from my mouth, I flipped around, straddling his waist, looking at him with a smile when I heard the soft moan escape his lips.

He looked up at me with a smirk, "Can I please have more... I want to be inside you..."

"Do you? Well it must be your lucky day, because I need to feel you inside me too." I slid down to position myself when Edward spoke again, his voice was dripping pure sex and I wanted nothing more than to engulf him in my warmth.

"Not there Bella...Here..." He slid the tip of his still rock hard cock between my cheeks, and watched me closely for my reaction.

I smirked as I reached back and guided him to where he wanted to be, I moved slowly, allowing myself time to adjust and giving him time to enjoy the sensation. I didn't move for a minute when he was fully inside me giving us both a chance to fully appreciate the feeling, before starting to rock gently.

"Mmm...So good my love..." My nails dug into his stomach as I pushed against him, moving a fraction faster than I had been, I wanted to draw this out for as long as I could. Edward it seemed had other ideas.

"God Bella...too fucking good...play with yourself baby...please...I need..." his hands tightened their grip on my hips setting the pace he wanted, and I complied to his request, my finger exerting the exact amount pressure and speed to be bring myself to my second orgasm.

Edward's audible groan, alerted me to the fact that he felt my juices pooling on his skin, his fingers dug into my flesh as he sort even more friction, "Fuck...Please... say the words Bella..." His eyes locked on to mine and he looked at me pleadingly.

"Only for you Edward...Only you make me feel this way...You're mine forever." I waited until his body was still and his breathing had returned to normal before I slid off him and grabbed his hand, "Let's have a swim before we eat."

Even though I spent more time making out with Edward in the water it still felt refreshing as we played out in the sparkling water. It wasn't until my stomach rumbled that I finally pulled my lips from his, "I'm hungry sweetie and there's a picnic basket full of food I want to eat."

"Hmm...well I wouldn't want my angel to go hungry."He carried me back to shore and never put me down until we were back on the blanket.

I watched him silently as he opened the basket and started unloading the contents. I was happy not to say anything until he was sitting at my side, with our food. "Edward, I was wondering if maybe you might want to spend some of the morning making a few wedding plans?...that's still if you want me..."

I looked at him slyly waiting for his response. "Of course I want you and I would love to talk wedding with you, but could you put a shirt on or something? I really can't concentrate like this..."

I rolled my eyes, "Bloody hell Edward; no I can't! That's why I just fucked you so that you' be able to concentrate and since you're all about the control...some _self _control maybe a good place to start..." I burst out laughing at the look on his face, "How about I just lie here on my stomach then maybe it won't be so distracting? So is there anywhere on the planet that you think you might like to get married?"

"Jesus Bella, you should know me by now, it's never enough! There is only one place on the earth that I can get married Bella and only one man who can do it. If Aro found out I had let anyone else marry me off anywhere other than Waiheke Island, I'm pretty sure he would hunt me down and kill me."

I was instantly in love with his suggestion, "Edward I love Waiheke Island, it's beautiful... You said your next door neighbour, did you live there?"

"Not really, I just visited every now and then. The place I stayed was next door to Aro's and he just invited himself over one day and began rearranging the furniture. Apparently it was not properly situated for positive energy. He really is a character, all spells and potions and peace and love. He's harmless though...You don't mind do you? If we get married there with Aro officiating?"

"Of course not and I can't wait to meet Aro he sounds like my kind of person. So Yay we got one thing agreed on..." I flipped over onto my back, "So do you have some idea when you might like this wedding on Waiheke Island to take place?"

I smiled when he reached to touch me.

"As soon as we can." His eyes never left my breast as he watched my nipple harden between his fingers, but it didn't bother me. I knew guys generally found wedding plans tedious and I was happy he had something to do while we talked about it.

"How about in four weeks time? Or do you think fourweeks is too early? I don't want to wait for months," I wasn't sure how he'd react to having such a short amount of time to get organised.

"I'd marry you tomorrow baby but I am afraid of Aro. Four weeks it is. Everyone who matters will be there and everyone else can go to fucking hell. Wanna go barefoot on the day? I will if you will."

I was elated with his idea; it took back to my teenage dreams of wanting get married barefoot in a hippy inspired wedding. "Hell yeah I do baby, we're going hippy all the way...Oh but won't your parents want something better for their sons big day?"

"Well, since it's our big day, I suppose we should get to decide. You and me baby, always has been, always will be. Booze free though ok? We can toast with anything you want, but I would prefer if it wasn't alcoholic."

I was so proud of Edward for coming to the alcohol free toasts on his own; I had already planned that in my head. "Of course that goes without question sweetie. And I want you to know how in awe I am of you at how well you're doing. I know it can't be easy."

"What about you baby? How are you going to fare with a crazy hippy marrying us and a dry reception?"

"Are you kidding? I say it's going to be the best day of our lives."

We lay in silence for a while; I enjoyed the feeling of Edwards fingers tracing patterns across my abdomen and it took a moment for what he said to me next filter into my consciousness.

"I want to try for another baby."

I replayed his words over in my head several time making sure that I had heard him correctly. Once I had decided I had heard him right, I looked into his eyes searching for confirmation that he did in fact really want to try again.

"Do you Edward? Do you really?" I was shocked that he blurted out what was on his mind and that he was even thinking about more children I was sure there would be no way in hell he'd want to revisit that so I had pretty much given up on the dream.

**"**I do. I really, really do Bella. I would have a house full of babies with you if I could."

Tears spilled from my eyes and my heart glowed at his words. There was no mistaking the sincerity in his eyes or his voice.

"Thank you," I whispered. I just couldn't believe that Edward wanted to consciously have a baby with me.

He reached up and wiped my tears away**, **"Don't cry honey, please. Bella we need to fly back home tomorrow night, I don't want to have to leave yet but the kids need us sweetheart, especially you."

"They're tears of happiness honestly, and I want to go home and see my babies Edward. I miss them." I whispered as I laid my head on his chest...

We spent the rest of the day on the beach, swimming, lying in the sun, having sex, and making wedding plans, it was the most perfect day and I was sad to see it end. We made our way back to the bungalow and even though I was sad to be leaving the Island the following evening, I was happy to be going home to my kids...

**CHAPTER 35: Edward's POV...**

I had been awake for some time, just watching Bella finally sleep peacefully. It was a relief to know that she was getting the sleep her body so desperately needed to heal. I heard a soft knock and gently slid Bella from my arms, sliding out of the bed. I had to search around the floor for my jeans and when I did find them I noticed that a few of the buttons had been ripped clean off.

I smirked at that feeling rather pleased with myself. I pulled them on and quickly opened the door to find my very worried looking father staring back at me. I stepped outside and pulled the door closed so we would not wake Bella.

"How's Bella son, and how are you today?"

I ran my hand through my hair, making it even more of a mess "Well, she had a breakdown last night, but we talked. Really talked; about the baby, Tanya, my drinking all of it. It's still pretty raw, but I think we will be ok." I said with a sigh. "She likes the island so far." I added as an afterthought.

"Well Edward I would consider that a major breakthrough son. If you have both finally owned up to how you have been feeling the past month and finally communicated then by rights things should only get easier. I imagine you will see an improvement in Bella now she has finally let you in. So will you two be joining us for dinner tonight?"

"Uh, I guess so. I'll have to ask Bella first Dad, I don't want to put any pressure on her to do anything she doesn't want to. Right now, I just want her to sleep. She's had so little of it since the accident..."

"I understand Edward, we will be eating at seven, if you're both feeling up to it we will see you there if not we'll see you for breakfast. And don't worry son things will be better, you'll see before you know it Bella will be back to her old self."

"I think I can actually start to believe that now." I said patting my father on the shoulder. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I am about to go and empty every single alcohol bottle I find. Sneaky woman told me I could drink, but she believes in me enough to know I won't." I said with a sigh. Clever, sneaky little woman.

I walked back into the room, pausing when I heard Bella mumbling. I kicked myself that I had woken her from the first decent sleep she had had in a while. I was about to open my mouth to apologise when I noticed that she was actually still sleeping. I made my way quietly over to the bed, curious as to what her nocturnal mutterings would be.

"Say Mrs Cullen again I like that. You know I believe in you Edward, you are my everything." She rolled over in her sleep, "You are the light and you're mine."

I smiled down at her, one hundred percent confident at that moment that we would be better than fine. We would get through this. She stretched her arms above her head and her eyes finally opened.

"Good morning..." She croaked, "I love you..."

"Good morning gorgeous." I said kissing her lightly before I passed her a glass of water "Would this help?" I asked with a grin "Or maybe these too?" I held out two panadol with my other hand "And I love you too." I said with a chuckle. She looked so much better after her sleep and I was feeling ridiculously optimistic.

"They will definitely help, how did you know?" She swallowed the pills and gulped the water down noisily before turning her warm brown eyes on me, "How are you today my angel? How's the cravings?"

"Good. I've already been around the house and emptied all the alcohol I could find including the meths. I don't think it would get that bad, but I thought it best to err on the side of caution." I replied, loving the rekindled honesty between us yet hating my own shortcomings with a vengeance.

It was a strange feeling to say the least

"Well done honey it's nice to see you being pro active, I'm going to order that all the alcohol is removed from the bar, this is my Island and its alcohol free."

I made a face, images of virgin cocktails dancing before my eyes "It sounds... nice." I said rubbing the back of my hand against my lips absently. I couldn't remember the last time I had been on a tropical island without a drink in my hand. Actually, I was pretty sure it had never fucking happened.

"If you rather I gave you the choice sweetie then that's fine too, it's completely up to you. I just thought that I could help make it easier..."

I growled and pounced on her "You think I'm not onto you? I know your tricks you cunning minx." I began to attack her ribs mercilessly, loving the sound of her high pitched giggles. My smile felt like it was going to split my face in half. I heard alarm clock radio go off and grinned down at Bella when the song started playing.

_"I want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life,  
Oh just to be with you, is having the best day of my life." _

I sang along my eyes never leaving hers.

"I don't know what you're talking about Edward I have no tricks at all...Thank you for forcing me to talk last night, I want you to know that I feel so much better now you know...Thank you for loving me..."

"Sweet girl, you don't ever have to thank me for loving you and I'm glad you're feeling better." I groaned as I remembered my father's dinner invitation, "My parents want us to have dinner with them tonight, but we don't have to, it's entirely up to you. Your Island, your rules."

"_My rules_ I like the sound of that, well I was planning on keeping you captive in this bungalow as my sex slave, since I am mistress of the Island but it would be rude to turn down dinner, even though I shudder to think what your parents must think of me...And I am absolutely famished So I say yes to dinner, but dessert will be back here." I said with a smirk.

I got up and bowed formally, "Well Mistress Bella of Eden Beach, I am but your humble servant at your mercy." I peeked up and smirked when I saw her giggle. I would never get enough of that sound. "This humble servant asks if you would perhaps like to shower and then take a tour of your island paradise?" I stood and held a hand out to her, trying but failing miserably to keep the smile off my face.

"That sounds perfect; I'm looking forward to see how you perform under pressure, water pressure that is..."

She ignored my outstretched hand and made a run for the bathroom I caught up to her easily and grabbed her swinging her around in a circle "It's a small island baby, you won't get far." I teased, a mischievous thought occurred to me and I couldn't help myself, I wanted to see my fiesty Bella "Of course, I could always just buy you another island, bigger with a five star resort..."

"Don't you dare Edward Cullen...have you any idea how much self control it took me to accept this one graciously, this was your one free pass...Anything else will be donated to charity, and you while we're here I thank you to remember I'm in charge..."

"My sincerest apologies Mistress, I shall learn my place." I put her down carefully "Perhaps there is a way I can redeem myself in your eyes? A way you can forgive my gross misconduct?" I asked as I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Perhaps...I'll let you know..."

I looked around the table as everyone sat in uncomfortable silence. My parents were watching Bella nervously, no doubt unsure as to what they should or should not say, while Bella's eyes were permanently fixed on the table. My eyes were fixed on the fucking wine glass that my mother had, full of the deep burgundy liquid she was drinking.

My focus was singular and while I heard Bella speaking to my parents I had no idea what she was saying.

I don't think my father had noticed or he would have got rid of it. I shuffled uncomfortably, I could fucking smell the alcohol, so I fixed my attention on Bella, knowing she was the only thing stopping me from leaping across the table and downing the glass in one go. I grabbed her hand under the table and squeezed, trying to simultaneously reassure her and keep myself in my seat. I knew she would feel the tremors, but there was little I could do about it.

"You can do this sweetie, you can do this for one night tomorrow the temptation will be gone..." She whispered in my ear.

I didn't want my mother knowing about my 'little problem'. "It's alright." I murmured lowly to her and myself.

"I wanted to say thank you so much to both of you for all the love and support you've given Edward over the last month, I'm guessing you know what happened, it was just a huge shock for me...Anyway thank you. And I want you to know that I'm feeling much better now."

I put my free hand under the table and grabbed my knee, my fingers digging in painfully. I could feel the sweat breaking out on my forehead and the strange tingling sensation began in my lips. I swallowed hard and put a smile on my face,

"Yes, y-your support to us b-both has made the d-difference. I almost fucking broke down and cried when I saw my mother raise the glass to her lips and take a sip, my eyes never leaving the glass as she placed it back down. I squeezed Bella's hand, begging her to help me somehow, because I knew I was moments away from breaking my sobriety.

Bella noticed my plea for help and she began to caress my thigh her hand inched higher as she turned to smile at the approaching waiter.

"Can I get you anything drink Ma'm?" He asked her politely.

"Yes we'll both have pineapple juice, and I'd like Scallops as an entree and crayfish ravioli for my main." Bella said sweetly while her hand slipped down the front of my jeans and wrapped around my cock. "Could you tell the chef I like my sauce extra creamy?" She added before turning to me, "What would you like to eat sweetie?"

My hand shot up and grabbed the edge of the table, making all the dishes clank and clatter about. My mother gave me a strange look and all I could do was force a strange smile and nod at her, as my fiancée proceeded to give me a fucking hand job under the table. While I had dinner with my parents. I didn't know whether to be extremely fucking turned on or disgusted.

As it happened I was a little bit of both... When She asked me what I wanted to eat, all I could do was choke out "The... same."

"Are you alright dear?" My mother asked me with a frown and I nodded vigorously before grabbing my glass of water and sculling it back.

"I have thought of away you can redeem yourself my sweet, but not until the main course." Bella whispered in my ear as she continued to pump my cock in her warm little hand. "Are you enjoying your scallops sweetheart they are so juicy and moist don't you think done to perfection I think?" She said conversationally but of course I picked up her fucking double meaning.

The sweat that was now on my forehead had absolutely fucking nothing to do with my desire to drink, no it was from the mammoth fucking effort it was taking not to give my dirty little Bella's evil game away. My cock twitched in her hand as she began describing the scallops.

She was so fucking cruel, it was taking everything I had to simply control myself. Emmett naked, oh dear god that's foul, uh, Dame Edna, prostate exams, colonoscopies... Jesus it's not fucking working! Emmett naked, Emmett naked, Emmett naked... I chanted in my head while I watched her lick the juice from the seafood off her lips.

"Perfect fucking perfect," I mumbled, my eyes pleading with her to have some fucking mercy. It was so goddamn inappropriate and so goddamn wrong that I liked that...

I realized Bella was not going to be merciful when she sped up her movements and she never missed a beat when the waiter placed her crayfish ravioli in front of her.

"Mmm that is so good Edward..." She said conversationally. I bit my lip. Hard. I could taste the blood in my mouth as I struggled to keep my composure. "But I think its missing something!Cum for me my baby..." She whispered in my ear and I fucking lost it.

I gripped the table as a loud curse burst forth from my mouth. I barely had time to come down from what was an incredibly fucking intense orgasm before my mother spoke.

"Edward! Language! Please!" She said frowning at me.

I shuddered slightly as I realised what had just happened. "Sorry Mum, I bit my tongue." I mumbled looking down at the table. I felt totally and utterly fucking perverted and wanted nothing more than to bolt from the goddam table so I could find a fucking priest to ask forgiveness or some shit.

Unfortunately for me, my still fucking hard cock had other ideas. The slightest attention from Bella and it was standing up to attention like a fucking solider. Leaving the table was not an option. I was at the evil temptresses mercy.

If I thought that Bella's depravity extended to giving me hand jobs at the dinner table in front of my parents I was wrong very fucking wrong. I fucking stared at her with my jaw gaping when she added my cum from her hand to her spoonful of ravioli and I nearly fucking came again when her eyelids fluttered closed and she declared it _"Simply divine sweetheart," _as she slid thespoon between her lips.

But when she stood up and excused herself from the table moment and left me there to fend for myself I could have fucking throttled her.

The moment I could without embarrassing myself I excused myself from the table and went in search of my extremely naughty fiancée.

I found her in the bathroom, she looked up from the sink when she heard the door close, her eyes met mine in the reflection of the mirror.

"Are you alright sweetie?" She asked innocently.

She was wearing the smile of an angel, but I knew better "Am I alright?" I mused "Let's see, I was just fucking jacked off under the table while at dinner with my parents Bella. Then I watched my fiancée do something so fucking depraved and fucking sexy that I seem to be walking around with a perpetual hard on. You tell me Bella, am I alright?" I asked coming up behind her and grinding my prominent erection into her ass. "You are a very naughty girl, Mrs Cullen." I whispered into her ear.

The sound of her gasp had my cock twitching and pressed myself harder against her as I breathed her in.

"Edward... I...you needed a distraction I gave you one, and you did so beautifully honey, I bet your parents were none the wiser. Do you think it was depraved...what I did?"

"No, Bella! It's completely fucking appropriate to do something like that at the dinner table!" I said sarcastically but with no real bite. "But since you have so helpfully set a precedent, who am I to argue?" I murmured taking her earlobe between my lips and sucking gently.

"Sorry sweetie, but it took your mind off the alcohol didn't it, so I did my job...And you redeemed yourself so perfectly my pet."

I snorted at her name for me. pet. I moved to the door and locked it before coming back to stand behind her.

"Don't move." I ordered as I placed my hand in the middle of her back and bent her over the bathroom counter. I lifted the back of her dress and growled when I saw her naked ass, perfectly aligned with my crotch. I licked my lips in anticipation as I palmed her tight ass.

It was fucking glorious, perfect and round. "Oh, you took my mind off alcohol alright, I find myself craving something else altogether now." I said as I undid my jeans, freeing my cock from its tight prison. "And since you set the theme for the night, I guess I'll have to come up with something just as depraved..." I trailed off

"Edward are you sure?...your parents will be wondering where we are..."

"Oh, I'm sure alright." I muttered as I slammed into her from behind. I pounded into her relentlessly, feeling her tight wet walls clenching around me. I leaned forward and thrust my thumb into her mouth "Suck." I ordered. She complied at once; her eyes clouded with lust were reflected back at me. She was studying my every reaction. "good girl." I said lowly.

I brought my thumb between those enticing fucking cheeks of hers and began to tease the entrance while my cock continued its assault. "Look." I growled, pulling her head up gently with my free hand, forcing her to watch us both in the mirror. "Watch yourself come Bella." I ordered as I slid my thumb into her tight ass. I sucked in a breath as I felt how fucking tight she was there and I knew later I would have to revisit that particular spot with a different part of my anatomy. "Come for me Mistress." I hissed into her ear, pumping her ass with my thumb while I continued thrusting into her with my cock.

I followed her as she fell in oblivion, my eyes burning into hers through the mirror. When we had both regained our senses, I slid entirely out of her and leaned down to kiss those fucking ass cheeks that had me so enthralled. I kissed each one lovingly before I pulled her dress back down reverently. I moved to the sink next to her and began washing my hands, a mask of polite indifference on my face.

The laughter was bubbling inside me, but somehow I managed to keep it down.

"Edward...why can you never play by my rules?...you didn't have to ruin my fun you know..." She sighed in frustration poked her tongue out at me and left the bathroom without another word.

I continued to wash my hands I wasn't too concerned about Bella's reaction, if I had really upset her she would have done a lot fucking worse than poke her adorable tongue out at me. No if Bella was really furious she would have torn fucking strips off me. Bella wasn't at the table when I returned I never took my seat I just asked them if they knew where Bella was.

"She went for a swim in the lagoon. Is everything alright my boy?" While my mother was wearing a look of concern Carlisle was wearing a knowing smirk.

"Oh ok well I might go and join her. Thanks for joining us for dinner." I kissed my mother on the cheek before giving Carlisle a pat on the shoulder...

...I watched as she waded in the warm water, a frown upon her face. I smirked as I recognised that look, she was having a good old fashioned sulk and I decided to play on it a bit. "Are you alright love? Would you like a towel?" I asked nonchalantly.

"No I'm not all right and no I don't want a towel..."The pout was becoming more pronounced she snatched up her dress and stormed off toward the bungalow.

I followed closely behind her "Are you tired? Unwell? Perhaps a tea or coffee? You do look at little peaked..." I said with a grin. I was happy that her back was to me, otherwise that grin may have spelled my demise.

"No I'm none of those things, I'm unimpressed actually, I didn't want you to ruin my fun..."

I barely disguised my snort as a cough "Ruin your fun? I believe I complied with your wishes to the letter, if I did something wrong or offended you in some way, I most humbly apologise Mistress." I said coming up behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist "I thought you enjoyed our little moment in the bathroom. I certainly found it to be quite entertaining..."

"Of course you did, you got your con... I won't deny I did enjoy it, and I guess I accept your apology,"

"I don't think you do somehow." I mused, burying my face into her neck. "You know baby, I'm used to being in charge in all aspects of my life, it's difficult to let that go...but for you, I am trying." I said kissing a trail along her throat.

"Good I want you to try. Edward I'm not asking you to give up complete control I just need to feel like I have some command over my life. I think it will help me get my life back on track. I hope that makes some sense to you."

"Then I bend to your will with absolute pleasure my angel. I always want you to feel safe, who knows? Perhaps this will be a good learning experience for me." I sank down onto the sand and pulled her with me. "So, what do I do love? This is entirely new territory for me and I will be honest, I'm a little nervous." I was. I had never willingly relinquished any control ever. I had no idea how I even went about it.

"You don't have to anything but let me make the rules as I go. But since you want to bend to my will you could offer yourself to me for dessert."

Panic nearly paralyzed me when I woke and I realized Bella wasn't beside me, I snatched the folded piece of paper from her pillow and breathed a sigh of relief. Even though I was annoyed she hadn't woken me I was pleased to know she was ok. I scrambled out of bed threw on the first pair of shorts I could find and went in search of my missing Bella.

I watched as Bella sauntered towards me, the water glistening on her skin and dripping from her nipples like tiny crystals. I was so fucking entranced by her that I barely noticed when she knelt in front of me. Her subsequent kiss set me alight with need however, waking me from my trance. She said something but I had no fucking clue what. I blinked owlishly a couple of times, before the blood began flowing back to my brain.

"W-what? Sorry what?" I stammered.

"I said good morning sweetie I hope you slept well, and I hope you're hungry?"

Her breasts were swaying in front of my face, hypnotising me and I had to fight every single natural impulse in my body to stop myself from ravaging her right there and then. But I had promised her and I intended to see it through, so I begrudgingly tore my eyes from her chest and forced myself to look at her beautiful face.

It was not a greater hardship as I had originally thought. "Uh, sleep? Yes, sleep. I slept well." My eyes pulled themselves back down of their own accord "I am definitely hungry." I growled.

"Good I'm glad you're hungry because so am I, but first I want to give you something else...I want to taste you again...you're so good..." She whispered against my mouth.

I bit back my groan as Bella slid her body down mine and buried her face into my lap her hands ripping at my shorts in an almost frenzy to get them from my body.

"I need to taste you too Bella...Now..." I growled as she quickly moved to straddle my stomach. I pulled her back toward me groaning when she positioned herself over my very fucking willing mouth. I licked a trail up her silky folds before plunging my tongue inside her.

Those perfect ass cheeks were inches from my face and my fingers slipped between them of their own accord; I teased her back entrance unable to resist pushing my finger inside her as my tongue continued its assault.

Bella brought me deeper into her mouth keeping in time with my ministrations. The combination of her hot little mouth around my cock and my fingers and tongue fucking her simultaneously was too fucking much, I pulled my face from her, "Fuck Bella...Cum with me...please babe..." I pleaded before burying my tongue back into her.

It didn't take long for Bella's thighs to begin to quiver as her orgasm took hold and I groaned against her as her hot cum trickled over my tongue. My hips bucked forward burying me deep in her throat as I let myself go. Her fucking hot little mouth never stopped until I slid my fingers from her tight little hole, she flipped around and straddled my stomach. Her dripping sex rubbed against my skin and my still hard cock throbbed painfully.

My eyes met hers they were hooded with desire and my cock gave another painful throb, "Can I please have more... I want to be inside you..."

"Do you? Well it must be your lucky day, because I need to feel you inside me too."

I thought I was going to fucking cum when she slid her wet pussy long my stomach leaving a warm sticking trail in her wake; she hovered above me coating the head of my cock with her sticky sweet cum. As much as I wanted to just impale myself in her there was somewhere I wanted to be _more._

"Not there Bella...Here..." I kept my eyes on hers watching her reaction as I pushed the tip of my cock between those perfectly rounded cheeks.

My breath twisted from my throat in a continued hiss and my hands gripped her hips as she slowly took me inside her. I swallowed hard, she was so fucking tight she moulded around my cock like fucking perfection. As much as I wanted to let her take the lead and set our pace it was too fucking good. My tightened on her hips setting the pace I wanted, I needed.

"Mmm...So good my love..." She moaned as her fingers dug into my flesh, she was almost drawing blood but I didn't fucking care all I could focus on was how tight she was and how fucking good she felt.

"God Bella...too fucking good...play with yourself baby...please...I need..."I stammered unable to focus enough to get the words out in a coherent sentence. I nearly lost all fucking grip on reality when her seeping cum hit my skin, my fingers sunk deeper into her flesh adjusting her pace. "Fuck...Please... say the words Bella..."

"Only for you Edward...Only you make me feel this way...You're mine forever."

Those words sent my climax crashing down on me with the force of a fucking tsunami; she continued to grind herself down on me forcing me to give her everything. As much as I wanted to stay buried in her forever Bella had other ideas.

"Let's have a swim before we eat." she leaned forward kissing me lustfully as I slid out of her.

Our swim wasn't so much that as a chance for me to have Bella's exquisite body wrapped around mine, her mouth was practically glued to mine and I fucking loved it. After the sheer hell of the last month I finally knew for sure I had my Bella back for good and I was never going to fucking let her go again.

I carried her back to shore and laid her on the blanket before checking out the contents of the picnic basket. Bella watched me thoughtfully as I set the food out before her.

"Edward, I was wondering if maybe you might want to spend some of the morning making a few wedding plans...that's still if you want me..." She said quietly.

Want her? I was struggling with my want for her constantly it seemed and once again, although it felt so incredibly wrong, I tore my eyes from her alluring breasts "Of course I want you and I would love to talk wedding with you, but could you put a shirt on or something? I really can't concentrate like this..."

"Bloody hell Edward no I can't! that's why I just fucked you so that you'd be able to concentrate, and since you're all about the control...some self control maybe a good place to start..." My bottom lip went into a childish pout and she burst out laughing. "How about I just lie here on my stomach then maybe it won't be so distracting, So is there anywhere on the planet that you think you might like to get married?" She asked trying to draw my attention to her earlier question.

I wasn't going to be deterred, "Jesus Bella, you should know me by now, once is never enough!"

She rolled her eyes at me and mine narrowed slightly.

I watched as she lay on her stomach and was once again taunted by her perfectly round, perfectly shaped ass. I groaned at the evil fucking torture I was forced to endure "There is only one place on the earth that I can get married Bella and only one man who can do it. If Aro found out I had let anyone else marry me off anywhere other than Waiheke Island, I'm pretty sure he would hunt me down and kill me." I said honestly.

Aro was the original hippy, he even wore a bandana tied around his head and lovebeads around his neck. He was my next door neighbour on Waiheke Island and the local kook, but I found him to be nothing but pleasant. One day he had declared to me that he had 'foreseen' the woman I would marry and that I would have to let him officiate.

"Edward I love Waiheke Island, it's beautiful, you said your next door neighbour did you live there?"

I ran my fingers lightly up her thighs, unable to help myself. "Not really, I just visited every now and then." I said, not wanting to spoil the surprise.

My first ever property purchase was to be gifted to her on our wedding day, but until then, I wanted to keep it's existence a secret "The place I stayed was next door to Aro's and he just invited himself over one day and began rearranging the furniture. Apparently it was not properly situated for positive energy." I shook my head with a smile, "He really is a character, all spells and potions and peace and love. He's harmless though." I added not wanting to scare her off. "You don't mind do you?" I asked "If we get married there with Aro officiating?"

"Of course not and I can't wait to meet Aro he sounds like my kind of person. So Yay we got one thing agreed on...So do you have some idea when you might like this wedding on Waiheke Island to take place?"

She rolled over onto her back and my hand immediately found her newly exposed flesh. Why the hell she was expecting me to talk was beyond me, there were much better things we could have been doing to occupy our time. "As soon as we can." I answered automatically, but honestly. I was watching the way her taut nipple rolled about so neatly between my thumb and forefinger. I could have watched it all day "How about in four weeks time?"

"Edward do you think four weeks is too early? I don't want to wait for months?"

"I'd marry you tomorrow baby but I am afraid of Aro." I laughed. "Four weeks it is. Everyone who matters will be there and everyone else can go to fucking hell." I said with a chuckle "No fucking society wedding for us and I couldn't be happier. Wanna go barefoot on the day? I will if you will." I said throwing all of my ingrained propriety to the wind. This day was about us and what made us happy.

"Hell yeah I do baby, we're going hippy all the way...Oh but won't your parents want something better for their sons big day?"

"Well, since it's our big day, I suppose we should get to decide." I said firmly "You and me baby, always has been, always will be." I said leaning down to kiss her smooth stomach. I stretched out and lay my head down on the spot I had just kissed and looked up at the stunning blue sky, dotted with puffy white clouds. It truly was an island paradise, the only kind fitting for a woman such as my Bella. "Booze free though ok? We can toast with anything you want, but I would prefer if it wasn't alcoholic." I said feeling rather proud of myself and my resolve. It was shaky at times, but Bella's encouragement seemed to be making all the difference.

"Of course that goes without question sweetie. And I want you to know how in awe I am of you at how well you're doing I know it can't be easy."

I didn't know how to describe the feeling, listening to Bella's praise, but it made me feel all warm and glowy. I would walk across hot coals just to see that look on her face. She was proud of me and never had anyone else's opinion meant more. "What about you baby? How are you going to fare with a crazy hippy marrying us and a dry reception?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Are you kidding? I say its going to be the best day of our lives."

"I want to try for another baby." I said freezing as the words came tumbling out of my mouth. I had been thinking of it, but never had I intended to blurt it out like that. Especially not so soon. I waited with bated breath for her response.

"Do you Edward? Do you really?"

My breath came out in a whoosh as I realised she sounded excited by the prospect. I quickly flipped over and looked up at her, my eyes no doubt showing the enthusiasm I felt inside ,"I do. I really, really do Bella. I would have a house full of babies with you if I could."

Tears spilt down her cheeks and light seemed to radiate from her, "thank you," she whispered.

The instant she said those words some heavy weight in the pit of my stomach seemed to dissolve and happiness coursed through me making me feel lightheaded."Can we start straight away?" I asked waggling my eyebrows at her, a cheeky grin on my face. I reached up and wiped her tears away "Don't cry honey, please." I whispered; I hated seeing her cry. Every time it would cut me like a knife... "Bella we need to fly back home tomorrow night, I don't want to have to leave yet but the kids need us sweetheart, especially you."

"They're tears of happiness honestly, and I want to go home and see my babies Edward. I miss them."

The day I spent with Bella on the beach was one of the best of my existence, we stayed on the beach just hanging out swimming, I ravished her several more times in between refining our wedding plans and by the time I wrapped my arms around her in bed that night I was feeling more positive than I had ever felt.

I just prayed that every day of the rest of our lives was as perfect as this one...

**A/N: Well we hope that you enjoyed that and please feel free to let us know what you thought :) AND CHECK OUT THE STORY, The Cleaner By: Slyt...It's her first fanfict so go show your support. :) xxxxx  
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	36. Planes, Pets & Passionfruit sundaes

**A/N: First off sorry for the latest of the update there was major editing to be done in this chapter but we persevered and finally got it done. We would like to thamk you to those of you who take the time to review our work it makes the meltdowns worth it :) ...Also thank you to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions.**

**Just to let you know we are still going to be doing weekly updates it just may not be on our regular day. Most of the edits for the rest of the story are done and as a result we have more chapters than we did originally so you're getting more Angel free of Charge. LOL...**

**Greenaway and I would also like to say Kia Ora and thank you so much to Sassy who has agreed to Beta the rest of the chapters of Angel...Anyone who knows her skills form IP know she is my one hour wonder Beta and she is the perfect person to keep Greenaway and I on track...She's seen how easily distracted we get when we are chatting and working and she cracks a mean enough whip to keep us bratty kids in line...LMAO**

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer own Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamon own An Angel...All music is property of the respective owners...**

**CHAPTER 36: Planes, Pets & Passionfruit Sundaes.**

We were on the plane home and I was excited to be seeing Apple and Louis, I wanted nothing more than to make up the time I lost with them and to show them that their Mum was better. Edward was sitting next to me absent mindedly playing with my hair, he was silent and I wondered where his thoughts were. I was about to ask when he beat me to it.

"Baby, we need to spend some time with the kids. Also, I was thinking we should get them a pet each."

So Edward's thoughts were in the same place as mine. "I know Edward I feel even worse. I feel sick when I think how I've neglected them. Pets?" I looked at him quizzically, "Like a cat or a dog or birds?"

"Bella, we have both let them down, but now we fix it. But first, I was thinking a pony for Apple. You know that vacant section behind us is for sale, I was thinking of buying it and building some stables. Plus, its better we own it than someone else who wants to build there. Louis, I was thinking along the lines of a dog too. I know! A Saint Bernard! He would have so much fun with one!"

I looked at Edward as if he had taken leave of his senses, "Are you insane? A pony, stables and a St Bernard, Jesus Edward you never do things by halves do you?"

"That kinda was my half way love. So... Whatcha think?"

"Is there any point trying to argue?" I knew there wasn't but I thought I'd ask anyway.

"Well, I do always enjoy make-up sex, so feel free to argue if you so choose." He chortled as he flipped his phone open.

The muscles in my stomach clenched in fury when Edward started his phone conversation, he had rung a horse breeder and was discussing fucking ponies like it was a given that Apple would be getting a pony. And I was absolutely seething when he never acknowledged me when he ended that conversation he just made another call. This one was to Kate to organize land for the pony and a Saint Bernard puppy for Louis.

The air rush from my lungs in a rush, a sound I knew would catch Edward's attention and alert him to my displeasure. And of course he noticed immediately.

Bella "Are you ok? Should I get you some water?"

"Edward," I hissed, "You fucking are insane aren't you? Who the fuck does that, why do you have to do that, couldn't you at least wait until we got home? And how much is all this going to cost..."

Edward looked at me as if I was being extremely bad mannered which raised my hackles further**. **"Bella, honey, I'm on the phone, you don't want me to be rude to Kate do you?" Before I had a chance to answer he turned his attention back to his phone call, "Yeah, I'm still here Kate."

I couldn't believe Edward's form the guy was a law unto himself and if Carlisle and Esme hadn't been on the plane I would have turned violent. "Edward by doing this you are throwing the karmic balance out of sync. And I want you to know as soon as the twins are old enough I am signing them up to Unicef and we are going to do a mission to help improvished kids in some remote uncivilised region. I don't want them to grow up spoilt."

Edward never acknowledged what I had said but he heard me and what he did next made me even angrier.

"Kate, put through another donation to from the company and one from my personal accounts." He looked at me patronizingly, "Happy? Can the kids get their pets now?"

I couldn't believe that he was acting like such an asshole. But for once I wasn't going to let him get away with it. "Don't you dare donate money Edward, the point is not the money! The point is Apple and Louis need to see how less fortunate children grow up, you know kids who have to scavenge through rubbish dumps to survive. It's one thing tell them about the problem Edward and it's another to put a face to it and make it real." Fucking arrogant prick I seethed, "And I didn't say they couldn't get pets." I spat.

He ignored the death glare I gave him and instructed Kate to make the donations anyway. I stayed silent while he finished his conversation and while he explained to me the many ways he gave back both personally and through Cullen Industries.

Self righteous wanker was completely missing my point and when he asked if I could wait until the kids were old enough to make up their own minds over whether they wanted to help improvished children my already stretched nerves snapped.

"Whatever Edward, I know what you do and I'm proud of you for doing it, but this isn't about you it's about the twins! And no I'm not going to wait until they're old enough; I'm planning to show them before they can become indifferent." I pulled my hand from his and sighed when I heard Carlisle chuckle. I was so angry I didn't even care if his parents heard us arguing.

If I thought Edward was actually going to take me seriously I was wrong. He made some smart ass remark about how he was a jerk and did I want a puppy before he broke into gales of laughter. He was laughing so hard he had tears literally running down his cheeks.

"You know what Edward you can be a fucking arrogant prick at times! And no I don't want a fucking puppy and I don't want a stupid Island any more either or a dumb jag. Fucking ass hole." I hissed as I stood up from my seat and strode to the bathroom.

I made sure I avoided Carlisle and Esme concerned stares as I passed. I hadn't even made it through the door when I burst into tears. I couldn't believe Edward had belittled what I stood for and dismissed me as if what I said didn't matter. I put the lid down on the toilet and took a seat, hundreds of thoughts swirled around my head, each more painful than the last. I had agreed to marry someone not only who thought what I stood for was a joke, but was quite happy to dismiss me and impose his will on me regardless of how I felt. I was beginning to realise that while we were the same in many ways our fundamental differences were huge.

It was important to me that Apple and Louis grew up realizing they were luckier than some children. I didn't want them to get everything they wanted given to them on a silver platter with no concept of what it cost. I wanted them to realise that they were extremely fortunate to have what they had and to appreciate it. And most of all I wanted them to feel a sense of humility and humanity toward others. I wanted them to want to help those who are less fortunate not just throwing money at them but to understand exactly the hardships they face and doing something to really make a difference.

The more I thought about it the more determined I was to do something, something without Edward's help or use of his name. I knew what I wanted to do; I just wasn't sure how to go about it. I would need to start with researching the best way to help before I went about getting funding for my project.

My mind was racing with possibilities and problems I could foresee for my project and I was startled back into my surroundings when I heard a soft knock on the door followed by Edward's muffled voice,

"Bella?" I didn't want to talk to him or see him or even acknowledge his existence at this point. "Bella? I want to apologise. I can cancel the donations if you want..."

I took a deep steadying breath and closed my eyes, "Go away Edward, I'm not interested in your apologies." There was no way I was going to open the door and have him manipulate me into thinking he was truly sorry. I was prepared to stay in the bathroom for the whole flight if that's what I had to do to keep him away from me.

"Bella...I am sorry. Really. If you don't want to talk then will you listen?"

"I'm not planning to do either so you might as well go back to your seat, make yourself comfortable and talk with your parents."

I had no idea if Edward was still talking outside the door the second he had started I had stuffed my fingers in my ears and started humming loud enough to drown out his voice. Without removing my fingers from my ears I yelled out, "I hope you're not out there wasting your breath because I haven't heard a word you've said and I'm not planning on doing so anytime soon." I hummed loudly again not wanting to hear what he had to say if indeed he was still out there.

It had been at least an hour since I entered the bathroom and I hoped that Edward had finally given up and gone back to his seat. I decided to take a shower hoping the hot water would soothe not only my aching muscles but my shattered nerves as well. I would have been happy to just stay in the shower for the rest of the flight but the captain's voice issued over the intercom informing we would be landing in thirty five minutes.

I took my time drying and dressing myself and took a deep calming breath before I opened the bathroom door and tentatively checked to see if Edward was there. I breathed a sigh of relief that he had gone back to his seat. I fought back my embarrassment at Esme and Carlisle seeing us fight and made my way back to the cabin.

Esme looked at me with concern as I approached and I gave her a small smile. "I'm so sorry Esme, Carlisle, I feel embarrassed that you had to witness that."

"Please Bella don't apologise to us, its fine dear." Carlisle nodded in agreement and gave me a warm smile, "I'm on your side, on this one Bella," He whispered while shooting a nervous glance toward the back of Edward's chair.

"Thank you Carlisle," I whispered back before I made my way back to my seat.

I ignored Edward for the rest of the flight and I still hadn't acknowledged him when he slid into bed next to me. I rolled over so my back was facing him and closed my eyes, willing myself to try and go to sleep.

His hand reached out to touch my shoulder and I shrugged it off, he sighed deeply in frustration but it didn't soften me.

"You know, it's not going to be much of a marriage if you don't talk to me**."** The bitterness in his voice was blatantly clear and it goaded me into speech.

"Yeah well it's not going to be much of marriage if you belittle what I stand for." I didn't want to fight with him but I was incredibly hurt by the way he had acted and he needed to know it.

"Fuck, I apologised Bella! How many times, I said I was sorry. What else can I do?"

"Actually Edward there's nothing you can do, so don't worry about it doesn't matter anyway. It was silly of me to expect you to understand something that was completely foreign to you. We'll just agree to disagree to save arguments."

"No, I don't fucking agree! You gave me the cold shoulder for how long and now you just want to drop it? I don't understand you sometimes Bella, but I try to. I know you aren't used to the kind of money we have and I get that now. I just want to see things from your perspective but I can't do that on my own. I know you think it's just a car or just an island, but I thought of you when I saw them, I could see you behind that wheel or on those beaches. I love you and I want you to have the very best, just help me to understand what is best for you not what I think that is."

"I realise you buy me things because you love me Edward, but the thing is I've tried to tell you how I view the world and the way I feel guilty for having more than others. I need to do something to help balance that out. I don't think you purposely try to be ignorant it's just you've never had to go without. Please don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that it's just not something I'm used to, or sure I will get used to."

He gave me a withering look as he got out of bed, "I don't purposely try to be ignorant. Nice, Bella thanks for that!" he spat "I am fucking sick of feeling like I should apologise to you for being wealthy! What you fail to realise, is that I have worked hard my whole fucking life for what I have! Do you really think Carlisle Cullen just handed me and my brothers everything on a silver platter? I never had a spare moment growing up! School, sports then Cullen Industries: that was my life! This house, the bank accounts? It's all fucking mine or now ours and I worked my ass off for it! So don't sit there and patronise me, I may be ignorant as you so delicately put it, but I'm not the fucking social leech you make me out to be!" His voice was seething in anger and I could see the strands of hair parting company with his scalp as he tugged his hands through it violently.

"You don't have to apologise to me for being wealthy Edward. I know how hard you've worked and what you've sacrificed to get what you have and I admire you for that. But don't you dare stand there and accuse me of being patronising when you're a master at it yourself. You dismissed me and what I believe in without a second thought so don't try to turn this around on me." There was no way I was going to let him stand there and accuse me of being patronising after the way he belittled me on the plane.

"I. Fucking. Apologised," He hissed, and glared at me with narrowed eyes, "I have said time and time again that I AM SORRY!" He yelled before adding, "I am sorry Bella, I was teasing, but I accept that it was in poor taste. I have always admired you for values, even though I don't fully understand them; I still embrace them because they are part of you. But you shun this part of me constantly and you can't deny it! You think I don't notice that you have never once touched any of the many credit cards I had issued to you: Do you know how that makes me feel? Call me old fashioned, but I want to provide for my family, it's the one fucking thing I don't feel like I am constantly failing you and the kids on!"

I flinched a little when he suddenly yelled; it was only a response to the fright I got at his sudden change in volume. But I knew Edward, there was no way he was going to see it like that. I quickly spoke hoping to distract him, "I'm sorry I made you feel like you were failing us, you know it was never my intention, and I know you said you're sorry..." I whispered. I could see the colour draining from his face and I was pretty sure what was coming next.

**"**Fuck!" His hands automatically went through his hair and the look on his face told me he was going to walk out again. "I'm just going to make you a coffee." He said refusing to look at me as he walked toward the door.

He thought because I flinched I was afraid of him.

The sight of him leaving had me trembling in fear. "Edward...please don't walk out that door...I'm not afraid of you, I'm only afraid of losing you..." He stopped mid stride and turned.

"I couldn't imagine why you would be afraid of that. I'm a possessive control freak. I don't want to hurt you Bella, but it's all I seem to do. I never know if I'm doing the right thing or not, hell you finally come back to me and I push you away again...But I can't live without you and I feel so selfish, because if I'm not good for you, then I should walk shouldn't I?"

"Edward...you may hurt me unintentionally at times, but when you consciously walk away you hurt me deliberately and that's when you destroy my soul., you've see the results of what happens when you go...But I'm not going to try and stop you, I couldn't if I tried_. I remember_." I said the last bit to myself as much as to him. "But Edward you have to know that if you choose to walk away from me this time, there's no going back...I love you and I want you but I'm not going to beg you to stay... and I'm not going to take you back if you go and thenchange your mind."

He looked at me pensively for a minute before he made his way over to the bed and laid his head in my lap, my fingers automatically twined in his hair and I felt comforted. His voice sounded defeated when he spoke again and the tortured sound of it made me feel sick.

"I just want to be good enough for you." I want to be a good husband to you, a good father to the twins and a good son to my parents... And I want to go to alcohol counselling. It's too much for me to do alone and with everything else; I just can't manage without having a meltdown like this."

My breath hitched in my throat and my heart broke when Edward announced he wanted to go to alcohol counselling because he couldn't do it alone.

Here he was once again the one calling himself the failure when once again it was me who failed him. And even though it killed me inside that I wasn't the one who could help him, I was going to encourage him anyway I could,

"I'm proud of you Edward, for staying committed and recognising you need better support, I think you should do whatever you think is necessary to help you. I know you can do sweetheart, I believe in you."

"What am I going to do if it doesn't work?" he asked quietly, and it was at the moment I realized how vulnerable he was.

"It's going to work Edward, you have so much going for you, you've just lost sight of it. Remember what's important to you and you can't fail...You're Edward Cullen you never fail. Honey you are a born leader, people look up to you look to you for guidance, they do that because they recognise the good in you. You just need to as well."

"You are the only person I trust Bella, the only one I really, really trust. I can't lose you; I'll do whatever it takes to stop that from happening."

I ran my fingers through his hair, "You won't lose me if you don't walk away from me...Just promise you'll stay, no matter what happens Edward, promise me you won't leave me."

"I promise you Bella, I won't leave."

"Thank you Edward that's all I ask."

He pulled me against his chest and I relaxed a little as his fingers trailed up my arm, "You know it annoys me that we didn't get our mile high make up sex baby...It's really the only good part about fighting with you, you know..." He trailed off.

" Edward there's more to life than sex you know... But you're right it's the only good thing about fighting with you."

"There well may be, but I challenge any man to think of anything different in your presence." I purred as I began to nibble at her ear.

"God Edward did you take a course in things to say to get in to your pissed off girlfriends pants, or is it one hundred percent all yours?"

His hand disappeared under the covers and came to rest on my panties. "Oh honey, you should know by now your pants and I have a very friendly arrangement. And it's always one hundred percent Edward Cullen."

"Very smooth Edward, now are you going to talk all night or find a better use for that talented tongue of yours?"

"Hmmm, it is very _smooth_." He cooed.

I sighed when I heard his cell phone go off again and I had a fair idea who it was. "Answer it Edward, you know how Kate gets."

He rushed through the conversation and then snapped the phone shut, he looked up wearily and made mention of the land and how he didn't want to make the decision without my approval, he never made any comment about the pets, though I could tell he wanted to.

"Keep the land Edward, and I think pets would be nice for the kids. I'm sure Apple would love a pony as much as Louis would like a St Bernard. And Honey it's not about getting my approval, it's about valuing my opinion enough to take it into consideration before you make decisions that may affect me or the twins."

"I understand where you're coming from Bella and I promise I will try...I'll give you anything right now if you give me a drink." He muttered.

I sighed in relief when Edward said he finally understood my point of view, this was a major breakthrough for us and a victory for our relationship. It could finally move forward in a positive way, if we could keep respecting each other's values and opinions.

My first impulse was to tell him he could have a drink if that's what he wanted, but I stopped the words forming on my lips and tried a different approach.

"You've given me all I ever wanted already... and no I'm not going to let you drink. Is there nothing else you can think of doing to divert your attention? I mean we do have so many distractions in this house, we could play pool or darts or board games, watch DVD's or... I know we haven't even begun on those many weighty tomes in your bookcase."

I tried to keep the smile off my face but it was getting harder by the second when I took in the look of horror on Edwards face at my suggestion of books and games as diversions.

"I've got a game we can play and I know the perfect place to start."He said suddenly before giving me a quick smile that was bordering on a leer and scrambled out of bed.

I was about to the same when his hands slid around my waist; he pulled me toward him and hoisted me over his shoulder.

I protested half heartedly for him to put me down, but in truth I was happy with the view I had of Edward's toned ass, even if I was looking at it upside down. I let my hand caress over it for a moment before I gave it a pinch. If I could have reached it I would have bitten it instead. I couldn't help but squeal when my warm skin hit the cool bench top of the kitchen counter.

Edward carefully laid me on the granite island before rummaging through the fridge.

"Are you hungry sweetie?" I asked in confusion.

"Yes, I am. I'm thinking of fixing myself something to eat." I took a quick peek and what he had grabbed.

"Um...Edward, dessert toppings aren't going to fill you up if you're hungry, something with more sustenance would be better."

"Jeez, aren't you impatient! I only have two hands you know." He joked as he went back to the fridge and began removing even more things before going to grab things from the freezer. **"**Now you need to stay very still ok? If you start twitching around, you are going to ruin my Bella Buffet."

"Your Bella Buffet? Oh god you're not...are you?" I eyed all the frozen food and Goosebumps erupted on my skin and I shivered in anticipation of how cold the ice-cream was going to be against my skin.

"Oh god I am. So stay still." I tried to do what he said but I squirmed every time the freezing cold ice cream made contact with my skin, the dessert toppings weren't quite as cold but they still made twitch uncomfortably. Edward looked up at me with a smile, "Have a look."

I lifted my head as far as my neck would allow and saw that Edward had spelt his name in an assortment of foods including boysenberries. The ice-cream was melting rapidly on my warm skin and I could feel it starting to trickle down my sides.

"Well that's very artistic of you baby, though I don't think my body was the right canvas choice, when melty things are the medium. And its firkin cold!"

"Only if I don't intend to clean you up... Which I do, Mrs Cullen..." I shivered in pleasure as he began to lick the ice-cream from my body, his tongue felt warm against my ice cold skin.

"Mmm...Edward your tongue it...it feels so good, so warm."

"Best ice-cream sundae I have ever had baby, you want to try?" He scooped his finger into the ice-cream and berries and brought it to my lips.

My tongue snaked out to lick off the contents before I took his finger between my lips and sucked it clean

"Mmm... it tastes good baby...but not as good as good as you taste." I tried to keep still while Edward finished his meal but his tongue's feather light touch was nearly too much to bear.

I raised my head at the same time as he did, and desire surged through me as Edward brought his mouth to mine and I sucked the berry from between his teeth.

"You have no fucking clue what you do to me, do you?" I watched him with a smile as he reached again for the chocolate sauce bottle and started drizzling it over my body, I laughed when he discarded that and grabbed the passionfuit pulp next, adding it to the chocolate.

"No I don't, but I know what you do to me...Every cell of my being craves your touch...only your touch. My need for you scorches my insides, my desire for you Edward is insatiable, and no matter how many times you fuck me it's never enough and it's never going to be enough. I still want more of you."

"Jesus, fuck Bella,"

Before I realised what was happening he was on top of me. The chocolate sauce and passionfruit pulp smeared itself over every inch of our skin. Edward's lips were attacking every part of me they could reach as he sheathed himself inside me in one quick delicious motion. I groaned when he finally brought his lips to mine, the taste of the chocolate, passionfruit and Edward was too much. I sucked on his lips ferociously, his pace was becoming frantic and his moans were echoing my own.

We were both getting overwhelmed by the sensation of our bodies sliding together in a mass of sticky sweet desire.

"Fuck...shit...oh god fuck Edward...It's too good baby..." My lips moved to his sauce smeared neck and I couldn't stop myself from sinking my teeth into his warm taut skin, "Only for you baby...only ever for you..." I whispered as I licked over the mark my teeth had left.

"Bella...you're fucking exquisite baby...want to be inside you forever, can't get enough..." Edward crushed his lips to mine, moaning into my mouth as he let his orgasm wash over him...

**~~~~XXXXX~~~~ **

The first thing I was consciously aware of was the unmistakable beautiful smell that was Louis. I would know it anywhere and I inhaled deeply as I forced my eyelids open. His soft curly hair was right under my nose and it tickled as I inhaled again. My eyes shifted to Edward, Apple was sitting on his lap and she was covering his face with kisses.

A huge smile spread over my face when I heard her sweet sing song voice, "My Daddy's pretty...I love my daddy, I'm his little princess..."

I decided to let her know I was awake, "You are his little princess..." Apple's head whipped around at the sound of my voice and her smile was beatific.

"My mummy's beautiful...Are you happy now mummy?"

Apple turned to look at Edward, "My Mummy not sad now?"

I fought back my guilt and my tears. I couldn't allow myself to wallow in the misery of how much I had hurt them. I needed to stay positive and keep looking to the future, and not let the past drag me back down.

Edward reached out and squeezed my hand, and I not only felt comforted but I was so happy he recognised how Apple's words had affected me without my having to say.

"Apple's happy, my mummy's happy, my daddy's happy my Louis is happy...I love you my mummy."

She slid of Edward's lap, carefully stepping over Louis she climbed into my arms.

"I love you my Apple and Mummy is always happy when she's sees you. Did you have a nice time with Grandma Renee and Granddad Charlie? Bet they gave you Ice-cream."

"I love ice-ream; granddad Arlie gives me ice- ream."

"I bet he did." I kissed her forehead and looked up at Edward, "Good morning. I want to wake up like this every morning. I don't want to be apart from the kids or you ever. And thank you for reassuring me, it's just what I needed."

"It's always my pleasure love. How about breakfast, Should we eat in or out?"

"Eat in, let's just stay home with the kids all day. You can show them where they can keep their _pets_, though you'll probably need a custom k.e.n.n.e.l built for the St Bernard. He could sleep in the stables with the P.O.N.Y. I guess he's going to grow to roughly the same size. So when are you going to tell them?"

"How about today? My phone is drowning in messages, so you and I have to come to a few decisions about all of this. I'm not taking anything for granted this time."

"Well how about we discuss it over breakfast, do you want to feed Apple? and once Louis is awake I will get up and clean up the mess from last night."

"Apple how about you go with Daddy and have some breakfast and mummy will wait for Louis to wake up." I wanted to have some time to just lay here and cuddle up with Louis.

Edward and Apple had only been gone a few minutes when Louis began to stir, I ran my fingers through his soft curls and his eyelids fluttered open, "I love you Mummy."

I pulled him into my embrace; he buried his face into my hair as his arms clasped around my neck. "I love you too Louis and I missed you." I held him close smiling when he wound my hair around his fingers.

He may look like me but he was like Edward in so many ways, they both sought comfort against my neck, and they were both soothed by my touch. "Are you hungry Louis? Daddy's making breakfast for Apple, would you like breakfast to?"

He pulled his face from neck, "Mummy have breakfast to?" His wide chocolate eyes looked at me quizzically.

"Yip, Mummy's going to have breakfast to." I went to get up but Louis tightened his grip on me.

"Louis hug Mummy some more?" I pulled him tighter against me.

"You can have many hugs as you like sweetheart. Mummy loves giving you hugs."

We stayed in bed for another half an hour just cuddling before Louis once again pulled his face from my neck, "Louis; see Daddy?"

"Sure we can go and see Daddy." I reached for his hand as I made my way across the bed and swept him into my arms as soon as my feet hit the floor.

We arrived in the kitchen to find Apple covered in strawberry jam, but the rest of the kitchen was clean, Edward was just returning the dishcloth to the sink when we arrived at his side,

"Thank you honey, you didn't need to clean up I would have done it."

Louis reached out for Edward who took him in his arms, "You're welcome, it didn't take long." He turned his attention to Louis, "Hi my boy, I missed you." Edward smiled at me as he hugged Louis close to his chest, "Are you hungry?"

"Hmm...not for food...but since that's not a possibility right now, I'll settle for a coffee." Edward slid Louis into his chair beside Apple who immediately passed him her spare piece of toast. Edward and I smiled at her small but kind gesture, even though she was possessive by nature she was also kind and caring, I saw it as the perfect combination and I hoped she never lost it.

Edward placed the assortment of food he'd prepared for Louis' breakfast before him and passed me mug of coffee before taking a seat by my side. I leaned over and gave him a soft kiss, I had intended it to be a quick one, but once my lips touched his I didn't want to pull away. My fingers threaded into his hair and the softest whisper of a moan escaped me when his tongue sought mine.

We both laughed and pulled away when Apple's sweet voice rent the air, "Look Louis, mummy's kissing Daddy...Mummy's kissing Daddy..."

"_Hmm...I think that maybe we should discuss pets, I need a distraction from wanting to take you back to bed and_ _do depraved things with and to you." _My voice was a mere whisper but from Edward's responding growl I knew he had heard me.

"Pet's, Bella, pets..." Edward's eyes clouded over with his lust and I was sure he was trying to distract himself from the thoughts my words had provoked, more than he was talking to me.

"Yes Baby Pets, we probably should talk about that; there's no point in getting all psyched over something we can't do anything about with two such young and impressionable children in the room." I was hoping the mention of the kids would tame his x-rated thoughts and my own.

"For the love of God woman, why would you**?** He looked over at Apple and Louis and sighed**, **"Let's talk pets then."

"So you must have a plan? I mean you're not just going to get a _pony_ and put it in a field are you? I'm taking it you'll be researching, or Kate will, all the things you need to know about looking after it. And then there will be riding lessons, and equestrian shows, god Edward are you really sure about this?"

"Well, I was thinking we could get Mum to come over and teach Apple. You would be surprised but Mum is quite the horsewoman. I'm sure she'd love an excuse to spend more time with the kids. As for its health needs, the vet and Ferrier will come around. I was thinking we could build a stable on the land and until then we can house it at the local equestrian club." I realised I was taking over again and looked at Bella in horror "Only if you agree of course Baby. I wouldn't just go ahead..."

"Oh god please not the pony club!" I shuddered as I thought about the clicky group of toff nose mothers I would have to endure on a weekly basis. " I like the idea of Esme teaching Apple to ride; it will be a nice thing for them to share. But Edward I completely loathe the idea of having to try and fit in the clicky group at the pony club."

Edward looked at me and chuckled, he was silent for a moment before he came up with a suitable compromise, to which I was happy to agree to. It felt good that we had discussed and compromised on the issues that were important.

Since our newly appointed system of compromise was working so well I decided to see if I could get a couple more from him.

"Edward, I was wondering if you'd be adverse to the idea of holding off telling the kids until their Birthdays? It's only a month away and it will give us more time to get things organised, and it would be great presents for them." I didn't elaborate that it was a good time to give them presents, on their birthdays instead of having to give them even more things they didn't really need.

the look on Edward's face told me that he was adverse to the idea, but I was pleased when he spoke his mind and asked if I was planning on making the pets their only presents but he was happy to hold off on telling the kids. The comment about the pets being the kids only presents bugged me.

"What else would they need sweetheart?" I kept my tone light; I was determined not to let this turn into anything that caused us to argue.

He immediately retorted about it not being a proper birthday without there being lot's of gifts, but he seemed to realise what he was saying and quickly reigned himself in.

I was happy that he was determined to make the effort that I was prepared to meet him half way.

"How about we go shopping together for them, I'm sure we can agree on something each for them. But remember we won't be the only ones getting them presents."

"You have a deal Mrs Cullen. So, now we have that sorted love, what do you want to do now?"

"I thought we could take the kids for a walk to the park before lunch then while they're having their afternoon sleep I thought you might like to finish reading the Tale of Two Cities, if I remember rightly you never made it past the third page."

We spent the morning at the park with Apple and Louis, it was wonderful to spend quality time together as a family, and I was glad I had brought my camera to capture the memories, Edward seemed more relaxed than he had been in a while and he laughed freely at Apple and Louis' antics as they ran across the playground making him go on every apparatus there.

Apple and Louis' sweet laughter floated on the breeze and I looked up to see them trying to help Edward out of the climbing frame where he'd got himself wedged between the bars. The walk home was just as much fun as in the park, and I found myself singing an old sesame street classic when Louis pointed out the post man to Edward.

_Who are the people in your neighbourhood_

_In your neighbourhood, _

_The people that you meet, when you're walking down the street_

Apple sung the words with me and Edward laughed when she tried to keep in time with me even though half the words she sung were a garbled mess.

_The postman is a person in your neighbourhood_

_A person that you meet_

_When you're walking down the street._

"You're funny Mummy," Louis giggled as he looked up at me, "Mummy's funny Daddy."

We ate lunch on the balcony, then put the kids in our bed for their afternoon sleep, we slid in beside their sleeping forms, planning on having a nap as well but of course the minute Edward touch me it was obvious that we wouldn't be napping anytime soon.

I crushed my lips to his as his hand ghosted down my side and under the hem of my dress, when he met my exposed sex he growled into my mouth.

"Jesus Bella,"he slid his fingers into my warmth as his lips attacked mine, "Gotta fuck you...now baby, come on."He slid out of me and then out of bed, reached for my hand and pulled me to his side.

I checked the kids were still sleeping soundly as I let Edward pull me from the room, I had no idea where he was taking me but my interest was piqued when he pulled me through the laundry and into the garage, he brought us to stop in front of the Aston Spinning me around so I was sitting on its hallowed bonnet.

"You're not seriously contemplating doing this are you?" This certainly was a new Edward I was seeing, "this is your pride and joy baby, what happens if something goes wrong?"

"Bella you are exquisite as is this car, I've decided it's time I enjoyed the sight of you lying naked against it as I fuck you. And I'm not going to stop until my name is repeatedly falling from those angelic lips of yours." He pulled my dress up over my head, smirking as he threw it over his shoulder, "Besides baby, why should you and Kate get to have all the fun on my car?"

"Oh shit...I forgot about that...God alcohol is neither of our friends is it?"

"Hmm...it certainly brings out your even wilder side. I have to admit I miss your crazy drunken antics sometimes, but I'm sure _'Christine' _doesn't...Yes with you and alcohol there was never a dull moment. But then again there's never a dull moment with you in the world."

He crushed his lips to mine as he fumbled with his jeans, he yanked them roughly from his hips, laying me back against the cool metal as he slid into me, his soft moan reverberated in my mouth.

I held him close to me not allowing his lips to leave my skin as he thrust into me, it wasn't until his pace had become frenetic did I finally let him go. he lifted his body from mine but never lost his rhythm staring down at me with eyes that showed the endless love he felt for me and I couldn't hold back and his name spilled from lips, "I love you Edward...only you...only ever for you."

"So fucking beautiful Bella...so warm, and wet...I can't...baby...need you..."He collapsed on top of me and I wrapped my arms and legs around him, crushing his body to mine.

He buried his face against my neck and I could feel every ragged breath he took, he never moved until his breathing returned to normal and when he did he brought his lips straight to mine, "I love you Isabella Marie Cullen."

I spent the rest of the afternoon designing and printing wedding invites, while Edward rung Aro with news that he would finally get his wish to officiate at Edward's wedding ceremony.

The rest of the week was spent with Apple and Louis as a family and they were some of the happiest days of my life. The only time we were apart was when I had to go to the hospital to have a check up, in which the doctor declared I was one hundred percent fit and healthy, Edward had started alcohol counselling and he seemed to be coping better. His hands still trembled but not nearly as bad as they had been.

If it wasn't for the fact we were leaving home tomorrow to prepare to get married at the end of the week I think I would have just refused to leave home. My happiness at having my family to myself at home was increasing daily and I didn't want to have to share this time with others...

**Chapter 36:**

**Edward's POV...**

I was sitting next to Bella on the plane, twirling a lock of her hair around my fingers. I thought of our family, Apple and Louis and was overcome with guilt. Bella and I had been so focused on the problems in our relationship that they had slipped to the side a little.

It was unacceptable and I decided to make it right. We needed family time, just the four of us. "Baby, we need to spend some time with the kids." I said still playing with her hair. "Also, I was thinking we should get them a pet each." I mused.

"I know Edward, I feel even worse; I feel sick when I think how I neglected them... Pets? Like a cat or a dog or birds?"

I snorted. A cat? A bird? Was she mad?

"Bella, we have both let them down, but now we fix it. But first, I was thinking a pony for Apple. You know that vacant section behind us is for sale, I was thinking of buying it and building some stables. Plus, its better we own it than someone else who wants to build there." I added hoping that would help sell the idea. I knew Bella valued privacy."Louis, I was thinking along the lines of a dog too. I know! A Saint Bernard! He would have so much fun with one!" I looked at Bella hopefully.

"Are you insane? A pony, stables and a St Bernard, Jesus Edward you never do things by halves do you?"

I stared at her in confusion? Halves? I had kinda thought I was compromising. My ultimate idea would be a pony and a larger horse she could grow with and also another dog for Louis. A Dalmatian as well. Two puppies were much more fun than one. "That kinda was my half way love." I said sheepishly. "So... Whatcha think?"

"Is there any point trying to argue?"

"Well, I do always enjoy make-up sex, so feel free to argue if you so choose." I said with a smirk snapping open my phone and calling a horse dealer friend of mine. I told him what I wanted and when asked about price, I responded it was not an issue. I then called the real estate company and told them I wanted the land behind us and to push through for a quick settlement. Again, I told him money was not the issue only the time it would take. When I called Kate at work and asked her to find the best Saint Bernard breeder in the country, I was interrupted by a strange hissing noise.

I looked down at a very agitated Bella "Are you ok? Should I get you some water?" I asked quietly, covering the mouthpiece of the phone. She was not looking very well at all.

"Edward, you fucking are insane aren't you? Who the fuck does that, why do you have to do that, couldn't you at least wait until we got home? And how much is all this going to cost..."

"Bella, honey. I'm on the phone, you don't want me to be rude to Kate do you?" I asked with fake innocence and put the phone back to my ear. "Yeah, I'm still here Kate. You know what? Why limit the breeders to New Zealand? If you find a better one somewhere else we can always do vet checks and what not to get it over anyway." I chanced a look at Bella's face and regretted it instantly.

Well, regretted and rejoiced, her little mistress games had been exquisite, and with a little gentle persuasion I could perhaps move her anger into more beneficial channels.

Or maybe not. I thought as I gave her another quick glance.

"Edward by doing this you are throwing the karmic balance out of sync. And I want you to know as soon as the twins are old enough I am signing them up to Unicef and we are going to do a mission to help improvised kids in some remote uncivilised region. I don't want them to grow up spoilt."

I rolled my eyes at her "Kate, put through another donation to unicef. One from the company and one from my personal accounts." I looked at Bella "Happy? Can the kids get their pets now?" I knew I was only making her angrier, but I really couldn't help myself.

I thought I heard my father chuckle from somewhere behind us.

"Don't you dare donate money Edward, the point is not the money the point is Apple and Louis need to see how less fortunate children grow up, you know kids who have to scavenge through rubbish dumps to survive. It's one thing tell them about the problem Edward and it's another to put a face to it and make it real...And I didn't say they couldn't get pets." I seethed.

"No, Kate its fine; make the donations." I said closing the phone and turning in my seat to look at Bella. I took her hands in mine "I make regular donations to many charities. I also personally fund many trusts around the globe that are set up to help poorer nations without the added clause of religion, so they end up with more. Cullen Industries also leads the way internationally with its corporate responsibility, I pride myself on giving more back to this world than I take from it baby. But if you want to go and do some hands on kind of help, then I'll be there with you. Just please, not the kids. At least not until they can make up their own minds about it," I tried placating her.

"Whatever Edward, I know what you do and I'm proud of you for doing it, but this isn't about you it's about the twins, and no I'm not going to wait until they're old enough, I'm planning to show them before they can become indifferent."

"Ok, baby, ok. I hear you loud and clear, I'm a jerk. Did you want a puppy too?" I said unable to hold my laughter in any longer. I was clutching my sides and there were tears streaming from my eyes. I really hoped she had been seriously angry with me, her wrath would be fearsome if I had miscalculated.

"You know what Edward? You can be a fucking arrogant prick at times, and no I don't want a fucking puppy and I don't want a stupid Island any more either or a dumb jag. Fucking ass hole." I realized I had miscalculated when she got from her chair and stormed from the cabin.

I waited until all traces of my humour had vanished before I stood up and made my way to the bathroom. When I passed my mother she reached out and grabbed my hand, halting me.

"Edward, you need to listen to the words she isn't saying. You have never known what it is like to want for something without the means to obtain it. Bella has, and that has made her strong in a different kind of way. She's met you halfway, accepting all your gifts; try to meet her halfway on her ground." Her eyes never looked away from my father and I was sure that this was a topic that must have hit close to home with them as well.

I had never thought about my situation in that way before. Had I grown complacent? Sure, I threw money around but hell, I worked for it. And Bella doesn't? If you want to share in everything, shouldn't she get a say in how it is 'thrown around'? Yes, she should. I was an overbearing idiot, I had pretty much laughed at her whole work ethic.

Bella wanted to help people, but she didn't have unlimited funds at her disposal to do so, so she wanted to donate her time. And I had laughed at that. I felt like a spoilt little rich kid, and when I reached the bathroom, I tentatively knocked on the door.

"Bella? I want to apologise. I can cancel the donations if you want..." I said grasping at straws. My mother's words rang out in my head but I didn't know how to actually implement them.

"Go away Edward, I'm not interested in your apologies."

I sighed and sunk down to the floor, knocking on the door again. "Bella, I am sorry. Really. I pretty much trashed everything you stand for and I am sorry for that. Look, I'll be honest, I really don't know how to meet you halfway on your ground, but if you help me, I can try." I leaned back against the wall and made myself more comfortable. "And I'm not leaving from outside this door, so you can either talk to me or just listen to me."

"I'm not planning to do either so you might as well go back to your seat, make yourself comfortable and talk with your parents."

"Well, ok then, I guess you just want to listen." I tried to stretch my legs out, but found I had to bend them uncomfortably at the knees. It was fucking uncomfortable, but I was determined to prove my sincerity. "You seem to hate expensive gifts and I don't think I could sleep at night if I bought you anything cheap, so I'm kinda leaning towards making you something, even though it does seem terribly high school to me." I pinched the bridge of my nose while I thought "I can't really build for a tin of shit, so that's out and the last arty thing I did was Apple and Louis's rooms with the artists but I don't think fish or fairies will win you over."

I was starting to feel pretty pathetic actually; I seemed to be fairly talentless. I was almost in despair, when I remembered my piano. It had been awhile since I had played but once I had been very good, even composing my own music. I could do that, write Bella a song. I made my mind up then and there. "I'm going to write you a song for our wedding." I said proudly. "It won't cost me a damn cent, but it will still show you how I feel about you." I couldn't stop the pride from leaking into my voice.

"I hope you're not out there wasting your breath because I haven't heard a word you've said and I'm not planning on doing so anytime soon."

Bella's muffled voice came through the door and I sighed in sheer fucking frustration. I made my way back to my seat knowing she would have to come back to her seat eventually. She never did that until the captains voice issued over the intercom but she never fucking acknowledged me, her silent treatment lasted the whole ride home from the airport and she was not fucking even looking at me when she climbed into bed.

I reached out to touch her shoulder but she shrugged off my hand and I sighed in frustration.

"You know, it's not going to be much of a marriage if you don't talk to me." I said, my tone a little bitter. She had refused to talk to me at all, my apologies falling on deaf ears. It was my last ditch attempt, if she didn't talk to me after this, I didn't know what I would do.

"Yeah well it's not going to be much of marriage if you belittle what I stand for."

I jumped when I heard her finally speak, I hadn't actually been expecting her to answer me. "Fuck, I apologised Bella! How many times, I said I was sorry. What else can I do?" I asked sitting up and looking at her.

"Actually Edward there's nothing you can do, so don't worry about it doesn't matter anyway, it was silly of me to expect you to understand something that was completely foreign to you. We'll just agree to disagree to save arguments."

"No, I don't fucking agree! You gave me the cold shoulder for how long and now you just want to drop it? I don't understand you sometimes Bella, but I try to. I know you aren't used to the kind of money we have and I get that now. I just want to see things from your perspective but I can't do that on my own. I know you think it's just a car or just an island, but I thought of you when I saw them, I could see you behind that wheel or on those beaches. I love you and I want you to have the very best, just help me to understand what is best for you not what I think that is." I ran my hand through my hair.

I had had too long to wallow in my own misery and turn things over in my head. Usually this kind of behaviour didn't bode well for me; it inevitably resulted in my overreacting.

"I realise you buy me things because you love me Edward, but the thing is I've tried to tell you how I view the world and the way I feel guilty for having more than others. I need to do something to help balance that out. I don't think you purposely try to be ignorant it's just you've never had to go without. Please don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that it's just not something I'm used to, or sure I will get used to."

"I don't purposely try to be ignorant. Nice, Bella thanks for that!" I spat "I am fucking sick of feeling like I should apologise to you for being wealthy! What you fail to realise, is that I have worked hard my whole fucking life for what I have! Do you really think Carlisle Cullen just handed me and my brothers everything on a silver platter? I never had a spare moment growing up! School, sports then Cullen Industries: that was my life! This house, the bank accounts? It's all fucking mine or now ours and I worked my ass off for it! So don't sit there and patronise me, I may be ignorant as you so delicately put it, but I'm not the fucking social leech you make me out to be!"

"You don't have to apologise to me for being wealthy Edward. I know how hard you've worked and what you've sacrificed to get what you have and I admire you for that. But don't you dare stand there and accuse me of being patronising when you're a master at it yourself. You dismissed me and what I believe in without a second thought so don't try to turn this around on me."

"I. Fucking. Apologised. I have said time and time again that I AM SORRY!" I roared before adding in a softer tone, "I am sorry Bella, I was teasing, but I accept that it was in poor taste. I have always admired you for values, even though I don't fully understand them; I still embrace them because they are part of you. But you shun this part of me constantly and you can't deny it! You think I don't notice that you have never once touched any of the many credit cards I had issued to you: Do you know how that makes me feel? Call me old fashioned, but I want to provide for my family, it's the one fucking thing I don't feel like I am constantly failing you and the kids on! Fuck!...I'm just going to make you a coffee." I couldn't look at her I felt like a hole had been punched through my stomach. I had scared her. She was fucking afraid of me.

"Edward...please don't walk out that door...I'm not afraid of you, I'm only afraid of losing you..." Her words made me stop but the anger was still coursing through me.

"I couldn't imagine why you would be afraid of that. I'm a possessive control freak. I don't want to hurt you Bella, but it's all I seem to do. I never know if I'm doing the right thing or not, hell you finally come back to me and I push you away again...But I can't live without you and I feel so selfish, because if I'm not good for you, then I should walk shouldn't I?"

"Edward...you may hurt me unintentionally at times, but when you consciously walk away you hurt me deliberately and that's when you destroy my soul., you've see the results of what happens when you go...But I'm not going to try and stop you, I couldn't if I tried_. I remember_. But Edward you have to know that if you choose to walk away from me this time, there's no going back...I love you and I want you but I'm not going to beg you to stay... and I'm not going to take you back if you go and thenchange your mind."

I made my way back to the bed and laid my head in her lap sighing when she wound her fingers through my hair.

"I just want to be good enough for you." I want to be a good husband to you, a good father to the twins and a good son to my parents... And I want to go to alcohol counselling. It's too much for me to do alone and with everything else; I just can't manage without having a meltdown like this."

"I'm proud of you Edward, for staying committed and recognising you need better support, I think you should do whatever you think is necessary to help you. I know you can do sweetheart, I believe in you."

"What am I going to do if it doesn't work?"

"It's going to work Edward, you have so much going for you, you've just lost sight of it. Remember what's important to you and you can't fail...You're Edward Cullen you never fail. Honey you are a born leader, people look up to you look to you for guidance, they do that because they recognise the good in you. You just need to as well."

"You are the only person I trust Bella, the only one I really, really trust. I can't lose you; I'll do whatever it takes to stop that from happening."

"You won't lose me if you don't walk away from me...Just promise you'll stay, no matter what happens Edward, promise me you won't leave me."

"I promise you Bella, I won't leave."

"Thank you Edward that's all I ask."

I pulled her to me, half of me expected her to pull away but I was pleased when she didn't. "You know it annoys me that we didn't get our mile high make up sex baby..." I began stroking her arm with my fingers "It's really the only good part about fighting with you, you know..." I trailed off. I wasn't sure if we really were past it all, or if I was just being hopeful.

"Edward there's more to life than sex you know... But you're right it's the only good thing about fighting with you."

"There well may be, but I challenge any man to think of anything different in your presence." I purred as I began to nibble at her ear.

"God Edward did you take a course in things to say to get in to your pissed off girlfriends pants, or is it one hundred percent all yours?"

I slid one hand down under the covers towards her centre. "Oh honey, you should know by now your pants and I have a very friendly arrangement." I began teasing her through the top of her panties,

"And it's always one hundred percent Edward Cullen." I said with a smirk, my eyes holding hers as I played.

"Very smooth Edward, now are you going to talk all night or find a better use for that talented tongue of yours?"

"Hmmm, It is very _smooth_." I said as I slid my hand underneath the fabric and began to slide my fingers inside her.

"Not as smooth as you,"

My cell phone went off and it was Kate's ringtone which meant she was calling about the pets. I didn't want to answer it Bella and I hadn't resolved that issue yet and I didn't want anything to fuck up the peace we had just found.

Bella sighed in resignation, "Answer it Edward, you know how Kate gets."

I hurried through my conversation with Kate she was asking for final approval on the purchase of the land I managed to deflect, telling her I'd call her first thing with my final decision. My eyes met Bella's and I sighed.

"Kate needs my final Ok on the land but I don't want to make a decision until we've talked about it." I wanted to say something about the pets for the kids but it was an issue we hadn't resolved yet.

It didn't matter that I didn't mention the pets Bella knew where my thoughts lay.

"Keep the land Edward, and I think pets would be nice for the kids. I'm sure Apple would love a pony as much as Louis would like a St Bernard. And Honey it's not about getting my approval, it's about valuing my opinion enough to take it into consideration before you make decisions that may affect me or the twins."

"I understand where you're coming from Bella and I promise I will try...I'll give you anything right now if you give me a drink." I muttered.

"You've given me all I ever wanted already... and no I'm not going to let you drink. Is there nothing else you can think of doing to divert your attention? I mean we do have so many distractions in this house, we could play pool or darts or board games, watch DVD's or... I know we haven't even begun on those many weighty tomes in your bookcase."

"I've got a game we can play and I know the perfect place to start." A smirk spread over my face as I jumped from the bed and pulled Bella into my arms. I threw her over my shoulder and bolted down the hallway ignoring her feeble protests to let her go.

I laid her on the counter, savouring the squeal that burst from her lips as her back hit the cold granite and started rummaging through the fridge.

"Are you hungry sweetie?"

"Yes, I am. I'm thinking of fixing myself something to eat**."** I piled the dessert toppings on the counter and returned to the fridge.

"Um...Edward, dessert toppings aren't going to fill you up if you're hungry, something with more sustenance would be better."

"Jeez, aren't you impatient! I only have two hands you know...Now you need to stay very still ok? If you start twitching around, you are going to ruin my Bella Buffet."

"Your Bella Buffet? Oh god you're not...are you?"

"Oh god I am. So stay still." I looked down at my name spelt out across Bella's stomach with a grin, the deep crimson of the boysenberries looked exquisite against her skin milk white skin, "Have a look." I said while watching the rapidly melting ice cream slide down her body in rivulets.

"Well that's very artistic of you baby, though I don't think my body was the right canvas choice, when melty things are the medium. And its frikin cold!" Bella said through almost chattering teeth

"Only if I don't intend to clean you up... Which I do, Mrs Cullen..." The sight of her laid out like a fucking feast was too much for me I bent over her and started to lick the sticky sweet mess from her skin.

"Mmm...Edward your tongue it...it feels so good, so warm."

"Best ice-cream sundae I have ever had baby, you want to try**?"** I brought my finger through the ice cream and berries scooping up as much as I could before bringing it to Bella's succulent lips.

Thoughts of abandoning my plans to clean my plate were close to overpowering me when Bella sucked my finger into her hot little mouth my cock twitched in anticipation of just climbing on the bench and fucking her senseless.

"Mmm... it tastes good baby...but not as good as good as you taste." Bella purred. I went back to my Bella Sunday smiling at Bella's squeal when I buried my face in the gooey mess and smearing further over her skin.

"You have no fucking clue what you do to me, do you?" I groaned against her skin. Another delicious squeal filled the room when the chocolate sauce and passionfruit pulp hit her skin, the sight of her quivering body sent my want for her into fucking overdrive.

"No I don't, but I know what you do to me...Every cell of my being craves your touch...only your touch. My need for you scorches my insides, my desire for you Edward is insatiable and no matter how many times you fuck me it's never enough and it's never going to be enough. I still want more of you."

Her words came out in a breathless whisper and I was fucking lost to my desire for her.

"Jesus, fuck Bella," I growled as I scrambled on top of her. My cock slid into her warm wet pussy in one fluid motion and my mouth attacked every bit of her flesh it could reach. The sensation of our sticky skin sliding together drove me into a fucking frenzy and I pounded into Bella mercilessly.

I brought my chocolate smeared lips from her throat to her sweet mouth; my moans joined hers when she sucked the chocolate from them with wanton ferocity. Bella relinquished my mouth and I snarled my displeasure causing a low moan to fall from her lips. I drove myself deeper inside her desperate for more but knowing no matter how much she gave me it would never be enough. The sensation of her teeth sinking into my throat sent me into a fuckin crazed frenzy.

Bella's walls clenched around my cock and the words I was desperate to hear fell from her lips in a ragged whisper.

"Fuck...shit...oh god fuck Edward...It's too good baby..." "Only for you baby...only ever for you..."

"Bella...you're fucking exquisite baby...want to be inside you forever, can't get enough..." I ground out between my teeth, my mouth captured hers, the taste of passionfruit hit tongue and I groaned against her mouth as my body shuddered violently above hers...

If I hadn't known it was Renee and Charlie knocking on the door I would have fucking ignored it, Bella was draped across me like a blanket and the feeling of her silky skin against mine had given me a raging hard on I wanted to relive by fucking her silly before I even contemplated starting my day.

Bella was still soundly asleep and I didn't want to wake her. She was getting better, it was true, but she was still like a ghost of her former self. Sleep was the best way for her to heal. I was careful not to jostle her as I detangled myself from her warm body.

"Bloody soon to be in laws. I would ignore you if you weren't returning our children." I grumbled, pulling my trackpants up and hissing as they grazed my over-sensitive cock.

I checked Bella was still sleeping deeply before heading for the front door.

Apple's delighted squeal when she saw me was ear shattering. I was pretty sure she had broken the sound barrier all on her own. It echoed around the courtyard bouncing off the side of the house and scaring the birds from the surrounding trees.

"My Daddy...Apple, my daddy," She launched herself from Charlie's arms and into mine. Her little arms wrapped around my neck as she covered my face with kisses,

"Miss my Daddy, love you...Where's my mummy?" She chirruped. Her hands grabbed my cheeks holding my face so she could look into my eyes. "I missed you Daddy."

The depth of emotion in my daughter's eyes overwhelmed me and I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat as I hugged her tightly .

"Daddy missed you too. So _much_ princess," I whispered in her hair, "Mummy missed you too."

"Where's my Mummy?" Apple pulled her face from my cheek, "Apple want mummy now."

"Mummy's asleep sweetheart. We'll go and see her in a minute ok? Daddy needs to say hi to Louis and talked to Grandma Renee."

"My Louis, my Grandma Nae and Grandpa Arlie."

"Daddy?" Louis said from Charlie's arms.

Happiness bubbled in the pit of my stomach at the sound of my son's quiet voice; I shifted Apple onto my hip and took Louis from Charlie.

"Hey my little Man! God, daddy missed you so much." I kissed his mass of curls breathing in the smell of him.

He kissed my cheek and brought his eyes, so remarkably like his mother's, to mine. He watched me pensively for a moment a tiny frown marring his forehead, "Need my Mummy," he whispered. His look turned imploring.

"Ok my son. Mummy's asleep but I'll take you to her." I looked up at Renee and Charlie and gave them a small smile, "Thank you for having the twins."

"No need to thank us Edward it was our absolute pleasure. How's Bella? Did the island help?" Renee gave me a one armed hug causing Apple to giggle in my arms.

"It was pretty rough at the start. Once she broke down and finally admitted how she felt things got better, she's still pretty fragile but she's definitely on the mend. We've set a date for the wedding so that's something. It gives us both something to look forward to,"

"Edward that's wonderful news. I'm so happy for the both of you," Renee gushed.

"Thanks Renee," I said sincerely. I appreciated their support.

"So when's the big day?" Charlie asked suddenly. He wore an approving smile for which I was grateful.

"Um...Four weeks time it will be on Waiheke Island." Apple and Louis were begging to squirm in my arms both impatient to see Bella I was sure. I couldn't blame them I was impatient to get back to her and I'd only been out of her presence for five minutes.

"See my Mummy now?" Louis asked.

"Look sorry Renee, Charlie, you're welcome to stay I just need to get these two inside to see Bella they've been without her for far too long now."

"We totally understand Edward. We won't stay we have plans with Alice and Rosalie today. Can you please tell Bella I will phone her later." Renee leaned in to kiss Apple and Louis on the cheek before gently squeezing my arm, "I'm so pleased that everything is getting back on track for you two."

"Me too Renee and thank you again and you to Charlie."

"You're more than welcome Edward and I couldn't be happier that you are going to make an honest woman of my Bella." He said with a chuckle...

...Louis scrambled onto the bed and curled up next to Bella who was still sleeping; he closed his eyes a smile played on his lips.

While Louis wanted his mother, Apple was not of the same mind. She was clinging to me as though her life depended on it. She wrapped her arms around my neck refusing to let me go so we could climb into bed. I propped her up on my knee and pulled the blankets around her, she gave me a glittering smile.

Her hands moved to my face and she held my gaze, "My Daddy's pretty...I love my daddy, I'm his little princess..."

"You are his little princess..." Bella said quietly from beside us. Apple turned at the sound of Bella's voice her smile lit up her whole face,

"My mummy's beautiful...Are you happy now mummy?" She asked before turning back to me, "My Mummy not sad now?"

Bella's gasp was barely a whisper but I heard it and I reached over and gently squeezed her arm, she would be feeling guilty and it was imperative she didn't slip back into that way of thinking.

Apple slipped off my lap and into Bella's out stretched arms and I sighed in contentment. This was how it was supposed to be our family under one roof and happy. It gave me hope that finally we could get things back on an even keel.

"Good morning. I want to wake up like this every morning. I don't want to be apart from the kids or you ever. And thank you for reassuring me, it's just what I needed." Bella said echoing my sentiments exactly.

"It's always my pleasure love. How about breakfast, Should we eat in or out?" The thought of having to leave the house didn't appeal much but Bella might want to get out.

"Eat in; let's just stay home with the kids all day. You can show them where they can keep their _pets_, though you'll probably need a custom k.e.n.n.e.l built for the St Bernard. He could sleep in the stables with the P.O.N.Y. I guess he's going to grow to roughly the same size. So when are you going to tell them?"

I covered up my surprise when Bella brought up the St Bernard and the pony and what was more she never hissed or looked angry about it.

"How about today? My phone is drowning in messages, so you and I have to come to a few decisions about all of this. I'm not taking anything for granted this time." I wanted her to know that I was committed to trying to include her and valuing her input and opinions.

"Well how about we discuss it over breakfast? Do you want to feed Apple?And once Louis is awake I will get upand clean up the mess from last night..." I grinned at her as images of my Bella sundae filled my mind; they were quickly followed by the hot shower sex and the hours after that I spent ravishing my beautiful Bella.

I groaned as my cock twitched and my earlier sentiments of how I should have fucked Bella again before Renee and Charlie turned up rang in my ears.

Bella knew were my thoughts were and she smirked as she bent to kiss Apple's forehead and passed her to me...

Apple chatted incessantly while I got breakfast for her it was something I would never tire of, she was her own little bubble of happiness.

She gave me one of her glittering smiles when I put her toast in front of her, she reached out for me and I leaned in so she could cover my face in kisses.

"Thank you my Daddy. You have some Apple's toast," She thrust the jam covered bread into my mouth,

"My toast, my daddy...Daddy like Apple toast?"

"Hmm...Daddy does like Apple's toast. But you need to eat your breakfast and Daddy needs to clean up the aftermath of his _mummy buffet_."

Bella and Louis arrived in the kitchen just as I had finished wiping the last of the chocolate sauce from the backs of the chairs; I was amaze at how far the fucking sauce had travelled. Bella looked around the clean kitchen with a slightly awed expression. I was stoked she was impressed with my cleaning skills.

"Thank you honey, you didn't need to clean up I would have done it."

I scooped Louis out of Bella's arms and kissed his fore head, "You're welcome; it didn't take long... Hi my boy, I missed you." I looked up at Bella, "Are you hungry?"

"Hmm...not for food...but since that's not a possibility right now, I'll settle for a coffee."

A low growl rumbled from my throat; trust Bella to have to drag my thoughts back down the path of temptation. The woman had a cruel streak when it came to taunting me about sex. I handed her, her coffee and took a seat next to her my eyes drifted to the tantalizing exposed skin of her throat and lower roaming hungrily down the crevice between the part in her robe.

Unhelpfully, my enchantress leaned in and brushed her sweet lips over mine and I quickly captured her mouth and forced my tongue between her lips. Bella's mouth became more urgent against mine as her fingers weaved their way into my hair holding my face to hers.

My cock gave a painful throb and I was about to lose the last of my tenuous hold on my self control when Apple's little voice proved to be my saviour.

"Look Louis, mummy's kissing Daddy...Mummy's kissing Daddy..."

"_Hmm...I think that maybe we should discuss pets, I need a distraction from wanting to take you back to bed and_ _do depraved things with and to you." _Bella's voice was barely a whisper.

"Pet's, Bella, pets..." I stammered.

"Yes Baby Pets, we probably should talk about that; there's no point in getting all psyched over something we can't do anything about with two such young and impressionable children in the room."

"For the love of God woman, why would you..." I smiled and trailed off as Apple looked over at us, her tiny ears no doubt hearing every single word spoken "Let's talk pets then." I said forcing a smile.

"So you must have a plan, I mean you're not just going to get a pony and put it in a field are you? I'm taking you'll be researching, or Kate will, all the things you need to know about looking after it. And then there will be riding lessons, and equestrian shows, god Edward are you really sure about this?"

I looked at Bella sheepishly "Well, I was thinking we could get Mum to come over and teach Apple. You may be surprised, but Mum is quite the horsewoman. I'm sure she'd love an excuse to spend more time with the kids. As for its health needs, the vet and Farrier will come around. I was thinking we could build a stable on the land and until then we can house it at the local equestrian club." I realised I was taking over again and looked at Bella in horror "Only if you agree of course Baby. I wouldn't just go ahead..."

"Oh god please not the pony club! I like the idea of Esme teaching Apple to ride; it will be a nice thing for them to share. Edward I completely loathe the idea of having to try and fit in the clicky mothers at the pony club."

I chuckled at the thought of Bella among Wellington's Social Elite. She certainly would make an impression. "I would love to see that baby." I said with a grin "But I can make you a deal. Until the stables are built, Esme or I will go with Apple. I'll just stress to the builders that we need it done asap." I frowned "You do know that will cost more though right? I kinda feel like I'm walking through a forest full of bear traps I can't see." I said honestly

"Edward, how about we make a deal? Let's not make money an issue in our relationship; it's such a waste of time and energy worrying about not having to worry about it, if that makes sense?"

I eyed her warily "So... You are saying we shouldn't worry about how much things cost? I'm confused, I thought that philosophy was what got me into trouble... along with the general disregard for your input, but still... wasn't the money an issue?" I couldn't deny the excitement that was bubbling within me. "Are you just taking the piss love?" I asked crassly.

"No I'm not saying that, I'm just saying first of all that I don't want to have to think about the money. that if we make a decision about something and then something else crops up that goes over the budget then we just do what needs to be done to get the job completed. I don't want to stress thinking about money it's so dumb. I will always feel guilty about what I have, I can't help it, but I want our relationship to be about us and our family not about materialistic things."

I nodded slowly "I think I understand, but just to clarify as long as I keep you informed it's all good?" I said hopefully. "I agree, money isn't important to what makes us, us." I kissed her nose "As long as I still get to spoil you all, I'm happy with the arrangement. But you really shouldn't feel guilty, you deserve the best baby and that's all I want to give you."

"Keep me informed but don't bog me down. And I was wondering if you'd be adverse to the idea of holding off telling the kids until their Birthdays it's only a month away and it will give us more time to get things organised, and it would be great presents for them." I didn't elaborate that it was a good time to give them presents, on their birthdays.

"It's not going to be their only presents, is it?" I frowned. Surely she wouldn't be suggesting that would she? "But I am happy to hold off; it will give Mum time to prepare anyway, not to mention the dog breeders.

"What else would they need sweetheart?"

"I don't know? It just doesn't seem like a birthday without lots of presents." I pulled myself in before things could escalate. "I'd just like to get them something else as well." I said with a shrug.

"How about we go shopping together for them, I'm sure we can agree on something each for them, but remember we won't be the only ones getting them presents."

"You have a deal Mrs Cullen." I was still unsure of my footing with this compromise thing, but hoped it would only get easier over time. "So, now we have that sorted love, what do you want to do now?" I asked giving her my most seductive smile. I knew nothing could happen, but it was still fun to play.

"I thought we could take the kids for a walk to the park before lunch then while they're having their afternoon sleep I thought you might like to finish reading the Tale of Two Cities, if I remember rightly you never made it past the third page."

I growled at her suggestion "If you keep that up, I'll burn every book in the house." I teased. Or at least I hoped I was teasing, some of those books were first editions. "A walk sounds good though..."

...Spending the morning with Bella and the twins in the park was fucking awesome. The sounds of their combined laughter was music to my soul. Apple insisted I spend the whole time pushing her on the swing while Bella and Louis played on the wide variety of other things in the park. She flatly refused to get off the swing when I tried to entice her onto the jungle gym with Louis.

"No Daddy push Apple higher...Not jungle gym...Apple swing, my daddy push,"

"Ok princess Daddy push you on the swing," I continued to push her until Louis called out to me to come and play with him. It took a good five minutes to negotiate with Apple to leave the swings and join her brother. She was turning out to be as adorably stubborn as her mother and just like her mother I needed to use my persuasive skills to get her to see it my way.

I wished I had kept with the swings when I got myself stuck between the bars of the bloody jungle gym I didn't mind too much when I heard Bella, Apple and Louis' peals of sweet laughter, the sound was a perfect symphony one I committed to memory and would never tire of hearing.

The walk home from the park was just as entertaining; Bella was singing some silly song about a postman and other people who stalked the neighbourhood causing Louis to break into fits of delicious giggles.

"You're funny Mummy," Louis giggled as he looked up at me, "Mummy's funny Daddy."

The second Apple's eyelids fluttered closed I pulled Bella into my arms with a satisfied moan, she smashed her mouth to mine her kiss full of a feral need that matched my own. My cock gave a painful throb when hand slid between Bella's thighs and a low growl rumbled from my chest when my fingers came in contact with her bare sex.

Panty less Bella was too fucking much for my lust addled brain, "Jesus Bella," I hissed as I pushed my fingers into her warm wet pussy, "Gotta fuck you...now baby, come on." I scrambled off the bed and grabbed Bella's hand I knew exactly where I wanted to fuck her and my throbbing cock agreed when the image filled my mind.

Bella's small gasp brought a smile to my lips when I pulled her into the garage and onto the bonnet of my Aston Martin.

Bella's eyes widened in surprise, "You're not seriously contemplating doing this are you? This is your pride and joy baby, what happens if something goes wrong?"

I chuckled at her trepidation, "Bella you are exquisite as is this car, I've decided it's time I enjoyed the sight of you lying naked against it as I fuck you. And I'm not going to stop until my name is repeatedly falling from those angelic lips of yours." My fingers hooked into the flimsy material of her dress and I pulled it over her head exposing her fucking perfection, "Besides baby, why should you and Kate get to have all the fun on my car?"

"Oh shit...I forgot about that...God alcohol is neither of our friends is it?" Bella's skin flushed a beautiful crimson in her embarrassment my fingers reached out to trace the trail of blood under her skin.

"Hmm...It certainly brings out your even wilder side. I have to admit I miss your crazy drunken antics sometimes, but I'm sure _'Christine' _doesn't...Yes with you and alcohol there was never a dull moment. But then again there's never a dull moment with you in the world." I murmured as I brought my mouth to hers.

Bella's lips were the most addictive drug on the planet I just couldn't fucking get enough of them I assaulted them with a fucking vengeance as I ripped open my jeans, groaning in relief as my aching cock sprang free from its restraints, and slid into Bella's dripping pussy. The raw fucking desire that had been building up all morning ignited in the pit of my stomach like flash fire, I tried to convey the depth of my love for her as I looked down into her eyes.

Bella's milky white skin now covered in a thin sheen of sweat glistened like diamonds as the shafts of light from the skylight illuminated her body. She looked like a fucking Angel. She was an Angel and she was _mine_.

As if Bella had read my mind she said the words that confirmed that she was fucking mine and she always would be.

"I love you Edward...only you...only ever for you." Her walls clamped down around me and her cum trickled down my cock sending me into a fucking frenzy.

"So fucking beautiful Bella...so warm, and wet...I can't...baby...need you..." I ground out between my teeth as I pounded into her. My orgasm rushed through my body like lightening and my knees buckled. I collapsed against Bella as my body shuddered violently, her arms and legs ensnared me and I would have to be stayed buried deep in her warmth for the rest of my life, "I love you Isabella Marie Cullen." I breathed against her neck.

She tightened her grip on me and it felt like fucking heaven...

I left Bella in front of her laptop designing the wedding invitations while I went to phone Aro with the news that he was going to get his greatest wish of officiating my wedding.

Of course he swore he already knew why I was phoning when I told him the news and I rolled my eyes when he reminded me he had seen long ago the beautiful woman who had stolen my heart.

Excitement bubbled in the pit of my stomach; we would soon be on Waiheke Island and Bella would be making all my dreams come true by becoming my wife...

I never returned to work in the week leading up to us going to Waiheke not only was there too much for Bella to organize on her own I also took the time to look into alcohol counselling. While things had been a bit easier since Bella began to heal it was still too fucking hard to do on my own.

My hands still trembled, not nearly as bad as they had, but it was still there. The _desire _to drink was still there though. The urge that never went away. I had not appreciated how bad my addiction was until I had tried to stop altogether.

Having Bella and the twins with me constantly made it far easier to deal with and my newly found positive attitude and sense of calm increased during the week and by the time we were ready to leave for Waiheke I was positive that things were only going to get better for us from here...

**A/N: Feel free to let us know what you loved and hated you know your comments are our daily dose of giggles... :) **


	37. Romeo & Juliet, its a love story

**A/N: As Always thank you to those of you who take the time to review and to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions. Light & Laughter to my Facebook friends I promise chapter photos are first priority tomorrow morning I already have most of them sorted.**

**Greenaway and I would like to say thank you so much to Sassy for agreeing to Beta this story. Sassy you are like our missing link and we love the way you fit like a glove. LOL...**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns twilight; Greenaway & Cinnamon own this story. All songs are property of the respective owners.**

**Playlist...Romeo & Juliet by: Dire Straits...**

**Chapter 37: Romeo & Juliet...It's a love story...**

**Bella's POV...**

The Helicopter landed in a little field behind what I was assuming was Aro's house. As we disembarked a man appeared in the field wearing only his underpants and a dark blue bandana, he waved out to us before launching into an enthusiastic air guitar rendition of Jimi's 'Purple Haze.'

I clutched Louis to me and tried not to laugh, Edward had warned me about Aro's eccentric behaviour but I thought he was exaggerating, that was until I saw Aro in the flesh. Much too much flesh for my liking,

"Ok Edward, I can see now that you weren't joking." I giggled.

Edward shook his head at me, almost exasperatedly for not believing what he had been telling me about Aro and his odd behaviour. I clenched my jaw together to try and keep my laughter in when warned me about the outdoor bathroom overlooking the ocean and Aro's fondness for watching the yachts sail by as he did his daily ablutions.

I couldn't hold my laughter in a second longer and I erupted into a fit of giggles, Edward looked at me seriously,

"You realise that's the man that is going to marry us don't you?"

"Yeah I do and I can't wait! I bet Charlie and Renee handle it better than Carlisle and Esme. Oh god I can't wait to see your parents faces when they see him! I hope he marries us in what he's wearing now." I passed Louis to Edward and leapt out of the stationery helicopter. I could hear Jimi blaring from the house behind Aro, competing with the noisy sound of the helicopter blades above.

I clapped when the air-gituar-performance finally finished

"Bravo, you were pure Jimi Hendrix," I called out. Edward walked up I didn't dare look at Edward for fear of breaking into uncontrollable laughter.

Aro rushed quickly toward me, scooping me into his arms and swinging me around before putting me gently on my feet and picking a flower for my hair.

"There you go Flower Child." He stepped back and looked me over and I ducked my head in embarrassment. If I was embarrassed about the way he was looking at me it was nothing to the mortification I felt at his next comment.

"Nothing better than a busty Flower Child."

Before I even had a chance to recover from his last comment, Aro was asking me another question.

"You sure you want to marry him? He's very..." he raised his fingers and began drawing a square. "You're not though, you have a free spirit. Not materialistic, but spiritual...Such a beautiful aura too: no wonder he couldn't stop talking about his 'assistant'." He mused.

Without taking his eyes from mine he addressed Edward, "She's far too good for you Edward."

I was taken aback by Aro's comment and I was quick to disagree with him.

"I think you have that round the wrong way Aro, Edward is far too good for me, but I'm sure I want to marry him. Even if he is a square."

I tried to keep my mind focused on our conversation rather than the fact he was standing there in only his underwear. Aro smiled and clapped his hands together before giving me another hug. When he let me go he turned to Edward and Apple.

He introduced himself to Apple and Louis as their Poppy Aro, and questioned Edward about his sobriety. He ignored Edward's own questions and linked his arm through mine.

"I keep watch on him, through the cards and the stones you see." He whispered as he led me into the house, "But the biggest clue that he hadn't been drinking, was that this is the first time I have been around him that he didn't stink like a brewery."

I was a little overwhelmed when Aro brought me to a stop inside the house and I noticed every wall was covered in bright murals. Crystals hung in the windows casting prisms of light across the floors and large raw pieces of amethyst and rose quartz sat on every available surface, the room smelt strongly of incense.

And it fitted Aro's personality perfectly.

I was drawn to one particular mural depicting a bronzed haired girl sat on a sun flower smiling at her brown haired brother who was sliding down a rainbow. I recognised the children as my own. I turned and smiled brightly at Aro

"That is a beautiful mural, you captured my children perfectly."

Edward and the kids followed us into the room, Apple squirmed out of Edward's embrace and ran straight into Aro's arms. He scooped her into his arms and slung her on his hip.

I couldn't help but giggle at Apple; she grabbed Aro' face in her hands and looked at him seriously; I knew she was reading him trying to get a feel for who he was.

She obviously like what she found in his eyes because she declared, "I love you poppy Aro, my poppy Aro," she looked at Edward, "Apple's Poppy, I love my Aro..." she looked back at Aro, "Love my Daddy, he's mine."

Edward suddenly pulled me to his side holding me close to him. Why I wasn't quite sure and he never gave me a reason.

Aro looked at us pensively for a moment before he spoke,

"You two have had some rough times lately, haven't you?" I felt my body stiffen and Edward squeezed me gently. Aro never gave either of us a chance to respond before he shook his head "No, we aren't going to talk about it. Sometimes the past is better left where it is, but a wise man once said 'I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful."

I watched Aro as I thought about what he'd just said, for all his kookiness he was extremely insightful and wise.

He gave us a bright smile, "That's the only pre-marriage counselling I am going to give you. Who wants some herbal tea? I just finished grinding it all from my orange blossoms and rosehips..." He took Louis from my arms and retreated to the kitchen leaving us a view of his tattooed bum, I laughed when I saw the words

'Make Love, Not War. Don't want to be a Solider; I'd rather be a whore...' Above a rainbow, I could see the wing of a dove poking out from the top of his underwear.

I turned to Edward, "Oh my God, the more I get to know him the more I love him, though I can't imagine how you two maintain a friendship. I guess it's true what they say about opposites attract."

Edward shook his head, "I didn't get a choice Bella; he wouldn't leave me alone. Plus, he had the best weed ever..."

We made our way into the kitchen and Aro immediately passed me a mug of herbal tea, ""The secret to good weed, any good produce really, is natural fertiliser. Horse shit Edward, not human.

How the hell do you manage with him Flower Child?" He crossed his legs, still only wearing his underpants and looked at Me. "Tell me about yourself, honey."

"Um...what do you want to know exactly?" I ducked my head and smiled shyly, I didn't know what to say.

"I want to know _you_ baby, what makes you tick? You don't look like the plastic type this one usually deals with, so how did you come to work for him? I can't imagine you in a stuffy air-conditioned prison." He sipped on his tea patiently waiting for me to answer.

"Hmm...Well I have to admit I was young and naive when I first went to work for his Dad's company and you're right looking back on it now it probably wasn't a smart career choice, I would have been a better anthropologist or an archaeologist or something."

"Hmm, seems about right. So did you love this one straight away too?" He asked me the question but never waited for my answer, "This one here? I read his cards for him one day, told him a brown haired beauty would be what saved him. First thing he said was 'Bella'. I knew then and there he had found it, but what I didn't know was how long it would take for him to grow a pair and do something about it. Still, here you are today wanting little old me to marry you. It's beautiful really."

I heard Edward gasp as he reached out for my mug, I looked from him to Aro, who just laughed and started to explain, "He's scared I slipped you some 'special tea.'. That was a crazy night Flower Child. Crazy. You're boy here was going to try flying. Crazy." He shook his head. "This tea has nothing like that in here. Not in front of the future." He said gesturing to Apple and Louis. "They have to follow their own paths, not those of their ancestors."

I looked at Edward quizzically, listening to Aro's chatter with one ear. I was curious about Aro's comment about Edward saying my name and referring to me as the one who would save him. Had he dreamed of a future with me that long ago? The thought made my heart glow, but also made desire course through me and I wanted nothing more than to get Edward alone.

"You wanted me to be the one who saved you?" I whispered, I tried to blink back the tears pooling in my eyes. He pulled me closer to him.

"I told you love, it's always been you, since the first day I saw you in Emmett's office." He kissed my cheek softly, "Always you."

"Edward, I think we should get going and get the twins dinner and get them ready for bed." I whispered the minute Aro's back was turned; it wasn't that I wasn't enjoying his company I just wanted to get Edward alone.

Edward made our excuses to Aro and we both stood and took a twin from their highchair. Aro said goodbye to the twins and hugged me again "You come back and see me again soon Flower Child. You and I have some chatting to do." He said with a wink.

We were making our way down the lane. Edward had said there was only one house between Aro's and the one we were renting, so the walk wouldn't be too long. I scooped Apple into my arms and quickened my pace, I was keen to get to the house and just relax. We had just drawn up to the house next to Aro's and I happened to glance up the driveway. I stopped walking, all other thoughts but the gorgeous house in front of me vanished.

I unconsciously began to walk up the driveway, wanting a better view of the cute Cedar clad house. I stopped after a few steps and looked back at Edward. I noticed he was watching me curiously,

"Wow this house is beautiful. Remind me to ask Aro who lives here; they'd have to be pretty tolerant to cope with him as a neighbour."

Edward came to my side and looked at me seriously, "You like it?" He nodded toward the quaint house.

"I do like it in fact I love, I feel drawn to it for some reason though I can't imagine why. There's something that feels familiar about the place, like a part of me dwells there if that makes sense, god what was in that tea Aro gave us?"

"Thankfully not those fucking mushrooms again: Come on love; let's get these kids to bed shall we? I think Poppy Aro, might have tired them out."

I didn't want to go, I wanted to walk up onto the front porch and look through the windows, there was just something about the house. "Um...I just want...um yeah let's go..." I couldn't permit myself to look through the windows of somebody's house; they had laws against that type of thing.

I followed Edward back onto the road and headed for the next driveway, he continued to watch me and I wondered what was on his mind, apart from the usual, "What, why are you looking at me like that?"

He shook his head and sighed, "You amaze me. Just when I think you finally can't surprise me anymore, you do."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

The week moved past in a blur of good times and last minute preparations, I was so happy we had decided to invite our friends and siblings up for the week; they were a source of much of our fun and laughter. Emmett, Jasper, Felix and Demetri fitted right in with Aro as I knew they would and their antics after consuming vast quantities of Aro's mushroom tea and Cactus juice, not to mention his first class weed, though they seem to make themselves scarce once the parents turned up...

I left Edward with the kids and asked Charlie and Carlisle if they would like to accompany me to Aro's, I thought an introduction might be a good idea before the ceremony but I was really just craving an escape from Alice, Esme and Renee who seemed to have gone into wedding hysteria.

They were slowly trying to take over every detail we had arranged and try to make it a little more to their tastes, but I was putting up a good fight, I knew my stubbornness would be useful for something.

**Aro's POV**

I saw my little Flower Child coming up the lawn with two men in tow. I smiled and waved at her, completely buzzed out by her shimmering aura. She was such a kind, good soul and I knew if anyone could purge Edward of his negative energy it would be her. I loved Edward like my own son, so I felt as I imagined a father would when his only child announced he was getting married. I was beyond happy for him

"Hey there Flower Child, where's The Square One?" I joked handing the joint out to her.

Her hand immediately reached for the joint and before she had realised it, she had already taken a long drag.

"Oh fuck..." She handed the joint back to me and flashed a guilty smile.

"Hey Aro, the square one is back at the house holding down the fort so to speak, so I thought I'd bring the fathers up to meet you. This," She pointed to the tall glowering one. "This is my Dad Charlie, and this is Edward's father Carlisle. This is Aro, Edward's old and my new friend and the wonderful person who has agreed to marry us."

I stood up and smoothed my shirt before sussing out the two Dads. Charlie looked like a decent man, straight maybe, but still decent. His hands were rough and hard, the sure sign of someone who had known a real hard day's work. I took an instant liking to Charlie, his aura was a light blue, calm and steady, just the kind of man he appeared to be. "Charlie, it's wonderful to meet the father of my little Flower Child." I reached down and plucked a blue flower from the grass, smiling at Flower Child before I tucked it in her hair "Perfect." I said kissing her cheek.

"It's a...pleasure to meet you Aro, and my daughter certainly is a flower child as is my granddaughter."

"She is, It must be the hardest thing in the world to give such a beauty away." I turned to Carlisle and gave him a smile.

Carlisle was the complete opposite of Charlie, where Charlie was rough and earthy, Carlisle was polished and refined. He had known hard work, but all his hard work was of the mental nature. Manipulation was his game, or had been anyway. It was written all over his face, the guilt of a life spent in malice leaking from every pore. He was on the road of redemption, but his journey still had a long way to go. His aura was murky and cloudy with the odd bright spot.

Exactly as his soul looked no doubt. He looked nothing like Edward, but I could see much of my young lad in there anyway. The way they held themselves, the intense stare even when relaxed. I could also see the root cause of all Edward's problems,

"Carlisle," I greeted him, "It's been a long wait to meet you. Edward has told me so much about you: Doobie?" I said offering him the joint. I doubted he would take it, but it was rude not to offer. I hadn't bothered offering Charlie, not after the daggers he shot at Flower Child.

Carlisle took the joint with a smile and took a drag before offering it to Charlie. I wasnt surprised when he turned it down. A guilty looking Flower Child took it from Carlisle instead and took a deep drag.

"So Aro have you known Edward for long?"

I grinned at Carlisle. I could definitely see where Edward got his personality from now.

"It feels like a lifetime. It wasn't long after you gave him his first real promotion at Cullen Industries. He was here on business and staying local so I popped in and said hello. He was lucky I did, I walked in that house and the Fung Shui was terrible. I had to practically rearrange the whole house. He was a little taken aback at first, but I'm like gonerreah. Once I come, I just keep coming back." I said looking at Flower Child who was trying to smother her laughter. "It's true Missy, just be glad you weren't around in the sixties. You caught it like you caught a cold." I said taking another hit and handing it back to Carlisle. "You got a good man in your son, the kind that makes a father proud." I said honestly. Edward was the only real family I had, the only real family I had ever wanted really in the socially acceptable meaning of the word anyway.

"I am extremely proud of my son, though I may have not always shown him that...I hope he knows it now."

Flower Child looked at Carlisle and smiled,

"He does it know it Carlisle, it makes him happy." She shrugged her shoulders, "He'd want you to know." I covered my chuckle with a cough as she took the joint from Carlisle, avoiding Charlie's murderous stare before passing it back to me.

I looked at Carlisle with a smirk. "So Carlisle, do you drink tea?" I asked innocently and I saw Flower Child's eyes widen "How about you Charlie? I have a nice golden brand of tea if either of you are interested?"

From the look of Flower Child, I knew I would be tripping alone tonight. The Square One was rubbing off on her and it was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking.

"Um...Aro...As much as I would love to see that, and honestly I would, I doubt neither of them would forgive us...and Edward you know." She drew a square in the air to indicate her point. I nodded in understanding.

I looked at Charlie and Carlisle. "She's an old soul this one, a conqueror of all men's hearts. Just look at how she tied your Edward all up in knots." I said to Carlisle

"She's certainly has done that, but I can now see why he is so smitten. She is a rare one Charlie you've done a fine job raising her."

"I did for the most part Carlisle, but it seems I may have slipped a little in the drugs are bad for you and against the law department."

She rolled her eyes at him, "lighten up Dad, you know the saying when in Rome...And besides it would be rude of me to turn down Aro's hospitality especially when it's so good." Bella leaned toward me conspiratorially, "maybe cookies would be better than tea." She whispered in my ear.

I nodded in agreement "I was going to bring out some cactus juice, but I don't think they would be game. Even Edward couldn't go there, perhaps one day when you aren't so ..." I glanced quickly down at her stomach "you and I could." Her eyes widened in shock and fear and I gave her a quick smile, Charlie and Carlisle were discussing the local golf course and paying no attention to us. "Have no fear Flower Child, it's our little secret."

"Thank you Aro, I haven't told Edward yet, I was thinking of maybe telling him after the wedding. I don't want the parents or others to know yet. My Dad's not impressed with my behaviour as it is."

"Edward is going to be thrilled. I've already seen it in the cards." I said pulling her to me and tucking a small bag of weed into her back pocket. She jumped and I smiled "Give this to Edward later; it may do him good to have some common ground he's comfortable on with his father. I wasn't groping your ass; Edward would know and kill me. He's very possessive you know, all 'you can look and die with jealousy but don't touch or I'll rip your hands off.' Only with you though..."

"Mmm, I've noticed that, he's getting better...well he's not but I live in hope. And thank you Aro maybe Edward can share this with his dad before they go to golf...Aro if you don't mind do you think I can hide out here with you tomorrow? the mother's are trying to organise trips to the spa and hair dressers and make up trials, and I don't want any of that, I was thinking I could maybe I could pick some of your wild daisies to make a chain, that's the only thing I want going in my hair."

I was sure I was ready to burst, she was just too perfect, and everything he needed was embodied in Flower Child.

"I will protect you from swarm after swarm of beautiful women, even if I have to sacrifice my body to do so." I said with a cheeky grin. "I can even braid your hair if you want? I found the easiest way into a woman's skirts was to be up to date with all that sort of thing. Let's just say, I learned plenty in my younger days and I _got_ plenty because of it."

"Thank you Aro I appreciate the sacrifice, and braids sounds perfect and Edward and I are going to go barefoot just like you," I whispered, "That should really set the weddingzilla's off."

I kissed her cheek "You are a beautiful woman Flower Child, but you're real beauty is in here." I said tapping above her heart. "That's what he sees you know. I can tell you don't think you are good enough for him, but it isn't true. You set that candle alight inside him, the one that makes him just glow, and from your blush I can tell you know what I am talking about."

I pulled her with me back towards Carlisle and Charlie "So do any of your wives believe in swinging?" I asked casually, patting Bella on the back as she began to splutter and choke.

**Bella's POV **

I laughed to myself when I saw Carlisle blood shot eyes and wide smile, "Um...I think you two better head back to the house, I'm sure the wives' have a list of chores for you a mile long...and you don't want Aro to brew you up the tea...trust me." I whispered.

Carlisle laughed loudly and stepped forward to give me a hug, "I'll take your word for it flower child. And don't tell Esme what we got up to she'd never approve." He smiled even wider and I giggled.

"I won't tell if you don't."

"Thanks Bella."

"Thank you Carlisle, I'll see you soon." I kissed his cheek and turned to my Dad, "I'll be back at the house soon Dad, I just have some wedding details to discuss with Aro." I kissed his cheek and gave him a quick hug.

"Keep off the wacky backy Bells." He gave me a stern look and a one arm hug.

"When in Rome Dad...But thanks for caring," I watched him and Carlisle retreating backs until they disappeared from view.

I turned to Aro with a smile, "That was certainly different and unexpected."

We both laughed and climbed into the hammock lying at opposite ends. He lit up another joint took a deep drag and passed it to me, I took it with a smile. He took my foot in his hand and began to massage it, it felt wonderful, he had a fantastic firm but soothing touch.

"Are you scared about being pregnant so soon after your loss?" He dug his fingers deeper into the arches of my foot.

His question, had me tensing at once and I wondered how he knew. Edward wouldn't have told him would he? I had no answer for that.

As if he knew what I was thinking Aro answered my unspoken question.

"I know things honey; he didn't say anything to me. I just want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, I am here. Edward is like a son to me, which means you are like a daughter now. He's happy, the happiest I have ever seen him and I want you to be happy too. Would you like to hear about the first time he told me about you?"

I decided to answer his original question, it felt good to share some of my anxieties and Aro was the only person I felt comfortable talking to it since Edward didn't know yet. "I am scared but with Edward by my side I know I can cope with anything, I'm in a much better place now. And I would like to know about the first time he told you about me." I smiled shyly and passed him the joint.

He took a deep drag and blew a couple of smoke rings into the air "Emmett had just hired you, and he had come up here that very weekend. He was a mess, drinking a lot, smoking a lot and very, very excited. I read his cards; like I told you and he said your name. He then spent the next twelve hours; no I am not exaggerating, telling me every little detail about you. The way you dressed; how your voice sounded, the way you smiled, the way he would make up reasons just to go and see Emmett so he could catch a glimpse of you. He was in love, it was obvious, but like all great love stories, yours was not to go smoothly. He visited frequently through the time you worked for Emmett, he couldn't date he said. Every time he tried he would imagine it was you, I believe he even once called a date by your name. Needless to say, it didn't end well. But he couldn't have you, so he locked all those feelings away inside himself and tried to act like you didn't affect him. The day that you came to work for him though, he called me from work just to tell me all about it.

He chuckled as he watched the blush rush over my cheeks. "Come on, you had to have had some idea..."

I shook my head."No I had no idea, he was always so cool and professional, and honestly I doubt anyone saw it. I don't think he ever asked me anything about my personal life in the whole time I worked for him... And I can't Believe he would call someone else by my name, the poor girl must have been so hurt and humiliated. I hope he sent her flowers and apologised."

Aro raised an eyebrow at me, "Well, I doubt that. But no, he was a man in love, tortured by his own devices. He called me after he moved to France, he was drunk; I would be surprised if he even remembered it.

He told me he had destroyed everything; that he had no chance with you anymore and he thought he would die from the pain. He didn't see any point without you. About once a month, I would get a call from him at about three in the morning while he ranted and raved, cried and begged for me to tell him how to make it better. I told him to come home, but he wouldn't. He said he had made a deal with the devil to save you and he couldn't get out of it."

Tears spilled down my cheeks when Aro finished telling me the story.

He reached out and wiped them away, "I'm not telling you this to make you upset Flower Child; I just want you to know what you mean to that man. He has been through hell and back to get to you, I think it's a little hard for him to believe that he finally reached his heaven."

For some reason I never doubted one word of Aro's story and I finally believed Edward had loved me from the first time he met me.

"What I don't understand is why he loves me. I've hurt him in ways...I'm so ashamed in the ways I've hurt him, but he still loves me anyway. I can't make sense of it." It felt nice to talk to Aro about my fears and confusion I didn't want to bottle them up and risk a repeat of the last time I chose that option.

Aro gave me a warm smile and another dose of his wisdom. "What is love really? It's trying to mould your life with someone else's, someone who touches your soul like no one else. It's beautiful, but it's hard work. You both have to change a little and you both have to give a little, but the rewards, that's what makes it worth it. You did nothing so terrible honey, neither did he. You just had to work a little harder to make all the pieces fit. Speaking of fitting though, you are lucky you are going barefoot on your wedding day, because these have to be the biggest feet I have ever seen on a woman in my life. And I have a little foot fetish you know, so I've seen a lot of feet." He teased, holding my foot tighter in his hand and continued his massage. "You couldn't find shoes for these clompers outside of the circus could you?"

I burst into a fit of giggles, "It's true, my sister Alice is always complaining about them when she drags me out shopping, she'll be the only other one happy I won't be wearing shoes tomorrow. Actually Aro you make a good point, one I'm going to employ against the mothers and other cry babies who don't approve of my no wedding shoes policy."

I was first alerted to Edward's arrival by the familiar tingle that flickered in my body like tiny electric shocks; this always happened when he was in close proximity to me and would of course turn into a full electric current when his skin came in contact with mine.

He strode up to the hammock and looked at Aro touching my feet with a frown. "What the hell is this?" I was about to launch into an explanation when Aro spoke

"What can I say Edward? I dig clown feet."

I burst into another spasm of giggles, "Aro has just been admiring my huge feet, he says they're the biggest he's ever seen on a woman, do you agree sweetie? Are my feet the biggest you've seen over your many conquests?" I winked at him and laughed again. I wanted to show him I was just joking around with him.

Of course I should have known he wouldn't have take it as such and he glared at Aro and launched into a rant demanding to know what he'd told me. I couldn't help but laugh at the cryptic babble Aro gave him as an answer.

Edward's jaw clenched shut his eyes stayed firmly on Aro but his next words were for me. "He tells lies."

I shook my head and sighed in exasperation. I hated when Edward got all stupid like this and I wasn't going to stand for it. "Are you sure about that sweetie? Because if you are we won't be getting married tomorrow: Aro has been telling me and finally convincing me of how much and for how long you have loved me. I think you should take a deep breath apologise and then I might let you have a toke on this yummy joint he has so kindly provided."

He mumbled some kind of an apology and plucked the spliff from my fingers taking a deep drag. "What the fuck are you doing to me baby? I'm turning into a pansy."

"No you're not, you're learning to admit when you're in the wrong and taking responsibility for your actions it makes you a happier person sweetie. Now are you going to come over here and help me out of this hammock, we have only a limited amount of hours left to be together before the weddingzilla's separate us for the night." I gave him a cheesy smile and waited.

He helped me out of the hammock, and before I was even properly on my feet he was hoisting me over his shoulder and doing his best cave man impersonation.

"How's that for grown up baby?"

"Hmm very mature Edward," I looked up at Aro, "I'll see you tomorrow Aro and thanks for the foot rub, chat and herbal remedies you're the world's best host, you even converted one of the squares, you are truly magical..."..."Caveward honey will you please put me down all the blood is rushing to my head."

He refused my request until we were down Aro's driveway and had reached the footpath. He took my hand and looked at me; I could see the curiosity in his eyes, "Are you going to tell me what you and Aro were talking about?"

I gave him a quick smile; I knew he would be wondering what we'd spent the afternoon talking about. "He told me about the first time you told him about me, and he said he could tell you were in love with me because after he did your cards you talked about me in detail for a long time even though you had only just met me. And he told me how sad you were when you were in France and how you had been to hell made a deal with the devil for me and that now you have me you can't believe you've finally reached your heaven" I took a deep breath, "And I told him how I couldn't make sense of why you still loved me after all the things I've done that have hurt you and how I could cope with anything as long as I had you by my side. That's what we talked about. I hope you don't mind he told me. The thing about the conquests was just a flippant joke I thought of, there was nothing meant by it."

Edward relaxed at once, "It truly is a joke; I barely saw anyone after I met you. God, one woman slapped me in the middle of a restaurant when I called her 'Bella'. I can't even remember what her name was, only that she had brown hair and it reminded me of you."

I looked at him reproachfully, "He told me that to. I said I hoped you sent flowers to her with an apology, he didn't think you did."

"He's right, I couldn't remember her name. Who was I going to send flowers to? 'To Whom It May Concern, sorry I forgot your name.' What are you laughing at? It was very embarrassing at the time."

"Well you won't have to worry about that ever again after tomorrow will you, you'll be officially off the market, just another poor sap with a ball and chain around his neck."

"Ball and chain! Hardly! Tomorrow I will be the luckiest man alive, I really can't wait. You and me forever, doesn't sound like a hardship to me."

"Nor to me it sounds like paradise. Anyway I was thinking I doubt I will be able to last until tomorrow evening to see you again. I was wondering if you want to do something naughty and sneak out at midnight and meet me, you know the garden behind the estate? Let's meet there."

Edward agreed at once, and I was happy in the knowledge that I would be seeing him once more before we met at the altar.

We met Emmett on the driveway who wanted to talk about the arrangements for the night, I didn't want any more reminders that Edward and I were going to have to say good bye in a couple of hours so I kissed him good bye and headed for the house.

I had only just stepped through the door when I met Carlisle, I smiled brightly as I approached him,

"Hi Daddy Carlisle, I've got a present for you from Aro; I think you may have surprised him a little with your inner hippy ways." I slipped the cigarette into his pocket, "Ssh it's our little secret," I kissed his cheek and walked away.

It was torturous having to say goodbye to Edward a few hours later, he hadn't left my side since we arrived home from Aro's, and though we both tried to plead our case on how stupid it was to anyone who would listen it did us no good.

I'll see you at midnight, it's only a couple of hours away... Not that long to wait," Edward sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince me.

"I know; it just feels like forever." My bottom lip jutted out into a pout and Edward sucked it between his lips.

"For me to Angel, but after tonight we'll never have to be apart again."

I clung to his words like a life line, "Do you promise."

"I promise Bella." He brought his lips to mine; his lips were soft and gentle where mine were forceful and full of my overwhelming need for him.

Edward growled and I sighed when Emmett's unmistakable voice shattered the silence and the magic of the kiss, "ok you two break it up, it will do you two nympho's the world of good to spend the night apart. just imagine the things you'll be able to get up to tomorrow night when you're finally alone...Oh and speaking of that, for god's sake try to keep in the realms of fun and relatively good taste, it's meant to be a romantic night, not your usual where one or both or you end up in the accident and emergency department."

"Thank you for that Emmett, now will you fuck off and give me another five minutes alone to say good night to my soon to be husband."

"Sorry Bells you're outta time, I'm under strict orders from Alice to deliver you to her's and Rose's militant arms and I'm not going to piss either of them off. They both scare me."

I crushed my lips back to Edward's I knew I only had seconds before Emmett would be hauling me out of his arms so I made it count. I squealed and clung to Edward when Emmett's massive arms did finally clamp around me but I was no match for his brute strength.

I blew a kiss to Edward over Emmett's shoulder and mouthed "Midnight." Before we rounded the corner and he disappeared from my sight.

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

I moved stealthily through the house, I was sure at least one or more of my house companions would be expecting me to pull something like this. But years of tiptoeing around so I didn't wake the twins had made me a master at moving with stealth and I made it through the door and out into the warm summer air without detection. I was on a mission and I moved quickly through the shadows toward my destination, it was a small private garden nestled behind the Estate we were staying on for the night.

The wedding would be taking place on the beach at sunset the following evening and then we would be coming back here for the reception. I was almost where I wanted to be when a tall figure appeared in my path. My breath hitched in my throat but my pace never slowed as I threw myself into his arms, "God I've missed you, it doesn't feel right being apart from you, not even for a few hours, not even for a few seconds."

"God, I know. I had to literally break out. Emmett hid all the keys and locked the doors. Apparently I'm not trustworthy when it comes to staying away from you."

"So how was your day? Mine was long, I didn't think I was going to make it until now, I thought about sneaking off earlier to find you a few times Rose was watching me like a hawk. I bet her and Emmett were in it together, well if they ever get married we'll be sure to return the favour..."

I looked into Edward's eyes they looked black in the moon light, "so your feet not cold?"

His resulting growl sent a shiver up my spine, and he proceeded to reiterate points he'd made to me a thousand times before. "I can't wait until you are my wife." He slide his hands up and down over my hips, "God, you feel so fucking good Bella."

"I've never wanted anything more than to be your wife...Sweetie I have a present for you, I wanted to wait until tomorrow but now just seemed like the perfect time." I pulled a small wrapped box and passed it to him, waiting silently for him to open it.

My heart was beating so loud in my chest I was sure he would hear it. He slid the lid off the box and pulled out the tiny pair of crocheted booties and looked at me in confusion. "You're going to be a daddy again." I whispered...

"You're pregnant, we're having a baby?... I'm going to be a Dad again?" I smiled at Edward's obvious shock; I guess he wasn't expecting it to happen so soon.

"Yeah you are, I found out the other day, the doctor said I was six weeks along, but I think I'm either further along than that or we are having twins again because, I'm starting to not fit into my clothes already, and I had do alterations on my dress last week and that's not usually normal for six weeks along. It was the same with Apple and Louis."

"I can't wait to see you all big and round." He said excitedly before rapidly firing off every question that popped into his mind without giving me time to answer any of them.

When he finally paused to take a breath I quickly starting answering the questions he'd already asked before he had time to think of more."You won't be saying that when I am all big and fat like a beached whale and sex is nearly impossible because there's just no comfortable position. Kicks will come around twenty weeks and the scan will confirm if it's twins"

He stood and took my hand "Thank you Bella." "You've already given me two beautiful children and now here you are doing it again. Thank you will never be enough for what you have done, but thank you anyway."

His lips brushed softly against mine and I sighed. "Thank you Edward for loving me and allowing me to love you...it's you and me forever..."

"Dance with me?" My breathing hitched and I was mesmerised when his silky voice rent the silence

_"A love struck Romeo sings a streetsuss serenade _

_Laying everybody low with a love song that he made _

_Finds a streetlight steps out of the shade _

_Says something like you and me babe how about it?" _

I smiled up at him and sung my own favourite line from the Dire Straits classic_,_

_"I love you like the stars above, I'll love you till I die. There's a place for us..."_

He pulled me closer and crooned the next verse into my ear, his voice was velvet smooth like melting chocolate and my need for him was rapidly turning to desperation. I got a moments respite when his body stepped back from mine and he twirled me slowly.

I was happy to lay silently in Edward's arms as we stared up at the stars, the garden was just as beautiful at night and the sweet smell of jasmine hung in the air, and we each let our own thoughts consume us. Every so often Edward would lean down and whisper words of love and commitment into my ear or kiss me softly, and I wished we could just stay here suspended in time.

I probably could have drawn out our clandestine meeting for another hour or so if Edward hadn't have caught me trying to stile my yawn, "Come on baby you need to get to bed, it's going to be a long day tomorrow."

"Can't we stay just a little bit longer? It's so nice here with just the two of us under the stars."

"Sweetheart, we'll spend every night for the rest of our lives watching the stars if that's what you desire, but tonight you and our baby need sleep." He leaned over and kissed me reverently before getting to his feet and reaching out for my hand.

He stopped to pick me a rose as we made our way from the garden, he inhaled the sweet scent of the bloom himself before handing it to me with a breath taking smile. We took our time walking back to my room and the sky was turning from black to a dark inky blue when we stopped outside my door, his arms slid around my waist and he pulled me close.

"Until we meet again my sweet Juliet..." His kiss was sweet and full of promise and I sighed when he ended it.

"Look out for me my gallant Romeo; I'll be the one in the white dress and bare feet." I brought my lips to his once more, and slipped stealthily through the door...

**Chapter 37 **

**Edward's POV...**

We landed outside Aro's house on the little field and I wasn't surprised at all to see him come out wearing only his underpants. He waved happily at us from outside. His long gray hair was hanging around his shoulders while a dirty old bandana he claimed to have got from Woodstock was tied around his head. He obviously had Jimi Hendrix playing, because all of a sudden he jumped and began playing the air guitar. I had seen him do this many times and I even knew the song that was playing.

"Purple haze." I muttered as I shook my head.

"Ok Edward, I can see now that you weren't joking."

I looked at Bella incredulously. "Joking? You think I was joking? Just wait till you need to use the bathroom, that's a lot of fun." I said with a grimace. Aro had built it outside so he had a view over the water. He had been known on more than one occasion to sit there waving at the yachts as they went past. Poor bastards waved back until they got out their binoculars for a closer look. One rich American woman had actually fainted and fallen overboard. According to Aro, it was because she saw the colour and size of his 'love aura' and was overwhelmed. I told Bella as much, shaking my head at her giggles.

"You realise that's the man that is going to marry us don't you?" I said suppressing my own laugh and waving back at Aro, who was now on his knees finishing his solo.

"Yeah I do and I can't wait, I bet Charlie and Renee handle it better than Carlisle and Esme, oh god I can't wait to see your parents faces when they see him, I hope he marries us in what he's wearing now." I passed Louis to me and clapped when Aro finally finished, "Bravo, you were pure Jimi Hendrix."

Aro rushed to Bella and picked her up swinging her around in his arms. When he put her down, he took her hand and led her over to his garden where he picked a bright blue flower, tucking it behind her ear.

"There you go Flower Child." He stepped back and blatantly checked my fiancée out, nodding in approval when his eyes reached her breasts. "Nothing better than a busty Flower Child he said smiling up at her like he had not been completely inappropriate. "You sure you want to marry him? He's very..." he raised his fingers and began drawing a square. I snorted, but he ignored me and kept his attention on Bella. "You're not though, you have a free spirit, not materialistic but spiritual...Such a beautiful aura too, no wonder he couldn't stop talking about his assistant." He mused to himself. "She's far too good for you Edward." He said without looking at me. He was no doubt still searching her 'aura' for more clues.

"Don't I know it." I responded.

"I think you have that round the wrong way Aro, Edward is far too good for me, but I'm sure I want to marry him, even if he is a square."

Aro clapped his hands together before giving Bella another hug. He let her go and finally turned to me "And these must be the beautiful children whose photos grace my mantle." He bent down and tickled Apple under the chin "Hello there beautiful girl. I'm your poppy Aro." Apple giggled and Aro turned to Louis and grinned "And you little dude, have your mothers beautiful features but all of your father's seriousness don't you? Listen to your mother son, and you'll be fine." He said shaking Louis's hand with a chuckle. He finally stood up and looked at me. "Finally stopped the booze have you?"

I rolled my eyes "And how do you know that?" He ignored me and turned to Bella, linking his arm through hers and leading her into the house. I followed them in with Louis and Apple in each of my arms.

Apple squirmed in my arms as she looked around the room, "pretty daddy...Poppy Aro room sparkles."

"It does sweetheart," She wriggled more and I slid her to the floor. She ran straight into Aro's out stretched arms.

"I love you poppy Aro, my poppy Aro," she looked back at me and gave me one of her glittering smiles, "Apples Poppy, I love my Aro..." she looked back at Aro, "Love my Daddy, he's mine."

"The sixties are strong is this one." Aro smiled down at Apple. "Love is never wrong sweetie, Love everyone and hate no one. You will be happier because of it."

I chuckled and pulled Bella into my side before Aro could assault her again. "I told you so." I whispered down into her ear before kissing her temple.

Aro grinned at pointed at us "See little lady? Love the one you're with." He looked between us seriously for a moment. "You two have had some rough times lately, haven't you?" He didn't give us a chance to respond before he shook his head "No, we aren't going to talk about it. Sometimes the past is better left were it is, but a wise man once said 'I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.'." He gave us a bright smile, "That's the only pre-marraige counselling I am going to give you. Who wants some herbal tea? I just finished grinding it all from my orange blossoms and rosehips..."

He came and took Louis off Bella walking off to the kitchen and leaving us with a view of his butt. I heard Bella giggle when she saw the tattoo just above his underpants "Make Love, Not War. Don't want to be a Solider; I'd rather be a whore..."

"Oh my God Edward, the more I get to him the more I love him, though I can't imagine how you two maintain a friendship. I guess it's true what they say about opposites attract."

I frowned. "I didn't get a choice Bella, he wouldn't leave me alone. Plus, he had the best weed ever..." I said as we made our way into the kitchen.

Louis and Apple were already sitting in high chairs made from rimu with their names carved in them. Aro had obviously put them together. They had little hand blown glass cups filled with juice that Aro explained was one hundred percent organic. He had made it himself. They also had little bowls of fresh chopped fruit in front of them.

He passed a steaming mug of tea to Bella "The secret to good weed, any good produce really, is natural fertiliser. Horse shit Edward, not human." He said rolling his eyes at my worried look. "See what I mean? Square." He said conspiratorially to Bella. He brought another two cups of foul smelling tea over to the table and sat down, ordering me to drink. "It's better than that processed coffee you drink. How the hell do you manage with him Flower Child?" He crossed his legs, still only wearing his underpants and looked at Bella. "Tell me about yourself honey."

"Um...what do you want to know exactly?"

"I want to know you baby, what makes you tick? You don't look like the plastic type this one deals with usually, so how did you come to work for him? I can't imagine you in a stuffy air-conditioned prison." He sipped on his tea patiently.

"Hmm...well I have to admit I was young when I first went to work for his Dad's company and I you're right looking back on it now it probably wasn't a smart career choice, I would have been a better anthropologist or an archaeologist or something."

"Hmm, so did you love this one straight away too?" I'm sure I was about fifty different shades of red and probably looked like Bella, with the way I was blushing. "This one here? I read his cards for him one day, told him a brown haired beauty would be what saved him. First thing he said was 'Bella'. I knew then and there he had found it, but what I didn't know was how long it would take for him to grow a pair and do something about it. Still, here you are today wanting little old me to marry you. It's beautiful really."

He took another sip of his tea and grinned at me. I looked down at the tea in horror "What's in here Aro? There better not be any of those fucking mushrooms again, I swear to God..." I began and reached over to rip Bella's tea from her hands.

Aro just laughed, "That was a crazy night Flower Child. Crazy. You're boy here was going to try flying. Crazy." He shook his head. "The tea has nothing like that in here, not in front of the future." He said gesturing to Apple and Louis. "They have to follow their own paths, not those of their ancestors."

"You wanted me to be the one who saved you?" Bella whispered.

I moved closer to Bella and put my arm around her. "I told you love, it's always been you, since the first day I saw you in Emmett's office." I kissed her cheek tenderly "Always you." I whispered into her ear. I saw Aro out the corner of my eye, smirk into his tea.

When Aro took our empty mugs to the sink, Bella turned to me and whispered, "Edward, I think we should get going and get the twins dinner and get them ready for bed."

"Aro, we're going to leave and get the twins sorted." I said and he nodded.

"I'll be here. Just uh, if you come back this afternoon don't bring the children. I need to do my rain dance; the gardens have been a little dry lately." He said without turning around, busy washing the cups in the sink.

"The dance is generally carried out naked." I explained to Bella who looked like she thought it was the funniest thing in the world.

Aro said goodbye to the twins and hugged Bella again "You come back and see me again soon Flower Child. You and I have some chatting to do." He said with a wink before hugging me "See you soon Edward. I'm proud of you." and with that he pushed us out the door, cranking up his Jimmi again.

I shrugged at Bella "Hey, I told you what he was like." I said as we began walking.

"Wow this house is beautiful...Remind me to ask Aro who lives here, they'd have to be pretty tolerant to cope with him as a neighbour."

I hid my smile "They would, they would have to be near on crazy I would imagine." I stopped beside her as she gazed at the house I intended to give her on our wedding night, the first house I had ever bought. "You like it?" I asked quietly.

"I do like it in fact I love, I feel drawn to it for some reason though I can't imagine why. There's something that feels familiar about the place like part of me dwells there if that makes sense, god what was in that tea Aro gave us?"

"Thankfully not those fucking mushrooms again." I said with a shudder. "Come on love; let's get these kids to bed shall we? I think Poppy Aro, might have tired them out."

"Um...I just want...um yeah let's go..." We walked back down the driveway and I couldn't pull my eyes from Bella. She turned to me and frowned a little at the intensity of my stare, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" She said when I never looked away.

"You amaze me. Just when I think you finally can't surprise me anymore, you do." I was stunned that she felt such a pull to the house. It was not flashy and elaborate like our home in Wellington or crisp and chic like the Queenstown apartment. It was more natural and earthy.

It had always been special to me; somewhere I could come and know no one would bother me. None of my family knew about it, not even Irina or Kate. I paid all the bills for this house on my own. I didn't understand why, but I always had felt the need to protect its privacy.

My privacy. And Bella sensed that, she just knew. I felt such a surge of love for her, I wanted to ravage her right where she stood, the sea breeze billowing her hair and mingling with the cinnamon scent of her perfume. I closed my eyes and inhaled the heady fragrance, taking the time to just enjoy what I had for once...

The week seemed to pass in less than a heartbeat, we had invited Bella's sister's and my brothers along with our friends up the week before the wedding our parents were due to arrive the day before the ceremony.

Bella seemed happier than I think I had ever seen her and she was absolutely besotted with Aro, I wasn't entirely sure that was a good thing. He was a fucking crazy old hippy and I was concerned Bella might take on some of his kooky fucking ways. I could barely drag her away from him, she'd frequently disappear and I'd find her and Aro sitting on the front porch it a fit of laughter or picking flowers in Aro's overgrown gardens.

Jasper, Emmett, Demetri and Felix seemed just as fucking enraptured with Aro or more so the vast quantities of drugs he possessed though they all seemed to have petulance for his cactus tea.

Bella used the excuse of introducing Aro's to the dads to get out of the house to visit Aro and I bit back my smart assed retort when I asked to accompany her and she told me I had to stay and watch the kids.

Both Renee and Esme were here and would have happily babysat. As it was, Bella's request was actually redundant since Esme and Renee were already keeping the twins fully occupied.

But in the spirit of keeping her happy on the eve of our wedding I complied with her wish...

...Charlie and Carlisle arrived home a few hours later minus Bella. Charlie seemed awfully disgruntled and I wondered what Aro had said or done to upset him I hoped it wasn't anything too major. Carlisle on the other hand seemed relaxed, even more relaxed than he had been since his heart attack. I wondered what he thought of Aro.

I walked up the slope to the backyard where I could hear Bella and Aro's voices. I rolled my eyes when I saw the old perv with my fiancée's feet in his lap while he massaged them. I walked over to them and looked down sternly "What the hell is this?" I said fighting back my laugh.

Aro looked at me and shrugged "What can I say, I dig clown feet."

Bella burst into another fit of giggles, "Aro has just been admiring my huge feet, he says they're the biggest he's ever seen on a woman, do you agree sweetie are my feet the biggest you've seen over your many conquests?" She teased and winked at me before I laughing again.

I glared at Aro "What the fuck have you been telling her you old bastard?" I fumed but Aro just looked at Bella and made another ridiculous square shape with his fingers.

"We've been talking of France. And Phones, and wrong names and business cards," He said cryptically and I looked at Bella in horror as she burst out laughing "Baby, don't go to the hippie side, I beg you...He tells lies." I ground out looking at him dangerously as he continued to massage her feet. "You are a crazy old fuck you know that Aro?" I said and he just nodded as he continued with Bella's feet

"Are you sure about that sweetie? Because if you are we won't be getting married tomorrow. Aro has been telling me and finally convincing me of how much and for how long you have loved me. I think you should take a deep breath apologise and then I might let you have a toke on this yummy joint Aro has so kindly provided."

The smug son of a bitch turned to me with a smirk "What she said." and I had to resist the urge to choke him with my hands.

"Well, if he's convinced you of that then I will apologise." I blanched as I heard the words come out of my mouth and I pulled the joint from Bella's hands, taking a huge drag "What the fuck are you doing to me baby? I'm turning into a pansy." I said as I blew out my smoke.

"No you're not, you're learning to admit when you're in the wrong and taking responsibility for your actions it makes you a happier person sweetie. Now are you going to come over here and help me out of this hammock, we have only a limited amount of hours left to be together before the weddingzilla's drag us apart until this time tomorrow night."

I helped her out of the hammock and Aro sighed "The good ones never stay. Story of my life I suppose."

I snorted "Cry me a river Aro, I doubt you stay with one long enough to recognise if they are good or not. Now.." I began bending down and throwing Bella over my shoulder "I'm going to go all caveman and take my soon to be wife so I can spend some time with her. So there." I said sticking out my tongue and pinching Bella's ass, "How's that for grown up baby?"

"Hmm very mature Edward... I'll see you tomorrow Aro and thanks for the foot rub, chat and herbal remedies you're the world's best host, you even converted one of the squares, you are truly magical..."..."Caveward honey will you please put me down all the blood is rushing to my head."

"No, caveward no put woman down! Caveward take woman home now!" I grunted as I began down the hill with her. When we reached the footpath I put her down and took her hand. "Are you going to tell me what you and Aro were talking about?" I asked curiously. She seemed so calm and at ease and I was desperate to know what he had said to her.

"He told me about the first time you told him about me, and he said he could tell you were in love with me because after he did your cards you talked about me in detail for a long time even though you had only just met me. And he told me how sad you were when you were in France and how you had been to hell made a deal with the devil for me and how that now you have me you can't believe you've finally reached your heaven. And I told him how I couldn't make sense of why you still loved me after all the things I've done that have hurt you and how I could cope with anything as long as I had you by my side. That's what we talked about. I hope you don't mind he told me. The thing about the conquests was just a flippant joke I thought of, there was nothing meant by it."

I laughed a little. Despite all my gruffness, Aro was a good friend and had always been there for me. I was actually glad that he had told Bella all of it "It truly is a joke, I barely saw anyone after I met you. God, one woman slapped me in the middle of a restaurant when I called her 'Bella'. I can't even remember what her name was, only that she had brown hair and it reminded me of you."

"He told me that to. I said I hoped you sent flowers to her with an apology, he didn't think you did."

"He's right, I couldn't remember her name, who was I going to send flowers to? 'To whom it may concern, sorry I forgot your name'. What are you laughing at? It was very embarrassing at the time." I smiled at her carefree nature once more. She truly was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

"Well you won't have to worry about that ever again after tomorrow will you, you'll be officially off the market, just another poor sap with a ball and chain around his neck."

"Ball and chain!" I snorted "Hardly! Tomorrow I will be the luckiest man alive, I really can't wait. You and me forever, doesn't sound like a hardship to me."

"Nor to me it sounds like paradise. Anyway I was thinking I doubt I will be able to last until tomorrow evening to see you again. I was wondering if you want to do something naughty and sneak out at midnight and meet me, you know the garden behind the estate let's meet there."

I smirked at my devilish little bride "You have yourself a naughty little date Mrs Cullen." I kissed her soundly...

I stared out over to where I knew Bella was and I resisted the urge to reach over and fucking throttle Emmett who hadn't taken his eagle eyes off me since my last fucking attempt to rid myself of his presence. I never heard my father approach until he clapped me on the shoulder.

"How you holding up Son? Not long to go now."

"What the fuck is with everyone? We have two children, pretty much all of my family have seen us have sex, so why the hell can't I see her now? It's a stupid fucked up tradition and pointless in our case anyway. Emmett actually fucking physically stopped me before Dad!" I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. It was stupid and ridiculous and pointless and every other fucking name under the sun. I was beginning to wish we had just eloped; I didn't like being away from her for this long. It just didn't feel right.

"I agree totally son, but your mother wouldn't have it any other way and I didn't want to upset her further, a hippy wedding wasn't quite what she had in mind for you. But I have something here from your friend Aro that might soothe you."

My jaw hit the floor. Seriously, it wasn't an exaggeration; I must have looked almost cartoon. My father, Carlisle Cullen was smoking a joint. And not just any old joint by the smell, but some of Aro's finest. It dawned on me that perhaps he didn't know what it was "Uh, Dad that's weed." I said with a frown as he took another hit.

Had I entered the fucking twilight zone somewhere along the way?

"I know some of your friend Aro's finest. I didn't want to be rude and as your beautiful soon to be bride tried to tell her father, when in Rome...seemed like good advice at the time, and I have to agree it turned out to be very sound advice... You can pick your jaw up off the floor now son."

I took the joint off him and took a drag, still feeling like this was a dream "Since when did you start smoking Dad? I just can't fucking believe it to be honest, this is... wow. Different and if I'm honest a little weird. Oh, shit Mum's not a fucking stoner too is she?" I asked in alarm. Hell, I NEVER would have thought that my father would EVER smoke, who knows what my mother got up too?

"Not since before we were married, and for me not since college, well that's if you don't count the one I shared with Bella and Aro earlier. Charlie wasn't very impressed with her but she handled him well."

I was so fucking confused and I said as much taking another hit before passing it back to my father "You got wasted with Aro and Bella earlier? And Charlie was there? Where the hell am I? What have you done with my uptight father?" I laughed a little as the weed began to take effect.

"He's long gone Edward, though I don't plan to make a habit of this behaviour, I must say it's nice to break free every now and again. Plus you lot seem to enjoy the company and ways of the hippy, thought I'd see what it was like to go with the flow."

I shrugged and held my hand out "Well groovy daddy-o. Don't bogart that joint and all that... I can't believe Aro is having this effect on everyone...Who am I kidding? The crazy old bastard had the same effect on me from the start."

We sat there for a while just talking and relaxing and after a while, all of my anger at not being allowed near Bella had vanished. I still wanted her with an unrivalled passion, but I just didn't feel like killing anyone who tried to get in the way.

"Hmm...A quarter to midnight. I'm guessing you and Bella have arranged a clandestine meeting for some time tonight and since Midnight is the witching hour I'm guessing it's then. Give me two minutes to distract Emmett and make your escape. But Edward don't keep her out all night, you have the rest of your lives..." He chuckled and patted my shoulder, "Good night son, enjoy the rest of your evening."

...I stepped out onto the path when I heard Bella's footstep and she hurried toward me, "God I've missed you, it doesn't feel right being apart from you, not even for a few hours, not even for a few seconds." She said has she threw herself into my arms.

I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to me, burying my head into her neck "God, I know. I had to literally break out. Emmett hid all the keys and locked the doors. Apparently I'm not trustworthy when it comes to staying away from you." I mumbled.

"So how was your day? Mine was long, I didn't think I was going to make it until now, I thought about sneaking off earlier but Rose was watching me like a hawk. I bet her and Emmett were in it together, well if they ever get married we'll be sure to return the favour..." She looked into my and whispered, "so your feet not cold?"

I growled "When are you going to get it? I have never wanted anything else in my life as much as I want you. I can't wait until you are my wife." I began to slide my hands up and down over the curve of her hips and waist. "God, you feel so fucking good Bella." I said in between dispersing little kisses up and down her neck.

"I've never wanted anything more than to be your wife...Sweetie I have a present for you, I wanted to wait until tomorrow but now just seemed like the perfect time." She handed me a small box with a nervous smile.

I lifted the lid and stared at the little booties in puzzlement.

"You're going to be a daddy again." She whispered and I felt my heart leap into my throat.

"You're pregnant?" I whispered, afraid that speaking any louder would somehow break this dream I knew I must be in. I was marrying the woman of my dreams, I had my beautiful son and daughter, was I really fortunate enough to have my wish fulfilled? "We're having a baby?" I asked; my voice ragged from emotion. I could feel tears well up in my eyes. I thought of the child we had lost I'll never EVER forget you. You will always be in my heart. I will carry you there until the day it stops beating and I can finally meet you. I promised the baby we never knew. "I'm going to be a Dad again?"

"Yeah you are. I found out the other day, the doctor said I was six weeks along, but I think I'm either further along than that or we are having twins again because I'm already starting to not fit into my clothes. I had do alterations on my dress last week and that's not normal for six weeks along."

"I can't wait to see you all big and round." I said excitedly "How long until we can find out if its twins again? Oh and when can we feel the first kicks?" I babbled, question after question bursting forth from me. I knelt down on the ground before her and lay my head next to her stomach. "Hello baby or babies. I'm your daddy and I can't wait to meet you. Your Mum is so wonderful and beautiful and perfect and amazing. She's the best Mummy in the world. You couldn't ask for better." I said lifting her shirt so I could kiss her stomach.

"You won't be saying that when I am all big and fat like a beached whale and sex is nearly impossible because there's just no comfortable position. Kicks will come around twenty weeks and the scan will confirm if it's twins."

I scoffed at her "Fat! You really are mad aren't you? You will look beautiful, you always do." I said in a tone that allowed no room for argument. I stood up and grabbed her hand "Thank you Bella." I said seriously "You've already given me two beautiful children and now here you are doing it again. Thank you will never be enough for what you have done, but thank you anyway." I leaned down and kissed her lips softly "I always knew it was going to be you. It could never have been anyone else."

"Thank you Edward for loving me and allowing me to love you...it's you and me forever..."

"I have a gift for you too, but you have to wait till tomorrow night." I said "It's nothing like what you have just given me, but I don't think I could ever match that." my laugh was carefree and light, mirroring the way I felt. "Dance with me?" I asked bringing one of her hands up in mine, while my other hand went around her waist. I pulled her to me and began to move us as I sang softly in her ear,

_"A love struck Romeo sings a streetsuss serenade  
Laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made  
Finds a streetlight steps out of the shade  
Says something like you and me babe how about it?"_

_"I love you like the star's above, I'll love you til I die. There's a place for us," _I held her gaze as she sang back to me, her beautiful voice piercing the still night air, just as she had pierced my very soul.

_"I can't do the talk, like the talk on the TV  
And I can't do a love song, like the way it's meant to be  
I can't do everything, but I'd do anything for you  
I can't do anything except be in love with you" _

I sang, before spinning her lightly and easing her into a dip. I leaned down and kissed her,

_"Juliet, I'd do the stars with you anytime."_ I said kissing her once more.

I lay back on the grass and wrapped Bella in my arms, there was a comfortable silence between us as we stared up at the star strewn sky. Every now and again I would lean in to whisper how much I loved her and how happy she made me and promised that I would never leave her.

Lying here with Bella was perfection and I would have been happy to stay here with her all night if she hadn't have tried to stifle her yawn and alert me to the fact she was probably exhausted.

"Come on baby you need to get to bed, it's going to be a long day tomorrow."

"Can't we stay just a little bit longer? It's so nice here with just the two of us under the stars."

"Sweetheart, we'll spend every night for the rest of our lives watching the stars if that's what you desire, but tonight you and our baby need sleep," I leaned over and kissed her reverently before getting to my feet and helping her up.

I stopped to pick Bella a rose as we passed one of the fragrant bushes, I inhaled the scent of the majestic bloom before passing to my beautiful bride.

The sky was beginning to lighten with the approaching dawn when we arrived back at the house Bella was staying.

"Until we meet again my sweet Juliet..." I kissed her sweet lips softly pouring all the emotion I felt for her into it. I used the perfect moment as a chance to slide the emerald engagement ring onto her finger. "A ring fit for a queen." I kissed her softly, resisting the urge to deepen our embrace. As much as I wanted to take it further I needed to let my Bella get some sleep.

"Look out for me my gallant Romeo; I'll be the one in the white dress and bare feet." She quipped with a smile. She kissed me once more before slipping through the door and closing it quietly behind her.

The wave of emotion that hit me as I walked back toward my room had me swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat; Bella had given me the best wedding present I could have ever asked for, another child and a chance to experience everything from the beginning.

I stood at the edge of getting everything I had ever desired and I had never felt more powerful or more content than I did at the moment.

There was something to be said about the heady rush you got from having all your dreams fulfilled...

**A/N: show us some love people...LOL...Please feel free to leave a review...**


	38. barefoot brides & butterflies

**A/N: As always light & Laughter goes out to our reviewers our appreciation knows no bounds. Also thank you to those of you have added this story to your subscriptions. Tom my Facebook friends light & laughter to you all (Chapter photos will be up today sometime :))**

**To Sassy, thank you as always you always make our day brighter.**

**Greenaway and I would like to dedicate this chapter to all of our reader's for sticking by us and our crazy story. (And I would like to make a special dedication to Marshmellow 007, Enrique finally makes an appearance to be your hero!LMAO)**

**DISCLAIMER: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamon Twist101 own this story, all songs used are the property of the respective owners.**

**PLAYLIST: Enrique Iglesias: Hero, Bic Runger: Sway, Band of skulls: Friends. Berlin: You take my breath away (Edward & Renee's song)**

**Chapter 38: Barefoot Brides and butterflies...**

**Bella's POV...**

I woke with a growing sense of excitement, the day had finally arrived and I couldn't have been happier, as I lay in bed and thought about how at sunset tonight I would officially be Isabella Marie Cullen. I wished now that we had made it sunrise instead of sunset and I laughed at my impatience. I spent a few minutes wondering if Edward was awake yet and how he was feeling today, I was sure his happiness and impatience matched my own. I thought back to the words he whispered to me as we had laid beneath the stars last night, and my swelled with love.

Today was the day I was marrying the man of my dreams, the father of my children and the person who without my life wouldn't be complete.

I groaned into the pillow when I heard a soft knock on the door, I knew it wouldn't be Edward and he was the only persons company I craved. "Come in." I croaked as I sat up.

"Morning Bella," Alice chirped as she skipped to the side of the bed and sat down, Rosalie followed her; a slight smirk on her face.

"Morning Bells, ready for the big plunge?" Her smirk grew more pronounced and I poked my tongue out at her.

"Yes, I am actually."

"Good." Alice said with a smile, because after breakfast we are off to the spa, we are going to turn you into a princess."

I fought back my shudder in the hope of not ruining the plan I had made to get out of that horrid event. I smiled at Alice and filled my voice with as much enthusiasm I could pull off without alerting suspicion, "That sounds nice Alice."

Rose snorted and I shot her a quick pleading look, she obviously realized my intent the thing was, was she going to stay quiet or set me up for a torturous afternoon at the hands of Alice and her minions. Thankfully Rose had decided to take mercy on me and gave me a small wink, I smiled in appreciation and she nodded her head in acknowledgement.

"Bella," Rose said quietly as she took my hands in hers, "Alice and I want you to know that we're so happy for you and for Edward, you two deserve to be happy." She leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek, "_and don't worry I'll give you a diversion after breakfast, then come and get you before the real panic sets in."_

"Thanks Rose and you Alice, you're the best sister's anyone could ever ask for."

"So are you Bells. Now hurry up and get up, the mums have got breakfast ready for you." Alice tugged at my hand and I slid out of bed with a silent groan.

I could hear Esme and Renee chatting excitedly and I shuddered to think what they had in store for me today, I walked in behind Rose trying to shield myself from Renee. As soon as her eyes fell on me she burst into tears and rushed toward me, Rose took a step to the side and all of sudden Renee was in my arms sobbing on my shoulder.

"Bella my sweet daughter, oh Bella I can't believe my baby girl is getting married, I'm just so happy for you and Edward, you're the most perfect of perfect fits."

"Thanks Mum," I gave her a kiss on the cheek before detangling myself from her embrace and going to hug Esme.

"Thank you for making my son's dreams come true Bella, you two deserve happiness, and you will be happy. You belong together."

"Thank you Esme."

Breakfast could have been a chaotic affair I wouldn't have known, I was too caught up in thoughts of Edward. I was lucid enough though to recognize Rose's diversion when she arrived in the kitchen declaring she couldn't find the wedding shoes Alice had packed for me.

Of course it got the desired reaction and Alice leapt from her chair in a panic, "What do you mean Rose? They were right there with her dress, you can't have looked properly," and with that she flounced from the room followed closely by Renee and Esme.

"Where did you hide them?" I asked gratefully.

"In my bag, now go wild and free one before they get back. I will come get you when you've run out of luck."

I slipped out of my chair gave Rose a hug, "you're the best sister ever Rose, but don't tell Alice I said that, you know how she gets." I rushed for the door and raced down the driveway and out onto the road, I didn't stop running until I was at the top of Aro's driveway.

He was waiting for me on his porch, I could see a bunch of daisies and a roll of ribbon as I approached, "morning Aro" I kissed his cheek and took a seat beside him.

**Aro's POV...**

I saw Flower Child running up my driveway like the devil himself was on her tail and I laughed that the comparison might not be that far off. Get a group of women together without getting high first and you were asking for trouble.

That was why orgies didn't work without drugs in my opinion, but then I had found little in life that worked without them anyway.

"Good morning Flower Child, I have a present for you." I said holding up the ribbon. "When I was much younger, I backpacked through India, staying in all the small villages, away from the tourist spots. Totally changed my perspective on life, but anyway, in one small town they had a very sick little boy and no medication for him. Because I am a wonder at beating The Man at his own game, I procured the necessary antibiotics and treated the rest with my herbal remedies. They were so grateful; they gave me this roll of ribbon. It was the finest thing they owned and they told me the woman I gave it to would always enjoy good luck and many, many sons. I figured it might be the kind of thing you would like..." I said with a shrug.

She looked down at the delicately woven ribbon before looking back up at me with tears in her eyes.

"That's a beautiful story Aro. It is my dream to help those less fortunate than myself as well. I have been working on a project to get a medical and education centre set up in Nepal to help those young people forced into prostitution; it's something I've always wanted to do now I have the time to do it.

I haven't told Edward about it I don't think he'd understand, but his mum is helping me find corporate sponsorship. Unfortunately, this project needs the help of the man." I passed Flower Child a joint with a smile.

I nodded. I completely understood her desire to keep Edward out of her project. He was a wonderful person with the best intentions at heart, but sometimes he could get a little too controlling. It would end up being an 'Edward Cullen Project' if he got wind of it.

"I'd keep this one under wraps until you have the whole thing finalised Flower Child, if Edward gets wind, he will bowl in like a hurricane and take over. His intentions will be nothing but honest and sincere, but he has a teeny tiny tendency to be overbearing. Who am I kidding? The man is a dictator, a well meaning one, but still a dictator." I chuckled as I imagined what Edward's version of 'trying to help' would be.

I finished braiding the last ribbon into her hair and tied it off neatly "What are you plans for the day Flower Child? Do you have anywhere you need to be, or can you keep this old man company for a while?" I asked with a smile. Edward's visits had become less and less frequent since Bella and I wanted the chance to get to know the girl who had stolen my lad's heart. I could see why Edward would be preoccupied, I would have been too.

"My plans are to hide out here for the day with you if you don't mind that is, the thought of being subjected to manicures, pedicures and a full face of makeup makes me cringe. So I'm doing whatever you're doing."

I shook my head "When will you girls learn that there is nothing more beautiful than a bare clean face. Men don't like plastic, they like soft, warm and natural." I stood up and motioned for Flower Child to follow me inside and gestured for her to take a seat near the window. The sun was shining through and would cast a gentle luminance on her face; that I was desperate to capture.

"You sit there honey, I'm just going to capture that radiance of yours on some canvas. I was thinking it might make a good gift for Edward you know. Then, I'm going to nab one of those wedding photos you'll be having and put it here." I said gesturing to the blank spot next to Apple and Louis. "You and Edward are my only surviving family really, so I hope you don't mind indulging me a little." I said with cheeky smile.

"I couldn't ask for a better surrogate farther Aro and I'd love to sit for you." She took a seat where I pointed and waited for me to organise myself.

"So how long have you lived on Waiheke Island Aro? I love it here, the house next-door has the same magical quality to it this house does."

I quickly turned away and coughed to hide my laugh. Edward would never forgive me if I gave the game away now.

"I was here before it became the hot spot for corporate bigwigs. They all have holiday homes here and their greed totally messes up the positive vibrations I'm always trying to send out." I shook my head in disgust as I set up an old preserves jar filled with water and my brushes "Edward has been the only exception so far, all the others are total downers. They all look at me like I carry some kind of disease. He was the only one who would ever give me the time of day."

Did you know a bunch of them got together a while back and tried to have me evicted? Apparently I bring down the property values or something. I don't know how the hell I do _that_, but whatever man. Live in peace and leave others in peace, is what I say. If it weren't for your husband-to-be, they would have shipped me off to the crazy house."

Flower Child was staring at me in abject horror, her hand now covering her mouth. It didnt take long for that sadness in her eyes to be replaced with a fiery anger.

"That's terrible Aro! God I loathe that, stupid selfish pricks. There should be laws to stop people being able to use their stupid money and influence to ruin others. You are right though, Edward is the exception, his inner goodness and kindness toward others was my favourite thing about him."

I nodded as I began dipping my brush into the paint and making the first few strokes on the rough canvas I had set up.

"Well, he's a lot smarter than me, he bet them at their own game. Also, when most of them found out that 'Crazy Old Aro' was friends with THE 'Edward Cullen', I began getting apologies left, right and centre. Now they just leave me alone and I prefer it that way. It's tiring trying to pretend you like people you don't. Tilt your face a little to the left Flower Child, that's perfect, hold it there."

The painting was coming together so easily and I was pleased with it. I knew Edward would love it and it was much more personal than going to the stores and buying something just like everyone else.

"People forget the simple things these days..." I mused "Giving someone your time can be the greatest gift of all." I stopped painting when I saw tears glistening in her eyes. I made my way to her quickly and took her hands in mine "I'm sorry Flower Child, have I upset you?" I asked fearfully. I did that sometimes, opened my mouth without thinking and hurt people even though it was not my intention. I would be mortified if I had done that to her.

"No you haven't hurt me Aro, quite the opposite, I totally agree that the best gift you can give is your time and to have an open mind when you meet people. Everybody who crosses your path in this life has important messages for you, though people rarely take the time to listen to what they are.

It makes me sad that there aren't more people like you in the world Aro. It would be a so much nicer place. And it's nice to have someone to talk to who gets it."

I patted her hand gently and went back to the painting. "You are a good girl Flower Child, a kind soul." I carried on painting and within a few hours it was done. I turned it around with a flourish and waited for Flower Child's reaction. I had not done any of my signature bits this time; she wasn't sliding down a rainbow or catching a dove in her hands.

It was simply _her._

She was sitting there with the sunlight on her face and a small smile playing on her lips. Her eyes were cast out the window, thoughtful and full of dreams and love. Even if we had not been talking about Edward for the last few hours, I would have been able to tell that he was what she had been thinking of.

This was to be my gift to Edward, a snapshot of his bride's complete and utter love for him.

"What do you think?" I asked

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she stared at the portrait. She suddenly leapt off her chair and rushed forward, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me so tightly, I thought my old bones might break.

"It's beautiful Aro, its so life like. You truly are a gift to the arts." She kissed my cheek and took a step back, studying the portrait once more.

She jumped at the sudden knock at the door and looked at me nervously. She was obviously terrified that one of the bridezilla-brigade would be hunting her.

I opened the door and whistled when I saw the blonde bombshell on my doorstep

"I know I've been a good boy this year Santa, but really you shouldn't have!" I said blatantly checking this incredible woman out. "How do you feel about Woodstock Veterans with kick ass weed?" I teased.

"Hi...I'm Rosalie, Bella's sister, she told me I could find her here and kick ass weed sounds good to me." She flashed me a most dazzling smile showing a row of ultra white teeth.

I stood out of the way and gestured for her to come inside "Of course you are Flower Child's sister. You must be the spit fire of the family." I sat down at the table and pulled out my little tin and began rolling. "Flower Child you best come out now before I give your sister some of my special tea and do terrible, wonderful things to her." I said giving the knock out a wink "So you really didn't come here to see me Lucy Diamond?" I asked in mock sadness. She smirked at my attentions before flicking her long blonde hair back over one shoulder.

"No not this time but if your weed is as kick ass as you say it is then I'll definitely be back to see you again Woodstock. Bella are you seriously hiding you chicken sh..." I noticed Lucy Diamond stop when her eye caught a glimpse of the portrait sitting on the chair.

She took in the magnificent image of her sister on the canvas and I could tell she was enchanted with the portrait, she turned when she heard Bella enter the room, "Bella, I don't even know what to say, it's stunning. And god I love your hair..." She let out a tinkling laugh, "I can't wait to see Alice's reaction."

She turned back toward me and smiled that bedazzling smile again, "This painting is exceptional, and Bella's hair is gorgeous. It seems you are a man of many talents."

"Come back without your sister and I'll show you just how talented I really am..."I said laughing at Bella's grimace, "I know you're off limits Flower Child, but Lucy Diamond and I? Ah, we would make sweet music together..."

Lucy looked at me and laughed again, "Hell yeah we would Woodstock. I bet your talents extend to knowing a thing or two about how to make a woman feel good."

Flower Child repressed a light shudder and I chuckled, passing the joint to Lucy Diamond. She took a deep drag and eyed me speculatively.

"I want you to paint me Woodstock, but naked, tastefully naked, no ho pose. Emmett would only do naked I think." She turned and passed Flower Child the joint, "You and Edward can hang out here with us...That's if you think Edward can handle seeing his sister in law naked. Too bad if he can't Bella because I'm not covering up and getting tan lines if I'm nude sunbathing and he's around."

Flower Child looked at me and laughed, she was obviously used to her spirited sister's ways.

"Lucy Diamond, I think I'm in love." I said clutching my heart dramatically. Lucy certainly was my kind of girl, lots of fun and not uptight at all. "I would love to paint you naked my dear and although I'm not entirely sure what a 'ho pose' is..." I looked up at Flower Child for clarification.

"Um..." She laughed at my confused look, "I think what Rose was trying to say is that she'd like a tasteful naked picture not one of her with her legs bent back around her ears." I burst into laughter and so did Lucy.

"Nice Bella..." she giggled.

I shrugged "Well, I can do tasteful. It's been awhile, but I'm sure I can." I said with a laugh. I frowned when I realised Lucy Diamond actual words "Emmett? Would this be Edward's older brother? Lucy, am I in competition for your affections? I bet he can't add the sparkles to your aura like I am now..."

I marvelled at her irrepressible spirit. She really was the kind of woman I would have gone all out to win in my day.

"Maybe not Woodstock, but the competition for my affections will either make him step up his game or I'll kick him to the curb and take you instead." She gazed at the portrait once more. "You might not be able to do tasteful but you certainly know how to do beautiful...".

I bowed slightly in my chair "Your words touch my heart. And other parts of me too..." I gave her a wink, "Look at Flower Child here, she's blushing like crazy! I've told you sweetheart, Edward is like a son to me, I just can't do that to him... But Emmett, well you let a moonbeam like this one out and you're just asking for heartache."

I rolled another joint, and handed it to Rose "Take this one for later sweetie and think of me while you make your man scream." I chuckled; it had been so long since I had been around people who accepted me the way I was. The sixties were long gone and so was the movement I had been part of.

Sometimes I felt like I was left behind by the only world I had ever known, but generally I was content with my lot. It had been a long time; my guess was since Edward's last visit, that I had felt this... At peace...

I chortled when Lucy Diamond took flower child's hand and started dragging her towards the door, I had enjoyed my afternoon with Bella; she was going to be a perfect match for my lad. I was surprised but delighted when Lucy stepped forward and hugged me; I grabbed her ass and gave it a squeeze, eliciting the most delicious squeal from her angelic lips.

"You've got a good firm touch Woodstock, just the way I like it. I'm definitely going home to tell Emmett he's got some serious competition."

She leaned forward and whispered, "See you under the Altar later Woodstock." She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and waited for Flower child who was taking her turn to hug me...

**Bella's POV...**

I hugged Aro tightly and kissed his cheek, "Thank you gallant sir for saving this damsel from what would have otherwise been a most tedious day. And thank you for everything else as well. You truly are an exceptional person; don't let anybody tell you otherwise." I kissed his cheek again, "I'll see you soon."

Rose took my hand as we made our way down the driveway and back to the house, "your hair looks beautiful Bells, Aro has done a mint job. You do know Alice is going to be seething don't you?" Rose said with a hint of a laugh.

"Yeah I know she is but I just didn't want the drama of hair and makeup and Alice having a hissy fit about shoes. This is mine and Edward's day and I just wanted to cruise and not get all stressed. And no one cruises like Aro, he's the master." I turned to her and grinned.

"Hmm...Woodstock he's pretty multi talented."

"He is talented and an outrageous flirt. God the man has a silver coated tongue."

"Yeah and I bet he can put it to good use. Might have to find out one night." I gasped at Rose and she cracked up laughing, "Come on Bella everyone knows age equals experience. He might be able to teach me a thing or two...I'm always up for increasing my skills."

"Oh my god Rose you are not serious? Would you seriously fuck Aro?"

"Maybe...Probably...Yeah I would," She said totally unabashed.

"I swallowed back the bile in my throat, "Rose that's so wrong and what would Emmett say?"

"Emm can't say anything he owes me after that threesome with Victoria," Rose said without a hint of shame.

"Ewww Rosalie too much information. And you leave Aro alone you'd probably cause him to have a heart attack."

"I promise I'll be gentle with him Bella," I looked at her pensively wondering if she was taking the piss. She didn't look like it. I just prayed Emmett put his foot down and refused to condone it. I shook my head; it wouldn't matter what Emmett said if she wanted to do it she would...

...We met Alice in the doorway and her eyes narrowed when she saw me, "Bella where the hell have you been? And who did your hair?" She walked forward to study the intricate weave of the braids, "And where did you get that ribbon its gorgeous? You did know that we had a hairdresser and makeup artist booked for this afternoon didn't you? I felt so rude having to send them away."

I scooped Alice into my arms, "I'm sorry Alice but I had an appointment with my own stylist, he and I are on the same wavelength when it came to creating the look I wanted. And I couldn't be happier with it."

"Hmm...Well I guess I can't argue with that; you do look beautiful. Anyway it's time to get dressed, you'll pleased to know Rose found your shoes. They were under a pile of clothes on the floor."

"Um Alice...I'm not planning on wearing any shoes. I don't want to wear shoes and I'm not going to... you don't want to see me trip and break my neck when I'm walking down the aisle do you?" I added as an afterthought.

"For god sake Bella, so what you're going all out hippy are you?" I was about to answer when Rose cut me off.

"You think that's hippy? You wait until you get a load of the dude that's marrying them." Rose gave me a sly smile and I knew where her mind was.

"Ok, ok...Yes Alice I am planning to go all out hippy. It's what I want, and I'm so happy you understand..." I spoke with an air of finality, and though I could tell she was dying to argue, Rose shot her a warning look and she sighed in resignation.

"Fine no shoes...Though it will totally ruin the look of the dress, and speaking of the dress come on you need to get changed. Oh and before I forget Edward had this delivered for you, she took a small box wrapped in delicate silver paper a small card sat nestled in the pink satin bow.

I took the card and read it with a smile, _for my beautiful bride...x_

I took the wrapped box and followed Alice and Rose from the room, I wanted to open the gift in private, I waited until Rose, Alice Kate and Irina were getting into their dresses and I was alone to unwrap it.

My fingers ran along the slender black velvet box before I lifted the lid; I felt the air leave my lungs in a whoosh when my eyes fell on the yellow gold and diamond butterfly necklace that lay glittering against the black velvet cushion. I hooked the chain around my finger with a sigh; it was the most exquisite piece of jewellery I had ever seen. And while it was totally excessive and extravagant I couldn't find any other emotion but my never ending love for the man of my dreams.

I slid the necklace over my head and returned my attention to the box, there was something wrapped in tissue lying at the bottom. I tore off the tissue and laughed when I saw a butterfly of a different type. I held up the Latex sex toy with a little apprehension, I noticed it was wireless and the remote was missing. That was no doubt secretly in Edward's possession. I slipped the device on and quickly changed into my dress before my sisters could catch a glimpse at my even more unconventional bridal attire.

A murmured prayer hurried from my lips, I was praying that when Edward did activate the device it would be at an appropriate time.

A trill of fear rushed through me when I thought back to the Island and the night we had dinner with his parents and realised then that Edward was more than likely going to set it off at the most inappropriate time.

"Paybacks a bitch," I muttered as I checked my reflection in the mirror.

The enormity of the occasion suddenly hit me as I stared at myself in the mirror, I was a bride. I took a moment to reflect on the long and winding path that Edward and I had travelled to get to this point, it had been a hard road but despite all the obstacles that had been laid in our way we had managed to overcome them.

Our love had survived.

There was a soft knock on the door and I rushed to open it knowing it wouldn't be Edward but wishing it was, I could feel the blush rushing over my cheeks when I saw Carlisle standing there looking at me with a slightly awed expression.

"Bella you look exquisite. Edward's are very lucky man," He leaned forward to kiss my cheek.

"Thank you Carlisle, its ninety nine percent Aro's doing; he's multitalented to say the least."

"That he is amongst other things," Carlisle chuckled.

"Come in Carlisle you don't have to stand in the doorway," I checked the hallway for signs of Alice and breathed a sigh of relief when there was none. I quickly closed the door in case she appeared out of thin air.

I noticed Carlisle was carrying a manila folder in his hands and I frowned slightly in response to what it may be. He didn't make me wait to find out.

"Bella I know we got off to a rocky start and that is now water under the bridge. First of all I want to say thank you for not giving up on Edward when I made life so difficult for you both. You bring him happiness on a level I can only compare to the happiness Esme brings me. Also Bella I wanted to tell you how much I admire what you're doing with your foundation.

"Thank you Carlisle that's very kind of you to say,"

"I have a gift for you, it's an investment portfolio, it worth a substantial amount of money annually."

"Carlisle...you don't have to do that really," I stammered. I was so embarrassed.

"I want to do it Bella just look it at as my contribution to the foundation if you so wish to use the money toward it. Of course it's completely up to you what you do with it."

I wanted to refuse it but I didn't want to seem rude or make Carlisle feel embarrassed so I smiled graciously and took the folder from his outstretched hand, "thank you Carlisle I really appreciate it and I want you to know that every single cent of it will be put to good use."

"I'm not in any doubt that it will be Bella," Carlisle chortled, "now I better get down to the beach Edward would throttle me if he knew I was holding you up."

Edward's name brought a question to me lips and it tumbled out before I could stop it, "Does Edward know about this?" I half raised the folder in gesture.

Carlisle chuckled, "no he doesn't...I thought I'd let you tell him if you so wish." He gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek, "you really do look beautiful Bella and Edward is a very lucky man."

~~~~~XXXX~~~~

Renee and Esme, who was carrying Apple, entered the room and Renee immediately burst into tears and rushed over to hug me, "Oh Bella you look beautiful sweetheart, but where are your shoes love?"

"My Mummy Bootiful, my mummies a princess just like me."

"Don't go there mum, it's a wasted effort," Alice grumbled as she passed me the bouquet of wild flowers Aro had picked for me, he had wrapped them in the same ribbon he used in my hair.

Irina gave me a quick hug and kissed my cheek, "You look beautiful Bella...Edward's one lucky man."

"As is Demetri," I quipped, "Can you tell Edward that I love him and that I'll see him soon."

"Sure thing Bella," She hugged me again then headed out the room at the same time Charlie entered, he took one look at me and tears welled up in his eyes.

"You look Beautiful my Belly Bear," His eyes travelled down toward my feet and he frowned, "No shoes?"

"No Dad, no shoes," I said with a look at Alice, Esme and Renee who were all looking at me sulkily, "and everyone's accepted it now, so let's move on...Is it time yet?" I asked impatiently, I just wanted to be with Edward, back with heart.

"Well Bella, Aro will be pleased, he's obviously rubbing off on you, you're the embodiment of a gypsy princess." I smiled at Charlie and nodded in agreement, Aro would be pleased but Edward would be happier.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I walked down onto the beach on the arm of my father Jake and Apple followed my sister's and Kate up the shell strewn aisle. I fought back my tears when I heard the melodic voice of Bic Runga who was serenading me as I walked closer to my destiny.

_Would you dance if I asked you to dance?  
Would you run and never look back  
Would you cry if you saw me crying  
Would you save my soul tonight?  
_  
When I heard the complexity of the accompanying piano music and the beautiful heartfelt lyrics I knew that Edward had composed this song for me. I ignored the stares of our guests; I had only eyes for one, the one who stood with a beatific smile that matched my own.

_Would you tremble if I touched your lips?  
Would you laugh oh please tell me these  
Now would you die for the one you love?  
Hold me in your arms tonight? _

My love for him threatened to overwhelm me as I listened to the angelic composition as it swirled in the air. The music told its own story a story of love and desire and the promise of eternity..."

_I can be you hero baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away _

_Would you swear that you'll always be mine?  
Would you lie would you run away  
Am I in too deep?  
Have I lost my mind?  
I don't care you're here tonight_

_I can be you hero baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away _

_I just want to hold you  
Am I in too deep?  
Have I lost my mind?  
Well I don't care you're here tonight_

_I can be you hero baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away_

_You can take my breath my breath away  
I can be your hero_

Charlie brought us to a stop in front of Edward, he kissed my cheek and whispered, "You've done me proud my Belly Bear, I love you." before passing my hand to Edward's. The second his fingers entwined with mine, I let out the breath I never knew I was holding and I was home.

I stepped forward and let my lips brush over his ear, "The song...I love it thank you."

He turned us to face Aro, who had hair tied back neatly, with the bandana was still firmly in place on his head. He gave me a wink and shot Edward a brilliant smile before he spoke

"I look at you both and I don't just see the love you have for one another, I can feel it. You both know the long roads you have traversed to get here. This is the one point where those paths finally connect and make you one.

You have laughed and cried together, you have seen your share of happiness and pain and it has only made you stronger. Your love is a pure entity, something that cannot be touched or tainted by outside forces. Protect it and never take it for granted. Love is not a given, it must be earned.

John Lennon once said 'We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep on watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it.' The man really knew what he was talking about." Aro said with a laugh and everyone joined in. "Care for your love Isabella and Edward, nurture it through the hard times and you will reap the benefits during the good. Look you've both made this old hippie cry." He said wiping at his eyes. "Isabella and Edward have decided not to bend to conformity and have chosen to write their own vows. Flower Child..." He said taking my free hand and kissing it.

I turned to Edward and I was instantly lost in his eyes, "Edward, you are my truest of true loves. You are my light, my laughter, my soul. You are the person I want to walk beside me, to share with me all this life has to offer. I stand before you today to give you my heart and my promise that I will be there to hold your hand, to walk beside you as your friend, your lover, your equal."

Aro beamed at me before turning to Edward and taking his free hand in. "Edward, your declaration..."

"Isabella Swan. Before I even saw you, I thought your name was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. I don't think it was love at first sight, I know it was more than that. You were my destiny and you are my future. I am everything with you and nothing without you.

You make me a better man simply by loving me, indeed your love is the greatest gift I have ever received and I pledge to you this night; I will treasure it for the rest of my days, just as I treasure you.

My life was measured upon the degree of success I achieved in business, but you showed me what real worth was. You gave me your heart and two beautiful children, all I have to offer you in return is my never ending devotion."

I never took my eyes from Edward's when Aro spoke again I was just completely lost in him and the moment; "Isabella and Edward are not only blessed with the love of each other, but of good friends too, Jacob, Irina: the rings please."

Jake and Irina stepped forward and placed the rings into our hands.

Edward held up my left hand and slid the ring onto my finger "This ring is nothing but a simple reminder that you carry my heart with you wherever you go. With this ring, I make you my wife."

I fought back the tears threatening to consume me when he spoke his promise and I knew when he looked at me he would clearly the depth of my love and commitment to him. "Edward wear this ring as a symbol of the promise I have made you here today, and know that when you look at it you are looking at my heart. With this ring, I make you my husband."

Aro smiled at us "By the power given to me by The Man, Gaia, Buddha, Jesus and any other kind of deity, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Edward, hurry up and kiss that beautiful woman before I do..." Our friends and family erupted into laughter.

"My pleasure," He whispered as he took my face in his hands.

As soon as Edward's lips touched mine everything around us just melted away, I could no longer hear the cheers of our friends, nothing else mattered in that moment but Edward was mine and I was his and we were bound together in all ways for all time.

When he tried to end the kiss I held on not wanting to lose the perfect moment that we were in, when the crowd started to clear their throats I finally allowed him to pull his lips from mine,

"I love you forever." I whispered not taking my eyes from his.

Aro came up and poked his head between us, "that's what the honeymoon is for you two, let the people say hello to the new Mr and Mrs Cullen." He gave me a kiss on the cheek "I'm proud of you Flower Child." He turned to Edward, "And you... No one deserves happiness more my lad."

"Thank you Aro, that was a beautiful service, you are a true poet."

I started when Emmett' booming voice sounded in my ear."Stop monopolising the bride," He scooped me up and his massive arms and reigned kisses all over my face, "I always wanted a little sis, now I have one. If you have trouble keeping Assward in line you can call me and I'll kick his ass for you."

"Thanks Emm, I'll keep that in mind."

Jake was the next to reach for me and I willing slipped into his arms, "I'm happy for you honey-puff, if it couldn't be me, I'm glad it was Edward. He's a good guy." He kissed my cheek and hugged me tightly.

"Thanks Jake, you know you're an awesome guy and if it hadn't have been Edward it would have been you. Best friends forever."

"And beyond Bells," he kissed my cheek again and moved off to give Edward a hug.

Alice threw herself into my arms, "oh Bella that was such a beautiful ceremony," She said before being completely distracted by something Jasper was doing and hurried off to chastise him I was sure.

Once I had been kissed and congratulated by every guest there, Alice returned to my side, "It's time for the photos gypsy princess and who may I ask is the hippy guy that married you?"

"That beautiful soulful man is Edward's old friend Aro. He's the coolest person ever, but I need to warn you Alice, he is an outrageous flirt who says exactly what he's thinking and some of it will make you blush to say the least," she looked at me in mild alarm and I quickly clarified, "he's totally harmless and the kindest person you'll ever meet, but you my fairytale princess might find him a little out there...Oh and for god's sake whatever you do don't drink his tea...trust me Alice. Come on I'll introduce you to him."

I pulled Alice over to where Aro was talking to Emmett and Jasper, he turned and smiled brightly when he heard us approaching, "Flower Child! Or should that be Mrs square now...which would you prefer my dear? I hope I didn't embarrass you too much during the ceremony?"

I shook my head and laughed, "Flower Child please and I promise you Aro I will never go over to the dark side, I'm never going to be a of course you didn't embarrass me you never could. Anyway I wanted to introduce you to my other sister Alice; she hasn't had the pleasure yet. Alice this is Aro."

She eyed him nervously then gave Jasper a fleeting glance before she stuck out her hand for Aro's, "Um...hello Aro it's very nice to meet you."

Aro beamed at Alice as he took her hand, I could see he was fascinated with my little pixie sister and wasn't surprised when he said as much. "You my sweet remind me of the sunflowers in my garden...First Flower Child, then Lucy Diamond and now you Stardust...I don't think my poor heart can take much more. Tell me Stardust that you are going to fall head over heels in lust with me, your sisters have already crushed me...Well, with the exception of Lucy Diamond, but I'm not holding out too much hope there." He raised Alice's hand to his lips and she just looked at him with wide eyes.

"Oh...um...well I wouldn't give up on Lucy diamond just yet." I could tell Alice had no idea how to take Aro. I looked over at Jasper who like Emmett and myself was trying to contain his laughter.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

The first inkling I had of Edward's plans for the butterfly was when were having our photos taken, I gasped silently as the butterfly buzzed into life, the setting was low, and the vibrations felt good.

"You're not going to do that now are you?" I hissed in his ear. I don't know why I even bothered to ask I knew the answer already. What I didn't know was when he was going to bring me to my first orgasm.

He smiled at me innocently and I started to feel a little nervous and tried to apologise again, "Sweetie I said I was sorry about that night didn't I?" He never got time to answer because at that moment the photographer was barking at me

"Bella please turn toward the camera." I did as the camera man wanted for about three seconds, I could feel myself getting wetter as Edward turned up the speed a little more. I turned to him pleadingly.

He could tell by the look in my eye that my first orgasm was fast approaching. The innocent smile was back on his face as he leaned down and whispered "Come for me Bella, right now."

I had no choice I couldn't have held off any longer anyway, I kept my eyes locked firmly on his as the first wave of pleasure washed over me .I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth to stop myself from calling his name, but a small barely audible whimper ghosted from my lips.

My eyelids fluttered closed when the vibrations stopped and I took a couple of deep calming breaths. "Are we calling it even now?"

"Bella please turn toward the camera." The photograph almost growled. I rolled my eyes at Edward and turned to face the front.

Edward chuckled as his lips brushed my ear, "Not even close sweet one, not even close."

We posed for more photos and once we had finished we made our way to reception area. I looked at Edward in surprise and confusion when I saw Bic Runga approach us; he winked at me before turning and greeting her. I stood just there in shock, Bic Runga was one of my all time favourite musicians she had a beautiful haunting voice but my favourite thing about her as she was a New Zealand Artist.

She greeted Edward with a hug and turned to me a sincere smile gracing her lips,

"Bella, I have heard so much about you! Just as stunning as he described..." She leaned forward and gave me a hug, "You're husband is quite the musical talent." Her eyes sparkled with admiration as she looked at Edward, then back at me.

I smiled at her shyly I was slightly in awe of her, "He is a man of many talents, but his music is one of my favourites. And thank you for bringing the song alive and taking the time to sing for me."

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world; it's not every day I get the chance to work with someone like Edward. Now, if you will both excuse me, I have to go and make sure the band is ready for your first dance!" She leaned forward and kissed my cheek, "I hope we get the chance to get to know each other better in the future Bella. Edward, I'll talk to you later." She walked away and I looked up at Edward slightly dazed.

"Are you alright love?" Edward was looking at me in mild concern.

I smiled at him reassuringly, "Yeah I'm alright, slightly star struck but I've never been better." I leaned forward to kiss him, "Thank you again, for the song, for Bic."

He kissed me again and led me to the bridal table, I didn't want to do a formal sit down affair but I had to let Alice, Esme and Renee have something to organise or there would have been munity. The entree had just been cleared from the table when Jasper stood and tapped his fork against his glass and the room fell slowly silent.

A small groan slid from my lips and I looked pleadingly at Edward when the butterfly hummed into life.

"Alright everyone, pipe down! I would like to say a few words, so you can all listen for a moment!" He said before turning to Bella and myself "Edward. My baby brother... It's about bloody time! I watched this man pine away for her every single day, just as I watched his pervy little P.A. do pretty much the same. Don't blush Bella, you know it's true." I tensed but tried to look natural when Edward increased the speed of the butterfly, I looked at Irina sitting at my left but she didn't seem to notice anything strange, "But today, they finally get their happily ever after and I for one couldn't be happier. You two were made for each other, congratulations and welcome to the family Bella, To Edward and Bella!" He said holding up his glass and the room echoed his sentiments.

I smiled graciously at Jasper then at my friends and family who sat before us, then turned to Edward and buried my face into his neck. I couldn't hold off my orgasm for another second and it took all my effort not to cry out his name, "only for you..." I gasped as my hand clenched on to his thigh and I tried desperately to control the tremors rocking thru my body as wave after wave of pleasure flooded through me.

I kept my head against his neck while I tried to compose myself. "Did anyone notice I whispered, my breathing was still ragged and I was feeling light headed

He held me against his neck, and I held my breath as I waited for him to answer, "Only me." He whispered "and it was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen in my life Mrs Cullen."

I let my breath go in a rush, "Good because they are only for you...And I'm sure I look better when it's _your_ tongue bringing me pleasure, I know it feels better." I pulled my head from his neck and smirked at him.

I looked around in surprise when the room suddenly fell silent and saw Carlisle standing ready to make a speech.

"If I may, I would like to say a few words." Carlisle looked at Edward for a moment before his eyes came to rest on mine, "I'm so pleased that this day has arrived, because today, when I look into my son's eyes I see true and unadulterated happiness. I have not always known what was best for my son, but thankfully he has always been wise enough to know what that was without my assistance. Edward and Bella are a wonderful couple, wonderful parents and I know that they will succeed in their married life too.

I welcome Bella into our family and our lives. Take care of her Edward, value her needs above all else and love her. Congratulations you too. To the happy couple."

I took in each of his words and tears spilled from my eyes when he finished his speech and toasted me.

I smiled down at him and mouthed, "thank you," I never once doubted the sincerity of his words for an instant, both Carlisle and Edward had gained so much from letting down their walls and letting each other in.

Before I even had time to turn and look at Edward, Bic's beautiful voice was echoing through the room commanding like Carlisle, immediate silence.

_"Don't stray, don't ever go away" _

I looked at Edward in awe, he gave my most favourite heart stopping smile and held out his hand for mine,

"Dance with me Mrs Cullen."

"Anything if it will get me into your arms it's the only place I want to be tonight...forever..." I stood and let him lead me to the dance floor he swept me into his arms and I stepped into him pressing my body tightly against his, as he moved me around the dance floor, "I love you forever Edward...the past is behind us and now all we have is the rest of our lives to look forward to. You, me and our children..."

He twirled me once then pulled me back into his arms; he was an incredible dancer and made it seem so effortless "This truly is the happiest day of my life."He breathed against my cheek.

"Mine too. But the day you get to see our baby being born will be a very close second. I can't wait to share that experience with you Edward, it will be the last of my dreams fulfilled."

The song ended and everyone clapped including Edward and I, I kissed him chastely, he grabbed my hand and walked us over to where Bic was waiting. We both thanked her with a hug I was still slightly awe struck that she had agreed to serenade me at my wedding, it was more than I could have ever dreamed of. I took the microphone she passed me with an embarrassed smile.

I probably would have never agreed to Edward's request to sing for our friends as a way of saying thank you if I had known Bic Runga was going to be singing beforehand. The microphone shook in my hands and I took a few calming breathes and turned to Edward. I gave him a quick nervous smile before turning to face our family.

"Edward and I had no idea at first how we going to show you, our family and friends, who are really one in the same, the depth of love and gratitude we feel for you. There are no words to express how it feels to be blessed by the unconditional friendship each of you has given us. We know this is but a small token, but we want you to know that nothing we could have done would have been grand enough."

I looked back at the guitarist and signalled him to start and took Edward's hand as I raised the micro phone to my lips. I could feel the blush colouring my cheeks so closed my eyes, as I sung the first lines of the song,

"_All my life I've been searching for something _

_Something I can put my finger on _

_Maybe I've been living for the weekend _

_Maybe I've been living for this cyber soul _

_Every Friday just about midnight _

_All my problems seem to disappear _

_Everyone that I miss when I'm distant _

_Everybody's here_

I opened my eyes when I heard Edward's soulful voice join mine and I kept my eyes on him as we serenaded our each other and our friends and family.

_I need love _

_Cause only love is true _

_I need every wakin' hour with you _

_And my friends cause they're so beautiful _

_Yeah my friends they are so beautiful _

_They're my friends _

I glanced out over our friends and family and smiled shyly, that was until Edward began singing his verse, then I had eyes only for him.

_All my life I've been wastin', wastin' _

_Wastin' all my money, all my time _

_All the time that I'm waitin', waitin' _

_Waitin for the moment you are mine _

_The song about yeah I'm thinkin', thinkin' _

_Thinkin all the things that I've done wrong _

_All the time yeah I was forgettin' _

_You were mine all along_

We smiled at each other and then turned to look out on our loved ones.

_I need love _

_Cause only love is true _

_I need every wakin' hour with you _

_And my friends cause they're so beautiful _

_Yeah my friends they are so beautiful _

_They're my friends _

_I need love _

_Cause only love is true _

_I need every wakin' hour with you _

_And my friends cause they're so beautiful _

_Yeah my friends they are so beautiful _

_They're my friends _

_They're my friends... _

The room erupted into cheers and whistles, Emmett's booming voice was still clearly audible over the racket and I laughed when I heard, "Fucking awesome," as clearly as if he was standing in front of me instead of halfway across the room.

I could see Aro cornering Alice and she looked over at me apprehensively, I could tell she wanted me to rescue her so I turned and kissed Edward, "I'll be back soon sweetie, I just need to go and rescue Alice from Aro, she'll never cope on her own."

Carlisle and Esme were just coming to over to join Edward when I slipped from his side and made my way back to a now petrified looking Alice, who Aro had taken by the hand. I followed Aro as he led Alice over to where Emmett and Jazz were scoffing down his brownies at an unprecedented rate. Alice was starting to go a delicate shade of green something that didn't escape Aro's notice.

"Star Dust you look so nervous! Don't be! All I'm trying to do is put you at ease and hopefully duck under those skirts of yours by the end of the night. Well we might need to put you up on the table first, but I can't see a problem there."

I took one look at Alice's face and burst into laughter and was quickly joined by Jasper and Emmett who were both holding their sides and laughing heartily.

Alice was frozen in shock her wide eyes locked on Aro's; he patted her hand and smiled, "I promise honey, I will be the best you ever had. Jasper over here... he's got nothing on my decades of experience." He looked at Emmett and grinned "Lucy Diamond recognises talent when she sees it and so will little Star Dust here..." He kissed the top of her head impulsively and handed her a brownie "Want one? Your mother has been onto me for some more; I think your Dad might change his anti drugs stance later on... I have a feeling that Renee might be one crazy little hellcat in the sack... Wonder if they need a third?"

Both Alice and I looked over at Renee in alarm; I sincerely hoped Aro was joking about Renee being on dope.

She was crazy enough without chemicals.

Alice shuddered and took the cookie from him, "I think I'm going to need this to wash that image from my mind... So Aro I take it you were the one Bella snuck off to see? Your braiding skills are exqusite, as is that beautiful ribbon you used... I was wondering if you'd be so gracious as to teach me to braid like that." I was shocked at and proud of Alice, I thought she'd run a mile from Aro the minute she got the chance, but instead she embraced his artistic talents and was happy as I was to learn from him.

Aro grinned at Alice, "Sorry girls, but your mother likes my baking. She's already had about three and before any of you blame me, Emmett and Jasper here thought it was pretty funny. As for the braiding, Star Dust, I would teach you anything you want to know._ Anything_." He added pointedly.

Alice glared at Jasper and Emmett and I couldn't help but laugh, either Renee was going to flake or she was going to be the life and soul of the party. Personally I was going with the latter.

Alice meanwhile was more interested in pinning Aro down to a time when she come over to his place and learn the secrets of his impeccable braiding style, "Aro I'll be leaving in a couple of days, so when would be a good time for me to visit? I'm sure Bella will be happy to be our model, since she so clearly adores your style." she poked her tongue out at me and took another bite of her cookie.

Aro took Alice by her hand and kissed it. "You give me the time Star Dust, my calendar is always open for you." He laughed and pointed at Renee, "It looks like the brownies are starting to take effect."

Alice looked at Renee in horror and turned to me and hissed, "Oh god, Bella look at her, where the hell is Charlie?"

I gave her a quick hug, "Don't worry about it Alice I'm sure that Carlisle is more than a match for her..."

Alice grimaced at me and turned to her attention back to Aro, "in that case Aro I'll see you tomorrow afternoon.

The reception was the funniest thing I had ever seen for several reasons, first Alice's cookie had finally taken full effect and she was perched on Aro's knee with her arm slung around his neck and they were doing a rendition of Sonny and Cher's 'I've got you Babe' jasper was sitting next to them trying to control his laughter when Aro sung the last line then planted a kiss straight on Alice's unsuspecting lips.

Rosalie walked up to the table and took a seat on Aro's knee next to Alice. I snorted when she kissed his cheek and greeted him with her usual, "Hey Woodstock, hope you're making room for me in your love shack."

Aro wrapped his arm around Rose's waist "There's always plenty of room in my bed for you Lucy Diamond. Heck, bring a friend too..." He said kissing her cheek.

What was even funnier than Aro's blatant attempts to woo my sister's into his bed, was Renee.

She was completely wasted and no matter how much pleading Charlie did she refused to be caged.

She made her way over to us and slid into Edward's lap, "Hi there my gorgeous son in law, how about taking me for a spin around the dance floor, I'm in awe of the way you move Edward...Mmm I wonder..." She trailed off wistfully.

I saw the colour rapidly drain from Edward's face, and a paroxysm of giggles burst from my lips even though I felt extremely sorry for him it was just too funny watching Edward's reaction to his mother in law. It wasn't until he squirmed in his seat that I decided to rescue him.

"For god's sake mum...there are just some places you don't go, and thinking about what kind of fuck your son in law is in front of him or your daughter is one of them! Especially on their wedding day! There are some images guaranteed to ruin a wedding night and that's the top of the list. And though I'm probably going to need therapy for saying this, I know someone who _would _be interested if you are."

Edward looked at me in revulsion of my comment and Renee burst into laughter, "Really Bella even if I was interested your father would _never_ go for it." She looked around until she found Charlie who was talking animatedly to Esme and a small almost frustrated sigh passed her lips.

"I don't know Mum, you and Aro could always give Dad a few of those brownies you seem to be so fond of and if that doesn't work then I'm sure Aro can brew him a tea that might be more effective."

"Hmm..." Renee looked at me as if the idea never appealed, "that doesn't sound nearly as fun as one with Jake and Felix. You know Felix is very good looking Bella."

Edward shuddered in his seat, "Let's go dance Renee, I'm gonna have fucking nightmares after this conversation." I blew him a kiss as he slid Renee off his lap and grabbed her hand; she giggled and waved as he pulled toward the dance floor.

Emmett sidled up to me the minute Edward and Renee left he was wearing an evil grin I knew well,

"Jesus fuck Bella that mother of yours is a bit of fucking wildcat. I can see you girls definitely take after her. How the fuck does your father cope?"

"Years of practice Emmett," I giggled.

"Come on let's get a closer look at the action, I can see your husband cringing from here," His booming laugh echoed around the room as he pulled me over to where Carlisle and Charlie were standing watching Renee's antics.

Renee was practically dry humping Edward on the dance floor, Emmett was right Edward was cringing and I noted that he was twirling her as much as he could without making her dizzy just to create some space between them.

Aro joined us a minute later and he chortled when he saw Renee rather public display of dirty dancing with her newly acquired Son in law.

Charlie suddenly leaned toward me with a huge grin on his face, "Aren't you going to go and save your husband?"

I looked at him and smirked, "What from your out of control wife? Nah I thought I'd give him a taste of his life to come, being the gorgeous son in law of a cougar. Beside's this is the perfect payback for Edward..." I thought about the butterfly I was wearing, yes this was indeed the perfect payback for my new husband.

I let Renee have her fun for a few more minutes, until I could no longer ignore Edward's desperately pleading looks. I leaned over and whispered in Aro's ear," I think I need to go and save him before he has the marriage annulled, would you like me to take over as Renee's dance partner?"

He looked at me and chortled, "Hmm, I doubt I will get the same reaction as Edward is getting, but I certainly won't say no." He bowed to me and held a hand out. "Shall we?"

"I don't know Aro those cookies of yours have unleashed a demon. You've managed to captured the hearts of three of us, why not try for the whole set?" I took his hand and walked onto the dance floor; I waited for Aro to Tap Edward on the shoulder and ask to cut in.

Renee looked a little disappointed at being interrupted but when her glazed eyes looked at me she smiled, "I suppose you'd like your husband back now?"

"Yeah Mum that would be great. I think you have his body committed to memory now, and Aro here has been waiting to dance with you all night."

She leaned forward and kissed Edward's cheek, and came to hug me, "you're such a lucky girl Bella." She kissed my cheek and I laughed.

"Yeah I know mum." I waited until she took Aro's hand before I stepped into Edward's arms. "Welcome to the family sweetie, I'm sorry I didn't stop her but the look on your face was priceless and it was nice to see my Dad laughing instead of being mortified."

He didn't answer me at first his attention was on Aro, he hissed something to him and I saw Aro laugh before he spun Renee away. He finally looked down at me and I could see the hurt and horror in his eyes.

"You didn't save me. She touched me, I feel so dirty."

"I'm sorry sweetheart; I thought it best to just let you learn for yourself what Renee's going to be like at every family gathering we attend, especially if she's been drinking, or eating Aro's brownies it seems. Is there anything I can do to make you feel dirty in a good way?" I mimicked Renee's earlier motion and cupped Edward's ass, caressing it as we swayed to the music.

He looked down at me in mock hurt, "I don't know...Some wounds will just never heal."He leaned down and whispered in my ear "but there's only one person who should be groping my ass Mrs Cullen and I would hope that she would like to defend her territory."

"You're absolutely right my husband, I promise to keep the big bad cougar away from you. How about I keep my hands firmly placed on your glorious ass as a warning to any other cougars on the prowl?"

"Hmm I like the sound of that." He gave me a smirk "The keeping your hands firmly on my ass, doesn't sound too bad either."

I couldn't help but laugh, "So prince charming are you going to take me to wherever you're ravishing me tonight before the spell wears off and I turn into a pumpkin?"

Edward's low growl sent a shot of want straight to my core. He grabbed my hand and practically dragged me over to where our friends and siblings were gathered.

Aro was regaling them with stories of his wild younger days and I laughed when I saw Alice, who was still sitting on his knee but was flaked out at the table. Rose on the other hand was sitting his other knee her finger's carelessly wrapping around his ponytail while he talked.

Edward said a hasty goodbye to the table at large and I rolled my eyes as he began pulling me from the table before I even had a chance to say a word. The table erupted into a fit of raucous laughter, if there was one thing our friends were used to it was hasty goodbyes or no goodbyes at all from us when the mood took over.

I sat outside on a small bench and smiled up at Edward, this had been such a magical night so far and I knew it was only going to get better. Edward and I were finally married, we had two beautiful children and another one on the way, all my dreams were finally come true.

Edward's quiet voice brought from my thoughts, "I have a wedding gift for you, but you need to wear this first." He pulled a blindfold from his pocket, "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you. Though I want you to know you've given me everything I ever wanted and more already." He slipped the blindfold over my eyes and led me to the car. I was feeling a little nervous about what he had gotten me for a wedding present, the diamond butterfly necklace was more than enough, but I was determined to accept any other gifts graciously...for him.

The drive was short and taken in silence; I was feeling relaxed until the car finally came to a stop and Edward was opening my door and carefully helped me out. He led me a few steps then slid the blind fold from my eyes and took a step to the side giving me an unimpeded view of the house than I had been so drawn to yesterday.

"This...This house...is ours?" I stuttered as I walked almost trance like to the front door, the feelings of the familiarity of home was growing stronger with every step I took. I turn to look at Edward, "You didn't buy this yesterday did you?" I asked conversationally. there was no disapproval just curiosity opened the door but never went inside. I waited for him to answer.

"No, I didn't. I bought this house a very long time ago, long before I met you, long before you even came to work at Cullen Industries love. This is the house I told you I was staying in when I met Aro. It's the house I knew I would give to my wife on our wedding night..."

My eyes met his and the love I saw there mirrored my own, "Really you always planned to give this to your wife?" I threw my arms around him, "thank you Edward this gift means more to me than you'll ever know. Now I know why I was so drawn to it, because it's where my heart dwelt."

This was the kind of gift I loved to get from him. He had given me something that had sentimental value to him, something he had put a lot of thought into and had kept for so long in the hope of fulfilling his promise to himself.

He scooped me into his arms and carried me over the threshold and straight to the bedroom, I took in my surroundings quickly before my eyes came to rest on a black box tied with a blue ribbonsitting in the centre of the huge bed.

Edward brought his lips to mine again in a searing kiss that had me seeing tiny spots of colour before my eyes and I wanted nothing more for him to take me there and now, he surprisingly enough had other ideas, and I almost sobbed when he put me on my feet and stood behind me.

I could feel his warm breath whispering across my skin and I shivered in pleasure and anticipation, his lips never touched me but the intention was enough to have me licking my lips and sighing in content.

His fingers moved to my zipper, slowly pulling it lower until it pooled at our feet, he fell to his knees, pressing his lips to the base of my spine as his fingers hooked around the thin straps of the butterfly and slid them from my hips.

I was left standing in nothing more than the diamond butterfly necklace he had gifted me this morning.

His hands ghosted up my sides as he stood and brought his lips to my cheek, "Dress in what's in the box. I'll be waiting for you in the lounge."

I fought back the urge to lunge at him when he walked toward the doorway, I didn't want his hands off my body let alone him leaving me alone altogether, I looked at the box and curiosity got the better of me; I slid off the bow and lifted the lid.

My breath left me in a rush when I pulled out the dark blue oriental style corset with black cherry blossom imprints on it. I let my fingers run over the delicate fabric before returning my attention to the other items, I smiled when I pulled out the tiny matching G string and saw the tiny crystal, well I hoped it was crystal but knowing Edward it was probably a diamond, heart dangling from a tiny gold chain in the centre of the scrap of fabric.

There was also a gorgeous matching Kimono.

My smile turned to a giggle when I found a blue leather riding crop with my name etched into it and a pair of thigh high patent leatherboots. I dressed quickly, grabbed the crop and went in search of my husband.

I tapped the riding crop against my thigh as I made my way into the lounge; the room was a glow with candle light. I searched for Edward and finally found him standing in the shadows a small smile on his lips. He stepped out into the light and my heart nearly stopped at the sight of him.

I could feel the dampness seeping against my thighs at the sight of him wearing nothing but low riding jeans, my eyes slid down over his toned chest to his taut abs then lower to my favourite feature, the V that drew down from his just below his waist and disappeared down the front of jeans. I dragged my gaze back to his and his eyes never left mine as he closed the short distance between us and fell to his knees in front of me.

He looked up at her and smiled "It may not be Eden Beach love, but tonight I am at your mercy, completely."

His words had tears pricking my eyes, I knew what he was giving me, the thing he knew I sometimes craved, but he could never fully give before,_control._

This was Edward's way of showing how much he was prepared to give up for me and showing me how much trust he put in me. I knew that he would be nervous and I wanted to put him at ease, my eyes roamed over the toys and oils on the table and I knew then how I was going to help him relax.

He looked up at me with nothing but all consuming love in his eyes,

"Strip for me my husband." Our eyes stayed locked as he stood reaching for his fly, taking his time to pop each of the buttons, then tugged them from his hips,

My satisfied sigh hung in the air between us as I let my eyes drop and rake over his total perfection.

I bit down on my bottom lip and another sigh escaped me, Edward was truly a magnificent specimen, I let my gaze linger on my desire for a fraction of a second before bring my eyes back to his,

"You are so beautiful Edward, both inside and out..." I walked around him studying him from every angle; I ran the crop lightly down his spine letting it come to rest on his cheek, "would you please take a seat."

The muscles in the pit of my stomach tightened, I categorized every inch of his body even though I knew it like the back of my hand, as he made his way across the room and a small sigh rushed from my lips when he gave me my favourite heart stopping smile.

My desire for my husband was becoming overwhelming I wanted to touch him to love him, to show him what he meant to me. I took the bottle cherry scented oil from the table and knelt before him. I lifted his foot and began to knead them with my knuckles before moving slowly over every inch of his flesh.

I worked my fingers up the back of his legs and over his thighs, my eyes never leaving his, "I love you Edward..." I wanted him to feel relaxed and not to worry about anything that may happen tonight, I slid into his lap and kissed him gently before working my fingers into the muscles of his shoulders I could feel them relaxing under my touch.

I could the lust trying to overwhelm him, and I didn't want to push him to far, "Would you like to undress me my husband? You can leave on the items you want."

Each item of my clothing was removed with reverence, and I had never felt as beautiful as I did at that moment and his words only reinforced it. I was left in nothing but the panties and the butterfly necklace

"You are so beautiful; I have never seen anything so beautiful in my life."

"Do you want to touch my body Edward? Tell me where you want to touch me."

"Y-your breasts... Oh God, I want to taste them..." His desire was evident in every word he spoke and I sort to give him what he wanted.

"Mmm...That does sound nice...You may touch me there." My hands threaded in his hair and I tugged roughly, "Kiss me Edward, kiss me then show me how much you love me. I want you to touch every part of me...I want you to tell me what I do to you, what I mean to you. Tell me you'll never stop loving me. All I want from you tonight my love, is to keep your skin in contact with mine, I don't want to be apart from you for a second."

He crushed his lips to mine, and my hands tightened their grip in his hair, he was telling me exactly what I did to him with his kiss and I was left feeling breathless and wanting more.

"You make me burn. Every single day... Every time you touch me, I want you. Nobody will ever want you as much as I want you, you fill me, all the empty spots you fill up and make whole. Nobody but you has ever made me feel like this... I can't live without you."

"I burn for you too...claim me my baby, I want you to mark me and possess me, make me yours and never let me forget. Show me Edward..." I whispered forcefully.

He seemed to take my hint because my panties were unceremoniously discarded before he scooped me up and carried me onto the deck, my eyes widened when I saw the spa pool adorned in candle light and rose petals. I tightened my grip on him as he stepped into the water, "You have been busy my darling, it looks nearly as divine as you..."

I buried my face against his neck, my tongue slid between my lips licking a trail to his jaw..."I need you Edward...I need you and only you...always."

He lowered us into the water and I let out a small gasp when I felt _him_ pressing against me, seeking entrance but waiting...My eyes met his; desire and desperation warred each other for dominance over me.

He read me clearly, and his hands cupped my face, "Do you want me Bella?"

"I want you Edward, I want nothing but you."

"I'm right here... Take what is yours."

I slid down, claiming what was mine, mine for eternity, and he slipped into me effortlessly, "my need for you consumes me...I want you to spend a lifetime making love to me."

I ground down on him the friction was delicious and I was already so sensitive after the orgasms from the butterfly, but I didn't want to lose control too quickly, I wanted to savour every second of making love to Edward as my husband for the very first time.

My desire reached levels that were incomprehensible to me when Edward's thumb came to rest on my throbbing bud, and his next words sent me completely over the edge. "That's it Bella, come for me, take what you need, everything I have it is all yours. Come for me; tell me the words you know I want to hear...Please."

Words spilled from my lips, "For you Edward...only ever for you my light, my love my soul...will you come for me my husband?"

The only words I was consciously aware of saying were _my husband_ and they sounded like the sweetest music to my ears, and I would never in a life time get sick of hearing myself say them...

Edward fulfilled my requirement of no loss of contact perfectly, not once in the night did his skin lose contact with mine and the words he whispered to me each time he brought me to an orgasm, that seem to be even more unbelievable than the last, resonated in my heart and in my soul.

Not one moment of the night had been wasted, Edward and I explored every inch of each other like we were seeing and touching each other for the first time, promises and commitments were made as we laid tangled in the darkness. My want for him had still not been satisfied when the darkness turned to light, and I wondered if it ever fully would.

I didn't welcome the arrival of the dawn, I wanted to stay forever in the night I had just shared with my husband, a night where all of our dreams had come true...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

We lay in silence, each of us caught up in the memories of what we had shared, Edward's head rested on my chest, my fingers tugging absent mindedly thru his hair. Reality finally let itself be known in the form of the bright sunlight that flooded the room, and I sighed in resignation.

"So my husband what are our plans for the day? I know what I'd like to do but I know that's not going to be an option. So what's reality got in store for us,"

He looked up at me and I could tell he was as sad as I was that we had to share this day with others**. **"I share your sentiments baby."

I pouted petulantly when he told me that Esme had organised a wedding breakfast at a local restaurant and we should not hurt her feelings by not turning up. He tried to lighten my superficial sulky mood by quickly switching topics,

"God, did you see her face when Aro quoted John Lennon? Emmett got a picture, its priceless." he chuckled "I thought Dad would have the biggest hang ups, but Mum has been the crazy one. You don't mind do you? I honestly couldn't say no to her..."

I nodded in assent, "I guess we do owe the parents something, since they've had no say in any of the wedding plans. And no I didn't see her face: but I look forward to seeing the photos. And Esme was impeccably behaved compared to Renee, I wonder if she convinced Charlie to take Aro home with them." I burst into laughter when I thought back over the conversation and the appalling things my mother had done to Edward on the dance floor.

"You say that now, but just wait until Aro has your mother and father joining a commune with him and dancing naked in the rain. You won't find it so funny then. As for your mother, how the fuck am I going to look her in the eye this morning? She groped my ass for Christ sake! So, so fucking wrong on so many levels..."

I couldn't help but laugh and he his eyes narrowed, and his the next question how I'd feel about his dad touching my ass, was obviously not that well thought out because he quickly quipped that he didn't require an answer.

"Edward you don't have to worry about Renee, well yeah you do, but I guarantee she won't even remember what happened last night. and sweetie you're going to have to get used to it because there will be no stopping her. You could ask Jake how he handles it; she never misses an opportunity to grope him either." I erupted into another fit of giggle, poor Edward he had no idea what he was in for with a life as Renee as a mother in law. "You know you could always have the marriage annulled if you don't think you can cope with Renee, I'll understand." I added slyly.

"It will take more than that to get rid of me babe, but geez your mother...

Wait, what do you mean by 'get used to it'? She's not going to 'bad touch' every time she sees me is she? Poor Jake, maybe I should see if he wants my therapist's card too."

I did actually have sympathy for Edward and I felt it was only fair to warn him, "I'm sorry Edward but she is probably going to bad touch you every time she see's you... but it will only ever be as bad as last night if she's wasted. So if you see her with Alcohol or if she offers you a brownie, my advice to you is run... as fast as you can. I will try to protect you but she is cunning." I swallowed the next peal of laughter fighting to get out as I looked into his seriously worried face. How about I make you a deal? For every bad touch Renee gives you I'll give you two good touches in return to make it less horrifying."

**"**I feel like I'm selling my soul, if I agree to your deal and anyway, you won't save me. You could have last night and you didn't. You just watched as my innocence was stolen from me..."

I stifled my giggle at his lament and decided to come clean on my motivation for not intervening sooner.

"Honey the only reason I didn't save you from Renee last night was because you did something really mean to me yesterday. I mean really who brings their wife to an orgasm during her wedding photos or worse when they are sitting in front of _all _their friends and family."

He tried to fob me off with some excuse about how he was a caring husband for wanting to gratify me sexually and do something nice for me. I may have bought into it if he hadn't added what I made him do in front of his parents On Eden was just mean, I couldn't let the comment go and bit back.

"You don't need to remind me but I need to remind you my darling husband that I was acting out of nobility. You needed a diversion from making a lapse in judgement and my quick thinking actions stopped you doing something you would have later regretted. What I did was far from mean Edward, it was in fact the ultimate act of kindness." I poked my tongue out at him childishly.

He growled at me, "Unless you want to make my mother terribly upset when we miss breakfast, then I would suggest you put that away, before I find some better uses for it. Don't look at me like that, you make me like this. I once could control my sexual urges, then I met you and that all went to shit."

I laughed heartily, "I feel giddy with the knowledge of the power I have over you my darling, and you know if you were a good husband you'd ring your mum and tell her your wife over indulged in too much seafood last night and now can't get out of bed because she is suffering terribly. That way we could just stay here all day and you could do all the things you never got time to doing to me last night."

Edward's eyes narrowed and he groaned as he slid out of bed, "You are mean. I don't care what you say, you are mean."

I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him, "Oh I am not, and we've got time if we have a shower together...Come on my husband I promise I'll make you all better and we'll still get there on time."

I rolled out of bed and grabbed his hand, walking us into the bathroom, he sighed deeply, "One day, I hope to have the same kind of power over you Mrs Cullen. Then it's going be payback."

"What are you talking about sweetie? You do have that power over me; you've spent an Age bending me to your will. And now you've put a ring on it you are stuck with me for life.. and you know now that I am your _wife_ you're going to happily bend to my will some of the time..."

**Chapter 38:**

**Edward's POV...**

I watched Bella walk towards me, her eyes bright with unshed tears, but I knew they were tears of joy. Her hair had been intricately braided with daisies and I knew that it was Aro's doing. Her dress was white and matching perfectly with the relaxed theme of the wedding.

The song I had composed for her, played as Bic sung they lyrics. I had met her in the recording studio in Wellington unknown to Bella, and we had recorded the piano piece then. I was very grateful to my old friend that she was doing this for us and I could tell by the look on Bella's beautiful face it meant the world to her too. Irina, Louis and my father were standing beside me and Irina gave my hand a quick squeeze. I didn't look at her, I couldn't tear my eyes away from Bella, everything I had dreamed of was coming true this very night and I was euphoric.

Charlie brought Bella to a stop in front of me and kissed her cheek, "You've done me proud my Belly Bear; I love you." He whispered to her before placing her hand in mine.

"The song...I love it thank you." She murmured a shy smile playing on her lips.

I smiled and kissed her cheek reverently. This woman was my world and this night I would make her mine in every way possible. We turned and stood in front of Aro, who had his own hair tied back neatly, but the bandana was still on his head. He gave Bella a wink and shot me a brilliant smile before he spoke.

"I look at you both and I don't just see the love you have for one another, I can feel it. You both know the long roads you have traversed to get here, this one point where those paths finally connect and make you one. You have laughed and cried together, you have seen your share of happiness and pain and it has only made you stronger. Your love is a pure entity, something that cannot be touched or tainted by outside forces. Protect it and never take it for granted. Love is not a given, it must be earned.

John Lennon once said 'We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep on watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it.' The man really knew what he was talking about." Aro said with a laugh that everyone joined in on. "Care for your love Isabella and Edward, nurture it through the hard times and you will reap the benefits during the good. "Look you've both made this old hippie cry." He said wiping at his eyes. "Isabella and Edward have decided not to bend to conformity and have chosen to write their own vows. Flower Child..." He said taking her free hand and kissing it.

"Edward, you are my truest of true loves. You are my light, my laughter, my soul. You are the person I want to walk beside me, to share with me all this life has to offer. I stand before you today to give you my heart and my promise that I will be there to hold your hand, to walk beside you as your friend, your lover, your equal."

Aro beamed at Bella before turning to me and taking my free hand in his. "Edward, your declaration..." I squeezed his hand briefly before letting it go and taking Bella's other hand in mine. We were now facing each other and I looked down at her in adoration.

"Isabella Swan. Before I even saw you, I thought your name was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. I don't think it was love at first sight, I know it was more than that. You were my destiny and you are my future. I am everything with you and nothing without you. You make me a better man simply by loving me, indeed your love is the greatest gift I have ever received and I pledge to you this night; I will treasure it for the rest of my days, just as I treasure you. My life was measured upon the degree of success I achieved in business, but you showed me what real worth was. You gave me your heart and two beautiful children, all I have to offer you in return is my never ending devotion."

"Isabella and Edward are not only blessed with the love of each other, but of good friends too. Jacob and Irina? The rings please."

Jake and Irina stepped forward and placed the rings into our hands. I held up Bella's left hand and slid the ring onto her finger.

"This ring is nothing but a simple reminder that you carry my heart with you wherever you go. With this ring, I make you my wife." I said and Aro nodded turning to Bella.

"Edward; wear this ring as a symbol of the promise I have made you here today, and know that when you look at it you are looking at my heart."

Aro smiled at us "By the power given to me by The Man, Gaia, Buddha, Jesus and any other kind of deity, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Edward, hurry up and kiss that beautiful woman before I do..." The beach erupted into laughter and I gently took Bella's face in my hands.

"My pleasure." I whispered bringing my lips to hers. A loud chorus of whoops broke the still night air and I could hear Emmett and Felix whistling but I ignored them all I only had eyes for my beautiful wife.

"I love you forever." Bella whispered when I finally managed to prise her lips from mine, I would have been happy to spend the rest of my night passionately kissing my wife but unhelpfully Aro stuck his face between us.

"That's what the honeymoon is for you two, let the people say hello to the new Mr and Mrs Cullen." He gave Bella kiss on the cheek "I'm proud of you Flower Child." He turned to me, "And you... No one deserves happiness more my lad."

Emmett bounded over and tugged Bella out of my arms if I didn't know now that I got to keep her for eternity there was no fucking way I would have let her go. When Jake took her from Emmett I resigned myself to the fact I wouldn't get her back into my arms anytime soon, our family and friends were beginning to swarm around her.

Jake let Bella go and came to give me a hug, "I'm real happy for you Edward, it's been a long road but you got there in the end. You make her happy and she deserves happiness more than anybody. You both do."

"Thanks Jake for everything she's lucky to have you in her life, we both are." My words rung with sincerity, Jake and I had had a rocky start but thanks to Bella's stubbornness we had become good friends in our own right.

Irina was the next to get to me she threw herself into my arms and kissed my cheek, "Oh Edward that was so beautiful. I'm so happy for you my friend. You deserve your happy ever after."

Tears streamed down her face and I wiped them away with a smile, "wouldn't have got there without you though my voice of reason. Don't know what I would have done without you Irina,"

"You would have got there on your own Edward, eventually," She eyed me with a smirk, "well maybe not. But none of that matters cause you've passed the finish line now..."

I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally got Bella back into my arms, today of all days I didn't want to be separated from her. My arm snaked around her waist and I kissed her cheek, "I love you Mrs Cullen."

Bella's smile was radiant it lit up her face and her eyes sparkled. Her cheeks were stained with a gorgeous rose blush; I brushed my fingertips over her cheek and sighed when the colour deepened.

She truly was exquisite.

"_Forever,"_ she whispered as she brought her lips to mine...

...I waited until the photographer attention was busy getting the bridal party in order before I slipped my hand in my pocket and flicked on the butterfly.

"You're not going to do that now are you?" Bella's horrified whisper hissed in my ear. I smiled at me innocently at her and she swallowed audibly before trying to plead with me, "Sweetie I said I was sorry about that night didn't I?"

"Bella please turn toward the camera." The photographer commanded and I turned the speed up a notch on the butterfly. She complied for a few seconds before turning back to look at me.

I knew the look she was giving me well she was fast approaching her climax. Her expression turned to pleading and I smile innocently as I whispered in her ear, "Come for me Bella, right now."

Her eyes locked on mine as her orgasm hit, Bella was the most beautiful woman in the world but she was nothing short of exquisite when she was cumming for me. It took every ounce of strength I possessed not to fucking rip her dress from her body and fuck take her where we stood when she dragged her bottom lip between her teeth in an effort not to call out my name. My rapidly hardening cock twitched at the hint of a whimper spirited from her lips.

As soon as her eyelids drifted closed and she took her first deep breath I turned the butterfly off.

"Are we calling it even now?" The pleading look was more prominent now the lust had begun to subside.

I chuckled lowly, "Not even close sweet one, not even close."

"Apple go with uncle Memmett Daddy?" Apple was tugging on my jeans looking up at me pleadingly.

I scooped her into my arms, "you ditching me for that big gorilla?" I rubbed my stubble lightly across her cheek and her resulting squeal nearly blew my eardrum out, I was sure she had done permanent damage from the way it was ringing.

"Apple go with my Rilla Memmett!" She squirmed in my arms reaching out for Emmett who laughed loudly as he snatched her up.

"That's right Apple you know where the funs at don't you? And it's not with your dad, he's a square."

"You a square Daddy and uncle Memmett's a circle," Apple stated matter of factly.

Bella burst into a fit of giggles and Apple quickly followed; the sound was nothing less than fucking perfection, second only to the sound's Bella made when she came for me. The wireless device suddenly weighed heavier in my pocket and I had to fight the impulse to switch it on.

"_Emmett's a jackass more like it,"_ I muttered under my breath, "Yes Apple I can see how you'd think Emmett was a circle his fat head is like a melon,"

"Memmett's a fat head...My daddy said you a fat head melon Uncle Memmtt."

Emmett flipped me the finger when Apple's attention was diverted and I grinned.

"Come Apple let's go find your brother before your dad fills your head with anymore of his pointless dribble. It's always fun with double the trouble."

I secretly enjoyed Bella's fangirl moment when I got introduce her to Bic Runga, she was Bella's favourite New Zealand singer.

Bic greeted her warmly and I had to suppress my chuckle at Bella's slightly awed expression.

"Bella, I have heard so much about you! Just as stunning as he described..." She leaned forward and gave me a hug, "You're husband is quite the musical talent."

"He is a man of many talents, but his music is one of my favourites. And thank you for bringing the song alive and taking the time to sing for me."

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world; it's not every day I get the chance to work with someone like Edward. Now, if you will both excuse me, I have to go and make sure the band is ready for your first dance! I hope we get the chance to get to know each other better in the future Bella. Edward, I'll talk to you later."

"Are you alright love?" I asked solicitously.

"Yeah I'm alright, slightly star struck but I've never been better. Thank you again, for the song, for Bic."

"You're welcome Mrs Cullen," I pulled her close and brushed my lips over hers...

...Jasper suddenly stood and tapped his fork against his glass and I reached into my pocket and flicked the butterfly into life. Bella's soft moan brought a smile to my lips she looked at me pleadingly and I smiled wider.

"Alright everyone, pipe down! "I would like to say a few words, so you can all listen for a moment!" He said before turning to Bella and myself

"Edward. My baby brother... It's about bloody time! I watched this man pine away for her every single day, just as I watched his pervy little P.A. do pretty much the same. Don't blush Bella, you know it's true." Bella's blush had nothing to do with Jasper's statement, I turned the speed up on the butterfly, "But today, they finally get their happily ever after and I for one couldn't be happier. You two were made for each other, congratulations and welcome to the family Bella, To Edward and Bella!"

Bella's fingers dug painfully into my thigh; she turned and buried her face against my neck, "only for you..." She said in a choked whisper as the full force of her climax hit. Her breath was coming in short sharp gasps and I held her against my neck while she composed herself, "Did anyone notice?"

"Only me and it was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen in my life Mrs Cullen."

"Good because they are only for you...And I'm sure I look better when it's _your_ tongue bringing me pleasure, I know it feels better."

The room suddenly fell silent and I pulled my eyes from gorgeous wife's face to see Carlisle standing ready to speak.

It still amazed me that Carlisle had changed so much, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that every word he spoke was genuine, especially what he said about Bella. Bella squeezed my hand but her attention was quickly diverted when Bic's haunting voice echoed around the room.

_"Don't stray, don't ever go away" _

He eyes finally found mine and they were alive with excitement.

"Dance with me Mrs Cullen."

"Anything if it will get me into your arms it's the only place I want to be tonight..._forever_..." I swept Bella into my arms and pulled her close, she pressed herself even harder against me, her eyes shining with her unshed tears.

"I love you forever Edward...the past is behind us and now all we have is the rest of our lives to look forward to. You, me and our children..."

I twirled her once but the loss of contact with her body was fucking unbearable so I pulled her back into me and tightened my grip, "This truly is the happiest day of my life."I murmured against her cheek.

"Mine too. But the day you get to see our baby being born will be a very close second. I can't wait to share that experience with you Edward, it will be the last of my dreams fulfilled."

Bella looked into my eyes as the song drew to close the depth of love was fathomless. As much as I wanted to hold her in my arms we needed to thank our friends for helping to make our dreams come true.

I squeezed Bella's hand and gave her a reassuring smile as she lifted the microphone to her lips and sung the first few lines of the song we had chosen to show our gratitude to our friends.

The reception was turning out to be more unconventional than the ceremony and my new mother in law gave me an introduction to her family that would haunt my fucking nightmares for years.

She sidle over to us and seated herself on my lap, "Hi there my gorgeous son in law, how about taking me for a spin around the dance floor, I'm in awe of the way you move Edward...Mmm I wonder..." She trailed off and I had to swallow the bile that rose in my throat.

My fucking mother in law was wondering what I was like in bed. I repressed a shudder and the urge to grab Bella's hand and run.

Bella seem to think nothing of her mother trying to hit on me she broke into a fit of giggles at Renee's obscenely fucking bad form.

I fidgeted uncomfortably in my seat and the action seemed to prompt my wife into speech, finally.

"For god's sake mum...there are just some places you don't go, and thinking about what kind of fuck your son in law is in front of him or your daughter is one of them! Especially on their wedding day! There are some images guaranteed to ruin a wedding night and that's the top of the list. And though I'm probably going to need therapy for saying this, I know someone who _would _be interested if you are."

It took me a second to realize what Bella had said and I looked at her in horror as a revolted shudder rolled over me. I couldn't believe Bella was encouraging her mother to have a threesome with Aro.

"Jesus fuck Bella you'll give me nightmares, your parents and Aro... talk about a fucking cock blocking thought."

Renee burst into laughter, "Really Bella even if I was interested your father would _never_ go for it." She looked around until she found Charlie who was talking animatedly to Esme and a small almost frustrated sigh passed her lips.

"I don't know Mum, you and Aro could always give Dad a few of those brownies you seem to be so fond of and if that doesn't work then I'm sure Aro can brew him a tea that might be more effective." I was fucking gobsmacked my naughty fucking wife was intent on encouraging her mother into debauchery.

But however shocking Bella was she had nothing on Renee's next comment, "Hmm...that doesn't sound nearly as fun as one with Jake and Felix. You know Felix is very good looking Bella."

"Let's go dance Renee, I'm gonna have fucking nightmares after this conversation." As soon as we hit the dance floor I held Renee a safe distance from me, but she stepped closer, pressing her body against mine.

I grimaced slightly, looking over her shoulder to see Emmett, Jasper, my father and even Bella all standing there laughing at me. What surprised me most was that Bella was hanging onto her father's arm and even Charlie was having some fun at my expense. I narrowed my eyes at them all and glared. When Renee began to speak, I looked down at her and plastered a smile on my face. She seemed to be smelling me as she pushed herself even closer. I swear Charlie's laughs were the fucking loudest of them all.

"Mmm...You smell wonderful," Renee breathed in my ear.

"Uh, thanks Renee..." I looked at Bella pleadingly, but she just smiled and shook her head with a mischievous glint in her eyes. I felt Renee begin to rub herself against me slightly, so I stepped back and spun her around, trying to create a little bit of space between us.

"You don't have to be shy Edward, honestly darling I don't bite."

I bit back a gag. The thought of Renee biting fucking anything on me was simply fucking terrifying. Instead, I pulled that smile back out and silently shot daggers at all of my so called family.

'How could you?' I mouthed at Bella, as Renee pulled me back into her arms and rested her head on my shoulder. Emmett's face was completely red and my father was laughing so hard he was leaning on him for support. Charlie whispered something to Bella and she began to cackle loudly.

"Your daughter is a remarkable woman. I'm lucky to have her." I said weakly, trying to remind Renee that today I had married her daughter.

"Yes she is and you are lucky to have her Edward. You are a very good dancer Edward; you have natural rhythm, great co ordination. I'm sure that comes in very handy..."

I jumped in horror when my mother-in-law's hands slid down my back and cupped my ass. She gave it a firm squeeze before grinding herself into me. I couldn't hide my shudder and I stepped back a little so I could spin her again. 'Please baby, save me!' I mouthed to Bella while Renee was in mid spin. I was sure I had just accrued at least another thirty or so hours in therapy and I was more than ready to hunt Aro down and slaughter him.

As if he had heard my thoughts, I saw him slide up next to Bella and put his arm around her shoulders while he grinned evilly at me and made kissy faces. I reluctantly pulled Renee back into my arms, the quota of spins for the song well and truly used.

Bella and the old hippy finally came to my fucking rescue I dropped my hold on Renee immediately and a hint of a growl passed her lips.

"I suppose you'd like your husband back now? Renee huffed a little.

"Yes Mum that would be great, I think you have his body committed to memory now, and Aro here has been waiting to dance with you all night." She leaned forward and kissed my cheek, before turning to Bella

"You're such a lucky girl Bella."

"Yeah I know mum." Bella responded stepping into my embrace.

"Welcome to the family sweetie, I'm sorry I didn't stop her but the look on your face was priceless and it was nice to see my Dad laughing instead of being mortified."

I didn't answer Bella for a moment, instead I leaned over to Aro and growled, "I'd run you old hippie and I'd run fast..." I heard him laugh as he danced away with Renee who was asking him for the recipe to the brownies. I looked down at Bella in hurt "You didn't save me. She touched me Bella, I feel so dirty..." I trailed off pulling Bella tight against me.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I thought it best to just let you learn for yourself what Renee's going to be like at every family gathering we attend, especially if she's been drinking, or eating Aro's brownies it seems. Is there anything I can do to make you feel dirty in a good way?"

"I don't know..." I sniffed dramatically "Some wounds will just never heal." I leaned down and whispered in her ear "but there's only one person who should be groping my ass Mrs Cullen and I would hope that she would like to defend her territory." I leaned her back into a dip as the song finished and pressed my lips to the hollow of her throat.

"You're absolutely right my husband, I promise to keep the big bad cougar away from you. How about I keep my hands firmly placed on your glorious ass as a warning to any other cougars on the prowl?"

"Hmm I like the sound of that." I pulled her back upright and gave her a smirk "The keeping your hands firmly on my ass, doesn't sound too bad either."

"So prince charming are you going to get me to wherever you are taking me to ravish me tonight before the spell wears off and I turn into a pumpkin?"

I carried Bella into the bedroom where the Black box, tied with a red ribbon I had left, was sitting on the middle of the bed. I saw her eyes widen in curiosity and I bit back my chuckle. Instead I carefully put her down and stood behind her. I brushed her hair to one side and ghosted my lips along her skin, close enough that she could feel my breath, but with no actual contact.

My hands went to the zipper on her dress and I slowly pulled down. When it had released I ran my hands up her sides till they reached the top of the dress and I pushed down gently, so that it fell in a puddle around her feet.

"Dress in what's in the box. I'll be waiting for you in the lounge." I purred against her cheek...

...Bella searched the room for me and a small smile played on her lips when her eyes finally found mine, I stepped out of the shadows, wearing only a pair of low rise jeans and my breath caught when I saw her. She was a vision, nothing else could compare to her.

I padded slowly towards her my gaze never leaving hers until I was standing right in front of her. I couldn't help my smirk; she just looked SO damned good.

"I love you Mrs Cullen." I whispered before I dropped to my knees in front of her. I looked up at her and smiled "It may not be Eden Beach love, but tonight I am at your mercy. Completely." I added I gestured over towards a small table that I had set up with various little toys. scented candle wax, handcuffs, massage oils... and she already had her crop.

"Strip for me my husband."

I held her gaze as I stood up and slowly reached for my button fly. I popped each one slowly until they were undone and then hooked my fingers under the loops and pulled them down. I stepped out of them and stood in front of her completely naked and unmoving although I wanted to grab her, bend her over the couch and fuck her until she couldn't walk anymore...

"You are so beautiful Edward, both inside and out...would you like to take a seat." Bella knelt at my feet and applied the oil her fingers worked rhythmically as she moved her way up my legs.

"I love you Edward..." She whispered as she slid into my lap and dug her fingertips into my shoulders.

I was in heaven. That is what it felt like anyway, her hands on my skin, her touch setting me alight. I was aching to touch her, to claim her and bend her to my will, but I knew that I could not. Tonight was my gift to her, my submission as much as I was capable of anyway. I reached up with shaking hands that had nothing to do with a want for alcohol but that had everything to do with my want for her. I gently pushed the robe from her shoulders and felt it slide down the front of my legs and hit the floor near my feet.

"Would you like to undress me my baby? You can leave on the items you want."

I loved the corset, she looked beautiful in it, but I wanted to see her. I easily unsnapped it and tossed it to the floor behind me my hands moving up towards her breasts. I stopped myself though, just in the nick of time, but it was a struggle. I slowly brought them back to my sides and sat there trying to take deep breaths and steady myself.

"You are so beautiful; I have never seen anything so beautiful in my life." I whispered unable to help myself. She had to know, her body deserved to be worshipped and praised.

"Do you want to touch it Edward? Tell me where you want to touch me."

I felt my hard cock straining against her, her words were driving me crazy and I could barely think straight. I was overcome with need and want, everything else was inconsequential "Y-your breasts... Oh God, I want to taste them..." I groaned pitifully, sounding like a dying man in the desert desperate for one sip of cool water.

"Mmm...That does sound nice...You may touch me there."

I think I whimpered. I can't be sure, but I bent my head to those luscious peaks and groaned in ecstasy as my tongue curled around her hard nipple. My hand came up to her other breast and I began to roll that nipple in between my thumb and forefinger. I was sure when the whimper escaped me that time, but I didn't care.

For the first time in my life it didn't matter that I wasn't in control, all that mattered was the taste, feel and smell of her. She invaded all my senses and claimed them as her own, demanding that I worship her as she was meant to be worshipped.

Bella weaved her fingers through my hair and she pulled hard, "Kiss me Edward, kiss me then show me how much you love me. I want you to touch every part of me...I want you to tell me what I do to you, what I mean to you. Tell me you'll never stop loving me."

Her hands in my hair, so fierce, so wanting... I crashed my mouth against hers, forcing my tongue between her lips. What she did to me? Everything, she was my everything... My hands were everywhere all at once, touching her, massaging her and even though tonight was all in her control, I was still claiming her in my own way...

"You make me burn. Every single day..." I mumbled as I moved my mouth along her collarbone

"Every time you touch me, I want you. Nobody will ever want you as much as I want you, you fill me, all the empty spots you fill up and make whole. Nobody but you has ever made me feel like this... I can't live without you." The words fell from my lips and I felt relief. Now she would know, now she would believe me, she had too...

"I burn for you too...claim me my baby, I want you to mark me and possess me. Make me yours and never let me forget. Show me Edward..."

When she asked me to mark her, my initial reaction was to freeze up and run from the situation, but I fought it back. Instead I brought her hand up between us and lovingly kissed her wedding ring "This makes you mine forever in the eyes of the world." I moved my hands down to her Belly "Our children make you mine in the eyes of our family." I pulled her hands and mine up and rested them on her heart. "This, this tells us that you are mine forever," I moved our hands to my heart "Just as this tells you that I am yours forever." I whispered and leaned in to kiss her softly.

I grabbed the side of her flimsy panties and ripped them off her before picking her up and carrying her to the large deck outside. It overlooked a secluded bay and we were in no chance of being caught for once. Bella's eyes widened a little when she saw where I was taking her. A large spa pool was built into the deck and I had surrounded it with tiny candles floating in decorative little bowls. The steaming spa was filled with rose petals, the hot water making the smell rise up and permeate the air around us. I gently lowered Bella into the water, her legs still wrapped around my waist.

"You have been busy my darling, it looks nearly as divine as you..." The feeling of her tongue trailing up my neck and across my jaw nearly sent me over the fucking edge and I fought for control. "I need you Edward...I want to feel you on every inch of me."

I sat down in the water and placed her on my lap, my aching cock already positioned right at her entrance. I heard her gasp as she felt me, and I held her face in my hands. "Do you want me Bella? I'm right here... Take what is yours." I kissed her neck, lightly sucking at the juncture where it met her shoulder.

"I always want you Edward...my need for you consumes me...I want you to spend a lifetime making love to me."

I hissed as I felt her walls wrap tightly around me. It was our first time as husband and wife and although I knew it was probably only in my head, it felt different. It felt more complete, more perfect than it ever had and as I grabbed her hips, aiding her in her movements over my shaft, I had a moment of pure clarity.

There was no Edward and there was no Bella, there was only us a single entity, a combination of us both. I felt so alive and invincible; nothing could touch us not when we had each other. I reached down between us and placed my thumb on her clit, keeping it still and letting her control the movement and pressure.

"That's it Bella, come for me, take what you need, everything I have it is all yours." I felt her trembling; her legs began to spasm around me, her heels digging into my ass cheeks as her approached her climax. "Come for me Bella; tell me the words you know I want to hear...Please." I added.

I could feel my own impending release, the tightening in the pit of my stomach, the way she felt rubbing against my sensitive balls, but I couldn't let go, not until I heard her.

"For you Edward...only ever for you my light, my love my soul...Will you come for me my husband?"

As soon as she called me her husband I was undone. I threw my head back and roared into he still night air as my entire body shook from the pure energy flowing through it.

This was different than anything else, I didn't feel as though I were letting go or falling, I felt as though I were soaring through the fucking stars or something. I felt high and free and when I felt her orgasm over take her, it shot me straight into the stratosphere. I was on fire, burning alive and it was the best feeling in the entire world...

Bella's request that our skin never lose contact in the night was fucking laughably easy, her body was nothing fucking short of a wonderland that I'd never willing leave. She lay spread out on the bed underneath me as my lips roamed relentlessly over every inch of her silky skin, _"I love you so much Bella...I swear to you I will never stop. You have me forever," _I whispered against her neck as her walls trembled around my cock and she dragged me into an even more powerful orgasm than the last...

I fought the approaching dawn by extracting as many orgasms from my beautiful wife as I could, my need for Bella was more powerful than it had ever been, no matter how many times I had her I wanted more the hunger never abated not for a second.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I finally lost my battle with dawn and I crawled back up Bella's body and pulled her into my arms. We lay in silence each of us committing to memory every detail of what was the happiest day of our lives.

Sunlight streamed through the windows and a small sigh passed Bella's lips.

"So my husband what are our plans for the day? I know what I'd like to do but I know that's not going to be an option. So what's reality got in store for us today?'

I looked at her a little sadly, "I share your sentiments baby...Unfortunately Esme has organized a wedding breakfast and our attendance is mandatory." I wasn't sure if Bella was really sulking she was definitely wearing her pout, the one that drove me to want to fuck her senseless, "you wouldn't want to hurt her feelings would you?" I quickly added when I saw the pout become more pronounced, when I saw the slight frown mar her forehead I changed topics, "God, did you see her face when Aro quoted John Lennon? Emmett got a picture, its priceless." I chuckled "I thought Dad would have the biggest hang ups, but Mum has been the crazy one. You don't mind do you? I honestly couldn't say no to her..."

"I guess we do owe the parents something, since they've had no say in any of the wedding plans. And no I didn't see her face: but I look forward to seeing the photos. And Esme was impeccably behaved compared to Renee, I wonder if she convinced Charlie to take Aro home with them." She burst into gales of laughter.

"You say that now, but just wait until Aro has your mother and father joining a commune with him and dancing naked in the rain. You won't find it so funny then. As for your mother, how the fuck am I going to look her in the eye this morning? She groped my ass for Christ sake! So, so fucking wrong on so many levels..."

"How would you feel Bella; if it was Carlisle copping a feel of your ass? Actually don't answer that I don't want to know."

"Edward you don't have to worry about Renee, well yeah you do, but I guarantee she won't even remember what happened last night. And sweetie you're going to have to get used to it because there will be no stopping her. You could ask Jake how he handles it; she never misses an opportunity to grope him either." I erupted into another fit of giggle, poor Edward he had no idea what he was in for with a life as Renee as a mother in law. "You know you could always have the marriage annulled if you don't think you can cope with Renee, I'll understand." She added slyly.

"It will take more than that to get rid of me babe, but geez your mother... Wait, what do you mean by 'get used to it'? She's not going to 'bad touch' every time she sees me is she?"

"I'm sorry Edward but she is probably going to bad touch you every time she see's you... but it will only ever be as bad as last night if she's wasted. So if you see her with Alcohol or if she offers you a brownie, my advice to you is run... as fast as you can. I will try to protect you but she is cunning... How about I make you a deal? For every bad touch Renee gives you I'll give you two good touches in return to make it less horrifying."

"I feel like I'm selling my soul, if I agree to your deal and anyway, you won't save me. You could have last night and you didn't. You just watched as my innocence was stolen from me..."

"Honey the only reason I didn't save you from Renee last night was because you did something really mean to me yesterday. I mean really who brings their wife to an orgasm during her wedding photos or worse when they are sitting in front of _all _their friends and family?"

"Bella you have totally misconstrued my intention. I certainly wasn't being mean I was doing it for _your_ sexual gratification because I'm an extremely caring husband who only wanted to do something nice for his new wife...And if we're going to talk about mean then what you did to me in front of my parents was mean."

My beautiful feisty wife sprung into life, "You don't need to remind me but I need to remind you my darling husband that I was acting out of nobility. You needed a diversion from making a lapse in judgement and my quick thinking actions stopped you doing something you would have later regretted. What I did was far from mean Edward, it was in fact the ultimate act of kindness."

She poke her tongue out and my cock twitched at the sight and low growl rumbled from my throat, "Unless you want to make my mother terribly upset when we miss breakfast, then I would suggest you put that away, before I find some better uses for it. Don't look at me like that, you make me like this. I once could control my sexual urges, then I met you and that all went to shit."

Her giggle was music to my ears, "I feel giddy with the knowledge of the power I have over you my darling, and you know if you were a good husband you'd ring your mum and tell her your wife over indulged in too much seafood last night and now can't get out of bed because she is suffering terribly. That way we could just stay here all day and you could do all the things you never got time to doing to me last night."

My eyes narrowed and I groaned as I slipped from between the sheets, "You are mean. I don't care what you say, you are mean."

She rolled her eyes, "Oh I am not, and we've got time if we have a shower together...Come on my husband I promise I'll make you all better and we'll still get there on time." She took my hand in hers and pulled me toward the bathroom

"One day, I hope to have the same kind of power over you Mrs Cullen. Then it's going be payback."

"What are you talking about sweetie? You do have that power over me; you've spent an Age bending me to your will. And now you've put a ring on it you are stuck with me for life... And you know now that I am your _wife_ you're going to happily bend to my will some of the time..."

I sincerely hoped that she was right...

**A/N: Yay they finally made it to the altar. Please feel free to tell us what you thought...**


	39. Chapter 39 Share the Love

**A/N: First and foremost my apologies for the late update I have been on an enforced vacation after my family staged an intervention due to my twilight fanfict addiction. But of course nothing can't cure a twilight addiction (as you all know :) )**

**As always thank you to those of you who take the time to review it means a lot to us.**

*****So this chapter comes with a warning for those of you with a weak stomach. Some scenes may induce gagging...LMAO...We're serious people.**

**Special thanks to our wonderful friend and wonder Beta Sassy41. You make us whole :)**

**CHAPTER 39: Share The Love**

**Bella's POV...**

I dressed in a simple dark blue sun dress and kept my feet bare, I didn't even bother to dry or brush my hair; I just left it to dry into a mass of unkempt curls. I was embracing Aro's carefree way of life, and I was determined not to conform to anyone's idea but my own about what was appropriate.

Edward piggybacked me down our driveway and up the adjacent one, not letting me go until we were in the kitchen. Edward was immediately engaged in conversation with Esme so I slipped from his embrace and went to find Irina.

I wanted to talk to her about a surprise I wanted help in planning for Edward and I knew she was the one who had any hope in achieving it for me. I smiled gratefully when I walked through the door and found her alone in the dining room with Demetri; everybody else was out on the balcony.

She turned when she saw Demetri smiling over her shoulder and her face broke into an identical smile when she saw me.

For some god unknown reason I suddenly felt shy at the way Demetri was smirking at me, god I normally had no shame when it came to our best friends!

"Hi guys how are you this morning," I mumbled while trying to work out why I couldn't seem to bring myself to meet his gaze.

"Very well thank you and how did you sleep Mrs Cullen?" He said with a hint of laughter in his voice.

The blush rushed across my cheeks and I kept my eyes on the floor, _"Hmm...there was no sleep..."_ I murmured. My face burned brighter and I quickly changed the subject. "Irina if you're not busy can a steal you a way for a few minutes I need your help with something."

"Of course you can!" she said with a smile and grabbed my hand in hers.

We walked out the front door and I took a seat on the bottom stair, I looked around checking there was no one in ear shot before turning to Irina, "I was wondering if I might be able to ask you a favour?"

"Anything Bella, you know that."

"Thank you Irina. You are such a good friend. First I want to say thank you for everything you've done for Edward and for me, you have no idea how much we appreciate your love and support. So anyway I was wondering if you could help me with a surprise I want to give to Edward. As you know he's obsessed with The Killers, and I was thinking I might like to book tickets to one of their concerts in the states? I was also wondering if there was any way in hell you could use some of your contacts to maybe, organise a private Jam session with them and Edward."

She snorted when I mentioned Edward's 'Killer's' obsession, she knew as well as I did it was much more than that. Her brow furrowed for a minute then she looked over at me with a grin, "it shouldn't be too difficult, and Edward's name can get anyone pretty much anywhere you know. You should try it sometime; you are Mrs. Edward Cullen... How long do I have?" She said seriously, I could see her mind going into planning mode.

"As long as you need, and I don't think I'd ever use my name for something like that, you know your name is your virtue and all that...And make sure you organise time off for everyone. You should get to enjoy at least, considering you're the one that's doing all the hard work."

She grabbed me and hugged me fiercely "Of course I can, can you imagine his face? I can't miss that!" She said with a little squeal.

"Thank you sweetie you're so awesome. So I have something else no tell you." I hadn't asked Edward if he'd shared his news with his best friend, "I'm having another baby."

She looked at me in silence for a moment, and I thought there might be something wrong, until she threw herself at me with a screech. "Oh my GOD, Oh Bella I'm so happy for both of you... I guess that means our babies will be growing up together..."

It took me a minute to realise what she had said, "...Wait did you say...You're pregnant to?" I hugged her tightly "Irina I'm so happy for you and Demetri, I can't believe it, that's just to cool." I was happy for Irina and Demetri they were going to be the best parents. "Yay it will be nice to have friends to share the experience with this time, and _Edward_..."

"Yeah, we only found out yesterday morning. I told Edward but made him promise to keep his mouth shut, I wanted to tell you. We worked it out that I must be about six weeks pregnant. I'm a little scared to be honest..."

"The doctor thinks I'm that far along as well though I think I'm more like eight to ten weeks by how snug my clothes are starting to feel. And sweet pea there's nothing to be scared about, just stay relaxed and enjoy it. And if there's anything you want to know, I'm always here." I gave her another hug.

She grabbed her hand impulsively and squeezed a little too hard "Really? Because I am way over my head in this! Demetri is so excited, but what am I going to do? I can't just walk from Cullen Industries and I don't know if he would want to stay home with a baby... Oh my god, Bella I am so sorry. You don't want to hear all this..."

"Of course I want to hear it you can talk to me about anything anytime Irina. You know your just like a sister to me and that gives you all sisterly rights, sharing in celebrations and each other's fears. And don't worry about work, you know Edward he'll probably convert some of the offices next to yours into your own personal nursery or else he'll let you to work from home, or give up the job altogether. He will do whatever makes you happy Irina. You don't have to worry about work you have options."

"I don't want to leave..." I whispered "I kinda want it all, the baby and the job but I feel so selfish for it... How did you decide Bella?"

"Don't feel selfish for wanting it all, isn't what the feminist movements been fighting for and telling us that we can have it all. My choice was simple I didn't really have any other options, I had to stay home because I was their only care giver at the time..." A sudden wave of guilt washed over me at the thought of how I had kept the twins existence a secret Edward and how much that had cost him. I pushed the negative thoughts from my mind; I was never going down that path again so there was no point dwelling on it. "You need to do what's right for you sweetie, if you want it all then take it and don't back down until you get it. Anyway you don't need to worry about all of that yet, and I can promise you Edward will have an answer for every scenario so he'll already have the solution. He'll just be waiting for you to decide which option you're going to take."

She laughed and nodded her head in agreement, "I suppose you're right about that."

"Hmm...One of his most endearing and annoying qualities, Anyway sweetie let's go back and find the Daddies to be...This is going to be so much fun Irina...well until you hit the beached whale stage then you're pretty much over it."

**Edward POV**

I smiled as I watched Bella sitting with our children at the table. We were surrounded by our family and friends and I couldn't have imagined a more perfect setting to announce our news.

My mother and father were watching me curiously as I stood up and lightly tapped my fork against my glass.

"Jesus fucktard, stand on ceremony why don't you? A simple 'Oi, shut the hell up' works just as well. You wonder why people thought you were gay." Emmett piped up and Jasper burst into laughter beside him. Childishly, I picked up my bread roll and hurled it at his head, smirking as it struck my intended target dead on.

"Ow! Jesus, marriage hasn't given him a sense of humour." Emmett moaned while my mother shushed him.

"Thanks Mum." I said ignoring Jasper's jibes about still needing 'mummy'.

Once I had everyone's attention, I cleared my throat and began

"I just wanted to thank you all for being here and joining Bella, Apple, Louis and myself at this very happy time. I for one have never been happier. I have the most beautiful wife on the planet..."

"Well, I don't know about that. No offence Bella." My father piped up with a laugh, wrapping an arm around my blushing mother. I smiled at them both.

"I stand by my statement. Sorry mum." Everyone laughed as I continued "I have the most beautiful, intelligent loving wife, the cheekiest most adorable daughter and a son who I'm sure is probably more mature and grown up than his old man is." The room erupted into laughter once again. "And because my wife is the most incredible woman in the world, she has informed me that our little family will be growing. Bella's pregnant!" I said excitedly.

"More grandchildren!" My mother beamed, clapping her hands over her mouth in excitement. My Father rolled his eyes and winked at me, but I could see he was just as pleased as my mother was.

"With how often you two go at it, you're lucky we aren't bloody Catholics. You would never stop having babies!" Emmett chuckled, earning a smack around the ears from Rosalie.

I smiled at our family as they shared in our good news and good fortune. They were all just as excited as I was and in that moment, as I sat back down beside Bella and took Louis onto my lap, I realised that I was the luckiest man alive.

**Bella POV**

I sat Apple and Louis on my knee while Edward stood up and spoke on our behalf; I hugged my children closely as I listened to his smooth velvety voice put paid to the silence that had fallen over the room. I was a little surprised when he announced that I was pregnant but I smiled over at our friends and family in acknowledgement of their good will.

I slid Louis into Edward's lap when he returned to his seat and leaned over to kiss them both, "seems they took the news well." I looked over at Charlie and Carlisle who were shaking hands and talking animatedly.

Edward nodded his head in agreement and gave me my favourite heart stopping smile. Desire reared in me and I suddenly wished we were alone. I quickly reminded myself that we soon be on our honeymoon where we would be alone.

The thought was a doubled edged sword, my desire burned brighter but it was easier to control knowing we would soon have no interruptions.

Breakfast was a happy affair, I looked around at all my loved ones who were all happily engaged in conversations with each other and my love for each and every one of them doubled in intensity.

Each of them had enriched our lives in their own unique way and I would happily do anything I could to help any one of them if they needed it.

Apple slid off my lap when she saw Charlie and Renee approach the table and ran into Charlie's arms; Edward took one look at Renee and hastily struck up a conversation with Irina who was sitting to his left.

I scooped Louis off his lap and quickly made my way to greet my parents so Edward wouldn't have to deal with Renee. That unfortunately that wasn't going to last long: since they were about to leave and take the children with them.

I kissed Charlie then turned to my mum with a grin," how are you feeling today mum?" I asked brightly.

She slipped her dark sunglasses off for a second before wincing and shoving them back over her eyes, "Jesus Bella I feel like I've been hit by a bus. Honestly I'm sure there was more than cannabis in those brownies."

"You're probably right mum, and then on the other hand you nearly ate an entire batch yourself, which may have been ok if you were the same size as Emmett," I mused before adding, "If you're ever planning on doing it again and I sincerely pray that you're not, may I suggest you stick with just having one instead of half a dozen."

She groaned as a shudder rolled through her, "What's wrong with Edward dear, doesn't he want to come over and say goodbye?"

I looked at Charlie who was looking at Apple. I could see he was trying not to laugh at Renee's question, she obviously had no idea what she got up to last night and I didn't have the heart to tell her that she could probably find the footage on You Tube courtesy of Emmett, who would never of come to our wedding reception without some sort of digital recording device.

"Um...course he wants to come and say goodbye, he's just talking business with Irina," She nodded her head as she looked over at him. "I'll go over and get him shall I?" I didn't give her time to answer as I thrust Louis at her and spun on my heel.

Edward looked up as I approached him and I noted he wore a look that was a mixture of unadulterated love for me and mild trepidation.

"Sorry sweetie," I said apologetically while trying to stop the smirk from forming on my lips, "but you need to come and say goodbye, Renee and Charlie are going to go and get the kids organised for Esme and Carlisle. Try not to worry she doesn't remember anything."

Edward took my outstretched hand with a sigh of resignation that had both Irina and I fighting back our giggles. He came to stand behind me when we reached Renee and Charlie, holding me close to his chest like he was using me as a shield against Renee's unwanted advances.

Charlie snickered and reached for Edward's hand, "Edward, congratulations son, I'm totally chuffed at being a granddad again. And we'll see you soon; have a good time on your honeymoon."

"Thanks Charlie." Edward turned his attention to Renee and I felt him shudder,

"Take care Renee, it's been a... pleasure..." He grabbed her hand and pressed it to his lips quickly letting go and wrapping his arm back around my waist.

I glanced at Charlie, who gave me a quick smirk and looked away; we were both fighting to hold in our laughter.

"Thank you Edward, it's been fun...well what I remember was fun anyway. Bella sweetheart I'm so happy for you, married to the perfect man and having another baby. So gorgeous..."

"Thanks Mum, I'll call you when we get back ok." I gave her a quick one armed hug then took Louis from her and hugged him to me, he buried his face against my neck, and tears pricked my eyes.

I didn't want to be leaving my children; I missed them when they weren't with me. "Mummy will see you soon Louis. Be good for Grandma and Grandpa my baby."

Louis burrowed deep into hair, "Can Louis come with Mummy?"

I wanted to say yes but I couldn't. I wanted to spend this time with Edward creating the first memories of our life as husband and wife.

"I'm sorry Louis but you can't. How about if Mummy asks Irina and Demetri if they will bring you and Apple to Eden Beach for the weekend before we leave to come home," I knew Edward wouldn't mind by then he'd be missing them by then as much as I would be.

I kissed him again and tried to pass him to Edward but he tightened his grip around my neck, "Louis hug mummy some more."

My resolve was weakening and I wanted to ask Edward if we could take the kids, I looked up at him and he knew what I was about to ask.

I could see he was torn, he wanted to take the kids but he wanted to be alone with me too. I could tell he was about to relent when Louis pulled his face from my neck,

"Louis and Apple come see mummy with Rina and Metri?"

Edward reached out and took Louis from my arms hugging him close to his chest, "That's right son, you and Apple come and see Mummy and Dad with Irina and Demetri. Now you be good for your grandparents ok and Dad will see you soon."

Apple was the complete opposite of Louis, she threw herself into my arms and hugged me fiercely, "Bye My Mummy, I love you. Apple will look after Louis, at Grandpa Lyle's house."

I kissed her head and inhaled her gorgeous sent, "Bye my Apple, mummy loves you to. And thank you for looking after Louis; you're such a kind sister." I wanted to tell Apple she was going to be a sister again but I thought I'd wait until we were back together again, so we could talk about properly.

Edward passed Louis to Charlie as Apple reached out for him, "My Daddy, want to hug my daddy. Apple loves her Daddy."

Edward touched the tip of her nose with his fingertip and she giggled adoringly at him. Apple rained kisses all over Edward's face and hugged him for a full five minutes before she would finally allow him to pass her to Renee so they could leave...

Once Charlie and Renee left with Esme and Carlisle, Edward and I were free to do what we wanted. We knew our friends were expecting us to gap it the second we could and that they wouldn't be seeing us again for at least the twenty four hours.

All but Emmett waved off good naturedly, he pelted Edward will bread rolls in retaliation for his brother's earlier assault. Edward growled as one ricocheted off his back and I couldn't but laugh.

We arrived at the house ten minutes later, both of us were removing our clothes and throwing them on the ground as we entered through the front door.

Getting naked hadn't been a problem for me since I was only wearing my sundress with my customary nothing underneath.

Edward's T-shirt lay in the doorway and he was frantically trying to remove his jeans when I tried to streak past him, his free arm snaked out and ensnared me and he kicked himself free of his jeans as we tumbled to the floor.

Before I could catch my breath Edward's head had dipped between my legs and he was attacking my clit ferociously with his tongue while his fingers slid into my warmth.

"Mmm...Edward, so good..." I said breathlessly as my fingers tugged his hair roughly pulling him harder against me.

I knew I couldn't get anymore friction, but I wanted more, Edward's tongue did things to me I never knew were possible. When he placed his thumb firmly on my clit and let his tongue join his fingers inside me I was lost.

My trembling thighs tightened around the side of head, keeping him where I wanted him, tiny spots of colour burst before my eyes before my vision blurred before disappearing altogether,

"Holyfuckingshit...Ed...Ward...can't, so...good...fuck baby...what you do to me..."

He never stopped his ministrations and my second orgasm crashed over me, leaving me completely breathless and almost disorientated, the spots of colour were raining down thick and fast in front of my eyes, twinkling like tiny stars.

He pulled his face from between my legs with a groan, "Fuck baby I could drown in that fountain for the rest of my life..." I took a couple of deep calming breaths before lifting my head to look at him.

As soon as my lust filled eyes met his a low growl erupted from his throat, "On your hands and knees Bella, right fucking now."

I smirked at him and rolled over, doing what he asked I wiggled my ass in his face and was rewarded with a sharp slap across my cheeks. I hissed in both pain and pleasure, though the pain was gone as soon as his hand massaged over the spot.

"Don't; fucking tease me Bella, not when I want to fuck you so badly." He grabbed my hips and pulled me back toward him, a low hiss escaping his lips as he buried himself fully inside me. My head collapsed onto my forearms when his hand slid around to palm over my mound, his finger seeking my swollen bud it's pace quickly matching Edward's frenzied thrusts, "Love fucking you like this...the sight of my cock sliding into you is unbelievable, nearly as good as it feels." He pressed his finger more firmly on my clit, working it furiously as random thoughts spilled from his lips, "you have no fucking idea what your body does to me Bella...I can't fucking believe how it sings for me, begging me to take it and claim it for myself..."

"You have claimed it as your own my husband..." I could feel my orgasm fast approaching and by the way Edward's cock throbbed against my walls I knew his was not far off as well.

"Cum with me _my_ Bella...I want to feel on my cock what I do to you...what only I will ever do to you."

His words had my walls clamping around him, I could feel my juices coating him as they trickled down my thigh, "No one else but you my husband, I only ever cum for you."

Edward waited until our violent tremors had subsided before he bent over and placed a row of feather light kisses along my spine, "I love you Isabella Marie Cullen, my wife."

"And I love you Edward Anthony Cullen, my husband...

**~~~~xxxx~~~~**

I finally pulled my lips from Edward's and glanced at the clock, "Sweetie we've been holed up in the house for the last fifty two hours, I think our loved ones might be feeling a little neglected, we really should attempt to get out of bed and go visit before they give up on us altogether."

"Ok..."He sighed and brought his lips back to mine.

It was another three hoursbefore we finally staggered out of bed and into the shower, we checked the house we had rented for the others first and when we found no one there we went to Aro's instead. We walked in without knocking and I stopped dead in my tracks and a shudder rolled through me when my gaze fell on Rosalie sitting on the bench with her long legs wrapped around Aro, and she kissing him hard out.

Emmett's booming laugh shattered the silence and I looked at him in horror...

"What the fuck?Rose please stop that, you'll give him a heart attack." I looked at Edward in horror. This was so wrong on so many levels, "Shall we just leave now, I don't think my stomach can handle it," I whispered.

Edward looked at Aro and Rose and I could feel his stomach retch. "Oh for the love of God Aro," He said in disgust "Did you fucking give Rose some of your tea?" He looked at Emmett "And you're ok with this? You realise he's had gonnoreah and probably every other STI known to man at one point don't you?" Edward pulled me into his arms, "Jesus baby, don't look."

Emmett's booming laugh filled the room, " he gave her the tea like two days ago, and what can I say Eddie? Aro's a cool dude with the best drugs out there man, I want him to invite me back and if letting him make out with Lucy Diamond is going get me an invite. Besides I say let the old man have some fun, fuck like he's ever gonna get a chance like this again."

I looked at Emmett in disgust, "Emmett you are so fucked up do you know that?" I turned to Rose, "Rosalie for fuck sake snap out of it." I couldn't look at her for longer than it took to utter the words the sight was so revolting bile actually filled my mouth.

She finally opened her eyes and I could see her struggling to recognise me for a minute, then I saw something change in her eye and she pulled her mouth from Aro's and grinned at me,.

"Hey you two finally decided to join the land of the living." she kept her arms and legs wrapped Aro looking at our stunned faces in amusement.

I shook my head at her, "Yes and what have you joined the land of the insane? What the fuck are you doing Rose?"

Aro looked at me with a huge grin, "Well Flower Child, other than giving me the biggest case of wood I've had in about thirty odd years, I'd say she's just being friendly. I told you, jealousy will do no good honey, Edward will literally kill my old stoner ass." He smiled up and Emmett "This one here though, he embodies the sixties. Free love Flower Child, it's all about love..." he looked at Edward who was going decidedly pale "Why don't you and Flower Child go brew some more of that tea? Your friends Irina and Demetri called and said they would be up here shortly, I bet she would love a cup..." He trailed off suggestively, Edward scowled at Aro and Emmett went into hysterics. "Chill Edward, I didn't mean that tea, I gave what I had left to Emmett and Lucy here, I meant some of my herbal tea..."

"I'm sorry Aro I don't mean to get jealous," I said in response to his earlier quip, "but I don't know if I want to share you, especially with Lucy Diamond she was always trying to hit on my boyfriends when I was younger." Rosalie rolled her eyes at me and I smirked.

Aro sighed and shook his head sadly, "You're not the first fox to say that to me honey; all the ladies have a hard time sharing me." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, "But there's enough Aro to go around."

"Fuck Bella, sharing, old boyfriends? Fucking nobody touches you but me." Edward suddenly growled from beside me.

My eyes widened in surprise and I was about to tell him not to be so stupid when Aro who didn't seem surprised but was entirely amused by his comment beat me to it.

"Would you like to cock your leg and pee on her too? That way all men might recognise her as yours by scent alone." Aro chortled.

I turned toward Edward who was looking murderous; he pulled my hand up and pointed at my ring, "This right here? It says 'I belong to Edward Cullen and he will fucking castrate any of you if you try it'." He growled.

Emmett laughed harder and even Rose began to giggle.

I on the other hand sighed in exasperation and rolled my eyes."Oh for god sake Edward. Honestly? You're throwing a fucking tantrum over my old adolescent boyfriends. Aro I think Edward might benefit from some of your free love tea...or perhaps the wedding present you have for him?"

I felt like whacking Edward over the head, I was not going to cope if he lost it anytime an old boyfriend was mentioned or I wanted to have some fun with Aro.

Aro smiled at me, "Edward is good Flower Child, he knows my deal and he knows that you are safe from_ my_ groove thing. Lucy Diamond here, now Emmett should be worried." He grinned at Edward who eventually smiled back.

When Emmett finally got his hysterics under control, he got up and threw Rose over his shoulder carrying her out onto the balcony, leaving Edward, Aro and I alone. We followed him into the lounge and he gave me a wink and a smile as he headed for the far end of the room where the portrait sat covered in a paint stained sheet.

He pulled the sheet off with a flourish and turned like I did to see Edward's reaction, the room was completely silent as Edward took in the painting; he stared at it from afar for a few moments before making his way over to it and studying it in minute detail.

I walked to his side just as he reached out to touch it; Aro slapped his hand away with a frown, "Don't touch it. It still needs time to cure. Flower Child knows what to do with it." He looked at me in shock."You knew about this?"

I smiled at his surprise, "Of course, I spent the day of the wedding with Aro. After he had braided my hair he painted the portrait. It was the perfect day, exactly how I envisioned my whole wedding day to be...Thank you for making another of my dreams come true. Introducing me to Aro was a good thing Edward; he's already helped me so much in the short time I have known him. And you should count yourself lucky he's in your life to sweetie." I whispered.

Edward needed to know that I counted Aro as one of the most important people in my life, he had so many qualities and he could teach both Edward and I so much.

Edward never looked at me as he spoke, "I do count myself lucky to know Aro. I always have, he accepts me the way I am." He leaned over and gave me a chaste kiss before taking my hand and following Aro out onto the deck where Rose and Emmett were sitting sharing a joint with Alice and Jasper...

...We spent the afternoon with Aro, Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper, luckily every one seem to pull themselves out of the twilight Zone and it ended up being a very enjoyable day, we sung along with Aro to all his favourite sixties songs, and I was finding it hard to control my lust for Edward when he pulled out Aro's acoustic guitar and effortlessly played the music to our songs. By the time the songs finally came to an end my want for Edward was starting to overwhelm me and all I wanted to do was get him alone for a while before Irina and Demetri arrived at our place for dinner.

I only had to look at Edward for him to know where my thoughts were and he quickly scooped me up in his arms, he didn't even bother to say goodbye to the others before he was almost running down the driveway with me, I waved out and groaned when they broke into gales of laughter, I could still hear Emmett when we hit the footpath.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I heard the knock on the door, and reluctantly pulled myself from Edward's lap and went to let in our closest friends. I hugged Irina tightly and smiled at Demetri. As soon as I let Irina go Demetri pulled me into his arms, "how are you enjoying be married to Edward, Bells?"

I snorted, "I thinkyou mean Caveward don't you Demetri? I think he led me up the garden path to be honest." I whispered conspiratorially. Irina and Demetri both laughed freely and I joined them, "Come on he's out on the deck organising the barbeque."

They followed me through the house and out onto the deck where Edward was busy cooking steaks. He looked so good standing there his jeans moulding perfectly to his ass, his killers t-shirt straining slightly across his broad back. Suddenly I found myself already wishing dinner was over and we were alone again. Edward caught me ogling him and gave me a quick wink.

Demetri walked to his side and shook his hand while Irina and I took a seat and began a very hurried whispered conversation, I looked over at Edward who was watching us suspiciously, no doubt wondering what all the low hissing noises were about.

I gave him a quick smile and his eyebrow arched, ""What are you two hiding over there?"

The little white lie tumbled from my lips before I even consciously realised I had said it, "We are just talking baby stuff nothing that you probably want to hear about and if you do I'll give you a rundown later tonight. Now we're a boring old married couple we won't have anything else to do but knit, read and play board games." I smirked at him and Demetri laughed loudly.

"I don't mind playing board games with you; we could play naked scrabble, or strip monopoly or of course my old favourite; Twister."

"Hmm I might need to stick to the knitting, let's see you turn that into something sexual. God and you give Aro shit; you know you'll probably be just like him at that age, a dirty old perv."

"You see me kissing your sister at his age?" He looked at me like he was waiting for me to turn violent but I was in the mood to have some fun with him.

"Hell yeah and Renee," I said slyly and Irina and Demetri howled with laughter, Edward's face dropped and I hurried to his side, "But only if you want to," I whispered and kissed his neck

"I need a shower. Why would you bring that up again love?" His voice had a hint of anger to it and I rolled my eyes.

"Edward sweetie you need to lighten up before you have a stroke," I kissed him again and grabbed the plate of steaks and made my way back to the table.

We were halfway through dinner when Irina shot me a covert look then turned and looked at Edward seriously, "hey Boss just a heads up we are going to do a quick trip to the states sometime soon, we have the chance to takeover a struggling company and it will require a fleeting trip."

Edward switched into business mode though he had a look of boredom about him as he questioned Irina on the basics of the proposal. He didn't seem overly impressed with what he heard and Irina shot me a slightly panicked look as she asked Edward if he wanted her to pull the plug on the deal.

I wanted to intervene but I knew I couldn't, I couldn't interfere with Edward's business decisions so I gave Irina a look letting her know that she was on her own on this one.

I could tell Irina was holding her breath like I was waiting to see if Edward was going to indeed pull the plug and ruin the surprise we had planned for him. We smiled at each other when he gave her the go ahead and we breathed a collective sigh of relief.

He gave her a quick smile," I meant to tell you; I've already been on the phone to human resources and the IT department. HR is setting up a nursery in the office next to yours, and have a list of nannies that you may want to look at. IT has set up everything so if you want to work at home you can too... What?" Irina and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Once I got my laughter under control I finally looked at him, "Nothing sweetie, we're just impressed at how fast you work." I turned to Irina, "so when do you think you'll have to go to the states, I need time to prepare myself for being away from husband." what I really wanted to know was had she set a date for our plans.

She knew straight away what I was really getting at and she looked at me seriously, "I have only set up tentative meetings at the moment, everything can be finalised and prepared when you get back from your honeymoon."

Edward frowned and looked Irina, "Couldn't we organise to fly Bella and Demetri too? My head isn't really going to be in the game if she isn't around, I'm telling you now."

Irina tried to contain her grin, "I'm sure I can organise something Edward, I wouldn't want you not to be on your game, or pining for your wife." She said with a smirk.

Edward laughed and started hassling Irina about how when they were in France he had to listen to her pining for Demetri for months. There was no way Irina was taking that and accused him of being a train wreck himself. I loved watching the easy familiarity they had with each other, it was nearly on the same level as mine and Jakes friendship.

I was brought back to the conversation when Irina laughed loudly, "Don't forget pervy, the sick and pervy." I had missed most of their conversation but I couldn't help but laugh at Edward's face.

He looked at Irina then at me, "Yeah, ok maybe you're right there but that's all her fault." He said pointing to me. "Before her I was a choirboy, just ask my Mum."

I snorted at Edward, "Don't blame it on me and I planned to ask your father, he'll give me the true story. I bet you spent hours climbing in and out of your girlfriends windows, trying to dodge their fathers."

"Honey the only time my father has ever caught me has been with you." he said kissing the tip of my nose. "Something he is no doubt thankful for." he added picking up a grape from the salad and holding it to my lips.

"Oh god Edward do you have to remind me of that,"." I blushed when I realised what I had just said, Irina and Demetri laughed and I reddened further.

"Would you care to elaborate on that story Bell, Edward?" Demetri asked with a smug smile, mischief was glinting in his eyes.

I hid my face in my hands as Edward retold the story of us in that highly embarrassing situation when Carlisle had caught us that night in the office.

Demetri and Irina laughed along with Edward, I tried to laugh but it came out sounding like an embarrassed groan.

As much as I loved Irina and Demetri I was happy when they left an hour later, Edward had been giving me covert looks for the last two hours, looks that left me in no doubt what was on his mind...

**A/N:****Feel free to leave us a review you know how much we love a serving of your feedback with our coffee :)**


	40. Sand, Stars & Moonligt Serenades

**A/N: **As always we'd like to thank those of you who take the time to review our story and to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions. Sorry updates are taking a bit longer we are just trying to get the ending written but these characters just never make things easy and it just keeps getting longer and longer. Some days we joke it's the never ending story.

Love to our Beta **Sassy41**...We want the world to know we think you're not only the sweetest person we know but the kindest as well. xx

**Mountainlion718**, Greenaway would like to say thank you for saying you found the Aro and Rose visual eewww because she does to... and she often growls for me for making her write such vomit inducing, nightmare inspiring horridness. :)

Greenaway and I would like to dedicate this chapter to one of our readers and favourite reviewers **Flora73...**We would like to say congratulations and we wish you every happiness for the future our sweet Angel :) xx

**DISCLAIMER:** S. Meyer owns Twilight, **Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own An Angel At My Table, **all songs used in this chapter are the rightful property of the respective owners.

**PLAYLIST:**

Ice Cube: You Can Do It.

Robert Pattinson: I'll be your lover to.

**Chapter 40: Sand, Stars & Moonlight Serenades.**

**Bella's POV...**

Edward and I were strapped into our seats on the Cullen Jet waiting for takeoff. I was a complete wreck; I hated flying. Edward on the other hand kept looking at me like all his Christmases had come at once, and I wondered what was on his mind.

I got my answer the second the seatbelt sign clicked off and he was suddenly hauling me out of my seat.

"Edward, are you ok, what are you doing?"

He just told me to hurry up as he dragged me toward the back of the plane and into the small sleeping quarters. He closed the door behind us with a grin.

I looked at him in confusion and he looked back at me impatiently,"We are on a plane Bella."

It took me about another three seconds to click on to what he was going on about and I smirked, "Oh that's right you never got to have any fun the last time did you?...And what makes you think you're getting any this time? Or was that part of the fine print I didn't read when I signed the contract."

I laughed when his face dropped.

"W-what?" He stammered, "But I thought..." He sat down on the bed a frown marring his features.

I sighed in exasperation, "Sweetie... Are you ever going to lighten up? I was just joking; I wouldn't of dream of ruining your fun..." I slid into his lap wrapping myself around him, "Take me my husband," I purred as I crushed my lips to his.

He didn't bother to answer; he just forced my tongue between my lips at the same time as he turned on his IPOD. I giggled against his mouth when I heard the lyrics of his song choice.

_You can do it put your back into it, _

_I can do it put your ass into it. _

He broke the kiss and I sighed as his hands slid down my sides, I went to speak but he silenced me by pressing his finger against my lips.

I smiled as I drew it into my mouth and sucked it slowly; I knew from his look that he could see the desire in mine.

"Such a naughty girl, aren't you?" he growled as he picked me up and turned me so his chest was pressed against my back.

"Watch," He ordered. I looked up and was confronted by our images reflected back at us from the full length mirror hanging on the door.

I did what he said and watched as he brought my skirt up around my waist. His resounding moan when he saw I was wearing no panties sent a wave of desire surging through me. I could already feel moisture seeping down my thigh. I elicited another desire inspiring moan from Edward when I rubbed myself against his prominent erection.

My breathing got shallower as his hand slid slowly up my thigh and stopped altogether as it inched closer to where I wanted him to touch me most. Although joining the mile high club was Edward's fantasy I soon found myself begging for him.

"Edward please don't tease me; I said I was sorry..."

"Hmm, I don't think so baby. I'm enjoying this." He pulled his hand from my thigh and I groaned in frustration. He practically tore my shirt from my body. His eyes rolled back in his head as he massaged my breast,"I think we should just keep you pregnant all the time, I am loving these..." he breathed before sliding his hands down to my hips "And these? Fuck..."

I sucked in a lungful of air, his voice sounded like sex put to music. I could feel my thighs getting wetter, "Please Edward touch me where I want to be touched..." I pleaded.

His hand fisted in my hair and pulled my face toward his and sucked my bottom lip between his teeth.

I gasped when he suddenly bit down. I could taste the blood on my lip, I slid my tongue along tasting the dull metallic fluid, "Mmm... you drew blood...Does that make you feel good baby?"

"It does... And I'm not ashamed to admit it." He breathed in my ear.

I smiled at his reflection, "I'm glad that it makes you feel good and I'm so proud of you for admitting that to me. You don't have to be scared to show me what you want to do to me sweetie or what you want me to do to you. I trust you Edward and I promise you that I will tell you if it's not good, I'm never going to be the cause of yourself hatred or my own ever again."

His tongue snaked out and slid over my wound and I shivered as he grabbed my hand and brought it to my breast forcing me to massage it

"Do you feel this Bella? Feel just how fucking beautiful you are. Its perfect isn't it? So full and soft: Just Fucking Perfect. And this, such smooth soft skin," He pulled our hands down over my stomach, caressing the skin there. "But a bit further down, that's where things start to get really interesting."

Our hands slid over my mound and I was struggling to get enough oxygen in my lungs when both of our fingers slid inside me. I felt my knees starting to give when Edward's low guttural growl rent the air.

"God Edward feels so good..." I moaned against his cheek. I couldn't control my shallow gasps or the tremors that rocked through me. My orgasm began to build in intensity, I could feel my juices flowing onto our fingers, and the feeling had my eyes rolling back in my head as his named spilled from my lips in a chant...

He withdrew our fingers and walked us toward a small cabinet at the back of the room and bent me over it, he thrust into me, "You liked that didn't you Bella? Tell me how much you liked it..." He ordered.

"I did like it Edward, my skin is soft, and when I came on our fingers it felt like heaven. I like to touch myself for you; I like pleasuring myself for you...only for you... my body, my soul, and my pleasure belongs to you...you own it like you own my heart." He bit down on my flesh, "Mmm...Edward the bite, just perfect..." I whispered, I knew he felt my body tense and he responded by not biting any harder than enough to make it feel good, really good.

He cupped my face in my hands and kissed my forehead. "I love you Mrs Cullen, more than anything else, I love you."

"I will never doubt that you love me my husband..."

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

We arrived on the island and Edward helped me off the boat. When I started to walk toward the bungalow he grabbed my hand and pulled me back toward him**. **

"Not this time baby, this time we are staying in the house." He walked me up the path and stopped outside the front door, he discarded our bags and lifted me into his arms, I looked at him questioningly and he grinned,"It's a threshold isn't it?"

"It is a threshold, but sweetie why aren't we staying in the bungalow?" I knew exactly why we weren't staying in the bungalow but I wanted to hear his excuse, or did I?

It was bound to be perfect and I would be unable once again to argue with his reasoning.

He grinned and I realised he'd anticipated my reaction.

"Well, the bungalows are just so small and then we wouldn't have this perfect view of the lagoon, which incidentally I have plans to repeatedly fuck you in..."

"When can we get to that bit?" the words tumbled from my mouth of their own vocation. He was trying to divert my attention and of course he achieved his objective.

Damn him for being so fucking fuckable, I thought to myself

**"**I was thinking after breakfast tomorrow we could go for a morning swim. Naked of course." he carried me inside and my breath caught when I looked around the candle lit room.

All thoughts of fucking in the lagoon were suddenly gone, replaced with thoughts of how much I absolutely adored this man, and howlucky I was that he was mine...

**... **I took the glass from him and took a small sip, the bubbles tickled my nose and I giggled as it fizzed through my nasal passages. "Edward this is amazing, how do you do it? Just when I think you can't possibly outdo yourself you once again surprise me with the lengths you will go to do make me feel special."

"I'd do anything for you love, you should know that by now." I looked at him suspiciously and he sighed, "A magician never gives away his secrets Bella. Come on I want to show you the rest of the house."

The sweet smell of frangipanis assaulted my senses, they were intricately wound around the banister of the stair case Edward was now walking me up.

Moonlight spilled out over us as we reached the top of the landing through the huge floor to ceiling window that ran the entire length of the wall. Edward led me toward the bedroom at one end of the massive floor we were on.

He walked me to the bed and waited until I was perched in the middle before he spoke,"Close your eyes I have one more gift for you, well two actually, but this one I think you will like."

I did as he instructed and closed my eyes and never opened them until I felt him place the gift in my hands. I quickly opened the folder and gasped at stack of photos of a small improvished Nepalese village that was undergoing reconstruction. There were also photos of children whose lives had been saved and enriched by the money donated to them in my name.

Tears burned my eyes; Edward was a true humanitarian and I needed to give him credit and respect for that.

I threw my arms around his neck, "you have the most beautiful soul Edward, don't you ever forget that, you deserve to be ranked amongst the highest of Angels. Thank you from me and from those who your kindness and compassion have saved." My tears spilled over as the awe I felt for my husband washed through me.

"I have another gift for you." He pulled a small box from under the pillow and placed it in my hands. "Please don't be mad..." He begged when he saw me frown at the velvet box.

"Sweetheart, I'm not mad at you even though you are going totally over the top," I lifted the lid and gasped when I saw the stunning emerald and diamond choker that matched my engagement ring perfectly, "Edward, you have already given me diamonds...Really sweetie it is absolutely exquisite but it's too much."

I looked down at the sparkling necklace, it truly was beautiful, and it matched Edward and Apples eyes and my engagement perfectly.

"I know you don't need these things, but I thought you might one day want to pass your ring onto Apple or something and this would kind of make it a set. You know, one of those pass it through the generations thing, starting with us..." He leaned down and kissed me, picking up the necklace and securing it around my neck. "Stunning... And the necklace is ok too I suppose. Perhaps you could where it to bed tonight for me...with nothing else on of course."

I ran my finger along the choker, "Mmm...I guess I could wear it for you...but only because you've just been ordained into the highest order of the Angels, and I'll get a kick out of saying I got to bed one of them in nothing but gorgeous jewellery.

I removed my clothes slowly and crawled up Edward's body, pausing when I reached the waist band of his jeans. I placed kiss on his stomach as I undid his fly, my lips followed the line of silky hair until it reached the tip of his cock. My tongue snaked out to lick the precum gathered in the slit, "Mmm...Edward you taste so good, I want more of you."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I woke in Edward's arms per usual, still wearing the diamond and Emerald choker, I was ravenously hungry, I looked over at my gorgeous husbands sleeping form and carefully disentangled myself from his embrace, I didn't bother getting dressed, instead I headed for the window, taking in the sparkling and very inviting waters of the lagoon. I looked back at Edward before making my way downstairs and into the kitchen.

I checked out the fridge and cupboard's taking all the items I needed as I went. I was just slipping the omelettes onto the plates when Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms securely around my waist.

"Hmm, whatcha cooking, good looking?"

"Omelette's, I'm fucking starving! I think I've been expending more energy than I've been putting in over the last few days...not that I'm complaining or anything. So how did you sleep?" I passed him a plate and took my own, I took a seat on his lap and charfed down my eggs, they were scolding but my stomach didn't care it just growled in appreciation.

My eggs were gone in a matter of seconds but my hunger for food raged on, Edward must have noticed how hungry I still was because he placed his barely touched eggs on my plate, "Here love, I can just grab some cereal or something, you look like you need this more than I do."

I kissed his forehead, "No you have it, I'm just gonna make us a mango smoothie, and maybe I'll have some toast as well. I wonder if we have any nutmeg. I think I want peanut butter and nutmeg on toast, with mango as well. So sweetie, I thought we might go for a swim and explore the reefs after breakfast if you're interested?" I adjusted the choker around my neck and looked over at him.

He never answered me and I quickly realised why, his eyes were moving slowly over my body, taking in every detail, you think that with the amount of time he spent touching me he'd know every inch of it by now, I guessed the changes pregnancy were having on me already were fascinating him.

I shook my head and cleared my throat, he finally dragged his eyes from my breasts and brought them to my face, I could tell somewhat reluctantly, "Did you say something love?"

I rolled my eyes at him, "I said would you like to go for a swim and explore the reefs after breakfast?" I could tell Edward thoughts were not on swimming, but we needed to achieve something other than how many orgasms we could give each other on this trip.

He turned sulky real quick at my suggestion though he tried half heartedly to hide it. He may have got away with it if it hadn't been for the fact that he was attacking his omelette violently with his fork."If you like, I'm happy if you're happy."He gave me an unconvincing smile.

"Edward why are you sulking? Weren't you telling me last night that you were repeatedly going to fuck me in that lagoon, I thought you were serious, obviously by the look on your face you were all talk."

I leapt up from the table and heard his growl erupt through the room as I pelted out the open French doors and onto the pristine sand. I made straight for the water diving under as soon as it was deep enough. I quickly made my way off shore and turned treading water to see if Edward had followed me. My hand fluttered toward the choker I was still wearing, and I sincerely hoped the salt water wouldn't damage it.

Edward was nowhere on the beach or in the water and was beginning to wonder why he didn't follow me when he came up behind me and pinched me. I spun in his arms and put my hands on his head pushing him back under the water.

The water was pristine and I was attracted by the bright hues of the tropical fish darting beneath me.

I twisted out of Edward's arms and dove under the water pulling myself down to the magical world of the reefs below me. Edward was swimming on the surface above me his shadow the only dark spot in the crystal clear water. I waited until my lungs were groaning for oxygen before making my assent.

As soon as my head broke the surface, Edward was pulling me into his arms and purring in my ear,"How do you like your lagoon Mrs Cullen?"

I pressed my lips to his, "I love my lagoon and everything residing in it, it's just a whole magical fairytale world down there with the coral and fish. Can you imagine how many hours Louis is going to spend out here, swimming with the sea life? He's going to be even more enchanted than I am. Come on let's go and have another look," I smiled and kissed his pouty lips, pushing away from him and once again diving back under the water**.**

We had barely started our descent toward the reef when Edward grabbed my hand and suddenly changed our direction pulling us toward the surface. Our heads broke the water simultaneously.

"What happened? Did you run out of air already?" I said in confusion.

"I did, I think I might even need resuscitating..." He brought his lips to mine and my legs unconsciously wrapped around his waist. I kissed him until I was breathless. He shook his head. "Nope, I think we need more extreme measures." He adjusted my position and slid into me effortlessly, a soft sigh escaping his lips, "And there we go..."

I giggled in his ear, "So that's the secret to resuscitating you my sweet? You must be the only man alive whose cock has a direct link to his lungs. I pushed down on him a little harder, loving the ease and fluidity of the motion, the water lapped at my skin making it even more sensitive to Edwards touch.

Edward's eyes rolled back in his head as I tightened my grip pulling him deeper into me, I could stop the giggle that flew from my lips when he started speaking his thoughts aloud.

"Fuck Bella, you feel so goddamn good! So fucking warm and tight...His eyes snapped back to mine his eyebrows arched, "Are you laughing at me Mrs Cullen, it's not very polite you know. He took an uneven breath, "Fuck Bella, you feel so goddamn good! So fucking warm and tight... tell me Bella, please tell me..."

"Only for you my husband...only ever for you," I tightened my grip on him, my lips pressed against his ear, my breathing was coming in gasps and I ground myself against him as hard as the water would allow, "only you can make me feel this way..."

I kept my eyes on Edward as he reached his climax, I loved watching him lost in his release. The way his expression took on that complete look of unadulterated pleasure, and his eyes got so deep that I could see into his soul.

"I love you Bella." He whispered.

"I love youEdward, only you forever."

I sighed when he withdrew from me and began swimming us back to shore, carrying me back to the house and straight into the shower. I sat on the small ledge while he washed the salt from my hair and body, the choker remained in place around my neck.

"So my baby what are we going to do for the rest of the day?" I asked enthusiastically. There were many things to do on the Island and we had done none of them and I bet if Edward had his way we wouldn't be either.

He made some smart ass comment about my need to wear clothing before asking me if I'd like to take a tour around the Island.

"I would love a tour around my Island, but the only thing I was planning on wearing until Irina and Demetri arrive with the kids is this choker and your body draped around me. But if you really can't cope with that I'll put on a bikini and risk tan lines," my lips went into pout mode and I tugged at my bottom lip with my teeth.

I rummaged around for a bikini in my luggage and grabbed a shirt as well. I scowled as I slipped the shirt over my head. "Is that better? Not such a distraction now," My lip went back into pout mode and he laughed.

"I wouldn't say better love, but maybe safer. Please stop biting that lip, it's nearly as bad as you being naked." He walked over to me and grabbed my hands, pulling them to his lips. "It's not your fault you are so incredibly desirable, it's just the way you are. Men everywhere can't help but flock to you and I am but a poor man amongst their ranks."

"Whatever Edward, let's just go damn hiking..." I hissed as I spun on my heel and stomped from the house.

Edward caught up to me after a few seconds and grabbed my hand, "Bella... Baby, I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I did, but whatever it was I am truly sorry for it. Is this a hormonal thing love?"

I rolled my eyes, "No it's not a hormonal thing, at least not on my part anyway...Don't worry about it...let's just go exploring..." I kept walking up the beach then made a random turn into the thick green foliage breathing a sigh of relief when the towering palms and thick tropical plants gave me instant relief from the oppressive morning heat.

Edward's even breathing sounded behind me. I ignored him and pushed a small branch out of the way, it slipped thru my fingers and swung back swatting me in the face. I stopped abruptly causing Edward to crash into me knocking me to the ground.

"Oh Fuck! Bella, I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" He helped me to my feet checking every inch of my visible skin for signs of injury, "Have I hurt you?"

I brushed myself off and gave him a reassuring smile."I'm alright Edward truly...though it might be safer if you walk beside me instead of behind me?" I reached out for his hand, I really wished he hadn't made that comment about men flocking to me; it was such a croc of shit and it infuriated me.

I shook of the negative thought, I couldn't allow it to nest in my brain and fester. I was going to stick to my philosophy of only allowing myself to think positively, well as much that was humanly possible anyway.

He looked at me seriously and I could see a hint of panic in his eyes "I wouldn't have Wouldthebabybealright?"

"Sweetie I just fell over, everything's fine I promise. The baby will be fine, there's nothing to worry about ok."I had forgotten how this was all new to him and I felt guilty for not asking him if there was anything he wanted to know about how things would progress. "I'm sorry for not thinking about how all this must be affecting you. I forget it's all new to you, is there anything you'd like to know or anything you might want to talk about."

I pulled my head from his chest and looked into his beautiful deep eyes, I was proud of him for sharing his fears and anxieties about his dismal knowledge on pregnancy and he swore to read up on the subject when we got home and ended his moment of panic by apologising for not knowing what to do.

"Edward sweetie there's nothing you can do, until it's been born, for the next seven months it's all up to nature." I wondered briefly if it was still too early to begin prepping him for the birth, I shuddered when I thought about he'd go to pieces having to watch me in agony and knowing he couldn't do anything to help.

It was my turn to panic when he started asking me about attending anti natal classes and if I wanted to give birth in a private birthing centre, with the aid of a birthing pool and meditation. I looked at him questioningly, wondering how all of a sudden he had gone from panic attack about knowing nothing to birthing suites and meditation.

He answered my look by telling me about some chic Gianna he worked with that had given birth at some exclusive centre in wellington, using only meditation for her pain relief.

"Um...there are classes..." I groaned internally, I didn't need to do weeks of classes, I'd already done that and knew it was a total waste of time, but Edward hadn't and he would definitely benefit from them...Until he saw the birthing video, that I was sure would have him either gagging or going into a panic attack when he realised how much pain was involved. "yeah classes, we'll sign up for them when it gets a bit closer to the time, and as for where I give birth, at the hospital, I don't need fancy birthing centres...but if it's what you want then I'm all for it."

I could tell by his look the thought of me giving birth in the public hospital was repulsive to him and his next comment confirmed it.** "**Can we skip the hospital love?

"I guess I can give birth at the centre" I conceded, "and I don't want to meditate. I take my hat off to Gianna if she could meditate through that kind of pain. I cursed the whole time through Apple and Louis births and I was full of pethidine..." I stopped talking, there were so many things I hadn't considered before.

When I was pregnant with Apple and Louis I could make the decisions without having to consult with or take into account anybody else's opinions.

He immediately starting telling me it was all about what I wanted, and I could of course have anything I wanted.

"What else should I know? Until I can get to a book store at least...Wait!" He said excitedly and pulled out his phone. I frowned at him when I he rung Irina and asked her to bring a stack of pregnancy books for him, she obviously agreed to his request because he hung up and turned to me grinning, "There! Now I can study up a little when you need to nap. You do that often right? I mean you get tired easy?"

"Edward you didn't need to ring Irina and tell her you needed the books this weekend sweetie, you'll have months to read those books if you want, and yeah I'll get tired; probably more so since I already have two energetic kids to race around after."

We walked out of a thick patch of foliage into a small clearing that opened out onto a private stretch of beach. I scoped out the water and was delighted vwhen I saw a pod of dolphins just off shore. They were doing the most amazing aero dynamical twists and turns as they leapt out of the water.

I approached the shoreline and sat in the warm shallow water, mesmerised by the playful mammals that were putting on a show for us.

Edward came and sat with me in the water and looked at me pensively for a moment, "I just don't want to stuff it up this time. What I meant to say, was that I guess I'm just a little excited, I can't help it."

I kept my eyes on the dolphins, "It wasn't you who stuffed up last time..." I whispered, "And I can tell you're excited, I am too...I wonder if we went out into the water the dolphins would come over to us."

I stripped off my t-shirt and got to my feet, holding out my hand for Edward's "Shall we see if they're as curious about us as we are about them?"

Edward took my hand and pulled me toward him. "Baby, don't even go down that road ok? I mean it, if I can't flagellate myself then neither can you. Come on, let's go see these dolphins. Do you know I got to swim with them once in Hawaii?"

"Did you really? I hope these ones swim with us today, they're the most fascinating creatures." I climbed onto Edward's back when the water got to deep and let him swim us further off shore, "I love you my darling husband..." I kissed his shoulder and desire shot through me; I quickly pulled my lips from his skin. I wanted to see if the dolphins would swim with us before desire inevitably took over.

The dolphins moved closer toward us staying far enough back to ascertain if we were a threat before one of them approached us. I felt a moment of apprehension when one of the circling dolphins came up and nudged my arm but curiosity got the better of me like it usually did and I unhooked my arm from Edward's neck and touched the inquisitive animal under his jaw. He made funny squeaking sounds and I giggled causing him to mimic me and throw his head back and laugh.

My confidence grew and I let go of Edward completely and swam toward the dolphin, wanting to touch him again if he would permit it. Edward shadowed my every move staying within arm's length of me but allowing me the freedom to greet the other dolphins that were now making their way over to me.

They all seemed to want to be close to me and crowded around all squeaking and chatting to each other, I turned to Edward, "I wonder if they can sense I'm pregnant? They all seem to want to say hello to me and gain my attention.

He agreed that was a likely possibility, "See how they are ignoring me? That's because they are so curious about you and your pregnancy."

"Oh and here I was thinking that must be flocking to me because there all males." I quipped slyly earning me a growl from Edward, "And I actually like the sound of a dolphin birth, Aro would be impressed," I teased and he lunged toward me causing the dolphins to retreat and chatter angrily at him. "I think you upset my friends, maybe we should head back to the beach before it gets out of hand, and they whisk me away to be their dolphin queen." I burst into laughter when the colour drained from Edward's face, and he started towing me toward the shore. "I was joking about them making me there queen, I'd never let them take me from you, I promise."

I groaned when he threatened to put them on the endangered species list if they tried it, and shook my head at the thought that Edward would actually be jealous of the attention dolphins gave me. I was further exasperated when he added 'how if he didn't treat me good Aro would also try and spiritme away from him.'

"You seem to have a thing about capturing men's hearts my love. I just thank God that you chose me."

I sighed in vexation, "Oh I do not capture men's hearts. Your heart's the only one I wanted to capture. And Aro's just a really lonely old man who thinks of us as his children. I told him that I was proud to have him as my surrogate dad, though if he and Rosalie hooked up that could be weird." Edward shuddered and I laughed, "I know it was disgusting but it probably made his decade...so I don't begrudge him."

We reached the shore and I kept myself wrapped around him, "Sweetie do you mind if we go back to the house, I forgot to bring water and I'm really thirsty and I'm hungry again too."

"Anything for you baby, anything for you."

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

We arrived back at the house just as the cleaning crew were leaving; Edward greeted them politely as he walked into the house. I however stopped and chatted to them introducing myself and thanking them for cleaning up the disaster zone the house had turned into in the very short time we had been there.

I checked over the shoulder of the woman who was chatting to me to see if I could see Edward within earshot, once I thought the coast was clear I quickly asked the lovely Tahitian woman and her husband if they could please set up a surprise I had been planning for Edward. I gave them a whispered set of instructions of what I wanted and thanked them each with a hug before I went to find Edward.

He was in the kitchen just putting my lunch on the table, he looked at me quizzically and I explained that I had wanted to get to know my staff a little better. He seemed mollified and I smiled.

We spent the rest of the day lying in a hammock and swimming in the lagoon, not leaving the beach until the sun had completely set.

I left Edward in the shower and crawled into bed,

I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow...

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

...The sun was already high up in the sky when hunger finally got the better of my and I forced my eyelids open, I looked over at Edward groggily and noticed he was already awake. His head was propped up against his arm and he was watching me as I struggled into full consciousness.

I reached over and stroked his cheek with my thumb, "good morning my husband."

He smiled and grabbed my hand bringing it to his lips, "I think you mean good afternoon, it's already past lunch time sleeping beauty."

"Oh that will explain why I'm so hungry," Edward gave me a swift kiss and slid out of bed causing me to frown.

He laughed at the look on my face. "You need to eat sweetheart, you're eating for two now."

I watched him dress with wide eyes and pouty lips; even though I was craving food I was craving Edward's touch more.

He flashed me a smile as he made his way to the door and I grumbled and got out of bed when he disappeared from my sight, I rummaged through my suitcase until my eyes fell on a pair of gold bikini pants adorned with tiny crystals that sparkled in the light. I pulled them out and searched for the top finally locating it right at the bottom of the case.

I dressed quickly removing the choker from my neck I replaced it with the butterfly necklace Edward had gifted me on our wedding day. I checked my reflection in the mirror and was surprised how my usually pale skin had taken on a sun kissed glow, I turned to the side and noticed that I was already showing signs of pregnancy my stomach was starting to take on a slightly rounded look that by rights I should not be doing for weeks yet.

We ate lunch on the deck then retreated to the hammock, Edward just held me while we watched the sparkling ocean and the sun making it trek through the sky. When the sun began to slide slowly toward the horizon, I kissed Edward's chest and got out of the hammock, he looked at me questioningly when I held out my hand to him,

"I've got a surprise for you. Come on."

I started to make my way down the beach; Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek,"What kind of surprise love?"

"A beautiful one I hope." I pulled him into the thick vegetation, being careful to keep him next to me as I navigated my way thru the mass of plants. My breath left me in a rush when I stepped out of the clearing and saw what the staff had set up for us, it was exactly as I envisioned.

I made a mental note to myself to give them a pay rise.

They had sent up a gazebo type structure covered in a soft lilac mosquito netting, the entrance was an archway of frangipani and miki miki shrubs. A day bed sat beneath the canopy surrounded by candles and a sea of flowers, there was a baby grand piano set to one side.

Out on the shore line a table for two was set for dinner, Flaming torches dotted randomly in the sand burned brightly and the sky was stained a deep pinky purple flecked with streaks of gold.

I turned our looked at Edward, waiting for him to say something.

He stood silently and took in the scene before him, after what felt like eternity he finally turned to me,"You did this?" he asked in awe.

"Well it was my idea but we have our wonderful staff to thank for executing my vision so perfectly. Come on..." I took his hand and walked him to the table. I kissed him softly before taking my seat...

Dinner was a relaxed affair and Edward didn't even seem to mind that seafood was on the menu again. I had a love affair with seafood that stemmed from my childhood.

We took a stroll along the beach as the moon started rising over the water, Edward piggy backed me all the way back to the gazebo, plucking one of the frangipani's from the bouquet and passing it to me as he carried me to the daybed.

He lay me down gently, his eyes were full of emotion, he ran his fingertips lightlyover my cheeks,.**"**I can't believe you did all this...How am I ever going to thank you Mrs Cullen?" He looked at the piano and smiled, "Stay here." he said and made his way over to it.

I watched him as he took his seat and a moment later beautiful music filled the air, followed by Edward's melodic voice,

"_I'll be your man _

_And I'll understand _

_And I'll do my best _

_To take good care of you _

_You'll be my queen _

_I'll be your king _

_And I'll be your lover too _

_Yeah, yeah_

_Yes I will _

I took a seat next to Edward and watched his skilled fingers work effortlessly over the ivories.

_Derry down green _

_Colour of my dream _

_A dream that's daily coming true _

_And ohhh when the day is through _

_I will come to you and tell you of _

_Your many charms_

_And girl you look at me _

_With eyes that see _

_And we'll melt into each other's eyes _

_You'll be my queen _

_And I'll be your king _

_And I'll be your lover too _

I threw my arms around him and crushed my lips to his when he slid his hands from the keys, the last note hung in the air, and melted into my soul. I loved this man more than I could comprehend

"I take it you approved of the song then?"

"The song was beautiful, just like you my husband..." Tears slid down my cheeks, I couldn't help it this was turning into the most romantic night of my life.

He lifted me from the chair and into his arms and carried me back to the bed and laid me down carefully before climbing in next to me. He looked at me with eyes that saw into my soul, and I was enchanted. His finger ghosted across my stomach and I shivered, neither of us said anything we just continued to look at each other for what seemed like eternity.

Finally he leaned forward and brought his lips to mine in a whisper of a kiss; I kept silent as his hands caressed me, and smiled when his fingers tugged on the strings of my bikinis. He discarded them within seconds.

He kissed a trail down my body, his mouth coming to rest on my stomach. I tugged on his hair pulling him back to my face, his lips were soft against mine and the kiss held the promise of pure delight. I hooked my legs around him and pulled him into me, no words were spoken as he rocked against me slowly.

I held Edward close to me as my body trembled in ecstasy, my hands slid ghosted down his back, moulding effortlessly into the contours.

My breathing was heavy and disjointed in his ear, it felt surreal in the almost silence.

Neither of us spoke as our bodies slowly stilled, neither of us spoke as we lay in each other's arms, it was nice drifting off to sleep to the sound of the ocean and the dolphins that called to us from the dark.

I woke as I went to sleep listening to the calls of the dolphins and I was keen to swim with them again. I looked over at Edward who was still sleeping soundly, I considered waking him but he looked so at peace I didn't bother. I slipped out of bed and made my way to the water's edge.

The water surge up over my feet and I grinned, this was the thing I loved the most about Tahiti no matter what the time day or night the water was guaranteed to be warm.

I waded out until it was deep enough to dive under the water, I used a gentle breast stroke to make my way toward the dolphins, they approached me immediately this time with none of the caution they had shown yesterday. I spent the next hour happily swimming with the curious and highly friendly mammals, giving each a kiss on top of their heads when they approached me.

The time I spent alone with the dolphins was one of the most magical times of my life, I felt more carefree than I ever had and I started to wonder if they possessed some kind of inner magic that instantly enchanted humans.

Edward suddenly appeared outside the main house and made his way toward the beach.

"Well my sweet little friends it looks like playtimes over. I promise to come back and visit and next time I'll bring my family to meet you." They all chatted excitedly as they accompanied me into the shallows, they squeaked their goodbyes to me as they made their way back out into the lagoon and I blew them a kiss before turning to Edward.

He was wearing a frown and nothing else, my eyes raked over every inch of him hungrily and I lunged as soon as I was close enough; tackling to the ground.

I never gave him time to say anything I just attacked his mouth with mine, groaning at how good he felt underneath me.

He flipped us over and slid inside me without breaking the kiss, he showed none of the gentleness he had last night as he thrust into me. I raked my nails down his back, smiling against his lips when I felt him tremble under my touch.

My hands cupped his ass using them to push him harder into me, the water lapped at our sides tickling my sensitive skin and I was soon moaning Edward's name into his mouth as my muscles clamped around his cock...

We lay unmoving in the shallow water as we caught our breath and cemented another beautiful moment shared into our memories.

It wasn't until my stomach growled that Edward finally rolled off me, "Come on sweetheart you need food."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Edward made breakfast and we chatted excitedly about the arrival of Apple and Louis today along with Irina and Demetri. "I'm just going to grab a quick shower Bella, would you care to join me?"

"I'll see you in a minute sweetie I just want to finish my coffee."

I looked at Edward's phone in surprise when it rang a minute later, we hadn't had any phone calls since we'd been there and it sounded strange when it rang. Normally I would have let it ring but I thought it might be Irina so I picked it up, "Hello Bella speaking,"

**"**Bella? I'm sorry I was after Edward Cullen?" An American accented voice sounded down the line, "I was told by his office that this was his mobilenumber?"

"This is his phone. I'm sorry he can't take the call right now, can I take a message for him?"

"Uh, yes this is Robert Reynolds, manager for The Killers. A Mrs Volturi has asked for a private show in Las Vegas and I was just calling to confirm some details, but I was unable to get hold of her and then they gave me this number... I see beauracy is alive and well in New Zealand just as it is in the U.S."

**"**That it is, well actually Robert it's me you'll be wanting to talk to about that. I'm arranging this as a surprise for my husband. So what can I help you with?" Excitement exploded in the pit of my stomach, this was actually going to be a reality, and I couldn't wait to see Edward's face when Irina and I finally let him in on the surprise.

**"**Oh, I see, well it's quite fortunate I didn't get your husband then! I've spoken to the band and they are more than happy, in fact they have heard many things about your husband... he is quite the humanitarian, and are looking forward to meeting him. All we need now is to settle the final financial details and the date. As I'm sure you can understand, The Killers are very busy and are squeezing this gig in so we need to confirm the dates."

"How's two weeks from this Saturday and the money will be in your nominated bank account by the end of next week." I made a mental note to thank Jasper again for the tip to invest the money I got from the university...the investment turned out to be very lucrative and I had more than quadrupled the return on my initial investment and I was actually quite well off in my own right.

I gave Robert my cell phone number and asked him to make all future inquiries directly to me or Irina, I hung up the phone feeling really pleased with myself, I hadn't told Edward that I had invested the money or done so well out of it, I wanted to keep it between me and Jazz for now.

It was how I was planning to help fund my clinic in Nepal.

I joined Edward in the shower; he noticed my bright mood and looked at me quizzically_,_"What's up baby? Was breakfast that good or are you just as excited as I am about seeing the kids again?"

"I'm excited to see the kids, I can't wait to take them swimming with the dolphins and spend some time with them as a family before you have to go to the states."

"You're coming too aren't you? Don't make me go alone," he pleaded

"Hmm...I don't know all of this international travel it's increasing the size of my carbon footprint," I teased, "I'll need to plant an entire forest to balance it out."

**"**Well if you don't go then I won't." he said sulkily. "Irina said she could handle it, but fuck she's pregnant. Fuck." His agitation was evident went he forced his hand through his hair "Well that's it then. You just have to come. Screw the planet baby your husband needs you."

"Well if you need me...then I guess I could make an exception..." I kissed his pouty lips and he instantly relaxed.

I worried about how stressed he got so easily it couldn't be good for him.

He stepped from the shower and grabbed a towel and dried me off, I thanked him with a kiss and went to find some kind of appropriate attire to wear now that our children and friends were joining us.

I threw a light sundress over my bikini and went to join Edward on the deck, he was watching the approaching boat with I guessed was the same growing sense of excitement at seeing our kids again as I was.

I smiled when Demetri came hurrying down the wharf, Louis slung on his back, Irina and Apple came next dressed identically down to the matching ponytails they wore.

Edward laughed when he saw his daughter and best friend,"Do you think that was Apple's idea or Irina's?"

"Apple's definitely, she's taking on after her aunty Alice. Unfortunately I think I'm too late to save her from becoming a slave to fashion, I'll have to be more wise if this next one's a girl."

I couldn't just stand and watch anymore, I wanted my children in my arms so I pulled Edward down the stairs and went to meet Demetri who was holding Louis.

As soon as Louis saw me he reached out and I scooped him into my arms, "Hi my baby."

He threw his arms around my neck and burrowed his face against my throat.

He stayed like that for a few minutes before pulling his face away and looking over at Edward, "Louis plane Daddy and a boat." He flashed Edward a dazzling smile and rested his head against mine.

Apple saw Edward and started to run as fast as she could into his waiting arms. She grabbed his face between her hands and held his head still so she could rain kisses all over his face, she turned to me a smiled her most beautiful smile, "hi my mummy."

"Hi sweet pea, you look pretty, just like Aunty,"

"Apple pretty just like Rina."

Edward hugged Irina and I gasped when I heard him greet her as chubby. I was deeply insulted for women everywhere.

"Edward," I scolded, " you don't say things like that, be warned if you ever say that to me it may be the very last words you utter." Demetri and Irina both laughed and Louis and Apple did too.

We walked Demetri and Irina down the beach toward the only bungalow that was set out over the lagoon, the one I planned to use as a place to hang out with my children on a regular bases, it was made up of three quarters glass with included a glass floor and it had unobstructed views. We made our way back to the house, eager to spend some time with our children.

I lay on the couch and listen to Apple chat incessantly to Edward. She told him _everything _she had been doing since she saw him last while he prepared her a drink and something to eat.

Louis was lying on the couch next to me, one of his hand rested on his chin while the other rubbed my stomach. He was looking at me quizzically and I wondered if he sensed something different about me.

Edward looked over at us a soft look on his face; he picked Apple up and came to join us on the bed. He looked at me with a smile before he told Apple and Louis how I was going to have another baby.

Their reactions were exactly as I knew they would be.

Apple looked at me and then back at Edward, "My mummy, my baby?"

Louis continued to rub my stomach, "baby..." He said quietly.

I looked at him adoringly."That's right my son, mummy has a baby in here." I pointed to my stomach.

Apple looked at me confused, and turned back to Edward, "My Baby in mummy's tummy?"

"That's right, there's a baby in Mummy's tummy, your little brother or sister."

Apple frowned, "Louis; Apple brother? My baby brother, in my mummy's tummy," She turned to me and smiled then carefully pressed her lips to my stomach, "hello my baby brother."

Tears pricked my eyes; I reach down and stroked her head. "You're going to be the best big sister Apple you are such a loving person. I've got another surprise for you and Louis, but we need to have lunch first..."

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

We met Irina and Demetri on the beach, Demetri took a reluctant Louis from my arms and followed Edward into the mass of greenery in front of us.

Irina made to follow but I grabbed her arm and held her back, "I've got an update, the Killers manager rang this morning on Edward's phone no less," I saw her eyes widened in surprise before disappointment flickered through them. "Don't worry I answered the phone, Edward was in the shower. Anyway it's set for two weeks from tomorrow. I really hope that's not too short notice? I've got the money in my bank account though you may need to transfer it if I don't get a chance..."

"Bella are you alright, do you want me to come back and get you?" Edward's worried voice floated out from the tropical foliage.

I rolled my eyes and Irina giggled.

"No Edward," I called out, "we're on our way." I grabbed Irina and pulled her into the undergrowth, we emerged into the clearing after a few minutes and I made another mental note to not only give my staqff a raise but a bonus as well. The clearing that had been the scene of the most magical night of my life had already been cleaned up...

The dolphins were waiting as usual, and I stripped off my dress and adjusted my bikini as I waitied for Irina to do the same.

I immediately noticed the differences in our body shapes and was surprised at how prominent those differences were.

Whereas Irina's stomach was still relatively flat with just the barest hint of a bulge mine already showed definite signs of a baby bump. I wondered briefly if I hadn't got my dates mixed up.

"My mummy swim Louis?" My son asked as he tugged on my hand.

"Of course mummy will swim with you," I scooped him into my arms earning a deliciously sweet giggle from him. I made my way with Irina to the water.

Edward looked at me nervously as he picked Apple up and made his way into the water with us. I chuckled to myself, he was _so_ over protective. I waded out into the water with Louis in my arms to where the dolphins had left me this morning.

They quickly made their way over to us half of the pod making their way to me the others moving toward Irina. I watched Louis as he stared at the dolphins in awe, and his giggle was followed closely by Apples when the dolphins all started chattering excitedly to each other.

Louis showed no fear of the creatures and reached out to touch the closest one to us, his eyes sparkling when he looked at me then back at Edward. "Dolpins Daddy."

"They are Louis, just like the ones on your wall at home."

"Like Louis' dolpins?"

"That's right like your dolphins." Louis turned his attention back to the dolphins.

Apple turned to Edward, "Apple, touch the Dolpins?"

"If you'd like too," He moved her toward us and she reached out and touched one with a giggle, it laughed back at her which made her laugh even more.

We stayed on the beach until the sun was setting and the kids started to yawn near continuously. we headed back to the house and gave them a quick shower before Edward fed them and put them to bed.

He finally came out to where I was sitting on the couch and fell into my waiting arms.

"Shall we go to bed? No doubt the kids will be up with the sun wanting to swim with the dolphins." He murmured against my throat.

"Kay," I whispered.

Edward scooped me into his arms and I sighed as my eyelids closed and my cheek pressed against his chest.

I never thought happiness like this existed.

I was floating along in a sphere of happiness with Edward and my children by my side I could finally live the life we always dreamed of...

**Chapter 40**

**Edward's POV**

I couldn't help but rub my hands together in anticipation, my cock was already rock hard ready and waiting until I was free to drag Bella from her seat and into the jets sleeping quarters. My eyes drifted between Bella's face and the seatbelt sign and the second it was no longer illuminated I was undoing Bella's seatbelt and pulling her to her feet.

"Edward, are you ok, what are you doing?"

I hurried us toward the back of the plane into the small sleeping quarters and closed the door with a smirk. Bella was still looking confused and I couldn't help the slight look of irritation from marring my face.

"We are on a plane Bella." I said with a bite of impatience.

Comprehension finally dawned on her, "Oh that's right you never got to have any fun the last time did you?...And what makes you think you're getting any this time? Or was that part of the fine print I didn't read when I signed the contract."

The smirk slid from my face, "W-what?" I stammered, "But I thought..." I threw myself down on the bed and frowned in confusion.

"Sweetie... Are you ever going to lighten up? I was just joking; I wouldn't of dream of ruining your fun..." She sidled over and climbed onto my lap, "Take me my husband," she cooed as she crushed her mouth to mine.

I reached to switch on my IPod at the same time as I forced my tongue between Bella's lips, she giggled when she heard my choice of song.

_You can do it put your back into it, _

_I can do it put your ass into it. _

She pulled her mouth from mine, she opened her mouth to speak so I pressed my finger against her lips to silence her, "Such a naughty girl, aren't you?" I groaned when she sucked my finger between her plump pink lips. I spun her in my embrace and pressed my chest against her back."Watch," I commanded her reflection in the mirror.

I pushed her skirt up around her waist and groaned at the sight of her naked ass and almost lost it when she rubbed it against my painfully hard cock.

My hands slid between her thighs and I could feel the dampness there. As hard as it was I stopped myself from slipping my fingers along those silky slick folds. A smirk twisted my lips when I heard Bella's breath catch in her throat.

"Edward please don't tease me I said I was sorry..."

I closed my eyes at the sound of her pleading, "Hmm, I don't think so baby. I'm enjoying this." I slid my hand from between her thighs and pushed her shirt over her head. Bella's naked breasts were reflected back at me in the mirror and I moved to cup them in my hands, "I think we should just keep you pregnant all the time, I am loving these..." My hands slid down over her hips, "And these? Fuck..."

"Please Edward touch me where I want to be touched..."My smirk became more pronounced when Bella begged me to touch her. Her lips jutted out into a pout and I fucking lost it.

My fingers twisted into her hair and I pulled her head back toward me. I sucked her pouty bottom lip between my teeth and nipped the soft pink flesh.

She gasped and I watched Bella's reflection in the mirror studying her reaction.

"Mmm... you drew blood...Does that make you feel good baby?"

"It does... And I'm not ashamed to admit it." I whispered still watching her in the mirror.

Bella's lips curved into a smile, "I'm glad that it makes you feel good and I'm so proud of you for admitting that to me, you don't have to be scared to show me what you want to do to me sweetie or what you want me to do to you. I trust you Edward and I promise you that I will tell you if it's not good, I'm never going to be the cause of yourself hatred or my own ever again."

My tongue slid over Bella's lip as I seized her hand in mine and brought it up to her breast, my hand forced hers to palm it roughly.

"Do you feel this Bella? Feel just how fucking beautiful you are. It's perfect isn't it? So full and soft: Just Fucking Perfect. And this, such smooth soft skin," I moved our hands slowly across her stomach, "But a bit further down, that's where things start to get really interesting."

I inched our hands down over her mound and Bella's breathing stopped and a low growl rushed from my throat when I slid our fingers inside her.

"God Edward feels so good..." She moaned against my cheek, she was so fucking wet, she was fucking soaking our fingers. My cock throbbed painfully when she came around our fingers. I moved her over to the small cabinet by the bed and bent her over it, "You liked that didn't you Bella? Tell me how much you liked it..." I commanded.

"I did like it Edward, my skin is soft, and when I came on our fingers it felt like heaven. I like to touch myself for you; I like pleasuring myself for you...only for you... my body, my soul, and my pleasure belongs to you...you own it like you own my heart." My lips roamed the base of her neck, the urge to bite down was overwhelming and I sunk my teeth gently into her flesh. Her body tensed and I loosened my jaw in response.

"Mmm...Edward the bite, just perfect..." She moaned.

I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her forehead. "I love you Mrs Cullen, more than anything else, I love you."

"I will never doubt that you love me my husband..."

We arrived on the island and I helped Bella off the boat. When she began walking towards the bungalow, I grabbed her hand and tugged gently. "Not this time baby, this time we are staying in the house." I dragged her up the sandy path towards the house overlooking the lagoon sparkling in the moonlight.

The windows were all alight as per my instructions. When we got to the door stop I threw the bags down and picked her up in my arms with a grin "It's a threshold isn't it?"

"It is a threshold, but sweetie why aren't we staying in the bungalow?"

I grinned as I pulled out my already prepared speech "Well, the bungalows are just so small and then we wouldn't have this perfect view of the lagoon, which incidentally I have plans to repeatedly fuck you in..." I trailed off knowing that her attention would immediately be diverted.

"When can we get to that bit?"

I chuckled at how well I knew her "I was thinking after breakfast tomorrow we could go for a morning swim. Naked of course." I carried her inside and put her down and waited for her response. The entire living area was alight with the exact same kind of candles that had been used on our wedding night.

It had been a nightmare to try and organise with the limited time I had had, but thankfully being CEO of one of the largest companies in the world came with its perks. The candles had been shipped on a special overnight delivery from the mediterrean where they were made to Tahiti and then ferried to Eden Beach. The staff had then set them up as per my instructions. I was pleased with the results; I only hoped Bella was too.

I lead her over to a small table and poured her a glass of special non alcoholic wine from Italy. I wanted something special and I knew that she wouldn't mind that is was basically virgin wine. She had been so supportive and I wanted her to know just how much I appreciated it, how much I appreciated her.

"Edward this is amazing, how do you it? When I think you can't possibly outdo yourself you once again surprise me with the lengths you will go to do make me feel special."

"I'd do anything for you love, you should know that by now." I responded pointedly ignoring her question about how I had done all this, I wasn't sure she would entirely appreciate it, especially if she knew how much the candles had ended up costing. When she looked like she wasn't going to drop it I sighed "A magician never gives away his secrets Bella. Come on I want to show you the rest of the house." I said pulling her along with her glass still in her hand.

I led her up the stairs; the railing had been covered in blossoms from the islands natural flora. I walked Bella over to the large bed and sat her down "Close your eyes I have one more gift for you, well two actually, but this one I think you will like." I waited until she closed her eyes before I put a folder into her hands. It contained photos of a small village in Nepal where the child and infant mortality rate was so high; the regions populace had been dwindling. I had set up a trust in Bella's name that had been supplying the town with medical supplies and building materials.

There were photos of the children who had been vaccinated and of one little girl who could now see thanks to some corrective eye surgery could now see her parents face for the first time. I had set it up a while ago, but now you could see the progress and the difference that had been made. I waited for her response before I gave her, her second gift.

"You have the most beautiful soul Edward, don't you ever forget that you deserve to be ranked amongst the highest of Angels, thank you from me and from those who your kindness and compassion saved."

I pulled a small box from under the pillow where I knew it would be and placed it in her hands. "Please don't be mad... " I begged as she looked at the box with a little frown.

"Sweetheart, I'm finding it harder to get mad at you even though, you are going totally over the top," Bella lifted the lid and gasped, "Edward, you have already given me diamonds. Really sweetie it is absolutely exquisite but it's too much."

"I know you don't need these things, but I thought you might one day want to pass your ring onto Apple or something and this would kind of make it a set. You know, one of those pass it through the generations thing, starting with us..." I leaned down and kissed her picking it up and placing it around her neck. "Stunning... And the necklace is ok too I suppose." I said with a smirk. "Perhaps you could where it to bed tonight for me...with nothing else on of course." I trailed my finger lightly across her collarbone.

"Mmm...I guess I could wear it for you...but only because you've just been ordained into the order of the Angels, and I'll get a kick out of saying I got to bed one of them in nothing but gorgeous jewellery,"

I watched as she stripped for me as I lay back on the bed, my arms behind my head. She looked so beautiful, standing in front of the moonlit window. I curved my finger and beckoned her towards me, a small growl escaping me as she began to crawl up the bed and along my body. My breathing hitched when she stopped at the waistband of my jeans, a small smile playing on her lips.

She nestled herself comfortably between my legs and proceeded to show me some of the many, many benefits of married life...

A low growled rolled from my throat when I opened my eyes and my wife wasn't beside me, the smell of food permeated my senses and I scrambled out of bed.

"Hmm, whatcha cooking, good looking?" My breath hitched in my throat Bella was standing at the stove wearing nothing but the emerald choker.

"Omelette's, I'm fucking starving! I think I've been expending more energy than I've been putting in over the last few day...not that I'm complaining or anything. So how did you sleep?" I watched Bella has she began shovelling the scalding eggs into her mouth ravenously.

She had finished her breakfast before I even had more than a couple of bites of my own,"Here love, I can just grab some cereal or something, you look like you need this more than I do." I pushed my plate toward her.

"No you have it, I'm just gonna make us a mango smoothie, and maybe I'll have some toast as well. I wonder if we have any nutmeg, I think I want peanut butter and nutmeg on toast, with mango as well. So sweetie, I thought we might go for a swim and explore the reefs after breakfast if you're interested?"

"Did you say something love?" I finally dragged my eyes from Bella's luscious breasts.

"I said would you like to go for a swim and explore the reefs after breakfast?"

My eyes narrowed slightly and my bottom lip jutted out in a pout, I didn't want to go fucking swimming I wanted to lunge at Bella and fuck her senseless on the kitchen fucking floor. I made a half assed attempt to hide my displeasure by taking my frustration out on my omelette, "If you like, I'm happy if you're happy."I tried to smile at her but I was sure it came out more of grimace.

"Edward why are you sulking? Weren't you telling me last night that you were repeatedly going to fuck me in that lagoon, I thought you were serious, obviously by the look on your face you were all talk."

A feral snarl tore from my chest as I watched Bella's naked ass disappearing out the door.

By the time I made it onto the beach she was nowhere to be found, I knew she'd be out in the lagoon so I jogged along the sand a bit then entered the water.

The water was so pristine I had a clear view of Bella's legs treading water. I swam up behind her and pinched her luscious naked ass. My head broke the surface long enough to gulp a lung full of air before Bella pushed me back under the water.

She twisted out of my embrace and dived under the water I stayed on the surface shadowing her, I was stunned at her grace as she moved effortlessly through the water her hair flowing out behind her.

"How do you like your lagoon Mrs Cullen?"

She pressed her mouth to mine, "I love my lagoon and everything residing in it, it's just a whole magical fairytale world down there with the coral and fish, can you imagine how many hours Louis is going to spend out here, swimming with the sea life; he's going to be even more enchanted than I am. Come on let's go and have another look,"

I silently cursed the fucking tropical fish, fucking nemo seemed to have enchanted Bella and while part of me was happy that she was enjoying herself my cock was throbbing in its need to buried in her warmth.

It gave another painful throb and I growled as my head sunk below the water. My fingers wrapped around her wrist and I pulled her to the surface.

"What happened? Did you run out of air already?" Bella asked looking at me in confusion.

"I did, I think I might even need resuscitating..." I said as I brought my lips to hers. Bella wrapped her legs around my waist and my cock gave another painful throb. She dragged her mouth from mine and looked at me quizzically. "Nope, I think we need more extreme measures." I loosened my grip and slid her onto my painfully hard erection, "And there we go..."

"So that's the secret to resuscitating you my sweet. You must be the only man alive whose cock has a direct link to his lungs."

She was teasing me. It wasn't nice, but she felt so fucking _good_ that it didn't really matter either. I could feel my stomach tighten as I fought to hold off my release. I needed her to say the words, to tell me that no matter what, she was mine. All joking aside, I knew that without her I would die.

"Are you laughing at me Mrs Cullen, it's not very polite you know. I took a ragged breath, "Fuck Bella, you feel so goddamn good! So fucking warm and tight... tell me Bella, please tell me..."

"Only for you my husband...only ever for you...only you can make me feel this way..."

My eyes never left Bella's as my climax rushed over me. "I love you Bella."

"I love youEdward, only you forever."

...I tugged Bella so she was on my back and swam us back to shore, I carried her straight into the house and into the shower. I washed every inch of her skin reverently, the emerald choker lay against the smooth column of her throat, stunning against her milky white skin.

"So my baby what are we going to do for the rest of the day?"

"If we're not staying here so I can ravish you then I guess we can take a tour of the Island if you like? But you need to put clothes on; I'm walking around with a perpetual hard on for you."

"I would love a tour around my Island, but the only thing I was planning on wearing until Irina and Demetri arrive with the kids is this choker and your body draped around me, but if you really can't cope with that I'll put on a bikini and risk tan lines," Her bottom lip jutted out petulantly.

I wanted to kick my own ass when she covered her glorious body.

"Is that better? Not such a distraction now,"

She dragged her bottom lip between her teeth and I suppressed my groan.

"I wouldn't say better love, but maybe safer. Please stop biting that lip, it's nearly as bad as you being naked." I grabbed her hands and brought them to my lips. "It's not your fault you are so incredibly desirable, it's just the way you are. Men everywhere can't help but flock to you and I am but a poor man amongst their ranks."

"Whatever Edward, let's just go damn hiking..." I watched in confusion as Bella stormed from the house, I chased after her catching her as she strode along the shore line. I grabbed her hand to halt her movement.

"Bella... Baby, I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I did, but whatever it was I am truly sorry for it. Is this a hormonal thing love?"

"No it's not a hormonal thing, at least not on my part anyway...Don't worry about it...let's just go exploring..." She turned and strode off up the beach before suddenly making a beeline for the thick tropical foliage.

I was so busy trying to work out what I had said that had upset Bella so much when she stopped suddenly and I walked into her sending her crashing to the ground.

"Oh Fuck! Bella, I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" I checked every inch of her skin for signs of damage, "Have I hurt you?"

She gave me a reassuring smile but I wasn't convinced.

"I'm alright Edward truly...though it might be safer if you walk beside me instead of behind me?" She said softly as she took hold of my hand.

"I wouldn't have...Wouldthebabybealright?"

"Sweetie I just fell over, everything's fine I promise. The baby will be fine, there's nothing to worry about ok...I'm sorry for not thinking about how all this must be affecting you. I forget it's all new to you, is there anything you'd like to know or anything you might want to talk about?"

"I'm just worried; I don't know the first thing about being a parent to a newborn. They are just so fucking tiny and fragile; I might be too rough or something. And I want to fucking help you with the pregnancy but I don't know how. I just don't want to let you down Bella. I swear I'll read every book on pregnancy and child rearing there is.

"Edward sweetie there's nothing you can do, until it's been born, for the next seven months it's all up to nature."

"This lady Gianna who works at Cullen, I overheard her telling her friend that she had given birth in an exclusive private birthing clinic in Wellington. She said something about a birthing pool and that she used meditation for pain relief, she was saying that she didn't feel the pain at all...We'll be attending anti natal classes won't we?"

"Um...there are classes... yeah classes, we'll sign up for them when it gets a bit closer to the time, and as for where I give birth, at the hospital, I don't need fancy birthing centres...but if it's what you want then I'm all for it."

"Can we skip the hospital love?"

"I guess I can give birth at the centre and but I don't want to meditate. I take my hat off to Gianna if she could meditate through that kind of pain. I cursed the whole time through Apple and Louis births and I was full of pethidine." She trailed off.

"Bella it's all about you love you can have whatever you want. What else should I know? Until I can get to a book store at least...Wait!" I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialled Irina. I gave her a quick rundown on how we were and asked if she could bring the necessary books with her. I flipped the phone shut and turned to grin at Bella, "There! Now I can study up a little when you need to nap. You do that often right? I mean you get tired easy?"

"Edward you didn't need to ring Irina and tell her you needed the books this weekend sweetie, you'll have months to read those books if you want, and yeah I'll get tired, probably more so since I already have to energetic kids to race around after."

We emerged from the foliage onto a pristine beach that played host to one of the Island's hidden coves. A smiled when I saw a pod of dolphins showing off with a series of flips and turns, Bella spotted them immediately and made a beeline of the water.

I took a seat next to her in the shallow water and studied her for a minute, "I just don't want to stuff it up this time. What I meant to say, was that I guess I'm just a little excited, I can't help it." I said quietly.

"It wasn't you who stuffed up last time..." Bella whispered, "And I can tell you're excited, I am too...I wonder if we went out into the water the dolphins would come over to us?" She stood up and took my hand, "Shall we see if they're as curious about us as we are about them?"

I pulled Bella toward me, "Baby, don't even go down that road ok? I mean it, if I can't flagellate myself then neither can you. Come on, let's go see these dolphins. Do you know I got to swim with them once in Hawaii?"

"Did you really? I hope these ones swim with us today, they're the most fascinating creatures." She climbed onto my back and I waded us out into the deeper water."I love you my darling husband..." She murmured against my neck.

The dolphins kept the distance chattering amongst themselves, no doubt comminucating as to whether we were a threat or not, they seemed to deem us friends because one suddenly approached us and nudged Bella's arm.

The look of apprehension on Bella's face lasted about three seconds before her natural curiosity got the better of her and she reached out and touched it. He started emitting soft squeaks that caused peals of delicious laughter to fall from Bella's lips.

It took everything I possessed to allow my grip on Bella so she could interact with the rest of the pod that were now making their way toward her. Although I let her go I shadowed her every move and she was never more than arms length away from me at any time.

Bella seemed delighted that the whole pod seemed to want to get to know her they were all chattering noisily vying for her favour. I couldn't blame them really.

"I wonder if they can sense I'm pregnant? They all seem to want to say hello to me and gain my attention.

"Very much so see how they are ignoring me? That's because they are so curious about you and your pregnancy."

"Oh and here I was thinking that must be flocking to me because there all males." Bella taunted and a deep growl rumbled from my throat."And I actually like the sound of a dolphin birth, Aro would be impressed," She taunted. I lunged causing the dolphins to scatter and chatter furiously.

"I think you upset my friends, maybe we should head back to the beach before it gets out of hand, and they whisk me away to be their dolphin queen."

My eyes narrowed and I pulled Bella onto my back and headed for the shore.

"I was joking about them making me there queen, I'd never let them take me from you, I promise." She whispered in my ear.

"I'd put the little fuckers on the endangered species list if they fucking tried...And if I don't treat you right Aro will try to take you from me as well." I hissed menacingly. Her frustrated groan echoed in my ear and I tried to explain. "You seem to have a thing about capturing men's hearts my love. I just thank God that you chose me."

"Oh I do not capture men's hearts; your heart's the only one I wanted to capture. And Aro's just a really lonely old man who thinks of us as his children. I told him that I was proud to have him as my surrogate dad, though if him and Rosalie hooked up that could be weird." I shuddered and she laughed, "I know it was disgusting but it probably made his decade...so I don't begrudge him...Sweetie do you mind if we go back to the house, I forgot to bring water and I'm really thirsty and I'm hungry again too."

"Anything for you baby, anything for you."

The cleaning crew were just leaving when we arrived I said a quick hello and made way to the kitchen, Bella never followed and I could hear murmured voices.

I was just placing her lunch on the table and I looked at her questioningly and she shrugged and said she was getting to know the staff better.

Bella finished the last mouthful of her sandwich and tried to stifle her yawn. I scooped her into my arms and carried her out to one of the hammocks perched between the palm trees. I played absent mindedly with her hair while she slept.

We went to bed early that night, even though Bella had slept all afternoon she was still exhausted and she was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

We started the day with a pre breakfast swim and spent the day lazing in the hammock, spending time alone with Bella like this was nothing short of fucking perfection.

The sun was just beginning to set and I leaned down to kiss Bella's head.

"I've got a surprise for you. Come on." She said suddenly.

I got up and followed her curiously. I had no idea what she had planned but I had known something was up. "What kind of surprise love?"

"A beautiful one I hope." She pulled us into the foliage and we emerged back at the dolphin cove.

I was stunned. No, that would be putting it mildly, I was amazed. It was not often in my life that I was surprised, but this was one of those times. I turned to Bella after what seemed like an eternity and I gazed at her in wonder "You did this?" I asked in awe as I took it the gazebo.

"Well it was my idea but we have our wonderful staff to thank for executing my vision so perfectly. Come on..."

She took my hand and led me onto the shoreline where a table was set for two, flaming torches burned in the sand. Seafood was on the menu again it didn't bother me that it was all Bella seem to want to eat.

We strolled along the moonlit beach in silence, Eden beach was fast becoming the best piece of real estate I had ever invested in. I don't think that I'd ever felt so relaxed and I had never seen Bella so happy and untroubled.

She had finally let go of all her hurt and pain and it showed clearly on her features.

I lay her down gently before joining her on the day bed. I stared into her eyes as I stroked her cheek with my fingertips. "I can't believe you did all this..." I said, "How am I ever going to thank you Mrs Cullen?" I looked at the piano as inspiration struck. "Stay here." I said, gently detangling myself from her.

I made my way over to the piano and ran my fingers over it lovingly. It was a beautiful instrument and I had been missing music from my life for so long, it was like reacquainting myself with an old friend.

I sat down at the piano and flexed my fingers before placing them on the keys, closing my eyes in rapture when the first chords of "I'll be your lover too" echoed out over the beach.

"_I'll be your man  
And I'll understand  
And I'll do my best  
To take good care of you_

_You'll be my queen  
I'll be your king  
And I'll be your lover too  
Yeah yeah  
Yes I will_

I smiled at her when she came and sat next to me, the moonlight reflecting off the gold bikini she was wearing and the butterfly necklace sitting so delicately around her neck. I sang the next verse while staring into her deep brown eyes. I could have lost myself in them forever...

_Derry down green  
Colour of my dream  
A dream that's daily coming true.  
_

_And ohhh when the day is through  
I will come to you and tell you of  
Your many charms  
And girl you look at me  
With eyes that see_

_And we'll melt into each other's eyes  
_

_You'll be my queen  
And I'll be your king  
And I'll be your lover too_

I chuckled as Bella tried to choke the very life out of me "I take it you approved of the song then?" I wheezed out.

"The song was beautiful, just like you my husband..."

I stood up and picked her up in my arms, cradling her to my chest and the heart that only beat for her. I lay us both down on the daybed, so she was underneath me while I propped myself up on my arms. Her eyes were bright and sparkling, a window to her soul that had me so enraptured.

I slowly laced my fingers underneath her bikini bottoms, grazing over her mound but no further. I waited until I heard her breathing speed up and then I began kissing her, her neck, her breasts, her stomach before pressing my forehead against her stomach and just savouring the moment.

I moved inside her gently, her hands were tangled in my hair and I could hear the sounds of the waves lapping against the shore, their song in time with my own gentle rhythm. I felt her walls begin to clench around me, pulling me with her as we both fell over the edge...

..We woke up early, wanting to be prepared for the arrival or Irina, Demetri and the twins. I made us a quick breakfast before kissing Bella's cheek and telling her I was going to grab a quick shower. I was thrilled to be seeing the twins again and couldn't wait.

"I'll see you in the shower in a minute sweetie I just want to finish my coffee,"

Bella stepped into the shower wearing nothing more than a smile adorning her lips, "What's up baby? Was breakfast that good or are you just as excited as I am about seeing the kids again?" I asked with a smile. She certainly looked a lot brighter than she had when I left the kitchen

"I'm excited to see the kids, I can't wait to take them swimming with the dolphins and spend some time with them as a family before you have to go to the states."

I groaned. "You're coming too aren't you? Don't make me go alone..." I begged pulling out my saddest puppy dog eyes.

"Hmm...I don't know all this international travel, it's increasing the size of my carbon footprint," she teased, "I'll need to plant an entire forest to balance it out."

"Well if you don't go then I won't." I said sulkily. "Irina said she could handle it, but fuck she's pregnant. Fuck." I said running a hand through my wet hair. "Well that's it then. You just have to come. Screw the planet baby your husband needs you."

"Well if you need me...then I guess I could make an exception..."

Demetri came racing down the dock with Louis on his back and my normally subdued son was squealing in excitement. I looked over at Bella and grabbed her hand smiling. I supposed this was what most parents shared, little moments of their children's lives from a purely observatory view. Apple and Irina followed after, hand in hand wearing matching sundresses. They both had their hair in identical ponytails and pink framed sunglasses on their face, although little Apple's were in the shape of love hearts.

"Do you think that was Apple's idea or Irina's?" I asked Bella with a chuckle.

"Apple's definitely, she's taking on after her aunty Alice, unfortunately I think I'm too late to save her from becoming a slave to fashion, I'll have to be more wise if this next one's a girl."

Louis buried his face against Bella's neck as soon as he was in her arms and it was several minutes before he finally lifted his head and acknowledged me.

"Louis plane Daddy and a boat." He gave me a dazzling smile as he rested his head against Bella's.

"A plane and a boat?" I asked him with a smile giving him a hug and kiss the best I could since Bella refused to let him go.

I had just shook Demetri's hand when a high pitched, ear piercing scream cut the silence "DADDY!" Apple yelled sprinting towards me. I just got my arms down in time to catch her.

"Hey princess." I said with a laugh "Or are you Aunty Irina?" I gave her a goofy puzzled look

"Hello my silly daddy, I'm Apple" she grabbed his face between her hands and held his head still so she could rain kisses all over his face, she turned to me a smiled her most beautiful smile, "hi my mummy."

"Hi sweet pea, you look pretty, just like Aunty,"

"Apple pretty just like Rina."

I pulled Irina into my side and kissed her cheek "Hey chubby, you putting on weight already?" I teased. I heard Bella gasp but Irina just grinned and punched me in the arm "Ow! That hurt! What the hell?" I asked her.

"Edward you don't say things like that, and be warned if you ever say that to me it may be the very last words you utter."Bella hissed.

Demetri and Irina both laughed and Louis and Apple did too.

I gave Bella a charming smile and took her hand kissing it "You would look beautiful even if you weighed a ton love." I ducked away quickly before I lost a limb.

"So... Where are all the half naked Island chicks?" Demetri said to me with a grin and I laughed as Irina came up behind him and grabbed his ear.

"All far away from you if you're smart." She quipped with a smirk.

As much as Apple clung to me Louis did the same to Bella as we walked Demetri and Irina to their bungalow. We pretty much left them at the door with the promise that we would see them for dinner and hurried back to the house.

Bella was as ecstatic as I was at having our children back with us and we were both determined to make every second of it count.

Apple shadowed my every movement and she talked incessantly telling me every she and Louis had been doing since they saw us last. Bella was looking exhausted again so I sent her to our room to rest. Louis took her hand refusing to be parted from her for a second and he turned and waved at me as they disappeared up the stairs.

I couldn't help but smile when Apple and I arrived in the bedroom to find Bella lying on the bed, Louis was lying beside her his hand absent mindedly rubbing her stomach, his eyes were locked on hers and the look he was wearing on his face made me think he knew Bella was pregnant. Apple scrambled up on the bed and into Bella's arms and I took a seat next to them.

"Hey you two. Mummy and I have something really exciting to tell you." I said looking between Apple and Louis. Apple looked at me quizzically while I could have sworn Louis already knew what I was about to say. "Mummy is going to have another baby." I said stroking Apple's hair back off her forehead.

Apple's eye widened and she looked from me to Bella in confusion, "My mummy, my baby?"

Louis continued to rub Bella's stomach, "baby..."

"That's right my son, mummy has a baby in here." Bella said pointing at her stomach.

A small frown marred Apple's features she looked to Bella then back at me, "My Baby in mummy's tummy?"

I chuckled and kissed her head "That's right, there's a baby in Mummy's tummy. Your little brother or sister." I said watching her face carefully.

"Louis Apple brother? My baby brother, in my mummy's tummy." She turned to me and smiled then carefully pressed her lips to Bella's stomach, "hello my baby brother,"

Bella and I wore identical grins, of course Apple would claim the baby as her own and I couldn't help but chuckle when I thought about just how possessive she would get over the new arrival...

Apple happily rode on my shoulders as we made our way through the foliage toward the dolphin cove, Louis on the other hand had to be coaxed out of Bella's arms by a very amused Demetri who was lamenting about his wounded ego.

Apparently Louis had shadowed Demetri from the minute they had picked them up from Carlisle and Esme place. Bella and Irina were walking at a snail's pace behind us and I turned and noticed they weren't behind us.

Visions of Bella tripping over in the undergrowth again flashed through my mind and I stopped midstep, "Bella are you alright, do you want me to come back and get you?"

"No Edward we're on our way," Bella and Irina broke in a fit of muffled giggles and I rolled my eyes. They were no doubt talking all things pregnancy and babies.

Bella and Irina finally made out of the tree line and onto the beach. Bella took one look at the dolphins in the bay and stripped off her sundress, Irina quickly followed suit and I immediately noticed the differences in their bodies.

They were both due at the same time but where Irina had the slightest hint of a stomach Bella's was noticeably swollen. I wondered if it was because Bella had already being pregnant before.

Bella swept Louis into her arms and headed straight for the water but not without looking over to me first. A wave of nervous tension swept over me when they stepped into the water and I scooped Apple into my arms and quickly followed them.

Louis fascination saw him have no fear and he reached out to stroke the nearest porpoise he looked up at me with a grin, "Dolpins Daddy."

"They are Louis, just like the ones on your wall at home."

"Like Louis' dolpins?"

"That's right like your dolphins."

Apple tugged on my shoulder, "Apple, touch the Dolpins?"

"If you'd like too,"

"Dolpins slimy Daddy," Apple's peals of laughter caused the dolphins to mimic her and she clapped her hands in delight...

Neither Bella or I could tempt the kids away from the dolphins until the sun had nearly completely set and Apple was struggling to keep her eyes open, Bella look pretty exhausted to.

Dinner was a quick affair and by the time I had returned from getting the twins to bed Bella was collapsed on the couch.

"Shall we go to bed? No doubt the kids will be up with the sun wanting to swim with the dolphins." She gave a tiny nod of her head and I swept her into my arms.

Bella was asleep before I even made it to the bedroom...

**A/N:** **Please feel free to leave a review :)**


	41. The Miracles of Birthdays & Childbirth

**A/N: As always thank you to those of you who take the time to review we do appreciate the time you take to let us know that you're thinking. Also thanks to those who have added this story to their subscriptions. And light & laughter to my Facebook friends.**

**To our bestest Beta and sweet friend Sassy41, we'd be lost without your passion and fire and telling off's when we let Bella and Edward get away with naughty stuff :)**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Cinnamontwist101 & Greenaway own An Angel At My Table.**

**Chapter 41: The Miracles of Birthdays and Childbirth...**

**Bella's POV**

I woke when I heard Louis stirring and Edward's eyes fluttered open a few moments later. I pulled Louis into my arms and kissed his forehead, "happy Birthday my son."

He hugged me tightly kissing my neck before climbing over me to cuddle into Edward.

Louis grinned cheekily as he jumped on Edward and started wrestling him.

I was about to tell them to keep the noise down as to wake Apple when her eyes snapped open. She stared groggily into space for a minute until she heard Louis' laughter and sat up.

As soon as she realized Louis wrestling with Edward she sprang over top of me and joined the fray.

"Hey! Two against one isn't very fair! I think we need a ref decision here, foul?" Edward looked over at me with a grin.

I poked my tongue out him, "No foul it's all legit baby I'm sorry but it's a fair fight... "So do you want to take them out and show them there P.E.T.S? And did you end up getting them anything else? It totally slipped my mind that we were meant to go shopping."

"Just a couple of things..." He said evasively. I noticed he never looked at me as he climbed out of bed and threw on a t-shirt.

When he finally brought his eyes to mine he looked guilty but he was trying to hide it.

"Like what?" I Tried to keep my voice light but Edward's reaction to my question had me immediately suspicious about what other totally over the top non necessities he had decide to indulge the children without consulting me.

"Well I can't tell you now, can I? Maybe we should just get up and go do presents now, and then we can have breakfast?" He picked up Apple and Louis and turned to me with a smile, "Come on Mum, you don't want to get left behind!"

Edward's evasion had me more than a little concerned; it was obvious he had gone totally over the top on presents for the kids, even after promising he wouldn't. I was afraid to see the extent of it.

I got out of bed and followed him and the kids out the door.

The twins squealed in delight when they saw the pink and blue packages piled up on the coffee table.

I looked down and frowned at the piles of presents on the table then at Edward. I made my way to his side and slid my arms around his waist."Edward, I thought you said a couple of things? Two things constitute a couple, that there is a pile, a massive pile...And I'm really hoping for your sake sweetie that this is it?"

He kept his eyes on Apple and Louis who were tearing off the wrapping paper on their gifts with reckless abandon. Apple wasn't even taking the time to see what she had before she was frantically ripping into the next one.

"Uh, there's a couple more outside. Your definition of a couple,"

I let the air rush between my teeth in a hiss that had Edward shivering involuntarily. I was momentarily distracted when Apple and Louis came running over to show us what they got.

Edward took the opportunity to try and guilt me into forgiving him. "But look, they are so happy." He said almost pleadingly.

"Of course their happy Edward, look at what they're holding." I looked down at Louis and Apples shining faces and sighed, "Wow aren't you too lucky, I wonder what Else Daddy has hidden away for you?"

They both looked at Edward with faces lit with anticipation.

He grabbed their hand and walked them outside. I had been content to stay where I was until I heard Louis' delighted squeal. I sighed to myself and made my way out onto the balcony where I saw to miniature quad bikes sitting side by side.

Louis was actually kissing the handlebars of his, making Edward grin with happiness and pride.

He turned to me, his face mirroring Apple and Louis' ecstatic ones."He gets that car obsession from you, you know?"

I scowled at his obviously and lame attempt to win me over.

"Somehow I doubt that, they would have inherited that from you along with their future taste for extravagance. Please tell me this is the end of the madness?"

**"**Apart from the P.E.T.S. and a watch for Louis and pendant for Apple," He tried to disguise the last bit with a cough but I had heard him.

"Edward Louis already has a pocket watch, and you're going to regret giving Apple a taste for expensive jewellery," I warned.

He looked at me with a fleetingly worried expression, "There's one more thing..."He never had time to confess what that was because Apple and Louis' delighted squeals rent the air once more.

I followed him down the stairs, I was trying to keep my temper, and I thought I was doing a good job until I realised I was sucking in great lungfuls of air. I hit the last stair and was confronted with the source of my children's happiness.

Anger flooded the pit of my stomach and I was momentarily lost for words as I stared at the pirate ship clubhouse Louis was so enraptured with and Apple's fairy cottage had peals of delighted laughter falling from her lips.

She waved to me from her window and I plastered a smile on my face as I waved back.

"Um...Is this some kind of sick joke honey?" I turned to Edward and sighed in exasperation, "Explain."

He stammered his way through a explanation, trying on more than one occasion to use the kids obvious happiness in his defence, but ended it by admitting that he did in fact get carried away, but only because things had been so tense on the twins last birthday.

"Don't you go getting all morose on me though, I'd rather you just stayed angry and caned me for it?"

I looked at him pensively for a minute, giving myself time to think about what I wanted to say.

"I don't plan to get morose or stay angry with you, but I do want you to know I'm gutted you did this without telling me. And the watch and the pendant are staying in the draw until Christmas...And if you're thinking of arguing with me, I'm warning you now not to. Now let's go and show the kids their original presents before they get totally over whelmed."

Apple continually badgered Edward, demanding to where he was taking her and did it involve getting more presents.

I scowled at Edward, "honestly Edward this better be the last time..."

We rounded the corner and made our way into the field behind the house, Apple saw the pony's head sticking over the door and let out an ear piercing squeal of delight. "My pony Daddy?" She looked at him seriously but her green eyes twinkled.

"Apple ride pony now?"

We opened the stables and Louis puppy came running out to greet us and he struggled out of my arms and launched himself at it, hugging it tightly and giggling when it licked his face, "My puppy?"

He looked up at me and I smiled, "your puppy," He looked at Edward and smiled, "thank you Daddy, my puppy."

"Thank Mummy too mate." Edward said as he reached out for my hand. I resisted the urge to pull my hand away, I was not going to sulk and ruin the kid's day.

Louis turned to me, "Thank you my mummy."

"You're welcome Louis." I leaned down and kissed his button nose.

"Mummy, mummy see Apple pony?" Apple yelled excitedly. She was determined to get my attention and I immediately brought my gaze to hers.

"I do see your pony, you're so lucky. What are you going to call her?" She turned to look at it thoughtfully for a moment then turned back to me.

"Blossom, Apple's pony called blossom."

"Hmm... Blossom; I like that sweetheart." She beamed at me and turned her attention back to Edward

"Daddy like Blossom?"

**~~~~XXXX~~~~**

After an hour or so of playing with their pets we made our way back to the house, Apple had refused to be parted from Blossom and started throwing a hissy fit when we tried to coax her away. Edward finally succeeded by telling her that if she wanted to ride her pony she needed to be dressed in her riding outfit.

I wanted to tell Edward that she didn't need a stupid riding outfit, sweatpants and a sweater would have worked just as well. I clenched my jaw shut, preventing the retort from leaving my throat, the last thing I wanted to do was ruin the kid's day.

He must have sensed my residual ill feeling because his lips suddenly brushed the top of my head and he was whispering how sorry he was into the strands of my hair.

I stayed silent until he put himself down, I really hated when he did that and I always leapt straight to his defence.

"There's nothing about you that needs fixing Edward, especially not your generosity, but I want you to promise me, I mean really promise me and mean it, you aren't going to just go and buy stuff for the kids without telling me. I hate knowing you've been keeping things like this from me. Especially when we have already talked about it."

"I didn't deliberately keep it from you Bella, I just got carried away. I didn't really think about it at the time, and thank you for saying that, but we both know that I give a new definition to fucked up." He knew I was about to argue and he pulled me into his arms.

He ran his tongue along my bottom lip before sliding into my mouth.

"Ssh." He said as he pulled his lips from mine. I didn't listen though I was not going to let him say horrible things about himself.

"You're not fucked up..." I whispered and he smiled...

...Esme and Edward spent the afternoon teaching Apple to ride her pony, while Louis spent hours chasing his puppy all over the field.

I noticed Edward look back at me every time either one the kids laughter erupted in the air.

Jake who was sitting next to me at the picnic table laughed when he noticed Edward's backward glances, "So Bells I'm guessing by the amount of presents the kids got and the way Edward keeps looking at you with that smug smile, he went overboard without your permission, and the kids happiness is the reminder that he made the right decision."

My smile turned to a scowl, "that's very perceptive of you Jake, but I'd rather not talk about it. I'm still deciding on a suitable punishment for him."

Jake burst into laughter, "you know there's only one way to cripple that man of yours Bella and everyone who knows him and you, knows it." I looked at him and he laughed at my puzzled expression, "_Sex Bella_, he can't keep his hands off you."

An evil grin spread across my face, "True...thanks Jake, that's the easiest way to drive the message home. What would I do without you Bud?"

"You'd be lost soul my friend. But Bells please don't tell Edward I gave you the idea to torture him so cruelly, I actually like living." We both laughed and I threw my arms around him and kissed his cheek.

"Don't worry Jake I'd never rat you out, I'd miss you too much if you died."

...I was quite glad when the party wound down and the last guests finally left, I was completely exhausted. I left Edward to put the kids to sleep and went to climb into bed; I needn't have worried about actually executing my no sex plan I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow...

~~~~~XXXX~~~

Life returned to semi normal after the twin's birthday. Edward returned to the office, something that I normally wouldn't have been pleased about, but I had a ton of last minute details to finalise before the opening of my Youth Centre in Nepal.

Esme had done an incredible job finding me corporate sponsorship to help fund my dream and I had ninety percent of the costs covered. Shortfall I needed for operational costs were going to come from the payout I received from the university.

Jasper had helped me invest not only that money, but the money Charlie and Renee had gifted me when the twins were born and as a result I got a very healthy return on my initial investment.

I hadn't told Edward about the money I had made on my investment or the money or that I had received a portfolio from Carlisle on the day of the wedding.

While I knew I would have to come clean with him eventually I was reluctant to.

Edward was already uptight enough about wanting to provide for me and making sure my every whim was catered to. I knew the thought of me having access to my own money, independent of his, was not going to go down particularly well and would more than likely result in a fight.

On a more positive note I was booked into see Doctor Steed later in the day and Edward was beside himself with excitement at the prospect of seeing his unborn child on the ultra scan...

...His foot bounced in impatience as we sat in the waiting room. When my Doctor finally called my name he shot out of his seat, grabbed my hand and practically dragged me across the room. Doctor Steed chuckled when I shook my head slightly and ushered us into his office.

He motioned me toward the bed and Edward helped me up before moving around to the other side, out of the Doctors way but still next to me where he could hold my hand.

Edward's eyes narrowed slightly as he watched Doctor Steed applying the sonar gel to my stomach. If I hadn't been so excited about seeing our baby I would have told him to snap out of it. Instead I gave him a quick reassuring smile and turned my head toward the monitor.

As soon as the image appeared on the screen I recognised the two individual sacs and my suspicions of having twins again were confirmed.

Doctor Steed smiled when he saw recognition on my face.

"Yes Bella it's definitely another set of twins. Fraternal again, you're about nine weeks along and everything looks good, both babies look healthy."

Edward stared at the screen, saying nothing and I wondered briefly if he was upset that we were having another set of twins.

He finally pulled his eyes from the screen and looked down at me a reassuring smile playing on his lips, "Twins baby! You and me don't do things by halves do we... or maybe we do. Kind of."

It was obvious Edward had no idea what he was supposed to be looking at so I pointed at the two small black images, "those are our babies, they're only a few millimetres long but they're there."

He had his nose practically pressed to the screen trying to make out something distinct in the grainy picture**, **"So the smudges are the babies?"

"Well they're the sacs the babies are growing in, the next scan you'll be able to see more."

"If you look here Edward you can see the heartbeats." Doctor Steed pointed to a specific place on the screen.

Edward smiled at me and squeezed my hand gently, "I can see the heartbeats love. Can we get a DVD of this? And photos?"

Edward frowned again when the doctor put his hand on my stomach and a small sigh escaped my lips. "Yeah we'll be able to get a DVD and photos if you want." I said as lightly as I could.

Irritation scratched at my insides, I took the small was of tissues the doctor handed me, I could tell he was reluctant to touch me again and I silently vowed if Edward didn't stop this behaviour I was going to beat it out of him.

Edward was in for a big shock when he realised at the birth where else the Doctor got to put his hands.

That thought sent an involuntary shudder go through me, and I decided that I definitely needed to start prepping him as soon as possible.

I could just see Edward snapping Doctor Steed's neck for going anywhere near my Edward only zones.

Doctor Steed was just going through a list of prenatal care options when Edward suddenly started firing off question after question about his competency to deliver our children in the most rudest manner.

The doctor touching me affected him more than I had first realised.

Edward demanded to know how long he'd been an obstetrician and if he'd had any malpractice suits filed against him.

I looked at Edward aghast; I couldn't believe he could be so rude to my Doctor.

My patience finally snapped, "Edward for god's sake, you are unbelievable! Dr Steed delivered Apple and Louis without complication, in a _public hospital_ I might add. Just pull your head in alright!.." I turned to Doctor Steed, "I'm so sorry..."

He gave me a nervous smile and looked away. He obviously knew better than to laugh at Edward.

I imagined he like everybody else in this city knew you didn't fuck with Edward Cullen.

I on the other hand couldn't give a shit who Edward was in this town other than being my husband.

Edward totally ignored me and started telling the doctor that we would not be using the public hospital this time and that he could remain my doctor only if that's what I wanted. Edward brought my hand to his lips, but kept his yes on the doctor as he threatened him if he caused me or his unborn babies any harm.

Anger gushed up inside me. I yanked my hand out of Edwards and scrambled off the table.

I glared at Edward and then looked at Dr Steed, "I'm sorry about my husband, I promise to leave him at home next time. Is that all you needed to do today?" I wanted to get Edward out of there before he could embarrass us both any further.

The doctor told me to ring and arrange time for another appointment in a month's time. He nodded and gave me a look that clearly said he hoped I left Edward at home next time.

I managed to make it into the car before my fury peaked, "Why do you have to that? He's a perfectly capable Doctor and a very nice person."

Edward snorted but refused to answer my question opting instead to change the subject, "Twins. Another set of twins. You're fucking amazing you know that? I'm so excited about this, I don't know if I'm looking forward more to the pregnancy parts or the birth!"

I wasn't going to let Edward change the subject without first giving him a final warning.

"Edward, don't you ever act like that around my Doctor again. If you do anything to cause that man grief, I swear it's not going to end well for you! Am I making myself clear? Because I don't want there to be any confusion about how I feel about this. And actually Edward you will definitely enjoy the pregnancy more than the birth. There are things we need to talk about in regards to the birth; there are things you don't know that you really need to know, for your own sanity and for mine."

"I know where fucking babies come from Bella." He snapped.

My blood fucking boiled. He was such a fucking obnoxious know it all fucking asshole.

'Fuck him' I silently fumed, if that was how he was going to act then I wasn't going to do anything to help him prepare**.**

I stared out the window, silently seething at the know it all jerk.

After a while he finally spoke. "Bella love would you like to talk about it? Tell me what to expect?"

I closed my eyes not bothering to try and contain my anger, "No...But I suggest you do some fucking research...Or then again you know where fucking babies come from so you should be _fine."_ I hissed...

...I ignored Edward when we got home, something that didn't seem to bother him. He went silently to his office while I headed for the kitchen to make myself a snack.

Alice wouldn't be dropping Apple and Louis off for a few more hours, a fact I was grateful for. It would give me a chance to calm down and time for Edward to hopefully come to his senses.

I had been alone in the kitchen for about an hour when I heard an ear splitting scream then a resounding crash coming from Edward's office.

The terrifying sound had me scurrying to his office. I barged through his door without knocking, all thoughts of my bad mood forgotten.

The first thing I noticed was Edward's laptop smashed on the floor.

When I looked at Edward's I was shocked to see his face was pale sweaty. He was a delicate shade of green and his eyes were wide with shock, fear? I wasn't sure which.

"Edward, what happened? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Why is the computer on the floor? Why did you scream?" question after question tumbled from my mouth. I was scared at what would make him scream like that.

He looked at me with eyes that were definitely wide in fear, "Does it stay that big?"

I had no idea what to make of his question so I sought clarification, "Does what stay that big? I don't know what you're talking about, would you care to be more specific?"

"The baby, such an evil fucking baby... It was torturing her Bella. It was fucking coming in and going out, and so much pain... She tore, she fucking tore. Oh my god, I think I'm going to be sick. So much pain..." He whispered shaking his head.

"Evil Baby what...?" It took me a few seconds to realise what he was talking about and a few more to realize exactly what had happened. "Oh...so you decided to take my advice did you?"

I tried to keep the smug smile off my face.

The temptation to taunt Edward when he was severely traumatised gave me a rush of vindictive pleasure. It would serve him right for being such an arrogant asshole.

I shook off the thoughts of cruelty.

He needed help.

"Um...it is painful Edward and messy, but millions of women having been doing it for since the dawn of civilisation. I've already done it once and survived sweetie. It hurts; it hurts more than I can even describe. But its pain I can live through and the rewards are worth every second of it. Oh and speaking of seconds, it takes hours and hours of that kind of pain before they are even ready to be born." I walked over and wrapped my arms around his waist, "I wasn't trying to scare you Edward; I just wanted you to be prepared."

He shook his head, "Bella, how the fuck are you supposed to get something that big out of there? Jesus, there was a big fucking hole there afterward's. How long does it take to go back to normal?"

"Not long sweetie honestly. Six weeks to heal fully, obviously it doesn't stay like that or I'm sure you would have noticed by now. Especially with all the time you spend down there studying mine in minute detail. Though we won't be able to have sex for a few weeks after: probably six at the most depending on whether I tear or not."Another thought occurred to me then and I thought it was better to probably lay it all on the line while I could, "Edward if I tear it's ok they'll just stitch me back up, I had it with Apple and Louis and it wasn't that bad. But honey you need to also be prepared for the possibility that they may have to cut me if the Babies get stuck. And sweetie a woman's body is designed to get something that big out of a space that small. I know it defies logic, but that's the amazing thing about the female body. You don't need to be scared you just need to be aware of what it's going to be like."

He was shaking his head, "Baby, can I just stay up by your head? Seriously, I didn't think there would be anything that could even have the slightest possibility of turning me off where you are involved, but this may be it. I can't watch that again..." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

I couldn't help but smile at the words that had poured from his mouth in a constant stream, though he was speaking fast I got the gist that he was in fact promising me I could have whatever I wanted in terms of giving birth. I was surprised when he said I could even keep my doctor if I wanted, even though I could tell he was still not keen by the way he referred to him as Dr Creepo.

"Calm down sweetheart, you can stay up by my head if that's what you want, but you need to know it's really different when you're in that delivery suite and it's your own babies being born. I want you to know that if you don't think you can't cope being in there I won't mind if you want to wait out in the hall. Rose and Alice can come with me again, they're old hands at it now," I kept my voice light, I didn't want Edward to feel pressured into thinking he had to be there with me if he couldn't handle it, I wasn't prepared to push him.

"I'm not letting you go through that alone again Bella. I can't understand why the hell you would want to go through that again baby..."

"I'm going through it again Edward so we can share the experiences we missed with Apple and Louis, and like I said the rewards are worth it. You wouldn't trade having Apple and Louis and you're going to feel exactly the same with these two, you'll forget everything else once you meet them for the very first time, I promise."

"I know I'll love these babies honey, I just don't love what you are going to have to go through to get them here..."

"Like I said sweetie, women have been doing it since the dawn of civilisation it's just one of the many wonders of life, you know a miracle and all that..." I giggled; I was starting to sound like Aro...

**CHAPTER 41:**

**Edward's POV**

Louis climbed over Bella and into my arms, "Hey buddy" I said with a yawn "You ready for your first keg party today?" He had no idea what I was talking about, but he giggled anyway and I grinned in return. "So how old are you today? Eighteen? Twenty five?"

"I'm free Daddy, you frenty five," He grinned as he engaged me in a wrestling match.

Apple's eyes snapped open when she heard the fracas and she quickly joined her brother in using me as a human trampoline.

"Hey! Two against one isn't very fair!" I said tickling Louis ribs and Apples at the same time. "I think we need a ref decision here, foul?" I asked Bella with a grin.

"No foul it's all legit baby, I'm sorry but it's a fair fight...So do you want to take them out and show them there P.E.T.S? Oh and did you end up getting them anything else? It totally slipped my mind that we were meant to go shopping."

I froze "just a couple of things..." I said offhand, getting out of bed and pulling a t shirt. I stood there with my hands in the pockets of my pyjama pants trying not to look too guilty.

"Like what?"

"Well I can't tell you now, can I?" I said looking at the twins pointedly. "Maybe we should just get up and go do presents now; then we can have breakfast?" I asked picking Louis and Apple both up "Come on Mum, you don't want to get left behind!" I said with a smile that left my face as soon as my back was to her.

I was panicking a little.

The twins squealed in delight when they saw the pink and blue packages piled up on the coffee table. There was about six each and though they weren't all that expensive I knew Bella was going to have my ass for this later. They climbed down and raced to the table looking at me for permission to begin tearing into them.

I'm sure my smile was huge as I looked at them and nodded. I felt Bella's arms slip around my waist and she hissed into my ear, "Edward, I thought you said a couple of things? Two things constitutes a couple, that there is a pile, a massive pile...And I'm really hoping for your sake sweetie that this is it, or do you have others?"

"Uh, there's a couple more outside. Your definition of a couple." I clarified as Louis and Apple began racing up to Bella and myself to show us their gifts. "But look, they are so happy." I wheedled.

"Of course their happy Edward, look at what they're holding." She looked down at Louis and Apples happy faces and sighed, "Wow aren't you too lucky, I wonder what Else Daddy has hidden away for you?".

I grabbed each one of their hands and pulled them outside with me while they squealed in delight. Our first stop where the bikes on the patio.

Louis actually yelled louder than Apple this time and ran to his quad bike, hugging it tightly before kissing the handle bars lovingly; I laughed and looked at Bella "He gets that car obsession off you, you know?"

"Somehow I doubt that, they would have inherited that from you along with their future taste for extravagance. Please tell me this is the end of the madness?"

"Apart from the P.E.T.S. and a watch for Louis and pendant for apple," I coughed the end part hoping she wouldn't hear me.

"Edward Louis already has a pocket watch, and you're going to regret giving Apple a taste for expensive jewellery," She warned.

"There's one more thing..." I trailed off as we heard the ear splitting screams from the twins as they found their playhouses.

I led Bella around the corner and stood back as she took in Apples fairy cottage and Louis's pirate ship. Bella was breathing heavy and I could tell she was trying not to lose it. I just hoped she wouldn't ask me what these had cost, because then I would be in real trouble.

It wasn't that I had gone out to deliberately renege on my word; I had just got a little carried away. It wasn't until that moment, that I understood just how overboard I had gone.

"Um...Is this some kind of sick joke honey?" She sighed, "Explain."

I ran a hand through my hair nervously "Um, well, shit..." I stammered. "Look, it's like this..." I began pacing and tugging harder at my hair "But look at them!" I pleaded "They're so happy!" The look on her face told me she wasn't fucking buying it and I stopped in front of her "I guess I just got a little carried away. Things were so tense on their last birthday; I suppose I just got a little excited that this time we could all enjoy it." I finished with a sigh.

I didn't want to bring up the past, and I wasn't doing it to make her feel guilty, but I didn't want to lie to her either. This was a big deal to me "Don't you go getting all morose on me though, I'd rather you just stayed angry and caned me for it." I said firmly.

"I don't plan to get morose or stay angry with you, but I do want you to know I'm gutted you did this without telling me, and the watch and the pendant are staying in the draw until Christmas. And if you're thinking of arguing with me, I'm warning you now not to. Now let's go and show the kids their original presents before they get totally overwhelmed."

I grinned at how easy I was getting off. "Deal." I said.

We walked over to the twins and Bella took Louis's hand while I took Apple's and we led them down to the stables. Unhelpfully Apple spent the whole walk to the stables asking me where we were going and whether it involved her getting more presents.

Bella shot me a death glare, "honestly Edward this better be the last time..." Bella growled.

Apple saw the pony's head sticking over the door and let out an ear piercing squeal of delight. "My pony Daddy?"

"Sure is Princess, and Grandma Esme is going to teach you how to ride it. That's what the special clothes you got are for." I said reminding her of her riding outfit she had opened this morning.

"Apple ride pony now?"

We opened the stables and Louis puppy came running out to greet us and he struggled out of my arms and launched himself at it hugging it tightly and giggling when it licked his face, "My puppy?"

Bella smiled at him, "your puppy,"

He looked at me and giggled, "thank you Daddy, my puppy."

I grinned from ear to fucking ear. "Thank Mummy too mate." I said tentatively grabbing

Bella' hand. I was not sure if it was a good move or not.

"Thank you my mummy."

"You're welcome Louis."

"Mummy, mummy see Apple's pony?"

"I do see your pony, you're so lucky. So what are you going to call your pony?"

"Blossom, Apple's pony's called blossom." she turned to me, "Daddy like Blossom?"

"I love Blossom honey; it's a beautiful name, nearly as beautiful as yours." I said. I took

Apple over and grabbed a carrot from the horses feed bag, and showed her how to feed it without getting her fingers bitten off.

After they had played with their pets for a bit, we began the walk back up to the house, the twins racing around our feet and squealing with joy.

I kissed the top of Bella's head and leaned down to whisper "I really am sorry love. I'll do my best to rein it in next time, I am trying. There's just a lot of me to fix." I joked, but it didn't look like she found it all that funny.

She hated it whenever she thought I was putting myself down I had noticed.

"There's nothing about you that needs fixing Edward, especially not your generosity. But I want you to promise me, I mean really promise me and mean it, you aren't going to just go and buy all this stuff for the kids without telling me, I hate knowing you've been keeping stuff like this from me."

"I didn't deliberately keep it from you Bella, I just got carried away. I didn't really think about it at the time, and thank you for saying that, but we both know that I give a new definition to fucked up." I quickly kissed her before she could disagree with me, pulling her to a stop and wrapping my arms around her.

My tongue snaked out and gently traced her lips and I felt her relax into my arms. "Ssh." I said when I broke the kiss.

"You're not fucked up..." Bella said fiercely...

...I spent the afternoon with Esme teaching Apple to ride her pony while Louis ran around the field with his puppy. Bella had been pretty quiet all afternoon and I guessed she had some residual anger, that notion was reinforced when she went to bed early and left me to deal with the kids and by the time I got to bed she was sleeping soundly...

The doctor turned to Bella and smiled, "Yes Bella it's definitely another set of twins. Fraternal again, you're about nine weeks along and everything looks good, both babies look healthy."

I held Bella's hand and stared at the screen; squinting my eyes trying to see just what the fuck they were talking about. It looked like a black smudge to me, there was nothing remotely 'Baby like' about the image. I studied the screen intently, as the doctor told us we were having twins again. I leaned closer; I couldn't see one baby, let alone two.

Not wanting to sound like a complete fucking drop kick, I kept my mouth shut.

I hadn't realised how long I had been silent, until I saw Bella's worried face looking into mine. I smiled at her reassuringly "Twins baby! You and me don't do things by halves do we?... or maybe we do. Kind of."

My attention was back on the monitor. It was really getting to me that I couldn't see anything.

Bella must have sensed my frustration or maybe it was just fucking clear on my face cause she suddenly pointed to two marks on the monitor. "Those are our babies, they're only a few millimetres long but they're there!"

My nose was practically touching the screen and old doctor fucking chuckles was having a good old laugh at my expense. I kissed Bella's cheek and whispered "So the smudges are the babies?" I glared at the doctor who was trying to muffle his laughs.

"Well they're the sacs the babies are growing in, the next you'll be able to see more."

"If you look here Edward you can see the heartbeats?" The doctor pointed to a specific place on the screen .

I could see the heartbeats and it didn't escape my notice that Doctor Chuckles had now turned into Doctor Kiss-Ass. I frowned a little when I saw him put his free hand on Bella's stomach. I wondered if I would be able to convince her to go with a female doctor. I didn't like my chances.

Eventually the doctor noticed my glaring at him and removed his hand quickly. I looked back to Bella with a smile "I can see the heartbeats love. Can we get a DVD of this? And photos?"

"Yeah we'll be able to get a DVD and photos if you want." Bella said with frustrated sigh.

The doctor began talking about prenatal care and I listened coldly.

He was pissing me off, I couldn't place my finger on why; he just was. "How long have you been an Obstetrician?" I cut in, "Have you had any medical malpractice suits filed against you?" I was reaching, I knew it but if he was going to deliver our babies then I wanted the best.

If he wasn't the best, then he was fucking out.

Bella and the babies she carried meant too much to me to mess around with incompetence.

Bella gave me a horrified look, "Edward for god's sake, you are unbelievable, Doctor Steed delivered Apple and Louis without complication, in a _public hospital_ I might add. Just pull your head in alright...I'm so sorry," She said turning back to Doctor Creepo.

I ignored Bella and kept my eyes fixed on the doctor. "We're not going with a public hospital this time, Dr Steed." I said pulling Bella's hand to my lips and kissing it. He watched me closely and I wanted to sneer 'yeah that's right, mine.', but instead I said "If my wife wants you to remain her Doctor so be it, but let me make one thing clear... anything she wants, she gets and by God if something happens to her or our babies under your care..."

I didn't finish my sentence. I wanted to make damn sure he knew, if I wanted to I could crush him like a fucking insect and I wouldn't hesitate.

This pregnancy would go perfectly; I wasn't watching Bella go through all that hurt again.

Never.

Bella ripped her hand from mine and shot me a death glare as she scrambled off the bed, "I'm sorry about my husband, I promise to leave him at home next time. Is that all you needed to do today?"

Bella was silent until I shut the car door."Why do you have to that? He's a perfectly capable Dr and a very nice person." She hissed.

I snorted. Sure he was, I'm sure he touched all his fucking patients like that. I didn't say it however; I didn't want to upset her.

Instead I tried to change the subject, "Twins. Another set of twins. You're fucking amazing you know that? I'm so excited about this, I don't know if I'm looking forward more to the pregnancy parts or the birth!" I watched her out of the corner of my eye as I drove, trying to gauge her reaction.

I wouldn't apologise, that prick had it fucking coming. I made a mental note to do a background check on him, if there was any dirt to be found, I would find it.

"Edward, don't you ever act like that around my Doctor again, if you do anything to cause that man grief, I swear it's not going to end well for you! Am I making myself clear? Because I don't want there to be any confusion about how I feel about this. And actually Edward you will definitely enjoy the pregnancy more than the birth. There are things we need to talk about in regards to the birth; there are things you don't know that you really need to know, for your own sanity and for mine."

"I know where fucking babies come from Bella." I let out a sigh and turned toward her but she was looking out the window and she was furious. I tried to calm her down, "Bella love would you like to talk about it? Tell me what to expect?"

"No...But I suggest you do some fucking research...Or then again you know where fucking babies come from so you should be _fine."_ She spat and continued to stare out the window.

I pulled the car into the driveway and she was out of the car before I had cut the ignition.

She stalked off toward the kitchen so I headed for my office. Bella was mad, very, very mad. I knew I had been a bit of a prick at the doctor's office, but I refused to back down. The creepy bastard pissed me off. I was going through the monthly cash flow reports for a struggling company who wanted us to bail them out and I was bored.

Excessively so.

I closed the files down and opened Firefox; typing 'Childbirth videos' into Google and hit enter. I chose the first one I saw and settled comfortably back into my chair.

It was ok to start with, the woman was groaning in pain, which I expected and she was very sweaty. The camera moved from her pain-stricken face around her body and between her spread eagled legs. And I nearly fell off my fucking chair.

"What the fuck?" I said feeling very light headed. It seriously looked like a scene from fucking 'Alien'. A massive and I mean fucking rip you in half huge head was forcing its way out of her. "Oh fuck." I whispered as the woman suddenly screamed in pain and the head went back in a bit "What the hell? It's supposed to be coming out, not going back in!" I yelled at the screen.

What baby was this woman giving birth to? Damien from the fucking Omen? The doctor was telling the woman to push and all of a sudden the head popped halfway out and you could see her skin tearing.

"Oh God, oh fuck, OH GOD! What is that baby doing to that poor fucking woman?" I yelled. She pushed again and the head came out with a whole lot of slimy looking shit, the shoulders and body following.

I thought it was over, but I was mistaken. Where the woman's vagina had once been was now a gaping great fucking hole. I imagined that it was my Bella and I screamed pushing the fucking offending laptop off the desk, sending it smashing to the floor.

My breaths were coming in gasps and I could barely see straight. I was having a panic attack, I realised with a certain amount of amusement, and it wasn't even the actual event.

Bella charged into the room took one look at the laptop on the floor and my horrified expression, "Edward, what happened what's wrong, are you hurt? Why is the computer on the floor, why did you scream? "

"Does it stay that big?" I whispered in fear and stared at possibly the bravest person on the planet. She wasn't going to do that once she was going to have to do it twice. I gripped the edge of the desk and tried to take a deep breath that only resulted in a sick sounding wheeze.

"Does what stay that big? I don't know what you're talking about, would you care to be more specific?"

"The baby, such an evil fucking baby... It was torturing her Bella. It was fucking coming in and going out, and so much pain... She tore, she fucking tore. Oh my god, I think I'm going to be sick." I said grabbing the rubbish tin and holding it beneath my chin. "So much pain..." I whispered shaking my head.

"Evil Baby what...?" Comprehension dawned on her face, "Oh...so you decided to take my advice did you?" She smirked before turning serious, "Um...it is painful Edward and messy, but millions of women having been doing it for since the dawn of civilisation. I've already done it once and survived sweetie. It hurts it hurts more than I can even describe but its pain I can live through and the rewards are worth every second of it. Oh and speaking of seconds, it takes hours and hours of that kind of pain before they are even ready to be born." She walked over and wrapped her arms around my waist, "I wasn't trying to scare you Edward, I just wanted you to be prepared."

"Bella how the fuck are you supposed to get something that big out of there? Jesus, there was a big fucking hole there afterwards..." I remembered my initial question and paled "How long does it take to go back to normal?"

"Not long sweetie honestly. Six weeks to heal fully. Obviously it doesn't stay like that or I'm sure you would have noticed by now especially with all the time you spend down there studying mine in minute detail. We won't be able to have sex for a few weeks after probably six at the most, depending on whether I tear or not. Edward if I tear it's ok they'll just stitch me back up, I had it with Apple and Louis and it wasn't that bad. But honey you need to also be prepared for the possibility that they may have to cut me if the Babies get stuck...And sweetie a woman's body is designed to get something that big out of a space that small, I know it defies logic, but that's the amazing thing about the female body. You don't need to be scared you just need to be aware of what it's going to be like."

"Baby, can I just stay up by your head? Seriously, I didn't think there would be anything that could even have the slightest possibility of turning me off where you are involved, but this may be it. I can't watch that again..." I said my stomach still rolling and churning.

I tried to remind myself that she had already been through this before and I was instantly crushed with guilt. I threw the bin down and pulled her to my lap, wrapping my arms around her and burying my face in her shoulder.

She had been through this before, but she had been through it alone. I was wracked with the familiar old guilt and I began babbling, my internal filter broken "you are so brave and strong and amazing... Have any goddamn doctor you want, you want Dr Creepo you got him. You want painkillers, fuck I'll fly them in if I have too... Fuck, I'm never going to be able to look at Gianna again... Meditation? Is she fucking Crazy?"

"Edward you can stay up by my head if that's what you want, but you need to know it's really different when you're in that delivery suite and it's your own babies being born. I want you to know that if you don't think you can cope being in there I won't mind if you want to wait out in the hall, Rose and Alice can come with me again, they're old hands at it now,"

I shook my head "I'm not letting you go through that alone again Bella." I held her to me tightly, crushing her against me. I didn't want to let go. "I can't understand why the hell you would want to go through that again baby..." I shivered at the thought.

"I'm going through it again Edward so we can share the experiences we missed with Apple and Louis, and like I said the rewards are worth it. You wouldn't trade having Apple and Louis and you're going to feel exactly the same with these two, you'll forget everything else once you meet them for the very first time, I promise."

"I know I'll love these babies honey, I just don't love what you are going to have to go through to get them here..."

"Like I said sweetie, women have been doing it since the dawn of civilisation it's just one of the many wonders of life, you know a miracle and all that..."

A miracle? A miracle? It was a fucking miracle that the human race had survived and progressed so far, in my opinion. What I had just _witnessed_ that woman go through was... Well I imagined the tortures of hell would be somewhat similar.

It would also be a fucking miracle if I didn't pass out in the delivery room...

**A/N: Edward is such a tragedy...LMAO. (You know it's true Greenaway)... We look forward to reading your reviews with our morning coffee :)**


	42. Bright lights & Birthday Surprises

**A/N: First and foremost we apologize for the lateness of this update a few reason why that I won't bore you with. We are going to endeavour to try and get back to a regular update schedule as soon as we possibly can but with Christmas and school holidays looming it may be easier said than done but we do promise to try :) ...**

**We would like to thank those of you who take the time to review this story as you know they either sweeten or make our coffee bitter :)...And thanks to those of you who have added this story to your subscription...Light & Laughter to my FB friends you guys rock!**

**To our Beta Sassy41 you totally rock our world...**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & cinnamontwist own this story, all 'The Killer's' music is property of the owners. **

**CHAPTER 42 Bright Lights & Birthday Surprises...**

**BELLS POV...**

We arrived in Las Vegas and within minutes of arriving at the hotel jetlag was already claiming both Irina and I. we both yawned as we hugged goodnight outside our rooms; I headed straight for the shower and was joined minutes later by Edward.

He seemed to realize how exhausted I was because he washed me quickly then ferried me into the huge bed. I crawled into bed next to him and snuggled into his chest. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow...

...A beautiful day was dawning when I woke. Edward was already getting ready for his meetings. I scrambled out of bed and found him sitting on the couch; he was bent over his laptop a coffee in one hand and a small frown marring his features.

He looked up when he heard me approach the creases in his forehead instantly smoothed out and he gave me my favourite heart stopping smile.

"Good morning baby, I hope I didn't wake you?" He put his coffee cup on the table and opened his arms out to me; I slid into his warm embrace and laid my head on his chest.

"You didn't wake me hunger did."

"Well it's good that I've already ordered breakfast for you." He gave me a chaste kiss and chuckled when I pouted at him for pulling his lips away.

"Sorry Baby but you need food and I haven't got time for where that kiss would lead if I let it."He slid me onto the couch next to him and reached over to retrieve the plate of my favourite apricot Danishes and waved them under my nose.

"Edward unless you're prepared to lose fingers and I sincerely hope you aren't because they are very multi talented; don't tease me with food when I'm ravenous because I won't be held responsible for any of the resulting bloodshed."

"Sorry, I promise to never do that again."

I took one of the Danishes from the plate and groaned as my teeth sunk into it. "Good." I said through my mouthful of pastry.

"So what are you going to do while I'm stuck in meeting's all day?" Edward looked up from his laptop with a frown.

He was worried about leaving me.

I ran my fingertips along the creases and they smoothed out under my touch, "I thought I might ask Demetri if he feels like taking a quick look around this morning, then I'm planning to spend the afternoon by the pool, that's if I'm not too tired."

"Make sure you stay with Demetri if you're out and I promise I'll be back as soon as I can..."

...As soon as Edward and Irina left, Demetri and I headed out onto the strip and down to 'Pure' nightclub which was going to be the venue of Edward's surprise concert tonight. We spent most of the morning with the staff helping them set the place; they were more than a little surprised when I requested there be no alcohol in the vicinity.

The Killers manager met us at the club to finalize all the details and by the time that meeting was over it was nearly two o'clock and I was starving and exhausted.

I linked my arm through Demetri's as we walked out onto the bustling Las Vegas strip, I groaned quietly as my stomach rumbled and my twins showed their displeasure by delivering a flurry of not so gentle kicks to my abdomen.

Demetri looked at me with a worried expression. "Bella I think we should head back to the hotel and have lunch, you haven't eaten since breakfast and you must be starving."

"Did you hear my stomach then? I am starving and lunch sounds great. And thanks for hanging out with me today Demetri it's been fun." I had had fun hanging out with Demetri he was so easy going.

He looked down at me and grinned, "No worries Bells, I've had a good time to. And I can't wait to see the look on Edward's face. It will be a MasterCard moment to see him have a fan boy moment."

I couldn't help but laugh, "You're right about that. It will be _priceless_."

We ate lunch by the hotel pool and spent a couple of hours soaking up the sun on the loungers. I wasn't sure if the bright light was exhilarating or annoying the twins but they were using my stomach as if it was a soccer ball.

I rubbed my stomach hoping to try and sooth my excitable babies but they continued to wriggle and squirm.

"Demetri I think I'm going to have to go back to my room. I think the sunlight is making my babies irritable and I'm over them taking their frustration out on my uterus." I groaned as I got another hearty kick.

He looked over at me with a sympathetic smile, "Fuck Bells I take my hat off to you. Irina complains about not having enough room for one baby, how the hell you can lug two of them around astounds me."

"Other than not having any choice but to lug them around and the fact I've done it before the only thing that keeps me together is the knowledge that after these two are born I'm closing up the baby factory for good."

He smiled slyly, "and how did Edward take the news? I get the distinct impression he'd be happy to keep you pregnant until menopause sets in."

I hissed audibly, Demetri was right about Edward. He'd be beyond happy to keep me 'barefoot and pregnant' as he put it. "I haven't told him yet. I'm hoping once he actually sees me give birth it will be so traumatic for him that he'll volunteer to have a vasectomy while we're at the hospital."

Demetri laughed loudly as he helped me off the lounger, "Hmm...Somehow I don't think that's going to happen; Bella."

"I don't know Demetri I think I've got a pretty good chance, especially after his reaction to the childbirth video. He was pretty traumatised by that and watching it firsthand is so much worse."

"What birth DVD? Edward never mentioned anything. Please do tell pretty lady." Demetri tried to give me what I was sure an innocent smile but it came out looking more like a leer.

"Um...that story might be best left untold. He'd be gutted if I told you what a complete wuss he really is." I said teasingly knowing full well it would only pique Demetri's interest more.

"Oh come on Bells you have to tell me. I won't tell Edward that I know." He said somewhat unconvincingly.

"Fine I'll tell you but don't you let on you know, you know he'll throw a wobbly of epic proportions if he finds out I told you. And don't you ever tell Emmett."

Demetri roared with laughter, the sound reverberated around the lift magnifying noise tenfold and he was still laughing heartily when we walked through the door of my room.

I threw myself down on the couch while Demetri got us a bottle of juice each and he joined me with a grin a moment later.

I could tell by the look on his face his thoughts were still on Edward and the birth video and I groaned.

"Knew I shouldn't have told you. You better swear to me on the eternal soul of your child you won't tell him," I grimaced.

"Don't worry Bells I promise I won't say anything..."

...As soon as Edward walked through the door I could tell he was frustrated about something. He was wearing a hint of a frown and I could see the tension in his jaw.

He threw his tie and jacket on the floor as he made his way over to me.

The frown disappeared as he pulled me into his arms but the rigidity in his jaw remained. He buried his face in my hair and inhaled deeply

"I missed you."He whispered into my hair as his arms tightened around me.

"I missed you too. I hate being away from you." I caught Irina's attention over Edward's shoulder and gave her a questioning look. I wasn't expecting Edward's mood to be so low and I wondered what had happened to bring him down.

I waited until I felt him relax before I detangled myself from his arms and took a seat next to Irina. My eyes stayed locked on Edward as I tried to give Irina a rundown on our plans without drawing his attention.

He glanced over at me and the tension was more evident in his features. I whispered to Irina that I would fill her in on the rest of the plan later and went to make my way back to Edward's side. I had only just pulled him back into my arms when my cellphone rung, I pulled it out of my pocket and saw Robert's name on the screen.

"Sorry baby I need to take this call. I won't be a minute," I stepped out onto the balcony and shut the door behind me before answering the call...

...Edward and Irina were nowhere to be found when I got inside and I looked questioningly at Demetri.

He pointed to the kitchen with a frown and hurried across the room. I could hear the frustration in his voice as he interrogated Irina about why they had flown here when the deal could be done by phone.

Irina's nervous eyes shot to mine as Edward turned to face me.

"Actually sweetie I asked Irina to arrange for you to come on this business meeting. I've never been to Vegas, thought we might combine business with pleasure. You've probably forgotten that tomorrow is your birthday, so Irina, Demetri and I thought it would be cool to celebrate it over here. We are taking you out on the town tonight, so leave Irina alone and go throw your sexy ass into my favourite pair of jeans. Oh and no killers t-shirts tonight I want see you in a plain black shirt."

He looked at me and I could tell he was confused, "My birthday? It's not tomorrow... is it? Ok, so what are we doing then? And why are you telling me what to wear? I didn't even bring my killers shirts."

"Because I feel like being bossy alright..." I blurted out. He looked at me in mild shock and I fought back my laugh, "sorry hormonal surge, damn pregnancy hormones." I didn't dear look at Irina who had stuffed her fist in her mouth to stop her own laughter bursting forth. "And yes your birthday is tomorrow. So tonight we are going out on the town."

"Is there something I should do? About the hormonal thing I mean. Am I supposed to go out and get ice-cream or something? We can stay in if you aren't feeling well love... _we can celebrate here just the two of us."_ Edward's fingers grazed my cheek and the last four words were spoken in the husky whisper he used to distract me with the promise of what was to come if I granted him his wish.

His eyes turned hypnotic, the deep clear green began to cloud with desire and what little resolve I had started to crack.

I don't know if Demetri had heard what Edward had said or if he just knew from experience how easily Edward could bend me to his will but he suddenly came to my rescue, the sound of the killer's when you were young filled the room.

I distracted him further by answering his original question, "There's nothing that can be done about hormones sweetie. And I definitely don't want ice cream I'm struggling to fit my clothes as it is. I want to go out tonight, we haven't been out for ages, and we've never been out in Vegas. And soon we're going to have too many kids to farm out to babysitters; four kids are so much harder than two."

Edward seemed mollified because he was suddenly growling at Demetri for having the music turned down so low.

He headed for the minibar and grabbed a bottle of water, even though I had removed all the alcohol from it he looked almost longingly as if he could picture the little bottles of alcohol that should have been sitting there.

I noticed the way his shoulders slumped slightly and the heavy sigh that fell from his lips. Edward was thinking about alcohol.

My heart bled for him. I wished I could take his pain away and share his burden, I hated knowing he was carrying it alone.

He walked into the bedroom and I gave him a few minutes to himself before I followed.

I slipped silently through the door and made my way over to him.

He was deep in thought I wasn't sure if he even knew I was there. I wrapped my arms around his waist.

Tears brimmed in my eyes and my heart throbbed painfully when I heard Edward chanting Alcohol did not control him in a barely audible whisper.

I tightened my grip on him and whispered, "I believe in you Edward, you are a wonderful father and husband and a better man than that. You are the man of my dreams..." I kissed his ear softly, "Shall we go out and get your mind off it? Tonight I'm going to make you forget all about the alcohol, I promise. Come on." I took his hand and I could feel the slight tremor, I squeezed it reassuringly.

He pulled me into his arms and told me not to worry, it was just being in Vegas brought back memories of wild nights with Emmett and Jasper. I was surprised when he told me to ask them about it sometime.

"I'll make sure to remind you, but tonight my sweet is about showing you there are other ways to have fun in Vegas..."

...We hit the sidewalk and I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of lights that flashed in front of me. This street alone would use enough power to supply the whole of New Zealand.

Edward kept a tight hold on me as we navigated the busy street and kept his body in contact with mine during dinner.

Even though the conversation flowed easily I could still feel Edward's tension and I hoped my surprise birthday gift would help soothe some of his pain.

We were just finishing dinner when Demetri suggested we go and check out Pure nightclub.

Edward looked at him as if he had suddenly gone insane and his head whipped around to mine and stared at me in shock when I readily agreed.

He leaned against me and I could feel him almost trembling, "Uh, Bella." He whispered, "I don't really think that is a good idea. Not for me anyway, if you guys want to go that's fine. I'll just go back to the hotel and watch a movie or something."

"Do you trust me Edward?" I asked quietly. I held his gaze making sure my eyes reflected the love and respect I had for him.

"Of course I trust you baby, it's me I don't trust." He said almost fearfully.

I gave him a small sad smile, "I know you don't trust yourself, but I trust you. Will you just do this one thing for me, and if after half an hour if you really hate it that much we'll go. I promise you Edward you won't regret it if you grant me this one request. And are you really willing to let me go out in Vegas without you? You know considering the way men flock to me." I added slyly, I knew that would be all the motivation he needed to agree.

"I'm. Going. With. You." He ground out between his teeth.

"Thank you sweetie, I appreciate your trust in me." I gave him an innocent smile and grabbed his hand, "shall we go my husband?"

We walked into the club hand in hand and made our way into the main private room.

I smiled widely at Edward's reaction when he saw all his friends gathered in the room. A raucous chorus of 'Happy Birthday' rung out when our friends, well our family really, had noticed we had arrived.

Emmett's rambunctious voice rang out louder than the rest and I shook my head when I finally located him. He was standing with Jasper and they were doing shots of some hideous looking green gloop.

I laughed at his pained expression when he downed his shot. I wondered briefly if it was some pureed cactus concoction that Aro may have told them about as a way to get seriously wasted.

My suspicions deepened when Emmett made his way over to us, his eyes were as wide as saucers and I felt a moment of disappointment that I couldn't join him. Sometimes I missed being a little reckless.

The mystery of the green gloop was solved a few seconds later thanks to Edward's curiosity getting the better of him.

He directed his question to Emmett but it was the approaching Kate who answered.

"Wheatgrass shots. They thought it would be funny and it has been... to me at least. Happy birthday boss."

She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and moved out of the way as Felix came hurtling out of nowhere and tackled Edward to the ground while doing a really, really bad impersonation of 50 cent.

Edward freed himself from Felix he gave him a playful punch on the arm. Felix grinned at him like a fool before turning and covertly winking at me.

I was struggling to contain my excitement. I was positive I was about to wipe all thoughts of alcohol from his thoughts.

Jake and Cherie were making their way over to us and Edward smiled widely and greeted Jake with a one armed hug.

I had enough time to give Jake a hug and Cherie a quick hello before the first bars of 'when you were young' rang out through the room.

The whole room turned to look at Edward at the same time I did and I couldn't help but laugh at his face.

I was fairly sure he hadn't heard me though he was staring at the stage with a frown as if he couldn't comprehend that his favourite band was playing a gig on stage not ten feet away from him.

While he stared at the stage he sung the words under his breath; not making a mistake or missing a beat.

I took my eyes off Edward to scan the sea of faces turned toward him. Emmett and Jasper were in hysterics both clutching their sides as tears rolled down their cheeks; they were definitely enjoying Edward's fan boy reaction.

And when Emmett pulled out his cell phone and began filming him I knew the viewers of the resulting YouTube clip would enjoy it to.

My attention turned back to Edward. The frown had been replaced by a look of sheer joy. He looked so free and relaxed; like he didn't have a care in the world and I felt the tear slide down my cheek.

He dragged his eyes from the stage and looked at me in confusion, "Baby don't cry, it's The Killers. This is one of the best experiences you and I will ever have."

I rolled my eyes, "Uh...I know Edward that's why I'm crying. Your reaction is better than I ever dreamed possible. Happy birthday my husband...Are sure you don't want to go we've been here half an hour?" I teased as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

He looked at me as if I was crazy and I was surprised when he actually told me as much out loud.

"Go? Why would we go?" I punched his arm in mock hurt and he pulled me into his arms and looked at me adoringly, "Thank you baby. This is one of the best nights of my life. How the hell did you do this?"

"Well you really do have Irina to thank. It was her multitude of talents that pulled off this mammoth feat. But you should thank her later, right now I think you should go and enjoy your present."

Edward didn't take his eyes from the stage during the whole set, he sung the words to every song under his breath and I looked at Irina who would watch him for a few minutes before collapsing into a fit of giggles against Demetri's shoulder.

Emmett was bouncing around the room like a lunatic and Jazz was standing in the corner with his arms around Alice, swaying them to the music.

The band finished their set and made their way off stage and straight over to where we were.

I couldn't help but smile when heard Edward breath stop as Brandon Flowers approached him.

He leaned into me and whispered nervously, "What the hell is going on baby? Why are they coming over here?"

I swallowed my giggle, "Um...Well I'd say they are most likely coming over to say hi to you. I mean I doubt that they would play a private concert for you and not want to say hi and introduce themselves. Who knows sweetie you're famous in your own right, they may have heard of you."

Brandon held out his hand for Edward's and shook it firmly as he introduced himself.

Brandon let Edwards hand go and turned to me, "Bella?"

I smiled shyly "I am. It's nice to meet you." He leaned forward and kissed my cheek, I could feel the blood rushing to the surface of my skin.

Edward was obviously struggling to contain his excitement at meeting his musical idols had another fan boy moment and started telling the band how amazing they were.

I turned away from them so he wouldn't see me trying to stifle my giggle; I didn't dare look at anyone in the room. I was sure everyone was watching Edward and I guaranteed they were all trying as hard to contain their laughter as I was.

Edward squeezed my hand gently and I knew he was thanking me for my gift.

I took a seat next to Edward when he invited the band to sit down and pretty much stayed silent as they chatted animatedly. I was happy to just sit back and let Edward enjoy the moment.

It wasn't until Brandon asked Edward to join them on stage for the next set.

This was part I was most looking forward to.

Edward was sitting there like a stunned mullet, and I shook my head when he started trying to play down his own musical genius.

He was stuttering and trying to politely refuse the bands offer.

There was no way I was going to let that happen, this was the most important part of my gift to him.

He turned and looked at me suspiciously. He knew at once it was me who told them about his musical skills. I gave him an innocent smile and a hint of a wink.

I could tell by the look on his face he was not going to take up the bands offer, he was happy just to sit back and listen to them play.

But that's not what I wanted so I gave him a little prod, "Oh come off it Edward, you can totally play Sam's town, a dust land fairytale, and white demon love song... hurry up and stop being such a pratt and get up there, Brandon doesn't have all night you know."

I tugged on his arm and he stood somewhat reluctantly.

He kissed my cheek before making his way onto the stage with the band.

Watching Edward on stage was amazing. I giggled to myself when I realized I was having a fan girl moment of my own.

My husband was not only gorgeous inside and out he was phenomenally talented.

Edward was completely oblivious to his surroundings. He was caught up in the music, lost to all but his own thoughts and he seemed startled when the applause broke out at the end of the song.

Brandon left the stage and made his way over to me

He smiled brightly as he took my hand in his, "Would you join us on stage? My wife is a constant inspiration to me and I'm sure your husband is the same. He's very, very talented your husband. He should be playing all the time, not wasting it in an office." He whispered as he helped me onto the stage.

I nodded in agreement with Brandon's comment, "Actually Brandon you're right; he is a wasted talent. It's something I may need to rectify sometime in the not too distant future. And thank you for the invitation to join you on stage. I'm sure your wife is as grateful as I am to have a husband who can serenade her with beautiful music of their own invention."

I thanked Brandon as I took a seat next to Edward at the piano. "Are you having fun?" I whispered as the first bars of the next song rang out from Brandon's piano.

He leaned over and kissed my cheek before joining the chorus of the song.

I watched in awe as he let go of his nerves and once again let himself get lost in the music.

Edward was so multitalented. He'd never used all his talents to their full potential, something I decided I was going to change.

I wasn't quite sure how yet but I was going to make sure Edward dedicated more time to music.

The band asked Edward to choose the next song and I smiled when he began playing the first bars of 'white demon love song' he knew it was my favourite and I knew It was his thank you gift to me.

His velvety voice sunk through my flesh and bone, right to my soul. Never did I feel more beautiful or more loved than when Edward serenaded me to me.

He finished the song and I turned to him with an adoring smile, "Happy Birthday sweetie, I hope you enjoyed your gift."

We left the stage and took a seat with the band. While Edward chatted I thought about ways I could get Edward to spend more time on playing music.

As if he read my mind Brandon gave me a quick smile and turned to Edward, "Edward I was wondering if maybe you'd be interested in maybe playing piano on a couple of our upcoming tracks."

I bit back my giggle at Edward's stunned face.

He shot me a look that clearly told me he'd thought I'd lost my sanity when Brandon told him I'd told him that he composed his own music. And he was completely stunned into disbelief when Brandon invited him to play piano on a couple of tracks for their new album.

Edward leaned over and whispered, "It's going to fucking suck when I wake up from this."

He pulled me closer his hand rubbing my stomach absent mindedly...

...When we finally made it back to our hotel room Edward was still singing away under his breath and his eyes sparkled with happiness.

All traces of his former tension were erased from his features and I found it hard to contain my happiness that I had done something that had eased his pain a little and brought him some happiness.

He pulled me into his arms, his lips moving to ghost along my neck, "Thank you" he whispered "That was ... Shit baby. That was amazing. Did you hear them? They were fantastic; I swear they are the fucking best musicians I have ever heard." He gushed clearly not over his fan boy moment.

"Yeah they were pretty awesome," I agreed, "but I think you're infinitely better." I spun around in his arms and brought my lips to his.

"Yeah, but you're biased. I mean geez, playing the piano with them, singing with them..." He looked at me apologetically "Sorry baby, you know what I'm like..."

I laughed, "I do...and don't apologise. I want to hear how you felt about getting to play a set with your favourite band, it's not like it happens every day." I pulled him out onto the balcony; I stood against the railing and stared out at the lights of the city.

He smiled at me as he launched into an in-depth summary of every single thing thought that was racing through his head. Starting from the moment he realised his favourite band was playing a private gig for him and finished by almost having a panic attack that they had asked him to play piano on their up and coming album**.**

"Oh Jesus Bella, I don't think I can do that." He almost gasped.

I gave him a reassuring smile, "Of course you can sweetie. Just try to look at it from a professional point of view and not a fan boy one and you'll be fine. Especially now you've played with them once, should be easier to calm the nerves next time round. That Brandon dude is a really nice guy, so down to earth not stuck up at all." I mused half to myself.

"Yeah, he was pretty fucking cool. It didn't even bother me," I looked at him in confusion, he smiled and elaborated, "him talking to you and shit we both know what I'm usually like... Not that I wouldn't fuckin rip his head off if he tried anything though." He pulled me into his arms and sighed into my hair. "Thank you Bella. This was wonderful."

"God you must have been having a total fan boy moment, no jealousy? That's not like you sweetie." I teased. "And your welcome baby, it was nice for me to indulge you for a change..."

I snuggled into Edward's chest and I knew when he sighed contentedly that this was my moment to confess the secrets I'd been keeping from him.

Nerves erupted in the pit of my stomach and the twins each gave me a kick.

I cleared my throat, "Um...Edward I need to tell you something, but I'm afraid you'll be upset with me for not confiding in you sooner." I kept my head against his chest and tried to control my nerves.

"Shoot baby" He said with no hint of concern.

"Um...well when Apple and Louis were born, Charlie and Renee gifted me some money and it had just been sitting in my account gathering dust along with the money the University paid me out. Anyway I overheard Jasper telling Emmett about some new technology that was going to revolutionize something. I don't really know what it was but I decided to invest the money and I got really lucky and more than quadrupled my investment. Then on top of that the day of our wedding your Dad gifted me an investment portfolio and as a result of all that." I took a deep breath and rushed the words out as quickly as possible, "I now have about twenty million dollars sitting in the bank"

He stayed silent so I quickly rushed on,

"But that's not all; you know how I am about money, I just don't care for it, as long as we have enough to provide for our kids and pay our bills, I'm happy...So for the last few months I've been working on, with the help of your mother, setting up a foundation to help children and young people in Nepal who have been forced into the sex Industry. I got permission to open a center, a place for kids to go for help in getting out of prostitution. It has a medical and education centre on premises and the facility can house up to five hundred children at a time..."

I studied his face while he absorbed what I had told him, watching closely for any signs that may contradict what he would say.

He was silent for a few moments then his face broke into a radiant smile,

**"**You did all that?"

My nerves in waiting for his reaction must have been clear on my face, because he looked at me with arched brows and chortled,

"Why do you look like you are confessing to a crime baby? You're helping a whole lot of people you should look a little happier than this." He teased me and I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding, "I'm proud of you Bella and astounded and a little confused, but very, very proud."

I let out the breath I had forced to stay in my lungs. "You are?" I whispered.

I thought about what he had said about being confused and I understanding was instant. Guilt gnawed at my inside and I gave him an almost pleading look as I went on the defensive and tried to explain why I had intentionally kept this from him.

"The only reason I didn't tell you sooner, was because I wanted to accomplish it on my own, you know like a personal goal." I mumbled as I internally cursed myself for not preparing a better excuse than the one that just dribbled out of my mouth.

I didn't know how to explain my actions to him and I couldn't use crazy pregnancy hormones again so I quickly moved on to telling him about the foundation.

It's called the BEL-A Cullen foundation, and...I hope you don't mind but we are flying to Nepal from here because I have to attend the opening dinner at the NZ embassy with a whole heap of important government people, Carlisle and Esme are going to meet us there...Oh that's if you'd like to join me that is?"

He rolled his eyes at me, "Like I'd miss it. Does BEL-A. stand for what I think it does?" He asked with a grin.

A wide smile broke over my face, "What do you think it stands for?" I was hoping he would pick it up, Esme hadn't.

"Bella, Edward, Louis, Apple." He stated confidently.

I could barely contain my excitement, "I can't believe you picked it up straight away, Esme still has no idea. Maybe you can enlighten her at the dinner." I studied his face, "So you're not angry that I kept it from you?"

"No not all at. I just... wondered why you wouldn't mention it." He said quietly.

"I wanted to surprise you with the foundation. And the money; I didn't mention that because it's just not important to me. I had no plans to spend one cent of it on myself or the kids. I wanted to do something worthwhile with it so it's all going into the foundation. I'm sorry if you're upset I kept it from you, I just wanted to accomplish something on my own."

Even though he was trying to hide it he was hurt.

"I just thought maybe I could have helped. But it sounds like you had good council and representation. I'm very proud of you Isabella Cullen. To think, I will be your first gentleman at your next social appearance."

"You'll be the Gentleman on my arm at all my social appearance, not that I actually plan to have anymore. And thank you I do appreciate that you would have wanted to help; maybe we could work on a charitable project together. I'd like that."

"Save the world you reckon?" He chuckled. "It's going to limit my recording time, thereby diminishing your aspirations of becoming the first Lady of Charity slash groupie chick. I'd really hate to disappoint you."

"Not if we multi task, you could put out an album and the money could go to charity. Then I can fulfil my role as both your number one groupie and charity queen."

He looked at me and low growl rumbled from his throat, "Hey! I'm supposed to be the great business mind around here! You better learn your place little woman."

"Little woman?...learn my place?...Huh you a real funny guy, you know that?" I launched myself at him kissing and nipping every piece of exposed flesh I could.

"Glad you finally noticed." I squealed when he began tickling me mercilessly, "Are you after a war Mrs Cullen, cause you know little woman, you are gonna lose."

"Hell yeah I'm looking for a war...and if I remember rightly you were happy to forgo the bit where I had to obey you in the marriage contract, you better be careful I don't sue you for breach of contract..." I looked at him in mock suspicion, "or did you sneak that little clause back into the fine print when I wasn't looking?...I bet you did."

He snorted, "Damn right I did. Do you think you need an instruction on the best ways to obey your husband? I'd be happy to offer my services to your education..."

"You are so evil...Hmm...Let's see do I think I need lessons on how to be a good wife and obey my husband?...Yeah I probably do but they'd be a wasted effort. I have a problem with people who try to boss me around, I can't be taught because I hate being told what to do...But if you think you're up to the challenge of turning me into a Stepford wife then please by all means give it your best shot."

Edward crushed his mouth to mine, effectively ending the conversation, his kiss was demanding, yet I held my own.

He smiled against my mouth, "I own this mouth Isabella Cullen," I shivered at the authority in his voice. His lips slid to my throat placing a row of kisses up the side of my neck while his hand moved down to cup my breast. His breath tickled my ear, "I own these to," He massaged them reverently, pinching my nipples until they were erect.

His hands inched slowly lower rubbing over my swollen stomach, "and this skin, it's mine," he breathed as lips made to follow the path of his hands, "And this," he groaned as his hand slid over my mound and his fingers slid down my folds and disappeared into my warmth, "I definitely own this... This will only _ever _belong to me." He hissed, as his tongue snaked out to lick along my folds and back up to my throbbing clit.

Edward's fingers and tongue worked in tandem, twisting and curling relentlessly, my hands knotted into his hair and I pulled him closer to me.

"Cum for me Bella...Right now!" He growled as he upped the tempo of his ministrations.

My body reacted instantly. Waves of intense pleasure washed over me, my eyes rolled back in my head and I struggled for breath, "Fuck...shit...God Edward...so fucking good babe..."

His tongue never left me until I squirmed away from him, unable to take anymore pleasure.

He looked up at me and smirked, "well Bella, it's not going to be as hard as I thought." I looked at him in confusion and his smirk grew even more pronounced and he chuckled, "your body_ obeys_ my every command, it shouldn't take me long to convince the rest of you to the same."

"Ugh..." I rolled my eyes at him, "you are such a smug bastard,"

My bottom lip jutted out in a pout and I made to move away from him but he slid up my body.

He clasped both of my hands in one of his lifting them above my head; the fingers of free hand slid down my neck and traced along me collar bone.

"You're not going anywhere Mrs Cullen; that was only the first half of today's lesson; your body is willing to obey me but..." He brought his mouth to mine, sucking my lip between his teeth; he pushed my legs apart with his knee and slipped into me with a groan.

His movements were slow and deliberate every thrust was delivered with purpose, and I was getting wetter and more aroused with every movement.

"My Bella," he breathed against my throat, "I want to possess you." I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist urging him deeper, trying to control his movements, "I own you Bella...every part of you... mind, body and soul. It sings only for me."

My breathing hitched at his words. His movements were getting near frenzied, his disjointed breath fanned out across my throat, "fuck Bella...tell me...now... who you belong to."

His breathing had to turn to gasping, but he never slowed his pace as he trust into me pushing deeper with every stroke. He was pulsing against my walls, but he would not give himself over to his orgasm until he got his answer.

I pulled his face to mine kissing him hungrily, "You Edward, I belong to you my husband and only you," I sighed into his mouth and he groaned against my lips as he finally let himself go.

His face stayed buried against my neck while he tried to get himself under control.

Finally he pulled his head up to face me a smirk on his face, "Hmm...Well little woman that wasn't bad for a first lesson. I think after a few months of intensive training, I'll have you exactly where I want you, my little _Stepford _wife."

"Oh please...get off me..." I groaned and tried to detangle myself from his embrace.

He just laughed as he held me tighter, "Mmm... just a cute little kitten who wishes she was a tiger..." He kissed me softly his lips ghosting across mine and a small sigh slipped from my lips.

His mouth took mine more forcefully and kissed me until I was breathless, he pulled back and smiled, "My Bella."

My heart began to race; his eyes were so beautiful and so full of love. No matter how many times I looked at him he never failed to get more beautiful each time.

I snuggled in to his chest, inhaling his scent with a smile as he carried me to bed, "I love you my Edward."

I kept my head on his chest, letting the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest lull me to sleep...

**EDWARDS POV**

I could see that Bella was struggling to keep her eyes open as we pulled up outside the hotel; one quick glance at Irina told me how she had faired the long haul flight to Vegas too. They were exhausted. We said a hurried good bye outside our room and I quickly ushered Bella inside and got her in the shower.

She was asleep the moment her head hit the pillow...

...I looked down at Bella's sleeping form and kissed her cheek lightly before I slid out of bed. Irina and I had a series of meetings and I needed to go over my notes and get organized.

I stared at the computer screen and wondered what the fuck I was even doing here, Irina could have done this shit over the phone. My frown smoothed and I smiled as I opened my arms to Bella.

"Good morning baby, I hope I didn't wake you?"

"You didn't wake me hunger did."

"Well it's good that I've already ordered breakfast for you." I gave her a quick kiss and smiled when her bottom lip jutted out it a pout, "Sorry Baby but you need food and I haven't got time for where that kiss would lead if I let it." I slid her off my lap and tried to distract her with her favourite apricot Danishes.

"Edward unless you're prepared to lose fingers and I sincerely hope you don't because they are very multi talented, don't tease me with food when I'm ravenous, because I won't be held responsible for any of the resulting bloodshed."

"Sorry, I promise to never do that again." I chortled as I watched her devour the Danish.

"Good." I said through my mouthful of pastry.

"So what are you going to do while I'm stuck in meeting's all day?"

"I thought I might ask Demetri if he feels like taking a quick look around this morning, then I'm planning to spend the afternoon by the pool, that's if I'm not too tired."

"Make sure you stay with Demetri if you're out and I promise I'll be back as soon as I can." I pulled her into my arms and gave her another quick kiss and smiled when Irina knocked on the door before she could act on her dirty thoughts that were clear on her face...

"Tell me _again_ why you dragged us over here?" I said through my tight smile to Irina. Neither of us needed to be there, it was extra strain on Irina and Bella and I wasn't happy about that.

"I didn't think it could be done over the phone." She whispered, but she wouldn't look me in the eye.

"You could have sent someone else. Why did _we_ have to be here Irina?" I questioned.

She looked up at me with guilty eyes.

"Bad call I guess."

"You don't make bad calls." I said evenly. She was getting flustered, something was definitely up.

"Look, Edward..." She began as the door opened and the remaining businessmen strode into the board room.

"Gentlemen!" Irina said standing instantly, her bright friendly smile thick with the relief that she felt. She had dodged my questions for now...

..I was fucking livid when I walked through the door to the hotel room that night. Irina wasn't telling me anything and I was frustrated. I wanted a fucking drink. I wanted _something_ to calm my fucking nerves and sort me out. I saw Bella sitting on a chair and I made my way to her straight away. She was as good a drug as fucking any.

"I missed you." I murmured into her hair and tightened my grip on her.

"I missed you too, and I'm glad you're here."

A low growl rumbled from my chest when Bella squirmed out of my embrace and struck up a conversation with Irina. I hadn't had her in my fucking arms all day and when I finally fucking _did_, she was there for less than five fucking minutes.

I _needed_ her.

As the evening moved on, I noticed that something was _definitely _up with those two, their conversation was carried out in a series of low rushed whispers; every now and then Bella would shoot me a covert look when she thought I wasn't paying attention.

I rammed my fingers through my hair, fuck this was such a wasted fucking effort there was no fucking reason for us to be here, I could be home in bed fucking ravishing Bella instead being stuck in this fucking hellhole.

Bella's cellphone rung and she headed out onto the balcony and my fury fucking peaked. I stood up and looked down on Irina, "can I see you in the kitchen for minute?" I kept the acid in my voice to a minimum but Irina frowned. We both knew what was coming. I wanted answers; I was far too frustrated and pissed to be fucked with. I was so on edge, it was incredible. I wanted a drink because I knew once I had that, the fear, the anxiety, the _dread_ that I was feeling... it would all go away.

But I couldn't drink. And I couldn't think rationally because I _wanted _to drink. I felt like I was going insane like there was this... Uncertainty.

I didn't like it.

"Sure Edward. Demetri I won't be a minute," Irina said and followed me into the kitchen. I took a deep breath to calm myself before I turned to her.

"What the fuck is going on Irina? Why the hell did you drag us over here when you could have done this deal over the phone..." I stopped talking when Bella entered. Irina shot her a nervous glance and Bella sighed audibly.

"Actually sweetie I asked Irina to arrange for you to come on this business meeting, I've never been to Vegas, thought we might combine business with pleasure. You've probably forgotten that tomorrow is your birthday, so Irina, Demetri and I thought it would be cool to celebrate it over here. We are taking you out on the town tonight, so leave Irina alone and go throw your sexy ass into my favourite pair of jeans, oh and no killers t-shirts tonight I want see you in a plain black shirt."

"My birthday? It's not tomorrow... is it? Ok, so what are we doing then? And why are you telling me what to wear? I didn't even bring my killers shirts." Bella's behaviour was becoming increasingly bizarre and I was already wound up from being kept out of the loop. Now I knew what was going on I still felt as nervous as fuck.

"Because I feel like being bossy alright..." I looked up at Bella in surprise she was being far more fucking assertive than she normally was, "sorry hormonal surge; damn pregnancy hormones. And yes your birthday is tomorrow, and tonight we are going out on the town.

"Is there something I should do? About the hormonal thing I mean. Am I supposed to go out and get ice-cream or something? We can stay in if you aren't feeling well love... we can celebrate here just the two of us." I almost purred the last four words as I captured her gaze and stroke her cheek with my fingertips. This was another thing that was good to ease the cravings. Sex. Sex was fucking _perfect_. If I had Bella, I could manage the cravings. I sighed, god it would make things easier if we could have found some way to just stay in. I was pretty sure I could persuade around to my way of thinking. I stared into Bella's eyes, losing myself in their depths. I could see all the things we done together, all the things we could do together, the shared want, lust, desire that we both harboured. I saw everything between us in her eyes and I was drunk on it.

She wanted me too, I knew it. She wanted me, but...

But?

She... wouldn't?

She wouldn't. We would not be staying in tonight. I would not find an outlet for this burning inside of me from my wife. Maybe later, but not now...

Demetri let out a low chuckle and headed for the stereo. My mood brightened a little when I heard 'The Killers'. They were a fucking kick ass fucking band and I fucking loved them. I started singing under my breath.

"There's nothing that can be done about hormones sweetie, and I definitely don't want ice cream I'm struggling to fit my clothes as it is. And I want to go out tonight, we haven't been out for ages, and we've never been out in Vegas and soon we're going to have too many kids to farm out to babysitters, four kids are so much harder than two."

I nodded at Bella; I had already known that would be her answer. I was not surprised. I turned to Demetri, "turn that fucking stereo up you fucking pussy its fucking sacrilege too have the killers on so low." My eyes drifted the mini-bar and I stood up before I really knew what I was doing, my hand shook as I reached for the water bottle and I sighed deeply. Things weren't getting any fucking easier.

I left Bella with Irina, too uncomfortable to stand there and pretend there wasn't a war raging in my head. I made my way to the bedroom. The cravings were the worst they had been in ages. I could hardly think straight, all I could think of was the _one thing_ that would make it all go away. My mouth went dry in preparation for the stain sting of the whiskey it desired... God, I could taste it. So bitter sweet, so perfect and so utterly fucking _shameful_.

My fingers rammed themselves through my hair and I forced myself to look in the mirror.

"_Alcohol does not control me,"_ I whispered repeatedly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath when I felt Bella's arms slide around my waist.

"I believe in you Edward, you're a wonderful father and husband and a better man than that, you are the man of my dreams... Shall we go out and get your mind off it? Tonight I'm going to make you forget all about the alcohol, I promise. Come on." She took my hand in hers and squeezed gently when she felt the tremors.

I pulled Bella into my arms, "Don't worry about me love I'm ok. It's just being back in Vegas, brings back memories of wild times with Jasper and Emmett." I kissed the tip of her nose, "remind me to tell you about them sometime." We had had some _extremely wild_ times in Vegas. I didn't really want to tell her about them, but in the same instance, I felt as though I would be purging them from myself if I did.

"I'll make sure to remind you, but tonight my sweet is about showing you there are other ways to have fun in Vegas..."

I kept Bella close by my side as we navigated the sidewalk and I never let her go throughout dinner. I looked up when Demetri's fork clattered onto his plate,

"Fuck now that's what you call a steak...So who's game to check out Pure Night Club?" I looked up at Demetri like he had suddenly gone fucking insane but my jaw _really_ hit the floor when Bella readily agreed.

Why the fuck would Bella agree to go to a nightclub when she knew I was having a fucking episode? I wondered in confoundment. Was it some kind of cruel fucking joke?

"Uh, Bella." I leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I don't really think that is a good idea. Not for me anyway, if you guys want to go that's fine. I'll just go back to the hotel and watch a movie or something."

Bella brought her eyes to mine and held my gaze, "Do you trust me Edward?" She asked, she was watching me intently.

I nodded my head, "Of course I trust you baby, it's me I don't trust." I didn't want her to stop drinking just because I did, but at the same time I knew my limitations and they weren't much.

I could see the pain in her smile, "I know you don't trust yourself, but I trust you. Will you just do this one thing for me? And if after half an hour if you really hate it that much we'll go. I promise you Edward you won't regret it if you grant me this one request. And are you really willing to let me go out in Vegas without you, you know considering the way men flock to me." She said slyly.

"I'm. Going. With. You." I ground out between my teeth. There was no way I was letting Bella out of my sight. She just had given me _another_ thing to worry about. If I went back to the hotel, what kind of trouble would she get into? What trouble would _find_ her?

"Thank you sweetie, I appreciate it." Her smile would have had Angels weeping and she grabbed my hand, "shall we go my husband?"

I kept a tight grip on Bella's hand as we entered the club; it took me a few moments to realize that I recognized the faces of the people gathered there. A near ear shattering round of happy birthday rang out around the room Emmett's voice as always stood out over the fucking racket.

I turned to Bella who was grinning at my reaction, I just shook my head slightly still in fucking shock at seeing my friends and family in Vegas.

Emmett was making his way toward carrying a shot glass of some foul looking green stuff that was almost more solid than liquid.

"What the fuck are you drinking?" Emmett wide eyed stare reminded me of a possum caught in the glare of headlights.

"Wheatgrass shots!" Kate chortled as she approached, "They thought it would be funny and it has been... to me at least. Happy birthday boss,"

While Kate had time to get the fuck out of the way, Felix collided with me before I had a fucking chance, his arms wrapped around my waist as he tackled me to the floor.

"_Yo It's your birthday  
We gon' party like it's yo birthday,"_

"Would you get off me you bloody idiot," I grinned at the fool as my fist connected with his bicep. I dragged myself off the floor and slung my arm around Jake.

"Hey mate thanks for flying all this fucking way to celebrate the fact I'm getting fucking older." I turned when I heard the first few bars of the killers 'when you were young' from behind me.

I blinked my eyes a few times not sure if I was actually seeing Brandon Flowers on stage...

And I was. It was my favourite band of all time, right _fucking_ there. My brain kind of shut down, even all the anxiety and adrenalin that had been coursing through my body all night, took an immediate break.

It was a fucking _relief._ I couldn't worry about _shit_, because right in front of me... was the fucking Killers!

I began singing along without conscious thought.

I turned to look at Bella, a single tear slid down her cheek, "Baby don't cry, it's The Killers. This is one of the best experiences you and I will ever have."

"Ugh...I know Edward that's why I'm crying. Your reaction is better than I ever dreamed possible. Happy birthday my husband...Are sure you don't want to go we've been here half an hour?"

I looked at Bella as if she'd lost her fucking mind, "Go? Why would we go?" I pulled her into my arms, "Thank you baby. This is one of the best nights of my life. How the hell did you do this?"

"Well you really do have Irina to thank. it was her multitude of talents that pulled off this mammoth feat. But you should thank her later, right now I think you should go and enjoy your present."

My eyes were glued to the stage the place could have fucking caught on fire around me and I wouldn't have fucking noticed or even cared at that moment, I was fucking awed.

The band finished their set and made their way off stage, they seemed to be heading straight for our table, I leaned in and whispered nervously to Bella, "What the hell is going on baby? Why are they coming over here?"

"Um...Well I'd say they are most likely coming over to say hi to you. I mean I doubt that they would play a private concert for you and not want to say hi and introduce themselves. Who knows sweetie you're famous in your own right, they may have heard of you."

Brandon held out his hand for mine when he reached the table, "Edward is a pleasure to finally meet you,"

"Um...yeah you too," I managed to get out.

"Bella?"

She smiled shyly "I am. It's nice to meet you." He kissed Bella's and I was too fucking awe struck to even fucking mind he'd touched her. The Shock-Shutdown was still in effect. It was fantastic, a star struck induced high, but it was also fulfilling a vital need. It wasn't reminding me what _other_ liquids were commonly distributed in shot glasses.

It certainly wasn't fucking wheatgrass.

I turned my attention back to the fact The Killers were right there. Shock-Shutdown was back in effect.

They took a seat at the table and I squeezed Bella's hand gently to silently thank her. She squeezed my hand back but stayed quiet while the band I discussed the possibility of a benefit gig of some sort.

Another fortuitous distraction. Work.

"So Edward, I have heard you are quite the musician yourself, we were wondering if you'd like to play the next set with us?"

And I was right back to being a stuttering fanboy. "Uh, I'm capable" I said "But not really in your talent bracket." I gazed at Irina and Bella suspiciously "I'm more classically trained than anything."

Bella gave a little snort beside me, "Oh come off it Edward, you can totally play Sam town, a dust land fairytale, and white demon love song...hurry up and stop being such a pratt and get up there, Brandon doesn't have all night you know."

After being pushed up on to the stage by Bella and Brandon, I took a nervous seat at the piano and placed my shaking fingers on the keys. I had never been this nervous about playing, even when I was a kid and my mother had made me play countless recitals, I had never been nervous. I looked at Brandon who nodded for me to start and I closed my eyes, letting my fingers fly over the keys as the music came to life around me.

_Nobody ever had a dream round here _

_But I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me  
Nobody ever pulls the seams round here  
But I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me_

I smiled as Brandon began singing and I was completely lost in the melody of the song. There was nothing else, only me and the haunting music.

We finished off the song and everyone broke out into applause, startling the shit out of me. Brandon chuckled and leaned over "It gets a bit like that doesn't it? You kinda forget everyone else is there..."

I nodded, still a bit stunned that I had just played with my favourite band. I had just played one of the greatest fucking songs of all times, with the talented musicians who wrote it. Brandon got off the stage and walked up to Bella holding his hand out to her..

"Are you having fun?" Bella whispered as she took her seat next to me.

I smiled at her softly and leaned over, kissing her cheek as I carried on playing. I was singing lowly under my breath, when I had a microphone propped onto the piano and shoved under my face by a grinning Dave. I looked at Brandon who nodded enthusiastically for me to sing along. I gave Bella a nervous glance before joining in on the chorus.

_Saw Cinderella in a party dress  
But she was looking for a nightgown  
I saw the devil wrapping up his hands _

_He's getting ready for the showdown  
I saw the minute that I turned away  
I got my money on a pawn tonight _

We played through a few more songs, and when the band asked me to choose the next song,

I chose one I knew Bella loved to hear. The opening notes of A White Demon Love Song, echoed around the room and I felt, Bella's hand rest upon my knee. I looked at her and gave her a bright smile.

When we had finished playing the complete set, Ronnie piped up from the drums "Hell, he knows our songs better than I do!" I heard Bella chuckling next to me.

"Happy Birthday sweetie, I hope you enjoyed your gift." Bella whispered as we left the stage.

We took a seat with the band and just when I thought this fucking night couldn't get any more mint Brandon leaned over, "Edward I was wondering if maybe you'd be interested in maybe playing piano on a couple of our upcoming tracks."

"I uh, fuck mate, I don't think I'm good enough for that..." I stuttered like an idiot.

"Don't be silly Edward of course you are, wouldn't bother fucking asking you if we didn't think you were talented enough, anyway if you're interested then give me a call, Bella can get my number from our manager. Please consider it seriously Edward we'd love to work with you. And Bella tells me you compose your own music, I would like to hear some of that."

I looked at Bella quickly like she was insane. I had no talent compared to these musicians, "Sure, if you want to hear it, and I'd love to play with you guys... who the fuck wouldn't?" I shook my head and leaned down to kiss Bella's cheek again "It's going to fucking suck when I wake up from this." She giggled and I pulled her closer into me, rubbing her belly absently with my hand.

It had become a bit of a habit of mine... A wonderful reminder of what I had to lose if I fucked up.

I was still stunned for lack of a better word, when Bella and I walked into our hotel room, I pulled her into my arms and my lips grazed her neck, "Thank you...That was ... shit baby. That was amazing. Did you hear them? They were fantastic; I swear they are the fucking best musicians I have ever heard."

"Yeah they were pretty awesome but I think you're better." Bella stated as she brought her mouth to mine.

"Yeah, but you're biased. I mean geez, playing the piano with them, singing with them..." I looked at her apologetically "Sorry baby, you know what I'm like..."

"I do...and don't apologise, I want to hear how you felt about getting play a set with your favourite band, it's not like it happens every day." Bella said as she took my hand and led me out onto the balcony.

"Oh Jesus Bella, I don't think I can do that." I said thinking of all the possible ramifications of _me _recording something with _The Killers_. It was a preposterous notion to begin with really.

"Of course you can sweetie just try to look at it from a professional point of view and not a fan boy one and you'll be fine. Especially now you've played with them once, should be easier to calm the nerves next time round. That Brandon dude is a really nice guy, so down to earth not stuck up at all."

"Yeah, he was pretty fucking cool. It didn't even bother me..." She looked at me in confusion so I elaborated, "him talking to you and shit we both know what I'm usually like... Not that I wouldn't fuckin rip his head off if he tried anything though," I pulled her closer, "Thank you Bella. This was wonderful." I decided to shut my mouth and not spew forth anymore non sensical rubbish

"God you must have been having a total fan boy moment, no jealousy? That's not like you sweetie." She teased, "And you're welcome baby, it was nice for me to indulge you for a change..."

Bella reaffirmed her grip on me and I could feel her tense slightly as she cleared her throat.

"Um...Edward I need to tell you something, but I'm afraid you'll be upset with me for not confiding in you sooner."

She trembled slightly and though I was a little nervous about her "Shoot baby" I kept my tone light in the hope she would relax. We couldn't afford to have both of us freaking out at the same time.

"Um...well when Apple and Louis were born, Charlie and Renee gifted me some money and it had just been sitting in my account gathering dust along with the money the University paid me out. Anyway I overheard Jasper telling Emmett about some new technology that was going to revolutionize something, I don't really know what it was but I decided to invest the money and I got really lucky and more than quadrupled my investment. Then on top of that the day of the wedding your Dad gifted me a high return investment portfolio and as a result of all that I now have about twenty million dollars sitting in the bank. But that's not all; you know how I am about money, I just don't care for it, as long as we have enough to provide for our kids and pay our bills, I'm happy...So for the last few months I've been working on, with the help of your mother, setting up a foundation to help children and young people in Nepal who have been forced into the sex Industry. I got permission from the Nepalese Government to open a centre, a place for kids to go for help in getting out of prostitution. It has a medical and education centre on premises and the facility can house up to five hundred children at a time..."

"You did all that?**"** I was a little bewildered and hurt that Bella had done all this without even telling me but I kept my voice light I knew she was nervous about telling me, we didn't need both of us freaking out.

"Why do you look like you are confessing to a crime baby? You're helping a whole lot of people you should look a little happier than this. I'm proud of you Bella and astounded and a little confused, but very, very proud."

"You are?" Bella whispered, she sounded so relieved, "The only reason I didn't tell you sooner, was because I wanted to accomplish it on my own, you know like a personal goal. It's called the BEL-A Cullen foundation, and...I hope you don't mind but we are flying to Thailand from here because I have to attend the opening dinner at the NZ embassy in Nepal with a whole heap of important government people, Carlisle and Esme are going to meet us there...Oh that's if you'd like to join me that is?"

I rolled my eyes at her, "Like I'd miss it. Does BEL-A. stand for; what I think it does? And Bella have you got proper legal representation? And who are your corporate sponsors?"

"What do you think it stands for?" She asked ignoring my questions about the legalities of her project.

"Bella, Edward, Louis, Apple." I said confidently.

Bella was almost jumping up and down in excitement," I can't believe you picked it up straight away, Esme still has no idea, maybe you can enlighten her at the dinner." She looked at me apprehensively, "So you're not angry that I kept it from you?"

"No not all at. I just... wondered why you wouldn't mention it." I kept my voice even.

"I wanted to surprise you with the foundation, and the money, I didn't mention that because it's just not important to me, I had no plans to spend one cent of it on myself or the kids. I wanted to do something worthwhile with it so it's all going into the foundation. I'm sorry if you're upset I kept it from you, I just wanted to accomplish something on my own."

"I just thought maybe I could have helped. But it sounds like you had good council and representation. I'm very proud of you Isabella Cullen. To think, I will be your first gentleman at your next social appearance."

"You'll be the Gentleman on my arm at all my social appearance, not that I actually plan to have anymore. And thank you I do appreciate that you would have wanted to help; maybe we could work on a charitable project together. I'd like that."

"Save the world you reckon?" I chortled. "It's going to limit my recording time, thereby diminishing your aspirations of becoming the first Lady of Charity slash groupie chick. I'd really hate to disappoint you."

"Not if we multi task, you could put out an album and the money could go to charity, then I can fulfil my role as both your number one groupie and charity queen." Bella quipped.

A low growl rolled from my throat, "Hey! I'm supposed to be the great business mind around here! You better learn your place little woman." I said cheekily, recognising that glint in her eyes.

She wanted it too. She wanted it now... the fire inside me roared to life as she lunged at me

"Little woman...learn my place...Huh you a real funny guy, you know that?" Bella said in between light bites and kisses on any stretch of skin she could get her mouth too.

"Glad you finally noticed." I dug my fingers gently into her sides and tickled her mercilessly, sighing at the sounds of her squeals, "Are you after a war Mrs Cullen? Cause you know little woman, you are gonna lose."

"Hell yeah I'm looking for a war...and if I remember rightly you were happy to forgo the bit where I had to obey you in the marriage contract, you better be careful I don't sue you for breach of contract..." She looked at me suspiciously, "or did you sneak that little clause back into the fine print when I wasn't looking?...I bet you did."

"Damn right I did. Do you think you need an instruction on the best ways to obey your husband? I'd be happy to offer my services to your education..."

"You are so evil...Hmm do I think I need lessons on how to be a good wife and obey my husband...Yeah I probably do but they'd be a wasted effort. I have a problem with people who try to boss me around, I can't be taught because I hate being told what to do...But if you think you're up to the challenge of turning me into a stepford wife then please by all means give it your best shot."

I Scooped her into my arms and carried her to bed, Bella had issued me a challenge and though I didn't by any means want to a Stepford wife I wanted to hear my wife say I owned her.

The highest of all the highs. A Bella induced one.

I smashed my mouth against hers my lips demanding submission from hers, Bella kissed me back fiercely and I smiled against her mouth.

"I own this mouth Isabella Cullen," I growled. Desire swept through me when I felt the shiver ripple through her, my mouth slide to her neck as my hand moved to massage her breast, "I own these to," I lightly pinched her nipples through her top and sighed when they stiffened under my touch. My hand slid over her swollen stomach, "and this skin, it's mine," My lips trekked the path of my hands which slid down further, closer to where I wanted to touch her."And this," I twirled the tiny patch of silky pubes around my fingertip and placed a chaste kiss there before sliding my fingers down her folds and into her wet pussy, "I definitely own this... This will only _ever _belong to me." I hissed as my tongue brushed over her clit and down those satiny folds.

My fingers and tongue worked in tandem to tease Bella into submission, she so fucking wet and when the next wave of her moisture coated my fingers I knew she was teetering on the edge, "Cum for me Bella...Right Now!"

Her thighs tightened around my head and her fingers tugged at my hair.

"Fuck...shit...God Edward...so fucking good babe..." Her body shuddered almost violently but I kept up my ministrations until she squirmed.

I lifted my head from between her thighs and smirked when I met her slightly dazed eyes. "well Bella, it's not going to be as hard as I thought." Her dazed look turned to one of confusion, "your body_ obeys_ my every command, it shouldn't take me long to convince the rest of you to the same."

"Ugh...you are such a smug bastard," She groaned as she went into full on pout mode and tried to squirm away from me.

I crawled up her body and gentle seized her wrists in my hand and lifted them above her head, the fingers of my free hand ghosted down her neck and along her collarbone."You're not going anywhere Mrs Cullen; that was only the first half of today's lesson; your body is willing to obey me but..." I sucked her pout bottom lip between my teeth as my knee slid between hers.

My knee pushed her legs apart and I slid into her warm wet pussy with a groan. I buried my face against her throat as I began to move, "My Bella," I murmured against her skin, "I want to possess you." Her legs tightened around me pushing me deeper into her, "I own you Bella...every part of you... mind, body and soul. It sings only for me." She felt so fucking good every soft breathless moan that fell from her lips spurred me on as I drove myself into her, "fuck Bella...tell me...now... who you belong to."

I was fast losing fucking control but I couldn't let myself go until she told me what I wanted to hear, what I _needed _to hear.

"You Edward, I belong to you my husband and only you,"

"My Bella," I groaned as I spilt myself inside her. I waited until I had some semblance of control over myself before I lifted my face from her neck, "Hmm...Well little woman that wasn't bad for a first lesson. I think after a few months of intensive training, I'll have you exactly where I want you, my little _Stepford _wife."

"Oh please...get off me..." She huffed as she tried in vain to move me from her body.

I pressed me body in hers a little more, "Mmm... just a cute little kitten who wishes she was a tiger..." my lips brushed across hers before I caught her mouth with mine. I kissed her until I could feel her struggle for breath, "My Bella." I whispered.

"I love you my Edward." She sighed against my chest as I carried her to the bedroom.

My fingers twined in her hair as my eyes drifted shut. I couldn't believe how fucking perfect life was working out and it was all courtesy of the goddess lying in my arms...

**A/N: Please feel free to let us know what you thought :)**


	43. Don't touch what's not Yours

**A/N: As always light & laughter to those of you who took the time to review we really do appreciate it and please keep them coming. Thank you to those of you who have added this story to their subscriptions. To my FB friends old and new I have had a brilliant few days chatting and playing in the quotes group such a fun way to waste some time. LOL...**

**To Sassy41: Greenaway and I have booked you a place in heaven. You are our personal Angel such a beautiful soul you have. We are both honoured to be able to call you friend...**

**So this chapter was one of my personal favourites to write, Bella and I both learnt something very unexpected and new about her personality writing this chapter... :)**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & CinnamonTwist101 own this story :) ...**

**Chapter 43: Don't Touch What's Not Yours...**

**Bella's POV...**

We arrived in Nepal and headed straight for our hotel. I wanted to go straight to the centre, I wanted to see my dream come to life with my own eyes. I wish I'd asked Esme and Carlisle to meet us that the facility instead of the hotel.

I was barely through the door of our room before I was giving Edward a pleading look which he of course interpreted at once,

"Come on then, we'll go and get Esme and Carlisle." He said with a smile that sent my heart into a sprint.

I gave him a glittering smile, "Thank you sweetie,"

My excitement was palpable as the car drove through the large wrought iron gates. The vast green lawns on either side of the driveway were beautifully manicured and the grounds were full of tropical shrubs and plants.

Edward squeezed my hand gently as we pulled up outside the main building.

It was everything I imagined and so much more. I grinned at Edward as the car came to a stop, for excited as I was I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride at my accomplishment as well. We were met by Arun and his wife Kebi. I had hired Arun as principal of the foundations school system, while Kebi was employed to manage the running of the rest of the facility.

We ate lunch with the residents in the hall and spent the afternoon touring the facilities. The highlight for me was talking to and some of the young people who were already in residence. I was overwhelmed by sadness when I met some of the younger children who were staying there, not even into their teens yet and their innocence already destroyed.

The Nepalese society ran on a class system called a caste, its poorest people were the lowest caste and they were the ones that were forced into lives not befit for children...

...Listening to the stories of the children in residence filled me with acute sadness but also with a tremendous amount of respect, not only for their courage, but for the fact they could still smile after everything they had been through.

While I was hoping to help educate the children staying at the foundation so they had a chance at having a better life I also recognized that I could also learn so much about strength, courage and dignity from these beautiful souls.

I checked my watch and frowned when I saw how late it was. Edward and I would need to leave to get ready for the state dinner at the embassy. I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay and talk with the children some more.

Edward could tell I was reluctant to leave and leaned into me, his lips brushing my ear, "we can come back and spend the day here tomorrow before we leave if you like?"

I breathed a sigh of relief and gave him a grateful smile,"Thank you Baby, I'd like that."

...We bid Esme and Carlisle goodbye at the lifts and took the private one that would take us directly back to our room. As soon as the doors closed behind us I was launched myself into Edward's arms pushing him back against the metal wall as my mouth attacked his.

My hands reached for his shirt, I didn't bother trying to fumble with the buttons I just bunched the fabric between my fingers and pulled as hard as I could.

I smiled against his lips at the series of popping noises filled the air followed by the sound of his buttons scattering across the metal floor. My light summer dress saw a similar fate to Edward's shirt and he groaned into my mouth when his exposed flesh came in contact with mine.

We tumbled out of the lift; Edward hooked our ruined clothes around his foot and dragged them out of the lift with us.

His arms slipped around my waist and he picked me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist and pressed my already wet core against his stomach leaving a damp patch against his skin.

Edward's growl filled my ears and I giggled when I heard his breath catch in his throat, "Fuck Bella, so wet for me already..."

"Only for you," I whispered. The air left my lungs in a whoosh when my skin came in contact with the cold glass window.

Edward loosened his grip on me a little and I engulfed him effortlessly into my warmth. He sighed into my neck as I moved a fraction and allowed him deeper into me.

The coloured flashing neon lights from the city were glowing through the window causing our skin to change to unnatural hues, of blue, green and red, the patterns on our skin changing with every one of Edward's thrusts. The sight was kind of erotic and I tightened my grip on him as the muscles in the pit of stomach tensed and released.

Edward's name spilled from my lips as my muscles clamped around him and I ground myself into him even harder. He throbbed inside me and another wave of pleasure crashed down on me, Edward groaned against my neck and I knew I had dragged him over the edge with me. He pressed himself against me holding me in place while he tried to catch his breath.

Edward finally lifted his face from my neck and brought his lips to mine as he slid out of me, "I think it's time we got ready sweetheart, we wouldn't want to be late..."

...I scrutinised myself in the mirror from every angle and cursed myself for not checking the dress Alice had chosen for me to wear before I left, not to mention the death trap heels I had forced my swollen feet into. I had decided to wear my hair out.

The styling product I had used made it look darker and shinier than it normally did and I couldn't help thinking that combined with dress I had a modern day Morticia Adams look going on.

Like most women I couldn't help but critique myself. I could see every one of my physical flaws in the mirror; I wrinkled my nose and groaned at my reflection before turning away. I wasn't used to being so overdressed and I didn't like it. I much preferred simple dresses or my favourite jeans and a T-shirt.

I made my way out onto the balcony, taking in the twinkling lights of the city while I waited for Edward. My heart skipped a beat when he stepped out onto the balcony a few moments later, he was dressed in a black suit with a silver grey shirt that buttoned at the throat and he wasn't wearing a tie.

My heart took off in a sprint; he looked so utterly gorgeous and fuckable at that moment, that I could have quite happily given up the dinner to stay on the balcony and ravish him.

He looked at me silently for a long moment and I started to get a little worried that he didn't like the dress or my Morticia Adams hair.

His growl broke through my panic and I could see the lust clouding his usually bright eyes. "I want you. Right fucking now: No arguments."

I made my way over to him, "I was just thinking the same thing when you stepped through the door, but unfortunately the drivers going to be here in a matter of minutes..."

The words had barely left my lips when the phone rang; I walked inside to answer it and sighed when the front desk informed me the car was waiting for us.

Edward came up behind me his hands slid across my stomach an around my waist, "Are you sure we can't just stay here."

A small groan slipped from my lips, "No we can't. Let's go your parents will be waiting in the lobby..."

...I hadn't even thought about the prospect of having press at the event and I was almost hyperventilating when I was asked to pose on the steps of the embassy first with Carlisle, Esme and Edward, then with just Edward.

My hand stayed firmly in Edward's while the press fired a continuous barrage of questions at me. Part of me was seething that half the questions they asked had no relation to the event we were here for. They seemed far more interested in our personal life than anything else.

I was grateful when our host called time on the press conference and I never looked back as Edward began to lead me up the steps and into the embassy.

We made our way inside the ballroom and spent the next hour being introduced to ever dignitary and his wife. My feet were already aching thanks to Alice's stupid shoes and I breathed a sigh of relief when we were finally seated at dinner.

I took a seat on Edward's right and gave the young woman who took a seat on his left a polite smile. The smile slid from my face when she gave me an almost venomous stare.

Before I could gain Edward's attention she engaged him in conversation. He chatted politely to her while I looked around the room took at all the other guests.

The ball room was full to capacity and my earlier feeling of pride welled up inside me. It was quite an overwhelming feeling for me to see one of my dreams realized.

My attention was suddenly drawn back to Edward when his hand moved to pat the hand of woman sitting next to him. The feelings of pride evaporated instantly and the muscles in the pit of my stomach clenched painfully.

I was taken aback at the very unfamiliar fluttering of jealously that turned my stomach, I wasn't normally jealous by nature and I had never felt insecure since I had been with Edward. I was one hundred percent sure of Edward's love and commitment to me.

But seeing him touch her hand had unleashed some dormant beast inside me.

I looked past him to the woman and my eyes narrowed slightly when I saw her gazing hungrily into my husband's eyes. I studied the woman in my peripheral vision she had a pretty face and her sandy blond curls fell loosely round her shoulders, she took no notice of me as she continued to occupy Edward's attention.

The flutterings of jealousy turned into an almost torrent that gushed up inside me and took me by surprise.

Edward continued to talk to her until his attention was finally drawn away when Carlisle tapped him on the shoulder.

As soon as Edward turned away to speak with him, the woman turned her attention to me.

"So Bella," She smile sweetly, but it never reached her eyes, "You're expecting? Are you allowed to travel this late in your pregnancy?"

My eyes narrowed to slits and I fixed her with a steely gaze, "Actually whoever you are. I am expecting twins." I wasn't even going to bother being nice to this skank who ever she was.

She rolled her eyes at me, "So you have litters like a dog?" She whispered cruelly, her smile was cold like her eyes.

It took me a minute to register what she said.

I gave her a death glare, "How rude! You know you haven't got a hope in hell? He'll never look twice at you far more beautiful women have tried failed...but I'm guessing that you're gonna be silly enough to try anyway?"

She smiled widely baring all her teeth. Obviously she thought she could rise to the challenge, "honey, I don't try. I win every time."

"Whatever..." I scoffed and turned away from her.

Carlisle suddenly bent down and kissed my cheek, "congratulations Bella you have done a fantastic job."

"Thanks Carlisle."

As he walked away I turned my attention to Edward who had been drawn back into conversation with the skank next to him.

I decided not to interrupt, I was curious to know how long he'd ignore me and talk to her.

It wasn't until the entrees were placed at the table in front of us that Edward finally turned back to me. I was trying hard not to let the feelings of insecurity get to me but I was fighting a losing battle.

Edward never let any woman but me monopolise his time, and anger shot through me like a lightning bolt that he would allow that skanky woman to intrude on our time together .

Even though I was fuming I tried not to get sulky. I wasn't going to give the blatantly rude woman next to him the satisfaction of knowing just how much she was getting to me.

I tried to remind myself that I was used to every woman in the room looking at Edward. And I guessed I couldn't blame them really, he was incredibly beautiful and woman appreciated that, but while they got to look and wish I got to sleep next to him every night.

But her behaviour rankled me, to openly throw yourself at a married man said low class, and to do it in front of his wife just screamed no class.

Edward suddenly turned and leaned toward me and asked if I was pleased with how things were going. I was about to respond when I heard a choking noise coming from next to him.

He quickly let me go and turned back to the woman next to him. He gently tapped her back and she immediately stopped coughing and engaged him in conversation.

I took a calming breath, I was determined not to have a tantrum and ruin my night but anger and resentment were already starting to bubble in the pit of my stomach.

"Should have let her choke to death," I muttered under my breath. I was starting to get really annoyed at Edward for allowing this woman to hold his attention so I stayed relatively quiet during the entrees.

Edward finally turned his attention back to me and I could feel myself finally beginning to relax when he never paid any attention to her during the following two courses.

Just as the last of my irrational fears dissipated the vapid woman on his left grabbed his hand.

"Oh, this song is my favourite, would you care to dance?" She all but purred at him.

Edward turned to me and kissed my cheek "I won't be long Mrs Cullen, then we should go find ourselves a coat room somewhere."

My jealousy ignited like a flash fire and I nearly choked on my drink when Edward took Heidi's hand and led her to the dance floor.

The slow simmering fury exploded in my stomach and I pushed my chair back roughly and all but stalked toward the exit. I needed a minute to calm down before I did something to embarrass myself and my family.

I asked a passing waitress if she could direct me to the bathrooms and gave her as natural a smile I could muster when she pointed toward the hallway.

The bathroom was thankfully empty and I slammed the cubicle door shut and pushed the toilet seat down before throwing myself down on it.

My eyelids snapped shut and I took several deep breaths as my babies squirmed in obvious discomfort. It occurred to me then that maybe I was just having a hormonal moment and that I was acting irrationally because of it.

I trusted Edward without question.

His head would never be turned by someone as obviously insipid as the woman who was making a very public play for him.

I thought more about the irrational feelings jealousy had engendered in me. They were so forceful and hard to control, it was almost like the emotion had a mind of its own, one that refused to be tamed.

It struck me then that this is how Edward felt when he got jealous. The compelling need to act irrationally could easily become overwhelming and force you to do things that were totally out of character.

With that understanding came empathy for Edward, and my former ire at him began to melt.

I suddenly felt a lot better and I could think with a rational thought process, it allowed me to realize that Edward was just being polite and that I had nothing to be concerned about...

...The bathroom was still empty when I emerged from the cubicle and I quickly washed my hands and checked my reflection before I made my way back into the hallway.

There was no way of stifling my shocked gasp when I saw the woman and Edward in the corridor. She had him backed up against the wall; her body was pressed against his and she was roughly kissing his neck.

The sense of calm I had managed to cultivate vanished within a second and unadulterated rage flooded through me.

It wasn't that I hadn't expected her to make some type of move on him, but to do it so publically at a function that would cause maximum damage to both Edward and I if one of the attending dignitaries happened to witness it, was unfathomable to me.

My feet propelled me forward of their own vocation, Edward never saw me approach.

He only looked up when he heard my voice.

"Edward would you like my help, or are you happy with the situation you're in now?" I was surprised at how eerily calm my voice was considering the turmoil that was raging inside me.

He froze for a second before he began struggling to get the persistent whore off him, "Of course I'm not fucking happy! This crazy bitch just fucking jumped me!"

I approached the woman who was draped over my husband and gripped a bunch of fabric at the back of her dress. I yanked on it as hard as I could causing her to fall backward to the floor.

"What kind of no class slapper throws herself at a married man?" I hissed.

"He didn't complain when he was touching me on the dance floor." She spat looking up at me venomously.

Edward stepped forward anxiously, "What the hell? Bella, I swear I fucking didn't..."

I nodded at him reassuringly; I knew he wasn't the instigator or a willing participant in this whore's fantasy.

My eyes narrowed as I looked down at the woman on the floor, "I really doubt that skank. Edward's never been attracted to scrawny skin over bone, silicon breasted air heads. Do you know what your fundamental mistake was? Edward would never been interested in woman whose only ambition in life is to spread her legs like margarine all over town in order to see how far she can fuck her way up the Forbes rich list."

Edward walked up behind me and pulled me into his chest, his lips brushed my ear, but he spoke loud enough for the girl on the floor to hear him, "I've only ever wanted one woman, Mrs Cullen." he said as he kissed my neck. I felt better until he addressed the fuming woman who had yet to stand up, "I apologise if I misled you somehow Heidi, but I am a happily married man. I have no interest in any other woman."

Another wave of fury washed over me, "Why are you even apologising to her Edward?" I turned back to the bitch before me, "you know you're not living in some 'pretty woman' fantasy movie. This is reality and two dollar hookers don't win the man...oh and if I see you within a thousand feet of my husband ever again I'm going to break your scrawny neck..."

I grabbed Edward's hand and walked away, leaving the two bit whore crying on the floor.

As we walked away, Edward whispered, "Is it wrong that you turned me on back there?" he reached down and cupped my ass with his free hand, "How about we find that coatroom?"

"No it's not wrong as long as you're sure that it's me that turned you on and not that thing that was clinging onto you back there." Images of that woman touching Edward swirled around my head and I started ranting, "How fucking dare she touch you...She had her lips on you and I wanted to rip them from her face along with her eyes and hair," I seethed, "actually I'd like to go back there and rip off her skinny arms as well...No fuckin woman but me is ever allowed to _touch you_...you're mine..."

I was breathing heavily, fucking stupid bitch touching my husband.

Before I knew what was happening Edward was pulling me through a random door that led us thankfully to a supply cupboard. He suddenly had me pinned against the wall with his knee between my thighs resting against my core.

"Fuck Bella, don't stop now..." He pleaded against my now exposed breasts.

I leaned forward to kiss his hair and I could smell _her._

Air hissed through my clenched teeth, "I can smell her on you Edward, cheap fucking whore perfume." I fumed.

I pushed Edward's knee from between my legs and slid my fingers in and out of my core. I looked at the glistening liquid coating them before sliding them along Edward's throat, "You should only smell like me..." I whispered.

Edward had himself inside me in less than a heartbeat**, **"Fuck Bella!" He groaned against me, his movements already frenzied, "That...was...the Hottest...fucking...thing...ever." he hissed as he pushed himself further inside me.

I tightened my grip on him, "Yeah well let it be a warning to any other fucking slag who thinks they can touch my property...I'll kill the next fucking bitch who tries."

My words seemed to drive Edward toward his release and with a final thrust he was almost yelling my name against my shoulder as he shuddered violently with his climax.

Edward raised his head and smirked, "Fuck yeah."

He grinned boyishly as he slid out of me and tucked himself back into his pants before helping me straighten my dress.

I took his hand and raised it to my lips, "come on let's get back before they send out the search party for us." I pulled him out of the room; silently thanking the gods that nobody was in the corridor to catch us.

Heidi as Edward had referred to her, never rejoined our table which on the whole I thought was very wise of her, and the rest of the evening went off better than I imagined.

Edward who was still looking almost smug at my earlier display of jealousy, kept his attention solely on me for the rest of the evening and by the time we arrived back at the hotel and got into the lift he was again begging me to tell him I'd kill any woman who tried to touch him, and that he was my property...

...We were still smiling covertly to each other the next day when the plane touched down in Wellington. We were home...

**Chapter 43:**

**Edward's POV...**

Bella giggled when she read the name of the hotel Esme had booked us into, we had flown from Vegas to Kathmandu, I couldn't help but chuckle to 'The Yak & Yeti,' while it maybe not luxurious in name it was one of Nepal's top hotels.

We had barely walked through the door of our room when Bella was eyeing me hopefully.

"Come on then, we'll go and get Esme and Carlisle." I said with a smile. I couldn't blame her for wanting to go and see the fruition of her hard work.

"Thank you sweetie,"

Bella was practically jumping up and down in her seat when we drove through the gates of the majestic property causing Carlisle to chuckle quietly. We pulled up outside the main building and I gave Bella's hand a gentle squeeze hoping to calm her down a bit.

Watching Bella's reactions as we toured facility filled me with a fierce pride, she was truly an Angel. She took time out to meet some of the younger children that were already in residence, her sadness at their tragic circumstances was etched clearly on her face.

Her sadness made my insides clench painfully and I took her hand and squeezed it gently, "we really should get back to the hotel love, I'd like you to get some rest before we go out tonight."

She brought her gaze to mine and I could tell she didn't want to leave. The unshed tears sparkled in her eyes and I reached out to trace my fingertips along her cheeks, 'I love you,' I mouthed as I helped her out of her chair. "We can come back and spend the day here tomorrow before we leave if you like?"

"Thank you Baby, "I'd like that."

...The lift doors shut behind us and I looked up just in time to see Bella throwing herself at me. My arms wrapped around her as she smashed her mouth to mine. I had seen Bella is some states of horniness but this was definitely a new level, she was completely out of control.

She fucking ripped my shirt off me in a fucking frenzied attack that had my hard cock throbbing painfully. The flimsy fabric of her dress easily gave way under the force I used to rip it from her body and a wave of desperate want crashed over me when her naked skin came in contact with mine.

We stumbled out of the lift and I lifted her into my arms without breaking the kiss, a low growl rumbled from throat when I felt the wet patch Bella was leaving on my stomach. My breath caught in my throat at the sound of her laughter, it was such a beautiful sound.

I walked her to the window, she gasped into my mouth as her back met the cold glass, "Fuck Bella, so wet for me already..."

"Only for you," she whispered. I loosened my grip on her just enough for her to engulf me in her warmth. The City lights streamed through the window illuminating Bella in an aura of light so she took on an almost ethereal quality.

Bella's breathless moans spurred me to even greater heights and I pushed myself deeper into her but it still wasn't enough. Bella buried her face against my neck as her walls clenched around me and my name spilt from her lips in a breathless gasp.

I groaned into Bella's hair as my cock gave an almost painful throb and she pulled me over the edge with her. I pressed my body into hers as I struggled for breath, it never ceased to amaze me the things Bella did to me, the intensity of the emotions she engendered in me.

She was my everything.

As much as I longed to stay buried in my wife for the rest of the evening the dinner we were attending was far too important for Bella to be late. This was Bella's night to shine the culmination of all her hard work. "I think it's time we got ready sweetheart, we wouldn't want to be late..."

...Bella was now where to be found and I called out to her as I checked the bedroom again, her soft voice came from the balcony I hurried toward the sound and my heart stopped beating when my eyes fell on her.

I was stunned into silence as I took in every inch of her, her dress was stunning the way it wrapped around her body, it was secured by a belt and had a split up the front that ran to the top of her thigh. The dark hue of her dress contrasted exquisitely with her milky white skin.

My eyes finally found Bella's and I realized my silence had caused her to panic, a lowly growl rumbled from my chest as a wave of desire crashed over me, "I want you. Right fucking now: No arguments." I hissed and a wide smile broke over her face.

She walked into my waiting arms, "I was just thinking the same thing when you stepped through the door, but unfortunately the drivers going to be here in a matter of minutes..."

As if Bella had tempted fate the fucking phone rung and I could tell by the look on her face the cock blocking fucking driver was here with the car.

Although I knew it would do me no good I sidled up to Bella and slid my arms around her waist, "Are you sure we can't just stay here."

"No we can't. let's go your parents will be waiting in the lobby." She sighed...

I don't think Bella was prepared for the media barrage that confronted us when we arrived at the embassy. She struggled through the multitude of questions being thrown at her and the multiple cameras flashing in her face.

She gave our host a grateful smile when he called an end to the press conference and ushered Bella and I up the stairs and into the safety of the embassy.

We spent the next hour being introduced to every person of importance in the place and both Bella and I breathed a sigh of relief when we were finally seated for dinner...

~~~~XXXX~~~~

**HEIDI'S POV: **

I saw him from across the room. As soon as he entered every woman's eyes were on him, he was the best looking man in the room. Not to mention the richest. If you couldn't recognise Edward Cullen, you were an idiot. I watched as he chatted amicably among the crowds of people, his fat wife on his arm.

Why the hell he settled for someone like her had been hot gossip for a time, but like everything it had died down. Seeing him here tonight though, filled me with want. I wanted Edward Cullen and I always got what I wanted.

I waited until they were seated before quickly sliding into the empty seat next to him. I watched as he reached for a glass and quickly looked away, reaching out for the same one so our hands would collide "Excuse me." He said with a polite smile and handed the glass to me.

I smiled my most seductive smile "No, I apologise. I really should be looking at what I am doing." I moved the conversation forward from there and dropped in that my date had cancelled on me and he looked at me sympathetically.

"My wife and I can keep you company if you would like." He said kindly, bringing her chubby hand up to his lips.

I spread my smile on and kept it there even though I wanted to rip her hand from her body. "It's typical of him, you know. It always happens; I end up at these things alone and never even get a dance." I pulled out my practised sad eyes and he patted my hand consolingly.

"We'll make sure you dance tonight."

I beamed at how perfectly charming he was and at how drop-dead gorgeous he was. I tried to keep his mind off the bloated woman sitting next to him, but he insisted on talking about her continuously "Bella this" and "Bella that". I got so sick of it that I decided to take my fury out on her,

"So Bella."I said sweetly "You're expecting? Are you allowed to travel this late in your pregnancy?" Thankfully, Edward hadn't heard me; he was talking over his shoulder to a blond man, obviously Carlisle Cullen.

It seemed that his gutter trash wife had worked well to secure her place. Even Carlisle gave her a warm smile. Not that she saw it; she was too busy glaring at me.

"Actually whoever you are, I am expecting twins." She hissed.

"So you have litters do you? like a dog," I said venomously.

Her eyes widened in surprise, "how rude... You haven't got a hope in hell...He'll never look twice at you far more beautiful women have tried failed...but I'm guessing that you're gonna be silly enough to try anyway?"

"Honey, I don't try. I win every time." I said with a sneer.

"Whatever..." She said as she turned away from me.

**Edward's POV...**

I leaned down to whisper in Bella's ear "Are you pleased? It's going well so far, don't you think?" I was so proud of my wife and I wanted her to know it. "I love you." I said kissing her cheek softly.

I was about to go in for more, when I heard a choking noise beside me and I turned in horror to find Heidi choking on her drink. I let go of Bella, and pounded her on the back.

She regained composure after a moment and looked at me in gratitude "Gosh, you're just a regular knight in shining armour aren't you?" She asked.

I scoffed "hardly," I turned my attention back to Bella she seemed quiet and I wondered if she was feeling a little overwhelmed.

Dinner was traditional Nepalese food including Chiura, Masu, Poko and their traditional sweet Kasar.

I was about to ask Bella to dance when Heidi's tapped me on the shoulder, "Oh, this song is my favourite, would you care to dance?" I felt sorry for the poor girl. She had been jilted and left dateless, yet still had the courage to stay and hold her head high. Her spirit reminded me a little of Bella's, so when she asked me to dance, I agreed.

I turned to Bella and kissed her cheek "I won't be long Mrs Cullen then we should go find ourselves a coat room somewhere." I nipped her ear gently and discreetly, before standing and offering my hand to poor Heidi.

My eyes followed Bella as she walked out the door and I was glad when the last bars of the song came to a close, I dropped my arms from Heidi's waist, "thank you for the dance Heidi but if you'll excuse me I need to find out where my wife has gotten to."

"Oh she looked like she was heading for the ladies room, which is where I need to go. Would you like me to show you where the bathrooms are?"

"Thank you Heidi that would be great if you could."

As soon as we hit the corridor, Heidi pushed me back against the wall. I was so shocked, that I couldn't move. What the hell had happened? Before I could even blink an eye, she had pressed herself against me and was attacking my neck with her lips.

"Edward would you like my help, or are you happy with the situation you're in now?"

My heart fucking stopped in my chest when I heard Bella. I realised it didn't look good and I was terrified Bella would get the wrong idea.

"Of course I'm not fucking happy! This crazy bitch just fucking jumped me!" I tried to disentangle myself, but only succeeded in rubbing her against me more.

Bella had more luck in removing the leech of a woman from my body,

"What kind of low class slapper throws herself at a married man?" Bella fumed.

"He didn't complain when he was touching me on the dance floor." Heidi spat and I stepped forward.

"What the hell? Bella, I swear I fucking didn't..." I said looking at Bella pleadingly. I had no idea why Heidi was doing this; she had seemed so nice earlier.

Bella turned her venomous stare on Heidi, "I really doubt that skank, Edward's never been attracted to scrawny skin over bone; silicon breasted air heads. Do you know what your fundamental mistake was? Edward would never been interested in woman whose only ambition in life is to spread her legs like margarine all over town in order to see how far she can fuck her way up the Forbes rich list.."

I looked at Bella, a little turned on by her jealousy. I walked behind her and pulled her back into me, "I've only wanted one woman, Mrs Cullen." I said kissing her neck. I looked at Heidi "I apologise if I misled you somehow Heidi, but I am a happily married man. I have no interest in any other woman."

"Why are you even apologising to her Edward?" Bella hissed before turning back to Heidi, "you know you're not living in some 'pretty woman' fantasy movie this is reality and two dollar hookers don't win the man...oh and if I see you within a thousand feet of my husband I'm going to break your scrawny neck..." Bella threatened the now crying Heidi.

As we walked away, I leaned down to whisper "Is it wrong that you turned me on back there?" I reached down and grabbed her ass quickly with my free hand "How about we find that coatroom?"

"No it's not wrong as long as you're sure that it's me that turned you on and not that thing that was clinging onto you back there. How fucking dare she touch you...She had her lips on you and I wanted to rip them from her face along with her eyes and hair, actually I'd like to go back there and rip off her skinny arms as well..." Bella seethed..."No fuckin woman but me is ever allowed to touch you...you're mine..." Bella's chest was heaving in fury. I had never seen Bella jealous and it was nothing short of fucking perfection.

I stopped and pushed open the nearest door, pulling us inside the supply room. It was empty and I was fucking horny as hell after listening to her jealous rant. "Fuck Bella, don't stop now..." I mumbled as I pushed her against the wall, pushing my knee between her legs and lifting it up. When she was perched on my leg, I parted her dress and began attacking her breasts with my mouth.

"I can smell her on you Edward, cheap fucking whore perfume," Bella hissed as she pushed my knee from between her legs and slid her fingers inside her pussy. She held up her glistening digits before wiping them along my throat, "You should only smell like me..." She whispered huskily.

I unzipped my pants hastily and pulled my erection free. I positioned it at her wet entrance and thrust inside of her. "Fuck Bella!" I groaned against her, my hips moving frantically against her. "That...was...the..hottest...fucking...thing..ever." I ground out between my teeth.

"Yeah well let it be a warning to any other fucking slag who thinks they can touch my property...I'll kill the fucking next bitch who tries."

It was all I fucking needed. I couldn't even wait for her to come first, I fucking roared against her shoulder, burying my head into it as wave after wave of bliss hit me. I stood there for a moment before raising my head and grinning at her. "Fuck yeah."

"Come on let's get back before they send out the search party for us." Bella said rather breathlessly as she straightened her dress...

For as much as a skank Heidi was I was kind of secretly grateful she had come onto me and been caught by Bella. Bella's jealousy had strengthened our relationship. She had reaffirmed her love for me and I felt more at peace than I ever had and Bella seemed even more radiant that she had defended her territory I caught her several times giving me covert lustful looks that were mingled with pride.

Pride that I was hers...and I always would be...

**A/N: Please feel free to leave us a review. We love getting your feedback :)**


	44. Angels from heaven & demons from hell

**A/N: As it seems to always be now apologies for the lateness of the update. Greenaway and I combined forces and decided to show real life we were over being pushed around and look what happened we managed to get the update edited. :) ...Hopefully and I'm over making promises I can't seem to keep we won't leave you hanging before we torture you further with our deliciously frustrating characters.**

**Thank you to those of you who review this story it is for you we continue this mammoth battle...And we sincerely look forward to hearing your views on this chapter. LOL...**

**Light & Laughter to my FB crowd, I have nearly convinced Greenaway to make an account so she can join in our twisted Robsessed antics ;)**

**To our beautiful Beta Sassy 41 we salute you our earth bound Angel :) x**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill people. S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & cinnamontwist101 own An Angel At My Table...**

**CHAPTER 44: Angels from heaven & Demons from Hell **

**Tanya's POV...**

I had been confined to my father's house for months and it was seriously starting to get to me, I hadn't seen or touched drugs since my arrest and though the worst of the cravings had gone I still craved. There was something else I still craved something else I hadn't seen since my arrest, _Edward_.

I made way down stairs stopping to scratch the skin under the cumbersome security anklet I was forced to wear, though the stupid devise irritated me to distraction at times it was still preferable to the small cold prison cell I was facing if the lawyer daddy hired me couldn't get me off. I scowled at the maid when she greeted me and ignored her, the woman was obviously retarded I thought, no matter how many times she's greeted me I have never once greeted her back but here she is again this morning, singing out her pointless greeting.

A low hiss escaped my lips as I stalked toward the coffee pot and pouring myself a cup.

The maid's frightened eyes followed my every move and I smiled viciously when she flinched back at my snatching the daily newspaper off the table.

Her fear was almost palpable and I shivered at the heady rush it gave me.

I began flicking through the pages absentmindedly every now and then a headline would catch my eye but I never bothered reading the accompanying article. I turned to the next page and my heart leapt into my throat, there staring back at me looking more gorgeous than my months of dreams had done just justice too was_ my Edward_.

He looked so handsome in his black suit, I let my focus widen on the image and I scowled when I noticed _Bella_. I studied my greatest nemesis in detail; her figure dress couldn't hide the fact that she was pregnant.

I read the accompanying article and my scowl deepened, so Bella was playing good Samaritan. What a joke, more like using Edward's name and money to make her look more saintly.

God that woman was hideous; she simply shouldn't be allowed to live. And if I got my way she wasn't going to live.

The article said she was having another set of twins, _god the woman breeds like an animal,_ I thought to myself, those should have been mine and Edward's babies.

I stared at the photo and let my rage and hate for Isabella consume me, half formed plans swirled around my head, "those are going to be my babies, when Bella's dead," I hissed,_ dead at my hands, _I added in my head.

By the time I had finished my coffee, I had a plan, all I had to do was wait, wait until Bella's babies were old enough to survive a premature birth. I tore the photo and article from the paper and put it in my pocket, it was the only picture I had of my Edward now...

It had been four and a half months since I had read the article about Bella, and I had no idea if she had given birth to her demon children or not.

Irina and Kate never spoke about Edward to our parents when they visited so I was surprised when I heard his and his whore's names floating up the stairs to where I was eavesdropping on my parents and Irina's conversation.

"_Yeah and Bella's due at the same time as me, though she will probably have her babies early since they're twins. Edward has to leave for London on Monday; it's his last business trip before he goes into countdown for the birth."_

A smile spread over my lips, I waited on the stairs until I was sure Irina had finished talking about my Edward.

So Bella was due at the same time as Irina, that put her at about seven and a half months, the babies were developed enough to survive being born at this stage.

I was almost giddy with happiness at my good fortune, I smiled gleefully as I made my way back to my room, I took my picture of Edward from under my mattress and smoothed out the creases, traced over his face with my fingertip.

This time Monday evening Bella would be dead and I would be a stepmother of four. I held Edward's picture before my face while my free hand slipped between my legs, I let my mind imagine all the things I would be able to do with him once Bella was out of the way. I wouldn't let him feel guilty if he wanted to show his love for me by marking my body.

I waited until my mother and father had gone to bed before making my way into his office, I closed the door quietly behind me and made my way carefully across the dark room. I fumbled around and finally located the on button to the computer and waited impatiently for the monitor to hum into life. I opened Firefox and typed in Air New Zealand's timetable for flights leaving for London on Monday. I noted the times and decided that Edward would want to catch the earliest flight the one leaving at 6:30 am.

I switched off the monitor and reached for the phone, I dialled the number of my dealer and arranged to come to the house at midnight on Sunday. I slipped out of the office and made my way back to my room...

...The house was silent as I crept down the hallway, I disabled the alarm and quietly opened the front door; careful not step outside as I scanned the darkness.

I saw a brief flash of light from the driveway then a dark figure appeared, he silently handed me four small bags of meth and a small glass pipe and disappeared back into the shadows. I reactivated the alarm and made my way silently to my room, my heart accelerated in eagerness of both getting high and killing Bella.

Anticipation flooded through me as I emptied the contents of all the bags into the pipe. I took a lighter from my bedside draw and put the pipe to my lips as I heated the bowl with the flame. I felt the effects of the drugs instantly and I shivered feverishly. I refined my plan in my head while I emptied the contents of the pipe into my lungs. I stared at the clock willing it to go faster and I breathed a sigh of relief when it was finally time to make my escape and get my plan into action.

I made my way into the kitchen and took a large carving knife from the block, I quickly cut my way through the electronic anklet I was forced to wear, I wrapped the knife in a tea towel and placed it in my small backpack, I deactivated the house alarm and made my way into the darkness. I waited in the shadows of the driveway for Edward's Aston Martin to pull out of the driveway; I raced across the concrete and slid under the garage door before it closed completely...

**Bella POV...**

I slept restlessly and woke often, I was sure it was more to do with my anxiety that Edward would be leaving me alone for the first time since before we were married, more than the trouble I was having getting comfortable due to my ever increasing stomach size. Edward was tossing and turning next to me, his sleep wasn't peaceful either.

I knew Edward didn't want to be away from me either, he could barely cope when we separated for a few hours so I had no idea what kind of state he'd get himself into being parted from me for not only for three long torturous days but by thousands of kilometres as well.

"Are you awake?" I whispered to Edward in the darkness.

He jolted awake as if I had given him a fright though I was only speaking softly. His voice was panicked, "Shit, what's wrong baby?"

"Nothing's wrong really, I just wish you didn't have to go."I whispered into the darkness

"I wish I didn't too honey, but Irina can't do it and one of us needs to be there. You know Irina had already booked her tickets? She said she was only giving birth to one, but you had two. Apparently you needed me more. She nearly bit my head off when I transferred the tickets into my name."

A small resigned sigh escaped my lips, Irina was a truly wonderful person, "She's such a selfless person. I know it's your responsibility, but it still doesn't make it any easier." He placed his hands on my stomach and there was a flurry of movement from within.

I could feel his smile in the darkness; he still got a thrill out of feeling his babies moving inside me at hisslightest touch. It had been like that from the very first time we had felt them move. Edward had been rubbing my stomach and it had erupted into the feeling of a million tiny butterfly wings beating against my stomach.

"Bella it will be fine. I'll be back before you know it."

**"**I know, sorry I'm just being hormonal." I cuddled into him and closed my eyes, feeling safe when I felt his warm breath wash through my hair and drifted off into a more peaceful sleep...

...Dawn broke way too soon and I sighed and kept my eyes firmly shut when the alarm clock sprang into life, I groaned into the pillow and wrapped my arms around Edward, trying unsuccessfully to keep him here in bed with me. He pulled his mouth to mine kissing me until I was breathless; he pulled back and placed a kiss on my stomach. His twins responded by wriggling around under my skin. Edward made his way out of bed and into the shower; I stayed in bed for a few minutes sulking, until hunger pulled me to the kitchen.

Edward already had the Apple and Louis dressed and fed and their bags were packed and sitting by the kitchen door ready for their stay with Esme and Carlisle. As much as I wanted to keep them with me it was just too hard to look after them both on my own, especially as I now resembled the size and shape of a beached whale. I couldn't even reach down to pick the kids up anymore.

I kissed my babies goodbye and then stepped into Edward's waiting arms, saying goodbye to him was a million times harder than I thought it was going to be.

Although it was hard in my hormonal state fought off the grief and my tears, I knew it was going to be just as hard if not harder for him. I didn't want to watch him drive away so I stayed in the kitchen.

Silent tears slid down my cheeks when I heard the Aston accelerate at the end of the driveway...

...I poured myself another cup of coffee and was just about to make my way out to the balcony, when I saw something to make my blood run cold.

The coffee cup slipped from my grasp, and a cold cruel laugh broke the silence as it hit the floor and shattered. Coffee and pieces of porcelain flew in all directions but I never took my eyes from the woman who had haunted my dreams standing in the doorway.

Tanya's hair was back to its natural strawberry blonde the curls falling around her oddly delicate face. Her cold blue eyes were wide and calculating, her pupils were as round as saucers and I realised immediately that she was high on meth

My gaze travelled from her eyes and I had to stifle my scream when I saw the glint of the blade.

She laughed again and held the carving knife up in front of her, "...I'm disappointed Bella, I wanted to hear you scream, but then again we have plenty of time for that now don't we? Edward's flying to London and by the time he gets home, you'll be dead and I will be the doting mother of four, _hideous brats."_

I calculated my options, I knew with my heavily pregnant stomach I would have no way of out running her, and she was armed. I realised I had no immediate options of escape and I didn't bother to plead with her, one I knew it would do no good and two I didn't want her to see just how petrified I was. I wondered briefly how Tanya had escaped; I quickly scanned her ankles and noticed her electronic monitoring bracelet was missing.

Hope flared inside me, even if her parents didn't phone the police immediately, they would have their own way of detecting she wasn't where she was meant to be, and knowing her history they would hopefully come here first. I took a deep breath and tried to stop the fear from dragging me under, I needed to stay calm or I would have no chance.

My natural instinct was to flee as Tanya approached me, but I stayed where I was there was no escaping her in my condition. I shuddered when I could feel her breath on the back of my neck and the tip of the blade pressing lightly against my spine.

"I really hope Edward left his little playroom undisturbed, I've spent months reliving the glorious images of Edward treating and beating you like the lowlife we know you really are. And though your pain and screams that night were exquisite Bella, but I know I can make you scream so much louder. You don't know Bella, but you're going to, you are going to praying for death long before I deliver it to you...Let's go..."

I stumbled a little when Tanya pushed me forward, and made my way slowly as she would permit me down the stairs, fear pounded through my veins causing me to shake uncontrollably.

My obvious terror seemed to excite Tanya, her breathing was laboured in my ear, "I can smell your fear Bella...Open the door."

I pushed the door open; and was assailed by a flood of memories of the last time I had been in this room. Nothing had changed; the chains and shackles were exactly how we'd left them, the lingerie Edward had cut off me that night was still strewn across the floor. The violet wand sat sinisterly to one side.

Tanya shoved me through the doorway with an impatient door, "Keep moving..." I did what Tanya ordered, she was relatively calm at the moment and I wanted to keep her like that for as long as possible. "Cuff your legs, and don't try anything funny or I'll stick you like the fat ugly pig you are."

I silently did what she said, when I had them both cuffed she tugged on each one roughly checking they were secure, the force of it cause me to lose my balance.

The tortured screams from my last visit to this room rang in my ears as I remembered the pain that had been inflicted on me at the hands of my husband but I also knew that pain was going to be nothing compared to what I was going to suffer at Tanya's sadistic hand.

Tanya grabbed a fist full of my hair and yanked, "Up now." I stood quickly as I could and pain like fire spread across my scalp. Tears spilled down my cheeks but I tried to remain calm, I didn't want to distress my babies, though I knew that must be able to feel my fear. "Cuff your hand," She hissed.

The chain rattled as I reached up and slid the cuff in place. Tanya checked that it was secure before dropping the knife at her feet, sighing in satisfaction as she tightened the last binding.

"Well Bella where shall we start?...hmm..." She looked up at the camera on the ceiling and smiled into it when she saw the red light indicating it was recording, "Yes I think I'd like have a little memento of our time together, Bella. I can show it to your snivelling brats I'm sure they'll want to know _exactly _how you died. But Edward; no I don't want him to see the image of his wife hanging like a stuffed pig but I want to see that, I want to see that more than anything."

**Tanya POV... **

I cuffed Bella into place, slapping her face sharply to wake her up. I wanted to be sure she felt everything. She would pay for all the times I had to sit and suffer through watching her with my Edward. Every gentle touch her gave her, I would take back because they ALL belonged to me.

I quickly made my way over to my bag and lit up a pipe of meth. I inhaled the smoke, my eyes widening as it hit me almost instantly.

My every nerve tingled and my rage began to boil. Remember why you're here. Concentrate I reprimanded myself as I walked towards the now waking home wrecker.

I felt a surge of disgust as I watched her, naked and swinging in the chains. She was repulsive, disgusting. I couldn't understand what he saw in her? I was a million times the woman she was.

My jealously surged and spilled over as I reached down and slapped her again, "Wake up, bitch. I don't want you to miss any of this... just like I had to watch... never missing anything except his touch..." I ran my hand down my body as I recalled the way his fingers felt against my skin. I shivered and groaned at the sensations coursing through me. Soon I promised myself. I grabbed her by the hair and yanked her head up so that she was facing me. "Don't you fucking dare you bitch. You'll listen to every word I have to say. I've had to listen to you! Screaming his name, whispering to him It should have been me! You hear me? It should have been ME."

I screamed yanking a clump of her hair straight out of her head. I threw it at her in disgust. I retrieved my pipe and lit it up again, becoming transfixed by the flame. I grinned as an idea came to me and I twisted the lighter slightly, heating up the metal around the top until it glowed red.

I walked up to Bella calmly and pressed it against her breast. "Do you feel that? That's what it feels like being away from him every day..." I hissed through my teeth. I was furious and wanted nothing more than to kill the bitch, but I couldn't. I knew I would never have forgiven myself for my impatience. "He's mine and soon those babies will be mine too. I'll be the only mother they know... I'll send Apple and Louis off to a boarding school, and then it will just be me, Edward and our babies..." I said with a wistful smile

A frown creased my forehead when there was no accompanying scream. I narrowed my eyes; she was trying to ruin my fun. "What the hell are you doing?" I demanded. "You think you can keep quiet? I think you're lying... I watched what Edward did to you down here... He made you scream and so will I..." I promised grabbing a small knife from my bag.

The blade in my hand slashed her upper torso and back, leaving masses of tiny little cuts, all dripping and oozing blood. It wasn't enough though, and I walked around the front of her and slashed deep across her breast.

"He. Is. Mine!" I screamed at her "These babies are mine and I'm sick of watching you pretend it's your life!" I plugged in the electric wand and turned it up as high as it would go. I began to shock her with it, over and over again, only stopping for a break every few minutes so I didn't harm the babies.

Edward would never forgive me if I hurt our babies... I thought ruefully. I hated the idea of being a mother, but I would suffer through it if it meant getting Edward... There were always nannies and that sort of thing, I could practically avoid them altogether...

There was more meth. And more beatings. Then some more meth... Then I kind of lost it... I remember whipping her, giggling in delight as I saw the red welts from the lash spring forth on her skin.

Her punishment, so richly deserved for taking what was mine, was now being so righteously delivered.

But she wouldn't scream.

"You think you can beat me?" I yelled crushing my little glass pipe against the back of her skull, grimacing as her blood coated my fingers. "You make me sick." I hissed as I wiped my fingers off as best as I could through her hair. I walked in front of her and knocked her in the face a few times with the whip handle. "Scream" smack "Fucking scream" smack, smack. "Open your fucking mouth bitch!" I screamed and picked up the large carving knife I had brought along.

The blade dragged along her stomach, marking out the incision I would soon make to cut my babies free from this pathetic incubator. "My babies, I will fuck tear them from your body you filthy bitch... I'll never let you have him... He's mine he loves me not you..." I snarled and spat at her as I dropped the knife and reached for my scalpel.

"The fucking doctor is in the house Miss Fucking Swan." I hissed.

**Bella POV...**

My eyes were closed until I felt the sting spread across my cheek and Tanya's voice hissed in my ear, she was rambling on but I wasn't paying attention to her words, I was just trying to keep the absolute fear coursing thru me from pulling me under. I fought back my urge to scream and furiously blinked away the tears pooling in my eyes, I concentrated on trying to keep my fear at bay, I didn't want my unborn children to feel my distress and begin to stress themselves.

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw shut, I couldn't stop my body recoiling in pain as the metal burned into my flesh, but I stopped the scream in my throat. I sucked in as much oxygen as I could get through my nose and clenched teeth.

I tried to focus my scattered thoughts, clearing everything from my mind but an image of Edward's beautiful face, he was going to be my strength, I felt my breathing even out as I studied his face behind my lids.

The urge to scream was almost overwhelming but I fought it off, I could feel my babies moving in distress, and I was close to losing it altogether, my eyes rolled back in my head with the pain and I almost bit my tongue off as I forced my jaw together.

I tried to keep the picture of Edward in my mind, but now I was imagining him running through the door and attacking Tanya but the darkness that had been hovering at the fringes of my mind rapidly descended over me and everything went black...

...I heard Edward's voice as if it was coming to me from far away**, **"Bella, Honey? I'm here don't worry it's going to be alright. I promise."

Somehow he had known I was in trouble and he came and he saved me. I loved Edward more at this moment than I ever had, he had saved me and our babies.

"Ed...Ward..." I whispered, "Call an ambulance, she used the wand, the babies could be hurt..." I slumped against him, trying desperately not to cry out too loud when another contraction hit me, I needed to stay relatively calm or Edward would lose the plot.

I kept my eyes closed and tried to keep my breathing under control, Edward's broken voice rung out through the silence, "Hold on Bella, just hold on it will be fine, I love you..."

"I love you too, thank you for saving me, us..." I mumbled before the darkness claimed me once more...

My eyelids fluttered open and I quickly blinked trying to clear the haze from them, when I was able to focus I looked around for Edward, he was looking down on his newborn children and my heart exploded with joy.

This was how it was supposed to be, Edward and I together at the birth of our children and I could barely contain the excitement growing in me knowing that Edward would be the one to name his children this time.

"Edward," I croaked, my mouth was so dry it felt like sandpaper .

He came straight to my bedside when he heard me and poured me water,** "**Thank you," I whispered before taking several large mouthfuls of the icy liquid.

Edward seemed preoccupied, no more like distant and I suddenly felt really nervous.

He didn't seem to want to look at me and I wondered if he was a little turned off by me, he had never seen me after I had given birth before, I knew I must look hideous. "Edward?"

"Yes?" He whispered. He looking down at his hands; he couldn't look at me.

There was definitely something wrong but I couldn't understand what.

Shouldn't he have been totally elated that he had got to us in time?

Shouldn't he be overjoyed with happiness at the birth his children?

He should have but he obviously wasn't. The nerves had turned to Fear, it bubbled in the pit of my stomach making me squirm uncomfortably.

My drug addled brain couldn't make sense of it.

I was about to demand he tell me what was wrong but then I heard the tiny cry of one of my babies and attention was totally diverted, "Our babies? What did we have?" I pulled my eyes from the cribs to look at Edward.

"A son and a daughter."

"Again? I can't believe it two sons, two daughters... you know my darling we have the most perfect and complete family. Have you decided what you would like to call them?"

He looked down at his sleeping children and whispered, "Noah, Noah Jacob Cullen." He looked over at me questioningly, "Do you mind?"

"Of course not, Noah Jacob is perfect, just like you, and your baby girl?" I was pleased Edward had honoured Jake it was exactly what I'd hoped he'd do.

"Matisse Amour." He pulled his eyes from his babies and looked at me seriously, "You need to get up and walk around a bit Bella, doctor's orders."

"Matisse Amour, it's so beautiful..." I allowed him to help me out of bed and I winced a bit when my feet touched the floor, but I grabbed his arm and stood up.

I kept hold of him as I made my way straight to the cribs, I gasped when I saw our beautiful son and daughter for the first time and tears streamed down my cheeks as I reached out and touched each of their tiny heads.

"They are absolutely perfect, so beautiful just like you. Would you like to hold Noah while I feed Matisse?" I squeezed his arm reassuringly.

"I uh, Bella I really need to get something to eat and a coffee. You've been out for a while and I'm... I just need something to eat."

He flinched ever so slightly and a wave of confusion washed over me and I took a steadying breath, "Oh...um ok, you go and get something to eat. I... I'll see you later ok."

I let go of his arm and my tears of joy were suddenly tears of grief. I didn't understand why Edward was being so distant. And I was completely crushed that he didn't want to stay and share this time with me. I picked up Matis and made my way to the chair beside the bed, I kept my eyes on her as she began to feed. I couldn't face looking at Edward when he clearly didn't want to be here.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I looked up when I heard the door open. I took one look at Edward and knew he'd been drinking. I closed my eyes and fought off the sob trying to rip itself from my throat, I couldn't stop part of it escaping and it sounded strangled as it passed my lips. I kept my eyes on Noah, who I was now Feeding.

The hours that Edward was gone I spent in a state of shocked disbelief. I had never felt so lonely or low in my life.

"Did you have something to eat?" I asked without looking at him.

"Huh?...Oh yeah I did, And coffee."

I had no idea what to say to him, by the smell of alcohol in the room he had obviously spent the whole time he was away drinking somewhere, and I knew he wouldn't have had anything to eat. I wanted to ask him what the fuck his problem was, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to know either, so I just didn't say anything.

Edward didn't think he needed to say anything either and the silence spiralled uncomfortably. I looked up when he suddenly stood up, but my eyes soon dropped back to Noah when he spoke,

"I'd better call everyone and let them know that you and the twins are ok."

I fought back my tears when I heard the door close behind him, but they flowed relentlessly when I realised that he wouldn't be coming back tonight. I put Noah back in his crib and hit the call button for the nurse; she entered my room a few minutes later smiling at me kindly.

She had taken no more than two steps toward me when I blurted out that I needed to use the phone. "I will go and get the portable phone for you dear, is there anything else you need?"

"No thank you just the phone." I wondered as I watched her leave the room who exactly should I call.

I thought about my parents and siblings and tears pricked my eyes, of course they were the ones I should be calling and asking for help.

But I couldn't, not with Edward acting so cold. If Charlie saw what was going on he'd throttle Edwardand I didn't want to have to admit that my husband didn't care enough about the birth of his children to bother staying around to help. I thought about Jake, but I couldn't face him either and hell would freeze over before I called Irina or Kate.

The nurse bustled back into the room and passed me the phone before checking Matis and Noah and leaving again closing the door softly behind her. I stared at the phone in my hand for a few minutes, a small sigh slipped between my lips and I dialled the number of the only person who may be able to help.

It only rung twice before I heard Carlisle's smooth voice on the line.

I took a deep steadying breath and tried to keep my voice even, "Hi Carlisle, it's me Bella." I heard the surprise in his voice when he said hello back and asked me how I was. I tried to keep it together while asking Carlisle if he would be able to come to the hospital but I wasn't doing a very good job and my voice had a definite shake to it.

He agreed immediately and I breathed a sigh of relief. "Bella, is Edward there with you?"

My face screwed up in pain and a low sob pushed past my lips.

"N...no he's not." I managed to gasp out.

"Ok Bella, just relax Esme and I will be there soon." I panicked when he said he was bringing Esme, I couldn't face her yet I needed to speak with Carlisle alone.

"Um...Carlisle do you think it would be possible for you to come alone? There's something I need to talk to you about privately."

"Of course Bella I will leave now." I could hear the curiosity in Carlisle's voice but I didn't want to discuss it over the phone.

"Thank you Carlisle, I'm in room seventy seven." I hung up the phone and placed it on the cabinet next to the bed. I stared out the window at the darkening sky with a growing sense of fear.

Change was coming, coming into my life whether I wanted it or not.

The nurse entered carrying a tray of food and I grimaced, the last thing I felt like doing was eating. My stomach was so tired up in knots I doubted food would be able to pass through it. I plastered a smile on my face as she placed the tray in front of me and lifted the lid with a flourish.

"There you go Dear, make sure you eat as much as you can, you'll need to keep your strength up for those two." She said smiling down on my children.

"Thank you," I smiled a little more warmly at her and her and picked up my fork.

"You're welcome; if you need anything else just press the button." I nodded and watched her leave the room, then turned my eyes on my dinner.

I grimaced again as I twirled the fettuccine around my fork and brought it to my mouth. I forced the first mouthful down then gave up on eating it; instead I pushed around the plate with my fork. I was still doing it ten minutes later when a soft knock sounded on my door and Carlisle stepped into the room, he surveyed the room and a small frown creased his forehead.

He smoothed it out immediately and made his way over to my bed.

"Is everything alright Bella?" He kissed my cheek and took a seat. I kept my eyes on my food and I could feel his eyes burning into my cheek.

"No Carlisle, I don't think it is." My voice shook and fresh tears leaked from my eyes.

Carlisle stood up when he saw my tears and placed an arm around my shoulder, "What's happened Bella and where is Edward? I thought he'd be here."

A low sob fell from my lips at the sound of Edward's name and my hands shook uncontrollably. "If I had to hazard a guess I would say in the first bar he came across."

"A bar? Why would you think he was at a pub?" The surprise was easy to hear in his voice, the note of worry was more subtle but it was there.

"Because...He turned up here drunk a few hours ago stayed for ten minutes then left again so I'd say it's pretty safe to assume..." I trailed off.

"But why now Bella? This should be the happiest day of his life." He shook his head; he was as confused as I was.

"I don't know the answer to that Carlisle, but what I do know is that I'm not going to be able to help him on my own. I have four kids to deal with and I really need him to help me at the moment."

"Bella you won't be doing anything on your own, I will help you with Edward and Esme will be delighted to have Apple and Louis as often as need be. I think it might be best if you move into the guesthouse for a while, then we will be able to be on hand twenty four seven. I want you to try and stay as calm as possible ok, and just let yourself heal. I promise you Bella I'll be there to help you and my son every step of the way."

"I just don't understand Carlisle, he was doing so well, why would he take that drink instead of going to a meeting or calling his counsellor? It makes no sense."

"Let's not worry about the why's right now Bella and concentrate on trying to pull him out of it before it spirals out of control. How long ago did he leave here?"

"About five hours ago, he said he needed to call everyone and that was the last I saw of him."

"Yes that was when he phoned me to tell me you'd given birth," The frown was back on Carlisle face, "now that I come to think about it, he didn't seem to be in a good way. I'm so sorry Bella I should have realised then."

"Don't apologise even if you had noticed and asked he would of have denied there was anything wrong... Carlisle I want to be discharged now, would you be able to go and see if that's possible?"

"Bella do you think that's wise? You really do need to rest and recuperate and this is probably the best place to do that."

"I don't want to sit around in here by myself wondering if my husband is going to bother turning up to see us. And I miss Apple and Louis."

He looked at me sympathetically and nodded, "I'll go and see what I can do." He kissed the top of my head and made his way out the room.

I stared at my sleeping babies, the tears falling relentlessly down my cheeks.

They were my pride and joy, I couldn't help but wonder why they weren't Edward's, hadn't this been what he always claimed to have wanted? I thought so, maybe Edward had changed his mind now they were here and he realized what a massive responsibility raising two set of twins was going to be. Maybe he just couldn't face it, maybe he just decided he didn't love us enough.

The door opened and I looked up hoping that Edward had decided to come back. My heart sank when Carlisle walked through the door.

He sat on the edge of my bed and gently wiped my tears away with his fingertips. I looked into his eyes and I knew I wasn't going to be getting out of the hospital today. Fresh tears leaked from my eyes.

"I'm sorry Bella but there is no way the doctor is going to release you tonight, and I have to say I agree with him, you need to relax and give your body a chance to start healing. He said he may let you go tomorrow he'll make a decision after he's assessed you. Now I really think you should get some sleep, those two gorgeous little cherubs are going to be wanting dinner in a few hours."

"Okay, I guess you're right, I can't afford to get rundown with four kids to look after. Thanks Carlisle for everything." He leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

"You don't need to thank me Bella, it's the least I can do. Now get some sleep."I gave him a small smile, I doubted I'd be getting any sleep, not when Edward was out there somewhere drunk and alone, even if that was his choice.

I closed my eyes when Carlisle left the room and was surprised that sleep claimed me quickly...

It was the smell of the alcohol in the room that I noticed first, how many times I had woken to that smell?

My eyelids fluttered open and I gasped audibly when the haze cleared from my eyes and I saw Edward passed out in the chair by my bed.

His eyes snapped open when he heard my gasp, he blinked rapidly and scrubbed his hands over his face and reached into his pocket, throwing a handful of mints into his mouth.

The action infuriated me and goaded me into speech, "The mints aren't going to do anything, I already know," I all but whispered.

My eyes filled with tears as I looked at Edward, I'd seen him look like that many times in the past.

He was hung-over.

I was completely devastated that Edward would choose to go and get drunk instead of wanting to be here sharing this experience with me and getting to know his babies.

"Have I done something wrong, something to upset you? You don't seem very interested in wanting to be with us." I murmured through my tears. I dropped my gaze from his; it just hurt too much to look at him in this state.

"Know what? That I have morning breath...You haven't done anything. I'm just a little worn out."

"No not that you have morning breath, you're using the mints to mask the smell of the alcohol. Edward it's obvious you went on a bender last night, what I don't understand is why you are..." I trailed off, I was exhausted, hurt and sore and I really did have the energy to confront him. "Maybe if you're tired you should go home and get some sleep and have some food."

"Jesus Bella, I'm fine ok? I fell asleep in a cafe next to a plate of food. I guess they didn't have the heart to kick me out because they let me sleep for awhile. I got some mints because I don't have a toothbrush. But by all means, jump to the conclusion that I am drinking again." He said shortly before adding, "Do you think you could cut me a little fucking slack?"

I sighed in defeat, "I'm sorry I said anything," so not only was he drinking again he'd decided to lie to me as well. I had no idea what to think or what to do. I felt alone and isolated what should of been the happiest time of my life was dissolving before my eyes, leaving me feeling hollow inside. I couldn't and wouldn't give up on Edward, as much as I was hurting, he was too though I still didn't understand why. I raised my eyes to his, "I'm not giving up on you..."

I watched him pensively as his hand slid across his lips and he stood up, "I need a fresh change of clothes. I'll get some breakfast and more coffee while I'm at it..."

Clothes, coffee and food were not his reasons for wanting to leave, alcohol was.

He wanted to drink, he wanted an escape from me and his kids for some reason and it broke my heart to know I wasn't going to be able to hold him here.

"Um...ok I might see you later then." I got out of bed and gingerly made my way into the bathroom, I left the door open and turned on the shower, I knew he wasn't going to come in after me, and a broken sob tore from my throat, when I heard the door to my room close quietly behind him.

I called for the nurse and asked her if I could use the phone, I was getting out of here today whether the doctor liked it or not, I needed to see Apple and Louis, they would give me the strength I needed to get through this, they had always been my strength. I looked down at Matis and Noah, and took a little comfort I had four times the strength now, four beautiful reasons to keep myself together.

I wouldn't do it for myself but I would do it for them...

**Edward's POV...**

Anxiety weighed like a fucking rock in the pit of my stomach and I tossed and turned. I was leaving on business to London in a few hours and the thought of leaving Bella had my stomach twisted in fucking knots.

"Are you awake?" She said softly, frightening me out of my review.

"Shit, what's wrong baby?" I exclaimed, my heart in my throat.

"Nothing's wrong really, I just wish you didn't have to go."

"I wish I didn't too honey, but Irina can't do it and one of us needs to be there. You know Irina had already booked her tickets? She said she was only giving birth to one, but you had two. Apparently you needed me more. She nearly bit my head off when I transferred the tickets into my name."

"She's such a selfless person. I know it's your responsibility, but it still doesn't make it any easier." Bella said in a sad voice. I placed my hands comfortingly on her stomach and there was an immediate response of tiny kicks.

"Bella it will be fine. I'll be back before you know it."

**"**I know, sorry I'm just being hormonal."

She finished. I had the distinct impression that it was more than hormones though. I had the feeling that she was more upset than she was letting on about my leaving.

I awoke that morning to have my suspicions about Bella's reluctance at my leaving confirmed. She fought to keep me in bed and when it actually came time for me to leave for the airport; she was struggling to hold back her tears.

I didn't want to leave her. I nearly didn't but I reminded myself that I had to. If I didn't go Irina would get on a plane and I couldn't do that to my very pregnant best friend.

I drove the BMW to the airport, detouring to my parents house to drop off Apple and Louis, with a gnawing feeling in my stomach. It was just a business deal. There was no reason why I couldn't arrange it for another time if I put my mind to it.

I picked up my cellphone and called Bella. I was sure if I were being ridiculous she would tell me so.

"_Hey, this is Bella. Leave your details and I will call you back." _

Her voice mail beeped and I sighed.

"Baby it's me. Pick up. I think I wanna come home, I know it's ridiculous but fuck it. My mind isn't going to be on the job if I am there anyway. Call me back."

I reached the airport and I had still not heard from Bella. The nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach was increasing.

"Bella, call me back. This is like my tenth message." I said urgently, closing my phone worriedly. I handed over my passport to the waiting attendant, but as I let go a feeling hit me so hard that I had to go home and I had to get home now.

I snatched my passport back from the lady and turned and bolted from the airport, she was calling after me asking if everything was ok, but I didn't stop until I reached the BMW and threw my bags inside again.

The tyres squealed as I raced home, one hand on the wheel while I held the cellphone to my ear with the other.

"_Hey, this is Bella. Leave your details and I will call you back."_

"I'm coming home Bella. I don't know what's going on but I'm coming home. I love you and I will be there soon." I said desperately into the phone.

I could not pinpoint the cause of my distress, but I felt it so strongly and intensely that I also could not ignore it.

The feeling didn't go away and as I pulled into our driveway, it only intensified.

I leapt out of the car, calling for Bella and hearing no reply.

The sounds of screams however could be heard and my blood ran cold. I bolted to the room where I knew I would find the source of the screams and I froze in the doorway at what I saw.

Tanya. Bella. Blood. Pain.

It was so reminiscent of that horrible night that I had spent with Bella down here, and I found myself fighting back the vomit that was trying to force it way out since. I had not re-entered this room since that night. I couldn't.

Tanya spun around, her face a gaunt and twisted mask of hate as she heard my intrusion. Her hands trembled as she stared at me and I stared at her.

"I'm glad you are here to see this Edward. You need to see this._ She_ is in the way."

"What the fuck are you doing Tanya?" I asked in dumbfounded, disgusted shock. I wanted to go to Bella and release her from her bonds, but Tanya was still too close, that scalpel clutched tightly in her hand.

"I want my _life_ back Edward. I want what you _promised_ when you proposed to me! I will concede on the children, I'll be a mother to the ones you have and we can all move on. I won't have to actually carry the children so it will be Ok! We can _finally_ have our life!"

She looked so sincere. So completely and utterly convinced of her own twisted bullshit.

"That sounds good Tanya. Real good." I said, trying to keep my voice even and soft. I felt ill to my stomach, but it was worth it. She stared at me, the hope in her eyes glistening. She was completely and utterly crazy and I intended to use that against her.

"It does. Maybe we could move back to France." I tried. She stood up straighter and a smile broke out across her face.

"We could? I hate New Zealand."

I bristled at that but fought it down.

"Sure." I smiled "Whatever you like."

I readied myself for what I was about to do. I already hated myself for it.

"I missed you Tanya. I missed... us... together." I tried to keep the disgust out of my voice, but I'm sure I was slightly unsuccessful.

"Oh my god Edward! I've been waiting so long to hear you say that!"

She dropped the knife to the floor beside her and that was all I needed. I lunged at her and knocked her to the floor, her head cracking against the concrete below with a sickening sound.

"Bitch." I hissed "You think I would _touch _you. You think I would want _you_?"

"You promised me." She whispered quietly, on the edge of unconsciousness "Loving you... It's poison." She mumbled before losing consciousness completely.

I stumbled towards Bella and unshackled her from the clasps, bringing her to the floor with me and cradling her on my knees.

She moaned in pain as her multitude of injuries were jolted all at once.

"Bella, Honey? I'm here don't worry it's going to be alright. I promise." I said trying to reassure her the best I could. The truth was I didn't know what was going to happen. My mind was closing down; it was hard to concentrate on anything.

"Ed...Ward... Call an ambulance, she used the wand, the babies could be hurt..."

"Hold on Bella, just hold on it will be fine, I love you..." I said clinging to my desperate need to reassure.

"I love you too, thank you for saving me, us..."

As she slipped into oblivion I stared at her.

Save her? _Save_ her? Tanya had only come after her because of me.

I hadn't saved her, I had nearly killed her.

The ambulance arrived quickly and the house was awash with police officers and paramedics. We were rushed into the hospital where I was ushered into a waiting room to wait while the doctors performed a C section on my wife to save our babies and her own life.

"Mr Cullen?" The doctor asked coming towards me with a timid smile. I nodded but said nothing.

"Mother and children are both doing well. Most of Mrs Cullen's abrasions were deep, but superficial. She should make a full recovery though she will need a lot of support over the next few months while she heals."

He went over everything, he was very thorough. I could not follow him though. I was empty.

"You can go in, but when she wakes up, I would like it if you helped her to just walk around the room once or twice. It's important that she does so." He said before moving off.

I entered the room and surveyed Bella. Covered in bandages and abrasions. Damaged because of me.

I stood over the babies cribs and looked down at their angelic sleeping faces. Angels that deserved a father, who could protect them, not nearly end their lives as a result of his selfishness. There was a way to end it all, to make them safe, but he was a coward.

A coward who couldn't let go.

"Edward," Bella rasped from behind me.

I automatically went to her bedside table and woodenly poured her a glass of water. I didn't look at her as I handed her the glass, I had tortured myself with the sight of her as she slept for so long. Taking in every scrape, every cut and searing them into my memory,

_One day Edward, one day I will watch her bleed. None of them will be safe..._

I could hear _her_ voice in my head, the voice of the monster, the cold callous harpy who had tried to kill my wife and my unborn children. She would not give me peace, not even a moment.

_Enjoy your time Edward, because __my__ time is drawing closer every day..._

I closed my eyes and fought the urge to dig my fingers into my ears, anything to rip that fucking voice from my head.

"Thank you," She said in a croaky voice. I just couldn't bring myself to look at her and she realized at once,

"Edward?"

"Yes?" I whispered looking down at my hands. They were clenched so tightly the tendons stood out prominently. I forced them to relax a little as I continued to stare at them.

The tiny cry of one of the twins broke the silence and Bella looked longingly toward the cribs,

"Our babies," she whispered, "What did we have?"

"A son and a daughter." I turned and looked back at our new born babies and sighed as my heart split in two. I wanted nothing more than to bundle them to me, yet I knew I couldn't I was undeserving of them and I had to let them go. I didn't know how yet, but I knew it was the only way. A part of me couldn't stand the thought of not leaving some mark upon their lives so I had named my son while the three of them had slept

"Noah. Noah Jacob Cullen." I whispered looking down at him and allowing myself a moment to feel pride and happiness for what we had created. But only a moment and then I let myself shut down again. It was better that way...

"Again? I can't believe it two sons, two daughters, you know my darling we have the most perfect and complete family. Have you decided what you would like to call them?"

I repeated my sons name closing my eyes as I felt a tear slip out. I was grateful that my back was to Bella, and I reached up to quickly wipe it away.

"Do you mind?" I asked about the name and praying that she wouldn't. It was the only legacy I was leaving, the only proof that would eventually be left that I had touched their lives at all.

"Of course not, Noah Jacob is perfect, just like you, and your baby girl?" She questioned.

"Matisse Amour." I said spontaneously. Another tear slipped loose and I wiped it away. It was agonising to stand here and not touch them, not hold them to me. My children. I loved them so much but I had nearly cost them their lives.

I tried to banish the excruciating thoughts from my head. The less I thought about leaving them, the less it hurt.

I was so tired of being the catalyst of Bella and the children's pain.

"You need to get up and walk around a bit Bella. The doctor's orders." I turned around and walked back to the bed helping her to sit up first.

"Matisse Amour, it's so beautiful..." She began, but I stopped listening. My insides were cold, it was as though they were becoming ice and I shuddered.

I needed something _warm_ to ease my soul. To help cure the ache.

I helped Bella toward the cribs wishing more than anything I could just get the hell out of the room; I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep up the weak facade I had going.

"They are absolutely perfect, so beautiful just like you. Would you like to hold Noah while I feed Matis?" Bella whispered. She squeezed my arm reassuringly.

I flinched back a little involuntarily at her invitation. I couldn't do that. I couldn't hold him because if I did that then I wouldn't let go. And I _had_ to let go. The pain inside me multiplied and spread to every cell in my body. I felt it everywhere.

I was tired. I was exhausted. I was defeated. I just couldn't face what had to be done.

I needed to leave.

"I uh, Bella I really need to get something to eat and a coffee. You've been out for a while and I'm... I just need something to eat." I finished my voice sad.

"Oh...um ok, you go and get something to eat. I... I'll see you later ok." She let go of my arm immediately and I knew she realized something was wrong.

Bella picked up Matisse and carefully made her way to the chair beside the bed; I took one look at my infant son and fled the room.

I left the room quickly and made my way into the corridor. Then I began to run. I ran out of the hospital and down the street. I didn't care about the looks I was getting, I just had to get away. Eventually, when I finally came to a stop, I was unsurprised to find myself outside a bar.

_Do it, don't do it, do it, don't do it, do it, don't do it. _

It ran on a continuo's loop in my head as her voice played over the top.

_As long as you are alive, you will belong to me. I won't let her have you. You used me Edward. You made me want you. Now I can't let you go. _

The ice had begun to seep into my bones now. Nowhere was safe. Nothing was warm anymore. Everywhere there was danger. Even my own head wasn't fucking safe. All I wanted was my family. I wanted to love and cherish them like I had always dreamed and yet I was too much of a coward to do so.

To love and cherish them, I had to leave.

One day, Tanya would find me, but I would be alone. I had no doubt the sick bitch would have found a way to infiltrate whatever security I put in place, but at least my family would not be there in harm's way. I had to sacrifice my own happiness for their lives.

And I was too much of a coward to do so.

It was a seedy looking bar; it reminded me of some of the dives I had frequented in Paris. I chuckled at that. It was fitting. I had been in hell then too. I pushed open the door and went inside.

The patrons ignored me. It was a blessing. I didn't want to be seen. I was pathetic. A useless excuse for a man. I couldn't protect my family. I should have had more security in place. I should have done a million different things.

I should have killed Tanya when I had the fucking chance.

I would have done twenty years in prison to save Bella the pain of what she had _recently _suffered at Tanya's hands. And our babies, our poor innocent babies...

"Can I get you something sir?" The bartender asked me. I hadn't even realised I had reached the bar and taken a seat. It was so comfortable. So familiar. Paris, Wellington, Auckland, New York, Spain... Bars were the same no matter where you went. It was relieving, knowing that bliss, that little tiny respite from your woes was close... so close.

You could taste it.

"I want your best scotch. Money's not an issue." I said throwing my black credit card on the bar. His eyes widened and picked it up eyeing the name quickly.

"Mr Cullen? The Cullen they are always talking about in the newspapers and on TV?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

The cold was everywhere now. It had long taken hold of my bones, it was now at my organs, I felt as though I were filled with shards of broken ice.

"Charge an extra fucking $200 and leave me alone for the night ok? Just make sure my glass is fucking full." I snapped. He nodded eagerly at the extra money and rang up his most expensive whiskey. It wasn't the best, it wasn't even what I really kept at home, but that was not what mattered.

It was _warm_.

A few hours later and I was well past the happy stage. I was beginning to slur my words and I knew that it would be difficult to conceal my condition back at the hospital. Underneath those bright; glaring fluorescent lights. My head began pounding at the very thought.

I emptied my glass and grabbed a few mints from the barman grabbing onto the bar as I unsteadily rose to my feet.

"Give me an extra two hundred and I will make sure you get a taxi back to wherever it is you need to go."

I laughed in disgust.

"Where I need to go? Do you _know_ where I need to go? Do you?" I said leaning over the bar and into him. He cringed back from the acrid stench of the whiskey on my breath.

"Well, if you just _tell_ me the address..."

"Tell you?" I laughed incredulously. "_Tell_ you? If I had the fucking answers I would just go there myself. I wouldn't need you now would I?"

"Mr Cullen, I think you might be a little drunk sir. I'm going to have to ask you to leave my bar."

I really laughed at that. Side splitting raucous bellows that had me holding my sides in pain, while tears streamed down my face. It took me a while to realise that I wasn't actually laughing anymore.

I stood up and without saying a word, I turned and left the bar.

I stopped at a small coffee store and brought a strong short black; which I tossed back there and then and a long black to go. I drank it quickly on the way back to the hospital, ignoring the way it burned and blistered the inside of my mouth.

I was hiding my fall into disgrace. More proof that I was a coward.

I paused outside Bella's room for a moment and took a deep breath. It had become crystal clear to me in the bar that leaving was indeed the only way to keep them safe and I while I was struggling to find the courage to actually do so, I knew I would have to do it and soon. I could only put it off for so long.

I pushed open the door and walked inside, praying that she wouldn't smell the strong delicious scent of the Scotch.

Bella never lifted her face from the baby in her arms but I could see her broken expression,

"Did you have something to eat?" She asked still not looking at me.

"Huh?" I asked confused for a moment, before remembering my ridiculous charade. "Oh yeah, I did. And coffee." I held up the now empty cup and walked towards the empty chair by the bed, stumbling a little.

I cursed myself inwardly and hoped she didn't notice.

I never found out though, because Bella never spoke again and the silence was suffocating. I sat there in that uncomfortable silence for a while, trying my best to ignore Bella's devastated glances and failing miserably.

After a bit I just couldn't take it anymore and I stood up quickly.

"I'd better call everyone and let them know that you and the twins are ok." I said keeping my tone even and void of emotion. I staggered back to the door and made my way outside.

I walked over to an empty waiting area and made the phone call I was dreading.

I kept it brief and to the point. I don't know if he noticed anything was wrong but if he did he didn't press me on it. When I had finished talking to him, I hung up the phone and made my way downstairs instead of back into the room and to Bell. Instead, I made my way out of the hospital and I didn't stop walking until I sat facing that smirking, dirty bartender that I had taken such a disliking to.

"Back again Mr Cullen? I hope you will behave better in my respectable establishment this time."

I snorted and drank the amber ambrosia he set in front of me in one go.

"Your establishment is a shit hole."

"Hm. Well, at this 'shithole establishment' money talks. Another two hundred and I make sure you stay undisturbed and liquored up for the night."

I hated him, I loathed him, but at the same time, he was the man filling my glass, helping me to keep that warmth in my body. I hated him but I recognised his use and I needed him.

I agreed and tossed him my credit card again which he took with a repulsive kind of glee. It was worth it though, true to his word, he kept my cup full and the seats around me empty until it was closing time and I had to leave.

...My mouth felt dry and I recognised the familiar ache in my skull.

Hangover.

I sat up, wincing slightly at my stiff neck and blinking at the harsh fucking fluorescent lights. A big fucking clue as to where I was.

I heard a gasp from beside me and I turned to find Bella staring at me, a look of absolute horror on her face. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my mints, throwing a handful of them into my mouth, never taking my cautious eyes from her.

"The mints aren't going to do anything; I already know...Have I done something wrong, something to upset you? You don't seem very interested in wanting to be with us." She whispered as she dropped her tear streaked gaze from mine.

I decided to play dumb

"Know what? That I have morning breath?" I said blandly. My eyes drifted to my newborn son and daughter of their own accord and I had to force myself to look away. No good would come of building an attachment. Not when I knew I was going to leave.

My eyes came to rest on Bella and I felt my heart rip down the centre at her expression.

_One day Edward... I'll make her bleed... you belong to me..._

Tanya again. Reminding me. Torturing me. Her voice echoed in my brain as I looked at my distressed wife.

I fought back the bile that was rushing up my throat before answering her

"You haven't done anything." I muttered "I'm just a little worn out." I lied.

Nothing seemed clear to me at the moment except distancing myself from my family. I knew had to do that. For all our sakes. _Her_ evil laugh mocked me, agreeing with me completely. She would kill them, she would hurt them I knew it with every fibre of my body. I had failed to protect them, time and again.

This was the only way.

"No not that you have morning breath; that you're using the mints to mask the smell of the alcohol. Edward it's obvious you went on a bender last night, what I don't understand is why you are..." She trailed off before adding, "Maybe if you're tired you should go home and get some sleep and have some food."

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. Go back to the house? I didn't think I could ever go back there again.

"Jesus Bella, I'm fine ok? I fell asleep in a cafe next to a plate of food. I guess they didn't have the heart to kick me out because they let me sleep for awhile. I got some mints because I don't have a toothbrush. But by all means, jump to the conclusion that I am drinking again." I said shortly but rather convincingly I thought. I felt terrible that the lies seemed to come so easily, so seamlessly.

"Do you think you could cut me a little fucking slack?"

I closed my eyes as the pounding in my skull increased. I knew what would make it feel better; the hair of the dog was always the best hangover cure.

"I'm sorry I said anything," she said quietly, her voice dropped to a whisper, "I'm not giving up on you..." But I heard her clearly.

Those six words struck me deep in the chest.

What did she mean by that? I hadn't thought about her reaction to my leaving. She would not want me to go. She would refuse to see the danger, no matter how clearly it was written for all to see.

Because she loved me and she shouldn't have. It was dangerous to love me.

My numb and aching limbs were like ice once more and there was now no question as to what would make me feel better.

I needed a drink. An Early Bird, A Good Start to the Day, anything you wanted to call it. It didn't matter. I _needed_ a drink.

I began rubbing my hand across my lips as I imagined the smooth, silky taste of the whiskey. The vodka. The gin. I didn't really fucking care. As long as I had it. My hands began to tremble and I knew I had to get out. Away from Bella and our babies. I had to get a drink.

"I need a fresh change of clothes." I said, not really knowing or caring if it was true. If I were sober enough after leaving the bar I might get some clean clothes. I hoped I would be sober enough so it wasn't another lie I was telling her.

"I'll get some breakfast and more coffee while I'm at it..." I tried to add a little brightly, but I couldn't look her in the eyes, not when my true intentions were deplorable.

_She will die Edward. She will die and we will be together. Forever._

I cringed. Tanya was back. The booze seemed to quieten her, I was so sick of her taunting me and threatening my loved ones.

"Um...ok I might see you later then." Bella said as she made her way to the bathroom. As soon as she was through the bathroom door I made my way to the door to her room, I took one more look at my children sleeping in their cribs and silently closed the door behind me...

"You keep lining my pockets like this; I will be able to build you a separate room." I still hated the sound of that bartender whose name I had not bothered to learns voice. He pissed me off.

"You jus'... fill my, my glass. Ok?" I slurred. I was drunk. Already.

"As long as you keep paying, I'll keep pouring Mr Cullen."

I arrived back at Bella's room, stopping with my hand on the door handle to take a deep breath. When I felt calm and in control of myself enough, I pushed open the door, blinking rapidly as I tried to make the room come into focus. It seemed I was not as steady as I had thought.

I blinked a few more times before the room suddenly came into shaper relief and I realized it was empty.

No Bella, no newborn babies.

No one.

"They were discharged into the care of Carlisle Cullen," I turned to find Bella's nurse looking at me with a smile but her face showed concern.

"Oh...Ok," I mumbled. I made my way out of the hospital, meaning to find a taxi stand and go out to my parents place.

Good intentions, I learned, were worth shit.

"Back _again_ Mr Cullen?"


	45. The last Good Bye

**A/N: As always we'd like to thank those of you who took the time to review the last chapter we had a good giggle at your feedback :) and thank you to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions and communities.**

**To our Beta Sassy41 you have our eternal gratitude for taking the time out of your busy life to edit our story and giving us your feedback. And we miss you it's about time to come and chat with us even just for five minutes :)**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & cinnamon twist101 own An Angel at my Table. all music is the property of the respective artists...**

**PLAYLIST: Bella's POV: The Fray: How to Save A Life.**

**Chapter 45: The Last Goodbye**

**BELLA'S POV...**

"FUCK! Can't you shut those fucking babies UP?"

My eyes shot open at the sound of Edward's furious voice and Matis and Noah's cries, I leapt out of bed without thinking and cried out in pain at the sudden jarring of my abdomen.

The sudden and loud noise made Matis and Noah screamed even louder, I rushed to their cribs and scooped them into my arms.

I turned back to look at Edward silently, shuddering a little when I saw the sneer on his face.

"I told you to get up and walk around at the hospital. Guess you're realising that now?" He spat and indicated to my wound. He rolled out of bed and threw on the first clothes he found, "I'm going to get a fucking drink, think you can keep them quiet for five minutes?"

Shock rooted me to the spot. I cradled the babies against my chest, wincing when I pressed Matisse against my stab wound, "they're hungry, I'll feed them now that will keep them quiet," I mumbled as I made my way to the armchair and quickly arranged my babies against my breasts, as soon as they smelt the milk they quietened down.

I kept my head downcast, not wanting to look at Edward's once Angel face twisted into an evil sneer.

I didn't look up as he past and muttered, "Keep it that way," Before slamming the door behind him.

Noah cried out at the loud noise; I stroked his tiny cheek with my fingertip and he soon quietened down. I fought back my tears as I sung my wedding song to soothe my frightened children.

Silent tears spilt down my cheeks, my life was crumbling before my eyes and I was powerless to stop it.

I quickly burped and changed my babies and put them back in their cribs, all the while trying desperately to block out the sounds of Edward bashing around in the kitchen. He was throwing things against the walls and swearing.

I kissed my babies softly told them how much I loved them both and silently left the room.

The sound of shattering glass rent the air and I sighed in exasperation, I was too tired to deal with Edward but I had no choice. My tears fell relentlessly down my cheeks as I waited in the hallway for the cursing to stop before I made my way into the kitchen.

Edward was no longer in the house as far as I could tell and relief washed over me. I looked down to see the remains of any empty hip flask and another sigh escaped me as I reached for the broom and started sweeping up the mess.

He returned to the house a few minutes later, and I could feel myself trembling a little, I wasn't afraid of him but he did make me nervous. He walked into the kitchen watching me from the doorway.

I continued to sweep; lost in my thoughts about his behaviour. I knew it was because of his perceived failure to protect me from Tanya, but the open hostility toward me and his indifference at his newborn twins just didn't make sense, at first.

He continued to watch me in silence I could feel the burn of his gaze on my cheek, and suddenly I had an epiphany, suddenly I knew what he was trying to do and why.

I didn't look up at him, "It's not going to work; I'll love you regardless..." I whispered.

His retort was quick and painful, "You don't know what the fuck you are talking about. Big fucking surprise there."

I gasped silently as his words rang in my ears and I couldn't help but look up at him. I knew the hurt I felt was showing on my face but he ignored me and made his way to the piano. I watched him drink the whiskey straight from the bottle as he launched into another rendition of hurt.

He was hurt, but so was I. That's why we should have been dealing with this together.

When I couldn't watch him anymore I retreated to the bedroom.

I stayed in there all day with the twins, and went to bed early, I cried into my pillow until my eyelids finally grew heavy.

The last thing I remember is hearing Edward at the piano which seemed his only source of comfort at the moment. ...

...I woke up alone and fresh tears leaked from my eyes, I crossed the room gingerly and made my way to the lounge as silently as possible and scanned the room for Edward.

A silent sob rose from my throat when I saw him passed out at the piano, I had no idea what I was going to do about Edward. I couldn't get through to him no matter how hard I tried and I wasn't sure I had the strength to help him.

I made my way back to my bedroom, quickly feeding and dressing my babies and made my way silently out of the house. Carlisle and Esme's house was silent when I entered the kitchen so I wheeled the kids through to the dining room and went to make myself some breakfast.

I sat at the kitchen counter and forced the food down my throat, the toast was torture to eat but the yoghurt and fruit was good. I stared off into space, my thoughts consumed once again with how I could help Edward. I was becoming desperate; I had to stop Edward's self destruction before he dragged us all down with him. I was just washing up my breakfast dishes when I the kitchen door opened, thinking it was Carlisle I turned to greet him. I stood stock still trembling when Edward stormed past me to the pantry; I thought he might be hungry until I saw him reach for Esme's flagon of cooking sherry.

He turned to me with a smile and brought the bottle to his lips, gulping down every mouthful as fast as he could. I moved forward, I couldn't watch Edward killing himself over me any longer; I knocked the flagon from his hand sending it crashing to the floor.

It shattered into a million tiny splinters.

"I will not stand by and let you kill yourself Edward...why can't you see I want you? I need you..." I pleaded. I moved to put my arm around him and he stepped back, terror clear on his face and I wondered briefly why he was so afraid of me.

His eyes narrowed, "Why can't you see it doesn't fucking matter?" He yelled.

I moved slowly closer, my hand moving carefully out toward him and he took another step away from me backing up against the pantry door.

His expression turned dangerous, "Stop! Stop trying to fucking touch me!" He screamed. I kept reaching ever so slowly."Back the fuck off, before I make you back off..." He warned.

Edward's hand twitch and I knew at that moment he was capable of lashing out at me but I was undeterred.

I knew if I could touch him I may have a chance, I knew by his warning that he wouldn't be able to fight me off if his skin came in contact with mine, I took another step closer my hand reaching that little bit closer to him.

He raised his hand and for one terrible second I thought he was going to backhand me, but he turned when he heard Carlisle speak.

"I would think very carefully about that son, your wife has just given birth and had major surgery and has been at the hands of enough violence for one lifetime." He said quietly.

I looked at Carlisle and thanked him silently. He nodded his head slightly and turned back to Edward whose eyes were on mine, they were cold and calculating but he couldn't hide his pain.

He pulled his gaze from mine and sneered at his father, "Think very carefully? Geez Dad, thanks for the fucking stellar advice!" He slipped out of my reach and approached Carlisle and hissed something at him before grabbing the car keys from the bench.

Edward turned back at me and scowled, "I'm going to get something to drink. Since Bella decided smashing my fucking sherry was SUCH A GOOD IDEA!" He yelled before storming out of the house.

Carlisle looked at me and went to speak but I shook my head at him not to bother.

A defeated sigh slid from my throat, "I can't do this Carlisle; I need to go. I don't want to watch him drink himself to death and I can't look after four kids alone. I was thinking I might ask Jake if he'd come to Waiheke and help me with the kids until I can get around properly. I don't want to rupture the stitches again."

"Fair enough Bella, when will you leave?" He came to my side and wrapped his arms around me.

"Today, I'm going to go and pack now while he's not here." I said as I hugged him back.

"And if he wants to go to?" he asked quietly.

"He won't want to but if he does I'm thinking Aro and Jake will be able to protect me if he tries to get violent. And maybe Aro can help him." I said desperately. Aro really was my only shot at getting help for Edward.

Carlisle hugged me a little tighter, "Everything will work out Bella, you just need to have a little faith and give it some time. He's still there under all that anger; you just need to find him again."

I nodded my head but stayed silent, I didn't think Edward was there anymore but it was nice to see someone believed he was. I retrieved Matisse and Noah from the dining room and made my way back to the guest house.

Numbness spread through my body and I began to work on autopilot, I rang and asked Jake to help me without really explaining what was going on and of course he agreed to drop everything and come with me.

I was so lucky to have Jake he was always there for me no matter what...

...Edward stumbled into the guesthouse and for once he looked hopeful instead of sullen, then I realised why, he thought I was leaving him for good.

I decided to let him know that wasn't the case, "I'm not leaving you Edward...I just need time to heal myself before I can heal you. I'm going to Waiheke to visit Aro, and I 'm taking Jake with me to help me with the kids. I can't manage on my own with a stomach full of stitches."

He looked at me with a calculating expression then a sneer spread over his face, "So, I take it this is a trip I'm not invited on?" He spat, his voice ice cold and full of venom, "But of course, Jake is going isn't he? That way you can play happy families again. Without me in the picture messing it up anyway..."

"Why would you care if Jake wanted to play happy families? You obviously don't want us...There's only one person I want to play happy families with Edward but he seems more content to drink himself to death...I would love you to come to Waiheke with us, if you'd like to."

I looked up at him hoping in vain that he would just snap out of it, instead he grinned viciously, "Don't worry Bella, I'll give you and Jake plenty of alone time. Hell, I'll pull back the fucking sheets on the bed for you both. I'm sure you'd love that..."

Tears sprang to my eyes and I looked at him dejectedly, "I don't want alone time with Jake Edward, I want it with you my husband, the person's hand I promised to hold as we journeyed through this life together...I'm not going to give up on you Edward..."

"Then you're a fool" He hissed and took a large swig from his whiskey bottle.

"No I'm not Edward... you are. So would you like to join us? If you would like I'll pack you some clothes. But Edward if you do want to come there will be no drinking in front of our kids at least... You might not care if their last memories of you are seeing you drinking yourself to death, but I do. Because that's not who you really are..." I added though I wasn't really sure if I believed that anymore.

He stumbled past me and muttered, "You have no idea who I am," as he began throwing random clothes in a bag.

"I know exactly who you are you. You can lie to yourself Edward but I know you better than I know myself, just like you know me, and you know I'm not letting you go, ever."

He completely ignored me and left the room, a moment later I heard the tinkling of the ivories.

I packed Matis and Noah into their car-seats, and rung Carlisle from the phone from the bedroom asking him to bring Apple and Louis down to the guest house, I didn't trust Edward to be alone with my babies when he was so intoxicated and volatile. I left them sleeping in the room while I went to sit on the front steps and waited for Carlisle and Jake, I left the door open so I could listen to Edward's pain playing out from the piano and for any sudden crying from my babies.

Carlisle arrived a few moments later Apple and Louis squealed when they saw me.

They both let go of Carlisle's hands and came running over to me, "Can I see Daddy?" Apple asked as she reached my side.

My heart clenched painfully, "Not right now sweetheart, he'll be out soon."

She looked at me with a tiny frown; I could see the mixture of sadness and frustration in her angelic features. I gave her a hug and held her close while I addressed Carlisle,"can you please go and get the twins off the bed; I couldn't carry their car seats out and..." I trailed off.

"Of course Bella," He gave me a quick one armed hug before disappearing inside. He returned a few minutes later and I could tell he was visibly shaken, he never said anything, but he couldn't hide the sadness in his eyes...

...I was grateful when Jake turned up a few minutes later.

He couldn't hide the shock from his face when he saw me and he came straight to my side. "Are you alright Bell's?" He whispered. I just shook my head, I didn't trust myself to speak I was barely holding it together.

He never pressed the subject he just gave me another hug and went to help Carlisle pack up the car. I took a seat in the back with Matis, Noah and Louis, Apple was still standing next to the car waiting for Edward.

As soon as she saw him she ran; her little arms outstretched for him. I watched praying silently that she would succeed where I had failed, to get close enough to touch him.

My heart broke when I watched him turn away from her and a broken sob passed my lips when I saw the confusion and hurt on her face.

Edward stumbled back into the house and Apple turned and walked forlornly to the car.

A wave of fury washed over me, it was one thing for Edward to hurt me, I was an adult and I could handle it but it was totally another for him to act so cruelly to his innocent daughter.

I got out of the car and carefully grabbed Apple giving her a kiss on both of her cheeks; she looked at me with eyes brimming with tears.

"Mummy; why Daddy not hug Apple?" She asked brokenly.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked back my tears, "Daddy isn't feeling well sweetheart he's sick. But he still loves you very much honey and he will hug you when he feels better." I kissed her again and buckled her into the car before making my way back into the house.

I was so fucking angry with Edward for treating Apple with such indifference. I had every intention of telling him what a fucking asshole he was, that was until I walked in the door. I couldn't fight back the sob that tore from my throat when I saw Edward popping the little white pills into his mouth, so his death wish wasn't just to drink; he was going to take whatever drugs could get him to his destination quicker.

My anger returned and I took a few minutes to reign it in before I spoke, if this didn't work then nothing I knew would, "it's one thing to destroy me Edward, I'm not blameless in all this fucking mess, but it's another to do it to the one defenceless person who loves you as much as I do."

His eyes narrowed and he scowled menacingly. "Don't."

My patience snapped; I'd had enough, "I fucking can if I want, why should you be the only one who can flagellate themselves? You think I'm not in pain Edward?"

There was no emotion in his face, he turned from me and mumbled, "I'll go wait in the car."

**"**Don't you think I wish I could kill myself in order to save you...it's only four kids stopping me you know..." I whispered as he walked past me. I had no intention of ending my own life I just wanted him to see.

He spun around to face me and he was furious, "Don't ever..." He began and I hoped I had finally broken through his defences; it was short lived though he suddenly cleared his face of emotion. "I'll wait in the car." He half whispered and turned away.

I waited in the house until I heard his car door shut then made my way out, keeping my head downcast as I slid into the backseat. Louis fell asleep almost immediately but Apple studied Edward from her seat, he never looked or acknowledged her and after a while her eyelids fluttered closed.

The silence in the car was deafening, I couldn't talk to Jake with Edward in the car and he was making no attempt to be civil. I pulled my IPod from my bag and slid the buds into my ears.

_Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

I would have stayed up with Edward I would do anything to save his life, if he would actually let me in to help.

_Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defences  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you_

There was no way to slip past Edward's defences, his walls were impenetrable. The thought had me fighting back my tears.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
_  
_As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

Well he certainly wasn't admitting to anything and there was no point granting him a choice, he had already made it..._  
_** ~*~*~*~*~**

...We arrived on Waiheke and Edward demanded that Jake take him straight to Aro's.

Jake gave me a quick look in the rear view mirror and I nodded, it was best just to let Edward do what he wanted, I was in no condition to deal with one of his episodes.

I saw Aro in the driveway and stumbled from the car before Jake had even cut the engine, he walked toward me with his arms open and I just sort of fell into them and began sobbing uncontrollably on his shoulder.

"Oh honey..." Aro whispered soothingly as he rubbed my back.

I couldn't say anything I just clung to him and cried on his shoulder; that was until Edward got out of the car.

"For fuck sake Bella pull yourself together, more fucking tears, just what we need, like that's going to fix everything!" Edward growled.

I cringed when I heard the venom in his voice and abruptly moved away from Aro muttering my apologies as I went to stand by the car.

Aro approached the car and I gave him a pleading look not to come any further but he ignored it and came and hugged me again. I relaxed a little in his embrace, I trusted Aro almost as much as I trusted Jake and far more than I trusted Edward.

Aro kissed the top of my head, "He's still in there." He said confidently.

Edward snort behind us. "Oh great Aro, encourage her. Perfect!" He thundered as he turned and stormed inside the house. I could hear him rattling through the cupboards and I flinched involuntarily when I heard the familiar sound of smashing of glass.

Aro hugged me tighter when he felt me trembling, "It's alright honey, Sshh. You're home now Flower Child and I'm going to take care of you. All of you ok?" He said soothingly.

**"**I don't know how to fix him, I can't even get close enough to try...And I'm tired, too tired." I whispered fearing Edward might even hear me from inside.

Aro placed his hand on the back of my head keeping it cradled on his shoulder when he felt me try to twist from his embrace.

There was another loud crash from inside the house and Edwards furious voice screaming, "FUCK!"

"Don't listen to him Bella, Listen to me... I've never lied to you Flower Child and I never will." he brought my face toward his and looked me in the eyes "I will bring him back to you. You have my word."

I shook my head; there was no bringing Edward back. As if to back up my thoughts there was another crash and Edward's furious voice yelling a list of obscenities, I let go of Aro and made my way into the house, I couldn't let Edward destroy the place.

I choked on my sob when I saw the mural Aro had added to the wall; it was the beach scene from our wedding. Edward and I looked radiantly happy and in love while Aro married us.

Aro and Jake followed me into the kitchen, I stopped just inside the doorway as Edward turned and eyed us suspiciously**.**

"Where's the good fucking drugs Aro? I want mushrooms and Cactus,"

I took a shuddering breath. It was all too much for me and I snapped, "FUCK EDWARD...WHY ARE YOU FUCKING DOING THIS? IT'S FUCKING TANYA'S FAULT" I screamed, "FUCKING TANYA I WISH SHE HAD FUCKING KILLED ME!"

He spun as if in slow motion and stalked toward me, I began to back up until my back hit the wall.

I was absolutely petrified and shaking violently.

Edward didn't even pause as his fist connected with wall inches from my head. "Why? Why don't you just fucking let go? Just walk away... I DONT WANT YOU!" He screamed into my face.

I slid to the floor as Jake tackled Edward to the ground.

Aro helped me to my feet, trying to shield me from the violent fight going on before me. He tried to hug me but I shook him off.

Edward's words were like a dagger to my heart. He had finally broken me.

I never looked at Edward as I spoke it just hurt too much to know that this would be the last image I would have of him, "I'm sorry I couldn't love you enough to save you Edward. I hope you find the solace you're searching for..."

Tears streamed down my cheeks and my mangled heart took a final stuttering beat as I walked out the door...

I had only made it to the front step when Aro grabbed my arm and gently spun me around, he was beside himself with worry and I felt guilty for involving him in this nightmare.

"Bella" he said quietly and I looked at him in shock. He had never called me anything but Flower Child. "Bella: Your name is Isabella Marie Cullen. You are the wife of Edward Cullen and he loves you. You know this. That man in there?" He said pointing back towards the house where Jake and Edward's angry voices rang out, "He's not your husband. He's sick... But he will get better. You have to trust me sweetheart, I will bring him back."

Every particle of my being wanted to believe Aro but after what had just gone down I was convinced the Edward I knew was gone forever, "Edward's gone Aro, you can't bring him back...nothing can...I've got to try and accept that..."

I was lost and broken and drifting along in a sea of loneliness and despair and despite everything I felt lonely without Edward. I pulled out of Aro's grip and made my way to the car; I was surprised when he guided me to the passenger door then slid in behind the wheel.

Aro managed to get all the kids into their rooms without waking them and it was testament to his many skills, I sat in the kitchen and stared blankly at the wall while he made us a pot of tea.

His soft voice brought me back to my surroundings, "Bella I'm going to need at least afew months with him. Alone, I'll call you every day and let you know how he is doing but you can't visit with him. Is that alright sweetheart?" He asked holding one of my hands in his.

"Why should it matter? He doesn't want me anyway, and I've decided I'm not going to force my company on him...I wish he'd just slept with that skank in Nepal. The pain would have been easier to deal with than this," I said half to myself, "I hope for his sake you can heal him Aro, but I just don't know about us anymore."

I was surprised when he chuckled a little at that. "Yes you do honey. You and he both know it. What I wouldn't give to get my hands on this Tanya. She sounds like she has been nothing but trouble from day one."

A tiny spark of fire flared up inside me at the sound of Tanya's name and my insides turned to steel, "I don't care about Tanya, she doesn't frighten me anymore. She pretty much accomplished what she set out to achieve. And although I'm not dead, Edward doesn't love me anymore so she won anyway."

"You can say it as many times as you like little Flower Child, it still won't make it true. I can hear your heart calling to him from here; it's just your head that's clouded at the moment. But I have the feeling that's why you brought your friend Jake along? I'm not insinuating anything..." He said when I looked at him with a hint of suspicion.

"Jake is my best friend, he is the person I love most after my children and Edward and at the moment he's the person I trust the most," I whispered defensively. I felt like I was betraying Edward, but it was the truth Jake was the one I trusted and needed the most right now.

"Then lean on him. He's got good strong shoulders. You need to heal too and I am going to be busy bringing that husband of yours back... He's in for a rough time. What do you know about alcohol detox? I'm going to call you every day to check in and if you ask me how he is, I will tell you honestly. I won't cushion the blow Flower Child do you understand? You are putting your husband in my care and I respect that position. You will have my honesty."

"Thank you Aro, I have done some research, I have an idea what he's in for..."

**Chapter 46**

**Edward's POV...**

I will let you down. I will make you hurt. Truer words had never been uttered and as I woke up with my first hangover in years, I realised what I had to do. My angel was to forgiving and kind, no matter my transgression she would forgive me for it when she should condemn me. She would never leave me alone to finish this; I would have to force her to. I wondered if I could do it, could I be cruel to the one I loved most?

Could I return her love with hatred even if it was only an act? The pain I felt was indescribable and my heart was breaking because I could do it.

I would do it, if I didn't they would all perish. Tanya would take them from me; she would rip away everything I loved to make me pay. I was willing to pay for my own crimes, once I knew my family was safe I could end this. Tanya would finally have her blood and our debt would be settled.

Bella and my children would be safe, they would move on and forget about the dark stain they once had upon their lives. All would be well. Noah and Matis were crying and the sound was almost comforting to me, I would remember for the rest of my days the sound of my babies.

Their cries would Sheppard me to whatever kind of place awaited people like me. Bella wasn't stirring, she was exhausted and I wished I could get up and help her, take the babies and let her sleep, but I couldn't. I had a part to play and the longer I left it, the harder it would be.

Please forgive me, my love, my soul, my light. I have failed you too much and I cannot bear to do it again.

My love has poisoned you all..." Please forgive me, I love you." I said silently before taking a deep breath, "FUCK! Can't you shut those fucking babies UP?" I hollered wanting to end this swiftly. If I knew it wouldn't crush Bella, my wife, I would have just blown the back of my fucking head out. I didn't want to leave them with the guilt though. I didn't want them thinking they could have done more for me. I was a lost cause. There was no hope.

_You are so fucking right about that. You fucked up when you decided to mess with me. _

I shuddered. A bullet would have been quicker, but it would have hurt them so much more. Better they hate me before my demise. Better I give them pleasure in my passing than sorrow. They could be happy I was gone, no longer a stain, a threat, a danger on their lives.

They could be happy. I wanted that for them so much.

Bella shot out of bed and winced audibly as the pain shot across her face, she stumbled toward the cribs and bundled the twins into her arms. They proceeded to scream louder and Bella tried desperately to settle them.

She looked up at me and a light shudder rippled through her at the look on my face. I hated myself so much, for being so convincing to her. She must have been terrified.

_Yeah. I fucking remember what she looked like when she was scared. I wanna see it again. Maybe the next time you knock the bitch up I can cut that one out. That one can be ours._

I could taste vomit in my mouth. A mixture of alcohol and the bitter disgusting bile that fermented inside me. I was poison. I was toxic. I needed to be excised from their lives, just like the tumour that I was.

And to do so I had a part to play. I swallowed the bile back down and fixed Bella with a dark glare. It felt so wrong, so fucking _wrong_.

"I told you to get up and walk around at the hospital. Guess you're realising that now?" I sneered as I nodded towards her wound.

I hated myself so much at that moment and I couldn't bear the absolute look of devastation on her face. I needed a fucking drink, or I wouldn't be able to do it. I got up out of the bed grabbing at my head, it felt like it was going to fucking fall off. I knew I deserved it though.

"I'm going to get a fucking drink, think you can keep them quiet for five minutes?"

"They're hungry, I'll feed them now that will keep them quiet," She responded quietly.

The remaining pieces of my heart shattered. She didn't even fight me, she just accepted it. My mask slipped for a moment and I felt tears prick at my eyes. Fortunately, her head was downcast and she didn't see it. I didn't want her to have any false hope.

_No give her hope. I enjoy the way she looks when I rip it from her. You deserve this, just remember that._

"Keep it that way." I muttered walking out and slamming the door behind me.

I stood outside the door and grabbed at my hair roughly, screaming a soundless scream. It took me a few minutes to calm myself before I walked to the kitchen and threw up into the sink. I turned on the tap and washed it all away before searching the entire fucking house for anything to drink.

I knew Bella would hear me, banging cupboards open and throwing things around, but at that moment I wasn't concerned. I just needed a drink.

Everything hurt. Nothing was going the way I had planned, in fact it all seemed to be spiralling out of control and I was helpless to stop it. Only one thing seemed constant and promised a miniscule moment of release.

Booze. Alcohol. Hooch. Whatever the fuck you wanted to call it, it was calling _me_.

I found a half full hip flask of bourbon and sculled it down before throwing the bottle to the floor behind me. It shattered but I didn't pause. It hadn't been enough. I knew it was ridiculous to drink on such an empty stomach, in fact it was stupid, but I didn't care.

I walked out of the house and up to my parents, removing the back door key from its hiding place and snuck inside.

It was early, so everyone was still asleep, I went into my father's study and found his secret stash of single malt. I took the bottle and left, not bothering to put anything back. It didn't matter; they would know who took it. I went back down to the guest house and paused at the doorway.

Bella was standing there with tears streaming down her face as she looked at the mess. I simply stared back at her and raised an eyebrow,

"Problem?" I asked ripping the lid off the bottle and taking a swig. Let her see the asshole her husband truly was. Let her hate me, loathe me, wish me gone from her and her children's lives.

She walked past me silently and grabbed the broom; she was still silent as she began to sweep the glass into a pile. Bella finally looked up at me,

"It's not going to work; I'll love you regardless..." She whispered.

My blood froze in my veins. She knew, she couldn't fucking know! I began to panic, how was I going to convince her otherwise?

I knew I had to step it up a notch, and my stomach turned painfully. It was already bad enough.

_Bet you I could make it worse._

I had no doubt about that.

"You don't know what the fuck you are talking about. Big fucking surprise there." I spat. "How about you just clean up and _shut up_?" I walked past her and over to the piano where I sat down. I took a deep swig of my whiskey before launching another rendition of 'Hurt'.

Bella watched me with that look of devastation for awhile, but I ignored her and continued to play and drink. After a while she retreated to the bedroom and didn't come out again...

I woke up at the piano and groaned as I tried to move my aching fucking body, my head was fucking pounding. I reached for the whiskey bottle and hurtled it across the room when I realized the fucking thing was empty. I got up and stumbled toward the bedroom and found it empty of Bella and the twins.

Maybe she had finally taken the hint and left.

There was no alcohol in the guest house so I made my way up to my parents place; I used the back door which was surprisingly unlocked. I walked in the door and was confronted with Bella washing up at the sink.

My heart sank and fury raged through me that she was still fucking here. I stormed past her and yanked the pantry door open. I groaned in relief when I saw a flagon of fucking cooking sherry on the bottom shelf.

She wasn't making it easy. She was determined to make this as hard as it had to be. I both loved and hated her for her determination.

Bella suddenly lunged toward me and knocked the bottle of sherry from my hand. It fell to the floor, where it shattered on impact.

I was devastated and I contemplated dropping my knees to see if I could rescue any of it.

"I will not stand by and let you kill yourself Edward...why can't you see I want you, I need you..." She pleaded as she took a step toward me. Hands outstretched, her touch offering that sweet peace and utter absolution...

I stepped back in terror. She couldn't touch me; I would buckle if she did.

"Why can't you see it doesn't fucking matter?" I yelled. She moved towards me again and I backed up against the pantry looking at her in false fury. "Stop! Stop trying to fucking touch me!" I screamed at her as she reached out once more. I couldn't let it happen, I wanted her touch, I fucking craved it, but it was not mine to claim.

"Back the fuck off, before I make you back off..." I threatened, my hand purposely twitching against my leg. I knew she saw it; I wanted her to see it. I could tell from her eyes she believed I would hit her and though it was the furthest thing from the truth, it was exactly what I wanted her to believe.

She took another step toward me and I raised my hand ready to strike.

"I would think very carefully about that son, your wife has just given birth and had major surgery and been at the hands of enough violence for one lifetime."

My mouth filled with bile as I stared into my beautiful wife's eyes. So perfect and innocent, still trying to save me when she just couldn't.

I was beyond help. I was gone.

My father's voice cut through the silence and I turned to glare at him. I still had my part to play...

"Think very carefully? Geez Dad; thanks for the fucking stellar advice!" I slid out quickly from Bella's reach and walked over to my father staring him in the eye "Stay the fuck out of my way." I hissed before grabbing his car keys off the bench "I'm going to get something to drink. Since Bella decided smashing my fucking sherry was SUCH A GOOD IDEA!" I yelled before storming out of the house.

"I'm not leaving you Edward...I just need time to heal myself before I can heal you. I'm going to Waiheke to visit Aro, and I 'm taking Jake with me to help me with the kids I can't manage on my own with a stomach full of stitches." Bella said, trying to keep her voice steady and strong. My initial hope that she was leaving evaporated.

She wouldn't fucking give up! Why was she making this so hard? It was the best decision, it was the only way!

_I will see you suffer Edward Cullen and you will suffer most at their pain._

The alcohol that had been dulling out her voice was losing its effect. I needed more.

I thought of Aro and his multitude of drugs. So many opportunities to make a fatal cocktail and be gone.

"So, I take it this is a trip I'm not invited on?" I said with as much venom in my voice I could muster "But of course, Jake is going isn't he?" I sneered as I slumped down into a chair "That way you can play happy families again. Without me in the picture messing it up anyway..." I was choking back my own vomit a lot these days I thought as a fresh wave of shame overtook me. I would never have accused Jacob Black of such a thing. I had hated him once, but I had let that go long ago. I considered Jacob to be a brother of sorts. He had cared for my family once and loved them when I couldn't. He still _did _love them. I could not hate him, but I certainly hated myself for disparaging him in such a way.

Bella closed her eyes with a defeated sigh,

"Why would you care if Jake wanted to play happy families you obviously don't want us...There's only one person I want to play happy families with Edward but he seems more content to drink himself to death...I would love you to come to Waiheke with us, if you'd like to."

My list of regrets doubled as I contemplated my next move. She didn't hate me yet, I had not pushed her enough yet.

_I can make her hate you. I can make her scream how much she hates you..._

I smirked, the most vicious kind of smirk I could muster

"Don't worry Bella; I'll give you and Jake plenty of alone time. Hell, I'll pull back the fucking sheets on the bed for you both. I'm sure you'd love that..."

"I don't want alone time with Jake Edward, I want it with you my husband, the person's hand I promised to hold as we journeyed through this life together...I'm not going to give up on you Edward..." She whispered through her tears.

"Then you're a fool" I spat and grabbed a bottle from the bag from the liquor store. I watched

her face fall further as she watched me open it and start drinking.

"No I'm not Edward... you are. So would you like to join us, if you would like I'll pack you some clothes. Though Edward if you do want to come, there will be no drinking in front of our kids at least. You might not care if there last memories of you are of you drinking yourself to death but I do. Because that's not who you really are."

I stood up and stumbled past her, the whiskey hitting me hard

"You have no idea who I am" I said in a flat voice as I began to pull random things out of the drawers before throwing them into a bag. I didn't know why I was bothering. As soon as I hit Aro's, I was going to be a goner.

"I know exactly who you are you, you can lie to yourself Edward but I know you better than I know myself just like you know me. And you know I'm not letting you go, ever."

I didn't say anything, I just threw my bag on the floor with the rest of them and carried my bottle of whiskey back out to the piano and began playing. It was the only thing giving me any comfort. Bella went and sat out on the front step, she kept the door open no doubt not trusting me near the twins asleep in the bedroom.

Carlisle entered the room, he glanced over at me sadly as he made his way into the bedroom he was back a moment carrying the twins in their carseats.

"Goodbye Dad." I said knowing it would be likely the last time I would see him. If it all went according to plan Jake and Bella would leave Waiheke with Bella hating me the way she should. I would then drink, smoke and snort my way into oblivion. An oblivion I did not intend to surface from.

_That's all I ask. For you to hurt just as much as I do. You fucked with the wrong person Cullen, now it's time to pay._

"I'll see you soon son. And Please remember I love you my son," He looked at me pensively before walking out to join Bella.

Jake turned up a few moments later and I couldn't look at my friend and the man who would no doubt care for my family when I was gone. My brother.

I pulled out a bottle of pills I had found in the bathroom cupboard. Diazepam or more commonly known as Valium. They weren't so great on their own, but with a little juice in your system they worked like a treat. I shook a couple into my hand and threw them into my mouth, chewing the bitter tablets.

Then I waited...the numb would come soon...

I swallowed back the chewed pills and dropped my sunglasses on over my aching eyes.

Almost immediately, the pressure in my skull began to lessen a little and I sighed with relief. I was finally beginning to relax a little when I saw a mess of bronze curls bouncing towards me. My body tensed as I saw my daughter, my precious little Apple racing towards me.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I realised I had to break my daughter's heart too.

She paused when she saw me get up, no doubt expecting me to rush to her like I always did. Her big bright smile was lighting her whole face up and I felt another tear escape me. I wanted to open my arms but I couldn't.

_Whatever. Kid, mother, I'll take what I can from you. What I deserve._

With a violent retch, I turned away from my precious baby girl and stumbled to the corner of the house where I threw everything up from my stomach. Burning into my mind was the crushed little face of my daughter. My baby girl.

I didn't deserve to call her that. She didn't deserve a father like me. She deserved better, the best and I was not the best.

Even though my stomach was empty, I continued to retch until a pinkish kind of bile was the only thing coming up.

"Forgive me." I whispered to everyone I loved but had to hurt to save.

I walked back into the house to get my bag; I turned to see Bella in the doorway.

"It's one thing to destroy me Edward, I'm not blameless in all this fucking mess, but it's another to do it to the one defenceless person who loves you as much as I do."

"Don't." I snarled at her, feeling very tired, very sick and very vulnerable. I didn't want to hurt Bella, but in the state I was, I couldn't be certain I wouldn't.

I wasn't certain of anything anymore.

_Oh. Poor baby. You can always be certain of me. I'll always be here. _

I shook a couple more pills into my hand and threw them back with a mouthful of whiskey. I cringed and my entire body tensed and twisted as the fiery liquid burnt a trail down my very raw throat. The pain was indescribable. I shuddered as it hit my stomach and I fought back against my natural reaction to throw it all back up. When I finally looked up Bella was looking at me in disgust

"The kids are in the car. I didn't break your rule." I muttered. She began to yell at me but I ignored her.

I wasn't going to fight with her. Fighting would only show I cared enough and though I cared, oh fucking God how I cared, I couldn't show her.

"I'll go wait in the car." I said in a flat tone, tucking my liquor bottle inside my jacket so the kids wouldn't see.

Bella stepped aside as I made my way to the door, "Don't you think I wish I could kill myself in order to save you...it's only four kids stopping me you know..." She said brokenly.

I whirled around at her comment, my chest heaving with fury. I didn't want to think about her dying. Fuck the memories were already firmly imbedded in my head. Pictures of my broken wife. Broken because of her simple association with me.

"Don't ever..." I began passionately before quickly catching myself. I fixed my face back into a blank expression "I'll wait in the car." I half whispered and turned away before I broke again.

There was not long to go, once I was at Aro's it would stop. All would be well...

_There is only one way to settle our score Edward. You know that._

I swallowed. Once I got to Aro's I would settle the score with Tanya once and for all. I would let her win.

She would see me fall.

I got out of the car and looked at Bella crying onto my old friends shoulder. It should have been my shoulder. I fought back the weakness and took a swig of the whiskey. I was drunk. Very, very, drunk. My not drinking in front of the kids had not lasted long. Fortunately Jake had simply told them that it was juice that I had in my brown paper bag. They seemed satisfied and I wished very much that I could thank Jacob for saving my ass once again.

"Jesus Edward. Look at her." Bella was clutching Aro tightly. I swallowed and steeled myself. There was not much longer. The end was near. My last gift to her would be a reason to hate me. To not mourn my passing.

"For fuck sake Bella pull yourself together, more fucking tears. Just what we need, that's going to fix everything!" I sang waving the bottle above my head.

"He's still in there." Aro whispered to Bella and I snorted.

"Oh great Aro, encourage her. Perfect!" I thundered and stormed inside the house. I headed straight for the kitchen and started pulling the tins from the shelves.

Every fucking one was fucking empty. "You fucking old hippy cunt where the fucks all the fucking tea," I screamed. As I pulled everything from the cupboards,

"FUCK!" I yelled as I threw a jar across the room. It hit the wall and shattered, the sound only irritating me further. I was ready for it to end.

_Ready to finally pay up Edward? Well you know what to do. A life for a fucking life. Yours for theirs. _

I headed for the last unsearched cupboard all the fucking tins in there were empty as well. I picked up a coffee cup and threw it as hard as I could. I needed drugs and I needed them fucking now.

_Tick tock Edward. I'll be out on bail before you know it... It's happened before._

Bella walked into the room followed closely by the old hippy and Jake.

"Where's the good fucking drugs Aro? I want mushrooms and Cactus," I growled.

"FUCK EDWARD...WHY ARE YOU FUCKING DOING THIS? IT'S FUCKING TANYA'S FAULT" Bella screamed, "FUCKING TANYA I WISH SHE HAD FUCKING KILLED ME!"

I spun slowly at her words. Violent images of what Tanya had done flashed before my eyes. Bella strung up and tortured by her, but then they changed and it was me torturing her, just as I had that night when my father had a heart attack. I was always hurting her, breaking her, now she was wishing for death too. But she had no price to pay, it was not her debt.

I was rotting from the inside out, all for her and our children. I stalked towards her, my anger raging inside me suddenly. I did it for _them. _Why would the stupid cunt not see that?

I felt Aro grab my arm but I pushed it off.

Jake reached out for me, but I hit his hand away fiercely. He cursed as one of his fingers broke, the crunching sound filling the air.

I kept my eyes on Bella.

Bella had backed against the wall and I let go. I let all my bitterness and hatred out. My fist flew out towards her, but instead of connecting it smashed through the wall beside her head

"Why? Why don't you just fucking let go? Just walk away... I DONT WANT YOU!" I screamed into her face.

I had been wrong when I thought that I had seen Bella hurt before. The look on her face as I said those accursed lies was true unadulterated hurt. I crushed her heart.

And I crushed my own heart at the same time.

I felt myself flying through the air; Jakes arms were around me he had tackled me. We both went crashing to the floor.

"I'm sorry I couldn't love you enough to save you Edward. I hope you find the solace you're searching for..." Bella's broken voice sounded in my ears.

I looked up and she was gone...

_Now we are alone. Let's settle this. Once and for all..._

**A/N: So another chapter down feel free to vent your spleen you know how much we love your feedback :)**


	46. How To Save A Life

**A/N: As always our thanks goes out to those of you who took the time to review the last chapter your feedback gave us a lot to discuss and giggle about...Also thanks to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions.**

**So I just wanted to give you a little information about how many chapters we are from finishing this story. As it stands it should be finished at approximately 53 chapters we have no plans to make it longer than that. Whilst this chapter is relatively short the next chapter is going to be huge as we have so much to fit into it. So we will need a few weeks to get the next chapter posted but it will be no longer than a month. After that the chapters are all but written and will only need editing which will make updating faster so try to bear with us a little bit longer we promise that we are working as hard as we can to get it updated regularly :)**

**To our Beta extraordinaire Sassy41 we thank you as always and you have no idea how much we miss chatting to you! We will get that messenger up and running for you this week :)**

**Disclaimer. S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamon Twist101 own An Angel At My Table...**

**CHAPTER 46: How To Save A Life?**

**Bella's POV...**

Aro helped me feed and get Apple and Louis into bed he sat on the end of Apple's bed while I tucked Louis in.

"Good night my precious son. Sleep well with the sweetest of dreams," I whispered as I kissed his forehead.

"Love you my mummy," he murmured quietly.

"I love you too my son." I fought back my tears; I refused to cry in front of my children. I couldn't scare them anymore than they were already.

Especially when they were about to go through the most traumatic experience of their lives.

An experience I could do nothing to protect them from. All I could do was support them any way I could from the fallout of what being separated from Edward was going to do to them.

As if Apple read my thoughts she looked up at me with a frown, "I want my daddy. Apple not sleep without kiss my daddy goodnight."

I gave Aro one fleeting glance and closed my eyes, "I'm sorry Apple Daddy isn't feeling well, he won't be able to give you a kiss tonight."

My eyes snapped open and if I thought I was in unendurable pain before it was nothing compared to the excruciating agony I was in when I looked down at Apple's broken expression.

"Apple can make my daddy better," she said suddenly the look of sadness turned to one of fierce determination. She slid out of bed, "Apple sing my daddy a lullaby, I kiss him and he will be better." She grabbed her teddy bear and headed for the door, "come on Poppy Aro we go make my daddy all better."

My hand flew to my mouth quickly stifling my sob before it could give me away, I reached out for Apple my fingers gently wrapping around her wrist.

"Sweetheart you can't see Daddy tonight. You need to hop back into bed please."

She shook her head vehemently, "No mummy Apple not go to bed. Apple go to my Daddy and make him better. Apple kiss her daddy good night." She started to cry and struggle to get away from me.

"Please stop this Apple and get into bed, as soon as Daddy's..." I trailed off. I was not going to make Apple promises of ever being able to kiss her father goodnight again.

Because more than likely that was never going to be a reality for her ever again.

I fought back the howl of misery trying to force its way from my throat as I struggled with Apple who was now having a complete meltdown at my feet.

My tenuous hold on my sanity snapped. There was no way I was going to be able to do this. I let go of her hand and left her kicking and screaming for her father, as I walked from the room and closed the door behind me.

She was safe, Aro was there. I walked down the hallway and out the front door. I was in the car with the ignition going before I became consciously aware of what I was doing.

It was then I realized that I'd hit a seriously low point. I was going to drive away from four children who needed me; two of those children were infants.

I cut the ignition and rested my head on the steering wheel. There was no way I could abandon my children.

But how was I meant to do this? How was I going to do it?

Not only calm down Apple, but how was I going to raise two sets of twins on my own?

For that I had no answer. All I knew was I was going to do it because I was their mother and they needed me.

I looked down at Edward's bag sitting on the floor in the front seat and a fresh wave of misery washed over me. I tore at the bag blindly and managed to get my hands on one of Edward T shirts; I buried my face in it and breathed in his scent wishing it was my beautiful husband in the flesh.

The husband who loved me and wanted me and his family.

"_He doesn't exist anymore Bella. The quicker you accept that he doesn't love or want you anymore the better off you'll be."_ I told myself over and over again trying desperately to make it sink in.

If I accepted it maybe the pain would go away.

I had to find the courage and strength from somewhere, I couldn't allow myself to go to pieces, Apple, Louis and my newborn babies needed me and I needed them.

They would be my anchor; the reason that kept me putting one foot in front of the other, there was nothing else, no other way.

I stuffed the tear soaked shirt back into the bag and grabbed a fresh one for Apple hoping her father's scent would sooth her enough to allow her to get some sleep...

...A photo on the mantelpiece of Apple and Edward cheek to cheek caught my eye and I snatched it up and hurried into Apple's room. Aro was sitting beside her on the floor trying his best to comfort her but she was still sobbing uncontrollably and calling out for her dad.

"Oh Apple sweetheart it's going to be ok. Here baby mummy found you a picture of you and daddy and here's daddy's favourite 'killers' T shirt. would you like to wear it to bed? And maybe you could kiss your photo of your daddy goodnight." I said while praying silently that this would help her find some solace even if it was only for the night.

"Ap...App...Apple...w...w...wear...my...daddy... shirt?" She spluttered when she finally lifted her puffy tear streaked face to mine.

"You can wear your daddy's shirt and sleep with Daddy's photo to if you'd like?" I said soothingly.

"App...Apple...Daddy...shirt..." She half sobbed as she took it from my hand. She buried her face in it just like I had done moments before and inhaled deeply, "Smell my daddy...Apple love...my Daddy, he's mine... Apple make him better." She mumbled. I slipped the T shirt over her head and Aro lifted her into bed.

I climbed in next to her and held her tightly as her eyes finally drooped shut, "love my Daddy," she whispered before she finally succumbed to sleep.

Aro leaned down and kissed my cheek, "I will call you later flower child. Remember you're not alone. You have family and friends to help share the burden lean on them," he whispered.

I nodded my head in assent but I already knew I wouldn't be calling on my friends and family. Especially Charlie, I shuddered at the thought of what he'd do if he knew that Edward had abandoned me with newborn babies to drink himself to death.

Even if by some miracle this all worked out Charlie would never forgive Edward for hurting me so badly. The thought of Charlie ranting about Edward's failings as a husband and father on top of everything else I was going through had me recoiling even further into myself.

I knew it was cowardly of me to blame Charlie's reaction for not confiding in my family what had happened. But I was so ashamed and embarrassed to admit I was such a failure that I couldn't even keep my marriage together for six months.

How could I admit that my husband told me he didn't love me or want me anymore and had chosen to drink himself into an oblivion rather be with me and our children moment longer?

There was no way I could. I couldn't even stomach admitting it to myself.

Apple continued to occasionally sniffle or hiccup. She mumbled 'my daddy' periodically as she slept. She clutched his photo to her chest as if it were a lifeline and a wave of anger swept over me that Edward could do this to his children.

I kissed her forehead and slipped out of her bed. Louis was sleeping peacefully less affected than Apple but no doubt still hurt and confused. I kissed his soft warm cheek and wiped back my tears as I made my way out of the room and into Matis and Noah's room.

My newborn babies were sleeping soundly, unaware and unaffected by the turmoil going on around them. I envied them for a moment, what I would do to be so blissfully unaware.

The house seemed to have absorbed my black mood and a cold shiver rippled through me as I made my way down the hallway. It was like all the happiness and wonderful memories of the place had been sucked into a black hole, into an abyss from which there was no return.

I was numb with shock and grief at the monster my once loving husband had become.

Those last images of him ran on a loop in my head, his face cruel sneering and twisted in rage. His fist colliding with the wall next to my head, I could hear the sound as it flew past my ear.

The conviction in his voice when he screamed he didn't want me anymore. That above everything else had cut the deepest. That and the fact that he didn't care about hurting and destroying his children.

The thought had a strangled sob ripping from my throat.

I raked my fingers down my cheeks; my nails clawing at the skin; I was desperate for some type of physical pain to help substitute the emotional pain which was a billion times worse.

When clawing at myself didn't work I grabbed a fist full of my hair and pulled as hard as could.

I was so caught up in my misery that I didn't even here Jake approach and I half screamed thinking it was Edward at first.

"Sshh...It's just me honey puff," Jakes soft voice sounded next to me, "Oh god Bella sweetie, it's going to be ok. I promise you, I'm here for you as long as you need me." He lifted me gently into his arms, and I clung on to him tightly as I sobbed into his chest, "I know honey puff, I know, it's going to better." He held me tenderly stroking my hair until my tears finally ran dry. He waited until my breathing returned to normal before he lifted my face toward his, "come on Bella, I want you to try and get some rest ok? You can't afford to get anymore rundown than you are now. The kids need you more than ever."

"Apple's destroyed," I mumbled.

"I know Bells, Aro told me what happened. She'll come right just give her some time," He said soothingly.

I shook my head, "no she won't. She'll never recover. Neither of us will."

"Yes you will Bella. Everything is going to work out you just can't give up."

"So much to think about, to organise and process," I whispered, "I can't do this on my own Jake.

"Bell let's not worry about that now. And you won't be doing it on your own you have me and you have your family,"

"I don't have my family," I said fiercely. I brought my face to Jake's shocked one.

"You're not going to tell your parents Bella?" Jake said softly.

"No and neither are you Jake...I mean it, no one is allowed to know." I almost commanded.

"Hey Bells its ok. We'll talk about it later. You really need to get some rest," He lifted me into his arms and carried me toward my room; we were at the door when I realized I didn't want to go in there.

"Not this room," I said panicked, "I want to sleep in Noah and Matis' room."

"Ok Bell's. You really need to try and relax." He carried me to the twin's room and laid me on the bed, "Sleep Bella. I'll organize Apple and Louis when they wake up." He leaned down and kissed my cheek, "sleep," he whispered.

"Thank you Jake." I felt safer and a little more calm having Jake with me, I knew he was capable of looking after Apple and Louis and I knew he'd be able to do anything I asked of him for Matis and Noah.

As soon as he closed the door behind him my sobs started I buried my face in the pillow so they would be muffled enough not to wake my babies.

The sound of Apple's screams had me out of bed in a shot and I cried out in pain as I jarred my abdomen. Apple was half way down the hallway by the time I had made out of my room.

"Want my Daddy. Apple make her Daddy better," Jake met her at the end of the hallway and he scooped her into his arms, "NO JAKE," she screamed, "Apple make her daddy better...GO MY DADDY NOW," She struggled in Jakes arms her tiny fists pounding on any place she could reach.

"Apple honey please calm down. You can't see Daddy, you need to go back to bed sweetheart," I said as I tried to take her from Jakes arms.

"NO MUMMY, Apple want my Daddy," She lashed out and struck my face, her usually bright green eyes were dark and feral, "You mean. Apple doesn't like my Mummy. Apple want my Dad, only my dad," she wailed as she moved to hit me again.

"Apple please don't hit me, hitting is not acceptable especially when you're angry," I said automatically as the last of the light was snuffed from my heart at my daughters words.

I knew she never meant it and she was just venting her confusion and hurt, but the words cut deep almost as deep as Edward's had.

Apple screamed louder and Jake walked her into the lounge as he tried to soothe her with a lullaby. I was about to follow him when Louis' cried out from his room. I ignored the shooting pain in my abdomen and hurried to his bed side and he threw his arms around me.

"What's the matter my son." I whispered into his hair as I kissed the top of his head.

"Daddy sick and gone, Apple sad, mummy sad, Louis sad too," He whispered against my neck.

I pushed down the wave of misery trying to surge through me and took a deep breath, "I know Daddy's gone sweetheart and we're all sad about that. But You, Apple and Mummy are going to be ok. Mummy's here and we've got Uncle Jake too." I said as soothingly as I could.

Apple's screams echoed down the hallway and both Louis and my eyes filled with tears.

"Louis give Apple a hug?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah you can give Apple a hug," I helped him out of bed and followed him as he padded down the hallway toward the sound of Apple's cries.

Jake was sitting on the couch with Apple when we walked into the room her face was resting on Edward's photo she had propped on Jakes shoulder. His hand was rubbing the back of her head soothingly but she continued to sob. Louis climbed up on the couch next to them and Jake wrapped him into his embrace.

Louis cuddled into Apple and kissed her cheek, "It's ok Apple, I look after you," Louis said with quiet confidence.

"Mm...mm...miss...my...Daddy... Louis," She let go of Jake and twisted around so she could throw her arms around Louis Edward's photo rested between them.

"Me too Apple, we be ok. Have our Mummy,"

Apple said nothing but her sobs began to lessen. She continued to hold onto Louis I could see she was exhausted and struggling to stay awake.

'Put them on the couch,' I mouthed to Jake as I turned and made my way into their bedroom. The grief I had been struggling against all day burst from me and I quickly shut the door behind me so the kids wouldn't hear me.

I allowed myself no more than a few minutes to cry. As much as I would have loved to succumb to my grief I couldn't. I thought about Louis and how beautiful and courageous and wise he was, more so than his three years on this earth should have allowed him to be.

If my son could show that much strength when he was hurt and confused then I surely could.

I could if I shut down my emotions and pushed all thoughts of Edward from my mind, it was the only way I was going to survive.

My sobs started to lessen as my resolve strengthened. I quickly wiped my tears away on the back of my sleeve and grabbed the blankets off Apple's bed. Louis and Apple were asleep on the couch they were still holding each other tightly.

Apple whimpered continually in her sleep but she never woke. I carefully laid the blanket over them and continued to watch them as I said a silent prayer for them and one for Edward.

I could feel Jake's eyes on my face but I never looked up at him and a moment later he got up and headed for the kitchen.

Matis' soft cries brought a sigh to my lips and another wave of grief to wash over me. I struggled to fight it off and it took several deep breaths before I felt calm enough to go to her.

Jake passed me in the hallway, "go and sit down Bella I'll get them for you."

"Kay," I said automatically and turned around. Forcing myself not to feel anything had given me a sense of numbing relief, being devoid of emotion gave me an emerging sense of clarity.

I knew I had to make plans and excuses, make up untruths to hide the horrific nightmare that my life had become from those closest to me.

Jake was carrying both Matis and Noah who were quiet in his arms. I took a seat and slid my shirt open; when I reached up to take Matis from him I noticed he was looking at me with slightly narrowed eyes and I looked down to see the large piece of gauze covering the top of my breast.

"Did Edward hurt you Bella?" Jake asked quietly but there was undisguised fury in his voice. He placed Matis on the pillow propped on my lap. I waited until I had both Noah and Matis feeding before I answered him.

"No not Edward, _Tanya_," I almost spat the name, "she broke into the house and tortured me. Edward came home and found us before it was too late. The twins were born by emergency C- section. When I woke up Edward..." I shook off the wave of grief. No emotions I told myself silently, "...he just started pushing me away, he barely spoke to me then left the hospital and went on a bender that has been going on ever since."

I couldn't meet Jakes horrified gaze face on so I kept my face on my newborns and watched him from under my lashes.

"_Tanya...what the fuck? What did she do to you Bella?"_ Jake hissed.

I shook my head trying to stop the flood of sickening images from assaulting my mind. "I'll show you later I'm going to need your help to clean and dress my injuries."

"Where the fuck is the psycho bitch now?" He growled.

"Jail I imagine. I can't see her daddy getting her bail this time." I hoped that was the case. I needed to ring Carlisle first thing in the morning and make sure. If Tanya was not in Police custody I was taking the kids and leaving the country.

"But why is Edward doing this to you and the kids Bell?"

"Blaming himself. You know what Edward's like...He doesn't see that he saved us, he sees himself as the cause." I fought back the rolling surges of grief, "I...I can't talk about him Jake it hurts too much to know that he chose death..."

"Who else knows? Have you spoken to Irina?" He asked quietly.

"No I haven't spoken to anyone except for you, Carlisle and Aro. Carlisle picked me up from the hospital and took me straight back to his place. Edward's behaviour had deteriorated to the point...well you saw..." I trailed off. I stroked the top of Noah's head his soft skin felt soothing.

"So why aren't you telling your family?" Jacob probed. I really didn't feel like talking but Jacob had come to rescue and for that I owed him everything.

"What do I tell them Jake? That I'm a complete failure? That my husband of six months had decided he cared so little about his wife and kids he'd decided to drink himself to death?...Can you imagine what Charlie would say to that?" I shuddered at the thought and winced as pain from injuries shot through me.

"None of this is your fault Bella. And you aren't a failure at all. I don't want to hear you say that about yourself. And Charlie will get over it...eventually," he added as an afterthought.

"I have no idea what's going to happen to Edward, Jake. He may well not survive and until I know what's going on and what I'm gonna do I'm not involving anyone else in this mess. I have four children who need me and they are my main focus right now."

Jake was not going to let it drop, "I think you should tell Rosalie, Alice, Emmett and Jasper. Emmett and Jasper should know what's happening to their brother."

"Are you mad? Jesus Rosalie and Emmett would fucking kick Edward's ass. They'd just make it even more stressful." Matis stirred at my change of tone and I stroked her head comfortingly.

"Ok so not Rose and Emmett but what about Alice and Jasper?" Jake pushed.

My nerves were completely shot and I struggled to hold my temper. There was no plausible excuse not to confide in Jasper and Alice but I still wasn't going to so I reiterated what I had said earlier, "I'm not involving anyone else in this mess. And Jake...I'm really sorry to involve _you_ in my horror story," I said almost pleadingly

"No apologies necessary Bells, I told you I'm always here for you." He came and took Matis from me and disappeared with her down the hallway. I was so lucky to have Jake in my life he never ever let me down.

Jake came back into the room and took Noah from my arms, "you should try and get some sleep Bella,"

I looked at the clock on the wall it read four a.m. Apple and Louis would be awake by six, it didn't really seem worth it and I was sure as soon as I shut my eyes I would be assaulted of images of the monster that was my husband.

"I'm just going to cruise here in the lounge. Here I'll take Noah and you go to bed."

"Nah Bell's I'll put Noah to bed and then come make you a coffee."

I nodded my head, "kay that sounds good..."

...A million confused thoughts swirled in my mind while I sat there in the semi darkness and I tried to make some sense of them. When I finally forced my mind to focus it was Charlie and Renee's faces I saw.

They needed to be told that I had had the twins and that I was staying on Waiheke. I just needed an excuse as to why Edward wasn't here with us.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I never heard Jake come back into the room and I let out a half terrified scream when his voice broke the silence.

"Hey Bells its ok it's just me." Jake said quietly. He put the two coffee cups he was carrying on the table and gently put his arms around me.

"S...Sorry...Jake," I choked out before taking several deep breaths. I had to get a grip on myself for my own sake and for the sakes of my children.

"Sshh Bells you need to stop apologizing and you need to calm down before you have a nervous breakdown. You don't need to be frightened I promise I'm not going to let Edward near you or the kids until it's what you want. I'll never let him hurt you Baby. Trust me ok?"

"I do trust you Jake. You're the only person I trust, the only person I'll ever trust."

"Bells, don't count Edward out yet," Jake whispered. I stiffened in his arms and he tightened his grip on me.

"I don't want to talk about _him," _I disentangled myself from Jakes embrace, "other than to work out what I'm going to tell Renee and Charlie as to why he won't be here when I invite them here for the weekend."

Trying to find away to deceive those closest to me; that was my first and biggest challenge.

"Bella I'm begging you to reconsider. You need your family." Jake gave me an almost pleading look.

I shook my head, "no Jake I've told you I'm not telling them and I'm not going to change my mind." I stated and gave him a look that told him arguing was futile, "I just need some time to get to grips with what's happened. Can you understand that?"

He sighed in resignation, "Yes Bella I understand. If you need an excuse you could tell them he had a business meeting in some foreign country."

"Jake you are brilliant...That is the perfect _short_ term solution. See you're not just a pretty face you are a genius as well." I wanted to smile at him but I didn't have the energy of gumption to pull it off.

"I am neither Bells and I want you to know I'm still against you doing this." He flashed me my favourite Jacob smile stopping my frown in its tracks.

"Yeah it's noted Jake. We'll just agree to disagree about that to save arguments."

Jake rolled his eyes and passed me my coffee cup. "Drink this and then go and get some sleep,"

I quickly drunk my coffee but I had no intention of going to bed; I doubted I would sleep anyway but I closed my eyes and leaned back in my chair hoping that that would appease Jake.

Edward's angry face swirled to the forefront and my eyes snapped open as my insides clenched and my heart gave a painful throb. I pushed his image from my mind and furiously blinked back the tears pooling in my eyes I wasn't going to cry, I was going to brave like my beautiful son.

I started to plan the weekend to divert my attention from Edward. I would need to invite my sisters up as well. They would be harder to deceive than my parents both Alice and Rosalie knew me better than anyone and that included Edward.

The only thing I could do with them was deny anything was wrong and tell them I looked like death because I had four children to look after.

I figured Carlisle hadn't told anybody what had happened yet or I was sure my family would have just arrived on my doorstep without warning. The thought that my mess of a life was still secret made me feel marginally better. I would phone Carlisle before I called my parents; I wanted to ask him to act my liaison with the Police and find out who knew what about my situation. I needed Carlisle to deal with the legal stuff I didn't want to hear or talk about Tanya I was pretty sure the mention of her would send me completely over the edge.

The dull ache in my head began to ease slightly as I started to make decisions. I needed to process as much of the trivial stuff as I could, the rest would have to stay locked up until I had time to deal with it.

Apple cried out in her sleep but Jake had reached her side and was soothing her before I had even attempted to get out of my chair. She sobbed a couple of times before falling silent once more.

"What am I going to do about Apple Jake? She's not going to recover from this," I looked at him beseechingly praying he had the answer for me.

"You are just going to be really patient with her Bells and you're going to love her and reassure her, it's all you can do. She just needs time to adjust." He looked down at Apple and stroked her mass of bronzed curls.

I nodded my head though I didn't really agree with Jake's statement about her needing time to adjust. Apple would never adjust to being without Edward; he was a fundamental part of her make-up...

The sun had barely peeked over the treetops when I retreated to the balcony with the phone, I was sure Carlisle would be awake he'd always been an early riser.

I rung his cellphone just in case Esme was up to as far as I was aware she had no idea what was going on.

The air left my lungs in a rush and the tension in my muscles lessened slightly when I heard Carlisle smooth voice on the other end of the line.

"Carlisle it's Bella," I whispered though I wasn't sure why.

"Bella is everything alright...Is Edward with you?" Carlisle asked his voice full of concern.

"Um...No Edward's with..." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Edward's with Aro. I don't know if he's ok Carlisle. He was a complete right off by the time we got here. _I had to leave him... for my own safety,"_ I added in a whisper.

"Was he violent with you again Bella?"

I couldn't stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks when the image of Edward punching the wall next to my head invaded my mind.

"He hasn't hit me, just trying to scare me...Aro thinks he can help him but I'm not sure he can. He said he'd keep me informed but he doesn't want me to see Edward until he's better..."

"Do you want me to send a team of doctors over to Waiheke to get him? Edward should really be in a hospital or treatment facility."

"No..." I said firmly, "I think he's better off with Aro..."

"Ok I'll go with your wishes for now but I want you to promise Bella that you'll keep me informed of what's going on and if you think Edward needs a doctor that you'll make sure he gets one."

"I promise Carlisle. But I'm positive Aro will seek medical intervention for Edward if he thinks he needs it. He loves Edward like a son he'd do nothing to jeopardize his life." As I said the words I knew that Edward was with the person who had the best chance of saving him from self destructing.

"Thank you Bella. So how are you going? You sound exhausted."

"There's honestly not words for how I'm feeling. I think I'm still in shock. Jake's still here. Look Carlisle I really need your help." I said abruptly.

"Of course Bella what do you need?" Carlisle said without hesitation.

"What I really need to know Carlisle is who knows what about mine and Edward's situation and have my parents contacted you?"

"Only I know what's going on with Edward I haven't said anything to Esme or Jasper and Emmett I wanted to talk with you first... I haven't spoken to your parents but Alice asked if I had seen or heard from you."

I rushed through the conversation telling Carlisle what I had planned for my parents and making sure I got a promise from him that he would divulge nothing of my life to anybody; especially my family. As much as I never wanted to think or speak her name again I needed to know about the Tanya situation.

I couldn't stop the relieved groan rushing from my throat when Carlisle assured me Tanya was in police custody and she had been refused bail.

"Has anything been reported in the media about it?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"No. Marcus and I both moved swiftly to prevent the media from picking up the story."

I unlocked my jaw and breathed a sigh of relief, "Well thank god for small miracles. Carlisle I wanted to ask you if you'd act as my liaison with the police and my lawyer. I just can't deal with that right now."

"Of course Bella; I already have the Cullen lawyers working with the crown prosecutor. You don't need to worry about Tanya we'll make sure she feels the full force of the law."

The relief that flooded through me was almost overwhelming Tanya wouldn't be free to cause anymore chaos and destruction in my life.

I spent a few minutes talking to Carlisle about his health and ended the conversation with the promise I'd be in contact as soon as my family left. I stared at the phone on the table while I tied myself up in a few more knots, I had no idea how I was going to pull off lying to my family but I had to try the alternative was just too hard to bear.

Jake suddenly appeared at my side and placed a coffee mug on the table, "You can't put it off any longer Bella. The longer you leave it the harder it's going to be to explain why Edward never rung and told them the twins had been born straightaway."

I let out an exasperated sigh, "yeah I know...How's Apple?"

"Still asleep but she keeps crying out. Louis is still out to it as well, he unconsciously tightens his grip on Apple when she makes a sound. He's such an old soul Bella, he's so in tune."

"I know." I said proudly, "he's so courageous too, a million times more than Edward and I put together," I picked up the phone and it felt like it weighed a ton.

"Don't be so hard on yourself Bella. I'll go and watch the kids. Good luck." Jake kissed the top of my head and retreated into the house.

I knew my silent prayers were going to be in vain but I still prayed that Renee and Charlie wouldn't be home.

They were; Renee picked up the phone after the third ring.

"Hi Mum its Bella,"

"Bell are you alright? Your father and I have been worried sick about you. We've been trying to get in touch with you for days and your sisters didn't know where you were."

"Yeah sorry about that mum things have just been really hectic. I had the twins prematurely and there were a few complications and I needed to have a C section. There's nothing to worry about the babies are fine and so am I," I assured her before she could work herself into even more of a state.

"So what did you have? What are their names and what day were they born?"

"Um...Boy and girl again. Noah Jacob and Matisse Amore...And...They...They were born _last Monday_." My stomach clenched in anticipation of the tirade that was sure to come.

"La...Last Monday? Then why are we only getting told now Bella? Why didn't Edward ring us from the hospital? What's wrong Bella? There's something you're not telling me."

I clamped my hand over the mouthpiece so Renee didn't hear the broken sob. I was stupid to think I could pull this off. I gulped in a lungful of air and willed myself not to cry.

"Are you there Bella?"

"Yeah Mum I'm here and nothing's wrong. Like I said there were a few minor complications and Edward had to leave straightaway on business. I told him I'd ring everybody...Then I just got sidetracked dealing with Apple and Louis as well as newborn twins and time just got away on me..."

"You should have called Bella, or Edward should have. We could have come down straightaway to help you. You shouldn't have been dealing with that all alone. Especially after a C section. How on earth are you managing?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and pushed back the guilt that was threatening to engulf me. My parents didn't need to be dragged into my sorry mess of a life.

"I...I've got Edward..." I covered the mouthpiece again as another sob tore from my throat.

"Yes well Edward's going to need my help. I'm booking my flight to Wellington now. I still can't believe my grandchildren are nearly a week old and I haven't met them yet. Shame on you Bella."

"I know Mum...I'm really sorry, it's just been a madhouse around here. And Mum we're not in Wellington we're on Waiheke...Anyway Edward's going away again on business on Friday would you and Dad and Alice and Rose want to come up for the weekend...?"

"Of course we would. But how about I come up today? I could help Edward."

Panic flooded through me. I needed my time before I faced my family, "Um...No need to rush Jakes here too."

I realized my mistake too late. Renee would be furious Jake had met my babies before she had.

"What's Jake doing there? He's not even family." Renee's voice was full of hurt and another wave of shame washed over me.

"Yeah he is Mum...And he was already up here visiting Aro..." My heart broke and I hated myself for every lie I told but I just couldn't stop, "don't hate on Jake Mum, he's innocent...So will I see you and Dad this weekend?"

"Of course..." Renee said somewhat stiffly. I knew I had mortally wounded her but there was no help for it.

"Ok then I'll see you on Friday...Oh and Mum can you ring and invite Alice and Rose?"

"If you'd like."

"Thanks Mum...Look I have to go...I'll send you some photos later on today. That will get you through the next few days...Love you Mum I have to go." I hung up the phone before she had time to respond.

I had no idea how I was going to pull this monstrosity of a lie off but I was going to try or die in the process...

By the end of the weekend I was nearly begging for death. It had been a million kinds of hideous. Apple hadn't accepted she couldn't see her father and tried to escape to Aro's any chance she got while screaming that she hated me and that she could make her daddy better.

This of course led to awkward questions that Jake and I explained away as Apple's separation anxiety from being away from her dad. An anxiety she had only developed when the twins were born.

Charlie and Renee seemed to swallow that lie. Charlie was however furious with Edward for one not calling to tell him he was a grandfather again, 'simple courtesy' he had chastised when I had tried to defend Edward. He was further angered by the fact Edward had left me to deal with four young children while he went away on business.

He lamented constantly that Edward should have rescheduled his meetings to enjoy this time with his family since he never got to the first time round...

By the time Jake had returned from dropping my family off at the ferry I had decided that I was taking the kids and moving to Nepal. I needed to get away and I needed to get Apple off Waiheke Island for her own sake and mine.

I hadn't heard from Aro since the day we'd arrived and I immediately became worried for his safety. Guilt flooded through me that I hadn't even checked to see if he was ok.

It seemed stupid now I thought about it. To leave an elderly man alone with a volatile and violent monster...

I rushed to the phone and dialled Aro's number, my mind conjured up several disturbing scenarios in which Aro lay dead at Edward's feet.

My terror for Aro was paramount when he didn't answer the phone and I considered going over to his place to see if he was ok; but I couldn't. There was no way I was going anywhere Edward.

"Fuck, Fuck, fuck," I cursed into thin air as I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to keep myself together.

But it was all too much. I had reached my breaking point for the second time in a week.

I crumpled to a heap on the floor. No tears came; I was passed them. I felt nothing but numbness.

Time seemed to stand still in that moment I had no idea how long I had been lying in a ball on the floor staring at the carpet before Jake found me.

"Jesus Fuck Bella are you ok?" He was at my side in seconds checking to see if I hadn't fainted or worse.

"No...Aro...Edward...Might...Have..." I trailed off not wanting to see a rerun of those gruesome scenarios.

"Bella...calm down. I just went and checked on Aro." Jake helped me up off the floor and into a chair.

"You did? and he's ok?"

"I never got to see him but there was an unfamiliar car parked in his driveway so I'm guessing he has got someone to come and help him...As for Edward I didn't..."

"_I don't want to know about Edward Jake." _I cut him off in a looked a little alarmed at my statement but wisely he said nothing, "I'm not staying here Jake. I can't. Both Apple and I will lose our sanity if we stay here and I can't do another weekend like that with my family again. There's no way I could pull it off."

As it was I was sure my sisters had realized something was seriously amiss.

Rose and Alice had looked at each other with undisclosed shock when I had told them the '_Edward was away on business,' _lie. They both knew Edward would never have left my side so soon after the birth of the kids for something as insignificant as a business meeting.

"Are you going to go back to Wellington? Why don't you move back in with me? It's still your house after all."

"NO..." I shouted, "Sorry Jake. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant I'm never ever going back to Wellington...That's why I was thinking Nepal. I could just hide out at the foundation and try to find something else to focus on but mine and my children's heartache. Apple might get better if she's not so close to Aro's." This thought solidified my decision.

"Nepal? Bella that's insane. So what you're just going to further cut yourself off from your family and friends?" Jake eyes flashed with anger though his voice carried no hint of it.

"For now...It's my only option Jake. I can't sit around here for god knows how long until Edward's cured. God I don't even know if Aro's going to be able to help him."

"So what you're giving up on Edward already?"

Anger flared up inside me, "He gave up on me not the other way round. You were there you heard what he said. He doesn't want me." I spat.

"He didn't mean that Bella," Jake said quietly.

"I beg to differ Jake. His fist hurling within an inch of my face made a pretty compelling case. I'm going Jake. Please don't try and stop me."

He wrapped his arms around me pulling me against his chest, "I won't Bells. I'll come with you and help you get set up."

I shook my head against his chest, "I can't let you do that Jake. You've already helped me enough and you have your own life to live. Cherie must be wanting to see you..."

"I'm coming with you Bella no arguments. I would never leave you on your own."

"I know you wouldn't and I love you all the more for it Jake."

"Best friends forever Bells."

"Forever Jake..."

"So when are we leaving?" he murmured into my hair.

"Tonight. I'll take what I have with me and anything else I'll get Carlisle to send over."

"Are you going to tell Aro you're going?"

"No I'll just leave him a letter in his letterbox. If I tell him now he'll just try to talk me out of it. I just want to make a clean getaway with no one to question my motives until I'm there at least...I will ring and let Carlisle know though. I want to stay in contact with him."

Jacob shook his head, "whoever would have though after all he's put you through he would end up being one of your closest Allies."

"I know its crazy aye?"

"Yes. But that's your life Bells one crazy rollercoaster ride."

I couldn't argue with that; my life was a rollercoaster ride one I wanted to stop riding for a while."So you sure you want to come with us?" I pulled my head from his chest and looked up into his face.

"Course I do...Wouldn't have offered otherwise." He gave me my favourite Jacob smile and I felt a little bit better.

"Well I guess we should get packing. Where do you want me to start with Apple and Louis's clothes or the newborns?"

"The newborns. I'll just phone Carlisle and tell him my plans then I'll pack for Apple and Louis..."

Jake and I were completely organized by midnight. I had phoned and organised to have the Cullen Jet waiting for us at the airport. Our suitcases were all packed and sitting by the front door, Matisse and Noah were bundled into their car seats, it was just a case of getting Louis and Apple out of bed and into the car.

I was mildly apprehensive about telling Apple and my fears weren't unfounded.

As per usual she woke not long after we had finished packing, her screams echoed up the hallway along with the sound of her feet shuffling along the floor boards. She stumbled into the room rubbing her sleepy eyes and looked blankly at the suitcases for a moment her cries ceasing immediately.

"Where going?" she mumbled sleepily

"Me, you, Louis, Jake and the Babies are going on a plane ride. We are going on a holiday." I said as cheerfully as I could muster.

"My Daddy come too?" My heart sunk of course she would have noticed the absence of Daddy in my list.

"No sweetheart Daddy has to stay here with poppy Aro..." I said apologetically.

Her face crumpled in a pain and a feral scream tore from her throat. She launched herself at me her tiny fists hitting any part of me she could reach.

"APPLE STAY...MY DADDY NOT YOU...YOU A MEAN HOBBLE MUMMY," She screamed. "Apple want her daddy NOW,"

She threw herself down on the floor and kicked and screamed for Edward.

"Apple stop it now," Jake growled, "you are not to hit your mother. You cannot stay with your Dad; he's too sick to look after you. Now Mummy and I know you're hurting. Mummy's hurting to."

"Dumb Jake...Apple want her daddy." She sobbed.

"Just go strap her in her car seat Jake. I'll get Louis."

Jake scooped Apple off the floor and ignored her as she bit and scratched and screamed at him...

Instead of heading straight for Louis' room I grabbed a pen and paper and took a seat at the kitchen table. I needed to leave a note for Aro. I stared at the blank paper with my pen poised for a full five minutes before I began to write.

_Aro,  
I'm so sorry I just ran out without telling you personally of my plans I just don't have time, the Cullen Jet is waiting for me as I write this. I know it's a cowardly thing to do but for my own sanity I have to go away. Jake the kids and I are leaving for Nepal tonight.  
I realize what I'm about to ask you is unfair and putting you in an awkward position but I'm asking you, no I'm begging you anyway.  
Please Aro don't tell Edward where I've gone. I can't deal with the fallout of his self destructive attitude and look after my kids at the same time and the way I see it they need me far more than he does or ever will.  
I will let you know how you can contact me when I get there.  
And sorry again for not telling you of my plans in person but it is probably better this way._

_Take Care of yourself  
Bella x_

...Apple; who had calmed slightly on the journey to the airport completely lost it again when she saw the private Jet waiting for us on the tarmac.

"Peease Mummy Apple stay with my Daddy," She pleaded.

"I'm sorry my baby but you can't."

"Hate you Mummy," She sobbed brokenly.

My heart gave a final painful throb before it died.

I couldn't help the overwhelming anger I felt for Edward at that moment. He had not only destroyed his life and my own but he had totally annihilated his eldest daughter's life to...

...The air left my lungs in a rush and my stomach muscles relaxed a little when I felt the Jet leave the ground and begin its ascent.

I may have been running; but I was doing it to save not only my life but Apple's as well...

**Edward's POV**

"I want a drink."

"No, Edward."

"I WANT a FUCKING DRINK!"

"You can scream at me all you like Edward, you can hit me again, you can stab me, you can slap poor Irina who has a black eye now thanks to you. You can do all that and more... But I won't give you a drink. I refuse to watch you kill yourself anymore. God, you were in a stupor for four whole days when you arrived. Well, you won't do that again. I've got rid of all the drugs from around the house. The booze too. It's all gone."

"Fuck You! You don't get to make that decision."

"Yes, I do Edward. You are in _my_ house. You are strapped to _that_ bed for as long as I say. You have no choice."

"Fuck you, you shrivelled old cunt! Fuck you, if I weren't strapped down I would kill you... I would fucking kill you and..."

"And what Edward? You would hit Irina again? That poor woman has only recently given _birth._ Have you no _shame_?"

"FUCK YOU! I didn't ASK her to come!" I roared.

"No, you didn't. It's a testament to her character that she came anyway and that she stays. You don't deserve a friend like her."

"I hate you." I seethed.

"I hate what you have become. My friend, my _son_ would not do _this_..." He held up his tightly bandaged arm "To someone, _anyone, _let alone a friend."

"You aren't my friend!" I spat angrily. He only snorted.

"Oh yes I am. Me and those people sitting in the other room are the _only_ friends you have right about now."

"Let me off this bed!" I strained against the shitty leather belts that held me to the even shittier bed. "I hate you! I'll kill you! If I weren't tied down..."

"Yes. Yes, I'm sure you would cause me all kinds of bodily harm, but since you _are_ strapped down and you _can't _kill me, I figure now would be a good time for you to shut your mouth and listen. You've been barking and throwing orders around since you got here... now it's _my _turn to talk."

And he talked. He talked of Bella and the children and every single thing he knew about all of us. The old prick couldn't remember his PIN at the supermarket, but he could remember _everything_ about my life.

I screamed at him to stop. I snarled that one day, I would kill him. I would fucking finish him off. I told him he was nothing more than the Social Reject that the people around Waiheke regarded him as.

I called him every derogatory name I could think of. When I ran out of them, I started to make them up.

I hated him. I hated him so much, it was like a fire burning through me. I wanted a drink, I wanted some drugs, I wanted _death _and he was standing in the way.

"I hate you!" I roared. I heard Demetri curse in the next room at my outburst and the soft murmur of Irina.

Aro just stared at me.

"Did you mean your wedding vows when you made them? I thought you did at the time, Bella certainly did. God, weren't the children adorable that day? Gorgeous little Apple, you will have you hands full with her one day, I can tell you." He laughed at his own little joke. I was seething. I didn't want to talk about my... About them. Each memory he invoked just sliced into me, torturing me further. I felt the pain of my failure to each of them keenly; I didn't need to be reminded of it.

I longed for the blissful, numbing effect of the booze. I wanted it back. Reality was far too harsh.

"Louis, however, he's a good dependable lad that one. Takes after his mother in that respect I imagine. Bella seems a dependable person, wouldn't you agree?"

He would not stop. And I could not make him.

"I HATE YOU!" I strained against the straps holding me to the bed, I could feel them cutting into my wrists and the warm trickle of blood that seeped from their edges.

"Bella loves you. Apple loves you. Louis loves you. Are you really prepared to throw that all away?"

"I hope you die." I hissed, flopping back to the bed in defeat.

"At the moment, I'm sure you mean that. But you won't always."

"I'm pretty sure I will." I growled. I began struggling against my restraints again, but for a different reason this time. There was something... no _something's _crawling over me.

"This bed has fleas you fucking dirty old hippy! I can feel them crawling all over me!" I barked.

"I doubt its fleas Edward, I have no pets. More likely, it will be another symptom of the withdrawal process. I would be pleased that I was tied down if I were you. You would scratch yourself to the bone if you weren't."

"Die."

"No thank you, I'd much rather continue our conversation on what this little escapade of yours is costing those around you."

And although I protested in the severest way, my screams and yells filled the air, he would not stop reminding me about all the people I so desperately wanted to forget.

Demetri came too. He was there for muscle. I was allowed off the bed to use the toilet and we both knew that I wasn't going to be strong enough to fight him. I hadn't eaten anything in days, my body was shutting itself down. I was no match for Demetri and his painful, steely grip.

"Seriously Edward? I get that you are fucked up. But son of a bitch, if you EVER touch Irina again, I will kill you. And once you are better... Oh fuck you had better believe you and me will be having a talk of the physical kind. I am seriously going to fucking beat the crap outta you."

"You could kill me now." I had mumbled, completely serious.

"Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind. I just know that once you are better, the guilt of what you did to Irina, will make you feel bad enough. You will already feel like the biggest piece of shit for what you did to Bell..."

"Don't." I half snarled, half begged.

He just chuckled.

"That's why I won't kill you. Cause I know _this_... Whatever stupid thing you thought you were up to, I know this will hurt so much fucking more once you _realise _just how stupid you are being. That's my revenge for Irina, brother. Letting you live to regret it."

I was allowed to use the toilet and then I was forcibly taken back to my bed. Twice a day I was allowed up to use the toilet. I would scream at them to let me go, I would scream for a drink, I would scream for Bella, I would scream for the sleep that wouldn't come, the gut wrenching cramps and the nausea. I screamed from the fucking pain in my throat from screaming.

I screamed for the peace they were denying me.

I especially screamed for a drink. A fucking hit. Of something. Anything. I would have snorted fucking bleach powder at that point. There was nothing for me anymore. There was no family, no life, no Bella... And worst of all, _She _was coming back. The alcohol was leaving my body and _She_ was forcing her way back in.

_You made me promises. I won't go until I see those promises fulfilled Edward. I will never go until we are settled._

I would scream for Tanya to leave me alone.

On day four they removed my restraints and the first thing I did was try to stand to go and find a drink. I fell to the floor in an undignified heap, vomiting from the vertigo, the nausea and the simple disgust I felt for myself.

_Your life or hers Edward. It comes down to how much you __**care. **__True, you never cared about me, not even enough to treat me decently, but maybe you care about Bella enough to do the right thing. Maybe you will give me your life instead of hers. _

I whimpered. A pathetic sound, that echoed around the silent room. I would do anything to keep Bella safe. For Tanya to leave me alone. I just wanted peace.

"No, leave him Demetri." Aro said from behind me, rather sternly.

"But he's sick... Aro he's a mess, we can't _leave_ him like that."

"How's Irina's eye today?" Aro said conversationally and Demetri sucked in a sharp breath.

"Low blow, but I see your point." He hissed. "Fuck him."

"This is his first lesson. Asking for help. No matter what mess you find yourself in, you can _always _ask for help. He needs to swallow his pride and ask for help Demetri. This won't work otherwise. Plus, considering the way he's been acting, an apology wouldn't go amiss either."

"Irina's already forgiven him. I haven't."

"But you are still here."

"Because underneath all this _shit_ there is still the dude that I met in France. The guy that my wife sees as her big brother, she wouldn't even _be _my wife if it weren't for him. I hate him for hurting her, but at the same time... He's my brother too. I can't leave him. He wouldn't leave me."

I wanted to tell him he was wrong. That I wasn't the person he thought I was.

_No you aren't. Don't worry, by the time I'm finished, Bella won't think you much of a hero either. _

"Leave her alone." I pleaded in a nearly nonexistent voice. It felt like someone had poured battery acid down my throat, but I was going to beg Tanya anyway.

"Just leave her be." I rasped, pushing the scalding air through my agonized throat.

_No. I will get my pound of flesh. One way or the other._

I crawled on hands and knees, through my own vomit to the corner where I curled up in a ball and began to cry. I was trying; I was trying to give the evil bitch what she wanted. She wanted me to be miserable; she wanted me to be unhappy. I was both, I was more. I was trying to give her what she wanted but I just didn't have the strength anymore.

"Aro. Come on man. Look at him." Demetri said his voice concerned. He had always been that way, too kind, too forgiving. He was another I had wronged, another that I had tainted and hurt.

"He's fine. He needs some time to think about the mess he is in. Both literally and figuratively. Plus my arm is hurting and I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm petty enough to want him to suffer a little."

"I still can't believe he did that. Fuck, he completely lost it. She says she wasn't, but I know he really scared Irina. And dude, how the fuck you did that..."

Aro sighed deeply.

"Stitching my arm? Huh, it's not easy. But I'd rather do it than trust one of those quacks from the mainland."

"You stitched up your own arm." He said flatly.

"I did."

"After he stabbed you."

"Yes."

"Fucking. Insane." It was silent for a moment. "What do we do with him now?" Demetri asked. I heard their footsteps head towards the door.

"Now we leave him to fight his Demons. And we wait for him to ask for help."

They left the room and clenched my eyes as I heard Tanya's cackling voice.

_Now we are alone... Let's talk about the things I could do to your family. To even the little score between us._

My hoarse, raspy scream was no more than a whisper, but it filled the silence around me. My throat was on fire, it was burning with a pain I had never felt before and suddenly, it was just too much. My vision tunnelled and I slipped into oblivion.

_Edward. Wake up. Wake up baby, I want you._

I moaned. Bella. I could _feel_ her, my sweet Bella, her hands on me, rubbing me, caressing me. She always just knew the right places to touch, the things that would get me going.

_I want you. I need you. Don't you want me anymore? You left me Edward..._

Bella. She was gone. She left and I was alone.

_I was there for you in France when you needed me. I'm still here for you now... But you left me. Why? I don't understand what I did to you Edward. I loved you, I gave you a family, I gave you__** me...**__ You said that was what you wanted... But you threw me away._

It became clear. It was Bella and it wasn't Bella. Rather, it was 'Imagination Bella'. The same Bella who had comforted me in my exile in France.

I sobbed in happy disbelief.

"You.. c...came... b..b..ack..k.." I forced out. Her gentle hand touched my cheek and I whimpered once more at the contact.

_Of course. I would never leave you Edward. You were always the one that chose to leave... _

"She wants to hurt you Bella." I whispered soundlessly, not even bothering to try and stretch my over-exerted voice further. I knew she could hear me.

_She does. _

"I had to do it. I had to leave. It was the only way to keep you safe."

_Open your eyes Edward._

I did as her angelic voice commanded and I was at once face to face with her angelic countenance. Every strand of hair, every eyelash, each freckle, I knew where they all were. She was just like I remembered.

I began to shake, my body was convulsing, but it was not from the shock of seeing Bella. My body was acting of its own accord, my muscles spasmining and constricting. My teeth clenched together suddenly and the acrid taste of blood filled my mouth.

I looked at Bella in panic. Why was this happening to me? _What _was happening to me?

I was scared. I looked at Bella in alarm. She smiled softly in response.

_It's ok baby. Your body is shutting down. Soon your heart will stop..._

My eyes widened in absolute fear. She looked back at me questioningly

_I thought you wanted this? You wanted to die Edward. You wanted to keep me safe... You are finally getting what you wanted. _

An incredible clenching began in my chest and my hands gripped at my shirt above my heart. The pain was extraordinary, so strong it was taking my breath away.

_I'll go on. Just like you asked me to. I'll marry Jake and he will love me. He will care for me and our children. He will give us what you refused to give us._

I looked at her pleadingly, despite the incredible pain I was going through. I had _tried _to give her and the children all I could. I had given them everything I could.

_No you didn't. You never gave us __**you**__. __**You**__ took my husband from me! __**You**__ took the children's father from them! You __**stole**__ my __**life **__from me Edward! You stole from our family!_

My eyes snapped shut as the pain intensified to greater and more horrific heights. I could not distinguish between the physical pain in my chest and the pain that her words caused. All I knew was that I was in hell, one I had not experienced before.

_You are having a heart attack and you are dying. But you still have a choice Edward. You always have a choice. _

I didn't see how I had a choice. I was struggling to simply breathe and with each laboured breath the vice around my heart tightened further. I was dying. I was finally getting what I wanted.

I hoped Jake would care for Bella. I hoped he would be the kind of husband she deserved.

_I never wanted Jake. I chose __**you. **__You were always enough for me._

She was wrong. I had _never_ been good enough for her. I had always been poisonous to her.

_It's time Edward. It's time to make a decision. The last decision you will ever make. It's time to live... or its time to die. If you want to die, just stay where you are and eventually this will all be over, but if you want to live... If you want to be the __**man**__ I married, then you will find a way to live, because I didn't give birth to __**four**__ fucking babies to raise them on my own without their father!_

I didn't consciously act, instead I watched with great surprise as my hand passed through the air in front of my face to try and grab the table leg to the side of my head.

_Apple. Louis. Matisse. Noah. Isabella Marie CULLEN! Come on Edward! Fight for us! Make me __**believe **__that you love us!_

I grabbed the table leg, but my hand was entirely numb and I couldn't close it tight enough to grip the leg and tip it over, alerting someone to my predicament.

_Don't leave me again. Don't leave me again. I won't forgive you this time if you do. I truly and really will hate you. I mean it Edward. _

Tears were streaming down my face as my muscles began to lock up. My entire body was rigid once more. Whether I wanted to live or not, it didn't matter. It was no good, I couldn't grab the table, I couldn't get help; I couldn't give Bella what she wanted.

I was dying.

_You promised. If you loved me, you wouldn't break that promise._

I apologized soundlessly as my body began to convulse and I jerked as I felt some liquid bubbling out of my mouth and down my chin. There was a crash and the feeling of sharp, shards of something scraping across my skin, across my face.

Noises. Lots of loud noises, people yelling and things banging around, but it was all becoming faint, like they were moving away from me.

"Fuck! Aro! Call the ambulance! It's ok Edward, it's ok, I'm here with you bro."

I could feel myself being moved, but I felt like I was floating on the ocean, rocking and rolling peacefully. I smiled or at least I think I did. The pain was subsiding.

"NO! Edward! NO! You come back! You stay awake!"

I tried. I tried to stay awake, but it wasn't going to work. I was tired, I was broken and I had nothing left anymore.

I closed my eyes and slipped into blackness.

**Please feel free to leave a review it always a pleasure to know what you thought :)**


	47. Chapter 47 Endless Night

**Author's Note:**

**We don't own 'Hate Me' or any of the songs and I think you are all clever enough to work out that Edward didn't write 'Hate Me' either. A talented little group called "Blue October" came up with that one and we offer full credit to them.**

**WARNING: OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE, UNPLEASANT THEMES AND REFERENCES TO DRUG AND ALCOHOL ABUSE****. READ WITH CAUTION**

**Greenaway' Author's Note:**

**Hello readers. You may or may not remember me, I am the co-author of this story **

**I want to thank those of you who have been patient for this update. It is roughly, 38 000 words and 87 pages long. That why you had to wait so long. It was also difficult to write. These characters are terribly depressing at the moment.**

**We appreciate all the kind wishes and people checking to see if we were ok. Aren't you all sweet. And all the humourous and polite messages asking if we could PLEASE (note that word. I love the readers who use it) hurry and end your suffering.**

**You asked nicely and so we have delivered. We dedicate this chapter to the group of people above. We truly value you and appreciate you guys more than you will know. **

**You fucking kick ass and if you don't know it, you goddam should. LOL**

**Now... Greenaway's Gripe Time. **

**For those of you that have decided sending us rude, or horrible/passive aggressive messages TELLING us to hurry up... **

**Well. I had a number of things to say to those people, so I went through the list and found the least offensive (you can thank Cinnamon for that. She is the nice one):**

**Piss off. If you can't bother being polite, then neither will I. We put a lot of effort into this and I think asking for a little common courtesy is not unreasonable. **

**Anywho peoples, good to chat with you all again, even if it is a little one-sided this way. LOL. If you want to contact me directly, you can PM me off my personal fanfiction page or ask Cinnamon to pass on a message. She will. **

**Thanks guys for sticking with us throughout this story. It has been a wild ride and it's not over yet. **

**And I will now pass you onto Cinnamon, my wonderful friend, life partner and writing partner. I consider this woman family now, she is truly that amazing.**

**CinnamonTwist101: Hi there I hope everybody is Happy & Healthy...As always I want to say thank you to our reviewers you know we really do this for you :) and hi to all our new readers and welcome to our nightmare! **

**I know you have all been waiting for a long time for this chapter and when you see the size of it you will know why it has taken so long :) **

**As always love, light and laughter to the beautiful Sassy41...We love and missed you very much sweetpea, come home to us soon :)**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight; Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own this delightful little horror :) All music owned by respective artists etc. **

**Chapter 47 - Endless Night**

**Bella's playlist: **

**Toni Childs: I have to go now  
UB40: Many rivers to cross  
Siobhan Donaghy: Coming up for air**

**Bella's POV...**

My gratitude for the staff at my foundation knew no bounds when I saw how much effort they had put into getting me a place to stay organized on such short notice. There was a small cottage on the foundations estate that they had cleaned and stocked with food in anticipation for our arrival.

To Jake and my relief all the bedrooms had been set up so it was just a matter of transferring my two sets of sleeping twins from their car seats to their beds; before Jake and I could collapse on the couch.

We were both completely exhausted.

Guilt gnawed painfully away at my insides. I had no idea if fleeing to Nepal was the right decision. I felt terrible for Apple who had a complete meltdown when I told her Edward wasn't coming with us. It had taken Jake and I an hour to get her in her car seat and she tried twice to escape from the plane while the pilot did his final cross check.

I also felt guilty that I had not spoken personally to Aro to tell him my decision; I had felt like such a coward when I had stuffed the quickly scribbled note in his letterbox.

The only thing I didn't feel guilty about was asking Aro not to tell Edward where I was. I needed to concentrate on healing the broken spirits of my eldest children and trying to find some peace for myself. I couldn't worry about Edward and all his self inflicted bullshit.

Edward had made his choice and I had to do what I could to protect my children from the fallout from that.

"Are you Ok Bells? Do you feel like you made the right decision?" Jake asked suddenly.

I pondered his question for a moment, "Yeah I'm ok Jake and I don't know if I made the right decision. It just feels like the easier option to run and hide."

"You do know though Bells that the easier road isn't necessarily the right one."

A frustrated sigh twisted from my throat, "Yeah I know it's not in the long run but it's an ok short term solution. I just need time to sort my head out. And it's gotta be easier with Apple not being so close to Edward. She may find it easier if she isn't on Waiheke where everything's a reminder of him."

"Maybe. I guess time will tell. Right Bells I think you should go and get some sleep while you can. And you need to ring and tell Renee and Charlie where you are in the morning. They are definitely going to think something's up if you disappear from Waiheke without a trace." Jake gave me a small smile.

I could tell he disagreed with my decision to flee and I wanted to argue but I couldn't muster the energy to plead my case.

"Yeah bed sounds good." I lied. The thought of hours alone in the darkness with my misery brought tears to my eyes. "And I'll ring Renee in the morning. You're right she'll have a shit fit if she can't find me again. Mind you when she finds out where I am she'll have a fit anyway."

"It's gonna get easier Bella. Time heals," Jake said sagaciously.

I shrugged my shoulders, I didn't know if Jake was right about time healing anything but time would definitely tell...

The days without Edward slowly turned to weeks and then months. Keeping myself busy and avoiding everyone I knew apart from Jake and Carlisle had been the key to my survival. I had kept in touch with my parents via Skype and had been feeding them a pack of lies about my life.

Jake was my rock. He hadn't left my side since we had arrived in Nepal and we had effortlessly fallen back into living together. Our friendship had reached another level and I was completely in awe of my best friend.

He was the only person I completely trusted, he was the one constant presence in my life and I loved him immensely for it.

I hadn't spoken to Aro since I had left Waiheke, he rung and left messages on my answer machine about Edward's progress but I never returned his calls or allowed myself to think about Edward.

All I cared about now was making the best of my situation and keeping my children in a stable routine in the hope of helping them heal.

While Louis was showing exceptional courage and coping quite well without Edward in his life; Apple was a different story, time had done nothing to heal her broken heart. She was completely broken. Her sadness had dimmed her soul and she was a shell of her former self.

The screams of her pain still woke me every night...

Matisse and Noah were completely unaffected with the absence of their father in their lives something I was grateful for, it was hard enough coping with two shattered children.

I had hired a young woman named Leah who had come to the foundation seeking work; she doubled as my housekeeper and Nanny. She came from a very poor but extremely lovely family that lived in a remote village in the lower regions of the Himalaya's. Her father had been a farmer but he'd lost all his crops last season and couldn't afford to replant this year.

They were such a lovely family. Jake and I couldn't bear to think of them suffering so we came up with a range of ways of helping them to get back on their feet. Jake brought new seed and all the equipment needed to replace the lost crops. I set up a scholarship in Matisse and Noah's names for Leah's slightly younger brother who was extremely intelligent and had dreams of attending University but couldn't afford to do so.

I also set up a scholarship for Leah and Jake helped her to apply to do her courses through correspondence school.

Jake and I both took on teaching roles bat the foundation and he helped me design and write the school curriculum.

The days were so full and busy it was easy to stay focused on nothing else but the task at hand.

The nights were a different story.

There was nowhere to escape to or hide from my utter misery in the hours I spent alone in the darkness. The monsters under my bed reared their ugly heads intent on nothing else but to torture and taunt me about my many failings as wife and a human being in general.

I had lost count of how many hours I had spent flagellating myself and searching for answers in the unforgiving night. I couldn't break away from the vicious cycle of self hatred that was caused by knowing how toxic to Edward I actually was, even more so than Tanya was...

...Although the Himalayas afforded me a hiding place from my friends and family I couldn't hide from time itself. It seemed to trickle through my fingers like sand and it did nothing to heal my broken heart.

But For my own sanity I knew I had to try and push forward with my life, I had to try and move on from my misery.

I needed to reach a point of acceptance and try and get my life together.

Even though time meant nothing to me anymore, days and nights just seem to blur into one continuous nightmare I was aware of one date that was looming. One date on the calendar I couldn't forget, escape, or block out of my mind no matter how hard I tried.

My first wedding anniversary.

There was no way to escape the fact that I would be spending it alone...

...The dawning of the wretched day finally broke bringing with it a lassitude so extreme I couldn't muster the energy to drag myself out of bed.

Nothing that had happened to me so far compared to the absolutely soul crushing grief and disillusionment I felt today. All the pain and hurt I felt seemed to compound together in one massive seething ball of misery that I couldn't deal with.

Images of a rose garden bathed moonlight, Edward waiting for me barefoot on the beach at sunset, of a midnight blue corset and matching kimono, of Edward's body shuddering lightly under my touch. The thoughts assaulted my mind.

My arms wrapped tightly around my head as I tried to push the images away.

But the dam in my mind had finally burst and there was no way of stemming the torrent.

I had no idea that I was vocalizing the screaming in my head until Jake burst into my room.

"Oh Jesus fuck Bella. It's ok...I'm here honey puff." He said soothingly. I felt his weight on the bed and his arms wrap around me but my body stayed tightly curled into a ball.

My tears stung my eyes and viciously burnt a track down my cheeks; each scalding tear followed the path of the previous one. The force of my broken sobs wracked my body violently; the shuddering turned quickly to near convulsions.

Jake held me tighter but it did nothing to soothe me it just reminded me that it should have been Edward's arms.

I stared blankly at the wall seeing nothing. I was petrified to close my eyes and see Edward's face, to see his betrayal personified in his features.

Jake whispered consolingly though I had no idea what he was saying. It didn't matter anyway. It wasn't going to be alright.

There was going to be no happy ending, _for me anyway_...

...Lucidity hit long enough for me to register Jake saying something about helping Leah with the kid's breakfast.

My children.

They needed me. I had to get up and be a mother to them. I willed my limbs to move but they refused to unknot themselves. My body felt like it weighed a ton and I had no energy to make it follow my commands.

I couldn't make myself get off the bed and be a mother to my children.

The bitter taste of failure filled my mouth. I was a failure as a wife and a mother.

That thought sent another round of crushing sobs shuddering through me.

After a while time seemed to make itself more than known. I felt every second of the day though I wasn't aware of time as a whole. I was in a state of ambiguity mostly; occasionally I would have a few seconds of clarity, these seemed to coincide with the times Jake would come into check on me.

He would talk to me but I never heard what he said and I never responded. I was enslaved to my pain and trapped in the never ending nightmare in my head...

...The darkness never brought me any respite. In fact it brought with it a whole new kind of horror.

Edward's whispered promises echoed in my ears.

Promises he had broken.

Every promise he had ever made me he had broken.

Truly horrifying notions swirled in my mind; the most sickening was the idea that Edward had planned this from the start. That this was his way of exacting revenge on me for hiding Apple and Louis' existence from him for so long, maybe he planned all along to leave me with a newborn baby.

I felt hollow. It felt like my mangled heart had finally been ripped from my chest and I was left with a gaping wound that I knew would never heal...

...It was the gradual lightening of the sky that saw my tears finally run dry and the shudders wracking through me turned to trembling then finally cease altogether.

I had survived this most blackest of nights. I had survived and I was stronger for it.

Misery had slowly begun to give way to anger.

It began simmering in the pit of my stomach, antipathy and resentment bubbled to the surface burning away all traces of my sorrow.

Edward had made his choice.

And all choices had consequences.

He walked away from me. He made the conscious decision not only to destroy his own life but mine and my children's lives as well.

But in all honesty I had let him do that. I had let him destroy my life by taking him back every time he walked away.

If I had have cut him loose after the first time he left _I_ wouldn't be in this mess. If I had had the strength to stand up for myself and had put myself and my children first for once instead of him I wouldn't be where I was today.

It was time for me to make a _choice_. It was time to take control of my life and do what was best for me and my children.

And that was to cut Edward loose.

By not allowing him to share my life any more I would finally be able to have some control over it. I would finally be able to make my own choices.

I would be free.

And Edward would be free. Free of the toxic presence of me in his life.

Then he would hopefully find the peace of mind that had eluded him for the duration of our relationship.

I looked down at the rings on my finger. They were Symbols of love, symbols of commitment and of promises made in front of those we loved the most. They meant nothing more to me now than to serve as a reminder of how those promises had been broken.

They were now a symbol of my failure as a wife.

My eyes snapped shut as I slid them from my finger. I didn't feel the need to torture myself that image; I had plenty of things to flagellate myself with.

When I finally opened my eyes I kept them averted from my hands and I paid no attention to putting the jewellery in my draw for safe keeping until I could return it to Edward...

My body was in need of serious attention, every muscle ached with a ferocity I had never experienced. I sunk into the scalding hot bath with a grateful sigh; I could already feel my rigid muscles unclench a little. I closed my eyes and quickly pushed back the image of Edward that sprung into my mind, he had no place in my thoughts anymore.

I needed to concentrate on making plans for my future without him...

...The bath water had gone cold by the time I dragged myself from it. It had served its purpose; I was feeling a lot more relaxed though there was some residual ache in my stomach.

I opened the door to Apple and Louis' room and a wave of guilt washed over me. They had been through so much, none of it their fault but they always seemed to bear the brunt of mine and Edward's selfish decisions.

But that was never going to happen again, I thought fiercely. From now on I was going to be the kind of mother they deserved. One that put them first. The type of mother that protected her children from hurt not caused it.

Matisse and Noah were also sleeping soundly; untouched by the pain and turmoil their older siblings had to endure. I envied their innocence on Apple and Louis' behalf...

...The tantalising smell of bacon filled the hallway and my stomach snarled. I was completely ravenous.

Jake was at the stove when I arrived in the kitchen, he turned at the sound of my footsteps and was unable to hide the shock from his face. The look he was giving me told me how bad I had been last night and how worried he had been about me.

He crossed the room and pulled me into his arms, "Are you alright Bella? You scared me yesterday," He mumbled into my hair.

"Yeah sorry about that Jake, bit of a rough day. But I'm better now."

"Are you?" Jake said sounding more than a little disbelieving.

"Well I'm not better per say. I've just decided to take control of my life. I can't sit around forever wallowing in misery. Edward made his choice. I've accepted that now."

Jake released me from his embrace and took my hands in his. He frowned when his fingers grazed over the imprint where my rings used to sit.

"Wh...What does that mean Bella?" He brought his gaze to mine, his eyes full of confusion.

"It means acceptance Jake. It means I've finally realized what the universe has been trying to tell me from the very start. That Edward and I were never meant to be together... We tried to fight fate and we lost."

"Do you really believe that Bella?" He asked quietly, there was a noticeable sadness in his voice that had me fighting back my tears.

I steeled myself pushing the hurt into the deepest recesses of my mind,

"Yes I do. I can't keep denying the blindingly obvious Jake. Everything was against us from the start. I mean look at all the fucking shit we went through to be together only to have us destroy each other in the end. If we had taken heed of the countless warnings we were given neither of us would be in this fucking mess...I need to cut Edward loose for both our sakes. Beside's you heard what he said at Aro's that day, he doesn't want me anymore. Which brings me back to acceptance, I have accepted that now...Anyway enough talk about my soap opera of a life. Is any of that yummy smelling breakfast for me?"

"Of course. Someone's got to make sure you eat. You don't do it yourself and I don't want to see you fade away into nothing." Jake kissed the top of my head then went back to the stove, "do you want coffee now?"

"Absolutely," I took a seat at the kitchen counter and watched Jake make our breakfast.

Living with Jake was so effortless. _Everything_ with Jake was effortless, as effortless as breathing.

It dawned on me as I watched him that we were perfectly suited for each other. Right from the minute we'd met we'd shared pretty much nothing but great times together. Nowhere in my memory was there ever a bad time with Jake.

Even when we blurred the lines and slept together that one time we managed to not destroy each other or our friendship.

Jake had so many great qualities, too many list in my opinion. He was absolute rarity of a person. Kind, considerate, sincere and above all else he was loyal. He was an Angel, he was _my_ guardian Angel.

He was _my_ Jake.

"So what are we gonna do today honey puff?" Jake grinned as he placed my breakfast in front of me.

"Spend the day with my children. Were they ok without me yesterday?"

"They survived Bells. You're doing a great job with them don't be so hard on yourself."

"I haven't done a good job Jake. But I'm going to from now on. My children and I will always be my top priority from now on... So anyway I thought we'd take the kids to the wildlife park. I know Louis will get a buzz from riding the elephants and hopefully they might enchant Apple as well." I said hopefully.

My daughter was suffering as bad if not worse than I had been. And while I had found my _acceptance_ that Edward was no longer a part of our lives, she would never accept it.

So my mission in life was to try and make it easier for her, and to teach her how to manage her grief.

"That's a great idea Bells. I know Apple won't be able to resist the animals...You know she'll come right Bella. Time really will heal her..."

I didn't believe time would heal her but I really _hoped_ it would...

**...**Leah joined us at the animal park, as I watched her and Jake together it dawned on me by the way she looked at him that she had feelings for him. She watched him constantly although it was covertly it was with a look in her eyes I recognized as a woman in love, she hung onto his every word and she laughed freely at anything he said that she found the slightest bit amusing.

Jake for his part seemed completely at ease in her company he clowned around doing stupid things just to make her laugh. He took her hand without conscious thought and helped her onto the elephant and her face just lit up like a candle.

It astounded me that while I watched them together and so at ease I felt no insecurity, no jealousy. I knew even if Jake did have feelings for Leah they weren't as strong as the feelings he had for me, I knew if I made him choose he would without a second's hesitation choose me.

That knowledge alone made it possible for me to tolerate Leah's infatuation with _My Jacob_.

Besides that I couldn't really blame Leah for falling in love with Jacob he was incredibly easy to love...

...It had been a great idea to take the kids to the park, as I knew he would be Louis was absolutely enchanted with the elephants. He had no fear when it came to getting onto one for a ride. He grinned down at me proudly and waved as the huge beast he was stride began to amble forward.

Even Apple was enchanted she let the game keeper hoist her onto her own elephant and I was overwhelmed with happiness when I saw a spark of a twinkle in her eyes and very rare smile grace her lips.

My jubilation was quickly dampened and a frustrated sigh slid from my throat when she declared that she had renamed her elephant _Edward _after her daddy.

I took small comfort in the fact that saying his name didn't cause her to burst into tears but it did snuff out the twinkle in her eye.

It was hard to fight back the anger and resentment I felt for Edward, he had robbed Apple of any chance of a happy unaffected childhood.

His absence in her life would leave permanent scars and I reviled him for that.

I swallowed back my anger. There was no way I was going to allow bitter thoughts of Edward to ruin what was turning out to be one of the best days we had since we had been in Nepal. I pushed all thoughts of him to the shadows of my mind and forced him to stay there...

I discovered something about my youngest son that day, Noah had absolutely no fear. He constantly tried to crawl toward the elephants, crying and pointing up to where Louis sat high above the ground. Whilst Matisse was content to sit in my lap and play absentmindedly with a lock of my hair, Noah wanted to be in the thick of the action with his older siblings.

Jake scooped him into his arms and kissed his shock of curly auburn hair, "do you wanna go for a ride on the elephant little man?" He asked as he walked them toward one of the bigger elephants kneeling on the ground.

Panic reared in the pit of my stomach when Jake hoisted Noah and himself onto the mammoth creature.

The moment Noah was on the elephants back and it began to slowly move forward his tears ceased and his delighted peals of laughter rang out through the park. The look of pure exhilaration on my youngest sons face sent a strange sense of foreboding flooding the pit of my stomach.

My baby boy seemed to have a very keen sense of adventure...

By the time we got home from the animal sanctuary the kids were completely exhausted, Leah made them a quick dinner while Jake and I bathed them and got them ready for bed. Jake left the room whilst I read my children a bedtime story, I had only made it to the third page when their eyelids simultaneously drooped shut and the sound of their slow steady breathing filled the room.

I kissed each of their soft, warm cheeks turned on their nightlight before silently making my way from their room.

Surprisingly Leah was nowhere to be found when I returned to the lounge, I flopped down next to Jake on the couch with an exhausted sigh.

"It was good day today," I declared.

"It was a good day in fact it was a great day," Jake agreed, "Noah's a fearless little thing isn't he?"

I couldn't help but smile that Jake had noticed the same characteristic in Noah that I had,

"Yeah he has, you know he actually reminds me a little bit of Emmett. You know that charging into any situation without fear, without conscious thought." I groaned loudly, "Jesus can you imagine another Emmett? I don't know if I could cope with my son taking after his reckless uncle."

"Emmett's awesome Bells and he always lands on his feet." Jake chortled.

"Yeah I know Emmett's a million kinds of awesomeness but I want my son to be safe and sensible." Talking about my brother in law made me ache to see him again, not only was he my brother he was my long time friend, he always had my back especially with Edward.

That thought stopped the longing in its tracks, there was no way I could contact Emmett. If he knew what had happened between Edward and I he would physically beat up on Edward for hurting me so badly.

I didn't want to come between Edward and his family anymore than I had already.

Exhaustion rolled over me making my arms and legs feel like the weighed a ton, I tried to stifle my yawn but it was too large to contain.

Jake suddenly stood up and held out his hand for mine, "Come on, how about we get you to bed? You need to get some sleep before the side show starts again." He kept his arm around me as he walked me to my room; he leaned down and kissed the top of my head, "good night Bella."

I looked up into Jacob's soft eyes and a surge of warmth rushed over me. I loved him.

I kept my eyes locked on Jake as I brought my mouth to his.

My arms slid around his neck and I held him close.

His kiss was gentle and overflowing with his love for me, it held the promise of a lifetime of happiness. I knew Jake loved me too. I knew he would never hurt me the way Edward had and I knew he would be the perfect husband and father to my children.

I wanted to lose myself in his kiss. Just forget everything that had happened to me and stay locked in Jakes safe arms forever.

My mouth moved against his with rising intensity and I pressed myself harder against him, making my intentions clear.

I wanted to be with Jake, not just now but always.

"_Bella,"_ Jake groaned into my mouth. I sighed in frustration when he pulled his lips from mine.

I opened my eyes and found he was staring at me pensively.

"Bella, you know I love you and I want you, but you are Edward's wife and he is like a brother to me... I can't betray him Bella and I know you, you'll hate yourself in the morning for betraying him to." He said softly, gently, "Honey puff I think you need to take some time to make sure of what you really want. If you decide you want to walk away from Edward and create a life with me; then you,_ we,_" He amended, "need to wait until you can see Edward and tell him that it's over between the two of you. Then we can set about making a life together. But Bella I want you to know that if you choose to stay with Edward then that's fine with me. No matter what you decide we'll always be best friends."

I knew Jacob was right, if I wanted to be with him then I had to do it the right way.

Jacob deserved that, he deserved the respect of having me end my marriage with Edward before I started a new life with him.

I kissed his cheek softly, "thank you Jacob._ You_ will always be my best friend no matter what..."

"_Good night Bella,"_ He whispered.

"Good night Jake..."

I closed the door behind me with a sigh, I_ wanted_ to ask Jake to join me in my bed but he was right about officially ending things with Edward before we built a life together. I didn't need the weight of infidelity on my shoulders it would only serve to complicate my life even more.

I would divorce Edward before I committed myself to Jake. I wanted to do things right with and by Jake.

He deserved nothing less...

Now I had made the decision to end it with Edward I hoped we would both find some happiness and peace in our lives.

Well that was what I was praying for.

My fate was solely in the hands of the powers that be and only time would tell whether they would finally show me and Edward some mercy and grant us happiness in living separate lives...

I was happy to ignore the incessantly ringing phone; I had been doing it for months. It was easier just not to answer than have to deal with whoever was on the other end.

If I wanted to talk to anyone, which I didn't, I would make contact with them.

"Are you going to answer that?" Jake asked almost impatiently.

"No I'm not!" I said with an exasperated sigh. He asked me the same question every time the phone rang and I gave him the same answer.

Jacob growled softly, "This has got to stop Bella. It's not healthy to keep hiding. You have to face reality sooner or later. You've come so far in the last month."

I looked at him petulantly. I knew he was right; it was time to start facing up. "Fine I'll answer it." I hissed as I snatched up the receiver and took a deep breath, "H...Hello," I mumbled into the receiver.

"Bella...I've been calling and calling you! I've been so worried! How are you? How are the kids?" My stomach dropped when I heard Irina's relieved voice on the phone.

I hadn't spoken to her since before Matisse and Noah were born.

"...Oh...Um...Hey Irina...Um, I'm ok and the kids are too thanks for asking...How are you? And Demetri...and your baby?" Guilt welled up inside me I didn't even know if she'd had a boy or girl.

"I'm fine and so is Oliver and Demetri, we've all just been worried about you and the kids! Nobody has heard from you and Carlisle won't tell us anything... Aro said he's been calling you too, but you haven't called him back. I don't understand what's going on Bella. Edward is slowly getting better; I mean he's better than he was at the start. I can kind of see the old Edward in there now. Im just so _relieved _to talk to you! None of us can ever reach you so we didn't know if you had been getting Aro's messages..."

Fury ignited in me like a flash fire. It burned through my veins scorching everything in its path and obliterating the guilt I felt seconds before.

Irina had been allowed to see Edward. _Aro_ had allowed Irina to see him.

Allowed her to see and help him.

Aro had never once in his phone messages asked me to come and see Edward. He'd never asked me once to participate in Edward's recovery.

The bitterness of betrayal bubbled in my throat, "Y...you've seen Edward?" I could barely contain the venom in my voice; my fury was paramount.

"Of course... Bella what's wrong?"

My anger bubbled over. She had been allowed to see Edward more than once.

I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Edward was obviously well enough to see the people he_ wanted_ to see, me and our children not included.

But of course Edward would want to see Irina. She was after all the one he trusted the most.

That thought stabbed me like a dagger. "Nothing's wrong. Why would anything be fucking wrong?" I spat.

"It doesn't sound like nothing to me. He's getting better, if that's what you are so upset about. Bella talk to me. I don't understand what's going on here. I want to help you."

"I don't want or need your help. But it seems Edward does...Seems he needs your shoulder to cry on far more than he needs mine. But it's always been like that hasn't it? Lucky for us both that I don't fucking want him anymore. You're welcome to him. I guess I should thank you for ringing, you just reinforced that I'm making the right decision in divorcing him, especially now I hear he's doing fine without me!"

My anger was consuming me, swallowing me whole. I resented Irina. I hated her for being above me in Edward's heart and I hated her for ringing me and rubbing salt in my wounds.

"That's completely unfair Bella! I have only _ever_ been a friend to Edward and I had thought I was your friend too. I guess maybe I know better now too. I can't believe... Everyone has been trying to let you know what was going on with Edward, but YOU decided to shut us all out not the other way around! I don't know what the hell has happened to you, but your husband is a sick man and you have tossed him aside! You choose to live with a different man, you don't seem to care enough to answer your phone or even better, pick it up and make a call yourself! And the fact that you are even considering divorcing him right now... Jesus. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

My fury peaked. I wasn't taking any blame for Edward's fucking mess.

Fuck Edward and Fuck Irina. Stupid fucking insensitive bitch!

"What the fuck would you know?" I hissed into the phone, "I don't know what fucking bullshit sob story Edward's filled your head with? But it doesn't surprise me you lapped up every fucking word of it...And for you fucking information; the _man_ in my house is not the one _I _wanted here. No the fucking man I wanted didn't fucking want me anymore. The man I wanted walked out on me the day me and my unborn children nearly lost our fucking lives to your crazy crack whore sister. He made it fucking perfectly clear the day his fist passed within an inch of my head what he fucking thought of me. Why I should I care how he is? He fucking doesn't give a fuck about me or the four kids that I'm raising _alone_. I never tossed him aside. He didn't want me!..AND HAVE YOU GOT ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW SOUL DESTROYING IT IS SPENDING YOUR FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY ALONE? HAVE YOU FUCKING GOT ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW SOUL DESTROYING IT IS HAVING YOU RING ME AND REAFFIRM THAT EDWARD TRUSTS YOU MORE THAN HE TRUSTS ME? FUCK YOU IRINA YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!" I screamed into the phone.

"You never gave me a chance to understand Bella! You could have called me; you could have taken any number of MY fucking calls! You didn't have to be going through it alone! I would have been there for you to if you had of given me the chance! Edward is a fucking alcoholic Bella! He was mentally unstable when he did those things! He was SICK. You've been wallowing there alone and in pain and it's all been of your own choosing, so don't try and make me feel guilty for being a friend to Edward! I would have been there for you too!"

I was beyond furious I was apoplectic with rage; she refused to see I was the victim here.

Talking to Irina had made me realize cutting myself had been the right thing to do. If I'd have had to deal with this on a regular basis I would have lost my mind.

"Yeah well confiding in you wasn't a fucking option considering your Edward's most devoted, loved and trusted confident and your fucking psycho crack whore of a sister nearly killed me and my babies. Let's just say it would have been _a FUCKING CONFLICT OF INTERESTS_..." I took a deep breath trying desperately to calm myself down, "I would like to say it was a pleasure talking to you Irina but then that would be a fucking outright lie." I hissed venomously.

I never gave her time to respond I just slammed the phone down and watched it shatter from the force.

How fucking dare that bitch judge me. She could walk a fucking mile in my shoes before she cast judgement.

And how fucking dare she defend Edward's actions to_ me_.

She could just go fuck herself and so could fucking Edward.

Defeat washed through me, I just couldn't fucking win!

I tried in vain to stop the sob that tore from my throat but I was just so fucking angry and hurt I had vent my spleen before it consumed me completely. Jake was instantly at my side, he pulled me into his arms but stayed silent as he stroked my hair soothingly.

"Promise you'll never leave me Jake," I sobbed into his chest.

"I promise you Bells, I'll never leave you. You've got me forever if that's what you want."

The passing of time was being marked by the milestones of my children; Matisse and Noah already had already taken their first steps and spoken their first words which of course were Mum. Their first birthday was spent in Apple and Louis garden with me and Jake and the kids. I had switched the ringer off the phone that day; I didn't want to mark this mile stone on the phone lying once again to the ones I loved...

I had been studiously ignoring Aro; I listened to his messages about how much better Edward was doing with total indifference, anything to do with Edward didn't interest me. I hadn't heard from Irina since I'd slammed the phone down on her.

I continued to lie to my parents and Esme whenever they phoned.

Esme seemed to grow more and more frustrated with every phone call. I made up excuses saying Edward was either out of town on business or busy doing something with the children. It had been months since she had talked to her son and I knew she was growing more than a little suspicious I was hiding things from her.

In the end I couldn't deal with her so I asked Jake to call Aro for me and ask Edward to please get in touch with his mother. I didn't stay in the room for their conversation and I never asked Jake about it when he joined me in the garden afterward.

My parents also constantly pleaded with me to bring the children home for a visit but I continued to make up reasons for why I couldn't and I did the same when Rose and Alice phoned.

In reality I knew I couldn't keep going on like this but I just didn't know what else to do.

I didn't want to be the one to tell our families that Edward and I weren't together anymore and it wasn't my responsibility to tell Esme what was going on with her son.

I stared down at Carlisle text message in horror. How could he not have warned me sooner than the airport in Nepal that he and Esme were here to visit?

Esme still had absolutely no idea that Edward and I didn't live together anymore or that Edward was at Aro's getting treatment.

My panic became even more acute when I checked the time of the text message; they would be arriving here in less than twenty minutes. There was no time to do anything more than quickly clean up the toys from the floor, have a shower and ask Jake to take the children out to Apples garden.

I cringed at the soft knock on the door. The game was up! there was no way around confessing to Esme. I tried to steel myself for how she may react by taking several deep breaths before opening the door.

"Hello Bella its lovely to see you my dear," Esme gave me a warm smile and pulled me into her embrace. I looked at Carlisle over her shoulder and he mouthed a silent apology. He was looking extremely apprehensive and I knew he too was worried about how Esme was going to react to finding out we had been lying to her for a year.

"It's nice to see you too Esme," I mumbled and took a step back out of her embrace and went to hug Carlisle.

"_I'm so sorry Bella."_ He whispered.

I shook my head he had nothing to apologize for. This was entirely my doing I had to accept that.

Esme had already walked into the house no doubt looking for Edward, Carlisle and I followed her into the lounge and I knew by the expression on her face as she looked around that she had at once noticed the lack of Edward's possessions in the room.

The room had both mine and Jakes imprint on it and it was glaringly obvious as I looked around.

"So where is my baby boy? He's never home when I call...And the few times I have spoken to him he's always in some foreign country on business. " Esme trailed off to look around the room again, her frown deepened when her eyes drifted to the photograph of Me, Jake and my kids that was sitting in an ornate frame on my mantelpiece.

My throat went dry and my hands began to shake; I was nowhere near ready to do this. I cursed the fact Esme was observant enough to notice there was no trace of Edward in the room.

I looked at Carlisle unable to keep the panic from clouding my face. I didn't want to be the one who told her that Edward was an alcoholic who had decided to walk out on his family to drink himself to death.

But time had run out and there was nowhere to hide.

As with Irina I now had to face Esme. Fear rocketed through me, hurting Esme was far worse than hurting Irina. Esme was my mother in law, my family.

She had been kept in the dark from the start and admitting to her that Carlisle and I had conspired to keep her sons illness and the fallout from her was simply terrifying. She was going to be completely devastated and I wasn't sure if I could deal with that on top of everything else.

"What's going on you two? Where is my son?" Esme suddenly demanded.

The look Carlisle gave me clearly said we had no other option but to tell her.

My chin dropped to my chest. I just couldn't bear to look at Esme while I broke her heart. _"Ed...Edward doesn't live here Esme...We haven't lived together for the last year."_ I whispered like the coward I was.

The silence was deafening, it compelled me to lift my head and look at her.

She stared at me in utter shock, "What? This is a joke isn't it? Carlisle?" She turned to Carlisle disbelief etched into her features. Carlisle gave her a pleading look but there was resignation in his eyes. "What the hell is going on? Where is my _son_?" Esme's demanded.

Her high pitched voice broke on the last word and bile rose in my throat.

I closed my eyes at the sound of her broken voice and silently cursed Edward to fiery pits of hell for putting us all through this. He was nothing more than a selfish fucking prick.

Carlisle hadn't said anything and I didn't feel it was fair to leave him to explain since it was at my insistence that we deceived Esme in the first place.

"It's no joke Esme. Edward's in New Zealand, he has been living on Waiheke Island with Aro...We haven't lived together since the twins were born." I finally looked up into her confused eyes, "Edward's an alcoholic; Aro's been helping treat him for it..." I trailed off.

Her stunned face twisted in anger, "My son. MY son is an ALCOHOLIC. Since when?" She turned to Carlisle in fury "You knew? You KNEW and you KEPT this from me? How DARE you Carlisle Cullen?" Angry tears streamed down her cheeks and Carlisle took a step towards her, his face twisted in pain, but Esme stepped back. "You... You lying BASTARD!" She yelled. "My youngest son has been going through this ALONE? I have stood by you Carlisle, I have DEFENDED you... _How could you do this to me?_" She whispered brokenly.

I cringed back from Esme; the sound of her yelling brought back horrific memories of Edward's tirades.

The look of pain on Carlisle face goaded me into speech. I wasn't going to let him take the blame for something I had asked him to do.

"It's not Carlisle fault Esme." I said quietly, "I asked him not to say anything...My family don't know anything either," I added hoping it was some small consolation. "You couldn't have helped him Esme, none of us could." _Except Irina_ of course, I thought bitterly. "I'm really sorry, so very sorry. _Please_ believe me when I say I didn't do this to hurt you."

She turned toward me, her eyes narrowing into slits. "Oh, so you did this to HELP me then? To help Edward? Should I feel better that I'm not the only one you two have lied to? Tell me Bella, if it were Louis or Noah, if it were YOUR sons, how would you feel? How would you FEEL knowing that you were never given the opportunity to help your children? I regarded you as one of my own children Bella. I TRUSTED you. I feel sick when I look at you. Both of you. You say there was nothing anyone could have done to help, but I'm not a FUCKING IDIOT!" She yelled and I once again flinched at the sound of her fury, "Alcoholics aren't created overnight! You haven't just lied to me for the last year Bella, you've kept this from me for so much longer and as a mother yourself I would have expected better from you!" She fumed.

I felt like she'd slapped me; her words cut deep and even though I knew I wasn't blameless my own fury ignited, rushing to my defence. I was well aware I had no right to be angry at Esme but I couldn't help it. I wasn't prepared to take responsibility.

For once in his spoilt fucking existence Edward could fucking do that!

If he could man up that was. Which I very much doubted since he hadn't managed to so far.

"Don't fucking blame this on me Esme." I hissed venomously unable to stop the words tumbling from my mouth, "Like you said he's _your_ son and his alcoholism didn't happen overnight. How is it that _you_ never noticed? Surely you weren't that blind. Or did you realize and decide to bury your head in the sand? If it was my child I_ would_ have noticed. It's not fair to blame me for Edward's fuck ups. He walked out on me and yet I still felt the need to cover up for him... like I've always done." I said bitterly.

"Oh I wouldn't worry about that Bella," She said coldly, "I will be expecting answers from my son too. Perhaps I should have noticed, but I don't live with him day in and out and I was always under the impression that you would have come to me if something were really wrong. Your children grow up and they leave the nest, but that doesn't mean you stop loving them. It doesn't mean you wouldn't do ANYTHING for them at a moment's notice. I'm not blaming you for Edward's problems, I'm blaming you for not being honest with me, like I would have and always have been with you. Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to constantly be kept in the dark for your supposed own good? My sons and husband having been doing it to me for a lifetime, I thought you were different. For a year Bella. For a whole year you have been lying to me! And how much longer before that? You and my husband have been conspiring and lying and I think I'm quite well within my fucking RIGHTS to be angry about that young lady!"

Although I knew what Esme was saying was right I couldn't help but go back on the defensive.

She thought she was in pain, she was completely deluded. _She_ knew nothing about pain.

"What Carlisle and Edward have done to you is not my fault Esme." I said flatly, "And to be honest I didn't want to tell you what a failure I am as a wife. I didn't want to tell you that your son's an alcoholic because of _me_. How do you tell your mother in law that you were so toxic for her son that after only six months of marriage you had poisoned him that much that he'd chose death rather than a face a future with you? You talk about _humiliation _Esme_. You_ have no fucking Idea what humiliation is. My humiliation is so fucking great I had to flee my home and I had to lie to everyone I love. And I know what it feels like to have someone do something for your own good. That's why Edward decided to drink himself to death instead of being a man, because he always thought he knew what was best for me... I guess it's a bit like father like son."

I flashed a look at Carlisle trying to convey I meant no malice to him with the statement before returning my gaze to Esme, "I'm sorry Esme but All I care about now is protecting my children from any further damage from Edward."

"No Bella. You CHOSE to leave. You CHOSE to run away and not tell anyone except Carlisle. You are HIDING behind your own self pity. There was nothing stopping you from coming to me. I was there when Edward came home from France and found out about Apple and Louis. I was there for you then, so don't you turn around and try to pretend like you couldn't come to me! I have never given you any reason to believe you couldn't! Edward may have taken some of your choices away from you, but don't you stand there and pretend your choice in THIS matter was one of them! I would have done everything in my power to help both you AND my son if I had of been given the chance! You say you want to protect your children, how is taking them away from their family and the people that LOVE them, helping them? You are isolating them because you don't want to look like the failure!"

Fury scorched a path through my veins making my blood boil. The words hissed from my mouth of their own vocation, "Fuck off Esme you have no idea what you're talking about. Edward hasn't just destroyed my life he's destroyed Apple's, Louis and the lives of two babies he doesn't even know. And being around you all would have only been a constant reminder to them and me that Edward didn't want us. And we wouldn't have stood a chance of trying to heal. You don't have all the facts Esme..." I seethed.

God I hated Edward at this moment! Once again I was left having to deal with his fucking mess.

I had never seen Esme so angry but my own anger was preventing me from being rational.

I gave Carlisle a pleading look and he came and stood beside me, "She's right Esme you don't have all the facts. And Edward was so volatile you could have done nothing to help him..._I_ could do nothing to help him..."

"Don't. You. DARE." She hissed at him. She was staring at her husband with almost pure loathing on her face; she truly looked like she hated him. The look of Devastation on Carlisle face told me he knew she hated him, "I can't even LOOK at you and right now... I can't imagine ever wanting to again." She spat venomously.

He stepped towards her his eyes full of pleading but Esme never softened; in fact her expression turned even darker, she suddenly drew back her fist and before Carlisle and I could say anything she punched him straight in the eye. His head snapped backward and he stumbled away from her.

Blood poured from a gash above his head; he wiped it away on the back of his sleeve but otherwise ignored it.

"I've had enough Carlisle. I am going home to be there for my son. He needs to know that at least one of his parents care about him."

Carlisle took a step toward his wife, "Esme wait. Please let me explain. I don't want you to go without knowing everything...I'm sorry I kept this from you. Please love; don't go until you've let me explain." He pleaded.

"Do NOT call me that." She hissed "I don't CARE what you have to say. All I care about is my son and I'm going to him. I refuse to let you control me anymore in anyway. You aren't taking my decisions away from me and you aren't CONTROLLING me anymore Carlisle Cullen! I will call you IF and when I'm ready to talk to you, until then I would back the FUCK off!" She yelled before she spun on her heel and snatched her purse up from the coffee table.

She all but ripped her phone out and called the pilot to refuel the jet and prepare to return her to New Zealand immediately.

I was rooted to the spot in utter shock. Never in my wildest imagination would I have expected Esme to react like that. I knew she'd be upset and she would have a certain degree of anger but I never dreamed she would go off like an atom bomb. And I never thought she would actually turn violent!

Anxiety coursed through me tying my stomach up in knots. It was obvious Edward took after Esme more than I had ever realized.

Shame, horror and guilt clawed at my insides. Not only had I completely destroyed Edward's life I had destroyed his family as well.

The thought of being the cause of Carlisle and Esme marriage to end had a wave of self loathing crashing down on top of me.

I was toxic to the Cullen family as a whole.

My self loathing turned to abject horror when I realized I had just bore witness to the worst fight Carlisle and Esme had ever had. I could guarantee without a doubt Edward, Jasper and Emmett would never seen their parents fight like that and they would have never seen their mother lash out physically before.

Esme stormed from the house without a backward glance slamming the door behind her with enough force to shake the walls. Carlisle and I both winced at the sound of it.

"I'm so, so sorry Carlisle. I should never have asked you to keep it from her. I...I've ruined your marriage," I said ashamedly. "Are you going to go after her?"

He shook his head with a sigh, "No I'm not going to go after her it will only make her worse. She needs time to calm down. And you have nothing to apologize for Bella this is no one's fault but my own and I will take full responsibility for it." He said as he rubbed my back soothingly, "I should have been honest with her from the start."

"We both should have," I said though I doubted if I had the chance to things differently I would have, "Come on let's get that cut stitched up, we have excellent medical facilities here."

Once Carlisle had been seen to by the resident medic we made our way to Apple's garden, Carlisle spun the prayer wheel understanding at once they were prayers for his youngest son.

Louis was ecstatic at seeing Carlisle; he rushed willingly into his grandfather embrace, calling out "Grandpa Lyle" at the top of his lungs.

My two youngest children followed closely behind him, both grinning happily though they had no idea who Carlisle was.

Apple did what she always did when in her garden; she sat alone by the pond spinning her hand held prayer wheel.

Carlisle's hugged his grandchildren tightly to his chest; he wore a radiant smile as he leaned down to shower them all in kisses. Apple looked over at the scene studying her grandfather intently but making no move to go to him.

Carlisle watched her sadly, "She really is broken without him isn't she?" He sighed.

"Yes. I've tried everything I know to get through to her but nothing works. It's only going to be his presence in her life that is going to heal her. And even though he's getting better I'm not prepared to tell her, especially since I have no plans on ever letting him near enough to her to inflict anymore damage."

Carlisle nodded but his expression darkened and a frown appeared on his forehead, "so you have made a decision about Edward?" He asked quietly.

"I think it's best for all involved if we finally face up to the reality that we aren't good for each other and end it for good before it destroys all of us."

Carlisle gave me a sad smile, "I thought you might say that."

"As you know life is about choices and Edward's are always so destructive. Not just to himself but to everyone around him. I can't just keep picking up the pieces, I don't want to anymore."

"Well Bella I certainly don't blame you and I want you to know you have my full support. I love my son with all of my heart but what he has put you through would be hard to forgive and even harder to forget."

There was no way of hiding the mixture of shock and gratitude from my features, whilst I knew Carlisle was on my side I didn't think he would support my decision to drive the final nail into his families coffin and divorce his son .

"Thank you Carlisle I really appreciate your support but I don't want you to side against Esme and totally destroy your relationship."

Carlisle surprised me by chuckling, "don't you worry about Esme Bella, she and I will be fine, although I'll admit I have never seen her so angry and the woman has a surprisingly hard left hook." He repositioned the kids on his hips and leaned forward to kiss my cheek. "Bella please don't worry ok? Everything will work out like it's supposed to. Now I need to go and see if I can get some spark back in Apple's eye."

He made his way over to where Apple was sitting but she didn't look up as he took a seat next to her and I sighed in frustration. I wondered if anyone apart from Edward would ever get through to her.

Carlisle let go of Noah and Louis and pulled Apple into his embrace, she was limp and unresponsive for a few moments before she threw her arms around his neck.

Her broken sob broke shattered the silence at the same time as mine did; I quickly clamped my hand over my mouth.

I had so far managed to hide my grief enough from my children not to cry in front of them and I wasn't going to cave now. They deserved a strong mother who put their needs before her own and to a large degree I had been doing that successfully and it was my goal in life to continue to do so.

Apple continued to sob into Carlisle's neck, he stroked her mass of bronzed curls soothingly and I hoped, I prayed she was finding some solace in her Grandfathers arms.

Carlisle's gaze met mine; the utter devastation on his face sent another wave of misery crashing down on top of me. I fought back the next sob but had no way of stopping the tears from streaming down my face, I tried to wipe them away but more just kept coming.

The barely covered hole in my heart ripped open and bled for my daughter once more.

I was desperate to get close enough to Apple to hug the hurt right out of her, to get close enough to suck the hurt straight from her heart. But I couldn't; she wouldn't allow it.

Though she was getting better with me she still had a tendency to lash out when her pain became unbearable for her and she had already hit my face hard enough to bruise it and bitten me so hard I carried a scar of her jaw on my wrist.

My grief was beginning to get the better of me so I left Carlisle in the garden with Leah and the children and headed back to the cottage. I decided to have a bath, hot water seemed to calm and soothe me, I think it was just because water was so cleansing...

...Saying goodbye to Carlisle on Monday morning was far harder than I thought it was going to be. I hadn't realised how much I had missed not only him but all my family. It had been one of the best weekends not only for me but for my kids as well. Apple had smiled more over the weekend than she had in a year and it made me wonder if Esme wasn't right about me doing the wrong thing by depriving my children of their family.

Maybe I had. At the time I didn't think so and I didn't really believe I was wrong now.

So I stood by my decision...

Carlisle had been gone for less than a week although it felt like a life time. I hadn't heard from him yet and I was tempted to call him and ask him how things went with Edward but I stopped myself by reminding me that Edward didn't matter to me anymore.

I grabbed one of the sandwiches that Leah had made from the table and headed into the lounge where Jake was lolling lazily on the couch, I was about to throw myself down next to him when the phone shattered the silence in the room. I eyed it wearily but hastened to answer it though I had no desire to speak to the caller.

But after Esme and Carlisle shock visit I was more inclined to have my conversations over the phone rather than face to face.

I snatched up the receiver wondering which of my family were ringing to harass me this time. "Hello," I said unenthusiastically.

"Well, Hello there my beautiful Flower Child. I seem to be lucky enough to have caught you today."

My heart sank when I heard Aro's voice. I had not spoken to him for a year although I had listened to the multitude of messages he had left on my answering machine and knew Edward had been getting better.

I guessed he was just ringing to give me another update, "Um...hey Aro. How are you?...Sorry...I..I haven't returned your calls I've been really..." I couldn't even finish the lie since we both knew it was one.

"Sick and tired of the whole situation, and wanting to just get away from it for awhile? Understandable my little one," He chuckled. "So how have you been honey? I've missed your beautiful voice and smiling face." He said sincerely.

My body went rigid and my jaw snapped shut. "I've been busy you know hardly a moments rest with four kids under foot. How about you? I hope you're well." I said through my clenched teeth.

"Me? I'm always the same. Edward is doing very well, extremely well. In fact, he's doing so well that its part of the reason why I'm calling."

My heart stopped beating for a fraction of a second before taking off in a sprint. I took a deep breath, "that's good for Edward," I said with more than a hint of indifference, "and you called to tell me he's feeling better?"

"No, I called to ask you to come home and see for yourself." He said kindly but cutting straight to the point.

My breath left my lungs in a whoosh; I wasn't expecting him to say that. "Why would I want to do that?" I asked curtly.

"Because you know you need this. Because all of you need this. Because aside from all of that you would make this old man very happy to see you again. I miss my daughter," He said sincerely.

White hot Anger licked at my insides.

Was Aro honestly expecting me to just drop everything and visit Edward just because Edward had finally decided he wanted to see us again?

It seemed like Edward's arrogance was alive and as well as he was.

Edward and Aro were deluded if they thought I was ever going to be at Edward's beck and call again.

It had been a little over a year since I had seen Edward and in that time my anger at him had increased tenfold.

He had missed not only Apple and Louis fourth Birthdays he had also missed Noah and Matisse's first_ everything's_ including their birthdays.

"No I don't need this and I certainly don't need_ HIM_." I seethed into the phone. I thought about the divorce papers sitting in my top draw. I could just send them. But if I delivered them in person then I could say goodbye to him and then we would have closure. "But I do have some paper work I need him to sign...Can you guarantee my safety if I came to see him?"

"I would never let any harm come to you Flower Child. You know that." There was undisguised sadness in Aro's voice but I ignored it.

He didn't seriously think after the last time I saw Edward that wouldn't be the first question I asked?

I knew Aro was sincere but it did nothing to alleviate my fears. "But could you stop him if he lost the plot?" I pressed on, "I'm going to be serving him with divorce papers and I want to know he's not going to put his fist through the wall by my head or worse... If there's any chance he's going to be angry or violent Aro I _will_ organize protection for myself."

Aro let out a frustrated sigh but when he spoke again his voice was soft, "Flowerchild Edward would do nothing to inflict any more pain on you than he has already. And you must know sweetheart that I wouldn't be asking you to face him if I wasn't one hundred percent sure you would be safe."

Aro's words did nothing to soothe me. I was fairly certain if Edward wanted to inflict more pain on me, physical or emotional, he would have no problem doing it.

"Um... Ok Aro I will come back to New Zealand. But I want you to know that if he even so much as raises his voice to me I swear I will go to the police and get a restraining order against him. I'm not going to tolerate any of his fucking bullshit."

As the words tumbled from my mouth a wave of confidence flooded the pit of my stomach, I had survived horrors most people could scarcely comprehend, inflicted on me not only by my enemies but by the person I had loved and trusted above all others.

But I had survived and I was stronger for it. I realized then that Edward could do nothing else to hurt me, he had all but destroyed me already, so I knew I could face him and I knew I could walk away from him without looking back.

"I'll call you when I've organized my schedule and booked my ticket. I'm not sure when that will be I'm really busy." I noticed the new confidence that was swirling through my veins had transcended to my voice. I just hoped it didn't fail me when I needed it most.

He chuckled lightly, "I look forward to it Flowerchild, I've really missed you my daughter."

My body went rigid at his words; I was not his daughter, not anymore. Things were different now; Aro was part of my old life, the life that no longer existed.

I took a deep breath, "I need to go now, the kids need me," I lied, "I will talk to you soon Aro."

He sighed into the phone this time it sounded sad, "I look forward to it flowerchild."

"Bye," I said and quickly hung up the phone.

As soon as I lifted my hand from the receiver my confidence evaporated. I didn't trust Aro enough to take him at his word and no matter how many times he assured me it wouldn't be enough.

There was only one person's assurances I trusted and fortunately he had been in New Zealand for the last month spending time with his Dad and Tui...

"Hey Bella what's up honeypuff?" Jake's soft voice sounded on the end of the line and I smiled at the sound of it.

"Hi Jake how's the family?"

"Good," he chuckled, "except Tui's lamenting the fact she misses her mokopuna's. She hasn't even met Matisse and Noah yet."

I couldn't help but smile. I loved how Tui saw my children as her grandchildren. "I know she hasn't. We'll have to plan a trip to the Marae. I miss her and I know Apple and Louis would love to see her again...Anyway that's kind of what I'm ringing for. I was wondering if you could do me a couple of huge favours."

"Sure anything for you, you know that."

"Yeah I know and I'd do the same for you... Anyway Aro just called and asked if I'd come home and see Ed... Edward." I forced his name through my clenched teeth, pushing back the anger and pain saying it caused me.

"What did you say to that?" Jake asked almost nervously.

"I said I would because I needed him to sign the divorce papers."

Jake gasped into the phone, "You told Aro you were planning on divorcing Edward?"

"Yes. I don't know if Aro will warn him but I hope he does." I knew Jake was astounded I had confessed to Aro of my plans, to him it meant that I was serious about ridding my life of Edward for good.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I smiled at Jake's offer of support, of course he'd be there to hold my hand and support and protect me. "No I'm not going to subject you to that. I was hoping you'd be able to come home to Nepal and watch the kids for me? I don't want to bring them home until I have sorted this shit out with Edward."

I had made the vow not to let my children cop the fallout of mine and Edward's selfish actions anymore and I stood by that vow.

My children would not being coming back to New Zealand until I deemed it emotionally safe for them to do so. And they certainly wouldn't be seeing their father again unless I thought it was going to be in their best interests to do so.

I knew I wouldn't be able to stop Edward getting at least some access to them if he decided to fight me for shared custody.

But he'd be fool to do so.

Because I would fight him to the death for my children! I would never again allow him to wreak havoc with their lives.

"Of course I'll come and look after them...But are sure you want to face Edward by yourself?" He asked quietly.

"Aro assured me I'd be safe, but I was wondering if you'd maybe go and see Edward before you come back to Nepal? I don't trust Aro completely. He, like the rest of them, are kind of blinded when it comes to Edward and I think Aro has Edward's best interests at heart more than he has mine. I thought if you went and saw him then at least you'd be able to tell me honestly what he's like now and whether I really will be safe from him."

"I can do that for you. I think it's a good idea. Do you think Edward will agree to see me?"

"I don't know, but I won't be stepping foot within a thousand feet of Edward unless you've seen him first. So I guess he'll agree to it if he really wants to see me again. I'll ring Aro and tell him to expect you...Oh and I'm going to be renting a house down on the waterfront can you go and stock it for me? I don't if I'll get time to organize food or anything."

"More like you won't consider food a priority," Jake teased. "Of course I'll stock your pantry for you. So call me when you have talked to Aro ok."

"Yeah I will and thanks again Jake; I don't know what I'd do without you." I said honestly.

"You'd fade away from lack of food," He teased before turning serious, "you know you'd survive without me Bella. You are a strong independent woman; you've just lost sight of the fact."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes and even though Jake couldn't see me by the tsking noise in my ear he knew what I was doing anyway.

"I'll talk to you soon ok? Give those kids a kiss and say hi to Leah for me,"

"I will and you give Tui and Billy a big hug from me and tell them I will see them soon."

As soon as I hung up the phone fear descended on me like a thick black cloud, there was no trace of my former confidence.

Even though I needed to see Edward in order to make a clean break from him, _I didn't want to see him._ I was petrified that even though I was beyond livid with him, he would use my weaknesses against me to manipulate me into agreeing to whatever he asked.

Panic flooded the pit of my stomach but I fought it back and tried to regain my confidence by telling myself over and over again that I didn't have to be scared. I was not the same weak person anymore.

I was no longer that blindly in love that I would ever put Edward before myself or my children; he now sat on the bottom of the list of what was important to me...

I stared at the phone in my hand for a full fifteen minutes before I found the courage to dial Aro's number, I was terrified that Edward may answer the phone so I kept my hand on the end call button so I could hang up on him.

My hands shook violently as the phone began to ring, it reminded me briefly of the time I had tried to call Edward in France to tell him about his children, it occurred to me as I poised my finger over the button that I was as much of coward now as I was back then.

The phone continued to ring then finally kicked into Aro's answer phone message. I exhaled loudly the air leaving my throat in a rush as I waited to leave my message. Finally the tone sounded and I took another shaky breath.

"Aro its Bella, I just wanted to let you know Jake will be coming to visit in a few days time. He's at home with his family at the moment; he thought he might call in to see you before he flies back to..." I was about to say flies back to Nepal but I couldn't risk Edward hearing the message and knowing my whereabouts'. "...Before he flies home to me." I amended. I recited Jake's cellphone number so Aro could get in touch with him personally if there was some problem with his visit before hanging up without a goodbye.

I continued to stare at the phone, a part of me wished that Edward had answered, I was fairly sure it would have been far easier to tell him I was divorcing him over the phone than face to face.

The coward in me agreed whole heartedly but there was another part of me that was telling me I needed to face Edward and tie up all the loose ends, making a _clean_ break was best for everyone involved...

**Jake's POV... **

I hung up the phone and looked out over the sparkling ocean; it wasn't until I was back here on the Marae, back here with my family that I realized how much I had missed living in New Zealand. While Nepal's fresh mountain air and incredibly peaceful feeling of its people offered its own unique tranquillity I missed the ocean and the salt air and I had missed the feeling of the sand squishing between my toes.

I didn't regret my decision to go to Nepal with Bella, she needed me more than she ever had and she was so fragile more so than I had ever seen her, I could never abandon her; not when her whole world had shattered before her eyes.

It had killed me to watch her struggle to keep herself together, to struggle to find answers to why Edward would be so cruel to her. I wanted desperately to take her pain away to carry her overwhelming burdens myself so I could bring back some of the former sparkle in her eyes.

But Bella would never allow it, she would suffer in silence the way she always did.

That had been the worst bit, watching all the light being extinguished from her eyes; it was hard to look at her eyes now they were so devoid of life.

There were others parts of Bella that had changed dramatically over the past year, gone was her ability to trust anyone but me at this point, she trusted my judgement far more than she trusted her own, though she did have one other she counted on and it had taken me a really long time to understand why she chose Carlisle to confide in over her own family.

Carlisle, who had done nearly as much damage to her as Edward and Tanya had; yet she willingly shared things with him that she wouldn't ever reveal to her own father.

Gone was the slightly reckless Bella in her place was almost a robot.

She had shutdown, running mostly on autopilot and refusing to tell her family or friends what was going on or let her children see how much see was suffering.

I thought it was a mistake for her to shut others out and I constantly encouraged her to seek some form of counselling, but no matter how much I pleaded she refused to budge and I just couldn't bear in the end to see how much I was hurting her by insisting; so I stopped.

She refused to allow Edward's name to be mentioned in her presence and she would not utter it herself; so it was impossible for me to get her to open up and talk about how she felt. Even when Aro called to give her updates she refused to pick up the phone and she would only listen to his message long enough to find out whether Edward was still alive.

I had thought she might get better as the weeks turned into months but she hadn't improved in the slightest, she put on a show for her students and others but she couldn't hide the truth from me.

she hadn't even slightly begun to heal.

It wasn't until I found her in her room on the day of her and Edward's first wedding anniversary that I realized not only that she had finally hit rock bottom but it hit me then just how much she had loved Edward and the extent of the damage his leaving had inflicted on her. It wasn't her uncontrollable weeping that had me so terrified for her that day it was how completely her pain had engulfed her, her listless eyes were completely dead, nothing registered.

The warm brown hue had turned an almost jet black and she was so wrapped up in her misery she couldn't even lift her head off the pillow. I wasn't even really sure if she even knew I was in the room with her.

I considered calling her parents that day and confessing everything but I just couldn't betray her like that so I comforted her best I could and concentrated on helping Leah with the children.

That night seemed to drag on forever, it was by far the worst night I had ever encountered. I lay in bed and listened helplessly to the sound of her uncontrollable sobbing and the muffled screams into her pillow, every part of my being wished it could take her pain away, wished it could carry her agony for her so she didn't need to suffer.

Each of her broken sobs was like a dagger to my own heart and my pain for Bella was nearly as unbearable as her pain was for herself.

The morning had brought another change in Bella, whilst her pain was clearly etched in each of the lines in her face her eyes had gone from dead back to listless but they carried something else now, it took me a moment to decipher that it was acceptance, or a measure of acceptance

Her smiled had surprised me as much as her appetite; that seemed to have returned with a vengeance. That small smile though was enough to tell me the worst of it was over for her and the pain I felt for her eased a little.

If I had been more in tune with her that day I would have realized what that acceptance meant and where it would lead her thoughts. and if that hadn't had tip me off her making me swear to never leave her should have told me exactly what she was thinking.

The suddenness and intensity of her kiss and the desperate way in which pleaded with me to start a relationship with her right then and there almost had me agreeing without hesitation. But as soon as I looked into those deadened eyes I was able to see clearly what a mistake that would be for the_ both_ of us.

Once upon a time I would have seized the opportunity, my love for Bella would have overshadowed all rational thought; but so much had changed since then, not only was I older but Bella now belonged to someone else. And even though I was fuming at him for putting Bella through all this unnecessary agony I still considered Edward my brother and I would not betray him.

But there was more than that, Bella and Edward being married was only part of the reason I had to put her off. Bella had forgotten the other reasons why she never chose me to begin with. The age difference for one, not that it was a valid reason in my opinion; but it was a reason all the same.

And there was also the fact that she thought I deserved to have a family and wife of my own. Bella always said I deserved to have the chance to forge my own relationships and find someone who wanted the same things out of life that I did, someone who was free of the emotional baggage that she herself carried.

Whilst none of those reasons had been good enough for me to walk away from her back then, I could see her point now. Also they were her reasons and she thought they were valid at the time and I was positive once she really thought about it she would remember those reasons again.

I could see the fear of rejection in her eyes that day so I promised her I'd never leave; a promise I made without hesitation and one I would have no problem keeping, she always had my friendship nothing would ever change that.

I also promised her we could pursue a relationship once she had ended things with Edward, it was the only way I could think of that would stop her from rushing into a decision that would end up hurting us both, but it was a promise I knew I wouldn't need to keep.

All I needed was to stall her long enough so that she would come to remember her reasons in her own time. Because I was sure that even if she didn't go back to Edward she would see how much more emotional baggage she carried and would refuse once again to burden me with it.

I could admit to myself that it was hard at times not to just go full throttle into a relationship with Bella, her and I were a perfect match and had she met me before she met Edward I was sure that we would have ended up together and we would have been happy, our relationship would have been healthy and it would have been happy.

But Bella had been happy with Edward truly happy with him, I remembered with ease the unadulterated joy that was alive on her face the day she married Edward.

The depth of her love for him shone more brightly than the sun and the way they loved each other had been totally irrational and illogical but it was indisputable. And love like there's even though dimmer now than it had been in the past, would never be truly extinguished, even if it crumbled into a pile of ashes, like a phoenix it would rise again.

Even if Bella didn't realize it now she would soon enough, she and Edward shared a bond than ran deeper than husband and wife it even ran deeper than their bond as parents, it was a bond that defied science; it was cosmic and no matter how much she would deny it she would know she was lying...

I slipped off my shirt and grabbed my surfboard, I had missed the ocean so much and I was going to make the most of every second of my time here enjoying it.

The cool water splashed up around me and I shivered once before climbing on my board and submerging the board and myself under the wave that rolled its way over top of me...

**Chapter 47 – Edward's POV **

**Playlist – Overweight – Blue October  
Hate Me – Blue October  
Let it Go – Blue October **

"Make a wish Edward!" Irina called, the camera flash causing me to finally stop scratching at my arms and use my hands to shield my eyes.

"That's pretty fucking bright." I grumbled. Irina just smiled at me.

"Yes it is. That's your future baby! All bright lights now! Here hold Oliver in the next one!"

I took my godson as he was thrust into my arms. The pain was instantaneous. I wanted my children. I wanted to hold them like this, I wanted to tuck them in at night, I wanted to play with them and soothe them when they cried, I wanted...

"Say 'Who lives in pineapple under the sea?'" Chorused Demetri, snapping me from my thoughts and no doubt thinking he was the epitome of humour. "You are so yellow dude. And you are wearing brown pants. Edward Cullen is Sponge bob. Fucking awesome."

"I'm glad I amuse you." I muttered. Aro strode past me, tsking as he went.

"Poor Oliver, his God daddy is such a party pooper. And you do look like SpongeBob."

I narrowed my eyes at him

"How do you even know who Sponge Bob is?"

"Because I'm not blind Edward, I've seen TV and cartoons before you know."

He set down a bowl of Oliver's dinner in front of me as I took a seat. I picked up the spoon with a sigh. I wanted to feed my children too.

I looked down at the little baby in my arms. He looked just like his mum. I swallowed, what did my babies look like now? Did they look like me? Like Bella?

"Stop it Edward." Irina ordered sternly, waving the camera at me for emphasis "This is a celebration. You've worked so hard these last few months, it's time to cut yourself some slack and celebrate the fact."

"Three months sober Edward. It's a big deal." Demetri clapped me on the shoulder, his voice light but sincere.

Three months. It sounded so... _Short._

The time that had passed did not feel like _three months_ it felt like a lifetime had gone by.

Pain and tears and misery and doctors and treatments and prescriptions and diets and vocal rehabilitation... Every memory felt like a life time on its own. Together it was unfathomable.

"You need to stop scratching Edward." Irina commented, her fingers lightly tracing the newly healed scars on my forearms. They were now a mangled mess to look at. Scars upon scars, it was how I felt on the inside too. Scarred and then scarred again.

"I know." I said, but I carried on anyway.

"Can't they give you something to stop this?" Demetri asked, nodding towards my arms with his face showing nothing but one hundred percent concern. Friendship I knew I didn't deserve after all I had done to them, but I clung to it anyway.

I had very little now. I knew it was all of my own doing, but it didn't stop it from hurting any less. I had finally and successfully pushed every single person that I had loved away from me, some to greater degrees than others, but I _had_ damaged every relationship I had ever formed.

I was still trying to figure out why. I couldn't fix it until I knew the why.

"They can't give him anything Demetri, his liver is too weak to cope with it." Irina interjected softly, her voice bringing me away from my melancholy thoughts. It was still far too easy for me to do that, slip back into old patterns. We weren't celebrating my three months of sobriety, we were celebrating the fact that I hadn't slipped. It didn't sound like there was a huge difference but in my mind there certainly was.

Sobriety was the big goal. It was the prize and I didn't feel I was worthy or deserving of that particular word just yet.

I just hadn't slipped.

"I can't even take your normal supermarket painkillers anymore. They would probably kill me." I told a frowning Demetri.

"So when you get a headache?" he asked

"I suffer." I confirmed. Headaches were a huge part of the withdrawal process and I was plagued with at least one a day. The doctors had danced a fine line with my pain medication at the start, when I had been in the hospital, but now that I was 'through the worst of it' they had told me painkillers, the generic kind in particular, were a complete no, no and off limits to me. As was alcohol (obviously) any kind of drug, ninety percent of my favourite foods and god forbid... Coffee.

"Why did you do this to yourself man?" Demetri asked, coming to sit next to me, playing with one of Oliver's hands while i continued to hold him.

"I'm still trying to work that out." I responded honestly. Irina frowned at me in worry, before placing an arm around my shoulders.

"Because you try to be perfect and you just can't be. We all have flaws honey, no one walks through life without stumbling once or twice."

"I still _want_ to drink." I whispered in shame. Mine was not a 'stumble' I fucking crashed, quite literally, through my life and the lives of those around me.

"But you don't." Demetri punched my shoulder lightly "And that is what matters man. You don't."

"But I _could_. There is no assurance that I won't. I've stopped before. I've made promises before and I've broken them before, this might be no different!"

"Only you can make it different Edward. You know that. Fear of relapse is healthy, obsession of relapse is dangerous. Stop trying to predict the future and prepare for it instead." Aro walked into the room carrying a tray of green sludgy looking drinks with ridiculous umbrellas in the top

"Spirilina smoothies!" Irina beamed at Aro, taking the one he offered her with a smile.

"Home made too! It's very good for the body, cleansing for the liver."

"It looks gross." Demetri frowned. I nodded

"Tastes even fucking worse than it looks if you can believe. It's like a fruit salad threw up in your drink." I said. Demetri shook his head.

"It looks like what those girls were eating in that sick porno Emmett sent me." He commented. Irina, who had taken a mouthful, politely spat it back into her cup before turning to glare at Demetri.

"We weren't going to speak of that video. Remember?"

"Yeah, I know, but it really does..."

"Demetri?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop talking now or I guarantee Oliver will be an only child forever." she threatened. Demetri swallowed, grabbing a glass and downing it in one go. He looked almost as green as the drink by the end.

"Tastes... good." He coughed.

I couldn't help but laugh at their antics and they both turned to look at me.

"You laughed." Irina said softly, her eyes wet and her smile dominating her entire features.

"That's a good sound bro. You need to try to make it more often." Demetri commented.

Oliver looked up at me and smiled, his chubby fingers grasping at my lips and chin.

It was Aro though who held my attention. He looked at me with obvious relief and emotion.

"Drink your smoothie Edward. You need the vitamins." He thrust one into my hand, his other cupping my cheek as he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Laughter will heal you Edward. Keep laughing my son."

"That is so fucking _Yoda_!" Demetri commented, holding his hand up for a high five that Irina reluctantly returned. It was nice and painful to watch all at the same time.

I was happy for them, but I was jealous too. I wanted Bella.

"Jesus, if I knew laughing was going to cause this much shit, I would've just kept my fucking mouth shut." I grumbled, grabbing my phone that Aro had recently returned to me from my pocket as it vibrated.

Since my release from the hospital, Aro had felt it best to take all money, credit cards and cellphones off me. In case I got weak and tried to score booze or drugs. The day before, he had returned them to me though. I could be trusted again.

"Who is that?" Irina asked, and judging from the look she had on her face, she knew perfectly well who it was and had probably instructed the person to call at that precise moment.

"Geez Irina. It's my Dad. What a surprise!" I said rolling my eyes at her. She merely grinned.

"Well answer dummy."

I hit the receive button and held the phone to my ear.

"Hello Dad."

"Edward! Congratulations son! Three months sober is quite an accomplishment."

"Thanks."

"Being _alive_ is an accomplishment." He said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. I felt guilty at once.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I am really sorry for what happened."

"You almost killed me that day Edward. You don't know what the news did to me."

"I'm sorry."

And I was. I knew what hell I had put my father through. My heart attack had brought back memories of his own terrifying experience and then dealt the double blow of possibly losing a son in exactly the same way. I couldn't imagine how that would feel.

Not that I had had to. Aro had told me. In great detail what had happened

_**Flashback**_

_**ARO POV**_

_Demetri looked at me worriedly as we sat out the emergency room. The doctors were furiously working on Edward to save his life and we could do nothing. The knowledge weighed heavy on my young friend and he jumped as his phone began to ring anew. _

_"Irina? Baby, I told you I would call you when we had some news. How's Olly? That's good; maybe you should try to get some sleep too... Yeah. I know. But I'm worried about you baby. You've been under so much pressure... I'm not going to leave him here alone. I'll stay with Aro and Edward; you just look after you and Olly ok? Or I will come home now." He smiled at whatever his beautiful wife said and gave a soft laugh "'Cause you and me are a team baby. We were meant to be, that's why I know how much you love me; cause I love you the same... You too. I'll call you when I have some news. Okay. Buy." _

_He hung up the phone and looked at me apologetically. _

"_Sorry, she's really worried. I am too. What if he dies Aro? He's my brother! He's my wife's best friend!" I quickly moved to Demetri's side and pulled him into my arms as he cried on my shoulder _

"_You didn't see him in France Aro. He was so bad... but this time is worse... I'm scared we are going to lose him."_

_I hugged the terrified boy in my arms tightly _

"_Edward will NOT die." I said, feeling my own tears overflow and spill down my cheeks _

"_We aren't going to lose him."_

_I wanted to believe my own words, but the truth was I was just as scared as Demetri. I couldn't imagine my world without Edward in it. He was frustrating and overbearing and conceited and even selfish at times. He was ruthless when he was backed into a corner and stubborn once he had decided on a course of action, but that was only one side to him. The other side was a soul who could light up the very heavens on its own. THAT side was gentle and kind and his generosity knew no bounds. He was patient and he listened to people. And he loved, oh how that man loved. I watched him give his heart away to a beautiful east coast flower and he loved her, with every part of his being he loved her and all that was good about him showed. But the dark side of him tainted that love, it filled it with doubt and fear and mistrust. The dark side of Edward wanted him to fail and die and as I sat with Demetri in my arms, I wondered for the first time in the many years I had known Edward, I wondered if that dark side had finally won its battle, if it had finally taken the light beautiful soul that had been a great part of my assumed son._

_Hours passed and we sat there. We heard nothing. More time passed and there was still no news. Demetri could find out nothing from the staff and my hopes began to sink lower and lower until I could finally pace with Demetri no more. I sat down on the chair and began to weep._

"_Are you the family of Mr Edward Cullen?" A tired and weary looking man in scrubs approached us, pulling a surgical cap from his head and balling it up into his hands. _

"_We brought him in" Demetri said stepping forward, his expression anxious "Is he ok? Is he alive?" _

_The doctor looked at us both with a frown _

"_I can't give you any specifics if you aren't next of kin. Are you next of kin?" _

"_No." I said standing up and approaching the exhausted looking doctor. I grasped one of his hands and held it tightly "But I love that boy like he was my own son. Please, just tell us if he is alive, if he is well."_

"_He's alive and in critical condition, but that's all I can say until his family arrive. Can you contact them?"_

"_Of course, I'll call his father now. And thank you. He's alive. Thank you." I pulled the doctor into my arms and hugged him to. He chuckled and politely stepped away as I released him _

"_You are more than welcome Mr...?"_

"_Aro. Just Aro," I said with a smile. The doctor left and Demetri called Irina, asking her to try to contact Bella for me. She assured us she would try to call her immediately and I looked at Demetri sadly. _

"_We need to call Carlisle. He should be here too."_

_I frowned as I looked at the clock on the wall. It was early, not yet five in the morning and I was reluctant to wake a man from his sleep with such terrible news of his son._

_Demetri nodded, looking at his phone with a frown as it beeped._

"_Irina says there is no answer. Her phone is switched off."_

"_Then we really need Carlisle here. The doctors will only tell his family what's going on."_

_Demetri found Carlisle's number hurriedly and handed me the phone._

_It was already ringing._

_"Hello Carlisle Cullen Speaking." He answered groggily._

"_Carlisle? It's Aro. Something... Something has happened to Edward. I think you should be up here with him, he's alive, but the doctors won't tell us any more than that because we aren't next of kin. Irina has tried to call Bella from the house, but her phone is turned off."_

_There was a loud crashing and banging through the phone _

_"Aro what...What has happened to my boy?" He choked out._

"_The paramedics said it looked like he suffered a cardiac arrest. We don't know more than that. How soon can you get here?"_

_"I'll be there in an hour...I...I can't lose him Aro. I just can't" He said wildly. _

_I gave Carlisle the address of the hospital and assured him that we would not leave before his arrival. _

_True to his word, less than an hour later, Carlisle descended up the hospital looking dishevelled. The doctor was waiting patiently with us for Carlisle's arrival_

_"Wh...Where is my boy?" He asked no one in particular, "Please...please tell me he is still alive." He begged brokenly._

_The doctor stood up immediately and approached Carlisle. "Are you Mr Carlisle Cullen? Mr Edward Cullen's father?"_

_"Y...YEs...where is my son. I need to see him," He pleaded_

"_Your son is alive, he is in critical condition and you can see him as soon as we have discussed a few things." The doctor led Carlisle to a chair and sat him down. "Your son suffered a cardiac arrest from severe alcohol poisoning. We have him in a chemically induced coma to give his body some time to heal and deal with the withdrawal process. In a few days we can begin to wake him and then better assess his long term prognosis. We have run some initial tests and they are... alarming for a lack of a better word, but we will know more in a day or two."_

_The doctor's voice was kind but clinical and it did absolutely nothing to lessen the blow of the news. _

"_Oh fuck" Demetri whispered, slumping down into the seat beside him. I couldn't speak, I just looked at Carlisle blankly_

_"Can...Can I see him?" Carlisle asked breathlessly, clinging onto the doorway for support. _

_The doctor nodded _

"_Of course, but one at a time and I warn you, your son is on a ventilator and dialysis to help clean some of the toxins from his blood. There are a lot of machines in the room. Don't be alarmed when you see him"_

_But we were. We were shocked into silence when we saw him lying there, still and unmoving on the bed. _

_He looked as though he were dead._

"_My son," Carlisle croaked from beside me. I could say nothing. _

"_Shit bro, why did you do this to yourself?" Demetri whispered from beside me. I said nothing still; I slowly approached the bed and picked up my best friend and son's hand, kissing the back of it lightly. _

"_We'll make this right together Edward."_

"Time for presents!" Irina screeched.

"This isn't a birthday." I argued but Demetri gripped my shoulder tightly from behind.

"My wife said there had to be presents. I spent THREE fucking hours picking a goddam present from Amazon. You will open them and happily."

I pushed his hand off and rubbed my shoulder.

"I mean 'Yay! Presents!" I said with mock enthusiasm.

The presents turned out to be a set of healing crystals from Aro, a highly amusing Green Tea Set from Demetri and a book-a-month subscription from Irina.

"And this one," Irina said taking Oliver off me and handing me the last present. I looked at the chocolate brown box and golden ribbon.

"Open it." She said quietly.

I easily undid the ribbon and lifted the top off the box. I pushed aside the brown chiffon paper and froze as I stared at the mahogany and gold picture frame. It was a picture of Bella and the children on our wedding day.

My chest caved from the inside out. Everything inside me melted away to nothing at that moment and I struggled to catch my breath.

I was pleased that I had not been holding Oliver.

"Do you like it?" She asked a little anxiously.

"Irina. Honey, why did you do that?" Demetri asked gently. Even Aro had gone completely silent.

She was so beautiful, I felt my finger tracing the cool glass though I did not tell it to do so. It was my Bella and the photo did not do her justice, but god, she was beautiful.

"I'm sorry Edward!" Irina said, her voice sounding far away.

I couldn't say anything. I was lost in the memories of my family. I could hear their voices, I could feel Apple's tiny, chubby fingers wrapping around mine as she held my hand.

"Ok Edward. Let's put this away for now shall we." Aro said, taking the lid of the box and placing it back down gently. I wanted to rip it back off so I could look at them, but I couldn't move. There were no photos of my children or Bella around the house and Aro had covered up the murals of them on the walls.

The photo had been the first time I had seen my children and my wife in over three months.

I sat for the rest of the evening in the corner. I said little and little was said to me. Irina, Demetri and a sleeping Oliver left a little after ten and I quickly retired to my room and my solitude. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and memories of my family, no matter how hurtful or painful they were.

It didn't take long for the music to start forming in my head and the lyrics to follow.

"_I have to block out thoughts of you  
So I don't lose my head"_

I sang, in my horrible croaky pitch. I hated the way my voice sounded. Once I had been able to sing a clear tune, but now I sounded like hell. I grimaced and picked up the guitar from beside my bed regardless.

Music had always brought me relief and I really fucking needed it after the disastrous party.

"_Hate me today.  
Hate me tomorrow.  
Hate me for all the things, I didn't do for you.  
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see  
What's good for you."_

I recalled the guilt I had felt from Tanya and my failure to protect my wife and unborn children. My most important task and I had failed at it so miserably.

Tanya had cost us a child.

She had nearly cost us two more.

She had nearly cost me my wife.

I felt the anger and I let it come, I let it wash through me as I snatched up a pen and paper from my bedside table and furiously began to scribble down the chords and lyrics to the song.

"_There's a burning in my pride,  
a nervous bleeding in my brain  
An ounce of peace is all I want for you  
Will you never call again?_  
_And will you never say that you love me  
Just to put it in my face.  
And will you never try to reach me  
It is I that wanted space._

The words were everything I had not been able to say to my beautiful wife. All the hurt, all the feelings of pain and the bitterest sting of failure...

"_I'm sober now for three whole months  
It's one accomplishment that you helped me with  
The one that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again_

_You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take.  
So I'll drive so fucking far away  
That I'll never cross your mind  
And do whatever it takes in your heart  
To leave me behind."_

I sang lightly, scrawling the lyrics haphazardly as I went.

Three months without fucking up. And people wanted to celebrate that. I had to have been pretty bad before.

I thought back to the bits of the time leading up to my heart attack that I could remember. I had been pretty bad alright.

_**Flashback**_

_My throat was dry. No it was on fire. It was fucking burning. I gingerly opened my eyes, hoping to find water nearby, but instead I saw my father, his head in his hands as he leaned on the edge of my bed. I blinked at his head in confusion. Why was my father here? Where was I? Bella... _

_The thought slammed into me like a wrecking ball. Bella. Hazy images of Bella crying, smiling laughing, telling me I was dying... Pain. _

_Aro, Demetri, Irina. _

_It all came flooding back to me at once and the force of the memories caused me to clench my eyes shut once again from the pain. My head was pounding but it wasn't just my head. My entire body was in agony in match the pain I felt inside. _

"_D-d-daa-d." I rasped out opening my eyes as they began to water from the pain of talking. "Wh-whe-re am I?"_

_"ED...EDWARD," He choked out. "I...I love you my son. More than anything I love you...And I'm sorry."_

"_Dad... Where is B-B-Bella? Why are you s-s-sorry?" I looked around the room, hoping to see Bella somewhere. Despite everything that happened, I knew she would be here, somewhere. _

_She was always with me; she had saved me from the blackness that tried to swallow me. She was my heart; she would not leave me like this. _

"_D-dad? Where is she?"_

_"I...Bella..." He stammered. He looked up to the corner of the room behind me, "Aro?" He pleaded._

_I followed my father's line of sight to Aro and looked at him questioningly. He smiled at me kindly _

"_She left Edward. With the children, do you remember that? You were staying at my house..." I nodded, remembering suddenly Aro and Demetri tying me to the bed with belts. _

"_You had a heart attack Edward; you're here in the hospital..." I looked at my father for confirmation. His grief stricken face struck me like a fist. My father was terrified "Dad...Aro?" I couldn't make sense of the situation._

_"I'm so sorry son. Bella needs time. She is still trying to heal from her own injuries and deal with the children. She couldn't be here." He said soothingly._

"_Oh." I said. It felt like my throat was closing "I see." _

_Nobody spoke for a long time and I was glad. I felt weak and tired and my mind was busy using all my energy to try to figure out a way to make it all up to Bella and fix the mess I had caused. _

"_Oh good, here comes the doctor." Aro looked up as the door opened. I glanced up at the doctor, who was rifling through his clipboard, _

"_Good morning Mr Cullen. My name is Doctor Anderson, I'm sure you must have some questions for me." I nodded and he smiled. "Well I can sum it up quite simply for you. You are a dumbass." _

_I blinked at the doctor. _

"_Excuse me?" I croaked, I was sure I had misheard him. _

"_You. Are. A. Dumbass." He reiterated tapping his clipboard with his fingers. "Over the past week I have run numerous tests and from their results I have concluded that you are a dumbass. I won't go into the details now, you just woke up, but in the next day or two we are going to have a long and serious talk about your long term recovery." He jotted a few notes down before looking up and smiling at me. _

"_A nurse will be along shortly to check you over and bring you a glass of water, rest. You are going to need it." and with that the doctor sauntered out of the room. I looked at my father and Aro. _

"_Am I dead? Because this feels too crazy to be real."_

_My father looked at me quickly before turning away, trying to hide his smile. "Sorry son I don't mean to laugh. It's just the look on your face. It reminds me of the time Emmett did it with his girlfriend in your bed."_

"_That was horrible." I said both about the doctor and my father's reference._

_Aro looked down at me seriously "All kidding aside Edward, this is serious. The doctor is right, things need to change Edward. You need to start taking responsibility for yourself and your actions." _

"_I know" I responded croakily "I can't let Bella down again."_

"_You can't do this for Bella Edward. This doesn't have anything to do with her and boy, you need to accept that. She can't be part of this process Edward. You are not strong enough to cross that bridge yet. And you need to accept that maybe Bella wants space."_

_He was wrong. I thought back to the comfort that imagination Bella had given me and I smiled. She wasn't here now, my Bella, but she would be soon. As soon as I could call her and let her know what had happened, then she would come to me and we could make this right. We could fix our family again._

"_I know she loves me." I said confidently. Aro shook his head._

"_I don't doubt that. But sometimes love isn't enough Edward. This isn't a fairy tale, it's not some Hollywood drivel, its real life and love just isn't enough to sustain a relationship. Look at yourself and ask yourself, what can I offer her? Because she deserves the best and you simply can't see it."_

_"Aro's right son, love isn't enough to fix things this time and you can't put that pressure on her right now. She needs space Edward and you need to decide if you really want her back because son no half assed attempt is going to make up what you have put that girl through."_

_I was about to argue when the door opened and a smiling woman walked in. "Hello Mr Cullen. It's wonderful to see you awake; I'm your nurse Janet. How about these two here take a break for a coffee and something to eat while we clean you up and do some tests?"_

_Aro and my father readily agreed and after they had both made sure I was ok, they went off in search of food and caffeine. I was glad; they both looked like they could use it._

_The nurse took what felt like litres of blood and removed a number of painful wires and tubes from me. After I had taken the medication she preferred, I began to feel a little better. _

"_Well, it looks like we are done for now Mr Cullen. Rest and try to get some sleep. The doctor will be along once we get the results of the tests."_

_I thanked her as she wheeled her trolley full of torture instruments and macabre body fluids out of the room. _

_I hated hospitals and I wanted to leave. I had to find Bella._

_I didn't care what Aro said. He was wrong. I wanted my wife and children, sure, I had fucked up, but nothing was irreparable._

_Was it?_

_I gingerly got out of bed, grateful that the nurse had taken the majority of the wires and tubes out of me. I could feel where each and every one had been however when I tried to stand up and fell over, tugging the IV left in my arm painfully. I climbed to my feet, using the IV stand as an aid. I shakily took my footing, swaying precariously from side to side as I tried to regain my sense of balance. It was difficult however, the room kept coming in and out of focus, but I could not be deterred. I needed to get to her. I had to make sure she was ok and our babies. My stomach turned as Apple's heartbroken face flashed before my eyes and I doubled over in pain. I felt warm tears, splattering on my feet as I relived what I had put my innocent baby daughter through. I was so ashamed and despite my natural instinct to defend my actions in some tragic shape or form, I couldn't. There was no excuse, there was no defence. My daughter deserved a better father. I did not want my cross to become hers to carry also. _

_I had to make it right._

_I staggered forward, my eyes on the prize of Aro's jacket and the phone I knew Demetri had given him within. _

_It was a triumphant moment for me when I finally reached the jacket moments later. I grabbed it, almost dropping the thing in the process. The sleek black and silver cellphone slid out of the pocket and crashed to the floor, a piece of paper fluttering down on top of it. I bent over with significant effort, brushing the paper aside to pick up the phone, but as I did so, I spied the handwriting I would recognise anywhere. _

_It was the same that had scrawled my messages at Cullen Industries in a barely semi-legible fashion. _

_It was the same handwriting that had told me we needed more milk and toilet paper on the fridge reminder board._

_It was the same that had signed our wedding register._

_I fell to my knees, ignoring the lightning bolt pain as I hastily turned the note over. It was addressed to Aro, but I didn't let that stop me. It was from Bella. It was mine._

_**Aro,**_

_**I'm so sorry I just ran out without telling you personally of my plans I just don't have time, the Cullen Jet is waiting for me as I write this. I know it's a cowardly thing to do but for my own sanity I have to go away. Jake the kids and I are leaving for Nepal tonight. **_

_**I realize what I'm about to ask you is unfair and putting you in an awkward position but I'm asking you, no I'm begging you anyway. **_

_**Please Aro don't tell Edward where I've gone. I can't deal with the fallout of his self destructive attitude and look after my kids at the same time and the way I see it they need me far more than he does or ever will.**_

_**I will let you know how you can contact me when I get there.**_

_**And sorry again for not telling you of my plans in person but it is probably better this way.**_

_**Take Care of yourself**_

_**Bella x**_

_I fell back to the floor. If I hadn't recognised the handwriting clearly I wouldn't have believed that Bella could think that way. She didn't want me near her; she didn't even want me to know where she was. _

_Her voice on paper had been nothing like the angelic voice in my head that had saved my life. _

_My hope for the future ripped through my fingers like I was clutching at smoke. I grasped the note tightly, transferring all the pain and rejection I felt into it. How had things come to this? How had I destroyed my life quite so completely and utterly? _

"_God Bella, I'm so fucking sorry baby. I fucked up Bella and I'm so scared. I've got no one to turn to now. Please come back to me. Don't leave me alone, I can't do this alone." My voice was little more than a pained whisper as I begged for Bella to come back to me. Real or in my head, I didn't care at that point. _

"_I need you so much. I need to make this right and I don't know how to do that. Please baby... I'm begging you." I fell forward onto the floor, the tears streaming down my cheeks as I laid the last of my dignity aside. I would beg my hallucinations to return, I would beg for my wife to miraculously walk through the door and tell me she still loved me, it didn't matter if she just only came back._

"_Please Bella. Please..." I whimpered._

_Silence. _

_There was no comforting voice in my head, there was no miracle. _

_There was only the silence as my hope and will shattered into a million pieces. _

_I was engulfed in a familiar pain and the familiar urge to wash it all away with whiskey, with drugs. I knew I could turn the pain into little more than a faint shadow; I just needed to get out of the hospital and to..._

_I sat up slowly and looked at the phone in my hand. _

_I could call a dealer. I could pay them enough to bring me a drink as well..._

_A plan began to form in my head and my fingers were on the buttons before I stopped myself. _

_Déjà vu. A sense of having travelled the same road before, call it what you will, but I experienced that sensation in a moment of perfect clarity._

_I was making the same mistake I always did. I was running again._

_I couldn't run anymore. _

_I had to stand fight to regain control of my life. I had to stop living behind excuses and crutches and I had to find the strength to be a man, the kind of man that my children could be proud to call their father. The kind of man that a woman like Bella would want for her husband._

_Aro's words suddenly made sense to me. I had a lot of work to do on me. I couldn't focus on my marriage because I hadn't fixed what was wrong inside me yet. I was constantly on the verge of self destruction and until I fixed that I couldn't ask someone to share my life with me. I couldn't be the father my children deserved until I was certain I could and would stick around for the long haul and not run when things got tough. _

_I clambered to my feet and straightened the note carefully, placing both it and the phone back into Aro's pocket. I placed the jacket back where it had been and hobbled back to the bed, collapsing on it in mixture of both physical and emotional exhaustion._

"_I'll make it right Bella. Somehow I will make this right, but baby, please understand I have to find out what makes me so... wrong. Aro... He's right. It's not enough to just love you, you need more than that."_

_I sat there on the bed not bothering to fight the pain and misery that was taking me over. Every time I thought of getting up and getting a drink, I would recite the note that Bella had left Aro, its words forever seared into my memory._

_And I would use what little strength I had to fight urge. I did not have it in me to fight both the mental anguish and the physical addiction, so I focused my attention on beating the addiction and allowing the pain in my head and heart to be my penance for the pain I had caused my beautiful wife and my innocent children. _

_This was the price to pay for destroying their lives. I would not cheat them of their justice. _

_So I stayed still, weeping into my hands like the frightened little child I was, bearing my sentence and fighting the overwhelmingly strong urge to crawl to the nearest bar if that was what it took. _

_But I was fighting it. _

"_I don't know where to start Bella." I whispered to the empty room "I don't know how to fix it or how to make it right." My hands curled into weak fists around the blankets._

"_I need help. Please. I'm begging you, help me."_

_At that moment, the doors swung open and as if they were a sign, my father and Aro walked in, smiling at me broadly. The days of worry were clearly etched on their faces though. It was clear how much they cared about me. _

"_How are you feeling now Edward?" Aro asked. I felt like a fucking girl with the amount that I was crying, but I couldn't stop myself. _

"_I need help." I whispered brokenly "I don't know how to fix what's wrong with me. I can't stop hurting people, I can't stop hurting myself. Please, Dad, Aro... Please help me. I'm begging you..." _

_My father rushed to my side, his face worried but hopeful_

_"I...We're here for you Edward. Whatever you need son...Anything, anytime." He said vehemently._

_Aro approached me slowly, a smile on his face._

"_I can help you but you need to really want this. I'm not going to waste my time boy. You are going to want to drink and if I find you so much as swallowing mouthwash, you will be out the door. I've made promises to people that I will help you but I'm not wasting my time. You do this, you do this right. No more second chances."_

"_No more second chances." I agreed readily. I could not continue the way I was. I turned to my distressed looking father. _

"_Dad, don't tell Bella. About any of this, Please. I've thought about what you said." For some reason I did not want to confess to either of them that I had seen the note in Aro's jacket pocket. It was my secret, painful talisman, and I didn't want them to know._

_He agreed, also promising me that he would help Bella in all any way he could. He vowed to keep her confidence and I thanked him._

_I would still care for her in any way I could. I would see her safe and well to the greatest of my capacity._

_It wasn't that I owed her. I loved her._

_I couldn't continue the way I was. That much was clear._

"Edward, I'm just going down to the dairy for some milk. Do you want anything?" Aro called through my door. I still sat, idly strumming the guitar as I sang the first chorus I had composed quietly under my breath. All my days were spent reminiscing, going over each and every single mistake I had ever made and trying to figure out _why_ I made the mistake. Music made it easier for me to deal with those thoughts and feelings.

"Edward? You alive in there?" Aro called again.

"Am I allowed anything?" I countered. He laughed.

"As long as it's non-alcoholic, low fat, unprocessed..."

"So nothing good then," I said flatly.

"How about we break the rules and I'll get us some Skittles?"

I thought about how tragic it was that I was actually excited about fucking skittles.

"Yeah ok," I said, giving up the little dignity I had along with my answer. Skittles.

"Good man. I'll be back soon."

"God I love skittles." Aro commented, popping another one into his mouth.

"I know what you mean." I agreed, grabbing a colourful handful. Once I had almost ruled the fucking business world, nothing had been beyond my reach and I realised now that that privilege had caused me to become jaded to... well pretty much everything. I had lost the ability to enjoy the little things. The things that cost nothing, like sitting in a warm, dry living room with a good friend munching on fucking shitty junk food with zero nutritional value.

I popped another handful in my mouth to spite the nutritionist in my head.

Aro laughed at my expression and sat up suddenly.

"Oh and I found this on the notice board at the Dairy. AA meetings, the doctor told you they would be helpful Edward. You need to go and have a look."

I took the notice off him dubiously.

"Aro, I'm going to get noticed at one of these things and I really don't need stories printed about me in the papers."

"People are going to write stories about you Edward. You have money. Whether you go to AA or not, they will still write stories."

I thought about that. He was right and I needed to be active in my recovery. I could not afford to be become anything less or I knew I would be doomed to failure.

"I'll give it a go." I said impulsively, snatching the paper off him. He smirked.

"Thatta boy. You can have an extra skittle for that."

"Thank you." I said taking the skittle and popping it into my mouth.

"You did a good thing letting Irina throw that party." He said off-handedly. I laughed

"Geez and I thought it had been a party for me."

"Well, I think she needed it too. She's been under a lot of strain you know. She's called every day and visited every other nearly. She's running that company for you..."

I held up my hand

"I get it. She's amazing. Truly and once I'm past all this, then I'll make it up to her."

Aro frowned at me.

"Why wait till then? Edward you will always be an alcoholic. That's never going to change and you are never going to be 'past all that' as you put it. You are always going to be a hands reach away from booze or drugs. It's only _you_ that stops your hand from reaching out. You and the choices you make. Stop trying to wait for a magical cure, because there isn't one. The only way you will beat this is with hard work."

"You're ruining my good time." I said taking another skittle. He tried to slap my hand but I was too quick for him.

"Make it up to Irina now. Tell her just how sorry you are for what you did. You've apologised, but you haven't really talked to her at all about this and what's going on. She has stood by you regardless even though you've clamed up around her. Talk to her, she will appreciate it, I know."

I sighed and took the cordless phone he offered me.

"You've become a giant pain in the ass old man. I should have let the snobs around here get rid of you."

He stood up, taking the bag of skittles with him.

"No, I'm like a skid mark son. I never go away." He called as he left the room.

I dialled Irina's number quickly from memory.

"Hey Edward! How are you?" Irina's chirpy voice came through the phone and I felt a stab of guilt in my chest for the way I had treated my friend.

"I'm good. I called because I need to apologise to you Irina." I was direct and straight to the point. I was getting tired of carrying so much guilt around with me. It was weighing me down just as much as my addictions.

"Is this about that little push you gave me? We've been over that." She said sternly, her tone clearly indicating her displeasure at the current topic.

I pressed on regardless.

"I haven't been a very good friend to you lately and I'm sorry for that. I've been so caught up in myself..."

"Which is completely understandable," She cut in forcefully.

"Maybe. It still doesn't make the way I have treated you right. And I never should have hit you. I will forever be sorry for that." I ended softly. My words were sincere and Irina heard it.

"We've been over this Edward." Her voice was thick and I could tell she was crying. I hated making my friend cry.

"We have, but we have to go over it again. I've never really apologised..."

"Stop! I _know _you are sorry. I can see it every time you look at me. The guilt is written all over your face. But there was no permanent damage, to either me or our friendship." She was openly crying now, but it was the most she had ever said regarding the issue, so I didn't interrupt. I needed to hear this; how my actions had affected the people I cared about.

Realisation dawned on me as to why Aro had chose Irina to push me to call first. She was safe, but she was also ready to explode from the stress she was under.

"I wasn't even mad at you, I was scared for you." She sobbed "I felt guilty because I didn't stop you from getting into a relationship with my crazy sister and it was _her_ that drove you to that point.

You aren't the only one with issues Edward. I can't reconcile how I feel for my sister. I love her and I hate her. I can never forgive her for what she has done to you and Bella... Bella. I can't even get her on the phone! I have baby presents for the twins; which won't fit them anymore and I miss them all! I miss Bella and the kids and I miss the way things used to be because at least we all fucking looked like we were happy! And I hate myself for wanting those days back because it wasn't ok! It was festering and bubbling below the surface and I knew it! I wasn't stupid! I saw how out of control both you and Bella were and I did nothing! Because I didn't want things to change. So when you constantly do _this_, try to apologise all the time, all you are doing is rubbing my own mistakes in my face. Just... Let it go. Please."

I wished that I had been next to her, because I would have fucking hugged her and not let go. Aro had been right. Getting things out in the open was a good thing.

"I'll let the guilt go if you do." I said softly, prepared to the dark stain on our friendship behind us forever.

Her sobs slowed as she took in what I had said.

"You'll never bring it up again? We won't have to talk about it and we can go back to normal? I want my friend back Edward."

"I want mine back too. I don't want her feeling guilty for things that were beyond her control."

"Ditto," She whispered.

I chuckled.

"Ok then. We never bring it up again."

"Bring what up again?" she hiccupped a laugh.

"Absolutely nothing," I said with a smile "so how about dinner tomorrow night?"

"I can't. Tomorrow we are flying back to Wellington. Cullen Industries never sleeps."

"Do you need any help with that?" I asked reluctantly. I really did not want to be bothered with fucking Cullen Industries, but after my little discussion with Irina, I did not want to place anymore of a burden on her.

It was progress.

"No. I can manage it. Hang on I'll check with Demetri about dinner tonight instead... He says he's out. There is a Bridget Jones marathon on TV and he's not going to miss it for anything."

I frowned

"He likes Bridget Jones?" I asked

"_Totally fuckable dude. She is hot as when that jacket pulls up and she's in her undies... at the end..." _Demetri yelled.

"Yeah so it will be just you and me." Irina said wryly. I chuckled.

"Ok. I'll pick you up at seven."

"Sounds good, and Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. I really needed the conversation we didn't have."

"Me too sweetheart, me too."

_Days, weeks, months what felt like fucking Years later..._

"I'm starting to feel like a bit of a leech bro," Ben said with an embarrassed smile.

I chuckled.

"You're my sponsor. You help me to stay clean and sober. I think I can shout you McDonalds for dinner a few nights a week." I ordered two combos for Ben and only one for me. I hated McDonalds, it tasted like fucking wet cardboard, but my doctor had insisted I stay away from all fast foods and stick to the almost vegan diet he and Aro had concocted to torture me.

I ate the shitty food just to spite them. So far, there had been no harm and it wasn't like I was downing a fucking forty of Jack.

"That will be twenty dollars sir." The tiny blonde behind the counter said with a coy smile.

"Did you put the last combo on there?" I asked dubiously. Three combos should have been closer to thirty.

She winked.

"Staff discount," She slid a folded piece of paper across the counter to me. I could hear Ben sniggering and I sighed, pushing the paper I knew had her phone number on it back to her with an additional ten dollar note.

"Thank you. But it's fine. I'll pay the full amount."

She looked at me with a hurt expression and I sighed.

"I'm married." I said wondering how much of a liar I was in saying that. Was I still married at this point? So much time had passed and still no word from Bella.

"The hot ones always are." She sighed pushing the ten back to me anyway.

"Donate this or something then. The boss here is an asshole."

I laughed and put it in the Ronald McDonald house charity box.

"Fair enough and thank you for the gesture."

She looked at me wistfully as we picked up our trays.

"Tell your wife I said she's lucky. There aren't a lot of decent, well spoken, _loyal_ men out there."

The smile slipped from my face. There weren't a lot of men out there like that, myself included.

We sat down in an empty booth and Ben started eating immediately.

"Bro, this shit tastes _mean_." Ben said through a mouthful of burger.

"Glad you enjoy it." I said picking at my own dinner absently.

"How's Aro these days?"

"Good. He keeps threatening to take over the catering of the meetings. He's convinced we aren't meeting the nutritional requirements for our respective age groups. His words."

"Why would he think that?" Ben laughed, looking down at his McDonalds.

"I could change the catering company though. Surely there is one out there that can make nutritional _and_ edible food." I mused.

"Bro. What's it honestly like to have that much money?" Ben asked, cocking his head curiously.

I blinked.

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion. He shook his head.

"Me and the wife had to go to the food bank last week. There was no overtime last week and my oldest girl needs braces." He shrugged. "We felt stoked finding five bucks down the back of the couch. We got two loaves of bread and three tins of baked beans. That was dinner. I just wonder what it's like to never worry about finding five bucks for a meal."

Ben and I had been friends and each other's sponsors since I started my AA meetings all those months ago. I wanted to offer to help Ben with his daughter's braces, but I knew he would reject my offer. He was a proud man.

"You know, one of my closest friends, Jake, he asked me that once." I said with a nostalgic smile. "I brought Bella an Island in the pacific..."

Ben choked on his mouthful of drink, looking at me with watery and disbelieving eyes.

"You brought your wife an _island_?"

I nodded.

"Can I ask how much an Island will set a man back?"

I shrugged

"Depends on where the island is. I got this one on a good deal, but after all the paperwork, lawyer's fees and the rest of it; I was looking at double digits in the millions."

Ben blinked and put down his burger, wiping his hands on his napkin.

"Cuz, you are far too rich to be friends with this Maori from South Auckland."

I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up Ben. As I was saying... my friend asked me how I could do it. But money means nothing to me. It's just money. I have never lived without it, I've always earned my own way, but I was still born into privilege. I know no different."

Ben burst out laughing.

"I'm having bloody McDonalds with a millionaire."

"Billionaire; if you count my shares in the company." I was grinning at Ben now. He threw his napkin at me.

"Kai with Donald Trump. The Whanau on the Marae would never believe this. I can beat out one of my cuzzies stories now about his rich friend. I'm friends with a _billionaire._" He put on a posh voice and I burst out laughing.

"You don't act rich Edward. You just like one of the boys."

Ben and I walked back to the hotel where we had been holding the new AA meetings since the old ones had had to close due to budget costs. I had decided to take over the meetings and fund them personally so they could continue. I knew firsthand how fucking vital they were to people like us and I had the money to fix the problem.

So I did.

"We could hire out a hall you know. It would cost you less." He commented.

"Yeah, but I love the look on Jessica Stanley's face every time you come inside. I wouldn't get that if we hired out a hall."

We walked inside and passed the snooty bitch in person.

"Good evening Mr Cullen." She said through her teeth as she glared at Ben. I said nothing, walking past her without a backward glance.

"Cold dude," Ben said under his breath.

"She was rude." I grumbled.

We made our way inside to where the coffee and food was all laid out and waiting for the next meeting. Ben insisted on being at each and every one with me and usually I would try and run at least two a night, three nights a week. We would stop and have dinner in between and recharge for the next one.

"She always is. I don't know why you worry, bro. I don't."

"H-hello? Is this the free alcoholics group? I f-found this flyer..." A timid woman's voice came from behind us and we turned around.

A raven haired woman of no more than five feet, stood there practically shaking in the door way. She had 'alcohol' written all over her. I stepped forward, holding my hand out to her with a smile

"It is. I'm Edward Cullen and this is Ben Matapere. We run the group." She took my hand and shook it weakly.

"I don't know...I just can't keep going on the way I am." She suddenly burst out, her eyes brimming over with tears "My husband left me two days ago. He took our two boys and he left. I didn't even hear them leave... I was passed out on the couch..."

I nodded and pulled her to one of the rows of chairs set up in the middle of the room.

"You've made the biggest step. You've decided to change, it will only get easier from here on out."

"I've tried to stop before." She said as though confessing a dirty dark secret.

I nodded.

"I promised my wife and my family I would stop. But I didn't. It's up to you to decide when you are going to really mean it and see it through."

"I want to see it through. I want my family back." Her hand gripped mine tightly, as though she were clinging to a life line. I knew that feeling. I had felt it myself and seen it in countless others since I had started running the groups with Ben.

"It's good to have a goal...?" I prompted her for her name

"Tiana. Sorry."

I smiled, waving off her apology

"It's good to have a goal Tiana but you can't do this for anyone else. You have to do it for you, be sober because you want it for you. You won't stick to sobriety otherwise."

We talked some more and she agreed to stay for the first meeting. I stood up in front of the group and introduced myself as I normally did; taking everyone through their days since their last meeting and any problems they had faced along the way.

By the end of the meeting, there was a very different Tiana and once everyone began to mill around the tables for the free food and drinks, she approached me with wide, surprised eyes.

"You don't just run these. Ben told me that you fund them too, from your own pocket."

I narrowed my eyes at Ben from across the room. I wasn't doing this for recognition; I simply wanted to put something positive back out there instead of only ever contributing negatively.

"Ben exaggerates." I tried, but she shook her head.

"I won't say anything to the others."

"I imagine they already know if you do." I said wryly. Ben was a firm believer in credit being given where it was due. It didn't have to be wanted, he had told me repeatedly.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks. I'm going to do it this time. This time, it's going to be different. A fresh start, a new me."

She hugged me suddenly and tightly

"You will get your wife back one day, thank you for sharing your story with me. I couldn't believe how similar our circumstances were, and you are _sober_, really sober now! I know I can have that too. I can be sober and one day, I will show my family how different I am. And it will be because of you and these meetings."

"No. It will be because of _you._" I corrected her as she let me go.

She smiled.

"Thank you Edward. I've got to go now; the last bus will be leaving soon."

I looked at my watch. It was quarter past ten at night. There was no way Tiana could walk to the bus alone, let alone home from her stop.

I moved to the small table near the door that held the box of taxi chits I kept for the meetings.

"Here, take one of these and get a taxi from outside." I said, handing her the chit.

She took the paper and looked at it with a frown

"What is it?"

"A taxi chit, just give it to the driver and tell him where to take you."

"I can't do that! I live in Pukekohe! That would be like a hundred dollar taxi fare!"

I rolled my eyes and turned her towards the door.

"Go home. Take your sponsors number and _call if you feel like you are going to slip_. Better to talk it out than destroy all your progress."

"Thanks again Edward." She said with a wave.

"How did you handle it Edward?" Tiana asked me a few weeks later. It was her wedding anniversary and she had still not heard from her family. She had been in a deep depression and out of desperation and fear of slipping back into old habits, she had called me.

I hailed over a waiter from the cafe in which we sat. We were right on the waterfront in the viaduct harbour and it was a pleasant sunny day.

"I spent the night sitting in the same garden, in exactly the same spot as I had with Bella the night before our wedding. I had never been so tempted and so repulsed by the thought of drinking as I did that night. I sat in the same spot the entire night and when the sun came up, I left. I haven't been back there since." I said recalling the burning pain that had consumed me that cold, dark night. It was not the way we should have celebrated our wedding anniversary and the knowledge that I had caused it to be so only added to my self loathing.

I had thought about Bella. I had wondered what she had been doing, if she had thought of me at all or if she had let the day pass and simply ignored it, as I feared she was simply ignoring me.

"The boy's birthdays are coming up too." She whispered fearfully. "I don't even know where to send their gifts. What do I get them? By the time I find them they would probably have outgrown them." I could see Tiana fighting off tears and I took her hand consolingly.

"I've missed my eldest son and daughter's fourth birthday and my two youngest I have not seen since they were newborns. I went out and brought them gifts on their birthdays and I realised the same thing. I couldn't send them to them. It was pointless saving them. I donated them to the Women's Refuge and instead I sponsored a child overseas in each of my children's names." I chuckled half in pain, half in amusement "Bella always thought I spoiled our children and didn't teach them enough about charity and social responsibility. It seemed like the best gift I could give and I knew it would be one she would approve of. That was very important to me."

Tiana shook her head.

"You are so _together_ Edward. Why do you even still come to these meetings? Pay for them? You're ok now."

"Am I?" I raised an eyebrow "I made a commitment to all of you. You have all helped me with my recovery and I will continue to help you all with yours. I'm not _together_ yet Tiana, I'm still trying to get there too."

I sent Tiana home on the bus as she preferred, before walking towards the ferry to take me back to Waiheke Island. I was almost at the wharf before a professional looking woman stepped out in front of me.

"Mr Cullen. Can I have a moment of your time?"

I frowned, looking at the woman. I did not recognise her, but she clearly knew me.

"Do I know you?" I asked. She shook her head and grinned.

"No, my name is Lauren Holcroft. I'm a reporter for the New Zealand Sun. I was wondering if we could talk, I have a few questions for you."

I began to feel uneasy

"About what Ms Holcroft? I really don't have time right now." I said walking around her and towards the wharf.

"Alright Mr Cullen, perhaps I can ask the woman you were just having coffee with? Is she perhaps a friend of your wife?"

I stopped in my tracks and paused before turning around slowly.

"Just what are you trying to get at Ms Holcroft?" I said my voice dangerously low.

"Just that nobody has seen you or your wife together for a _very_ long time. And then when you _are _spotted it's with a very attractive, younger woman who is most definitely _not _your wife."

I smiled venomously

"Are you insinuating that I am being unfaithful to my wife Ms Holcroft?"

She shook her head, smirking as though she were the cat who swallowed the canary. Lauren Holcroft held an ace up her sleeve and she was practically _salivating _to show it.

"No Mr Cullen, but that is the way it could _appear_, if you don't get your side out. Now, I happen to have overheard your friend in the ladies room at the cafe earlier and I heard her say on her phone that she was having a coffee with a friend from her AA Meetings. I can only deduce that you are her friend and that you are also an alcoholic. Tell me your story Mr Cullen and I promise you I will print an honest story."

I turned away, shaking my head.

"I don't have time for this Ms Holcroft. You have no evidence and The Sun is not a tabloid magazine. You need facts and you have none."

"Maybe I could call your wife in Nepal then and get her verification." She taunted.

I spun on my heel and stalked towards the viper, backing her up against a nearby wall. I stopped a mere inch away from her.

"Are you _threatening _me Ms Holcroft?" I whispered dangerously.

"I was just..."

I shook my head

"Let _me_ make one thing clear to you Ms Holcroft. My personal life has _never_ been the property of the press. I have always endeavoured to keep it that way. I won't let a promotion hungry, _gossip columnist wannabe_ threaten me or the people I care about. Now, if you are _stupid_ enough to follow through on your threat and call my wife, I will _personally_ see to it that your career is destroyed and you are humiliated in the most public way possible. I will buy your fucking newspaper and liquidise the fucking thing right before your eyes. I will put out a message that if _anyone hires you again_ I will do the same to their fucking company too. You are aware I'm an alcoholic. I have a lot of time on my hands at the moment. Give me something to do. Let me amuse myself by decimating your career and pathetic little life. I dare you." I finished in a whisper.

"I... uh... I think I should go." Lauren Holcroft whispered her eyes glassy and wide with fear. She knew damn well I could make good on my promises. She had done her research before approaching, I knew she would have been hoping for a weakened and easy target being in recovery and I also knew she had been rudely shocked by what she had found.

"I think that would be a good idea Ms Holcroft." I moved back and she bolted, her high heels clacking as she practically ran away from me.

Once she was out of sight, I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialled the number of my lawyer.

"It's Edward Cullen. At the New Zealand Sun there is a reporter called Lauren Holcroft. I want her fucking in the mail room by the end of the day. I don't care what you have to do or say, get it done." I barked.

"Uh, ok then. Is everything alright Mr Cullen? Did something happen?" My lawyer asked nervously.

"She threatened my family. Now get it done."

"As you wish Mr Cullen. I've sent you the copies of your new final will and testament. I have made the changes to the executors of your estate as you wished."

"Good. Now get on the phone and get that little bitch demoted." I growled.

The ferry ride home was not a pleasant one after that.

"Your mother called." Aro said as I walked in the door. "She wants to come up and see you this weekend."

"Dad too?" I asked. He shook his head.

"No, he sounded almost grateful though. I think your father is still adjusting to the 'New Esme' and could do with the break. She's quite a little spit-fire your mother. I bet she is very dominating in the bedroom...You can tell, it's always the quiet ones. It's probably where you get it from..."

"I'm leaving." I said standing up "I'm not discussing my mother that way and I'm certainly not discussing how any of it could be passed down genetically. No. I'll go make up the spare room for Mum. When is she arriving?" I said flatly.

Aro smirked and shook his head

"You're such a timid little thing sometimes Edward. She is coming tomorrow and I just want you to know that if your mother and father ever gave me the green light, I would be in quicker than you could say..."

I put my hands over my ears childishly and left the room chanting "LA, LA, LA"

I grabbed a few blankets and some spare pillows and made my way into the spare bedroom.

I was still surprised that my mother insisted on staying here whenever she visited. She could have stayed at any one of the expensive hotels or lodges on the island, but she refused, stating that Aro's house was good enough for her.

The reality was that she was simply still scared of losing her youngest son. I knew and understood that.

My actions had affected my parents too. My father was more cautious around me and always made sure that he was never anything less than 100% supportive.

My mother was scared and angry. She took her anger out on my father but I knew deep down she still loved him and I think he knew that too. Which is why he allowed her to use him as her whipping pole.

It had never been my intention to hurt my mother, but I saw how clearly I had. It was yet another indicator of just how selfish I had once been.

I vowed to myself as I sometimes did, that I would never go back there. I would never become the kind of person that hurt others; I just wanted to make things good for once.

I spread the purple and white duvet I had brought for my mother for when she stayed on the bed and straightened it out neatly. When I had finished I sat back on the bed and thought back to the moment my mother had found out exactly how much I had been lying to her. How much we all had...

_**Flashback**_

_"Thanks Dad." I said before hanging up the phone. I looked at Aro in concern "That was Dad."_

_"I gathered that." Aro said wryly. I gave him a dirty look_

_"He was calling to warn me that Mum is on her way here. From Nepal," I added, feeling slightly smug as I watched a little of the colour drain from his face._

_"She knows everything?" He asked. _

_I nodded._

_"Well, there isn't much to be done then other than to prepare does there? She is going to want answers Edward. She's going to want to know why her son lied to her and how are you going to answer her?"_

_I sighed wearily. I wasn't ready for this. I didn't know if I ever would be. My mother knew nothing of what had happened, it had been decided that it was best she was kept unaware of my... issues. _

_"I will be honest. I will accept responsibility for my actions and the subsequent consequences."_

_He raised an eyebrow at me "And?"_

_"No more bullshit. It's all the truth from here on out." I recited. He smiled at me._

_We had some time to prepare the house too, but when my mother finally arrived she did not arrive alone. She was flanked by a very worried looking Jasper and an even angrier looking Emmett._

_"You better go out and greet them Edward. And I wouldn't try taking on Emmett. He looks pissed and in your physical condition he would eat you alive."_

_"Very reassuring," I mumbled to Aro, moving past him and to the door. I stepped outside onto the porch and straight into the view of my mother. She gasped, grabbing onto Jasper and Emmett's arms for support. I looked at Jasper, whose mouth was hanging open as he took in the scarred mass of my forearms. I chastised myself for not thinking to roll down my sleeves earlier. _

_My mother was opening weeping, tears running down her face as she slowly shook her head back and forth. Emmett was indeed looking furious, but he also looked... disgusted. _

_I swallowed that bitter pill with a grimace._

_"Hey Mum, Jazz... Emm," I said nodding my head at him "Do you want to come inside? We can talk in there." I was not going to have the conversation that we needed to on the front porch._

_Jasper said nothing, but gently broke free from our mother's grasp and rushed to my side. He looked at me in mixture of horror and unadulterated sympathy. _

_"Edward," he said pulling me into a hug. I felt all the love he had for me in that one hug. _

_I hugged Jasper back, patting his back reassuringly. _

_"Looks worse than it is bro," I murmured to him quietly. He let me go and stepped back, eyeing me sadly_

_"I doubt that Edward...But it's really good to see you again."_

_"You too Jazz," I responded sincerely._

_My mother found her voice then and stepped forward, dragging a reluctant looking Emmett behind her. She released him and threw her arms around me, burying her head into my shoulder and sobbing freely._

_"What have you done to yourself my baby?" She looked up at me and grasped my face between her hands, forcing me to stare into her eyes. All I could see was pain, the pain that I had caused my innocent mother._

_"I'm sorry Mum." I whispered._

_"I don't understand why Edward! Your arms... Look at your arms! Why? Why didn't you come to me or your brothers? You didn't have to do this...You shouldn't have been going through this alone. I could KILL your father." She seethed_

_"It's not Dad's fault Mum. I fucked up. This is on no one but me Ok?" I spoke rather firmly, wanting her to be just as clear as I was about whose doorstep the fault lay._

_"What the fuck have you done Edward?" Emmett hissed venomously from beside our mother. _

_I looked at him and then at my mother _

_"You didn't tell them?" I asked. She shook her head _

_"I didn't know exactly what to tell them myself, baby. I wanted to hear it from you and I thought it best that your brother's did too." _

_I sighed. Of course she was right. It did need to come from me._

_I looked at Emmett squarely _

_"Maybe you should come inside and sit down. I can explain everything and give you the answers you all deserve. Please." I added seeing the stubborn look on Emmett's face. My mother followed my line of sight _

_"Emmett. Go inside and sit down please. I don't want my family broken any further."_

_He shot me one more disgusted look, before turning and stalking into the inside. _

_We all followed Emmett into the house and watched as he pleasantly greeted Aro. I couldn't hide the disappointment. Emmett had always been my toughest critic. It didn't seem he was going to stop anytime soon._

"_Hello Emmett. How is my Lucy Diamond? Keeping her well for me are you?"_

_I sat down on the couch and was immediately flanked by my mother who grabbed my hand. I had a feeling she would drop it when I started talking._

_"Rosalie's good...Better than Bella I'm guessing," Emmett shot me another accusatory glare. "So what's your story fucktard? It had better be fucking good."_

_"Emmett. I appreciate that you are angry, but you are in my house and I won't have you messing up the positive energy that's FINALLY starting to flow around here again. Please try to keep it civil and let the fucktard have his say."_

_Aro gave Emmett a smile and gestured to the seat next to him which Emmett threw himself into with a huff. _

_"Fine Edward you can have your say. But after that you're gonna listen for once in your fucking over indulged life."_

_I looked down at my mother's hand that held mine. I didn't know how to tell her that her youngest son was a violent, abusive, alcoholic degenerate. _

_So I started the only way I knew how._

_"My name is Edward Anthony Cullen and I am an alcoholic and drug abuser." I began the familiar introduction from my AA meetings. "I have consistently and habitually used alcohol and recreational drugs from my teens and because of my abuse of these substances I have now lost my wife, my children, my family and my health." I let go of my mother's hand and stood up walking to the window for some fresh air. _

_"I treated my wife abominably after the birth of our twins. I was convinced she would not be safe around me and my destructive behaviour. And I knew she would never really leave me willingly. I had to force her hand..." I swallowed remembering the look on Bella's face as I punched the wall beside her head. The pure look of terror that flashed across her eyes... "I made her fear me. I made my children hate me. I pushed them away so I could take the coward's way out and just drink myself to death."_

_"You nearly succeeded." Aro said softly. I gave him a small sad smile._

_"I had a heart attack, brought on by severe alcohol poisoning and drug abuse. They kept me in a coma for a week, unsure of if my body could heal with both the severity of the withdrawals and the permanent damage I had done to my organs. More specifically my liver. the doctors told me I escaped requiring a liver transplant by sheer dumb luck. My vocal chords are permanently scarred and twisted. This is the way my voice will sound for the rest of my life. My arms..." I looked at my mother and Jasper "Are the result of the withdrawal process. It felt like my skin was crawling constantly and I couldn't stop scratching."_

_"I'm sorry to hear you nearly lost your life Edward...But you abandoned Bella and your kids...Her...Her family doesn't know. They think you all live in Nepal...Did you fucking ask her to lie for you?" Emmett raged_

_"No I didn't." I said softly. "I haven't spoken to Bella... since she left here. After Ma... after the twins birth." I whispered, unable to say their names without breaking down completely. "Dad has spoken to her though and he assures me that Bella doesn't want anyone knowing what has happened. I'm respecting her decision on that and I hope you will too." I looked at Emmett and Jasper. "It's not anyone's place to tell Bella's family but her."_

_"Fuck," Emmett hissed "You really are fucking poison Edward...So what's your fucking grand plan now?"_

_I looked at my mother, ignoring Emmett. She sat there silently staring at me. _

_"I'm sorry mum." I said softly. She stood up and walked to me, raising her hand as if she were going to slap me, but instead her hand cupped my cheek. _

_"You stupid, foolish boy." She growled "This is all started when your father sent you to France! He has a lot to answer for that man..."_

_I shook my head "I didn't have to go Mum. I could have stayed and stood up for myself, but I didn't. This has been going on longer than that. There has been something black inside me for so long Mum and Emmett's right, I was poison. I have no one to blame but myself._

_"Edward's partly right Mum. Though Dad can't escape some of the blame Edward should have stuck up for himself...And we should have stuck up for him...I'm sorry I let you down Edward."Jasper said softly, his face a mask of guilt._

_"So much for the family prodigy. More like the family fuck up." Emmett muttered_

_"That's enough Emmett."_

_"I'm sorry to all of you. I can't go back and change what I have done, but I am working on me. I attend AA meetings, I've been clean now for months and I'm hoping that after enough time has passed you will see that I'm a different person now."_

_"So where does this leave the children?" My mother asked, looking between me and my brothers. "You haven't seen them since... Matisse and Noah's BIRTH?" I winced at their names visibly._

_"No... I haven't seen them." My voice was thicker due to the emotion I was feeling and it was harder to get the words out._

_"Well that's not good enough!" My mother stormed. "Typical, your father has been seeing those children! But none of us have seen them, YOU their FATHER has not seen them. She shouldn't be keeping them from you."_

_I steeled at the veiled attack on Bella. "It would not have been a good idea for me to be around my children." I said calmly "They didn't need to see me in the middle of withdrawals. They didn't need to hear me screaming or see me vomiting everywhere. I thank the fucking stars that Bella is such a wonderful mother, because she did the best thing for them, she cut me out of their life. She didn't let me poison them too." I looked at Emmett _

_"But you aren't like that now." My mother argued._

_"How is she to know Mum? How is she to TRUST me? How many promises have I made her? How many times did I let HER down?" _

_"You're her husband, darling. She should be standing by you through good times and bad." _

_I laughed at that._

_"Bad? Bad doesn't even begin to cover it Mum. I put her through HELL time and time and time again. I know how hard it is to heal and deal with shit that gets dealt to you, and I did it without the responsibilities of parenthood. Bella will contact me when she is good and ready." _

_"Well Edward I wouldn't count on that woman contacting you. I have just seen her and she seems to be quite content on playing happy families again with that male friend of hers! You need to think about custody Edward or else Matisse and Noah will grow up thinking Jake is their father."_

"_I will not force the issue mum and I'm serious when I say this, none of you had better try to force that issue either. I swear it, if I hear the word 'custody' again; there will be hell to pay."_

_"That's not fair to put that shit on Bella mum! Has Edward told you what she has actually suffered at his hands? And Edward? I'm confused about something. What caused you to go off the rails right when your babies were born? You had been doing ok with the no drinking. What the fuck changed to make you do this?" Emmett railed._

_I looked at him and blanched. Of course he would want to know about the situation, the catalyst for my latest fuckup. My trembling hands gave away my nervousness clearly and I shoved them into my pockets, gripping them tightly into fists. _

_Not before everyone saw and noticed however. _

_"Tanya, Emmett. Tanya happened."_

"_What the fucks that crazy bitch got to do with anything?"_

_"She came to our house when I was leaving on a business trip. I wasn't there and she found Bella alone. She took Bella downstairs to the basement where she tortured her, the same basement where she watched ME beat and torture Bella on video. I haven't forgotten my fucking mistakes Emmett, I live with the reminder of them daily, the reminder that I can't fucking erase or numb anymore. I don't have a wife, I don't have my children, I barely have my fucking life, for what it is worth. _

_I know how badly I fucked up. _

_I've been treating people like crap my entire life and now I'm living with the consequences. Tanya is one of them._

_Emmett leapt of the couch and stormed towards me._

_"This is for Bella," His open hand struck my cheek and my head recoiled from the force._

_"You should have just let her go to that fucking Christmas party that night Edward. If you had have obeyed the rules my sister wouldn't be on the other side of the world hiding from us!" He yelled._

_Jasper stood up and rushed to Emmett, grabbing his arm and pulling him back away from me. I stayed exactly where I was, unmoving._

_"Emmett man, just calm down..." He said soothingly. Emmett was not going to be calmed though._

_"I can't...I need a minute." He hissed, striding to the door and slamming it on his way out._

_"Let him go Jasper." I said as Emmett slammed the door behind him. "He's angry. I get that."_

_"Oh Jasper, Edward! Our family is such a mess." My mother cried from the couch. I went and sat back down next to her, placing an arm around her shoulders while Jasper came to sit next to her on the other side._

_"We sure fucking are Mum." I said with a smile "But it's a great mess to be part of. The company certainly makes it bearable."_

_"I'm proud of you Edward. Just stay positive and I'm sure you'll get your family back." Jasper gave me a warm smile._

_I smiled sadly in return _

_"Only time will tell Jasper. I'm sorry I lied to you guys and I'm so sorry that my problems are causing grief between you and Dad, Mum."_

_She shook her head. _

_"You aren't causing any problems between us Edward. The only problem is that your father thinks he can continually lie to me. He never told me about why you were sent to France or what he was doing to Bella. I forgave him for that, but this... I could have lost you Edward. You are my son."_

_I hugged her, trying in any way to make her feel better._

_"How about you guys stay for the weekend? We got some room here and there is the lodge up the road. You can eat Aro's rabbit cuisine that he forces on me."_

_Aro stood up in mock affront _

_"How dare you Edward! I make the MOST delicious organic vegetable meals... you just couldn't believe. Jasper, I have the secret to making your little moonbeam squeal like a banshee... It's all in the food you feed her. Women love men that can cook and plenty of foods are natural aphrodisiacs. Esme, tell me I'm wrong. Is a man who can cook, not the sexiest thing alive?" Aro gave a little pelvic thrust that caused everyone to laugh and effectively lighten the thick atmosphere of the room _

_"Come with me you two. I will show you both some of my secrets. Edward, perhaps you should go and see if Emmett is ok?"_

_I nodded and watched as my mother and Jasper were dragged off to the kitchen. I got up and went outside to where Emmett stood on the porch, his back to me as he looked off into the distance. I could tell by the tense lines of his back that he was still furious, but he said nothing as I approached and stood beside him. _

_"Are you going to stay for the weekend Em?" I asked quietly_

_"I'm sorry I hit you Edward. I had no right to do that, but Bella man, she doesn't deserve this shit." He turned and looked at me, sighing deeply._

_"Yeah I'll stay." He held out a hand as a peace offering and I took it with a smile. Emmett pulled me into a hug. "I love you Bro even if you are a retard who was starved of oxygen at birth." _

_I hugged him back and when my brother spoke his voice was thick._

_"Get yourself better Edward then go get my sister and Nieces and Nephews back."_

_There were many more tears that were shed and many more harsh words spoken as I told my mother everything. I told her how difficult I had found it to live up to the expectation of perfection; both she and my father had set in their own ways. I did not blame my mother for anything, but I wanted her to know exactly how long my problems had been brewing for. They stretched further into my past than Bella did and frankly, I was tired of hearing my mother try and blame her for everything._

_"I'm not kidding Mum." I said as we walked along the beach together. It was a cool Sunday evening and the wind had begun to pick up. My mother shivered and I shrugged out of my jacket, placing it around her shoulders despite her protests. "I'm over your insults about Bella. She is the mother of my children. You can't disrespect her in that way."_

"_She didn't deserve you Edward. You're too good for her." She stated staunchly._

_I growled "Mum..." I stopped and turned to face her "That's enough. I mean it. I refuse to talk about Bella with you anymore. You can't be respectful and I'm over it."_

_She sighed. "I'm sorry darling. You're such a good man. Why can't she see that?"_

_I was about to really let her have it when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I gritted my teeth and gave my mother a firm stare. "I wasn't joking mum. Drop it."_

_She smiled at me "whatever you say darling. Answer your phone. It could be important."_

_I took several deep breaths before pulling the phone out of my pocket and flipping it open._

"_Hello?" I growled_

_"Edward how are you son?" _

_I froze when I heard my father's voice on the phone. My mother was still furious at him, threatening to divorce 'his sorry, lying, rat-bastard ass' every time his name was mentioned._

"_Uh... I'm good." I said looking at my mother who was studying my face carefully._

_"Who is that darling?" She asked_

_I looked at my mother, debating on the wisdom in lying to her or just fronting up and coming clean. I decided the former was a better course of action._

_"It's Dad." I said carefully, watching as all the pleasantness drained from her face and she turned a brilliant shade of red._

_"Carlisle..." She seethed._

"_Yeah... Mum's with me right now Dad." I said carefully_

_He sighed heavily into the phone_

_"I'm guessing she is still pissed with me? You don't need to answer that son! I'm flying home from Nepal in the morning I was planning to come straight to Waiheke. I think it's time we had a proper family meeting."_

_I chuckled nervously _

_"You might want to get some protection." I advised. _

_"You might want to call your fucking LAWYER Carlisle!" My mother yelled furiously_

_My father was silent for a moment._

_"Don't worry about me and your mother Edward. I will fix it...Somehow. Are your brother's still on Waiheke?"_

_"Yeah, everyone is still here. I can pick you up from the airport tomorrow if you give me your flight times." I ignored my mother's betrayed stare. _

_"He's not staying at Aro's. Tell him to book a fucking hotel." she snarled. I gave her a withering look _

_"Aro's house Mum. Not yours." I said firmly. She matched my stare. _

_"Then I'll book my own hotel. I'm not sleeping under the same ROOF as that man!" Her voice was steadily rising._

_"You sure you wanna come Dad?" I asked seriously. "She's pretty angry."_

_"Yes. Stay the hell away Carlisle. It will be better for everyone if you do." She ranted, pacing backwards and forwards in front of me, kicking up the sand as she went._

_"Put her on the phone Edward," my father growled._

_I held out the phone to my mother. She looked at me indignantly _

_"He wants to talk to you." I said. _

_She began to laugh._

_"NOW he wants to talk! Now! You know what Carlisle? I don't feel like talking to YOU right now! Y-you th-think... You c-can tr-treat m-me like th-that?" Her voice began breaking as tears began to roll down her cheeks. _

_"Mum..." I stepped towards her but she held out a hand to stop me. "I'm fine Edward. I'm sorry; I shouldn't be putting you in the middle like this..." She sniffed "Talk to your father. I need some time by myself." She kissed my cheek before walking off along the waterline and not looking back. _

_I put the phone back to my ear _

_"Did you hear that?" I asked in disbelief. I wasn't sure __**I**__ had heard that. She had been so feral and then she had broken before my eyes._

_"It's fine Edward. The jet is arriving in Auckland at two fifteen."_

_"I'll pick you up. Shall I book you a hotel...?" I asked cautiously. I did not like being piggy in the middle between my parents_

_"Just pick me up Edward. I will sort out accommodation when I get there."_

_I was waiting for my father with the car and he smiled broadly at me as he approached. I grinned and hugged him tightly. "You are only person who HAS to say I look better than the last time you saw me." I said releasing him with a grin._

_He chuckled lightly as he hugged me tightly in return._

_"Without a doubt my son! You look a million times better. How are you feeling?"_

_I shrugged, taking one of his suitcases from the flight staff with a smile and a nod. _

_"Things are getting better Dad. I attend regular meetings and I'm clean. I've got a lot to be thankful for."_

_"That's great Edward. I'm so very proud of you son." He looked at me speculatively for a moment. "Your kids are so beautiful Edward. You'll be amazed at how big they are now. Noah looks like you and Matisse is Bella's double..." He gave me a small smile, "don't give up hope Edward. I feel it deep down in my soul everything will work out for you and your family." _

_I placed my carefully constructed smile on my face, the one that I had been perfecting for moments such as these. I knew people meant well, but the mere thought of my children sent shockwaves of pain through me that I felt surely could not be contained in the body of one man._

_The smile hid the knife that slid and twisted deep in my heart. Every single time._

_"They probably won't remember me anymore Dad... It's best for them I suppose, best for Bella." I swallowed "I'm doing what's best for my family Dad." We got into the car and I started it up._

_"There's no way any of your children have forgotten about you Edward. I can assure you of that much, especially Apple. I know it hurts to talk about them but I would rather __**know**__ something about them. Can give you some advice my son?" He didn't wait for my answer. "Fight for your family Edward. Your wife is hurt and very confused right now. I think the problem between you stems from lack of communication between the two of you. If you want your family back Edward you need to be a man and chase your wife. You need to show her that you want her; because right now she thinks you think you are better off without them. Fight for your family, fight as hard as you have for your sobriety..."_

_I pondered my father's words the rest of the ride home and we kept the conversation light and easy. I guess both of us were preparing for the storm that we knew would be waiting for us when we arrived home._

_I pulled into the driveway and sighed before turning to my father. _

_"You ready for this?"_

_He cringed slightly at my question, but smiled when he answered. _

_"Ready as I'll ever be."_

_I parked the car and shook my head. _

_"She's not the same woman she once was." We got out and walked inside, Emmett and Jasper greeting my father at the door. Aro was behind them, his smile wide but uneasy. My mother had been confiding in him greatly and he knew how deeply my father had hurt my mother._

_"Aro, I might pop out now for those things we need from the supermarket. I don't really want to be here anyway when..." My mother walked out from the kitchen then, rifling through her bag for something. She stopped short when she looked up and saw my tired and weary father. _

_"You might be a little late to dodge that bullet Esme." Aro said to her. Emmett sniggered._

_"Hello Esme. I'm pleased to see you stayed." My father said carefully._

_She flinched back from him visibly and I saw my father's shoulders slump. _

_"I needed my sons. They have been kind enough to indulge me." She kept her angry eyes on him, but behind the anger I saw fear. I saw the hurt and the rejection. _

_"Edward, may I borrow your car please?" she asked, holding out a shaking hand for the keys. Everyone noticed, her hands were shaking nearly as bad as mine always did, but she refused to look at it. She held her hand out with a quiet, reserved dignity as she waited for me to place the keys in her hand. Something I couldn't do._

_"I'll drive you Mum." I said softly, noticing some of the rigidity leave her body when I said that._

_"Look Esme we need to talk. I'm not prepared to carry on like this anymore. This issue is between us the kids don't need to be dragged into it, especially Edward. I know I've hurt you terribly and for that I am so terribly sorry, more so than you will ever realize, but if you don't want to talk to me and sort through this then contact the lawyer Esme."My father's angry voice called out from behind me. I closed my eyes and sighed softly. This was not going to end well._

_My mother stepped to the side of me so she could clearly see my father; her eyes were icy and cold. _

"_Are you __**fucking**__ joking me, Carlisle Cullen?" She whispered taking a menacing step towards him. "YOU are lecturing ME on how to be a responsible parent? Well let's talk about that shall we? How about the pearl of parenting genius when you shipped our son off to a foreign country because you didn't like the girl he was sleeping with! You ripped him away from his FAMILY from a woman he cared deeply for and why? For YOU Carlisle, you did it for YOU. You bullied, you tormented, you TERRORIZED people and when I asked you questions, you SWORE it wasn't the case! You lied to me and I forgave you for it once. I would be a fool to trust you again..."_

_I stepped forward, gently grabbing my mother's arm _

_"Come on Mum, you don't mean that..." I tried. She placed her hand over mine and squeezed gently. _

_"No, Edward, your father is right about one thing. This battle doesn't involve you boys, but I'm tired of the lies and you three are all grown up now. I think you can handle the truth." _

_She let go of my hand and took a step closer to my father _

_"You knew how serious things were with Edward and Bella. I could tell something was wrong and you told me everything was fine. Stresses of newborns, wasn't that your exact words? My son was BEGGING for help Carlisle! He was begging and I should have been given the chance to help him! I would never have denied you that as his father, though god knows after all the things you have done to our boys, you hardly deserve the title..."_

_"Believe me Esme I know exactly what I'm culpable for. Especially in regards to my son and with what I have done to you. But as you know trust is the founding principle in a marriage. If you don't think you can trust me enough to continue to be married to me then you need to make a decision. In regards to Edward and Bella, I told you there was nothing you could have done to stop this or help Edward. I didn't want you to have to see your son like that Esme regardless of whose fault it was that he got to that stage. I had to try to respect Bella's wishes and feelings in this too. She was affected as well. I tried to find a balance and I obviously failed miserably but everything I have done is what I thought was best at the time." He fumed._

_"Dad... Mum... Come on you two..." I tried again, but my mother ignored me._

_"Do you Carlisle? Tell me then. Tell me just how I'm feeling. Tell me how you destroyed the one thing I kept my faith in for over thirty years? I've never lied to you Carlisle... How the hell could you possibly understand how I feel or what you have done?"_

_My mother was becoming visibly upset, but that did not distract from her anger._

_My father threw his hands up in the air and sighed in frustration, _

_"I don't know Esme; why the __**fuck**__ don't you just tell me how you feel? I __**know**__ I fucked up; I __**know**__ I destroyed your faith in me. I would like to make it up to you if you will give me the chance. But I'm not going to play games. If you think you can forgive me then please tell me. If not then we need to decide what we're going to do next. All I want is to fix my family. I want to know right here and now is that what you want to?"_

_My mother walked directly to my father and slapped him hard across the face. _

_"I'll be damned if I let you push me around anymore" She hissed "You want to know '__**right here and now'**__ if I can forgive you or not? Well too fucking bad. I'm not ready to make that decision and I am __**sick**__ of you pushing me around. Edward, I appreciate the offer, but I would rather go alone. Please." She begged turning around to face me. I dropped the keys into her hand._

_"Jesus Dad, you really are a glutton for punishment man! I take my hat off to you though for going to toe to toe with Esme the Muss! Shall we start calling you Beth Heke Dad? And mum? I think you better tone down the violence before Aro calls child protective services."_

"_Jesus, Emmett! Fuck up man!" Jasper growled_

"_Well, do you wanna be known as the 'Once were Warriors' family of Waiheke Island?" He muttered defensively._

_"Emmett..." I shook my head at him. _

_Our parents ignored Emmett's comments; my father's furious eyes were boring into our mothers and hers right back at him._

_"Esme I will not allow you to hit me again, do you fucking hear me? This family has seen enough violence I will not be party to anymore and honestly if you walk out that door without me, then I'll take it as a sign that you want this marriage to end. But If you would like me to accompany you and we can attempt to work this out then I would appreciate if you'd ask me to accompany you." My father said through his teeth._

"_Do whatever the fuck you want Carlisle. You always do anyway." She spat, stalking out the door and to my car._

_The tyres squealed as she peeled down the driveway. I turned to look at my father. _

_"What are you doing? Take Emmett's car and go after her."_

_He looked at me for a moment, as though debating the wisdom of my advice._

_"Give me your keys Emmett." He said suddenly, before turning to me_

_"Trust me Edward she will come around. Marriages go through tough times but if the loving foundation is still strong then the cracks can be fixed before it crumbles completely." He turned to Aro._

_"I'm very sorry to have done this in your house Aro. I hope you can forgive us."_

_Aro smiled at my father _

_"Oh don't worry about me Carlisle. I know you two will sort it out. She will see how much you love her. Go get your lady." Emmett sniggered again and started shouldering Jasper, trying to provoke a tussle._

_Any violence could inspire Emmett to horse around._

_It was hours later when my parents arrived home together, my mother carrying pizzas in her arms_

_"Mum and Dad are home." I called feeling like a child calling out in warning. Aro came out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a tea towel and looking through the window beside me. _

_"They_ _**look **__ok... Your father isn't missing any limbs and there are no __**new**__ bruises on him..."_

_"I can't believe she's hit him TWICE." I murmured._

_Aro grinned. _

_"'Tis a wonderful thing, fiery passion. You can see that your parents love each other and are very active, aggressive sexual partners..." I stood up straight and ignored his revolting comments, walking to the door and pulling it open with a smirk._

_"I hope you two kids have made up?"_

_My father's arm stayed firmly around my mother's waist as he grinned at me._

_"Hey you kids, who's hungry?"_

_I grinned at them both before pulling them into a hug. My mother shifted uncomfortably._

_"Darling, I appreciate the sentiment, but you are crushing the pizzas and ruining my top with very __**hot**__ tomato sauce..." she said calmly. I let her go with a sheepish smirk. _

_"Sorry. I'm just relieved that you two are speaking."_

"_Silly boy." She winked at me._

_After the nutritious dinner of pizza and fizzy drink, I happily went to bed in a grease and sugar induced haze. I had forgotten that food could taste so good..._

_I lay down on my bed and sighed. My parents were going to be ok. It was a relief to me, I felt I was partially responsible for the rift between them and their reconciliation , no matter how tentative, was a relief to me._

_I awoke sometime later, my throat on fire. I coughed painfully and got out of bed. I stumbled out of the bedroom and down the hall towards the kitchen, pausing outside of the lounge door when I heard muffled voices. The sounds of my mother's tears could clearly be heard as could my father's gentle voice._

_"I love you Mrs Cullen. More than anything in this world I love you. I would have chased you across a universe you know?"_

_"I should have made you. You haven't looked at me like that in __**years**__. What were you thinking storming into the supermarket like that?" My mother's voice was light and she sounded younger almost._

_"I was thinking how sexy you are when you're mad and I was thinking how I was going to make a big scene in the supermarket if you didn't talk to me."_

_"I'm sorry that I hit you. But you did deserve it a little." She giggled._

_"I did deserve it. I was humungous jerk. I'm just lucky I have the sweetest wife in existence."_

"_You aren't a humungous jerk. Not all the time." She giggled again, "Stop that Carlisle!" _

_I was about to walk away, feeling like a terrible eavesdropper, but the next thing I heard my mother say stopped me._

_"We won't agree on Bella Carlisle. I believe it's wrong and I will stand by my son no matter what." But I don't want anything to come between this either... I do value our marriage Carlisle. I was scared that you didn't. That maybe you never did."_

_"I know I haven't always treated you with the respect that you deserve and I promise that is going to change. But I would very much like you to think about things from Bella's point of view. She nearly lost her life and the lives of our grandchildren to Tanya and then on top of that Edward treated her incredibly cruelly Esme. You would have been horrified. Bella was scared and just trying to protect herself. And I want you to remember that this is far from over for Bella. She still has to testify against Tanya. You should to try and cut her some slack. If you knew the torture Tanya inflicted on her..._

_I know you love your son but she is the mother of our grandchildren and she is doing her best for them. And it hurts Edward when you put his wife down."_

_"We won't agree Carlisle. Not on that particular topic. But I will try to stop putting her down. In front of Edward at least."_

_"I think Edward would appreciate that."_

_I moved away quietly, continuing onto the kitchen._

_I was both encouraged and disturbed by what I had overheard. I had no fears for my parent's marriage, I knew somehow, they would be ok._

_Mine I was not so certain about._

I stepped off the ferry at Waiheke hating myself for the burning jealousy that coursed through me. I tried to let the happiness I felt for my friend overwhelm and take dominance of my emotions, but it simply would not happen.

I _was_ happy for Tiana. I truly was. She had worked so hard and she deserved to have her family back together.

I _was _happy for her. It just illuminated my own failure with my family and that I did not like.

It had been nearly a year since I had seen my children or my wife and I missed them so much it felt like I was without vital pieces of myself.

I wanted them back. I wanted to announce my 'good news' at the meetings.

I walked from the ferry, along the windy, coastal roads, trying to imagine what they would all look like now.

Would my daughter remember me? Would Apple still look at me as though I were the centre of her universe? There was no place I wanted to be more.

Would my son have noticed my absence in his life? Would he really consider Jacob Black as his father figure? That thought sliced my heart into shreds.

And my beautiful wife. In my head she would always be mine. She would always be my Juliet from our garden.

Would she want me now? Or would she have also found my lacking qualities in Jacob Black?

I couldn't resent any of them if they had.

I had come to a stop in front of our house. The gift to my wife on our wedding day and the place my family had sometimes called home. My feet were moving forward before I could stop them and even though I did try to stop myself, my body propelled itself forward.

I snatched away the terracotta pot and felt for the false bottom. I quickly released the catch and took the key out, shoving it into the lock and pushing open the door.

The _smell_ assaulted me at once and I fell to my knees in the doorway.

"Oh God..." I cried, falling forward as the weight of what I had lost came crashing down on me once more.

I had lost them all. The warm familiarity that the scent invoked was nothing but a cruel form of torture, taunting me with memories I was powerless to stop.

I stood up slowly, inching my way inside and closing the door behind me.

"This used to be home." I said to the empty, unforgiving walls. "I once loved this place." I walked into the lounge. It was as though time had frozen in this place. As though the people who had been living here had suddenly fled one day, leaving everything behind them exactly as it had been in their haste to get away.

"Away from me," I realised. Bella had been fleeing from me.

My trembling hands reaching out instantly for the soft, cuddly pink blanket that had been one of my daughter's favourites. I knew it had been, because I had brought it for her and she had told me on seeing it that it was her favourite. I picked it up off the table and clutched it to my chest, It was impossible, but I was sure I could still smell her fresh, apple blossom scent on the blanket.

"Oh my baby. I'm so sorry. Daddy messed up so bad. I can't believe I let you all go. I wish I could get you back, I wish I could tell you how sorry I am."

I slumped into a chair and sat there, clutching a pink blanket to my chest while I stared out the window at the setting sun and golden glow of the ocean.

I was better now. I was sober now. I was working every fucking day towards keeping myself that way. But it was for nothing. I had _nothing_. I was nothing without them.

I was a better man now, but the best parts of me were gone. Because I had thrown them away.

"What do I do?" I screamed suddenly, into the empty house. My voice was hoarse and I felt my throat burn with exertion, but I didn't stop.

"How do I make it up to you Bella? How do I take it back? How do I undo every fuck up I ever made? I just don't know how to make this right and I can't accept that it's over. I can't accept that you are gone." My voice was barely audible and threatening to give out on me entirely.

I picked the framed photo of our family off the coffee table with trembling hands and i held it, not letting go of the blanket. I remembered when Bella had chosen the photo and the place to put it.

"I love you guys. That must count for something..." I whispered desperately to the photo as the tears fell on the glass.

"I never thought I would find you here Edward." Aro's voice rang out quietly from behind me. I didn't turn around and I didn't take my eyes from the photo of my estranged family.

"I couldn't stay away. I never could, not from her." I whispered, stroking the beautiful countenance of my wife through the glass.

"My world stopped the first time I saw her." I confessed to Aro. He sat in the chair beside me and smiled.

"I remember"

"So do I. Everything about her called to me. The way she moved, sometimes I thought she was doing it on purpose..." I laughed "I could never believe that she had no idea how I felt about her. I was sure it shone through, like a neon flashing sign, every time she was around me."

"Love at first sight. It's a rare blessing indeed."

"A blessing I didn't appreciate. So I lost it."

"You don't know that." Aro argued.

I looked at him desperately,

"I know you mean well Aro, but come on! Look around you! She left in a hurry. The kid's dinner bowls are still on the table. There is an open bag of newborn nappies over there... Neither of the twins will even be _in _nappies anymore! They have moved on without me and I can't deal with that! Everything else, I could cope with, because I held hope. Now... What more proof do I need Aro? The note in your jacket wasn't enough? This certainly is. They're gone... I have nothing now. I know I have to still carry on, but how do I do that?"

"So you've given up then? You've finally given up on your family?" Aro asked angrily. I looked at him tiredly.

"I'm accepting that they've given up on me."

"Justify it any way you like Edward, you are giving up on them _again_ and to be honest, I don't think I can stomach watching you throw away such a wonderful gift again! You think that just because you can pass by a bottle of booze without wanting it that you are all better? You think you've attoned for all your mistakes do you?"

Aro was livid. He was fuming.

"That girl, she promised to love you, she bore your _children_, you pathetic excuse for a man! Dear god, if you won't fight for her now, you truly don't deserve her."

"She hasn't tried to contact me. I know she wont return your phone calls and Irina still wont tell me what happened exactly when she _did _get hold of Bella. I can't fight for her if she doesn't want me."

"She doesn't _know you_ anymore, you fool! She knows the conceited, egotistical, overbearing, self-righteous ass that you _were!"_

"I want them back more than anything Aro." I did, but I had nearly lost all hope.

"Then _fight _for them Edward! Fight the insecurities you placed in that poor child and rid her of the fears you laboured her with! Give her the husband she deserves and show her the man she truly fell in love with! Stand up and be a man!"

Something inside me was stirring as he spoke. His words were igniting the tiny embers of hope in my soul, fanning them until the fire burned inside me once more.

I would not lose my family. I had come too far to give up now. I had taken myself apart and put myself back together again.

"She deserves to see that she wasn't wrong about you Edward. You owe her the chance to see the man she loved."

I swallowed

"I don't know how to contact her. I don't think she would have kept the same number... What would I say...?"

Aro smiled at me, exhaling in obvious relief.

"I know how to reach her. Let me invite her here Edward and then we can take it one step at a time."

"She will hate me." I said fearfully.

"Probably. You cant begrudge her that though. You were a twit."

"What if she won't hear me out? I can't blame her if she didn't want to do that either."

"Keep trying until she does Edward. She loves you, but you destroyed the light in her. You destroyed her trust and thats going to be hard for her to come back from. You will need to be patient and not push her."

"I don't want to push her into anything. I just want her to be happy. With me." I added honestly. If Bella was happy with someone else... I would be happy for her, but I prayed that it was nto the case.

"It will all work out Edward. Ive seen it in the cards, she will see the man you are now and she will love him completely."

I wanted to believe Aro. His words were fuelling the hope inside me.

"I want my family back." I said firmly.

"Then show them that you have earned their love and respect. Fight for them. Get them back." Aro challenged.

"Make the call." I said firmly.

Aro didn't tell me the specifics, but he informed me that Jake was arriving to visit before Bella would. I didn't hear much, except that Bella had agreed to come. I was the happiest fool in the southern hemesphire.

"She is a little nervous." He explained. I had nodded, still to excited to be focusing on his words entirely

"It makes sense. I'm glad it's Jake. It'll be good to see him again."

"Jacob Black is a good boy. He's a good friend to both you and Flower Child."

I agreed, Jake was a good friend and when I saw his car finally pull up the driveway a week later, I felt genuine excitement at seeing him.

I also had a large favour to ask of my once, close friend. I needed to be sure that my family was safe and my lawyer had instructed me to find a suitable co-executor for my estate. Someone I could trust to care for the best interests of my family.

There was only one person that had come to mind.

"Jake's here!" Aro called to me. I was out back in the garden, trying to dig out some potatoes for dinner that evening.

"Put some tea on then." I called back, putting down the garden fork i had been using.

I went around the side of the house and raised my hand to Jake in greeting.

He grinned as he opened the door of his car and stepped out.

"Hey Edward," he said as I approached him.

I wiped my hands on my jeans, transferring the dirt from the garden to them, before holding one on to Jake.

"Hey Jake," I said. He took my hand and I pulled him into a hug, patting him on the back before letting him go and standing back.

"You look good Jake. You look well. I'm glad." I noticed one of my hands trembling by my side and I shoved it roughly into my pocket.

"Do you wanna go inside?" I pointed idly to the house with my steady hand, the other vibrating like a cellphone in my pocket. "Aro has the coffee maker going or you can have a green tea with me." I tried to hide my disgust at the foul tea but it was difficult. I had argued with Aro that it couldn't be healthy, it said it was _green_ tea, but it wasn't green. It was yellow. Like piss. The colour was indicative of its taste and I warned Jake.

"You're on your own with the green/yellow piss. I'll have coffee...So I'd like to say you look good to Bro but we both know that would be bullshit." He said letting me go and stepping back.

I laughed

"What I've lost my sex appeal?"

"Sorry to tell you bro but you have definitely lost your advantage as being the pretty boy." He confirmed with a laugh.

We made our way up into the house and Jake sat down at the table.

I made Jake a coffee groaning at the aroma as I set it down in front of him.

"Here's your coffee you lucky bastard." I sat down with my green tea and glared at it balefully. It didn't matter what fruit you put with it, it still tasted like wet grass clippings.

"So how are you Edward?" Jake asked, holding his cup between both his hands in front of him.

I sighed, but smiled at Jake.

"I'm alive. I'm clean. I'm trying to keep my head above water just like everyone else..." I shrugged. I knew I owed Jake an apology for my behaviour, I owed him so much for taking care of Bella and the kids, and I was planning to ask him _another_ favour.

I swallowed.

"I need to apologise to you Jake. I said... I don't even remember what I said exactly, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't nice and I'm certain that it was in no way justified..." I shook my head

"You've only been a good friend, a brother to me, it was despicable the way I acted... I'm sorry."

Jake smiled at me genuinely.

"It doesn't matter what happened it's in the past. There are no hard feelings on my part, but thanks for the apology." He studied my face in concern. "You know though Edward I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

I nodded, staring into my cup of vile tea.

"I know." I whispered. "I have so much to say to her..." I closed my eyes and smiled as I imagined her beautiful face "I have so much to make up for, but Jake, I couldnt invade her space, her privacy. If she wanted to speak to me, she would have sought me out. I just have to be patient and wait till she is ready and I'm prepared for that. I will wait forever for her if I have to."

I took a sip of my tea and grimaced. "And I don't want to know anything about her that she wouldn't want me to know... but... are they ok" I begged him with my eyes to give me the small modicum of peace that I needed

"Just tell me that she and the kids are ok. Please."

Jake nodded, obviously relieved I was not going to ask him to betray Bella's confidence.

"She functions. She _is_ better...Better than she was anyway. And the kids they're pretty good for the most part."

I nodded, relieved.

"Good. I miss them so much." I added softly.

"I have something to ask you Jake, and I'm afraid I am going to ask you to keep this quiet, just between us."

"Um...Sure Edward and of course it will stay between us."

"I'm not entirely well." I said without preamble "My liver is... well it's just hanging in there. If I stay clean and sober, my life expectancy increases, but there is always a chance... It could go. I could have another heart attack... If I die Jake, I need to know that Bella and the kids are ok." I waved a dismissive hand "I have money, they will want for nothing, but they will _need_ someone to watch out for them and protect their interests. I went over every single person I knew in my head and you were the only choice really." I took a breath "If I die, I want you to be executor of my estate. My lawyer will help you, he knows what to do, but I need someone I can trust..."

Jake let out his breath with a whoosh as he stared at me in shock.

"Um...Are you sure about that Edward? Wouldn't Jasper or Emmett be better than me?"

I shook my head

"You've cared for my family for the past year Jake. You cared for them when I was in France. How could it not be you?"

"You know I will always make sure Bella and the kids are ok...But if you think if you died; Bella would marry me you'd be wrong. Very, very wrong" He said as though he were more than one hundred percent certain of the fact.

I smiled at my friend sadly.

"It kills me Jake. It kills me to think of another man being there for her, giving her everything that I want to give her. Everything I _know_ I am capable of giving her now. I imagine it's how you have felt all this time...

You know how special Bella is Jake. You know how amazing my children are. There is no one else I would trust. I'm not asking that you marry Bella, but I would understand if you both..." I trailed off, wincing at the thought. "I would understand and I would know that she would be ok. Just... it's all I'm really asking you Jake. Please, I beg you as a brother and friend just make sure they are all ok. I have the money; I just need you to agree. You would be compensated. For any executor of my will, they are paid for their services, and of course, there is a provision for you in my will too. You wouldn't have to work again if you didn't want to."

I held my breath, hoping he would say yes and at least put one part of my troubled mind to rest. I was very aware of my mortality and how fragile my grip on it truly was

Jake looked at me a little sadly

"Um...Edward you don't need to pay me to look after Bella...I wouldn't be without Bella in my life, she's my best friend. I would and my family would always make sure she and the kids were alright. I can promise you that much."

"I wasn't paying you for it Jake, I know you would never expect it and that's why it should, no _has_ to be you.

As for the money, you are part of my family. I want you to be ok too. Everyone is provided for. As much as I can, but it's only fucking MONEY!" I ripped my hands in frustration through my hair "And it's not enough, but Jake if something happens it is all i have to offer you. I need someone there for my family."

"Edward as your friend I swear to you I will watch over your family for you. You can rest assured Bella and the kids will be my first priority."

I sighed with relief, smiling at Jake appreciatively.

"Thank you Jake. I will have my lawyer finalise all the paperwork."

"Um...Edward did you know that Bella asked me to come here this weekend?"

"He told me she wanted to be sure that she would be safe. I can understand that."

"She...She asked me to come here to see if it would be safe for her to come back...I think she may be considering visiting for a few days." He looked at me apologetically.

"She's afraid of me." I whispered in shame.

"What will you tell her?" I asked, curious as to whether Jake felt I was a threat or not. I knew I wasn't and I hoped my friend could see that too.

"You were frightening Edward. I think anyone would have been afraid of you back then. I can see that you're not that same person and I will tell her that." He paused for a moment as though debating on wether or not he should speak.

"You know something about Bella, Edward? She has an amazing ability to place the blame for things at her own feet, even when it's a situation outside her control. And you have to know that she is her own worst enemy with her suffer in silence attitude. I want you, no, I need you to know that I tried my best, but that girl is stubborn to a fault."

I was sure I was being stabbed repeatedly, because it fucking felt like it.

"She blames herself for what happened?" I wasn't surprised, Jake was right it was entirely within Bella's nature to be such a way. I placed my hand reassuringly on Jakes arm

"Jake, you cared for her the best you could. I'm sure if it wasn't for you, she would be in a much worse place right now." I picked up my cup of foul tea. "You can't fix what happened Jake because you didn't hurt her. I did. I crushed her world, her life her family. It's my fault and the blame lies entirely with me. I hope I do see Bella, if only for the chance to tell her that alone. It was never her, it was me."

Jake sighed heavily

"She blames herself but I don't think that means you're going to get off easily." He took a mouthful of his coffee and looked around the room, clearly ending the conversation where Bella was concerned.

"So Edward where's that old stoner hippy? Thought he'd be here."

I chuckled grateful for the help and peace of mind that he had already given me. I would not push the subject of Bella and make him uncomfortable

"Giving us some time to talk no doubt. He knew what I wanted to ask you and how important it was." I took a sip of my tea and looked down at my watch.

"Well Jake, how do you feel about coming on a little trip with me? I've got somewhere I have to be and if you want you can tag along." I saw the curious look on his face and I chuckled. "Just my AA meeting. Go there nearly everyday it feels like some weeks. It's important though." I added seriously. "It's helped me a lot. You are welcome to come if you want."

Jake looked surprised, but pleased that I had invited him along.

"Sure Edward if you don't mind me tagging along."

Jake had been a little taken aback when we had entered the hotel, but it was me who had been surprised when he recognised Ben and embraced him warmly. After a very quick but obviously very happy conversation in Maori, they both had turned to me with identical grins, informing me that they were whanua. Ben, somehow, was actually a cousin of Jake's, his family had orignated from the east coast aswell. I had smiled and walked quietly behind the two of them as we entered the conference room and chuckled when Ben dragged Jake (who was quite willing) into the seat next to him. Jake had nodded at the seat next to him for me to sit down, an apologetic smile on his face, but I had shook, my head, my own smile firmly in place as I strode up to the front of the room to begin.

"So what did you think?" I asked Jake as I started the car.

"Wow. Edward, just wow man. That was truly awesome Bro. And...And thanks for helping out Ben, he has such a good heart and he's a good person he just made the wrong choices."

I nodded

"I was lucky to have Ben assigned as my sponsor. He's without a doubt, one of the best people I have ever met. He always reminded me of you. Now I know why." I shot Jake a smirk.

"Ben is exactly the same as me, only his bank balance and mine don't match. I don't see how that should affect someone helping him. I'm an alcoholic. So is he. When you hit rock bottom money means shit."

Jake sat there contemplating what I had said.

"Yeah well that's true." He drummed his fingers against his knees in thought.

"Um Edward? I...I just want you to know that I'm going to tell Bella that I believe she can come back without worrying. I'm really proud of how far you've come and I'm sure if she gets a chance to see you like that she'll be proud of you to."

I smiled at Jake, wanting to believe his words but not entirely able. There were still remanents of doubt from Bella's note all those months ago. She could still feel the same way.

"Thank you Jake. You're a good friend and I hope you're right. 'Cause to be honest man, I just don't know how to start living without her."

**A/N: Well we really hope that was worth the wait. Next stop The Bella & Edward Showdown...As always feel free to let us know what you thought of the chapter :)**


	48. A Time For Change

**Author's Note:**

**Greenaway's Corner:**

**Oh you guys are cool. Seriously cool. Last chapter had the most reviews (and nicest ) for any other Angel chapter! And it only took us forty-seven chapters to get there! Also, not one shitty email! Thanks fellas! **

**Interesting fact:**

**I'm a little bit of what you might call a 'geek'. I like computers and numbers and all things nerdy. Yes that includes the Revenge of The Nerds movies. I shan't apologise for it. **

**The number of reads for last chapter was over 900. Not going to break any records, but Cinnamon and I both appreciate every single one and are certainly not greedy by nature . **

**We got 20 reviews. Now all my lovely little geeks out there, who can tell me what that is as a percentage?**

**That's right. Around 2%.**

**Help me People! How can I say that this story has the BEST READERS unless you tell me who you guys are? Help me tell everyone of your awesomeness. Reviews are a good way to do this and it makes us smile. We are both married. We don't get to smile nearly enough.**

**And as a pre-emptive gift, I will tell you guys a little secret. We have nearly finished writing the ENTIRE story. AND... The epilogue will be totally kick ass. And probably the longest one you have ever read. Noah's story is my favourite...**

**Uh oh! I have said too much! Cinnamon is now chasing after me for having a big mouth. See you guys next update!**

**Be good, be cool and most of all... be you. Cause you really are awesomeness.**

**CINNAMON: She did say too much! Honestly she is one extreme to the other. You don't hear from her for like nearly a year now she's the queen of Authors Notes and giving away our epilogue secrets (personally my favourite is Louis' POV...) **

**Anyway I need to say thank you to the those of you who took the time to review and to those of you who have added this story to your subscriptions, we really do appreciate you :)**

**To Sassy41: As always our eternal gratitude to you our Angel for editing this mammoth story, we know how busy you are and we love you so much for taking the time for us.**

**I also have one shout out because finally (and I was seriously losing faith people) someone has interpreted Bella's POV exactly how I meant for it to be, so to REYES 139 thank you for restoring my faith :) **

**DISCLAIMER: S Meyer owns twilight Greenaway & Cinnamon twist101 own An Angel At My Table, all songs are property of the respective artists...**

**Bella's Playlist: Annie Lennox: No more I love you's.**

**Kelly Clarkson: Already Gone**

**Chapter 48... A Time For Change  
**

**Bella's POV... **

My fear was rapidly becoming overwhelming as Waiheke Island loomed large on the horizon. Not even the sparkling blue green water could soothe the acute panic flooding the pit of my stomach. I questioned myself relentlessly, as the ferry cut a swift path through the calm ocean, if I was right to trust Jake and Aro's assessment that I was in no danger from Edward and I had nothing to fear.

The last time I saw Edward played in my head on a continuous loop and I shuddered as the image of his furious face filled my vision.

How could Jake and Aro think I could do anything else but fear Edward? He was terrifying, a cruel sadistic monster who had no conscience.

But Jake had sworn to me that I would not only be safe with Edward but that I would truly be amazed at the person he was now.

I personally didn't believe a word Jake had said about him. I doubted Edward was capable of change, he was spoiled, over indulged, over bearing, self absorbed, a control freak who loved nothing more than to hurt and humiliate and lord his fucking self perceived greatness over all those he deemed beneath him, which was pretty much the entire population.

It was my personal view that Edward's ego was too big and far too out of control for him to accomplish any sort of significant change. I suspected he had just honed and mastered his manipulation skills.

I had desperately wanted to send Edward the divorce papers in the mail, but Aro had insisted that delivering them in person was the proper thing to do, and so had Jake. I couldn't help but wonder if Aro had an ulterior motive, I wanted to trust him like I had done in the past but things were different now, _I was different_.

Aro was Edward's friend and saviour. His motivation would always be what was best for Edward, which meant he would side with him in any argument. I could never forget; not even for a second that only myself and Jake, of course, had my best interests at heart.

Thinking about Jake brought a rare smile to my lips, he was the most significant person in my life after my children and he was the person I trusted above all else. He had always been there for me and the kids, not once had he let us down.

Jake loved us unconditionally and I loved him the same way...

...The ferry pulled up to the small timber wharf and the fear that had been churning my stomach flared viciously almost overpowering me.

I wasn't ready to do this.

There was still so much pain, too much, and everything was so raw. The emotional wounds Edward had inflicted on me hadn't even begun to heal, they still festered under the surface; filling me with bitterness.

I didn't want to see Edward. I didn't want to be subjected to any of his mind games and manipulations.

All I wanted was to set us both free...

The other passengers swarmed toward the exit, all eager to have their feet on terra firma, I was in no hurry to disembark so I made no move to join the exodus. Instead I stuffed my IPod buds in my ears and found the song that I had been playing on an almost continuous loop as my mantra. I needed something to help stop myself falling for Edward's mind games.

Annie Lennox's _'No more I love You's,_' was my reminder of what it had cost me to love Edward and it reminded me that I had survived without him.

I sang along to the words as I watched the last of the passengers go ashore.

"_I used to be lunatic from the gracious days  
I used to be woebegone and so restless nights  
My aching heart would bleed for you to see  
Oh but now...  
I don't find myself bouncing home whistling buttonhole tunes to make me cry _

_No more I love you's  
The language is leaving me  
No more I love you's  
Changes are shifting outside the word_

The lover speaks about the monsters

I used to have demons in my room at night  
Desire, despair, desire... SOOO MANY MONSTERS!  
Oh but now...  
I don't find myself bouncing home whistling buttonhole tunes to make me cry."

It was like she had written that song for my situation.

For over a year I had those demons lurking under my bed, despair, desire, self loathing and more terrifying self doubt. I just didn't trust my own judgement anymore.

But now! Now I could make it through a night without crying myself to sleep or waking up screaming, drenched in sweat and begging the cruel silent night to deliver Edward back to me.

Change had come, slowly and torturously for me but it had arrived and I had finally reached a point where I could admit defeat, _to myself. _And by finding some acceptance my tears had finally run dry and the monsters that had tormented me for over a year had been forced back under the bed.

I was by no means well, but I was better than I had been.

It was progress...

...The crowd began to disperse on the wharf and I could see Aro amongst them searching through the sea of faces for mine, he looked worried.

A deep sigh forced its way from my lips. There was nowhere for me to hide this time. But I knew I had to stop hiding, if I was going to ever get some control over my life I had to find some courage from somewhere and face the last of my demons head on.

And Edward was a demon to me. The cruellest demon of all...

...It was my children and Jake where I found my courage. My beautiful innocent children who had been hurt beyond comprehension by their father, but they still soldiered on, they still found some form of happiness in their days.

I owed it to them and to myself to face Edward and to tell him of the cross he left us to bear, and I owed it to all of us, Edward included, to sever ties with him so none of us could be hurt again.

_They were being really crazy  
They were on the come.  
And you know what mummy?  
Everybody was being really crazy.  
Uh huh. The monsters are crazy.  
There are monsters outside._

The lyrics to the song playing in my ears summed up exactly how the situation had been for my children as well. They had their own demons; their crazy selfish parents were their monsters. The thought made me cringe in disgust. I was disgusted in myself for what I had done to my children.

I quickly shook of the feeling. Today that was all going to end! From today onward the only monster's my children would know were the ones in fairytales!

Each of my children's faces filled my vision.

Louis; brown curly hair and warm chocolate eyes, so courageous, sensitive and wise, he truly was a beautiful and the gentlest of souls. Noah, bronzed haired, green eyed like Apple, he was fearless and full of inquisitiveness and had an irrepressible lust for life. Matisse, my youngest daughter, so much like Louis in looks with her brown curly hair and same coco coloured eyes, and in personality as well. Where her twin had fearlessness, Matisse was very quiet and very reserved but she was also extremely kind and compassionate. Even for as young as she was she would share anything she had with anybody, toys, food, her favourite blanket.

She was the sweetest child I had ever known.

And Apple, my bronzed haired, emerald eyed eldest daughter. I remembered back to the time when Apple had been at her happiest, the time when she was the centre of her father's universe and he was hers. Apple's smile was brighter than the sun back then, her smile could melt the most hardened heart and her laugh, all golden wind-chimes, could chase away the darkest of storm clouds.

Each of them was unique and perfect in every way.

Our children were the only thing that Edward and I had gotten right in our relationship. Our children were our greatest triumph and the only good thing to come out of the mess that was our brief and chaotic union.

"_At least we got something right,"_ I muttered under my breath.

The ferry's steward approached me with a smile, "Are you disembarking Ma'am?"

I pulled the headphones from my ears, "Yes I am," I said without any enthusiasm. To be honest I would have been quite happy to stay and ride the ferry all day.

I grabbed my bag and made my way toward the exit.

Aro spied me as I stepped onto the wharf and his face lit up into a relieved but beaming smile as he hurried to my side. He threw his arms around me pulling me close to him and my body automatically tensed.

My muscles locked down and I went rigid in his embrace.

"Hello Aro," I said quietly as I carefully took a step back breaking free of his hug. Blood rushed to pool beneath my cheeks though I wasn't sure why I was blushing.

Aro kept the smile on his face, though I knew he was hurt by my reaction.

"How was your trip Flower Child?... You look wonderful." He added with a smile.

I resisted the urge to snort, "It was long and you don't have to say I look good, we both know that's a lie." I kept my tone light, joking. "But you look well." I said conversationally.

"I never lie" he said, taking my bags from me and leading me towards the car. Once we were inside and seated, he looked at me with a sad smile, "I missed your company Flower child. This old man doesn't have the words to describe how good it is to see you again."

I laughed without humour, "Well that's very nice of you to say." I stole a glance at him and noticed a large scar running the length of his forearm, that hadn't been there the last time I had seen him. I wondered what had happened but I didn't ask. I did want him to think I was being nosey.

We made our way along the narrow tarseal road in silence, as we got closer to his house my fear began to consume me whole. My hands shook so violently that I quickly sat on them in hope it would contain the tremors, it did nothing but transfer the trembling to my legs.

I ignored Aro though I could feel his gaze on me, and continued to stare unseeingly out the car window.

He wasn't going to be deterred by my feigning to notice him though.

"Flower child. Breathe. Everything is fine. I wouldn't have asked you to come back if you weren't completely safe. Jacob would not have assured you it was completely safe. Everything will be well darling. It will." He said softly.

I continued to stare unseeing out the window, "I...I know," I whispered not believing a word of it but wanting desperately to believe I would be fine.

Aro pulled the car into his driveway and I gasped quietly at the sheer force of the terror that flooded the pit of my stomach. My gaze stayed trained on the house and images of the last time I was here filled my mind.

I couldn't go back into the house, I wouldn't.

"I won't be going inside," I mumbled not taking my eyes from the house.

Aro cut the ignition with a sigh, I ignored him and kept my eyes firmly fixed on the front door as I rifled through my bag for the yellow legal envelope containing the divorce papers.

Once again I found myself wishing I had gotten a court official to serve Edward with the papers. My terror was acute now. I didn't know how to get out of the car and face him.

Aro sighed again and my attention was drawn to him, he was staring at the envelope with a mixture of sadness and anger.

"It's why I'm here Aro," I said quietly as I opened the door and got out of the car.

I made no move to go any further, Edward had suddenly appeared on the porch.

He stopped at the sight of me and we looked at each other for the longest time, neither of us moving, neither of us saying anything.

My body began to shake, confused by the barrage of emotion that surged through me.

I was bewildered by how many things I was feeling at the same time. Anger, hurt, abandonment, resentment, bitterness, sorrow and confusion. Confusion as to why Edward had done this to me and confusion to why he wanted to see me now, after we had been apart for so long.

And then there was the fear, it was so severe it was almost tangible, I could taste it. It was like an acrid flavour in the back of my throat; it burned slightly.

Edward had made no attempt to move and I was wondering if he was waiting for me to make the first move. He was deluded if he thought I was going to approach him or talk to him first.

I was suddenly aware that Aro was at my side and had his hand on my shoulder, my body went rigid at his touch and I fought the urge to recoil from him.

Edward's frozen form finally flickered to life and I shifted behind Aro as he moved from the doorway and down the stairs toward us.

For as much as I didn't like Aro touching me, out of the two of them I would take Aro's close proximity over Edward's.

I kept my eyes firmly on Edward as he moved slowly toward us. He didn't look like the monster I remembered; in fact he looked nothing like his former self. If it wasn't for his unique bronzed hair I would not have recognized him.

There was none of the anger and hatred I remembered in his features, his eyes didn't burn like fire, in fact there barely seemed to be a hint of anything in the flat dull green. His once full face was gaunt and his clothes didn't fit the contours of his body as they once had, he had lost so much weight, weight he hadn't needed to shed.

I cringed into Aro's back as Edward got closer, he seemed to notice and he immediately stopped walking but continued to watch me.

He held my gaze and confusion washed over me, I couldn't decipher the expression on his face and it made me even more frightened. I had no idea if I should say anything or wait for him to speak first.

I decided to stay silent.

Edward had said such cruel hurtful things the last time we had seen each other and I steeled myself in case he decided to give me an encore performance.

He had made no attempt to come closer and I took my eyes off him for the briefest of seconds to look around me for the quickest and easiest escape route from the property. My gaze snapped back to his, it took no less than a few seconds for me to formulate a plan; I knew exactly how I would make my escape should I need to.

"Hello Bella," Edward finally said. I froze at the sound of his voice; it was nothing like it had once been. There was none of the velvety smoothness to it, now it was just a kind of gravelly rasp.

He took a step closer to me and raised his hand, and all thoughts of his voice vanished. I gasped audibly as terror flooded through me. My body tensed in fear and I took a step backward; the urge to flee was instinctual and strong.

Aro reached behind himself and grasped my hand holding me firmly in place. Edward either saw or sensed my fear, I couldn't be sure, but he suddenly dropped his hand and went and sat on the bottom step of the porch.

The space he put between us did nothing to soothe my anxiety and I continued to watch him cautiously, calculating every movement he made, no matter how infinitesimal, and assessing the danger it posed to me.

I wondered if together Aro and I would be able to overpower Edward if he snapped.

The envelope containing the divorce papers shook in my hands and I tried to consciously stop it, but it seemed to tremble harder the more I tried.

Edward's eyes held mine and I wished I could look away but they held me captive.

Aro cautiously led me a few feet closer to Edward, I tried to resist but he just tugged on me until he my feet moved. I kept my gaze firmly on Edward.

As soon as I felt like I was getting too close, I planted my feet into the grass and refused to move another inch. Aro stopped trying to pull me closer but stayed firmly at my side.

I quickly looked around me and reassessed my escape plan; making the adjustments it needed before my gaze quickly returned to Edward.

I wasn't going to take my eyes off him for any length of time.

"I've been so nervous about this all morning." Edward suddenly confessed. "I wasn't sure what I was going to say or do, or what _you _would say or do. I didn't know whether to approach you or not...I wasn't sure what you would want me to do. I apologise if I scared you or offended you Bella... I wasn't going to hurt you. I felt a handshake might be a good place to start."

My eyes widened in surprise, not only at his apology for frightening me but because he said he had been nervous about seeing _ME_ again.

What did he have to be nervous about?

"Um...so...um" I stuttered. I had no idea what to say to him and the silence spiralled horribly. The envelope still shook in my hands and I concentrated my attention on trying to stop it. "You...you look better Edward." I mumbled conversationally.

I felt stupid but I just didn't know what to say. I knew we couldn't avoid discussing what happened but I wanted to. I wanted to put the envelope on the table and ask him to sign the documents then I wanted to walk away.

He chortled raspily bringing my attention back to him. "It's nice of you to say that, but we both know it is a lie. I'm going to stand up now Bella. I just don't want to startle you." He warned me gently, "I... I couldn't sleep last night, because I knew you would be here today... I made lunch for today... and we have tea and juice..." He said politely, "May I invite you inside for lunch Bella?...I made blueberry cinnamon pancakes as well as banana choc chip... I hope you still like them." Edward said with a smile.

My head was spinning, my mind a vortex of confusion. None of this was making any sense!

What the hell was Edward playing at? Why the fuck was he playing nice?

His actions were alarming and making me confused. He was being calm and polite and it was scaring more than his anger had, as was his unsure demeanour.

I had never really known Edward to outwardly show self doubt; he always exuded confidence even when he didn't feel it. And he seemed to be so aware of me! He was aware enough to know I was scared and he was making an effort to reassure me I was safe.

I didn't feel safe though and there was no way I was stepping foot back in that house. "Um..." My eyes flickered to the front door and back to Edward. "I...Um...Do you mind if we stay outside?"

My face burned scarlet and I dropped my gaze from Edward's though I could still see him in my peripheral vision.

"How about Aro and you go around the back? There is a table and chairs out there. It won't take me long to move everything outside. If you are more comfortable with that, of course?"

I nodded silently, ignoring the hurt that I saw flash across Edward's face, I didn't care about his hurt, I only cared about my own and my children's hurt.

"Aro?" I looked pointedly at him, I would go nowhere without him by my side.

I had already mentally assessed an escape plan for Aro's back yard; as long as it hadn't changed drastically in the last year I would be able to access one of the roads from the back of his meadow.

"He's been like this since Jacob arrived. He's very happy you are here Bella." Aro said bring me back from my thoughts.

He led me round the back of the house and gestured for me to take a seat.

I continued to stand and watch the back door.

Edward came out of the house, his arms full of food and beverages and Aro smiled widely.

"He made all that last night. He hasn't finished yet. There's more." He said proudly.

Edward returned to the house but was back moments later with his arms again full of trays of food. he laid it on the table before taking a seat, I noticed it was the one furtherest from the one in front of me.

"Please help yourself Bella." Edward said quietly in that rasp of a voice.

Now Edward was seated I placed the envelope on the table and took my own seat, leaving a clear gap between it and the table for an unimpeded getaway.

I ignored the food instead looking at Edward. I was done with this niceties, they were just adding to my anxieties.

I took a deep breath hoping it would help keep my voice even.

"So Edward, Aro called and said you wanted to see me. Was it purely a social visit you were after or is there something you want from me?" my voice was polite but it trembled with fear. I sighed internally.

Edward scrutinized every inch of my face for a moment and my cheeks flushed scarlet.

"I'm ashamed of myself Bella." He said suddenly, "I'm ashamed of the things I said and the things I did. I can't take them back and I've hurt you terribly. I've hurt our children. I know the damage I've caused and I know you deserve an apology. I'm not...The same person anymore. I don't expect that you will believe that and I don't blame you for it. But I have changed. I...I would like very much if you would grant me the opportunity to prove that to you. Please." He added sincerely.

My eyes narrowed dangerously as anger surged through me wiping away any fear I had.

Was Edward seriously going to sit there and try and tell me he knew of the damage he had inflicted on me and my kids?

I was on my feet and shouting before I even realized what was happening. Even when I did realize I didn't stop.

"...You have no fucking concept of what you've done to me Edward or my kids. How fucking dare you presume to know what kind of damage you've done to us...I fucking trusted you Edward. I trusted you to be there for me when I needed you, but as always the fucking joke was on me! YOU LEFT ME, when I needed you the most! You ripped yourself out of your daughter's life. You were the sun at the centre of her universe and you took yourself away and left her scared and alone in the dark...You left us in the dark" I accused, "You left me to deal with all of that on my own. How could you do that? I trusted you..."

I took a deep shuddering breath as I struggled to hold on to my control, to hold onto the walls I had built up to protect myself. They were crumbling to fast and I was left exposed, all my pain crashing down on top of me once more. "You're the most selfish person I have ever met Edward Cullen! You treated us like innate objects; you treated us like we meant absolutely nothing to you. You showed your car more respect that you showed us! We loved you. We needed you!" I choked out before shaking my head; in reality I didn't want him to answer that.

_"I nearly died that day and you left..." _I choked out.

I couldn't be here anymore it was too much. I shouldn't have come.

The floodgates had been opened and I couldn't push the pain away. "I...I have to go...I can't..." I turned to leave wiping my traitorous tears away with the back of my hand.

"You're right. Every single thing you said was true." He agreed. I froze midstep and turned back to glare at him, "I did all those things and I have no excuse for any of them and I certainly have no right to ask anything of you now. You owe me nothing Bella. I would be grateful if you took this with you though..." He slid an old fashion cassette tape across the table toward me, "I'm sorry I have upset you. That truly had not been my intention with this meeting."

I stared at him in shock not expecting him for one moment to agree with me, let alone sit there and take what I said.

Edward was scaring me, his reactions were not what I expected or were used to. He was so calm.

'_It's a trick Bella he's trying to manipulate you, he's got you on the back foot already...Caution!'_ The voice in my head warned me.

I nodded my head slightly in acknowledgement of its wisdom."I don't want your apologies Edward. They're meaningless to me. And you better believe I owe you nothing!"

I looked down at the table first to the envelope containing the divorce papers then to the cassette. "What is that?" I asked looking at it suspiciously.

"I... Sometimes the words don't come out right for me Bella. I don't say exactly what I want to say. It's always been easier for music with me..." He nodded towards the tape "It's a song. And it's the best explanation I can give you for what I was thinking when I did what I did. It's what I should have said to you instead of running away."

I looked at him silently my suspicion deepening. I just couldn't get over his calm demeanour; it was as frightening as his fury had been.

'_He is trying to manipulate you Bella!_ The internal voice shouted in dire warning; _he's calm and apologizing and not disagreeing with you. That's not Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen is an egotistical tyrant who knows how to control and influence people to get what he wants. Master manipulator Bella you know this better than anyone!' _

Of course I knew better than anyone! And no matter what Aro or Jake or Edward himself said I wasn't safe.

Even if Edward was no longer a violent monster he was still extremely dangerous. His mind games were far more terrifying than his physical displays of his rage.

It was something I had to remember, if I didn't I would most certainly fall victim to him again.

Control, that's what I needed, control over my life and this situation and I knew there was only one way to get it and one way to keep it.

I reached into my pocket and took out my wedding rings holding them clenched firmly in my fist.

"What exactly is it you want from me Edward? I mean not with the tape, but...I...I'm confused. I gave you my heart, body and soul, you didn't want them. I haven't got anything else you possibly want."

I picked up the cassette and placed the rings on top of the envelope.

He looked down at what I had placed on the table and pain flashed across his face.

"I took you for granted, all of you. I promise you, I'm not that person anymore." He said softly.

I gasped audibly, "You did a lot more than take us for granted," I said with bitter inflection, "And don't you dare _PROMISE_ me anything Edward Cullen. Your promises mean less than your apologies!" I took a deep breath trying to contain my anger, "But I will listen to your tape. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go...Unless there's something else of course?" I asked a little sarcastically...

So many emotions were surging through me. All of them on a direct collision course and I didn't know if I wanted to beat Edward to death where he stood or just crumple into a heap on the ground and give up.

Something had to give or I was going to pass the point of no return. My sanity was hanging by a thread.

I was stunned beyond comprehension that Edward could stand there and dare to make me a _PROMISE_!

Was he insane?

Did he honestly think for one second that his promises carried any weight with me?

His_ PROMISE'S _were worthless.

Aro walked to my side and hugged me tightly; my body locked down instantly at his touch.

My jaw snapped shut and my facial expression slid into an emotionless mask.

"No matter what you decide Flower Child, I will support you. You are my daughter just as much as he is my son and I love you. With all my heart." he said quietly.

There was sincerity in his voice. He kissed the top of my head and gave me a bright smile.

His words made no impact on me and I stood there in stony silence. I wasn't his daughter, I was the estranged wife of the man he considered his son.

Aro's smile faulted a little as he took in my expression but it never softened me. He sighed a little sadly and turned his attention back to Edward, "You're due at the hospital soon Edward. The doctor told you, it's this or surgery..."

"Thank you Aro." Edward said a little curtly but with no real anger before turning his gaze on me, "May I see you out?" He asked politely.

I shot Aro a pleading look; I didn't want to be alone with Edward for any length of time. Aro stepped closer to my side and I knew he understood.

"You can walk me out." I said now that he was beside me.

Aro kept close to my side and Edward walked on his other side but further away and I realized that he was trying to keep a safe distance.

I actually appreciated it.

We reached the car and Edward turned to me and smiled, "It was good to see you again Bella. I feel like I can breathe again." He said suddenly then stuck out his hand.

I looked at Edward's out stretched hand for a moment before tentatively sticking out my hand. I knew what he was trying to do this time and with Aro close I felt more at ease.

"Goodbye Edward," I said as I grasped his hand. I let go a second later when my skin burned white hot and that bizarre current that had always been there surged up my arm.

The force of the electricity that surged between us when we touched hadn't abated any in the year we had spent apart; it was as strong as it ever was. I snatched my hand away, not wanting to feel that feeling anymore and looked at him in confusion.

"I will see you for dinner later Aro," I said to cover my embarrassment.

Why did we still have that physical connection when we had absolutely nothing else?

He was smiling looking down at his now empty hand, I was sure he had felt it to.

I hurried to get in the car, eager to get away from him and the confusion he made me feel.

My head was in my hands, I leaned against the kitchen table, and sobbed uncontrollably as I listened to Edward's raspy and broken voice asking me to _'hate him for all the things he didn't do for me,'_ his emotional pain was apparent in the sound of his raspy voice as much as they were in the lyrics.

For as angry and resentful of Edward I was, I didn't hate him.

I had wanted to hate him from the day he left me but I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. All I could do was hate what he'd done to me...It was his behaviour I hated, not him.

But I didn't want him back either, he had completely destroyed my faith and trust in him and I doubted very much he could earn that back.

Grief and confusion overwhelmed me. I was getting sucked back into an abyss I had only barely surfaced from.

That was something I couldn't allow. I was so close to my limit I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep my head above the surface.

I should never have come home and faced him. I should have stayed where he couldn't manipulate and play mind games with me. I wasn't strong enough to deal with this.

The song ended and I unconsciously replayed it, it was half way through the second time when I realized I was just torturing myself.

I slammed my fist down on the buttons silencing it at once.

_"Fucking Edward, why does he do this to me?"_ I muttered as I sobbed into my hands...

..."Oh sweet girl. It's alright. I promise you, it all turns out ok in the end." Aro voice suddenly came from beside me. I had been crying so hard I never even heard him knock on the door or enter the house. He wrapped his arms me and kissed the top of my head, "I promise you Flower Child, I've seen it all and it all turns out ok in the end."

My body tensed at his touch though I knew he wouldn't hurt me.

It occurred to me then that I pretty much shunned physical contact from everyone but Jake and my children.

"Don't promise me anything...Words and promises mean nothing to me." I whispered angrily. I couldn't take anymore broken promises..."I've made my decision...why am I faltering now? I can't afford to _forget_ what he's done to me," I mumbled into my hands.

Aro knelt in front of me and took my face in his hands, "Oh honey. The heart doesn't listen to logic. It has its own song and its own rhythm and it won't move to anything else."

"I DON'T LOVE HIM," I growled knowing it was a lie but wishing more than anything it was true, "He took everything from me. I have nothing left... I've tried to forge a life for myself and I won't give up anything for _him_." I spat.

Anger surged through me and I wanted to damn Edward to hell.

Aro chuckled humourlessly "I didn't say anything about love, just that your heart wasn't singing the same song as your head. But it's clear from your response that you do love him Flower Child and no amount of hurt is going to change that I don't think." He let go of my face and took a seat beside me, "I brought you a casserole little one. You look pale and too skinny. All the vegetables are from my garden, of course."

He reached over and wiped a stray tear from my cheek. "So you listened to the tape then?"

"I listened to it" I said flatly, "...and thank you for the casserole," I added miserably, "I don't want to love Edward even a tiny bit Aro; it's not healthy. I don't trust him and I don't believe him. He's just trying to manipulate me."

Aro sighed, "He messed up Flower Child. He truly did. But before you, he had never loved before. He had never experienced the unconditional love of another. He didn't know how to love you without manipulating you into it. Carlisle taught him that I'm afraid. 'I will love you but only if you make me proud'.  
But it's not Edward I'm worried about anymore. If you ask him, he will sign those papers. He will let you go to live your life the way you see fit. He will love his children and he will be the father he so desperately dreams of being to them. But you have to be sure my little blossom... You have to be sure that your heart is singing the same song as your head or you will always feel this way. Torn between what you feel is right and what you think is right."

Aro stared deep into my eyes I could tell he was disturbed by the dull colour and lifelessness in them. "I'm worried about you, my sad, scared and tired little daughter." He took my hand in his and clutched it tightly.

Although I knew he was being sincere, it didn't thaw me any and I shook my head, "I've managed this long...Once I get a couple of unbroken night's sleep I'll be fine. Please don't waste your time worrying about me," I said stubbornly.

I just couldn't let my guard down. I didn't trust my judgement in who to trust anymore except for Jake of course, but that went without saying.

I knew deep down that Aro was completely trust worthy, but my brain kept fighting against my heart, telling me he was really on Edward's side.

Aro smiled but I knew he sensed my distrust. "I didn't choose him over you Flower Child. I saw your strength and I knew you would persevere. Edward... He would have died Isabella. He would have taken his own life and you never would have forgiven me. I promised you I would help him." He smiled at my shock at him using my full name for the first time. "You are so much stronger than him. You have such spirit, it's so bright at times, it burns my eyes, but it's so beautiful. I knew that flame would see you through. And I promised you my little daughter. I would never break my word to you. Ever." He said as he raised and kissed my hand.

I shook my head, "I would have forgiven you because there would have been nothing to forgive you for. Edward made the choices that led him to this point and the blame lies solely with himself. I loved him unconditionally and so did Esme. I tried to always make him feel like he was good enough for me but nothing I ever did made the slightest bit of difference. You knew he saw me as a possession, everyone did...He never loved me and he still doesn't see it."

Aro chuckled. "Maybe you would have forgiven me. I wasn't going to take the chance though." He finished his plate of food and looked at the few measly bites that I had taken. "That's not going to be enough to see you through Flower Child. Maybe I could stop by with breakfast? I make some pretty good pancakes."

"I don't eat a lot Aro. It takes nothing to full me up. And you know you don't have to do this. I really am fine," I had once trusted him impeccably and a tiny part of me wished to have that again but there was no way my brain was going to allow that to happen.

"But I would like to and you wouldn't deny an ageing hippy his only chance to show off his kitchen skills would you?" He insisted gently.

"If it will make you happy, you can cook me breakfast." I knew he wasn't going to stop nagging me until I agreed and I didn't have it in me to argue with him over food. I took another few mouthfuls and that seemed to appease him because he took my plate along with his to the kitchen and turned up again minutes later carrying two mugs of steaming hot tea.

I had been unconsciously running my fingers across the taped deck and he smiled.

"He was so angry at me for playing the guitar while he sang this. He couldn't though; his hands were too shaky at that point...May I ask what young Jacob's advice was Flower Child...He's a good man Jacob."

"_My_ Jacob is a good man." I agreed at once, "He's the best and the brightest! Raised with _Mana_ Jake was. He is the only person I truly trust in this world..." I gushed. I looked at Aro knowing that what I was about to say was going to make him angry but I didn't care, he might as well know what my future plans were. "I...I told Jacob I wanted to pursue a relationship with him, that's why I'm divorcing Edward. Jake agreed to a relationship with me if that was what I truly wanted. I would already be with him now but he insisted we couldn't until I had seen Edward for myself and ended it with him. He didn't think I would be able to turn my back on Edward once I saw him again...I love Jake Aro, not as much as I loved Edward. But Jake is the healthier, safer option for me. !"

Aro bristled in indignation unable to hide his displeasure at my statement.

"So young Jacob has to spend his life knowing he was second best? I think you know how unfair that would be to him. It would be incredibly selfish to do that Flower Child and I know you are not that kind of person. If you cannot love that man with your whole heart you should not be playing with his. Jacob knows that you will always love Edward, but he loves you enough to sacrifice his own happiness for yours. Look into your heart. Will you really ask that of him?"

My eyes narrowed into slits as anger ignited in the pit of my stomach, "He wouldn't be sacrificing his happiness because he would be happy with me and the twins and I would _NEVER_ make him feel second best," I spat.

I was absolutely seething that I had to defend _my_ actions.

Aro shook his head, "You think he doesn't already know? He has been there for you every step of the way young lady." He said firmly "He has held you while you shed tears for another man, he has watched as you chose that same man over him. He stayed your friend afterwards; he stood beside you at your wedding. He was there for you when Edward left AGAIN... How much more does he have to give to you? Do you really expect him to give up the chance to find REAL love? Someone who won't have to just PRETEND that he holds their entire heart? I did not think you so cruel. You have been hurt, grievously so, but to turn around and hurt Jacob, who has been nothing more than the most perfect of friends? It is unforgivable and you know that. Let him LIVE Isabella Swan Cullen. Don't let that boy's kind heart and soul become the newest victim in this tragedy. There has been enough hurt and pain."

My anger flared into absolute fury. There was no way I was going to allow Aro to guilt and manipulate me!

"Don't sit there and tell me what's unforgivable and try and make me into the bad guy here." I fumed, "I do love Jake. And Yeah Aro there has been pain. Mostly my fucking Pain. _You _don't really know how I feel. I kissed Jake and I felt something. True not what I felt with Edward." I admitted reluctantly, "But mine and Edward's relationship was all about sex. It had no substance! It's different with Jake, our relationship does have substance. More than Edward and mine ever did!..."

I was determined to make Aro see I was making the right decision.

The image of Edward filled my mind, "What makes you think he's really changed?"

He looked at me with utter sincerity, "Edward has done a lot of soul searching. When you brought him to me he was begging for death. He saw no other alternative. He detoxed and then started working on who Edward Cullen really was. He didn't like what he had seen. The money, the power, the control... Everything you described, he saw too and he hated it and couldn't believe that he had been that person before. For the first time He SAW himself. He has spent the last year rebuilding into the person he wants to be. Only one thing stayed constant throughout that time. You and your children."

"But there's another part of the problem, he had options and he chose to take not only the most self destructive one for himself but the one that wreaked the most damage on those he claims to love. You can't love something you could consciously destroy. I told him what would happen if he walked out on me again and the kids again, that there was no going back, but he walked anyway. He chose the most horrific and cruellest way to hurt us. I will _never_ give him the chance to do that to me again."

Aro was thoughtful for a moment, "If you feel that is what you have to do Flower Child, I will support you. But you are condemning Edward for actions you are about to take yourself. If you go back to Jacob, you will destroy him. He will love you until the end of your days knowing that your heart lay somewhere else. He will do that for you... Because he loves you. The question is; are you prepared to sacrifice Jacob's happiness for your own? Or do you love him enough to let him go and find true love? Will you let Edward go too, knowing that you had the chance for happiness? Will you watch him move on and marry again possibly? Have you considered that sweetheart? Have you imagined Edward in the arms of another? Finding his own version of a half life with another? There has been pain Flower Child and it's not fair that most of that has rested on your tired shoulders. But it is what it is. Nothing will take that hurt back and nothing can change the past. You have built these walls up around yourself to keep you safe, but they are still a prison darling. If you want to live; then live in any manner you choose. Just be sure you aren't inflicting the same kind of pain you bear yourself."

I wasn't going to buy into Aro's obvious attempts to manipulate me. "

What if Edward had died? Would you be telling me it was wrong to pursue a relationship with Jake because I had loved Edward more?" I countered, "Edward wanted to die, he would have and I would have been left worse off than I am now. And I would have gotten together with Jake because we would have been right for each other. Why is it different that Edward lived? Maybe he just died in me...Edward wanted me to be with Jake if I remember rightly he told me he'd even turn down the sheets. He wanted it," I said stubbornly.

Aro's eyes flashed with some emotion I couldn't decipher, it may have been anger, but I couldn't be sure.

"If Edward has died in you; then why do you feel this much honey? This isn't about what Edward wants or what Edward said. This is about what YOU want and about what you know is right. You know it is not right to hurt Jacob anymore than he has been. Just because he bears it well does not mean he does not feel it. There is no other justification. Edward IS alive and you ARE here, on Waiheke in this position. Edward is living his life, healing as best he can and hoping for his family back. Jacob is back in Nepal, waiting for you to set him free or become your back up plan. The decisions now all lie at your doorstep but at the same time, so do the responsibilities for those actions. Whatever happens from here on out is YOUR choice Flower Child, but you hold many lives in your hand."

There was no way I was going to put up with a lecture from Aro about taking responsibility for my actions, as far as I was concerned, my actions were more than justified!

"I don't need a guilt trip thanks Aro," I spat venomously, "The only lives I hold in my hands are mine and those of my children. Edward spurned my love. He told me to go to Jake. He's getting what he wanted, _like he always does!_ Maybe he should be more careful about what he wishes for in the future... And I don't fucking owe him any consideration in my future plans. He made a conscious decision to ruin all of our lives... And JAKE AND I _WOULD _HAVE BEEN HAPPY,"

I yelled as the unwanted truth of Aro's word's crashed down on me with the force of a wrecking ball. I hated Aro at that moment, hated him for delivering another body blow. I wondered how many more attacks I could take before I snapped completely.

Aro seemed to notice how close I was to the edge of reason because he didn't say another word. He just looked at me sadly as stood up and took both of our cups to the sink.

He came back and hugged me and my body automatically turned to stone.

"You need sleep. Take some time, and I will be back in the morning with blueberry pancakes." He kissed my cheek. "I love you my little Flower Child...I'll see you in the morning bright an early... Well not too early. I'm an old man after all."

Some of my anger seemed to have abated now that Aro was no longer attacking me and the fact he was leaving calmed me further.

"Not that old," I said quietly as I walked him to the door...

He chuckled and hugged me again and again I tensed.

"You know you can trust me Flower child. I would never hurt you."

"Good night Aro," I said ignoring his comment.

"Sleep well Flower Child..."

Even though I was completely exhausted and emotionally drained I never got any sleep. I played 'hate me' on a continuous loop and tried to sort through the mass of confusion that swirled through my mind.

In the hours I spent alone in the darkness I realized that Aro was right about Jake. I knew I had to set him free.

Not because I didn't love him, because I did, but because he deserved better.

He deserved the Best. And I was nowhere in the running of being the best. I wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't worthy of the love he would bestow on me.

I had so much emotional baggage.

It was testament to the beauty and depth of Jakes soul that he would still even consider taking me knowing how much I _had_ loved Edward and how damaged I was as a result of that.

I knew we would have been happy. I knew without a doubt I would have made Jake feel loved because I would have made it my life's mission to make sure he never felt second best.

But he had so much going for him and I couldn't take those opportunities from him for a shot at happiness for myself.

Aro was right I couldn't be that selfish.

His words about _Edward_ being married to someone else echoed in my ears and a wave of hurt crashed down on me. I recoiled in on myself shying away from the pain that engendered.

But what did that mean?

What? That even though I didn't want Edward; I didn't want anyone else to have him either?

Did I really want to let him go forever? Had I really thought through what that actually meant?

He said he'd give me my freedom but what did that mean? Was he not even going to bother fighting for me?

Did I want him to fight for me?

_Yes,_ No, _Yes_ ,No... "I don't fucking know?" I screamed at the silent room.

I leapt out of bed and stumbled through the unfamiliar house toward the kitchen and searched successfully along the wall for the light switch.

"Fuck," I hissed as light flooded the room and stung my eyes. I made my way over to the sink and turned on the jug. A slow smile spread over my face when I pulled open the top draw and saw Jake had left me a present.

I snatched up the joint and the lighter, ignoring the now boiled jug, and made my way out onto the deck. My smile widened when I smelt the salty air. I had forgotten how nice the taste of sea salt was on my tongue.

The sky was devoid of cloud and the cosmos twinkled brightly. I lay down on the deck and enjoyed my view of the stars as I lit the joint. I silently thanked Jake as I dragged the smoke deep in my lungs. The effects were instantaneous, in a matter of seconds the chaotic noise of my thoughts seemed to dim. I inhaled deeply hoping the next hit would wipe out the noise completely and I groaned in relief when it did.

With the manufactured calm in my mind I was able to slow the seething mass of thoughts down enough to get a tenuous grip on them.

Edward wanted another chance to prove himself and I didn't want him in my life.

He didn't deserve another chance! I had given him so many chances and he had thrown them all back in my face. He didn't have to choose the path he did.

I took another drag on the cigarette and Edward's face appeared before my eyes. I studied his image in detail; he looked like he'd lived through a thousand gruesome deaths.

"_But He Did Choose It!"_ I muttered to myself. I couldn't allow myself to forget he was accountable for his choices.

In my stoned state of mind I realized just how bitter I was at Edward and all the things he'd done to wrong me.

It was a dangerous road to take, bitterness and resentment were only going to damage me further and my children would be further harmed as a result. I had been living in Nepal for a year and I knew that forgiveness was divine.

Even if I could forgive Edward for hurting me so completely I couldn't afford to forget what he'd done.

But if I did forgive him what exactly would that mean? What would my forgiveness entail?

My thoughts changed direction and the Angelic faces of my children filled my mind and my heart with love. They were the light that had kept me getting out of bed every day.

But they weren't just my children, they were Edward's as well and through them we were bonded for life.

Because of them our lives were always going to be entwined.

Edward could gain shared custody of them through the courts if he so desired and I was under no illusion that he wouldn't use that option to get what he wanted, especially if all else he tried failed. And I was fairly sure that Esme had already suggested he try to gain at least shared custody.

Court Battles were definitely something I wanted to avoid if I could, it would only hurt all of us more.

So what were my options?

I could run back to Nepal and just hide from him. Or even better I could go on the run with them, just travel from country to country.

Or I could refuse to let him see them and fight the ensuing custody battle. I had enough funds of my own to make it a fair fight, but I didn't have the energy to fight him. I had more than my fair share of Battles in the last year; I didn't really want to add to my burden.

Forgiveness? That would mean I would need to let go of my anger and give Edward the chance to show me he could be trusted to be allowed to have an active role in his children's lives. And that meant I would have to allow him to be around me, to spend time with me.

That thought had fear surging through me, if we were alone together then he would try and manipulate me and I knew from past experience that I wouldn't stand a chance. He'd know exactly how to play me into giving him whatever he wanted.

_Only if you let him. _A small voice said in the back of my mind. _You're not the same person Bella._

I sighed heavily, the voice was right; I wasn't the same person he left. I was a survivor and for that I was stronger. I knew what Edward was capable of doing, I knew how low he would sink to get his own way and as long as I was extremely vigilant I could move to stop him as soon as I recognized the signs.

And I would recognize the signs!

It was beginning to dawn on me that I really didn't have a lot of options. There was really no way to stop Edward having a relationship with his children, if he went to court for custody and was granted visitation rights I would have no say when they were out of my care.

If I agreed to let Edward see the kids, and I kept things friendly between us I could avoid a custody battle and I could then control the situation. He would then have to play by my rules.

This was the option I least desired but I wasn't stupid enough not to recognize it was my only option.

I gritted my teeth and sighed in defeat. There really was no way to escape from Edward, as much as I hated it I would just have to grin and bear it. The notion would have been impossible to stomach had that little voice in my head delivered some timely advice.

_Just because you have to allow him back into your life as the father of your children, you don't have to allow him back into your life as your husband!_

I breathed a bit easier as the constriction in my chest eased a little. The voice was right I still had control over that aspect of my life. It was a relief.

Father of my children. That was the only capacity in which Edward could have a role in my life; he was no longer my husband.

My fingers found the play button on the tape recorder and I closed my eyes and once again listened to his pain put to lyric.

_I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head  
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed  
Dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that I'm alone  
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home  
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain  
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?  
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?  
and will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space_

Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you,_

As much as I wanted to hate Edward I couldn't. I would always love him in a way, how could I not? He had been my one true love.

But I couldn't be with him because like he said in the lyrics of his song he wanted me to 'finally see what was good for me.'

And although it had been Edward and our children and our marriage that was good for me, it hadn't been good for Edward.

I think the song related more to him finally seeing what was good for him; well in this case what wasn't good for him.

And that was me; I had been toxic to Edward's life from the start. While he mostly brought out the best in me; I definitely brought out the worst in him. Possessiveness, control, suicidal hate, those were all a direct result of his association with me.

His children however, always brought out the best in him, as a father was when he really shone the brightest.

That thought had reaffirmed that I had made the right decision to allow him to show me he was trustworthy enough to be the father I knew he could be.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with  
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again  
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night  
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

He was right there, while he waged wars on himself I did my best to stop him, it's just my best was nowhere good enough. But I tried.

_You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate  
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take  
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind  
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind  
_  
_Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you  
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you  
_  
_And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave  
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made  
And like a baby boy I never was a man  
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands  
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away" just make a smile  
Come back and shine just like it used to be  
And then she whispered "How could you do this to me?"_

Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you  
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

In my drug induced calm I realized that us staying apart was what was best for both of us._  
_

I lay on the deck until dawn finally broke then dragged myself inside to have a shower, if I remembered rightly Aro was an early riser...

As soon as I opened the door to Aro's knock he was chuckling. "Did you sleep at all flower child? Those bags under your eyes nearly match the size of your feet." He joked.

Surprisingly I laughed out loud. I had missed Aro's sense of humour, "I don't sleep. I'm like some creature of the damned now. But those blueberry pancakes look far from damned... So do you want tea or coffee with those?" I asked as I made my way toward the kitchen.

"Tea is fine." Aro called from the dining room...

...I passed Aro his tea but never took a seat at the table; I fidgeted with the back of the chair as I stared out the window toward Aro's house, toward Edward. I had made my decision to give him a chance to show me he was trustworthy and I had to push past my fear and make an effort.

Aro looked at me quizzically as I picked up the phone and began dialling, "There's lots of pancakes here, far too many for just us. I thought Ed..." I explained. Another wave of fear flooded the pit of my stomach as the phone began to ring, I was about to hang up when Edward answered. I winced slightly at the sound of his raspy voice, "Ed...Edward, its Bella. I...I was wondering if you'd care to join us for breakfast? Aro has cooked far too many pancakes for just the two of us."

"Are you sure Bella? I... don't want to intrude," Edward whispered in his raspy voice.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, "Um...Yeah...Like I said there's more than enough,"

"I'll be down as soon as I can...Should I bring anything. I mean..."

"Just bring yourself and whatever else you may need...Medication or medicine ball you know what you need." I said lightly.

"I've already taken my meds but I'm sure I can find a medicine ball around here somewhere. I won't be long." He sounded excited.

"Kay, see you soon," I hung up and looked at Aro; he was wearing a bright smile.

"That was a very nice thing to do. Can I ask what has changed since last night? Or should I keep my wayward mouth shut for a change?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "I just realized that our lives will always be connected because of our children. Edward says he wants to take an active role in their lives but in order for him to do that I need to know he is trust worthy enough to resume the role of being a dad. He asked me to give him a chance to show he's changed and for the sake of him being able to have a relationship with his children I will give him the chance to show me he can be trustworthy."

"Would you like some sage old advice?"

"Of course," I said lightly not wanting to upset my tentative state of calm.

"Everything looks better on a full stomach." He nodded towards my plate "And 'you're fast or you're last' could also be appropriate. You may have misjudged the amount of pancakes that are here Flower Child, I smoked a joint on the way and I have the munchies BAD..."

I gave Aro a small smile, as much as I had to try with Edward I needed to try with Aro to. "Well As much as I don't sleep; I don't eat a lot either. I'm happy with a couple of coffees. So munch away you old hippy stoner..." The knowledge that Edward was going to be here soon had fear flooding through me and I couldn't help but ask, "Aro am I going to be safe around Edward? He won't snap will he? I... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of him."

He shook his head. "Flower child, you could probably take him down even if he did. The man is as weak as a wilting flower and the doctors have said..."

This was my biggest fear was that Edward was still the time bomb ready to detonate at the slightest provocation,

_"He may be physically weak but his tongue was the cruellest thing about him. Emotional abuse his harder to heal than physical."_ I whispered.

He looked at me seriously; he knew how afraid I had to be to have even asked him. "He wouldn't Flower Child. I'll be here regardless, but he won't do anything."

"So many bad memories; so hard to let go and trust him. To believe in him. I don't know if I can ever again." I confessed.

There was a knock at the door and he looked at me earnestly, "Well now is the time to find out."

I made no attempt to move from my spot, "Promise me you won't leave me alone with him. Not even for a minute," I asked quietly but he didn't escape the intensity in my voice.

"I promise." He sounded sincere.

I studied Aro for a moment wondering if I really could trust him. I had to trust him there wasn't another option at this point. "Kay," I said agreeing to trust him. I walked toward the door but kept looking back to make sure Aro hadn't moved from his spot and I made sure he was in my full view before I opened the door.

The smile on my face was forced as I my gaze met Edward's, I turned to check Aro was still in my line of sight at the same time I took a step back and to the side so I wasn't in Edward direct path, "Come in, Aro's just there at the table." I said sounding like a retard, "you better hurry and get some pancakes before he eats them all,"... I babbled nervously.

I took another step away from the door and I dropped my eyes from Edward's but I watched and categorized his every movement and facial reactions in my peripheral vision. He stepped through the door and my body immediately became rigid with both nervous tension and in response to the surge of electricity that shot through me at his close proximity.

I'm not sure if Edward sensed my distressed state but he was careful not to walk too close to me.

"Thank you for inviting me Bella. It means a lot to me." He said politely as he walked past and made his way over to Aro.

I took a seat opposite them and took a deep breath, I wanted to cut to the chase and while I was prepared to play nice I wasn't gonna waste my time with the niceties. I was going to keep myself devoid of emotion if it was possible.

Although I knew that was stupid and the opposite of productive it was the only defence mechanism I had at the moment. Now I had seen Edward again and was prepared to give him a chance to regain my trust I may be able to heal myself in the process.

I would wait until I was back in Nepal where I would have the peace and solitude to finally let those emotions I had bottled up for months free and then I would be able to move forward with clarity.

"First of all Edward I would like to apologize for yelling at you yesterday, although I don't take back what I said I am sorry that I yelled." I said quietly. "I listened to your cassette last night and I realized a few things...So I've invited you here because I thought about what you said about wanting the chance to be a father to your children. To be honest my first instinct was to tell you to fuck off because you don't deserve it but then it dawned on me that we could do this the easy or the hard way. You could gain access to your children through the courts but I would like to try and come to an agreement without the use of lawyers. Now my biggest concern about letting you back into their lives as you can imagine is the disruption and confusion it will cause them and the hurt and devastation they will go through if you leave again. So in the interests of protecting them Edward I won't be allowing you anywhere near them until I can trust you...Now I realize there's only one way to do that and that is to give you the chance to spend time with me so I can learn to trust you. I understand that you may not like that idea and may wish to involve lawyers but I feel I need to warn you that if you decide to go down that path then I will fucking fight you every step of the way. I don't want this to turn nasty Edward but I will do whatever it takes to protect my children from further damage."

I didn't mean to turn venomous at the end of my speech but I couldn't help it. I would give up my soul to the devil to fight him if he decided to play nasty.

"I don't want to involve the lawyers Bella. To be honest, it hasn't even once entered my mind. I just...I just want to see them."

There was nothing I could do to stop the wave of sadness that washed over me at the sound of Edward's gravelly voice. There was nothing left of the former smooth velvetiness that reminded me of melted chocolate with its pure sensuality.

I quickly shook off the emotion I could allow nothing to sway me from me from my current position.

Edward took another sip on his water, "My word will not mean much to you at the moment, and that is completely understandable, but I wouldn't, I _couldn't _do that to you or the children...I will respect your decisions regarding Apple, Louis, Matisse and Noah." Although I took no joy in Edward obvious sadness it never softened me. He had made his choices and he needed to realize the exact consequences of those choices. "You haven't let them down, you have never once hurt them the way I have. I will respect any decision you make." He said softly.

"...You'd be surprised at the things you're capable of doing Edward..." I hissed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying desperately to shake off the wave of anger and bitterness that shot through me.

Edward kept thinking he couldn't hurt us or put us through hell when that is exactly what he'd done to us.

I took another deep breath, "Sorry I don't mean to be bitter," I forced out between my teeth, "it's just hard...And the thing is Edward while I listened to your song I realized that while I brought out the absolute worst in you, your children brought out the best in you and you brought out the best in them. And while Louis has shown remarkable courage and has fared pretty well Apple is nothing like she used to be... I want her to be the happy loving go lucky child she once was, not the broken shell who spends so much time alone in sadness. I want the daughter back who loved me not the one who tells me she hates me. because she thinks I'm keeping her away from you on purpose. The only way to get my daughter back is if you are in her life..."

"I think you are entitled to be bitter Bella... I'm sorry I've made things difficult for you with Apple."

I ignored his apology it meant nothing to me. "I might be entitled to be bitter Edward but it's not going to get me anywhere. So in regards to the kids I think a relationship with them is in everyone's best interest. I just don't know when you'll be able to see them again. I'm not prepared to rush anything and I'm not letting you near Apple and Louis until I'm a hundred percent sure. I will however allow you to meet Matis and Noah as they have no emotional tie to you yet,"

Although my tone was not malicious nor were my words meant to be I noticed Edward flinched at them, but he didn't argue.

"Thank you." He said in barely more than a whisper.

Aro stood suddenly and began clearing the table, "Well. My opinion may not mean anything, but I think you two are making real progress here. Which is great. Edward, however has another doctor's appointment today Bella, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you accompanied..."

"I can put it off until tomorrow Aro. It's not that urgent." Edward said evenly. Even though his tone was light I could hear the barest hint of forcefulness to it.

I quickly spoke in case the situation escalated. "Um...I'm sorry it's not possible for me to accompany you to your appointment. I have an appointment with my lawyer I really need to keep. Perhaps next time I'm in New Zealand I will have more time," at this point I didn't want to invest time in Edward's illness he had chosen his path and I didn't want to get sucked into feeling sorry for him.

Manipulation was no longer a weapon I would allow to be used against me.

A small sigh passed Edward's lips and he leaned in a fraction. My body tensed in reaction and I hardened myself against the feeling of energy surging through me.

I hated that we were still connected like this. I was sure if I felt it then Edward definitely did.

Edward never made any move to come in closer, I kept my eyes on the table but I watched him through my lashes.

"I can change it if you want to discuss things more" He said quietly, "Aro is exaggerating..." I noticed a slight frown mar his forehead, "You're leaving New Zealand? Soon?"

"Yes Edward I am leaving New Zealand. Nepal is my home now, I have forged a life for myself and I work at my foundation full time. I've actually been teaching there and I really enjoy it. I guess it's only fair to tell you that I have no plans to give it up,"

This was going to be the major problem in Edward and I forging a relationship for our children, we would be living in separate countries.

"I could fly over whenever it was convenient. I could fit around your schedule... I'll work around you in any way you need me to. I'm committed to making this work." He said sincerely.

"Um..." I mumbled. I didn't want Edward in Nepal, not yet anyway. It was my sanctuary and I wasn't prepared to share it with him. "The school holidays are coming up in a few weeks. I could spend a couple of weeks in New Zealand during that time with Matisse and Noah. I'm sure Apple and Louis would like to see their Grandparents." I offered as a compromise.

Even though Edward smiled and agreed; I knew he was hurting, but for once I never felt guilty. For once I was putting myself first, well myself and my children first.

"Thank you Bella. For listening to me, the tape and inviting me here this morning. I ... Thank you." Edward said quietly.

His agony was clear on his features, his total lack of spirit and fire was unnerving. I had never seen Edward so defeated. Although I was saddened to see it, I couldn't allow emotion to cloud my judgement,

"You're welcome Edward and thank you for not making this any harder than it is already." I said sincerely.

I watched Edward walk out the door and another wave of sadness washed over me. I groaned in response, it was getting harder to keep the vortex of emotions seething inside me under control. I was scared and more confused than ever,

"Why is life so hard Aro?" I said absent mindedly.

Aro was thoughtful for a long time as he continued to wash the dishes. He never spoke until the last cup was rinsed.

He turned and gave me a sad smile. "Oh my sweet young lady, life isn't hard. It's people that make it hard and usually we are our own worst enemies." He kissed my forehead and gave me a hug, "Listen to your heart my sweet. A life half lived is not really a life at all; it's just a shadow of what could have been."

I stiffened automatically at the contact and he let out a small sigh and let me go. My lack of trust in him was making him sad but I just couldn't help it. I knew I needed to get over it for my own sake as much as everyone else's. Aro was only trying to help.

"I guess your right..." I mumbled. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing? With the children I mean?" I knew Aro was dead against me divorcing Edward even though he said he'd support my decision.

"Would you have wanted to live without your father? Even if he was flawed? You know you have to protect them Flower Child and that's a GOOD thing, but sometimes children need protection from the protection. Sometimes we have to teach them that it's worth it to take a little risk every now and then, you either come out with a good memory or a good lesson, but you never lose. Not really. I think you are doing the right thing for them honey. Be sure you are doing the right thing for yourself at the same time ok?"

I thought about what he'd said and found I agreed in part with it. "That's true I guess. But Apple and Louis aren't old enough to make that distinction yet and it's not Edward's flaws that I'm worried about. I am doing what's right for me. I will let Jake go because it's the right thing to do. But just because Jake's not right for me doesn't mean Edward is right for me either...Well more to the point I'm not right for Edward."

Aro chuckled "How do you know what's good for him? Have you asked HIM? Or are you taking it upon yourself to make those kinds of decisions for him?" He smiled when he saw the dark expression on my face, "It's always too easy to become the things we hate." He said serenely and anger flooded the pit of my stomach.

"I don't have to ask him what's good for him Aro," I hissed, "the fucking evidence speaks for itself. I always brought out the very worst in his nature. Look at what he's done to himself because of his association with me. _You_ and his children on the other hand bring out his best qualities. You did what I couldn't. You healed him. Apple and Louis brought out the best him. Why is that so hard for you to see, how wrong we were, we are for each other?" I said in frustration.

Aro laughed. "I healed him? He healed himself Flower Child. He had come to a point in his life, where he had nothing left to hide behind. The booze, the job, the problems with Carlisle, he finally had to look into himself and just see. I know you are looking for a reason, any reason for why it all happened. But there is none. It just HAPPENED. There is no villain; there is no monster that you can pin your hate on my precious angel. You need to talk to him; you need to ask HIM why he ran from you when things got hard. You aren't going to listen or believe anything until you hear it come from his mouth."

"I don't want to know why he ran Aro. It won't change anything. But I am going to keep trying for my children's sake..." I knew it was a wasted effort trying to get Aro to change his views about Edward and I being wrong for each other. I was fast learning he was a stubborn old man. I gave up on our conversation and changed the subject, "Would you care to join me for dinner tonight? I thought I'd ask Edward as well; since I'm only in town for another couple of days."

"I would love to, but only if you let me cook again." He chuckled.

"Ok it sounds good," I agreed. I had missed Aro's wholesome cooking and it would make a nice change to the tomato soup I had been living on for the best part of a year.

I saw Aro to the door and made a conscious effort not to freeze up when he hugged me goodbye.

He must have noticed because he gave me a beaming smile as he left...

"I think that's unwise of you Bella. Why try to come to an agreement with Edward on your own in regards to custody of the children? We have enough grounds to ask the Courts to order that Edward not gain access to them. I also think you should reconsider signing away your rights to any of Edward's money. You would easily win half of his assets in the Matrimonial property split. You never signed a prenuptial agreement and you have four children with him so it would be an easy victory."

I glared at my lawyer unable to hide my disdain for her nature. This was what I despised about the legal profession; it was all about going for the jugular.

"I don't need nor want Edward's money. He worked hard for that and I have no right of claim to it nor do I want a claim to it. I don't care about his money I never have." I spat in exasperation.

Chelsea looked at me incredulously, "Bella you could set yourself up for life a million times over. Do you have any idea how much Edward Cullen is worth personally?"

"I don't care if he's worth a billion dollars or one cent. I told you, that money is his, I don't want it. I will work to support myself and my children. And speaking of my children. I think it is a better option to work out custody details between Edward and I. He has said he won't fight me for custody and he has agreed to all my terms so far so I see no need to drag it through the courts where it's guaranteed to turn nasty and hurt us all more than we have been."

Chelsea sighed in frustration; I could see her struggling not to roll her eyes at me.

I was really starting to hate her but I knew any lawyer I visited would have given me the same advice.

"And you believe Edward?" she asked with a note of derision in her voice, "You believe after everything he's put you through that he won't hire a team of lawyers to gain access to his children? Whether or not you know how much Edward Cullen is worth you surely know that he has enough to hire an army of Lawyers to see him get those children?"

My fury peaked, "He said he wouldn't." I hissed through my clenched jaw, "I warned Edward that if he tried to take them forcibly that I would fight him every step of the way. He assured me he would comply with my wishes and for the sake of forging a cordial relationship with him I am prepared to grant him the benefit of the doubt."

"So do you want to proceed with divorce proceedings?" Chelsea asked snarkily, and I lost it.

"Um can you put filing the papers on hold for a couple of weeks?"

I was going to look for a new lawyer, one that just did what bloody asked.

"Bella as your legal advisor I seriously think you should reconsider that."

"Well Chelsea how about I make it easy for both us and relieve you of your duties as my solicitor. Send me an account for the time you have spent and we'll leave it that." I grabbed my bag and strode from the office without a backward glance.

I stormed across the road and happened to look up and through the open doors to a pharmacy in my line of sight; it took me a moment to realize I recognized the crop of bronze hair.

My pace slowed and my eyes stayed firmly on Edward and the pretty blonde assistant who was obviously trying to flirt with him. He never lifted his head to acknowledge her; even though I could see her trying her hardest to get him to notice her. I quickly moved out of line with the doorway before Edward saw me.

It took me a few second to realize I was even angrier than I had been a moment ago. I wondered why that was.

My mind unhelpfully or helpfully depending on how you perceived it, threw the image of Edward in a tuxedo standing in front of a minister while a woman in a white dress flanked by my four children walked toward him. He wore a beatific smile as he waited for the woman to arrive at his side.

The image flashed to her face and I was shocked to see it wasn't me but the pharmacist that had just been flirting with him.

Another surge of anger raced through me and in my bewildered state it took me a few moments to realize the emotion coursing through me wasn't anger. It was jealousy. I was jealous at the thought that another woman may capture Edward's heart.

I found shelter in the first shop next to the pharmacy and scurried inside.

I thought about the scene I had just witnessed between Edward and the pharmacist in the pharmacy and a slow smile spread across my face, Edward hadn't even looked at her.

"What the hell was that about?" I mumbled to myself as I stopped just the side of the doorway, I was in the process of divorcing Edward what did it matter to me who flirted with him?

Aro's words rung in my ears about my heart singing the same tune as my head and as much as I wished it wasn't true, I still loved Edward and I always would.

But my love was toxic for him. And as much as I was doing this for myself I was doing it for him as well.

I had to press on with my plans for a divorce it was the only way, but I was determined to take it slowly and make sure I kept thing as amicable as possible. There had been so much hurt already much of it my own and I didn't want to add to it unnecessarily.

It was just my mind playing tricks on me I rationalized, it would have been Aro's words about Edward moving on that was making me act like this and seeing Edward with another woman had just triggered all these stupid irrational thoughts.

I took a couple of deep breaths and felt a sense of calm spreading through me. It was enough for me to regain my composure so I could shut down further thoughts of Edward in the arms of another,

Those kinds of thoughts I could only visit when I knew I could deal with them rationally. For now I needed to take it one step at a time and the first step was focusing on what was best for my children, and that of course was to learn to trust their father again.

I moved back toward the doorway and caught sight of Edward crossing the street. Before I knew what I was doing I was out of the shop and across the road.

My senses caught up with me after a moment and I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

What the hell was I doing?

Why was I following Edward? What he did when he was in the city was no concern of mine.

_Yes it is of concern to you. In order to learn to trust Edward you need to know what he does when you're not around. He might be going to a bar. _ I reasoned with myself. I knew I was invading Edward's privacy and I needed to justify that to myself.

A violent shiver rolled through me and I quickly shut down that train of thought but my feet were unconsciously carrying me forward. When I realized I was following him again I tried to force myself to stop but my feet refused to.

Curiosity was burning inside me urging me forward. I wanted to know what Edward was doing. I _needed _to know.

I kept a safe distance behind him and made sure even though I could see him I would be obscured as I blended into the crowd. I studied him as he walked, his head was bowed and though he walked with purpose there was definitely something different about him.

It took me a moment to realize that aura of confidence that he used to possess was so diminished it was almost extinguished.

Sadness engulfed me, even though he had hurt me more than I ever thought he was capable of he had hurt himself worse.

Confusion rolled through me when Edward suddenly turned and made his way into a very prestigious looking hotel. Why would he be going to a hotel?

To drink? To meet up with another woman? They did seem like the two most likely scenarios.

My decision to continue to follow him was made before I reached the doors of the hotel. I would get my answers. I would know then without a doubt if Edward was lying or trying to manipulate me with any hidden agendas.

I caught sight of Edward's back turning the corner inside the hotel lobby and I hastened to follow, my throat was becoming increasingly dry as I made my way along the hallway and the muscles in the pit of my stomach were clenched so tightly in nervous anticipation it actually hurt. I wasn't sure if I was really ready to deal with anymore hurt if I found Edward had been lying to me again, but it was better for me to know now, before I let it get any further. I reached the end of the corridor and was about to poke my head around the corner to see if I could see any sign of Edward when I heard his gravelly voice close.

My heart stopped beating and I pressed myself up against the wall and prayed he wouldn't come back around the corner. He spoke clearly though his gravelly voice was soft. I inched forward in order to hear him better and to see if it was a woman he was conversing with.

"Louis, Apple, Matisse and Noah..." Hearing him say their names was a shock it was the last thing I expected him to say. He said their names with a reverence that I hadn't heard in such a long time. I was confused as to what Edward was doing here and why he was talking about our children? It made no sense if he was here to meet another woman and even less sense if he was here to drink. "I won't _ask_ you to be proud of me; I will _give_ you a reason to be proud." He wouldn't be saying that about making his kids proud if he was going to go back to alcohol.

"B-Bella..." I froze at the sound of my name, "Wherever you are, please be happy. Please live and love and be happy. You will own my heart forever Juliet."

My hand clamped over my mouth to stop the strangled sob from tearing from my throat and giving me away. I let the tears stream from my eyes unabashed, he really did love his children and he did want me to be happy, truly happy whatever I decided.

He really did seem like a different Edward.

There was silence for a moment before a door opened and closed. I wiped my tears away and peeked around the corner, it was Edward free.

I stepped up to the doorway and looked through the tiny window set in the door, Edward had his back to me and seemed to be deep in conversation with a man I never thought I would see him willingly associate with. The man was dressed in a filthy blue swandri and wore muddy gumboots, he looked so scruffy compared to Edward.

While Edward's attention was diverted I slipped in the door and hurriedly took a seat in the far back corner of the room. I sunk low in my seat pulled the collar of my jacket up to partially hide my face, being careful not to make eye contact with anybody.

Whilst I tried not to make eye contact I did study the faces in the room, it shocked me to see none of the people there were in business suits. Every one of them wore clothes that looked like they came from the Salvation Army.

Curiosity burned inside me, what on earth was Edward doing here? With people he would never associate with, with people he would consider beneath him.

I didn't need to wait long to get my answer.

Edward was suddenly on stage and I noticed immediately by the way he stood so tall and almost proudly that there _was_ a spark of that former confidence he possessed.

"Good morning Everybody. My name is Edward Cullen and I'm an alcoholic and drug abuser."

"Good morning Edward." The room echoed back loudly causing him to smile widely.

"Welcome to all you newcomers, I hope that you find whatever it is you are looking for here. Be it a friend, support or just knowing that you aren't alone, we all know how difficult the road to recovery can be. I have been sober for fourteen months. I want to tell you that it was easy but it wasn't. I had to look at myself in a way I never had before."

My eyes widened as shock rushed through me whatever I was expecting it wasn't this. I never in a million years would have believed Edward would stand in a room and bare his souls like this.

He spoke with total honesty and with fire and purpose.

"My road will have been similar to your own. We have all _lost_ something to the drink, but we also need to realize that it wasn't the alcohol that made us this way. Something made us pick up that bottle to start with, the important thing is to identify why we did this. I started drinking because I didn't like me. I was a violent thuggish bastard and I had every single excuse under the sun for why I should be allowed to remain that way. I had been taught from a very young age that failure was not an option. Not for a Cullen. I was always striving for bigger and better, I wanted my father's respect and I wanted him to be proud. No one loves a loser, no one remembers the guy that came in second place; no one could love me unless I was the absolute best I possibly could be. For a long time, I managed to survive under that pressure, but the pressure became too much and I couldn't do it on my own. So I started to drink and then I started to do drugs to complement the drink. Soon, they became my crutch for every time anything went wrong in my life."

I watched Edward mesmerized. There were characteristics I recognized in him immediately, but most of him was completely different to how he normally was. He was holding none of himself back, there were no walls, no hiding. There was just raw emotion, self belief and above all else there was honesty.

"I had a wife and children once. I had a real _family_ of my own and they loved me, more than I had ever loved myself. My wife, oh my god... She was and still is the most beautiful woman I have _ever _seen. _Why_ she ever loved me is a mystery, but I'm grateful that I knew that love, even for such a short time. She saved my life, so many times over and she has no idea. She made me smile, she made me laugh, she made me focus on the parts of me that I had never seen before. She loved me and there were no strings or conditions attached to it. I thought I had to be the _best _for her, if I didn't how could I keep her? If I didn't provide her with the best car, she wouldn't love me even though she swore otherwise. If I wasn't the best kind of father, my children would resent me, even though my daughter laughed just as hard when I read her a story _about_ a pony to when I brought her a real one. The harder I tried, the more I seemed to fuck up and all I needed to do was just... be _me._ I just needed to trust that no matter the size of my bank account, no matter what I said or did, they would love me."

Recently she told me she believes she brought out the worst in me and I _still_ don't know how to tell her that she brought out the _best_ in me, I just didn't want to believe it."

Shock held me in the chair. How could Edward think I had saved his life when really I had been the cause of his self hate?

You can't love someone who is full of hate, because they won't understand. I hated myself, I couldn't understand the depth of what we had, all I knew was that it was a respite.

My wife has been the only healthy high of my life and I wish I could tell her that now I _know_ the value of what we had. I can finally put faith in _us_, because I have faith in _me._"

"So why don't you tell her?" One newcomer yelled out..

Edward smiled as he addressed his questioner.

"You sir, have not seen my wife. I wasn't kidding; she is literally the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I've been tongue-tied since the day I met her."

A titter ran through the group at Edward's words.

"The fact is, I should have told my wife many things. If I had have told my wife how fucking scared I was of losing her, of how the thought of _anything _happening to her crippled me with a fear like no other, maybe she could have understood and if I had of let her _help_me instead of pushing her away and insisting I was fine or that I knew better, well I would be with her and my children instead of here, telling you how I understand what you are going through. How I know that it looks like there is no other way out but through that bottle of whiskey or that line of fucking coke."

Realization crashed down on me. While I had accepted Edward's flaws and loved him regardless, he hadn't until this point.

But now. Not only had he accepted his flaws he had embraced them.

Here he was thinking I was the courageous one; when in reality he had more strength than I did.

He had confronted his fears and faced his demons and by the words he spoke he had beaten them.

I had never embraced my fear and pain. I shut in down and refused to deal with it because in truth I was a coward.

Tears course down my cheeks and the walls I had so carefully constructed around myself shattered. There was no way to stop the torrent of repressed emotions from spewing forth and once again I clasped my hand over my mouth to stop my sobs from breaking free.

First came the agonizing hurt and the pain of rejection and abandonment I felt and I instinctively tried to recoil from it, but it demanded that I feel it, that I acknowledge the pain. I tried to embrace it but it just hurt to fucking much so I quickly shut it down.

My gaze drifted to Edward again and I studied him intently, not just his animated features but how tall he stood. His whole form had changed, had lost the hunched shouldered stance of defeat and dejection, his shoulders were wide, square, his back straight. He stood there proudly.

As I watched him the hurt and pain began to dissipate and another emotion took its place. After the pain it took me a few seconds to recognise that it wasn't a negative emotion. The cold inside me seem to lessen with the warmth that was flooding my insides.

Pride. That's what the warmth was. Not pride in myself but in Edward. I fought the natural instinct to shut the emotion down and I allowed myself to truly feel it; I let it flow through me unadulterated and found it actually lessened the hurt.

There standing before me was the Edward I always believed he could be. Not the Edward I knew, not the Edward I feared, not the Edward that hurt me grievously. No there was no sign of that Edward.

Was it an illusion?

Was he manipulating me again, tricking me into believing this was the new and improved Edward? Was he trying to lull me into a false sense of security?

_How can he be manipulating you Bella? He doesn't even know you're here. _The voice in my head reminded me.

I had forgotten that, it was just a natural response for me now to think I was being manipulated.

"I wish and dream and fucking _pray _every day that I will be given the opportunity to make everything better, that one day I will have my barefoot Juliet back by my side and my children with me every day. That is now my goal. That is now my goal. I am constantly working on my sobriety, the doctor has told me that if I keep up with my medication and eating plan I can avoid requiring a liver transplant and most importantly... I can see who I _really_ am now and I like the person that I see. I have hope. For the first time in my life I have real hope and _that_ is what I want to help each and every one of you find. Feel free to stand up and share your own stories, talk to one of the counsellors and psychologists, their cards are over there and don't worry, they won't cost you anything, or just watch. No one here will judge you and if you need help... ask."

My attention was drawn back to my surroundings by his statement. He hadn't given up hope of us being a family again. He didn't just want his children back; he wanted me back as well.

Fear bubbled to surface, he held out hope for us as husband and wife.

I didn't understand why he did that.

There was no hope for us. Our disastrous union had nearly cost us both of our lives and that was far too high a price to pay again.

Edward had stopped speaking and had made his way toward the refreshment table; he went straight for the glass of water, I imagined it was soothing his raw throat. I made no move to get out of my chair, I wasn't quite sure if I should slip out while he wasn't looking or if I should approach him.

The usual fear made itself known but so did the feelings of pride I had for Edward.

He had not only come so far on his own personal journey, but he had reached out to help others, not with his money but with his time and his self.

I tried to push the fear aside as I wiped the errant tears on my sleeve and stepped out of the shadows, my body's fright, flight, fight reflex kicked in and the urge to run from the room was almost overpowering. I was about to flee when the image of my eldest son suddenly filled my mind and I was reminded of the remarkable courage he had shown from the day his father left his life. I took my courage from my beautiful children.

My eyes drifted toward Edward he still hadn't noticed me when I reached his side, and I took the time to question myself again whether approaching him was the right thing to do. My body began to thrum excitedly from my close proximity to him, though my mind was terrified. I wondered briefly if I was going to combust some day from my body and mind being at constant loggerheads over Edward.

He still hadn't noticed me so I took a deep breath and cleared my throat, "Um...Hi Edward," I said tentatively. I wasn't sure how he'd react to me being here.

"Bella? What are you..." He asked clearly stunned at my appearance at his side.

"Um...I...I... hope you don't mind?" I stuttered. I could feel the blood rushing to my face and it felt strange, it had been so long since I had blushed, "I saw you on the street and I followed you here." I said honestly.

I tensed up waiting for his rebuke.

Edward shook his head, "I don't mind, I'm fucking so happy that you're here!" He said in a rush, "Uh, so I guess you kinda heard me up there..." He asked clearly embarrassed.

A small nervous giggle passed my lips and I stopped it immediately, "Yeah I heard what you said..." There was no point in denying it. "And...And I wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you Edward. It's nice to see you acknowledge your fears and to speak them out loud. But even more so; it's really wonderful to see you not only donating your time but giving yourself freely to others." I said quietly.

His eyes widened in surprise, "Thank you Bella. That... You... It means a lot." His smile was so wide and genuine it lit up his whole face. It smoothed the lines in his face and made him look younger. "I'm glad you are here and I'm glad that you heard what I've never been able to say to you." He added suddenly.

I wasn't quite sure what to say to that, I had no plan here and that frightened me as much as being in unfamiliar territory.

Edward was watching me obviously waiting for an answer.

"Um...you're welcome," I said politely and ignored the other part of his comment, "So you...is this a regular thing you do?" I asked steering the conversation into a less awkward direction.

I couldn't believe how hard it was talk to him. I felt like fucking teenager at some nightmare school dance trying to talk to the coolest boy in school.

It was fucking ridiculous! He was my husband, well estranged husband, but he was the person who knew the most intimate things about me and who I had shared the most intimate experiences with. That should have countered for something shouldn't it?

"Uh... yeah a couple of times a week. Its keeps getting bigger..." Edward seemed to sense the tension in the air between us but that wasn't surprising it was so thick it was almost oppressive. "This is awkward isn't it?" He said voicing my earlier thoughts, "I mean, it's YOU. Bella. I've never stuttered around you this much, well not since you transferred from Emmett's office. God, I was so nervous around you back then too." He chuckled.

I smiled nervously, "It is kind of awkward huh? But then again it shouldn't really come as a surprise we never were the best communicators on the planet," I kept my voice light and even there was no bitterness behind the comment it was just a fact. "So um...Have you got time to get a coffee or do you have somewhere to be?"

I internally slapped myself for asking Edward to go for coffee.

God why could I not think before I spoke?

His smile got wider, "I just have to finish up here, it takes about half an hour, some of the newcomers don't feel comfortable standing up straight away. I just like to go around and say hello, make them feel like they belong, you know? If you don't mind waiting..."

I never had a chance to answer due to the unfamiliar voice that suddenly filled the space between us.

"Hey Edward! Who's this?" The owner of the voice was suddenly at my side with his hand proffered for mine, "Is this your first meeting?" He asked me kindly.

As per my automatic reaction my muscles locked down and I tensed in fear. My eyes darted to Edward, asking him silently whether I was safe. I knew I was being stupid but I couldn't stop myself from having such extreme reactions.

Understanding animated his features and he gave me an encouraging smile, answering my silent question.

As hard as it was to trust Edward I had to. This was the goal I was working towards, so I allowed myself to trust his judgement of the situation.

I turned to the man in the blue swandri and smiled weakly. "Oh...um no I'm not a newcomer," I said taking his proffered hand and shaking it once and letting go, "I'm...Um...I'm Bella," I said stupidly while glancing nervously at Edward.

I felt exposed and it was hard to fight the fear. It was one thing to put myself out there in Edward's company without Aro's protection but it was a whole other to be with Edward in a room full of strangers.

The man's eyes widened in surprise, "THE Bella?" He asked clearly stunned. He suddenly turned his attention to Edward. "Hell bro. I'm interrupting. I'm sorry. Hey, why don't you two take off? I can finish up here..." His gaze drifted back to me and he smiled widely, "He wasn't kidding. You ARE smoking..." He said unabashed.

Edward chuckled beside me and gave me a small wink. I just stood there frozen to the spot.

From the man's reaction to my name he obviously knew about me, about Edward and I. That thought had my cheeks burning scarlet; I looked around the room and wondered how much Edward's regulars actually knew about me.

Suddenly I felt really hot and the walls felt like they were closing in on me. My closest living relatives didn't even know anything about my life and the state of my relationship with my husband, ex husband. It was horrifying to think that these strangers knew.

"Um should...should we go?" I said to Edward before turning back to the stranger, "It was nice to meet you," I said politely. I turned distractedly toward the exit just making sure there was a clear path to it.

"Thanks Ben." Edward turned to me, "Shall we get that coffee?"

"Um...yeah if you're sure you can go now?" I didn't wait for his answer, I was freaking out, I needed to get to neutral territory before I had full blown panic attack.

I was out of the room and the building within seconds and was striding down the sidewalk.

"Bella... Are you alright? I assure you Ben is harmless... " Edward asked clearly surprised by reaction.

"Um...yeah I'm ok," I said automatically but my pace slowed from an Olympic walkers to a more suitable one for navigating busy sidewalks, "I'm sorry Edward I don't mean to be so flighty. I'm just really nervous around people...Around you," I said honestly.

Edward nodded. "I'm pretty nervous around you too. I guess it will just take some time, how about we agree to just take small steps and be honest with each other about how we are feeling?"

I thought about that and nodded my head, "that sounds like a really good idea...But why are you nervous? If you don't mind me asking?" there was a cafe just up ahead and I unconsciously grabbed his hand and guided him into it. It took me a moment to recognize the surging current up my arm and I dropped his hand immediately, "It's a cafe," I said stupidly.

"I don't mind telling you Bella. I will tell you anything you ask." His voice was sincere.

I followed him to the counter, "Do you wanna go halves or can I grab this one and you get the next?" He asked me with a smile.

My eyes widened a little in surprise, it was not like him to ask or even think about something as insignificant as giving me the choice to pay for my own coffee.

I couldn't help but smile in return, "you can get this one and I'll get the next one...And Edward; thanks for asking," It was such a simple gesture but it actually meant a lot.

There was a small bud of hope sprouting inside me with the emerging realization that Edward really was different, more thoughtful. My defence mechanism kicked in and tried to snuff out that little bud but I fought it off.

I WANTED to protect that tiny flicker of hope, I wanted to nurture it and make it stronger. It was healthy for ME to do so.

_Trust in him for the sake of our kids,_ I said to myself and hope was part of that, hoping that I had made the right decision.

"So how do you take your coffee?" Edward asked and I looked at him in surprise.

"Like I always have. No sugar and chocolate and cinnamon sprinkles." I was a creature of habit when it came to coffee; it was my number one vice.

"Don't laugh," Edward pleaded when he ordered green tea, "Green Tea is ACTUALLY very detoxifying."

I did laugh just a quiet one, his face was screwed up in disgust; obviously he wasn't a fan of green tea.

Edward took a seat opposite me and began to answer my earlier question.

"You make me nervous because your opinion matters to me. You matter to me. You are so different and yet so familiar. I'm happy and scared and excited all at once when I am around you. I don't know how much to say or what to say, I don't want to scare you off and at the same time I want to sit down and fill you in on every single thing that has gone on since I saw you last. I want to sit down and just TALK to you until the bloody sun rises. I instinctively feel like I have my best friend back and at the same time I know things aren't the same as they used to be. We aren't the same people we used to be. That's why you make me nervous."

Another wave of hurt and resentment washed through me when he called me his best friend, that title and honour certainly didn't belong to me. I shook of the feeling and doubled the protection around that little shoot of hope.

I had to try and find away to stop the vicious cycle of my mind attacking me at every turn, otherwise there was no hope of forging a cordial relationship.

I thought about what he'd said about me being different and I was curious. I knew I had changed but I wanted to know what HE thought was different, "you said you think I'm different and you're right I am. You're very different to. Can I ask you what you think is different about me?"

"You are stronger. Tougher, but still so warm. You can tell from the way you speak about the kids, you haven't lost your capacity for love. You are more guarded though and your eyes... You show your pain, but you think you hide it well. You are more certain about what you want and your principles...But Bella... Honestly. You look so scared. You look terrified around even Aro. I don't want to keep apologising to you, but I want you to know that I recognise that I did that to you. I see what I have done and I see what I have cost you. I don't know how to make it right between us Bella, but I'm trying."

Tears filled my eyes but I refused to let them spill over, "You...you don't need to apologize again. I can see you're truly sorry...The feelings of hurt and rejection run deep. Aro doesn't scare me in a physical sense, he scares me because he makes me feel like I have done wrong, that the choices I had made were wrong it makes me angry when he doesn't agree with me. It makes me distrustful of his motives. I know he's not doing it intentionally but I can't help thinking he will do anything to push us together even when he's seen the disastrous consequences of us being together..."

I was shocked at how honest I was being with Edward. I was never this honest when we were together.

"I know what you mean. He can be pushy. Personally, I think he gets off on it. I asked him and he didn't deny it." he joked. "But mostly, I've found that he always means well."

As for us being disastrous, I'm not sure I entirely agree. You didn't do anything WRONG Bella. You loved me, you tried to help me but it was just an impossible task. I wouldn't LET you help me because I believed you wouldn't really love me if you knew. I believed you deserved better than what I had to offer and you did. What the old Edward had to offer you wasn't enough. It wasn't even enough for him. I have never wanted anyone's good opinion as much as I have wanted yours. I didn't give a fuck what anyone else really thought, but if I looked into your eyes and saw you looking back at me with the same amount of self loathing that I had... I knew I couldn't bear it. None of this was your fault, you did NOTHING wrong. We were just two people who had met at the wrong time in our lives. I just couldn't let you pass me by though..."

I looked at him with wide eyes, he spoke with utter sincerity. I found it hard to doubt it.

_Caution Bella!_ The voice in my head warned, _you're in danger of falling into old patterns. Remember to examine everything he says clinically, keep your emotions in check!_

The voice in my head offered me a timely reminder and I thought it might be a good to time to give Edward one to,

"Regardless of who was at fault our relationship was toxic...We weren't, we aren't healthy for each other..." I trailed off. I hadn't planned on discussing anything to do with our relationship until we had sorted out the issues surrounding our children.

Our children.

I seized on the opportunity to steer the conversation away from the worst things in our relationship to the four perfect things that did come from it, "I have photos of the kids if you want to see them?"

Edward grinned. "Please!" He said unable to keep the excitement from his voice.

I couldn't help but smile at his eagerness and I quickly took the envelope full of photos and pushed them across the table, there was a sense of déjàvue to the situation. Even after a concerted effort we still never got to share what should have been one of the most magical times of our lives.

"Matisse and Noah are the complete opposites of Apple and Louis. Matisse has brown eyes and dark hair like Louis, Noah is bronzed haired and green eyed like you and Apple," I said conversationally.

I'm not actually sure if Edward heard what I had said; he was trying to get into the envelope. It didn't seem t be cooperating with him. When trying to tear it with his hands never worked he gave up and tried ripping it with his teeth.

He finally got the offending envelope open and I resisted the urge to laugh aloud and congratulate him on his triumph. I chewed on my bottom lip nervously as he laid the photos out before him.

His eyes roamed the photos hungrily before they came to rest on one of Apple sitting alone in her room strumming on a guitar.

"She... looks so... sad." He choked out suddenly. He never raised his head from the photos his eyes shifted from Apples photo to the one of Noah and Matisse.

A strangled sob tore from his throat though I don't think he was aware of it and I closed my eye as a wave of anguish washed over me.

"He looks like...me." He said quietly before turning his attention to the photo of Matisse, his finger stroked lightly over the photo a tiny hint of a smile on his lips, "She looks like you Bella..."

I continued to watch Edward pensively as he studied the photos of his children, the agony of seeing them was apparent on his features as was the realization of how much his actions had not only cost him but his children as well. The remorse for his actions was also apparent and I didn't want to punish him anymore for his mistakes and I didn't want him to fall back into the pattern of punishing himself.

This was his first real test, it was a painful situation for him and he was handling it far better than I expected of him.

His hand trembled on the tabled and I reached out and covered it with my own, "It's going to be ok Edward. You'd be amazed how resilient children are. And though Apple and Louis are sad now once you are back in their lives you'll be amazed at how quickly they will bounce back. Children have a remarkable ability to forgive and their capacity to love their parents knows no boundaries." I said encouragingly, but I also felt the need to warn him as well, "But you realize that once you're introduced back into their lives you can _never_ leave them again. They can never be subjected to that kind of separation from you again. So it's really important Edward for you to be sure this is what you really want."

He covered my hand with his, "I won't let them down again Bella. I... want to be a father they can be proud of. I want them to know every day how much I love them."

It was once again hard to doubt his sincerity so I didn't try to. While I had to be cautious with Edward, I didn't believe he would ever do anything to inflict any more damage on his children than he had already.

I wanted to remove my hand from under Edward's but I didn't want to hurt him, not when I knew how much pain he was in at that moment, "I know you won't Edward..." I said with as much confidence as I could muster. If I hadn't heard him speak today without his knowledge I would never have believed him. But I did now. I couldn't help but be a little proud at how much progress I was making myself.

Edward seemed to realize that I was uncomfortable and let go of my hand."Can I keep these Bella? Please?" He pleaded looking back down at the photos of his children.

"Of course you can." I looked at my watch with a frown time had passed so quickly, hours had seemed to vanish like seconds, "I really need to get going Aro's cooking me dinner tonight. Would you care to join us?" I asked suddenly, speaking without think about what I was saying.

Shockingly I was beginning to relax around Edward; the muscles in the pit of my stomach seemed to be lessening along with the acute fear the more I was around him.

As awkward as it was to be with him a sense of familiarity was beginning to emerge which I was sure was going to make thing much easier for both of us.

As long as I stayed vigilant that was...

Edward looked up in surprise at my dinner invitation, "I would love to. What time do you want me there?"

"Well the last ferry is leaving in about half an hour we could catch it together if you like and maybe just pick Aro up on our way down to my house?"

"That sounds perfect." Edward wore a bright smile and I found myself thinking how nice it was to see it there.

We made idle conversation as we made our way to the wharf and it continued as we caught the ferry back to Waiheke Island. I was pleased at how much easier it was getting to talk to Edward since I had seen him speaking at the meeting.

I finally had a better understanding of why he did what he did and while I was still incredibly hurt I found I could empathize with him a little.

It made me more confident that if I kept making the effort and Edward did we would be able to have a cordial relationship for our children sooner rather than later. Once that happened I would finally be able to think about my life and what direction I wanted to take it.

As I looked out over the water I realized that for the first time in a long time I could at least look forward to a more settled future...

**Edward's POV...**

**PLAYLIST: I alone – Live**

** Through Glass – Stone Sour**

** It's Been Awhile – Staind**

"Calm down Edward." Aro said as I took one tray of muffins out of the oven before replacing it with yet another "I don't think Bella can eat this much." He gestured to the plates of cakes, sandwiches, rolls and other assorted foodstuffs that littered the table.

"I'm a little nervous I guess." I admitted. He chuckled.

"She is your wife Edward and the mother of your children. Just be what you always should be with her; honest."

"Honesty has never been our strong suit."

"That's true. But if you don't start now, when do you? You've been given more than your fair share of second chances; you would be a fool to expect anymore." Aro said, placing a tray of sandwiches on the table with a little more force than necessary.

"I don't _expect _anything." I defended.

"Good. Because if you aren't honest and completely truthful with her Edward, you will be a fool with no more hope and no one to blame but himself."

I frowned at him

"You get off on this don't you? Making people feel bad? Your advice sucks you know."

He raised an eyebrow.

"My advice has helped you."

"Let me rephrase that then. Your advice is extremely helpful. The way you deliver it however is a little condescending."

He laughed and came behind me, clapping me on the shoulder as I mixed the blueberry cinnamon pancake batter.

"You aren't the first person to complain about my ways Edward, you won't be the last either. Now leave me to finish this feast and try going to _sleep_. It might help a little more than this Alison Holst reinactment you have going on here."

I saw Bella pull up the driveway with Aro and I felt self conscious. I looked awful, I knew that. I had lost about ten kilos since Bella had last seen me and while I had put a precious few back on, I was still a shadow of the man I had once been. In the physical sense anyway. I quickly looked in the mirror and ran a hand through my messy dull hair.

I wasn't much to look at these days. I was going to have to get used to the fact.

I took a deep breath before opening the door and stepping out onto the porch.

And there she was. Just like my memories, just like my dreams and just the fucking way I pictured heaven would look. If heaven were a broken, pained looking woman who was staring at me with a mixture of fear, anger and distrust.

She looked just as bad as I felt, but I couldn't hide my excitement at seeing her.

Aro came to a stop beside Bella and touched her arm briefly, causing her entire body to almost turn to stone in front of my eyes. It confused me; I had always thought that Bella loved Aro. She had never reacted this way towards him.

I felt a new stab of guilt as I realised that I had injured that relationship too.

I shook myself from my self-pity. I had to move forward and not dwell in the past.

I moved slowly from the porch, when all I wanted to do was sweep her off her feet and into my arms where I would never let her go. Once I had swept her off her feet. Both literally and figuratively. The look in her eyes told me I wouldn't find either task easy anymore.

I had to start from the beginning. I had to rebuild her trust completely, we were different people now, I could see that and I was sure she would soon too. How did one approach the stranger that they were married to?

I decided slowly, cautiously and carefully was the best approach.

As I got closer, I noticed Bella sink back into Aro. Despite the obvious rift in their relationship, she still seemed to prefer his company over mine. I couldn't blame her really.

"Hello Bella" I said hating how weak and raspy my voice sounded. I watched her eyes as they darted around, looking every bit like a scared and frightened rabbit. She clung to Aro like a lifeline. I looked down at my own trembling hands and clasped them together. They did not project the image that I wanted to portray.

My father's stern voice from memories of my youth, echoed inside my head.

_A firm handshake, Edward. That will tell them what kind of a man you are. You can tell everything about a man from that first handshake. _

I stepped forward and raised my hand, feeling like an idiot, but not knowing what else to do. I had no past experiences like this to draw on. I was flying blind.

It was the wrong thing to do. Bella visibly recoiled from me and into Aro. The disappointment burned at my soul but I was determined. I would not be swayed, no matter how difficult my task was.

I dropped my hand and moved back to the porch, sitting down on the bottom step. I hoped the distance between us would put Bella at ease.

She wouldn't move. For the longest time, she simply stood there, like a deer caught in headlights, holding my gaze with her own until Aro began to drag her reluctantly forward.

Eventually she stopped. She was as close to me as she was going to get and she eyed me warily. It would be up to me to make the first move.

But what did you _say _to the stranger to whom you were married? How did you begin a conversation?

"_She is your wife Edward and the mother of your children. Just be what you always should be with her; honest."_

Aro's advice. He was right, no matter how much it burned to admit. He was right.

"I've been so nervous about this all morning." I confessed quietly "I wasn't sure what I was going to say or do, or what _you_ would say or do. I didn't know whether to approach you or not...I wasn't sure what you would want me to do. I apologise if I scared you or offended you Bella... I wasn't going to hurt you. I felt a handshake might be a good place to start." I tried to keep the hope, the shame, the loathing I felt for myself from my voice. While I expected the ghosts of the past to be revisited I did not want to give them new life again either.

"Um...so...um...You...you look better Edward." She said nervously. I felt better that I was not alone in my anxiety.

"It's nice of you to say that, but we both know it is a lie." I chuckled lightly. Untrue or not, it was good to hear her say it anyway.

"I'm going to stand up now Bella. I just don't want to startle you." I warned her and stood up slowly "I... I couldn't sleep last night, because I knew you would be here today..." I blushed terribly and I looked at my feet "I made lunch for today... and we have tea and juice..." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to suffocate the butterflies in my stomach

"May I invite you inside for lunch Bella?" I tried to keep the hope out of my voice, but failed miserably and I was sure it was written all over my face "I made blueberry cinnamon pancakes as well as banana chocolate chip... I hope you still like them." I looked at her with a soft smile.

"Um...I...Um...Do you mind if we stay outside?"

The hurt slipped through my mask, but only briefly and I nodded. "How about Aro and you go around the back? There is a table and chairs out there. It won't take me long to move everything outside. If you are more comfortable with that, of course?"

She nodded and Aro took her around the back of the house to the outside picnic table. I sighed. So far she had agreed to sit down with me. I was choosing to look at that as progress.

I came out of the house, my arms laden with food and Aro smiled at me.

"He made all that last night. He hasn't finished yet. There's more." There was a hint of pride to Aro's voice and I stopped myself from rolling my eyes, though secretly I was glad of it. It was nice to have someone be proud and actually be able to accept it somewhat graciously.

After another trip I finally came to the table and sat down at the seat farthest away from Bella.

"Please help yourself Bella." I said carefully

"So Edward Aro called and said you wanted to see me. Was it purely a social visit you were after or is there something you want from me?" She said perfunctorily.

Honesty. It was all I had owed my wife from the start.

I took a deep calming breath. It was better late than never.

"I'm ashamed of myself Bella. I'm ashamed of the things I said and the things I did. I can't take them back and I've hurt you terribly. I've hurt our children. I know the damage I've caused and I know you deserve an apology. I'm not... the same person anymore. I don't expect that you will believe that and I don't blame you for it. But I have changed. I..." I coughed to clear my protesting throat, but when I spoke my voice was still just as gravelly as it had been a moment ago. "I would like very much if you would grant me the opportunity to prove that to you. Please." I added sincerely.

Her fury was explosive and immediate.

"You have no fucking concept of what you've done to me Edward or my kids. How fucking dare you presume to know what kind of damage you've done to us...I fucking trusted you Edward. I trusted you to be there for me when I needed you, but as always the fucking joke was on me! YOU LEFT ME, when I needed you the most! You ripped yourself out of your daughter's life. You were the sun at the centre of her universe and you took yourself away and left her scared and alone in the dark...You left us in the dark...You left me to deal with all of that on my own. How could you do that? I trusted you... You're the most selfish person I have ever met Edward Cullen! You treated us like innate objects; you treated us like we meant absolutely nothing to you. You showed your car more respect that you showed us! We loved you. We needed you! _I nearly died that day and you left_...I...I have to go...I can't..." She sobbed.

"You're right. Every single thing you said was true. I did all those things and I have no excuse for any of them and I certainly have no right to ask anything of you now. You owe me nothing Bella. I would be grateful if you took this with you though..." I took the tape of my song, Hate Me, from my pocket and slid it across the table before pulling my hand back and placing it with the other in my lap.

"I'm sorry I have upset you." I looked at her shaking, frail form "That truly had not been my intention with this meeting."

"I don't want your apologies Edward. They're meaningless to me. And you better believe I owe you nothing!" She looked down at the table first to the envelope she had placed there and then the cassette. I was no fool. I had seen the envelope. It was a legal document, I had seen countless in my life and I knew exactly what legal document would say. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat at the thought. I couldn't lose her. Or rather, I didn't _want _to lose her.

"What is that?" She asked frostily.

I frowned, trying to come up with the words to say what I wanted to say, but I was tongue tied.

"I... Sometimes the words don't come out right for me Bella. I don't say exactly what I want to say. It's always been easier for music with me..." I nodded towards the tape "It's a song. And it's the best explanation I can give you for what I was thinking when I did what I did. It's what I should have said to you instead of running away."

Conflicting emotions were flickering across her face as she stared at me as though I were some kind of mysterious puzzle that she needed to solve.

"What exactly is it you want from me Edward? I mean not with the tape but...I...I'm confused. I gave you my heart, body and soul you didn't want them. I haven't got anything else you possibly want."

I looked at the wedding rings on the envelope. I knew what was contained inside that envelope, but the wedding rings on the top spoke more loudly to me. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to think it was nearly over for us and our family.

"I took you for granted, all of you." I whispered painfully, both from the emotion and from forcing the words through my clenched throat "I promise you, I'm not that person anymore."

She bristled visibly at that.

"You did a lot more than take us for granted. And don't you dare PROMISE me anything Edward Cullen. Your promises mean less than your apologies! But I will listen to your tape. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go...Unless there's something else of course?" The venom was clear in her voice. I did not begrudge her for it. She was entitled to her anger. I would let her verbally and physically lash me for my transgressions against her. She was owed her retribution. There was no chance of her healing without it and I could see the deep, raw, unhealed wounds that I had caused.

My wife and children were all owed their pound of flesh from me.

"Thank you. I appreciate that..." I wanted to ask her about the children, I was desperate to know something, ANYTHING about them and I almost gave in "Bella..." She regarded me coldly. "Thank you. For agreeing to meet with me, for listening to the tape..." _For caring for our family, our children, all this time when I didn't. Thank you. _I said silently.

"Thank you for remaining calm,"... She responded, her voice less hostile than it had been a moment ago.

Aro stood up and walked around to Bella wrapping his arms around her despite the way she froze when he did so. He kissed her head softly and whispered in her ear quietly though I could still hear

"No matter what you decide Flower Child, I will support you. You are my daughter just as much as he is my son and I love you. With all my heart." he kissed the top of her head, before turning back to me "You're due at the hospital soon Edward. The doctor told you, it's this or surgery..."

I narrowed my eyes at him "Thank you Aro." I knew what Aro was trying to do and I didn't like it. I didn't want Bella's sympathy for my illness. I had caused it; there was no fault except the fault that lay with me. "May I see you out?" I asked Bella politely. Hopefully.

"You can walk me out." She finally relented. I smiled inwardly, whether it was or not, it felt like another step forward. I walked on the opposite side of Aro and a good few feet away, to ensure that Bella was comfortable. I did not want to exacerbate her anxiety.

I was excited at the prospect of leaving my dark past behind me. Fixing things with my family was the final and most crucial step. There was no moving forward without them.

When we reached the car the roller coaster of emotions I had been on all day, plummeted once more. I was once more overwhelmed with nervousness. I didn't want her to leave, I wanted her to stay.

I didn't want to say goodbye. Not to her and not ever again.

Politeness and the years of good breeding from my parents instinctually took over however.

"It was good to see you again Bella. I feel like I can breathe again." I blurted out, my honesty running on overtime. I fought the urge to ridiculously clamp a hand over my mouth. My cheeks were burning and to make matters worse, not only was my brain disengaged from my mouth, but my body as well. I stuck out my hand stupidly once more, because I obviously hadn't embarrassed myself enough. I prayed she would shake my hand and not make me look any more idiotic than I had already done on my own.

She cautiously regarded my hand before reaching out and grasping it with her own timidly. The jolt of adrenalin shot through my body at her touch, both familiar and extraordinarily unfamiliar. I kept the smile on my face, but inside I burned with regret. Indeed, my father had been correct, you could tell a great deal about a person from their handshake and from Bella's I could tell just how fragile she truly was, both in spirit and body.

I had done that.

_Oh Juliet. My sweet darling. Forgive me. I beg you punish me, remind me of my sins daily, but please forgive me. Not for my sake but for your own. _

I said to myself. Her own defences were reasonable, but from personal experience I knew that the walls that we thought protected us could also end up being our prison too.

"Goodbye Edward. I will see you for dinner later Aro,"

She got into her car and pulled out of the driveway. Taking my heart with her.

"Well that went well." Aro said calmly.

I turned to him in irritation "would care to explain why you were trying to bring up the doctors? You couldn't have waited till she was gone!"

"I thought you didn't want to lie anymore." He countered. I stared at him angrily.

"I don't. But I don't want to _trick_ or _guilt_ Bella into giving me a chance!"

He smiled and patted me on the back.

"That's what I wanted to hear. Good lad." He clapped me on the shoulder once more before turning to go inside the house. "Ben called earlier, he wants to meet you in town after your doctors for a coffee and I need you to pick up some more tofu for me."

I shook my head. "Anything else?"

He stopped and turned to me, his face almost splitting from the size of his smile

"Be happy Edward. That went well. That went very, very well."

I stood in the kitchen the next morning and dried the dishes I had just washed. I had tried unsuccessfully to convince Aro to buy a dishwasher. He insisted there was no way a 'stupid machine' could wash _his_ dishes better than him. It was just another useless thing 'The Man' was trying to convince us we needed when we had survived centuries without 'dishwashers'. I wanted to ask him what he thought of penicillin, but wisely decided that would only lead to a conversation best not had. Many things were like that with Aro.

"Bloody stubborn hippy. Why do the weird ones _always_ sucker me in? Harmful and harmless alike..." I grumbled, placing the dishes back into the cupboard.

The phone rang and I sighed. It was most likely the power company. Aro had a hard time understanding that the bill needed to be paid every month. He figured they should know he was good for it, as he informed them consistently. Eventually (and because I had felt extreme sympathy for the poor customer services staff at New Zealand Power Co.) I sneakily set up the power account under my name so it would always be paid on time. Occasionally, Aro would check and fix the 'clerical error' and I would call back soon after to reinstate the same error. Aro was a stubborn old fool, who didn't want me to 'pay for his old ass'. He wouldn't listen to my arguments that I was living there too and should contribute; stating that buying the groceries every week was my contribution.

He was maddening at times. I could see myself slipping into insanity very easily around my old friend.

The phone rang and I picked it up with one hand, a plate and a dishtowel in my other.

"Hello." I said cheerfully; ready to tell Heather who usually dealt with us, to simply log me back as the account holder.

"Ed...Edward, its Bella. I...I was wondering if you'd care to join us for breakfast? Aro has cooked far too many pancakes for just the two of us."

I dropped the plate I had been holding and it bounced off the table and onto the floor where it broke. I ignored the sound however. Heather I had been expecting, Bella I had not.

"Are you sure Bella? I... don't want to intrude" I said, kicking myself because I _did_ want to intrude. I wanted to be a part of her life again.

"Um...Yeah...Like I said there's more than enough,"

"I'll be down as soon as I can...Should I bring anything." I smacked myself in the head with the palm of my hand. I felt like a bumbling virgin around my own wife. "I mean..." I stuttered sounding every bit the fool I was.

"Just bring yourself and whatever else you may need...Medication or medicine ball you know what you need."

I chuckled and ended up having to cough at the end of it. I still hadn't had my morning tea and my throat was rough and dry.

"I've already taken my meds but I'm sure I can find a medicine ball around here somewhere. I won't be long." I promised ardently.

"Kay, see you soon..." She said, hanging up. I however, clung to the phone, pressing it against my forehead as I closed my eyes and smiled.

She had reached out to me. Of her own accord. Not because I'd asked her to, not because anyone else had asked her, but simply because she had chose to. Or that was what _I _was choosing to believe anyway.

..."Come in Aro's just there at the table... you better hurry and get some pancakes before he eats them all," Bella greeted me at the door

I didn't miss the fear or the way she avoided eye contact. Considering my past behaviour it was more than understandable. I wanted to put her mind at ease, but I was still a little unsure of how to do that or if it were even possible.

I made sure not to walk to close to her and I kept all my movements careful and deliberate.

"Thank you for inviting me Bella. It means a lot to me." I walked to the table and sat down at an empty chair, leaving the one closest to Aro free.

Aro looked at me with a mouthful of pancakes, golden syrup dripping down his chin and into his beard. I chuckled and handed him a napkin from the table.

"Clean yourself up old man and leave some of those for Bella." He laughed and took the napkin wiping his chin.

He gave Bella a wink and a smile "I was saving some for later."

Bella took a seat next across from us and took a deep breath, "First of all Edward I would like to apologize for yelling at you yesterday, although I don't take back what I said I am sorry that I yelled. I listened to your cassette last night and I realized a few things...So I've invited you here because I thought about what you said about wanting the chance to be a father to your children. To be honest my first instinct was to tell you to fuck off because you don't deserve it but then it dawned on me that we could do this the easy or the hard way. You could gain access to your children through the courts but I would like to try and come to an agreement without the use of lawyers. Now my biggest concern about letting you back into their lives as you can imagine is the disruption and confusion it will cause them and the hurt and devastation they will go through if you leave again. So in the interests of protecting them Edward I won't be allowing you anywhere near them until I can trust you. But I realize there's only one way to do that and that is to give you the chance to spend time with me so I can learn to trust you. I understand that you may not like that idea and may wish to involve lawyers but I feel I need to warn you that if you decide to go down that path then I will fucking fight you every step of the way. I don't want this to turn nasty Edward but I will do whatever it takes to protect them from further harm."

The burgeoning warmth in my stomach was doused in the icy cold realisation that Bella believed I would drag her through the court system to gain access to our children. I recalled my mother's suggestion that I obtain custody of our children and it still made me angry to think that anyone would suggest such a thing.

I reminded myself that I had threatened her with that exact same action once before. I swallowed the large lump in my throat and I took a sip of the water that she had given me.

"I don't want to involve the lawyers Bella. To be honest, it hasn't even once entered my mind. I just..." I swallowed again as my voice became slightly unsteady "I just want to see them." I finished, my raspy voice was now a whisper as I struggled to keep my emotions in check. It had been difficult to think of Bella over the past year, it had been simply impossible to think of my children.

Every sound, every picture, _anything_ that reminded me of them had felt like a hot knife to my heart.

I looked up at Bella, praying that the tears I could feel would not spill over. "My word will not mean much to you at the moment, and that is completely understandable, but I wouldn't, I _couldn't_ do that to you or the children." I put down the glass that had began rattling a little in hand so it wouldn't spill over.

"I will respect your decisions regarding Apple, Louis, Matisse and Noah." the tears had spilled over now as I said their names out loud. I wiped at them absently with my hand. "You haven't let them down, you have never once hurt them the way I have. I will respect any decision you make."

"...You'd be surprised at the things you're capable of doing Edward...Sorry I don't mean to be bitter it's just hard...And the thing is Edward while I listened to your song I realized that while I brought out the absolute worst in you; your children brought out the best in you and you brought out the best in them. And while Louis has shown remarkable courage and has fared pretty well Apple is nothing like she used to be. I want her to be the happy loving go lucky child she once was, not the broken shell who spends so much time alone in sadness, I want the daughter back who loved me not the one who tells me she hates me. The only way to get my daughter back is if you are in her life..."

I gave Bella a small smile "I think you are entitled to be bitter Bella." I looked at my hands as I thought about Apple. Did she really miss me that much? Had I underestimated my own children as much as I had underestimated Bella? I was glad that I had yet to touch any of the pancakes, because I'm sure they would have been making a swift reappearance. I closed my eyes and rubbed at my lips, not because I wanted a drink but because the habit was hard to break.

"I'm sorry I've made things difficult for you with Apple."

I didn't know what to say to Bella anymore. She didn't want my apologies, she didn't want my promises or anything from me it seemed.

I knew the fact she was here was monumental enough and showed a considerable display of strength on her part. I ran through every possible thing I could say and yet none of it seemed like anything she would want to hear.

"I might be entitled to be bitter Edward but it's not going to get me anywhere. So in regards to the kids I think a relationship with them is in everyone's best interest. I just don't know when you'll be able to see them again. I'm not prepared to rush anything and I'm not letting you near Apple and Louis until I'm a hundred percent sure. I will however allow you to meet Matisse and Noah as they have no emotional tie to you yet,"

I couldn't help but flinch at her words. Yes, Matisse and Noah had no emotional attachment to me. Something I was quite aware of.

"Thank you." I said quietly.

Aro stood up and picked up his empty plate as well as Bella's own untouched one and mine.

"Well. My opinion may not mean anything, but I think you two are making real progress here. Which is great. Edward, however has another doctor's appointment today Bella, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you accompanied..."

My eyes shot to Aro and narrowed. He was pushing the matter of my illness and I didn't like it. I didn't want Bella's pity, I didn't want her to hurry with my reconciliation with the children because I was sick, I didn't want it to be a weapon that she felt I was using against her.

The damage my liver had suffered was not her fault and I abhorred the idea of her feeling manipulated with it.

"I can put it off until tomorrow Aro. It's not that urgent." I tried to impress the point upon him to back off without raising my tone of voice or changing it in anyway. I didn't want to frighten Bella.

Bella suddenly spoke, "Um...I'm sorry it's not possible for me to accompany you to your appointment, I have an appointment with my lawyer I really need to keep. Perhaps next time I'm in New Zealand I will have more time,"

I sighed in relief and leaned forward a little still keeping an acceptable distance between us

"I can change it if you want to discuss things more? Aro is exaggerating." I shot his back a dirty look as he snorted and mumbled at that. I frowned as Bella's words sunk in "You're leaving New Zealand? Soon?"

I knew she wouldn't be staying, but I still was still terribly disappointed. I didn't want her to go. I wanted her to stay, but I knew it wasn't about me or my wants and I would respect her wishes. No matter how much they hurt.

"Yes Edward I am leaving New Zealand. Nepal is my home now, I have forged a life for myself and I work at my foundation full time. I've actually been teaching there and I really enjoy it. I guess it's only fair to tell you that I have no plans to give it up,"

"I could fly over whenever it was convenient." I said acceptingly. I would fly over every weekend if I had to. "I could fit around your schedule... I'll work around you in any way you need me to. I'm committed to making this work." I said, not only about the children but our own relationship too.

"Um...The school holidays are coming up in a few weeks. I could spend a couple of weeks in New Zealand during that time with Matisse and Noah. I'm sure Apple and Louis would like to see their Grandparents."

I nodded with a sad smile. It seemed like such a long way away. I wished I could call them, but even I knew how detrimental that could be for them, so I didn't.

"Thank you Bella. For listening to me, the tape and inviting me here this morning. I ... Thank you." I finished standing from the table and doing my best to keep the absolute agony I felt at having to say goodbye from her off my face. I didn't know if I succeeded or not.

"You're welcome Edward and thank you for not making this any harder than it is already."

I didn't think I could speak anymore, not without throwing myself at her feet and just begging her to forgive me. I gave her the best smile I could under the circumstances and turned to leave. I walked down the hallway, feeling my empty stomach turn on itself with so much force I thought I was going to retch. I felt my hands trembling like they had at the worst moments of my detox.

I made it to the front door and stepped through it, even though every cell in my body screamed at me to turn around! Just turn around and _tell_ her, tell her what brought you here, she would understand and she would love you, if you just let her for once... I swallowed as I walked down the front steps and down the driveway.

Every step was like pure fire in my limbs. It was as though my body was fighting with my heart. I just wanted to hold her in my arms. It seemed such a small thing, holding your wife.

_She brought divorce papers with her. She might dispute your use of the term 'wife'_

My vicious mind taunted me as I made it past her letterbox; I tried to suck in a deep breath, because it felt like there was no oxygen left, _anywhere_ in my body. As I walked back towards Aro's house

In that kitchen, probably burdened with her own kind of pain was my soul and I was nothing but a shell without her. I was strong enough to go on, but I wouldn't be whole again. I would be a father, I'd be the best fucking father in the world and I would NEVER let them down again, but I would never, ever be a husband again.

I only would ever have one wife and if she didn't want me, then I would want no other.

"I mean it Edward. Stick to the eating plan. Skipping meals in the mornings are only going to increase your chances of requiring that transplant. I told you, I don't deal with stupid patients" Doctor Wilson frowned at me from above his notes.

"I wasn't hungry this morning." I said a little belligerently. He raised an eyebrow

"So it has nothing to do with your wife being back in town?"

My eyes shot to him and narrowed.

"Aro." I said through my teeth. As much as I loved the man, his inability to keep his nose out of my business was driving me insane.

Doctor Wilson nodded.

"Yes, Aro. At least one of you _cares_ about your health and wellbeing." I opened my mouth to deliver a cutting remark, but he carried on

"So how are the meetings going Edward? You have improved so much psychologically since you started on those. Most people go to AA; you get kicked out and start your own support group to help others." He laughed "You don't do things by halves do you?"

Bella had said that to me before. About so many things. I wondered for the billionth time if I had listened more, if I had done things differently, would we still be together now?

"I didn't get kicked out. They had to shut down." I mumbled, still lost in my own train of thought.

He shook his head at me "sure. Whatever you say rich boy."

I narrowed my eyes at him

"I asked you to stop calling me that."

He snorted while reading through my notes

"Yeah, well I told you not to skip meals. Deal with it."

I looked him in the eye

"You are _extremely _unprofessional" I growled.

Doctor Wilson smiled at me before grabbing his prescription pad. He began writing out two pages of pills that I had to take, some with food, some without, some in the morning and some at night...

"Probably. But they still give me one of these babies..." He held up his prescription pad. "Where's your prescription pad rich boy?"

I shook my head.

"I am truly amazed that you are one of the leading doctors in your field."

"Yeah well, I'm amazed you're so rich and so idiotically stupid. Guess you don't really have to have brains to get money huh?"

I couldn't help but smirk.

"I fucking hate you. You are a shit doctor."

He finally looked at me and smirked back, thrusting another page of prescriptions at me.

"Good enough to save your life rich boy. Now get out of my office, you're making the place look messy."

"Fuck you Wilson." I said as I left. His receptionist looked up at me brightly, ignoring my vulgarity.

"Have a pleasant day Mr Cullen."

I mumbled my thanks and made my way downstairs and across the street to the pharmacy where I picked up my shopping bag of pills and powders.

The pharmacist was a young, attractive looking woman who tried to flirt with me as she always did. As always, I kept my head down and my eyes fixed on the counter. I wasn't trying to be rude; I just didn't need another reminder of what was missing in my life. I didn't want the pharmacist to be flirting with me; I wanted Bella to be doing that. I found no compliments in the woman's fawning and attentions only sadness and regret.

I paid for my bag of pills and left with only the basic courtesies given to the pharmacist.

As I walked towards the downtown hotel where I held the weekly meetings, I turned over everything that Bella had said to me that morning. She had made no indication that she wanted anything from me except to be the father I should have been to our children all along. It stung that she seemed to have no love left for me whatsoever, but in reality, I couldn't blame her.

I squared my shoulders and tried to hold my head a little higher as I neared the hotel. The people there relied on me, they were still in the early stages of their recovery, trying to hold themselves together and not self destruct the way I had. It gave me purpose and it gave me hope. Hope that I could be a man that my children could grow up loving and respecting, not being ashamed of.

That was going to be my focus. My ultimate goal. I couldn't control how Bella felt for me, I couldn't make her love me again and give my children their family back and my own life back. The only thing I could do was make myself the best goddamn father I could be.

I prayed that along the way, Bella would see the man I truly was now and fall in love with him once more. It was a long shot, but I allowed myself that dream.

I turned down the next street and crossed the road till I was standing in front of the hotel. I took a moment to compose myself as I always did. I practised my breathing techniques, I told myself that I could do this, that I was strong now, I told myself that _I_ was worth the effort and just before I started towards the doors, I said the same little words that I did every time, the words I had spoken the first time Ben and I held our first meeting and put ourselves out there.

"Louis, Apple, Matisse and Noah..." I said their names reverently, ignoring the burn in my heart as I thought of them "I won't _ask_ you to be proud of me, I will _give_ you a reason to be proud. B-Bella..." I took a moment and composed myself, "Wherever you are, please be happy. Please live and love and be happy. You will own my heart forever Juliet."

My little ritual was over. I took a deep breath and put a smile on my face as I stepped inside.

There were signs posted everywhere, directing the way to the conference room for the meeting. Some of the people who attended weren't the most educated or literate people, so I had tried to make it as easy as possible for them to find the way. They were dealing with enough; they didn't need any further humiliation on top of what they were already coping with.

"I'm sorry sir! But we have a strict dress code here and _gumboots_ are not in accordance with that!" the high pitched, nasal whine of the hotel manager's voice cut through the air and my body stiffened. I knew exactly what the issue was and I was tired of having this battle with her. I strode purposefully around the corner and was not surprised by the scene.

"I don't _have_ any other shoes!" Benjamin exclaimed, his voice tinged with embarrassment. "Jesus lady, we go through this every time!"

Ben was always singled out by Jessica. She took offence to his swandri and gumboots, as though he were a personal affront to her. The simple fact was Ben worked shifts and he didn't have time to go home and get changed before coming to the meetings. They didn't wear fucking Armani in the freezing works.

"Is there a problem Jessica?" I said coming towards them. Her icy blue eyes shot from Ben to me, but they noticeably lost their hostility. My own hostility however was just beginning to rear its ugly head.

"Mr Cullen, this... _man_ here refuses to adhere to our dress code. I've warned him before, I'm afraid I can't allow him entry."

I visibly bristled.

"Then _I'm _afraid that I will have to take my business elsewhere." I said through my teeth. Her eyes widened as she realised the implications of what I had just said. I didn't just mean the meetings. I meant _all _my business including Cullen Industries. I would blacklist the entire hotel chain and effectively end her career. I smiled as the weight of my words began to fully register with her.

"I mean _all_ my business _Jessica_." I spat her name in the same tone she had just used herself.

"Mr Cullen you are _always_ most welcome at our establishment and we _certainly_ do not want to lose the business of Cullen Industries, but these '_get_ _togethers'_ of yours are bringing down the reputation of the hotel." She tried in a tacky politely-persuasive tone that just irritated me further. She had practically insulted every single attending member at the meeting while simultaneously trying to crawl up my ass. I felt fucking dirty and disgusted. The people who attended were no different to me. We were all victims of our own demons. There was no separating distinction.

I didn't hesitate in my reply

"Ms Stanley, My name is Edward Anthony Cullen. I am the son of Carlisle and Esme Cullen and believe it or not, I am _still _CEO of Cullen Industries. But more importantly, I'm an alcoholic. I have a problem with alcohol and I have a problem with drugs."

"My name is Benjamin Malcolm Carter. I have a wife and four children and we live in Otara, the _really_ poor part. I'm an alcoholic too." Ben said, coming to stand proudly beside me. His shame from a moment ago was now completely gone as he realised what I was doing.

"We are exactly the same Ms. Stanley. The only difference in our situations is our occupations and place of residence. If Ben isn't good enough for your hotel, then neither am I."

Jessica stared at me for a moment open mouthed while I stared right back. When she realised I wasn't going to back down, she stepped aside

"Thank you Ms. Stanley. Ben, why don't you go inside and get everyone ready? I take it that the food is all arranged?" I gave a pointed look at Jessica.

Food and _non alcoholic _beverages were always supplied in plenty by me at the meetings. Half of the people who attended were struggling to feed their families and themselves, their addictions not helping the cause at all. I just wanted to help in any way I could. A little decent food in their stomachs and they could walk away a little stronger.

"Yes Mr Cullen. It's all there." Jessica answered, her haughty tone now completely erased. I waited until Ben had gone inside the room before I continued. I spun around to face Jessica, my face a brutal violent sneer

"Let me make this clear to you, you self inflated little bitch; _anyone _is welcome into _that _room there! I don't care if they are wearing a fucking _kleensak_! If you _ever _try to stop _any _of my guests from entering again, I will make sure your superiors know _exactly_ why their biggest client now wants nothing to do with them and is actively trying to gain support in his boycott! Am I understood? I can fuck you over with a single phone call. Don't test me."

She nodded fearfully and I strode past her into the crowded conference room. Our numbers had certainly grown. What had once been a handful was now an entire _room_ full of people, all of whom could not afford the kind of help and support they got here.

"Quite a crowd." Ben commented coming to my side.

"I had just been thinking the same thing." I replied. We made our way towards the front

"I haven't heard from you in the past few days and you seem a little tense. What's going on Edward? Do I need to be worried?" He asked, not doubting me, but as I had learned, simply _supporting_ me. Just because a person recognised my weakness did not mean they would necessarily exploit it.

It only remained a weakness as long as I allowed it to be so.

"Quite the opposite." He regarded me curiously

"Tinopai Edward. It's about time something good happened for you."

"Thanks Ben." I said as he took his seat. I continued to the front. This was my therapy, this was my redemption. This was a way for me to take my weakness and turn it into a strength that I and my family could be proud of.

I was Edward Cullen and I was a recovering Alcoholic and drug Addict.

And I was free.

"Good morning Everybody. My name is Edward Cullen and I'm an alcoholic and drug abuser."

"Good morning Edward." The room echoed back loudly. I smiled at them all.

"Welcome to all you newcomers, I hope that you find whatever it is you are looking for here. Be it a friend, support or just knowing that you aren't alone, we all know how difficult the road to recovery can be.

I have been sober for Fourteen months. I want to tell you that it was easy, but it wasn't. I had to look at myself, in a way I never had before.

My road will have been similar to your own. We have all _lost _something to the drink, but we also need to realise that it wasn't the alcohol that made us this way. Something made us pick up that bottle to start with, the important thing is to identify _why_ we did it.

I started drinking because I didn't like _me._

I was a violent thuggish bastard and I had every single excuse under the sun for why I should have been allowed to remain that way.

I had been taught from a very young age that failure was not an option. Not for a Cullen. I was always striving for bigger and better, I wanted my father's respect and I wanted him to be proud. No one loves a loser, no one remembers the guy that came in second place; no one could love me unless I was the absolute best I possibly could be. For a long time, I managed to survive under that pressure, but the pressure became too much and I couldn't do it on my own. So I started to drink and then I started to do drugs to complement the drink. Soon, they became my crutch for every time anything went wrong in my life.

I had a wife and children once. I had a real _family_ of my own and they loved me, more than I had ever loved myself. My wife, oh my god... She was and still is the most beautiful woman I have _ever _seen. _Why_ she ever loved me is a mystery, but I'm grateful that I knew that love, even for such a short time. She saved my life, so many times over and she has no idea. She made me smile, she made me laugh; she made me focus on the parts of me that I had never seen before. She loved me and there were no strings or conditions attached to it.

I thought I had to be the _best _for her, if I didn't how could I keep her? If I didn't provide her with the best car, she wouldn't love me even though she swore otherwise. If I wasn't the best kind of father, my children would resent me, even though my daughter laughed just as hard when I read her a story _about_ a pony to when I brought her a real one. The harder I tried, the more I seemed to fuck up and all I needed to do was just... be _me._ I just needed to trust that no matter the size of my bank account, no matter what I said or did, they would love me."

I paced the aisle in front of the first row, looking at my feet and chuckling at how differently Bella viewed our relationship. I could not blame her for viewing it as such though, I had never told her otherwise.

Recently she told me she believes she brought out the worst in me and I _still_ don't know how to tell her that she brought out the _best_ in me, I just didn't want to believe it.

You can't love someone who is full of hate, because they won't understand. I hated myself, I couldn't understand the depth of what we had, all I knew was that it was a respite.

My wife has been the only healthy high of my life and I wish I could tell her that now I _know_ the value of what we had. I can finally put faith in _us_, because I have faith in _me._"

"So why don't you tell her?" One newcomer asked suddenly, before sinking back down into his seat, embarrassed that he had called attention to himself. I smiled kindly.

"You sir, have not seen my wife. I wasn't kidding, she is literally the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I've been tongue-tied since the day I met her."

A small laugh rumbled through the group.

"The fact is, I should have told my wife many things. If I had have told my wife how fucking scared I was of losing her, of how the thought of _anything _happening to her crippled me with a fear like no other, maybe she could have understood and if I had of let her _help_me instead of pushing her away and insisting I was fine or that I knew better, well I would be with her and my children instead of here, telling you how I understand what you are going through. How I know that it looks like there is no other way out but through that bottle of whiskey or that line of fucking coke.

My life isn't perfect. My wife is gone, my children..." I smiled at the crowd "Well, I think I might be given the opportunity to make that right and _nothing _is going to stop me!"

I heard Ben whoop in genuine happiness at my news. I grinned. He knew how much I had missed them.

"My life isn't perfect. But it's getting better. I wish and dream and fucking _pray _every day that I will be given the opportunity to make everything better, that one day I will have my barefoot Juliet back by my side and my children with me every day. That is now my goal. I am constantly working on my sobriety, the doctor has told me that if I keep up with my medication and eating plan I can avoid requiring a liver transplant and most importantly... I can see who I _really_ am now and I like the person that I see.

I have hope. For the first time in my life I have real hope and _that_ is what I want to help each and every one of you find. Feel free to stand up and share your own stories, talk to one of the counsellors and psychologists, their cards are over there and don't worry, they wont cost you anything, or just watch. No one here will judge you and if you need help... ask."

I stepped down, smiling at Ben as he stood up

"My name is Benjamin and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober now..."

I went to the refreshments table and picked up a cup of water. My throat was burning and my voice was rough and scratchy from all the talking, but I felt a little better. I felt a little lighter and a little more like the person I wanted to be.

..."Um..Hi Edward,"

I jumped when I heard Bella's voice, nearly choking on the mouthful of water had I been about to swallow.

"Bella? What are you..." I said in absolute disbelief. She was the last person I had expected to see here of all places.

"Um...I...I hope you don't mind? I saw you on the street and I followed you here." She blushed and looked guilty at her admission.

I shook my head furiously

"I don't mind, I'm fucking so happy that you're here!" I blurted. I felt my face flame as I realised that if she was here that she had also heard what I had said.

"Uh, so I guess you kinda heard me up there..." I said scratching my head in embarrassment. I had expected her to perhaps get angry at me, like she had atAro's, but instead she giggled nervously and looked at me with an emotion I couldn't decipher.

"Yeah I heard what you said...And...And I wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you Edward. It's nice to see you acknowledge your fears and to speak them out loud. But even more so it really is wonderful to see you not only donating your time but giving yourself freely to others."

I beamed. I couldn't help it. She was _proud_ of me. It meant so fucking much, more than anything else.

"Thank you Bella. That... You... It means a lot." I stuttered. I saw a couple of people looking at us curiously and I remembered that we weren't exactly in private.

The man who had asked why I didn't just go and _tell _Bella looked at us curiously. I made a decision.

"I'm glad you are here and I'm glad that you heard what I've never been able to say to you."

I watched her carefully, wondering if I was pushing too much too soon. I sincerely hoped not. She looked at little uncomfortable, but when she replied her response was genial enough

"Um...you're welcome. So you...is this a regular thing you do?"

"Uh yeah, a few times a week. Its keeps getting bigger..." The tension between us was so thick and I couldn't take it anymore, I looked at Bella with a lopsided grin "this is awkward isn't it? I mean, it's _you_. Bella. I've never stuttered around you this much, well not since you transferred from Emmett's office. God, I was so nervous around you back then too." I laughed a little at the memory.

"It is kind of awkward huh? But then again it shouldn't really come as a surprise we never were the best communicators on the planet, So um..Have you got time to get a coffee or do you have somewhere to be?"

If I had thought my smile couldn't get any bigger, I had been wrong. I was sure my face was splitting.

"I just have to finish up here, it takes about half an hour, some of the newcomers don't feel comfortable standing up straight away. I just like to go around and say hello, make them feel like they belong, you know? If you don't mind waiting..." I actually crossed my fingers behind my back that she wouldn't mind waiting.

"Hey Edward! Who's this?" Benjamin came up and thrust his hand out at Bella "Is this your first meeting?" He asked, not realising who she was.

"Oh...um no I'm not a newcomer...I'm...Um...I'm Bella,"

Ben's eyes bugged out of his head. "THE Bella?" He asked in amazement. "Hell bro. I'm interrupting. I'm sorry. Hey, why don't you two take off? I can finish up here..." He looked at Bella again before breaking out into a huge grin "He wasn't kidding. You ARE smoking..."

I chuckled and gave Bella what I hoped was a reassuring wink. "Ok, Ben if you can finish up here that would be great, if Jessica gives you any more grief.." He laughed and patted his pocket where his cellphone was. "I got your number on speed dial. I'll let you know."

"Um should...should we go?"

I could see how uncomfortable Ben had made Bella and I was terrified of losing that tentative state of ease we had so far established.

"Thanks Ben." I gestured for Bella to walk with me and gave her a warm smile. "Shall we get that coffee?"

"Um...yeah if you're sure you can go now?"

I kept Bella's heady pace

"Bella... Are you alright? I assure you Ben is harmless... " I ignored Jessica's stare as we walked past and the way she narrowed her eyes at Bella. I really wanted to take the uppity bitch down a peg or two, but right now, I was more concerned about Bella and the athletes pace she was walking at.

"Um...yeah I'm ok...I'm sorry Edward I don't mean to be so flighty. I'm just really nervous around people...Around you,"

I nodded. "I'm pretty nervous around you too. I guess it will just take some time, how about we agree to just take small steps and be honest with each other about how we are feeling?"

"That sounds like a really good idea...But why are you nervous? If you don't mind me asking?... it's a cafe,"

I laughed quietly at our shared nervousness as well as revelling in the way my skin tingled where hers had connected with mine. It had been such a simple gesture, and yet I felt like a million dollars from it.

"I don't mind telling you Bella. I will tell you anything you ask." I walked up to the counter with her and gave her a warm smile "Do you wanna go halves or can I grab this one and you get the next?" I remembered how important Bella's independence had been to her and the way I had systematically tried to strip her of it at every opportunity.

The very thought now filled me with disgust. It was much more gentlemanly and chivalrous to respect her and her ability to provide for herself.

"You can get this one and I'll get the next one...And Edward thanks for asking,"

I asked how she wanted her coffee, not wanting to assume that it was the same but I smiled when it was a cappuccino with no sugar and chocolate and cinnamon sprinkles.

I ordered a green tea and looked at Bella with mock seriousness. "Don't laugh. Green Tea is _actually_ very detoxifying." We made our way to a table and I sat down across from her "You make me nervous because your opinion matters to me. You matter to me. You are so different and yet so familiar. I'm happy and scared and excited all at once when I am around you. I don't know how much to say or what to say, I don't want to scare you off and at the same time I want to sit down and fill you in on every single thing that has gone on since I saw you last. I want to sit down and just _talk_ to you until the bloody sun rises. I instinctively feel like I have my best friend back and at the same time I know things aren't the same as they used to be. We aren't the same people we used to be. That's why you make me nervous." I finished with a soft smile.

It felt good to talk to her again.

"You said you think I'm different and you're right I am. You're very different to. Can I ask you what you think is different about me?"

I held my mug between my hands and took a moment to organise my thoughts. "You are stronger. Tougher, but still so warm. You can tell from the way you speak about the kids, you haven't lost your capacity for love. You are more guarded though and your eyes... You show your pain, but you think you hide it well. You are more certain about what you want and your principles...But Bella... Honestly. You look so scared. You look terrified around even Aro. I don't want to keep apologising to you, but I want you to know that I recognise that I did that to you. I see what I have done and I see what I have cost you. I don't know how to make it right between us Bella, but I'm trying."

I wasn't speaking about making it right as reconciliation between the two of us, I was simply stating I didn't know how to make amends for my transgressions. If such a thing could be forgiven, I still didn't know.

"You...you don't need to apologize again. I can see you're truly sorry...The feelings of hurt, of rejection run deep. Aro doesn't scare me in a physical sense, he scares me because he makes me feel like I have done wrong, that the choice I had made were wrong it makes me angry when he doesn't agree with me. It makes me distrustful of his motives. I know he's not doing it intentionally but I can't help thinking he will do anything to push us together even when he's seen the disastrous consequences of us being together..."

I nodded. "I know what you mean. He can be pushy. Personally, I think he gets off on it. I asked him and he didn't deny it." I joked. "But mostly, I've found that he always means well."

I took a sip of my tea "As for us being disastrous, I'm not sure I entirely agree. You didn't do anything _wrong_ Bella. You loved me, you tried to help me but it was just an impossible task. I wouldn't _let_ you help me because if I believed you wouldn't really love me if you knew. I believed you deserved better than what I had to offer and you did. What the old Edward had to offer you wasn't enough. It wasn't even enough for him. I have never wanted anyone's good opinion as much as I have wanted yours. I didn't give a fuck what anyone else really thought, but if I looked into your eyes and saw you looking back at me with the same amount of self loathing that I had... I knew I couldn't bear it. None of this was your fault, You did _nothing_ wrong. We were just two people who had met at the wrong time in our lives. I just couldn't let you pass me by though..."

"Regardless of who was at fault our relationship was toxic...We weren't, we aren't healthy for each other...I have photos of the kids if you want to see them?"

I grinned. As far as distractions went, she had picked the one that I couldn't refuse

"Please!" My hands were already out across the table and waiting before Bella had even moved.

"Matisse and Noah are the complete opposites of Apple and Louis. Matisse has brown eyes and dark hair like Louis, Noah is bronzed haired and green eyed like you and Apple,"

I barely heard what she said; I was too busy practically ripping the envelope to get to my children. Or the closest I could get to them under the circumstances anyway.

The envelope, however, seemed to be made of fucking titanium or something, because it was impossible to get into.

"Who makes these things? Acme?" I muttered under my breath, finally just brining the thing to my mouth so I could tear the corner with my teeth.

I got a few strange looks from people passing by, but I didnt care. I got the fucking thing open and laid the photos out on the table reverently in front of me.

And there were my children. My heart stopped in my chest.

My children. Louis and Apple had changed so much; they were bigger and much more beautiful than I remembered. Louis still looked like the serious little boy I remembered, but Apple she was different.

She looked sad even though I couldn't see her eyes. That little spunk, the little light that had once encompassed her was gone. It wasn't just dulled it was fucking _gone_. Where was my feisty little princess?

My eyes burned with tears of shame and regret. It wasn't my presence in her life that had done that. It was my absence. "She... looks so... sad." I managed to get out in an unsteady voice.

I looked back at the photo of Louis and I felt like I had been hit in the stomach. He was changed as well. He looked so much more guarded and alert. I wondered if he had had a moment's peace since I left. He looked ready, no _resigned_, for the next attack. What little boy should have looked like that? My hands were shaking above the pictures.

My eyes moved to the pictures of my two youngest and a strange choked noise filled the air around us. I hadn't realised at first that it had come from me.

Noah looked nothing like I remembered. He wasn't a tiny little newborn anymore, he was a happy, smiling _child_. So much time had passed; so much time had been lost.

"He looks like...me." I commented in an awestruck tone. Little wet splashes were appearing on the photos in front of me and I wiped at them with the sleeve of my shirt. I didn't know if Bella would let me keep the photos, but I didn't want to ruin them regardless.

I looked at the photo of Matisse. My little girl who looked so much like her mother it was uncanny. I stroked the photo lovingly. She was adorable and I wanted nothing more than hold her. To kiss her chubby little cheeks and make her laugh. I imagined she would have the most beautiful little laugh.

"She looks like you Bella..."

She looked at me sympathetically and placed her hand over my own.

"It's going to be ok Edward. You'd be amazed how resilient children are. And though Apple and Louis are sad now once you are back in their lives you'll be amazed at how quickly they will bounce back. Children have a remarkable ability to forgive and their capacity to love their parents knows no boundaries. But you realize that once you're introduced back into their lives you can NEVER leave them again. They can never be subjected to that kind of separation from you again. So it's really important Edward for you to be sure this is what you really want."

I looked at Bella, taking her hand that covered mine and squeezing it. There was nothing in my life I had felt more sure about,

"I won't let them down again Bella. I... want to be a father they can be proud of. I want them to know every day how much I love them."

"I know you won't Edward..." She looked at our hands awkwardly, but made no move to pull away. I appreciated the gesture, but I let go regardless. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable for me.

"Can I keep these Bella? Please," The pleading tone in my voice was clear, but there was little I could do about it. I would have got down on my hands and knees in the cafe if that was what it took to keep the small squares of paper that held images of my children.

"Of course you can." She looked at her watch with a frown. "I really need to get going Aro's cooking me dinner tonight. Would you care to join us?"

I carefully piled the photos and placed them inside my jacket front pocket. I looked up at Bella in surprise when she asked if I wanted to join her and Aro for dinner. Of course I did, but did she really want me to? I squashed the notion and smiled at her.

If she didn't want me there, she wouldn't have asked. "I would love to. What time do you want me there?"

"Well the last ferry is leaving in about half an hour we could catch it together if you like and maybe just pick Aro up on our way down to my house?"

I beamed. "That sounds perfect..."

**A/N: Feel free to vent your spleen should you want to, you know how much we love your feedback with our Coffee/Green Tea... :) **


	49. Let's Be Friends

**A/N: First and Foremost our apologies for taking so long to update we had to slow them down in order to get the epilogue written. The epilogue has taken on a life of its own and is 350,000 words already and nowhere near completion. Greenaway and I are spending easily twelve hours a day on the epilogue, and have done so for the last three months, it truly is all consuming. (I have feeling it will be nearly as long as the whole original story) But it will be well worth the wait.**

**As Always thank you to those of you who took the time to review all feedback really is appreciated. And thank you to those of you who have added this story to your favourites, Alerts and Communities.**

**To Sassy41 our Beautiful friend and Beta we love you long time sweetpea and we miss you terribly. You're always in our thoughts :)**

**DISCLAIMER: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist 101 own An Angel At My Table, All music is the property of the respective owners no copyright intended...  
**

**So this Chapter is the second half of Bella and Edward's reunion chapter and carries straight on from the end of the last one...**

**BELLA'S PLAYLIST: Adele Rolling In The Deep **

**Chapter 49: LET'S BE FRIENDS...**

**Aro's POV...**

I had just finished the last of the vegetarian meatballs when I heard a sound that made me stop what I was doing and rush to the window to verify it with my own eyes. The cards had told me that this would happen, but I hadn't expected it so soon. Edward and Flower Child were walking up the driveway together, laughing between themselves and SMILING. I felt tears of joy sting my eyes.

It was the first genuine smile I had seen on either of their faces since before all the madness and that evil harpy woman, Tanya.

They weren't touching each other, there was a small distance between them, but it was closing as Edward said something and nudged Bella with his shoulder. She didn't flinch away; she began giggling in earnest and smiled at him.

A smile that lit up her entire face and Edward saw it too. His own smile matching hers as they got closer to the house.

I quickly moved from the window, not wanting to be a looky-lou and went to the door. "I thought I was only expecting one of you tonight!" I tried to keep the grin off my face, but I couldn't. I was so happy that THEY were happy. I loved them both as though they were my own flesh and blood and their pain had been my pain too.

Each mistake they had made individually and together had cut at me, so seeing them together and smiling had me grinning like the old fool I was...

**Bella's POV...**

I was still laughing at the Joke Edward had just told me when Aro opened the door and grinned at us. I stepped forward impulsively and threw my arms around Aro's neck and kissed his cheek, "we've come to pick you up we're eating at my place tonight."

A light shudder rippled through me as I looked over Aro's shoulder and through his front door, I had once loved being in Aro's house it had magical feeling to it. But sadly it now held the worst memory I had of Edward and I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to step foot in the house again. And if I did manage to make myself go in the house I would never step foot in his kitchen again.

I stepped back and turned to Edward, "Um... I'll just wait out here while you and Aro get organized."

Aro's gaze shifted to Edward's and mine followed. Edward was confused; he obviously didn't realize my aversion to going into Aro's house. Aro seemed to understand though.

"No need. I'm already done. I just have to grab all the food." Aro said as he turned and hurried into the house. He was back a moment his arms laden with our dinner. He thrust a bread basket into my hands and handed a casserole dish to Edward.

Aro was about to shut the front door when he seemed to remember something, "Wait here!" He ordered us as he shot back into the house.

"What's he doing now?" I asked Edward in surprise. Aro had disappeared so quickly it was like he just vanished into thin air.

"I have no idea. It's the fastest I've ever seen the old bugger move." Edward chortled.

Aro reappeared just as quickly as he'd disappeared, "This old bugger can move when he has to just ask the scores of women I have satisfied over the years," He said cheekily.

I groaned as the mental image filled my mind, "Please don't Aro. I was looking forward to eating dinner and that image just quashed my very limited appetite..." I said with a smile that I was sure came out more like a grimace.

Edward nodded his head in agreement, "Way to ruin a good day old man. Jesus." Edward mock gagged and grinned over at me.

A peal of laughter burst from my lips, "Edward we really shouldn't be so mean. He is after all feeding us tonight,"

Edward carried on our playful banter pretending to think hard before saying, "Ok then. Makes sense, as long as he's made something with meat in it... I could eat the ass end of a cow."

Aro chuckled and gave me a wink, "I made meatballs..."

Edward fist pumped the air unable to hide his delight at what was on tonight's menu,

"But they're vegetarian." Aro said brightly.

The smile slid from Edward's face when he registered Aro's words, it was obvious he was craving meat but wasn't allowed to eat it.

"He's mean to me." Edward lamented childishly and I couldn't help but smile.

I decided to let Edward know about one of the changes I had made in my own life, "I guess this would probably be a good time to mention that I'm actually all but a vegetarian myself. It's something I picked up living in Nepal. The kids and I only eat meat maybe twice a week." My cheeks glowed crimson though I wasn't quite sure why.

Edward cocked his eyebrow at me and smiled, "I'm only supposed to eat meat in small quantities now. Unless its fish and that doesn't count. Never would have picked you for a vege..." He chuckled.

"Well at least you'll have no trouble planning menus for when the kids are in your care," I mumbled. That thought had a light shudder rolling through me but I fought it off, I had to accept that I would eventually have to allow my children to be in their fathers care without me being there.

We made our way down the road chatting lightly; Aro didn't say anything he just listened to Edward and my idle chatter. He seemed happy that things had progressed between Edward and I if his perma grin was any indication.

I unlocked the front door and ushered Aro and Edward inside. Aro headed straight for the kitchen insisting he needed no help and ordered Edward and I to take a seat at the table.

There was only a moment of awkward silence before the conversation started up again between Edward and I. We mostly talked about the kids and that conversation was carried on during dinner.

Aro was still quiet barely adding anything to Edward and my chatter.

I stood up and was about to clear the table when Aro stopped me insisting Edward would do the dishes. I looked at Edward to see if he was happy with that and he smiled and stood up and began gathering up our plates.

That surprised me, I didn't think I could recall a time when Edward had actually washed a dish or contributed to doing any other type of house work. Edward Cullen doing housework the concept was so foreign to me it led me to childishly I wondered if he'd extended that to learning to use a vacuum cleaner, I wasn't actually sure if he even knew what a vacuum was. I stifled my giggle, lest I have to explain what forced it from my lips.

Aro wandered over to the stereo and perused the CDs before taking one from its cover and putting it into the machine. I was actually impressed that Aro even knew how to work a CD player considering he only had a tape deck at his place.

I left him to it and made my way out onto the deck inhaling the salty air with a smile. I loved the smell of the ocean; it was familiar, comforting, it was home.

Aro joined me a moment later and took a seat next to me, pulling out a bag of weed, "You still smoke two joints?" He sang the question in time with lyrics of sublimes, 'smoke two joints.'

"Yeah you know me, when in Rome," I said with a grin.

"Good to know. I'm sick of smoking alone." Aro lit the blunt and inhaled deeply blowing half a dozen perfect smoke rings before handing it to me

"So you haven't been up to the Yacht Club trying to convert the toff's to a more natural way of life?" I asked as I took another couple of hits. My gaze drifted to the kitchen window to where Edward was reading the quotes I had pinned to the fridge. My cheeks warmed as the blood began to pool beneath them.

'_Owing your burdens is half the battle.'_ I recited the first one in my head. When I thought about it was probably a quote suited for both of us.

Aro laughed heartily bringing my attention back to him, "No. But they DID start coming over once they knew Edward was staying with me. 'Suckling at the power teat' he called it. They gave up eventually. He wasn't interested in anything they had to say and they became uninterested in him. Me? I've always been uninteresting to them. Other than when they are trying to get rid of me

I bristled with indignation. "That still pisses me off Aro!" I hated that the affluent residents of Waiheke Island couldn't see how brilliant Aro truly was. "I went To Edward's seminar today," I confessed randomly.

A look of understanding passed on Aro's features as if he had finally solved some sort of riddle or puzzle.

He looked over at me with a proud smile, "Quite something isn't it? You know, most of those people there can't even afford the bus fare into the city. Edward sorted it for them though." The pride in Aro's voice was easily recognizable and I felt a rush of gratitude that he had succeeded where I had failed. He had saved Edward.

I nodded my head, "Yeah it was. I can't believe how far he's actually come. I'm actually really proud of him." I glanced back through the window and Edward was back at the sink he looked up and saw me staring at him.

He smiled what used to be my favourite smile; I was surprised to feel my heart accelerated a little at the sight of it.

I gave him a shy smile and turned back to Aro, "I told him I was proud of him. It was nice to see him giving himself without restraint...Watching him speak...it was like watching the man I always knew he could be..." I said a little wistfully.

"The Man he always WAS Flower Child. It's just now he believes it too." Aro corrected me.

He looked through the kitchen window to where Edward was still watching while he washed the dishes. Edward's gaze that had been on me shifted to Aro. Aro blew a little kiss in Edward's direction.

Edward's face turned a bright shade of crimson, obviously embarrassed so I looked away not wanting to add to it. In fact I was nearly as embarrassed as he was.

"I'm in trouble Flower child." Aro chortled.

"See he still can't take a joke too well." I chortled, "But I'm glad he finally believes in himself. He might not be so hard on himself anymore. After watching him today...well it gives me confidence that he will be the best father he can be."

Aro nodded in agreement, "He can. Did I tell you he's thinking of moving out of my place?"

This surprised me; I assumed Edward liked staying with Aro, "Um...no he didn't. Is...Is he going to go back to Wellington?" That would be another major snag because there was no way my children were going anywhere Wellington.

Aro chuckled at that, though I wasn't sure why that would amuse him.

"Wellington? Why on earth...No Flower Child, he's been thinking of moving out of my place and into the place he gave you as a wedding present. But he doesn't want to because it's YOURS and not his and he didn't want to take any liberties. So he's been looking at renting but the only place available is with that snooty little blonde woman from down the road? You know her, you HATED her... Anyway. That's the only place available and he's not wanting to go there because she will be a problem or a hassle, I don't know. The point IS, he doesn't want to ask and he won't bring it up so I thought, you maybe... could?"

"It's not my house. I plan to return everything he gave me anyway, you know in the divorce. I'll tell him he's welcome to it." I said with no hint of malice.

Aro rolled his eyes and handed me the joint with a wink, "How about you just say something like... If you wanted more space for when you have the kids, why don't you think about using the house? Then you can insist and he will take it and be happier and he won't be living next door to Miss Plastic Fantastic Barbie at the end of the road."

I stopped the frustrated sigh in my throat; I just had to accept that Aro would never accept that I was going to divorce Edward; no matter what he said about supporting my decision.

It reminded me that Aro would always fight for Edward first, he would always make sure Edward got what he needed for his survival at I needed to accept that it would always be at my expense.

I shook of the negative thoughts, "I guess your way sounds more tactful," I conceded as I shot a quick glance at Edward through the window, " we should probably go inside I feel kind of mean leaving him in there by himself." I took a couple more tokes on the joint then threw it into the ashtray and followed Aro into the house.

Aro snorted. "He doesn't smoke it at all anymore. Doesn't even like to be in the room with it he says." He shrugged. "Doesn't hassle me though so I'm cool."

Edward walked through the kitchen door wiping his hands on a tea towel just as we stepped through the back door. He smiled at me before shooting Aro a dirty look, "You'll get yours one day old man."

An awkward silence filled the room no one seemed to want to say anything, "Um...so who wants a cup of tea," I said to cover my embarrassment.

"Not me. I'm pretty groovy now. I think I'll just wander up home."

"Do you want tea Edward or do you need to go with Aro now?" I asked still slightly embarrassed.

"No, I'll stay for a tea if that's alright with you?"

"That's fine, I'll just go and put the jug on," I walked over to Aro and gave him a hug, "Thanks for dinner and the after dinner mints. You still have the best weed in the country," I kissed his cheek before turning to Edward; "Green tea isn't it?"

Edward nodded, "Yeah, horrible stuff that it is."

"Edward, make sure you leave the window open for the cat when you get in ok?" Aro said as he stretched his hands over his head.

I left Aro and Edward in the dining room; happy to give myself a few moments alone in the kitchen to get my thoughts together. I was more anxious than scared to be alone with Edward; I knew nothing was going to happen between us because I wouldn't allow it. But I was still kind of nervous not knowing exactly what was going to happen when we were alone together.

Would Edward attempt to try and be sexual with me? Would he lose the plot if I refused him?

I shut the negative thoughts down before they could get a firm grip on me. Aro would never allow Edward to remain here alone with me if he had any reservations about my safety.

That didn't really do anything to soothe my anxiety; but I reminded myself that I had made a commitment to try and allow Edward to regain my trust and this could be the first step, being alone with him and trusting that he would show respect for me. It would show me whether he was just acting all calm and polite because that's what Aro expected of him when he was in his company.

I took a deep breath and grabbed the mugs from the bench, Aro was gone when I got back into the room and I pushed down the anxiety that erupted in the pit of my stomach. I passed Edward his drink without meeting his eyes and gestured him to take a seat on the couch.

My first instinct was to take a seat on the couch on the opposite side of the room but I opted instead for an armchair to the right of the couch. I looked down into my coffee mug as the silence spiralled between us.

Edward didn't speak and neither did I, it was fucking awful, so uncomfortable and I found myself praying for something to happen anything to distract from the weird energy in the room.

It was Edward's chiming cellphone that answered my prayers and I breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled it from his pocket.

Before I had time to fully relax however he announced it was a message from Esme and my insides turned to ice. I tried desperately to control my fear, I had no idea if Edward knew what had gone down between Esme and myself in Nepal.

"Mum" He said with a laugh, "Oh god Bella you would have LOVED to have seen it." He laughed again and my insides clenched painfully he obviously didn't know. "She was so mad! She swore! at Dad, at Emmett, at Jasper at ME... Especially at me. She knows about my drinking problems, about what happened between us she even knows about Dad's dirty little tactics at the start. Boy, none of us IMAGINED she could get that angry. You know that new scar above Dad's left eye?" He asked. "She did that. She punched him! My mother punched my father and her wedding rings cut his face. She told him it was poetic justice."

He was smiling when he looked up at me, "She texts me every night at this time to see how I'm doing. I'm too scared not to text back, she can be pretty scary now. My nice mummy has gone," he quickly text her back, "sorry. She would have started calling next if I didn't." He said as he slipped the phone back into his pocket.

A small groan slid from my lips, "Um...Edward I saw your mothers fury and...And I was on the receiving end of it too. She's furious with me for keeping it from her. She started berating me. I told her it wasn't my responsibility that I had four kids to look after and your family shit wasn't my problem. She went completely berserk and your Dad stepped in and told her to back off and that she didn't have any of the facts. Well she completely lost the plot at that. And she lashed out and struck his face. The last thing she told me was that I had ripped her family apart. I told her to fuck off." I whispered as the shame of the memory washed over me, "we haven't spoken since." I couldn't meet his gaze I knew he was going to be horrified. I was just thinking about it.

Edward laughed, "You make it sound like she came here out of love! She was crazy. Even Aro was scared. Nope, Mum kicked my butt seven ways from Sunday. Then she did the same to Dad. They are happier now, everything is in the open and they don't keep things from each other. I think even Dad is surprised with how this honesty thing can work out."

He surprised me by laughing, "You're much braver than me then. I just went silent." Embarrassment kept my gaze on the floor. "Don't look so worried. What she said was wrong and out of line. I would have corrected her too if I were there."

I shook my head, "I was out of line too. I didn't mean to swear at her I just couldn't deal with it...Sorry if I made her worse." Though I was still upset with Esme I didn't want to cause more discord in her family.

"You didn't make her worse. She was going to be angry no matter what. I don't know what's come over her to be honest; she is like a fire cracker now. I think Dad is a little scared of her. She is a force unto herself." His watch beeped and he sighed deeply. Time for my medications "Do you mind if I grab myself a glass of water?"

I looked at the various pill bottles with a frown, "um...yeah I'll go and get you one," I hurried from the room and breathed a sigh of relief. I had told Edward about the situation with Esme and he never reacted in a negative way at all. This gave me hope I could tell him other things without fear.

There was one thing I wasn't prepared to tell him about tonight and that was Jake, I knew I had to at some stage but when I had no idea when I would find the courage. One thing I wanted to know about though was what all the medication he was taking was for.

I walked back into the room and handed him the glass with a smile, "Um...Edward why do you have to take all those pills? If you don't mind me asking that is?"

He was silent for a moment looking like he was at war with himself over whether he should answer my question. He looked up and sighed, "I have cirrhosis of the liver. The pills are stopping any further damage to my liver and vitamins and nutrients that my body won't process any more. It's from all the drinking I have done over the years. My body couldn't keep up and my liver started giving out. The last drinking binge I went on nearly did kill me. I had a heart attack during detox. I think that frightened my dad a lot."

An involuntary shudder rolled through me and tears pooled in my eyes. I blinked a few times trying to prevent them from spilling over and I recoiled a little inside myself when I registered the extent of the damage and how close he came to achieving his objective. I wanted to say something I just didn't know what to say. "Th...That must have been terrifying," I whispered after a few more moments of silence.

"Don't cry Bella. Please don't cry, not over me." He said in response to the loan tear that slid down my cheek, "It was a lesson. A very powerful lesson and one I won't forget. I can avoid a liver transplant if I keep up with my special eating plan and take my meds. I'm alive, I'm here with you and I can be a father again. I'm happy with my lot. Will you tell me about you? What have you been doing? If I'm not being too nosy..."

I wiped the errant tear away with the back of my hand, "I've..just...just been hiding out in Nepal. Being a Mum and running the foundation that takes up a lot of my time. I design the education program for the foundations school as well as run the other aspects. I'm also overseeing a program designed to help get education programs into some of Nepal's poorest communities. I've just been keeping busy really." I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't going to go into all the time I spent hating him and myself.

"That sounds like you. Always helping someone," He said with a smile. "You really are the most remarkable person I know." He looked up at me with an unreadable expression, "I missed talking to you."

Edward's compliment had my inside recoiling, I didn't want him to see me as remarkable.

"No I'm not remarkable," I disagreed speaking my thoughts out loud, The Dalai Lama's remarkable, Mother Teresa was remarkable." I mumbled ignoring his last remark about missing talking to me even though a tiny part of me had missed talking to him too.

Edward laughed lightly, "I've met the Dalai Lama. He's got nothing on you."

Frustration began to well up inside me he was determined to put me on a pedestal I didn't want to be on. Especially since the ridiculous way he used to view me was what had destroyed us in the first place,

"Um...I think you need to take off those Rose coloured glasses you view me with Edward." It astounded me how he couldn't see how flawed I was, "the Dalai Lama and I aren't even in the same stratosphere,"

"I know what your faults are Bella. I just like those too." He said with a smirk.

"Will you tell me what they are?" I said without thinking. My eyes met his and I was about to tell him not to answer but I really wanted to know what he thought _my_ faults were so I let the question stand.

He was quiet for a moment.

"You are stubborn. So very stubborn, but I love it. It shows your dedication and loyalty. Once you commit to something, you see it through. I love that about you...You can be pretty bossy at times, but that just shows you care. And you have this irritating ability to make me smile even when I don't want to. It drives me insane." He captured my gaze and his eyes sparkled mischievously, "And at times, you have zero poker face. Everything you feel shows up right on your face and it makes me scared for you because some people will take advantage of that. It's always made me want to protect you. In the past I've been a bit too overzealous in that department, but it remains the same even now. I don't want anyone to hurt you. I don't want you to be hurt. I don't want to be the one hurting you."

I was mildly offended that he had the nerve to call me stubborn. It was a severe case of the pot calling the cauldron black.

"Stubborn huh? Bossy huh?" Well that's interesting...Though I will thank you for trying to soften the blows by throwing some positives in there," I said sarcastically but with no spite. Edward froze panicking that he had offended me and I burst out laughing, "Zero poker face," I chortled. I turned serious, "Everyone gets hurt Edward it's a fact of life. And...And I say this without malice...But there's nothing you could do to hurt me now...I...I..." I trailed off. I had decided I didn't want to go down that road...

He seemed mortified by my comment but he tried to hide it.

"So... I was wondering...If maybe you would like company on the way to the airport tomorrow. If you don't want... I mean if you'd rather go alone, I would understand completely..." He asked suddenly.

"Oh...um, yeah I guess you could," I said totally taken off guard, "My flights leaving at two. Is that going to be a problem do you have another appointment?"

"Nothing that would be more important than this," He said sincerely.

We chatted about random stuff for a while and it kind of felt nice just to relax. Edward had made no attempt to be intimate with me nor had he tried to manipulate me any way something I was both grateful and impressed about.

My eyelids were beginning to grow heavy and I struggled against sleep. I let them close planning to give them just a few minutes respite...

...When my eyelids fluttered open the room was bathed in light. It took me a moment to remember where I was and another to realize my head was resting on Edward's shoulder. The sound of his deep slow breathing told me he was asleep so I moved my head carefully from his shoulder desperate not to wake him.

I was so embarrassed that I'd fallen asleep and I was absolutely mortified to think I may have actually gone to sleep resting against Edward. My footsteps made no noise as I retreated to the kitchen and I breathed a sigh of relief that I had put some distance between us.

Edward's slow but deliberately heavy footsteps padded across the floorboards and I smiled in appreciation that he was letting me know he was heading toward the kitchen,

"Good morning Bella." He said from the door way.

I turned at the sound of his voice and the blood rushed to pool beneath my cheeks, "Um good morning Edward...Sorry about last night I don't even remember feeling tired let alone the point where my eyelids actually succumbed...Would you like a tea or do you need to go? Aro will be wondering where you are." I rambled in embarrassment.

"Yeah he's going to be pissed at me" he agreed but he didn't seem overly fazed, "But I can have a tea before I just go change. I will be back in time to take you." He said reminding me I had agreed to allow him to take me to the airport today.

"Um sure would you like some fruit and yoghurt for breakfast?" I poured water into his mug and chucked in a teaspoon of Aro's green tea leaves, I grabbed the pineapple from the fruit bowl and began cutting it up. I could feel Edward's eyes on me but I couldn't meet his gaze, a weird kind of energy was filling the kitchen and the silence seemed to spiral.

Edward agreed to fruit and yoghurt breaking the tension in the room. I threw together two plates of fruit salad and yoghurt and we took a seat opposite each other at the breakfast table.

We chatted about nothing in particular over breakfast; things were so weird between us still so strained but far more relaxed since our first meeting. Edward washed our plates and cups before he left to go get changed...

...Although I was desperate to get home to my children I wasn't looking forward to seeing Jake again and having to tell him we didn't have a future together. I was sure deep down he knew that before I did and that's why he refused to sleep with me that night, why he was so insistent that I end things with Edward first. It was his way of giving me time to come to the realization on my own.

He truly did deserve to have the best and brightest future imaginable. I smiled to myself as Jakes face filled my mind. He was truly was the most beautiful person on the planet, his Manna and wisdom shone through so radiantly he blinded me with the light of his soul.

Jake truly was my best friend and I was going to encourage him to find happiness for himself. I wanted that for him.

I checked the time and noted Edward would probably arriving any minute, so I checked all the doors and windows were locked before dragging my suitcase out the front door.

"_Jesus fuck this is heavy,"_ I muttered as I began to unceremoniously drag it up the pathway. I was about quarter way up it when Edward pulled up.

"Need a lift there lady?" He yelled out his window but made no move to get out and helped me, "God you make that look so EASY Bella." Edward chortled as he finally made to get out of the car to help me.

But by then I was all pissy that he found my struggle with the suitcase a source of amusement and I scowled at him as he approached, "Ha Ha Edward. It's a by-product of having so many bloody kids you get used to packing everything but the kitchen sink. Though the million things you end up packing weigh roughly the same." I said sarcastically. He made to grab the suitcase but I slapped his hand away gently, "But I am strong of will and I will persevere with it because I WON'T let it beat me...So Don't help..." I grumbled as I continued to struggle with the case.

I grinned in triumph when I got the fucking suitcase to the back end of the car, "Told you it wouldn't defeat me." I said with a hint of malice which was directed at the suit case and not Edward.

Edward cocked an eyebrow at me and smirked, "I never had any doubt Bella. Never."

I resisted the urge to tell him _'yeah right'_ instead I just gave the suitcase a dirty look as Edward put it in the trunk...

...We drove in silence, I had no idea what to say, it was such a weird and unprecedented situation for us both.

It struck me then just how much I had changed once upon a time and never would have had the courage to walk away; once upon a time I would have just fallen willingly into his arms the second he asked me to.

"I'm going to miss you." Edward suddenly said bringing me back from reverie.

I didn't know how to respond to that, I didn't think I was going to miss Edward but I didn't want to risk hurting him by saying I wasn't going to miss him.

"I'll leave you my cell phone number and my email address in case you need to contact me" I blurted out. I scrambled for something else to say and I remembered what Aro had said about Edward wanting to move out, "...Oh and Edward if you want to move back into your house its fine with me. I'm actually in the process of purchasing the cottage I was staying in. I'm sure you must be getting sick of Aro and you'll need somewhere to house the kids when you start having them on weekends and stuff,"

I wanted to reaffirm to him that although we were getting along at the moment there was only one reason for it and that was our children.

"Thank you Bella." He said quietly.

"You're welcome Edward and it's your house you could have moved back in anytime you wanted," I gave him a warm smile hoping to soften how my words came across.

He shook his head, "It's always been your house Bella, from the first moment I saw it; it was your house. I told you that before."

Edward pulled into the airport and found a carpark. He got my suitcase from the trunk and did something to the bottom of it so concealed wheels popped out. A low growl rumbled from my chest, I had had the suitcase for months and I had no fucking idea the thing had wheels.

"It should be a little easier now." He said gently. We walked into the terminal in silence Edward finally spoke as we stepped through the automatic doors, "I would like to call you Bella. Not because I need to, but because I WANT to. Would that be ok?"

"UM..." I stammered unsure of what to say. I reminded myself that we needed to talk in order to nurture a friendship for our children, "Sure you can call me if you want to. I'm usually home after six New Zealand time."

"Thank you." He said quietly.

Edward waited for me to check in my suitcase and get my boarding pass and insisted on walking me to my gate.

I had no idea how to say goodbye to him, I wasn't sure if I should embrace him or offer my hand for him to shake.

He took the initiative and pulled me into his arms, he placed a kiss on top of my head and I froze, he let me go and I smiled a little sadly at him, things really were bad between us.

"Have a safe trip Bella." He said with his own sad smile, "Till I see you again Juliet."

I shut down the memories engendered by him calling me Juliet. I wasn't his Juliet and more importantly he wasn't my Romeo, not any more.

"Goodbye Edward...it...it was nice to see you. And...And I'm glad to see how much better you are now. Take care of yourself won't you." I said sincerely.

He reached up and stroked my cheek, I ignored the tingle in my skin from his touch, we may have still had some kind of weird physical connection but our emotion connection was all but severed.

"You too," He all but whispered as he dropped his hand from my face. I winced internally at the loss of contact but I was sure it was only because it had been something I had found as a source of comfort in the past. It was a subconscious reaction.

I gave him one last smile before I turned and gave the stewardess my boarding pass, my feet felt heavy as I started to walk away but I continued to put one foot in front of the other.

My head began to turn back to look at him but I stopped myself, it would only cause me pain if I did...

Jake broke into a wide smile when he finally found me amongst the crowd at the airport, and warmth shot through my veins at the sight of it. Jacob's smile was like a charm to me, it always filled me with feelings of happiness, light and security.

He was like my beloved security blanket, safe, warm and familiar. I returned his smile and hurried towards him.

"Hey Jake," I said as I threw my arms around him.

"Hi honeypuff how was your trip home?" There was no intensity to his question, it seemed more routine, polite than a fishing trip for information.

"Better than expected actually. And god I'd forgotten how much I love New Zealand and how much I miss the ocean."

Jake laughed, "I know what you mean. I was thinking the same thing when I was home. So how's Aro...and Edward?"

"You were right about Aro, he's exactly the same as he always was, maybe a little bit more annoying but essentially the same." I bristled a bit at the thought of Aro and his ability to make me see the things I didn't want to see. "And Edward...Well you were sort of right about Edward as well, he seems completely different to the one I used to know. The Edward I met at Waiheke this time is a virtual stranger." I said honestly.

Jake nodded in understanding, "he's certainly different. But it's good to see the Edward he's become. It really seems like he's beaten his demons."

I shrugged my shoulders before casting and almost pleading look at him, "Do you really believe that Jake?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment, "Yeah I do Bells. When I saw him speaking at his AA meeting and the way he was, you could see he's a changed man."

I thought about that for a moment, Edward did seem like a changed man and I was definitely proud of him when I saw him at his AA meeting, but I wasn't convinced that he had changed the core and fundamental things that made him who he was.

"That was definitely a side I hadn't seen of him," I admitted.

"So you went to one of his meetings?" Jake asked in surprise.

"Yeah I did. I saw him when I was in the city and decided to stalk him." I confessed, "I followed him to his meeting." Jake burst out laughing and I grinned along with him. "Shall we grab a coffee before we head home?" I asked. I was in no hurry to get back to the foundation; my kids would be fast asleep.

"Yeah sure," Jake grabbed my bag and started walking toward one of the airport cafes.

I took a seat looking around the busy terminal while Jake got coffee, as I watched him make his way back toward me I found myself wishing I had never told Aro of my plans to create a life with Jake, wished I'd never given him a chance to remind me of all the reasons I never chose the Angel taking a seat opposite me.

"Jake," I looked down into my coffee cup trying to gather my thoughts, "I really want to thank you, not just for everything you've done for me over the past year, but for giving me time to get myself together and to decide what's right for me. I want you to know that I love you, more than you'll ever realize and I can't even begin to explain how much I wish that was enough. But I realize that as much as I want you for myself, I'm not the right person for you. You're the most brilliant person I know Jake and you deserve nothing but the absolute best life has to offer you. And that's not me, not by a long shot." I gave him a wry smile, "I want you to be happy Jake, I want you to find the person who was meant for you, although I think you've already met her." My thoughts flashed to Leah, she was the person who was meant for Jacob. I hoped he would see it more clearly now he didn't have me obscuring his vision. "I want you to be truly happy because you deserve nothing less. You'll always be my best friend and I'll be forever indebted to you for the unconditional love and support you've given me, but its time you started living your life for you, instead of babysitting me. I'm much better now Jake, going home and seeing Edward made me see things more clearly."

He gave me my favourite Jacob smile, "I knew you'd come to the realization if you gave yourself the chance to think about your future. So...So does this mean you've decided not to divorce Edward, are you going to give it another try with him?"

I shook my head, "No, I have no plans to get back with Edward, I'm still divorcing him. I've just put it on hold for a few months until I can get the custody issue sorted. He is definitely not the reason for me realizing that things wouldn't work between us Jake, that's about you and you deserving the very best!"

Jake frowned, "Didn't you think Edward was like a totally different person? Bella the guy has done like a one eighty turnabout...I was sure when you saw him again..." Jake trailed off. His eyebrows contracted throwing his warm dark eyes into the shadows.

I took a sip of my coffee as I thought about his question, "yeah I thought he was different," I admitted, "completely different to when I saw him last. But I also know what Edward's capable of doing to get his own way. I know exactly how charming and persuasive and manipulative he can be when he wants something. Just because he seems all cool calm and collected now doesn't mean he's going to stay like that, we've been down the road far too many times before. Until I know for sure those changes in him are fundamental and permanent then, I am going to be on my guard Jake. I am no longer going to let him manipulate me into anything. My first and only priority is protecting my children and myself from any further damage from his self destructive nature. And he knows that. But in saying that I have given him a chance to prove he can be a father to our children."

Jake smiled, "I'm glad to hear that Bella. I know he's missed them terribly and is desperate to see them again."

"Yeah I know," I sighed, "He has agreed to my terms to introduce him back into his kid's lives. I appreciate him doing that." I wanted to give Edward some credit, even though it was hard.

"Well I'm happy to hear you two have found a starting point to try and heal your relationship. It's going to be good for the kids." Jake said lightly, "So shall we blow this popsicle stand?"

I grinned at Jake's use of one of my favourite sayings from home, "yeah I wanna see my babies..."

**EDWARD'S POV...**

We walked up the driveway together, close and yet so far. I wanted to touch her, to reach out and take her hand but I dared not. The progress we had made was incredible. I was not going to rush anything where Bella was concerned.

"A tour bus full of tourists stops by a farmer holding a sheep. One of them calls out "are you shearing?

The farmer yells back, in an unhappy tone 'NO, Fuck off and get your own!'"

I said suddenly, hoping a joke would ease the tension between us and I grinned happily as she laughed freely.

"I thought I was only expecting one of you tonight!" Aro said his happiness written across his face as he came to the door. He wiped his hands on a dishtowel and threw it over his shoulder. Bella stepped forward and hugged aro suddenly. I stared at him in shock over her shoulder. His eyes widened for a moment before he smiled and hugged her back

"We've come to pick you up we're eating at my place tonight..." her voice trailed off as she looked at the house. The warmth and light that been flickering on her face began to wane.

"Um... I'll just wait out here while you and Aro get organized.." She said stepping back and turning to me. I looked at her, confused by her sudden change in demeanour. Things had been going so well between us all things considering.

I felt Aro's gaze on me and I frowned at the pointed stare he was giving me. I didn't know what was wrong or had changed her mood so suddenly.

"No need. I'm already done. I just have to grab the food." He finally said, turning and rushing back into the house. He came out his arms full of plates, before passing some to me and Bella to carry. He was just shutting the door when he stopped

"Wait here!" He exclaimed rushing back into the house.

"What's he doing now?" Bella asked, sharing my confusion.

"I have no idea. It's the fastest I've ever seen the old bugger move." I responded more perplexed than ever.

Aro chuckled, coming back outside and locking the door behind him.

"This old bugger can move when he has to. If either of you want confirmation, just ask the scores of women I have serviced over the years."

"Please don't Aro. I was looking forward to eating dinner and that mental image was a sure way to quash my very limited appetite..."

I nodded in agreement with Bella.

"Way to ruin a good day old man. Jesus." I gagged once more a little theatrically, just because I wanted to hear Bella laugh again. I was rewarded with one too and it was the sweetest sound I had ever heard. How I wanted to spend the rest of my life making that sound fall from her lips.

"Edward we really shouldn't be so mean. He is after all feeding us tonight," She said reproachfully.

I pretended to think it over for a moment. "Ok then. Makes sense, as long as he's made something with meat in it... I could eat the ass end of a cow."

Aro chuckled and winked at Bella "I made meatballs..." I quickly gave a raspy whoop and fist pumped the air until I heard Aro's next comment "But they're vegetarian."

I looked at Bella in mock pain "He's mean to me."

"I guess this would probably be a good time to mention that that I'm all but a vegetarian myself. It's something I picked up living in Nepal and the kids only eat meat maybe twice a week." She said

I raised an eyebrow at Bella with a smile. "I'm only supposed to eat meat in small quantities now. Unless it's fish and that doesn't count. Never would have picked you for a veggie..." I chuckled so that she would know I was joking. A part of me wondered what else had changed. What else was now different about the woman I had married? I felt like I was meeting her for the first time and learning everything over anew. In a way I supposed I was.

Dinner was a somewhat relaxed affair, though there was an undercurrent of tension that couldn't be ignored. Bella's eyes would dart to my hands every time I moved suddenly and so I took to making my movements especially slow and deliberate.

Bella and Aro retired to the deck after dinner and I went to the kitchen to clean up.

I was washing the dishes when I noticed a bunch of papers pinned to the fridge with little magnets. Curiously, I shook the soap suds off my hands and dried them on a towel before moving closer to inspect them. One stood out more than the others...

_Everyone says that love hurts_

_But that's not true._

_Loneliness hurts_

_Rejection hurts_

_Losing someone hurts_

_Envy hurts_

_Love is the only thing in this world_

_That does not hurt..._

I moved back to the sink and began to finish cleaning up the dishes. My love had hurt Bella so much in the past, but had it been my love or had I withheld that from her too?

I looked up and out the window to find her beautiful brown eyes staring at me. I felt myself slipping into them, just the way I always had. I knew she would always hold my heart, even if she did not want me, I would want no one else.

She smiled shyly in response and then turned back to Aro. Aro looked through the window at me and blew a smart ass kiss. I glared at him good naturedly before going back to the dishes.

I heard the door open so I came out, drying my hands on the dishtowel. I smiled at Bella and shot a grinning Aro a dirty look. "You'll get yours one day old man."

"Um...so who wants a cup of tea?" Bella asked. Aro shook his head.

"Not me. I'm pretty groovy now. I think I'll just wander up home."

"Do you want tea Edward or do you need to go with Aro now?" Bella asked a little nervously

"No, I'll stay for a tea if that's alright with you?" I was hoping for another chance to just sit and TALK with Bella. I had missed her so much.

The way she smiled, the way she would turn her face up, just a little when she was being stubborn.

And she could be stubborn. I found myself loving her lesser character traits as much I loved the wonderful things about her. To me, her stubbornness wasn't in her inability to co-operate, but rather with her tough and fierce principals. She had pride in what she stood for and I found myself more proud than ever of her for those beliefs. She wasn't just a physical beauty; hers was a beautiful soul as well.

"That's fine, I'll just go and put the jug on, "Green tea isn't it?"

I nodded "Yeah, horrible stuff that it is."

"Edward, make sure you leave the window open for the cat when you get in ok?" Aro said as he stretched his hands over his head before leaving and walking out the door whistling happily

I couldn't think of anything to say and it was strange because I always imagined I would have so much to tell her and yet here I was with the perfect opportunity and I was speechless.

My cellphone bleeped, breaking the silence and I looked down at the screen. I wasn't surprised at the message sender. "Mum" I said with a laugh to Bella "Oh god Bella you would have LOVED to have seen it.

"She was so mad! She swore! at Dad, at Emmett, at Jasper at ME... especially at me. She knows about my drinking problems, about what happened between us she even knows about Dad's dirty little tactics at the start. Boy, none of us IMAGINED she could get that angry. You know that new scar above Dad's left eye?" I asked. Bella nodded. "She did that. She punched him! My mother punched my father and her wedding rings cut his face. She told him it was poetic justice."

I looked at Bella with a smile "She texts me every night at this time to see how I'm doing. I'm too scared not to text back, she can be pretty scary now. My nice mummy has gone." I laughed and quickly text my mother back "I'm ok". I hit send and looked up at Bella with an apologetic smile. "Sorry. She would have started calling next if I didn't." Bella looked at me uncomfortably.

"Um...Edward I saw your mother's fury and...And I was on the receiving end of it too. She's furious with me for keeping it from her. She started berating me. I told her it wasn't my responsibility that I had four kids to look after and your family shit wasn't my problem. She went completely berserk and your Dad stepped in and told her to back off and that she didn't have any of the facts. Well she completely lost the plot at that and she lashed out and struck his face. Honestly I felt so bad for your father; I didn't know what to do. The only thing I could do was get our medical team to stitch his eye up. She was pretty angry when she found out we had kept things from her. She left him in Nepal to fly to your side. The last thing she told me was that I had ripped her family apart. I told her to fuck off." She whispered as though guilty of some crime. "we haven't spoken since." She said avoiding my gaze.

I laughed "You make it sound like she came here out of love! She was crazy. Even Aro was scared. Nope, Mum kicked my butt seven ways from Sunday. Then she did the same to Dad. They are happier now, everything is in the open and they don't keep things from each other. I think even Dad is surprised with how this honesty thing can work out." I laughed. "You're much braver than me then. I just went silent." Bella looked like she wished the floor would swallow her. I pat her hand with mine, not lingering too long on the physical contact. I didn't think she was ready for that yet. "Don't look so worried. What she said was wrong and out of line. I would have corrected her too if I were there."

"I was out of line too. I didn't mean to swear at her I just couldn't deal with it...Sorry if I made her worse."

"You didn't make her worse. She was going to be angry no matter what. I don't know what's come over her to be honest, she is like a fire cracker now. I think Dad is a little scared of her. She is a force unto herself." My watch beeped and I sighed. Time for my medications, "Do you mind if I grab myself a glass of water?" I pulled the various pill bottles out of my pocket, picking the two that I needed to take at this point in the day.

"Um...yeah I'll go and get you one," She said rising and moving quickly from the room. I sighed and reminded myself of the damage I had caused. It would not be rectified overnight.

"Um...Edward why do you have to take all those pills? If you don't mind me asking that is?" She looked at the pill bottles in my hand curiously.

I didn't want to tell her. I really didn't. I didn't want it to be real either, but it was. It was a fact and it was a huge part of my life. A huge restriction on my life. "I have cirrhosis of the liver. The pills are stopping any further damage to my liver and vitamins and nutrients that my body won't process any more. It's from all the drinking I have done over the years." I shrugged "My body couldn't keep up and my liver started giving out. The last drinking binge I went on nearly did kill me. I had a heart attack during detox. I think that frightened my dad a lot." I said musingly.

I didn't know why I was blurting all this out to Bella when I had been so adamant not to tell her. I supposed it was because she asked me for the information. I couldn't deny her anything. That hadn't changed.

"Th...That must have been terrifying,"

I saw the tears in Bella's eyes and it broke me "Don't cry Bella. Please don't cry, not over me. It was a lesson. A very powerful lesson and one I won't forget. I can avoid a liver transplant if I keep up with my special eating plan and take my meds. I'm alive, I'm here with you and I can be a father again. I'm happy with my lot. Will you tell me about you? What have you been doing? If I'm not being too nosy..." I trailed off, trying to change the subject into what I hoped would be happier territory.

"I've..just...just been hiding out in Nepal. Being a Mum. And running the foundation, that takes up a lot of my time. I design the education program for the foundations school as well as run the other aspects. I'm also overseeing a program designed to help get education programs into some of Nepal's poorest communities. I've just been keeping busy really."

"That sounds like you. Always helping someone." I smiled down into my lap. "You really are the most remarkable person I know." I looked at her "I missed talking to you."

"No I'm not remarkable. The Dalai Lama's remarkable, Mother Teresa was remarkable."

I chuckled. "I've met the Dalai Lama. He's got nothing on you."

"Um...I think you need to take off those Rose coloured glasses you view me with Edward. The Dalai Lama and I aren't even in the same stratosphere."

I gave Bella a mischievous smirk "I know what your faults are Bella. I just like those too." That seemed to get her attention and she looked at me curiously.

"Will you tell me what they are?"

I thought back to my earlier musing "You are stubborn. So very stubborn, but I love it. It shows your dedication and loyalty. Once you commit to something, you see it through. I love that about you." I said without thinking. I hurried to cover myself "You can be pretty bossy at times, but that just shows you care." AND ITS PAID OFF FOR YOU IN THE PAST I thought with a little smile "And you have this irritating ability to make me smile even when I don't want to. It drives me insane." I met her eyes "And at times, you have zero poker face. Everything you feel shows up right on your face and it makes me scared for you because some people will take advantage of that. It's always made me way to protect you. In the past I've been a bit too overzealous in that department, but it remains the same even now. I don't want anyone to hurt you. I don't want you to be hurt. I don't want to be the one hurting you." I finished.

"Stubborn huh? Bossy huh?" Well that's interesting...Though I will thank you for trying to soften the blows by throwing some positives in there"... She said a little sarcastically. I stared at her, worried I had overstepped the mark and instead of being truthful, insulted her instead.

"Zero poker face... Everyone gets hurt Edward it's a fact of life. And...And I say this without malice...But there's nothing you could do to hurt me now...I...I..."

Her comment concerned me, but I hid it well. I didn't want to ruin our conversation, so I tried to steer to more neutral topics. "So... I was wondering...if maybe you would like company on the way to the airport tomorrow? If you don't want... I mean if you'd rather go alone, I would understand completely..." I stuttered off, more nervous than any time before in my life

"Oh...um, yeah I guess you could. My flights leaving at two. Is that going to be a problem do you have another appointment?" She responded, her tone unsure.

"Nothing that would be more important than this." I clarified for her. She and the children were the top of my priority list now. Nothing else came before them.

We talked and laughed for the rest of the evening and into the early hours of the morning. At some point we fell asleep, with Bella's head resting against my shoulder. I had laughed watching her eyelids grow heavy; Aro had some pretty strong weed. It gave you a wonderful buzz, a brilliant high but when you came off it, god you were tired. Not that I had touched the stuff personally or had wanted to since my drinking had spiralled out of control.

It had been a surprise to wake sometime later with her head on my shoulder. I didn't know whether to move her or leave her so I took the selfish option of leaving her head there. It felt... perfect.

I woke in the morning to the sound of clinking cups in the kitchen. I stood up and groaned at my aching limbs, sleeping in a sitting position was not very comfortable at ALL and I was stiff all over. I ambled towards the kitchen, careful to make my footsteps noticeable and deliberate. She would hear me coming; I would not sneak up on her and surprise her. I knew how detrimental such a thing could be to our tentative relationship.

"Good morning Bella." I said quietly from the door way. I ran a hand through my untidy hair and rubbed absently at my morning stubble. I looked a right mess no doubt.

"Um good morning Edward...Sorry about last night I don't even remember feeling tired let alone the point where my eyelids actually succumbed...Would you like a tea or do you need to go? Aro will be wondering where you are."

I nodded "yeah he's going to be pissed at me. But I can have a tea before I just go change. I will be back in time to take you." I reassured both her and myself.

"Um sure would you like some fruit and yoghurt for breakfast."

I agreed and watched as she moved around the kitchen, preparing me tea and breakfast. I thought back to all the times she had done such things for me before and how I had never appreciated them quite the way I should have. I had said the words, but words were cheap and cost nothing. My actions had been cheap too and they had cost me everything.

I didn't want her to go. I wanted her to stay with me. I wanted us to go get our children and come home, but it wasn't about what I wanted and I kept trying to remind myself of that. It was hard, every move she made, the way she flicked her hair over her shoulder while she was cutting the fruit, it held me mesmerized.

It was as though we were back in that office building and I was forced to see her and KNOW I couldn't touch or have her. It was the most exquisite kind of torture. We talked little over breakfast and then I left to go home and change quickly.

I should have known it wouldn't be easy. Aro was waiting for me, hollering and yelling about what a horny fool I was, how he even HE knew you didn't think with your pecker in some occasions.

It didn't matter to him that I assured him we hadn't slept together, but just talked and innocently fell asleep, Aro was mortally affronted on behalf of Bella. He cursed me out, warning me against using her feelings against her.

I felt no shame however; I hadn't manipulated Bella at all since her return. I had been honest and so far, the honesty had been paying off well. I showered and changed, listening to him piss and moan at me the entire time. I still drove to Bella's with a smile on my face.

"Need a lift there lady?" I hollered at Bella with a laugh as I saw her struggling to carry her suitcase down the front steps. The old me would have got out of the car and probably ripped her head off for not waiting for me to help her. The new me actually took the time to stop and laugh at the situation. Life didn't need to be so serious. I realised that now. "God you make that look so EASY Bella." I laughed as I got out of the car. It was an honest laugh, one that was not forced for the benefit of Aro, or to stop more of Irina's tears, it was just one of real honest to goodness happiness. It felt like a lifetime ago I had felt like this.

"Ha Ha Edward. It's a by-product of having so many bloody kids you get used to packing everything but the kitchen sink. Though the million things you end up packing weigh roughly the same. But I am strong of will and I will persevere with it because I WON'T let it beat me...So Don't help... Told you it wouldn't defeat me."

I raised my eyebrows at her and grinned "I never had any doubt Bella. Never."

We got into the car and drove towards the ferry. It was a quiet journey across and about half way to the airport, I couldn't hold my tongue anymore. "I'm going to miss you." Was all I said. I felt much better having got it out though I was too chicken to meet her eyes. I kept my eyes fixed firmly on the road.

"I'll leave you my cell phone number and my email address in case you need to contact me...Oh and Edward if you want to move back into your house its fine with me. I'm actually in the process of purchasing the cottage I was staying in. I'm sure you must be getting sick of Aro and you'll need somewhere to house the kids when you start having them on weekends and stuff,"

I was taken aback by her offer. I wanted to move out of Aro's and back into our house, I just hadn't expected her to offer. I wondered if Aro had had something to do with it but then I realised it didn't really matter.

"Thank you Bella." I said softly. The airport loomed before us and I couldn't help the sigh that escaped me. I really didn't want her to go. Not even a little bit.

"You're welcome Edward and it's your house you could have moved back in anytime you wanted,"

I knew she wasn't trying to be hurtful. I shook my head, "It's always been your house Bella, from the first moment I saw it; it was your house. I told you that before." I pulled into a parking space and got out, moving to the trunk to get her bag.

I needed air suddenly, I was about to say goodbye to her and I didn't want to. I wanted to talk to her all night again, I wanted to laugh some more I wanted my wife, lover and friend back.

It felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest repeatedly as I brought the bag over to where Bella stood. I pulled out the concealed wheels on the case, earning a tiny growl from her. "It should be a little easier now." I said softly, my mind in turmoil.

I wanted to take her hand as we walked inside, but I wasn't sure I could or even should. Everything was still so raw and unhealed. "I would like to call you Bella. Not because I need to, but because I WANT to. Would that be ok?"

"UM... sure you can call me if you want to. I'm usually home after six New Zealand time."

"Thank you." I murmured as we made our way inside. Once we got to her gate she turned to me with a nervous and uncomfortable smile. I felt very warm as I watched her and I was filled with the same overwhelming sense of love that I had always had whenever I looked at her.

I didn't know if I was pushing my boundaries or not, I didn't really consciously think about what I was doing even until after I had actually done it. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me for a hug.

I kissed the top of her head before I let her go. "Have a safe trip Bella." They were already calling for passengers to board the plane and I smiled at her sad, beautiful face, "Till I see you again Juliet." I said refusing to say goodbye.

"Goodbye Edward...it...it was nice to see you. And...And I'm glad to see how much better you are now. Take care of yourself won't you?"

I touched her cheek lightly, watching my fingers as they connected with her skin, "You too," I dropped my hand and watched as she turned and walked through the gates where I could not follow her.

I didn't move until she was completely out of sight and then I moved to the viewing window where I could watch her plane depart.

"I love you." I whispered under my breath as I watched the plane take off and take my heart with it.

**A/N: Please feel free to leave a review :) ...Next Update hopefully by the end of the month :)**


	50. Chapter 50 Introductions

**A/N: Seasons greetings to those of you who have not given us up for a bad job we really do appreciate it. Greenaway and I know that we have become increasingly slack at updating and it's our new year's resolution to get the updates out much quicker.**

**As always we would like to thank those of you who take the time to review we really do appreciate it.**

**Also a big thank you to our own personal angel Sassy41 for taking the time to edit our work we love you long time babes:)**

**DISCLAIMER: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamon twist own this story, & all music used is the property of the respective artists.**

**PLAYLIST: Blue October: Calling you.**

**INTRODUCTIONS...**

**BELLA'S POV **

I breathed a sigh of relief when I watched Charlie, Renee and my sisters disappear through the departure gate at Nepal's airport terminal. Although I felt better that I had finally confessed everything to them I was glad to be saying goodbye to Charlie and his unadulterated fury at Edward. I was sick of hearing him hurl around insults about Edward and his statements about how I would have been better off marrying Jake from the start, because he was a real man with real values and not some spoilt little rich kid who treated people like they were his personal toys to dispose of when he got bored playing with their lives.

Rosalie's reactions had been on par with my Dad's which just made everything that much more unbearable.

But just as frustrating was Renee's attitude, she had pulled me aside and told me that it was inevitable that Edward and I would reunite, _'A love like you shared with Edward never dies sweetheart,'_ she had assured me. I had told her I had no intention of reuniting with Edward to which she had simply replied, _'you can't fight fate Bella, resisting is futile.'_

Alice had been the only one who had not offered an opinion other than to tell me just to do what I felt was best for me and my children.

Charlie and Rose's hostility had worn me down to the point I was glad to see them leave. The only thing I wanted now was to return to my hiding place at the foundation.

...I made my way out of the airport and back to my little house feeling more than a little dejected, I was sick of my life being a constant battle. Life wasn't supposed to be this hard.

The house was quiet when I walked in and thanked Leah for feeding and getting my children to bed before making my way to my room. My thoughts were still on Charlie and my mood sunk lower. I doubted he would ever forgive Edward for walking out on me and trying to drink himself to death instead of facing up to his responsibilities.

I grabbed my laptop from my desk and climbed into bed, I knew of one friendly voice who wouldn't judge me for all the mistakes I had made, considering he'd made enough of his own. I signed into Skype and dialled Edward's number.

He appeared on my computer screen less than a minute later; bare chested and water dripping from his bronze hair.

My eyes drifted down the screen taking in every inch of his visible skin and my breath caught in my throat. I had forgotten, or more so I hadn't let myself remember, what a physically beautiful specimen of a man he was. The sight of him had the muscles in the pit of my stomach tightening just like they used to when I looked at him, when I was madly in love with him.

"Hello you. This is a pleasant surprise. I wasn't expecting to hear from you until later." He said brightly his voice saturated with happiness, the sound of it made my chest ache and I found myself longing for the time when I was happy, happy with him.

Edward and I could have had it all. We did have it all.

I shook off the thought; it would do me no good to dwell on what may have been.

Colour stained my cheeks when I realized I was still staring at his chest. I dragged my gaze to his face, "Hey Edward I hope I'm not interrupting anything? I just felt like hearing a friendly voice." I muttered.

I wasn't sure what else to say, we had been Skyping for the last few weeks, mostly to discuss the kids but I had nothing new to tell him about them.

"You could never interrupt me Bella. I was just having a swim on the beach...Hey what's wrong?" He suddenly asked.

I must have sounded more dejected than I realized.

I shrugged my shoulders and gave him a small smile, "I don't know. I'm just having a bad day I guess. Being confronted by every mistake you've ever made can do that sometime I guess."

"Ah... I take it Charlie and Renee's visit didn't go so well?," He seemed to realize straightaway what was getting me down, I had told him in one of our earlier conversations that week that I was planning to come clean with Renee and Charlie and that they were coming to Nepal for the weekend. "Parents are pretty good at dragging you back through the ringer aren't they? You hold your head high Bella, you have nothing to be ashamed of ok? You are the bravest, smartest person I know." Edward said encouragingly.

Unfortunately it didn't have the desired effect.

"I've made my fair share of mistakes." I said morosely, "I know my family has every right to be angry with me but it just doesn't make things any easier when your father is gleeful at the thought of your impending div..." I trailed off. I wasn't going to go down that road now; I was already on the edge of falling into the type of black mood that took me months to get over, and I just didn't have the energy to fight my stress anymore. I had to constantly force myself not to slip back into the abyss.

"Anyway enough about my sad state of affairs how are you going?" I asked with fake enthusiasm.

Edward shrugged his shoulders, "You know me. Nothing that exciting. I've been fixing little things around the house and I replanted that garden out the back, you know the one with all the dead flowers... I went to the garden shop all by myself, picked out the flowers and everything. I admit, I felt so out of place, especially when a woman old enough to be my grandmother started 'helping' me to select the right perennials. Bella, I didn't know what the fuck a perennial was... I thought she was coming onto me or something."

A loud peal of laughter burst from my lips, I couldn't help laughing as the mental image of Edward's horrified face flashed up in my mind followed by the image of some kindly old lady who was showing him a range of potted marigolds and explaining their benefits for pest control in the garden.

"So I guess I know what to get you for Christmas this year, a book full of all the need to knows about gardening lingo!" I teased. Surprisingly I already felt my mood getting lighter; the anxiety that tensed my stomach muscles seemed to have eased a little.

"It probably couldn't hurt." He agreed, "The poor woman, she must have thought I was slow or something. I just stared at her until I realised that when she was referring to "Rose buds" she actually MEANT "Rose buds. I was so embarrassed. They had this little cafe in the garden centre so I brought her a cup of tea to say thank you. Oh and I got something the kids would probably like seeing!" He said excitedly "These little things called 'Swan plants' the monarch butterflies lay their caterpillar thingy's on them and you get to watch them grow into butterflies! I've put them where the kids can't get to them though, the sap inside is poisonous, but can you imagine their faces? I thought they would LOVE to see something like that."

He smiled into the camera before admitting that he, himself, was excited about seeing their transformation from caterpillar to butterfly.

Surprisingly I found myself grinning as I got caught up in his enthusiasm. "I know the kids will love it and it's a great way to teach them about the cycle of life..." The changes in Edward were becoming more apparent to me, over the weeks that we had been video chatting. I had noticed that there was such calmness about him now, gone was the overwhelming intensity that used to rule him and me.

Now he seemed so relaxed, so easy going, but I also knew how quickly that could change, how quickly he could change.

I took a deep breath and once again turned my back on the destructive path my thoughts wanted to take..

It was a constant battle to stay teetering on the edge.

"So we are flying back to New Zealand next Sunday. Jake and my nanny Leah are going to take Apple and Louis to stay at Renee and Charlie's." I said working to keep my voice light.

His smile lit up his whole face; he was positively beaming at the news,

"Are you SERIOUS?" He yelled, "You and the kids are coming back to NZ again? Already? I mean... that didn't come out the way I meant it too, I meant... oh fuck, I don't know what I meant! I thought you weren't coming back for awhile yet? Can I meet you guys at the airport?"

My fractured heart clenched painfully, I wish I could match his enthusiasm; the last thing I really wanted was to go back to New Zealand again, to have to once more be confronted with everything that I had lost.

The air left my lungs in a rush as I sighed, "Yeah well Renee and Charlie wanted to take Apple and Louis home with them and the only way I could stop them was to agree to bring my original trip forward**...**"

I took a moment to think about his request about meeting us, Apple and Louis would be with me and I couldn't risk them seeing him, but I also didn't want to make a huge deal about it and make him feel bad.

An internal battle raged on as struggled to find a compromise.

"Um..." I said still full of indecision, "you can meet me at the airport as long as you promise that you won't let Apple or Louis see you...I...I'm sorry Edward I'm not trying to be mean it's just Apple's is...I just couldn't deal with the consequences..." I hoped he heard the sincerity in my voice.

I didn't want to hurt Edward by bringing up what had happened to Apple as a result of him leaving her life but I just couldn't risk her seeing him before I was sure that was the right thing for her. Her emotional wellbeing along with her sibling's would always be my top priority now.

Of course I knew that Apple wouldn't begin to heal while she was separated from Edward but I had to be as close to a hundred percent sure as I could be that he would never leave her again before I reintroduced him back into her life.

"Whatever you think is best Bella. I told you before; I completely trust your judgement. I'll make sure I stay out of the way until they are gone." He said quietly bringing me back from my thoughts. I could hear the hurt he was trying to mask.

It made me sick knowing that I was causing him pain but I wasn't prepared to just leap blindly into the fire, I'd done that too many times before and it was me who always got burnt.

Edward gave me a warm smile and I felt even worse. He was trying so hard to let me do things my way and he would never know how much I appreciated it, because I would never be able to express it to him.

"Do you want to come back here for dinner? I've got rooms set up for all the kids... Just for you know the future. I got Apple and Louis's old cribs out of storage and set them up for Matisse and Noah." He said his children's name with reverence, the love he had for them saturated his voice.

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, "Um...Um...sure; as long as you don't mind if we eat early?...and good idea setting up the cribs you'll need them..." I said automatically, but anxiety flooded through me, the thought of having to spend time apart from my children or more so leaving them unsupervised in Edward's care terrified me.

It also brought back the painful memories of Louis and Apple and shared custody.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to give them up for any period of time. They were my light, the only thing that kept me putting one foot in front of the other; if they were gone I would have nothing to stop me from coming to a complete standstill.

Anxiety rapidly turned to acute fear; I wasn't ready to go through shared custody again.

As if he read my mind he quickly added, "I uh... I set up the spare bedroom too. I didn't know if when I had the kids, I mean I thought it might be difficult for you at first, so I figured if you wanted to you could use the spare room for the first night or two... Just until you felt comfortable about leaving them alone with me."

I was taken about by his thoughtfulness but again my fears were in no way soothed. As much as I couldn't be away from my children I didn't think I could stay in the house with all of us together. I wasn't sure I'd cope playing families; I knew we were a family but it would just reinforce the fact that we were a completely broken one.

Confusion began to steal through me; this new thoughtful Edward was hard to get used to, he was like a complete stranger, yet at the same time still so familiar.

Edward was trying, and as hard as it was for me I knew that he couldn't be the one to make all the effort; I had to force myself to give a little bit more.

"Thank you for being so considerate. I will definitely keep that in mind." I said softly.

"I don't want to make things harder for you Bella, really. It sounds like things have been hard enough. So I will pick you up from the airport on Sunday?" There was a hint of regret in his voice that filled me with sadness.

We had made such a mess of everything.

"Kay and thanks Edward. I'll see you on Sunday." I said with a touch of melancholy. I shut down my laptop and roughly shoved it away from me. The constant state of confusion I was in was wearing me down; it was becoming harder to keep the darkness from crushing me completely. I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep it at bay.

I stared at the now Edward free computer screen for a moment lost in reflection, the fear was beginning to dissipate, and I was surprised to find that I actually felt a tiny bit better after talking to him.

That realization confused me more. How could it be that he was the cause of all my fears but talking to him had soothed me a little? Was it just wishful thinking, a subconscious longing, for a time long ago, a time when he always knew what to say to calm my worries?

I couldn't answer my question so I pushed it from my mind and refocused.

Obviously Things between Edward and I were still so raw and messy, but they were better than they had been.

A tiny bubble of hope swelled bubbled in my chest, maybe in time Edward and I could move past the hurt and have more than a cordial relationship maybe even become real friends.

The jagged splinters of my heart tried desperately to pop that tiny bubble, tried to protect itself from further damage but I refused to let that happen so I encased that tiny sphere somewhere safe deep within me, my soul maybe I wasn't sure all I knew was it was a place my broken heart could not reach it.

Something deep inside, again maybe my soul, was telling me that little bit of hope would be my saviour.

I wanted desperately to believe that...

I passed Apple to Jake and looked around the airport for any sign of Edward. I scanned every face within close proximity to me but none were his.

Panic flooded my stomach; maybe he had changed his mind about picking us up, I didn't blame him if he had. I knew how hard it was going to be for him knowing Apple and Louis were so close to him yet he couldn't talk to them he couldn't hug them and tell them that he loved them.

The thought added a healthy dose of guilt to the panic.

My gaze scanned the crowd again and I finally found him leaning against a wall about thirty feet from where I stood. He was looking down at the floor, I wasn't sure if he had seen us yet.

Apple suddenly began to struggle in Jakes arms her head whipped from side to side as she searched for something or more so someone she could not see. From her reaction she may have not have seen Edward but I was sure she felt him there.

I gave Jake a panicked look and he realized at once what my fears were.

"You need to get going Bella," He urged quietly as he reaffirmed his hold on a still struggling Apple.

I took Louis from Leah's arms and hugged him tightly to me, "be good for grandma and granddad and look after Apple for mummy. I love you my son. I will ring you later at grandma Nae's." I passed Louis back to Leah and tried to take a searching and struggling Apple from his arms.

She lashed out at once striking me in the face," No mummy, no kiss you! Apple want my daddy," She began twisting in Jakes arms her vivid green eyes roaming every face in the crowd.

"You better get going before she loses it completely." I whispered to Jake.

He gave me a sad smile and leaned forward to kiss my cheek, "I'll ring you tonight. And if things don't go right with Edward get on the first plane to Tauranga ok?"

"Kay I will..." I looked at Apple who was still scanning the faces of everyone in proximity of her, "Bye Apple Mummy loves you." She completely ignored me and it my heart broke a little more.

Would things ever get better between Apple and I? As much as I would live in hope I doubted if she would ever forgive _me. _Edward on the other hand, she would forgive him in less than a heartbeat.

Jealousy bit at me like a lash of whip, not only jealousy that Apple would forgive Edward but jealousy when Jake took Leah's hand and walked her and my children from the airport.

They looked like the perfect family, the way mine used to look...

I quickly shook off the negative thoughts, I had been the one that had hoped that Jake would see how perfect Leah was for him, it had just surprised me how quickly he had realized the same thing and then how quickly they had become serious.

And they were serious; though I would never say it aloud I wouldn't be surprised if they were married within the year.

I shook my head again just to clear my thoughts as I pushed the stroller toward Edward.

Although my thoughts were hovering in the twilight and rapidly descending into the black I smiled as naturally as I could as I approached him.

"Hi Edward thanks for agreeing to come and get us." I said brightly, though my mood was anything but bright. He smiled in acknowledgement of my greeting but he never looked at me; his eyes were riveted on his youngest children, "So this is Matisse and Noah," I said stupidly.

The reactions between Matisse and Noah's at meeting their father were as different as they were. Whilst Matisse, like Apple before her, took an instant shine to Edward and confidently reached out for him Noah began to cry and reach out for me.

His bright eyes were wide with fear as he looked between Edward and I.

I scooped him into my arms and hugged him tightly, "Sshh Bubba it's ok, Mums here..." I was a little more than surprised with my son's reaction to his father and his sister's one as well. It was like they had had a complete personality switch. Usually it was Noah who showed no fear and Matisse would be the one that clung to me.

Matisse's frustrated squeal rent the air and I looked down at her in surprise too. She was struggling to get out of the stroller and into Edward's arms.

He looked at me nervously and I gave him an encouraging smile, "you can pick her up if you want to."

I ran my fingers through Noah's curls trying to soothe his cries while I watched Edward reach out for his daughter.

Once Matisse was in her father's arms she clung to him as if her life depended on it. Her tiny arms wrapped tightly around his neck her fingers weaving themselves into his hair.

"Guess maybe I'm not shaving my hair off." He chortled his face was shining with happiness, it softened his features dramatically, he looked younger, more like I remembered him.

"Personally I hope you don't. I like it the way it is it," Sex hair I thought to myself with a smirk. Or that's how I _used_ to see it. 'Sex hair' and a voice like melted chocolate.

He had lost the velvety smoothness of his voice I didn't want him to lose the gorgeous hair as well.

"Well, all the important ladies in my life seem to like it, so screw Emmett. He wouldn't know what style was anyway." Edward joked as he pushed the stroller one handed while cradling his enchanted daughter against his chest. Matisse stared up at him with wide warm eyes and a smile gracing her rosebud lips.

"The car is parked out the front, do you want me to take you to yours or mine first? Shit, mine is yours. You know what I mean." Edward asked tripping over his words.

"Um... We can go straight to your, ours, whoever's it is, first if you like?" I said awkwardly, "The kids will be needing dinner fairly soon."

As we walked out of the terminal it dawned on me how wrong it felt without Apple and Louis. We were even more fractured without them. I shook off the dark feeling and promised myself that I will redouble my efforts so that my broken family would be a little less so...

...I couldn't help but smile at Edward when he held my door open and ushered me into the car with what used to be one of my favourite sayings.

It was surprise to me actually at how much more relaxed I was in Edward's company this time. In the absence of the acute fear I had experienced last time I realized that Iwas actually _happy _to see him.

It had been a slow process of Skyping each other and making the effort to communicate but in forcing myself to we had started to build a good rapport.

"So what's on the menu tonight master chef?" I asked politely. I needed to say something so things didn't get awkward.

We pulled onto the ferry; normally I would want to get out and smell the salty air but this time I was content to stay in the car with Edward and the twins.

"I'd like to say steak, or beef, or lamb or something that didn't taste like bloody rabbit food, but its vegetarian pizzas. I made the bases myself believe it or not and all the toppings and sauces. I'm actually getting pretty decent in the kitchen. Now if only I had REAL food to work with... Then I could show you what this master chef can do."

I couldn't help but grin at his enthusiasm, "Veggie pizzas sound really nice. And I'm suitably impressed that you even make your own sauces and bases. I confess that my cooking skills haven't improved any. I think the kids are secretly grateful Leah does most of the cooking." I confessed.

"Leah? Is that the woman that was with Jake?" He asked casually.

"You saw them at the airport?" I asked in surprise. Curiosity burned inside me and I wondered what else he had witnessed, "Um yeah that was Leah. She's my house keeper, nanny, Friend and...And the love of Jakes life." I stammered.

"They looked happy." He said before asking me if _I_ was happy.

I thought about his question. No I wasn't happy but I didn't want Edward to know that. I had no interest in Jacob romantically anymore, I had long let go of those unrealistic fantasies. I was happy for Jake and Leah they deserved all the happiness in the world and I wished that for them sincerely.

"I'm working on the art of happiness," I qualified. "How about you Edward; are you happy?"

"I'm working on the art of happiness." He quoted my words back to me before adding, "I've found peace. Happiness is just taking a bit longer than I would like."

"What would make you happy Edward?" I blurted out. Colour stained my cheeks, "Sorry...you don't need to answer that...Um so how's Aro?" I not so subtly changed the subject.

Edward laughed lightly, "Aro is fine. He is excited about seeing you and his grandchildren. And you know what would make me happy Bella. The same thing: the only thing that's ever made me happy."

He began quietly humming an unfamiliar tune.

The sound stirred something deep inside me.

"Do you still play the piano?" I asked suddenly. I never took my eyes from the water, I had missed the ocean so very much and I had missed Edward playing the piano.

The sound of Edward humming had suddenly brought a deluge of memories of a time long ago when we had been happy. A time when I loved sitting at his side at the piano; watching his fingers effortlessly working the ivories while he serenaded me.

"I do. More than I ever used to actually." He responded lightly.

I looked over at him and was shocked to notice he was wearing his wedding band, it had been absent from his finger the last time I had seen him and I wondered why he was wearing it now.

"Will you play for me sometime?" I whispered absent mindedly.

"I would do anything for you. You only have to ask." Edward said softly. He began humming that same unfamiliar tune before singing a few of the lyrics.

_"I'll keep calling you to see, if you're sleeping are you dreaming..." _ His whispered voice trailed off into a quiet hum.

"I have to confess Edward I've missed this...Us just hanging out. Things being easy between us...I've missed you..." Colour flooded my face and I turned to stare out the window.

His fingers suddenly twined through mine and both shock and that weird energy we shared shot through me, I didn't take my eyes from the water nor did I pull my hand from Edward's.

"I know what you mean... I finally feel... right. Nothing is missing from inside me when you are with me." He brought our entwined hands to his lips and bushed them lightly over my knuckles, "Don't be scared Bella. I will never ask you for more than you are ready to give." He whispered.

Although my hand trembled in his I couldn't deny that it felt kind of nice.

It felt more right than it should.

That scared and confused me. I knew I still loved Edward but I didn't think I was still _in love_ with him.

Did that even make any sense? I wondered.

_Yes_ _it does_, I said to myself. I loved him as the father of my children, but I didn't think I loved him the same in a kind of husband and wife way...

But If I was completely honest with myself I was confused about my feelings; I had no idea how I truly felt. It had been so long since I had actually allowed myself to feel anything but anger and resentment for Edward.

"I'm confused. I don't know how I feel about you," I blurted out and then groaned internally. When exactly had my internal filter broke? I wondered.

Since when did I suddenly start confessing my feelings? And to Edward of all people! I didn't even confess my true feelings to myself.

Edward gently squeezed my hand, "Can I give you some advice as a friend Bella?"

I kept looking out the window I was too embarrassed to turn and face him, "Um...Sure,"

"Don't try so hard. A very beautiful woman, the most amazing woman I have ever met in my life told me once that I didn't have to try for her. I just had to be myself. It was the best advice I have ever been given. Just be yourself. You don't need to try to be the perfect mother, daughter, sister or friend. You are already all of those things. Your confidence and self esteem was shattered by a cowardly man who didn't show you how very important and irreplaceable you are. Juliet he was a fool to let you go and he didn't deserve you. Your heart is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You need to trust it as much as I do. It won't lead you astray. I promise you. Just... Be yourself because you are so beautiful and wise. Inside and out."

I stifled the sob in my throat before it gave me away but that gave me no strength to fight back my tears. I wasn't perfect and Edward was wrong to think I was!

He had to stop putting me on unrealistic pedestals, the crazy way he saw me was what got us it this mess in the first place.

"I'm not perfect." I said quietly but my voice carried a hint force, "It's dangerous for both of us for you to think of me like that. The fall from a pedestal like that..." I trailed off.

There was no way I could allow myself to get swept away by his words surely they word only lead to more heartache and pain for the both of us.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the ferry finally docked at the wharf; being in such close proximity to Edward, with our fingers entwined, discussing these things were making me nervous. I wanted to be out of the car; I wanted to find some neutral territory.

Edward sighed quietly, "If you can accept that I will make mistakes, I can accept the same about you Bella. Perfection isn't about being flawless; I think our flaws make up who we are. Perfection is about being true to yourself. That's all I'm trying to say. Be true to yourself. Trust yourself."

But that was the whole crux of the problem. I didn't know how to trust my judgement when it came to Edward, there was nothing in our history to show me that it had led me in the right direction.

"I've always accepted your mistakes Edward more than I ever accepted my own...It didn't end so well." I responded quietly.

His fingers brushed across my knuckles, "You need to try loving yourself Bella. Mistakes and flaws and good bits too. Trust the voice inside that you are trying so hard not to listen to."

Edward sung a few more lines of his song before once more raising my hand to his lips, "The world isn't that difficult really Bella. It is what we make it." I met his gaze and he smiled. "It's scary to trust someone. It's even harder to love them and accept their love in return. Just take one step at a time, place one foot in front of the other and see where the road takes you beautiful girl. Don't hold onto pain beautiful girl. Even if you decide you never want me as anything more than a friend, don't hold onto the pain. You are so breathtaking when you love... You eclipse the sun. Shine the way you were always meant to. Not for me, but for yourself."

"I don't know how to trust...I don't even trust my family," I confessed in a whisper, more to myself than Edward. I wanted to look away but he held my gaze.

How was I meant to trust people when I didn't trust myself?

I didn't want to just drift along randomly. I needed structure in my life more than anything. I could never allow myself to just walk blindly into the headlights again.

He smiled softly, "I wish I could give you the answer Bella. I wish there was just a magic answer that would make the hurt go away, but the truth is no one can do it for you. You can choose to shoulder the burden of my mistakes for the rest of your life or you can accept that I'm the only one who was responsible for them. You couldn't fix me Bella. No one could. You think Aro cured me, that he filled a hole in me that you couldn't, but baby, all he did was force the bottle out of my hand, actually physically FORCE it from my hand. Bella if you had have tried to do that I would have hurt you or killed you. You weren't physically strong enough and you can't blame yourself for that, that's physics. There was nothing you could do to help me. Nobody 'fixed' me; nobody replaced you as the most important person in my life.

That has never changed, not for one goddam second and if you never believe another word I say, believe that because nothing else has ever been more true. When things were the hardest for me was when the alcohol was gone and I could finally see clearly. That was when you saved me and you didn't even need to be with me to do that. The way you loved me, the happiness you gave me, it kept me going Bella. You gave me the strength to see the man that you had seen all along. Baby no one has ever been more important to me. You saved me Bella. You gave me the strength and the will to save myself. No one else could have done that. I trust you with my life, because you have kept me alive more times than you know. I don't know how else to tell you just how fucking incredible you are and it's heartbreaking to me that you can't see it anymore. "

I shook my head; Edward was delusional if he thought I was so incredible. He had no idea who I was anymore or what I had done!

"I kissed Jake. I tried to seduce him." I said in a sudden desperate bid to get off the pedestal Edward kept trying to put me on. I could never allow myself to fall from such a height again and I would do whatever it took to stop him putting me in an ivory tower.

He thought he wanted me but he was wrong. He thought he loved_ me,_ but in truth he was in love with a person that had only ever existed in _his_ mind.

The Bella he saw me as bore no resemblance to the real Bella, the real me. It never had.

He had to see. I had to try and make him see the person I_ really _was.

"I tried to commit adultery Edward." I pressed on, "Do you still want me now? Now you know that while you were fighting for your life I was trying to be with another?"

I wasn't saying these things to be malicious He needed to know the truth about me he needed to see the lowly person I really was.

He needed to get real.

Edward sighed quietly and began singing his song,

_"There's something that I can't quite explain_

_I'm so in love with you_

_You'll never take that away_

_And if I said a hundred times before_

_Expect a thousand more_

_You never take that away" _

He bumped his forehead against mine and my breathing hitched at our extremely close proximity. That weird sexual energy that had always plagued me when we touched was there just as strong as it ever was. It frustrated me.

_"Well expect me to be calling you to see_

_If you're ok when I'm not around_

_Asking if you love me_

_I love the way you make it sound_

_Calling you to see_

_Do I try too hard to make you smile_

_To make a smile"_

He gently pressed his lips at the corner of my mouth for the briefest moment; he had already pulled back by the time I realized he had kissed me, sort of.

"I already know Bella. I knew from the moment I saw you at the airport today. I saw the way you looked at Jake. Why won't you hear me? I love you. I won't ask you for more than you are able to give me. If I have to wait the rest of my life, I will do so."

I opened my mouth to argue and he put his finger against my lips.

"You don't get a choice in that Bella. That's my decision to make. I won't settle for second best, I won't pretend to be happy with another while my heart rests with you. Whether you want me or not, I'm yours. If you decide you only want me as a friend, I will spend the rest of my life being the best, most true friend I can to you. I will take you in any way I can and I will never press you for more."

Edward's raspy voice dripped with sincerity and warning bells began to sound in my head.

My frustration at his refusal to see what was right in front of him was wearing me down. I was going to make Edward see the truth no matter what it took, no matter what it cost.

"Why won't YOU SEE? You think you love me...But what happens when you realize too late that you were wrong? What happens when you decide I'm not what you want and you turn and walk out on me again? I...can't live like that again. Every time you walked away I told you it was the last time I was taking you back but I still did anyway and it nearly destroyed us both. What happens if this time it does actually kill one of us?"

Edward refused to be deterred,

"What if it doesn't? I don't know about you, but I don't want to live my life thinking 'what if?' what if I had been honest with Bella? What if I had told her I loved her? What if I told her it didn't matter to me that she kissed Jake, hell you could have slept with him Bella and I won't lie, it would have hurt. It hurts that you kissed him, but I've hurt you too. I know it will hurt me so much more not to have you in my life. You are it for me. There is no one else. For the first time in our relationship I can honestly, with every fibre of my being, say that there is NOTHING that we couldn't find a way through." He leaned over and kissed my cheek, "There is no pressure Bella. But you have to know how I feel."

His lack of anger was completely disarming me. None of his reactions were what I had expected, they weren't normal Edward reactions. This calm and unaffected Edward was a stranger.

Where was the Edward I knew? Did any part of him exist anymore? Whilst I never wanted to see the worst parts of him ever again, I wanted to see that he'd retained the bits about him I had loved.

At the moment I couldn't see any of _my Edward_, the man sitting next to me was virtually unrecognisable.

"I didn't mean to hurt you Edward...Me...Jake...I was just lost. Still am a bit." I mumbled in way of explanation.

A smile graced his lips, "I know you didn't Bella. I never wanted to hurt you either...In the meantime, how about we get our little ones home and into bed and then you can let me entice you with my rabbit food Pizza?"

I was relieved when Edward suddenly changed the subject to food. I hadn't bargained on us getting into deep and meaningful conversations on the state of our relationship. I hadn't even entertained the idea of getting back together with him as husband and wife and I was kind of at a loss how we had gotten to the point of discussing it in the realms of possibilities.

Was it in the realms of possibility? I shut the question down. It would do me no good to go backwards.

"Rabbit food pizza sounds good. I'm starving." I said seizing on the opportunity to finish the deep and meaningful discussion.

"Well don't get your hopes to high. There is nothing with any real flavour on these pizzas. No bacon, no meatballs, no pepperoni... God that's torture. Now I want real food." Edward joked lightly.

"It sounds divine to this vegetarian...You need to embrace the rabbit food Edward...We were never designed to eat meat." I grinned at the slightly horrified expression on his face, "Don't let the five plus a day beat you." I teased.

The mass of confused thoughts swirled through my mind were exacerbated when we pulled into the driveway of our former home. I hadn't planned to ever step foot in the place again, but of course that was completely ridiculous considering it would be the house in which I dropped my children off to on their visits to Edward.

"I like what you've done with the grounds," I said to cover my anxiety about being alone with him in _'our house'_.

Those four walls held such a mass of memories both good and bad I wasn't sure if I could deal with deluge that was sure to assail my already confused mind.

"You do?" Edward said with a notable hint of pride in his voice, "Well, that's probably lucky then. I kinda did a bit of remodelling inside too. Nothing major, just some new wallpaper and carpets I got a little bored... I know it's your house Bella, but I thought maybe a new look to go with some new memories?" I stared at him in wide eyed shock and he chortled. "Your face is an open book. Everything you feel is written right there. If you get uncomfortable, just let me know. I can take you to your other house. It's not a big deal ok?"

"You change what you like Edward. It really doesn't bother me and I need to work on my poker face a bit more," I grinned lightly though anxiety twisted my stomach.

My hands wrung together as my nerves crested. I forced one foot in front of the other and followed Edward into the house.

As I anticipated a million memories bombarded me. Edward carrying me over the threshold on our wedding night, the corset, the riding crop, Edward's submission, our clothes strewn across the floor as we tumbled into each other's arms after the wedding breakfast, the amount of hours I spent crying when I thought I couldn't survive without him.

Love, Passion, happiness, hate, confusion, loneliness and grief, so much grief.

I gasped in a lungful of air and shook my head trying desperately to rid my mind of everything but the present moment.

"I...I like what you've done to the place," I said politely as soon as I felt it was safe for me to speak.

Edward made his way into the lounge and I reluctantly followed him, my eyes widened in shock when I saw his piano from his Wellington home sitting expectantly in the corner of the room,

"You...you have your piano?" I asked stupidly.

"Yeah. I had it brought up from Wellington. I missed it a little to be honest, plus most of the stuff down there has been boxed up and put into storage."

An involuntary shudder rippled through me at Edward's mention of Wellington and Tanya's vicious face flashed in my mind. Her strawberry blonde hair fell around her gaunt face and she wore the same evil smile that haunted my dreams.

I shook off the dark thought I wasn't going to think of Wellington or Tanya; they were both detrimental to my fragile mental health...

Edward unbuckled Matisse from her carseat and cradled her to his chest. Even though she was still asleep her fingers reached up to weave their way through his hair.

"I hope this means she likes me." He said as he kissed the top of her head.

"I think it's safe to assume it was love at first sight Edward. She pretty much acted the same way Apple did the first time she met you." I took Noah from his seat and hugged him to me breathing in his gorgeous scent.

I had hoped Noah would have the same instant bond with his father.

"Yeah. I have a way with the ladies. The boys make me work for it though." He said with a smirk.

"It's true, you have no trouble dazzling your daughters" I conceded, "And I wonder why the boys do that?"

Edward grinned, "They aren't as impressed by my hair."

"That must be it," I teased as I followed him back into the house. Another round of memories attacked the second I stepped back through the door and I hugged Noah tighter to me as I pushed the offending images from my mind...

...There was no way of not acknowledging that this was a familiar scene to both of us when we stood quietly and looked down at our beautiful sleeping children.

Tears stung my eyes and the room started to feel overly hot, I turned and silently left, not waiting for Edward and made my way back to the kitchen. I took a seat at the table and took a couple of deep breaths willing myself to keep it together.

Edward walked in a minute later and gave me a small smile, "Can I get you a drink? I ordered some of your favourite wine...I'M not drinking any. I like the little functioning liver I have left thank you very much. But I know you used to enjoy a glass with dinner."

I tried to disguise the shock and apprehension I felt at Edward offering me alcohol but failed miserably if his next comment was an indicator.

"Bella it's been sitting in the cupboard all week and I haven't touched it. I don't WANT to touch it. I WONT touch it. I'm not a slave to it anymore. Can I offer you a glass? Or you can drink the DELIGHTFUL wheat grass juice that Aro has me on. I'm sure it's what grass clippings strained with water tastes like."

I thought back to when I was in New Zealand last and when I heard Edward speaking at his AA meeting, he had admitted it was still a struggle not to want to drink.

Regardless how long that bottle of wine had sat in the cupboard I would not have him or myself anywhere near an open bottle of alcohol.

"I'm happy with the grass clippings. But thank you for thinking about me." I said quietly.

"If you're sure? Jesus this stuff smells foul." He smelt the jug of wheatgrass juice and groaned, "Fuck Aro. I'm just going to have some fucking orange juice. It might be good for my liver, but my tastes buds are going to hate me if I do. I got some Charlie's in here if that sounds better to you." He pulled the carton of New Zealand's most iconic fruit juice from the fridge and waggled his eyebrows at me, "So much better than wet grass."

I laughed out and loud and nodded my head in agreement as I took the glass from his out stretched hand and followed him into the lounge. I took a seat next to Edward on the couch and took a sip on my juice while I struggled to find something to say.

"God I've missed Charlie's juice. They drink a lot of sweet tea in Nepal. I hate tea." I said randomly and he chuckled. "You forget how easy we have it in New Zealand until you travel. We're not only spoilt for choice here but we don't appreciate the ease and convenience of living in a free country affords us." I mused.

"How is life in Nepal Bella? Are you happy there? Are the kids happy there?" He asked suddenly.

I thought about Edward's question for a moment.

Was I happy in Nepal?

The most part of me was, but were the kids? Louis seemed to enjoy living there, Apple not so much, but I didn't think Apple would enjoy living anywhere unless Edward lived with us. To Matisse and Noah Nepal had always been home. They didn't know any other.

"The work is really fulfilling, it makes me happy. Louis seems to like it. Apple not so much but that has more to do with you not being there more than anything." I said honestly.

Honesty seemed to be working well for us at this point, plus obviously it was the only way we were going to make any progress.

"I saw her. At the airport. She hit you. Why... I don't understand Bella. She seems so different. So angry. How long has she been acting that way?"

My eyes filled with tears as I thought about how my beautiful daughter blamed me for Edward's continued absence in her life.

_"Since the day you left. She's angry because she blames me. She resents me for not allowing her to try and make you better."_ I whispered.

Edward's face twisted in pain, "I'm sorry Bella. I don't know what to say, I want to fix this and make it easier for you but I'm not sure how to do that. To be honest, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing when it comes to our children. I want to be the best father I can be, but I don't know how. I... need your help."

I shrugged my shoulders at his apology. What could I say?

"Edward you were a natural with Louis and Apple it will be no different with Matisse and Noah. You know how to be a parent you've been one for four years now, just because you've been out of the loop for a year or so doesn't mean you've forgotten what you know about raising children. They need food, clothes, water, and more importantly they need reassurance, love, guidance and stability. Apple's just too young to understand. She's hurting and she's lashing out. I'm hoping things will improve once you're back in her life. She's not going to let you go once she has you back though. The living in separate houses is still going to be hard on her and Louis. I'm not sure how we are meant to explain to them why we don't live together now that you're better."

Edward sighed quietly, "I don't know either. I guess we just answer their questions as they come up as truthfully as we can." He said as he got up and headed out of the room, he was back a moment later carrying pizzas, "Hungry?"

I nodded and smiled as I took a slice of pizza.

Edward took a bite of his pizza, "I miss real food." He said almost longingly.

My smile widened at his lament, "I feel for you...But these pizzas are fantastic. You ever thought about publishing a veggie cookbook?" I half joked.

"Rub it in why don't you?" he grumbled good naturedly.

The conversation flowed easily between us as we devoured the pizzas. I found I was really beginning to relax and enjoy his company, relaxed enough to accompany him back to the room where our twins were still sleeping soundly.

I watched covertly as Edward gazed at his sleeping children, his expression was unreadable and I wondered what he was thinking about. He suddenly broke from his reverie a small smile gracing his lips as he looked down at me.

He gestured silently to the door and followed me from the room.

Back in the lounge my gaze kept floating toward the piano, so many memories both good and bad were associated with the instrument. I chose to remember the good, something that never escaped Edward's notice, and when I finally took my eyes from it and looked up at him he asked me if I'd like him to play.

"Yeah that would be nice," I said quietly.

He took my hand and led me to the piano, "Then you will have to help me."

That caught me by surprise; he knew that I was a musical retard and that I always ruined his beautiful melodies. I wanted to protest and insist he play solo but instead I took a seat and Edward sat next to me putting my hands on the keys.

"Here. Play these notes and I'll do the rest." He instructed as he covered my fingers with his and pressed my fingers down on the keys in the order in which he wanted.

He waited until I had the rhythm then took his fingers away and I couldn't help the smile that spread over my face as I managed to keep in sequence.

"You got it baby." He said happily as he began to play. "I wrote this song for you. Since your last visit." He said quietly before he began to sing.

"_There's something that I can't quite explain_

_I'm so in love with you_

_You'll never take that away_

_And if I said a hundred times before_

_Expect a thousand more_

_You never take that away_

_Well expect me to be_

_Calling you to see_

_If you're ok when I'm not around_

_Asking if you love me_

_I love the way you make it sound_

_Calling you to see_

_Do I try too hard to make you smile_

_To make a smile_

_Well I will keep calling you to see_

_If you're sleepin are you dreamin and_

_If you're dreamin are you dreamin of me_

_I can't believe_

_You actually picked...me_

_I thought that the world had lost its sway_

_(its so hard sometimes)_

_Then I fell in love with you_

_(Then came you)_

_And you took that away_

_(its not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)_

_You take away the old_

_Show me the new_

_And I feel like I can fly_

_When I stand next to you_

_So what if I'm on this phone_

_A hundred miles from home_

_I take the words you gave_

_And send them back to you_

_I only want to see_

_If you're ok when I'm not around_

_Asking if you love me_

_I love the way you make it sound_

_Calling you to see_

_Do I try too hard to make you smile_

_To make a smile_

_I will keep calling you to see_

_If you're sleepin are you dreamin and_

_If you're dreamin are you dreamin of me_

_I can't believe_

_You actually picked...me_

_Well I will keep calling you to see_

_If you're sleepin are you dreamin and_

_If you're dreamin are you dreamin of me_

_I can't believe_

_You actually picked...me..."_

I wiped the tear from my cheek and turned to face Edward, he flashed me my favourite smile as he held my gaze. His green eyes shone brightly with his love for me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and reached up to run my fingertips across his cheek,

"Thank you for the song." I whispered. An irrepressible warm shot up my arm and spread through my body as my fingertips grazed his skin. The space between our bodies began to thicken with that bizarre chemistry that flowed between us when we were close. I dropped my hand but kept my gaze on his, "it has a beautiful melody."

His jewel bright eyes sparkled brighter, "I had beautiful inspiration" He murmured.

We sat looking at each other in the spiralling silence neither of us moving as the air almost crackled with static energy. Edward held me captive with his gaze and I was enchanted by his green eyes, they were so deep and so full of love, so much more animated than they had been the first time I had looked into them again.

Matisse's tiny cry suddenly broke the silence and the spell was broken.

Edward was off the chair and heading for her room the second she had made a sound and by the time I arrived in there a few seconds later he already had her out of her cot and wrapped in his arms. She stopped crying the second he touched her, she was now wearing an angelic smile as she stared at him adoringly.

Her little fingers laced their way through his hair as she snuggled into his chest.

Noah however cried harder when he saw Edward, his wide green eyes sparkled with his tears as he looked distrustfully at his father. Edward gave him an encouraging smile but Noah howled louder and reached out for me. I scooped my crying son into my arms and gave Edward an almost apologetic look as I followed him from the room; he shook his head indicating I shouldn't worry about it.

Edward kept Matisse propped on his hip as he prepared two plates of vegetables for hers and Noah's dinner. I couldn't help but laugh at his attempts at trying to feed her, every time he went to put the spoon to her lips she'd snatch it from his hand and try to feed it back to him, as a result more food ended up in Edward's hair than either of their mouths.

Noah uncharacteristically sat quietly and never took his cautious eyes from Edward.

"That's your Daddy," I whispered to him, "can you say Dad? D..D..Dad, dad, dad," I sounded out the word for him and he looked at me and smiled.

"Dad...Dad...Dad," he mimicked me.

The spoon Edward was holding clattered onto the highchair. He stared at Noah in stunned disbelief,

"Did he... Did he just call me Dad?" He asked in amazement.

I nodded and laughed. I was stunned myself.

"That's right Noah. I'm your dad. The luckiest Dad in the world buddy."

As soon as Edward spoke Noah burst into tears. I stifled the urge to laugh at Edward's confused face.

I gave him a consoling look, "Ah well you can't win them all," I teased.

We bathed the kids together and got them dressed for bed before Edward dropped us off at my new Waiheke house.

He kissed Matisse's head and blew a kiss to Noah before we headed from the room.

"Would you like to join us for breakfast? The kids are usually up about six."

Edward flashed me my favourite smile, "I would love to,"

He took my hand as I walked him toward the front door and my heart began beating erratically when he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"Goodnight Edward" I mumbled awkwardly.

"_Goodnight Juliet,"_ He whispered against my cheek.

I watched him until he'd driven away before I closed the front door.

Sleep evaded me until late into the night. My mind turned over every detail of the time I had spent with Edward then spent hours analyzing my every reaction to him.

There was no denying that the spark was still there between us. But that meant nothing. Physical attraction is what had gotten us into this mess right from the start, right from when we hooked up in his office at the Christmas Party.

I needed to look past the physical and decide what I thought about him emotionally.

Now that I had let go of some of the hurt it was easier to see the changes in Edward. Not only was he was far more relaxed in himself but I liked how he never imposed his will on me anymore. He seemed content to let me make my own decisions and take things at my own pace.

But this relaxed Edward had been living in his own little slice of paradise, cocooned from the cruelty of the world beyond the shores of Waiheke Island.

What would he be like when he returned to the pressures of a demanding job and four kids who would put even more demands on him and his time?

_It was too easy to say you'd changed when you hadn't had to face any adversity to test the theory._

That's when the truth would come out. When Edward was confronted with difficulties, that's when I'd know if he had truly changed.

But by then it would be too late. If we were back together then I would end up getting hurt, my children would end up getting hurt.

And Edward would end up dead.

A violent shudder wracked my body at the thought. That I wouldn't survive.

I still wasn't even sure how we had gotten to the point that we could openly discuss our relationship and even more so that I could express my fears and my sins to him honestly.

But we had and we were better for it.

Edward wanted to be a family again. Was that what I wanted to? Did I want Edward back in my life as my Husband?

For that I wasn't sure. I didn't have an answer.

I was so scared to really trust him again.

Edward's words rung in my ears, _'For the first time in our relationship I can honestly, with every fibre of my being, say that there is NOTHING that we couldn't find a way through.'_

Was I prepared to put _that_ to the test?

Was I prepared to give him _another_ chance to either prove to me he could be the man I always knew he could be or reinforce the lesson that I couldn't trust my judgement when it came to him?

I thought about how I had allowed Edward to touch me. How I had allowed him to hold my hand and to kiss my cheek. It had felt nice and comforting in its familiarity.

And his song was nothing short of beautiful.

My eyes drifted shut and I sung a few of the lyrics,

"_Well expect me to be_

_Calling you to see_

_If you're ok when I'm not around_

_Asking if you love me_

_I love the way you make it sound_

_Calling you to see_

_Do I try too hard to make you smile_

_To make a smile..._

_I will keep calling you to see_

_If you're sleepin are you dreamin and_

_If you're dreamin are you dreamin of me_

_I can't believe_

_You actually picked...me..."_

Everything was still so confusing and I owed to _myself _not to rush into anything. I would take as much time as I needed to be as sure about everything as I could possibly be.

I wouldn't make the same mistakes again...

The ten days I spent with Edward, Noah and Matisse flew past in a whirlwind of trips to the beach, the park and the zoo.

The only thing to mar the experience was the absence of Apple and Louis. Everything felt wrong without them.

Aro was completely enraptured the moment he set eyes on Noah and Matisse, he barely had time to give me a quick kiss on the cheek before he was sweeping them into his arms and whisking them out to his vegetable patch for a quick snack of fresh snow peas.

It was the same when he accompanied us to the zoo. He flatly refused to let Edward push the stroller and set off at a brisk pace to the giraffe enclosure.

Edward and I had dawdled along at our own pace. He had reached out for my hand and I allowed him to twine his fingers with mine...

...I left Edward to put the twins to bed and went out onto the balcony to enjoy the smell of the salty air. The silence was abruptly shattered by the ringtone on my phone, I snatched it up off the table and smiled when I saw Jake's name on the caller I.D.

"Hey Jake," I said excitedly.

"Hi Bella," if I thought my voice sounded excited it was nothing to the euphoria in his voice.

"What's up Jake?" Curiosity burned in my words and he chortled when he heard it.

"Is it that obvious that something's up?" He asked confirming my suspicions. His voice had lost none of its jubilation.

"Yeah you sound like an over excited kid on Christmas morning." I teased.

"Leah's pregnant," he blurted out, "I'm going to be a father!" The euphoria increased tenfold as he uttered the words.

The world ceased spinning and agony ripped through my chest with a force that took my breath away. I sat in stunned disbelief not even trying to get a grip on the million different emotions that were assaulting me.

Jake was going to be a father. He was having a child with Leah, that thought sent a shockwave of hurt that jolted through me and I recoiled in on myself.

Through the hurt and confusion I realized that Jake was waiting for my response.

"I...I'm so happy for you Jake and for Leah too." I said between my clenched jaw.

What I had said wasn't a lie exactly, part of me was happy for them it's just another part of me had realized that I had now lost the security of knowing that I was now no longer Jake's top priority.

I was more than aware that I was being selfish and completely disrespectful of Jake and I didn't want to be that, it was just he had been the most constant thing in my life for so long now; that even though we both knew that we didn't have a future together, I never thought what it would mean when_ I _was replaced in Jake's heart.

It hurt, hurt more than I could ever imagined it would. As much as Jake was my best friend he was my security blanket. He was my safe harbour; the person I always knew would be there for me.

I was scared to think about how that might change now. The most terrifying thing was the thought of losing his friendship. It was the most valuable thing to me outside of my children and I didn't want anything to jeopardize it.

Leah and Jake's relationship did make me happy, because it made him happy and that's all I ever wanted for my friend. But not if it came at the expense of our friendship. I would take any and every course of action to protect it.

"Thanks Bella. You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that." He said sincerely.

"Of course I'm happy for you Jake. You're my best friend in the whole world and you know I wish you every happiness, both of you. So I'm going to be an Aunt? I'm excited about that." My voice came out sounding sincere because I was sincere.

It was easy for me to recognise it was my own insecurities that were the only thing wrong with this situation and I would not let them ruin this time for Jake and Leah.

I would support them a million percent because after all they had done for me they deserved nothing less.

"Yeah and Edward's going to be an Uncle," he threw in. That shocked me! I kept forgetting that Jacob and Edward had their own friendship, their own bond that transcended my own friendship with Jake.

"He's going to be really happy for you Jake." I didn't like to speak for Edward but I knew that it was true. Edward would be happy for his friend, his brother.

"Thanks Bells."

"You know you two are going to make the best parents in the history of the world! Your child is going to be the luckiest around having two beautiful souls to guide him or her through life. I really am so very happy for you Jacob."

I pushed the whirling vortex of thoughts and feelings to the recesses of my mind; I would deal with those later, and concentrated on the fact that I was happy for Jake.

"Just like you'll make the best Aunty!" he crowed and I laughed.

"Yeah well at least you know that you'll always have a babysitter. God I owe you over four years worth!"

Jacob laughed loudly, "Yeah and I'll be using them through teething, and potty training and when Leah decides it's time to wean him or her!"

"Thanks Jake," I said with a tiny hint of sarcasm, "maybe you can send him to his Uncle Edward during those times; it would be a good experience and payback for him!" I teased lightly.

"You may be onto something there Bell's." Jake chortled, "So how are things going with Edward?" He asked gently.

I smiled, "Much better actually. I've really enjoyed spending this time with him and Matisse just adores him. Noah surprisingly little bit more hesitant."

"That is a surprise. Usually the kids fearless."

"Yeah I know he's getting better though. Doesn't cry when Edward talks to him anymore so that's progress. Anyway Jake I better get going. I will see you at the airport tomorrow. And congratulations again and give Leah and Tui a big hug for me."

The thought of Tui getting to see Jake become a father made me feel incredibly happy and I knew the prospect would have Jacob on a high.

"Ok Bell's. Say hi to Edward for me and give Matisse and Noah a kiss from me. And I'll see you tomorrow."

I hung up the phone and stared unseeingly into the star strewn sky. The confused emotions bubbled to the surface and I took a moment to see if they would settle into some sort of coherency.

I continued to stare at the stars and waited...

...The first thing I noticed when we arrived at the airport was how different I felt from the last time I flew back to Nepal.

It had been easy to say goodbye to Edward then, but this time however, it felt wrong.

"Are you sure you guys have to leave?" He asked me sadly.

I felt like a large weight had settled in my stomach and when I looked into his sad face a lump formed in my throat.

"I...We have to go...I had a really nice time with you Edward." I said sincerely.

"_If I said it a hundred times before, Expect a thousand more Bella._" He sang as he pulled me into his embrace, his arms tightened around me for a moment then he let me go, "Go. Before I beg you to stay."

_"Bye Edward..."_ I whispered as I gripped the handle of the stroller and wheeled our youngest children across the tarmac to where my elder children waited in the Cullen Jet...

...Tears poured relentlessly down my cheeks, I turned back and gave Edward one last wave before I disappeared into the cabin...

I quickly dried my eyes on my sleeve before I went to greet my beautiful son and daughter.

Both Louis and Apple seemed happier for spending time with their grandparents.

Apple even gave me a brief hug and allowed me to kiss her cheek. That was more than a little shocking and I wondered if she had missed _me _as much as I had missed her in our time apart.

I took several deep breaths as I took my seat and buckled myself in. I thought I'd be used to flying by now but it still made me nervous.

My eyes squeezed shut as the plane taxied down the runway and my fear was so over whelming for a moment that I didn't notice the weight in the pit of my stomach and the tears seeping from between my eyelids.

I begun to relax once the plane had left the ground but the weight in my stomach never lessened nor did the flow of tears.

Jake leaned over gave me a quick hug and kissed the top of my head as soon as the seat belt sign clicked off, "Are you ok Bells?"

I wiped my tears away on the back of my sleeve. "Yes...No...I don't know! It's just harder to say goodbye than I thought it was going to be."

"Why are you even leaving?" He asked quietly.

"I...I don't know," I wailed. I didn't know why I was leaving Edward when it felt wrong and it hurt me to do so.

Jake shot me a sympathetic look, "What are you going to Bella? You need to make a decision on Edward for both of your sakes. It's obvious you still love him. Do you wanna be with him?"

"I...I...don't know?...Jake. I don't know what I want." I confessed. I needed a moment to get myself together before I lost it completely, "Look Jake can you just watch the kids for a bit I just wanna go clean myself up in the bathroom..."

"Sure thing Bells. You should call Edward while you're in there." He prodded gently.

Fresh tears leaked from my eyes as I hurried toward the sleeping quarters. My cell phone was already in my hand and before I had even really decided I was dialling Edward's number.

"Hello?" I said hurriedly into the phone as soon as I heard his voice.

"Is everything ok Bella?" Edward asked. I could hear the worry in his voice.

_"Will...Will you get on a plane and follow me to Nepal?"_ I whispered into the phone.

There was no hesitation, "I'm buying a ticket now." He responded.

I could hear the muffled conversation between Edward and the woman at the ticket counter. "I can leave in six hours Bella." He said suddenly.

"...I'll be waiting... I...I miss you Edward." I choked out.

"I miss you too Bella. I'm coming Juliet. I'll call you from the airport ok? I have to run home and get my passport and I guess some clothes."

"Kay, I'll see you soon." I couldn't contain the excitement in my voice and I giggled.

It had been _So_ long since I had felt excited about anything...

**EDWARD'S POV...**

I had just got back from having a swim at the beach and my wet hair was still dripping down my face when my laptop bleeped from the table. I hurriedly wrapped a towel around my waist and sat down, grinning when I saw Bella's Skype name come up. I clicked on accept and beamed at the beautiful woman on my screen.

"Hello you. This is a pleasant surprise. I wasn't expecting to hear from you until later." I said, the joy clear in my voice. I was always happy to hear from Bella.

"Hey Edward I hope I'm not interrupting anything? I just felt like hearing a friendly voice."

Her voice was so unsure and I heard an undercurrent of sadness. "You could never interrupt me Bella. I was just having a swim on the beach." She gave me a small smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Hey." I said softly "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I'm just having a bad day I guess. Being confronted by every mistake you've ever made can do that sometime I guess."

"Ah." I said. It was beginning to make sense "I take it Charlie and Renee's visit didn't go so well? Parent's are pretty good at dragging you back through the ringer aren't they?" I watched her duck her head and avoid looking at the camera, it was something she always seemed to do when I correctly guessed what was bothering her. "You hold your head high Bella, you have nothing to be ashamed of ok? You are the bravest, smartest person I know." I pushed a wet lock of hair back off my forehead as it dropped down into my eyes and gave the camera a reassuring smile.

"I've made my fair share of mistakes. I know my family has every right to be angry with me but it just doesn't make things any easier when your father is gleeful at the thought of your impending div... Anyway enough about my sad state of affairs how are you going?"

I could tell she didn't want to dwell on the visit anymore so, I tried to steer the subject into happier territory "You know me. Nothing that exciting. I've been fixing little things around the house and I replanted that garden out the back, you know the one with all the dead flowers... I went to the garden shop all by myself, picked out the flowers and everything. I admit, I felt so out of place, especially when a woman old enough to be my grandmother started 'helping' me to select the right perennials. Bella, I didn't know what the fuck a perennial was... I thought she was coming onto me or something."

"So I guess I know what to get you for Christmas this year, a book full of all the need to knows about gardening lingo."

I shook my head with a small smile "It probably couldn't hurt. The poor woman, she must have thought I was slow or something I just stared at her until I realised that when she was referring to "Rose buds" she actually MEANT "Rose buds". I was so embarrassed. They had this little cafe in the garden centre so I brought her a cup of tea to say thank you. Oh and I got something the kids would probably like seeing!" I said excitedly, "These little things called 'Swan plants' the monarch butterflies lay their caterpillar thingy's on them and you get to watch them grow into butterflies! I've put them where the kids can't get to them though, the sap inside is poisonous, but can you imagine their faces? I thought they would LOVE to see something like that." I shrugged and gave the camera a shy smile "I have to admit, I'm kinda excited about seeing them too..."

"The kids will love it and it's a great way to teach them about the cycle of life...So we are flying back to New Zealand next Sunday. Jake and my nanny Leah are going to take Apple and Louis to Renee and Charlie's."

I'm sure my smile was tearing my face in half because it sure as hell felt like it "Are you SERIOUS?" I practically yelled "You and the kids are coming back to NZ again? Already? I mean... that didn't come out the way I meant it too, I meant... oh fuck, I don't know what I meant! I thought you weren't coming back for awhile yet? Can I meet you guys at the airport?"

"Yeah well Renee and Charlie wanted to take Apple and Louis home with them and the only way I could stop them was to agree to bring my original trip forward...Um you can meet me at the airport as long as you promise that you won't let Apple or Louis see you...I...I'm sorry Edward I'm not trying to be mean it's just Apple's is...I just couldn't deal with the consequences..."

I felt small stab of regret that I would not be able to see Apple or Louis but I tried to hide it as best as I could. "Whatever you think is best Bella. I told you before; I completely trust your judgement. I'll make sure I stay out of the way until they are gone." My voice cracked a bit on the last word, but I smiled to cover it. "Do you want to come back here for dinner? I've got rooms set up for all the kids... Just for you know the future. I got Apple and Louis's old cribs out of storage and set them up for Matisse and Noah."

"Um...Um...sure as long as you don't mind if we eat early...and good idea setting up the cribs you'll need them..."

"I uh... I set up the spare bedroom too. I didn't know if when I had the kids, I mean I thought it might be difficult for you at first, so I figured if you wanted to you could use the spare room for the first night or two... Just until you felt comfortable about leaving them alone with me." I ran a hand through my hair nervously.

"Thank you for being so considerate. I will definitely keep that in mind."

"I don't want to make things harder for you Bella, really. It sounds like things have been hard enough. So I will pick you up from the airport on Sunday?" She nodded and we said our goodbyes.

As I closed my laptop I leaned back in my chair. She was so... scared. About everything it seemed. I didn't want to push her, but I realised that Isabella Swan-Cullen was a woman who was afraid of her own shadow.

And I had made her that way.

I picked up the phone and called Irina. She answered on the third ring with a screaming Oliver in the background "Edward! Hey, Demetri and I were just talking about you."

I chuckled, "Could you hear each other over Olly?"

She laughed "We are pros at this parenthood thing now. Anyway, we were thinking of coming up this weekend to see you. Demetri REALLY wants to attend one of your meetings."

I frowned "Demetri isn't an alcoholic" I could almost see Irina's eyes rolling as she spoke.

"Really? Oh thank god for that! What would we do without you captain obvious?" she laughed

"No, he read that thing in the paper about your meetings and now he wants to come and take a look for himself. Personally, I think it's so he can tease you about it, but there is no stopping him."

I chuckled again, "Well tell him to come anytime... Except this weekend. Bella is coming back and she is bringing Matisse and Noah."

"What about Apple and Louis?"

I winced. It was a sore topic with my best friend.

"Not yet... Apple just isn't ready and Bella wants to be sure, you know? I want to be sure too." She grumbled something but I cut her off "What I was calling to ASK you is what should I get...For Matisse and Noah while they are here? Like nappies for example. What size do I get those in? And what kinds of food? I don't want to ask Bella, she's nervous enough about leaving them with me and I want to do something to reassure her."

Irina laughed "And you think buying nappies and baby food is going to do that, do you? Edward, just be yourself. Tell Bella that you don't know these things, it will probably put her mind at ease a lot more if she knows that you will call and ask her if you don't know something. Look, Edward, I'm not Bella's biggest fan at the moment, you know that, but that's got more to do with ME and her than YOU and her. The Bella I knew wasn't unreasonable and she wasn't the type of person who would hold it against you because you didn't know the right nappy size."

I thought about what she had said and laughed sadly. "I miss her Irina. I miss her and I miss my kids and I know that it's my fault they aren't with me, but..."

"It still hurts. I know Edward. But it's going to take baby steps if you want your family back. You know that. You told me that yourself."

"I get so impatient sometimes though." I whispered guiltily. Irina laughed.

"I know the feeling. I want my nieces and nephews back. I want my sister in law back and I want them all back in my life yesterday. Olly doesn't even know Bella. He looks at the wedding photo of you guys and points at her and I just don't know what to tell him." I heard Irina's voice crack a little as she spoke "I love you Edward. Get my nieces and nephews back, get my sister back and fix our family ok? Be honest with her and be patient. You know all this anyway."

"Sometimes I just need to hear it said aloud." I said sadly.

Irina sighed "You've come a long way Edward. You hit rock bottom and no one ever said the climb back up would be easy. Just take it a day at a time and know that we are here for you ok? We want you to be ok. And give those babies a big kiss from their Aunty Irina... Tell them I can't wait to see them."

"I will. Thanks Irina. Love you guys."

"We love you to Edward."

"I Love you MOST Edward... That thing you do..." Demetri hollered in the background and I chuckled.

"Bye Demetri." I said my goodbyes and hung up the phone feeling a little better than I had before.

Honesty. Patience. Understanding. Those were the things that were going to fix my family.

I would tell Bella that I didn't have all the answers, but I would tell her that I was fucking willing to listen and learn.

I watched as Bella, Jake and an unknown woman came into view, my children in their arms.

My first impulse was to run to them and snatch them from the stranger's arms and hold them, never letting them go again. My feet had even moved a couple of steps in their direction before I stopped myself. I leaned back against the wall and watched them, using everything inside me to just stay where I was.

When I heard Apple begin to yell I looked up in surprise. It was my daughter's voice, but I had never heard her sound so... angry before. I watched in stunned disbelief as she lashed out and hit her mother in the face.

It was my beautiful little girl, but it wasn't the behaviour of the innocent little angel I remembered. It was even harder to watch Jake lean in and kiss Bella's cheek, without hesitation or reservation, something I wished so desperately that I could do.

And the look of complete trust and longing was the final blow to my already aching heart.

I didn't want her looking at him like that. I wanted that look to only be for me.

Bella said goodbye to them all and came towards me pushing a stroller with two babies, MY babies in it.

They were children I didn't even know and yet I was overwhelmed by the love I felt for them.

"So this is Matisse and Noah" Bella said awkwardly.

I smiled, my eyes not leaving the twins as I crouched down in front of the stroller. I slowly reached out and took my daughter's hand, kissing the top of it reverently.

"Hello Matisse. I'm so very happy to meet you." My voice broke and I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. I didn't care though; I didn't care if I cried in the middle of Auckland International Airport.

I was so happy to finally be seeing the two little people it felt like I had been waiting a lifetime to meet.

I took Noah's hand in my own and shook it before kissing the top of his head gently. "Hello my son." I smiled as I felt Matisse's hands grip tightly and almost painfully into my long messy hair. "Yeah, I think daddy needs a haircut too. Your uncle Emmett is trying to get me to cut it all off." I said letting her finish tugging on my hair before I stood back up to look at Bella with a watery smile.

I looked down as a high pitched cry broke through the air and Noah looked between me and his mother. It was obvious he was scared. He didn't know who I was; I was a stranger to him.

He began to hold his arms up towards Bella, his cries only strengthening and I took a little step back. It seemed to be the wrong thing to do though, because as soon as I stepped out of her reach, Matisse began joining her brother, her cries mingling with his.

The only difference was, her arms where stretched out towards... me.

"Sshh Bubba its ok, Mums here,...You can pick her up if you want to."

As soon as I picked Matisse up, her arms wound around my neck in a death grip. Her fingers curled into my hair once more at the back of my head and she rested her cheek against my shoulder.

I looked at Bella with a smile "Guess maybe I'm not shaving my hair off."

"Personally I hope you don't. I like it the way it is it,"

"Well, all the important ladies in my life seem to like it, so screw Emmett. He wouldn't know what style was anyway." I pushed the stroller easily with my free hand "The car is parked out the front, do you want me to take you to yours or mine first? Shit, mine is yours. You know what I mean." I said with a little laugh.

"We can go straight to your/ ours whosever it is first if you like. The kids will be needing dinner fairly soon."

I grinned as she referred to the house as 'ours'. Such a small thing and it had my heart beating in my chest like crazy.

We walked outside and I put Matisse in the little pink carseat in the back that I had purchased earlier in the week. Bella put Noah in the little blue one and before she had finished I was beside her holding her door open for her.

"Your chariot awaits my lady." I said with a wink and the smile I remembered that she used to love so much.

"So what's on the menu tonight master chef?"

I stuck my tongue out and made a face as we took off from the airport. "I'd like to say steak, or beef, or lamb or something that didn't taste like bloody rabbit food, but its vegetarian pizzas. I made the bases myself believe it or not and all the toppings and sauces. I'm actually getting pretty decent in the kitchen. Now if only I had REAL food to work with... Then I could show you what this master chef can do."

"Veggie pizzas sound really nice. And I'm suitably impressed that you even make your own sauces and bases. I confess that my cooking skills haven't improved any. I think the kids are secretly grateful Leah does most of the cooking."

I glanced at her "Leah? Is that the woman that was with Jake?" I said trying to keep my tone light.

I wanted to ask her about Jake. I wanted to ask her about the kids and Leah but mostly, I wanted to ask her about us. I wanted to know if she had thought about me, if she had missed me as much as I had missed her. I wanted to tell her that I loved her and ask if she loved me too.

"You saw them at the airport?... Um yeah that was Leah. She's my house keeper, nanny, Friend and...And the love of Jakes life."

I nodded; sighing a huge sigh of relief inwardly. Jake wasn't in love with Bella. It was a weight off my mind, I couldn't deny it.

"They looked happy." I said honestly. I took the exit off the motorway towards the North Shore. "But are you happy?" I asked in concern.

I was thrilled that Jake had no designs on the woman I loved, but I wasn't so sure where Bella's heart lay and even though it hurt to think of her with someone else, it hurt me so much more to think of her in pain and longing after someone else the way I longed for her. "You deserve to be happy Bella, I really mean that."I hoped that the anguish I felt wasn't shown too clearly on my face.

"I'm working on the art of happiness. How about you Edward; are you happy?"

I gave her a smile "I'm working on the art of happiness." I said repeating her words back to her, but with a much different meaning. "I've found peace. Happiness is just taking a bit longer than I would like."

"What would make you happy Edward?... Sorry...you don't need to answer that...Um so how's Aro?"

I chuckled. "Aro is fine. He is excited about seeing you and his grandchildren. And you know what would make me happy Bella. The same thing, the only thing that's ever made me happy." I turned into Devonport and turned down the road towards the ferry.

Bella was silent and looking uncomfortably out the window. I hated seeing her so distressed so I began to hum quietly. It was the new song that I had been working on and of course it was about her. I noticed her shoulders relaxed and the tension seemed to leave her as I continued to hum softly.

It made me happy to know that I could still bring her some comfort instead of devastating pain.

"Do you still play the piano?"

I pulled onto the ferry and looked at Bella. "I do. More than I ever used to actually." It was raining so I settled into the driver's seat for the journey. The twins were sleeping peacefully in the back seat and I didn't see the point in waking them to take them up to the deck.

"Will you play for me sometime?"

I closed my eyes and smiled happily "I would do anything for you. You only have to ask." I felt the energy between us, so reminiscent of those early days in our marriage. It was different though, more tempered and calm because we were more tempered and calm.

_"I'll keep calling you to see, if you're sleeping are you dreaming..."_

I sang quietly humming the rest softly as I basked in the amazing glow that I felt. "I'm happy now Juliet. So very, very happy." I said softly, before resuming my quiet hum.

"I have to confess Edward I've missed this...Us just hanging out. Things being easy between us...I've missed you..."

I reached over without opening my eyes and took her hand in mine, intertwining our fingers without opening my eyes. There was nothing sexual in the gesture; it was more one of companionship and the kind of intimacy that didn't have a name. It was US; it was everything we had been with all the bad parts taken away.

"I know what you mean." I said "I finally feel... right. Nothing is missing from inside me when you are with me." I raised her hand to my lips and kissed it gently before placing our hands back on the centre console between us.

_"You take away the old and show me the new,_

_I feel like I can fly when I'm standing next to you."_

I sang softly. Her hand was trembling slightly in my own and I squeezed it gently "Don't be scared Bella. I will never ask you for more than you are ready to give."

"I'm confused. I don't know how I feel about you,"

I gave her hand another small squeeze "Can I give you some advice as a friend Bella?"

"Um...Sure,"

"Don't try so hard. A very beautiful woman, the most amazing woman I have ever met in my life told me once that I didn't have to try for her. I just had to be myself. It was the best advice I have ever been given. Just be yourself. You don't need to try to be the perfect mother, daughter, sister or friend. You are already all of those things. Your confidence and self esteem was shattered by a cowardly man who didn't show you how very important and irreplaceable you are. Juliet he was a fool to let you go and he didn't deserve you. Your heart is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You need to trust it as much as I do. It won't lead you astray. I promise you. Just... Be yourself because you are so beautiful and wise. Inside and out."

"I'm not perfect. It's dangerous for both of us for you to think of me like that. The fall from a pedestal like that..."

"If you can accept that I will make mistakes, I can accept the same about you Bella. Perfection isn't about being flawless; I think our flaws make up who we are. Perfection is about being true to yourself. That's all I'm trying to say. Be true to yourself. Trust yourself."

"I've always accepted your mistakes Edward more than I ever accepted my own...It didn't end so well."

My fingers lightly stroked her knuckles, but the gesture was more consoling than seductive "You need to try loving yourself Bella. Mistakes and flaws and good bits too. Trust the voice inside that you are trying so hard not to listen to." I hummed a few bars of my new song

_"I thought that the world had lost its sway_

_(its so hard sometimes)_

_Then I fell in love with you_

_(Then came you)_

_And you took that away_

_(it's not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)" _

I raised her hand and kissed it once more "The world isn't that difficult really Bella. It is what we make it." I turned to her and waited until her fearful eyes met mine. "It's scary to trust someone. It's even harder to love them and accept their love in return. Just take one step at a time, place one foot in front of the other and see where the road takes you beautiful girl." I wiped a stray tear off her cheek "Don't hold onto pain beautiful girl. Even if you decide you never want me as anything more than a friend, don't hold onto the pain. You are so breathtaking when you love... You eclipse the sun. Shine the way you were always meant to. Not for me, but for yourself."

"I don't know how to trust...I don't even trust my family,"

"I wish I could give you the answer Bella. I wish there was just a magic answer that would make the hurt go away, but the truth is no one can do it for you. You can choose to shoulder the burden of my mistakes for the rest of your life or you can accept that I'm the only one who was responsible for them. You couldn't fix me Bella. no one could. You think Aro cured me, that he filled a hole in me that you couldn't, but baby, all he did was force the bottle out of my hand, actually physically FORCE it from my hand. Bella if you had have tried to do that I would have hurt you or killed you. You weren't physically strong enough and you can't blame yourself for that, that's physics." I took her face gently in my hands "There was nothing you could do to help me. Nobody 'fixed' me; no body replaced you as the most important person in my life. That has never changed, not for one goddam second and if you never believe another word I say, believe that because nothing else has ever been more true. When things were the hardest for me was when the alcohol was gone and I could finally see clearly. That was when you saved me and you didn't even need to be with me to do that. The way you loved me, the happiness you gave me, it kept me going Bella. You gave me the strength to see the man that you had seen all along. Baby no one has ever been more important to me. You saved me Bella. You gave me the strength and the will to save myself. No one else could have done that. I trust you with my life, because you have kept me alive more times than you know. I don't know how else to tell you just how fucking incredible you are and it's heartbreaking to me that you can't see it anymore. "

"I kissed Jake. I tried to seduce him. I tried to commit adultery Edward. Do you still want me now? Now you know that while you were fighting for your life I was trying to be with another?"

_"There's something that I can't quite explain_

_I'm so in love with you_

_You'll never take that away_

_And if I said a hundred times before_

_Expect a thousand more_

_You never take that away"_

I sang bringing my forehead to touch hers.

_"Well expect me to be_

_Calling you to see_

_If you're ok when I'm not around_

_Asking if you love me_

_I love the way you make it sound_

_Calling you to see_

_Do I try too hard to make you smile_

_To make a smile"_

I pressed my lips gently against the corner of her mouth. "I already know Bella. I knew from the moment I saw you at the airport today. I saw the way you looked at Jake. Why won't you hear me? I love you. I won't ask you for more than you are able to give me. If I have to wait the rest of my life, I will do so." She opened her mouth to speak but I pressed my finger against her lips. "You don't get a choice in that Bella. That's my decision to make. I won't settle for second best, I won't pretend to be happy with another while my heart rests with you. Whether you want me or not, I'm yours. If you decide you only want me as a friend, I will spend the rest of my life being the best, most true friend I can to you. I will take you in any way I can and I will never press you for more."

"Why won't YOU SEE? You think you love me...But what happens when you realize too late that you were wrong? What happens when you decide I'm not what you want and you turn and walk out on me again? I...can't live like that again. Every time you walked away I told you it was the last time I was taking you back but I still did anyway and it nearly destroyed us both. What happens if this time it does actually kill one of us?"

"What if it doesn't? I don't know about you, but I don't want to live my life thinking 'what if?' what if I had been honest with Bella? What if I had told her I loved her? What if I told her it didn't matter to me that she kissed Jake, hell you could have slept with him Bella and I won't lie, it would have hurt. It hurts that you kissed him, but I've hurt you too. I know it will hurt me so much more not to have you in my life. You are it for me. There is no one else. For the first time in our relationship I can honestly, with every fibre of my being, say that there is NOTHING that we couldn't find a way through." The warning signal for the ferry sounded, alerting us to the fact that we were approaching the Island. Because I couldn't help myself, I kissed her cheek. Once and then twice. "There is no pressure Bella. But you have to know how I feel."

"I didn't mean to hurt you Edward...Me...Jake...I was just lost. Still am a bit."

I smiled "I know you didn't Bella. I never wanted to hurt you either." The ferry landed at the docks and I started the car "In the meantime, how about we get our little ones home and into bed and then you can let me entice you with my rabbit food Pizza?" I gave her a playful wink.

"Rabbit food pizza sounds good. I'm starving.

I navigated the car easily off the ferry and began the drive back home. "Well don't get your hopes to high. There is nothing with any real flavour on these pizzas. No bacon, no meatballs, no pepperoni... God that's torture. Now I want real food." I joked

"It sounds divine to this vegetarian...You need to embrace the rabbit food Edward...We were never designed to eat meat. Don't let the five plus a day beat you."

I pulled into the driveway, slightly proud of all the work I had done around the section. Once I would have hired a landscape designer or a gardener to come and do it, but this time I had done it all myself. I parked the car in the garage and got out to open Bella's door for her.

"Your RABBIT FOOD awaits my lady." I said with a chuckle.

"I like what you've done with the grounds,"

"You do?" I said proudly. "Well, that's probably lucky then. I kinda did a bit of remodelling inside too. Nothing major, just some new wallpaper and carpets I got a little bored." I confessed. "I know it's your house Bella, but I thought maybe a new look to go with some new memories?" Her eyes widened and she stared at me in shock. I laughed. "Your face is an open book. Everything you feel is written right there. If you get uncomfortable, just let me know. I can take you to your other house; it's not a big deal ok?"

"You change what you like Edward. It really doesn't bother me and I need to work on my poker face a bit more, I...I like what you've done to the place...You...you have your piano?"

I looked in the corner where the piano sat. "Yeah. I had it brought up from Wellington. I missed it a little to be honest, plus most of the stuff down there has been boxed up and put into storage." I stopped and ran a hand nervously through my hair.

I put down our bags and Bella followed me back out to the car where the twins were still fast asleep. I unbuckled a sleeping Matisse and picked her up, smiling as her hands curled into my hair once more even though she was sleeping. "I hope this means she likes me." I kissed her head and gently cradled her to my chest.

"I think it's safe to assume it was love at first sight Edward. She pretty much acted the same way Apple did the first time she met you."

I smiled at her above my daughters head "Yeah. I have a way with the ladies. The boys make me work for it though."

"It's true you have no trouble dazzling your daughters...And I wonder why the boys do that?"

I grinned "They aren't as impressed by my hair." I turned around so Bella could see where Matisse's fingers were entwined in my hair.

We made our way back inside and decided it would be better to let them sleep and feed them when they woke. We put them in their cribs and made our way back out to the kitchen. I quickly grabbed my pills off the counter top and took them, it was a bit late, but I didn't think it would really matter.

Bella sat down on one of the chairs and watched as I pulled the pre-prepared pizzas out of the fridge and placed them in the oven to cook.

"Can I get you a drink? I ordered some of your favourite wine..." Her eyes widened in worry and I rolled my own back at her with a friendly smile "IM not drinking any. I like the little functioning liver I have left thank you very much. But I know you used to enjoy a glass with dinner." She still looked pensive and I tried to reassure her "Bella. It's been sitting in the cupboard all week and I haven't touched it. I don't WANT to touch it. I WONT touch it. I'm not a slave to it anymore. Can I offer you a glass? Or you can drink the DELIGHTFUL wheat grass juice that Aro has me on. I'm sure it's what grass clippings strained with water tastes like." I frowned at the disgusting, noxious green fluid as I pulled the jug out of the fridge.

"I'm happy with the grass clippings. But thank you for thinking about me."

"If you're sure. Jesus this stuff smells foul." I sniffed the jug and scrunched my nose up in disgust. "Fuck Aro. I'm just going to have some fucking orange juice. It might be good for my liver, but my tastes buds are going to hate me if I do. I got some Charlie's in here if that sounds better to you." I pulled out the Charlie's orange juice and waggled my eyebrows. "So much better than wet grass." I earned a small laugh from her and it filled me with joy to hear.

I poured us both a glass of orange juice and we went and sat in the lounge while we waited for the pizzas.

"God I've missed Charlie's juice. They drink a lot of sweet tea in Nepal. I hate tea. You forget how easy we have in New Zealand until you travel. We're not only spoilt for choice here but we don't appreciate the ease and convenience of living in a free country affords us."

I nodded in agreement. It was more than true; we were spoilt in our country. "How is life in Nepal Bella? Are you happy there? Are the kids happy there?"

"The works really fulfilling it makes me happy. Louis seems to like it. Apple not so much but that has more to do with you not being there more than anything."

"I saw her. At the airport. She hit you. Why... I don't understand Bella. She seems so different. So angry. How long has she been acting that way?" I asked hesitantly. I knew that her behaviour was more than likely a result of my absence in her life, but I wondered how long Bella had been putting up with that kind of... well. Abuse.

"Since the day you left. She's angry because she blames me. She resents me for not allowing her to try and make you better."

It was as I had thought. "I'm sorry Bella. I don't know what to say, I want to fix this and make it easier for you but I'm not sure how to do that. To be honest, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with it comes to our children. I want to be the best father I can be, but I don't know how. I... need your help." I said honestly.

I watched her carefully for any signs of judgement or disappointment in my revelation. Previously in our relationship, I would never have admitted such a thing. I was always trying so hard to be the one that had it together. The problem solver in our relationship.

I wasn't going to make those mistakes again.

"Edward you were a natural with Louis and Apple it will be no different with Matisse and Noah. You know how to be a parent you've been one for four years now, just because you've been out of the loop for a year or so doesn't mean you've forgotten what you know about raising children. They need food, clothes, water and more importantly they need reassurance, love, guidance and stability. Apple's just too young to understand. She's hurting and she's lashing out. I'm hoping things will improve once you're back in her life. She's not going to let you go once she has you back though. The living in separate houses is still going to be hard on her and Louis. I'm not sure how we are meant to explain to them why we don't live together now that you're better."

"I don't know either. I guess we just answer their questions as they come up as truthfully as we can." I got up and took the pizzas from the oven cutting them up and bringing them out to the table in the lounge. "Hungry?" I asked smiling. She nodded and took a piece off the plate. I took my own and grimaced at the taste. It was fine... just bland. "I miss real food." I said wistfully.

"I feel for you...But these pizzas are fantastic. You ever thought about publishing a veggie cookbook?"

I narrowed my eyes at her playfully "Rub it in why don't you?" She laughed again and we chatted together easily while we finished both of the pizzas off.

The twins were still sleeping even though we both checked on them twice "Must be jetlag" I said as we came back to the lounge. I noticed Bella staring at the piano "Would you like me to play for you?" I asked.

"Yeah that would be nice,"

I grabbed her hand and lead her to the piano bench. "Then you will have to help me." I took her hands and placed them on the keys. "Here. Play these notes and I'll do the rest." I pressed her fingers down gently on the keys, showing her which ones to press in which order.

When I took my fingers away she tried it for herself and beamed at me as the room filled with the music that she had created. "You got it baby." I said. I looked out the window at the ocean as I began to play. "I wrote this song for you. Since your last visit."

"_There's something that I can't quite explain_

_I'm so in love with you_

_You'll never take that away_

_And if I said a hundred times before_

_Expect a thousand more_

_You never take that away_

_Well expect me to be_

_Calling you to see_

_If you're ok when I'm not around_

_Asking if you love me_

_I love the way you make it sound_

_Calling you to see_

_Do I try too hard to make you smile_

_To make a smile_

_Well I will keep calling you to see_

_If you're sleepin are you dreamin and_

_If you're dreamin are you dreamin of me_

_I can't believe_

_You actually picked...me_

_I thought that the world had lost its sway_

_(its so hard sometimes)_

_then I fell in love with you_

_(then came you)_

_And you took that away_

_(its not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)_

_You take away the old_

_Show me the new_

_And I feel like I can fly_

_When I stand next to you_

_So what if I'm on this phone_

_A hundred miles from home_

_I take the words you gave_

_And send them back to you_

_I only want to see_

_If you're ok when I'm not around_

_I will keep calling you to see_

_If you're sleepin are you dreamin and_

_If you're dreamin are you dreamin of me_

_I can't believe_

_You actually picked...me_

_Well I will keep calling you to see_

_If you're sleepin are you dreamin and_

_If you're dreamin are you dreamin of me_

_I can't believe_

_You actually picked...me_

_I will keep calling you to see_

_If you're sleepin are you dreamin and_

_If you're dreamin are you dreamin of me_

_I can't believe_

_You actually picked...me _

"Thank you for the song. It has a beautiful melody.'

EDWARD: I bumped my head against hers gently "I had beautiful inspiration" I said honestly.

Our eyes locked and I kept losing myself in them. Her eyes held the story of our tainted but beautiful past and the moment seemed to last a blissful eternity.

The sound of a baby crying broke the moment between us and I was up and out of my chair to see to the cause of our child's distress.

Matisse and Noah were both upset, Matisse becoming happy when she spied my face while Noah only seemed to get more distressed.

I picked Matisse up and she calmed at once, while although I smiled and tried to console Noah, he only screamed harder and reached out for Bella who had come out behind me and picked him up at once. She gave me a sad smile, but I shook it off. I knew things would take time with our children.

We fed the children some mashed vegetables and Bella spent most of her time laughing at my attempts to feed Matisse. She was intent on doing the same thing and would take the spoon off me every time I put it near her before shoving it towards my mouth.

I didn't have it in me to stop her and ended up with more mashed vegetables all over me than in ther tiny belly where it should have been.

"That's your Daddy," I hear Bella whisper to a distrustful Noah "can you say Dad? D..D..Dad, dad, dad," She smiled at him encouragingly.

"Dad...Dad...Dad," he repeated after her.

I dropped the spoon which Matisse promptly snatched up and mashed into my face. I wiped the food from my eyes and stared at Noah in shock. "Did he... Did he just call me Dad?" I asked Bella incredulously. She nodded with an amused look on her face and I broke out into a smile "That's right Noah. I'm your dad. The luckiest Dad in the world buddy." I said, my voice a little choked.

The time I had with Bella and the twins passed by in a blur. When spent our days together with Noah and Matisse and the only thing missing was Apple and Louis. We went to the beach, the park and the zoo. It was a wonderful time for me and I was miserable when it came time to say goodbye.

"Are you sure you guys have to leave?" I said morosely.

"I...We have to go...I had a really nice time with you Edward."

"If I said it a hundred times before, expect a thousand more Bella." I pulled her into my arms and hugged her to me tightly. "I'll miss you I said into her hair. I held her for a moment longer before letting her go. "Go. Before I beg you to stay," I said softly, looking at my feet in utter misery.

"Bye Edward..."

I hadn't left the airport. I was sitting there in my car staring morosely out the window. I didn't want to go home, Aro would be there, ready with one thousand questions and all kinds of well meaning snippets of advice. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate them, I just... Wanted to be alone in my misery. When my cellphone rang I jumped a mile in the air. I almost turned it off when I saw Bella's name flash across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Is everything ok Bella?" I was concerned. I didn't know why she would be calling me so soon.

"Will...Will you get on a plane and follow me to Nepal?"

I was already out of my car and walking back into the airport. "I'm buying a ticket now." I said rushing towards the nearest ticket counter.

"Can I help you sir?" She asked politely.

I need to be on your next flight to Nepal" I said and smiled when I heard Bella hiccup a laugh through the phone.

"Uh, the next flight leaves in six hours sir."

"Is that the earliest flight you have?" I said exasperation. She nodded at me and I slapped my credit card down on the counter.

She picked it up and stared at it for a moment before handing it back to me "That's on an economy flight sir. I can check for the next first class if you like."

I frowned and shoved my credit card back at her. "I don't care if you can only fit me in the cargo hold. I need to be on the next flight to Nepal."

"Oh. Uh, my apologies."

I put the phone back to my ear. "I can leave in six hours Bella."

"...I'll be waiting... I...I miss you Edward."

I closed my eyes and smiled as she said that. I had been waiting so long for her to say those words to me. "I miss you too Bella. I'm coming Juliet. I'll call you from the airport ok? I have to run home and get my passport and I guess some clothes." I laughed at little at my impetuosity.

"Kay, I'll see you soon."

**A/N: We hoped you enjoyed and the next update in a couple of weeks. Promise :). Feel free to let us know what you thought. You know how we love your feedback to sweeten or bitter our morning coffee...lol.**


	51. Chapter 51

Hi there. Just wanted to write you and let you know what's happening with the angel story. Due to circumstances beyond my control I am going to be taking a short hiatus from this story whilst I get legal advice on ownership and publishing rights. Greenaway will no longer take any part in the writing of this story and I wish her well in whatever she chooses to do next.

I will keep you informed about when I will be able to come back and finish the last couple of chapters. I hope to have the legal matter resolved within a few weeks and thank you for your patience.

Cinnamon :)


	52. Hold on I'm coming My Juilet

**A/N:** Hi there. Sorry it's taken me so long to come through with the update, it took longer than I anticipated to find the motivation to revisit this seemingly never ending nightmare. But good news the end is near, you get the last three chapters all at once. Its either feast or famine with this story!

I'd like to thank those of you who took time to review the last chapter and to those of you who have stood by this story from the very start.

**I'd like to public****ally acknowledge Greenaway's work in this chapter.**

Thank you to the beautiful **Sassy** for editing this chapter and for just being the awesome person that you are. _xx_

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight and all related characters. Cinnamon Twist & Greenaway co-own an angel at my table. Any music used is the sole property of the respective owners. **

**Hold On I'm coming My Juliet...**

**BELLA'S POV:**

I stood nervously wringing my hands together in the middle of Nepal's international airport, it felt like a million butterflies had been released in my stomach and they were all fluttering their wings frantically their disjointed rhythm made me feel ill.

My eyes were trained on the passenger exit and my gaze roamed over every face, disappointment flooded through me when Edward's Angel Face wasn't amongst them.

A wave of fear crashed over me.

Maybe Edward wasn't on the plane. Maybe he had decided at the last minute not to come or maybe he'd finally come to his senses and realized that I wasn't what he wanted.

I shuddered violently at the thought. I wasn't sure how I'd cope if he rejected me again.

The familiar feelings of self loathing and worthlessness did their best to drag me down and they would have succeeded if Edward hadn't suddenly appeared in the sea of faces.

He broke into my favourite heart stopping smile and my heart skipped a beat in response.

Tears pooled in my eyes as the heady sense of relief flooded through me. He was here. He had followed me when I asked him. He did want me.

I watched him approach through the hazy film of tears and blinked rapidly allowing them to spill over.

"Hey you," He said as he came to a stop in front of me.

"Hey yourself," I mumbled. The tears were relentless now but I smiled as I took a step forward and wrapped my arms around him.

I brushed my lips across his, smiling a little when my heart stuttered as I was jolted by the electricity that shot through me when our lips touched.

Edward tightened his grip on me pulling me against his body and I sighed softly, for the first time in a very long time something actually felt right.

"Why are you crying?" He asked softly wiping away my tears with gentle fingertips

"I'm crying because I'm happy you're here," I said thickly, "_It felt wrong leaving you behind_." My voice was barely a whisper but by the smile on his face I knew he'd heard me. He brought his lips to mine again in the softest of kisses and my long dormant heart took off in a sprint.

"I've always been with you Bella. Just like you've always been with me. I've found my happiness Bella." He murmured against my cheek "You take it with you wherever you go."

My heart throbbed again; it was hard to describe what it felt like to be back in Edward's embrace, it felt like every time I stepped off the plane in New Zealand and smelt the familiar salty air, it felt like home.

Home it's where I wanted to be.

"So shall we blow this popsicle stand?" I asked shyly.

Edward's arm snaked around my waist pulling me into his side as we walked from the airport and I marvelled at how perfectly I still moulded into the contours of his body...

...Edward yawned a few times as I drove towards my home and his eyes finally drifted closed as he succumbed to sleep. I turned off the radio and just listened to the sound of his breathing, the familiarity of the rhythm was like a long forgotten melody.

The sound of it made me smile.

After so many months of continuous struggle I finally felt like my face had broken the surface of the muddy depths of despair, and I luxuriated in finally being able to breathe again. Although I wasn't sure things between Edward and I were going to work out; the fact of the matter was I was prepared to try. I was under no illusion that it would be easy to give him my heart again.

I pulled the car into the private driveway that would lead directly to the cottage I called home. As much as I didn't want to wake Edward I couldn't leave him asleep in the vehicle, Night time in Nepal could get very cold. I stared at him for a protracted moment before gently shaking him awake.

His eyes snapped open and he blinked rapidly a frown creased his forehead as he shook his head, he was obviously disorientated.

Once he'd got his bearings he looked over at me sleepily and apologized...

"You don't need to apologize for falling asleep Edward. I am sorry however for having to wake you but I'm fairly certain you'll find the bed in the spare room more comfortable than sleeping in the car." I said quietly hoping he would pick up the words _spare room_.

The house was ghostly quiet when we walked through it; Edward looked around curiously as I led him through the lounge and down the hallway. I stood back and allowed him to step into the bedroom before me. A moment of Panic swept through me when Edward pulled me into the room and shut the door behind us. Before I could say anything I was back in his arms and he was kissing me.

My body tensed automatically as fear flooded the pit of my stomach. As much as I wanted Edward back in my life I wasn't ready to be intimate with him again. I wanted to be absolutely sure that we were doing the right thing for us both before we took things any further. He seemed to interpret my reaction and quickly reassured me that he would never ask more of me than I was ready to give. I was grateful because I still wasn't a hundred percent sure of what I could give him.

My heart wanted to be his but my head was forcing me to tread lightly, to move with caution.

"Thank you Edward. It's still frightening you know."I tried to explain. The last thing I wanted was to hurt him anymore than I had already but I would not just jump blindly back into the fire.

Edward kissed the tip of my nose, "I know it is. You aren't going to trust me again overnight Bella. I don't expect that and I don't think...you should either. Baby steps Juliet. I can wait forever." He said softly, alleviating some of my acute fears, he was prepared to wait, to allow me to take my time and set my own pace.

I smiled up at him, "Baby steps sound good. You really need to get some sleep; you'll need all your energy to keep up with Apple once she sees you again."

Edward collapsed on the bed, "I can't...wait." He said sleepily.

"Good night Edward," I said softly as I turned off the light and shut the door quietly behind me...

...Even though Edward was here I kept to my usual routine. The house was in its normal state of chaos, it happened every morning; the level of noise four energetic children made could wake the dead.

Thankfully Edward had not woken; I needed some more time to prepare myself for his reintegration into our children's lives. Although I was sure I was doing the right thing I was still scared, that fear twisted my stomach painfully. So much could go _wrong_.

I pushed the fear away; I didn't want to keep second guessing myself. I had made my decision to try with Edward and I was going to stick to it. I would not put us or our children through anymore unnecessary heart ache...

...Once everyone was fed and dressed Leah took the kids to the kindergarten whilst Jake and I spent the morning in our classrooms, I was so preoccupied I struggled to keep my mind on my students. My attempt to teach them about the 'Krebs Cycle,' was turning into a disaster, several times I had found myself staring out the window in the direction of my house thinking about how Edward was there waiting for me, waiting for Apple and Louis. Fear and self doubt begun to creep through me; trying once more to pull me beneath the surface. I shook off the negativity; I could not allow fear to rule my life anymore. It was not healthy for me or my children. I had made my decision; I would not second guess it.

The morning seemed to drag on forever and for the first time since I had come to Nepal I found myself breathing a sigh of relief when the bell for lunch finally chimed. I had never felt so impatient for my classes to end.

I met Jake, Leah and my children like I did everyday for lunch in the dining hall.

Jake and I spent the whole time in whispered conversation about Edward and what I had planned for the afternoon.

"_I'm really happy for you and Edward, Bella. And I'm proud of you for facing your fears and taking the leap of faith." _He said in a barely audible whisper, his eyes focused not on me but Apple.

"_You think I'm doing the right thing?"_ I asked him hesitantly second guessing myself once more, it was so ingrained in me to do so now. I valued and trusted Jakes opinion more than anyone else's.

He reached out to pat my hand reassuringly, _"Yeah Bells I do. I know he made a mistake and hurt you. But I don't think he'd EVER, make the same mistakes again. He loves you Bella and he loves his kids."_

I had to believe that Edward would not repeat the mistakes of the past; I had to believe he would do right by his children, by me, _"Yeah I know. Thanks Jake."_ I looked over at Leah who was wiping Matisse's face and hands, "Leah would you like to take the kids out to their garden? I will meet you out there shortly."

"Of course Bella," She gave me a warm smile which I reciprocated at once. She was a warm and loving person with a generous heart.

I had always thought Jake and Cherie were a good match until I saw him and Leah together. Leah absolutely adored Jake, every time she looked at him it shone clearly on her face. She just lit up.

And he was just as smitten.

Aro had been right. Had I chosen Jake I would have deprived him of finding his truest of true loves; I would have deprived him of Leah. And I would have deprived Edward and more importantly myself.

Edward's beautiful face filled my mind and I was suddenly out of my chair and telling Louis and Apple I would see them in the garden in a few minutes before rushing back to my house...

...I could hear Edward's muffled voice coming from the kitchen and I wondered who was here with him. It was a couple of seconds before I realized that the conversation was one sided, he was speaking to someone on the phone.

_"Mum its FINE. If we fight, we will deal with it ok? I'm not going to hit the booze, I'm not going to off myself, I'm happy ok? For the first time in a long time I'm HAPPY. Just... Don't worry about me ok? I'm fine, everything is fine."_

I froze in the doorway and the familiar feeling of panic swept through me. I wasn't Esme's favourite person and I doubted very much that she would be pleased Edward was here with me.

She was worried I'd drive him back to the bottle, just like I'd driven him to it the first time.

My heart crashed against my ribs and that tiny voice inside me that questioned everything I did started to chant '_are you sure you know what you're getting yourself into?'_

No I didn't know what I was getting into. But at this point I was prepared to take a leap of faith.

Edward heard me in the doorway he looked up and smiled his emerald eyes brightening immediately. His eyes continued to lighten as they roamed over my face. I gave him a nervous smile from the doorway as he ended his conversation with his mother.

"Sorry beautiful, she's kinda changed a bit like I said before. So much BOSSIER now... I hope you don't mind, I helped myself." He said as soon as he got off the phone.

I gave him a small smile, "She cares about you; you could have done worse. I hope she's not too angry you're here...And you're welcome to help yourself. There's lots of fruit and veggies, all grown here on the estate and my students make the best yoghurt in Nepal," I said proudly. "So I guess you'll be wanting to see the kids? They're in Apple and Louis' Garden."

"They have their own garden do they? I would love to see them... Do you think... It's not going to set them back or anything is it? I don't want to hurt them anymore than I already have." He asked suddenly nervous.

"Edward having you in their lives never hurt them, it's your absence that did that. As long as you're sure this is what you want. Parenthood's a lifelong commitment. Are you really positively sure YOU are ready?" I questioned him.

I fought of the pangs of anxiety in my stomach. I needed to trust myself to know what was best for my children.

"I'm a little scared." He confessed "But I'm ready. Ready but scared."

I smiled reassuringly, "You'll do fine Edward; just remember these are your children they love you more than anything and you love them. Its gonna be ok." I walked over to where he was sitting wrapped my arms tightly around him. I kissed the top of his head, "Thank you for sharing your fears with me." I said softly.

"So I don't sound like a loser who doesn't have his shit together?" He asked quietly.

"Well you don't sound like you have it completely together but that's ok. And you don't sound like a loser either." I teased him. "So let's go Romeo there's a couple of little people who have been deprived of your company far too long."

I took Edward's hand and led him down the pathway that would take us to Apple's little piece of solitude. I spun the prayer wheel at the entrance of her garden.

Everybody who entered it had to spin it so that it sent out the prayers she had stored in there for Edward.

Neither Louis or Apple heard our approach.

"I like the green ones." Edward whispered as he came up behind them. They were sitting under one of the many towering Pipal trees that resided in the garden. The colourful prayer flags strung between their tree and the next fluttered in the breeze.

Apple's head whipped around at the sound of his voice.

She stared at him wide eyed for the longest moment, her cherubic face a mask of shocked disbelief; she blinked rapidly before reaching out to touch him.

I understood she needed to see if he was more than a figment of her imagination. I wondered how many times a day she had thought about this reunion.

Her fingers brushed his cheek and the most ear splitting scream tore from her throat. She threw herself into her father's arms, her tiny arms laced around his neck in a vice like grip locking herself in place against his chest.

She held his face tightly in her hands; just like she hd done the first time they'd met. My eyes brimmed with tears.

"DADDY...APPLE DADDY..." She screeched excitedly, "My daddy all better now. Apple Daddy better and you came home. My mummy _not _let me make my Daddy better. I make you all better my Daddy. Just me. Apple love my Daddy. Just my Daddy. I miss you. You not sick now. I make you better."

She held his face in her hands forcing him to look at her; it reminded me of the first time they had met. The intensity of her stare as she looked into his eyes had a lump forming in my throat, she still worshipped him.

Apple continued to stare at him, still stunned, for another moment then her face broke into the first smile I had seen her wear in longer than I cared to remember.

She glowed with happiness; all the sorrow instantly wiped from her features. Her face looked angelic.

I swallowed back the lump and shook off the feelings of jealousy trying to steal through me; it wasn't fair for me to let my resentment ruin this moment for Apple and Edward.

She leaned forward and kissed his lips before raining kisses all over his face.

I looked down at Louis who was watching Edward wearily, unlike Apple Louis exercised caution. I scooped him into my arms and kissed his cheek.

"You want to go and say hi to Daddy?" I asked him quietly.

He buried his face against my neck but kept his eyes on Edward,

_"Daddy?"_ He whispered.

"Hey little man...I'm very sorry that I let you down son." Edward said softly.

Louis continued to watch him silently and I could tell by Edward's face he was hurt at his son's reaction.

"It's ok Louis." I said soothingly into his mass of brown curls, "Remember Daddy was sick but he's better now. He can be your daddy now."

I took a step closer to Edward and gave Louis a reassuring smile. I could feel him starting to relax in my arms.

"My daddy," he said quietly, reaching his hand out for Edward's.

The second their hands touched Louis threw himself into his father's arms.

As soon as I saw my children back in their father's embrace I knew I had made the right decision. For all of us.

At the reappearance of her father Apple's possessive side kicked in and she began to demand his undivided attention,

"Apple show my daddy his prayer flags and show my daddy his prayer wheel?" She demanded putting her hands on Edward's face and turning him away from Louis...

We spent the afternoon in Apple's garden as a family. Apple monopolized Edward's attention as much as she could, showing him every single aspect of her garden, everything that before this moment she hadn't cared about.

She even showed him the rocks that edged her fish pond, it seemed no detail was too insignificant not to mention!

Louis seemed quite happy to let Apple have the lime light, he just held onto Edward saying nothing and stealing glances at him every now and again.

Noah, seeing his elder brother and sister embracing Edward so wholly seemed to finally find his confidence and happily followed them around, as did Matisse. They were however forced to stay on the fringes, while Apple allowed Louis close to Edward her generosity didn't extend to her younger siblings.

Anytime Matisse or Noah got too close to Edward she would glare at them and they would take a step back.

Normally I would never have condoned her behaviour but I couldn't help but indulge her, she had been waiting a long time for this reunion. I wouldn't take the happiness of the occasion away from her with stern words about sharing.

By the time we arrived back at the cottage we were actually starting to resemble a happy family...

"No mummy not you put me to bed. Only my Daddy. I make my Daddy better." Apple protested grumpily. My customary exasperated sigh passed my lips as I looked down at the determined face of my eldest daughter. I was too tired to argue with her and I knew there wasn't going to be any point. I doubted Apple was ever going to let me put her to bed again nor let Edward out of her sight again.

She had not let him go since she had gotten back into his arms. She still hadn't let him near Matisse or Noah; only Louis was still allowed within a ten meter radius of her and Edward.

"Ok Apple Dad can put you to bed." I conceded as if I really had any choice in the matter.

"Not my mummy. She mean to Apple. My mummy not let Apple make her daddy better." She complained to Edward.

"I guess you're on bedtime duties, for the next ten years," I half joked. I didn't want him to see how much it hurt me that Apple blamed me for his absence in her life.

I left Edward to organize Apple and went to check on Matisse and Noah; they still saw me as their number one parent. I kissed them both and pulled the blankets up around them before switching on their nightlight. The room was cast in a soft glow that gave it a warm inviting feeling; I would have happily curled in the arm chair and stayed here all night if Edward hadn't been here with me.

It was almost impossible to comprehend that he was here, in my little sanctuary, or more so that I had invited him here. I was still a little confused about what I wanted with Edward, my clearly drawn lines were now so blurred it was hard to remember exactly what they were.

I closed the door silently behind me and made my way up the hallway. I could hear Edward's quiet voice coming from Apple's bedroom; I stopped at her door to listen. My eyes brimmed with tears as I listened to him explain to Apple how it wasn't me keeping her away from him.

Whilst she was listening to her father her eyes, so full of anger, were firmly on mine. I tried to remember that she was too young to understand but it still cut deep that she blamed me. I hoped one day when she was older she would finally understand.

It was a hope I clung to.

Apple looked back at her Edward and I quickly wiped away the tear as it slid down my cheek. I wanted to go and hug my daughter but when she looked back at me her eyes were still full of mistrust.

"G...Goodnight Apple...Sweet...dreams," I choked out as I fled down the hallway...

...I sat twisting my hands idly as I waited for Edward. He still hadn't emerged from Apple's room though he'd gone to put her to bed at least an hour ago. I was about to go looking for him when the phone rang. I hurried into the kitchen and snatched up the receiver silencing the racket it made before it woke the kids.

"Hello," I said in a whisper though there was no real need to.

"Bella its Carlisle how are you?" The familiar and welcomed voice asked. I smiled at the sound of it.

"I'm good thanks Carlisle. How are you doing?" I could guess the reason for his call.

"I'm good Bella, healthy so I can't complain." He chortled, "How are my adorable grandchildren?" He asked with undisguised longing, he _missed_ them. I hated that he was unable to spend time with them.

"They're great. So much happier now they have their back. Edward's just putting them to bed now." I smiled at how _right_ that sounded.

"I'm glad to hear that. So...so everything's going ok with Edward? Are you alright having him there?" Carlisle asked his voice was now laced with concern.

Carlisle had become an integral part of my life. He had been as bigger support to me as Jake had and I trusted him without question. He was always in my corner and he always stuck up for me when Esme started playing the blame game, no matter what it cost him personally.

"The kids are ecstatic to have him back. And I'm happy he's here to." I qualified.

"That's good Bella. You know I worry about you?" He said with unmistakable sincerity. I couldn't help but smile, it felt nice to hear my father in law express his concern for me.

"Yeah I know you do Carlisle. And I appreciate it and everything else you've done for me." I was sure he could hear the _sincerity_ in my voice.

"Thank you Bella and it's my pleasure... So...if you don't mind me asking are you Edward getting back together?" I could hear the reluctance in his voice and I knew immediately that Esme was there prompting him to question me.

Fury ignited in me at the thought.

Esme needed to back off and stop using Carlisle to fish for information that neither Edward nor I wanted to share with her. I would have flatly refused to him just so Esme was kept in the dark about what was going on but I couldn't do that to Carlisle. He was in a horrid position because of me and I would do anything to make it easier on him, even if that meant giving Esme the answers she craved.

"To be honest Carlisle we haven't really had a chance to discuss it. I'm not really sure where we stand at this point, but I do know that we won't do anything to harm each other. We will discuss it rationally and if we think its better that we stay apart then that's what we'll do. And if that happens then we'll do it amicably and we'll remain friends for our children. Whatever happens we are committed to doing what's best for us as individuals and as parents to our kids...And Carlisle; I promise I will let you know as soon as we've decided."

"I'm...I'm sorry Bella," he murmured.

I realized Esme must have been out of earshot now she knew he'd asked the question she couldn't.

"It's fine Carlisle. Please don't apologize. I know Esme's worried about Edward, but I promise whatever happens it's not going to turn into a shit fight. So...Is anything else happening I should know about?" I asked not so subtly changing the subject.

"Yes," he answered his voice turning reluctant, wary, "the reason for my call was to let you know they have set a trial date for Tanya's trial. It's scheduled for the second of June. Our lawyers want you back in New Zealand by the end of this month to go over everything." My blood turned to ice in my veins, "I'm so sorry Bella. I hate having to tell you this. I hate knowing you have to relive this nightmare." He said quietly

I froze, my muscles going rigid in fear. A violent shudder rolled through me as the image of Tanya's cruel sneering face flashed behind my eyes. I felt sick, the terror twisted my stomach painfully. I took a shuddering breath, trying to force air into my flattened lungs, as I fought to maintain some sort of control.

"So...So...I...I still have to testify against her then?" I choked out already knowing that I couldn't get out of it. Carlisle had tried everything to avoid me having to go on the witness stand.

My hands shook so badly I dropped the phone. I scrambled to pick up putting it to my ear just as Carlisle confirmed my worst fear.

"Yes I'm afraid so. But Bella you have nothing to worry about. Our case against her is absolutely water tight. There's no way she's going to get off this. I will personally make sure she doesn't" Under the layers of total optimism and confidence in his voice there was a subtle edge of menace, the kind of menace that used to strike fear in the very heart of me, it was a touch of the old Carlisle, the ruthless one that would stop at _nothing_ to crush his enemies. I shivered violently but I was glad to know that Carlisle was in my corner fighting for me, not against me.

"I...I hope you're right." I said with no confidence. It wouldn't surprise me with my horrid luck that the crazy bitch would beat the charges against her.

"Bella please don't worry about Tanya. She's not going to be getting out of jail anytime soon. Our lawyers are expecting her to get at least twenty years without parole. That's what they're going to ask for as a minimum sentence anyway. They seem fairly confident they'll get it...Although I have to say she deserves twice that sentence." Carlisle said bitterly.

"_As long as she can't hurt Edward anymore then I don't care how long they lock her up for..."_ I whispered.

"She'll never hurt either of you ever again. I promise you that Bella." He said the hint of menace becoming more pronounced.

I quickly changed the subject, asking about Emmett and Jasper, not wanting to talk about _her _for another second. Although I knew it was too late, the mere mention of her name would see her in my nightmares tonight. I shuddered at the thought; it had been a long time since I imagined her gaunt yet evil looking face.

We chatted idly for a few more minutes before we said our goodbyes...

...Edward had finally made it out of Apple's room and was sitting on the couch. My mind was awash with conflict and images of Tanya, I moved unconsciously through the room while trying to force them from my mind.

"Hey you," I said automatically as I took a seat next to him, "Thank you for trying with Apple. she's just hurting. She'll come round once she realizes you're not going anywhere...So Carlisle just phoned..."

Saying Carlisle's name brought everything into sharper focus gave me a moments clarity from the chaos raging inside me. I looked down at my hands and was not surprised to see I was wringing them together; it was a trait I had picked up and did unconsciously when I was scared or overly anxious.

And I was scared. I was petrified to mention _Tanya_ to Edward. Just speaking her name was toxic and I was frightened that if I said it; her venom would spread through his veins poisoning him once more.

But he had to know. But how did I tell him?

Like the pitiful coward I was I wished I had asked Carlisle to tell Edward, but just as swiftly I realized it wouldn't matter who delivered the news to Edward his reaction would be the same.

_His reaction_, it terrified me just as much as the mention of Tanya's name did.

_What if Edward did have melt down? _

How would I be able to protect myself and my children if he lost the plot and flew into a violent rage? I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to fight off the full blown panic attack threatening to engulf me, scrambling desperately to find some way to keep myself from flipping out completely.

Jake's face filled my mind and I groaned in relief. Jake was here, he would come to my aid should I need it. He would be able to physically restrain Edward; he would be able to protect me.

I hadn't realized I had wrapped my arms tightly around myself and had begun to rock back and forth until Edward's hands gently gripped my shoulders instantly ceasing the motion. A small sob forced itself from my throat. I just wanted all of this to end. Tanya, Esme, Edward, Apple, all the hurt, terror and confusion I just wanted it to stop.

I was at the point of wanting out of my life.

"Sshh," Edward said as he wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me into his embrace and ran his hands soothingly through my hair.

"Are you feeling ok now?...He asked after a few minutes. He pulled back from me his concerned eyes meeting mine. "Do you want to talk about it?"

New thoughts bubbled to the forefront of my mind giving me new fears and further confusing me. My body had relaxed in Edward's embrace though it was him I feared.

It made no sense.

I was so bewildered by the pull of the conflicting emotions I couldn't make a rational decision. Did I really believe Edward was going to hurt me? Was I truly scared of him or was just scared of fear itself? I didn't know. I tried to rock again but Edward's arms were still on my shoulders.

I didn't know what to do.

_He needed to know._

But how did I tell him? How did I even force her name from my lips?

My eyes glazed over as I fought to stop my mind shutting down on itself, it was too much.

I was shocked to suddenly find myself on the other side of the room. I hadn't realized I had moved away from him until I noticed him watching me from his same position on the couch, I was now standing in the doorway leasing to the kitchen.

Subconsciously I had moved to an exit. I had given myself an escape route. It relaxed me ever so slightly, to know on the other side of the kitchen was the backdoor; it would take me less than ten steps to reach it.

My gaze stayed locked on Edward's; I tried to ignore the hammering of my heart and regain some sort of control. One way or the other I had to say the words and face his _reaction_.

There was no way around it, he needed to know. He _deserved_ to know.

Neither of us moved an inch, my eyes watched every minute shift in Edward's body; he was as frozen as I was. I tried to summon the courage to force the words from my mouth. It was Louis' face that filled my mind.

My beautiful son had so much strength; his courage was infinitely more than my own. Louis and Apple, Matisse and Noah also, they were all so strong.

I drew my own strength from them.

I forced myself to take a deep breath, "I...I have to go back to New Zealand...They have set a date for...for...Ta...Ta...The trial," I stuttered, I couldn't bring myself to say her name. It did not really matter though I knew Edward would know what I was talking about, "I have to testify."

My body tensed, the muscles locking down as my sympathetic nervous system took over, adrenalin flowed through my body, my flight, fright, fight, instinct kicked into action. I was suddenly aware of everything, acutely so, there was danger here and my senses were alert and preparing me.

Edward suddenly stood up and slowly started to make his way toward me and fear bubbled up in the pit of my stomach. I took half a step back into the kitchen preparing to run, as the flight instinct took control. The small step must have been obvious because Edward suddenly stopped and returned to his seat.

He made slow and deliberate movements, bringing his hands to rest on his knees. His keen eyes were completely focused on me, the expression on his face showed nothing but concern.

I watched him warily.

"Are you afraid of seeing Tanya again, or are you afraid of something else Bella?" He asked quietly.

I never relaxed even though Edward was be completely calm and totally in control. My eyes stayed locked on him categorizing every minute shift in his body and facial expression. He sat completely still, his hands never moving from his knees, I could feel nothing threatening in his aura.

His question, although asked softly, made me flinch. He wanted to know if I was frightened of him. I still couldn't make sense of my conflicting emotions and reactions, nothing made sense. I took a deep breath desperately trying to keep the last vestiges of my self control whilst keeping my eyes firmly on his.

Was I truly still scared of him?

It took me no time to answer my question. _No I wasn't scared of him._ I answered silently. If I had truly been frightened I would never have invited him into my home.

My fear came more from the fact I could no longer anticipate his reactions.

He was so different now and it was a struggle to find some of the old Edward, some of_ my_ Edward. I had no idea if that made any sense. My confusion peaked and I was goaded into speech,

_"How could I not be __afraid of her__? I...I'm not sc__ared of you Edward.__ I'm scared of how you're going to react." _I confessed.

He kept his eyes on mine, they were soft, understanding, I could see no anger in them.

"Well," he said evenly, "how about I tell you how the information you just gave me, makes me feel? To start with I'm scared. For you. I'm worried about you having to face her again in a courtroom, in ANY room. I would like so very much to stop that from ever happening, but it is not within my power to do so. The only thing I can do is support you through this. I can stand beside you the whole way if you want me too." He said earnestly,

"Tanya...She doesn't scare me like she used to. See, I used to think she would never be happy until she had destroyed me and she knew the best way to do that was through you. That was always my biggest fear, you being hurt or worse _dying_ because of me. She really was the fucking monster in my closet, but one day, I realised... She is just a very sick, very fucking twisted woman and I refuse to let her win. She WANTS me to be miserable and hurt, just like she does. And I played into that. I did my best to systematically destroy my life thinking I was doing the right thing, when all I was doing was letting her win. I'm not going to do that anymore. Tanya is nothing to me. I don't fear her. I don't pity her. I feel... nothing. She is just a bad memory and once this court case is done, I'm hoping that she will be simply a bad memory to you too. This really doesn't affect me Bella. The only part that worries me is how it affects YOU."

I shook off the anger that flared up inside me at Edward saying his biggest fear was me being hurt or dying. He still didn't realize that _Nothing _Tanya had inflicted on me had come close to what he had done. What I suffered at his hands was infinitely worse.

But I wasn't going to go down that road; no good would come of it.

I thought about what Edward said about it not affecting him and I wondered if he'd actually thought that through before he said it.

He wanted to support me but how could I allow him into that courtroom? I would not allow it, especially if he hadn't truly thought it through.

"Have you thought about having to sit in that courtroom and listen to a blow by blow account of what Tanya did to me that day? Have you thought for one second what that's going to do to _you_. Do you think I want you to have your head filled with horrific images that are going to haunt you for the rest your life? Do you think I want to be the cause of _your_ suicidal hate again?" I asked him beseechingly.

Edward had to be realistic. It was easy for him to sayit didn't affect him but he didn't really know how he was going to react when he saw Tanya again? And he had no idea what he'd do when he heard in clinical details of what happened before he got there.

I closed my eyes; screwing them up in an effort to fight off the weight of utter desolation trying to crush me.

"Bella. I haven't forgotten what she did to you." Edward said softly, "Those images will be with me till the day I die and I wish that they had never happened. But they did. I can't change it now. Neither can you. Just like you can't change what happened afterwards. You keep trying to shoulder the blame. _You_ didn't cause my mental decline and_ you_ didn't force the bottle into my hand. I made mistakes and I accept them and the consequences. But I won't be ruled by my mistakes anymore. I won't be ruled by fear anymore. I'm living my life for today and for tomorrow, not for yesterday."

Edward still hadn't worked out for _me_ to react like this was an automatic reflex. It was my defence mechanism. He was the only one who could destroy me and I would do anything and everything I knew to protect myself and my children.

_"I...I don't know...I don't know what to do...So hard to trust myself...So Hard to believe what you say."_ I whispered. I was so lost I felt like I was floating out of control in the centre of a black hole.

He was suddenly in front of me; gently he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. "One day at a time my sweet girl. One day at a time. It's all your choice, remember? If you want me there, I will be there, if you don't, then I will be waiting for you. I love you Bella. I love you so much and I don't want to ever hurt you again. Just tell me what you need and I will do my best to fulfil those needs." Edward said softly kissing the top of my head.

I squeezed my eyes shut, burrowing my face against his chest, as I tried to fight off the utter misery from dragging me under the surface, "I don't know what I need. I...I just need help" I choked out...

Edward's arms flexed around me pulling me closer, "Bella. You need to talk to someone. You need a safe person to let all this out to before it eats you alive." He said gently.

My arms snaked around his waist and I all but soldered myself to him, "I need you Edward. I need you to stay with me and never leave. Will you promise me? I mean swear to me on the lives of our children you will never hurt me, swear you'll never leave me again..." I pleaded into his chest.

I took several deep breaths. His scent saturated my lungs and the tightness in my chest eased. The smell of him brought with it a flood of memories of times when I felt safe and invincible in his arms and I desperately wanted to feel like that again.

"I promise you Bella. I will be here for you as long as you want me, I will be here and I won't leave..." I allowed Edward to tilt my face toward his, "I swear Isabella Cullen. I swear I will be the best husband and father I can be," I let his promise sink beneath my defences. There was no way to doubt his sincerity; it burned brightly in his eyes and his voice was drenched with it.

_"I want you to be my husband,"_ I whispered.

Edward gasped quietly, "Do you mean it Bella?" He murmured, "Are you sure?" His green eye bore into mine, searching for what it was I truly wanted. He would find the truth in my eyes.

"Yes, I mean it..." and I did. Deep in my soul I knew that Edward being my husband was what I wanted, what I needed.

His intense gaze held mine and his face breaking into my favourite smile, and my heart stuttered in response. "Thank you... Thank you for making me the happiest man alive." He said fervidly as he brought his mouth to mine.

Edward's kiss left me breathless from the sheer intensity of it. It felt like he reaffirming his promise, asking my forgiveness, and reassuring me I was the only one that owned and would ever own his heart. My fingers laced through his hair holding his face to mine. I wished we could stay suspended in this moment. The second the thought entered my mind it was washed away by the sounds of Apples terrified scream and her calling out for Edward.

I pulled my mouth from his with a heavy sigh, "Are you alright to go to her? No one else will be able to settle her now she knows you're here..."

He nodded giving me another quick but very sweet kiss before hurrying from the room...

...Edward still hadn't returned from Apple's room after an hour and when I went to see if he'd gotten her back to sleep I found him lying on her bed with both Louis and Apple curled up in his arms.

All three of them were sleeping soundly.

I watched them for a few minutes through my tears. Seeing Apple with her arms tightly wrapped around Edward's neck and Louis half wedged between his father and sister I knew I had made the right decision to allow him back into their lives.

We needed to be together as a family there was no other way for us.

I blew them a silent kiss whispered a prayer for them and left the room.

I checked on Matisse and Noah who were sleeping soundly and made my way to bed...

I knew I didn't have to worry about leaving Edward home with the kids but I did anyway, it was force of habit. I breathed in the crisp salt air as I hurried up the sand dunes and back toward the house.

We had been home from Nepal less than an hour but I just had to go and feel the sand between my toes. I had missed Waiheke and the beach and the clean salt air so ventured onto the beach to take a moment for myself.

A slow smile spread over my face as I made my back toward our house. I had left Edward in charge but I was pretty sure Apple would be showing him exactly how she looks after her brother and sister. I could imagine her forcing Edward to watch her change nappies and how to mix the baby formula properly...

The smile slid from my face as I walked into the driveway and saw an unfamiliar car parked there. I couldn't imagine who would be visiting us. No one knew we were even home yet.

I took another couple of steps and a person stepped from behind the car.

He was familiar though I had never met the child he held in his arms. I stopped midstep and eyed Demetri warily. He smiled widely when he saw me and guilt welled up inside me. Demetri was caught in the middle of the mess that was mine, Edward and Irina's broken friendship.

"Well hello there stranger." I was surprised at how light and friendly his tone of voice was. I was expecting the hostility of his wife to have rubbed off on him, "Bet I'm the last person you expected to see here"

I could not disagree with him; he was the last person I was expecting to see.

"Hey...Demetri," I mumbled. Colour spread across my cheeks and when I looked down at my hands they were wringing together. "So...Um...Yeah I guess." I looked up at the gorgeous little boy he held in his arms, "He's beautiful. He looks like Irina but he has your eyes."

"Yeah I'm glad he got his mother's looks instead of my ugly mug. Wanna hold him, his name is Oliver." He said proudly as he held out his son to me.

Surprisingly Oliver reached out for me without any fear.

"Your mugs not that bad," I quipped as I took the smiling child into my arms, "Hi there Oliver it's really nice to meet you." I kissed his chubby cheek and he smiled brightly as his fingers wound into my hair. "So...So how's things Demetri?"

He let out a deep sigh, "Honestly? I don't fucking know right now. I don't even know if I should be the one to tell you this, I don't know how its gonna make you or anyone feel to be honest... I wanna say I'm sad about it myself, but the truth is I'm not. I'm only sad that Irina is so upset and I feel like a shit husband cause I can't really understand my wife's obvious pain." He rambled not making much sense.

I did however pick up when he said he wasn't sure if he should be the one to tell me. Fear and confusion flooded through me.

What did he think he shouldn't tell me? I looked up at the house. What had happened while I was at the beach?

I thought about the rest of his sentence. Whatever had happened he wasn't sorry, so my family was ok.

"What's going on Demetri?" I asked quickly.

He gave me an apologetic look, "Sorry Bells. I just don't... Fuck. Tanya's dead. She hung herself in her cell. I know she caused you and Edward nothing but pain and she was the worst human being that ever fucking existed but she was still Irina's sister... She's hurting and not taking it well. She's inside talking to Edward."

Shock rooted me to the spot. I stared at him opened mouth while trying to wrap my head around what he'd just said.

Tanya was dead. Tanya had taken her own life rather than have to face years in a prison cell.

It was incomprehensible that she no longer breathed air.

Part of me wanted to feel a vindictive pleasure that she had done away with herself, but I couldn't.

Surprisingly I actually felt a kind of sadness for Tanya. Although she was those things that Demetri said. She was also someone's daughter she was someone's sister and more than that; she really just was a scared and lost soul. I knew how that felt. I knew how it felt to be scared and alone and abandoned and I also knew how easy it was to let bitterness at life's blows eat away at you until you couldn't see a situation clearly anymore.

It gave me compassion for Tanya, compassion I never thought I would be capable of giving her.

"I hope Tanya finds the peace that eluded her in this life. And Demetri it's ok that you don't feel sorry. She didn't make life easy for you or Irina..." I said softly, sincerely.

Demetri's eyes widened in surprise, but his sigh was exasperated,

"She didn't. She was a cruel, evil bitch that never thought of anyone but herself. She was never nice to Irina, but that didn't stop Irina from loving her. Tanya didn't deserve a sister like Irina." He shook his head "Anyway, I guess you want to get inside and see your babies and that man of yours...? Edward didn't really get time to say anything about the two of you... Irina kinda dropped her news straight away. So are you guys? You know...Ok now?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "we're going to give it_ another_ try, but you know with our track record and all that..." I shook of the pessimistic thought. I need to keep shutting them down and redirecting them into a more positive direction. "It's good to see you again Demetri." I grinned sheepishly. "Let's get this little Angel inside before he catches a cold."

We walked to the front door and I passed Oliver back to him. Suddenly Anxiety twisted my stomach. I hadn't spoken to Irina since the day we fought on the phone.

Memories of that conversation swirled though my head and anger bubbled in my stomach.

Irina's accusations rung in my ears, _how I'd tossed Edward aside. How I didn't care enough to want to know how he was. How I'd had abandoned him to shack up with Jake and how I was fucked in the head for wanting to divorce him._

My hands clenched at my sides as resentment bubbled in the pit of my stomach. Could I find forgiveness for my former and Edward's best friend? Right now I could not answer that.

Demetri walked into the house ahead of me, I could hear Irina's muffed sobs coming from the kitchen and my stomach twisted again. I headed toward the stairs, thinking I would run myself a bath and leave Edward to comfort his friend.

I had only made it to the second step when Louis came running around the corner. He saw me and his face broke into an excited smile.

"RINA AND METRI MUMMY. THEY AT OUR HOUSE!" He yelled out happily, shattering the relative silence.

Before I had time to react Edward was at my side.

"Bella. Are you ok?" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around me, "Irina and Demetri are here and... Shit. Baby, I need you to sit down before I tell you this."

"I already know Edward. Demetri told me," I said flatly, "I hope she finds some peace now," I said echoing what I had said earlier to Demetri.

I took no vindictive pleasure that Tanya had taken her own life. It just made me feel sick.

I pulled away from him but was unable to meet his gaze for some reason.

His finger slid along my jaw coming to rest under my chin. He tilted my face toward his,

"I love you." He said as he pressed his lips to mine. Although the kiss was chaste I could feel the reaffirming of his promise to stand by me. "If you are uncomfortable, I will ask them to leave." He said quietly.

I shook my head, "I'm not going to ask you to send your friends away Edward nor would I expect you to. I don't know how much Irina told you about the last time we spoke to each other, but it wasn't a pleasant conversation and ended even worse..." I whispered,

"She thinks I abandoned you, as you probably already know. I don't think it was fair of her to judge me on my actions but let you get away with yours scott free. It wasn't fair of her to judge me when she couldn't even begin to comprehend the horrors I've lived through."

There was no bitterness in my voice, I just stated it how I saw it.

"I don't hate her Edward I just think she should have tried walking a mile in my shoes before she said anything." I whispered.

Irina suddenly emerged from the kitchen, she was visibly upset, her eyes were red and swollen and she looked miserable.

"I'll... I'll call you Edward. I'm really sorry. I didn't know..." She shook her head and looked at me, "I wouldn't have come down if I knew that... I'm sorry. I don't want to make things..." She began but was cut off by Demetri.

"Ok. I know this is NONE of my business and we all know I usually prefer to just sit back and stay out of the drama... But you two." He looked between Irina and I, "You guys really need to talk this out. You guys were tight once, real tight and maybe it's just me and maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think whatever you guys were fighting about is really that important anymore.

Bella still seems to be the same old Bells to me and I know Irina is still the same old Irina. We used to be friends. All of us. I really fucking miss that. I miss those stupid parties, sans the drugs and booze, but I miss the FRIENDSHIP we had. And yeah, a lot of shit has gone down and been said, but at the end of the day, we aint getting any younger guys.

So, even though I may have you two ladies ripping my nads off shortly for making the biggest mistake of my life by sticking my nose in, I'm going to take Edward and I'm going to take my niece, nephew and son and we are going in that room over there. You guys can stay in here and just talk. Please. Cause I really can't take the awkwardness anymore!"

My surprised gaze roamed over Demetri's anxious face and I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. He was another innocent victim in the mess that was Edward and my relationship. I knew he must have really been hurting if he actually finally voiced his concerns.

I had no idea what to do or say. I couldn't ask them to leave; I couldn't tell Irina I didn't want to talk to her.

But I was afraid if I did talk to her it would end in me losing my temper and effectively ruining any chance of a reconciliation.

I looked at her tear streaked face and sighed. Irina had just lost her sister, it would be cruel and petty of me to order her from my sight. Beside that she was Edward's best friend, it would be unfair of me to come between them, especially when Edward had never begrudge me my friendship with Jake even though he knew we had been intimate it the past, something Irina and Edward had not been

My hands twisted together as my anxiety began to build, I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth as I stole a glance at Irina. Tears poured from her eyes and silent sobs racked her body and the residual anger I felt seemed to melt.

She looked truly wretched, in my peripheral vision I could see Edward trying to contain his own disconsolate expression. His loyalties were torn but I knew in my heart that if it came down to it his allegiance would be to me.

If there was one thing living in Nepal should have taught me was that forgiveness was divine.

"I...I guess I'm willing to try...If you are?" I mumbled giving Irina a small smile. Her tearful eyes widened in obvious surprise, she had been expecting a rebuff.

It seemed Irina was not the only one taken aback; Edward couldn't hide the surprise from his features but as I watched I could see pride taking dominance,

"Are you sure?" He asked quietly.

No I wasn't entirely sure but for everybody's sake, including my own I had to try.

Demetri caught my eye; he looked completely stunned that we actually listened to him. He opened his mouth a few times before he actually spoke, "Uh... Right. Good. Ok, we will...Uh, just be...in there then." He stuttered.

Irina looked up at me the surprise giving way to shock in her eyes as her gaze roamed over me. I guess I wasn't surprised, in the year since I had seen her last I had shed a fair amount of weight and life's trials showed in the dark shadows beneath my eyes and the visible lines on my face.

The last year had aged me.

"Shall we go into the kitchen?" I asked somewhat stiffly.

Irina gave me a nervous look but nodded her head and followed me into the kitchen and took a seat opposite me at the table.

She looked down at her hands, her expression slipping back to wretched once more,

"I am sorry Bella. I didn't know you would be here... I really don't want to make things uncomfortable for you and I certainly don't want to put any pressure on you and Edward. "She murmured her broken voice barely audibly, she looked up at me through tear filled eyes and guilt began to eat away at me.

Just like Demetri, Irina was a victim in mine and Edward's shambles of a marriage; I realized that we were as toxic to our friends as we were to each other.

I shook my head," You don't need to apologize for wanting to visit Edward, Irina. He had you to lean on when he was going through his own troubles. It's only fair that you should be able to turn to your friend when you have troubles of your own...And I want you to know I take no pleasure in the death of your sister. For all her faults I wish her peace."

I said sincerely.

"I know this is going to sound strange but I have some empathy for Tanya," I noticed the absence of fear now and I could speak her name quite freely, "I know how it feels to be blinded by your own hurt. To feel scared, confused and alone. And I know how easy it is to let bitterness take over your life. Your sister did some despicable things, things I do not understand but I do realize she was a soul in fear."

Irina couldn't hide the shock from her features,

"Thank you Bella. I just... I wish I had done more to help her when she was alive. But it's too late for all that now." She looked down at her hands before meeting my gaze once more, "I never meant to hurt you Bella. When you left, I mean. I tried to make him see, Edward, I tried to get him to snap out of whatever it was he was going through and it just didn't work. He wouldn't listen to me; he wouldn't really talk to me. I know why you had to leave, I just... I don't know why you shut me out. I tried to call, I tried to find out where exactly you were, but Carlisle was no help and I felt like I was losing both of my friends and I couldn't help either of them. I missed you. I'm sorry if I hurt you, I'm sorry if my being there for Edward hurt you. I didn't mean it too. I only wanted you two to be happy together again. It's all I've ever wanted. I just wanted you to both to be well and I couldn't seem to help you both at the same time."

I looked over at the woman I once called my sister and sighed. She looked completely forlorn, it was obvious she was barely holding herself together, the empathy I felt for Tanya was nothing compared to what I felt for Irina.

She needed support and she also needed to know why I treated her the way I had.

I got to my feet walked to where she sat and wrapped my arms around her,

"I was never jealous of your friendship with Edward until that day you rang me in Nepal. Neither you nor Edward had ever given me real reason to feel jealous. I just had no idea that Aro would allow you to see him. That just blindsided me. I...I listened to every message Aro left me about Edward's progress. He never said anything about allowing Edward to have visitors; if he had, I thought I would have been the first one to be able to see him. He was my husband after all. When you said you had been to see him, more than once it was like a slap in the face. I felt so low, a complete failure and it just reaffirmed what Edward had said the last time we saw each other, '_that he didn't want me_.' It was unfair to take my anger out on you but I was just so hurt. Like I said before sometimes it's hard not to let bitterness take over your life. I resented you for being able to help Edward where I couldn't... I... hated you for being above me in his life." I confessed.

"I didn't know Bella." She said softly as she hugged me to her, "You have to know though; no one has ever been above you in his life. He is a jackass of epic proportions and the thing's he has done have made no sense whatsoever, but he always believed he was doing the best thing for you. He was so wrong it's not even funny, but he always held you highest and first in his heart. I could never and would never want to change that. I... I tried to help him Bella, but I don't think I did. I believe it was you all along. It's always been you where Edward is concerned."

She sniffled. "I... I tried to call you when Olly was born. I wanted to send you a picture but Carlisle wouldn't give me your address. I've still got a photo album full of pictures for you. I put it together... Just in case. You know everything worked out."

I fought back the flood of insecurities, t times I definitely didn't feel like that I came above all others in Edward's life, but I wasn't going to let those feelings show through. I was just going to take it one step at a time in rebuilding my shattered confidence and I wasn't going to burden others with my self esteem issues.

"Oliver's beautiful. He looks like you, you know. Much to Demetri's relief, so he tells me."

"Demetri is such a fool" She said fondly, looking to where her husband sat in plain view, making silly faces at the kids. "But he's my fool and I love him." She added softly. As if he could feel her gaze on him he looked up and gave her a wink. She smiled at him before turning back to me. "So does this mean you and Edward are...?" She trailed off.

Of course it was the billion dollar question, the one everyone wanted the answer to and the one I was most reluctant to answer. I didn't want the nebulous relationship put under any undue pressure.

I gave her a slightly embarrassed smile, " we are going to try...I... don't know if it will work though, our track record's not the best." As I spoke the words I realized that even if it didn't work out with Edward I would never be as broken as I had been in the last year.

After being away from Edward for a year and surviving it I knew if I had to I could survive a lifetime without him if I had to. I looked over at him and silently prayed I wouldn't have to.

I knew I still loved Edward as I watched him cuddle his children on his knee and it was time for me to tell him.

"Oh Bella. I might be losing my sanity right now because I'm the happiest most miserable person on the planet!" Irina suddenly exclaimed, "I'm so happy for you both. Really, truly happy and I'm happy that I have my friend back?"

She tightened her grip on me nearly crushing my ribs with the force of her hug.

A half choked giggle fell from my lips, "I'm happy to have my friend back to! So have you met Matisse and Noah yet?" I asked her as I detangled myself from her rib crushing embrace.

"No, I didn't think they would be here. I just thought it was Edward, Apple and Louis. Can I see them?"

"Of course you can," I grabbed Irina's hand, "I'm sure they'll be awake now, it's nearly time for their dinner."

I poked my tongue out at Edward and Demetri as I passed. I would have find a way to thank Demetri for finally breaking his silence and forcing Irina and I to confront our issues...I quietly opened the door to the twins room and found them both awake and watching the colourful mobiles hanging above their heads.

"Come on in their awake." I pulled Irina into the room and headed for Matisse's cot, "This is Matisse Amore," I said proudly as I lifted her into my arms. I kissed her chubby little cheek and passed her to Irina and went to grab Noah from his cot, "and this is Noah Jacob."

Noah watched Irina with bright eyed interest.

"She is adorable Bella." She took Noah's little hand in hers and kissed the top of it "Hello little man. I'm your aunty Irina."

Noah reached out tangling his fingers in Irina's strawberry blonde hair; she leaned forward and gave him a kiss.

He grinned happily at her completely at ease in her company as was Matisse.

We made our way out of the room and back down the stairs...

...Edward's gaze met mine as I came down the stairs, he gave me my favourite heart stuttering smile and my heart did skip a beat.

He was truly beautiful.

Long forgotten feelings stirred in the pit of my stomach. We hadn't been intimate other than to share a few kisses since we had agreed to get back together. We had yet to share a bed.

As I continued to gaze at him the feelings grew stronger, the warmth they generated began to radiate outward filling every part of me.

I wanted him physically, wanted us to share a bed once more.

Even though I gave him a shy smile I was sure he could see in my eyes what I was really thinking about. He had always been so good at reading me, especially when it came to sex.

I passed him Noah and turned to Demetri, "You know you should break your silence more often. You can actually work miracles when you voice an opinion." I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, "thanks,"

He chuckled and hugged me back, "Ah Bella. I am like a solar eclipse. I don't come out very often but when I do... Spectacular..."

"If you say so," I teased.

I left Edward, Demetri and Irina with the kids and went to start dinner. It had been so long since I had cooked; Leah had done all of that in Nepal. I had been spoilt with her. I threw a couple of vegetarian quiche's in the oven and had just started on a salad when Edward walked into the kitchen,

"Hey you," I said with a smile.

"Hey yourself" He said as he placed a kiss on my cheek, "You've made Irina pretty happy you know. I haven't seen her like this for a long time and considering the news she just received..." He kissed my cheek again, "If I haven't told you how amazing you are lately, I should be flogged for it."

I couldn't help but smile, "Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"No." He whispered, shock flittering across his features, "You haven't. Not for a very long time."

He stared at me intently as if he was waiting for me to say it again.

I gave him a coy smile, "Yeah I know I haven't...I do love you Edward Anthony Cullen."

He smashed his mouth to mine in a somewhat awkward kiss due to the smile on his face. He seemed to realize things weren't quite going as he planned so he sprinkled kisses all over my face,

"I love you too. Oh god so much," He breathed against my throat.

My arms laced around his neck as he lifted me onto the bench and my fingers automatically weaved into his hair. I sighed at the feeling; it felt like home. He crushed his mouth back on mine, I locked my legs around him holding him close to me, but it wasn't close enough.

Edward was kissing me with a ferocity that left me breathless but I refused to relinquish his mouth. The smouldering desire I had for him ignited in the pit of my stomach like an inferno and blazed a trail through my body. I wanted him so much it hurt; it felt like a life time since I'd ached for him this way. My lips moulded effortlessly to his and our mouths moved together in perfect sync; just as they always had.

Time seemed to standstill and everything else seemed to melt away while and I had actually forgotten about Irina and Demetri until his voice suddenly broke the silence.

"Oh fucking hell! Doesn't take you two fucking long does it? Guess some things will never change!" He lamented. I did not break the kiss and neither did Edward.

"What mummy and daddy doing?" Louis asked Demetri. I had not realized he was in the room. Even knowing he was I still could not find it in me to pull my lips from Edward's.

"Mummy and Daddy are making Uncle Demetri sick. And showing us an important lesson on kitchen hygiene. That's a what NOT TO DO." He answered my son, his tone serious.

I laughed against Edward's mouth, "I've missed his unique sense of humour...But I've missed you more." I murmured.

Finally I pulled my lips from his and yelled out to Demetri, "I'll spray down all the kitchen surfaces with janola if it will make you feel better Demetri...And I bet you and Irina have done worse things in your kitchen."

"Not when there are children present or we are making our guests dinner Bella!" Demetri hollered back "And make sure its hospital grade janola please."

"Jesus Demetri how the fuck does Irina put up with you?" I joked...

I looked at Edward, who looked as frustrated as I did at being interrupted, "I guess we should feed our guests. It would be rude to just leave them to fend for themselves...Maybe we could continue this when we're alone?" I mumbled.

Colour flushed my cheeks and for the billionth time in my life I silently cursed my mother for the affliction.

I had no idea if Edward was ready for what I was essentially asking him for, I wasn't entirely sure I was myself, but I was willing to try.

"I would love to continue this." He whispered against my lips before kissing me fully once more. My fingers tightened their grip in his hair holding his face to mine.

"Uh and just so you know, the children are hungry," Demetri's voice once more shattered the silence.

Edward sighed in frustration and asked me if I'd excuse him while he went and expressed his displeasure with Demetri.

I laughed quietly feeling lighter than I had in so long. Reluctantly I let him go so he could return to our guests.

No I'm all good in here you can go kick Demetri's ass if you want...Oh and "Edward would you like to ask Demetri and Irina if they'd like to stay at the cottage? It's just sitting empty." I called out s he made his way from the room...

...Dinner was a relaxed affair. It was wonderful to hear the laughter of my friends again. I didn't realize how much I had missed their company until I was back here with them. We seemed to easily slip back into our friendship, the conversation flowed effortlessly. Edward was sitting opposite me and I could barely keep my eyes off him. I don't think I had ever seen him so relaxed, so at ease with himself.

I kicked off my shoes and caressed the inside of his leg with my foot.

He was looking at me with a hint of a smirk and the muscles in the pit of my stomach tightened. The want for him physically was growing ever stronger. I wasn't sure if Demetri noticed the lustful looks Edward and I were sharing across the table but he suddenly announced he and Irina needed to get the already sleeping Oliver to bed...

...I held Edward hand tightly as we walked down the hallway, seeing Irina and Demetri off with a 'good night,' promising to see them for breakfast tomorrow.

As soon as I had shut the door on our friends Edward pulled me into his arms and smashed his mouth to mine. Again the fire burning inside me flashed molten hot. Whatever else had changed between Edward and I, the physical attraction was as strong as it ever was.

I crushed my body to his pushing him back into the wall, my fingers laced into his hair holding his face to mine as my lips moved against his willing ones with a growing urgency.

"Mummy kiss my daddy?" Apple's sweet voice suddenly sounded from down around my knees.

I quickly took a step back from Edward, the fire cooling instantly. I ha d forgotten the kids were still awake; "Mummy was kissing Daddy. Is Mummy allowed to kiss you?"

Surprisingly she reached out for me; I scooped her into my arms and rained kisses all over her face.

Her delicious laughter filled the air and I sighed in delight at the sound of it.

"Mummy loves you so much my baby girl." I kissed her cheeks again and earned another sweet giggle from her.

"Apple love my mummy. Love _my_ _Daddy_ and my Louis and Noah and my Tisse,"

"You're such a sweet girl Apple." I cooed adoringly.

She kissed my cheek and reached out for Edward, "My Daddy read me story?" Edward took her from my arms and kissed her cheek.

One look at Edward told me he wasn't overly excited about walking away from the kiss we just shared and the promise it held. He continued to watch me his expression becoming pensive as he searched for any signs that would alert him to what I was truly thinking.

Blood pooled beneath my cheeks I was suddenly feeling extremely nervous. As much as I wanted to be intimate with Edward again it had been such a long time. My body didn't look like it once did. My skin wasn't silky smooth and flawless as it once was.

Would the changes repulse him?

While Edward had seen the scars on my stomach left from the car crash, he hadn't seen the ugly sliver purple scars left on my back and across my breast from Tanya's knife or the deep stretch marks from carrying twins again.

The deeply rooted insecurities began to spread through me, trying to strangle the small mount of confidence I had gained. I knew I needed to let Him in and trust him that he wouldn't let the sight of my disfigured body send him off the deep end.

I shied away from the terrifying thought. I could feel myself trying to reconstruct the walls that would imprison me once more.

It was the ultimate defence mechanism; my mind would do whatever it took to protect itself from any more harm. I knew I had to stop myself from letting those thought patterns take over. But it was so hard.

If I couldn't let Edward in and trust him then we were doomed before we began.

There was only one thing I could do, I had to go against my natural inclination to run and hide and take a leap of faith instead.

"I might go and have a shower. Would...would you care to join me?" I murmured. The fear of rejection had me looking at my feet while I waited for his answer.

He hesitated for a minute and I started to panic. The sting of rejection began to burn through me, stronger than I had anticipated; it left me struggling to get air into my lungs. I wished I had never said anything.

I tried to remind myself that Edward had been patient with me and that he may not be ready to take that step, but it still hurt.

"Love... yes, I want to join you, but is it what you really want? I... I want you more than anything..." He said softly, sincerely.

"I want you to." I mumbled awkwardly my rigid muscles relaxing slightly, "But if _you're_ not ready for that I totally understand... It's entirely up to you; I'm fine with any decision you make." I lied convincingly, "There's no pressure." I added giving him another chance to change his mind.

I leaned forward and kissed his cheek softly, "if I don't see you; sleep well and I will see you at breakfast." I wondered if the bed in the spare room was already made up.

My cheeks flushed with embarrassment, I kissed Apple's cheek and all but fled up the stairs, making a quick detour to kiss Louis, Matisse and Noah good night.

By the time I reached the bathroom my mind was a jumble of negative thoughts.

An internal battle raged inside me. How would I feel if Edward decided not to join me in the shower?

The level of hurt would be infinite, if he did not join me I would close myself off to him and then all would be lost.

I prayed silently that he would join me.

My insecurities began to gnaw at my insides and I quickly turned off the harsh and unforgiving main bathroom light in favour of the two small lamps. I couldn't bring myself to look at my naked reflection in the mirror; the image was bound to strip me of the tiny piece of courage I had regained. The hot water seemed to soothe my rigid muscles. I stood under the steady stream with my eyes closed trying desperately to rid my mind of all thought...

...It felt like a billion butterflies had been released in the pit of my stomach when I heard the bathroom door open and then close softly. The fluttering in the pit of my stomach intensified and I found it hard to catch my breath. I closed my eyes trying desperately to keep my composure.

A moment later Edward slipped into the shower behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. My heart stopped beating when his lips brushed lightly along my neck.

"May I wash you Bella?" He whispered against my throat.

Although it felt wonderful to have his skin against mine again a blush spread over my cheeks. My insecurities flared up worst than before.

How could Edward not be turned off by the way I looked now? Not only was my body littered with scars it wasn't the same lithe body he had once known like the back of his hand.

My weight loss had turned my toned limbs into near skin and bone.

Edward was awaiting an answer and I didn't want to him to think I had changed my mind.

_"Um...if you would like to...my body's a bit of a mess at the moment, sorry."_ I whispered. I wrapped my arms across my stomach and kept my eyes squeezed shut.

Edward removed my arms from stomach.

"Please don't hide from me. You are beautiful My Bella." He let my hands go and ran his fingers across my stomach. "These aren't something to be ashamed of love. Do you know what I see when I look at them?"

"No..." I trembled under his touch; it felt both new and familiar at the same time.

"I see devotion. Your devotion as a mother and your devotion as a wife. I see proof of how much you love us all... I love these, I only have to see them, feel them and I can feel the extent of your gift to us. I don't see shame Bella; I see pride, love and strength. You shouldn't try to hide, be proud my wife, be proud of the loving, giving person that you are."

He slid around in front of me and knelt down, "You are beautiful my love... You take my breath away."

I fought off my natural urge to cringe away from the compliment, though I may not have believed what he said I tried to appreciate it all the same.

He stood up and reached out tentatively, running his fingers across the scar at the top of my breast. "This... This is a testament to your strength Bella. The only thing I will think of when I see it is your fierce endurance. You are so strong, I see you, I see this, and it makes me want to be strong too. You inspire me my angel, you must see that?..." He leaned down and kissed the scar, and a shiver went through me, "Be proud of who you are Isabella Cullen, because lord knows, I am."

Edward got to his feet, unconsciously I took a step toward him and wrapped my arms around his waist, "You are beautiful to you know...?" I brushed my lips against his and smiled.

He reached down and swept the wet hair from my cheeks "Are you sure about this Bella? I'll love you no matter what you decide..."

"I want to be with you Edward. You're my husband and I love you," I said it with as much conviction as I could. I was scared and I knew he was to, but we both had to make a leap of faith.

He brought his lips to mine and I could feel the need in his kiss. I responded with a small moan and shivered involuntarily as his fingers dipped between my thighs and he began to touch me. My hands went instinctively to his hair; my foot came to rest against the cool tiled wall of the shower. My body was tingling, alive with the constant flow of energy between us and the familiarity of his touch.

"I've missed your touch Edward." I murmured against his lips.

"As I have missed touching you...I love you Isabella."

Edward had not forgotten anything about what made me feel good in our year apart. His fingers and thumb moved in perfect harmony exactly the way I loved it.

I could feel my orgasm approaching but my mind was full of conflicting emotions. I was confused about how I felt, there were so many feelings coursed through me, each fighting for dominance over the others and over me.

My body and my mind were not working in sync and it frightened me a little.

Edward obviously sensed my hesitation because his voice suddenly sounded softly in my ear. "Please trust me angel, and let me do this for you... Let me give you this. Will you _cum_ for me Bella?" He breathed against my neck.

My body reacted instinctively to his request; it remembered the magic of his touch. I let my orgasm wash over me; the release after months of tension was overwhelming.

The million different emotions seemed to combine and flood through my body with such force it took my breath away. I couldn't stop the torrent of suppressed feelings that had burst forth and a low sob tore from my throat.

I held Edward tighter as I broke down on his shoulder**. **He stayed quiet as I fought to get myself under some measure of control and he was still silent when I finally pulled myself together and looked up at him.

He kissed me softly and reached for my bodywash.

Not a word was spoken between us as he washed every inch of my skin, nor when he dried me off and carried me to our bedroom and placed me on _our_ bed. I watched him curiously as he went to the bedside table and pulled open the draw removing something I could not see.

He never spoke until he was in bed next to me.

He was laying on his side his head resting in his palm, I looked at him and I knew my expression was blank; masking my multitude of emotions. His finger slid across my cheek and along my jaw,

"My Bella." He breathed.

"My Edward," I whispered into the semi darkness. He took my hand in his, I looked down at our hands in surprise when he gently eased my wedding and engagement rings back on my finger.

Tears brimmed in my eyes as I stared at the symbols of the commitments we had made; Edward had reaffirmed his vows to me.

"So brave," He murmured kissing my fingertips then the rings he'd just placed on my finger, "Bella, I want to...I want to touch you again."

My heart skipped a beat, "I'd like that..." I whispered.

His lips brushed mine as he rolled on top of me, "Are you sure?... There's no going back from this."

"Yes...I'm sure," There was no hesitation or fear in my voice. I knew what I wanted.

He slid into me with a gasp, his eyes rolling back in his head for a moment before snapping back to mine. I stared into the emerald green hoping to read his thoughts, but I could decipher nothing in their turbulent depths.

A low growl slid from his lips.

I understood the intensity of the feelings, had I not just experienced the same thing? I did not take my eyes from Edward's as he struggled to deal with the barrage of emotions. Slowly the turmoil began to calm, a sense of serenity returning to the emerald green, the colour deepened and they sparkled like jewels in the soft light.

Edward kept his eyes on mine as he began to rock gently against me. The feeling of him was both familiar yet new. His body, like my own we not was it once was, he had lost muscle mass and weight, yet we still fit the contours of each others bodies perfectly.

We held each other's gaze; I could see Edward's thoughts quite clearly in his eyes. He wanted redemption from the hurt he had caused me. He was apologising again, this time without words and there was promise there as well, the promise that he would never forsake me again.

"I love you Edward Cullen" I whispered; hoping he would hear in my voice and see in my eyes the redemption he sought.

I never held back this time, I allowed my walls to clench around him freely, as I let my orgasm carry me away. My eyes stayed trained on his as he followed me over the edge.

He pressed himself against me and I reaffirmed my grip on him.

"I love you. I have never stopped." He whispered as he began to move inside me once more...

**EDWARD'S POV...**

I got off the plane; my only bag was slung over my arm. Anything I needed I would buy while there, I didn't really have the time or inclination to pack. My eyes searched the crowded airport, looking for the one face that would make everything right once more.

When I spotted her I broke into a smile and walked towards her "Hey you." I said coming to a stop right in front of her.

"Hey yourself," Bella said thickly, tears gushed down her cheeks. Bella stepped forward and my heart stopped beating when she wrapped her arms around me.

It was everything when her lips touched mine and I couldn't help but sigh in happiness. I made no move to deepen the kiss, but I moved my mouth against her own as I pulled her body closer to mine.

When we both needed to breathe I broke the kiss and smiled down at her, wiping the tears off her cheeks with the thumb of one hand. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm crying cause I'm happy you're here, It felt wrong leaving you behind."

I pressed my lips gently against hers once more "I've always been with you Bella. Just like you've always been with me." We were getting a few stares but I didn't really care. She was in my arms; I could taste her on my lips. The scent of her was filling every part of my being. I didn't care who saw that. "I've found my happiness Bella." I whispered against her cheek "You take it with you wherever you go."

She smiled shyly, she was fucking beautiful. "So shall we blow this popsicle stand?" She mumbled.

I smiled and hitched my bag back onto my shoulder and walked with Bella outside to her waiting car. I climbed into the passenger seat without hesitation and leaned back against the headrest closing my eyes and sighing in contentment. I hadn't realised that I had actually fallen asleep until I felt Bella gently shaking my shoulder and telling me that we were at her house.

"Shit!" I exclaimed looking at her apologetically "I'm sorry Bella." I yawned loudly.

I had gotten no sleep on the plane... I actually couldn't remember the last time I had slept. The night before Bella had left I had been tossing and turning, agonising over her impending departure. I did some quick math in my head and realised I hadn't slept in over forty eight hours.

"You don't need to apologize for falling asleep Edward. I am sorry however for having to wake you but I'm fairly certain you'll find the bed in the spare room more comfortable than sleeping in the car."

I blinked sleepily and nodded, another large yawn breaking free from me. I followed Bella into the house and I was assaulted at once by the familiar scent of my family. I could tell they were all here, it was wonderful and a smile broke out across my face as I followed her quietly to the spare bedroom.

She stood back from the door and allowed me to walk inside where I stared at the bed longingly. I was beyond exhausted, but I dumped my bag on the floor next to the bed and walked towards Bella, pulling her into the room and closing the door behind us before I kissed her.

Bella had tensed the moment I closed the door and I realised at once what may have gone through her head. "I just didn't think you would want the kids waking up and seeing me here yet."

I kissed her cheek, watching her dark eyelashes flutter closed. She looked so beautiful and though certain parts of my body would have been more than happy to extend our reunion further, I knew it was not the time.

For either of us.

"I told you Bella, I will NEVER ask you for more than you are ready to give me. I love you too much to push you." I said sincerely.

"Thank you Edward. It's still frightening you know."

I kissed the tip of her nose before releasing her "I know it is. You aren't going to trust me again overnight Bella. I don't expect that and I don't think..." I yawned once more "you should either. Baby steps Juliet. I can wait forever."

"Baby steps sound good...you really need to get some sleep, you'll need all your energy to keep up with Apple once she sees you again."

I flopped down on the bed unable to keep myself upright anymore and smiled at the ceiling. "I can't" I yawned again, "wait."

"Good night Edward,"

Bella turned off the light and softly shut the door on her way out...

I woke with a groan and looked at the time on my cellphone. It was already midday. I stood and stretched working any kinks out of my aching muscles before quickly changing my clothes and making my way out of the room. I checked the corridors quickly, looking for any signs of the twins before searching out the kitchen.

I helped myself to a cup of tea before sitting down at the kitchen counter and taking my pills. My phone vibrated and I looked down a frown crossing my face when I saw who it was. I really didn't want to answer but I knew I had no choice. I flipped open my phone and held it away from my ear as I answered.

"Uh, hey mum. How are you?" I said tentatively

"_HOW AM I_?" She thundered down the phone. "Oh I don't know Edward. I'm just GREAT. I called your house last night, but guess what? No one was there. I called your cellphone. No answer. Now, I'm not trying to be an overbearing mother here..."

I snorted at that and quickly turned it into a cough, "Sorry mum. Something stuck in my throat."

"I bet. Edward, I worry about you. You just disappear off the face of the earth and I WORRY. The last time you did that I nearly lost my son... I'm not going to go through that again."

"Well you got me now." I said and she sighed in exasperation

"Yes. Aro told me you had decided to take a vacation but he wouldn't say where."

"I'm in Nepal with Bella." I said swallowing a mouthful of tea and washing my medication down. "I'm fine and I'm not going to get into this right now ok?"

"Oh Edward, honey, is this really such a good idea? Your recovery, if something happens, if you two fight..." she said worriedly.

"Mum its FINE. If we fight, we will deal with it ok? I'm not going to hit the booze, I'm not going to off myself, I'm happy ok? For the first time in a long time I'm HAPPY. Just... Don't worry about me ok? I'm fine, everything is fine."

"I can't help but worry. You're my little boy..."

I burst out laughing at that. "Thanks Mum. Every grown man wants to hear that."

She chuckled and when she spoke her voice was a little calmer and softer "Just like your father. You charm the angry right out of me."

I looked up and saw Bella standing in the doorway, looking at me nervously. I smiled at her and held up a finger, indicating I wouldn't be a moment. "Look Mum, I've got to go ok? I'll call you tomorrow; I don't want you going grey."

"Cheeky bugger." She laughed. "Ok honey, just be careful ok? And look after yourself. I love you."

"I will mum. Love you too." I said hanging up the phone. I looked up at Bella and smiled "Sorry beautiful, she's kinda changed a bit like I said before. So much BOSSIER now." I took a sip of my tea and gave her an apologetic look "I hope you don't mind, I helped myself."

"She cares about you, you could have done worse. I hope she's not too angry you're here...And you're welcome to help yourself. There's lots of fruit and veggies, all grown here on the estate and my students make the best yoghurt in Nepal," I said proudly. "So I guess you'll be wanting to see the kids? They're in Apple and Louis' Garden."

I laughed "They have their own garden do they? I would love to see them... Do you think... It's not going to set them back or anything is it? I don't want to hurt them anymore than I already have." I said. I ran a hand through my hair nervously. I couldn't wait to see them, but I didn't want to cause them anymore pain.

"Edward having you in their lives never hurt them, it's your absence that did that. As long as you're sure this is what you want. Parenthood's a lifelong commitment. Are you really positively sure YOU are ready."

"I'm a little scared." I admitted honestly. "But I'm ready. Ready but scared." I gave a nervous laugh.

"You'll do fine Edward just remember these are your children they love you more than anything and you love them. It's gonna be ok." She walked over and wrapped her arms around me and kissed the top of my head, "Thank you for sharing your fears with me."

I held her against me and laughed "So I don't sound like a loser who doesn't have his shit together?" I joked.

"Well you don't sound like you have it completely together but that's ok. And you don't sound like a loser either... So let's go Romeo there's a couple of little people who have been deprived of your company far too long."

I walked into the garden with Bella and spun the little wheels that she told me was compulsory. I didn't understand why I had to do so, but I obeyed. As we made our way into the garden I saw two sombre little children staring up at the multitude of coloured flags hanging from the trees.

I came to the edge of the garden where they sat and stared up at them too. "I like the green ones." I said softly.

Apple's little head whipped around and I was confronted with the cherubic face of my eldest daughter, it felt like a life time since I had looked into the deep emerald eyes that mirrored my own. Every coppery freckle on her nose was still where it had always been, her pink rosebud lips were just as full as they had ever been. Her bronze hair was longer, a mass of fiery curls, but she was still the same, she was still my daughter, still_ my_ Apple.

Her little green eyes stared at me for the longest time, her sweet little face was frozen in shock apart from her tiny mouth it opened and closed like she was trying to form words. Finally her beautiful face flickered into life; she reached out her little hand reached out to touch my face. I could see she was struggling to comprehend that I was real, that I was right there in front of her.

The moment her fingers grazed my cheek she let out an ear piercing scream, it echoed through the trees and scared away a pair of birds, they squawked angrily as they took flight.

I froze in fear, not sure what to make of Apple's reaction. Had my sudden reappearance in her life hurt her in some way? Before I could ask Bella what I should do my daughter launched herself into my arms, her arms wrapped around my neck her delicate fingers twined in my hair and she rained kisses all over my face.

She let me go and brought her tiny hands to face holding my cheeks firmly as she stared into my eyes.

"APPLE DADDY...APPLE DADDY...My daddy all better now. Apple Daddy better and you came home. My mummy _no_t let me make my Daddy better. I make you all better my daddy. Just me. Apple love my Daddy. Just my Daddy. I miss you. You not sick now. I make you better" The words tumbled out of her mouth without pause all spoken in her sweet soprano voice. God I had missed her melodic voice.

The most heartbreakingly beautiful smile spread across her cherubic face and tears sprung to my eyes.

I hugged my daughter to me tightly crying into her red little curls. "I missed you too princess. I'm sorry daddy wasn't here, I'm so very, very sorry baby." I looked down into her trusting little eyes and felt my heart simultaneously break and heal all at once "I love you Apple Cullen." I whispered into her hair.

_"Daddy?"_ Louis whispered from his mother's arms.

I looked up as I heard my son's questioning voice. I went to stand up and Apple came with me her arms wrapped tightly around my neck. I put her on my hip and held her tightly while I stared into the unreadable eyes of my oldest son.

"Hey little man." I said softly. He was so hesitant.

I held out an arm to him but he just clung tighter to Bella while he stared at me. I let my arm drop to my side and tried to mask the hurt on my face. I knew why he was acting that way and I didn't blame him. Not at all. He was more than entitled to be angry and disappointed in my behaviour.

"I'm sorry Louis." I said staring him in the eyes. "I'm very sorry that I let you down son."

He watched me silently for a long moment. Bella whispered something to him and took a step toward me. My son kept his gaze firmly on mine, his eyes were impossible to read.

"My daddy," He finally said reaching out his hand.

I took his hand and as soon as we touched he launched himself at me. His brown eyes stared at me, still full of questions and hurt, but he was there in my arms and that was all that mattered. I hugged my children to me tightly, openly weeping in my happiness to have them back with me.

The final piece of my heart fell back into place and I felt whole once more.

"Apple show my daddy; his prayer flags and show my daddy his prayer wheel?"

...We spent the entire afternoon in Apple and Louis' garden, my eldest son and daughter did not let me go they both kept contact with me the whole time, if they weren't clinging to my hands they were perched on my hips. Matisse and Noah played around us, if they got too close Apple would hiss at them.

She was so possessive and although I knew it was wrong of her to act like that toward her siblings, her possessiveness filled me with happiness, it showed me how much my daughter _wanted_ me in her life.

Feeling my children's hands in mine, seeing their shinning little face smiling up at me filled me with a happiness I had never felt, I was euphoric. For the first time I understood what Aro had been telling me about unconditional love.

It was clear in the eyes and the hugs of my children that they loved me today just as much as they ever had. They would not hold my failings as a father and my past transgressions against me. Apple and Louis although both still hurt were as ecstatic to have me back as I was to be back, they loved me, they still called me Dad.

I was humbled by their capacity for love and forgiveness.

They both still clung to me as we made our way back to Bella's cottage. I clung to them just as tightly...

"No mummy not you put me to bed." Apple whined at her mother, her tiny face screwed up in anger, "Only _my_ Daddy. I make my Daddy better." She said possessively.

"Ok Apple Daddy can put you to bed." Bella gave up fighting with an exasperated sigh

"Not my mummy. She mean to Apple not let Apple make her daddy better." My baby girl muttered.

I guess you're on bedtime duties, for the next ten years," Bella said jokingly, although her voice was light I knew she was masking her hurt.

I watched Apple's interaction with her mother and gave a small sigh. She was blaming the wrong parent for the hurt she felt and as I saw Bella turn away with tears in her eyes I decided I needed to set it right. I was going to be a Dad. Not just for the good times but the not so great ones too.

I sat down on Apples bed next to her and looked at her seriously.

"Apple can Daddy have a talk with you before bedtime? It's very important and I need you to be a big girl and listen to Daddy ok?" I kept my tone light and even as her large green eyes studied me. I heard Bella stop in the doorway and turn around to listen herself. "Daddy was sick. Very sick and as you know he had to go away for a while to get better."

She opened her tiny mouth to answer that, shooting Bella a dirty look over my shoulder, but I pressed a finger to her lips stopping her.

"You have to listen to daddy, remember?" She nodded, but kept her accusatory eyes fixed on Bella.

"Daddy couldn't get better and be a very good daddy at the same time, that's why you and your sister and brothers couldn't be around sweetheart. Mummy was very sad too my princess, but she had to be so brave and strong, because Daddy couldn't be. She had to be a mummy and a daddy all at once"

Apple giggled a little at that and moved her angry gaze from Bella back to me. "Your mummy is the best mummy in the world princess and you are so lucky to have her. You really hurt her and me too when I see you hit her or yell at her. I don't want to see you do those kinds of things ever again ok? Brave and strong mummies like yours deserve kisses and cuddles not hitting and yelling."

"Apple mummy not mean? Daddy go away make me sad. Apple wanted to be with my Daddy, make my daddy better but my Mummy say no." Her wide green eyes stared up at me full of questions, "Apple not hit my Mummy? Apple sad: my mummy sad."

"No more hitting mummy ok? We don't want her to be sad anymore, we don't want anyone to feel sad. We're all going to be happy now. I love so much my princess." I lay down next to her sighing happily as she snuggled into my side.

"I love you my Daddy," she chirruped as she wrapped her arms around me in a death grip.

"G...Goodnight Apple...Sweet...dreams," I whispered as I watched her tiny eyelids flutter closed. I waited until Apple and Louis were both deeply asleep before slipping out quietly and closing the door behind me.

I made my way to the lounge where I sat down to quietly wait for Bella. If I were being honest with myself, I didn't feel entirely comfortable in this house. I felt like a guest, and I didn't want to feel that way, but there was little I could do. I reminded myself that it would all take time, time and patience. I did a couple of the relaxation techniques I had learned, counting my breathing and focusing on my body, until I felt myself relax entirely.

I smiled when Bella came into the room, but my smile quickly dropped as I took in her face.

She was nervous; in fact, she looked like she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She mumbled something about Apple coming around and my father calling before she began twisting her hands in her lap nervously.

When she closed her eyes and began to sway back and forth, I grabbed her shoulders gently. "Shh." I said, pulling her into my embrace and just holding her.

Her head rested against my shoulder and I stroked her hair and back softly, until I felt some of the tension leave her. It wasn't until a few minutes had passed that I felt I could ask her what was wrong.

I couldn't imagine my father saying anything horrible to Bella, not anymore. He had become her protector since my breakdown and even though it had nearly cost him his marriage, he had refused to abandon her. I wondered exactly what news he could have given her that would have upset so.

"Are you feeling ok now?" I whispered kissing the top of her head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Bella suddenly looked up at me and I was jolted by the shockwave that shot through me, her eyes almost completely black; I watched her pupils dilate further as her absolute terror took over them completely. Before I could really register my shock she pulled her hands from mine and practically leapt across the room, eyeing me like I was dangerous predator when I asked if she wanted to talk about it.

I was terrified that all the progress we had made was quickly unravelling and I watched her for any sign that my fears might be true.

She stood silently in the doorway; dozens of emotions flickered across her face, so fast I had no chance of deciphering them.

I held my breath as I waited for her to say _something._

"I have to go back to New Zealand..." She finally said. Her voice shook with fear, terror, "They have set a date for Ta...Ta...The trial," She said, her body practically shaking, she was petrified. I noticed she could not even say Tanya's name and I was filled with an overwhelming sadness for Bella. She had been putting on a good front of coping, but she quite obviously wasn't. "I have to testify."

Her voice broke on the last word and I stood to move towards her. She flinched taking a small step back and I stilled. She was frightened of me too. I could not blame her for that I sat back down slowly, every movement, deliberate and precise. I put a hand on each knee, so she could see where they were before I spoke.

"Are you afraid of seeing Tanya again, or are you afraid of something else Bella?" I asked softly, keeping my gaze on her at all times and being very careful to stay as still as possible. She watched me, like prey watches it's predator before she finally got the courage to speak.

_"How could I not be __afraid of her__? I...I'm not sc__ared of you Edward. __ I'm scared of how you're going to react."_ She murmured in barely more than a whisper.

I wasn't surprised by her statement at all.

"Well, how about I tell you how the information you just gave me, makes me feel? To start with," Bella didn't say anything so I took that as a sign to continue. "I'm scared. For you. I'm worried about you having to face her again in a courtroom, in ANY room. I would like so very much to stop that from ever happening, but it is not within my power to do so. The only thing I can do is support you through this. I can stand beside you the whole way if you want me too. Tanya..." I trailed off trying to get my thoughts in order.

"She doesn't scare me like she used to. See, I used to think she would never be happy until she had destroyed me and she knew the best way to do that was through you. That was always my biggest fear, you being hurt or worse _dying_ because of me. She really was the fucking monster in my closet, but one day, I realised... She is just a very sick, very fucking twisted woman and I refuse to let her win. She WANTS me to be miserable and hurt, just like she does. And I played into that. I did my best to systematically destroy my life thinking I was doing the right thing, when all I was doing was letting her win. I'm not going to do that anymore. Tanya is nothing to me. I don't fear her. I don't pity her. I feel... nothing. She is just a bad memory and once this court case is done, I'm hoping that she will be simply a bad memory to you too," I looked at Bella "This really doesn't affect me Bella. The only part that worries me is how it affects YOU."

Anger flashed across her face but she quickly reined it in. She was silent, thoughtful for a long time. She continued to stare at me and I swore I could read in her eyes the internal battle that raged within her.

"Have you thought about having to sit in that courtroom and listen to a blow by blow account of what Tanya did to me that day?" she asked suddenly, her chocolate brown eyes boring into mine, "Have you thought for one second what that's going to do to _you_. Do you think I want you to have your head filled with horrific images that are going to haunt you for the rest your life? Do you think I want to be the cause of _your_ suicidal hate again?"

Her eyes clenched shut, her expression one of utter desolation, of utter hopelessness. My heart clenched painfully. I wanted to stand and take her into my arms, but I forced myself to remain exactly where I was.

"Bella." I began softly "I haven't forgotten what she did to you. Those images will be with me till the day I die and I wish that they had never happened. But they did. I can't change it now. Neither can you. Just like you can't change what happened afterwards. You keep trying to shoulder the blame. _You _didn't cause my mental decline and _you_ didn't force the bottle into my hand. I made mistakes and I accept them and the consequences. But I won't be ruled by my mistakes anymore. I won't be ruled by fear anymore. I'm living my life for today and for tomorrow, not for yesterday."

Her eyelids finally fluttered open and I was confronted with full scale of fear and despair that plagued my wife. I could see her being crushed under the sheer weight of it. She was completely broken.

_"I...I don't know...I don't know what to do...So hard to trust myself...So Hard to believe what you say."_ She confessed brokenly, her voice was so dark, so bleak.

I couldn't watch her the way she was anymore; she looked like she was literally crumbling, right before my very eyes. I stood and slowly moved towards her, pulling her into my arms and holding her against me.

"One day at a time my sweet girl. One day at a time. It's all your choice, remember? If you want me there, I will be there, if you don't, then I will be waiting for you. I love you Bella. I love you so much and I don't want to ever hurt you again. Just tell me what you need and I will do my best to fulfil those needs." I kissed the top of her head.

"I don't know what I need. I...I just need help"

I sighed. I had faced my demons, but I was almost certain that Bella had simply repressed hers and pushed them beneath the surface. I hugged her tighter.

She burrowed her face into my chest; I could feel her taking gulping breaths.

"Bella. You need to talk to someone. You need a safe person to let all this out to before it eats you alive." I didn't know how she would react to my suggestion, but I had to say it.

She was scared, of me, of Tanya, of everything, but the most concerning thing was that she was scared of herself.

Bella's arms wound around my waist, I couldn't believe how delicate she felt even though she held onto me in death grip; she had all but welded herself to me. "I need you Edward. I need you to stay with me and never leave. Will you promise me? I mean swear to me on the lives of our children you will never hurt me, swear you'll never leave me again..." She begged quietly.

I held her tightly "I promise you Bella. I will be here for you as long as you want me, I will be here and I won't leave." I could feel her trembling in my arms and I tilted her head up till I could look into her eyes. "I swear Isabella Cullen. I swear I will be the best husband and father I can be."

She held herself to me, "I want you to be my husband," She murmured quietly.

_I want you to be my husband,_ The sheer joy that exploded inside me when she said that... it was indescribable.

"Do you mean it Bella?" I whispered "Are you sure?" I wanted to kick myself for offering her an out, but logically I knew it would only work between us if she were sure. If she really wanted me and meant it.

"Yes, I mean it..."

I beamed down at her "Thank you." I said "Thank you for making me the happiest man alive." I leaned down and captured her mouth with my own and into that kiss I poured all my hopes and dreams and regrets and apologies.

Everything that made up the man I was, I put into that kiss, showing her that I was hers and no one else's. With one simple kiss, I promised her louder than any words I could have actually spoken aloud.

Apple's scream cut through the haze of happiness I had found with Bella. Bella asked if I would go to her and I nodded reluctantly, I had not wanted to leave her side when we had reached such a juncture in our relationship.

"Good timing Apple." I mumbled as I made my way down to her room.

As soon as I opened the door, I saw Louis sitting there patting his sister on the shoulder, a tired and exasperated look on his face. Apple, however, looked as though she were ready to tear the house down. As soon as she saw me she leapt of the bed and threw herself into my arms.

I held her to my chest while she mumbled about thinking I had left her again.

I sat down on the bed next to Louis who was regarding me with a wary expression as I settled myself. Apple curled herself into a ball on my chest and almost promptly fell asleep while Louis continued to stare at me.

After a while I held out an arm to him and he climbed underneath it. My eldest son was never a big talker, but from a simple expression you could read so much. I held them close to my chest as my drifted over all that had just transpired between Bella and I, we had taken a huge leap tonight but there was still so far left to go. I had no idea how this trial was going to affect Bella but I doubted she'd be able to shoulder the burden. My wife was strong but she was barely keeping herself together as it was.

Part of me wished I had killed Tanya when I had the chance.

I pulled my kids closer to my chest and shook off the dark thought; I needed to find a positive way to help Bella.

Abruptly I felt exhausted, I closed my eyes and made a conscious effort to still my mind. Within minutes I could feel unconsciousness pulling me under.

Now that I had my wife and children back in _our_ home on Waiheke, I had finally relaxed; I hadn't grown any fonder of Bella's cottage in Nepal in the days that I had stayed with my family there. This was our home, this is where we _belonged._

Bella had gone for a walk, leaving me alone with the children which I was more than happy about. It felt good to be finally pulling my weight as a parent and productive member of our family. I had only just got the younger twins down for a sleep when Apple's ear shattering scream burst through the air. I rushed to see what the hell had happened and paused when I saw her standing at the doorway bouncing up and down on the spot.

She realised I was behind her and looked at me, then pointed to the three people standing in the doorway and back to me again. Her mouth was trying to move, to form some kind of words I supposed, but her brain didn't seem to have quite caught up.

"Irina, Demetri and that's their son Oliver?" I tried to help her with a smile and she nodded so quickly, it appeared her head would fall off. "Are you going to say hello?" I said with a smile, my daughter's excitement was infectious and I found myself grinning along with her, despite all the worries scattering through the back of my mind.

Bella and Irina had a... tense relationship to say the least and I didn't want to upset Bella or make her feel ambushed in her own home.

"Hello Apple!" Irina said, breaking the silence and bending down with her arms wide open. Apple didn't need any further encouragement and she leapt into her arms, hugging her tightly. "I missed you too sweetie" Irina said and it was then that I noticed the red rims of her eyes and the dark circles underneath them.

She had been crying. A lot. The happy demeanour that normally radiated from my friend was missing and another barrage of worry slammed into me.

What was wrong with her?

Demetri and Olly appeared to be fine, though Demetri looked quite tired himself.

"METRI!" Louis hollered as he barrelled around the corner and straight into Demetri's legs. He bent down and hugged Louis with one arm, asking him how he had been and commenting on how much bigger he seemed.

Louis was quite pleased with that and his tiny chest puffed out proudly.

I looked over my children's heads at my best friends with a frown "Why don't you come inside guys? You look tired." I said pointedly at Irina. It was the wrong thing to say as she promptly burst into tears.

Apple looked up at her in confusion and Irina hurriedly wiped at her eyes with a smile "Aunty Irina is just so happy to see you Apple. Happy tears." She obviously fibbed.

We made our way inside and Demetri quickly garnered the attention of my two excitable children who were anxious to meet their cousin Oliver. I looked at Demetri in confusion and he surreptitiously and desperately pointed at Irina who was sitting alone in the kitchen. I made my way over to her and put an arm around her shoulders. I had never seen her look so upset before and I was worried.

"Hey. What's wrong?" I said softly. She turned to me with watery, red eyes and the look of pain that I saw there almost had me choking up too.

"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't realise you would have the children. Felix and Kate were staying with Aro for a holiday and we had to come up and tell them the news. I couldn't tell Kate over the phone. Then I saw the windows open down here and I knew you must have been home so I told Demetri I wanted to... I needed a friend." She finished in a broken whisper.

I grabbed the box of tissues off the counter and handed them to her. She took a handful and wiped at her eyes before looking at me again. "I shouldn't be doing this to you. Not after everything... I'm so sorry." I was worried. Irina was a strong, confident woman, nothing like the pained, broken woman sitting before me. I rubbed her back consolingly.

Whatever had upset her was obviously bad. "Tell me honey. What's going on?" I said gently.

She looked up at me with such sad regretful eyes. "It's Tanya. She killed herself."

I felt as though I had been punched in the stomach. I sat down on the chair next to Irina and stared at her in disbelief. "What? When?" I asked.

"Yesterday. She turned one of her bed sheets into a noose and hung herself. I... I don't know what to feel Edward! My sister is dead, and she did some of the worst things one human being could possibly do, but she was still my SISTER and I remember times when she WASNT like that, you know? I remember when we were kids and Kate cut all the hair off my Barbie dolls, so Tanya gave me some of hers. Then she went and decapitated all of Kate's." Irina sobbed "But then I remember everything she did to you and what she did to Bella... And I don't know! It feels wrong to be sad about her... her ... death." She broke down and I hugged her while she wept.

I felt for my friend. I imagined if Emmett or Jasper had done the things that Tanya did... Would I hate them? Or would I still feel some love for them? I didn't think I could hate them. No matter what they would still be my brothers and I wouldn't want them dead, not ever.

"Don't worry Irina. Nobody would blame you for feeling Sad that your sister died. It's a completely normal, natural reaction." I said.

"I had to call Dad and tell him Edward. He was a mess. He thought he could help Tanya. He was getting the best doctors and psychiatrists to help her... He thinks he failed her Edward. He wants me to organise having the body sent back to France and I just don't know if I can do all of that! Demetri has been so good, but I know he hated Tanya just as much as everyone else... Kate is upset but you know Kate, she is pretty self involved and with all the financial troubles her and Felix are having, she doesn't seem to really care all that much! I'm the only one here who can do anything and... And..."

She broke into loud sobs and Demetri came into the room quickly. He looked at Irina and then down at Oliver who was watching his mother with large round, watery eyes.

Irina saw him and looked at Demetri worriedly "take him outside babe. He's seen me crying enough and you know how much it upsets him." She tried to offer her son a smile, but Olly just wasn't buying it.

His bottom lip began to quiver and Demetri nodded. "Ok. But if you need me..." Irina looked at her husband, her eyes filled with love and adoration.

"I always need you. Always. But our son needs you a little more. I'll be fine."

Demetri returned his wife's look and I couldn't help but smile. It never ceased to amaze me how those two could love each other so utterly and completely. They were perfectly in tune with each other's wants and needs, one always accommodating the other but always in perfect balance.

He took Olly outside and I quickly checked on my two children who were happily playing with their toys in the lounge. I looked back at Irina. "Don't worry about Tanya's body. We can get some people at Cullen Industries onto doing all the organising for that. You just worry about YOU and your family ok?" I said taking her hand and squeezing it reassuringly. "Is your Dad coming over?" I asked.

Irina nodded and looked down at her hands. "I think he might blame me too, Edward. He said that Tanya had been forgotten and neglected by us all! He said... He said that I should have been there more. Do you think he's right? Should I have tried harder to help her?"

It cut me to the core to see my friend in such pain, she looked vulnerable and raw and I was about to open my mouth to tell her that she had nothing to be guiltily about when I heard Louis yelling to his mother that Irina and Demetri were here.

Irina looked up at me in horror "Bella is here?"She asked in worry "I didn't know!" She said, her voice panicked "I wouldn't have intruded...She hates me... Oh fuck!" Irina put her head in her hands.

"It's fine." I said hurriedly as I rushed to where Bella stood frozen to the spot looking at Louis. She looked sick and pale and I realised that it wasn't just Irina who was scared about seeing Bella again; the feeling was probably entirely mutual.

"Bella. Are you ok?" I whispered, I took her into my arms and held her against me, kissing her head "Irina and Demetri are here and... Shit. Baby, I need you to sit down before I tell you this." I said. My thoughts were solely on Bella and how she would take the news of Tanya's death.

"I already know Edward. Demetri told me...I hope she finds some peace now."

I looked down at Bella and frowned. Her voice was off and she wouldn't look at me. I gently tilted her chin up so her eyes met mine. "I love you." I said softly, before pressing my lips chastely against her own.

It was not a simple empty, gesture; I was telling her that I was here for her. That I would help her through this new hurdle and no matter what happened, we _would_ have each other and our family to rely on. "If you are uncomfortable, I will ask them to leave." I said softly.

Bella shook her head, "I'm not going to ask you to send your friends away Edward nor would I expect you to. I don't know how much Irina told you about the last time we spoke to each other, but it wasn't a pleasant conversation and ended even worse...She thinks I abandon you, as you probably already know, I don't think it was fair of her to judge me on my actions but let you get away with yours scott free. It wasn't fair of her to judge me when she couldn't even begin to comprehend the horrors I've lived through." There was no bitterness in my voice, I just stated it how I saw it. "I don't hate her Edward I just think she should have tried walking a mile in my shoes before she said anything."

I opened my mouth to say something, but Demetri was standing behind Bella now with a 'what do I do?' expression on his face. I looked over my shoulder and saw Irina clutching her bag tightly in her hand and she began to walk past us, her eyes still streaming unhappy tears.

"I'll... I'll call you Edward. I'm really sorry. I didn't know..." She shook her head and looked at Bella "I wouldn't have come down if I knew that... I'm sorry. I don't want to make things..." She began but was cut off by Demetri.

"Ok. I know this is NONE of my business and we all know I usually prefer to just sit back and stay out of the drama... But you two." He looked between Bella and Irina. "You guys really need to talk this out. You guys were tight once, real tight and maybe it's just me and maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think whatever you guys were fighting about is really that important anymore. Bella still seems to be the same old Bells to me and I know Irina is still the same old Irina. We used to be friends. All of us. I really fucking miss that. I miss those stupid parties, sans the drugs and booze, but I miss the FRIENDSHIP we had. And yeah, a lot of shit has gone down and been said, but at the end of the day, we ain't getting any younger guys. So, even though I may have you two ladies ripping my nads off shortly for making the biggest mistake of my life by sticking my nose in, I'm going to take Edward and I'm going to take my niece, nephew and son and we are going in that room over there. You guys can stay in here and just talk. Please. Cause I really can't take the awkwardness anymore!"

As soon as Demetri stopped speaking the room went deathly silent. I felt awful for Irina but Bella had to be my top priority, I struggled to find some sort of compromise.

"I...I guess I'm willing to try...If you are?" Bella said quietly.

I looked at her in shock and pride. I had not expected her to agree to talk with Irina, though I was pleased and proud that she did. "Are you sure?" I asked, squeezing her hand.

She nodded a little reluctantly but I wasn't going to knock it. She was trying to bridge the gap and I held so much respect for her for doing so. Irina had been about to run away from the situation and while I could understand that with her sisters passing she was not really up for this kind of discussion, I held a great amount of pride for my wife who had been through hell herself but still made the effort and the gesture.

Demetri looked around a little shocked as though he hadn't quite expected anyone to actually listen to him. "Uh... Right. Good. Ok, we will...Uh, just be...in there then." He said kissing Irina's cheek and nodding his head furiously at me in the direction of the lounge.

I rolled my eyes and followed the idiot into the lounge.

Demetri and I watched our kids play and talked idly, both of us preoccupied by what was happening between our wives it the other room. There had been no yelling which I took as a good sign. They had been in there a while to which was another positive sign. I hoped my wife and my best friend could find a way to be friends again.

What felt like hours later there was movement from the kitchen, Bella and Irina made their way past us and up the stairs, with Bella poking her tongue out at us as she went.

I smiled to myself. It was more like the old Bella that I knew. The playful, one.

"Well. I might just be the most fucking amazing person alive." Demetri said stretching his arms above his head with a smug smile on his face.

I picked up a soft toy and tossed it at his head "You are just fucking Ghandi in disguise aren't you." I said in mock irritation.

He grinned at me and tossed back the toy "Jealous."

...A little bit later Bella and Irina made their way back down with the twins and Bella gave me a look that I recognised but couldn't quite believe. I saw lust stirring in her eyes and although my mind scoffed at the idea other parts of me didn't. They were fucking THRILLED that she could be feeling that way for me once more.

Bella passed Noah to me and turned to congratulated Demetri on his peace negotiations.

He shot me a smug smile when she hugged him and kissed his cheek.

"Ah Bella. I am like a solar eclipse. I don't come out very often but when I do... Spectacular..." he hissed the last part and made a showy gesture with his hands before hugging Bella back.

I grinned at my wife and friend, happy to see them happy with each other once more. Irina came and sat down beside me and bumped me with her shoulder.

"Pretty cute kids you have there daddy-o. Lucky they take after their mother aye?"

I rolled my eyes but grinned at my best friend, "Yeah lucky alright."

Bella excused herself to go and make dinner, she resisted Irina's pleas to help; I think she just wanted to have a moment to herself. It had been a big day for Bella emotionally.

I left Irina and Demetri with the kids and went to help Bella.

"Hey you," Bella said looking up from the chopping board with smile.

I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her, placing my chin on her shoulder "Hey yourself" I said kissing her cheek. "You've made Irina pretty happy you know." I commented with a smile "I haven't seen her like this for a long time and considering the news she just received..." I kissed her cheek once more. "If I haven't told you how amazing you are lately, I should be flogged for it."

"Have I told you lately that I love you?" Bella asked quietly.

I froze, my heart stopped beating. "No." I whispered in shock "You haven't. Not for a very long time." My voice was literally a whisper.

I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing, but I wanted to. Oh how I wanted to. My heart was hanging on her next words, begging her to tell me it was not just a joke. I wouldn't be able to stand it if it were. I loved her with all my heart; I wanted her to love me too in exactly the same way.

"Yeah I know I haven't...I do love you Edward Anthony Cullen." Her voice although still quiet was full of conviction.

I crushed my lips against hers, which was pretty awkward as I was smiling so much, but I tried. When that didn't work, I rained kisses down on her face covering, every inch of her face and neck. "I love you too. Oh god so much." I said breathlessly.

She wound her arms around my neck and instinctively I picked her up around the waist and lifted her onto the counter top. Her legs locked around my own and as our mouths met once more, our passion ignited between us.

Our tongues collided furiously and her fingers entwined themselves in my hair, a gesture so familiar and yet it had been so long since I had experienced it that it actually felt NEW.

We were so engrossed in each other that we didn't hear the footsteps behind us.

"Oh fucking hell! Doesn't take you two fucking long does it? Guess some things will never change!" Demetri said in amused disgust.

I turned around just in time to see him leading our son out of the kitchen with him, "What mummy and daddy doing?" He asked curiously.

Demetri looked at him solemnly as they walked out of the room "Mummy and Daddy are making Uncle Demetri sick. And showing us an important lesson on kitchen hygiene. That's a what NOT TO DO." He called loudly over his shoulder.

Bella giggled, "I've missed his unique sense of humour...But I've missed you more... I'll spray down all the kitchen surfaces with janola if it will make you feel better Demetri...And I bet you and Irina have done worse things in your kitchen." She called back to him.

"Not when there are children present or we are making our guests dinner Bella!" Demetri yelled out in the same tone as Bella "And make sure its hospital grade janola please."

"Jesus Demetri how the fuck does Irina put up with you?..." Bella quipped before turning back to me, "I guess we should feed our guests. It would be rude to just leave them to fend for themselves...Maybe we could continue this when we're alone?" She asked shyly.

I kissed Bella's soft lips once more "I would love to continue this." I murmured. I could taste her on my lips and without any conscious thought of my own; I began to move my mouth against hers with renewed vigour. I really didn't want to stop and when Demetri's voice called out once more I growled.

"Uh and just so you know, the children are hungry," I looked at Bella "will you excuse me for a moment? I'm going to go and beat mister funny pants to fucking death." I quickly pecked her lips. "I'll go see to them unless you need help in here?"

She grinned up at me, "No I'm all good in here you can go kick Demetri's ass if you want...Oh and Edward would you like to ask them if they'd like to stay at the cottage? It's just sitting empty."

I nodded and made my way out to the lounge "I hate you Demetri. I hate you so fucking much that if you weren't married to my friend..." I began.

"You would marry me yourself?" He said and then burst into laughter.

I shook my head but I couldn't help but laugh along. Things were good, nothing was perfect yet and if I was quite honest, I didn't know if I wanted it to be. Perfection was overrated and unrealistic in my point of view...

I offered Demetri and Irina the cottage like Bella wanted and they accepted gratefully. I was beyond fucking ecstatic at how easy dinner had been, surprisingly it had taken no time for the four of us to slip into our old easy going friendship. We laughed and joked just how we used to do, it had all been easy and effortless.

Most of the time Bella and I had had our gazes locked on each other, the flash of lust I had seen early still burned in her eyes, brighter than before, her foot caressed mine under the table. My mind was no longer scoffing at the idea; it had caught up to where my body had been from the start. I burned to touch Bella, to reacquaint myself with her body and be intimate with her again.

An exhausted Oliver finally fell asleep in Demetri's arms and Irina declared they should get to the cottage to put him to bed. I looked down at my own children playing happily on the floor. It had been a long day for them to, I was sure the effects of jetlag would be upon them soon.

Bella clasped my hand firmly in hers as we showed our friends to the door, I could feel her fingers trembling and I looked up to search for the reason in her eyes. It took me no longer than a heartbeat to realize it was anticipation and desire that rippled through her.

That knowledge ignited my own desire and filled _me_ with anticipation. I fucking hoped she really wanted me as much as I wanted her. I was about to find out.

I closed the door on our friends and pulled Bella into my arms, I crushed my mouth to hers; eager to taste more of her sweetness on my tongue. Bella kissed me back, her mouth moved against mine with growing urgency, her fingers tangled into my hair as she thrust her body against mine pushing me back into the wall. I fucking loved how she was making her intentions clear.

My body pulsed with surges of the high frequency current that radiated from deep inside her.

"Mummy kiss my daddy?" Apple's tiny voice suddenly broke the silence. Bella took an immediate step back giving us both time to catch our breaths.

"Mummy was kissing Daddy. Is Mummy allowed to kiss you?" Bella asked and surprisingly Apple reached up for her. I broke into a wide smile watching Bella rain kisses all over Apple's face. Apple's girlish laughter filled the air making the moment all the sweeter.

"Mummy loves you so much my baby girl." Bella said kissing her cheeks. We were rewarded with another sweet giggle from her.

"Apple love my mummy. Love _my Daddy_ and my Louis and Noah and my Tisse," Apple chirruped happily.

"My Daddy read me story?" My baby girl asked as she reached over for me. I took her in my arms and kissed her warm cheek. She positively beamed at me.

I looked over at Bella ruefully; I could still taste her on my lips. I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted to see where that kiss would lead us. Bella and I still had not shared a bed; I was worried that she still wasn't ready for it. I searched her face trying to read in her eyes what she was truly thinking, her cheeks were flushed crimson and I wondered what thoughts had triggered her blush. Her eyes were guarded unreadable.

The blush on her cheeks deepened, "I might go and have a shower. Would...would you care to join me?" She asked looking down at her feet. I realized she was nervous.

I wasn't convinced she was really ready. She shuffled her feet and I realized that I had been quiet a moment too long. "Love... yes, I want to join you, but is it what you really want? I... I want you more than anything..." I murmured hoping to reassure her that I wanted her and for her to be sure this was what she really wanted.

There would be no going back for me once I was intimate with her again.

"I want you to. But if _you're _not ready for that I totally understand... It's entirely up to you; I'm fine with any decision you make. There's no pressure." She replied awkwardly. Her blush deepened I could almost feel the heat of it in the air. Bella kissed my cheek, "If I don't see you; sleep well and I will see you at breakfast."

Before I had a chance to answer, to ask her again if she was sure Bella kissed Apple's cheek and practically fled down the hallway. I frowned as I watched her go, was she really ready for this?

"My story daddy?" Apple asked bringing my attention back to her.

"Ok princess let's go and get your brothers and sister and read your story. Do you know which story you want?"

"Laughing apple," she grinned.

"Oh...you like the story of the little laughing apple? I do to," I chuckled tickling her tummy earning a peal of her sweet giggles. She kissed wrapped her tiny arms around my neck in a death grip and kissed my cheek.

"Love you my daddy," she sighed happily.

"I love you to my princess," I replied holding her tighter.

A wide smile spread over my face, I had my family back in our home, my best friend and my wife had resolved their issues and were friends once more. Bella had invited me to share her bed once more, I was on the verge of getting back everything I ever wanted; the _high _was incredible...

...I closed the bathroom door quietly behind me and quickly shed my clothes, my heart crashed against my ribs and my stomach twisted a combination of nerves and anticipation. I took a shaky breath and stepped into the shower with my goddess.

My heart, that had been trying to beat its way out of my chest, stopped beating altogether as I pressed my body against Bella's and wrapped my arms around her. It kick started with a jolt a second later, the surge of electricity that bolted through me as our skin collided sent a shockwave straight to my heart. I felt like i had been electrocuted.

I closed my eyes, remembering and savouring the feeling of Bella's skin on mine, it felt like it had been a lifetime since I touched her. There was no drug on earth that could compare to the _high _touching Bella gave me.

The sensations were both familiar and foreign, the overwhelming aching hunger for her was the same as it had ever been, I still burned for her like I always had, what was different was the absence to want to take that overwhelming desire to the extreme. I would never hurt her; I would never use sex as a weapon against her. I knew how to love Bella the right way now.

I kissed a trail along her throat; her skin was like silk, had it always been this soft? "May I wash you Bella?" I murmured against her skin.

"Um...if you would like to...my body's a bit of a mess at the moment, sorry." She mumbled wrapping her arms across her stomach.

I froze, she was hiding from me; Bella had_ never_ hidden herself before, especially from _me_. It was one of the things I loved about her she never had body issues the way other women did. My heart broke that this beautiful creature was ashamed of her glorious body.

Gently I removed her arms from her stomach, she did not resist.

"Please don't hide from me. You are beautiful My Bella. These aren't something to be ashamed of love. Do you know what I see when I look at them?" I asked softly.

"No..." She mumbled.

"I see devotion. Your devotion as a mother and your devotion as a wife. I see proof of how much you love us all... I love these, I only have to see them, feel them and I can feel the extent of your gift to us. I don't see shame Bella; I see pride, love and strength. You shouldn't try to hide, be proud my wife, be proud of the loving, giving person that you are." I moved to kneel down in front of her, awed by how exquisite she truly was, "You are beautiful my love... You take my breath away."

Slowly I got to my feet, my fingertips gently running over the deep slivery purple scar that stretched across her breast, "This... This is a testament to your strength Bella. The only thing I will think of when I see it is your fierce endurance. You are so strong, I see you, I see this, and it makes me want to be strong too. You inspire me my angel, you must see that..." I kissed the disfigured skin, and her body trembled, but I could feel her beginning to relax, "Be proud of who you are Isabella Cullen, because lord knows, I am."

Bella took a step into me, her arms wrapping around me she pressed her gorgeous body against mine and I shuddered lightly as Bella's life force surged through me. "You are beautiful to you know..." She murmured kissing me softly.

I looked down into her wide warm eyes, sweeping an errant curl from her cheek, as I searched her eyes for her true feelings. "Are you sure about this Bella? I'll love you no matter what you decide..."

"I want to be with you Edward. You're my husband and I love you," She whispered. Nowhere in the fathomless depths of her eyes could I see a contradiction to her words. She _was _sure. She wanted me as much as I wanted her.

The intensity of the emotions surging through me took my breath away.

I captured Bella's mouth with my own, kissing her deeply, urgently. The desire igniting in the pit of my stomach exploded into an inferno at the sound of Bella's soft moan, her warm sweet breath flowed into my mouth and my eyes rolled back in my head at the taste.

Her body shivered as my fingers slid along her silky flesh and pressed firmly down on her soft sweet bud. In our time I apart I had forgotten _nothing_ about Bella's body, even though it had been so long since I had touched her this way my fingers knew exactly how to move against her.

Bella's fingers wove their way into my hair, gripping it tightly, just the fucking way I loved it. She moved her leg bringing her foot to rest against the wall, giving me unfettered access to heaven. I deepened the kiss; bring a new intensity to it, as a new intensity rose within me.

"I've missed your touch Edward." She murmured softly against my lips. Her words sent a shiver down my spine, to hear them was _everything_.

"As I have missed touching you...I love you Isabella."

My fingers continued to touch Bella in a fluid, rhythmic way, in a way I knew would drive her closer to orgasm. Time had not changed the way Bella reacted to my touch, her reactions were the same; I could read every one of them like I was reading from a book.

Her fingers tightened their grip in my hair in a familiar way, her lips were moving against mine with growing urgency her breath were shallow ragged little pants. She was _so close_. I upped the tempo of ministrations and adjusted the pressure of my fingers knowing it would push her to the edge.

If I hadn't known Bella's body better than I knew my own I would have thought her bodies resistance to letting go was to prolong the moment and drive the intensity of impending release to the point of pain making the climax all the sweeter. But I knew Bella better than that, her resistance was fear not prolonged pleasure, she was afraid to let go.

I relinquished her mouth my lips sliding along her jaw to the hollow beneath her ear, "Please trust me angel, and let me do this for you... Let me give you this. Will you _cum_ for me Bella?" I whispered against her throat.

Her body reacted instinctually to my request, as her resistance dissipated her climax hit with full force. She clung to me desperately as her body shook and she gasped for breath. I did not slow my ministrations, I wanted to prolong the moment; I wanted the symphony of sweet sounds that fell from her lips to _never _stop.

I was filled with a rush of pride that I could still make my wife sound like that!

Bella's soft cries of pleasure rapidly changed as the tremors in her body subsided. I stilled my fingers as a low sob broke from Bella's throat. She tightened her grip on me as one broken sob turned into a torrent of them.

The sound of her crying disturbed me but I didn't panic. I understood her tears. Bella had been through _so much_, she had been repressing her emotions for too long it was inevitable when she finally let them free they were going to overwhelm her. I held her tightly saying nothing as she cried herself out on my shoulder, I was glad Bella had finally allowed herself to let go of some of those pent up emotions, it was healthy for her, it would help her get better.

When Bella had found a measure of control and her cries had quietened I kissed her softly, reverently. She was perfect and she was _mine_. No words were spoken between us as I reverently washed every inch of her body, I frowned as I wiped the sponge across the bare knuckles of her left hand, they didn't look _right_. And I didn't feel right looking at them.

Neither of us said anything as I continued to wash Bella, both of us consumed in our thoughts. I wondered what she was _thinking_ about.

I carried Bella to _our_ bedroom and placed her on _our_ bed, I was happy that we would be spending our first night back together in our marital bed. It felt _right._

Nearly everything felt right, nearly felt perfect. There was only one thing missing, something I was about to rectify. I could feel Bella's curious gaze follow me as I opened my draw. I knew she couldn't see the items I retrieved and I was glad for that. I wanted to be able to read her eyes when I presented her with them.

I returned to the bed, lying next to her I brushed my finger across her cheek, her chocolaty eyes were wide, warm and inviting, they shone brightly in the half light. She was so beautiful heartbreakingly so.

"My Bella," I sighed as my fingers trailed down her throat.

"My Edward," She whispered, my name sounded like a caress. Taking her left hand in mine I kept my gaze on hers as I slid her wedding band and engagement ring back on her finger.

Her eyes were wide warm and shinning with unshed tears. The love swirled in their chocolaty depths took my breath away.

"So brave," I whispered kissing her fingertips, before kissing the rings on her finger. Her knuckles looked right now, everything felt right now. "Bella, I want to...I want to touch you again." I kept my gaze on hers reading her reaction.

"I'd like that..." She whispered, there was no hesitation in her voice, I could hear the conviction in it despite how quietly she spoke. There was nothing in her eyes other than love.

I kissed her softly and gently rolled on top of her. I gasped quietly at feeling our bodies pressed together, she felt so _familiar _but at the same time she felt _new_. Her body was different yet the same, her skin was still the colour of fresh cream and had the same incredible silky texture. Her curves were still there though she was thinner; Bella still had the body of a goddess.

"Are you sure?... There's no going back from this." I whispered. There would be no going back from this, not for me. I loved Bella, I wanted and needed her. I would never be able to give her up after this.

"Yes...I'm sure,"

Nothing could have prepared me for the intensity of the feelings that crashed down on me when I effortlessly slid into Bella's warmth. My eyes rolled back in my head, an automatic reaction to the feeling of being inside her once more, had she always felt this _good_? _This warm and wet and tight._

A lowly growl rumbled from my throat

Jesus fuck. I was completely overwhelmed, so many things were rushing through me at the same time; I could make sense of _nothing_. The sensation of being wrapped in Bella's warmth wasn't the only thing I couldn't comprehend; there were the barrage of emotions that flooded through me all fighting for dominance. Love, hate, guilt, sorrow, fear, longing, redemption and salvation, a tumult of feelings pulling me in different directions.

I looked into Bella's eyes, anchoring myself there as I tried to get some sort of control over myself. Her wide eyes were soft, understanding, she knew what I was going through, she knew how overwhelming the intensity of it was.

Looking into Bella's eyes, seeing the love and understanding there, calmed me down quickly. I began to move within her heaven, the feeling surpassed anything and everything I had known before.

There was no words; no way to explain how I truly felt at this moment, this type of feeling, of freedom had no description. I gave up trying to figure it out and just let myself be engulfed in Bella's healing light.

She was my salvation.

Bella's wide eyes bore into mine trying like I always did with her to read my thoughts in my eyes. I looked at her knowing she would see all I wanted to say, she would see the regret and the apology for the hurt I had caused her, she would see my redemption and she would see that she was my salvation. She would see how much I loved and needed her.

I loved her with everything that I was.

"I love you Edward Cullen" She whispered, knowing it was what I needed to hear. I could see in her eyes the redemption I sought.

I kissed her soft pouty lips as I thrust into her with a growing sense of urgency, the muscles in the pit of my stomach tightened coiling in anticipation, Bella tightened her grip on me her body soldering itself to mine. Her breathing rapidly turned to panting as her walls started to clench around me.

The feeling; the _sensation_ of Bella cumming around my cock was too much, too fucking _good!_ I thought I might go fucking crazy; the feeling of her warm silken cum wetting my dick was sublime. I shuddered in ecstasy.

_Nothing_, no amount of booze and drugs could ever compare to this feeling, to this rush.

She gasped my name as her body thrashed beneath me dragging my own orgasm forth.

Bella clung to me with the same desperation as I clung to her, I wanted to watch her again in her moment of pleasure but my vision blurred and my eyes rolled back in my head as I rode out my own overwhelming release.

I couldn't fathom how I had lived without, how I had survived one fucking day without this woman, without the feelings she engendered in me.

It had been the truth when I told Bella there was no going back from this. I could not; I would not ever give her up.

We lay in the dark listening to the sound of our ragged breathing, the pounding of our hearts, Bella had not relinquished her hold on me and I hoped she never would.

"I love you. I have never stopped." I whispered against her throat as I began to move inside her once more...

a/n: Feel free to leave a review. as you know we're always interested in your feedback


	53. family feuds, festivities & the

A/N: Hi there. As always a thank you to those of you who took the time to review; it's much appreciated :) . And as always thank you to the lovely **Sassy** who took time out of her very busy life to edit this chapter. xx

**I would also like to publically acknowledge Greenaway's work in this chapter.**

I want to say that this chapter comes with a **warning**. It may induce severe cringing or vomiting! Don't say I didn't warn you :) ...LOL...

**So this chapter is a mish mash of POV's and I need to tell you how Rosalie and Aro's pov's are structured**. I have mixed their points of view together in the scenes they have. When one of them speaks it will be followed up by their own internal monologue before switching to the others point of view, it will keep switching back and forth throughout their scenes. To help warn you when the point of view is going to change I have put in a series of **... **at the end of the previous persons monologue.

I apologize if it's confusing it was the only way I could get both of their points of view in without making the chapter even longer than it is already.

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns twilight and the related characters. Cinnamon Twist & Greenaway co-own this story. Any lyrics used are the property of the owner.**

**F****AMLY** **FEUDS, FESTIVIES & THE **_**WOODSTOCK**_** REVIV****AL****...**

**BELLA POV...**

I didn't mean to eavesdrop on Edward's conversation with Esme but curiosity and fear got the better of me and I hovered in the doorway trying to catch what he was saying. He ran his fingers through his hair a sure sign he was frustrated which meant that Esme was taking the news we were back together like I knew she would.

Her anger had obviously not abated any since she left Nepal. Edward's voice was determined as he told his mother that he would not _lose _me again. Although I could not hear the words Esme spoke I knew she was furious, I could hear the angry buzz like a swarm of attacking bees coming from the phone.

My eyes widened in stunned disbelief when I heard him bark an angry ultimatum down the phone to her. Although I didn't want Edward to fight with his mother over me I could not stop the rush of Love, pride, gratitude and happiness I felt for him. I wanted to rip the phone from his hand and throw myself upon his body in adoration.

The sound like angry bees seemed to diminish as Esme calmed down; she was obviously taking heed of Edward's warning. The feeling of happiness dissipated and were rapidly replaced with fear when Edward said he'd see her _next weekend_...

Neither Edward nor I had seen anybody apart from Aro in the few weeks we had been home from Nepal. Obviously our families knew we were back we had just asked them to give us some time to get settled before they visited.

It seemed Esme had waited long enough to see her _'Baby Boy_,' as she referred to Edward as. The woman was completely over the top since she'd learned the _truth_. I may as well have been the devil; I _was _the devil as far as Esme was concerned. I doubt she'd ever forgive me for not confiding in her and I was sure she'd never ever forgive me for abandoning Edward to 'shack up' with Jacob when Edward had _'needed'_ me most.

Nothing Edward or Carlisle said to her in way of explanation made an ounce of difference, she stubbornly clung to the notion I had betrayed Edward by fleeing to live with Jake. I had told Edward it didn't bother me, and it didn't, I was convinced Esme only blamed me because she couldn't face up to her own failing as a mother.

Edward ended the conversation and sighed as he put the phone on the table. I continued to watch him from the doorway, watching the way the sun turned his hairy a vibrant coppery gold, he was beautiful. Edward had well and truly conquered his fears. He was such a different person to the one he had been. It was like all the best parts of him shone even brighter while the darker side had disappeared altogether.

He suddenly took off his shirt and my breath caught in my throat, the sun gleamed on his pale skin giving it subtle radiance, although he had lost so much weight he was still physically beautiful; his naked body never failed to take my breath away.

I wanted desperately to touch him so I hurried over to where he was and slid into his lap.

My hands slipped over his bare shoulders and I sighed happily. _"I love you Edward,"_ I said a little breathlessly.

"I love you too baby. With all my heart and soul," He replied softly.

"I believe that a little more every day, but none more so than _today_." I murmured. I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and looked at him pensively for a moment, "I overheard your conversation with your mum. _Thank you_ for defending me. But are you sure it was fair to give her an ultimatum like that?"

I knew he wouldn't be angry at me for listening to his private conversation but I blushed in embarrassment that I had been purposefully eavesdropping.

"She wasn't happy, but I'm sure she will get over it. I meant what I said to her. She accepts it or she can stay away, we've all had enough complications in our lives." He leaned forward and kissed me gently, "Nothing is more important to me than you and the kids. _Nothing_."

I smiled against his lips, "you know I'm going to be giving Charlie the same ultimatum in few minutes don't you?"

He shook his head frowning, "I don't want to cause problems with you and your dad baby. Though; if I'm honest it will feel pretty fucking good to hear you say that you want to be with me. I don't think I'll ever get tired of that."

"It doesn't matter what Charlie says he won't be able to get me to change my mind...I want you Edward Cullen, I want you forever."

"You've always had me, my beautiful Bella and you always will." He murmured.

My hand trembled in Edward's. As much as I was petrified to be seeing Esme again I was equally terrified to face _Charlie_. My father had not taken the news of Edward and my reunion well and had nearly had an aneurysm when I told him we were back living together on Waiheke Island.

He had refused to ever be in the same room as Edward again, ranting to me how he'd never been good enough for me and that he never would be, that was until I gave him the same type of ultimatum as Edward had given Esme.

My father had been horrified that I would choose Edward over _him_, he had tried to guilt me and grouching at me, trying to get me to change my mind but of course I refused to budge. It was my life to live how I wanted and with whom I wanted and I wanted Edward, _forever_.

Charlie finally relented, when he saw I would not be moved, and agreed, albeit ungraciously, to join the rest of our family for the weekend. Of course Renee had been overjoyed when she had heard the news, smugly telling me she '_told me so!'_ My parents were the epitome of 'good grace,' I thought sarcastically.

"Oh Jesus Edward. Tell me again why we are doing this?" I hissed as the cars containing our family began to appear in the driveway.

"It's going to be fine Baby. You and me have been through much worse than this... This is a piece of cake...We got this in the bag honey. Trust me."

I looked up at Edward in mild envy, I was jealous that he never let his life be ruled by fear anymore. I wanted to be like that, I wanted to be courageous enough to face my problems head on instead of wanting to run from them. Well regardless if I was ready to face my problems head on I was going to have to, Edward had a firm grip on my hand and there was no way he was going to relinquish it.

Matisse squirmed on my hip and I reaffirmed my grip on her. I knew it was beyond cowardly that I was using my adored youngest daughter has as a human shield, a buffer between me and Charlie's fury.

"I'm glad you think so...Well I guess there's no backing out now." I grumbled to Edward.

"Nope," He replied as he pulled me toward the front door. I trembled in fear as I stood with Edward and our children, presenting a united front; despite Edward's optimism I didn't believe that we had this _'in the bag.'_

Charlie got out of the car and immediately gave Edward the fiercest death glare he could muster, confirming my suspicions that this was not going to be a _'piece of cake,'_, I quailed under the intensity of it but Edward didn't seem to be affected by it at all. Renee, who still _adored _Edward, gave him a bright smile and waved.

Edward was relaxed enough to joke about Renee still loving his _ass,_ and I would have found it hilarious if it wasn't for the steam coming out of Charlie's ears.

I unleashed my most powerful weapon, placing Matisse on the ground. And like I knew she would she went straight for her grandpa Charlie. I watched smugly as my father's angry demeanour completely melted and he reached out for Matisse with a blinding smile. He was putty in her tiny hands.

"Hi Dad," I said as soon as Matisse was tucked up in his arms.

"Hi Belly Bear," He said gruffly. His anger had only disappeared from the surface it seemed; but he gave me a hint of a smile. I looked at him pointedly; I was not going to let him ignore Edward. "Ed...Edward," he choked out, more of the anger evident this time.

"Hello Charlie." Edward said politely, "You look well."

"I'd be better if I wasn't up worrying about my baby girl all night every night." Charlie grumbled.

My love and respect for Edward grew when he turned to Charlie and offered him and Renee an apology for not only breaking the promise he made them but for hurting me repeatedly as well.

"...That being said and out of the way," He said, "I still want you both to know that if you want to discuss this with me privately later, I am more than happy to do so. You both deserve answers and I'm happy to give them to you. But for now, I think your daughter and grandchildren should take priority. I know they all missed you both terribly." Edward said pointedly.

"You can bet we'll be discussing this later Edward," Charlie barked fiercely "and you to _Bella_," there was only a touch of his former fierceness when he said my name but I still cringed into Edward's side.

"Yeah alright Dad. If it will make you feel better," I said warily. This was going to be a very, very long weekend.

Charlie gave me a frown but stayed silent; his attention was suddenly captured by all his grandchildren who were suddenly vying for his attention.

Renee hurried forward and threw her arms around both Edward and I. "I'm so happy for the both of you. I always knew you'd get over this hurdle. I've never seen two people more in love than you two always were."

"Thanks Mum," I said gratefully.

_"Don't worry about your father he'll come round. He always does."_ She whispered.

Edward hugged Renee to him and told her how nice it was to see her again; he sounded sincere, and he joked with her about Aro's _cookies_. She flushed a little when he warned her against eating the brownies.

Charlie and the grandchildren suddenly captured Renee's attention and she bustled happily into the house after them.

Edward slid his arm around my waist, "Told you baby. You and me... we got this." He said as he kissed the top of my head.

I loved Edward for his positive attitude but I was pretty sure that we were in for a rough ride, especially with Esme. The woman had turned into the devil, she was bloody fearsome.

"Wish some your positive atoms would rub off on me," I said with a grin that I was sure came out more like a grimace.

He looked down at me and smirked, "I can rub up on you whenever you like. You name the time and place and I will SO be there."

"Don't tempt me Edward. We're meant to be showing my parents how mature we are now," My thoughts were on the time they came to dinner and Edward and I had fucked while they waited upstairs, "you know we have to make it past the bathroom on our way to the kitchen. And if you say things like that I won't be able to stop myself from making us take a pit-stop."

Edward looked at me like he wouldn't be averse to taking a detour to the bathroom. It look like he was about to insist we make a bathroom stop when the sound of a car slowing and pulling into the driveway stopped the thought in its tracks.

"Oh good. It's my cock-blocking parents." He groaned. "Ready for round two?" He asked me with a waggle of his eyebrows.

I laughed out loud; it had been so long since I had heard Edward refer to his parents as cock blockers. I was far from ready to face _Esme_, if it wasn't for the fact I knew she wouldn't be able to scream abuse at me I think I would have actually run and hid.

"No I'm not ready but I'm outta time to run and hide. So let's go." I said half jokingly. The option to run and hide was beyond a temptation.

"Thatta girl. It will be fine." Edward said soothingly as he led me toward his parent's car.

I couldn't help but relax a little when I saw Carlisle; he was obviously overjoyed to see us together and he said so less than a moment later.

He pulled me into his embrace and I had no qualms about letting go of Edward's hand so I could hug him fully. _"...I'm doing so much better now. And how about you? Are things ok now?"_ I whispered...

"They are _better_. But she's not the same demure woman I married that's for sure," He murmured.

"Is she going to be ok here?" I asked unable to control my anxiety.

"She'll be fine just give her some time." He reassured me with a smile.

"Kay,"

I stayed by Carlisle side while Esme made a fuss over Edward. I hated the way she treated him like a five year old, it was degrading to Edward in my opinion. I made a vow there and then to never do that to my own children.

Esme finally turned toward me and gave me an almost steely look. "Isabella. You look... lovely." The smile she plastered on her face never made it to her eyes; they were still cold and calculating, "Thank you for inviting us. I've missed my son and grandchildren and it was kind of you to invite us here." She added with some difficulty.

Esme's resentment was thinly veiled but I had expected even worse from her so I was slightly taken aback.

"Hello Esme. You're looking well and I...I'm glad you could make it. I know the kids are looking forward to seeing you." I said as politely as I could in my terrified state.

As if my son could feel my distress from the house he suddenly appeared at my side. He took my hand and smiled shyly up at Esme.

She knelt down beside me looking at Louis is absolute veneration, "hello Louis. My how you've grown," She whispered. Esme's expression was almost awestruck as she gazed at my son.

Louis reached out and took her hand. He pointed toward the house and Esme, I saw her face twist in surprise that Louis did not speak to her but she nodded her in understanding and let him lead her into the house. Carlisle seemed happy to let Esme go on without him; he was content to stay outside with Edward and I.

Edward watched his mother disappear into the house before he turned and smirked at his Dad. There was no way to contain my shock when Edward started taunting Carlisle about his fearsome wife. I thought Carlisle would take offense but he just grinned slyly at Edward before making some smart ass comment of his own.

It was wonderful to see Edward and Carlisle so relaxed in each other's company. I doubted their relationship had ever been as natural and effortless as it was now...

...The delicious sound of my children's laughter suddenly drifted from the open door. Carlisle gave the front door one longing look before giving me a cheeky smile and disappearing into the house.

Edward turned to me and smirked, "Two down. Only two to go and the last two are the easy ones... Speaking of easy, here comes Rose now..." He teased as Emmett, Jasper, Rose and Alice pulled into the driveway.

Emmett was the first out of the car. His question was directed at his brother but his were firmly on me.

"Jesus fucking Christ Assward what the fuck have you done to my SISTER?" He hissed at Edward as he made his way toward us. "Fuck Bella I hoped you caned his emoward ass before you agreed to take him back. Though why you'd take the fucktard back is beyond me."

"You know it won't happen again Emm. We've been through this." Edward muttered.

I sighed in exasperation when Emmett tugged me out of Edward's arms and into his own. While I could stand by at let our parents voice their displeasure, I didn't have to listen to or hold back around Emmett.

"Jesus fuck Emmett, a simple hi how are you would have sufficed," I groaned, "But manners, tact and diplomacy were never your strong suits were they?" Edward took my hand and I knew he was worried for me. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. This was Emmett! I knew the retard like the back of my hand. "Fuck I have to say though I've missed your ugly mug you big gorilla." I aimed a gentle kick at Emmett's shin and stepped back into Edward's arms.

Emmett's booming laughter shattered the silence, "I missed you too Bells. So much. Don't you ever run away from me again! You hear me Missy?"

Jasper came up behind Emmett; he gave Edward a quick smile before turning his attention on me, "Hey Bells. It's good to see you again... and with Edward no less."

I willingly stepped out of Edward's arms and into Jasper's. As much as I loved Emmett for all his crazy ass energy, I loved Jasper's sense of calm just as much. He was, in a way, the eye of the storm that were his brothers. The tiny piece of serenity amongst the chaos.

I smiled as his arms closed around me and a sense of calm began to steal through me. I was amazed that even after not seeing him for a year how I instantly relaxed in his presence.

"Hey Jazz it's good to see you again to, real good. You're looking good, healthy and happy. Has Life been kind to you?"

"Life is always good to me Bells. Always. So," He said with a smile before turning his attention to Edward and asking whether Carlisle and Esme had arrived yet.

Edward, Jasper and Emmett joked around easily with each other and I had to admit it was nice to see their relationships remained intact. I wasn't sure how my sisters were going to be with Edward. Alice, like Renee, was more likely to forgive and forget whereas Rosalie probably not so much with the forgiving or forgetting.

Alice was her usual upbeat self, she didn't seem get offended when Edward started teasing her, she just retaliated like she always did; she actually seemed more offended by the way he was dressed; she berated him about his horrific dress sense.

Rosalie stepped forward and completely ignored Edward; she cast her steely eyes on me, "are you sure about this Bella? It seems like a really stupid move to me." She said without as much as a hello.

I sighed in exasperation, "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't Rose and please use your manners and say hi to your brother in law." I said quietly.

Rose cast her eyes on Edward with a look of distain, "Brother in law? Technically I suppose. How are you Edward? How was that fall from grace?" She asked sarcastically.

A low growl slid from my throat. I was about to tell my sister to go fuck herself when Edward made some quip about how she'd know what it was like being at the bottom.

I giggled at Edward's comment but step forward and gave my older sister a hug, "It's good to see you Rosie... Don't give Edward a hard time ok? We've been through enough bullshit without our family coming down on us like a ton of bricks." I kissed her cheek and let her go so I could give my younger sister a hug, "I've missed you manic pixie."

I looked over her shoulder and saw Aro making his way up the driveway. A slow smile spread over my face; now _all_ of my family was here. Aro was Edward and my biggest supporter, I felt better knowing he was here, I knew if it turned into a fight he would side with us.

Renee's voice suddenly sounded from the doorway, "Dinners ready you lot...Oh hi Aro," she said cheerfully, "you're just in time for dinner. Are...are those your famous cookies you have there?" She asked as she eyed the plate of brownies he was carrying.

"Ah Renee. You get more beautiful each time I see you. Your daughters are truly blessed to be carrying your genes." Renee giggled and blushed as Aro came and handed her the brownies "Alas, these are not the same brownies as I have made before. I merely wanted to make the little ones something sweet for pudding, though if you are interested, I DO have some of my 'special batch' back up at my place." He winked at her "maybe a little later though?"

I cast a steely look at Renee; she could just keep away from Aro's special brownies! The last thing I needed was for her to get wasted and start trying to hook up with my husband or Aro or both!

...We had just finished what proved to me be a very awkward dinner. It was saved from being possibly the most hideous family dinner only by the presence of Aro who refused to let the topic of conversation be Edward and I.

I thought we were home free when Charlie suddenly cleared his throat and stood up. I didn't miss the passing glance he gave to Esme or the nod she gave him in return.

My stomach dropped when he looked down at Edward and I.

"Look you two there's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to come right out and say it. I know you think its fine for you to just put a band aid over your problems in the hope of fixing them, but I have to tell you it's not going to work. What you two have failed to grasp is that you are the parents of four beautiful children, our grandchildren, and every decision you two make has an impact on them. Now as far as I'm concerned and I'm not the only one in this room who is concerned, the selfish actions of both of you have caused your children not only unnecessary hurt but you only serve to confuse them when you repeatedly make the decision to walk away from your marriage and your commitments. A _parent _puts the needs and welfare of their children above all else. And the actions of you two in the past year has shown me that you don't put the wellbeing of your children before yourselves. Now I know Apple and Louis weren't planned and stuff was messy back then. But you consciously chose to have more children and then you let them down." He said sternly.

"Now I want to know what happens to my grandchildren the next time you two decide to act selfishly and put yourselves first? You're relationship has always been complicated, messy and in my opinion _destructive_. I'm actually not prepared to sit back and let you hurt those kids again. So I'm giving you an ultimatum of my own, and Esme backs me up on this. I will file for custody of your children if I think your actions will harm them further."

My eyes widened in fear, was my dad serious? Would he really take my children away from me? I would never allow that to happen! I was about to defend both Edward and myself when Esme stood up, she gave Edward a regretful glance.

"Edward. Darling." She simpered, "It's not a healthy relationship. For any of you. I don't want to see you or my grandchildren hurt again. Please understand." She pleaded not taking her eyes from her youngest son.

Carlisle dropped the fork; it clattered noisily on his plate, he looked completely horrified. Everyone else just sat in stunned silence.

I stared at Charlie and Esme with my mouth gaping open. I expected this kind of treachery from Esme but not my _Dad_. The room was deathly silent and I dragged my horrified gaze from Charlie and Esme and looked around the table, everyone but Aro, who was visibly shaking with rage as he stared at Esme and Charlie, was still as statues their bodies frozen in the pose they had been in when Charlie started his speech.

My gaze finally drifted to Edward's, under the seething anger blazing in his eyes I could see the pain, the hurt, Esme and Charlie's words had inflicted on him. White hot fury gushed through my veins; I could not believe Esme could be so _cruel._ She claimed to _love _Edward but she was completely deluded if she thought her actions equated to love.

I leapt up from the table and cast my father and Esme with a death glare, holding back none of the disgust I felt for them. I was so angry I could happily see the two of them reduced to a pile of smouldering ashes.

"While I respect your right to your opinion," I hissed sarcastically, "I have to say that I really don't give a flying fuck what you two think! Edward and I are _adults_ we don't have to answer to any of you. We know we made mistakes and we know we've hurt our children, but your actions are hurting us, _your children_." I fumed

"None of your relationships are perfect, granted they aren't as messed up as ours, but then none of you have had to live through the fucking horrors we have. Horrors that weren't our fault! Admittedly we didn't handle the situation with Tanya very well, but Edward and I have always done what we thought was best for each other. Even though we were wrong the good intention was there. And it's the same with our children. I did what I thought was best for them and I stand by that and I'm certainly not going to apologize to you for it."

I refused to let Esme pile the blame on me anymore. I took a shuddering breath, "As for taking custody of our children it will be over MY FUCKING DEAD BODY...I will fight you till the fucking day I die for my kids so don't you dare threaten me dad! And the way I feel about you and Esme right now I could quite happily pack up my husband and children and disappear off the face earth! And let me issue a warning of my own, if anyone makes another negative fucking comment about me or Edward you're all going to wake up to find us gone. AND I WILL MAKE SURE WE ARE NEVER FOUND!"

I glared menacingly round the table daring anyone to fucking '_try me'_ before I threw myself back into my chair.

As soon as I had taken my seat Edward stood up, he stared stonily at Esme as he launched into an invective of his own.

He turned and took my hand in his gently pulling me to my feet before grazing my knuckles with his lips, "...It doesn't matter Bella. I don't care what they say. I KNOW this is right. I know our family is right. I love you. Always."

Edward kissed me gently and touched his forehead against mine.

I turned away from Edward at the sound of Aro's cold voice. I had never heard him use such a venomous tone toward anybody, not ever.

"Well personally, and I think from the look on both Carlisle and Renee's face's that they would agree with me, it's disgusting the way you two" Aro said standing up and pointing to Charlie and Esme "Treat_ your_ children. Flower Child is right. That is your daughter and your son right there. They have been through hell. I've seen it, much better and clearer than either of you!" his eyes were blazing with fury as he stared at our parents "They have been through hell and they are FINALLY finding their happiness again. What parent would want to rip that away from their child?"

Esme went to open her mouth but Aro held up a hand. "Spare me. This isn't about Apple and Louis or Matisse and Noah, they have a mother and a father who love them AND each other. A family deserves to be nurtured and protected, not torn down like you are trying. Ashamed! I'm ashamed of you both!" He spat.

"Aro's right Esme. You should be ashamed of the way you are acting and you to Charlie. You're both hypocrites and your both acting despicably." Carlisle said suddenly, "I support my children one hundred percent. Life is too short for bitterness and recriminations Esme. I know that better than anyone. I don't want to hurt you love but I'm not going to watch you do to your son what your accusing your daughter in law of doing to him. I will hire a whole army of lawyers to help stop my children from going through anymore hell at_ anybodies_ hands."

Esme couldn't hide her shock, resentment or fury she felt that Carlisle was once again siding against her; it blazed in her eyes and twisted her mouth into a fierce scowl. "I... Carlisle," She stuttered before she turned away from him to look pleadingly at Edward. Nothing in the look she gave him softened his stony look and she sighed in defeat, "Fine. But I swear to you... ALL of you, that I won't allow my family to be ripped apart by that woman anymore! The MINUTE I see my son in danger again or my grandchildren..." She cast me a venomous look, "Then I won't hesitate, Isabella. I will do EVERYTHING in my power to see you out of their lives. At any cost."

She took her seat and snatched her hand out of Carlisle's when he tried to hold it.

Anger flared inside me at Esme's threat. I stood up abruptly from the table once more and cast my narrowed eyes on her, "You listen to me Esme and you listen good and you to Charlie. If either of you ever try to interfere in my life or the lives of my children I swear that I will disappear with my family and neither of you will ever see any of us again." I reiterated my earlier sentiments, "You may think I'm not worthy of Edward but you're wrong! I am more than worthy of him. And you may think I'm an unfit mother Esme but I'm fucking not! And no fucking court in the country would take my kids away from me and give them to YOU! So your fucking threats don't scare me but you should know that I'll have no qualms on making good on mine. I refuse to take the blame here Esme, like I told you before I'm not responsible for what your husband and son have done to you and I will never shoulder that burden..."

She looked like she was about to argue when Renee suddenly got to her feet. She cast a disgusted look at Esme, "Now that's enough both of you. Esme I really love you, but don't you ever threaten my daughter again because it won't end nicely for you!"

She warned her severely before casting her furious glare on her husband, "And Charlie, what the fuck do you think you're doing? I would never have believed you'd threaten your own daughter like that. You should be ashamed of yourself! I would never let you take our grandkids from their parents and I should kick your ass for even bloody suggesting it, and I fucking will kick your if you ever say it again. Now everybody's had a fucking say in my baby girls life now you can all just leave her and Edward alone and let them make their own way..."

Renee glared around the table, while I looked at her in stunned disbelief. I just couldn't believe my mum just threatened Edward's mum. I wondered for one wild second who would come off better if it turned into a physical fight. I shut down the intriguing thought.

"Now for the sake of our grandchildren we are going to put all this shit behind us and start acting like a proper _loving_ family. Do I make myself clear? Charlie, Esme?" Renee asked sternly. She reminded me of a school teacher reprimanding naughty children. If the situation hadn't have been so dire I would have laughed at my mum.

Charlie sighed in exasperation he recognized the battle was lost and he was far from happy. He cast a stern eye on Edward, "Ok Edward I'm prepared to bite my tongue and give you a chance to prove yourself. But if she sheds even one tear over you ever again I'm going to kick your fucking ass. "

Edward's eyes narrowed as he looked at Charlie, "With all due respect Charlie, I have nothing to prove to you. The only people whose expectations I have any desire of meeting are my wife and children's. And hear me when I say this..." He looked at Esme as well "If either of you EVER come into our home again and treat us with such disrespect... You will never be welcome again."

I nodded my head in agreement; I had no qualms about cutting anyone of them out of my life if they were going to oppose us.

The rest of the evening was far from pleasant though nobody made any other disparaging remarks.

I sighed in relief when Aro suggested it might be time to call it a night and I took my first real breath when Edward shut the door behind our family.

"See. Told you it would be fine." Edward chuckled.

"Jesus if that's your idea of fine I shudder to think what you'd call horrific...I'm just glad it's over. All I care about is you and our kids. As long as we're happy that's all that counts."

He pulled me into his embrace and brushed his lips across mine, "I'm always happy when I'm with you..."

If it had been anybody else's other than Aro's birthday I would have refused to leave our children with our _parents_ but I wanted to celebrate with my friend. Edward and I, well mostly me Edward hadn't been very enthusiastic when I suggested it, had decided to throw him a very laid back alcohol free party for the man we considered our father.

I took a seat on the steps to Aro's porch and directed Edward which trees to hang the rows of Chinese lanterns and where I thought the best place for the bonfire was.

He looked over at me with a sardonic smile when I suggested that he move the fire pit a fraction to the left. I burst into a fit of laughter it felt good to be teasing Edward.

"Be thankful it's not _Alice_ doing the directing she'd have you positioning it to the alignment to the constellation of Aquarius." I teased.

He looked like he was going to say something but then he just nodded his head in agreement. He knew I was right...

...I was feeling more and more relaxed as the night went on. It was partly to do with Aro's most excellent weed and the company of those I loved the most. I thought back on all those crazy nights I had spent with the people spread out in the yard in front of me.

They were Dangerous and irresponsible but fun times.

I compared it to the laid back scene playing out in front of me and I smiled, I definitely enjoyed this kind of party with my friends much more.

Edward and I were practically joined at the hip; I kept a part of my body in contact with his at all times. We settled in by the bonfire, I rested my head on his shoulder as he plucked the strings on Aro's acoustic guitar and kissed him passionately when he began playing patience.

I kept my eyes locked on his and he serenaded me.

_Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you  
I'm still alright to smile  
Girl, I think bout you every day now  
Was a time when I wasn't sure  
But you set my mind at ease  
There is no doubt you're in my heart now_

Said woman take it slow, and it'll work itself out fine  
All we need is just a little patience  
Said sugar take it slow and we'll come together fine  
All we need is just a little patience  
(patience)  
Mmmm, yeah

We were interrupted a minute later by Aro who grooved over and requested Edward play 'squeeze Box' before making a bee line for Rosalie, who looked very happy to see him. He dropped to his knees before her and she practically beamed down at him before she looked over at me and smiled evilly.

I had no time to dwell on why the fuck my sister was giving me evil smirks, Edward had finished his song and was now kissing me in a way that made me forget everything around me, hell I even forgot my name.

By the time Edward had relinquished my mouth Rosalie and Aro had disappeared into the darkness...

**Aro & Rosalie's POV's...Starting with Aro**

I walked over to Edward who was strumming lightly on the guitar while Flower Child rested her head on his shoulder. "Mama's got a Squeeze box" I said with a grin that he returned while shaking his head.

His fingers began plucking at the strings and I closed my eyes as I began to sway to the music moving around the fire. I could feel the long end of my bandana swirling out behind me as I began to sing the lyrics.

_"Mama's got a squeeze box _

_She wears on her chest _

_And when Daddy comes home _

_He never gets no rest" _

I grooved over to Lucy Diamond and dropped to my knees in front of her

"Open those luscious lips for me Lucy" I said as I pulled a rose coloured vial from my pocket and held it up. It was a little concoction of my own, a basic opium derivative, but it was the perfect drug for dancing**...**

"Hey Woodstock, what ya got there? Is that a love potion for me?" I asked smirking down at the groovy old hippy**...**

"Well, I was just hoping for a dance, but you know me, I'll take what I can get." I said waggling my eyebrows suggestively. I could hear Edward in the background singing the next verse, so I crooned lowly as I held the bottle up and stared into Lucy's beautiful big eyes.

_**"Cause she's playing all night **_

_**And the music's all right **_

_**Mama's got a squeeze box **_

_**Daddy never sleeps at night" **_**...**

I took the vile from Woodstock and downed it in one, I trusted the old hippy dude to look after me; I had really been looking forward to seeing him again and had been excited since Bella had invited us up for his birthday. I had planned on buying him something nice but Bella had said definitely _no_ presents.

It hadn't felt right not to get him anything so I asked Emmett what he thought I should give him. He had looked at me with an evil smirk, and said '_well I know what I'd want from you if I was him Lucy Diamond.'_

I had protested telling Emmett that it was wrong but in his typical style he had convinced me it was the ultimate present for Aro and that he was all cool with it if I was game enough to do it.

Of course I was game to do it, as Emmett well knew.

I looked down at Woodstock who was singing up at me and gave him my most dazzling smile as I took a step toward him. His face was millimetres from my stomach, I swayed seductively in front of him, "Does Daddy wanna play with my squeeze box tonight?" I purred**...**

I wasn't sure if Lucy was just playing or not, but I had decided that even if she was I was going to have a little fun of my own. I moved down slightly and pressed my face against the apex between her legs.

Outwardly, it looked very innocent, well innocent as far as I was concerned anyway, but when I blew through the thin cotton of her shorts and nuzzled against her, I felt her body break into shivers. I grinned to myself that I still had it, before dragging myself up her body and taking her hands in mine and pulling her against me.

"_She goes, squeeze me, come on and squeeze me _

_Come on and tease me like you do _

_I'm so in love with you _

_Mama's got a squeeze box _

_Daddy never sleeps at night"_

I leaned forward like I was going to whisper in her ear, but instead danced my tongue lightly along the crease behind it. A Romanian gypsy prostitute I had travelled with for a while in my younger days had taught me a few tricks.

It was all in the tongue, quite literally. Light gentle movements, coupled sharp flicks in that area would drive any woman wild she had told me, and that little piece of information had never let me down. I felt Lucy's legs begin to buckle a little so I spun her away from me with a grin, knowing that the sudden movement, coupled with the drugs and my own little kiss would send her head spinning just as fast.

When I pulled her back into me I leaned close to her ear "Daddy can handle your squeezebox little mama, but the question is can it handle daddy?" **...**

"I see your tongue is as talented as your breath Woodstock, wanna take me somewhere and teach me something new?" I looked over Aro's shoulder and saw Emmett was giving me the thumbs up.

He had obviously been watching our encounter and I wondered if anyone else had.

When I looked around us and nobody but Bella and Edward seemed to be taking any notice, I flashed Bella a wicked grin and she laughed and gave me a heads up.

I slipped my hand into my pocket and pulled out a condom, I knew the old guy had probably never used one before but if he wanted to make sweet music with me then he'd have to get used to one fast. I pressed it into Aro's hand with a smile**...**

I looked down with a frown at the little foil packet in my hand before shrugging and looking up at Lucy "Well, maybe you'll be teaching me a thing or two as well Lucy, cause Daddy has no idea how to use one of these things..."**...**

"Well Woodstock your about to get your first lesson in how to practice safe sex twenty first century style." I gave him a wink and ground myself up against him**...**

I felt the familiar stirring in my pants and I grinned over my shoulder at a very distressed looking Edward. He was clearly asking me what the hell I thought I was doing, so I made a little shagging motion with my pelvis into Lucy.

He gagged a little and his eyes looked like they were about to bug out of his head as he looked to his brother and then back at me quickly.

I just smiled and shrugged, leaning down to whisper to Lucy, "Well then, I hope you know I'm not a very good student. I might require some firm reprimanding." I said grinding my woody into her "But we better take off quick, my young lad over there is on to us." I said keeping my eyes on a very worried looking Edward**...**

I looked over at Edward who was no longer watching us but kissing Bella, I looked back at Aro with a smirk, "we can make our getaway now while his attention is otherwise occupied." I gave Aro a dazzling smile and reached for his hand...

I grabbed Lucy's hand in mine and pulled her along with me into the darkness "Come on Lucy, let's take the back way. You still have a reputation to maintain..." I said with a chuckle "Though by the time I'm finished they'll know what you've been doing. Either that, or they will think you have developed a passion for the Woodstock festival!" **...**

A small giggle fell from my lips as I followed Woodstock's lead. If he hadn't have given me the opium I would be having second thoughts about doing this.

But I was feeling really good; comfortably numb.

We snuck through the back door and he took me into his room closing the door quietly behind us**...**

I lit a few candles around the room before going to my old record player and pulling out an old favourite and putting it on. I smiled as the scratch of the needle hit the vinyl.

You just didn't get that sound these days, not with all the CDs and mp3's and assorted other new fangled crap they had out.

When I turned I found Lucy seductively draped across my bed. I walked towards her, pulling my shirt off over my head as I came forward. I knew I was no young buck, but a lifetime of organic produce had left behind traces of the man that I had once been.

I began to crawl from the end of the bed up towards Lucy, pausing at her ankles "You sure about this little Lucy?" **...**

The giggle that burst from my lips was to hide my mild nervousness. I wasn't nervous per say. It was more than I had never had sex with senior citizen before.

I wasn't sure if he would be up to the task.

Age was but a number I reminded myself.

As long as I didn't go to wild and Aro worshipped me I was all good.

I smiled at him looking him dead in the eye, "Hell yeah Woodstock I want you to rock my world." **...**

I began kissing her ankles, sucking at the soft flesh on the soles of her feet and basically treasuring every inch of the gift she was offering me.

It had been so long since I had had a woman in bed and even longer since I had had a fox like my little Lucy. I focused on all the sensitive points, never staying in one place for too long and causing overstimulation.

The opium in her system would have her floating and I intended on keeping her on that path. I began one long, slow sensuous lick from the tip of her toe all the way up her leg to the top of her thigh, before kissing my way across the top of her shorts and back down the other leg.

I repeated this pattern a few times until I could see her chest rising and falling rapidly. Gentle moans sprang forth from her lips and I smiled.

"Oh my beautiful Lucy, such luscious lips, created by the very essence of life itself. There will never be another to match your absolute beauty and grace will there my sweet? Such a lucky old fool am I to sample but a taste of your exquisite flesh." I began to slowly undo her shorts and pulled them down gently, throwing them behind me. I looked down at her naked sex and sighed "Oh, but how Venus herself must wept in jealousy when she spied you for the first time." I lamented**...**

I gasped at his words, this man's words were as smooth as his touch, I felt absolutely no apprehension I knew Woodstock was going to indeed rock my world**...**

I leaned forward and breathed against her glistening mound, watching in delight as she trembled. In my younger days, I had been quite the machine, the ladies had flocked to me literally in droves and I had satisfied each and every one.

It was nice to know that I would soon be able to count Lucy among their numbers, even at the age I was. I reverently kissed her soft skin, dragging my tongue lightly through the wetness pooled there, while keeping my eyes firmly on hers.

A time when I had service three women simultaneously in this fashion flashed before my eyes and I smirked as I began dancing my tongue between her sex in a delightful rhythm to the music.

"And oh but Venus, did your honey ever taste so sweet? Indeed Lucy, you put the very goddess of womanhood to shame." I crooned against her**...**

"Mmm...Woodstock that tongue of yours is definitely talented." I raised my hips a little, I wanted more friction**... **

I chuckled at her impatience "All in good time, my sweet Lucy. You don't pluck the fruit from the vine until you have let it ripen, and a fruit as sweet as yours, it must be savoured." I drilled my tongue deep inside her, curling it and eliciting a small shriek of pleasure from my sweet Lucy.

Ah, but I did feel so young and alive at that very moment. I kept my tongue firmly inside her, surprised that my old body could still be counted on to pleasure one such as the nymph beneath me.

When I felt her taste the apex of her passion, a scream burst forth from her plump, sweet lips and I felt her nectar fill my mouth.

I hummed in my own pleasure and appreciation as I sucked it forth from her, it had been too long since I had tasted such an elixir**...**

The scream that tore from my lips was of its own vocation. That man had an extreme fucking gift.

My fingers gripped the sheets as my back arched off the bed, "Fuck...shit Woodstock, you got me seeing stars baby." I sucked in a few deep lungfuls of air and blinked rapidly, indeed trying to clear the tiny dots of colour raining in front of my eyes**...**

I sat up on my knees between her legs and lightly stroked her thighs "Only stars my sweet Lucy? Then I apologise, I shall have to try harder." I said with a grin. I pulled out of my pocket the little foil wrapper which contained the condom. Bloody awful things I had been told, but then again, there were a lot more diseases around than there had been in my day. "Now it's your turn to teach this old dog a new trick."**... **

My eyes never left his as I tore open his fly and yanked his jeans and boxers down over his hips.

I took the small foil from Aro and pulled it open with a smirk, I let my fingers curl around his length and pumped it slowly, giving it an almost aggressive squeeze before sliding the latex down, being careful not to tear it with my nail. He made to move but I placed my hand on his chest raking my nails across his skin before pushing him backwards,

"Mmm...I like to ride my stallions Woodstock," I purred as I straddled his stomach, I leaned forward and gave him one slow burning kiss before allowing him to slide into my warmth.

I rocked against him gently trying to be mindful that he wasn't as young or agile as Emmett. I soon worked up my pace, keeping my eyes firmly on his, "Are you going to make me see the moon the sun and the planets this time Woodstock?...Mmm feels good..." **...**

It didn't surprise me that Lucy liked to take the lead and as she moved herself over me, I raised my hips and angled them slightly forward, surprising myself that I remembered that spot exactly right.

Lucy gasped as I massaged the tender area inside her "Can you see them Lucy? They all have names, but no one will remember them, only yours..." I could feel the lightness in my head that I had not felt for so long, the stirring in my stomach, the tell tale flutter and what was most wonderful was I could tell she was feeling the same things. "Do you hear them Lucy? The diamonds in the sky, they all sing for you. Their songs are in your honour and yours alone..." I panted, watching her breasts bouncing up and down hypnotically. I reached out to touch them, palming them gently**...**

**"**Of course they sing for me, I'm the brightest most beautiful of them all, they want to be me." I panted as I ground against him I could feel my orgasm building and I upped the tempo of my movements, "Tell me how jealous of me they are." I commanded; it was his words that were going to push me over the edge**...**

I grinned at her vanity. It was appealing to me in a strange kind of way "Oh my sweet Lucy they are too plain to aspire to be like you, no, you are the envy of the goddesses themselves... They dream to have your beauty, your fire, but they never shall. You are unique and deserved to be worshipped." **...**

"I do deserve to be worshipped Woodstock, will you forever fall at my feet?" I pushed down harder the added friction was enough to bring my climax crashing down and I gasped loudly, "So...good...Woodstock" I panted as waves of pleasure rocked through me.**...**

I looked up into the eyes of the beautiful Lucy Diamond "I am already there, waiting in absolute supplication..." I said as I let myself go and grunted in ecstasy.

"Well Lucy Diamond, I have to say that was the best birthday present I think anyone has ever given me." I stretched and smiled in satisfaction "You certainly are one groovy little fox aren't you?" I said reaching over and tweaking her nipple playfully before massage her breast with my palm.

I lit us a joint taking a couple of deep drags before passing it to Lucy, she gave me one of her dazzling smiles and I felt myself stirring again**...**

"And you are just a wealth of talent aren't you Woodstock, you really need to spread that gift of yours around and thanks for the love potion."**...**

I chuckled; it was good to know that I still had it where the ladies were concerned. I had worried that it was a talent that if unused it would disappear over time. I was relieved to learn otherwise "So my lovely Lucy, do you think I could cash in on my birthday gift one more time?" I wiggled my eyebrows and gave her a grin**...**

"Hell yeah Woodstock especially if you're gonna make me see the cosmos again."**...**

I managed to get the awful little rubber thing on before crawling on top of Lucy Diamond and sliding into her warmth for the second time. I heard her suck in a breath as I began to move rhythmically, building up to a gentle crescendo. "Do you see the cosmos yet Lucy? They are waiting for you to greet them" I crooned. I had learned long ago that most women liked the pillow talk, the more sincere the better which was good for me.

Sincere was all I could do**...**

"They will bow before me Woodstock, the stars the moon the sun. Even _God_ himself."**...**

I grunted as I felt myself about to let go for the second time "None will worship you as much as I, Lucy. I am at your mercy..."

At my words I felt her spasm around me and I couldn't help my grin. I didn't often use profanity, I felt there was no need for it, but now was one of the few occasions where I felt it was appropriate "Oh my Fucking God!" I groaned as I let myself go again**...**

I leaned forward and kissed him passionately, "Happy Birthday Woodstock." he slid out of me with a groan and lay next to me again, his eyes closed a wide smile playing on his lips.

I kissed him again before I slid out of bed and grabbed my clothes. I was fairly sure I followed Bella's gift request perfectly. Nothing store brought, something unique and personal. I smiled at Woodstock, I was pleased with myself.

I waited for him to get dressed then grabbed his hand. I led us back the way we came and we slipped out of the darkness and joined Emmett, Edward and Bella on the deck. I kissed Aro before throwing myself into Emmett's waiting arms.

Aro took a seat next to Edward.

"So did you rock his world baby?" Emmett asked making sure he was clearly heard by everyone.

"I don't know baby you'll have to ask him that. But he surely did rock my world." I turned to blow a kiss to Aro, before turning back to Emmett, "He does this thing with his tongue, and oh my god, honestly Emmett! Anyway I'll teach you later." I turned when I heard Edward gasp, "What's the matter Edward?"

**Bella POV...**

Edward was staring at Rose in horror and I was staring at him and trying not to laugh.

Surely Rose was just teasing Edward?

At least I hoped she was.

But she and Aro had been gone for a while. I looked over at Aro who was grinning widely and I let out a small gasp. One look at his face and my suspicions were confirmed.

Rosalie had had _sex _with him.

I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat; I was completely repulsed by my sister.

The woman had no shame.

And how the hell was Emmett was going to react?

If he _did _throw a tantrum there was no way I would let him take it out on Aro.

Edward leaned over and asked Aro if he did in fact _do it_.

Aro nodded in assent and Edward looked like he was going to be sick or pass out_, or both_. He was looking at Rose in stunned disbelief.

He suddenly turned to Emmett, "And you... Emmett?" asking his brother if he was alright what had just gone down between his girlfriend and the horny old hippy.

Rosalie didn't give Emmett time to answer.

She fixed her eyes Edward and gave him a wicked smile, "Oh chill out Edward, it was Emmett's idea! When I was stuck for a _gift_, you know for his birthday. And let me warn you sweetie the man has _talent_! I'd keep him away from that wife of yours or you might just be out of a job." She grinned at him like the cat that'd got the cream.

Edward's arm tightened around me, I was sure it was an unconscious gesture, but I liked it all the same. It was a little sign of his possessiveness over me. And although it used to drive me insane this time it felt nice. It was the reaction that connected me a little to the _old_ Edward.

The Edward I knew better than I knew myself.

Edward's eyes widened and he looked mortified that his brother could condone his girlfriend fucking another guy and an old guy at that.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing when Edward demanded to know if Emmett had being starved of oxygen at birth or whether the doctor actually dropped him on his head when he was born.

Emmett laughed rambunctiously, "It's all good Eddie. Aro can die a happy man now. And Rosie obviously had a good time, fucking look at her; you can see the sparkle in her eye. Well through the haze you can. And besides she would have used condoms, so it's all sweet. And it's the last chance Rosy had to sow her wild oats; I'm sticking a ring on it tomorrow!"

"A ring on what? Your cock," He asked. I burst into laughter but Emmett rolled his eyes.

"On Rosalie's finger you fucktard. Me and Rosy are getting married!" He announced to the party at large.

The yard erupted into a chorus of whoops and cheers and "congratulations,". Everybody seemed ecstatic at Emmett's declaration, everyone but Edward that was. He was obviously having a seriously hard time accepting the crazy situation; he just kept shaking his head.

Aro turned to me and laughed, "They are all crazy aren't they?"

"Yeah they are, but I love them anyway." I leaned over and hugged Emmett, "I'm glad you're marrying my sister, but you will _never_ let her do anything like that again." I said sternly.

Edward snorted, "You are all fucking crazy. I thought I had _issues_..." he turned to Aro, "Well, I got you a new violin. It's a birthday slash thank you gift. So you don't get to fuck me or my wife sorry." He said with a laugh.

I patted Edward's hand soothingly, "Edward, sweetie it's _ok_, I'm just really happy she was gentle enough not to kill him...he's my friend and I would have missed him had she given him a heart attack."

Emmett, Rose and Aro burst out laughing, I joined them I couldn't help it. As repulsed as I was by the thought of it Edward's reaction was priceless, he was struggling to fathom it.

Edward stood up abruptly and took my hand, pulling me to my feet, "Come on baby let's go home, before whatever they have spreads."

I rolled my eyes and leaned over and kissed Aro's cheek, "happy birthday, I'm sure it will be one to remember," I chortled and kissed his cheek again before turning to hug Rosalie, "congratulations on getting engaged sis. Oh and by the way I'm not coming to your engagement party if there is any chance, any chance at all, that this might happen _again_!"

Rosalie cackled an evil laugh, "Well I can't promise you Bells!" She said evilly and I shuddered.

"I'm out of here, Edward's right sis; you do have issues!" I kissed her cheek and took Edward's hand waving to the others as we passed them.

I was still laughing about Rose and Aro as we walked down the torch lit driveway.

"God I can't believe Rose, the woman has no shame, honestly, sometimes I can't believe we're related." I shuddered repulsed by the thought of Aro and Rose; it was truly disgusting and yet extremely funny all at the same time.

"I know. Jesus, what the hell is wrong with my brother? He practically pimped her out!" I shivered a little at his assessment of Emmett, Edward must have noticed because he shrugged out of his coat and wrapped it around me, "There's No way in hell I could do that. I couldn't share you with anyone!"

I nodded in agreement, "Hmm... your brother certainly is extremely open minded. Honestly has he always had that morality chip missing? I know it was gone when I worked for him, I used to ask him if he had one at all." I laughed at the memory of the amount of times I had indeed asked Emmett that when I worked for him, I was sure it was at least a thousand times a week.

He laughed lightly, "Maybe someone really did drop him. It would explain a lot, the morality issue, the sheer amount of fucking food the man can eat... Still doesn't explain Rose though does it?" He said as we reached the front door.

"Yeah baby it does, she was definitely born without a morality chip, I could tell you stories about that girl that would make the hair on the back of your neck stand on end, but I won't...All I'll say is she has always given Renee a run for her money in the inappropriate behaviour stakes, it's almost a competition between the two."

He held the door open for me, ushering me in, "Well Mrs Cullen, I am eternally grateful that you didn't inherit any of it. I'd be gray by now!"

"Honestly baby you're more than enough for me," I said with a grin.

Edward swept me into his arms and crushed his mouth to mine.

Desire crashed over me, I wanted him right here, right now. I pulled him to the floor and crawled on top of him.

His fingers wound through my hair and he pulled my face to his.

"Edward," I groaned as he pulled me deeper into a kiss that was full of the promise a Pandora's box of pleasure...

...I was being lulled back into consciousness by Edward's soft voice, although it contained none of its former velvety nuance, it was still my favourite sound in the world.

My eyes drifted open and Edward's face loomed in my vision, slightly blurred but still beautiful through the film of sleep. I blinked rapidly desperate to clear the haze and bring Edward's angel face into sharper focus; he was so stunning, even with the sallow tinge to his skin. His eyes, still dull compared to how they used to be, lit up as he smiled down at me. I sighed in contentment.

The more awake I felt the more I felt the stiffness in my muscles, Edward and I had spent most of the night on the hard wooden floor, not that it felt hard at the _time._ I stretched my arms over my head feeling more of the soreness in my muscles; I kept my face smooth of any signs that would give Edward the wrong idea.

If he thought he'd hurt me even in the tiniest way...Well I didn't want to think about that.

The sheet slipped and Edward's eyes darkened perceptibly as they roamed over my naked body, I recognized the look of desire; it ignited my own. I looked up Edward questioningly, wondering who could possibly be on the phone since practically everybody we had anything to do with was here on Waiheke.

"Jake," Edward mouthed and my face split into a wide grin. I hadn't had a chance to talk to Jacob since Edward and I had left Nepal.

"You're welcome; just let me know the time and place and I'll be there." Edward said as he reached out to stroke my cheek. My eyelids drifted closed with a happy sigh as Edward's magic pulsed through my body and brought me to life.

"Um...Yeah she just woke up. Do you want to tell her the good news or should I?" Edward asked and I vaguely wondered what Jakes good news was. Edward's fingers trailed lightly down my neck and across my collar bone, it was hard to concentrate on anything other than how my skin tingled under his touch and how the muscles in the pit of my stomach tightened. "Ok then. Well I'll see you next Friday and congratulations again."

My eyes snapped open and I looked up at Edward questioningly, why was Edward congratulating him and was Job was coming home? Edward shook his head and passed me the phone; the second his hands were free he was touching me. I covered the mouthpiece of the phone so Jacob would not hear the low moan sliding from my lips; Edward was tugging my nipple between his _lips_.

I took a shuddering breath and tried to somewhat compose myself before I put the phone to my ear. "Hey Jake," I said a little breathlessly.

"Hi Bells I'm sorry to wake you, I forget the time difference." He apologized. So he was still in Nepal.

"It's ok Jake you can wake me up anytime," I suppressed another moan, Edward was now lavishing attention on my other breast and his hand was sliding lightly over my stomach. "So what's the news? Why was Edward congratulating you and telling you he'd see you Friday? Are we coming to visit you?"

Edward continued to tease my nipple although it was as hard as the hope diamond, his hand moved lower coming to rest in between my thighs. I covered the phone unable to stop the breathless moan from spilling out as Edward's warm fingers slid inside me; my shiver of pleasure was quickly followed by his own.

Although Edward was busy lavishing attention on my body I was aware that his eyes were on my face.

"No you're not coming to Nepal I'm coming home, well Leah and I are. We're getting married next weekend! Leah's having a baby. I'm going to be a Dad, Bella!" He practically shouted into the phone, his voice exploding with his overflowing bliss.

My smile faltered for a fraction of a second, but I was sure Edward had seen. I felt like I had been sucker punched, my mind plunging into a vortex of confused and conflicting thoughts.

"That...That's great news Jacob. I'm so very happy for you and Leah." Although I stuttered the words came out sounding as sincere as I meant them to be.

I was happy for Jacob, he was my best friend and I wanted the very best for him and there was no denying Leah was the _very best_. But Jacob was more than my best friend, he had been the person who had sheltered me through the darkest time of my life. Jacob had been my safe haven, the one constant thing in my life. I knew I could _always _count on Jacob to be there for me.

Would that change now? Now that Jake had his own wife and child would he still have time for _me_ and my children? I knew that even thinking that was selfish and both cruel to Jake and Edward, I didn't wish to be selfish or cruel but I could not stop the fear that bubbled molten hot in the pit of my stomach. I hated being so full of insecurity and doubt but I couldn't help it, my life had been full of insecurity and doubt for so long, although it was finally starting to find some sort of consistency mine and Edward's future was still so up in the air. Jacob was still the one constant; if I lost that would I be able to survive?

Edward was still touching me and still looking at my face, still reading the every minute shift in my expression. I wondered what he was seeing on my face now. When I shot a covert look at him his face and his eyes were devoid of emotion. I wondered what that meant.

"Thanks Bella. Edward has agreed to stand up as my best man," My eyes brimmed with tears, tears that spilt over and ran down my cheeks. Edward and Jacob had come so far over the years, they trusted each other and they truly enjoyed each other's company, their friendship transcended my own friendship with Jacob. There was a genuine comradely and brotherhood between them.

"Bella?" Edward asked alarmed, I shook my head and smiled and he immediately relaxed returning to his ministrations but still keeping his gaze firmly on me.

"I'm so happy you asked him Jacob, you have no idea how much that means to _me_." I whispered.

"Yeah well Edward's like my brother now. Funny how times have changed huh? Remember the days when he used to call me 'Doogie Howser' and 'Teen dream?'" I burst into laughter and Jacob joined me, it felt like several lifetimes had passed since then.

"You forgot 'Boy Wonder," I giggled and Edward's laughter joined ours, he obviously clicked straight away.

"Oh that's right. Any way Bells I need to go, Leah is throwing up _again_. Lucky I'm an old hand at looking after pregnant women!" He laughed again and I forced myself to laugh around the lump that had formed in my throat. Jacob had nursed me through several bouts of morning sickness not to mention all the other things he had done for me.

My former happy mood disintegrated as the fear began to claw at my insides once more.

"Kay Jake. I will see you Friday and fresh ginger will help Leah with the nausea."

"Thanks again Bells I will see you Friday." The phone line went dead and I stared at it blankly for a moment trying to get my thoughts into some sort of order before Edward noticed.

Too late! He slid his deft fingers from my core and crawled back up my body, he rolled us onto our sides his eyes intent on my face as he picked up my hand and kissed my fingertips.

"Is everything alright Bella?" He asked softly.

"Yes," I answered far too quickly, "I'm happy for Jacob, if anyone deserves happiness its him, and Leah, she really is a lovely person. She's...perfect for Jake." I could hear the very faint trembling in my voice I wondered if Edward would pick it up.

I dropped my gaze unable to look at Edward lest he see the fear in my eyes. I could imagine how hurt he'd be if he realized how little faith I had in him. Of course he noticed. He squeezed my fingers gently and let go of my hand his finger moved to my chin, tilting my face up so I had to meet his gaze. When I did I found it soft, understanding.

"You won't lose him Bella..." Edward said just as softly. I went to speak; to apologize, to try and explain but he smiled and pressed his fingers to my lips, "There's nothing to explain sweetheart, I can't even begin to tell you how much gratitude I have for Jacob. He took care of you Bella when I didn't." I shook my head trying to protest but he pressed his fingers harder against my lips, "I know you won't lose him because Jacob has sworn to me that you and the kids will always be one of his top priorities. Jacob is the trustee of my will Bella he will _always_ be there to take care of you. I trust Jacob without question. I trust him to look after you if I can't. I trust Jacob with my _life,_ because I trust with _you_."

I stared at Edward in stunned disbelief; I hadn't realized just how deep the trust ran between Edward and Jacob Edward trusted him without question. I hadn't realized just how strong the bond was between them, Edward truly did think of Jacob as his brother.

"I'm sorry Edward," I said the moment he took his fingers from my lips; "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't and I'm not hurt Bella. As long as you're happy then that's all that matters to me." Edward's finger lightly traced my lips, "Besides that I know that while I'm still breathing you aren't going to need Jacob to rely on. Nobody but _me_ will ever need to look after my family again." He took my face gently in my hands, "I swear to you Bella, I'll never leave you again. I swear I will never give you a reason to have to rely on Jake."

"_I know you won't leave me,"_ I whispered.

He held my gaze as he leaned into capture my lips with his own. He kissed me hungrily his hand dropping from my face ghosted over my body before coming to rest between my thighs. I moaned softly into his mouth as his deft fingers slid into me...

**EDWARD'S POV...**

With a sigh, I picked up the phone and dialled my parent's number. I really didn't want to make the call, from my father I was expecting reprimands and warnings of not repeating my past mistakes and from my mother I was expecting a barrage of negativity regarding Bella.

I wasn't looking forward to either. I picked my cup of green tea off the counter and made my way outside to the sunny deck where I sat down on a chair.

The phone rang three times before my father answered. "Hey Dad. It's Edward." I said a little redundantly. My voice was so decimated these days; it wasn't hard to place it.

"Edward my son, do what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Well... Fuck. Um, ok then." I stammered. I didn't know how to actually come out and say that my beautiful and loving wife had found it within herself to give me ANOTHER chance. A chance I knew I didn't deserve but was still holding onto for dear life anyway.

"It's about me and Bella Dad. We've um... Well, Bella has decided, I mean WE decided, no she decided... Ah shit!" I growled and coughed a little as my vocal chords burned. It was usually like this first thing in the morning. "Bella and I are working things out. She has agreed to give our marriage another go. We are all here, on Waiheke and I... I thought I better call and you know; let you and _mum_ know... So yeah," I finished stupidly and took a gulp of my burning hot tea to cover my embarrassment.

It didn't work; all I did was manage to do was irritate my throat further.

"I'm so very happy to hear that son. To come out the other side of what you two have been through and still have that kind of love for each other is a rare thing. It should be proof to both of you that you were destined to be together..." Even though it had been that way for some time it still shocked me to hear my dad say those kinds of things. It was hard to fathom that he'd done a complete one eighty, after all he'd done to oppose my relationship, it was weird knowing that he finally saw that Bella was my _destiny_, "...Would you like me to tell Esme or do you want to do it?" He asked quietly.

I laughed raspily, "Are you starting to get off on Mum beating you Dad?" I joked "Are you after another black eye?" I chuckled "No, I had better tell her. Do you want to put her on the phone? If she's around."

"Actually Edward it may be safer if you tell her," He half joked. I laughed at my father but my laughter quickly died as my mother's happy voice came onto the phone.

"Edward my _darling boy_ is everything alright?"

"Hey mum." I said cautiously, but trying to mask my cautiousness with overt happiness. "Well, I've got some good news."

"Good news? Please tell me you're moving back to Wellington where I can look after you?"

I winced. This was not going to go well, "Uh, no Mum, I'm not. I...uh...called to tell you that Bella and I have decided to give our marriage another try. She and the kids are here with me now... back home. On Waiheke..." I trailed off and closed my eyes.

There was a brief silence, but I knew it was only the calm before the storm.

"You...Bella...? EDWARD WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" My mother screeched into the phone, "She has done nothing but hurt you. She abandoned you when you needed her most and she lied to everyone she claims to love...I don't understand why you would give her the chance to hurt you like that again? I don't trust her Edward and I think you are making a MISTAKE. I implore you to reconsider. She is poisonous for you Edward."

The anger was evident in my mother's voice, but it only served to ignite my own.

"I _love_ her Mum and I DONT think I'm making a mistake. She didn't ABANDON me, I pushed her away! I gave her no choice but to leave! I'm completely and totally fucking head over heels in love with her and I KNOW I won't ever be really happy unless I'm with her. We've been through hell and back mum, but we've still come out the other end TOGETHER. I'm going to do everything in my power to make my marriage work. I won't lose her _again_. I won't. I fucking refuse to." I said firmly. "I know you are scared for me, but this IS happening and you don't really have a choice BUT to accept it. Bella and the kids aren't just IN my life, they ARE my life and if you want to be a part of it, then you have to get over this thing with her. I won't put anything above them again Mum. Not booze, not drugs, not any other person. The decision is _yours_."

I looked out over the calm and still water of the ocean. I hated to be so blunt and brash to my mother. I knew she loved me and she was only scared for what COULD happen, but I wasn't letting MY fear rule my life anymore. I couldn't let her fears rule it either.

"Edward that's not fair. You are blinded by her; you always have been. You forgive her time and time again for hurting you. She kept your children from you and she shacked up with another man while you were fighting for your life. She doesn't deserve you son. Why don't you just gain shared custody of your children and move home? I can help you with them. You can't trust her Edward. She is a liar and deceitful and unworthy of you."

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration before rubbing it over my face vigorously. "Mum, she kept OUR children SAFE from me. I don't even want to fucking imagine the strength of character it takes to do something like that and as for Jake? Well, I'm glad he 'shacked up' with them as you put it. It's the second time he's cared for my family when I couldn't... I owe that man my gratitude and nothing else."

I sighed before continuing "I don't want shared custody, I don't want to move back to Wellington... I want my wife. I want my children. I want my family. It's all I've ever wanted; it's the only thing I'll ever want. I'm not going to keep going around in circles on this Mum. Bella IS my wife and I won't sit here and listen to you run her down. She didn't lie to me, she is not deceitful and you know what? She IS more than worthy of me and I'm worthy of her too. We both deserve to be happy. I don't want to hurt you Mum, I love you and I know you are scared, but this is my decision. I want you to be a part of our lives, I want that more than anything, but that's your choice to make. Just like my future with Bella is mine."

"Well Edward I can see you've made up your mind and I have no choice but to accept it if I want you and my grandchildren in my life. I barely accept it and I am not at all happy about it all. So when can I see you and my grandchildren?"

I exhaled through my nose and rested my head on one hand. She was conceding, but barely. I knew the reunion with Bella would be a tense one.

"You know you are always welcome Mum. You and Dad, just remember you are visiting BELLA's house too. My Mum always told me to respect other's especially in their own homes." I said, tossing what she had told me repeatedly as a child back at her.

"Of course Edward I won't forget my manners. So we'll see you next weekend then?"

"Next weekend. I'm looking forward to it. I do love you mum." I said honestly and she choked up a little at that as she said her goodbyes.

I hung up the phone and placed it carefully on the table next to me with a loud sigh. I picked up my green tea and took a sip, spitting it back into the cup rather unceremoniously. It was cold and it certainly had not fucking improved the flavour.

"And I thought you couldn't actually taste any worse. I stand corrected." I said to the cup as I set it back down and relaxed into my chair, enjoying the way the sun felt on my face. I stripped off my shirt and tossed it to the ground beside me, because the sun just felt so fucking good and I wanted to soak up as much of it as I could.

I looked at Bella in surprise as she materialised on my lap and ran her hands over my shoulders. "I love you Edward," She said and I smiled at her, putting my arms around her waist

"I love you too baby. With all my heart and soul."

"I believe that a little more every day, but none more so than _today_. " She said and then bit her bottom lip as she looked at me nervously.

She confessed that she had overheard my conversation with my mother and questioned whether I had been fair giving her 'an ultimatum'.

I shrugged "She wasn't happy, but I'm sure she will get over it. I meant what I said to her. She accepts it or she can stay away, we've all had enough complications in our lives." I kissed her lips softly "Nothing is more important to me than you and the kids. Nothing."

She murmured against my lips that she would be offering Charlie the same ultimatum and hugged her to me tightly.

"I don't want to cause problems with you and your dad baby. Though; if I'm honest it will feel pretty fucking good to hear you say that you want to be with me. I don't think I'll ever get tired of that."

"It doesn't matter what Charlie says he won't be able to get me to change my mind...I want you Edward Cullen, I want you forever."

I brushed a piece of hair back from her forehead, my fingers lingering on her cheek. "You've always had me, my beautiful Bella and you always will..."

Bella's hand was vibrating in mine and as she saw the cars begin pulling into the driveway her panic only seemed to escalate.

"Oh Jesus Edward. Tell me again why we are doing this?" she said her voice matching the shaking of her hand.

I chuckled and brought her hand up to my lips "It's going to be fine Baby. You and me have been through much worse than this... this is a piece of cake." I said confidently. I looked down into her worry filled eyes and gave her a cheeky wink "We got this in the bag honey. Trust me."

"I'm glad you think so...Well I guess there's no backing out now."

"Nope," I agreed, walking towards the door and nearly having to drag Bella with me. She wasn't EXACTLY digging her heels in, but she wasn't rushing either. I opened the door and grinned at Apple who was of course attached to my leg "Ready for our visitors?" I said excitedly and she beamed up at me.

"My grandma Nae, and Grandma Smee," She chirruped.

I looked at Noah who was cradled in my arm that wasn't attached to Bella. "How about you Mister? Course you're ready. Nothing gets to you does it my lad?"

Louis poked his head from behind Bella and gave me a cheeky smile "Ready too Daddy!" He exclaimed and I smiled at my eldest son proudly.

"So we are all ready? Matisse and Mummy look ready too don't they?" Bella gave me a narrow look and a tight smile and I laughed. "What's the worst thing that can happen? They are rude and we ask them to leave. It's us that are in control here Baby. This is OUR life and OUR family. We call the shots, no one else."

It was Charlie and Renee who pulled up first and I strode towards the car with my reluctant wife and happy children. I smiled at Renee and Charlie and although I got the mother of all death glares from Charlie, Renee actually gave me a somewhat friendly smile and a little wave.

"Well your mum still likes me. Yup" I said with a little stretch "I've still got the ass that all mother in laws love." I joked trying to lighten Bella's mood a little. I was worried my fingers were about to lose circulation with how tightly she was clutching them.

I gave Bella a wry smile as she set Matisse down on her feet and the little angel toddled off towards her grandfather. She seemed to instantly thaw his heart, however, when his attention was turned to me the anger came back with a vigour. I wasn't surprised and I didn't let it get under my skin. He was a father who was staring into the face of a man who had hurt HIS little girl time and time again. I imagined I would feel the exact same way if it were one of my daughters and because of that, I didn't begrudge him one iota of his anger.

It didn't mean I wanted him to make Bella feel bad because of it though.

She did nothing to cause his fury and I would not stand by and watch her suffer the consequences of my actions.

"Hello Charlie." I said politely, all my years of formal breeding paying off. My voice was raspy and rough however and I hated the way it sounded. I coughed trying to clear it a little, but there was no success so I carried on and ignored it. "You look well."

Charlie looked as though he wanted nothing more than to beat me into a bloody pulp, but one look at his daughter seemed to change his mind and he sighed before answering that he would feel better if he weren't worrying about Bella night and day.

I nodded. I could understand that. He was a father worrying about his daughter.

It was another person my alcoholism had affected, another person I had wronged.

"I apologize to you and Renee both Charlie. No parents should have to watch their daughter go through what I put Bella through. I broke my promise to both you and Renee. I told you I would care for her always and I failed at that. I won't stand here and make excuses, I made mistakes and my biggest mistake was choosing the bottle and my pain over my family. I can apologize to you both, but it won't change anything. I can't take back what is done, but I can make sure I never repeat those mistakes again. I'm sober and I intend to stay that way. Nothing " I said, my raspy voice was thick with conviction and sincerity "will EVER come before them again. Ever."

I stood before Charlie, our eyes locked "That being said and out of the way, I still want you both to know that if you want to discuss this with me privately later, I am more than happy to do so. You both deserve answers and I'm happy to give them to you. But for now, I think your daughter and grandchildren should take priority. I know they all missed you both terribly."

"You can bet we'll be discussing this later Edward," He said fiercely "and you to _Bella_,"

Renee hurried forward and threw her arms around us both. "I'm so happy for the both of you. I always knew you'd get over this hurdle. I've never seen to people more in love than you two always were. Don't worry about your father he'll come round. He always does." She whispered to Bella.

I hugged Renee back; a gesture which I think shocked her a little. "It's always a pleasure to see you Renee. Just stay away from the brownies this time ok?" I said teasingly.

Bella and her mother stared at me in shock for a moment, before Renee burst into laughter. After a moment Renee's attention was snared by her grandchildren's happy laughter and she followed them and Charlie into the house.

I put an arm around Bella's shoulders and pulled her to me, kissing her head with a sigh "Told you baby. You and me... we got this."

"Wish some your positive atoms would rub off on me,"

I grinned down at her suggestively "I can rub up on you whenever you like. You name the time and place and I will SO be there."

"Don't tempt me Edward. We're meant to be showing my parents how mature we are now. You know we have to make it past the bathroom on our way to the kitchen. And if you say things like that I won't be able to stop myself from making us take a pit stop."

I was about to tell her that I was quite happy to make a pit stop, when the sound of another car pulling in diverted my attention. "Oh good. It's my cock-blocking parents." I said a little morosely. I smiled down at Bella and waggled my eyebrows "ready for round two?"

"No I'm not ready but I'm outta time to run and hide. So let's go."

I rubbed her arms consolingly "Thatta girl. It will be fine." We walked towards my parents and I squeezed Bella's hand as my father and mother stepped out of the car. "Hey Dad, Mum." I said in greeting.

I shook my father's hand, but he pulled me into an awkward hug as I would not let go of Bella's hand.

She was nervous, I could feel it and I was going to give her any support I could.

"Edward Son, you don't know how happy I am to see you both together like this. Thank god!" He said releasing me and pulling Bella into a bone crushing hug.

Her hand slipped from mine as she hugged my father back. "How are you Bella? You look well." My father said pulling back only long enough to glance down at her before hugging her tightly once more. He whispered something else to her that I couldn't hear, nor could I hear her whispered reply.

My mother ignored both my father and Bella and rushed towards me, embracing me and kissing my cheek.

"Oh honey. Look at you! You always look so THIN now. You need looking after... You are skin and bone." She said and I rolled my eyes.

I hugged her back and whispered in her ear "remember to keep it civil Mum. Don't make this difficult. Please."

She pulled back and looked at me seriously her eyes brimming with tears. "I worry Edward. I can't apologise for that. You're my son and I nearly lost you." She said quietly.

I hugged her and she hugged me back almost ferociously. "I'm fine Mum. I'll be even better once you say hello to Bella." I said softly and I felt her stiffen, but she nodded.

Reluctantly she let me go and turned towards Bella. Her entire demeanour changed and she was instantaneously that fearsome woman she had become once more.

She appraised Bella coolly before nodding politely "Isabella. You look... lovely." She forced a smile but it didn't reach her eyes and I was about to say something when she spoke again. "Thank you for inviting us. I've missed my son and grandchildren and it was kind of you to invite us here."

I watched my mother and Bella interact and I was disappointed with Esme's behaviour. It was wearing thin on me and I was about to say something once more when Louis appeared from nowhere at his mother's side.

He smiled up at Esme who stared at him in absolute adoration. She knelt down beside Bella and touched Louis's cheek tenderly. "Hello Louis. My how you've grown," She whispered in awe.

Louis reached out and took her hand and pointed to the house, telling her silently that his sisters and baby brother were inside and he wanted to show them to her. She nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes as she walked hand in hand with him back into the house.

She gave me a warm smile over her shoulder before she disappeared inside.

I breathed a sigh of relief and turned to my father "So dad. How does it feel to see your wife wearing your balls these days?" His eyes widened before they narrowed and he playfully punched my stomach.

"I wouldn't let your mother here you say such thing Edward or you could find yourself without a pair of your own."

I laughed lightly.

Carlisle followed Esme into the house and I turned to Bella with a broad grin.

"Two down. Only two to go and the last two are the easy ones... Speaking of easy, here comes Rose now..." I joked as Emmett, Jasper, Rose and Alice pulled into the driveway. Emmett was of course the first out of the car, hanging over the door as he regarded us both with a grin

"Jesus fucking Christ Assward what the fuck have you done to my SISTER? "Fuck Bella I hoped you caned his emoward ass before you agreed to take him back. Though why you'd take the fucktard back is beyond me."

I looked at Emmett seriously "You know it won't happen again Emm. We've been through this." I said adamantly. I knew how much Bella meant to him and how much it had hurt him when she had left. Because of me.

Bella looked extremely uncomfortable in Emmett's embrace and I gently took her hand, giving her the option of moving away from him if she chose. I was quite prepared to let her stay in his arms though if she were happy. I just wanted her to be happy and feel safe.

She suddenly aimed a kick at Emmett's shin and he let out a booming laugh, Bella had forgiven Emmett already. I relaxed when I knew she was ok and when she stepped back into my arms I couldn't lie, I felt better and calmer.

Emmett smiled at Bella and shot me another warning glance before Jasper stepped forward.

He gave me a warm smile and a quick greeting before turning to Bella. "Hey Bells. It's good to see you again... and with Edward no less."

"Hey Jazz it's good to see you again to, real good. You're looking good, healthy and happy. Has life been kind to you?"

"Life is always good to me Bells. Always. So," He let Bella go and gave me a quick one armed hug. "Mum and Dad here bro? Mum was on the phone to me all the way up here, grilling me for information. You know, she's a bit of a worry these days. She can be kinda mean."

I laughed and nodded "yeah she can. Her and Dad just arrived before you guys. Oh and Emmett?" I said getting his attention "She said she wants to 'talk to you'. She didn't sound happy bro. What did you do?"

I gave Bella's hand a squeeze when she began to open her mouth and she shut it tightly looking at me curiously. I just stared at Emmett with a serious expression.

Emmett looked toward the house in worry before his eyes shot back to me in panic

"I aint done nothing to piss mum off but I hope she pulls out that mean pimp hand of hers and beats you with it Emoward. You've ruined our mother Edward"

I smirked at him "I dare you to fucking say that to her bro. No, I fucking DOUBLE dare you to say that to her. You'd look good with a black eye."

Jasper laughed and pulled Alice into his arms.

I smiled at Alice "Hey Alice. You look well. Short, but well," I teased. I wasn't actually sure how Alice felt towards me after everything that had happened with Bella, but it just felt natural to tease her like I always had.

"And you look like... actually I don't know WHAT you look like, but you look tragic. And your dress sense has slipped. Badly."

I grinned at Alice "Thanks short stuff. Always good to see you too."

Rose stepped forward, but basically ignored me as she looked at Bella. "Are you sure about this Bella? It seems like a really stupid move to me." She said, giving Bella a cool and appraising look.

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't Rose and please use your manners and say hi to your brother in law?"

Rose looked at me and barely hid her sneer "Brother in law? Technically I suppose. How are you Edward? How was that fall from grace?" I felt Bella stiffen in my arms and a small growl echoed forth from her but I cut it off with my response,

"I'm good Rose. Really good. The fall from grace as you put it; well, not so great. But then you can't appreciate the top until you've spent time at the bottom. I wouldn't worry though. You've spent enough time at the bottom that you'll appreciate the top once you get there. Eventually."

Bella laughed at my comment and hugged her sister, telling her to give her bitchiness a rest to which I was grateful. She had just moved onto hugging Alice when Aro came up the driveway, a suspicious looking plate of brownies in his hand.

Of course, Renee had sensed their mood altering presence and came outside to greet Aro, asking if they were his _famous_ brownies.

Aro grinned at me evilly before turning to Renee "Ah Renee. You get more beautiful each time I see you. Your daughters are truly blessed to be carrying your genes." Renee giggled and blushed as Aro came to her and handed her the brownies "Alas, these are not the same brownies as I have made before. I merely wanted to make the little ones something sweet for pudding, though if you are interested, I DO have some of my 'special batch' back up at my place." He winked at her "maybe a little later though?"

Dinner was awkward to say the least, both my mother and Bella's father seemed determined to make Bella and I the main topic of conversation, they probably would have succeeded had it not been for Aro who changed the subject every time it came up.

Finally Charlie threw down his napkin and dragged himself to his feet, it seemed he had tired of Aro's attempts at subterfuge. "Look you two there's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to come right out and say it." He sighed heavily as he cast his eyes on Bella and I and continued with his rant...

...I listened to Charlie's raving speech with a growing sense of outrage. _How fucking dare _he threaten to take my children away, to take away _Bella's_ children? Not even over my fucking dead body was that going to happen! I cast my furious gaze on my mother; she had gone too fucking far this time. Worried about me or not I wasn't going to tolerate this bullshit from her anymore!

"Edward. Darling. It's not a healthy relationship. For any of you. I don't want to see you or my grandchildren hurt again. Please understand." She pleaded desperately. I could barely conceal my revulsion for her.

Carlisle's fork clattered as it hit his plate, and the room fell into a deathly silence, no one dared to even take a breath. Before I could get to my feet and give them a fucking ultimatum of my own Bella stood up and set Esme and Charlie with a basilisks glare, I was surprised either of them hadn't burst into flames by the sheer intensity of it.

_"While I respect your right to your opinion. I have to say that I really don't give a flying fuck what you two think..." _Bella seethed at our parents casting them a baleful glare...

... As I had with Charlie I listened quietly to Bella speak; the whole time spent staring at my mother blankly. Her eyes were begging with me to understand her, but I simply couldn't. She had always claimed to just want to _help_ me but what she was doing was nothing short of breaking me.

Bella flopped down into her chair beside me, sighing heavily, this was taking a huge toll on her emotionally and I wasn't going to allow that to continue.

I stood quietly and continued to look my mother in the eye as I spoke. My voice was calm and collected. "What did you hope to accomplish Mum? Did you think threatening to take our children would make me _'see'_ what you are trying to tell me?" I leaned forward on the table, resting my weight on my knuckles as I glared at her "Do you HONESTLY think THREATENING me will accomplish your goals? I don't care what you and Charlie think you can do, get a lawyer. I'll get fucking a hundred to counter them. Do not THINK mother that I will allow you to destroy my family, because I won't. I may have changed a bit over the past year but not that fucking much. You threaten my wife; you threaten my children and my family..." I laughed darkly "And I don't care who _you_ fucking are, you are crossing a line you won't come back from. You are standing right on the edge of that line Mum. Take a step over it and we are done."

I turned to Charlie "we welcomed you into our home as our guests. I offered to discuss this with you privately. I find it rude and offensive that you could not offer us the same courtesy." I turned to my beautiful wife and took her hand in mine, kissing it reverently. I pulled her to her feet and stared at her with all the love I felt for her shining through me. "It doesn't matter Bella. I don't care what they say. I KNOW this is right. I know our family is right. I love you. Always."

I kissed her lips softly, briefly before resting my forehead against hers.

I had looked at Charlie as he'd issued his ultimatum, but a lot of my former patience with the man was gone.

"With all due respect Charlie, I have nothing to prove to you. The only people whose expectations I have any desire of meeting are my wife and children's. And hear me when I say this..." I looked at my mother as well so she knew it was directed at her too "If either of you EVER come into our home again and treat us with such disrespect... You will never be welcome again."

Apparently the matter was not closed; once I took my seat Aro took the stage to give Esme and Charlie a few choice words of his own, words both Renee and Carlisle agreed with. It didn't stop there both Carlisle and Renee added their two cents worth, Renee surprisingly throwing around a few threats of her own.

I was grateful for the small miracle that our siblings didn't decided to throw their opinions into the ring, I couldn't promise it wouldn't have ended in bloodshed had they tried!

The rest of evening passed in a state of unpleasant awkwardness and when it was finally time to say goodnight to everyone, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. Emmett and Rosalie left with Aro, while Jasper and Alice left with my parents. Charlie and Renee said their uncomfortable goodbyes and when the house was finally free, I leaned against Bella theatrically.

"See. Told you it would be fine." I said with a grin and a chuckle.

"Jesus if that your idea of fine I shudder to think what you'd call horrific...I'm just glad it's over. All I care about is you and our kids. As long as we're happy that's all that counts."

"I'm always happy when I'm with you..." I sighed happily.

The last thing I felt like doing was fucking socializing, while I would be forever indebted to Aro I really didn't feel like celebrating his birthday. The only thing I was interested in celebrating was Bella's glorious body, any time spent not doing that was time wasted in my opinion.

I glared at Bella in mock anger, sighing theatrically for added effect, not that it did me much good, my angel took a seat on the step and pointed toward a box of pink Chinese lanterns and then up to the trees she wanted them hung in. I got the wretched lights in the tree after much battling with the sharp ends of branches that stabbed into me whenever I made a wrong move and was hoping that was all Bella wanted me to do, i was over this party before it even started!

My eyes narrowed when Bella started bossing me around again, this time she was deliberating over where the bonfire should go, telling me it needed to be moved a fraction to the left, at this point I was ready to suggest we put the fire under the lantern adorned trees, and burn the fuckers down!

I shot her a sarcastic smile and she burst into a fit of giggles. The sound sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine.

"Be thankful it's not _Alice_ doing the directing she'd have you positioning it to the alignment to the constellation of Aquarius." Bella quipped. I was about to come back with my own snappy retort but when I thought about it she was right Alice would have made me align it to the position of the moon!

...Bella burrowed into my side even though the heat from the bonfire took the chill of the air, I had to admit I fucking loved the fact that she hadn't taken her hands off me all night. The constant surging of Bella's life force through my body kept me more than warm, my blood burned molten hot in my veins.

I strummed idly on the guitar for a moment, tuning it, before plucking a tune that I hoped Bella recognized for its significance.

"_Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you  
I'm still alright to smile  
Girl, I think bout you every day now  
Was a time when I wasn't sure  
But you set my mind at ease  
There is no doubt you're in my heart now_

Said woman take it slow, and it'll work itself out fine  
All we need is just a little patience  
Said sugar take it slow and we'll come together fine  
All we need is just a little patience  
(patience)  
Mmmm, yeah"

I hated how raspy my voice sounded, my damaged vocal cords was one of the things that pissed me off. I knew how much Bella had loved my voice before; I wished it sounded how it used to be when I serenaded her.

She obviously recognized the sentiment behind the song by the passionate kiss she gave me.

Aro's backyard was full of the people I loved the most; it was fucking awesome hanging out with my friends without the drugs and booze. I liked the chilled out, laid back vibe of the party, so different to anything we had done before. It made me realize just _how_ much the drugs and alcohol fuelled our crazy and debauched behaviour.

I grinned up at Aro as the old hippy made his way over to us; he looked like he was enjoying his party.

_"Mama's got a Squeeze box"_ He practically ordered me. He closed his eyes and smiled as I strummed the first few cords. I rested my head against Bella's as I played Aro's song, the old man made his way over to Rosalie where he dropped to his knees in front of her. I rolled my eyes when Rose gave him a flirty smile. She was sure to give the old fool a _'woody'_, as he referred to it, or a fucking heart attack!

Aro crawled up Rosalie's body to get to his feet and I shuddered, it was just fucking wrong, so fucking gross. Rosalie turned to look in our direction grinning evilly at Bella and me for some fucking god forsaken reason, I looked to Aro for explanation and fucking gagged when the crusty old cunt made a _'fucking'_ motion behind Rosalie.

Surely he wasn't going to? Surely Rosalie wasn't going to? The old hippy was just fucking with me. He grinned and shrugged his shoulders. I looked over at Emmett, horrified when I noticed he was grinning at Rose in what looked like anticipation. I shook off the ridiculous notion there was just no way that was going to happen.

I finished Aro's song and pulled Bella closer, crushing my lips to hers, desperate to chase away the disgusting thought of Aro and Rosalie.

By the time I broke the kiss and looked around Rosalie and Aro had disappeared, no doubt to get _high_...

Aro took a seat next to me, the old hippy was grinning at me like a _stoned_ fool.

"So did you rock his world baby?" Emmett asked making sure he was clearly heard by _everyone._

"I don't know baby you'll have to ask him that, but he surely did rock _my_ world." She turned to blow a kiss at Aro, before turning back to Emmett, "He does this thing with his tongue, and oh my god, honestly Emmett anyway I'll teach you later."

I gasped audibly, gagging a bit as bile rose in my throat.

"What's the Matter Edward?" Rose asked innocently yet she had an evil glint in her eye.

I was staring at her in absolute _horror_. I had thought that they had snuck off to get high somewhere; I never believed Rose would actually go through with it.

I looked at my friend, who was staring off across the water with a grin a mile wide on his face "You didn't..." I said to him and he just nodded. "And you... Emmett?" I looked at my oldest brother in concern "Emm?"

My voice was nearly a high pitched squeak and I heard a quiet chuckle come from Aro.

"Oh chill out Edward, it was Emmett's idea! When I was stuck for a _gift_, you know for his birthday. And let me warn you sweetie the man has _talent!_ I'd keep him away from that wife of yours or you might just be out of a job." Rose said with an evil leer.

My arm tightened around Bella of its own accord though I wasn't really worried. "You suggested this Emm? Fuck, were you deprived oxygen as a baby or something? Did Mum really drop you? A fucking gift basket, a card, these are the things you get people for their birthdays... You don't offer your fucking girlfriend!"

I was dumbfounded. Completely and utterly dumbfounded.

"It's all good Eddie, Aro can die a happy man now, and Rosie obviously had a good time, fucking look at her, you can see the sparkle in her eye, well through the haze you can. And besides she would have used condoms, so it's all sweet. And it's the last chance Rosy had to sow her wild oats, I'm sticking a ring on it tomorrow!"

"A ring on what? Your cock," I asked. Bella burst into laughter next to me but Emmett rolled his eyes.

"On Rosalie's finger you fucktard. Me and Rosy are getting married!" He announced to the party at large.

I stared at my brother as if he was completely fucking retarded, I was actually convinced he was, he was planning to get engaged yet he let his fiancée fuck another man. A _crusty_ old man at that! Like I said _'fucking retarded'_

Aro reached over and pushed underneath my chin closing my gaping mouth, "You'll let the mozzies in my young lad. It's all good, Lucy gave this old man the ride of a lifetime and I'm pretty sure she was happy with it too. Your brother understands, sex and love aren't mutually exclusive," He said and I balked. He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "It's alright Edward. It's alright."

I turned to Bella "They are all crazy aren't they?"

"Yeah they are, but I love them anyway." Bella giggled. She leaned over and hugged Emmett, "I'm glad you're marrying my sister, but you will _never_ let her do anything like that again."

"You are all fucking crazy. I thought I had _issues._..." I said shaking my head. I turned to Aro, "Well, I got you a new violin. It's a birthday slash thank you gift. So you don't get to fuck me or my wife sorry." I said with a laugh.

"Edward, sweetie it's _ok_, I'm just really happy she was gentle enough not to _kill_ him...he's my friend and I would have missed him," Bella said soothingly.

Emmett, Rose and Aro burst out laughing and Bella joined them.

I stood up and held my hand out to Bella "Come on baby; let's go home, before whatever they have spreads." I said with a laugh. I gripped Aro's hand with my free one "Happy birthday Pa." I said to him and watched as his eyes glassed over with tears

"Thank you... son. I'll come down and visit with you both tomorrow." He said and I grinned

"Looking forward to it ya old perv." ...

..."God I can't believe Rose, the woman has no shame honestly, sometimes I can't believe we're related." I pulled Bella into my side as we walked down Aro's driveway

"I know. Jesus, what the hell is wrong with my brother? He practically pimped her out!" I saw Bella shivering, so I shrugged out of my jacket and wrapped it around her arms, pulling her into my side. "No way in hell I could do that. I couldn't share you with anyone!"

"Hmm...your brother certainly is extremely open minded. Honestly has he always had that morality chip missing? I know it was gone when I worked for him, I used to ask him if he had one at all."

I chuckled "Maybe someone really did drop him. It would explain a lot, the morality issue, the sheer amount of fucking food the man can eat... Still doesn't explain Rose though does it?" I said pulling out the keys for the door as we came to the doorstep

"Yeah it does, she was definitely born without a morality chip, I could tell you stories about that girl that would make your hair on the back of your neck stand on end, but I won't...All I'll say is she has always given Renee a run for her money in the inappropriate behaviour stakes, it's almost a competition between the two."

I unlocked the door and held it open for Bella to go through "Well Mrs Cullen, I am eternally grateful that you didn't inherit any of it. I'd be gray by now!" I closed the door behind us and locked it carefully. I scooped Bella into my arms and kissed her passionately, her fingers wound through my hair and she pulled us to the floor.

A low growl rumbled from my throat, echoing in Bella's mouth, as she crawled on top of me and deepened the kiss...

...I reached out for the phone before the racket it was making woke Bella,

"Hello," I mumbled trying to drag myself into full consciousness.

"Edward its Jake," His voice sounded alert, excited.

I blinked the hazy film of sleep from my eyes, looking down at Bella to see if the phone had woken her. I smiled down at her still sleeping form; she looked beautiful; so peaceful. The fringe of black lashes lay gently against her creamy skin, her cheeks wee flushed a dusky pink and a hint of a smile played on her full pouty lips. She looked like an angel.

"Hey Jacob, what's up?" I whispered.

"Sorry man did I wake you?"

"Nah not really, it's all good anyway. I'm just whispering cause I don't want to wake Bella, we had a late night." My thoughts drifted back to when we arrived home from Aro's party and the muscles it the pit of my stomach tightened. I smiled as the image of our clothes strewn across the floor by the front door flashed across my mind. It had taken us most of the night to make it from there to bed,

"So how are things going with you?" I asked snapping out of my perverted reverie.

"Things are good, no more than good, they're great! Leah's pregnant and we're getting married next weekend! It's why I called..."

"Wow Jake that's awesome news. Congratulations man. I'm really happy for you, you deserve to be happy Jacob. So next weekend aye? Shot gun wedding then!" I chuckled. I was happy for Jake; I would be forever indebted to him for taking care of my family when I couldn't. Jake deserved to be happy.

I looked down at Bella, sweeping an errant curl from her warm cheek. I was happy for Jake but how would Bella feel about it? Although we were together again I knew Bella loved Jake in a way, hell I almost lost her to him. How would this affect _our _nebulous relationship?

"Thanks Edward and yeah it's a bit of a shot gun wedding. Whatever you do just don't tell Tui that Leah's pregnant until after the ceremony, she'll flog me if she knew." I chuckled, imagining Jakes frail old grandmother beating him with her walking stick. "So I was ringing to ask you if you would stand up as my best man?"

The laughter died in my throat; I was touched by Jake's request. It was hard to believe how far Jacob and I had come in our own friendship. It had been so long since I had thought of him as _'Doogie Howser,'_ or the _'teen dream.'_ Jacob had turned out to be just as priceless a friend to me as he had been to Bella.

"I'd be honoured to stand up as your best man Jacob," I said sincerely.

Bella's eyes fluttered open, she blinked rapidly a few times and stretched her arms high above her head, the sheet slid from her body revealing the soft creamy swell of her magnificent breasts, the dark pink nipples standing erect, waiting for me to lavish attention on them with my tongue. I stifled the groan in the back of my throat.

"Thanks Edward that means a lot," Jake said once more bringing me back from my dirty thoughts. Bella looked up at me with a smile, her eyes asking me silently who was on the phone.

"Jake," I mouthed her face lit up, her pouty lips stretching into a wider smile. I stifled the pings of jealousy, they were completely irrational! I knew Bella didn't _want_ Jake. The fact she was lying naked in our bed wearing_ my_ wedding rings was testament to that. Besides Jake had just given me confirmation that he too had moved on.

"You're welcome; just let me know the time and place and I'll be there." I reached out to stroke Bella's soft pink cheek, smiling when her eyes fluttered closed with a small sigh.

"We're having the ceremony next Saturday on the Marae; everything's arranged all you have to do is show up on Friday so we can run over the plan."

She would only ever react to _my_ touch like that; I owned her glorious body as much as I owned her precious heart and soul. Bella was mine, and she always would be. My fingers ghosted down her throat and across her collarbone, I was rewarded with a low throaty moan from Bella's soft pink lips.

A shiver of pleasure shot down my spine at the sound. I was desperate to get off the phone so I could hear more of those breathless moans.

"Was that Bella?" Jake asked and I resisted the urge to chuckle she'd be horrified if she knew he'd heard her.

"Um...Yeah she just woke up. Do you want to tell her the good news or should I?" I was hoping he would say I could tell her so I could get off the fucking phone and ravish my wife.

"I'll tell her," Jake replied happily. Maybe that could work to.

"Ok then. Well I'll see you next Friday and congratulations again."

Bella's eyes snapped open she looked at me puzzled, I shook my head and passed her the phone with a smile.

The second the receiver was in her hand my hands were roaming over her soft supple skin...

...I kissed a path across Bella's collarbone sighing when I reached the soft swell of her breast. I sucked her pert pink nipple between my lips and was rewarded with another of Bella's sultry moans. It was fucking sublime.

Bella took a rasping breath and put the phone to her ear, "Hey Jake," she breathlessly. I smiled against her soft skin. It was _my_ touch that took her breath away.

While I teased Bella with my tongue I kept my gaze firmly on hers as my hand ghosted over her stomach and lower, a light shiver rippled through me when it brushed the silky patch of hair. My fingers slid into Bella's wet warmth effortlessly, earning me another of her sweet throaty moans.

The sound was pure fucking poetry. I grew harder, impossibly so as I pumped my fingers into her gently curling them slightly when they deep inside her; just the way Bella liked it. Her hips jerked involuntarily burying my fingers even deeper. Bella needed to get off the phone as soon as fucking possible; I wanted those sweet sounds falling in a continuous stream from her pouty pink lips. I wanted to kiss and nibble those sweet delicate lips just like I was doing to her diamond hard nipples.

I kept my eyes on her face.

If I hadn't been watching her so intently I would not have seen her smile slip for that fraction of a second before she got it fixed back into place Although she was trying to hide her true feelings from me they were written vividly in her eyes. I could see the confusion, the happiness for her friend warring with fear that she was going to lose him. I understood her fears even though I hated them, Jacob had been there for Bella right from the very beginning, right from when he first met her. She had relied on him; he had taken care of her. He had never once let her down.

Jacob had been the most constant person in Bella's life, he knew her just as well as I did maybe better than I did in some ways. It didn't bother me as long as Job stuck to his word and cared for her if I should lose my life but until that happened my wife would _never_ have to rely on Jacob Black for moral support or anything else.

_I _would look after my wife.

"That...That's great news Jacob. I'm so very happy for you and Leah." She said and although her voice faltered it rang with sincerity. She was happy for her friend, she was just petrified what that meant for her.

Tears suddenly gushed down Bella's cheeks.

"Bella?" My voice though quiet was full of stress. I _lo__athed_ seeing Bella cry. She shook her head and smiled, they were tears of happiness. I relaxed minutely and went back to my ministrations; I continued to watch Bella as I pushed my fingers deep into her warmth.

"I'm so happy you asked him Jacob, you have no idea how much that means to _me_." She whispered and I understood the reason for her tears. "You forgot 'Boy Wonder," she snickered then suddenly erupted into a fit of delicious giggles.

I fucking loved hearing her laugh as much as I loved hearing the symphony of sultry moans that fell from her luscious pouty lips. I laughed along with her; I had forgotten about the 'boy wonder,' jibe myself.

as I watched Bella's happy mood vanished, her wide chocolate eyes were unable to conceal her fear though she was trying hard to hide it. I sighed heavily I didn't know how to even begin to show Bella how much I loved her, how I could never leave her again.

Finally she ended her conversation, her emotionless gaze lingered on the phone. Bella was trying to appear impassive but of course _I_ could see straight through her mask. I slid my fingers from her and rolled us on our sides. I knew Bella was going to shut down, knew she was going to construct those damn walls around herself.

Bella shied away from anything that she found to painful or too hard to deal with. I would not allow her to that this time, if she ever wanted to move passed the fear that imprisoned her beautiful soul then she needed to confront and deal with what frightened her.

"Yes," she said automatically and unconvincingly, "I'm happy for Jacob, if anyone deserves happiness it's him, and Leah, she really is a lovely person. She's...perfect for Jake." I believed that bit I knew she was truly happy for Jake but I didn't believe for one second she was ok; I could hear the faint hint of fear that made her voice quiver ever so slightly.

As hard as I tried I could not hold her gaze, I caught the look of guilt that flashed across them as she looked away. My Bella was suffering and I could not stand to see it. Even though she was the strongest woman I had ever met at the same time she was just so delicate, so fragile she looked extremely breakable. I gently squeezed her fingers, hoping to regain her attention but she did not look up. I let go of her hand bringing my fingers to rest under her chin I tilted her head up forcing her to meet my gaze.

Bella could not be allowed to hide from herself and she could not be allowed to hide from me, not if we wanted this marriage to have a hope in hell of surviving.

"You won't lose him Bella..." I told her gently. A look of horror flashed across her face before her expression turned apologetic. I pressed my fingers to her lips; she had nothing to apologize for. "There's nothing to explain sweetheart, I can't even begin to tell you how much gratitude I have for Jacob. He took care of you Bella when I didn't." She shook her head protesting but I pressed my fingers a little more firmly against her soft lips, "I know you won't lose him because Jacob has sworn to me that you and the kids will always be one of his top priorities. Jacob is the trustee of my will Bella he will _always_ be there to take care of you. I trust Jacob without question. I trust him to look after you i_f_ I can't. I trust Jacob with my _life,_ because I trust with _you_."

Jacob had obviously not told her this by the stunned look on her face; he truly was a remarkable person, his grandmother's grandson. He had the same mana as the lovely Tui.

"I'm sorry Edward," Bella said the moment I relinquished her lips, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't and I'm not hurt Bella. As long as you're happy then that's all that matters to me." My finger lightly traced around her lips, "Besides that I know that while I'm still breathing you aren't going to need Jacob to rely on. Nobody but _me_ will ever need to look after my family again." I took Bella's face gently in my hands, "I swear to you Bella, I'll never leave you again. I swear I will never give you a reason to have to rely on Jake."

"_I know you won't leave me,"_ She whispered.

Bella allowed me to hold her gaze as I leaned in to kiss her, my lips moved with growing urgency against hers as I slid my fingers back into her wet heat...

a/n: Please feel free to review this chapter :)


	54. the true meaning of happiness

**A/N: **** So ****after years and years and years we have finally reached the end! (Not a moment too soon LOL). First I would like to thank Sassy from the bottom of my heart for not only taking on the enormous task of editing this absolute nightmare of a story but for being the incredibly kind and sweet person she is. A true angel! I feel privileged to call you friend.**

**I would also like to take a moment to thank Greenaway. I know things didn't end like we planned but I thank you for the time and effort you put into this story and I sincerely wish you all the very best for the future.**

**To those of you I have met and talk to via my facebook page it's been awesome...**

**To the people who took the time to review I **_**thank you so very much**_**. It's the only credit we get as writers and it's nice to be acknowledged especially considering the amount of time that goes into writing a novel length book. (or in this case several novels). I would also like to thank those of you who have stuck by this story, at times its felt like it was never going to end! **

**Unfortunately this is not the original ending that was planned for this story and I apologize for that. In this chapter** **both Bella and Edward's points of view are written solely by me, cinnamon twist.**

**I w****anted to let you all know at this stage I have no plans to write anymore fan fiction. I have several new origin**al** projects on the go including collaborating on a story with my friend Penny Lane and I just don't have time to continue with fan fiction. So thank you to all of you for reading my work and wish you all peace, joy and happiness in your lives...**_**Cinnamon :) xx...**_

**Disclaimer:** S. Meyer owns twilight and its characters, Cinnamon Twist & Greenaway co own an angel at my table. Any music used is the property of the rightful owners no copy right intended.

**The True Meaning of Happiness **

**Bella's POV...**

I walked out of the bathroom, followed by the fragrant steam from the shower, expecting to find Edward waiting for me; instead I found a note on the bed address to _Mrs Cullen _in Edward's elegant script.

The note was sitting atop a long white strapless chiffon gown, and the diamond butterfly necklace Edward had given me on our wedding day, I fingered the delicate gold and diamond chain curiously; I hadn't realized Edward wanted to us dress up for dinner tonight.

We had arrived on Eden a couple of hours ago, our excuse was to get the premises in order and get prepared for our family and friends who would be arriving on the Island tomorrow with our children for a weeklong celebration for Apple and Louis' fifth birthday. But Edward and I had really wanted to take the opportunity to spend a night _alone_ together; we had not had one of those in the months in which we had been back together.

I picked up the note, my curiosity piqued.

_Bella,  
I'm out by the lagoon, I'll see you on the beach.  
Don't take too long Mrs Cullen,  
I miss you.  
Edward xx_

I discarded the note and quickly towel dried my hair. I attempted to put the brush through the snarl of curls but gave up after less than a minute; I would deal with the knots tomorrow. The dress was gorgeous; the soft material felt like clouds yet flowed like water over my body and it fit like it had been made especially for me. Alice maybe? Most definitely! I could see her signature style now that I really studied myself in the mirror.

Since we were on the Island and more so because Alice wasn't here to argue; I decided to go to dinner in bare foot, the dress was long enough to cover all but the tips of my toes. I added the diamond butterfly necklace, checked myself in the mirror; my hair was a mass of unruly curls but I could do nothing about that so I deemed myself presentable.

Edward's note had said he would be out by the lagoon; I hurried out the door eager to be back in his embrace. We had spent no time apart in the months we had been back together, being away from him now made me anxious. Not because I didn't trust him to be away from me, I trusted Edward, but because I missed him to.

"Bella..." The easily recognisable voice of Charjay called out from behind me. I stopped and turned smiling at my employee. Charjay was a lovely Tahitian girl of eighteen who worked here on the weekends with her Mother Sanjay.

"Hi Charjay," I said smiling in response to the bright smile she wore.

"You look really pretty Bella," She complimented me shyly.

"Thanks; so do you," I replied just as bashfully. I could feel the blood beginning to pool beneath my cheeks, staining them a light crimson.

"I made something for you," she said holding out a wreath of cream frangipanis, the delicate flowers were my favourites on the island. Their sweet perfume was intoxicating.

"Thank you so much," I was a little taken aback and a little overwhelmed that she took the time to make me something. She gently placed the wreath atop my head like a crown, fussing over it for a moment as she slid it into place. My cheeks burned hotter as my embarrassment deepened.

"You're welcome," she said brightly as she thrust a small bouquet of the same fragrant cream flowers into my hands. She kissed my cheek swiftly and wished me a pleasant evening before turning around and bounding off down the path.

I hurried off the opposite direction, eager to find Edward. I was slightly bewildered by the odd exchange with Charjay but I was touched by her thoughtful handmade gift.

The small patch of jungle gave-way after a moment, I pushed past the last of the ferns overhanging the path and stopped abruptly as Edward appeared in my line of sight, he was dressed in a loose fitting white linen shirt; his linen pants were white as well. Like mine his feet were bare.

He was glorious.

My heart stuttered then took off in a sprint; it crashed almost violently against my ribs in a vain attempt to beat out of my chest. I was momentarily distracted by the flowery canopy he stood beneath but then he smiled my favourite smile and his attire, the flower canopy, the magnificent purple gold sunset, the turquoise water of the lagoon became inconsequential. All I saw was _my_ Edward.

I let him fill my vision completely and was stunned by his beauty.

So much had changed, not just in our relationship, but as people; we were different. I was different but of course the biggest change belonged to the beautiful bronzed haired man I once more called my husband.

The transformation he had been through was truly astounding.

_In the months in which we had been back together I saw how deep those changes went. Physically Edward was more like the man I married, he had put on weight, his muscles were more defined now and his face wasn't as gaunt. His skin had lost the sallow tone; his complexion w__as more like it used to be. His__ cheeks had more colour in them and his green eyes were more animated now they had regained some of their sparkle. Although he was still sick his Doctor was thrilled with his progress, he had assured Edward that if he continued to follow his vegetarian diet and he didn't get too stressed then in time he would recover his quality of life, though his liver would never fully recover. _

_The physical changes however paled in comparison to the psychological ones. The m__anic energy that used to possess Edward had completely gone; he was so much more relaxed and considerably more even tempered now. He was so c__aring and thoughtful, he never took anything for granted nor did he impose his will on me,__ and nothing seemed to faze him now. _

_He was content._

_At first __it had been a struggle for me to live with Edward again. Of course trust was the biggest issue for me, it had been hard for me to let go of the mindset the defence mechanism that had me holding back, that had me waiting for the bubble to burst. I knew it was unfair to Edward to have such a lack of faith in him but I also knew that as a recovering alcoholic he could relapse at any time without any warning. It would have been foolish if I let myself get complacent. _

_Edward completely understood my reservations and he would not allow me to feel guilty. He constantly reminded me that my trust was something he had to earn back. His patience was endless; it was one of the biggest changes in him. _

_As the weeks had turned to months I had begun to relax, every morning when I woke in his arms I would tell myself that he would never hurt me again, I knew he would never leave, never forsake me __again__. I made myself believe it and slowly the trust began to return._

_Apple had found it even harder than I had. I felt so bad for her; it had to be so confusing. She was absolutely ecstatic to have her father back in her life. All traces of sadness had been wiped away with the return of Edward and it was almost like my daughter had been returned. But she suffered the same trust issues as I did. Whilst she wasn't sad anymore she was more possessive of Edward than she had ever been._

_She never let him out of her sight, especi__ally in those first few months; she was permanently glued to his side. The times he did manage to slip away from her were always met with the same reaction. As soon as she realized he was not in the room her eyes would widen in fear as she called out for him. She would run from room to room screaming his name, ignoring me when I tried to explain he had just gone to see Aro or that he was in the shower, her little body would shake with her grief and mine would shake with my grief for her. _

_The moment Edward was back in her sight she would cling to him as she calmed herself down. She would repeat over and over, "You were gone. You not leave me again aye Dad? I can make you better. You not allowed to leave." _

_Apple's reaction hurt Edward and I both, for different reasons, he felt intense guilt at how much his leaving had hurt his eldest daughter. My hurt stemmed from the fact Apple still blamed me for Edward's absence in her life. Now that he was home she would not allow me to do anything_ _for her, if she needed help it was Edward she turned to. I tried not to let it get me, I knew she was too young to understand but it still left a bitter taste in the back of my throat._

_Over time things had gotten better, Edward could now leave the room without her having a complete meltdown, but it was a different story when he left the house without her._

_Louis, so different from Apple in most ways, had also found it difficult not to panic when Edward wasn't around. Only instead of running through the house in a panicked frenzy as his sister did, he would come to straight to me and ask quietly where his Daddy had gone. He would listen to my explanation thoughtfully and when I promised him his dad would be back he would accept it without question._

_Matisse and Noah had no issues if Edward left the room, their lives, unlike that of their elder siblings, bore no scars of their parent's horrendous mistakes..._

_But things were better now for all of us, the fact we were here without Apple was testament to that. She had been terrified when we had told her we were flying to Eden a day earlier than her and her siblings, I understood her fear that her father would not return. When I had tucked her into her bed that night I had explained that not only would her father never leave her again but that I was going to be with him. I had promised her I would make sure he did not get sick again, Apple was petrified that if she was away from her Daddy he would get sick, she believed in her precious heart that she was the only one that could keep him well._

_She was right in a way, the bond she shared with Edward had grown ever stronger, he was the centre of her universe and her devotion to him had helped to keep him well. For Edward, Apple, and her siblings were the centre of his universe. He loved all of his kids equally but it was with Apple that he had the strongest bond; they were just two peas in a pod..._

I took another protracted moment to gaze at Edward, allowing all the love I felt for him flow unimpeded through my veins. I had not thought it possible but I loved him now more than I ever had. My lips curved up into a smile as I savoured the sight before me; there weren't words to adequately describe how magnificent he truly was. In my heart I knew there would never be anyone for me but Edward, I knew I could survive without him but if he wasn't in my life I would have found my universe a bleak and lonely place. We were just two halves of a whole.

My feet began to move without conscious thought, my body yearned to be in his arms, my heart and soul longed to be in his presence. It felt like it took forever to get to his side but finally I was there.

"_Bella," _He breathed my name with a veneration that sent another wave of love more powerful than any before it washing over me, it sunk beneath my flesh and bone to my very soul. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me into his side and I marvelled at how I still fitted perfectly into his side. We were like two corresponding pieces of a puzzle.

Edward caught my gaze and I was instantly lost in his deep emerald eyes, I was mesmerised, _enchanted_. They continued to pull me in deeper, further than I had ever been in their seamlessly endless depths.

I had seen as far as his soul but suddenly I saw more than that, this time I saw Edward as a whole, flesh, bone and his soul. I saw every miniscule thread that made up the man, the complete and byzantine web of connections that fused the physical and the spiritual together.

**The web expanded, it was magical; I could see that every delicate silver thread was connected to points, like stars, sparks of brilliant silver light. Within the first bright light I could see Carlisle, Esme, and Aro, the faces of his parents. I followed the labyrinth of connections, fascinated, to the next bright spot, there resided his brothers and my sisters, my parents and Jacob were there to.

The tiny silver threads interwove to the next of the slivery stars, it was the faces of Irina, Demetri, Oliver, Felix and Kate that swirled there, the friends that he considered his family.

As my incredulous eyes moved toward the centre of the intricate maze the colour of threads changed, no longer sparkling silver they had turned a deep rich gold and became more complex. There were hundreds of thousands maybe millions of the sparkling gold threads interlacing as they connected to the brightest light in the very centre, the heart, of the web.

This light was a brilliant vivid gold that shone brighter than the sun. Shimmering within its golden radiance were my face and Edward's and the faces of our children. There was even the tiny face of an angelic infant, a child we had never gotten to meet but loved all the same. Each of our faces glowed luminous and beautiful in the intense golden light.

My fascination turned to awe, I could see every one of those golden threads, though they looked as delicate as silk, were in fact stronger than steel. I could see that those threads could never be broken.

Somewhere in the back of my stunned mind I could feel the last lingering traces of fear melt away. I was left with nothing but pure love and joy.

My awe deepened, this was by far the most profound moment of my life. I didn't want to blink; I didn't want to move a fraction. If I could I would stay suspended in this moment forever, I could spend eternity watching the intricate workings of Edward's brilliant soul.

I tried to starve off blinking but I was unable, as my eyelids closed for the briefest part of a second the web disappeared and I could feel myself being pulled back to the present, it was Edward's angel face that filled my vision now.

"_I love you Edward,"_ I whispered still in complete awe of him. I reached up to stroke his cheek; I wanted to touch him; to check that he was real.

"I love you to Bella, so much..." He murmured, a hint of the former velvety nuance in his voice.

Edward took my hand, removing it from his cheek; he kissed my fingertips before sliding a diamond band onto my finger. It moulded perfectly around my engagement ring and it matched my platinum and diamond wedding ring. An _eternity_ ring: the last of the set that would adorn my finger for the rest of my life.

Everything suddenly clicked into place, the white dress, the wreath and posy of flowers, the flowery canopy under which we stood; the diamond butterfly necklace and the ring. Edward was renewing the vows, the promises, he had made to me the day we became husband and wife.

"...I love you and I swear to you that I always will." He murmured, "I will never forsake you; I will never leave you or hurt you ever again. I will never ask you for more than you want to give." He promised, "I vow to you Bella you _can _trust me. I will spend the rest of forever being the best husband and father I can be. I will fight for our _happy ever after_ my only love."

Edward's voice was as soft as velvet and saturated with sincerity. Even if I had not just seen the proof of his commitment to me and our children in his soul; the sincerity that soaked his voice would have convinced me.

For the first time in a long time there was the complete absence of fear, for the first time in what felt like _forever_ I contained nothing but a deep blissful joy, and it consumed me whole.

After the profound and life altering moment I had just experienced it occurred to me that Edward didn't need to fight to give me my happy ever after, he already had fought for it, he had already given it to me. He had found his way back to himself, found his way back to me. We were together and in love, we had our children and our family and friends, his health was improving and we had everything going for us. We had the world at our feet. What more could we possibly need?

Edward and I had everything, all the ingredients for our _happy ever after_.

He raised our entwined hands to his face, he pressed his lips to the rings, sealing the promises he had just given me with a kiss.

Again I was awed.

Edward let go of my hand and took my face between his soft warm palms, his deep green eyes burned brightly brighter than I had ever seen them, the love and happiness swirled and danced in the flame. I was stunned again.

"_Forever," _he vowed as he leaned forward to kiss me, his lips soft yet unyielding as they moved against mine. My arms laced around his neck and I kissed him deeply, his hands dropped from my face to wrap tightly around me; he pulled my body flush with his.

As it was with every time we touched, desire ignited into an inferno in the pit of my stomach and spread like lightning through my body consuming me whole. Although every fibre of my being felt like a live wire with the current that emanated from deep within Edward and flowed through me, it was _love_ that flavoured the kiss.

I don't know for how long we shared the kiss, it could have been seconds, minutes, hours. It could have been several blissful days, time seemed to have stopped ticking, just as my heart had stopped beating. Both kicked back in after a moment.

With the restarting of my heart came with it some clarity the significance of the moment. _"Thank you Edward," _I whispered before kissing him deeply once more...

...The blissful joy I felt was made all the more so with being back on Eden Island. I had been so appalled when Edward had first bought it for me, an extravagant waste of money I had always thought. Yet being back here with him now I could feel nothing but gratitude, in terms of what this place had given me, had given _us_; had been priceless.

This tiny Island had been a slice of heaven, a place of magic and happiness and healing. It had sheltered us through dark times and it was the place Edward and I had created some of the best and happiest memories I had. The times we spent here were always relaxed and filled with happiness.

Eden Island had always brought out the best in _my_ Edward. He had always been his most relaxed here. This was where he shed all of his fears and inhibitions; it was where the glimpses I used to get of the man I always knew he could be came out to shine their brightest. It was evident in what just transpired between us that it still retained that magic over him...

...He led me down onto the beach and I gasped quietly, on the shore was a table set for two, the sunset backdrop was breathtaking, it stained the sky and water a deep peachy orange. I was instantly transported back to the last time we had dined on this beach, my mind ran over every tiny detail I remembered of what had transpired that night, the soft netted gazebo and the smell of frangipanis, the candles, and the daybed. The moonlit piano sonata: his velvety smooth voice as he serenaded me. Every single kiss, every single touch we had shared.

It had been the most magical night of my life.

"_Edw__ard,"_ I whispered. My eyes filled with tears as I was once again filled with awe for my beautiful husband.

"I know sweetheart. I remember..."

A single tear slid down my cheek, a tear of happiness, after all Edward had been through he had _not_ forgotten...

...Edward did not take his eye off my face as indulged my love of seafood, I popped another of the delectable king prawns into my mouth with a satisfied moan. I loved Eden Island as much for its abundant seafood as I did it for its magic. I returned Edward's gaze knowing that the love and happiness I saw in his deep emerald eyes was mirrored in my own.

I slid another prawn into my mouth, noting that whilst I was on my second plateful Edward's own plate remained largely untouched, he seemed more content to watch me eat. I finished the last of my dinner finally feeling like I had had my fill of the succulent delicacies. I licked the last of the juice from my lips, now I was done!

"Are you finished now or would you like me to have the chef cook you _more?_" He asked me, a smirk playing on his soft lips.

"I'm finished," I replied though I was eyeing the last of the prawns on his plate, "I don't think I could eat another thing!"

"Good," Edward chortled, "I'm sure the Islands prawn population is breathing a collective sigh of relief! If you keep eating them like that you'll decimate their numbers."

"Oh, Ha, Ha Edward you're such a comedian," I sighed rolling my eyes at him.

"I'm glad you think so," he retorted his smirk widening.

It felt great to joke around with Edward the way we used to do, it was easy, effortless to do now that my walls were down completely and I didn't take everything so seriously. I looked out over the moonlit water and was filled with a sense of peace that I had never experienced before, for the first time in a long time, everything felt complete. With Edward by my side, _I_ felt complete.

My gaze drifted back to his seraphic face and my breath caught in my throat. He was beyond beautiful, his exquisiteness stunned my mind. I stared into his deep emerald eyes losing myself in the love that burned in them.

"_Thank you Edward..."_ I murmured, _"...for bringing me here. Thank you for giving me you." _

Edward was out of his seat and I was in his arms in seconds.

"_Bella,"_ he whispered my name with a reverence that made me feel nothing less than _extraordinary_. His finger caressed my jaw coming to rest beneath my chin; softly he tilted my face toward his gazing at me with his sparkling bejewelled eyes. Again I was stunned; He simply took my breath away.

"_...I want you,"_ I sighed as the need to be closer; to be consumed by Edward blossomed into an aching desire in the pit of my stomach. My body soldered itself to his making its intention clear.

Edward scooped me up in his arms and crushed his lips to mine, his lips parted mine urgently and his warm breath flowed into my mouth. My body exploded into a frenzy. The sexual charge that emanated from deep within him flowed through me unimpeded and the aching hunger for him raged to the point of pain.

My arms weaved around his neck, my fingers lacing through his soft bronze hair, holding him to me as I kissed him greedily.

His mouth moved against mine with mirrored intensity, _"My Bella,"_ he whispered against his lips. A shiver of pleasure shot down my spine, I only ever wanted to be _his Bella_...

...Normally I would have been enchanted by the moonlight that flooded our bedroom, but its beauty could not hold my attention, not with Edward in the room. There was _nothing _more exquisite than Edward in the moonlight. Its weak light bathed him in a radiance that once more left me breathless.

Edward carried me to _our_ bed kissing me softly he lay me in the centre and gently pressed his warm body against mine. I shivered lightly, not from cold but from desire. My fingers detangled themselves from his hair so I could stroke his cheek; I marvelled at the tingling in my fingertips, touching Edward's skin made me feel like I was magic.

He pulled his face back a fraction capturing my gaze with his own and my heart skipped a beat. Edward's emerald eyes searched mine, I don't what he was looking for but I hoped he found it, I hoped he could see the love and the trust I had for him. I didn't know how he couldn't see it there; I could feel it blazing in my eyes.

Our gazes stayed locked as he slowly removed my clothes, there was an awe set deep in his eyes as they roamed over my body that made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Exquisite," Edward murmured as his fingers slid from my throat to my collarbone. His fingers continued their path; moving slowly across my breasts and down over my stomach, although they were barely touching me my skin tingled and my blood, molten hot, rushed to the surface.

Edward leaned in and brushed his soft lips against mine, a low groan slid from his throat as he sucked my bottom lip between his teeth. My frenzied body went into overdrive I was in almost physical pain now. He released my lip only to recapture my mouth in a searing kiss that left me breathless, when he did relinquish my mouth his moved hungrily along my jaw to the hollow beneath my ear,

"_Bella," _He whispered against my throat. Edward's lips explored the path his fingers had just traced, with the gentleness of butterfly wings he kissed the silver grey scar left by Tania's steely blade, _"so strong, so brave, so beautiful,"_ His voice was barely more than a whisper but I could hear the respect, the awe, that saturated it.

His lips, feather light, continued to work their magic on my skin as they moved across my stomach. My fingers weaved roughly through his hair holding his face to my body; I didn't want to lose the magic that flowed between us. His warm breath rushed across my skin causing a shiver of pleasure to shoot down my spine.

Edward's lips continued their path across my skin; my body trembled lightly beneath him; the anticipation coiling the muscles in the pit of my stomach. My body's reactions to his touch had not diminished at all over time if anything they were stronger now than they had ever been, my heart continued to try and beat its way out of my chest, the molten hot blood in my veins gushed through them fast and furious and every fibre in my being felt like a live-wire, his touch electrified me.

My breath hitched and my heart stopped beating, the anticipation, the knowledge of what was coming next sent my body into a chaotic frenzy. Edward placed one light kiss atop the small patch of dark hair before sliding his tongue along my sensitive flesh. A low growl rumbled from his chest the vibrations sent waves of pleasure deep within my core, my fingers tightened in his hair clutching at it roughly.

"_Edward,"_ I mewled breathlessly when he pushed his tongue inside me. My fingers tightened in his hair, I had to be hurting him but he did not tell me to loosen my grip, I wasn't sure I would have been able to had he asked me to.

Whatever else had changed between us the way he played my body had not, Edward had not forgotten, his tongue moved with precision as it commanded me, as it teased me into total submission. Edward was a master composer and my body his willing instrument.

A small part of my brain was aware of the soft mewling and half articulated words that were spilling from my lips but I could do nothing to stop them, I could not focus enough to form a coherent sentence. All I could focus on was Edward's tongue and the way he flicked it across my sensitive flesh, he knew that the action drove me wild.

Impossibly I yanked his hair harder, Edward's tongue was relentless now; I was hurtling toward my orgasm like freight train unable to focus on anything, so many sensations were pulling me in so many different directions, I didn't know which ones to follow. A stream of unarticulated words and sounds continued to fall from my lips. I teetered on the ledge waiting for Edward to finally tip me over the edge.

I forced myself to focus just long enough to articulate one word,_ "...Edward..."_ I breathed before I was once more sucked into the bewildering yet sweet abyss. He would know what I was _trying_ to tell him.

He understood immediately, he plunged his tongue deep inside me knowing that's all I needed, suddenly I was falling, spiralling out of control, the waves of pleasure crashed down on me, the turbulent currents sucking me beneath the surface.

Although I could barely handle the intensity of the pleasure I was drowning in, I did not want re-emerge; I wanted the currents to hold me down.

"_...Please Edward...Don't stop..."_ I begged deliriously; the next wave of pleasure was rearing up ready to break over me and keep me immersed in the chaotic bliss. I jerked my hips impatiently trying to garner more friction.

Edward knowing what I needed continued to relentlessly drive his tongue deep within me driving me toward a second, more powerful climax. My body continued to writher under his ministrations, the stream of incoherent words continued to tumble from my mouth; it was only his name I recognized amongst the ramble.

The rearing wave broke over me, pushing me deeper below the surface, the pleasure from my climax shuddered through my body sending me into near convulsions. My panting soon turned to gasping as I tried to get oxygen into my burning lungs...

...Finally my grip in Edward's hair loosened and my trembling thighs relaxed relinquishing their hold on him, he placed one chaste kiss on me and sat back. His eyes, black in the moonlight, roamed slowly over my body sending a tremor down my spine. My heart began to crash in my chest again, and an awed smile spread over my face as I watched him remove his clothes, but it stopped beating altogether as I took in the magnificent sight of Edward in the moonlight.

His skin, ghostly white, seemed to glow with a subtle luminosity that made him, as impossible as it was more beautiful, beyond beautiful. I had no words to describe how truly exquisite he was. Heart breaking, breathtaking, piercing, none of these terms described it.

I gasped quietly as Edward laid his body on mine and my heart kicked back into life, I felt like I had been electrocuted. The shock of electricity that flowed from Edward's body through mine jolted me physically. Desire chased the current through my veins.

Edward gently rolled us so I was on top of him, I could see the rash excitement, the desire that burned like green fire in his eyes and I could see the apprehension set deep beneath the flame. I understood immediately what it meant and what he needed.

I kept my gaze on his, as I quickly straddled his hips, I let all the love and trust I had for him show in my eyes, "I love you Edward," I murmured as I took him slowly and effortlessly inside me.

Edward's eyes rolled back in his head, I stroked his cheek lovingly.

"I love you to _my _Bella, always." He whispered. Keeping my eyes locked on his I began to rock back against him.

Edward's hands grasped my hips, controlling my movements, his green eyes blazed in the half light, a mixture of love and lust, his breathing laboured as I took him deeper inside me. I upped the tempo as I rocked against him, matching the pace of my movements to the besotted pace of my heart. I loved the feeling of grinding myself down on Edward, loved the feeling of having him _inside _me.

I watched the rising desire deepen in Edward's eyes, darken them, his hands gripped me tighter taking control. His fingers sinking into my flesh, as he thrust his hips meeting my downward motions. I shivered Edward's eyes had gone from dark green to jet black, fear suddenly flickered across them and his hands loosened their grip on me.

He was afraid he was losing control, he was afraid he was going to hurt me; I could see the fear growing in his eyes. I did not fear him.

My hands moved to cover his, holding them gently on my hips. I looked down at him with trust in my eyes and smiled reassuringly. _"I know who you are Edward,"_ I whispered, _"I've seen your soul, you will not hurt me my love. Trust me my husband, I know your soul,"_ I said with conviction, I had seen his beautiful brilliant soul. I knew every aspect that made up _my _Edward.

"Bella," He tried to say but I shook my head and cut him off.

"_Sshh...I know baby...Don't be afraid...I love you, always."_ I murmured reassuring him. He had no reason to be afraid as I had no reason to fear him.

I ground down on him, keeping my movements slow, deliberate and uninterrupted, knowing the sinuous movements would bring forth his orgasm and my own. Edward continued to thrust his hips meeting my downward motions and burying him deeper into my warmth.

His shallow breathing was rapidly turning to gasping, he was _so close_. I was so close.

My movements became more forceful, my head lolled back and my eye fluttered closed as I moved against Edward with a growing intensity. But it would not be my movements that sent _him_ over the edge; it would be the words I uttered next that would make him cum _for me_.

I waited until I heard the catch in his breath, waited until I felt his body begin to tense beneath me, as soon as his muscle bunched and his back began to arch I cried out the words I knew he longed to hear, _"Only for you my husband, only ever for you,"..._

... My name continuously roared from Edward's lips, it echoed around the room bouncing off the walls drowning out the sounds of my own cries. I kept my eyes on his as I continued to rock against him, knowing that his emerald eyes would help to ground me as much as my chocolate brown ones would anchor him.

There was nothing more beautiful than Edward lost in the throes of his climax; I was stunned once more by sheer magnitude of his beauty.

When Edward's body still beneath mine I collapsed onto his chest, my lips seeking his I kissed him softly, reverently. He wrapped me up in his warm embrace holding me tightly as my lips continued to move gently against his...

"Bella?" Edward's velvety voice broke through my idle musings, I looked up from my breakfast and my heart stopped beating.

I doubted I would ever get used to Edward's magnificence. For as glorious as he was in the moonlight he was equally as dazzling in the sunlight. The sun's rays shone on his coppery bronze hair bringing out the true uniqueness of the colour, the shock of bronze flamed hair brightened the green of his eyes; the dark emeralds glittered and sparkled in the bright light.

I sighed happily at his utter perfection...

My eyes drifted from his perfect face to his equally perfect body, his pale skin stretched taut over the contours of his muscles, "What's up Edward?," I asked as I dropped my gaze lower, and although a shiver of pleasure shot down my spine at his very prominent erection, my lips twisted into a smirk, "apart from the obvious," I snickered.

Edward groaned and I burst into a fit of laughter, before I could do anything more than catch a quick breath he leapt up from the table and scooped me into his arms; within seconds I was on our bed and he was on top of me kissing me hungrily...

... "So...you...wanted to ask me something," I asked Edward when I had found some measure of control over my breathing, as it was the question came out a little breathlessly. Edward rolled us over so I was now on top of him, a soft moan sliding from his lips as he did.

"Hmm...I did," he said taking my face between his hands tilting it up so his lips could explore the length of my throat. My heart gave an uneven thud then took off in a sprint, his warm breath fanned over my skin and I shivered in pleasure.

If I hadn't been insanely curious to know what Edward wanted to ask me I would have ignored the question on the tip of my tongue and given into the hunger for him that was coiling the muscles in the pit of my stomach, _again_.

"Well are you going to ask me?" I sighed as his lips reached the hollow of my throat.

He rolled us again, this time onto our sides, and swept my hair from my cheek, "So I was wondering since Apple and Louis are starting school next week you might like to come and work with me at the rehab centre? I've been thinking about it," He said enthusiastically, "We will be able to take Matisse and Noah with us, or Aro could watch over them. You can choose your own hours and I'll pay you whatever you want," He flashed me an impish grin, "I want us to work together again Bella."

Surprise, or more so shock, flooded through me. This had been the very last thing I had expected. Edward had spent the best part of the year getting his rehabilitation centre set up, I was so proud of him. He worked tirelessly now for the benefit of others, he was determined to help those who were battling alcoholism, determined that others not suffer to the extent he had.

Edward stroked my cheek as he held my gaze; I could see that he was trying to decipher my thoughts in my eyes.

"Did you have a specific job in mind?" I asked wondering what job Edward would want me to do, wondering what skills I could bring to the treatment centre. I reached up to touch Edward's cheek smiling when my fingertips began to zing with his magic.

"Well I was hoping you might consider helping set up and oversee the education sector. I know you write the education programs for your foundation, I was wondering if you might do the same. You know how important education is, some of the people the centre deals with are very intelligent yet the education system has failed them at one point and they have no qualifications to recognize their skills. You know if they have access to quality education they have the chance better their lives, to learn new skills that can help them become active members of society."

A slow blissful smile spread over my face; again I was in total awe of my husband. This was _my Edward_, the man I always knew he could be if he'd believed in himself. And now he did.

"I'm so proud of you...I love you so much Edward Cullen." I whispered, "I would be _honoured_ to be part of your team at the centre. Thank you...for wanting me to share this with you."

Edward hugged me tighter, "No, _thank you,"_ He said happily. We stared at each other for a long moment, I was thinking about working with Edward again; well more so thinking about the first time I had worked for Edward as his PA. How different would it be this time?

"So..." I smirked, "You're going to be my boss again huh? I hope you invested in a better computer network this time and top of the line printers," I teased remembering back to the night of the office Christmas party and the battle I had fought that day with office equipment.

I expected to laugh with me but a frown marred his forehead, I brushed my fingertips along the creases and they smoothed under my touch.

"Bella," he said pulling me hard against him, "I won't be your boss sweetheart. I want us to work as partners."

I gasped audibly, _"Partners,"_ I mouthed.

"Of course partners. It's me and you against the world baby." I was stunned in total disbelief; I had never thought for one second that Edward would want me to be his partner. I thought that he'd want Irina to take a position like that.

I was filled with so much happiness that he wanted me as his partner, his equal. He thought that I had enough skills professionally to be worthy enough for that.

We were quiet for a long time, I lay in his arms; blissed out, with my gaze locked in his. I wished we could stay like this, I wished time would just stop and we could stay suspended in this moment forever.

But time stopped for no-one, our family would be arriving later and we still had tons to organize for Louis and Apple's birthday dinner.

"We should really start getting things set up for when the family arrives..." I sighed heavily, unenthusiastically.

A smirk twisted Edward's lips as he carefully rolled on top of me, "No we really should celebrate our new _working_ relationship..." He said as he crushed his mouth to mine...

"Daddy..." Apple screeched happily as she tore down the long wooden pier into Edward's waiting arms. He swung her around, just as jubilant to see her and she was to see him. Their bond just as strong as it ever was. She put her tiny hands on his cheeks forcing him to look at her; she looked intently into his eyes for the longest moment before asking him the question that broke both of our hearts.

Edward recovered quicker than I did; he told her he was not sick; just happy that she was here. There was no time to dwell however, Matisse had reached Edward and was nestling herself into his free side Noah had charged after his sisters and had just collided with them and Edward.

"Dad!" Noah hollered as he flung his arms around his father's neck. Louis wasn't going to miss out on the fun; he piled on top of Edward who collapsed onto the wharf under the weight of the scrum.

I waved out to our laughing family as the approached then wrapped my arms around the pile of wriggling limbs that belong to my children. The sound of their delicious laughter made my heart swell, this was _true_ happiness.

Louis' voice, louder than normal floated up from the melee wanting to know if Edward would take him to swim with the dolphins. As soon as Noah heard the word dolphin he wanted in on the action!

It was such a brilliant idea of Edward's to bring us here to celebrate; the kids loved Eden Island as much as I did, as much as Edward did.

Edward and I greeted the rest of our family with hugs and kisses, the only awkward moment came when I had to greet Esme, we embraced briefly barely hugging each other and both mumbling a strained hello. Charlie was barely more hospitable with Edward. I shook off the twinge of annoyance, even though things were far better between the four of us there were some lingering bitterness; mainly between Esme and I.

It did not bother me though nothing could put a damper on my happiness, especially not Esme.

I waited on the dock with Edward and Aro while our family chose their accommodations; they all had their favourite rooms, even Jacob and Leah! Although they had their son Seth with them I had paid special attention to their room, filling it with candles and scented flowers. I wanted to recreate a little bit of their honeymoon magic. Edward had given Jake and Leah use of the Island for their honeymoon. He had even flown them on the Cullen jet.

I hadn't understood why Edward had insisted on waiting before showing Aro where he would be sleeping until he shuddered lightly.

I followed his line of sight which was firmly trained on Rosalie and Emmett.

"Let it go," I whispered. I doubted he would _ever _get over what transpired between Aro and Rose the night of Aro's birthday.

"Come on old man," Edward muttered, to the man he considered his father; I could hear the pale echo of revulsion in his voice but I doubted Aro could...

...I took a seat on the lounger between Irina and Esme, wishing I could ask Alice if I could swap places with her on Irina's other side. I didn't fancy much talking in front of Esme.

My gaze drifted toward Edward and I sighed happily, all annoyance with the seating arrangements vanishing, as I watched him carry Matisse and Apple toward the water, Emmett and Jasper walked either side of him, Emmett holding Noah in his massive arms. The bond between Edward and his brothers was stronger than it had ever been.

Rosalie suddenly threw her seat next to Esme and I breathed a sigh of relief when they immediately started discussing wedding plans. I was ecstatic with my sister and Emmett's engagement for several reasons, some of them selfish. At least the heat would be taken off me when Esme had a new daughter in law, one that wouldn't be such a disappointment.

"He looks so much better, Bella, I just can't believe he's the same Edward!" Irina said suddenly. I pulled my unwilling eyes from Edward to see that Irina was watching him with a fond smile, "I've never seen Edward so blissfully happy and relaxed. God he's the Zen Master now!" She chuckled, "but seriously Bella the both of you look so happy. Watching you and Edward with your kids on the pier this morning, you guys were the picture of a blissfully happy family."

I saw Esme tense up in my peripheral vision, she leaned slightly toward me, listening.

"We are happy, probably more than we've ever been, but how could we not be?" I said loud enough for Esme to hear, "Edward and I have both learned from our mistakes, we know we'll never make the same mistakes again. We know how much we love each other, we know how deep our bond runs, and it's indestructible. Our children and our families are healthy and happy, Edward's health is improving and we have the whole world at our feet. It's hard not to feel blissfully happy when you're blessed with so much!"

Shockingly Esme suddenly reached out and took my hand and squeezed my fingers gently, "we are all blessed dear" She was looking down to the shoreline where Carlisle stood next to Demetri and Oliver watching his sons and grandchildren in the water, "and...It makes me happy to see my son and Grandchildren so happy. Irina's right Bella; you and Edward and your children are the picture of happiness."

She dropped my hand and I realized I was gaping at her, "thanks...Esme," I said regaining some composure over myself. She gave me what I deemed to be a warm and sincere smile before returning her attention back to Rosalie and the wedding plans.

I spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach with Irina and my sisters, Renee and Charlie had decided to trek around the small Island and Jake and Leah were back in their room while Seth had a sleep. It was a happy relaxed afternoon, a fun afternoon.

We didn't leave the shores until the sun was beginning to set and Edward emerged from the water with his now blue lipped daughters...

...The bouncy castle Edward and I had set up in one corner of the restaurant to entertain the kids was hit with the biggest kid of them all; Emmett spent the entire night bouncing on it like an overexcited five year old! He was flanked by his side kicks Noah and Oliver, who shadowed his every move. His booming laughter was joined by their high pitched squeals, Noah was completely hypoactive, I decided that Rosalie and Emmett could have in their room tonight; it would be good practice for Rose for when she had to try and get her own hypo children calm down enough to get them to bed!

It had taken threats of bodily harm from Esme to get Emmett off the bouncy castle long enough to come and sing happy birthday to his niece and nephew.

He grumbled about his mother ruining _all his fun and Edward ruining their mother_, as he took a seat next to Aro; who had Matisse perched happily on his lap.

Matisse and Noah adored their poppy Aro, _worshipped_ him.

Edward held my hand as we watched Apple and Louis blow out their candles, Apple beamed at her cheering family soaking up the attention they lavished on her. Louis on the other hand looked slightly embarrassed by the fuss.

Their personalities were as different as their looks but they were both beautiful and vivacious in their own ways.

Edward raised our entwined hands to his face brushing his lips lightly across my knuckles, _"Thank you,"_ He whispered.

"What for?" I asked surprised.

"_For giving me Apple and Louis and Matisse and Noah, Thank you for giving me you."_ He murmured obsequiously against my skin.

My heart swelled with love, happiness. I wasn't sure how much more bliss it could take before it exploded under the sheer weight of my euphoria.

I kissed Edward's sweet lips, "You're welcome," I murmured adoringly...

I had run out of superlatives to describe my happiness. The days on Eden blurred into one magical experience. Edward the children and I seemed to float along in our own sphere of bliss, by day we spent time on beach swimming and hanging out on the white sands. My nights were devoted to_ trying_ to get my fill of my husband's glorious body, a battle I knew I would always lose yet was willing to fight anyway.

Jasper and Alice dropped a bombshell revelation on the family, my sister was four months pregnant with a little girl; they were going to call her Jazmine Isabella Rose.

Both Renee and Esme were ecstatic with the news, as was everybody else.

I was beyond euphoric that my sisters' lives were going to be as blissfully happy as mine was...

...Time did not stand still and the week came to its end. When we left this tiny piece of paradise our lives would return to their hectic pace, Apple and Louis would start school and Edward would open his Drug and Alcohol rehabilitation centre and time would continue to pass.

I stared out over the sparkling turquoise waters of the lagoon absorbing as much magic as I could, I did not know when we would be able to return here but I hoped it would be sooner rather than later.

"Bella sweetheart, are you ready to go home?" Edward's soft velvety voice came from behind me. I closed my eyes at let its melodic nuance swirl around me like the caress of a gentle breeze. He wrapped me in his warm embrace, my body shivering with heat of the magic that began to flow between us; his chin came to rest lightly on my shoulder.

"Yes and no," I sighed. I twisted around in his arms to face him, knowing his angel face would chase away my small fit of despair.

"You don't want to leave?" He asked tightening his grip on me and pulling me impossibly close, he freed his hand to caress my cheek and I smiled at the trail of sparks it left across my skin.

"Not really," I confessed in a whisper, "I love it here Edward; it's such a magical place."

He looked down at me apologetically, I could from the regret in his eyes that he didn't want to leave either, "Sorry love but we have to go. I don't want to have to leave either." He confessed flexing his arms around me. He kissed me gently, sweetly, "I'll bring you back here whenever you want sweetheart." He murmured the oath against my lips.

"_Kay, Thank you Edward," _I sighed happily as he kissed me again.

"So _are _you ready to start the next chapter of our lives Mrs Cullen?" Edward asked as he turned us toward the pier where our family stood waiting on us. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me hard against him.

"Yes I'm ready," I murmured knowing that it was true.

I was ready to face my future because whatever my future was I knew Edward would be by my side...

**Edw****ard's pov...**

My breath caught in my throat and my heart stopped beating as Bella came into view, she stunned my mind. Her lustrous mahogany hair, haloed in a wreath of cream flowers, fell in soft curls that framed her face and carried on to caress her bare shoulders. The long white chiffon dress billowed slightly in the breeze; she held a small bunch of cream flowers completing the vision of an angel.

And she was both, vision and angel. Her face filled my mind, eclipsing everything else, the beauty of the sparkling ocean, the fragrant awning of flowers I stood beneath, the purple and gold streaked sky, the perfect sunset, they were nothing, _nothing_ compared to Bella. Only an angel could be this breathtaking, only an angel could have forgiven me my sins.

She broke into an exulted smile, a smile so of full of love and joy it dazzled me, it took my breath away and it halted the small tremors that shook my hands. Although I had not touched alcohol nor had any uncontrollable desire to drink the tremors still shook my hands daily. But not today, today they were as still as my breath as I watched my angel, my wife, make her way toward me.

Love burned in her deep brown eyes, burned as bright as flame. She was as beautiful now as the day I had first met her. It felt like several life times had passed since the office Christmas party. As I watched Bella draw closer I thought about everything that had followed that fateful night, all the fear and pain and loss the happiness and joy.

We had been through so fucking much, not just what _I _had put us through but what Carlisle's and Tanya done to us, yet here we were still standing, still together. It was testament to the depth of the bond we had forged; it was testament to how much we loved each other. While we could survive apart, that's all we would do. Only when we were together could we truly live.

She continued to hold me prisoner in her gaze as she closed the distance between us, I was mesmerised by the way her hips swung when she walked. Everything about her held me enthralled.

There would never be anyone but Bella for me; she would always be the most beautiful woman in the world, I would only ever see her.

Seeing her smile filled me with happiness and it kept the hope alive that we were finally going to get our happy ever after...

_It hadn't been easy at the start, although I was fucking euphoric at having Bella and my children back, it hadn't been easy. I knew I was a changed man, that I was radically different from the man Bella married but Bella was different to, she had changed yet she was still the same, at times it was confusing._

_Reintegrating myself back into my family had been more difficult than I had anticipated, although I was ecstatic to have my wife and children back having to see firsthand the extent of the damage I'd inflicted on them h__ad been excruciating__. I shuddered remembering those first few months._

_Watching the fear in Bella's eyes when I made any move to leave the room had been fucking excruciating, as much as watching her try to mask that fear was. Knowing that she was so unsure of her hold on me, knowing that she didn't trust me not to leave her had filled me with guilt and fear that was at times so fucking intense I thought it would fucking crush me._

_But I didn't give into it, there was no way I was going to let guilt and fear rule my life, I would not be controlled by it anymore. Even in saying that it was still fucking hard. _

_If watching Bella's reactions were excruciating, there were no words horrific enough to describe seeing the wounds my absence in the lives of my children had inflicted. I shuddered again more violently this time and the rising bile burned my throat. My hands shook brutally as the image of Apple flashed before my eyes._

_Whilst Bella tried to hide her fear Apple did not, if I left the room without telling her first, if I managed to slip out unnoticed she would fly into a panic as soon as she discovered I was gone. Panic was probably not the right word to describe it acute fear may have been better. Apple would tear through the house screaming out for me, the terror was so clear in her voice, in every one of her uncontrolled sobs._

_Every one of them w__as like a dagger stabbing my heart. _

_It sickened me to my core yet at the same time I was beyond fucking grateful when__ I would see the look of __absolute relief on my eldest daughters face when she'd find me._

_Her first words were always the same, "you were gone. You not leave me aye Dad? I can make you better. You not __allowed to__ leave."_

_It didn't matter how many times I promised her I would never leave her again Apple continued to react the exact same way when I was out of her sight. _

_Louis was not as open with his own fears but I saw them deep in his eyes. He always noticed when I was leaving the room, he would never say anything; he would never ask me where I was going or if I was coming back. He would get up and go to his mother but his eyes would follow me as he whispered to her. _

_When I asked Bella, she said Louis would ask her where I was going and if I was coming back. _

_He accepted her assurances that I wouldn't leave without question. I wasn't sure if he trusted me not leave or if he trusted his mother to tell him the truth. Whatever the reason I was just fucking happy he cared enough to want me to come back._

_There had been a lot of hurt, The whole fucked up situation hurt, but the pain hadn't weaken me. I still fought the urges to turn to the bottle but they didn't consume me. I knew I was strong enough, that I would never succumb to them __again__. _

_It hurt to see the damage I had done to my family but the euphoria of having them back and knowing I could keep them made it possible to keep the guilt from overwhelming me._

_Noah and Matisse had had no problems with us living together as a family, Noah reminded me of Emmett in a lot of ways, he was as fearless as my older brother. He charged into situations with the same blasé attitude yet wild enthusiasm as his uncle. Nothing frightened Noah and he h__ad_ _more energy than the rest of my kids put together. He never stopped moving unless he was asleep and even then he would toss and turn and kick his blankets off. Nothing seemed to slow down or faze Noah. _

_But my youngest son was a kind boy, he was never intentionally mean._

_Matisse, I shook my head and smiled, I just didn't really know how to describe my youngest daughter. She was so different from her siblings, especially her twin brother, yet she still shared similar traits with them all. She was a loving and kind child, exceptionally so, yet Matisse did not draw attention to herself in any way. Matisse had a speci__al__ light about her, she just radiated love. She was so quiet but extremely observant, she preferred to watch r__ather__ than speak. _

_We had such a different relationship, I would try to spend time with her and I was sure she enjoyed it but if one of the other children demanded my attention, Matisse would kiss my cheek, smile at whichever of her siblings wanted me slide off my lap and find something else to do. It never seemed to bother her giving up her time with me. It would have bothered me more, but she was exactly the same with Bella. If one of the other kids wanted her attention Matisse would react the same way. She wasn't just like that with our attention; she was like that with everything, she was always happy to share what she had with her siblings. It was obvious that she loved them._

_Matisse reminded me of Aro... _

It had gotten easier though, as time had passed. As the weeks merged into months the fear had started to fade from Bella's eyes, the love and trust she had once held for me had started to light her warm chocolate eyes once more

Looking at her now, all I could see was the old Bella, _my Bella. _The one who gazed at me like I was the only man in the world for her: like I was the only one _she_ would ever want.

I fucking loved this woman.

"_Bella,"_ I whispered reverently when she got to my side. Her radiance stunned my mind. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer, sighing at the way her body moulded to the shape of mine.

She was my perfect fit.

I looked deep into her eyes, losing my train of thought. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, so many things that she needed her to hear but I had no idea how to articulate them. There was no minister this time to have me repeat my vows. This time the words I spoke, the commitments I made to her would come from _me_.

This time I would keep my promises to her, I would never hurt her again.

The eternity ring I was going to present her sat clasped in my hand, I concentrated on its meaning while I tried to find the right words to tell Bella what she meant to me.

"I love you Edward," she murmured raising her hand to stroke my cheek; my skin tingled under her touch.

"I love you to Bella, so much." I took her hand from my cheek and kissed her fingertips, before sliding the diamond band onto her finger, where it joined the other symbols of my love and commitment to her.

Remembering what her hand looked like when she hadn't worn them, remembering her face the day she had returned them to me flashed behind my eyes and prompted me into speech. I would never see her without those rings again, "I love you and I swear to you that I always will. I will never forsake you; I will never leave you or hurt you ever again, I will never ask you for more than you want to give. I vow to you Bella you _can _trust me. I will spend the rest of forever being the best husband and father I can be. I will fight for our _happy ever after_ my love."

I raised our joint hands and kissed the rings on her finger, sealing the vows I had just made, before taking her face gently in my hands, _"forever,"_ I promised as I captured her lips with my own.

Bella's arms twined around my neck, I dropped my hands from her face and wrapped them around her waist, pulling her into me so there was no space in between us. As with every-time we touched, the passion, the lust and desire, still flowed between us potent as it ever was, but this time it was _love_ not desire that dominated the kiss.

"_Thank you Edward,"_ she whispered tenderly against my lips before claiming my mouth once more...

...This was the first time Bella and I had been truly alone in the time we had been back together, it seemed fitting that we were here on Bella's Island. Eden had been our safe haven; it was the place that held some of the happiest memories we had. It had harboured us in times of sadness also; it had been the place we came to heal from the loss of our child. It was the place where we decided to try for more children, a blessing answered in the form of Matisse and Noah.

It was the place we had created our first memories together as husband and wife, not only did I want Bella to remember those memories; Eden was the place I wanted to start creating new memories with her, where I wanted us to truly start our _Happy Ever After_.

Tomorrow our family and friends would join us in celebration, but for tonight it was just the two of us and I planned to make every second count! Tonight I planned to recreate the best of our time here but in doing that I knew it would be better than last time, how could it not be when the bond forged between Bella and I was that much stronger now?

I led Bella onto the beach watching her lips curve into a smile as her gaze fell on the table set for two on the shoreline; the setting sun bathed the whole scene in a fiery orangey glow.

"_Edward..." _Bella murmured, her eyes misting over. She_ was_ remembering.

"I know sweetheart. I remember..." there was nothing more that needed to be said.

The sunset gave way to the rising moon; it rose over ocean turning the black water a shimmering silvery grey, not that I had eyes for the scenery, the majority of my focus was on the beautiful woman who sat opposite me indulging her love of seafood. Her eyes shone brightly, a mixture of love and bliss danced in their vast chocolaty depths. The fragrant perfume of her floral halo mixed with the spicy cinnamon scent of her hair to create the most intoxicating scent, it made my mouth water.

I watched, hungrily, as she popped a king prawn between her pink pouty lips with a soft moan, and I had to stifle the low grown in the back of my throat. I wanted to kiss, to nip on those succulent lips; I wanted to taste her sweet breath on my tongue.

Although I hungered for these things, I did not act on them. I would not push my needs on my wife. I would not take from her enjoyment to slake my own. I would allow her to take things at her own pace. I would not take more than she was willing to give.

I watched, tortured, as she slid the last of the prawns between her lips, it took all my new found self control to stay in my seat when she sucked her pouty bottom lip between her teeth removing the drop of prawn juice that had glistened there.

"Are you finished now or would you like me to have the chef cook you _more?_" I smirked. Inside I was fucking praying she was full, I doubted my self control would stretch as far as being able to sit and watch her eat another bowl of the wretched sea bugs.

No myself control would not last, as it was I wanted to forgo the moonlit walk on the beach I had planned and clear the table so I could fuck her senseless on it. My hands gripped said table holding me in place while I waited for her to answer. I took a deep breath through my nose, trying to calm myself down, there was no hurry I reminded myself; we had _all night._

"I'm finished," she grinned, "I don't think I could eat another thing!"

"_Oh thank fuck for that,"_ I mumbled under my breath, too low for Bella to hear, "Good, I'm sure the Islands prawn population is breathing a collective sigh of relief! If you keep eating them like that you'll decimate their numbers." I smirked.

"Oh Ha, Ha, Edward you're such a comedian," Bella retorted rolling her wide warm eyes.

"I'm glad you think so," my smirk widened but inside I was flying. Seeing Bella so happy, carefree and relaxed, instead of scared and cautious, it was like seeing _my Bella_ again for the first time.

I watched her quietly as she stared out over the moonlit water.

Bella turned back to me and my breath caught in my throat, she was so beautiful, the moonlight had leeched the colour from her skin turning it a luminous pale ivory, her lustrous hair looked as black as night, making her skin all the paler; all the more exquisite. Her wide chocolate eyes were backlit with a love that shone brighter than it ever had; the depth of it staggered me.

"_Thank you Edward...,"_ She murmured her angel face breaking into a beatific smile and my heart stop fucking beating, again. _"...for bringing me here, thank you for giving me you."_

I leapt from my seat and pulled Bella from hers, my arms wrapped around her crushing her to me,_ "Bella,"_ I breathed her name reverently. My finger slid along her jaw tilting her heart shaped face to mine; again I was staggered by the love in her eyes.

"_...I want you,"_ she sighed huskily pressing herself into me.

I groaned internally as all thoughts of midnight walks and swims in the lagoon vanished, all I could think about now was feeling her naked body beneath my own. I scooped her up into my arms and kissed her deeply, the omnipresent embers of passion erupted into a firestorm between us. Bella's arms snaked around my neck, her fingers gripping my hair.

I fucking loved that feeling.

"_My Bella," _I moaned lowly into her mouth...

...Moonlight spilt through the floor to ceiling windows that made up one entire wall of our bedroom, the water sparkled invitingly but I paid it no attention, Bella's pouty lips, dusky pink and succulent in the pale light of the moon were infinitely more inviting. I laid her on the bed kissing her softly as I lay down on top of her. She relinquished her grip in my hair her gentle fingers touched my cheek, stroking the skin softly as they followed the contour of my cheekbone.

I pulled my face back a fraction gazing at the goddess beneath me, her soft brown eyes looked up at me owlishly, behind the deep love that burned flamed bright I could see the trust she had for me swirling deep within their endless depths. A small smile played on the soft pink pillows that were her lips. I was in awe of my wife, her capacity for love and forgiveness knew no boundaries. It was clearly written in her eyes that she believed the promises I had made her today, she knew I would not leave her again, she knew I would not hurt her.

Words couldn't describe how it felt to know that I _had _won her trust back. It meant more than anything to me knowing that she had faith in the promises I had made to her.

I removed her clothes slowly, with reverence, taking the time to drink in and savour the sight of the majestic angel in all her naked glory. "Exquisite," I murmured as my fingers traced a line from the sinuous column of her throat across her collarbone.

My fingertips were barely touching her skin, as they moved down the soft swell of her breasts and across her stomach, yet the current that radiated from deep within her flowed so strong through my fingertips.

I leaned in and captured her mouth with my own, drawing her pouty bottom lip between my teeth, sucking on the soft pink pillow with a low groan.

My desire burned molten hot, I needed this woman, my wife, more than fucking food and oxygen. Only Bella could sustain me. I breathed deeply, taking a moment to make sure I was in complete control of my need, I could never lose control with Bella again; I would never hurt her again, not emotionally and definitely not physically.

I kissed her deeply not relinquishing her luscious lips until I could feel her struggling for breath, my mouth slid along her jaw refusing to lose the connection to her skin.

"_Bella,"_ I sighed as my mouth explored the supple skin of her throat. My mouth followed the path my fingers had just trekked, stopping to lavish attention on her magnificent breasts. Her skin tasted like heaven. I kissed the silvery scar that marked her breast reverently, _"so strong, so brave, so beautiful," _

Awe for my wife's strength flooded through me. She was fucking perfect.

Bella's fingers laced through my hair tugging it roughly as she fought to keep my mouth on her. Silly Bella as if it want to be anywhere fucking else.

My nose slid down over her stomach and my nostril flared, I could smell her arousal, the sweet musky scent flowed into my lungs and overwhelmed my senses. Within a heartbeat I was a man dying of thirst, my desiccated throat would only be quenched by the warm silky essence that flowed from the utopia between Bella's thighs.

Her body trembled beneath mine, my hot breath fanned out across her skin causing a shiver to rush though Bella's body. I was filled with a heady rush of pride, knowing that it was my touch that had her shivering in pleasure not fear, and as I had the other times I had engendered these reactions in her I felt a sense of redemption. My touch only brought her only pleasure and happiness now. My nose skimmed lower meeting the small patch of dark silky hair; Bella's musky sweetness thickened the air engulfing me in a heady mist. A low growl rumbled from deep in the back of my throat as I drew my tongue up the slick silky folds.

"_Edward..."_ Bella whimpered as I plunged my tongue deep into the pooled moisture. The way she said my name sent me into a near fucking frenzy. Her fingers yanked at my hair holding me to her as I sucked her sensitive flesh between my lips.

There was nothing that could compare to the taste of her.

I continued my ministrations; driving my tongue deep into Bella's warmth, and interpreting every infinitesimal shift in her body. I knew Bella's body better than I knew my own, I could read every reaction, knew exactly what every breathless sigh, every moan and every whimper that fell from her luscious lips meant.

Her thighs started to quiver the muscles tightening as they pressed against the sides of my head, the breathless moans and half articulated words were falling from her lips in an uninterrupted stream. Bella was close.

I upped the tempo; flicking my tongue over her clit just the way she loved it; knowing it would push my angel close to the edge.

Bella tightened her grip in my hair, nearly yanking it from the roots; she was _so close_, teetering on the edge. Within seconds the soft mewling noises would cease long enough for her to say my name, it would fall from her lips like a sigh but it would be a plea for me to play her body, to compose it like the finely tuned instrument in was. I continued to tease her, continued to breathe in the heady scent of her arousal, the fragrance was so heavy around me it overwhelmed my senses. The current radiating from deep within her charged the air; the static charge was almost tangible.

"_...Edward..." _she whispered. My eyes rolled back in my head at the sound.

I plunged my tongue deep inside her, the action guaranteed to push Bella over the edge, I groaned against her as the warm silky fluid flowed over my tongue. My hard cock gave a painful throb, the anticipation and frustration at not being buried in that warm wet paradise was driving me to distraction.

"_...Please Edward...Don't stop..." _My Goddess pleaded as tightened her already death grip in my hair and her vice like hold her thighs had on me. She thrust her hips, agitated, trying to garner more friction as she rode out her orgasm. I continued to tease her relentlessly, knowing I would be rewarded with more of her breathless cries, more of Bella's warm satiny essence. She continued to thrash under my ministrations crying out a symphony of inarticulate words, my name was the only word recognizable in the jumble.

Slowly I ceased my relentless teasing and the last of the tremors rippling through her body finally began to still. Her fingers relinquished my hair and her thighs relaxed, I placed a kiss in the silky patch of hair and sat back on my heels taking in the majesty that was _my Bella_.

The moonlight split through the window illuminating the room and Bella in a weak silvery light, her skin, as white as porcelain, gleamed like mother of pearl. Her hair fanned out across the pillow, raven black in the moonlight, contrasted exquisitely with her bone white skin.

She looked like an enigma. Ethereal, otherworldly, she looked like an angel.

Bella looked up at me with her owlish eyes; the warm chocolate replaced by black diamonds, like her skin, her eyes glittered in the pale light. A soft smile played on her delectable lips as she watched my every move. I kept my gaze on her, letting her beauty fill my vision, as I quickly shed my clothes and pressed my body against hers.

I rolled us gently, and Bella knowing what I needed quickly sat up, her tender gaze not leaving mine as she straddled my hips. "I love you Edward," She murmured as she took me effortlessly into her warmth. My eyes rolled back in my head at the sensation, it was sublime, and I wondered how the fuck I survived over a year without this feeling, how I survived one fucking day.

She stroked my cheek as I sunk deeper into her heaven

"I love you to _my _Bella, always." A slow smile spread across her lips, her hands came to rest against my chest, giving herself leverage as she started to rock back against me. I gripped her hips, and I stared up mesmerized as her breast swayed tantalizingly centimetres from my face...

...The sounds that fell from Bella's lips as she rode my throbbing cock were driving me into a frenzy, at times I struggled to maintain control over the overwhelming sensations that pulled me in a million different directions. I could not hurt her; my arms could not hold her too tight, they could never mark her skin again. I could not give into the overwhelming desire that would drive me to extremes. I would _not_ hurt her. I loosened my grip on her hips, giving control over to Bella.

Her wide warm eyes burned into mine, she moved her hands to cover mine pressing them gently against her hips, _"I know who you are Edward, I've seen your soul, you will not hurt me my love."_ she whispered as she continued to rock against me, _"Trust me my husband I know your soul,"_ she repeated.

"Bella...I," I started to say but she cut me off.

"_Sshh...I know Baby...Don't be afraid...I love you always,"_ She whispered, reassuring me. She kept her hands on mine and our gazes stayed locked as she brought me closer. Bella ground down on me, she knew my body as well as I knew hers, she knew the uninterrupted flow of her sinuous movements would tip me over the edge. My hips bucked upward meeting her downward motion, burying me even deeper into her heaven.

As much as Bella movements had me hurtling toward my climax it was the words that fell from her lips that sent me into a free fall. The spike in her breathing told me she was close to her own release.

Bella's head fell back as she ground herself down on me, her movements more forceful than before, seeking more from me. I let her take what she needed.

Her muscles clamped around me,_ "Only for you my husband, only ever for you,"_ She cried out breathlessly in the throes of her pleasure.

Those words...God I fucking loved them. I lived for those words; I'd do anything and everything to make sure I heard those words spill from her lips every day for the rest of my life.

The tingling vibrations of electricity that radiated from deep within Bella shot through my body fusing with the tiny flickers of electricity that pulsed from deep within my own to form one seething ball of energy that exploded in the pit of my stomach and rapidly spread through my body. Every cell of my being awakened and thrummed frenetically as Bella's life force flowed through me energizing and filling me with her light.

Her name reverberated around the room, echoing off the walls as it continued to roar from my lips. Bella kept me trapped in her gaze, keeping me anchored to her and the moment as I spilt myself inside her.

When my body had stilled and I had regain some control over my breathing Bella collapsed against my chest, her pouty pink lips sought mine and she kissed me softly, sweetly...

"Bella?" I looked up from my computer and my breath caught in my throat, I doubted I would ever get over how beautiful she was. I loved the way the sun brought out the red in her hair.

She looked up from her breakfast, her warm chocolate eyes meeting mine and I instantly lost my train of thought. It was so easy to lose myself in her eyes.

"What's up Edward?" Her eyes drifted over my chest and lower, "apart from the obvious," she smirked and I groaned. She burst into a fit of giggles the sound sending a shockwave to my already hard dick.

I leapt up from the table, all thoughts of my original question gone as I scooped her up into my arms and carried her back to our room...

... "So...you...wanted to ask me something," Bella asked a little breathlessly. I rolled us over pulling her warm naked body on top of mine with a soft moan. Her body felt sublime pressed against mine.

"Hmm...I did," I said taking her face in my hands and angling it up so I could kiss the soft skin of her throat.

"Well are you going to ask me?" She sighed as I pressed my lips into the hollow at the base of my throat. I rolled us onto our sides and reached up to sweep an errant curl from her cheek.

"So I was wondering since Apple and Louis are starting school next week you might like to come and work with me at the rehab centre? I've been thinking about it," I said eagerly, "We will be able to take Matisse and Noah with us, or Aro could watch over them. You can choose your own hours and I'll pay you whatever you want," I flashed her a wicked grin, "I want us to work together again Bella."

I stroked her warm cheek as I tried to read her thoughts in her eyes. I had spent the good part of the last year setting up a thirty five bed treatment centre for those people, like Ben and Tia, who could not afford to pay the astronomical fees set by private rehabilitation centres to get help for their addictions. Not only did I have an in-house program but the centre offered outpatient programs, along with a huge range of other services, everything from budgeting advice, parenting classes to higher education.

"Did you have a specific job in mind?" Bella asked thoughtfully as she reached up to trail her fingers down my cheek.

"Well I was hoping you might consider helping set up and oversee the education sector. I know you write the education programs for your foundation, I was wondering if you might do the same. You know how important education is, some of the people the centre deals with are very intelligent yet the education system has failed them at one point and they have no qualifications to recognize their skills. You know if they have access to quality education they have the chance better their lives, to learn new skills that can help them become active members of society."

Bella face broke into an exultant smile, I wasn't quite sure why but her eyes were suddenly filled with awe, the look she was giving me filled me with pride.

"I'm so proud of you...I love you so much Edward Cullen. I would be _honoured_ to be part of your foundation," Pride saturated her voice and her warm brown eyes, "thank you," she whispered, "for wanting me to share this with you."

"No, _thank you,"_ I said jubilantly. I couldn't believe how fucking happy I was that we were going to work together again. It would not be like the first time, I would not be her boss, we would be equals, partners, our professional relationship would mirror our personal one.

"So..." Bella smirked, "You're going to be my boss again huh? I hope you invested in a better computer network this time and top of the line printers,"

I frowned at her assumption that I would be her boss opposed to her partner. "Bella," I said pulling her body flush with my own, "I won't be your boss sweetheart. I want us to work as partners."

She gasped audibly, _"Partners,"_ she mouthed as if the thought had never crossed her mind.

"Of course partners. It's me and you against the world baby."

Bella positively beamed at me, her smile radiated happiness; she obviously liked the idea of being partners as much as I did.

"Thank you Edward," She said quietly.

We lay silently; I lost myself in Bella's warm loving eyes while I stroked her soft warm cheek. If I could I lie here next to her forever, there was nothing to compare the tranquillity and peace I found in Bella's eyes...

"We should really start getting things set up for when the family arrives..." Bella sighed unenthusiastically.

I smirked as I rolled on top of her "No we really should celebrate our new _working_ relationship..." Before she could come back with a snappy retort I crushed my mouth to hers effectively ending our conversation...

... "Daddy..." Apple squealed in delight as she tore down the long wooden pier and into my waiting arms. I scooped her up and swung her around earning a peal of her delicious laughter. I pulled her into my chest and hugged her tightly, her little hands pressed firmly against my cheeks forcing to me look into the mirror image of my own eyes, "You're not sick aye Dad?" She asked seriously.

My heart clenched but I smiled at the love that shone in her sparkling eyes, "No sweetheart Daddy's not sick but he is happy you're here." I tickled her tummy and was reward with another peal of her delicious laughter.

Matisse reached me next I bent down so I could hug my youngest daughter. Suddenly I was falling backward Matisse and Apple falling onto my chest as Noah collided with us.

"DAD!" He yelled as he flung his arms around my neck. He grinned impishly ignoring his elder sister's angry rant. Emmett's booming laugh sounded from somewhere close by, it was followed closely by Bella's sweet laughter.

"Hey Tiger," I said somewhat breathlessly since I had just had all the air knocked out of my lungs.

I had only just got a lungful of air when Louis joined the fray, the air left my lungs in a whoosh and my body groaned under the weight of my children, I didn't try to move them I pulled them closer hugging the pile of bodies best I could.

Bella carefully wrapped her arms around us best she could and my bliss was complete. This was true fucking happiness. My family continued its group hug until Louis quiet voice floated up through the mass of giggles and squeals of delight.

"Can we swim with the dolphins, dad?" He asked excitement flooding his voice. Louis loved dolphins.

"Dolpins Daddy, Dolpins...!" Noah chanted his green eyes alive with the same excitement that possessed Louis.

"You'll all have to get off me so I check to see if any of my bones are broken from being crushed by you bunch of fatties!" I teased.

"You're the fatty daddy," Apple giggled...

... After greeting our family, Bella and I let them choose their accommodations, everyone but Aro had been here before and they all had their favourite rooms to stay in. I waited on the dock with Aro and Bella until Rose and Emmett had chosen their room.

My stomach lurched and I shuddered involuntarily, Bella leaned into me and sighed, "Let it go Edward." She knew what revolting thought had crossed my mind.

"This way old man," I gestured to the old hippy that was my father in most ways, leading him in the opposite direction to Rosalie and Emmett's room. There was no fucking way I was letting those three sick fuckers stay anywhere near each other, even though Rosalie and Emmett were engaged I didn't know if that fact there would prevent a fucking encore performance of that disgusting night...I shuddered again...

...My brother's joined me in the warm water; Emmett took control of Noah whilst Jazz kept an eye on Louis as he snorkelled around us. I held onto Apple and Matisse as they watched the dolphins swimming within a few feet of us.

"You look good Edward," Japer commented, "You've got some colour back in your cheeks and I don't believe I've ever seen you this relaxed and happy, Bella for that matter to. You two look happier than I've ever seen you."

I beamed at my brother; Jasper had always been one of my biggest supporters, especially when it came to my relationship with Bella,

"Thanks Jazz. I don't think I've _ever _been this happy. I've got everything I ever wanted and I'm never letting it go again." I kissed both my daughter's foreheads then searched the shoreline for my beautiful _wife._ It was Bella I had to thank for giving me everything.

"You're a lucky man Edward," he agreed looking down at his niece's with a grin.

"How about you Jazz; how's life?"

"You know me Edward I can't complain," He chortled, "I...I have something to tell you...I'm going to be a father! Alice is four months pregnant with our little girl."

It was my turn to beam at my brother, "that's awesome Bro! I highly recommend children," I said thinking about the sheer bliss my children had given me. I wanted both of my brothers to experience the same happiness that I had with Bella and our children.

Jasper laughed at my glowing recommendation, "Having children definitely _agrees_ with you!"

I kissed my daughters on their foreheads. "Its true fatherhood is my proudest achievement, nothing compares to it." I looked over at my brother, "I'm so happy for you Jazz, you and Alice."

"Thanks Edward."

We stayed in the water for most of the afternoon, Apple only agreeing to leave the water and the dolphins when I told her we had to get ready for hers and Louis birthday party...

...Apple and Louis leaned forward in perfect sync with each other and blew out the candles on their cake while their family sang a rousing chorus of _'happy birthday.' _

I took Bella's hand in mine and raised it to my lips kissing her knuckles softly, _"Thank you,"_ I murmured against her fingers.

"What for?"

"_For giving me Apple and Louis and Matisse and Noah, Thank you for giving me you."_

She kissed me softly, "You're welcome," she murmured against my lips...

Spending the week on Eden with my family were the happiest days of my life to date, every day Bella and I spent time with our children, swimming and playing on the pristine white sands.

To my utter astonishment Charlie, after getting me alone, had shaken my hand and not only congratulated me on how far I had come in the last year but he also thanked me for making Bella so happy. He had been elated to see the sparkle back in his daughter's eyes.

It had also not escaped my notice that there had been a massive thawing in my mother's attitude toward my wife. Esme seemed to be making an effort to be nice, I knew there was no way she could deny how happy and how perfect we were as a family. Bella seemed to content to put their differences behind her, she, like Esme, was making an effort to be nice to. It seemed to be working out well for them. I wasn't the only one who was ecstatic at this new development, Carlisle seemed just as happy that his wife and daughter in law had finally made peace.

We ate dinner with our family every night in the restaurant, their laughter and happiness only added to my own. Once the kids were in bed, I spent the rest of the night trying to slake the overwhelming desire I had for Bella. It was an impossible feat.

Jasper and Alice announced their pregnancy to the family and the week ended on a note of true celebration...

... "Bella sweetheart, are you ready to go home?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder. The rest of our family were making their way onto the pier, Bella was standing on the water's edge looking out over the lagoon.

Bella spun in my embrace she wrapped her arms around my neck and smiled a little glumly as she met my gaze, "Yes and no," she murmured.

"You don't want to leave?" I asked pulling her hard against my chest. I bought my hand up to stroke her warm cheek.

"Not really," she sighed a small smile on her angel lips, "I love it here Edward; it's such a magical place."

Bella was right about that; Eden was a magical place, a place where Bella was at her happiest. I sighed I didn't want to leave either.

"Sorry love but we have to go. I don't want to have to leave either." I pulled Bella harder against my chest and kissed her softly, "I'll bring you back here whenever you want sweetheart." I promised her, sealing the vow with a kiss.

"_Kay,"_ she whispered, _"Thank you Edward."_

I crushed my mouth to hers, kissing her deeply. I fucking loved this woman.

"So _are _you ready to start the next chapter of our lives Mrs Cullen?" I asked my exquisite wife as I turned us to face the pier where our family waited for us. I wrapped my arm securely around Bella's waist and pulled her into my side, where she belonged.

"Yes I'm ready," she said quietly but her voice was confident. Bella was _ready_, we both were.

I walked us toward the pier, toward our future wherever that may be, all I knew was when the future found us it would find us together and it would find us blissfully happy...

THE END...

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